Normalizing and Working Through Intimacy and Relationship Issues After Birth: a Conversation with Ashley Mariani, MSW, RSW

Ashley Mariani is a trauma-informed couples therapist specializing in intimacy and relationship issues that arise during pregnancy and in the postpartum. She is one of those people in the trenches helping couples reorient themselves to sex and relating with the addition of a baby into the mix. This is not niche, this is not unique: every relationship experiences some degree of hardship after birth.

Connect with Ashley on Instagram. Want to work with Ashley? Email her at: contact@mindonline.ca

[00:02:55] - When we get into arguments with our intimate partners (or anybody, really), the unmet needs of our inner child surfaces. This is especially relevant for men, who are often lacking guidance on managing and exploring the underpinnings of their emotional landscape.

[00:06:30] - We are storymaking machines, but are all of the stories that we write about our partners true?

[00:11:15] - Trauma in and out of the obstetrics model. Trauma can be inflicted in the obvious ways but also through dismissive behavior or language by your partner or practitioner. Moderating disagreements between partners around interventions in childbirth.

[00:17:13] - Nonviolent communication and seeking to fill the unmet need underlying every instance of emotional conflict.

[00:25:00] - How does birth trauma impact a couple’s connection/communication? When a partner doesn’t provide an anchor of safety during an act of obstetric violence, for example, this lack of felt safety may roll over into their relationship in the postpartum. Ashley has a very great exercise for couples struggling with shared decision-making as their birth approaches.

[00:35:00] - How can a couple begin to re-engage in penetrative intercourse and other forms of intimacy? (Pay attention men!)

[00:43:00] - Communicating needs to your spouse and prioritizing one-on-one time with a baby in the mix

[00:48:54] - Navigating struggles with the lack of intimacy and feeling of obligation to your partner sexually after giving birth. Men often struggle with feeling “third wheel” energy and appropriately grieving the changes can be an opportunity to flex your masculinity.

[00:52:26] - Intimacy troubles alongside co-sleeping. ALERT: It’s healthy and normal for you not to get right back to your pre-pregnancy sex life immediately postpartum. It could take years!

[00:59:00] - How do you manage being “triggered”, withdrawing, and shutting down in response to your partner?

Connect with Ashley on Instagram. Want to work with Ashley? Email her at: contact@mindonline.ca

References from the episode:

* Nonviolent Communication: The Basics As I Know and Use Them, by Wayland Myers

* Fair Play Cards

* Hear Ashley and others (like Dr. Stu!) speak at the 2026 Reclaiming Birth Gathering

Related episodes:

* What He Never Learned: Repair, Responsibility, and Men’s Silent Longing for Connection with Ted Riter

* From Fighter to Sage: Kyle Kingsbury on Fatherhood and Fitness Beyond the Physical

* Edmund Knighton, PhD (Part 4) - Sacred Polarities: The Ra Material, Steiner, and a Man’s Work in Conception, Childbirth and Beyond

This episode was sponsored by Born Free Method.

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More ways to work with Nathan:Support for Midwives | Private Consultation | Clear & FreeMedical Disclaimer: Born Free Method: The Podcast is an educational program. No information conveyed through this podcast should be construed as medical advice. These conversations are available to the public for educational and entertainment purposes only.

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