WEBVTT
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And a couple minutes later, ambulance attendants arrive, fire arrives, they start doing CPR on him.
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I hear the words, no officer ever wants to hear just a few minutes later, time of death.
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A lot of lawyers looked at what we did and said, these guys did what they were trained to do.
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Sometimes you do everything right, but something goes wrong.
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And that's the world that we live in.
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I was supposed to be a police officer for 25 years, but when I was able to let that go and say, you know what, I can still have a purpose doing something else, then I realized I don't have to feel like a victim of something I lost.
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I can say, how can I help someone going forward?
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We get broken sometimes, we can still have use and value in our life.
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We are unbreakable, even though we've been broken, we can still produce beautiful things in our lives.
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Welcome to Responder Resilience, along with my co-host Dr.
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Stacy Raymond.
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I'm David Dashinger.
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Today we're diving into the realities of mental health, resilience, and personal transformation with former RCMP officer Quacy Millington.
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After an incident responding to a call about a man who'd violently destroyed airport property, which ended in an untimely death, Quaisty faced speculation, wrongful accusation, and unjustified incarceration.
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As someone who's faced these challenges as well as ADHD, PTSD, depression, Quaisty shares invaluable insights on navigating the toughest times in both your personal and professional life.
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And if you've ever felt the weight of your responsibilities or struggled in silence, this conversation is for you.
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So join us as we get into that in a few minutes.
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Thanks to our resource partner, First Responder Project, whose no-cost First Responder Retreats offer you a chance to reclaim connection and learn vital skills.
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This isn't just a retreat, it's a lifeline to keep you mentally strong at work and emotionally present at home.
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Take a stand for your well-being and the connections that matter most.
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Sign up now for your FRP retreat.
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Learn more and register at FirstresponderProject.org.
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Go to joinfightcamp.com slash shop and use the code R R P O N E.
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We'll be right back to speak with Clazy after this.
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In this family, more of us die by our own hands and by the hazards of the job.
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In this family, a quarter of nine million life electronics.
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In this family, our mental health is all of us.
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In this family, obstacle.
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Welcome to Fire Resilience.
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We'd like to welcome Quasey Millington.
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He's a former RCMP that's Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer who's overcome struggles professionally as well as personally dealing with ADHD, PTSD, and depression.
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Quacy now teaches youth and high-stress organizations how to avoid burnout, build mental health, and cultivate resilience in their lives.
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He travels internationally as a motivational speaker and he's given over 200 talks to students and organizations about confidence and mental health.
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Quasi, welcome to Respond to Resilience.
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Pleased to be here.
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So Quasi, I'd like to start out by asking you, um, can you share a little bit about your journey into law enforcement and what initially drew you into the profession?
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Uh well, thank you for that.
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Um it's funny because I think a lot of times you may hear stories of people saying, uh, it was my dream ever since I was a kid, and I wanted to be an officer.
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And that is not the case with me.
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Okay.
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Um, I didn't know what I wanted to do.
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I was in school, I got a university degree, and I was working um, you know, in a typical uh cubicle office job.
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And one day we were on strike and I was walking the picket lines, and I literally looked over to the street and I saw um a police officer helping someone, and I thought, you know what?
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I don't want to be in an office, I want to do that.
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I want to be out every day is different, helping people, um, and the kind of like call to adventure that just it would like lit lit a switch in me and um or hit a switch in me, and I ended up saying, Okay, I think I want to go do that.
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So interesting how um we get exposed to these things, right?
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Maybe completely not by choice, but uh in my case, we bought a house next to a firehouse, and that led me into the whole career in the fire service.
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But um, yeah, life is interesting like that, isn't it?
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Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
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Um, and you know, you you gotta listen to that intuition.
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And so I um I applied for city forces, like I'm in Toronto, Canada, and I applied to city forces.
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Um, and then I applied to the RCMP.
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And the difference is the RCMP is like our national police force.
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So I always say it's the FBI of Canada.
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Um and so you can be placed anywhere in the country, whereas if you apply within your city, you're obviously only going to be policing in your city.
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And I thought I'm willing to travel, I just want to do something different and do something that feels like it's meaningful to me.
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So I applied to the RCMP.
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Let's fast forward to um to this incredible story that you live through, and that's um kind of touch on what caused you to leave law enforcement after serving for was it like 10 years?
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Um yeah, so my my career was uh ended up being 12 years altogether.
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Um but a few years into uh my first posting was um in a city uh called Richmond, it's on the west coast of Canada, and uh I ended up being placed in uh a Vancouver airport.
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So I was on patrol in the airport one night, and we got a call uh a man who was causing a disturbance, he was breaking airport property.
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Um, and myself and three other officers, we went up and we ended up talking to the guy.
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So at first we tried to talk to him, anyways.
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Um, so we go into the airport, it's your typical scene.
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You see people waiting for their loved ones to arrive, you see the public side, the secure side, and as I approach this guy, I can see that there is debris around him, he's broken some things, and as I was approaching him, someone says, Hey, he doesn't speak English.
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And so when you don't know the same language as someone, what do you do?
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You try to communicate them with communicate with them with like hand signals, whatever you can to try to get your message across.
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So I made a miming sign with my hand, um, you know, paperwork, tried to like pretend like I was opening tape opening paperwork, things that I thought would be universally understood.
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Now, I thought he was gonna grab his passport and that would be the end of it.
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We'd figure this out, and that would be the end of the call.
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But instead, he turned around and he grabbed what we call law enforcement weapon of opportunity, right?
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He picks up a stapler from a table, fist in one hand, fist in the other hand, and training kicks in.
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I back up and I immediately uh see the combative stance.
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I use a taser on him, and we're under we're in a fight with him to get on get him under arrest.
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So there's four officers, one guy trying to get him under arrest.
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Uh finally we do get him under arrest.
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We get handcuffs on him, and we think, well, at least I thought, okay, at least we got him under control, we can figure this thing out.
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But a few minutes later, I hear on the radio, my partner says, We need EHS here, ambulance attendants right away.
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He's turning blue.
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And a couple minutes later, ambulance attendants arrive, fire arrives, they start doing CPR on him, and I hear the words no officer ever wants to hear just a few minutes later, the time of death.
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Now, unfortunately, I didn't know he had pre-existing heart conditions.
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I didn't know that there was something called excited delirium that he was going through at the time, um, and his heart basically failed after we arrested him.
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So that was something I never expected to happen.
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But in policing, what do you do?
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You go to a traumatic incident or any first responder basically.
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You go to a traumatic incident, then you gotta go back to work, right?
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So that's what I did.
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I went back to work, um, and there was a guy actually in the airport recording the whole thing.
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So it ended up being uh broadcast on the news.
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He actually put it on, it was actually put on YouTube, um, and a lot of people saw it, and my fellow officers saw it.
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Officers from other police forces saw it, and all of them told me the same thing.
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Quasi, if I was in your situation, I probably would have done the same thing, right?
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You did nothing wrong, three separate police forces, the entire province of British Columbia.
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Like a lot of lawyers looked at what we did and said these guys did what they were trained to do.
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Um, so I figured I go back to work and sometimes you do everything right, but something goes wrong, and that's the world that we live in.
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A couple years later, after that, I'm asked to testify in what's called a public inquiry.
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So basically, you're on the stand, you have to answer questions as to what you did during that case.
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The only problem is there was two years between when I went to the case and when I actually testified.
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And when I speak to first responders, especially, I always say, if someone asked you to remember all the details of something you did two years ago, would you forget some things?
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Of course.
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So I made mistakes on the stand.
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Um, and when I testified, some of the answers I gave were incorrect, accidentally incorrect, but still incorrect based on what I did that night uh in 2007.
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And unfortunately, I was charged with perjury coming out of that.
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So I testify, I go home, I figure I'm back to work.
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This is just you know part of the journey of being an officer.
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But there's a letter waiting for me saying, Quasey Millington, you've been charged with perjury.
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And as I mentioned, they were accidental mistakes.
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I've never lied a day in my career, but unfortunately, I was charged, I was convicted, and I was sentenced to two and a half years in prison.
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Yeah.
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And so, you know, you you do what you think you're supposed to do, you follow all the rules you're supposed to, and these types of things still happen.
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And I remember December 12th, 2017, I was in jail, and um three officers from the RCMP uh walked in and handed me my my papers.
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Basically, you're discharged, you're no longer your services are no longer required.
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So that was my last day as an officer.
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Um, and so yeah, that was my journey from becoming a police officer one of the proudest days of my life to um unfortunately uh losing my career.
00:11:51.360 --> 00:12:00.639
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00:12:50.159 --> 00:12:52.320
How long did you spend in jail?
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Uh so in Canada, you have to serve a 30-year sentence, um, mandatory, no matter how good how much good behavior you have.
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So for me, it was 10 months in the correctional system.
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So I would imagine it's easy to adopt a victim mindset when this kind of adversity happens, especially you've lost not only your job but your freedom and probably a ton of other stuff that we can't even imagine unless we, you know, walked in those shoes.
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How do you maintain or how do you come overcome the victim mindset and then kind of shift into something that might be more positive moving forward?
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Yeah.
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And and I do that get that question a little from time to time.
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You know, um, at first I it was more the shuld I have done this as a career thought.
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Because like I said, I didn't even have a dream to become a police officer as a kid.
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It wasn't like my lifelong dream ended.
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And so a part of me thought, okay, maybe I should never have walked into this career in the first place.
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If the road that I took has brought me here, then why did I take that road?
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Um, and and I thought if I if I was to say I didn't have a victim mindset per se, I just had a um why did this happen to me?
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You know, like and I guess that probably is what a victim mindset is, but um you know what's the point of of being here?
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And um, I think what got me through was the being able to say there must be something else I can do with this life.
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Um and if I if I got into policing to help people, I might be able to help people in another way.
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And when I finally got around to saying policing is no longer in my life and be able to let that go, I think a lot of times we we hold on to what we think our life is supposed to be like.
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Yeah, I was supposed to be a police officer for 25 years, but when I was able to let that go and say, you know what, I can still have purpose doing something else, then I realized I don't have to feel like a victim of something I lost.
00:14:47.200 --> 00:14:50.320
I can say, How can I help someone going forward?
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How can I do something that gives me purpose going forward in my life?
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And that changed everything for me.
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Then I finally was able to say, I can let go of a policing career that I no longer have.
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So, really what happened was you um you didn't let the policing profession define your reason for existence.
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You you went deeper than that and said, How how can I help someone, how can I help people in other ways?
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Because that seems to be you know more foundational to your to your personality.
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Um policing was just the job, but the wanting to help other people is is really what um kept your head above water, so to speak.
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Yeah, a hundred percent.
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And I read a book called Start With Why by Simon Sinek years ago, and he said that you always come back to why you do what you do, and that was so key for me because I tied everything.
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My my whole identity was policing when I was an officer.
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Uh, because you wear the uniform, you know, you're on shift, you uh spend some of your off days with people that are other other officers, especially when you're transplanted.
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Like I was um basically across the country was where I was posted.
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So the only people I knew were police officers.
00:16:04.320 --> 00:16:06.159
So on duty, I hang out with police officers.
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Off duty, I took extra shifts.
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I did overtime with police officers.
00:16:10.480 --> 00:16:14.080
When I'm on when I'm not working, I'm hanging out with other officers.
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Uh sometimes I even put on the red surge, right?
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The red jacket, which is you know a widely recognized symbol, and you do like ceremonial duties, like you go to a football game and you you know carry the Great Cup, which is our Super Bowl of our Canadian football.
00:16:28.080 --> 00:16:29.919
So I was always wrapped up into that.
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So that became my identity.
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And so when that was taken away for a while, I thought, then who am I if I'm not that anymore?
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And it was when I realized if I be if I go back to my foundational reason for why I do this in the first place, then there's got to be something else I can do in my life to still feel good about myself, still feel productive, and still feel like I have purpose.
00:16:50.960 --> 00:16:54.320
Um, and so that that's what I kind of held on to.
00:16:54.639 --> 00:17:03.519
Yeah, I think that's so applicable to retirement in general and from emergency services where people struggle with that loss of identity, loss of the mission and the tribe.
00:17:03.600 --> 00:17:09.440
And um, but the way you put it is so uh clear that you know you didn't change who you are.
00:17:09.519 --> 00:17:14.079
Um, you're able to actually take that, you know, those qualities and reapply them in a different way.
00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:22.240
So um so anybody looking at retirement or in retirement can certainly take that as a uh you know as a valuable lesson.
00:17:23.039 --> 00:17:24.160
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:17:24.240 --> 00:17:29.440
Yes, yeah, and like you said, especially retirement, um, you know, you ask yourself, what are you gonna do after this?
00:17:29.680 --> 00:17:31.039
So what brought you to the job?
00:17:31.119 --> 00:17:32.240
What kept you going?
00:17:33.279 --> 00:17:46.480
Those foundational principles are going to help guide you, no matter if you are young and you've retired, or if you are older and maybe you don't do the job anymore, there's something else you could do that still fulfills your purpose.
00:17:46.720 --> 00:17:47.599
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00:18:13.599 --> 00:18:21.680
That's R-R-P-O-N-E Quacy on your website used the term unbreakable.
00:18:21.759 --> 00:18:24.400
Why did you choose that and what does it mean to you?
00:18:25.359 --> 00:18:25.920
Yeah.
00:18:26.559 --> 00:18:35.839
The term unbreakable, and it if if you look closely, you go to my website and you'll see the word, uh, the way I've written it, the way I've designed it, is it's in broken letters, right?
00:18:35.920 --> 00:18:37.920
So it's not a solid letter.
00:18:38.079 --> 00:18:40.160
Uh all the letters aren't solid.
00:18:40.480 --> 00:18:43.039
They're broken because we all get broken at times.
00:18:43.200 --> 00:18:47.519
It's how you repair yourself that makes you quote unquote unbreakable.
00:18:47.599 --> 00:18:50.960
Nobody's unbreakable, but it's just how you repair yourself after that.
00:18:51.359 --> 00:18:58.720
And I think back to kind of when I created it, and it was years ago when my son was about three years old.
00:18:58.960 --> 00:19:02.480
We were in the living room and coloring in one of his favorite books.
00:19:02.640 --> 00:19:05.440
Um, and that came from a cartoon called Paw Patrol.
00:19:06.079 --> 00:19:19.200
And he was coloring uh with a red crayon, and the crayon uh he slips out of his hand, it breaks into, and he starts crying, and he runs over to the garbage can, he's about to throw it out, and I go over and I'm like, Phoenix, that's his name.
00:19:19.359 --> 00:19:20.480
Um, don't throw it out.
00:19:20.640 --> 00:19:22.400
And he said, Daddy, it's broken.
00:19:22.640 --> 00:19:24.720
And so I took both halves of the crayon.
00:19:24.799 --> 00:19:28.319
We go back to the couch, I give him a half, and I take a half myself.
00:19:28.480 --> 00:19:32.480
I put the the coloring book in front of him and I say, Does your piece still color?
00:19:32.640 --> 00:19:35.119
And I make him color with that half a crayon.
00:19:35.279 --> 00:19:40.079
And he says yes, and then I start coloring, and I'm like, Does my piece still crayon?
00:19:40.319 --> 00:19:41.519
And he's like, Yes, daddy.
00:19:41.839 --> 00:19:43.599
And I then said, You know what?
00:19:43.839 --> 00:19:45.440
Now we have two crayons.
00:19:45.759 --> 00:19:47.920
And I believe the same goes true in life.
00:19:48.079 --> 00:19:54.880
Like we get broken sometimes, but we can still produce beautiful things, we can still have use and value in our life.
00:19:55.039 --> 00:19:56.640
Um, and that's why I said, you know what?
00:19:56.799 --> 00:19:57.440
That's what we are.
00:19:57.519 --> 00:19:59.759
We are unbreakable, even though we've been broken, we can still produce.
00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:01.599
Produce beautiful things in our lives.
00:20:01.680 --> 00:20:04.880
Um, and that's something I want, you know, all your listeners to remember.
00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:06.400
Yeah, great reframe.
00:20:06.559 --> 00:20:07.119
Appreciate that.
00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:08.960
Yeah, that's a great example.
00:20:09.119 --> 00:20:16.240
Um so, Quasy, how do you maintain a strong mindset and and don't fall into the pit of victimhood?
00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:22.480
Like, is there something that you practice on a daily basis or weekly basis to keep your mindset strong?
00:20:23.519 --> 00:20:25.119
Uh yeah, absolutely absolutely.
00:20:25.279 --> 00:20:32.400
And you know, probably some these are some of the things that other people have said before, but they actually work and that's why they you keep hearing them.
00:20:32.559 --> 00:20:35.119
Yeah, so sometimes you'll say something and people will roll their eyes.
00:20:35.279 --> 00:20:36.160
Oh, I've heard of that before.
00:20:36.240 --> 00:20:37.920
Well, you've heard of it before because it works.
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:38.240
Yeah.
00:20:38.720 --> 00:20:43.039
You know, writing down uh things you're grateful for, like remembering those things.
00:20:43.119 --> 00:20:49.039
And I try not to focus on just a list of things every day as some kind of checklist for the day.
00:20:49.200 --> 00:20:52.720
I said, okay, well, what is something that what actually went well today?
00:20:52.880 --> 00:20:56.960
And so I drill about the actual thing that happens.
00:20:57.279 --> 00:21:00.799
So it's not just I'm grateful for my family.
00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:07.359
No, I take down some time and I write down at some point in the day, whether it's beginning or end of the day, whenever it comes to me.
00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:20.480
You know, today I dropped my son off to school and I saw a smile on his face as he played as he walked in with one of his good friends, and it made me think at least he doesn't feel alone, and I'm grateful that he's in he's comfortable in his environment.
00:21:20.640 --> 00:21:20.960
Right?
00:21:21.039 --> 00:21:24.960
So it became an actual moment that I can relive and feel.
00:21:25.279 --> 00:21:31.920
Because if you just write down lists of things you're grateful for, it's not gonna work because you haven't added the feeling and reliving the moment.
00:21:32.160 --> 00:21:38.640
Um gratitude or win practices for the day um is something that I do regularly.
00:21:38.799 --> 00:21:40.799
And I did that even when I was in prison.
00:21:40.880 --> 00:21:44.559
And I uh like the my days inside, like what's something that went well today.
00:21:44.720 --> 00:21:50.079
Um, because I knew if I could do it in my lowest moments, then I can do it when life is pretty good too.
00:21:50.319 --> 00:21:52.799
Um, and and working out is another one.
00:21:52.960 --> 00:22:01.680
Uh physical fitness, um, I can't tell you how much that's done for me uh from you know push-ups in in a solitary cell.
00:22:01.759 --> 00:22:18.000
I spelled I spent some of my time in solitary uh when I was inside, not for punishment, but because uh for protection for police officer, um and so yeah, push-ups inside to now I fitness, I'm I work out you know four to five days a week.
00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:21.279
Um, and now it's it's really my mental health, it helps so much.
00:22:21.359 --> 00:22:25.279
And they've done studies on it showing that it improves your mental health as well.
00:22:25.519 --> 00:22:29.839
Um, and then just re I I try to read a lot too.
00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:35.519
So read or listen to something that is uplifting as well, and then I have a spiritual practice as well.
00:22:36.319 --> 00:22:53.519
Yeah, can you talk a little bit more about the spiritual practice and and you know, kind of in the framework of how maybe other law enforcement officers could take something from what you've found to be successful and perhaps employ that in their own spiritual practice or their own, you know, daily life?
00:22:53.920 --> 00:22:55.200
Yeah, no, absolutely.
00:22:55.359 --> 00:23:00.319
Um, so I I grew up Christian, um, and the Bible is something that I've always read.
00:23:00.559 --> 00:23:03.279
Um, but I've also added in other religions.
00:23:03.359 --> 00:23:17.680
I'm like a Christian mix now because uh when I uh I remember every Wednesday in in the jail, they had a Buddhist monk that would come in and do a one hour, one hour meditation with those who wanted to participate.
00:23:17.759 --> 00:23:19.279
Uh, was I successful at it?
00:23:19.440 --> 00:23:20.319
Not at all.
00:23:20.640 --> 00:23:26.400
But um I I had moments where I could have silence within that hour and I have to keep bringing myself back.
00:23:26.559 --> 00:23:28.319
So yes, I that's actually another practice.
00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:41.599
I try to meditate, um, but not like sit on a pincushion for an hour, but just have you know moments where I just maybe walk and breathe, like I have a walking pad in my house, or I spend five minutes in silence, try to add that in.
00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:46.640
Uh so I started diving into you know reading books on Buddhism as well.
00:23:46.799 --> 00:23:57.759
Um, so now my spiritual practice is more just reading something spiritual that centers me, whether it's from the Bible, uh, another religious text, or uh A Course in Miracles, which is another book that I read.
00:23:57.920 --> 00:24:02.160
Um, and and that's kind of my spiritual practice, and then prayer, prayer.
00:24:02.480 --> 00:24:10.000
And sometimes prayer means just talking to God, and sometimes it means writing down uh what I would say if he was right in front of me.
00:24:10.079 --> 00:24:14.960
And that's kind of a weird way to approach it, but that's how how I how I do things as well.
00:24:15.039 --> 00:24:16.799
And it's been really helpful.
00:24:18.079 --> 00:24:22.880
My dad would go on binges, so he would be gone for 24 to 48 hours at a time.
00:24:23.119 --> 00:24:30.400
I was at a complete loss, did not know what I was gonna do, he would disappear, and we couldn't get a hold of him, was just very traumatizing.
00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:32.400
These are human problems.
00:24:32.559 --> 00:24:37.039
Before you were a cop, you were a son, a brother, a sister, a mother, a child.
00:24:37.359 --> 00:24:43.200
If you get mad about the nights and the weekends, you go back to well, you shouldn't know what you're getting into.
00:24:51.200 --> 00:25:01.680
If someone comes home and you can just they've got that thousand yard stare, at least say, I see you're frustrated, I see you're devastated, I see you're sad, I see you look stressed out.
00:25:02.000 --> 00:25:03.440
You wanna talk about it?
00:25:21.680 --> 00:25:30.319
Quasey, there's another um concept um in addition to the unbreakable that um you seem to have uh coined and capitalized on.
00:25:30.480 --> 00:25:33.440
It's never your reality, it's your response that counts.
00:25:33.599 --> 00:25:37.039
So can you elaborate on that, what you mean by that?
00:25:37.359 --> 00:25:41.279
Uh yeah, no, and and I will say that that's uh that's not my line.
00:25:41.440 --> 00:25:43.359
Um, I stole it from my mom.
00:25:43.680 --> 00:25:56.079
Um, you know, when just uh a few months before I was born, she found out that my dad was having an affair and um he was about to have a child with another woman.
00:25:56.240 --> 00:26:00.079
So my half-brother and I are literally 23 days apart.
00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:12.799
Um and when she found that out, uh, you might think, you know, there'd be like she'd always talk negatively about my dad to me and uh say he's such a bad person and all that, but she never did any of that.
00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:16.160
Um and she actually pushed me to try to have a relationship with him.
00:26:16.319 --> 00:26:18.559
I only saw my dad a handful of times growing up.
00:26:18.720 --> 00:26:27.599
Uh, but I remember when I finally sat down with her and I said, Mom, you weren't bitter, you never went after him, you didn't take him to court or do any of those things that you might see someone do in that situation.
00:26:27.759 --> 00:26:38.079
Uh, she just said to me, I chose not to be bitter, and just remember, in your life, you're gonna face unfair, unpredictable, uncontrollable things, but it's not your reality that matters, it's your response.
00:26:39.759 --> 00:26:45.920
And I like I've always remembered that because you know that's life.
00:26:46.079 --> 00:26:54.880
We always have things that are out of out of our control, the things that you can't control, uh, things that you wish you could change.
00:26:55.359 --> 00:27:00.240
You can't change your reality, you can't change what happens, but you can always change how you respond to it.
00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:03.359
Um, and so that's something that I've always taken with me.
00:27:03.440 --> 00:27:11.680
And it really helped uh at one of the lowest points in my life when I found myself behind bars uh for you know perjury, something I didn't do.
00:27:12.960 --> 00:27:15.279
And yeah, so that that really helped.
00:27:15.599 --> 00:27:18.960
Let's take it to um kind of back to law enforcement.
00:27:19.200 --> 00:27:40.640
What what advice or kind of wisdom would you share with law enforcement officers perhaps struggling with burnout, kind of having, you know, maybe they've kind of lost their love for the job or the feeling like you know, victims themselves from uh some situation within the agency, which could be institutional abandonment or some um moral injury involved with doing the job.
00:27:40.880 --> 00:27:49.359
What kind of uh wisdom would you give to someone who's doing the police work and just kind of lost that, you know, that initial spark and love for the job?
00:27:49.599 --> 00:27:50.160
Yeah.
00:27:50.319 --> 00:27:56.480
Um and you know, uh everything that I offer is just you know, hopefully something that you can take and use.
00:27:56.559 --> 00:28:04.240
Um when it comes to the burnout, those daily practices are huge to to help you kind of re refocus.
00:28:04.400 --> 00:28:07.359
Um I would say learn learn to say no.
00:28:07.519 --> 00:28:25.759
Um, I think that I burned out by saying too many yeses, but too much overtime, uh too many extra shifts, too much um I'll I'll do this just because I want to advance and want to show you, uh, you as in my supervisor that I would want a promotion or I uh I want to be a team player.
00:28:25.839 --> 00:28:29.440
You you can say no and it's okay.
00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:38.400
Um, and so that's something that I would say uh also going back to that why you started in the first place, but not only that, what keeps you going?
00:28:38.559 --> 00:28:45.680
Um, not only what's your why, but uh Simon Sinek sa uh he also says in his one of his other books, what's your just cause?
00:28:45.839 --> 00:28:49.200
Because your why will get you started, your just cause will keep you going.
00:28:49.359 --> 00:28:54.640
Um, so my why for becoming a speaker, I speak to first responders uh as well as students.
00:28:54.799 --> 00:29:04.079
Uh my why for starting was to help people, like the same reason I became a police officer, but my just cause what keeps me going, is that there are too many suicides in our profession, in my former profession.
00:29:04.240 --> 00:29:14.319
And if I can help just even one person in every talk I go to who might be thinking that route, not take that step, then that's what keeps me going.
00:29:14.480 --> 00:29:26.480
And sometimes if there's a gap in time between when you started your career and now when you're kind of um feeling that burnout, that just cause what keeps you going now.
00:29:26.799 --> 00:29:29.200
It might be different than what why you started.
00:29:29.279 --> 00:29:31.279
And so I'd say try to come back to that.
00:29:31.359 --> 00:29:38.319
Uh, but no, I think is a huge huge one, and also making sure you have something that fires you up outside of your career.
00:29:38.880 --> 00:29:49.599
Um that is so huge because most uh, anyways, a lot of people that I talked to in the first resumer profession don't have that big fire that lights them up outside of their career.
00:29:50.000 --> 00:29:53.599
If you have that, then you realize okay, this is just a piece of my life, right?
00:29:54.079 --> 00:29:54.960
Not your whole life.
00:29:55.200 --> 00:29:59.519
That's a huge so what are you doing now?
00:29:59.680 --> 00:30:03.119
Um, tell us about your book and what your activities are.
00:30:03.680 --> 00:30:07.599
Um, yeah, no, I my main my main book that I share with first responders.
00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:11.839
I've written three books, uh, but one's one's a journal because I'm a journaler, so I wrote a journal.
00:30:11.920 --> 00:30:16.960
Um, I wrote a book for students called Unbreakable, but I also wrote a book for first responders called Rise.
00:30:17.279 --> 00:30:27.119
Um and if I'll I'll actually let you know if people want to reach out to me online and just uh send me a message saying uh resilience podcast.
00:30:27.359 --> 00:30:31.200
Um actually, I should say responder resilience podcast.
00:30:31.279 --> 00:30:36.400
If they send me a message with that, I will send you uh the first chapter of my book, Rise, for free.
00:30:36.559 --> 00:30:38.799
So if they want that, please reach out.
00:30:38.960 --> 00:30:48.640
Um but I wrote that book just to share things that I've learned about building resilience and being resilient, uh, even if you're going through challenges.
00:30:48.799 --> 00:30:50.079
And so that's called Rise.
00:30:50.400 --> 00:31:01.039
Um and what do I do now is I I travel, as I said, to across North America speaking to um high stress frontline organizations as well as students about mental health and resilience.
00:31:01.200 --> 00:31:03.440
Um, and that's my tagline, as you mentioned earlier.
00:31:03.519 --> 00:31:05.039
It's not your reality, it's your response.
00:31:05.200 --> 00:31:09.920
How do you respond in life when things uh are feel like they're weighing you down?
00:31:10.240 --> 00:31:12.480
You're trained to help people heal.
00:31:12.799 --> 00:31:19.519
But first responders, they carry trauma that's buried under silence, stigma, and stress.
00:31:19.839 --> 00:31:27.839
Helping the helpers gives you the framework to connect, to speak their language, earn their trust, and actually make an impact.
00:31:28.720 --> 00:31:34.880
From the experienced team and clinicians behind the Responder Resilience podcast, this isn't theory.
00:31:35.039 --> 00:31:38.319
It's real-world support for the ones who need you most.
00:31:38.480 --> 00:31:40.720
And this book isn't just for clinicians.
00:31:40.960 --> 00:31:53.119
If you're an agency leader, peer-support team, athlete, EAT, wellness program coordinator, or family member, helping the helpers will equip you with the tools, language, and insight to make a difference.
00:31:53.440 --> 00:31:55.839
Be the resource they can count on.
00:31:56.240 --> 00:32:00.079
Order your copy of Helping the Helpers on Amazon today.
00:32:13.680 --> 00:32:20.319
We started this podcast five years ago, and at the time it wasn't quite the buzzword that it is now, but now it's we're seeing it everywhere.
00:32:20.480 --> 00:32:22.319
Um, how do you define resilience?
00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:31.519
What what are some sort of you know practical um applications or examples of resilience, um, the way you would you would quantify it?
00:32:32.000 --> 00:32:41.359
If I was gonna define it now, I would say resilience is not necessarily a trait like you are resilient, but more the tools that you use to build yourself back up.
00:32:41.599 --> 00:32:49.279
Um because the ability to say, I am gonna go through things, what's gonna help me bounce back?
00:32:49.519 --> 00:32:52.319
What's gonna help me to manage those things?
00:32:53.039 --> 00:32:58.000
If you have that tool belt, as a police officer, I always had the tool belt of all the different things I could use.
00:32:58.480 --> 00:33:05.759
What tools do you have to bounce back or to be able to handle the things that you go through in your life?
00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:14.079
If you know and can reach for those quickly and be able to use those to manage what you're going through, then I say you are resilient.
00:33:14.240 --> 00:33:19.680
So it's not the trait you have, it's the tools that you use to bounce back when things go to go wrong.
00:33:20.319 --> 00:33:20.640
Yeah.
00:33:21.119 --> 00:33:26.640
So you're suggesting really being equipped prior to hardship happening.
00:33:27.359 --> 00:33:29.279
Yeah, yeah, it's a hundred percent.
00:33:29.440 --> 00:33:35.440
I mean, it's it a lot of times we wait for something to happen and then we respond to it.
00:33:35.839 --> 00:33:42.960
But if you have some things happen to you in your life and you know how to handle those things, then when they happen, then you're you're prepared for it.
00:33:43.039 --> 00:33:46.640
Like when the world locked down and everybody was in isolation.
00:33:46.720 --> 00:33:54.480
I was like, I've already done solitary, so um isolation is a great standing on your head, so to speak.
00:33:54.720 --> 00:33:58.160
Yeah, so I'm like, okay, I'll just do what I what I did when I was inside, you know.
00:33:58.640 --> 00:34:00.400
Now I get to be free and go for a walk.
00:34:00.480 --> 00:34:02.400
It's it's so different, right?
00:34:02.559 --> 00:34:07.039
So um I have the tools, and that's what made me quote unquote resilient.
00:34:08.800 --> 00:34:09.280
Yeah.
00:34:09.760 --> 00:34:10.239
Excellent.
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:11.920
So uh where can people find you?
00:34:12.159 --> 00:34:14.880
Website, social media, any other channels you want to share?
00:34:15.039 --> 00:34:16.320
Um, yeah, no, absolutely.
00:34:16.480 --> 00:34:25.519
Uh so I'm pretty much on most social media, but um most active on probably Instagram, which is QuacySpeaks, K W E S I Speaks.
00:34:25.760 --> 00:34:33.920
Um, and that's where if you send me a message with responder resilience, I'll send you chapter one of my book Rise because I just want to get that out there if people want it uh for value.
00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:42.000
But Quasi Millington um or on LinkedIn is where you just find me my name and uh Quasyspeaks.com website.
00:34:42.320 --> 00:34:43.280
Fantastic.
00:34:43.519 --> 00:34:46.639
Um and we got to thank Scott Medlin for introducing us.
00:34:46.719 --> 00:34:48.960
Um Scott uh spoke very highly of you.
00:34:49.039 --> 00:35:03.599
So um we're so glad you were able to spend this time with us, give us a little insight into your story and your world and the things that um that have worked for you and to uh keep paying forward this uh kind of who you are in the world and to keep that foundational purpose going.
00:35:03.760 --> 00:35:05.199
So we appreciate you.
00:35:05.440 --> 00:35:05.760
Thank you.
00:35:07.599 --> 00:35:14.400
I feel honored to uh you know be able to interview you because you're like a walking, talking, living example of resilience.
00:35:14.480 --> 00:35:23.760
I mean, how many cops get arrested and incarcerated and you know now you know you you are um passing along what you've learned about resilience.
00:35:23.840 --> 00:35:27.039
You know, you still have a smile on your face, and that's that's very impressive.
00:35:27.440 --> 00:35:27.760
Thank you.
00:35:27.920 --> 00:35:28.719
Thank you for saying that.
00:35:28.880 --> 00:35:29.519
Really appreciate it.
00:35:29.760 --> 00:35:30.239
Thank you.
00:35:30.480 --> 00:35:32.400
Keep up the great work, Lacey.
00:35:32.800 --> 00:35:33.679
Thank you.
00:35:34.000 --> 00:35:39.920
Remember to like and subscribe, YouTube, respond to resilience, Facebook, responder TV, LinkedIn, Apple Podcasts, Spotify.
00:35:40.000 --> 00:35:44.239
Go to our website, respondertv.com for past episodes and guest information.
00:35:44.400 --> 00:35:47.119
Until the next time, stay safe, be kind to yourself.
00:35:47.360 --> 00:35:48.239
Take care.
00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:05.519
And a couple minutes later, ambulance attendants arrive, fire arrives, they start doing CPR on him.
00:00:05.679 --> 00:00:10.800
I hear the words, no officer ever wants to hear just a few minutes later, time of death.
00:00:11.199 --> 00:00:14.960
A lot of lawyers looked at what we did and said, these guys did what they were trained to do.
00:00:15.199 --> 00:00:17.359
Sometimes you do everything right, but something goes wrong.
00:00:17.440 --> 00:00:19.039
And that's the world that we live in.
00:00:19.280 --> 00:00:29.519
I was supposed to be a police officer for 25 years, but when I was able to let that go and say, you know what, I can still have a purpose doing something else, then I realized I don't have to feel like a victim of something I lost.
00:00:29.600 --> 00:00:32.960
I can say, how can I help someone going forward?
00:00:33.359 --> 00:00:37.920
We get broken sometimes, we can still have use and value in our life.
00:00:38.159 --> 00:00:42.560
We are unbreakable, even though we've been broken, we can still produce beautiful things in our lives.
00:00:45.679 --> 00:00:48.320
Welcome to Responder Resilience, along with my co-host Dr.
00:00:48.399 --> 00:00:49.119
Stacy Raymond.
00:00:49.200 --> 00:00:50.240
I'm David Dashinger.
00:00:50.320 --> 00:00:58.719
Today we're diving into the realities of mental health, resilience, and personal transformation with former RCMP officer Quacy Millington.
00:00:58.880 --> 00:01:12.239
After an incident responding to a call about a man who'd violently destroyed airport property, which ended in an untimely death, Quaisty faced speculation, wrongful accusation, and unjustified incarceration.
00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:24.480
As someone who's faced these challenges as well as ADHD, PTSD, depression, Quaisty shares invaluable insights on navigating the toughest times in both your personal and professional life.
00:01:24.560 --> 00:01:29.519
And if you've ever felt the weight of your responsibilities or struggled in silence, this conversation is for you.
00:01:29.680 --> 00:01:32.400
So join us as we get into that in a few minutes.
00:01:32.640 --> 00:01:40.239
Thanks to our resource partner, First Responder Project, whose no-cost First Responder Retreats offer you a chance to reclaim connection and learn vital skills.
00:01:40.400 --> 00:01:46.719
This isn't just a retreat, it's a lifeline to keep you mentally strong at work and emotionally present at home.
00:01:46.879 --> 00:01:50.159
Take a stand for your well-being and the connections that matter most.
00:01:50.319 --> 00:01:52.640
Sign up now for your FRP retreat.
00:01:52.799 --> 00:01:56.400
Learn more and register at FirstresponderProject.org.
00:01:56.640 --> 00:02:01.200
There's a new app built by Firefighters for Firefighters, and it's called Crackle.
00:02:01.519 --> 00:02:07.920
Download the app now for free as a legacy member and get early access to exclusive content, tools, and updates as they drop.
00:02:08.080 --> 00:02:11.520
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Thanks also to our resource partner, Fight Camp, for free shipping and a free month of membership.
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Go to joinfightcamp.com slash shop and use the code R R P O N E.
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We invite you to like and subscribe YouTube Responder Resilience, Facebook, Responder TV, LinkedIn, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and go to our website, respondertv.com, past episode and gest information.
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We'll be right back to speak with Clazy after this.
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In this family, more of us die by our own hands and by the hazards of the job.
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In this family, a quarter of nine million life electronics.
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In this family, our mental health is all of us.
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In this family, obstacle.
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Welcome to Fire Resilience.
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We'd like to welcome Quasey Millington.
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He's a former RCMP that's Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer who's overcome struggles professionally as well as personally dealing with ADHD, PTSD, and depression.
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Quacy now teaches youth and high-stress organizations how to avoid burnout, build mental health, and cultivate resilience in their lives.
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He travels internationally as a motivational speaker and he's given over 200 talks to students and organizations about confidence and mental health.
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Quasi, welcome to Respond to Resilience.
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Pleased to be here.
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So Quasi, I'd like to start out by asking you, um, can you share a little bit about your journey into law enforcement and what initially drew you into the profession?
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Uh well, thank you for that.
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Um it's funny because I think a lot of times you may hear stories of people saying, uh, it was my dream ever since I was a kid, and I wanted to be an officer.
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And that is not the case with me.
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Okay.
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Um, I didn't know what I wanted to do.
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I was in school, I got a university degree, and I was working um, you know, in a typical uh cubicle office job.
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And one day we were on strike and I was walking the picket lines, and I literally looked over to the street and I saw um a police officer helping someone, and I thought, you know what?
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I don't want to be in an office, I want to do that.
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I want to be out every day is different, helping people, um, and the kind of like call to adventure that just it would like lit lit a switch in me and um or hit a switch in me, and I ended up saying, Okay, I think I want to go do that.
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So interesting how um we get exposed to these things, right?
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Maybe completely not by choice, but uh in my case, we bought a house next to a firehouse, and that led me into the whole career in the fire service.
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But um, yeah, life is interesting like that, isn't it?
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Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
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Um, and you know, you you gotta listen to that intuition.
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And so I um I applied for city forces, like I'm in Toronto, Canada, and I applied to city forces.
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Um, and then I applied to the RCMP.
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And the difference is the RCMP is like our national police force.
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So I always say it's the FBI of Canada.
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Um and so you can be placed anywhere in the country, whereas if you apply within your city, you're obviously only going to be policing in your city.
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And I thought I'm willing to travel, I just want to do something different and do something that feels like it's meaningful to me.
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So I applied to the RCMP.
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Let's fast forward to um to this incredible story that you live through, and that's um kind of touch on what caused you to leave law enforcement after serving for was it like 10 years?
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Um yeah, so my my career was uh ended up being 12 years altogether.
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Um but a few years into uh my first posting was um in a city uh called Richmond, it's on the west coast of Canada, and uh I ended up being placed in uh a Vancouver airport.
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So I was on patrol in the airport one night, and we got a call uh a man who was causing a disturbance, he was breaking airport property.
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Um, and myself and three other officers, we went up and we ended up talking to the guy.
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So at first we tried to talk to him, anyways.
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Um, so we go into the airport, it's your typical scene.
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You see people waiting for their loved ones to arrive, you see the public side, the secure side, and as I approach this guy, I can see that there is debris around him, he's broken some things, and as I was approaching him, someone says, Hey, he doesn't speak English.
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And so when you don't know the same language as someone, what do you do?
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You try to communicate them with communicate with them with like hand signals, whatever you can to try to get your message across.
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So I made a miming sign with my hand, um, you know, paperwork, tried to like pretend like I was opening tape opening paperwork, things that I thought would be universally understood.
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Now, I thought he was gonna grab his passport and that would be the end of it.
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We'd figure this out, and that would be the end of the call.
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But instead, he turned around and he grabbed what we call law enforcement weapon of opportunity, right?
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He picks up a stapler from a table, fist in one hand, fist in the other hand, and training kicks in.
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I back up and I immediately uh see the combative stance.
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I use a taser on him, and we're under we're in a fight with him to get on get him under arrest.
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So there's four officers, one guy trying to get him under arrest.
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Uh finally we do get him under arrest.
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We get handcuffs on him, and we think, well, at least I thought, okay, at least we got him under control, we can figure this thing out.
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But a few minutes later, I hear on the radio, my partner says, We need EHS here, ambulance attendants right away.
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He's turning blue.
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And a couple minutes later, ambulance attendants arrive, fire arrives, they start doing CPR on him, and I hear the words no officer ever wants to hear just a few minutes later, the time of death.
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Now, unfortunately, I didn't know he had pre-existing heart conditions.
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I didn't know that there was something called excited delirium that he was going through at the time, um, and his heart basically failed after we arrested him.
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So that was something I never expected to happen.
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But in policing, what do you do?
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You go to a traumatic incident or any first responder basically.
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You go to a traumatic incident, then you gotta go back to work, right?
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So that's what I did.
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I went back to work, um, and there was a guy actually in the airport recording the whole thing.
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So it ended up being uh broadcast on the news.
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He actually put it on, it was actually put on YouTube, um, and a lot of people saw it, and my fellow officers saw it.
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Officers from other police forces saw it, and all of them told me the same thing.
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Quasi, if I was in your situation, I probably would have done the same thing, right?
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You did nothing wrong, three separate police forces, the entire province of British Columbia.
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Like a lot of lawyers looked at what we did and said these guys did what they were trained to do.
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Um, so I figured I go back to work and sometimes you do everything right, but something goes wrong, and that's the world that we live in.
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A couple years later, after that, I'm asked to testify in what's called a public inquiry.
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So basically, you're on the stand, you have to answer questions as to what you did during that case.
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The only problem is there was two years between when I went to the case and when I actually testified.
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And when I speak to first responders, especially, I always say, if someone asked you to remember all the details of something you did two years ago, would you forget some things?
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Of course.
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So I made mistakes on the stand.
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Um, and when I testified, some of the answers I gave were incorrect, accidentally incorrect, but still incorrect based on what I did that night uh in 2007.
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And unfortunately, I was charged with perjury coming out of that.
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So I testify, I go home, I figure I'm back to work.
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This is just you know part of the journey of being an officer.
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But there's a letter waiting for me saying, Quasey Millington, you've been charged with perjury.
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And as I mentioned, they were accidental mistakes.
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I've never lied a day in my career, but unfortunately, I was charged, I was convicted, and I was sentenced to two and a half years in prison.
00:11:10.799 --> 00:11:11.279
Yeah.
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And so, you know, you you do what you think you're supposed to do, you follow all the rules you're supposed to, and these types of things still happen.
00:11:22.639 --> 00:11:35.200
And I remember December 12th, 2017, I was in jail, and um three officers from the RCMP uh walked in and handed me my my papers.
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Basically, you're discharged, you're no longer your services are no longer required.
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So that was my last day as an officer.
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Um, and so yeah, that was my journey from becoming a police officer one of the proudest days of my life to um unfortunately uh losing my career.
00:11:51.360 --> 00:12:00.639
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00:12:50.159 --> 00:12:52.320
How long did you spend in jail?
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Uh so in Canada, you have to serve a 30-year sentence, um, mandatory, no matter how good how much good behavior you have.
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So for me, it was 10 months in the correctional system.
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So I would imagine it's easy to adopt a victim mindset when this kind of adversity happens, especially you've lost not only your job but your freedom and probably a ton of other stuff that we can't even imagine unless we, you know, walked in those shoes.
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How do you maintain or how do you come overcome the victim mindset and then kind of shift into something that might be more positive moving forward?
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Yeah.
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And and I do that get that question a little from time to time.
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You know, um, at first I it was more the shuld I have done this as a career thought.
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Because like I said, I didn't even have a dream to become a police officer as a kid.
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It wasn't like my lifelong dream ended.
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And so a part of me thought, okay, maybe I should never have walked into this career in the first place.
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If the road that I took has brought me here, then why did I take that road?
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Um, and and I thought if I if I was to say I didn't have a victim mindset per se, I just had a um why did this happen to me?
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You know, like and I guess that probably is what a victim mindset is, but um you know what's the point of of being here?
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And um, I think what got me through was the being able to say there must be something else I can do with this life.
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Um and if I if I got into policing to help people, I might be able to help people in another way.
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And when I finally got around to saying policing is no longer in my life and be able to let that go, I think a lot of times we we hold on to what we think our life is supposed to be like.
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Yeah, I was supposed to be a police officer for 25 years, but when I was able to let that go and say, you know what, I can still have purpose doing something else, then I realized I don't have to feel like a victim of something I lost.
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I can say, How can I help someone going forward?
00:14:50.480 --> 00:14:53.679
How can I do something that gives me purpose going forward in my life?
00:14:53.840 --> 00:14:55.759
And that changed everything for me.
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Then I finally was able to say, I can let go of a policing career that I no longer have.
00:15:01.200 --> 00:15:08.639
So, really what happened was you um you didn't let the policing profession define your reason for existence.
00:15:08.799 --> 00:15:15.360
You you went deeper than that and said, How how can I help someone, how can I help people in other ways?
00:15:15.519 --> 00:15:20.399
Because that seems to be you know more foundational to your to your personality.
00:15:20.639 --> 00:15:31.679
Um policing was just the job, but the wanting to help other people is is really what um kept your head above water, so to speak.
00:15:31.919 --> 00:15:33.600
Yeah, a hundred percent.
00:15:33.759 --> 00:15:44.720
And I read a book called Start With Why by Simon Sinek years ago, and he said that you always come back to why you do what you do, and that was so key for me because I tied everything.
00:15:44.799 --> 00:15:48.320
My my whole identity was policing when I was an officer.
00:15:48.480 --> 00:15:58.080
Uh, because you wear the uniform, you know, you're on shift, you uh spend some of your off days with people that are other other officers, especially when you're transplanted.
00:15:58.240 --> 00:16:02.159
Like I was um basically across the country was where I was posted.
00:16:02.320 --> 00:16:04.240
So the only people I knew were police officers.
00:16:04.320 --> 00:16:06.159
So on duty, I hang out with police officers.
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Off duty, I took extra shifts.
00:16:08.159 --> 00:16:10.240
I did overtime with police officers.
00:16:10.480 --> 00:16:14.080
When I'm on when I'm not working, I'm hanging out with other officers.
00:16:14.240 --> 00:16:16.559
Uh sometimes I even put on the red surge, right?
00:16:16.639 --> 00:16:27.840
The red jacket, which is you know a widely recognized symbol, and you do like ceremonial duties, like you go to a football game and you you know carry the Great Cup, which is our Super Bowl of our Canadian football.
00:16:28.080 --> 00:16:29.919
So I was always wrapped up into that.
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So that became my identity.
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And so when that was taken away for a while, I thought, then who am I if I'm not that anymore?
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And it was when I realized if I be if I go back to my foundational reason for why I do this in the first place, then there's got to be something else I can do in my life to still feel good about myself, still feel productive, and still feel like I have purpose.
00:16:50.960 --> 00:16:54.320
Um, and so that that's what I kind of held on to.
00:16:54.639 --> 00:17:03.519
Yeah, I think that's so applicable to retirement in general and from emergency services where people struggle with that loss of identity, loss of the mission and the tribe.
00:17:03.600 --> 00:17:09.440
And um, but the way you put it is so uh clear that you know you didn't change who you are.
00:17:09.519 --> 00:17:14.079
Um, you're able to actually take that, you know, those qualities and reapply them in a different way.
00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:22.240
So um so anybody looking at retirement or in retirement can certainly take that as a uh you know as a valuable lesson.
00:17:23.039 --> 00:17:24.160
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:17:24.240 --> 00:17:29.440
Yes, yeah, and like you said, especially retirement, um, you know, you ask yourself, what are you gonna do after this?
00:17:29.680 --> 00:17:31.039
So what brought you to the job?
00:17:31.119 --> 00:17:32.240
What kept you going?
00:17:33.279 --> 00:17:46.480
Those foundational principles are going to help guide you, no matter if you are young and you've retired, or if you are older and maybe you don't do the job anymore, there's something else you could do that still fulfills your purpose.
00:17:46.720 --> 00:17:47.599
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00:18:13.599 --> 00:18:21.680
That's R-R-P-O-N-E Quacy on your website used the term unbreakable.
00:18:21.759 --> 00:18:24.400
Why did you choose that and what does it mean to you?
00:18:25.359 --> 00:18:25.920
Yeah.
00:18:26.559 --> 00:18:35.839
The term unbreakable, and it if if you look closely, you go to my website and you'll see the word, uh, the way I've written it, the way I've designed it, is it's in broken letters, right?
00:18:35.920 --> 00:18:37.920
So it's not a solid letter.
00:18:38.079 --> 00:18:40.160
Uh all the letters aren't solid.
00:18:40.480 --> 00:18:43.039
They're broken because we all get broken at times.
00:18:43.200 --> 00:18:47.519
It's how you repair yourself that makes you quote unquote unbreakable.
00:18:47.599 --> 00:18:50.960
Nobody's unbreakable, but it's just how you repair yourself after that.
00:18:51.359 --> 00:18:58.720
And I think back to kind of when I created it, and it was years ago when my son was about three years old.
00:18:58.960 --> 00:19:02.480
We were in the living room and coloring in one of his favorite books.
00:19:02.640 --> 00:19:05.440
Um, and that came from a cartoon called Paw Patrol.
00:19:06.079 --> 00:19:19.200
And he was coloring uh with a red crayon, and the crayon uh he slips out of his hand, it breaks into, and he starts crying, and he runs over to the garbage can, he's about to throw it out, and I go over and I'm like, Phoenix, that's his name.
00:19:19.359 --> 00:19:20.480
Um, don't throw it out.
00:19:20.640 --> 00:19:22.400
And he said, Daddy, it's broken.
00:19:22.640 --> 00:19:24.720
And so I took both halves of the crayon.
00:19:24.799 --> 00:19:28.319
We go back to the couch, I give him a half, and I take a half myself.
00:19:28.480 --> 00:19:32.480
I put the the coloring book in front of him and I say, Does your piece still color?
00:19:32.640 --> 00:19:35.119
And I make him color with that half a crayon.
00:19:35.279 --> 00:19:40.079
And he says yes, and then I start coloring, and I'm like, Does my piece still crayon?
00:19:40.319 --> 00:19:41.519
And he's like, Yes, daddy.
00:19:41.839 --> 00:19:43.599
And I then said, You know what?
00:19:43.839 --> 00:19:45.440
Now we have two crayons.
00:19:45.759 --> 00:19:47.920
And I believe the same goes true in life.
00:19:48.079 --> 00:19:54.880
Like we get broken sometimes, but we can still produce beautiful things, we can still have use and value in our life.
00:19:55.039 --> 00:19:56.640
Um, and that's why I said, you know what?
00:19:56.799 --> 00:19:57.440
That's what we are.
00:19:57.519 --> 00:19:59.759
We are unbreakable, even though we've been broken, we can still produce.
00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:01.599
Produce beautiful things in our lives.
00:20:01.680 --> 00:20:04.880
Um, and that's something I want, you know, all your listeners to remember.
00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:06.400
Yeah, great reframe.
00:20:06.559 --> 00:20:07.119
Appreciate that.
00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:08.960
Yeah, that's a great example.
00:20:09.119 --> 00:20:16.240
Um so, Quasy, how do you maintain a strong mindset and and don't fall into the pit of victimhood?
00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:22.480
Like, is there something that you practice on a daily basis or weekly basis to keep your mindset strong?
00:20:23.519 --> 00:20:25.119
Uh yeah, absolutely absolutely.
00:20:25.279 --> 00:20:32.400
And you know, probably some these are some of the things that other people have said before, but they actually work and that's why they you keep hearing them.
00:20:32.559 --> 00:20:35.119
Yeah, so sometimes you'll say something and people will roll their eyes.
00:20:35.279 --> 00:20:36.160
Oh, I've heard of that before.
00:20:36.240 --> 00:20:37.920
Well, you've heard of it before because it works.
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:38.240
Yeah.
00:20:38.720 --> 00:20:43.039
You know, writing down uh things you're grateful for, like remembering those things.
00:20:43.119 --> 00:20:49.039
And I try not to focus on just a list of things every day as some kind of checklist for the day.
00:20:49.200 --> 00:20:52.720
I said, okay, well, what is something that what actually went well today?
00:20:52.880 --> 00:20:56.960
And so I drill about the actual thing that happens.
00:20:57.279 --> 00:21:00.799
So it's not just I'm grateful for my family.
00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:07.359
No, I take down some time and I write down at some point in the day, whether it's beginning or end of the day, whenever it comes to me.
00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:20.480
You know, today I dropped my son off to school and I saw a smile on his face as he played as he walked in with one of his good friends, and it made me think at least he doesn't feel alone, and I'm grateful that he's in he's comfortable in his environment.
00:21:20.640 --> 00:21:20.960
Right?
00:21:21.039 --> 00:21:24.960
So it became an actual moment that I can relive and feel.
00:21:25.279 --> 00:21:31.920
Because if you just write down lists of things you're grateful for, it's not gonna work because you haven't added the feeling and reliving the moment.
00:21:32.160 --> 00:21:38.640
Um gratitude or win practices for the day um is something that I do regularly.
00:21:38.799 --> 00:21:40.799
And I did that even when I was in prison.
00:21:40.880 --> 00:21:44.559
And I uh like the my days inside, like what's something that went well today.
00:21:44.720 --> 00:21:50.079
Um, because I knew if I could do it in my lowest moments, then I can do it when life is pretty good too.
00:21:50.319 --> 00:21:52.799
Um, and and working out is another one.
00:21:52.960 --> 00:22:01.680
Uh physical fitness, um, I can't tell you how much that's done for me uh from you know push-ups in in a solitary cell.
00:22:01.759 --> 00:22:18.000
I spelled I spent some of my time in solitary uh when I was inside, not for punishment, but because uh for protection for police officer, um and so yeah, push-ups inside to now I fitness, I'm I work out you know four to five days a week.
00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:21.279
Um, and now it's it's really my mental health, it helps so much.
00:22:21.359 --> 00:22:25.279
And they've done studies on it showing that it improves your mental health as well.
00:22:25.519 --> 00:22:29.839
Um, and then just re I I try to read a lot too.
00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:35.519
So read or listen to something that is uplifting as well, and then I have a spiritual practice as well.
00:22:36.319 --> 00:22:53.519
Yeah, can you talk a little bit more about the spiritual practice and and you know, kind of in the framework of how maybe other law enforcement officers could take something from what you've found to be successful and perhaps employ that in their own spiritual practice or their own, you know, daily life?
00:22:53.920 --> 00:22:55.200
Yeah, no, absolutely.
00:22:55.359 --> 00:23:00.319
Um, so I I grew up Christian, um, and the Bible is something that I've always read.
00:23:00.559 --> 00:23:03.279
Um, but I've also added in other religions.
00:23:03.359 --> 00:23:17.680
I'm like a Christian mix now because uh when I uh I remember every Wednesday in in the jail, they had a Buddhist monk that would come in and do a one hour, one hour meditation with those who wanted to participate.
00:23:17.759 --> 00:23:19.279
Uh, was I successful at it?
00:23:19.440 --> 00:23:20.319
Not at all.
00:23:20.640 --> 00:23:26.400
But um I I had moments where I could have silence within that hour and I have to keep bringing myself back.
00:23:26.559 --> 00:23:28.319
So yes, I that's actually another practice.
00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:41.599
I try to meditate, um, but not like sit on a pincushion for an hour, but just have you know moments where I just maybe walk and breathe, like I have a walking pad in my house, or I spend five minutes in silence, try to add that in.
00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:46.640
Uh so I started diving into you know reading books on Buddhism as well.
00:23:46.799 --> 00:23:57.759
Um, so now my spiritual practice is more just reading something spiritual that centers me, whether it's from the Bible, uh, another religious text, or uh A Course in Miracles, which is another book that I read.
00:23:57.920 --> 00:24:02.160
Um, and and that's kind of my spiritual practice, and then prayer, prayer.
00:24:02.480 --> 00:24:10.000
And sometimes prayer means just talking to God, and sometimes it means writing down uh what I would say if he was right in front of me.
00:24:10.079 --> 00:24:14.960
And that's kind of a weird way to approach it, but that's how how I how I do things as well.
00:24:15.039 --> 00:24:16.799
And it's been really helpful.
00:24:18.079 --> 00:24:22.880
My dad would go on binges, so he would be gone for 24 to 48 hours at a time.
00:24:23.119 --> 00:24:30.400
I was at a complete loss, did not know what I was gonna do, he would disappear, and we couldn't get a hold of him, was just very traumatizing.
00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:32.400
These are human problems.
00:24:32.559 --> 00:24:37.039
Before you were a cop, you were a son, a brother, a sister, a mother, a child.
00:24:37.359 --> 00:24:43.200
If you get mad about the nights and the weekends, you go back to well, you shouldn't know what you're getting into.
00:24:51.200 --> 00:25:01.680
If someone comes home and you can just they've got that thousand yard stare, at least say, I see you're frustrated, I see you're devastated, I see you're sad, I see you look stressed out.
00:25:02.000 --> 00:25:03.440
You wanna talk about it?
00:25:21.680 --> 00:25:30.319
Quasey, there's another um concept um in addition to the unbreakable that um you seem to have uh coined and capitalized on.
00:25:30.480 --> 00:25:33.440
It's never your reality, it's your response that counts.
00:25:33.599 --> 00:25:37.039
So can you elaborate on that, what you mean by that?
00:25:37.359 --> 00:25:41.279
Uh yeah, no, and and I will say that that's uh that's not my line.
00:25:41.440 --> 00:25:43.359
Um, I stole it from my mom.
00:25:43.680 --> 00:25:56.079
Um, you know, when just uh a few months before I was born, she found out that my dad was having an affair and um he was about to have a child with another woman.
00:25:56.240 --> 00:26:00.079
So my half-brother and I are literally 23 days apart.
00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:12.799
Um and when she found that out, uh, you might think, you know, there'd be like she'd always talk negatively about my dad to me and uh say he's such a bad person and all that, but she never did any of that.
00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:16.160
Um and she actually pushed me to try to have a relationship with him.
00:26:16.319 --> 00:26:18.559
I only saw my dad a handful of times growing up.
00:26:18.720 --> 00:26:27.599
Uh, but I remember when I finally sat down with her and I said, Mom, you weren't bitter, you never went after him, you didn't take him to court or do any of those things that you might see someone do in that situation.
00:26:27.759 --> 00:26:38.079
Uh, she just said to me, I chose not to be bitter, and just remember, in your life, you're gonna face unfair, unpredictable, uncontrollable things, but it's not your reality that matters, it's your response.
00:26:39.759 --> 00:26:45.920
And I like I've always remembered that because you know that's life.
00:26:46.079 --> 00:26:54.880
We always have things that are out of out of our control, the things that you can't control, uh, things that you wish you could change.
00:26:55.359 --> 00:27:00.240
You can't change your reality, you can't change what happens, but you can always change how you respond to it.
00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:03.359
Um, and so that's something that I've always taken with me.
00:27:03.440 --> 00:27:11.680
And it really helped uh at one of the lowest points in my life when I found myself behind bars uh for you know perjury, something I didn't do.
00:27:12.960 --> 00:27:15.279
And yeah, so that that really helped.
00:27:15.599 --> 00:27:18.960
Let's take it to um kind of back to law enforcement.
00:27:19.200 --> 00:27:40.640
What what advice or kind of wisdom would you share with law enforcement officers perhaps struggling with burnout, kind of having, you know, maybe they've kind of lost their love for the job or the feeling like you know, victims themselves from uh some situation within the agency, which could be institutional abandonment or some um moral injury involved with doing the job.
00:27:40.880 --> 00:27:49.359
What kind of uh wisdom would you give to someone who's doing the police work and just kind of lost that, you know, that initial spark and love for the job?
00:27:49.599 --> 00:27:50.160
Yeah.
00:27:50.319 --> 00:27:56.480
Um and you know, uh everything that I offer is just you know, hopefully something that you can take and use.
00:27:56.559 --> 00:28:04.240
Um when it comes to the burnout, those daily practices are huge to to help you kind of re refocus.
00:28:04.400 --> 00:28:07.359
Um I would say learn learn to say no.
00:28:07.519 --> 00:28:25.759
Um, I think that I burned out by saying too many yeses, but too much overtime, uh too many extra shifts, too much um I'll I'll do this just because I want to advance and want to show you, uh, you as in my supervisor that I would want a promotion or I uh I want to be a team player.
00:28:25.839 --> 00:28:29.440
You you can say no and it's okay.
00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:38.400
Um, and so that's something that I would say uh also going back to that why you started in the first place, but not only that, what keeps you going?
00:28:38.559 --> 00:28:45.680
Um, not only what's your why, but uh Simon Sinek sa uh he also says in his one of his other books, what's your just cause?
00:28:45.839 --> 00:28:49.200
Because your why will get you started, your just cause will keep you going.
00:28:49.359 --> 00:28:54.640
Um, so my why for becoming a speaker, I speak to first responders uh as well as students.
00:28:54.799 --> 00:29:04.079
Uh my why for starting was to help people, like the same reason I became a police officer, but my just cause what keeps me going, is that there are too many suicides in our profession, in my former profession.
00:29:04.240 --> 00:29:14.319
And if I can help just even one person in every talk I go to who might be thinking that route, not take that step, then that's what keeps me going.
00:29:14.480 --> 00:29:26.480
And sometimes if there's a gap in time between when you started your career and now when you're kind of um feeling that burnout, that just cause what keeps you going now.
00:29:26.799 --> 00:29:29.200
It might be different than what why you started.
00:29:29.279 --> 00:29:31.279
And so I'd say try to come back to that.
00:29:31.359 --> 00:29:38.319
Uh, but no, I think is a huge huge one, and also making sure you have something that fires you up outside of your career.
00:29:38.880 --> 00:29:49.599
Um that is so huge because most uh, anyways, a lot of people that I talked to in the first resumer profession don't have that big fire that lights them up outside of their career.
00:29:50.000 --> 00:29:53.599
If you have that, then you realize okay, this is just a piece of my life, right?
00:29:54.079 --> 00:29:54.960
Not your whole life.
00:29:55.200 --> 00:29:59.519
That's a huge so what are you doing now?
00:29:59.680 --> 00:30:03.119
Um, tell us about your book and what your activities are.
00:30:03.680 --> 00:30:07.599
Um, yeah, no, I my main my main book that I share with first responders.
00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:11.839
I've written three books, uh, but one's one's a journal because I'm a journaler, so I wrote a journal.
00:30:11.920 --> 00:30:16.960
Um, I wrote a book for students called Unbreakable, but I also wrote a book for first responders called Rise.
00:30:17.279 --> 00:30:27.119
Um and if I'll I'll actually let you know if people want to reach out to me online and just uh send me a message saying uh resilience podcast.
00:30:27.359 --> 00:30:31.200
Um actually, I should say responder resilience podcast.
00:30:31.279 --> 00:30:36.400
If they send me a message with that, I will send you uh the first chapter of my book, Rise, for free.
00:30:36.559 --> 00:30:38.799
So if they want that, please reach out.
00:30:38.960 --> 00:30:48.640
Um but I wrote that book just to share things that I've learned about building resilience and being resilient, uh, even if you're going through challenges.
00:30:48.799 --> 00:30:50.079
And so that's called Rise.
00:30:50.400 --> 00:31:01.039
Um and what do I do now is I I travel, as I said, to across North America speaking to um high stress frontline organizations as well as students about mental health and resilience.
00:31:01.200 --> 00:31:03.440
Um, and that's my tagline, as you mentioned earlier.
00:31:03.519 --> 00:31:05.039
It's not your reality, it's your response.
00:31:05.200 --> 00:31:09.920
How do you respond in life when things uh are feel like they're weighing you down?
00:31:10.240 --> 00:31:12.480
You're trained to help people heal.
00:31:12.799 --> 00:31:19.519
But first responders, they carry trauma that's buried under silence, stigma, and stress.
00:31:19.839 --> 00:31:27.839
Helping the helpers gives you the framework to connect, to speak their language, earn their trust, and actually make an impact.
00:31:28.720 --> 00:31:34.880
From the experienced team and clinicians behind the Responder Resilience podcast, this isn't theory.
00:31:35.039 --> 00:31:38.319
It's real-world support for the ones who need you most.
00:31:38.480 --> 00:31:40.720
And this book isn't just for clinicians.
00:31:40.960 --> 00:31:53.119
If you're an agency leader, peer-support team, athlete, EAT, wellness program coordinator, or family member, helping the helpers will equip you with the tools, language, and insight to make a difference.
00:31:53.440 --> 00:31:55.839
Be the resource they can count on.
00:31:56.240 --> 00:32:00.079
Order your copy of Helping the Helpers on Amazon today.
00:32:13.680 --> 00:32:20.319
We started this podcast five years ago, and at the time it wasn't quite the buzzword that it is now, but now it's we're seeing it everywhere.
00:32:20.480 --> 00:32:22.319
Um, how do you define resilience?
00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:31.519
What what are some sort of you know practical um applications or examples of resilience, um, the way you would you would quantify it?
00:32:32.000 --> 00:32:41.359
If I was gonna define it now, I would say resilience is not necessarily a trait like you are resilient, but more the tools that you use to build yourself back up.
00:32:41.599 --> 00:32:49.279
Um because the ability to say, I am gonna go through things, what's gonna help me bounce back?
00:32:49.519 --> 00:32:52.319
What's gonna help me to manage those things?
00:32:53.039 --> 00:32:58.000
If you have that tool belt, as a police officer, I always had the tool belt of all the different things I could use.
00:32:58.480 --> 00:33:05.759
What tools do you have to bounce back or to be able to handle the things that you go through in your life?
00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:14.079
If you know and can reach for those quickly and be able to use those to manage what you're going through, then I say you are resilient.
00:33:14.240 --> 00:33:19.680
So it's not the trait you have, it's the tools that you use to bounce back when things go to go wrong.
00:33:20.319 --> 00:33:20.640
Yeah.
00:33:21.119 --> 00:33:26.640
So you're suggesting really being equipped prior to hardship happening.
00:33:27.359 --> 00:33:29.279
Yeah, yeah, it's a hundred percent.
00:33:29.440 --> 00:33:35.440
I mean, it's it a lot of times we wait for something to happen and then we respond to it.
00:33:35.839 --> 00:33:42.960
But if you have some things happen to you in your life and you know how to handle those things, then when they happen, then you're you're prepared for it.
00:33:43.039 --> 00:33:46.640
Like when the world locked down and everybody was in isolation.
00:33:46.720 --> 00:33:54.480
I was like, I've already done solitary, so um isolation is a great standing on your head, so to speak.
00:33:54.720 --> 00:33:58.160
Yeah, so I'm like, okay, I'll just do what I what I did when I was inside, you know.
00:33:58.640 --> 00:34:00.400
Now I get to be free and go for a walk.
00:34:00.480 --> 00:34:02.400
It's it's so different, right?
00:34:02.559 --> 00:34:07.039
So um I have the tools, and that's what made me quote unquote resilient.
00:34:08.800 --> 00:34:09.280
Yeah.
00:34:09.760 --> 00:34:10.239
Excellent.
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:11.920
So uh where can people find you?
00:34:12.159 --> 00:34:14.880
Website, social media, any other channels you want to share?
00:34:15.039 --> 00:34:16.320
Um, yeah, no, absolutely.
00:34:16.480 --> 00:34:25.519
Uh so I'm pretty much on most social media, but um most active on probably Instagram, which is QuacySpeaks, K W E S I Speaks.
00:34:25.760 --> 00:34:33.920
Um, and that's where if you send me a message with responder resilience, I'll send you chapter one of my book Rise because I just want to get that out there if people want it uh for value.
00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:42.000
But Quasi Millington um or on LinkedIn is where you just find me my name and uh Quasyspeaks.com website.
00:34:42.320 --> 00:34:43.280
Fantastic.
00:34:43.519 --> 00:34:46.639
Um and we got to thank Scott Medlin for introducing us.
00:34:46.719 --> 00:34:48.960
Um Scott uh spoke very highly of you.
00:34:49.039 --> 00:35:03.599
So um we're so glad you were able to spend this time with us, give us a little insight into your story and your world and the things that um that have worked for you and to uh keep paying forward this uh kind of who you are in the world and to keep that foundational purpose going.
00:35:03.760 --> 00:35:05.199
So we appreciate you.
00:35:05.440 --> 00:35:05.760
Thank you.
00:35:07.599 --> 00:35:14.400
I feel honored to uh you know be able to interview you because you're like a walking, talking, living example of resilience.
00:35:14.480 --> 00:35:23.760
I mean, how many cops get arrested and incarcerated and you know now you know you you are um passing along what you've learned about resilience.
00:35:23.840 --> 00:35:27.039
You know, you still have a smile on your face, and that's that's very impressive.
00:35:27.440 --> 00:35:27.760
Thank you.
00:35:27.920 --> 00:35:28.719
Thank you for saying that.
00:35:28.880 --> 00:35:29.519
Really appreciate it.
00:35:29.760 --> 00:35:30.239
Thank you.
00:35:30.480 --> 00:35:32.400
Keep up the great work, Lacey.
00:35:32.800 --> 00:35:33.679
Thank you.
00:35:34.000 --> 00:35:39.920
Remember to like and subscribe, YouTube, respond to resilience, Facebook, responder TV, LinkedIn, Apple Podcasts, Spotify.
00:35:40.000 --> 00:35:44.239
Go to our website, respondertv.com for past episodes and guest information.
00:35:44.400 --> 00:35:47.119
Until the next time, stay safe, be kind to yourself.
00:35:47.360 --> 00:35:48.239
Take care.
