1
00:00:00,870 --> 00:00:06,450
Welcome to Designed Pause, a space for women who are thinking about taking an intentional career break.
2
00:00:06,870 --> 00:00:07,740
I'm Deidra Green.
3
00:00:08,430 --> 00:00:18,150
Today's episode is adapted from a recent video where I reflect on what it really means to pause, not to escape your life, but to design what comes next.
4
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,660
If you're in a season of transition, you're in the right place.
5
00:00:23,537.02 --> 00:00:32,437.02
Most of the people who need a career break and are positioned to take one are high achievers, and when you're used to constantly achieving, it becomes who you are.
6
00:00:32,707.02 --> 00:00:34,887.02
It becomes how you measure your worth.
7
00:00:35,197.02 --> 00:00:45,617.019
It becomes the answer when someone asks you what you do, and when you finally take a break, you realize very quickly that nobody prepared you for what it really feels like to stop.
8
00:00:46,327.02 --> 00:00:51,47.02
Career breaks are more than just preparing financially.
9
00:00:51,107.019 --> 00:00:55,87.02
You need help getting ready for that mental shift, too.
10
00:00:55,407.02 --> 00:01:16,291.02
So today, I wanna talk about two of the hardest things that I see high achievers struggle with when they take a career pause and what you can do about both of them, both before and during the pause, so that the time that's supposed to feel rejuvenating doesn't end up, feeling overwhelming instead Welcome to Designed Pause.
11
00:01:16,321.02 --> 00:01:17,341.02
I'm Deidra Green.
12
00:01:17,651.02 --> 00:01:26,671.019
This channel is for high-achieving corporate professionals who are ready to slow down on purpose and design what comes next with intention.
13
00:01:27,511.02 --> 00:01:36,751.02
So the two things I wanna talk about today are, one, living between identities, and two, letting go of the need to feel productive.
14
00:01:37,201.019 --> 00:01:49,51.019
So both things are real and common, and both of them can take this career break that was designed to restore you and turn it into another source of stress if you don't see them coming.
15
00:01:49,791.019 --> 00:01:58,171.02
So I'm gonna talk about what each one really looks like, what I experienced personally, and the strategies that helped me before the pause and during it.
16
00:01:58,981.018 --> 00:02:04,131.017
So here is how identity loss shows up during a career pause.
17
00:02:04,171.02 --> 00:02:05,761.018
It's not really dramatic.
18
00:02:05,781.021 --> 00:02:07,881.018
It's more casual than that.
19
00:02:08,241.02 --> 00:02:12,201.019
Someone will ask you what you do, and then you freeze.
20
00:02:12,371.017 --> 00:02:15,691.019
So in corporate, that question had a clean answer.
21
00:02:15,701.019 --> 00:02:24,201.019
You had a title, you knew your company name, you had a job description, and it told people exactly where to place you and how much weight to give your words.
22
00:02:24,501.022 --> 00:02:33,741.021
You probably answered it so many times it became automatic, and underneath the answer is a whole architecture of identity.
23
00:02:34,161.018 --> 00:02:37,921.018
It's who you are, what you had built, and what you were worth.
24
00:02:38,701.019 --> 00:02:41,801.02
So when you step away from that role, the question doesn't stop.
25
00:02:42,101.02 --> 00:02:57,271.015
People still are gonna ask you what you do, and if you haven't prepared yourself for how you're gonna answer it, if you haven't, like, found a version of the truth that feels like yours before someone asks it, it can be kind of disorienting.
26
00:02:58,91.018 --> 00:03:00,161.015
I know because I lived through it.
27
00:03:00,451.019 --> 00:03:10,491.015
So the moment someone asks, "What do you do?" and your old answer no longer fits is the moment the identity shift becomes real and unavoidable.
28
00:03:10,971.015 --> 00:03:19,631.018
And the answer you give in that moment matters, and it matters not for them, but for you, because the answer has to feel true.
29
00:03:20,11.016 --> 00:03:29,791.012
If it doesn't, you're reaching for something that sounds good but doesn't really reflect where you are, and you're gonna feel it, it makes that disorientation feel worse.
30
00:03:30,271.012 --> 00:03:41,839.013
So let me give you some strategies for both before and during your pause Before the pause, you wanna do the identity work.
31
00:03:42,259.013 --> 00:03:51,939.013
The biggest mistake that high achievers make is waiting until they're already in the pause to figure out who they are outside of their role.
32
00:03:52,249.013 --> 00:03:57,9.013
By then, the question is urgent and the answer feels impossible.
33
00:03:57,689.012 --> 00:04:00,349.013
So you wanna do some of that work before you leave.
34
00:04:00,769.013 --> 00:04:05,339.013
That means sitting with some uncomfortable questions while you are still in your role.
35
00:04:05,879.012 --> 00:04:19,879.012
Who am I when nobody is measuring me? What do I care about outside of what I produce? What would I want someone to say about me if they couldn't mention my job title? It also means practicing your answer.
36
00:04:19,909.011 --> 00:04:26,199.011
Decide in advance how you're going to respond when someone asks what you do during your pause.
37
00:04:26,559.012 --> 00:04:41,419.013
Make it true, make it yours, and make it something like, "I'm taking intentional time to figure out my next chapter," or, "I'm in a season of transition," or even, "I'm taking a designed pause."
38
00:04:42,109.011 --> 00:04:44,849.013
The answer does not need to be elaborate.
39
00:04:44,909.011 --> 00:04:51,399.011
It just needs to feel honest, and practicing it before someone asks means you won't be caught off guard when they do.
40
00:04:52,559.008 --> 00:04:55,259.009
Now, during the pause, you can reframe it.
41
00:04:55,549.014 --> 00:04:58,369.014
You're not losing an identity during your pause.
42
00:04:58,389.01 --> 00:05:01,199.012
You are finding out who you are underneath it.
43
00:05:01,609.011 --> 00:05:11,259.01
The title was real, and the work was real, and the skills you built were real, and I've talked about this before, they don't disappear when you stop showing up to an office.
44
00:05:11,859.011 --> 00:05:21,859.009
What the pause removes is the external label, and without the label, you get to discover who was always underneath it, and that is not a loss.
45
00:05:22,119.014 --> 00:05:25,509.013
But it takes time, so just give yourself the time.
46
00:05:26,579.013 --> 00:05:49,379.011
Some practical things that help during this season are journaling about who you are outside of your role, reconnecting with interests, relationships, and parts of yourself that your career crowded out, letting yourself be a beginner at something, and resisting the urge to rush toward a new title or an identity before the current one has fully settled.
47
00:05:49,709.01 --> 00:05:55,179.011
You are allowed to be in between, and that is not a failure state.
48
00:05:55,229.014 --> 00:05:57,449.006
You're in a state of transition.
49
00:05:58,509.013 --> 00:06:05,249.003
So let's talk about struggle number two, letting go of the need to feel productive.
50
00:06:06,169.017 --> 00:06:11,149.004
When I first took my career break, I needed to sleep a lot.
51
00:06:11,599.009 --> 00:06:17,509.016
I was sleeping in in the morning and then taking naps in the afternoon, and I felt very guilty about it.
52
00:06:18,149.012 --> 00:06:32,659.005
Every time that I woke up from a nap, I had this feeling that I was doing something wrong, that I was wasting time, that I was falling behind, or being lazy in a way that a person like me was not supposed to be.
53
00:06:33,29.002 --> 00:06:36,667.013
But The truth is that my body needed rest.
54
00:06:36,867.013 --> 00:06:48,357.013
I had been running at a pace that did not leave space for real recovery for years, and the moment that I finally stopped, everything I'd been pushing through caught up with me all at once.
55
00:06:48,417.012 --> 00:06:54,857.013
So the sleep wasn't laziness, it was my nervous system doing exactly what it needed to do.
56
00:06:55,527.012 --> 00:07:02,867.013
I should not have felt guilty, and if you're in that season right now, I want you to know that you shouldn't feel guilty either.
57
00:07:03,277.012 --> 00:07:07,557.012
High achievers have a very specific relationship with productivity.
58
00:07:07,927.014 --> 00:07:10,507.013
We measure our days by what we accomplish.
59
00:07:10,597.012 --> 00:07:15,687.014
We feel good when the list is done and uneasy when it isn't.
60
00:07:16,157.013 --> 00:07:31,87.01
We've been trained by corporate culture, by childhood, by years of external validation to equate busyness with worth, and when the busyness stops, the worth feels like it goes with it, but it doesn't.
61
00:07:31,437.012 --> 00:07:36,157.012
It takes time to feel that in your heart and not just understand it in your head.
62
00:07:36,897.012 --> 00:07:44,167.012
The most useful thing you can do before your pause begins is deliberately expand your definition of productivity.
63
00:07:44,577.011 --> 00:07:53,417.012
Right now, productivity probably means deliverables, meetings, outputs, things that can't be measured or presented.
64
00:07:53,957.011 --> 00:07:57,347.011
Start practicing a different definition before you leave.
65
00:07:57,747.011 --> 00:08:07,107.011
One that includes rest, reflection, connection, and the kind of slow thinking that your calendar never really had room for.
66
00:08:07,677.011 --> 00:08:16,637.01
So this might look like building, um, an intentionally unstructured time into your current schedule and resisting the urge to fill it.
67
00:08:17,447.01 --> 00:08:23,527.01
It might look like keeping a journal where you know what you experienced rather than what you accomplished.
68
00:08:23,837.011 --> 00:08:29,757.012
It might look like starting to challenge the belief that a day without output is a day wasted.
69
00:08:30,277.01 --> 00:08:39,837.01
The goal is to arrive at your pause with a slightly more flexible relationship with productivity so that the shift is not as jarring when it comes.
70
00:08:41,367.01 --> 00:08:45,347.011
I used to give myself to-do lists during my pause.
71
00:08:45,567.011 --> 00:08:50,497.009
Not work tasks, just things that I wanted to get done, and for a while, that helped.
72
00:08:50,507.009 --> 00:08:52,987.008
It gave me structure, it gave me something to measure.
73
00:08:53,357.008 --> 00:09:06,537.013
But I learned over time that there needed to be days with no list, days where I just existed, walked somewhere, sat somewhere, ate something slowly, let a thought finish without turning it into a task.
74
00:09:07,107.008 --> 00:09:16,347.006
And those days felt uncomfortable at first, and then they started to feel necessary, and then they started to feel like the thing that the pause was really for.
75
00:09:16,847.006 --> 00:09:19,607.007
So the pause is not a productivity hack.
76
00:09:19,797.01 --> 00:09:23,207.006
It's not a strategy for coming back better.
77
00:09:23,597.006 --> 00:09:31,737.01
It can be those things, and most times it honestly is, but only if you let it be what it needs to be first, which is rest.
78
00:09:32,317.007 --> 00:09:36,587.006
Real rest, the kind that doesn't have this deliverable at the end of it.
79
00:09:36,937.01 --> 00:09:49,807.008
So give yourself permission to just be, not just on the days when you have nothing scheduled, as a practice, as the thing you're really building the capacity for during this season.
80
00:09:50,767.012 --> 00:09:57,967.008
When you're used to constantly achieving, just being feels radical, and that is exactly why it works.
81
00:09:59,47.01 --> 00:10:04,587.007
Living between identities, letting go of the need to feel productive, these are not weaknesses.
82
00:10:04,627.012 --> 00:10:13,107.014
They are predictable, almost universal experiences of a high achiever who's finally stopped moving long enough to hear herself think.
83
00:10:13,507.002 --> 00:10:18,707.004
And the fact that they are hard does not mean that your pause is going wrong, it means that it's working.
84
00:10:19,177.015 --> 00:10:23,067
Career breaks are about more than preparing financially.
85
00:10:23,357.008 --> 00:10:34,427.009
The mental shift requires preparation too, and the more honest you can be with yourself about what's coming before you get there, the more freedom you're gonna actually feel when you arrive.
86
00:10:34,869.011 --> 00:10:46,959.01
So if you're in the early stages of this, still trying to name what you are feeling before you have even made the decision, I have five journaling prompts that were built for exactly this moment, and they're free.
87
00:10:47,99.011 --> 00:10:48,649.011
The link is in the description.
88
00:10:48,979.011 --> 00:10:52,889.01
Download them and just let yourself be honest on paper.
89
00:10:52,959.011 --> 00:10:55,269.011
That's where the work starts.
90
00:10:55,739.01 --> 00:10:57,139.011
Again, I'm Deidra Green.
91
00:10:57,159.01 --> 00:11:01,109.011
This is Designed Pause, and I will see you in the next one.
92
00:11:03,842.011 --> 00:11:09,512.011
If this episode resonated, you can explore more reflections on the design paused YouTube channel.
93
00:11:09,992.011 --> 00:11:14,702.011
Take what you need, leave what you don't, and I'll meet you in the next pause.
00:00:00,870 --> 00:00:06,450
Welcome to Designed Pause, a space for women who are thinking about taking an intentional career break.
2
00:00:06,870 --> 00:00:07,740
I'm Deidra Green.
3
00:00:08,430 --> 00:00:18,150
Today's episode is adapted from a recent video where I reflect on what it really means to pause, not to escape your life, but to design what comes next.
4
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,660
If you're in a season of transition, you're in the right place.
5
00:00:23,537.02 --> 00:00:32,437.02
Most of the people who need a career break and are positioned to take one are high achievers, and when you're used to constantly achieving, it becomes who you are.
6
00:00:32,707.02 --> 00:00:34,887.02
It becomes how you measure your worth.
7
00:00:35,197.02 --> 00:00:45,617.019
It becomes the answer when someone asks you what you do, and when you finally take a break, you realize very quickly that nobody prepared you for what it really feels like to stop.
8
00:00:46,327.02 --> 00:00:51,47.02
Career breaks are more than just preparing financially.
9
00:00:51,107.019 --> 00:00:55,87.02
You need help getting ready for that mental shift, too.
10
00:00:55,407.02 --> 00:01:16,291.02
So today, I wanna talk about two of the hardest things that I see high achievers struggle with when they take a career pause and what you can do about both of them, both before and during the pause, so that the time that's supposed to feel rejuvenating doesn't end up, feeling overwhelming instead Welcome to Designed Pause.
11
00:01:16,321.02 --> 00:01:17,341.02
I'm Deidra Green.
12
00:01:17,651.02 --> 00:01:26,671.019
This channel is for high-achieving corporate professionals who are ready to slow down on purpose and design what comes next with intention.
13
00:01:27,511.02 --> 00:01:36,751.02
So the two things I wanna talk about today are, one, living between identities, and two, letting go of the need to feel productive.
14
00:01:37,201.019 --> 00:01:49,51.019
So both things are real and common, and both of them can take this career break that was designed to restore you and turn it into another source of stress if you don't see them coming.
15
00:01:49,791.019 --> 00:01:58,171.02
So I'm gonna talk about what each one really looks like, what I experienced personally, and the strategies that helped me before the pause and during it.
16
00:01:58,981.018 --> 00:02:04,131.017
So here is how identity loss shows up during a career pause.
17
00:02:04,171.02 --> 00:02:05,761.018
It's not really dramatic.
18
00:02:05,781.021 --> 00:02:07,881.018
It's more casual than that.
19
00:02:08,241.02 --> 00:02:12,201.019
Someone will ask you what you do, and then you freeze.
20
00:02:12,371.017 --> 00:02:15,691.019
So in corporate, that question had a clean answer.
21
00:02:15,701.019 --> 00:02:24,201.019
You had a title, you knew your company name, you had a job description, and it told people exactly where to place you and how much weight to give your words.
22
00:02:24,501.022 --> 00:02:33,741.021
You probably answered it so many times it became automatic, and underneath the answer is a whole architecture of identity.
23
00:02:34,161.018 --> 00:02:37,921.018
It's who you are, what you had built, and what you were worth.
24
00:02:38,701.019 --> 00:02:41,801.02
So when you step away from that role, the question doesn't stop.
25
00:02:42,101.02 --> 00:02:57,271.015
People still are gonna ask you what you do, and if you haven't prepared yourself for how you're gonna answer it, if you haven't, like, found a version of the truth that feels like yours before someone asks it, it can be kind of disorienting.
26
00:02:58,91.018 --> 00:03:00,161.015
I know because I lived through it.
27
00:03:00,451.019 --> 00:03:10,491.015
So the moment someone asks, "What do you do?" and your old answer no longer fits is the moment the identity shift becomes real and unavoidable.
28
00:03:10,971.015 --> 00:03:19,631.018
And the answer you give in that moment matters, and it matters not for them, but for you, because the answer has to feel true.
29
00:03:20,11.016 --> 00:03:29,791.012
If it doesn't, you're reaching for something that sounds good but doesn't really reflect where you are, and you're gonna feel it, it makes that disorientation feel worse.
30
00:03:30,271.012 --> 00:03:41,839.013
So let me give you some strategies for both before and during your pause Before the pause, you wanna do the identity work.
31
00:03:42,259.013 --> 00:03:51,939.013
The biggest mistake that high achievers make is waiting until they're already in the pause to figure out who they are outside of their role.
32
00:03:52,249.013 --> 00:03:57,9.013
By then, the question is urgent and the answer feels impossible.
33
00:03:57,689.012 --> 00:04:00,349.013
So you wanna do some of that work before you leave.
34
00:04:00,769.013 --> 00:04:05,339.013
That means sitting with some uncomfortable questions while you are still in your role.
35
00:04:05,879.012 --> 00:04:19,879.012
Who am I when nobody is measuring me? What do I care about outside of what I produce? What would I want someone to say about me if they couldn't mention my job title? It also means practicing your answer.
36
00:04:19,909.011 --> 00:04:26,199.011
Decide in advance how you're going to respond when someone asks what you do during your pause.
37
00:04:26,559.012 --> 00:04:41,419.013
Make it true, make it yours, and make it something like, "I'm taking intentional time to figure out my next chapter," or, "I'm in a season of transition," or even, "I'm taking a designed pause."
38
00:04:42,109.011 --> 00:04:44,849.013
The answer does not need to be elaborate.
39
00:04:44,909.011 --> 00:04:51,399.011
It just needs to feel honest, and practicing it before someone asks means you won't be caught off guard when they do.
40
00:04:52,559.008 --> 00:04:55,259.009
Now, during the pause, you can reframe it.
41
00:04:55,549.014 --> 00:04:58,369.014
You're not losing an identity during your pause.
42
00:04:58,389.01 --> 00:05:01,199.012
You are finding out who you are underneath it.
43
00:05:01,609.011 --> 00:05:11,259.01
The title was real, and the work was real, and the skills you built were real, and I've talked about this before, they don't disappear when you stop showing up to an office.
44
00:05:11,859.011 --> 00:05:21,859.009
What the pause removes is the external label, and without the label, you get to discover who was always underneath it, and that is not a loss.
45
00:05:22,119.014 --> 00:05:25,509.013
But it takes time, so just give yourself the time.
46
00:05:26,579.013 --> 00:05:49,379.011
Some practical things that help during this season are journaling about who you are outside of your role, reconnecting with interests, relationships, and parts of yourself that your career crowded out, letting yourself be a beginner at something, and resisting the urge to rush toward a new title or an identity before the current one has fully settled.
47
00:05:49,709.01 --> 00:05:55,179.011
You are allowed to be in between, and that is not a failure state.
48
00:05:55,229.014 --> 00:05:57,449.006
You're in a state of transition.
49
00:05:58,509.013 --> 00:06:05,249.003
So let's talk about struggle number two, letting go of the need to feel productive.
50
00:06:06,169.017 --> 00:06:11,149.004
When I first took my career break, I needed to sleep a lot.
51
00:06:11,599.009 --> 00:06:17,509.016
I was sleeping in in the morning and then taking naps in the afternoon, and I felt very guilty about it.
52
00:06:18,149.012 --> 00:06:32,659.005
Every time that I woke up from a nap, I had this feeling that I was doing something wrong, that I was wasting time, that I was falling behind, or being lazy in a way that a person like me was not supposed to be.
53
00:06:33,29.002 --> 00:06:36,667.013
But The truth is that my body needed rest.
54
00:06:36,867.013 --> 00:06:48,357.013
I had been running at a pace that did not leave space for real recovery for years, and the moment that I finally stopped, everything I'd been pushing through caught up with me all at once.
55
00:06:48,417.012 --> 00:06:54,857.013
So the sleep wasn't laziness, it was my nervous system doing exactly what it needed to do.
56
00:06:55,527.012 --> 00:07:02,867.013
I should not have felt guilty, and if you're in that season right now, I want you to know that you shouldn't feel guilty either.
57
00:07:03,277.012 --> 00:07:07,557.012
High achievers have a very specific relationship with productivity.
58
00:07:07,927.014 --> 00:07:10,507.013
We measure our days by what we accomplish.
59
00:07:10,597.012 --> 00:07:15,687.014
We feel good when the list is done and uneasy when it isn't.
60
00:07:16,157.013 --> 00:07:31,87.01
We've been trained by corporate culture, by childhood, by years of external validation to equate busyness with worth, and when the busyness stops, the worth feels like it goes with it, but it doesn't.
61
00:07:31,437.012 --> 00:07:36,157.012
It takes time to feel that in your heart and not just understand it in your head.
62
00:07:36,897.012 --> 00:07:44,167.012
The most useful thing you can do before your pause begins is deliberately expand your definition of productivity.
63
00:07:44,577.011 --> 00:07:53,417.012
Right now, productivity probably means deliverables, meetings, outputs, things that can't be measured or presented.
64
00:07:53,957.011 --> 00:07:57,347.011
Start practicing a different definition before you leave.
65
00:07:57,747.011 --> 00:08:07,107.011
One that includes rest, reflection, connection, and the kind of slow thinking that your calendar never really had room for.
66
00:08:07,677.011 --> 00:08:16,637.01
So this might look like building, um, an intentionally unstructured time into your current schedule and resisting the urge to fill it.
67
00:08:17,447.01 --> 00:08:23,527.01
It might look like keeping a journal where you know what you experienced rather than what you accomplished.
68
00:08:23,837.011 --> 00:08:29,757.012
It might look like starting to challenge the belief that a day without output is a day wasted.
69
00:08:30,277.01 --> 00:08:39,837.01
The goal is to arrive at your pause with a slightly more flexible relationship with productivity so that the shift is not as jarring when it comes.
70
00:08:41,367.01 --> 00:08:45,347.011
I used to give myself to-do lists during my pause.
71
00:08:45,567.011 --> 00:08:50,497.009
Not work tasks, just things that I wanted to get done, and for a while, that helped.
72
00:08:50,507.009 --> 00:08:52,987.008
It gave me structure, it gave me something to measure.
73
00:08:53,357.008 --> 00:09:06,537.013
But I learned over time that there needed to be days with no list, days where I just existed, walked somewhere, sat somewhere, ate something slowly, let a thought finish without turning it into a task.
74
00:09:07,107.008 --> 00:09:16,347.006
And those days felt uncomfortable at first, and then they started to feel necessary, and then they started to feel like the thing that the pause was really for.
75
00:09:16,847.006 --> 00:09:19,607.007
So the pause is not a productivity hack.
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It's not a strategy for coming back better.
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It can be those things, and most times it honestly is, but only if you let it be what it needs to be first, which is rest.
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Real rest, the kind that doesn't have this deliverable at the end of it.
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So give yourself permission to just be, not just on the days when you have nothing scheduled, as a practice, as the thing you're really building the capacity for during this season.
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When you're used to constantly achieving, just being feels radical, and that is exactly why it works.
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Living between identities, letting go of the need to feel productive, these are not weaknesses.
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They are predictable, almost universal experiences of a high achiever who's finally stopped moving long enough to hear herself think.
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And the fact that they are hard does not mean that your pause is going wrong, it means that it's working.
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Career breaks are about more than preparing financially.
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The mental shift requires preparation too, and the more honest you can be with yourself about what's coming before you get there, the more freedom you're gonna actually feel when you arrive.
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So if you're in the early stages of this, still trying to name what you are feeling before you have even made the decision, I have five journaling prompts that were built for exactly this moment, and they're free.
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The link is in the description.
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Download them and just let yourself be honest on paper.
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That's where the work starts.
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Again, I'm Deidra Green.
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This is Designed Pause, and I will see you in the next one.
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If this episode resonated, you can explore more reflections on the design paused YouTube channel.
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Take what you need, leave what you don't, and I'll meet you in the next pause.
