Guy Torry 10.0

Hosts: Tom Vann, Dan Dennis | Guest: Guy Torry

• Surfshark VPN: Sign up through the link at tomanddan.com for 4 extra months, at $2.39 a month. The hosts pitched it for getting around Florida's ID age-verification sites, staying safe on airport Wi-Fi, and watching blacked-out or out-of-market games like Braves vs. Marlins, EPL, La Liga, Mexican soccer and cricket by picking a country to connect through.

1. Surfshark cold open: The episode opens mid ad read. The hosts joke about Florida's age-verification laws leaving them "down to underwear ads," explain how picking a VPN country works, and mention using it for blacked-out baseball and soccer.
2. Guy Torry arrives: Guy is in town for a last-minute pop-up weekend at the Funny Bone Orlando. He gets an airhorn welcome, and the group talks about the Chet Hanks and Eric Andre beef. Their take is that Chet tried to out-weird Eric on his show and crossed a line by grabbing him.
3. Short people problems: Guy (5'2") and a host (5'7") talk about people constantly touching short people. Guy says he only notices his height when someone points it out. This leads into his bit about strangers re-pushing an elevator button that's already lit.
4. Beards and turning 50: Guy gets ribbed about his gnome-like beard and calls his new look "biker stepdad." Dan says he stopped caring about his look when he turned 50.
5. Work ethic at 57: The hosts praise how hard Guy works after 34 years of touring and say he looks far younger than 57. Guy talks about taking last-minute pop-ups, like filling in at Nate Jackson's club in Seattle on a day's notice, and calls comedy medicine for an angry country. A host mentions his own hip replacements. Guy credits his parents, especially his dad, who retired from the military, then the post office, then took a church custodian job.
6. Church stories: The group trades stories about a preacher locking the church doors during the offering, and about preferring a one-hour Catholic Mass to four-hour services. A host remembers going to Sonny's BBQ after church. Guy says he was an altar boy under a priest named Father Griesedieck, whose family owned St. Louis's Griesedieck beer. That brand was bought by Falstaff, and the founders' grandsons are trying to bring it back. The hosts don't believe him at first.
7. Comedy union push: The hosts mention Guy's comment on Bert Kreischer's post about a comedians' union. Guy says most standups have no healthcare, and that openers, hosts and local comics earn about what he did 34 years ago. He says SAG covers comics who act but not straight standup. Since leaving acting he pays out of pocket, which he says is very expensive.
8. Pulmonary embolism scare: Guy describes feeling strange in an airport baggage claim and dropping to a knee. He didn't want to miss a show three hours later, but comic Tony Tone got him to the hospital, where he stayed three days, and Tony finished the weekend for him. Guy's travel advice: wear compression socks, get up and walk every 90 minutes, and do heel raises. He does 500 a day. A host notes he had to wear compression socks after his hip surgery.
9. SiriusXM Raw Dog royalties: The group discusses the controversy over SiriusXM's Raw Dog channel and Sebastian Maniscalco. Guy says he publicly guessed it wasn't Sebastian's decision before Sebastian confirmed it. Guy says his own streaming residual checks are usually $200 to $300 a quarter. He says Tony Tone's first check was $18,000 and now comes monthly. The hosts point out nobody else posted real numbers.
10. Life in LA: The group jokes about LA gas prices at $7 to $9 a gallon. Guy says it would take "a lot of zeros" to get him to move. Being on the road so much left him "out of sight, out of mind" for acting work, so he's spending more time in the LA club scene, partly because health insurance costs push him back toward acting.
11. Tom Cruise's "Digger" flop: Guy explains why a star vehicle can lose around $170M. Some actors are "in the budget" and others are "part of the budget," marketing scales with the budget, and executive producers get real creative control. Other topics: Will Ferrell's Netflix golf series flopping, Cruise in Tropic Thunder, Top Gun, actors with a signature "thing" (Denzel, Sam Jackson, Danny McBride), and the Progressive spokeswoman playing extra characters to show her range.
12. Collecting and hoarding: Guy jokes that his mom was a hoarder and his dad a purger, so he's both. He tried to purge his house three times, but last-minute gigs kept interrupting, including Nate Jackson's club and Birmingham. He describes a roughly 5x3 art piece of hotel key cards that spells "HOTELS," his Starbucks city-mug collection, and 35 to 40 gifted bottles of Don Julio 1942 he plans to sign and give away. A host brings up musicians selling gear on Reverb, like Green Day's Mike Dirnt. Guy says he'd rather donate signed items to a charity auction, such as the LA homeless foundation he works with.
13. Tumi luggage: Guy and the hosts are all Tumi fans. They talk about the old lifetime warranty getting shorter after the Samsonite purchase, Guy flying about 300,000 miles a year, and plans to visit the Tumi store at the Mall at Millennia or the outlets. A host shouts out the Monsters for having Stormy Daniels on that morning.
14. TSA cutting locks: Guy complains about TSA cutting off his TSA-approved Tumi locks. Comic Joe Fox, a former TSA agent, told him the keys and cutters are often in different places. A host half-defends TSA as a miserable job and tells a story about a buddy fired from TSA over jokes about a passenger's wooden rooster carving.
15. Wood carvings and "WPS": A host talks about chainsaw carvings fans gave him during his radio days. Guy files them under "white people stuff." This turns into a crude tangent about body preferences and BBLs.
16. Comedy special plans: Guy plans to shoot a special around January 12, pay for it himself, then shop it. Amazon is first on his list since his Fat Tuesday documentary is there. He explains that owning the special lets him license it short-term, while Amazon owns the documentary. Other topics: COVID derailing his plan to release the two together, canned laughter in some Netflix specials, a comic (he thinks Owen Smith) shooting a special on nine iPhones and returning them, miking the audience, the hosts' live-podcast audio and upcoming cruise, and YouTube vs. premium platforms. The segment ends with HBO's specials legacy and HBO boxing.
17. Sports lightning round: Guy shouts out Sean Sweeney as the new Mavericks coach. The group covers the Magic, Guy being a Lakers fan first, LeBron, the Falcons and Bijan, and a Rams debate. Guy says the Rams are 2-2 but should be 4-0, blaming a loss after flying overseas and a bad pass interference call against Denver. Also: Aaron Donald, Guy being a Cardinals fan first and Dodgers second, his prediction of no MLB season next year, Sean McVay's physique, and SoFi Stadium being dug into the ground, compared to Orlando City's sunken stadium.
18. Wrap and plugs: The hosts shout out longtime listener EJ and plug Guy's Funny Bone shows as a holiday-weekend date night, with some confusion over whether the site ends in .com or .net.

• This morning: The Monsters had Stormy Daniels on.
• Tonight and tomorrow (holiday weekend): Guy Torry at the Funny Bone Orlando, two shows each night. Get tickets on the Funny Bone Orlando site.
• Monday night: Rams vs. Buffalo.
• Ongoing: Surfshark VPN through tomanddan.com (4 extra months, $2.39/month).
• Ongoing: Guy's Fat Tuesday documentary, streaming on Amazon.
• Around January 12: Guy plans to shoot his new self-produced comedy special.
• Next year: Tom & Dan cruise, now on sale.

• Guy Torry: In-studio guest. Comedian and actor in town for the Funny Bone Orlando pop-up weekend.
• Tony Tone (mentioned): Comedian who got Guy to the hospital and finished his weekend of shows.
• Joe Fox (mentioned): Comedian and former TSA agent who explained the lock cutting.
• EJ (mentioned): Longtime listener and friend of the show.
• No phone-in callers or voicemails.

Speaker labels in the transcript weren't clear, so I wrote "a host" for some lines rather than guessing between Tom and Dan. The transcript also spells the guest's name several ways ("Torres," "Torre"); I went with Guy Torry, as in your file name.