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Brittany
Hello, friends.
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Taylor
I'm Taylor.
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Brittany
And I'm Brittany, together with two sisters who are here to help you learn some tips and tricks to help navigate this crazy journey called life.
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Taylor
We bring you the perspective of a licensed mental health counselor, a.k.a. therapist and a new mother.
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Brittany
And a slightly eccentric mom of two. When you can minus the scissors. We like to consider ourselves as quite the dynamic duo, so join us as we talk about all life has to offer.
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Taylor
Don't forget to follow us on Instagram and hit that follow like or subscribe button wherever you listen to podcasts for updates.
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Brittany
If you like what you hear. Leave us a five star review. It helps us know what content you like and spreads the love to others to get resources and help for their mental health.
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Taylor
All right, sister. So we are revisiting what we talked about last week, but we're doing an application this week because it's such a big subject and it's so hard. We chose you and me three stories to do.
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Brittany
Yes. And for those of you who don't remember, this is part two of self-healing. So if you didn't listen to the first self-healing episode, go back, listen to last week's, and that will give you a good feel of like what we're kind of going for with self-healing. And now we're going to apply those principles that we talked about last week.
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Taylor
So, yeah, so just to recap, because it's been a week, there are five concepts that we're working off of for application. The first one is pick the pact that you want to take. Second one is have a plan or goals. Third is what could be your obstacles and how can you work around those obstacles For this have support.
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Taylor
And five is identify your journey or your identity. Like what do you want from this journey? Right? And I think that's a really hard one. Any questions on those ones? Because we talked about it last week.
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Brittany
Not for me, but if anybody has a question that's listening, like feel free to drop us a line and we'll answer your questions.
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Taylor
I love you. So the first story that we chose, Brett is dermal Cinderella.
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Brittany
Cinderella day is Cinderella.
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Taylor
remember that Brandy version of Cinderella?
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Brittany
my gosh. She's.
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Taylor
I love.
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Brittany
Things happening.
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Taylor
Every year. It's a solid one.
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Brittany
That was fun. And the other day you call my son Cinderella and he thought that was so fun.
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Taylor
yeah. Do you remember that show? They used to have it. I think it was Disneyland where they did like the in the first year. that's right. Yeah.
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Brittany
So, RJ Wranglers in Jackson Hole, I, I don't know if they're still around or not, but.
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Taylor
No, no, no. So we're, we're banking on a lot of people knowing this story. The background. The story is.
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Brittany
Okay. So the basic overview of Cinderella just is a refresher. Cinderella is a beautiful young girl. Her mom died when she was little. She was super close to her dad. They had a great relationship. And then her dad died suddenly after he's just been remarried. So she is left with this evil stepmother and her two daughters. Drusilla and Anastasia and.
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Taylor
Amy.
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Brittany
Are a horrible I don't know, and they're horrible to her. So rather than treating her as the beautiful girl that she is both inside and out, they make her work and slave for them. She finds an opportunity to go to RuPaul. Fairy godmother comes and it's all magical and impossible. Things happen and she goes to the mall and she looks beautiful.
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Brittany
She falls in love. The prince loses a glass slipper and he finds her with her glass slipper.
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Taylor
But there's like an epic moment where she sends it to her stepmother and comes down the stairs and is like, No, I am really the person that she belongs to. She tried to lock her up in the attic and like a hideaway, and Cinderella stands up for herself like, yes, which is an epic pivoting of the story, right.
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Taylor
To get her like the ending that she really wants, because at the end she had to fight for it, even though she kind of got like this fairy godmother and everything happening for her, she at the end had to do it herself and stand up for herself. Nobody could do that beside her. Yes. Still, we had mentioned some key actions or behaviors from the last episode, and we're going to kind of look at how Cinderella applied those in her story, the ones that I had pulled out and if there's going to be others to.
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Taylor
Right. But it's forgiveness, self-compassion, positive self-talk, gratitude, mindfulness and taking care of your physical body. So, Brett, what do you think was like? And these are just like a list, right? There's a lot more to self healing and actions and behaviors just besides this. This is like the top ones. What was like a big pivoting point for you when she finally was starting to do something for herself?
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Brittany
my goodness. My brain was like stewing for a second. Okay. A big pivoting point. When she decided to do something for herself, she had had like encouragement from kind of some of her little friends and stuff right now.
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Taylor
But Disney wanted to ask us and now.
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Brittany
They're like, Yeah. So they totally encouraged her to do something for herself. And she finally decided like, Yeah, I can do this. And I think she kind of had to come to that realization on her own, obviously, because they were kind of trying to push this. And I think it was just with that positive peer pressure, kind of like these ones that loved her, even though they were rodents and the animated one.
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Brittany
But like they like, push her forward. And in some of the other versions, it was maybe it was like a friend. Like I'm thinking like the Hilary Duff version or like ever after. I think it was just her own memories and like, going back to like the things that she had read and she had to pull it out of her self for who she really.
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Taylor
Was in in ever after. It was her going to protect the husband of one of the house servants that was being sold. But she was.
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Brittany
Like utopia and stuff so many times.
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Taylor
Yeah, but she was she acted because she was trying to keep a part of her support system. Yes, the school. But it still.
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Brittany
Was something that, like, came from inside. And I think that was great. Like that motivation from wherever it came from, like the little inner voice of like, from like your inner childhood or a friend not in you like pushing you along, I think that kind of thing. That's where her pivoting point was.
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Taylor
I think it's cool though, because you can see a direct correlate in to this outside support, whatever it may be or external factor that's driving them to do something is immediately triggered by, in the Cinderella story, a physical expression of empowerment. She goes and puts on a pretty dress and every single one of them she goes and does something for her body.
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Taylor
After being so treated poorly from external factors. Right. And if you notice in a lot of these stories, when they're tearing people down, the first thing is I put them in rags. They'll demean their appearance. Like the first thing that people attack is your external hard work because they know that it wears on your body for so long.
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Taylor
And I think that's something that's interesting because, like I said, it was a it was a concept her mom taught us from when we were little. But, you know, therapists now I can see the depth of this concept has for healing and empowerment is how you treat your own external body, how you treat like this really does matter and how this processes your worth.
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Taylor
And the minute that Cinderella was encouraged by your little friends to go into one of her mom's old dresses and then same and ever after and all the stories and renditions, it's like own how pretty you are, own who you are. And everybody has their own version of pretty, right? So it doesn't to be typical, but own it.
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Taylor
What makes you feel pretty inside and reflect that to the external world and you're going to automatically feel better about yourself. And then when they're torn down because she was torn down, she had the support of a fairy godmother, people taking care of her, people wanting to help. And other people will continue to do that. Right. So I think it's almost like if we were to take these concepts, you can see like that external support system, then you see that acting empowerment and behavior and then that positive self-talk and then that like I can do this, I can go and help people and then that taking care of your physical body expression, and then you
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Taylor
can see like this forgiveness of themselves because it's almost like and this process, I mean, so complicated to go and forgive your abusers, right? That's a totally different subject that is so individualized. And what trauma, such a hot mess. But I think there's a point to where it's like you have to forgive yourself to be on this healing path, forgive yourself for the pain that you've been through.
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Taylor
And then some people are even like, well, how to like Cinderella is really, you know, all the story's really pretty. And then she's like, What? How did I let myself not take care of my body? And that's that's like a forgiveness process for her, right? Of like, it's okay that I ended up in the spot, but I don't want to continue to be in the spot I'm on and move forward.
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Taylor
And that's where you can really see her healing path come. It's like she's forgiving herself for, for whatever, like position. She's been in. And that's sometimes the best forgiveness in these kind of stories is like, like let yourself own who you are and it's okay. Does that make sense? What I'm saying?
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Brittany
Yeah, absolutely. I love that. Yeah. And it I think it's really like especially if it's something like if you're coming out of an abusive situation, it's not that you have to forgive your abusers as your first step, but like choose to move forward, like don't want to pull you back.
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Taylor
Yeah, I think forgiving your abusers is really mess.
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Brittany
It's not going to look different for everybody. Like I'm just not unrepentant about this. But yeah, I think it's just important to remember, like for your own, like don't let what had happened to you from your abusers define you like, yeah, I find that worse. I love to that in all of the renditions that the dress came from, her mom, like her mom wasn't there anymore, but it was kind of like that whole like we're a part of a bigger picture.
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Brittany
We have this whole, like, ancestors. And you can see this in so many cultures just throughout history that we are not alone. It gives you like that greater perspective of just being like there's other people encouraging you whether you can feel it or not. Like you're just a part of, you know, this puzzle and it need you there.
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Brittany
So I don't know. I think it's.
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Taylor
Cool. I think it's pretty because it's like if you think about how your mom would treat you in that moment, at least most moms. I mean, I know there's always an exception, but like, what I would want to do if I wasn't there for my baby is to pass on something to make them feel wonderful and so important and so loved.
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Taylor
Right. And that's the cool thing. When you were talking about the forgiveness thing, too, I just remembered this like they taught us in grad school, this wonderful thing of where it's like anger and everything like that is like a pebble in your shoe. And the minute that you can put it out of your shoe is for you. It's not for the other person.
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Taylor
It's all about your comfort, your BS and your ability to heal. Right? And you're not saying that.
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Brittany
It's because ever after.
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Taylor
Lot of that, a pebble.
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Brittany
In their shoe.
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Taylor
my goodness. So terrible. Yeah. So like ever after wisdom and it's like this isn't anything about like, like them. It's like you don't need to do anything for them. They are the ones like, the step mom was terrible. And you know what? Like at the end, I think she was like, I forgive you for me, not for you.
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Taylor
Like, exactly like this is about me. And that's where it's like that's how it should be applied. And it should be applied where it's like, this is my journey and this is for me, not anything about like you need anything. Yeah. So I think that's where you can see this like, beautiful story of all these things happening. And Cinderella was always very graceful.
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Taylor
I remember. It's like, what's the Disney once motto? Britney was always like, be brave to be. There's like the the live action one where like they have a quote and there.
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Brittany
So.
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Taylor
Yeah.
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Brittany
be brave and be kind. Yeah have courage and be kind. That's what it is.
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Taylor
Have courage and be kind. And I think it's cool because you can see that's kind of like her motto, but it's like that is a very mindful thing to be. You know what I mean? Like where you're intentionally choosing to be kind. Yeah.
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Brittany
And not letting what has happened to you define you. And she did stay in that rut for a while, right? Like she allowed her not allowed herself, but like, she was stuck in that she got hurt.
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Taylor
So badly she got stuck. Right. And like, Yeah. And I took.
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Brittany
That encouragement and that like that sense of just like her self-worth to pull her out with the help of, you know, I'm a part of a bigger picture. People have loved me.
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Taylor
Like, I think I think that's where at the end of the day, that's where I hear a lot of clients get stuck of how or why did I let this happen. Right? And that's where I'm saying that forgiveness component comes into play for yourself of have compassion and kindness for yourself. Because the journeys that we go through, the pains that we have are extremely difficult to overcome.
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Taylor
And let's be honest, like nobody is you in that moment. And so to have other people judge or to assess and for you to sit there and say I should have or could have, like it's hard enough to handle life in order to pass out other judgment, especially yourself with negative talk, let it go. And that's where you can start to see her shift from.
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Taylor
I'm no longer going to let myself stay in this spot. I'm going to progress because I want to. Right. And it's you can see her come to life again. And it's it's amazing when you can see people come to life again because they've decided that they're ready to move on.
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Brittany
Yeah, it's like super inspiring. And who knew this movie that we had always watched for, you know, from time to time as story we've heard in different renditions or. Yeah.
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Taylor
I know you hear it so much. And I think the reason why people liked it throughout time is because it is a rags to riches kind of story.
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Brittany
Yeah, you.
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Taylor
Like to see this Beautiful. Yeah.
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Brittany
Yeah. Of like, self-help like. Yeah, like you said, it's just that positive. Just, I don't know, remembering who you are and why you're important and that you can be beautiful despite your circumstances. So, okay, we're ready to move on to the next one.
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Taylor
Number two. Number two.
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Brittany
This one happens at peace. Sherman While we. Sydney we're going to.
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Taylor
Finish Nemo swimming out to sea. I touch the light. Yeah, that's my favorite. New to see. We watch that with thanks for the first time the other day, which Beatty dubs he loves because he's a water boy and it was hilarious. He was like totally into it. He likes Arlo too. Good Dinosaur is a hit in our house.
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Brittany
He's a Pixar kid.
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Taylor
yeah.
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Brittany
Yeah, yeah.
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Taylor
So you didn't really.
00;14;08;08 - 00;14;23;08
Brittany
Talk about Nemo? Finding Nemo. Okay, so the basic story of this one, I guess, is if you haven't seen it, it's been a while. Nemo's mom is dead, So again, he's with his dad.
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Taylor
And what? You should say it like Olaf. he's joking.
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Brittany
I'm not a died.
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Taylor
Like these guys. 17 Olaf shorts. They are hilarious. There was an emaciated shrimp. That's so funny. So funny.
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Brittany
I think you did, Nemo. Don't quote me on that.
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Taylor
No, I don't remember. Okay. Sorry. So Marlins wife and all of his kids except one, which he had like 100 eggs in there. that's all got eaten by this me barracuda. And it's really sad. So he was like a really pretty happy, normal fish. It seemed like with his life before and then very, very scared after. Which makes sense.
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Taylor
Hello, Major trauma right there. Right. So he was trying to protect his kid, trying to keep safe. Nemo goes to school for the first time. Nemo tries to go touch the but he shouldn't touch the bat, twitches the boat and and gets taken by a scuba diver who thought he was being nice. So don't steal no fishes from the sea people.
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Taylor
And then Marlin goes on his way to try and, like, save Nemo and bring him back home because that's his only thing. You mean story along the way. And he gets, like, meets sharks and all these crazy things, right?
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Brittany
Yeah. And he really has to overcome his own. Like, what's it called when you want to be home all the time? Agoraphobia?
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Taylor
Yeah. He definitely, like, developed that. I mean, he, he has, like, clinically he has major trauma, right? And he definitely is very, very scared of the world as a result of his trauma. High anxiety levels, very rigid and thinking that makes sense. But then he pairs up with a fish that has zero memory and loves people.
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Brittany
So yeah, worry a great pairing.
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Taylor
Spoiler alert if you haven't seen the movie. Sorry, they make it back home. All of them and they are all friends, so that's pretty good.
00;16;14;26 - 00;16;16;01
Brittany
They find Nemo.
00;16;16;04 - 00;16;43;17
Taylor
Yeah. So where do we start with this one? Because it's definitely something I think we all relate to of something scary or bad happens in our life. And then we are trying to figure out how to be okay after, right? Like, yeah. And trying to figure out our way to make it through this world again. And I feel like this is a very relatable story for all of us in a different way.
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Brittany
Yeah. Even if it's not death, just like that. Fear of something.
00;16;47;24 - 00;17;06;09
Taylor
Yeah, right. Well, I mean, like, when I was five, I had to go to the doctor's regularly checked for cancer. Right. And after that, going to the doctor's for. And that was regularly and I didn't understand because I was five and that was till I was 11 and I was going all the time and that was like going to the doctors was extremely terrifying.
00;17;06;09 - 00;17;32;04
Taylor
Even now I'm 30, I've worked through it and I had to bring everybody to my pregnancy appointments because I was too high with my blood pressure every single time because I, you know, so I mean, there's always like some journey that we have where it's not the same as poor Marlin's, but it is like there's some situation that has happened that's confirmed our worst fears and then we are having to push forward in our life and how we can handle it.
00;17;32;07 - 00;17;35;27
Taylor
So where do we start with him?
00;17;35;29 - 00;17;42;20
Brittany
Okay. I guess like first place to start. How did he heal from this stay? Like, how did Martin like, how did Marlon find healing? It wasn't easy.
00;17;42;21 - 00;18;02;00
Taylor
He was positioned like he was push like. And I think sometimes this is the hard part is exposure therapy. Like like my analogy with the doctors. I had to go to the doctors. I could never not go again. Right. But the more that I did it, the more I'm like, okay, my worst fears are no longer confirmed. And for Marlon, the sea was scary.
00;18;02;00 - 00;18;17;05
Taylor
Like there was a lot out there. He didn't know what he was going to have or what was going to happen. And he just because of the situation, because of love, like a greater motivator. And you have to remember fear is such a strong motivator, but it is not all empowering. There is a there are a lot stronger ones.
00;18;17;05 - 00;18;42;24
Taylor
Write love, connections, relationships, families. And that's what you have to use to continue to override that initial one, which is fear. Fear seems strong, but fear is actually pretty weak and can break pretty easily. So for Marlon, what happened was, yeah, his kid got taken, which is terrifying in a different way. But also his love and his need for that connection was so strong that he was willing to swim across the whole ocean to Sydney Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way.
00;18;42;24 - 00;18;56;02
Taylor
Sydney right. And that's where it started for him. Then he paired up with people, so his supports were huge for him. Dory was a very unlikely pair, but a great pair.
00;18;56;04 - 00;19;00;10
Brittany
Yeah, and he was definitely still resistant even when he like, met these people.
00;19;00;10 - 00;19;16;21
Taylor
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was repeated. It repeated like over and over. You see, one situation goes up and then the other one comes down and he, you know, they meet sharks, they go through jellyfish, they meet turtles, they shoot. I don't remember all of them. I just know, you know, he thinks he's nervous.
00;19;16;21 - 00;19;18;12
Brittany
Ganesh and like that.
00;19;18;12 - 00;19;22;10
Taylor
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fish that could just keep swimming. Yeah.
00;19;22;10 - 00;19;26;03
Brittany
Or like, jump the seagulls mouth or the pelicans mouth, like, to give up like that.
00;19;26;03 - 00;19;28;08
Taylor
And they were in a whale after they talked to whale.
00;19;28;09 - 00;19;31;09
Brittany
Well, that's right. That's right. Yeah. I mean you've seen it where we still live than I have, but.
00;19;31;15 - 00;19;54;23
Taylor
There are some pretty epic stuff there. So I think that's where you, you start seeing that he opens up more as a movie goes on because he was forced to. And that's called exposure therapy. Honestly, where we show in repeated efforts that the fear that you have is no longer as much as credible as he once gave it.
00;19;54;23 - 00;20;02;18
Taylor
There's a possibility that there are zones that, you know, can. Yeah, yeah. He opened up.
00;20;02;20 - 00;20;17;10
Brittany
I think getting into like this is another reminder like Cinderella that the people that you're around, those connections that you make can really have an influence on your perspective. So it was just him and he was like fussy guys and whatever. Like nobody just my kid, don't look at this. And there was.
00;20;17;10 - 00;20;18;14
Taylor
No to correct them.
00;20;18;16 - 00;20;40;18
Brittany
Nobody wanted to correct him or he just pushed them all away, Right? Yeah. And he just needed that right friend to be like, you know, just keep swimming. Just keep swimming like that. Positive self-talk, like teach you love, teach you gratitude. Like all of these things, like Dory was such a great example for him as a friend that was able to teach him these skills to like instigate his self-healing.
00;20;40;18 - 00;20;52;11
Brittany
And I think this is a good reminder for all of us. Like if you're on this journey of self healing, what are you surrounding yourself with? Are you surrounding yourself with people who lift you up? Are you surround yourself with people who lift you down? What not? What are the what.
00;20;52;11 - 00;21;08;22
Taylor
Are the messages that you're allowing to live in your head rent free? Like, what do you think is and what are you using to confirm? And we had to be reminded this all the time as there is a confirmation bias. I mean, there is. We are leaning towards one way like I everybody on the planet can tell me that the doctor is safe.
00;21;08;22 - 00;21;30;02
Taylor
Like, yeah, okay. I know. Like biologically, no, but I don't feel that until I feel camaraderie, until I, I took my mom, I took my husband like anybody, you know, even though I loved my doctor, it was still and I love her still, but it was still I needed somebody else to physically feel safe. And that's where sometimes it's that that group that you have.
00;21;30;02 - 00;21;37;10
Taylor
But you also do remember there's a dialog going in her head. Sometimes we can get it out and sometimes you just need another person to get it out for you. And yeah.
00;21;37;13 - 00;21;55;00
Brittany
Yeah. And on your journey to self-healing, just remember like it's okay to reach out to friends, even if you haven't always been super social in the past or whatever. Kind of like Marlon was like, Go find people. Go find your people and like, you know, find the right people who will lift you up. And I think that's like, awesome to remember.
00;21;55;02 - 00;22;14;03
Taylor
I think it's interesting, too, because you can see how much Dory used positive self-talk like that. Just keep swimming and everything will be fine. And I remembered something finally and, and everything was like an epic win for her and Marlin. Everything was an epic fail. And you can see how the positive self-talk really determined their interpretation of the situation.
00;22;14;03 - 00;22;31;26
Taylor
And then I remember him trying to get through the jellyfish and he finally made it a game, finally made something great, and it did work. But then, I mean, the outcome was Dory got stung, which was really sad, but it was cool because he finally broke through and saw that her positive self-talk overcame really negative situations and it can continue to do that.
00;22;31;28 - 00;22;55;08
Taylor
Yeah, I love that. And so that story ended up turning out good. Cinderella ended up turning out good, and they were both you can see the path of, of, you know, healing. That is amazing. But then we thought that it would be interesting to look at a path where it went a little askew for somebody. So we chose Maleficent.
00;22;55;11 - 00;23;05;00
Brittany
Done Maleficent was definitely not a person who surrounded himself with those people with a positive energy. She allowed her internal dialog to really get the best of her.
00;23;05;07 - 00;23;12;05
Taylor
So if you don't remember her, Maleficent, Maleficent, the villain from Sleeping Beauty, and she has your own story.
00;23;12;08 - 00;23;24;26
Brittany
Yeah. So if you haven't seen like the origin story, it's with Angelina Jolie and it tells like the background of how Maleficent became Maleficent in Sleeping Beauty Spoiler.
00;23;24;28 - 00;23;26;13
Taylor
A little arch. She goes bad.
00;23;26;16 - 00;23;31;14
Brittany
Yeah. In case you didn't know, Maleficent is a villain. Like probably one of the worst villains.
00;23;31;21 - 00;23;35;18
Taylor
Like she's usually the leader. Yeah, that's how Disney usually portrayed her, at least.
00;23;35;18 - 00;24;01;21
Brittany
Yeah, but she was really hurt. Like, she. She was like, I don't remember what she was exactly. Fairy or some of these, like, beautiful wings. And she could fly and she was beautiful and she'd fallen in love and she was betrayed. And the man that she'd fallen in love with cut her wings off and this made her so upset and all she wanted, like.
00;24;01;26 - 00;24;03;12
Taylor
She she.
00;24;03;15 - 00;24;24;19
Brittany
Just really gave in to all of her pain and her anger, and everything just turned into, like, betrayal and revenge. And like, the rest of the story was really just her trying to get even for his ultimate betrayal, which was horrible. I'm not just fine what he did, but the way she responded was so different than the other two we talked about.
00;24;24;19 - 00;24;49;13
Taylor
And so I think it's really sad because you can see how her life became super dark when she gave in to the dark feelings. And it's all justified feelings. However, she gave a lot of power to him, and I think that's the part that makes me the saddest is because when people are hurt and when we're wounded in life, like totally valid, yes, you should be her and you should be all of these feelings.
00;24;49;13 - 00;25;06;03
Taylor
However, how much power are you giving that person that did that to you to continue to shape your life in there for the future? Right. For me, I would. I mean, and yes, we've all had this, but it's like, do you want that person to continue to influence you or do you want to have a separation of it?
00;25;06;06 - 00;25;28;10
Taylor
And for her, she was just so stuck in her anger, in her pain that she couldn't see that he still had control of her life. And that's where you can see the choices that she made. Right. Instead of going down the path of like of trying to, like, give herself peace and give herself healing, she went down the path of revenge because she was so angry at this person.
00;25;28;12 - 00;25;38;22
Taylor
And that's where you can see her whole life came dedicated to him, which is interesting because it's like, well, he's the one that hurt you the most, and yet you're still so dedicated to this person.
00;25;38;24 - 00;25;39;20
Brittany
Yeah.
00;25;39;23 - 00;25;48;17
Taylor
When did you want them? Like, totally gone from your life. But I can see why she would choose what she chose. It's just she chose some opposite coping skills.
00;25;48;20 - 00;26;03;04
Brittany
Yeah, like, extremely opposite. And then, like, if you use Cinderella versus Maleficent, right? There were times when Cinderella, right? Was like, I'm going to pull myself up and I'm going to go to this bowl. Right? Like she stood up to her stepmother and then it got destroyed right? Like.
00;26;03;06 - 00;26;04;07
Taylor
And it was cruel.
00;26;04;09 - 00;26;29;18
Brittany
And it was cruel. And they ripped her dress and they shoved her in the basement. And they, you know, like she was pushed down. And in that moment, Cinderella could have just as easily have become Maleficent because Maleficent tried to become better. And then she was pushed down. Right. So at this point, like you have these two different things, but then where Cinderella was able to be lifted up by somebody, she was able to find another reason to move forward.
00;26;29;20 - 00;26;35;19
Brittany
And Maleficent just found another reason to like stew on those thoughts.
00;26;35;25 - 00;26;53;29
Taylor
Yeah, well, I even think of Count of Monte Cristo with this one, too, because, you know, like his whole life became dedicated to revenge and everything else. And at the end, it's like he came out with more money. He came out with the kid, with the person that he loved. She still loved him. All he had to do is walk by going to be like, I'm alive and everything would have been his again.
00;26;54;05 - 00;27;17;18
Taylor
But because he let his anger fester so much, it became very convoluted and a lot of destruction happened in that pathway. And that's where it's like you can see the difference in these stories of give yourself open mindedness and all these concepts that we're talking about in Self-forgiveness and Self-compassion and and and, you know, taking care of yourself versus revenge and anger and in that path.
00;27;17;25 - 00;27;25;12
Taylor
And you can see how they diverge in opportunities, relationships, connections like support Maleficent and nobody.
00;27;25;17 - 00;27;26;23
Brittany
Like me, no one.
00;27;26;26 - 00;27;45;21
Taylor
So alone and so in pain when she had a whole forest that loved her and she was in a community before and then everything was terrified of her at the end, right? Like, yeah, you lost everything out of pain. And that again, giving more power to the abuser when it could just be, you know, a different pathway for her.
00;27;45;24 - 00;28;07;28
Brittany
Yeah. Another story I'm thinking about to like another classic one is The Great Gatsby. Like, remember, Gatsby set his whole life to go in Daisy back and at the end of it, all of this just revenge and inner like that, like just not align themselves to heal, but just like fighting for that inner aches, like, I have been wronged.
00;28;08;00 - 00;28;35;04
Brittany
And I mean, he was wronged in different ways, right? Gatsby was, but at the end he dies like he's it's nothing. And so Maleficent doesn't die, but. Well, I guess she does. She does then. Sleeping Beauty. But like, Prince Philip kills her. But yeah, he lives this miserable existence. Like, it's just this example to see, like.
00;28;35;07 - 00;28;38;01
Taylor
The way it's stolen and sad.
00;28;38;03 - 00;28;57;01
Brittany
Yeah. Is this a perfect example? Especially if you're on that journey to self-healing of what not to do? Like, just to look. And you say if you need a little bit of motivation to be like, Man, my life really sucks right now, right? Like Cinderella, you're in the basement, your dress has been ripped like things are really suck in.
00;28;57;01 - 00;29;23;05
Brittany
Like, why do I, why was I mistreated? Self-Healing? I just really want to, like, go and just, like, scream at somebody, right? Don't be that person. Don't be like Maleficent, like, uses as a motivator to be like, I can pick myself up, I can brush myself off literally, and I can heal because I want that for myself. I don't want to be this like, forget the abusers, forget any of these other things that have happened to you and just say, I'm doing this for me.
00;29;23;07 - 00;29;43;25
Taylor
Yeah, this is about you at the end of the day. And I think like, you know, it's it's you or them and if you want to really come out at the end of the day, then you have to figure out what you're willing to look towards and build instead of continue to hold on. And some things. It's that Buddhist concept of you have to let go to heal.
00;29;43;25 - 00;30;00;03
Taylor
We have to be able to accept the reality of the situation, accept the pain, accept the suffering, and accept that the next step can be beautiful. And I think that part is really hard for people, that the next step can be beautiful because they think that all I've ever known, just like me, all I've ever knew was a doctor was terrifying.
00;30;00;03 - 00;30;29;12
Taylor
Right? And then I loved my pregnancy doctor or whatever. And and I'm simplifying it for a reason because these concepts are super big. And I'm not trying to say everybody's on the same path Again, trauma and all these things. Abuse is super complicated and there's a lot to it. So we're not trying to oversimplify. These are just basic concepts of of how much are you holding on to these feelings and how much are you allowing them to dictate your next behavior And your future?
00;30;29;14 - 00;30;46;13
Taylor
It's okay to have these feelings. It's okay that they come up. It's okay that you have anger, frustration, pain, like that's absolutely normal. And you should you have to feel those. You have to experience those. But it's about am I allowing that to then become my destiny in my future, or am I just saying that this is a part of my journey?
00;30;46;13 - 00;31;07;16
Taylor
Is this how I'm breaking my can sucky, or am I letting it go back together with some pure gold? And that's where I think you can really see Maleficent just kept breaking and trying to super glue things back together, all messy and it was almost like, you know, kindergarten style trying to put herself back together. But then you look at Cinderella or even Marlin from Nemo and it was like, I am going to find that gold.
00;31;07;16 - 00;31;24;14
Taylor
I will work to find that so that I can have a better future. And that's what these concepts are, is like when you're going and trying to figure it out, the support that you have, the environment that you have, all these things is going to determine how better you put yourself back together and how you determine what future you can have.
00;31;24;16 - 00;31;31;26
Brittany
Absolutely. Yeah. Putting out that like positive energy and that is like you'll reap more of it if that's what you put out. Yeah.
00;31;31;26 - 00;31;33;27
Taylor
And it doesn't have to be blind positivity because.
00;31;34;03 - 00;31;34;24
Brittany
No, definitely not.
00;31;34;24 - 00;31;38;14
Taylor
That's also unrealistic to like some things just suck and that's okay.
00;31;38;14 - 00;31;41;02
Brittany
Like and feel all the feelings like that.
00;31;41;04 - 00;31;52;21
Taylor
But anybody knows that my husband definitely has faith in all those feelings, but at the end of the day, I have to stop myself and say, Where do I go from here and what's the next step? And do I want this to determine my future?
00;31;52;23 - 00;31;54;20
Brittany
Yeah, don't be stuck in a rut.
00;31;54;22 - 00;31;56;13
Taylor
But yeah, exactly.
00;31;56;17 - 00;32;19;18
Brittany
These are good reminders. So we'll go over one more time. Like just those, like, steps that you can take. The five points that we want you to remember. If you're on a journey to self healing. So the first one was pick the path that you want to take, and the second one was have a plan and goals. The third one was what could be your obstacles and then how can you work around them?
00;32;19;21 - 00;32;31;04
Brittany
Don't just use your obstacles as a stopping point. Find a solution. I work with that my kids all the time. Number four is have a support and number five is identify your journey or your identity. And what do you really want to.
00;32;31;09 - 00;32;33;06
Taylor
Move.
00;32;33;08 - 00;32;36;26
Brittany
Something? These are a great starting point if you're working on this.
00;32;36;29 - 00;32;52;17
Taylor
So start with the empowerment and from there, a lot of these other things, the actions of behaviors will come into play. The self-compassion, positive self-talk, gratitude, mindfulness, taking care of your physical body and forgiveness of yourself. They will all come.
00;32;52;20 - 00;32;56;19
Brittany
Yeah, if you just start walking down that path of self-healing, like at least you're on the path.
00;32;56;21 - 00;33;00;23
Taylor
It starts to come more more than you think it will. So yeah.
00;33;00;24 - 00;33;17;11
Brittany
I love that. All right. Well, thanks for the day and thank you for listening, guys. Feel free to follow us. New Honey Counseling. We'll be posting reminders of the steps and resources that we mentioned in the first episode and we'll catch you later. Thanks, I.
Brittany
Hello, friends.
00;00;01;04 - 00;00;01;26
Taylor
I'm Taylor.
00;00;02;02 - 00;00;08;11
Brittany
And I'm Brittany, together with two sisters who are here to help you learn some tips and tricks to help navigate this crazy journey called life.
00;00;08;13 - 00;00;13;04
Taylor
We bring you the perspective of a licensed mental health counselor, a.k.a. therapist and a new mother.
00;00;13;06 - 00;00;22;20
Brittany
And a slightly eccentric mom of two. When you can minus the scissors. We like to consider ourselves as quite the dynamic duo, so join us as we talk about all life has to offer.
00;00;22;22 - 00;00;28;10
Taylor
Don't forget to follow us on Instagram and hit that follow like or subscribe button wherever you listen to podcasts for updates.
00;00;28;13 - 00;00;36;19
Brittany
If you like what you hear. Leave us a five star review. It helps us know what content you like and spreads the love to others to get resources and help for their mental health.
00;00;36;22 - 00;00;51;24
Taylor
All right, sister. So we are revisiting what we talked about last week, but we're doing an application this week because it's such a big subject and it's so hard. We chose you and me three stories to do.
00;00;51;27 - 00;01;08;09
Brittany
Yes. And for those of you who don't remember, this is part two of self-healing. So if you didn't listen to the first self-healing episode, go back, listen to last week's, and that will give you a good feel of like what we're kind of going for with self-healing. And now we're going to apply those principles that we talked about last week.
00;01;08;09 - 00;01;27;11
Taylor
So, yeah, so just to recap, because it's been a week, there are five concepts that we're working off of for application. The first one is pick the pact that you want to take. Second one is have a plan or goals. Third is what could be your obstacles and how can you work around those obstacles For this have support.
00;01;27;11 - 00;01;40;23
Taylor
And five is identify your journey or your identity. Like what do you want from this journey? Right? And I think that's a really hard one. Any questions on those ones? Because we talked about it last week.
00;01;40;25 - 00;01;50;17
Brittany
Not for me, but if anybody has a question that's listening, like feel free to drop us a line and we'll answer your questions.
00;01;50;19 - 00;01;58;15
Taylor
I love you. So the first story that we chose, Brett is dermal Cinderella.
00;01;58;15 - 00;02;01;15
Brittany
Cinderella day is Cinderella.
00;02;01;18 - 00;02;03;18
Taylor
remember that Brandy version of Cinderella?
00;02;03;21 - 00;02;05;21
Brittany
my gosh. She's.
00;02;05;23 - 00;02;07;26
Taylor
I love.
00;02;07;28 - 00;02;09;01
Brittany
Things happening.
00;02;09;01 - 00;02;12;02
Taylor
Every year. It's a solid one.
00;02;12;04 - 00;02;17;17
Brittany
That was fun. And the other day you call my son Cinderella and he thought that was so fun.
00;02;17;21 - 00;02;26;21
Taylor
yeah. Do you remember that show? They used to have it. I think it was Disneyland where they did like the in the first year. that's right. Yeah.
00;02;26;23 - 00;02;31;15
Brittany
So, RJ Wranglers in Jackson Hole, I, I don't know if they're still around or not, but.
00;02;31;15 - 00;02;38;12
Taylor
No, no, no. So we're, we're banking on a lot of people knowing this story. The background. The story is.
00;02;38;14 - 00;03;01;29
Brittany
Okay. So the basic overview of Cinderella just is a refresher. Cinderella is a beautiful young girl. Her mom died when she was little. She was super close to her dad. They had a great relationship. And then her dad died suddenly after he's just been remarried. So she is left with this evil stepmother and her two daughters. Drusilla and Anastasia and.
00;03;02;01 - 00;03;02;19
Taylor
Amy.
00;03;02;21 - 00;03;22;22
Brittany
Are a horrible I don't know, and they're horrible to her. So rather than treating her as the beautiful girl that she is both inside and out, they make her work and slave for them. She finds an opportunity to go to RuPaul. Fairy godmother comes and it's all magical and impossible. Things happen and she goes to the mall and she looks beautiful.
00;03;22;24 - 00;03;29;10
Brittany
She falls in love. The prince loses a glass slipper and he finds her with her glass slipper.
00;03;29;12 - 00;03;46;16
Taylor
But there's like an epic moment where she sends it to her stepmother and comes down the stairs and is like, No, I am really the person that she belongs to. She tried to lock her up in the attic and like a hideaway, and Cinderella stands up for herself like, yes, which is an epic pivoting of the story, right.
00;03;46;16 - 00;04;15;15
Taylor
To get her like the ending that she really wants, because at the end she had to fight for it, even though she kind of got like this fairy godmother and everything happening for her, she at the end had to do it herself and stand up for herself. Nobody could do that beside her. Yes. Still, we had mentioned some key actions or behaviors from the last episode, and we're going to kind of look at how Cinderella applied those in her story, the ones that I had pulled out and if there's going to be others to.
00;04;15;15 - 00;04;38;15
Taylor
Right. But it's forgiveness, self-compassion, positive self-talk, gratitude, mindfulness and taking care of your physical body. So, Brett, what do you think was like? And these are just like a list, right? There's a lot more to self healing and actions and behaviors just besides this. This is like the top ones. What was like a big pivoting point for you when she finally was starting to do something for herself?
00;04;38;17 - 00;04;50;19
Brittany
my goodness. My brain was like stewing for a second. Okay. A big pivoting point. When she decided to do something for herself, she had had like encouragement from kind of some of her little friends and stuff right now.
00;04;50;20 - 00;04;54;08
Taylor
But Disney wanted to ask us and now.
00;04;54;10 - 00;05;15;19
Brittany
They're like, Yeah. So they totally encouraged her to do something for herself. And she finally decided like, Yeah, I can do this. And I think she kind of had to come to that realization on her own, obviously, because they were kind of trying to push this. And I think it was just with that positive peer pressure, kind of like these ones that loved her, even though they were rodents and the animated one.
00;05;15;19 - 00;05;32;29
Brittany
But like they like, push her forward. And in some of the other versions, it was maybe it was like a friend. Like I'm thinking like the Hilary Duff version or like ever after. I think it was just her own memories and like, going back to like the things that she had read and she had to pull it out of her self for who she really.
00;05;32;29 - 00;05;41;00
Taylor
Was in in ever after. It was her going to protect the husband of one of the house servants that was being sold. But she was.
00;05;41;05 - 00;05;43;14
Brittany
Like utopia and stuff so many times.
00;05;43;14 - 00;05;51;12
Taylor
Yeah, but she was she acted because she was trying to keep a part of her support system. Yes, the school. But it still.
00;05;51;12 - 00;06;06;25
Brittany
Was something that, like, came from inside. And I think that was great. Like that motivation from wherever it came from, like the little inner voice of like, from like your inner childhood or a friend not in you like pushing you along, I think that kind of thing. That's where her pivoting point was.
00;06;06;28 - 00;06;25;26
Taylor
I think it's cool though, because you can see a direct correlate in to this outside support, whatever it may be or external factor that's driving them to do something is immediately triggered by, in the Cinderella story, a physical expression of empowerment. She goes and puts on a pretty dress and every single one of them she goes and does something for her body.
00;06;25;28 - 00;06;43;14
Taylor
After being so treated poorly from external factors. Right. And if you notice in a lot of these stories, when they're tearing people down, the first thing is I put them in rags. They'll demean their appearance. Like the first thing that people attack is your external hard work because they know that it wears on your body for so long.
00;06;43;22 - 00;07;03;21
Taylor
And I think that's something that's interesting because, like I said, it was a it was a concept her mom taught us from when we were little. But, you know, therapists now I can see the depth of this concept has for healing and empowerment is how you treat your own external body, how you treat like this really does matter and how this processes your worth.
00;07;03;23 - 00;07;18;14
Taylor
And the minute that Cinderella was encouraged by your little friends to go into one of her mom's old dresses and then same and ever after and all the stories and renditions, it's like own how pretty you are, own who you are. And everybody has their own version of pretty, right? So it doesn't to be typical, but own it.
00;07;18;15 - 00;07;50;07
Taylor
What makes you feel pretty inside and reflect that to the external world and you're going to automatically feel better about yourself. And then when they're torn down because she was torn down, she had the support of a fairy godmother, people taking care of her, people wanting to help. And other people will continue to do that. Right. So I think it's almost like if we were to take these concepts, you can see like that external support system, then you see that acting empowerment and behavior and then that positive self-talk and then that like I can do this, I can go and help people and then that taking care of your physical body expression, and then you
00;07;50;07 - 00;08;11;23
Taylor
can see like this forgiveness of themselves because it's almost like and this process, I mean, so complicated to go and forgive your abusers, right? That's a totally different subject that is so individualized. And what trauma, such a hot mess. But I think there's a point to where it's like you have to forgive yourself to be on this healing path, forgive yourself for the pain that you've been through.
00;08;11;25 - 00;08;28;04
Taylor
And then some people are even like, well, how to like Cinderella is really, you know, all the story's really pretty. And then she's like, What? How did I let myself not take care of my body? And that's that's like a forgiveness process for her, right? Of like, it's okay that I ended up in the spot, but I don't want to continue to be in the spot I'm on and move forward.
00;08;28;06 - 00;08;45;09
Taylor
And that's where you can really see her healing path come. It's like she's forgiving herself for, for whatever, like position. She's been in. And that's sometimes the best forgiveness in these kind of stories is like, like let yourself own who you are and it's okay. Does that make sense? What I'm saying?
00;08;45;10 - 00;08;58;21
Brittany
Yeah, absolutely. I love that. Yeah. And it I think it's really like especially if it's something like if you're coming out of an abusive situation, it's not that you have to forgive your abusers as your first step, but like choose to move forward, like don't want to pull you back.
00;08;58;23 - 00;09;02;17
Taylor
Yeah, I think forgiving your abusers is really mess.
00;09;02;23 - 00;09;25;02
Brittany
It's not going to look different for everybody. Like I'm just not unrepentant about this. But yeah, I think it's just important to remember, like for your own, like don't let what had happened to you from your abusers define you like, yeah, I find that worse. I love to that in all of the renditions that the dress came from, her mom, like her mom wasn't there anymore, but it was kind of like that whole like we're a part of a bigger picture.
00;09;25;08 - 00;09;42;08
Brittany
We have this whole, like, ancestors. And you can see this in so many cultures just throughout history that we are not alone. It gives you like that greater perspective of just being like there's other people encouraging you whether you can feel it or not. Like you're just a part of, you know, this puzzle and it need you there.
00;09;42;08 - 00;09;43;07
Brittany
So I don't know. I think it's.
00;09;43;07 - 00;09;57;23
Taylor
Cool. I think it's pretty because it's like if you think about how your mom would treat you in that moment, at least most moms. I mean, I know there's always an exception, but like, what I would want to do if I wasn't there for my baby is to pass on something to make them feel wonderful and so important and so loved.
00;09;57;23 - 00;10;13;03
Taylor
Right. And that's the cool thing. When you were talking about the forgiveness thing, too, I just remembered this like they taught us in grad school, this wonderful thing of where it's like anger and everything like that is like a pebble in your shoe. And the minute that you can put it out of your shoe is for you. It's not for the other person.
00;10;13;03 - 00;10;18;24
Taylor
It's all about your comfort, your BS and your ability to heal. Right? And you're not saying that.
00;10;19;00 - 00;10;20;27
Brittany
It's because ever after.
00;10;21;00 - 00;10;22;17
Taylor
Lot of that, a pebble.
00;10;22;17 - 00;10;23;28
Brittany
In their shoe.
00;10;24;01 - 00;10;39;15
Taylor
my goodness. So terrible. Yeah. So like ever after wisdom and it's like this isn't anything about like, like them. It's like you don't need to do anything for them. They are the ones like, the step mom was terrible. And you know what? Like at the end, I think she was like, I forgive you for me, not for you.
00;10;39;15 - 00;10;58;09
Taylor
Like, exactly like this is about me. And that's where it's like that's how it should be applied. And it should be applied where it's like, this is my journey and this is for me, not anything about like you need anything. Yeah. So I think that's where you can see this like, beautiful story of all these things happening. And Cinderella was always very graceful.
00;10;58;09 - 00;11;12;21
Taylor
I remember. It's like, what's the Disney once motto? Britney was always like, be brave to be. There's like the the live action one where like they have a quote and there.
00;11;12;27 - 00;11;13;25
Brittany
So.
00;11;13;28 - 00;11;18;18
Taylor
Yeah.
00;11;18;21 - 00;11;22;28
Brittany
be brave and be kind. Yeah have courage and be kind. That's what it is.
00;11;23;05 - 00;11;36;21
Taylor
Have courage and be kind. And I think it's cool because you can see that's kind of like her motto, but it's like that is a very mindful thing to be. You know what I mean? Like where you're intentionally choosing to be kind. Yeah.
00;11;36;24 - 00;11;45;09
Brittany
And not letting what has happened to you define you. And she did stay in that rut for a while, right? Like she allowed her not allowed herself, but like, she was stuck in that she got hurt.
00;11;45;09 - 00;11;49;25
Taylor
So badly she got stuck. Right. And like, Yeah. And I took.
00;11;49;25 - 00;12;00;13
Brittany
That encouragement and that like that sense of just like her self-worth to pull her out with the help of, you know, I'm a part of a bigger picture. People have loved me.
00;12;00;13 - 00;12;22;02
Taylor
Like, I think I think that's where at the end of the day, that's where I hear a lot of clients get stuck of how or why did I let this happen. Right? And that's where I'm saying that forgiveness component comes into play for yourself of have compassion and kindness for yourself. Because the journeys that we go through, the pains that we have are extremely difficult to overcome.
00;12;22;02 - 00;12;40;24
Taylor
And let's be honest, like nobody is you in that moment. And so to have other people judge or to assess and for you to sit there and say I should have or could have, like it's hard enough to handle life in order to pass out other judgment, especially yourself with negative talk, let it go. And that's where you can start to see her shift from.
00;12;40;24 - 00;12;55;07
Taylor
I'm no longer going to let myself stay in this spot. I'm going to progress because I want to. Right. And it's you can see her come to life again. And it's it's amazing when you can see people come to life again because they've decided that they're ready to move on.
00;12;55;10 - 00;13;05;15
Brittany
Yeah, it's like super inspiring. And who knew this movie that we had always watched for, you know, from time to time as story we've heard in different renditions or. Yeah.
00;13;05;17 - 00;13;12;23
Taylor
I know you hear it so much. And I think the reason why people liked it throughout time is because it is a rags to riches kind of story.
00;13;12;25 - 00;13;13;15
Brittany
Yeah, you.
00;13;13;15 - 00;13;16;02
Taylor
Like to see this Beautiful. Yeah.
00;13;16;05 - 00;13;32;07
Brittany
Yeah. Of like, self-help like. Yeah, like you said, it's just that positive. Just, I don't know, remembering who you are and why you're important and that you can be beautiful despite your circumstances. So, okay, we're ready to move on to the next one.
00;13;32;09 - 00;13;35;19
Taylor
Number two. Number two.
00;13;35;21 - 00;13;39;23
Brittany
This one happens at peace. Sherman While we. Sydney we're going to.
00;13;39;23 - 00;14;02;04
Taylor
Finish Nemo swimming out to sea. I touch the light. Yeah, that's my favorite. New to see. We watch that with thanks for the first time the other day, which Beatty dubs he loves because he's a water boy and it was hilarious. He was like totally into it. He likes Arlo too. Good Dinosaur is a hit in our house.
00;14;02;04 - 00;14;04;06
Brittany
He's a Pixar kid.
00;14;04;08 - 00;14;04;24
Taylor
yeah.
00;14;04;27 - 00;14;06;21
Brittany
Yeah, yeah.
00;14;06;24 - 00;14;08;06
Taylor
So you didn't really.
00;14;08;08 - 00;14;23;08
Brittany
Talk about Nemo? Finding Nemo. Okay, so the basic story of this one, I guess, is if you haven't seen it, it's been a while. Nemo's mom is dead, So again, he's with his dad.
00;14;23;11 - 00;14;30;11
Taylor
And what? You should say it like Olaf. he's joking.
00;14;30;15 - 00;14;31;28
Brittany
I'm not a died.
00;14;32;01 - 00;14;40;18
Taylor
Like these guys. 17 Olaf shorts. They are hilarious. There was an emaciated shrimp. That's so funny. So funny.
00;14;40;18 - 00;14;42;13
Brittany
I think you did, Nemo. Don't quote me on that.
00;14;42;13 - 00;15;03;09
Taylor
No, I don't remember. Okay. Sorry. So Marlins wife and all of his kids except one, which he had like 100 eggs in there. that's all got eaten by this me barracuda. And it's really sad. So he was like a really pretty happy, normal fish. It seemed like with his life before and then very, very scared after. Which makes sense.
00;15;03;09 - 00;15;21;21
Taylor
Hello, Major trauma right there. Right. So he was trying to protect his kid, trying to keep safe. Nemo goes to school for the first time. Nemo tries to go touch the but he shouldn't touch the bat, twitches the boat and and gets taken by a scuba diver who thought he was being nice. So don't steal no fishes from the sea people.
00;15;21;23 - 00;15;33;22
Taylor
And then Marlin goes on his way to try and, like, save Nemo and bring him back home because that's his only thing. You mean story along the way. And he gets, like, meets sharks and all these crazy things, right?
00;15;33;27 - 00;15;40;10
Brittany
Yeah. And he really has to overcome his own. Like, what's it called when you want to be home all the time? Agoraphobia?
00;15;40;13 - 00;16;03;03
Taylor
Yeah. He definitely, like, developed that. I mean, he, he has, like, clinically he has major trauma, right? And he definitely is very, very scared of the world as a result of his trauma. High anxiety levels, very rigid and thinking that makes sense. But then he pairs up with a fish that has zero memory and loves people.
00;16;03;03 - 00;16;07;27
Brittany
So yeah, worry a great pairing.
00;16;07;27 - 00;16;14;23
Taylor
Spoiler alert if you haven't seen the movie. Sorry, they make it back home. All of them and they are all friends, so that's pretty good.
00;16;14;26 - 00;16;16;01
Brittany
They find Nemo.
00;16;16;04 - 00;16;43;17
Taylor
Yeah. So where do we start with this one? Because it's definitely something I think we all relate to of something scary or bad happens in our life. And then we are trying to figure out how to be okay after, right? Like, yeah. And trying to figure out our way to make it through this world again. And I feel like this is a very relatable story for all of us in a different way.
00;16;43;19 - 00;16;47;18
Brittany
Yeah. Even if it's not death, just like that. Fear of something.
00;16;47;24 - 00;17;06;09
Taylor
Yeah, right. Well, I mean, like, when I was five, I had to go to the doctor's regularly checked for cancer. Right. And after that, going to the doctor's for. And that was regularly and I didn't understand because I was five and that was till I was 11 and I was going all the time and that was like going to the doctors was extremely terrifying.
00;17;06;09 - 00;17;32;04
Taylor
Even now I'm 30, I've worked through it and I had to bring everybody to my pregnancy appointments because I was too high with my blood pressure every single time because I, you know, so I mean, there's always like some journey that we have where it's not the same as poor Marlin's, but it is like there's some situation that has happened that's confirmed our worst fears and then we are having to push forward in our life and how we can handle it.
00;17;32;07 - 00;17;35;27
Taylor
So where do we start with him?
00;17;35;29 - 00;17;42;20
Brittany
Okay. I guess like first place to start. How did he heal from this stay? Like, how did Martin like, how did Marlon find healing? It wasn't easy.
00;17;42;21 - 00;18;02;00
Taylor
He was positioned like he was push like. And I think sometimes this is the hard part is exposure therapy. Like like my analogy with the doctors. I had to go to the doctors. I could never not go again. Right. But the more that I did it, the more I'm like, okay, my worst fears are no longer confirmed. And for Marlon, the sea was scary.
00;18;02;00 - 00;18;17;05
Taylor
Like there was a lot out there. He didn't know what he was going to have or what was going to happen. And he just because of the situation, because of love, like a greater motivator. And you have to remember fear is such a strong motivator, but it is not all empowering. There is a there are a lot stronger ones.
00;18;17;05 - 00;18;42;24
Taylor
Write love, connections, relationships, families. And that's what you have to use to continue to override that initial one, which is fear. Fear seems strong, but fear is actually pretty weak and can break pretty easily. So for Marlon, what happened was, yeah, his kid got taken, which is terrifying in a different way. But also his love and his need for that connection was so strong that he was willing to swim across the whole ocean to Sydney Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way.
00;18;42;24 - 00;18;56;02
Taylor
Sydney right. And that's where it started for him. Then he paired up with people, so his supports were huge for him. Dory was a very unlikely pair, but a great pair.
00;18;56;04 - 00;19;00;10
Brittany
Yeah, and he was definitely still resistant even when he like, met these people.
00;19;00;10 - 00;19;16;21
Taylor
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was repeated. It repeated like over and over. You see, one situation goes up and then the other one comes down and he, you know, they meet sharks, they go through jellyfish, they meet turtles, they shoot. I don't remember all of them. I just know, you know, he thinks he's nervous.
00;19;16;21 - 00;19;18;12
Brittany
Ganesh and like that.
00;19;18;12 - 00;19;22;10
Taylor
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fish that could just keep swimming. Yeah.
00;19;22;10 - 00;19;26;03
Brittany
Or like, jump the seagulls mouth or the pelicans mouth, like, to give up like that.
00;19;26;03 - 00;19;28;08
Taylor
And they were in a whale after they talked to whale.
00;19;28;09 - 00;19;31;09
Brittany
Well, that's right. That's right. Yeah. I mean you've seen it where we still live than I have, but.
00;19;31;15 - 00;19;54;23
Taylor
There are some pretty epic stuff there. So I think that's where you, you start seeing that he opens up more as a movie goes on because he was forced to. And that's called exposure therapy. Honestly, where we show in repeated efforts that the fear that you have is no longer as much as credible as he once gave it.
00;19;54;23 - 00;20;02;18
Taylor
There's a possibility that there are zones that, you know, can. Yeah, yeah. He opened up.
00;20;02;20 - 00;20;17;10
Brittany
I think getting into like this is another reminder like Cinderella that the people that you're around, those connections that you make can really have an influence on your perspective. So it was just him and he was like fussy guys and whatever. Like nobody just my kid, don't look at this. And there was.
00;20;17;10 - 00;20;18;14
Taylor
No to correct them.
00;20;18;16 - 00;20;40;18
Brittany
Nobody wanted to correct him or he just pushed them all away, Right? Yeah. And he just needed that right friend to be like, you know, just keep swimming. Just keep swimming like that. Positive self-talk, like teach you love, teach you gratitude. Like all of these things, like Dory was such a great example for him as a friend that was able to teach him these skills to like instigate his self-healing.
00;20;40;18 - 00;20;52;11
Brittany
And I think this is a good reminder for all of us. Like if you're on this journey of self healing, what are you surrounding yourself with? Are you surrounding yourself with people who lift you up? Are you surround yourself with people who lift you down? What not? What are the what.
00;20;52;11 - 00;21;08;22
Taylor
Are the messages that you're allowing to live in your head rent free? Like, what do you think is and what are you using to confirm? And we had to be reminded this all the time as there is a confirmation bias. I mean, there is. We are leaning towards one way like I everybody on the planet can tell me that the doctor is safe.
00;21;08;22 - 00;21;30;02
Taylor
Like, yeah, okay. I know. Like biologically, no, but I don't feel that until I feel camaraderie, until I, I took my mom, I took my husband like anybody, you know, even though I loved my doctor, it was still and I love her still, but it was still I needed somebody else to physically feel safe. And that's where sometimes it's that that group that you have.
00;21;30;02 - 00;21;37;10
Taylor
But you also do remember there's a dialog going in her head. Sometimes we can get it out and sometimes you just need another person to get it out for you. And yeah.
00;21;37;13 - 00;21;55;00
Brittany
Yeah. And on your journey to self-healing, just remember like it's okay to reach out to friends, even if you haven't always been super social in the past or whatever. Kind of like Marlon was like, Go find people. Go find your people and like, you know, find the right people who will lift you up. And I think that's like, awesome to remember.
00;21;55;02 - 00;22;14;03
Taylor
I think it's interesting, too, because you can see how much Dory used positive self-talk like that. Just keep swimming and everything will be fine. And I remembered something finally and, and everything was like an epic win for her and Marlin. Everything was an epic fail. And you can see how the positive self-talk really determined their interpretation of the situation.
00;22;14;03 - 00;22;31;26
Taylor
And then I remember him trying to get through the jellyfish and he finally made it a game, finally made something great, and it did work. But then, I mean, the outcome was Dory got stung, which was really sad, but it was cool because he finally broke through and saw that her positive self-talk overcame really negative situations and it can continue to do that.
00;22;31;28 - 00;22;55;08
Taylor
Yeah, I love that. And so that story ended up turning out good. Cinderella ended up turning out good, and they were both you can see the path of, of, you know, healing. That is amazing. But then we thought that it would be interesting to look at a path where it went a little askew for somebody. So we chose Maleficent.
00;22;55;11 - 00;23;05;00
Brittany
Done Maleficent was definitely not a person who surrounded himself with those people with a positive energy. She allowed her internal dialog to really get the best of her.
00;23;05;07 - 00;23;12;05
Taylor
So if you don't remember her, Maleficent, Maleficent, the villain from Sleeping Beauty, and she has your own story.
00;23;12;08 - 00;23;24;26
Brittany
Yeah. So if you haven't seen like the origin story, it's with Angelina Jolie and it tells like the background of how Maleficent became Maleficent in Sleeping Beauty Spoiler.
00;23;24;28 - 00;23;26;13
Taylor
A little arch. She goes bad.
00;23;26;16 - 00;23;31;14
Brittany
Yeah. In case you didn't know, Maleficent is a villain. Like probably one of the worst villains.
00;23;31;21 - 00;23;35;18
Taylor
Like she's usually the leader. Yeah, that's how Disney usually portrayed her, at least.
00;23;35;18 - 00;24;01;21
Brittany
Yeah, but she was really hurt. Like, she. She was like, I don't remember what she was exactly. Fairy or some of these, like, beautiful wings. And she could fly and she was beautiful and she'd fallen in love and she was betrayed. And the man that she'd fallen in love with cut her wings off and this made her so upset and all she wanted, like.
00;24;01;26 - 00;24;03;12
Taylor
She she.
00;24;03;15 - 00;24;24;19
Brittany
Just really gave in to all of her pain and her anger, and everything just turned into, like, betrayal and revenge. And like, the rest of the story was really just her trying to get even for his ultimate betrayal, which was horrible. I'm not just fine what he did, but the way she responded was so different than the other two we talked about.
00;24;24;19 - 00;24;49;13
Taylor
And so I think it's really sad because you can see how her life became super dark when she gave in to the dark feelings. And it's all justified feelings. However, she gave a lot of power to him, and I think that's the part that makes me the saddest is because when people are hurt and when we're wounded in life, like totally valid, yes, you should be her and you should be all of these feelings.
00;24;49;13 - 00;25;06;03
Taylor
However, how much power are you giving that person that did that to you to continue to shape your life in there for the future? Right. For me, I would. I mean, and yes, we've all had this, but it's like, do you want that person to continue to influence you or do you want to have a separation of it?
00;25;06;06 - 00;25;28;10
Taylor
And for her, she was just so stuck in her anger, in her pain that she couldn't see that he still had control of her life. And that's where you can see the choices that she made. Right. Instead of going down the path of like of trying to, like, give herself peace and give herself healing, she went down the path of revenge because she was so angry at this person.
00;25;28;12 - 00;25;38;22
Taylor
And that's where you can see her whole life came dedicated to him, which is interesting because it's like, well, he's the one that hurt you the most, and yet you're still so dedicated to this person.
00;25;38;24 - 00;25;39;20
Brittany
Yeah.
00;25;39;23 - 00;25;48;17
Taylor
When did you want them? Like, totally gone from your life. But I can see why she would choose what she chose. It's just she chose some opposite coping skills.
00;25;48;20 - 00;26;03;04
Brittany
Yeah, like, extremely opposite. And then, like, if you use Cinderella versus Maleficent, right? There were times when Cinderella, right? Was like, I'm going to pull myself up and I'm going to go to this bowl. Right? Like she stood up to her stepmother and then it got destroyed right? Like.
00;26;03;06 - 00;26;04;07
Taylor
And it was cruel.
00;26;04;09 - 00;26;29;18
Brittany
And it was cruel. And they ripped her dress and they shoved her in the basement. And they, you know, like she was pushed down. And in that moment, Cinderella could have just as easily have become Maleficent because Maleficent tried to become better. And then she was pushed down. Right. So at this point, like you have these two different things, but then where Cinderella was able to be lifted up by somebody, she was able to find another reason to move forward.
00;26;29;20 - 00;26;35;19
Brittany
And Maleficent just found another reason to like stew on those thoughts.
00;26;35;25 - 00;26;53;29
Taylor
Yeah, well, I even think of Count of Monte Cristo with this one, too, because, you know, like his whole life became dedicated to revenge and everything else. And at the end, it's like he came out with more money. He came out with the kid, with the person that he loved. She still loved him. All he had to do is walk by going to be like, I'm alive and everything would have been his again.
00;26;54;05 - 00;27;17;18
Taylor
But because he let his anger fester so much, it became very convoluted and a lot of destruction happened in that pathway. And that's where it's like you can see the difference in these stories of give yourself open mindedness and all these concepts that we're talking about in Self-forgiveness and Self-compassion and and and, you know, taking care of yourself versus revenge and anger and in that path.
00;27;17;25 - 00;27;25;12
Taylor
And you can see how they diverge in opportunities, relationships, connections like support Maleficent and nobody.
00;27;25;17 - 00;27;26;23
Brittany
Like me, no one.
00;27;26;26 - 00;27;45;21
Taylor
So alone and so in pain when she had a whole forest that loved her and she was in a community before and then everything was terrified of her at the end, right? Like, yeah, you lost everything out of pain. And that again, giving more power to the abuser when it could just be, you know, a different pathway for her.
00;27;45;24 - 00;28;07;28
Brittany
Yeah. Another story I'm thinking about to like another classic one is The Great Gatsby. Like, remember, Gatsby set his whole life to go in Daisy back and at the end of it, all of this just revenge and inner like that, like just not align themselves to heal, but just like fighting for that inner aches, like, I have been wronged.
00;28;08;00 - 00;28;35;04
Brittany
And I mean, he was wronged in different ways, right? Gatsby was, but at the end he dies like he's it's nothing. And so Maleficent doesn't die, but. Well, I guess she does. She does then. Sleeping Beauty. But like, Prince Philip kills her. But yeah, he lives this miserable existence. Like, it's just this example to see, like.
00;28;35;07 - 00;28;38;01
Taylor
The way it's stolen and sad.
00;28;38;03 - 00;28;57;01
Brittany
Yeah. Is this a perfect example? Especially if you're on that journey to self-healing of what not to do? Like, just to look. And you say if you need a little bit of motivation to be like, Man, my life really sucks right now, right? Like Cinderella, you're in the basement, your dress has been ripped like things are really suck in.
00;28;57;01 - 00;29;23;05
Brittany
Like, why do I, why was I mistreated? Self-Healing? I just really want to, like, go and just, like, scream at somebody, right? Don't be that person. Don't be like Maleficent, like, uses as a motivator to be like, I can pick myself up, I can brush myself off literally, and I can heal because I want that for myself. I don't want to be this like, forget the abusers, forget any of these other things that have happened to you and just say, I'm doing this for me.
00;29;23;07 - 00;29;43;25
Taylor
Yeah, this is about you at the end of the day. And I think like, you know, it's it's you or them and if you want to really come out at the end of the day, then you have to figure out what you're willing to look towards and build instead of continue to hold on. And some things. It's that Buddhist concept of you have to let go to heal.
00;29;43;25 - 00;30;00;03
Taylor
We have to be able to accept the reality of the situation, accept the pain, accept the suffering, and accept that the next step can be beautiful. And I think that part is really hard for people, that the next step can be beautiful because they think that all I've ever known, just like me, all I've ever knew was a doctor was terrifying.
00;30;00;03 - 00;30;29;12
Taylor
Right? And then I loved my pregnancy doctor or whatever. And and I'm simplifying it for a reason because these concepts are super big. And I'm not trying to say everybody's on the same path Again, trauma and all these things. Abuse is super complicated and there's a lot to it. So we're not trying to oversimplify. These are just basic concepts of of how much are you holding on to these feelings and how much are you allowing them to dictate your next behavior And your future?
00;30;29;14 - 00;30;46;13
Taylor
It's okay to have these feelings. It's okay that they come up. It's okay that you have anger, frustration, pain, like that's absolutely normal. And you should you have to feel those. You have to experience those. But it's about am I allowing that to then become my destiny in my future, or am I just saying that this is a part of my journey?
00;30;46;13 - 00;31;07;16
Taylor
Is this how I'm breaking my can sucky, or am I letting it go back together with some pure gold? And that's where I think you can really see Maleficent just kept breaking and trying to super glue things back together, all messy and it was almost like, you know, kindergarten style trying to put herself back together. But then you look at Cinderella or even Marlin from Nemo and it was like, I am going to find that gold.
00;31;07;16 - 00;31;24;14
Taylor
I will work to find that so that I can have a better future. And that's what these concepts are, is like when you're going and trying to figure it out, the support that you have, the environment that you have, all these things is going to determine how better you put yourself back together and how you determine what future you can have.
00;31;24;16 - 00;31;31;26
Brittany
Absolutely. Yeah. Putting out that like positive energy and that is like you'll reap more of it if that's what you put out. Yeah.
00;31;31;26 - 00;31;33;27
Taylor
And it doesn't have to be blind positivity because.
00;31;34;03 - 00;31;34;24
Brittany
No, definitely not.
00;31;34;24 - 00;31;38;14
Taylor
That's also unrealistic to like some things just suck and that's okay.
00;31;38;14 - 00;31;41;02
Brittany
Like and feel all the feelings like that.
00;31;41;04 - 00;31;52;21
Taylor
But anybody knows that my husband definitely has faith in all those feelings, but at the end of the day, I have to stop myself and say, Where do I go from here and what's the next step? And do I want this to determine my future?
00;31;52;23 - 00;31;54;20
Brittany
Yeah, don't be stuck in a rut.
00;31;54;22 - 00;31;56;13
Taylor
But yeah, exactly.
00;31;56;17 - 00;32;19;18
Brittany
These are good reminders. So we'll go over one more time. Like just those, like, steps that you can take. The five points that we want you to remember. If you're on a journey to self healing. So the first one was pick the path that you want to take, and the second one was have a plan and goals. The third one was what could be your obstacles and then how can you work around them?
00;32;19;21 - 00;32;31;04
Brittany
Don't just use your obstacles as a stopping point. Find a solution. I work with that my kids all the time. Number four is have a support and number five is identify your journey or your identity. And what do you really want to.
00;32;31;09 - 00;32;33;06
Taylor
Move.
00;32;33;08 - 00;32;36;26
Brittany
Something? These are a great starting point if you're working on this.
00;32;36;29 - 00;32;52;17
Taylor
So start with the empowerment and from there, a lot of these other things, the actions of behaviors will come into play. The self-compassion, positive self-talk, gratitude, mindfulness, taking care of your physical body and forgiveness of yourself. They will all come.
00;32;52;20 - 00;32;56;19
Brittany
Yeah, if you just start walking down that path of self-healing, like at least you're on the path.
00;32;56;21 - 00;33;00;23
Taylor
It starts to come more more than you think it will. So yeah.
00;33;00;24 - 00;33;17;11
Brittany
I love that. All right. Well, thanks for the day and thank you for listening, guys. Feel free to follow us. New Honey Counseling. We'll be posting reminders of the steps and resources that we mentioned in the first episode and we'll catch you later. Thanks, I.
