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My mission to end the silence, the stigma and shame about suicide loss, ideation, and mental health.
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Please, won't you join me? Welcome to Suicide Zen Forgiveness, the podcast that shares powerful stories of suicide loss, Ideation and mental health in order to break the silence, stigma and shame.
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Our mission is to encourage empathy for those experiencing these challenges.
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Every narrative serves as a beacon of hope, want to touch lives and inspire resilience.
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Won't you join me in this journey as we share stories to help others to find hope? Please note this podcast is for educational purposes and may contain triggering content.
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If you're grieving or experiencing mental health issues, please reach out to your local suicide hotline or mental health office for immediate help.
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And now, let's start the show.
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Hi there.
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I'm really thrilled to introduce you to our next guest.
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His name is Kadin McIEwain and he reached out to us because Kadin has a message that I believe is quite important.
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So let me tell you a little something about him.
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Kadin McElwain is an autistic college student.
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He's a writer and an activist.
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On a mission to raise as much awareness about autism as possible.
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During his life, his capabilities were questioned due to who he was.
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But thanks to a supportive set of parents, he proved his naysayers wrong.
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And you will see that for yourself.
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So please, join us.
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So it's great to be back once again.
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I'm excited to bring you a young upcoming.
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That's what I'm going to call him.
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Kadin McElwain is with us today.
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And Kadin's going to give us a look into what it's like being a 20 something student having autism.
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We're going to bring him right up and let him tell us.
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What he'd like to.
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Hi, Kadin.
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Hi, thanks for having me.
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Oh, very much for coming on the show.
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I am actually so thrilled, Kadin, that we can get to a place now where we can actually talk about all of our differences.
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Because this will be a very different take, I'm sure, than most people, but I understand all about the autism spectrum.
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I think all humans are on the spectrum somewhere.
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I don't think there's a difference.
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I don't think there's a autism spectrum for some people.
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I think we're all on there somewhere, because I don't know anybody that doesn't have some little quirk, or something that isn't like what other people have, or some kind of behavior that is intrinsically theirs.
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So it's a little different.
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I know it's not what other people believe, but I believe we also each and every single human has a gift that we are meant to share and no two are necessarily alike.
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Every single human has a gift.
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It just sometimes can be a little harder to see it, or find it.
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So with that said, I'm gonna let you take the reins here.
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And why don't you start us off telling us what it is you most want people to understand.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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That's a beautiful way to put it, actually.
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We're all on the spectrum somewhere.
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We just need to stop arguing with each other and quit being so divided.
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Absolutely.
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It overcauses that we don't agree with, and realize we're all human, we're all somewhere on the spectrum, we all have our own quirks.
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And I think that's the main thing that I want people to understand about not just autism awareness, but life in general.
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We're all human.
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We're all the same.
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We all have a common goal of peace, love, and positivity.
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And we need to unite and stop arguing about our differences and realize that sooner rather than later.
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That was well said.
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And I have to agree with you because, I think our differences are the things that make us interesting.
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Like seriously, think about it.
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Think of every single one of us was exactly the same.
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We thought exactly the same.
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We did exactly the same.
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We would all be bored to sleep.
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You just have a pile of humans lying around sleeping because everything would be so uninteresting.
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I think the fact that we each have something a little different.
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gives us a chance to come together, explore and learn from other people.
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And I agree with you, that all the arguing and this side and that side and all of that, I just, I don't see the point.
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I know I have a kind of a Pollyanna attitude to life.
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I always play what's called the glad game.
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I've been doing it since I was five years old.
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And, I always look for the good in whatever or whomever, because I think it's a lot easier for us to get by if we're trying to get along with other people and trying to understand other people.
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Did you find when you were in grade school, did you find it was Easier or harder than, say, college when it comes to dealing with other people? I would say the same.
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College might have been a little easier because around that time people grow up.
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They stop seeing differences.
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They stop insulting other people to look good for their friends.
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There are those few people who have pure hatred in their hearts, that's just life, but all we can do is pray for them.
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But I'd say college is way easier in the sense of interacting with people, talking with people, embracing your differences.
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Elementary school was also easy too, it's middle school and high school that were the hardest for me, because every To be fair, everyone was trying to figure out who exactly they were, who they liked, who they wanted to associate with, so they felt the need to hurt people and insult people for who they are.
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And I was a victim in a lot of those situations, but that's common for a lot of students in middle school and high school.
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Cool.
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Yeah.
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And it's also my firm belief that everything starts in the home.
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If the parents are mean and rude, full of hatred, and worship people like Andrew Tate, or for the purpose of relevancy, P.
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Diddy, then most likely they're not.
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Those students, those children are gonna go out and insult the other students because they don't know who they are yet.
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I agree with you and I'm gonna take it a little bit further and say that I had this discussion yesterday with somebody on LinkedIn because people that are in pain hurt people.
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And often it can be mental pain.
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It can be physical pain.
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It can be the pain of having a parent that beat you.
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It can be the pain of living with chronic illness.
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There's so many reasons around it.
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But we've found with tons and tons of studies that kids who are bullied usually have parents that bully them or have parents that were also bullied because you tend to stick with what you know, and for kids that are bullies, reaching out and hurting somebody else.
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is actually their way of trying to stop their own pain, which doesn't make it right.
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And, doesn't make that something that anyone should do.
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It just can sometimes give you a little more understanding of why people do the things they do.
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The other thing, and you touched on this when you said that middle school, you don't know who you are.
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Not only that, but by 9, 10 years old, we are all this hormonal soup that has no idea what it's doing or why and everything in your body is changing and everything in your mind is a little bit off for everyone.
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Being a preteen and a teenager.
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It's not easy for anybody, and I wouldn't wish that on my way, my worst enemy.
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It was a difficult time, and I had I was good in high school and middle school.
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I had lots of friends.
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I was in, the, the middle norm group of people who just, did their thing.
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We played baseball.
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We all had hobbies.
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I was a figure skater.
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Some of my friends were, so we were all very busy doing our thing and weren't We didn't have the time or the inclination to hurt somebody else because there was no need.
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We did see people that bullied and I know two people specifically in middle school.
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We all knew why they were bullies because in one case the parents were alcoholics.
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And it wasn't a good home life.
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It didn't make it right.
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And we weren't excusing their activities or their attitude.
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We were just acknowledging that it came from somewhere.
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It's not easy for anybody.
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And the unfortunate thing, and I think you're right about college, is more people are likely to take a stand.
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I, even as a child, did not like to see somebody else get bullied.
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I, it was just something that, that I couldn't deal with.
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I wanted everybody to be okay.
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That was just my attitude.
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But we're seeing more and more that Gen Z and the, final generation we have right now, they are much more likely to step up and say something to help someone else rather than just go with the flow.
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Because one crowd is.
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Is being mean that they have to jump in.
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Is that me just being overly hopeful or is that something you see too? It's complicated, in my opinion, not generation Z, the tech talk generation.
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I think there are a lot of people who are growing up early, choosing to be good people, standing up to people, putting in the work and to have the success they have, but a lot more generous.
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I would say a lot of them are a bit whiny.
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Some of them act entitled and think they deserve a job without putting in the work.
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But my parents taught me to have a strong work ethic.
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Early on.
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So I think that's where I get my work ethic for rum, in my opinion.
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And I do admire or some people in my generation for standing up to what they believe and putting in the work to build Pac years, a lot of which are formed well in high school, believe it or not.
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There are a couple of businesses I know of.
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But I think my generation could approach advocacy better.
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One thing I frown upon my generation for doing is pulling the circus we saw on college campuses recently with the protests and the vandalism.
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Yeah, I get it.
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They believe or cause but there's a better approach to advocacy I thought than.
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committing a crime or vigilantism.
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For example, going on these platforms like what I do constantly to talk about your cause, bring attention to a variety of audiences.
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Sis, if people don't like the cause, don't give them the time of day planning fundraisers.
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Centered around your favorite autism organization.
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For me, a lot of the fundraisers I plan are for this organization here in Lake County called the Lake County Special Needs Birthday Club.
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Talking with politicians is another good way.
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I have several connections in the political industry, but I talked to you about autism more.
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So I think both generations have potential.
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They just need to approach advocacy and having a strong work ethic better.
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Absolutely.
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And I agree with you.
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I don't understand vandalism.
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I don't know.
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Maybe it's because I come from very modest beginnings.
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We were very poor when I was a kid.
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We immigrated from Scotland to Canada.
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And we had nothing, we had no money, my, my mom, my dad, my grandmother, my aunt all came here and worked to make sure that I had a better life, I was the only child at the time and vandalism to me is, I don't know, it's just so fruitless, I don't under this, I don't understand the concept of.
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I'm breaking something just because it's there.
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I, that's something that, that I never understood and no one's ever given me a good reason for it.
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I can understand protesting and that is everyone's right.
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And I can see getting together to protest or getting together for in my day, we're sit ins and what have you.
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And that's great, but there was no violence involved.
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I don't understand that.
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need for violence and vandalism.
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It seems counterproductive to getting your message across.
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Exactly.
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Like I say, there's a better way.
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Doing what I do is the way.
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This past year, I've been trying to emphasize with my generation and have more empathy for them because I feel they're misguided in ways that I'm sad to really do.
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Ooh, but vandalizing a campus in the name of a cause you believe in isn't the way.
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to approach it.
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It really isn't.
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No, it seems very counterproductive.
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If you want people to listen to you, to act like an animal.
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I, yeah, I don't, that doesn't make any sense to me.
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What is it that, what would be your, top three activities for Your downtime when you're not in school, when you're not writing exams or doing anything like that, what are the top three things you like to do? Whenever I'm not doing this or in school, I like playing, playing and listening to music.
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I play guitar and drums, and I'm always up to date with the latest music definitely falling politics, especially given the current time.
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And making fun YouTube meme videos.
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Ah, cool.
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That's cool.
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But what's your favorite genre of music? I definitely like some of the genre blending stuff, but like emo rap and country rap.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So you know who Jelly Roll is? Oh I love Jelly Roll.
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So do I.
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He was just here in our city this summer.
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And before his concert, he went to the mental health hospital and gave them a private concert and talked to all the people and the therapists and the patients.
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And there's some amazing pictures that he took time out of his busy schedule to go interact with people.
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And I think it's wonderful to see someone who's very famous and, is hitting the charts and doing all this work musically, taking time out of their day to go visit people because it's important to him.
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And I just think that's awesome because that, to me, makes the difference.
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A musician, all that more interesting.
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I absolutely agree.
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His he's pretty cool.
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We have some great musicians here in Canada too, but yeah, he tops the list for me of people that are great.
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And over time, I really like who Miley Cyrus has grown into.
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She went through kind of a.
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bratty stage, I guess I'd say, but now she, her songs are more thoughtful.
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Much about Miley Cyrus? Yeah, I've heard her songs.
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I definitely admire how she's grown up as well.
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And so you said you play guitar? Yes, ma'am.
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I do.
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Excellent.
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And what do you play? Pretty much everything and anything.
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Wow.
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I recently picked up.
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of guitar, or again, last week, since it's been a while, and I still have the skills.
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That's excellent.
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Yeah.
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They say it's like riding a bike, right? Once you know how to do it, it just takes a little practice.
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Yeah.
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I don't think I have a musical bone in my body.
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I just like listening to everybody else.
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My son plays guitar, but not something for me.
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So what is the message that you want to be sure and get across? By coming on the podcast.
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By coming on, I would like to get across the message of people with autism should be treated with as much kindness as anyone else.
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Not just them, but anyone going through whatever should be treated with kindness and respect.
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Cause like I said, we're all human beings.
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We're all, okay.
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So what is it that you would most like to get across to people and why you go on podcasts like I go on media platforms because I feel this cause isn't given as much attention as it should be in the world.
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And the main message I always get across to people with autism, anyone going through anything, is you are amazing as you are.
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You shouldn't change for anyone, and you should still make an effort to put yourself out there.
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And if no one else can see that, don't give them the time of day.
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That is very succinct.
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I like that.
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And you're absolutely right.
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I think it's important that we make space and time for everyone because everyone deserves to be seen and heard.
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And it only takes a few minutes to listen to someone before you realize they too have something to say.
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And I think it's just a matter of Giving people the opportunity to show you who they are.
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I absolutely agree.
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That is very important.
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Do you agree with that? Yeah, I agree.
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Excellent.
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Excellent.
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Do you do anything at college do you have a group to promote autism awareness, or do you do anything separate from school and media appearances to put forth? More information on autism.
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He, yeah, like I said, he planned fundraisers for one organization particularly called Autism Society of America, which is this organization that hosts elaborate make a wish style birthday parties for folks with autism, Down syndrome and the like.
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In fact, this is a great opportunity to promote a fundraiser on planning with a company called Soulja Girl.
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Coffee in November all proceeds from their sales will go directly towards for birthday clubs.
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They'll have Y'all want to support the fundraiser? Be sure to purchase some coffee.
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All right, and we'll make sure that we have a link to the groups you're talking about below the podcast so that people can contact them because I think that's really important.
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Getting the message out and letting people know.
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And getting, letting people know you, Caden.
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I think that's really important.
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Because, very often, people are just afraid of what they don't understand.
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Or what they don't know.
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And, let's face it, we can all be intimidating.
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If I'm having a bad day, I don't look like anybody you want to approach.
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I can look very stern and mean.
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And people wouldn't know unless they talk to me that I'm not.
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I think it's the same for people with autism, for people with Down syndrome, for people with anything that's a little different.
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I think until you get a chance to know someone, you shouldn't judge them.
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I absolutely agree.
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And I'm going to give a shout out here to Graham, who is a friend of mine is actually his mom, and his aunt are my friends.
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And Graham Armstrong is a young man who has down syndrome.
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He's in his 40s now.
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And I'll tell you, I said everybody has a gift.
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Graham has the gift of being able to remember every day.
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Every day, what happened that day, where he was, who he saw, what they did.
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And it's pretty cool, because he can remember when he was a kid and used to come shopping in our store with his mom.
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And he, it's amazing, you can ask him any date, any year, and he'll tell you what happened that day.
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That's pretty spectacular.
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He, yeah.
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That's amazing.
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I can't even remember what happened in a week.
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Yeah, I know.
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I'm dealing with my dad has dementia.
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He's 91 years old and I've been telling him that I'm his calendar now and I will remind him what day it is and what the date is.
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And sadly, two out of three times, I usually tell him it's the wrong day.
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Because I don't even remember what day it is unless I look at the calendar.
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So you know what? It doesn't take much for humans to make mistakes.
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It doesn't take much for us to get befuffled with other people.
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But I think the one thing that we all should take with us and the last one is a little bit of humor, because if you can laugh at yourself, then it's a lot easier for other people to get past their fear and learn to laugh with us, not at us.
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I absolutely agree with that.
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Thank you.
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What sort of a message would you like to leave the audience with? I'd like to leave the audience with, you are amazing as you are.
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Keep spreading positivity.
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If people don't see that you're amazing and want to insult you for who you are, don't give them the time of day.
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They're the ones who are missing out on an amazing person.
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I like it.
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I think that is a really good thing to tell people.
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And I'm going to add to that is just maybe be a little open.
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Give people a chance.
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Don't immediately make a judgment because something's a little different from you.
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Give that person a chance, because once you meet people, you, okay, I think you're awesome.
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And I bet if you got to meet Graham, you'd think he was awesome, too.
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Or my son, or my dogs, for that matter.
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We all have good pieces, we all have bad days, we all have, different times where we maybe get stuck in an emotion for a little bit, and we have to realize that's okay.
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It's the way humans are, we have all these emotions.
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At some point, you're going to run into at least one of them.
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So give people a little bit of grace when you meet them.
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Give them the opportunity to show you who they are.
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Don't decide without giving them a chance.
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That's a great way to close things out.
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I thank you so much, Caden, for joining me today.
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We will make sure that we get from you those links for the charity that you were talking about for the birthdays.
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And also for the upcoming fundraiser, you said in November let's get all the information so we can make sure that we can help them in their fundraising effort.
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And we'll do it on your behalf.
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Absolutely.
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I'll send you the links once we're done.
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That's perfect.
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That's perfect.
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Thank you so much for joining us today.
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My guest, Caden McElwain, has joined me today to let us know there's an awful lot more to people who may have autism people may say are on the spectrum, but remember, I think we're all on the spectrum, so let's be open and let's give people a little more of a chance to show us who they are, because I guarantee you.
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If you take the time, you'll be pleasantly surprised.
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Thanks for watching.
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I'm Elaine Lindsay.
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This is Suicides and Forgiveness.
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And make the most of your today, every day.
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We'll see you next time.
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Bye for now.
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Thank you for being here for another inspiring episode of Suicide Zen Forgiveness.
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