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What if the chaos you keep choosing feels like love because it’s what you learned in childhood? What if calm feels wrong, not because it is, but because it’s unfamiliar? When early environments are unpredictable, chaotic dynamics can become wired into the nervous system as “normal.” Over time, that wiring turns into core wounds.
In this episode of the Peak Human Labs Podcast, Dr. Sanjeev Goel sits down with psychotherapist and connection expert Jen Pinkerton to explore how core wounds like abandonment, perfectionism, and not belonging are formed, and how they continue to shape adult life in powerful, often invisible ways.
Jen breaks down why we’re drawn to the same relationship dynamics over and over, why chaos can feel familiar and even exciting to the nervous system, and why “just think positive” advice rarely works when deeper emotional patterns are at play. She explains how these patterns once served as coping mechanisms, but over time become the very things that limit our fulfillment, connection, and emotional safety.
Together, they dive into practical, approachable ways to begin healing, from inner child work and nervous system regulation to slowing down and building real self-awareness. Through real-life examples, Jen shows how identifying the story in your head can unlock lasting change without needing to overhaul your entire life.
Whether you’re stuck in repeating relationship patterns, feel blocked in your career, or sense that something unseen is holding you back, this conversation offers clarity, compassion, and a hopeful path forward, one grounded step at a time.
Our Guest: Jenn Pinkerton
Jenn Pinkerton is a psychotherapist, connection expert, and speaker based in Houston, Texas, with a fundamental focus on relational health. Her work centers on the idea that our earliest wounds create limiting stories that shape every interaction, romantic, familial, and professional. Through her practice, speaking engagements, and popular TED Talk, Jen empowers individuals to move from being unconscious participants in their own patterns to becoming intentional authors of their lives. She blends modalities like Internal Family Systems (IFS), attachment theory, and nervous system science to provide a compassionate, actionable roadmap for healing and transformation.
Key Takeaways
- Core childhood wounds quietly shape the stories and patterns that run our adult lives.
- Unprocessed emotions live in the nervous system and often show up as stress, symptoms, or unhealthy relationship dynamics.
- What we don’t heal, we unconsciously repeat, confusing familiarity and chaos for love.
- Healing starts with self awareness by noticing repeated thoughts, emotions, and patterns.
- Regulating the nervous system creates the calm needed to break reactive cycles.
- As healing happens, attraction shifts and healthy relationships begin to feel safe and desirable.
- The work is about integration, not erasing your past or changing who you are.
In This Episode:
- [00:00] Introduction to core wounds
- [00:15] Podcast and guest introduction
- [01:09] Patterns from childhood wounds
- [02:47] Jen’s background and approach
- [04:01] How wounds become limiting stories
- [04:28] Common core wounds
- [07:02] Prevalence of core wounds
- [08:10] Belonging and childhood experiences
- [09:21] Manifestations of not belonging
- [10:12] Stories as coping mechanisms
- [10:54] Recognizing and changing patterns
- [14:18] Self-awareness as the first step
- [15:24] Techniques to slow down
- [16:26] Physical symptoms of core wounds
- [17:12] Therapy frequency and self-work
- [19:41] Origins of wounds in early childhood
- [21:10] Repeating unhealed patterns in relationships
- [24:41] Normalizing the human condition
- [25:52] Success stories of transformation
- [[32:04] Final takeaway and contact info
Resources and Links
Peak Human Labs
Dr. Sanjeev Goel
Jen Pinkerton
