We Built a Framework for Hard Times. Now We’re Living One | Narrative Ownership in Practice | #29

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Happy time period, Bracketeers. This episode, we're going to step
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back in the Wayback Machine. We're going to revisit some
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of the early concepts that we launched the show with. Particularly,
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the protagonist mindset.
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Protagging all the way.
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Yes, we made protagging a verb. Because when you're the
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protagonist of your story, you tackle the problems. You have
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grit and perseverance.
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You have a great attitude.
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Most, yes. That's best. In movies, sometimes a protagonist doesn't
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have a great attitude.
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Well, in real life, most times, people don't have a
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great attitude either. But if you can adjust your attitude,
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you can get there.
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I'm getting to a point in my life where I
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kind of think more about Sergeant Riggs from Lethal Weapon.
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I'm getting too old for this crap. It may not
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be the best attitude, but I feel like that sometimes.
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But yes, your attitude, as one other thing that we've
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covered earlier in the show, is is that your attitude
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is actually a technical term in aircraft, and it talks
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about where your aircraft is pointed. To the north, to
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the south, up, down. And your attitude actually determines your direction.
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There was an old cliche, your attitude determines your altitude.
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And in aviation, that's literally true.
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Well, and it comes from the realization or an acceptance that, hey,
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this is my story, and I get to decide how
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that story is told and acted out.
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So.
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You know, we've talked about this before with the cancer
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that I now have a choice to either let myself
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wallow in self-pity or choose the things that I can choose.
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There's almost everything is out of my control. But the
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things that are in my control is how I perceive
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what's happening and how I determine to get through it.
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Now, right now, there's some people spitting out their coffee
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and choking on their chips and dip. And they're like,
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what cancer? Well, you guys just outed yourselves. You've skipped
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the last couple episodes. You need to go back. Check
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this new exciting journey that we've started. Yes. But we
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can recap it. So we have set out here. We were,
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this whole program, this whole show on looking at your
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life as a story and is you the protagonist of
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the story and how you deal with life differently. And
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apparently the world thought we were ready to prove that
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and put that in action. And so now.
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It was time to level up, clearly.
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It was time to level up. So now we're dealing
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with Camille's cancer and chemo, and that's the point of
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this episode, is actually to put that, to re-encapsulate these
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ideas in a very specific scenario that is not hypothetical,
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that we're currently living out.
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I like to call it the unfortunately-fortunately time.
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Oh, that's true. That's a good point.
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So, unfortunately, I have cancer. Fortunately... I get to learn
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new things. I get to meet new people. I get
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to decide how I move forward in it. And there's
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lots of things that are unexpected and that come up
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and that I can either let fear rule and reign
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or I can choose not to worry about those things
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that are out of my control or that haven't happened.
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Just because somebody says this could happen doesn't mean that
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it's going to happen to me. And I'm actually pretty
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excited about the time that I have to make new friends.
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When you're young, you get to make new friends kind
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of slowly over time and you kind of take them
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along with you as you grow. So you're young, you're
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newly married. You have those friends, you develop, you know,
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you go places together, you do things together. Then you
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start having children and you get to, you have the
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time to develop those friendships based upon commonalities. When you
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get older, you, There's less time for that. You're deep
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into careers. You're deep into friendships you've already made. There's
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just not a whole lot of time in your schedule
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to make new friends unless you start new hobbies and
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do different things. So I'm choosing to look at this
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as a time where, as my extroverted self loves to do,
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is make new friends and kind of be able to
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commiserate with those who are going through this process with me.
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Let's clarify a little bit because, you know, focusing on
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the positive is definitely an important thing. But to clarify,
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you know, because we have a really good prognosis, you know,
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it would be a different thing focusing on the positive
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if we were like on death's door. We've got two
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weeks to live. Let's just focus on the positive. That's
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a much taller ask. That's a much harder, bolder to push.
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So while that is still technically in theory true, that's
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not what we're talking about here. We're talking about we
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have a 6-, 9-, 12-month ordeal ahead of us. good odds,
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good hopefulness, and we're going to take the growth that
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we can get out of that. Life has served us
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up some adversity, and then it's up to us to
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decide what we're going to do with that. We can pout,
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we can cry, we can shout. I've done all those things.
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And actually, you can do all those things.
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Yes, you can absolutely do all those things. And another
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thing that I've learned so far in this process is
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that I'm going to feel my feelings. And if I
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feel like crying, I'm going to cry. And if I
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feel like screaming, I'm not going to do it in
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front of other people and hurt their ears, but I'm
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going to go in the shower and scream. I'm going to,
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you know, you feel your feelings, you face them, but
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you don't live there. Yes.
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And that's the thing. You don't want to suppress your feelings.
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You acknowledge them, but then you move through them. And
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that's a point that we've brought up in the show
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all the time is like, Feelings are valid. Venting is valid. Basically,
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self-soothing and self-care and things that are, when I say
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self-care in quotes, a lot of what people call self-care
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are shoving a bunch of snacks in their face and
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taking the day off. Yes, but you can't live there.
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You have to get up and get out. That's the
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difference between, I think, a functional and dysfunctional approach is
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if after, you know, three or four months, you're still
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on the couch and you haven't actually lived your life.
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You need to reevaluate that. You need to get up
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and get out there because it's your story.
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I'm not staying on the couch. It's not very comfortable anyway.
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That's true. So let me talk about your story. So
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you get to narrate your own story. You decide what
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the events of your life mean and how you can
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connect them as themes. You're the narrator, and you're also,
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as the protagonist, you're the main actor. You get to
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act out your own story. You live that story that
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you've decided on and narrate it. Now, what you'll notice
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is I didn't say you're the author of that story.
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You don't necessarily get to pick all the events. Now,
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we're always trying to pick events. We pick what neighborhood
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we live in. We pick what jobs we do. We
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pick this, that, and the other to try to control
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that narrative. But even after your best planning, the unexpected
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is going to happen for the good or for the negative,
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the exciting or the terrifying event. they're still going to
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drop into your life. And you have to figure out
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how to put that in your story in a way
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that actually is effective and useful and keep you moving forward.
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As we mentioned, you don't move forward immediately. There could
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be a pause. Like a week, a month, like, oh
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my gosh, what are we going on? This story just changed.
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And that's what happened for us. We were sitting there
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minding our own business and like, did you hear the
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theme music change? I feel like we're in a different story.
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It was really happy and now it's kind of ominous
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or maybe there's a fight theme. Like, wait a minute,
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is that the A team? Are we supposed to be...
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Building a bulldozer into a fighting machine? Are we supposed
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to be lacing up our combat boots?
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I love the A-team.
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But the story's changed, and we've got to change with it. Now,
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as we've mentioned on, I think, the last episode, every
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time you have some challenging events, there's at least two
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stories that could come out of that. Think about this,
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for example. Think about two stories. One tells a story
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of hard luck and unfairness, a story where, despite everyone's
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best efforts, everything always goes wrong. And then there's another
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version that tells a story of perseverance and mastery, that
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hard things happen to them, but they protag, they face
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their trifle cycles, and they look for ways that this
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hardship can grow them. They have pain, but they don't
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waste that pain, they put it to work. Now those
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two stories can describe the exact same life events. It's
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a form of interpretation. And if you're tracking with this,
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maybe you can start to see why that's so important,
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how you interpret it. If you're like, this is the
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straw that broke the camel's back. My life is just
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one tragedy after another. This is the last tragedy. I'm
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just not even going to try anymore. Or, yes, some
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hard things have happened to us, but we have a
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perfect track record of continuing to breathe and be alive
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so far. And so we're going to continue on this.
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We're going to overcome.
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I got shot, but did you die? But I got shot,
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but did you die?
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That has special resonance if you're Gen X. It's like,
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rub some dirt in it. You'll still arrive. It's not
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that bad. Oh, man. Now, the reason why our self-stories
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are so important is because they help us interpret what
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happens to us. Your story is a lens that colors
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your outlook and determines what you believe is possible. So
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if your story is... Wait. Yes?
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I believe I can fly. I believe I.
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Can touch the sky, dream about it every night and day.
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You can cut that part.
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That's a great song.
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You can cut that part.
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No, no, we're keeping that in there. No, no, no,
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you can cut that part. Because we have a reference
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a few episodes back about how I built cardboard wings
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and tested that theory off the roof of my house
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when I was a child. And no amount of belief
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helped me fly. My shoddy engineering left me re-embracing the
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ground at a high velocity.
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Oh, man. That's awesome.
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The way that we organize the events of our past
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and organize them into patterns and themes determines how we
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see future events. So if you're telling the story that
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everything always goes wrong for you, when something comes up
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that's challenging, it's just another thing that's going wrong for you.
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If you have a story where, yeah, things are hard,
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but we attack them straight first and we eventually overcome them,
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then you have a new challenge in your story.
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It's interesting how if you're always looking for the bad,
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you're going to find it. Yes. But if you're always
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looking for the good, you're going to find it.
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Yes. And I almost cringe when I say that because
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so many toxic positivity people say that. You're just looking
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on the negative side. The plane is crashing from the sky.
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There are flames on the engine. No, no, just think positively.
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There's a certain part you have to face reality, but
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you have to think positively while you're facing reality. Some
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people use this positive thinking as an excuse to put
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their head in the sand and just ignore their life.
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And if I just hum or manifest or some other
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ridiculous thing that somehow life is just going to magically
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fix itself, We don't believe that. We believe you've got
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to roll up your sleeves and put in the work.
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But the attitude, the positivity, is going to affect how
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much work you put in, what direction that work goes,
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and how effective that work is going to be.
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We are an effective team.
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We are an effective team. We've got to do an
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episode on that, on Oblivion. It's a great movie. Even
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though Tom Cruise is in it, it's still a great movie, Oblivion.
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We are an effective team, me and my wife here.
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We talk about life as a story, and we like
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to use movies as an example. Now, cancer is not
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like a super exciting action movie. You're not like James
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Bond going around the world fighting bad guys. I don't know.
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Are you James Bond?
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Well, I really look at, you know, because I have
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this great picture of my cells. And they're all dressed
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up as little rambos. Oh, yeah.
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And they're kicking the cancer's butt. Okay.
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So for me, I think a lot of times this
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part of the story is like an action movie.
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It is fighting.
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It's doing the work.
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It's down in the mud.
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It's doing the nitty gritty.
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It's taking care of the business. Yeah.
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Yeah. But on the above cellular side, it's kind of
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a day in, day out. Lots of naps. Doing the
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chores and stuff.
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Oh, yeah. The nap witches are so good.
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Oh, maybe we should do an episode on Osmosis Jones. Oh,
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that was such. We should.
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That was such a good movie. I love that movie.
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Extra disgusting. That would be great about the disease that
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takes over the body.
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Yes. We need that one.
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Whatever it was. Antibody. The sole antibody who has to
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save the body from this new disease.
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Yes.
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That would be great. Yes. Yeah, but so when we're
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looking at a story of overcoming illness here, the scope
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of the story gets a little smaller. We're not going
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to Africa and we're not fighting ninja spy skiers in
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Europe or whatever. We're just basically staying in the house
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and on the couch and within the confines of our
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city here. But it gets deeper. The story gets deeper.
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You still have to take responsibility. But your area of
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control gets a little bit smaller. There are less things
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that we can control now. We have a few fewer options.
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There's some limits on our actions. But that doesn't make
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us helpless. It doesn't make us victims.
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I'm not a victim.
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Not at all.
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I'm not. I am fighting the good fight.
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So we talk a lot about this in episode 17
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where we talked about your locus of control. Like your
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focus determines your locus. There's always going to be things
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that you can't control in every situation. And there's going
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to be things that you can control. Now with this illness,
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there are more things that we can't control than I
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would like. But if we focus on those, then we
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don't go anywhere. We have no momentum. We're not, we're
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not dealing. You got to focus on the things that
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you can control. Even if there are a few fewer now,
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that focus determines our forward positive direction.
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You really need to find the humor in it because
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there is still so much humor in And everything you
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go through.
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If only we knew some funny people.
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Yes. Yeah.
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So, and part of this locus of control is that
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we're cooperating with the process.
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I like to talk to my body. I like to
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tell it what it needs to do. And I don't know.
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There's been studies that say that that's helpful. And I'm
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going to go with it. I hum to myself. I
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talk to myself. I tell my body it's doing a
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great job. It's fighting the good fight. Keep it up.
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Doing a great job.
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I visualize what that looks like in my mind. And
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I want my body to have the best chance possible
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of fighting. So if that means mentally I need to
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get in the fight as well, then that's what I'm
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going to do. I'm determined. I'm persistent.
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You're a protagonist. I am a protagonist.
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I'm protagging so hard right now.
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You know, I'm always talking to your body, too, particularly
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in the kitchen. Like, why is it in between me
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and the coffee maker again? And every time I need
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anything I need in this kitchen, somehow your body is
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standing between.
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Me and it. Well, I mean, you know, it's very
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cat-like reflexes, what can I say?
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Reach out a hand and you get there. Oh, look, oh,
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you petted me. Oh, lovely. And it's like, that was, yeah,
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that was the plan all along, of course. Pet you.
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Who needs coffee? So look at some of the elements
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that we've talked about in our Hero's Journey series, and
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we're going to revisit those in this particular case. So
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Camille is the protagonist. She is fighting. You know, she has,
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she's put in the fight and she's still in it.
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We have to, you know, we're slowing down a little bit.
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There's some things, some activities we can't do anymore, but
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she is still determined and she's still persistent. You know, cancer,
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we talk about the shift. Life has a shift. You
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think if the rules all worked out about how your
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life is supposed to work and then something shifts.
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Got real shifty all of a sudden.
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Yeah, that's the beginning of every story. So cancer is
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the shift, and the old tools that we were using
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to get through our life, not all of those still work.
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So we have to learn some new tools. We have
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to learn, and that's part of the growth arc of
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the story. So as we learn how to face this
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new season, learn new skills, new tools, new attitudes, new
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patience with a very slow process.
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And then answer the call.
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Yeah.
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Didn't stay in dysfunctional comfort zone. Oh, I hope it's
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just going to go away. No, not going to give
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in without a fight.
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Got to fight. We talk about the dysfunctional comfort zone
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a few times, and there's a place that's not very comfortable,
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but it seems less threatening than stepping out and actually
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dealing with your problems. And so it might actually suck.
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It's a comfort zone, but it still sucks because it's
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less uncomfortable than stepping out in the wild and actually
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taking the steps you need to actually address your problems.
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And then, of course, you have your tribe, and our
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tribe has... rallied around us. There have been so many people,
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so much help, so much love. This is not a
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lone story. This is not anything that you would ever
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want to face on your own. Family, friends, we have,
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do have a team of super friends.
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We really do.
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Our church family, our biological family, our friends, our neighbors.
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I mean, it's incredible how many people have come out
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and brought their unique abilities to help us out. We
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have a friend in our church who's a doctor who
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has helped us navigate what these terms mean. What does
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00:17:23.150 --> 00:17:25.609
this mean for us? What is the doctor really saying?
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We've had people who are really good at making food.
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We've had people who are really good at plants and
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my newfound affinity for them.
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Keeping us from killing our plants.
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00:17:37.109 --> 00:17:40.430
Yes, helping us understand our plants and keeping them alive.
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That's very helpful.
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00:17:43.140 --> 00:17:46.480
Now, there hasn't been any, like, super friend, like, shape-shifting teenagers.
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00:17:46.859 --> 00:17:48.839
Shape of a giant bucket of water.
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No.
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Disappointing. But maybe they'll show up. It'd be great. So
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we have episode four all about your tribe and about how,
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and a serious story. You're not the Lone Ranger. You're
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00:17:58.890 --> 00:18:02.349
not doing this by yourself. You're not this lone vigilante,
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this lone action hero just grinding through. If you're serious
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about achieving your goals and working through your problems, you're
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going to have a team. that supports you, that coaches you,
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that challenges you if you're going the wrong way, and
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helps you get through this story of yours.
375
00:18:18.809 --> 00:18:22.910
Right, because we're facing adversity. It's physical pain. It's tiredness.
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It's nausea. It's a long battle. There is no easy button,
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00:18:26.329 --> 00:18:27.990
doggone it. You can't push that easy button.
378
00:18:28.009 --> 00:18:28.369
I've looked.
379
00:18:28.769 --> 00:18:29.210
I know, me too.
380
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I searched the house.
381
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The easy button was nowhere.
382
00:18:31.269 --> 00:18:31.670
To be found.
383
00:18:31.789 --> 00:18:34.549
No, no, no. And then, of course, we have the
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00:18:34.589 --> 00:18:36.849
new patterns we got to adjust to. It's like, you
385
00:18:36.890 --> 00:18:38.210
threw off my groove.
386
00:18:38.230 --> 00:18:38.910
Yes, very much.
387
00:18:38.930 --> 00:18:41.269
And I really wish you hadn't thrown off my groove.
388
00:18:41.329 --> 00:18:44.069
I was in a really great groove, but now I
389
00:18:44.089 --> 00:18:45.039
have to find a new groove.
390
00:18:45.579 --> 00:18:49.559
Yeah, very true. But, you know, we're still early in
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the process, but already we're seeing some growth and some transformation.
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00:18:53.299 --> 00:18:57.420
You know, we're coming closer together as a couple. We've
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00:18:57.440 --> 00:19:00.839
been really, I've been really amazed and humbled by the
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love of our friends. I'm just like, wow. And, you know,
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00:19:04.930 --> 00:19:07.450
and this is our character arc in progress. As we
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00:19:07.490 --> 00:19:10.920
mentioned many times before, the character arc is the change
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00:19:11.019 --> 00:19:12.400
in who you were at the beginning of the story
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to who you are at the end of the story.
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00:19:14.160 --> 00:19:15.559
And at the beginning of the story, you can't solve
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00:19:15.579 --> 00:19:17.740
the problems. You fall on your face. You try to
401
00:19:17.779 --> 00:19:19.859
jump from building to building like Neo when you're crashing
402
00:19:19.880 --> 00:19:22.180
on the concrete. And by the end of the story,
403
00:19:22.259 --> 00:19:24.130
you can do all those things. But you do it
404
00:19:24.190 --> 00:19:27.230
by overcoming one problem at a time, these try-fail cycles.
405
00:19:27.250 --> 00:19:30.109
It's like, how come life is always so hard? Well,
406
00:19:30.119 --> 00:19:32.190
it's the same reason that the gym is always so hard.
407
00:19:32.250 --> 00:19:34.430
You've got to keep putting in the work to get stronger.
408
00:19:34.450 --> 00:19:36.609
Yeah, and you've got to work in all the areas.
409
00:19:36.710 --> 00:19:40.109
Your mind, your body, your spirit is all connected. So
410
00:19:40.150 --> 00:19:43.730
you have to be really focusing in each of those
411
00:19:43.869 --> 00:19:48.930
areas to make sure that you are staying healthy and
412
00:19:49.150 --> 00:19:52.220
in that moment. and still growing. Yeah.
413
00:19:53.200 --> 00:19:56.660
And the final element is we're pushing through for an
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00:19:56.759 --> 00:19:57.660
improved legacy.
415
00:19:57.940 --> 00:19:58.299
That's right.
416
00:19:59.180 --> 00:20:02.299
We're pushing through to a restored health and restored lifestyle.
417
00:20:03.140 --> 00:20:05.950
You know, we have new compassion for people in this situation.
418
00:20:06.250 --> 00:20:06.589
That's right.
419
00:20:07.190 --> 00:20:09.740
You can always intellectually empathize with someone, but once you've
420
00:20:09.759 --> 00:20:12.779
actually put on those shoes, you're like, wow, this is terrible.
421
00:20:13.579 --> 00:20:17.960
It's a hard road, but hopefully be helpful to share
422
00:20:17.980 --> 00:20:21.299
the story with other people and help them walk.
423
00:20:21.160 --> 00:20:25.319
Through the process, too. And we have a stronger faith,
424
00:20:25.400 --> 00:20:28.829
a stronger family, and some new insights to share with people.
425
00:20:29.289 --> 00:20:29.740
That's right.
426
00:20:30.690 --> 00:20:33.970
So, a couple of good takeaways. Remember, you're the protagonist.
427
00:20:34.890 --> 00:20:38.049
When you face a shift... Make sure you answer the call.
428
00:20:39.970 --> 00:20:45.190
Let your tribe rally around you. Remember, the adversity can
429
00:20:45.230 --> 00:20:48.750
be tough at times, but you can do it and overcome.
430
00:20:49.589 --> 00:20:51.829
And then, of course, you're ready for your growth and
431
00:20:51.849 --> 00:20:52.670
your transformation.
432
00:20:53.390 --> 00:20:56.269
Oh, those are good takeaways. That's all we have for
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00:20:56.309 --> 00:20:59.789
this episode. We'll catch you next time. Thank you and goodbye.
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00:21:03.130 --> 00:21:08.119
Full Mental Bracket Podcast, hosted by Brent Diggs. Logo by
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00:21:08.180 --> 00:21:15.089
Colby Osborne. Music by Stephen Atkinson. Learn more at FullMentalBracket.com,
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part of the Voices Empowering Tomorrow Network.