Why Making Real Friends Becomes a Challenge As We Age

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And I think that's important for everybody to hear, Like,
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you should not be sitting around waiting for anybody, right,
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I mean, well, and.
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People do that romantic relationships too. I can't think of
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like one of the big things I tried to change
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about myself going into law school was not waiting for
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somebody to want to do the same thing as me
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to go out and do it, because I think there's
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a lot of experiences in New York that I didn't
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end up doing simply because I couldn't find somebody that
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wanted to do it with me. But now it's just like, oh, well,
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if I had said I was doing it, I'm sure
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somebody would have he would have wanted to come along
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or be it would have made somebody like met somebody
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there that I'd be you know.
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Yeah, I mean I think that is really key, is
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do the things you want to do right, do it
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by yourself. I know plenty of people who travel by
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themselves all the time. Well, I know, and that's so,
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you know, because you're doing something you want to do
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where a lot of people wait for something to happen,
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it's not going to happen, no, I mean, yeah, it's
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like waiting for someone to change. It's not going to happen.
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So you got to do the things that make you
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happy and got to do the things you want to do. Yeah,
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welcome to her unshakeable confidence. I'm Simone Canego and.
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I'm Olivia Canego.
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Each week we have honest conversations about confidence, self doubt,
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and the moments in life that shape who we become.
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Some weeks we talk with inspiring guests.
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In other weeks, it's just the two of us sharing
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what we're.
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Learning along the way.
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So pull up a chair and join the conversation.
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This is her unshakable confidence.
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Welcome to her unshakeable confidence. I'm Simone Canego and I'm
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Olivia Canego. And this week we're going to be talking
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about relationships of some sort kind of more like dynamics, dynamics,
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all of dynamics in general.
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Yeah, because I think I'm at the part of my
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life now where it went from your add experiences. And
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you'll guarantee you make friends through like you know, school,
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summer camp, internships and not not that internships are guaranteed,
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but like some of the internship programs are. And now
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I'm transitioning to the adult world where you actually have
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to like put an effort to find friends.
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Yeah, and you're not wrong, they're like a lot of
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it though, comes naturally once you get into different situations,
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like your sister in law. In law and I were
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talking about, like she's going to start a program like
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a mommy and Me program in September, I think September.
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We like because it's a great way so you meet
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other moms and right right, right, and people decide, you know,
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wave of life as view, Yeah, for sure, I mean
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it is. It makes a lot of sense that a
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lot of the friends that I have today are friends
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that I made when you guys were really little, right.
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And even if you're not, like we're not friends, like
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their kids aren't like friends anymore.
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Yeah, I mean everybody knows each other, right, so, but yeah,
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it is interesting, like where do you find your friends?
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And sometimes I think the most interesting thing for me
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is that when your dad and I were younger, we
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were always going out all the time with other people,
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you know, and we still it's not that we don't,
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but there's something to be said for just hanging out
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together now, right.
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Yeah, wait, I actually was dressed on the phone with
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Jack obviously, because what else do I do with my
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my time living by myself? But I was just thinking
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that because I've actually had to like push myself a
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lot harder this summer. But if he was just here,
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I probably wouldn't. Yeah, it is interesting, right, right, And
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I am like a naturally social person obviously, obviously it
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only you know, it only took me twenty three years
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to figure out that I'm actually extroverted. But I think
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that the level of comfort you get from like being
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with your long term partners, like, Oh, like, I don't
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know if I want to do like the what do
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they call those like dating five minute dating things? What
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do you call it?
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Speed dating?
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Ah?
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Yeah, I don't know if I want to do the
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speed dating for friends when I just already have like
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my best friend living at home with me.
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Yeah, but it is nice to kind of like expand
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that I know.
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And obviously this summer, like I haven't been the best
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at it, mostly because I'm like, Okay, there's like an
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end date on this, and I do I want to
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spend my limited weekends making friends that I know? That's
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such a bad mindset.
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No, you can't know it like that relationships last forever.
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Right, right, and it's it's not I don't know.
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Yeah, I think you have to think about it differently because,
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I mean, people you never know when people you meet
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at some point are going to come back into your life, mean,
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or the connection you're going to keep with that, right,
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Relationships always matter.
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I had like such a small world moment on Saturday.
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We went out actually with one of your friend's kids me, like,
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and just you know her friends like I know them
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or like I know them through people. Yeah, just another
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binder of always treat people with kindness and show up
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with your best version of you because you never know
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your reputation that's going around. Interesting, Oh mine's not bad. No,
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it was just like one of those things that I
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was thinking about. It's like, just like the way connections work,
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especially with social media now, It's like I can see
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that two people that I would have never thought knew
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each other somehow follow each other on Instagram, right, and
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it's like, do they even know that they both know me?
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Right?
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Not?
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No, one's as nosy as I am. But my point
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there being like show up as the best version of
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yourself all the time.
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Yeah, I mean I think also that the relationship part
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is huge because I think what you just said was
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that idea of that these people like do I put
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the effort in because but you always you should always
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put the effort in because you never know where it's
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going to go. I mean you could say that about college,
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that if people are being in college, it's a temporary
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everything and you don't know. I mean, you know, you
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have friends forever because of that.
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I think right now I'm just in a particularly weird
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spot in life.
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So I do think that you have to think about
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every relationship because you never know. And there's so many honestly,
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there's so many keynote speakers now that talk about the
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power of relationships and rich relationships and all these different things,
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because you want to have those relationships before you need.
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Them, agreed. I mean, like that's a big concept. I
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feel like I see on Instagram all the time that
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everybody wants a village, but nobody wants to put in
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the work of having a village. It's like, you can't
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just expect people to do things for you if you're
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not going to do them for them. Kind of mentality.
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Yeah, don't ask for something if you've never offered to
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do anything before, right, right, so right, And.
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I mean like that goes back to highlighting the importance
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of relationships. It's just so weird as a young adult
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making friends also like the first time in my life
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that people my friends are not just my age. Yeah.
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I think that's a big difference too, is that when
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you when you're not meeting people within a classroom setting
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or your grade or whatever you want to call it,
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you know, you definitely have a big, you know, array
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of people that you meet that they don't have to
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be the same age.
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Right, it's not even and it goes beyond like the
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same age. It's the same like kind of upbringing and
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same background in general. And I feel like we all
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kind of get into our paths of life, whether you
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go to college, whether you don't go to college, whether
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you go to trade school, et cetera, and you stick
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with this group of people. But at least for me,
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this is the first time like stepping outside of you know,
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the academic area, academic arena, that you're really meeting people
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from all sorts of backgrounds. And that's like an additional
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layer to navigate, not necessarily a bad layer at all.
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Like it's kind of cool having friends that are way
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older and way younger than you. But it's just like
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an additional thing to think about.
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Well, you know, it's interesting you said that. So when
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I joined I joined National Young Leadership Cabinet whatever year.
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That was twenty thirteen, and the first event I went to,
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I stayed by myself because I really didn't know anybody.
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And then I started talking to the person who was
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basically our orientation leader, and I said, you know, for
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next year or for our trip, like our mission trip.
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I said, I, you know, i'd love to find a roommate.
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What's the best way to do it. She goes, well,
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I'd love to be your roommate. And I was like, wait, what,
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Like you're you're in a you know, two classes above me.
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How does that work? You know, because I was so
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used to your rank. Yeah, yeah, and that's not real life.
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No, it's not real life at all.
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From all different.
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So even in law school, like you know, it's not
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that I'm actively trying to avoid making friends with the
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people in the grades below me. It's just that I
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haven't had the opportunity to do so. So now it's
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like when I see people that's like, oh, like my
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best friend is a class below me, and I'm like,
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how how how did you even accomplish that? But when
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you enter the real world, it's like, yeah, like my
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co worker is fifty something years old and he's my
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best friend that I talked to every single day.
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Yeah, I mean you you might be you know, what
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we talked about before is you might be attracted to
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or connect with people that are in the same stage
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of life as you. But sometimes that's not true at all, right,
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and that's great.
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Well, and that's one of the things I kind of
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think I learned in college a little bit. It's just
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that someone being the same age as you does not
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mean they're in the same set of life as you.
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And also maybe not the same maturity level.
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I think that's that's what I was at the same
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maturity level.
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Yeah, what I was.
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Trying to but.
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I don't know.
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I mean, like, I'm working on it. It's getting better
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speaking friends, yeah, but it's just a it's a.
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It's hard for everybody. Yeah, the most outgoing people. It's
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finding that deep friendship that I don't think you find
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it as often as people think, right.
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And I am a kind of person that I realized
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this recently, Like and it's something I'm really trying to
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work on is prior to probably this year, I didn't
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have acquaintances. I only had to like either I knew you,
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I didn't know you, or you're my best friend. Like,
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I had no casual friends. And I'm really trying to
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work on this idea of a casual friend. Like, you know,
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you don't need to fundamentally get along with everybody on
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every issue to be you know, friends with them, or
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go to a new restaurant or you know, do an
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activity together. You just need to like like them enough
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to spend three to four hours with them. And that's
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like an additional layer of relationships that I'm working on.
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Yeah, I mean you learn something from everybody you meet.
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And you know, there's definitely people that will go out
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to dinner with, but we're not calling them all of
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the time. Right Again, life is so busy that it's
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hard to do.
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Yeah, And that's another thing that I'm realizing is that that's
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the beauty of casual friendships is that, like everybody is
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so busy in life that it's easier to keep these
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relationships together because the expectations aren't so hot.
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I was gonna say no expectations.
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Right, Yeah, it's like, if I see you for dinner, great.
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If I don't see you for dinner, oh, we'll catch
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up at the next event.
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Okay, I watched this crazy movie the other day.
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Which one are you gonna say? Obsession?
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No, maternal instincts. Have you watched it? It's a documentary?
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Okay, Oh I'm shocked. Have it actually? Because I love
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my weird docus.
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Oh yeah, you need to watch it, so I guess
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I can't really give it away. But anyways, the the well,
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everybody knows the story because it's well you might not
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know the story, but it's you know, it was on
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the news. So basically, this woman she kind of created
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this friendship with this other woman and she ends up
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stealing her not even born baby.
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Yeah yeah, okay.
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So when I say that deep friendships sometimes are harder
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to come by, you also have to be very careful
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you invite into your circle.
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That obviously it was intent at all, But since I have,
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you know, had been like the kind of person and
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I realized how off putting it can be. I'm the
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kind of person that goes from like zero to one
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hundred and friendships really fast and it's bit me in
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the butt so many times. Obviously not to the point
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where I'm having somebody come over to my house. It's
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still my unborn child out of my womb.
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But do you remember the night we were at the
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bar and you made besties with that one girl at
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the bar and like, yeah, you know, yeah, see I
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need to say thing like your future And then like
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I used to start doing what was I thinking?
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Like that's what I'm saying, Like I got it's something hilarious.
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But I'm really personable.
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What can I say?
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Yeah? And again, casual friendships are great, and you know
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you save the deep friendships for the few people. And
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actually the deep friendship thing is like, let me clarify
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that it's someone that you can pick up with, you know,
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wherever you left off, and I still don't need that constant,
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but it's like someone that you've known for a really
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long time.
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Do you think the friendships require the constant And that's
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why it's easier when you're younger. I mean like, yeah,
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one of your best friends is from college, when you
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had the same time one of my best friends is
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from college. When you have the time to really work
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on those like super formative relationships. But now it's like, Okay,
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I work nine to six, takes me thirty minutes to
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get to work, thirty minutes to get home. The last
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thing I want to do on a like a week
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night is go and do anything.
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Yeah. And I think also the hard, hard thing is
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when you're in a relationship, like you know, a long
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term relationship with somebody, like you do want to spend
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your time with them. And then if you have friends
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that don't necessarily get along with them, or they're not
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like sometimes they're just not compatible, right, So it's not
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like you'll do everything together. I think you're very fortunate
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in that in your relationship you he I don't want
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to say puts up with, but he's totally fine when
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you go out with your friends, right, And that's great
297
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and the same for me, And I think that's an
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important thing that you can have that time wherever.
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You're not dependent.
300
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Yeah, because you know, as life changes, I mean especially
301
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for me, your dad was working so much, so I
302
00:15:07.759 --> 00:15:09.559
needed to be able to figure out, Okay, what do
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I do when he's not home, Like I don't want
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to be sitting around waiting for anybody. Yeah, And I
305
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think that's important for everybody to hear, Like, you should
306
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not be sitting around waiting for anybody, right, I mean, well, and.
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That does people do the romantic relationships too. I can't
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think of like one of the big things I tried
309
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to change about myself going into law school was not
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waiting for somebody to want to do the same thing
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as me, to go out and do it, because I
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think there's a lot of experiences in New York that
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I didn't end up doing simply because I couldn't find
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somebody that wanted to do it with me. But now
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it's just like, oh well, if I had said I
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was doing it, I'm sure somebody would have he would
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have wanted to come along, or be I would have
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made somebody, like met somebody there that i'd be you know.
319
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Yeah, I mean I think that is really key is
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00:15:55.279 --> 00:15:58.399
do the things you want to do right, do it
321
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by yourself. I know any of people who travel by
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themselves all the time. Oh I know, And that's so great,
323
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you know, because you're doing something you want to do
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where a lot of people wait for something to happen,
325
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it's not going to happen nor and I Yeah, it's
326
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like waiting for someone to change. It's not going to happen.
327
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So you got to do the things that make you
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happy and got to do the things you want to do.
329
00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:27.840
Yeah, but growing up is so scary, Like it's scary,
330
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you know. Yeah, you have the normal changes of like Okay,
331
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obviously all of these are hypothetical because I'm so very
332
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dependent on my parents. But like you have the normal
333
00:16:38.360 --> 00:16:40.720
changes of like Okay, I have to support myself. I
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have to figure out a job. I have to you know, figure.
335
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Out for my cell phone plan.
336
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Yeah, health insurance, go to the doctor, book, all these
337
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things about yourself. But then the things that you think
338
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are so constant, like your ability to make friends, that
339
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also changes. And I think that's something people don't talk about, like, yeah,
340
00:16:58.399 --> 00:17:00.879
adult relationships are different, but what that actually mean?
341
00:17:03.120 --> 00:17:08.599
Yeah, and it's different for every person though too. So
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I mean, like I could say, yes, adult relationships are different,
343
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and sometimes they're not. Like, you know, I have a
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girlfriend group. We do and it's it's such a cool Again,
345
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this is like one of those cool things. I didn't
346
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get to go this year because I was up here
347
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with the baby, which is where I am right now.
348
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I was up in DC, but they we've done a
349
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girls trip for eighteen years. I don't know how many
350
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years really really maybe more than that, and now it's
351
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more of a core group. It used to be much
352
00:17:45.880 --> 00:17:48.839
bigger and now it's been the same people for the
353
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last however many years. And it's a really cool thing
354
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because watching our evolution of we used to go and
355
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we used to go to bars all the time. And
356
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this year they rented a a beach house and just
357
00:18:01.359 --> 00:18:03.680
hung out and talked and sway them And of course
358
00:18:03.720 --> 00:18:08.599
I wasn't there, but it looked amazing and like, well.
359
00:18:08.480 --> 00:18:12.240
I felt that this with my best friend visiting this weekend. Yes,
360
00:18:13.480 --> 00:18:15.720
I was like, oh my god, Like we're old. We
361
00:18:15.759 --> 00:18:19.000
didn't The latest we stayed out was like eleven thirty
362
00:18:19.359 --> 00:18:23.960
and for us, that's like that's you know, like less
363
00:18:23.960 --> 00:18:25.240
than our college heydays.
364
00:18:25.559 --> 00:18:26.440
Was insane.
365
00:18:26.519 --> 00:18:28.839
But I guess that's that's also the cool part about
366
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adult friendships. The ones that lost are like the people
367
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that you grow with too.
368
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And also you don't feel like you're missing anything, right,
369
00:18:35.880 --> 00:18:39.680
you realize that, like, Okay, what I wanted from this
370
00:18:39.759 --> 00:18:41.680
evening was to hang out with this person. It's not
371
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about going to a bar. And any of that stuff.
372
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And so I think that's the cool thing about as
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relationships grow like that that I want to say deepness,
374
00:18:52.799 --> 00:18:55.759
but that just sounds weird. But you know that depth that's.
375
00:18:55.599 --> 00:18:57.319
The way that's that's way better.
376
00:18:57.400 --> 00:19:01.559
Yeah, the depth to the relationship isn't about okay, you know,
377
00:19:01.880 --> 00:19:04.000
how like can we stay up and we're gonna get
378
00:19:04.079 --> 00:19:04.799
right wasted?
379
00:19:04.880 --> 00:19:08.079
And how much like things change within I don't know,
380
00:19:08.119 --> 00:19:11.079
two to three years. It's that's why you know you're
381
00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:14.319
you're sixteen to like twenty six. It feels like feel
382
00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:16.240
like the most formative years and I'm not even two
383
00:19:16.319 --> 00:19:18.759
twenty six yet. The most formative years of my life
384
00:19:18.920 --> 00:19:21.960
I've been sixteen to right now, because I have experienced
385
00:19:21.960 --> 00:19:27.599
the most growth between even like month by month, I.
386
00:19:27.559 --> 00:19:31.160
Mean, hallo. I mean I got married at twenty one,
387
00:19:31.319 --> 00:19:34.000
I had your brother at twenty four, right, I mean,
388
00:19:34.200 --> 00:19:38.880
so you when you think about that, how much growth
389
00:19:38.920 --> 00:19:42.960
I had as a human and how I had no
390
00:19:43.079 --> 00:19:46.960
clue what I was doing, I'm amazed like that it
391
00:19:47.000 --> 00:19:50.599
all worked out. I mean it does. But like I
392
00:19:50.680 --> 00:19:56.039
look at your oldest well your older brother because he's
393
00:19:56.079 --> 00:20:02.119
the oldest of you know, and watching them race their baby,
394
00:20:02.279 --> 00:20:03.440
and but.
395
00:20:03.480 --> 00:20:05.720
Also yeah, I'm looking at his how his life has
396
00:20:05.759 --> 00:20:08.920
changed so much in the last five years.
397
00:20:09.200 --> 00:20:14.880
Yeah, I mean married, baby, new city, new job, new friends,
398
00:20:15.000 --> 00:20:20.000
new everything. Right, I mean, so life is all about change.
399
00:20:20.039 --> 00:20:26.799
I actually wrote about it. My last blog article was
400
00:20:26.839 --> 00:20:32.160
about instead of so often we're told to brace for change,
401
00:20:32.759 --> 00:20:36.759
and I truly believe it's about embracing change, like right,
402
00:20:37.480 --> 00:20:40.720
because change is going to happen all the time, and
403
00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:42.839
it's really figuring out what you want from it instead
404
00:20:42.839 --> 00:20:44.079
of saying, oh my god, this is going to be
405
00:20:44.119 --> 00:20:46.119
bad or I don't know what to do next. And
406
00:20:46.799 --> 00:20:49.880
I mean that's a big part of making friends is saying, Okay,
407
00:20:50.200 --> 00:20:50.880
what do I want?
408
00:20:51.200 --> 00:20:53.799
You know what, I'm realizing that nobody knows what they're
409
00:20:53.799 --> 00:20:55.440
freaking doing in any aspect.
410
00:20:56.079 --> 00:20:56.920
That's so true.
411
00:20:57.039 --> 00:20:59.160
Nobody ever knows what they're doing. And if you just
412
00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:00.160
like play it off your.
413
00:21:00.119 --> 00:21:05.920
Fine, you're fuddy. Yeah it's true. I mean, it's the
414
00:21:05.960 --> 00:21:09.519
biggest when you ask that question, that's the answer you get.
415
00:21:09.880 --> 00:21:12.519
Nobody knows. I have no idea, what do you want?
416
00:21:12.559 --> 00:21:13.880
I have no idea. What are you doing with the
417
00:21:13.920 --> 00:21:16.799
rest of your life? I have no idea? Yeah, nobody
418
00:21:16.839 --> 00:21:19.680
knows and you just figure it out as you go.
419
00:21:19.799 --> 00:21:21.000
We're humans, that's what we do.
420
00:21:21.720 --> 00:21:25.200
It reminds me I had to write and I did
421
00:21:25.240 --> 00:21:27.559
not get into this law school. It was like where
422
00:21:27.559 --> 00:21:29.720
do you see yourself in five years from now? And
423
00:21:29.759 --> 00:21:31.400
I wrote something that was like, I just want to
424
00:21:31.400 --> 00:21:35.240
be happy, like successful, And they definitely wanted, like I
425
00:21:35.319 --> 00:21:37.640
want to be working at this firm doing this type
426
00:21:37.640 --> 00:21:40.519
of law, you know. But I was just like, I
427
00:21:40.519 --> 00:21:42.279
don't know what I want in five years. So now
428
00:21:42.279 --> 00:21:44.880
I just hope I'm happy and I'm content with myself.
429
00:21:45.200 --> 00:21:50.240
Yeah, yeah, I mean I think that's true. I think again.
430
00:21:50.920 --> 00:21:53.559
I thought it was the most honest answer I could get, right,
431
00:21:53.599 --> 00:21:54.559
because it's like that is.
432
00:21:54.440 --> 00:21:57.880
What still what I want. Like, as long as I'm
433
00:21:57.920 --> 00:22:01.039
happy and content with where I am, I'll be fine.
434
00:22:01.400 --> 00:22:05.480
We're watching a new show today called Trying, and it's
435
00:22:05.559 --> 00:22:08.720
a I think it's a British show that the couple
436
00:22:09.680 --> 00:22:11.680
they find out that they can't have kids, and so
437
00:22:11.839 --> 00:22:14.119
they decide to go the adoption route and they go
438
00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:17.000
to the first meeting and they were saying, well how
439
00:22:17.000 --> 00:22:21.359
long does it take and they're like, well a year, Well,
440
00:22:21.440 --> 00:22:24.440
a year to get your paperwork in and they're like, okay,
441
00:22:24.440 --> 00:22:26.799
and then you can get a baby. And they're like,
442
00:22:27.799 --> 00:22:31.359
most of the children are not babies, they're older kids
443
00:22:31.480 --> 00:22:36.119
or whatever. And you know, kind of watching that whole
444
00:22:37.079 --> 00:22:41.440
thing play out and looking, you know, watching them watch
445
00:22:41.480 --> 00:22:45.920
their friends have have babies and that kind of stuff.
446
00:22:45.960 --> 00:22:49.920
But it was actually, it's actually really so far, I've
447
00:22:50.000 --> 00:22:53.359
really enjoyed it and really funny. But the thing that
448
00:22:53.400 --> 00:22:55.880
I wanted to bring up about it was that when
449
00:22:55.880 --> 00:22:57.880
we talk about how we don't know what we're doing,
450
00:22:58.200 --> 00:23:03.359
so they fill out the huge application, which I'm very
451
00:23:03.359 --> 00:23:05.519
familiar with because we did it three times.
452
00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:09.319
And all three times.
453
00:23:07.799 --> 00:23:12.079
They completely set no completely separate stuff you should I mean,
454
00:23:12.160 --> 00:23:15.119
the stacks of paperwork you can't even see. Multiply this
455
00:23:15.160 --> 00:23:17.640
by ten is what I have at home still of
456
00:23:17.799 --> 00:23:19.839
you know, all the documents that because I kept a
457
00:23:19.880 --> 00:23:22.240
copy of everything because you just never know. But anyways,
458
00:23:22.720 --> 00:23:27.960
in with the application, they had also created this checklist
459
00:23:27.960 --> 00:23:30.200
of the things that they needed to change about themselves
460
00:23:30.519 --> 00:23:36.079
so that they could be like good parents or maybe
461
00:23:36.079 --> 00:23:38.359
be accepted to adopt a child. It was like, okay,
462
00:23:38.480 --> 00:23:44.480
drink less, stop smoking, I forget like make more money.
463
00:23:44.519 --> 00:23:46.279
Like they had this whole list of stuff that was
464
00:23:46.319 --> 00:23:50.119
really funny, and when they were putting the application in,
465
00:23:51.519 --> 00:23:54.759
they actually put that in with it by mistake, and
466
00:23:54.839 --> 00:23:57.000
so then of course they panic that like they'll never
467
00:23:57.039 --> 00:23:59.799
be approved because they basically just sent them a list
468
00:23:59.799 --> 00:24:03.119
of all of their faults. And they're like, well, they
469
00:24:03.200 --> 00:24:05.240
know who we are now, Like we're brutally honest about
470
00:24:05.279 --> 00:24:07.319
like who we are. So, you know, I think that's
471
00:24:07.359 --> 00:24:09.599
the thing about it is that, yeah, nobody knows what
472
00:24:09.640 --> 00:24:13.319
they're doing. Literally, just we're just getting by and doing
473
00:24:13.359 --> 00:24:16.119
our best, and you know, and some days it's great,
474
00:24:16.119 --> 00:24:17.400
and some days you're like, well.
475
00:24:18.000 --> 00:24:19.839
That did not work. I can let me try something
476
00:24:19.880 --> 00:24:20.640
different tomorrow.
477
00:24:21.519 --> 00:24:22.480
That could use a do over.
478
00:24:22.559 --> 00:24:25.519
But yeah, I've had a couple of those recently. It's like, oh,
479
00:24:25.960 --> 00:24:31.559
just let's tweak it a little bit, tweak that, and thinking, yeah.
480
00:24:30.400 --> 00:24:33.759
Well, anyways, this was a fun conversation. Yeah, So what's
481
00:24:34.200 --> 00:24:36.519
what's the takeaway? Yeah, growing up is scary, but like
482
00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:37.759
everybody does it.
483
00:24:38.240 --> 00:24:39.880
This is the most grown up I think I've ever
484
00:24:39.960 --> 00:24:44.000
felt like this summer. I don't know if it's like
485
00:24:44.079 --> 00:24:47.079
living alone or if it's I know, like after this summer,
486
00:24:48.720 --> 00:24:52.000
it's my last year of being a kid pretty much
487
00:24:54.079 --> 00:24:57.640
living alone, being a kid, the living alone thing, Like,
488
00:24:58.319 --> 00:25:00.559
I've gotten so much more comfortable myself.
489
00:25:01.559 --> 00:25:05.119
Yeah, you don't know what you can do until you
490
00:25:05.160 --> 00:25:07.880
try it, right, And yeah, you know, I think it.
491
00:25:08.640 --> 00:25:12.599
I know for so many people, they've never really had
492
00:25:12.640 --> 00:25:15.640
that experience of kind of being out there.
493
00:25:16.079 --> 00:25:18.079
Although it is one of those things that I don't
494
00:25:18.079 --> 00:25:20.839
think everybody needs to live alone. Like I think everybody
495
00:25:21.119 --> 00:25:22.680
needs to live in a big city at one point
496
00:25:22.720 --> 00:25:26.319
in their lives. Okay, it doesn't have to be New York,
497
00:25:26.319 --> 00:25:28.279
don't get me wrong. It can be any big city
498
00:25:28.519 --> 00:25:32.319
just like that has tall buildings and it's like semi walkable.
499
00:25:32.839 --> 00:25:33.440
That's all I think.
500
00:25:33.440 --> 00:25:38.759
He lived in a big city. I'm still okay. I
501
00:25:38.759 --> 00:25:42.359
think it's good. I think it's good for independence, right.
502
00:25:42.440 --> 00:25:45.200
I think it really teaches you how to figure things out. No,
503
00:25:45.279 --> 00:25:48.720
I never did. I turned out Okay, I mean okay.
504
00:25:50.400 --> 00:25:52.519
But yeah, I guess you really did.
505
00:25:52.599 --> 00:25:52.880
Huh.
506
00:25:52.960 --> 00:25:54.519
Yeah. So I mean we can look at a lot
507
00:25:54.519 --> 00:25:56.640
of different things. Well I should do this.
508
00:25:56.720 --> 00:25:58.160
But like, if you're going to give you my advice,
509
00:25:58.200 --> 00:26:00.799
I don't think everybody needs to live alone. I think
510
00:26:01.480 --> 00:26:04.119
you can discover the things about you that I discovered
511
00:26:04.160 --> 00:26:07.480
living alone in other circumstances, but it definitely has been
512
00:26:07.519 --> 00:26:08.319
pretty formative.
513
00:26:09.200 --> 00:26:13.119
I think two things that people need to do. Talk
514
00:26:13.160 --> 00:26:17.000
to strangers. Yeah, not as a child, but as an adult,
515
00:26:17.160 --> 00:26:19.279
like you never know what you're going to learn from somebody.
516
00:26:19.759 --> 00:26:24.279
And travel even I'm not saying like go get on
517
00:26:24.319 --> 00:26:28.759
a ten thousand dollars flight, but taking a bus somewhere
518
00:26:28.759 --> 00:26:32.000
and seeing something different and going to a different state.
519
00:26:32.359 --> 00:26:36.559
And really because we make these assumptions. I think the
520
00:26:38.160 --> 00:26:40.519
World Cup was a great example of it. People have
521
00:26:40.599 --> 00:26:44.440
assumptions of how people live and how people are until
522
00:26:44.480 --> 00:26:46.240
they get there and they're like, wait, this is not
523
00:26:46.279 --> 00:26:52.000
what I expected, right, And I think and again, help
524
00:26:52.039 --> 00:26:55.000
people become friends and help people stay friends, and how
525
00:26:55.039 --> 00:26:57.240
people don't stay friends. I mean that's another big piece
526
00:26:57.240 --> 00:26:57.480
of it.
527
00:26:58.319 --> 00:27:00.240
Yeah, I think that well was like so beautif full
528
00:27:00.240 --> 00:27:01.599
in terms of relationships.
529
00:27:02.640 --> 00:27:05.319
Yeah, I mean I think a lot of people made
530
00:27:05.400 --> 00:27:09.720
lasting relationships. And watching some of the posts from people
531
00:27:09.759 --> 00:27:13.920
saying wow, I really had no clue that this is
532
00:27:13.920 --> 00:27:16.400
how it was in the United States and I met
533
00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:20.680
the most amazing people and you know, so again, keep
534
00:27:20.720 --> 00:27:26.640
it open, right, just never make assumptions and yeah, put
535
00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:29.079
yourself out there. Yeah, put yourself out there.
536
00:27:29.279 --> 00:27:31.680
No, I'm just more of like the don't make assumptions thing.
537
00:27:31.799 --> 00:27:34.240
Yeah, don't make an ass out of you and me.
538
00:27:35.759 --> 00:27:36.240
That was good.
539
00:27:36.480 --> 00:27:38.440
Don't assume anything. You've never heard that before.
540
00:27:38.519 --> 00:27:39.839
Well obviously I've heard that before.
541
00:27:41.480 --> 00:27:46.079
Okay, just check it. I think we're good.
542
00:27:46.480 --> 00:27:47.759
Yeah, I do my thing.
543
00:27:47.880 --> 00:27:49.440
Yeah, tell me your calendar.
544
00:27:50.440 --> 00:27:53.079
We're simply using fear as a band aid to cover
545
00:27:53.160 --> 00:27:56.359
everything we don't want to face. It's an explanation that
546
00:27:56.440 --> 00:27:58.759
allows us to put that task off indefinitely.
547
00:27:59.839 --> 00:28:03.319
I think that's like great for this episode, right, Yeah,
548
00:28:03.359 --> 00:28:06.519
I mean we fear the unknown, right, so when it
549
00:28:06.559 --> 00:28:09.759
comes to meeting new people, when it comes to you know,
550
00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:12.759
your workplace, when it comes to any of that, then
551
00:28:13.400 --> 00:28:15.880
we're afraid that. Okay, what if people don't like me,
552
00:28:16.640 --> 00:28:18.599
Well then they're not your people. I mean, there's so
553
00:28:18.680 --> 00:28:21.720
many people out there that you can meet and become
554
00:28:21.720 --> 00:28:25.240
friends with, and yeah, put yourself out there and create
555
00:28:25.240 --> 00:28:27.200
those relationships because you never know when you're gonna need
556
00:28:27.200 --> 00:28:29.519
them in the future in a good way. Not like
557
00:28:29.519 --> 00:28:30.920
you need them, but you know what I mean, like
558
00:28:31.720 --> 00:28:38.200
like you build them because it's supports you so I agree.
559
00:28:40.440 --> 00:28:42.000
Love you. Good seeing you.
560
00:28:41.680 --> 00:28:42.079
I love you.
561
00:28:42.799 --> 00:28:44.200
Okay, thanks.
562
00:28:44.240 --> 00:28:46.680
Hang out with your your favorite grand kid or something.
563
00:28:46.920 --> 00:28:47.559
Yeah, I am.
564
00:28:47.599 --> 00:28:49.200
Well, I'm gonna take a shower and then I'm gonna
565
00:28:49.240 --> 00:28:50.960
go hang out with my favorite grand kid. Although it's
566
00:28:51.079 --> 00:28:55.039
it's almost bed time, he's he had his bath, he's
567
00:28:55.039 --> 00:28:59.160
probably drinking some milk and then it's bedtime.
568
00:29:00.119 --> 00:29:02.880
Seems like all babies do sleep, eat.
569
00:29:02.799 --> 00:29:08.559
Safe, eat, Yeah, sometimes babe sleeping cry a bit, Yeah,
570
00:29:08.839 --> 00:29:14.640
babies do. Yeah. People want and people want them. Yeah,
571
00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:17.319
because they're so cute and snugly.
572
00:29:17.599 --> 00:29:19.720
Yeah, I don't know. I feel like I'm waiting for
573
00:29:19.759 --> 00:29:22.400
my maternal instinct to kick in. Still, I don't know
574
00:29:22.400 --> 00:29:23.319
when that's going to happen.
575
00:29:23.759 --> 00:29:26.319
Okay, for some people, I buy not you know, I mean,
576
00:29:26.400 --> 00:29:28.680
I know there's nothing to say that you have to
577
00:29:28.759 --> 00:29:32.240
have kids. I mean that's your choice.
578
00:29:32.279 --> 00:29:33.920
Well, it'd be a shame if I didn't pass down
579
00:29:33.960 --> 00:29:36.680
my beauty intelligence to the next generation.
580
00:29:37.000 --> 00:29:41.680
So you are so right, And with that, thank you,
581
00:29:42.119 --> 00:29:44.480
Thank you so much for joining us on this week's
582
00:29:44.519 --> 00:29:48.279
episode of her Unshakeable Confidence. Don't forget to rate review,
583
00:29:48.599 --> 00:29:51.759
share it with a friend, and we'll see you next time.
584
00:29:52.839 --> 00:29:53.079
Bye.
585
00:29:53.160 --> 00:29:53.640
Guys.
586
00:29:53.839 --> 00:29:59.119
Bye, guys, Thank you for listening to her unshakeable confidence.
587
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.599
If this conversation resonated with you, be sure to subscribe
588
00:30:03.640 --> 00:30:04.440
and leave a review.
589
00:30:04.559 --> 00:30:06.000
Some more women can find the show.
590
00:30:06.359 --> 00:30:07.559
Keep trusting yourself.
591
00:30:08.119 --> 00:30:09.559
You are stronger than you think.
592
00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:11.640
You are unshakable.
593
00:30:12.480 --> 00:30:13.319
See you next week.