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Sometimes the most painful part of a difficult conversation is realising that the person you love does not feel heard.
In my latest episode of the Success Matters podcast, educator, former principal and family coach Cheryl Wilson shared lessons that reach far beyond parenting.
They apply to our relationships, our workplaces and the way we lead ourselves through conflict.
Cheryl has spent almost three decades in education, working with children, families and school leaders. Her work is grounded in a simple belief: people learn, grow and solve problems more effectively when they feel seen, valued and supported.
Here are three actions I took from our conversation:
Connect before you correct.
When someone is upset, defensive or withdrawn, our instinct can be to fix the issue immediately.
- Cheryl’s advice is to pause and connect first. Rather than saying, “What is wrong with you?”, try noticing what you see: “It looks like something has made today difficult. Would you like to talk about it?”
- Attack the problem, not the person. Blame, judgement and criticism may release frustration, but they rarely resolve anything. Whether the conflict is with a partner, colleague, child or friend, separate the person from the issue. The question is not, “Why are you always like this?” It is, “What is happening here, and how can we work through it?”
- Resist reacting, so you can respond. When emotions rise, we can say things we do not mean, or make decisions we later regret. Sometimes the most mature response is: “I want to talk about this properly. I need a little time to settle first.”
That is not avoidance. It is choosing compassion over impulse.
CherylWilsonTeaches.com
