Full Send Life

Justin Newton: A full send life. What does that even mean? What are we talking about today? Well, most of us only full send on the highlight reel. So, the vacation, the launch, the one good week, and then we get back to just doing everyday life. But that's what we're getting to today. That full send is not just a moment. It is a way of life. We are the transformation triad, otherwise known as the Triple T. And this is the Make Life Count podcast. team, so good to be with you. So good to be together. I'm so happy to start the rocket ship, launch it into the world. Here we come. Let's go. What Fires you up? That is my first question to both of you today. And let's start with Emily Love. You're gonna get to know their voices. Emily, what fires you up? Okay, so can I answer this from a personal and professional? Yeah. okay. What fires me up is hot coffee every morning, the boldest lipstick, winning. I love winning, I love sports, I love an underdog moment. when the winning is highlighted by you know this moment where you didn't think it was gonna happen. I love my Peloton. I love my husband. I love watching my children just step into their purpose and come home happy from a day that they really enjoyed living. I love this team. I love you and MJ and spending our lives working to make a meaningful difference in the world. I love Jesus. I love Good music. I love good food. Okay, where do I stop? I have to add, I do love coaching. I s I do some sports coaching for my little boys and I am I love that as well. But I'm talking about life coaching. I'm talking about being a whole life strategist, which we're gonna get into. I love the nature of what it means to be a coach and to step into someone's world from a really honored and privileged, you know, place and watch someone's. light bulb go off. I mean, we get a chance to hold stories that are so sacred. And we get a chance to steward of honesty. Sometimes clients tell us things that they don't ever tell a soul. And so my heart lights up by being given the privilege to step into someone's precious life and really just stand beside them as they work to make it count. So I could go on and on. I didn't say I love fashion. But you do. But you do. And travel hey, honestly, somebody shut me up. MJ, what fires you up? So many of those things and more, which is what what makes us such a great team. I love to witness transformation in people. I love working with young people, high schoolers, 20-somethings, people that are trying to figure out what the heck to do with their life and not just what to do, but who they want to be in their life. And I love watching people get unstuck where they figure out that next right step and grow in confidence and fervor and light up in their lives. I love to dance. I do. I love to dance. Love my family. Love, I just love people. I love nature. I love a good book. I love to learn. I love to learn. And there is just something about new information, new discoveries, new things that yeah, that just thrill me. So goodness gracious. I love the work that we get to do together. I love this team. To echo what you said, And for so many years of my life, I had my own business and it was wily and wonderful. And it was like a little speedboat and I could turn at every corner. And something about hitching yourself to two other people who have similar passions and yet a variety of gifts, it has made me better. And I think about what we are able to to do together is it just far outweighs what we could do individually, and it's a great joy. Krista, what about you? What fires you up? Okay. Well, what fires me up is family. I am a family girl. People do not believe me, but I am a homebody. I love being at home and I like all the people coming to my home. So I'll cook for you. I will make it cozy. I'll put on music. We'll do candles. I'll make a campfire. But I want you coming to my home because I like being at home. I love nature. I absolutely feel the most at home in the mountains. So that's where you'll find me. Most of the time we live in a place in the Pacific Northwest. I love the Northwest where we have a lot of snow. And so even in winter, we are out skiing and snowshoeing and doing fun things outside. I am fired up by growth. And that's across all arenas of my life, from my marriage to staying current with my kids and my friendships, growth in how I personally am growing, growing in my faith, becoming more of the person that God intended me to be across the long arc of my life, which I'll never arrive at, but I want to keep working toward. And I absolutely am fired up. By doing everything that I can to make life count. I get one life, and I'm more probably than halfway through it. I mean, I don't know. I don't know how long I'm gonna live. But we do this exercise with people where we have them take a tape measure and they mark, okay. So if the average lifespan, what did we say? 86. The average life is 86. And then you put on a tape measure where you are, and then you count how many years you have left. It is so sobering. And so when I look at what fires me up, what fires me up is trying to make life count and helping others to do the same. And that's why I love coaching because it really is true that, and I think we share that, all of us share that together. Yeah. you know, four years ago. We were doing our own coaching and we were fired up about that then. But together, there has been something that has happened that's altogether different. What has happened? That's a really fun question that we don't often get to examine, kind of week to week. And you know, the first thing that came to mind when you started talking about that is I think our team is highlighting for me the power of human connection. And you know, I was off doing my own thing, coaching and loving every single second of it, but I was kind of on my own island. And I remember a couple years in thinking, I need to get into a coaching group or what would it look like if I, you know, kind of had a partner in this? Because the questions that I had or you know, thoughts or experiences would just kind of live inside of my own self. I would, you I could ask people in my life, they just didn't really get it. And you guys are per providing me this real visceral. Experience of what it means to be deeply connected to someone. So the work matters so much, but then people matter so much. And so you guys are you're growing me, stretching me, challenging me, loving me, laughing with me. You know, like it's the blood, sweat, and tears that I'm not just experiencing myself now, but when you guys are present to it, it makes all the difference in the world. And I will add, there is no way that I would take the contracts we've been given. There is no way I would walk in a room confident like I do now. There is no stinking way I would step up to some of the challenges that we're all continuing to step up to. If I was by myself, I wouldn't do it. So, in essence, you guys provide me connection, but also an extraordinary dose of courage. And I honestly, it's it's making me feel that I'm making my life count to a pretty powerful degree. So I don't know. What do you guys have to add? So we were all college athletes, which is interesting. I ski raced too. That was yes, I was on a team, but that was more individual. I preferred a thousand million times more being on a soccer team because it was collective and it was totally different. Totally different. And I have found the same thing with us. And we all are team players. We all played on teams. I mean, you were basketball, MJ, you were soccer as well. And when the team comes together, you can just do more. you can become more than you can by yourself. So one of the things that we say is if you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far, go together. And I think about that, like we backpack each other in so many ways. It's so true. I think there's such power in team. And it's true that we are more than the sum of our parts. And even just in the last few days, recognizing there there are moments when one of us might be tired or depleted and the other two carry us. There are moments when we need to have our blind spots exposed. And we are gracious and kind enough to do that for one another. And I think about how much probably went unnoticed by me when I was working alone. And while I was surrounded by people all the time, not to the degree that I am now, where we are in such constant contact and developing things, brainstorming things, asking questions, refining things. I think the the way that we will push back on one another, ask questions, there has been nothing more refining. More healing, more trust building in my life than working so closely with two other women who are, again, like-minded, but also deeply healthy, desiring unity and growth at the same rate. And so it is the greatest privilege. And I think in so many ways our work together has reinforced and been a case study for the very framework that we've been developing for clients of what what does it look like to develop whole life excellence? What does it look like to make life count? And I think in many ways we are discovering that it is at this intersection of people and having shared purpose and practicing habits, visible habits in such a way that form us that we are finding life can be so rich and profound. So I feel deeply grateful for the work that we get to do together. You know, on that note, MJ, I would love you to talk a little bit about what we were seeing in people that made us realize as the triad. That we needed to find a framework for a person's whole life. Such a good question. I mean, I think across the board, we will say that every human is wildly unique. And at the same time, there are some sort of predictable patterns that we all run into. And as we were talking about clients we've worked with and friends in our lives, family members, young people that we've invested in, we began to see that there were these patterns. That most people were coming with this question of why am I discontent? Something feels like it's missing. So there was an element of discontentment. Oftentimes that was around loneliness. I feel alienated somehow from myself or from others or from God, whatever that might be. But there was an element of loneliness, of discontent, What we see is a lot of people have very full calendars, but that does not translate to a full life. There is this want for more. How do we respond to that desire for more in such a way that really does get after what we're really looking for? Mm-hmm. Emily, is discontent always bad? Or could it point to something? Absolutely. It's not always bad. You know, we talk so much at the chat about how all emotions are helpful, They It doesn't mean that you let them, you know, sort of go to their full end. For example, anger isn't helpful when it turns into rage. I think what's really important here is that if we feel discontent and we pause and we examine, then this can actually be a really helpful tool in helping us align what's missing, what what's going on that I feel discontent, where am I, you know, not living fully a life or disconnected from people or just like what's kind of out of whack? And we have found in our coaching that Christy, you are the master at this, you know, a metaphor, a framework, something that is, tangible, physical, visceral. If I can in a moment where I feel really overwhelmed with something that's happening. If I can go to a sturdy framework, Where on my highest days I go back to my framework and it just reinforces my joy. Or on my hardest days, I go back to my proven trusted framework and I just realign. I ask for clarity, I ask for direction. And then what I love about this is we stay close to the deepest, truest sense of ourself. And then we're not, living life in regret or making big fat messes one of the things I heard you say, Emily, is that when we're in that place, something's asking for our attention and that's a good thing. the framework that you were talking about. How do we create a framework that people can wrap around? Because sometimes you feel that discontent, but you don't know what to do with it. Yeah. Like, okay, so now what? Where do I go with it? How do I solve this problem? And so we have created something called whole life excellence. How do we define it, Emily? I'm glad you asked. Whole life excellence, it's the lifelong pursuit of becoming the same person across every domain of your life, where who you are, how you love, and what you do all align to make life count. That's our definition, Krista. Okay. So let's break this down a little bit I mean, we worked hard on this. Yes, we have. Like we love this definition. And can we just say it's not fancy jargon and like we stumbled upon it yesterday? This is thousands of hours, Four years in the making. Where the seeds of it were there at the very beginning. Our first conversation when we began to dream things up and wonder what needs to happen in the world. And yet the solidifying of it, the crystallization of this definition, this framework, the testing of it has Taking us years. Years. 30 plus years of combined coaching experience together and lifetimes of collegiate professional sports, careers, family, children, friends, this is not made up. This is not chat GPT. Okay, people. This is life. Yes. Please hear that. This is not AI. This has been tested. I mean, can we talk a little bit about our processes? we get in a room together and we wrestle things down. Yes. Every single word we wrestle down. MJ, what do we mean by the same person? Are there parts of me? Am I a chameleon and I'm sometimes this way or that way? what do you mean? Such a good question. I think there is something to be said for consistency of character. Across every domain. The reality is, is I might be in different scenarios with my family or out in a professional setting or with friends. And I might adapt to that scenario, but the core of me will not change. And so the invitation is that we become the same person. There's a consistency of character across every domain. And I'm not fragmenting. I'm not showing up one way here and an entirely different way somewhere else. I'm not surprising anyone, even if I am adapting for what that scenario might need. So it's kind of you hear this term protecting the core. Like how is the core of me unchanging across these different domains of my life? Wow. It's amazing. Why the word pursuit, Emily, in our framework? You know, I think we all have this human tendency, especially when something's not going exactly how we want it. And we just want, tell me what to do. I'll do it now. And then I want to be done with it and move on. And that is not what this is. Pursuit is ongoing. It is never ending. And in that, it's this chosen responsibility. I want to be in this for my life. I'm choosing it. I have agency. And so I think what it does is it busts us out of this microwave mindset where I just want it now and then I'm done. the intentional pursuit means that we put on discipline. And even when we don't feel like it, we submit our lives, our hearts, our whole selves to whole life excellence. And I will say when you start and you see the results, it actually becomes a great joy, even when it's hard. it's interesting. You talking about excellence, Emily. I think for some people it's a trigger word. I think for some people they they feel like that bar is way too high. maybe it's helpful for us to start on what it's not. Whole life excellence is not optimization. It's not achievement everywhere. That becomes way too heavy of a burden to hold. And it's not a formula. it's not A plus B equals C. So excellence is not an easy formula you use to plug in everywhere you go. It cannot be life is too nuanced and people are too unique. I think one of the things we've talked about is excellence. And we've discussed kind of the root of that word in arate and this idea that it's actually really rooted in character, that there is no misalignment between our being and our doing. That we are talking not so much about how you do what you do, but it's about how you are who you are. And is your being matching your doing? Is there an alignment between what matters most to you and how you operate out in the world? And so these are so interconnected, this idea of same person and excellence, because they have to do with your character and the heart of who you are. It's a it's a way of being that we intentionally pursue and recognize it's perhaps always just out of reach. We're not talking about perfection. We're talking about being alive. We're talking about showing up to your one life and continually realigning. this is super nerdy, but I I loved math. And there's an a line called an asthmatote where essentially you can approach this particular line and it's a line that sort of swoops up, like you're going up a mountain, but you always approach it, but you never actually hit it. And I think that's maybe the invitation that we're always in pursuit of excellence. But this side of heaven, I don't know that we ever reach it. But the invitation is a journey toward being more and more who you were created to be. It's amazing, MJ. It makes me think of the Greek word for character and it means to etch. Into your heart, into your being. And I think about, you know, excellence. Well, what are we not saying? We're not saying it's pressure. We're not saying just have this whole bunch of pressure on you. It's more like hold true. It's back to why we chose the words that we did. Be authentic and true to who you are and Etch it into yourself and rise to that level. That's what we're talking about with excellence. Okay, so if whole life excellence isn't necessarily doing everything well all the time, what is a well-lived life? I mean, if we're talking about the full send life, I want to bring us back to that. And it's not just the vacation you took in the Bahamas. Then what is this? what is this whole life excellence? And how does this framework structure a full sun life? Yeah, I think about this more in terms of it's a philosophy and a framework. This this way of life that we're talking about, where whole life excellence is like you said, it's not striving, it's not perfection. it's not achievement, it's not comparison. it's this invitation to actually bring your whole life under this sort of gentle light of reflection, of awareness, where I can look at every arena of my life, my work, my family, my finances, my health, my parenting, that ever there that there's no sort of stone unturned in my life. I'm willing to bring my whole life. To this light that that illuminates where there might be incredible character, where there might be growth edges, where there might be an invitation to be more of a way, where there might be an invitation to release something because I'm simply doing too much. It's allowing my whole life to be in alignment with my character. it's really beautiful that invitation I love that you say that word it's an invitation it's not a mandate it's an invitation can we go higher can we climb higher can we elevate there's always a next level can we go there one of the things we we love to do at the triad is We love this mountain metaphor. Like we're climbing, we're climbing higher, we're climbing up the mountain. And that feels so true in this. We were at a lake cabin in northern Idaho several years ago. And we were having a discussion. And we we it was one of our Russell moments. And we were we were disagreeing. We were in heated. mean, as heat as as we get with each other. I'm chuckling because this is the moment I'm remembering. And it was amazing. Like, I no, that's the dumbest answer ever. Like we were like arguing. I mean, we were we were budding heads. And so we stopped in the middle of it and we go, okay. I think you started with me. I think I started with you. And I said, Emily, okay, in your life, what is it that makes your life worth it? And you told me. Well, what I remember about this is all of us, we were not liking what each other was saying. And you were like, that's it. Ask the question. And we all said slightly different answers, but the we wrote them down on giant sticky post-it note papers. we like didn't interrupt each other. We put each person's on the sheet, on a separate sheet, and then We stepped back, we were in the kitchen, overlooking the lake, and we were like, that's it. Because what we missed is that in the slight variations of our humanness and how we said it, we said the same thing. And it was, it's a meaningful life, is grounded in purpose. It's filled with people and love. And it's built by a practice you return to over and over and over again. I had a moment where I was like, this is it. This is it. We found it. We found it. That that was a moment. And we all just went, whoa. Because then we started looking at our clients. And then we started saying, Is this true? Of All the people we know that we've worked with. Yes, it is. And it's held up. So then we started looking in, and each part of this framework is supported by an incredible, an abundance of research. And I think the thing that was unique about it is we are synthesizing. books and mountains of research into a framework where what we are what we are proposing is at the intersection of purpose and people and practice. When we live at the intersection of those things, that's how you build a life that counts. Yes. So let's just dive into a little bit, we're not gonna give all the research to you today, but we want a little bit of research. So Emily, why Purpose. How much time do I have? Okay, purpose is one of my favorites. I will tell you that I mean, again, the research, you can you can find as much research as you want on purpose. It's it's irrefutable, in my opinion. And the research would support too. But Jim Collins, an incredible researcher, just wrote a new book that it's all of our top five favorites in life. It's called What to Make of Life. And he studied 34 lives. And I absolutely love what his research says purpose is the meaningful direction that connects who you are What you care about and how we contribute beyond ourselves. Purpose helps us answer what is worth. Giving my life to? And what is the next meaningful step that I can take? it is the foundation of our framework. It really is. And for those of you who are asking or thinking in this moment, how do I find it? What is it? I don't know. Just know, keep listening to the podcast because we're just doing a flyby today. Right. But We will come back to this because I understand that. I understand that can feel like a really big thing. And you may not know how to find it or what it is for you, but we're gonna get there. MJ, let's move to people. Why is people in our framework? This is an incredible arena because we cannot do life without other people. And not only do we need people. To be healthy and whole. And but we want to be healthy and whole for other people. And the reality is, is many of our greatest issues are people problems. Let's be honest. My greatest wounds come from people, but also my greatest joys come from people. the research does support that relationships are strongly associated with longevity. Julianne Holtz Landstadt's landmark meta-analysis looks at 148 studies involving more than 300,000 people. And it is clear that stronger social relationships were associated with 50% increased likelihood of survival. Love is not peripheral to the good life, it's just not. People and purpose are so intricately tied together. There's a Harvard study of adult development that has been running for 80 years. And one of its enduring conclusions is that the quality of our relationships matters enormously for happiness and health across our lifespan. Robert Waldinger and Mart Schultz turned the research into a very accessible book, if you want to read it, called The Good Life. But there's a great phrase that they use and they say the good life is built with good relationships. We need belonging. And like we've talked about, one of the major themes that we see with clients, friends, is there's this element of loneliness, of alienation in some way. We need belonging. It is a basic need for people. And so I think a question that we can ask ourselves when we think about our purpose, you know, who am I becoming? But then you can add one word on the end. Who am I becoming? For? Who am I becoming for? It to what end am I becoming? This is not just for me, but for the the flourishing of many. Yeah, because I'm thinking people are hard. Yes. So yeah, yeah. Let's go, people, and you're hard. Yeah. sure it's easy to love people that are easy to love and get along with, but what about the person at work who is really hard to love? And your personalities have conflict and you communicate differently and you frustrate each other and people are irritable and they're tired and so listener, I just want you to know we're gonna get there. we can talk a big game about loving people, but how do we do that? And we're and keep listening. Because we'll talk to ready day to day. Yes, indeed. Okay, let's Let's round it out. What's the third pillar, Emily? The third pillar is practice. Ugh, why practice maybe, maybe the most challenging of them all? Because it requires that you do something uncomfortable, with what you've just learned or become aware of. So we have a core delivery system at the trad and it's no do be. there's infinite information, right? At the touch of a finger, you can have as much information as you want. Knowing what you need to do is not the problem. The problem is we have to actionize our change because that is how we become something different over time. in this framework, you are now not requiring change outside yourself to live a meaningful life. You are not waiting for so-and-so to change so you can be happy. You're not waiting for the perfect job, the perfect body. Perfect partner. Practice says, what are you gonna do with the change that you want? What's the free willy song? There's a song about this. Here is a free willy song that talks about like you gotta do it. Maybe it's Michael Jackson, guys. I don't know. Okay, we're gonna find some songs for this. Make a change. Man in the mirror. What do we tell you? I yeah, we can it might be that one. Okay. Freewilly whale, or it's anyway. Or it's Michael Jackson, the most classic singer of all time. Either one. Pick, take your pick. Either one. Okay, so in all seriousness, this is where the rubber meets the road. And you know, if you wanna change. Back it goes back to purpose, which I love. That's a reinforcing framework, This thing is going to stack on top of each other. It's going to bounce back and forth. It's a circle. It's a triangle. It's all interconnected. But I mean, even if we go straight back to purpose. And what is the question? What is worth giving my life to? And what is the next meaningful step I can take? And we will discover that. Love people all by actionizing what we're going to do about it. And then let me tell you your results. provide even just that smidge of motivation and won't stop wanting to because you're gonna see how good it's gonna be for you and everyone in your life when you put your heart and your life to practice. Well and I think I love how you say that and I want to just put skin on it because sometimes we'll talk on high levels. And so even what you just said, what is worth giving your life to? What if you were to say, gosh, my family so you've gotten very clear. I want to here are the people that are most important to me. And then you might say, Where am I discontent? I want more presence with my family. One of my clients, this was a very real discontent that he had. I want to be more present with my family. And so so many of us stop there. I want to be more present. And then we feel like we need to be excellent in everywhere all the time. And there's a vague sense of guilt, but we haven't actionized it. We haven't turned it into a practice. Well, this particular client His phone goes on his bedside table. He does not touch it until his kids go to bed. Now that means present with his family. This is what it looks like to take a desire, mission, purpose, people, turn it into a practice, and then you begin to reinforce the very meaning and desire that you want. that's so good. You know what I love about that? It's one action. It's a Relatively small thing. It doesn't require a lot of you other than the discipline to do it. And it probably has changed the entire tenor of their home when he's there. Yeah. Over months I have witnessed and seen that there is a change and how he relates to his family, to himself. And even in the midst of a lot of chaos in his life, it's the one habit he has not removed. Wow. And it's profound. And this is why we talk at the triads so much about incremental change. monumental results that so often I I am someone I want to change yesterday. I want to change now. I want all of my issues to be gone. And if I just work really hard at them really fast, they should be like snap done. this takes time, And as you do commit yourself day by day, just one thing, the next right step that we actually look back and say, These results. This is actually the life that I wanted. This is making life gambling. You know what I love about these three? we are constantly moving between them. Yes. So purpose, people, practice. It's not like They're off on their own islands. I mean, they are together and we are jumping from one to the next constantly. Okay. Here's what we're not going to promise you with whole life excellence. We're not going to promise you that, It's going to be a life without struggle. Because struggle will always be there. The hard things will always be there. But how we move through them will change significantly. As we embrace this idea of whole life excellence. Balance, Nope. Not going to promise it. Constant happiness. Nope. Not going to promise it. We're going to get closer to it because we're going to know what really causes happiness rather than thinking what causes happiness and it doesn't. somehow you'll just stop experiencing the things that humans experience. Nope. Same things will be there. But here's what we can promise you. We promise you as a coaching team that as we move closer to this idea of whole life excellence, standing hard on the pillars of purpose, people, and practice, we will gain clarity, which is huge. if you can grab on to clarity, life is going to look really differently. like maybe your windows are all fogged. someone comes and cleans them and wipes them off. And all of a sudden you can see clearly. Or like in the winter when I have ice on my windshield and I take my credit card because I never keep that thing in my car. all of a sudden I can see. That's what clarity does. It's like, my gosh, I didn't know. And now I can it's clear. Yeah. We're gonna promise you that it will bring agency back into your life. That idea that I have a choice. And I get to choose. And we can also promise that you will have greater hope, that you will walk into life differently because hope will be fueling you. And we know, we know, we know deep in our souls that we all need hope. Okay, so as we're finishing out today, all of this points to this idea that we want to make life count. So what does that mean to each of you? To make life count for me is not wasting a moment. I wore a ring in high school, got it when I was 16. It said carpe dm, you know, seize the day, kind of the the original send it or YOLO or whatever it might be. And I think there's always been for me this idea that I do want to suck the marrow out of life and I want to not waste a minute. And part of that for me is seeing people fully alive around me. And so to make my life count is to live my purpose, which is to seek wisdom and to choose joy and to live with authenticity and to give my life away generously. That is my mission. And I do it very imperfectly. And I have a lot of blind spots. but I don't want to miss a day of growth and opportunity to bless the people that are around me and live who I was made to be. Emily, what about you? Okay. I'm taking it all the way back to the beginning of this episode. And make life count to me means that the list of what I love grows, That as I live in make life count, it's a mounting list of what I love because it's alive. I'm alive to it. And it is depositing something in somebody else. It's leaving a legacy where people are changed because the list of what I love is long. Those are so good, both of you. I guess the one thing I would add. is that I spend time on things that will outlive me. That I will spend time on the things that really matter with legacy in mind. What a good episode. Yeah, this is fun. As we leave people today with a I mean, this is a lot. what's a coaching question you would pose to them? I think about the three P's. I'm gonna ask three simple questions. Name one thing that matters most in this season, purpose. People, name one person who deserves more of your presence. And with those in mind, name one small repeated action. That would bring your actual life closer to the life you say you want. What's your one action today? What's your one next right thing? So everyone, your life is happening now, like right now. So go live your purpose, love your people, and own your practice. Make life count.