Tristan Johnson - Redefining Masculinity Through Christ's Example

WEBVTT
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:03.600
What do you like to do when you want to show a girl that you like her and he goes, Oh man, I go get flowers?
00:00:03.680 --> 00:00:04.639
And I say, Oh, that's classic.
00:00:04.719 --> 00:00:04.959
Yeah.
00:00:05.040 --> 00:00:07.360
I mean, what girl doesn't like flowers, right?
00:00:07.599 --> 00:00:14.960
But when you think about it in the context you're trying to get to, flowers are good, but they smell better in a clean kitchen in a clean house.
00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:18.160
Welcome to God at Work.
00:00:18.320 --> 00:00:21.199
Stories of calling, courage, and conviction.
00:00:21.359 --> 00:00:28.879
Through real stories and meaningful conversations, we'll discover how God shows up in the boardroom, the job site, and beyond.
00:00:29.120 --> 00:00:33.039
Here's your hosts, Gina Ventola and Adam Kemper.
00:00:40.799 --> 00:00:42.320
Welcome to God at Work.
00:00:42.479 --> 00:00:50.320
Today we're joined by Tristan Johnson, founder of Elite Men's Ministry and a board member with NCMM National Speakers Bureau.
00:00:50.479 --> 00:01:01.039
A passionate visionary, servant leader, and dynamic entrepreneur with multidimensional experience in business and ministry are just a few phrases that describe Tristan.
00:01:01.280 --> 00:01:14.079
An experienced business strategist, executive coach, consultant, and public speaker, Tristan is the at the forefront of forthcoming young leaders taking the 21st century by storm for the kingdom of God.
00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:20.159
Elite is their acronym for enriching lives into eternal or into eternity.
00:01:20.400 --> 00:01:29.280
This acronym is their way of symbolizing the importance of men understanding and embracing and fulfilling their right role in the kingdom of God.
00:01:29.519 --> 00:01:31.120
That is beautiful, Tristan.
00:01:31.280 --> 00:01:32.640
Thank you so much for joining us.
00:01:32.719 --> 00:01:34.000
I'm excited to learn more.
00:01:34.319 --> 00:01:35.519
Oh, thank you for having me.
00:01:35.599 --> 00:01:36.319
This is fantastic.
00:01:36.480 --> 00:01:37.920
Appreciate the time today.
00:01:38.560 --> 00:01:40.799
Tristan, I'm so glad you're here.
00:01:40.959 --> 00:01:42.640
And thank you for sharing audience.
00:01:42.719 --> 00:01:47.200
We had a wonderful conversation off camera about church potlucks.
00:01:47.599 --> 00:01:50.799
And we are all three of us big fans of them.
00:01:51.280 --> 00:01:54.879
So go to your church potluck, bring something.
00:01:55.280 --> 00:01:56.079
Absolutely.
00:01:56.719 --> 00:02:01.359
Now, Tristan, as you know, our podcast is called God at Work.
00:02:02.000 --> 00:02:04.159
What does that phrase mean to you?
00:02:05.040 --> 00:02:07.439
Yeah, uh, thank you for the question, Gina, first of all.
00:02:07.519 --> 00:02:14.960
And God at work means I know a lot of things, a lot of different people, but for me personally, I say it's it's really kind of in a three-dimensional form.
00:02:15.039 --> 00:02:19.199
You know, I like to think of it kind of similar to how the anointing is described in the Bible.
00:02:19.439 --> 00:02:24.879
God can be at work in you, God can be at work on you, and God can be at work through you.
00:02:25.039 --> 00:02:30.080
And what that's essentially means is that when he's at work in you, that speaks to your character.
00:02:30.319 --> 00:02:34.960
When he's at work on you, that speaks to, you know, the things that you have responsibility for, right?
00:02:35.120 --> 00:02:37.840
Family and work, your business, whatever the case may be.
00:02:38.000 --> 00:02:45.199
And then God at work through you speaks to your character from the perspective of you are the example of Christ that um somebody sees.
00:02:45.360 --> 00:03:00.000
They may not ever go to church in their lifetime, they may never be introduced to Christ in a different manner, but when they see you, when they have an experience with you, they think about Christ, and you have those Christ-like uh uh Christ-like it is exemplified through you, I guess is the best way I can put it.
00:03:00.080 --> 00:03:03.680
So kind of reflecting him.
00:03:04.479 --> 00:03:05.520
Yeah, definitely.
00:03:06.800 --> 00:03:07.680
Absolutely.
00:03:07.919 --> 00:03:27.919
Well, I I want to hear more about how God at work is working through you right now on this men's ministry, because I I'm fascinated um by this awakening we're seeing in a situation where men have been toughing out life pretty hard for the for a long time.
00:03:28.240 --> 00:03:30.240
Stiff upper lip, all that stuff.
00:03:30.479 --> 00:03:33.759
And it's not going well, is it?
00:03:35.599 --> 00:03:37.439
Definitely unique, that's for sure.
00:03:39.199 --> 00:03:48.080
So, you know, I think in reference to what you're asking me, for me, um Elite kind of was born out of uh an area of pain for me.
00:03:48.240 --> 00:03:56.400
I would say not so much pain as far as abuse and some of just the other things you can research and and put um quantitative metrics to as far as how you you handle those things.
00:03:56.479 --> 00:04:05.199
But for me, you know, I was a typical uh inner city slash suburban kid where um there was one way out of the circumstances I grew up in.
00:04:05.360 --> 00:04:07.120
They weren't bad circumstances, don't get me wrong.
00:04:07.199 --> 00:04:12.960
I had a wonderful mother and father who are still alive today, been married for 50 plus years, so I thank God for that.
00:04:13.120 --> 00:04:18.959
Uh, grew up with two brothers uh that I oftentimes call my pets because I was always in fights with them or doing something with them.
00:04:19.120 --> 00:04:21.680
But uh for me, it was just about achieving more.
00:04:21.759 --> 00:04:23.680
And so, of course, I was like any other kid, right?
00:04:23.839 --> 00:04:28.000
I latched onto the sports platform, uh, fell in love with the game of football.
00:04:28.160 --> 00:04:30.079
I'm still an avid football fan today.
00:04:30.160 --> 00:04:31.279
I still study it, I coach it.
00:04:31.439 --> 00:04:36.079
I would say I'm probably the the uh not so average fan uh of football.
00:04:36.319 --> 00:04:44.560
But as I began to play and and you know move up into different levels of professional sports, um, I experienced being cut off of teams.
00:04:44.639 --> 00:04:51.360
I experienced being uh told that when I show up to a tryout, I'm just there to pay my hundred bucks and then I'm gonna get kicked off the team because I'm not really all that good.
00:04:51.439 --> 00:04:53.680
And so uh pain began to set in.
00:04:53.759 --> 00:04:58.319
And it kind of was one of those things where I was like, there's got to be more than life to life than this.
00:04:58.399 --> 00:05:16.240
And I have to admit, you know, when you get in college and you get exposed to some different things, you begin to drift away from God just because you're in the spotlight of being on a team and you know, girls are starting to say good things about you, and your teammates are starting to love on you, and families are wanting you to come over and sign footballs and autographs and stuff, but there was more to life than that.
00:05:16.319 --> 00:05:32.480
And so as I started experiencing that pain, I remember being on uh I-29, I believe, that's taking you from uh the the Sioux City, Iowa area into uh South Sioux City, uh Nebraska, which could also take you into North Sioux City, South Dakota.
00:05:32.560 --> 00:05:34.319
I don't know how that tri-city area works.
00:05:34.399 --> 00:05:40.079
It's kind of a weird highway system, but anyway, I was playing a professional arena ball and we lost the championship game.
00:05:40.160 --> 00:05:47.759
It was that typical the field goal kicker kicks it with the last couple seconds on the on the clock, and you lose the game and you go home and you have to do it all over again next year.
00:05:48.000 --> 00:05:55.920
I remember driving on that highway, connecting into I-80, which takes you uh into 76 to get back to Denver, and tears just started streaming out of my eyes.
00:05:56.000 --> 00:05:59.040
And I and I kept saying, God, I know there's more to life than this.
00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:02.079
And if this is the end of my career, why am I here?
00:06:02.240 --> 00:06:10.399
And I heard very clearly as I was driving, the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, I've called you to be a coach and leader to men.
00:06:10.800 --> 00:06:11.759
Now think about this.
00:06:11.839 --> 00:06:19.680
I'm in my car driving in the middle of a cornfield, going into Iowa, Nebraska to get back to Denver, and the Holy Spirit meets me right on the highway.
00:06:19.839 --> 00:06:27.360
And, you know, I knew what it was to be uh to coach, you know, I've been coached by some some really good names and things, but I'm like, me, a coach and leader to men?
00:06:27.439 --> 00:06:28.319
Like, what does that mean?
00:06:28.399 --> 00:06:30.800
Like, what does it mean to be a coach and a leader to men?
00:06:31.040 --> 00:06:40.160
And it made me think of what Jesus said when he was recruiting the disciples, and specifically Peter, when he said, Come follow me and I'll make you a leader or a fisher of men.
00:06:40.319 --> 00:06:47.279
And so, in other words, I had to start following, getting serious about my walk and following Christ before I could be this coach and leader to men.
00:06:47.519 --> 00:06:49.279
So uh that's part of the testimony.
00:06:49.360 --> 00:06:59.279
I certainly don't want to uh get into too much because I think we'd be here for several hours, but it just made me understand that the power of a testimony can really be your strength that leads you into what God is calling you to do.
00:06:59.360 --> 00:07:01.519
And so from there, Elite was born.
00:07:01.600 --> 00:07:06.000
Uh, it was inspired by my pastor who preached a sermon on a it was a four-part series, actually.
00:07:06.079 --> 00:07:23.279
I think he only intended it to be one Sunday, but it ended up being a four-part series on the story of Gideon and how Gideon was the least of his tribe, made all the excuses why he couldn't be used by God, and then God miraculously turned that around to allow him to deliver the Israelites and serve as one of the judges when you read the book of Judges.
00:07:23.360 --> 00:07:24.480
And so that inspired me.
00:07:24.560 --> 00:07:26.240
I got really excited about that.
00:07:26.319 --> 00:07:31.839
It turned into a four-part series, then turned into a men's class, and uh that has just been in my spirit ever since.
00:07:31.920 --> 00:07:33.120
And that was in 2007.
00:07:33.199 --> 00:07:38.879
So, as you can imagine, here we are almost 20 years later, and that that word, that story is still in me, that experience.
00:07:38.959 --> 00:07:39.759
It was so real to me.
00:07:39.839 --> 00:07:41.040
It was amazing.
00:07:43.279 --> 00:07:45.120
Thank you for sharing that, Tristan.
00:07:45.199 --> 00:07:46.079
That was amazing.
00:07:46.240 --> 00:07:48.399
I felt like we went and been to church.
00:07:49.360 --> 00:07:50.480
I love that.
00:07:50.959 --> 00:07:54.399
And God meets you in all kinds of weird places, doesn't he?
00:07:54.639 --> 00:07:55.120
He does.
00:07:55.279 --> 00:07:55.680
He does.
00:07:55.759 --> 00:07:56.879
He meets you in unique places.
00:07:56.959 --> 00:08:00.720
And I think that's the beauty of God, is because you know, you were talking about God at work earlier.
00:08:00.800 --> 00:08:08.480
And I think a lot of people kind of have this traditional mindset of uh God is limited to Sundays, but Monday through Saturday, it's a war.
00:08:08.560 --> 00:08:11.920
And if you really let God in, he can meet you any day of the week, right?
00:08:12.000 --> 00:08:15.920
He can meet you Monday, he can meet you Monday afternoon, Monday evening, Tuesday.
00:08:16.000 --> 00:08:22.000
Uh, we were talking, I know off camera a little bit earlier about the traditional church cycle, and the church I grew up in is we met every day of the week.
00:08:22.079 --> 00:08:30.399
Like that was just normal to us, where nowadays it's usually Sunday, maybe sometimes a Saturday or a Wednesday, and uh you know, you're in and out within an hour.
00:08:30.480 --> 00:08:36.159
And that's okay that that works for people, but you know, the way I grew up, God was always a part of our life.
00:08:36.480 --> 00:08:38.320
Chicken, our food, you name it.
00:08:38.399 --> 00:08:39.519
I mean, he was he was everywhere.
00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:41.840
He was in our food, he was in our basement.
00:08:42.559 --> 00:08:43.759
You name it, he was there.
00:08:43.919 --> 00:08:44.879
So anyway, I'm gonna go.
00:08:45.039 --> 00:08:46.320
Well, he had to bless the food.
00:08:46.399 --> 00:08:47.679
So oh, absolutely.
00:08:47.759 --> 00:08:54.000
Yeah, gotta bless the food, but and and that you touched on something that's at the heart of why we started this podcast.
00:08:54.159 --> 00:08:57.279
That's something Gina and I couldn't agree more with you on.
00:08:57.519 --> 00:09:00.000
It it boggles both of our minds.
00:09:00.080 --> 00:09:07.679
I think I can speak for us both when when we see that Christians don't necessarily carry that faith into their business.
00:09:07.840 --> 00:09:09.679
They they compartmentalize.
00:09:09.919 --> 00:09:17.679
And I'm a Christian, but I'm at work, so I kind of don't talk about it, I kind of don't think about it, I kind of don't exemplify it.
00:09:17.840 --> 00:09:24.159
So it sounds like that's something you've been living out loud for at least 20 years from what you just said.
00:09:24.879 --> 00:09:25.759
I've certainly tried.
00:09:25.840 --> 00:09:28.879
I mean, don't get me wrong, it definitely comes with its share of challenges.
00:09:29.039 --> 00:09:37.840
And so uh one of the things that the listening audience needs to know that certainly as you accept Christ and you bring Christ in your life, it's going to come with its share of challenges.
00:09:38.000 --> 00:09:39.919
I mean, don't, don't, let's, let's not get it twisted.
00:09:40.000 --> 00:09:42.080
It's it's gonna be probably one of the hardest things you've done in your life.
00:09:42.159 --> 00:09:45.200
And I grew up in church, you know, and it's still hard for me.
00:09:45.279 --> 00:09:49.919
So to your point, Adam, um, I think, you know, you can't put God in a box, right?
00:09:50.080 --> 00:09:54.639
You can't limit him because I think if you limit him, you can't experience his fullness in your life.
00:09:54.799 --> 00:10:02.080
And not that it's easy, but you know, I know there's been some talk recently about the passion of the Christ kind of coming back into theaters.
00:10:02.159 --> 00:10:10.799
And if you've ever seen that movie, I mean, what a graphic depiction of that story, but it's beautiful in the sense that it really does give you the reality of what Jesus faced.
00:10:10.960 --> 00:10:17.919
And when I think about the journey of a believer, you know, especially within the marketplace or at work, I think about Jesus, right?
00:10:18.000 --> 00:10:23.200
Like his whole mission uh was to come down from heaven uh and die for our sins, right?
00:10:23.360 --> 00:10:24.240
That's salvation.
00:10:24.399 --> 00:10:31.600
But when he died for our sins, you notice in that movie, they show different scenes where, you know, he was beat, kicked, slapped, spit on, all that good stuff.
00:10:31.759 --> 00:10:35.679
And there were several times where he's carrying the cross and he falls down and you think, oh, he's done.
00:10:35.759 --> 00:10:36.960
This guy's been beat to a pulp.
00:10:37.120 --> 00:10:37.919
He's not gonna get up.
00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:41.840
And every time he fell, he got back up and kept going.
00:10:41.919 --> 00:10:44.080
And that really is the Christian lifestyle.
00:10:44.240 --> 00:10:52.159
You're gonna have your challenges, you're gonna have experiences, but if you keep getting up and keep going, you will eventually reach your destination.
00:10:52.240 --> 00:10:56.639
And in Jesus' case, the destination was the cross so that all of humanity could be free.
00:10:58.720 --> 00:11:03.840
I would even take it a step further that Jesus' goal was the tomb, the empty tomb.
00:11:04.080 --> 00:11:04.639
Absolutely.
00:11:04.799 --> 00:11:04.960
Yeah.
00:11:05.279 --> 00:11:12.559
Because without the resurrection, you know, the cross doesn't really doesn't have a significance.
00:11:12.799 --> 00:11:13.039
Yeah.
00:11:14.960 --> 00:11:16.559
He would just be a martyr.
00:11:17.840 --> 00:11:18.799
Yeah, yeah, it's so good.
00:11:18.879 --> 00:11:22.240
I mean, that's a it it's it's a completed mission, I think is what you're trying to say.
00:11:22.320 --> 00:11:23.200
It's a completed mission.
00:11:23.279 --> 00:11:30.879
Not only did he get back up to keep getting to the destination he had to the empty tomb, to your point, very representative of a completed mission.
00:11:30.960 --> 00:11:39.360
And I think if we we all you know are honest with ourselves, we want to have good lives and we want God to tell us one day when we meet him, well done, my good and faithful servant.
00:11:39.440 --> 00:11:40.399
I mean, that is the goal.
00:11:40.559 --> 00:11:42.000
And we've got to complete the mission.
00:11:42.879 --> 00:11:58.480
And at the same time, one of the things I struggle with in the worldliness of my experience with people is the idea that there's some sort of easy button, and that people are searching for that easy button of life.
00:11:58.720 --> 00:12:04.639
And like, if I'm if I just believe and and love Christ, maybe that's the easy button.
00:12:04.960 --> 00:12:15.519
And nowhere in there did it say that this it this will be believe in me, and life will be easy in this life, there will be trouble.
00:12:15.759 --> 00:12:16.639
Yeah, absolutely.
00:12:16.799 --> 00:12:18.639
Yeah, I think Jesus is very clear about it.
00:12:19.120 --> 00:12:26.559
Yeah, and so it fascinates me the human desire to treat God as if somehow it'll create an easy button.
00:12:26.720 --> 00:12:50.240
And so I love hearing in what you're saying how you're helping people realize that through that faith it's not an easy button, but it's a but it's a a thing that creates something to make what we're all dealing with easier and not transactional, not I should get this because I did this.
00:12:50.960 --> 00:13:02.639
Uh and I think that is something that we find a lot of uh I find a lot of guys kind of start with when they start digging into like, I've done all the right things, why isn't my life the way it should be?
00:13:03.039 --> 00:13:09.120
And I don't know if you've experienced that in any of the men's group, but it we we joke about how they're shooting all over themselves.
00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:19.440
Um and it's it's amazing how like I did all the right things, so I should have this, and I should have that.
00:13:20.159 --> 00:13:26.399
Maybe you haven't learned the lesson you should learn from this process in God's eyes.
00:13:26.879 --> 00:13:28.799
And and that's an important reframe.
00:13:28.879 --> 00:13:40.000
So I don't know how you've experienced that in some of the men's ministry you've done, but I find that to be a significant trend when it comes to men's transactional belief around faith.
00:13:40.320 --> 00:13:42.080
Yeah, no, I think you hit it spot on.
00:13:42.159 --> 00:13:50.399
And one of the things, you know, as we was we were talking about elite, I have really, and I would say just in recent years, really had to change my paradigm as well as a leader.
00:13:50.480 --> 00:13:59.279
And again, I've been at this for 20 years, but there is a difference, a huge difference between men's ministry and ministry to men.
00:13:59.600 --> 00:13:59.919
Okay.
00:14:00.240 --> 00:14:02.320
Let me break that down for you a couple different ways.
00:14:02.399 --> 00:14:16.799
So when you think about men's ministry in any shape or form, in today's society, men's ministry typically means a bunch of guys are going to get together, they're going to hopefully develop some level of trust to really begin to uh share their problems, their challenges, whatever that is.
00:14:16.879 --> 00:14:18.320
And that stuff's healthy, don't get me wrong.
00:14:18.399 --> 00:14:22.159
And it's usually over a men's breakfast or a men's get together, something like that.
00:14:22.399 --> 00:14:29.519
But when you walk away from those groups, the trend I've noticed, probably similar to what you're observing, is that there's really no transformation that happens there.
00:14:29.679 --> 00:14:35.279
Like it's not authentic enough, or maybe it's just surface level enough to get guys together, get them all in the same environment.
00:14:35.360 --> 00:14:36.720
But then once it's over, it's over.
00:14:36.799 --> 00:14:41.440
So it is very transactional and I would even say very programmatic to nature.
00:14:41.600 --> 00:14:45.519
When you talk about ministry to men, now it's authentic.
00:14:45.679 --> 00:14:47.360
Now it's relationship-based.
00:14:47.440 --> 00:14:51.120
It's very similar to how Jesus was with the disciples.
00:14:51.279 --> 00:14:54.480
You notice when he picked 12 of them, he spent time with all 12 of them.
00:14:54.639 --> 00:15:03.039
And then from that group, there was even a remnant, the Peter, James's, and John's that went up to the mountain and got to see things like the transfiguration and other stuff like that.
00:15:03.200 --> 00:15:05.120
So Jesus was very intentional.
00:15:05.360 --> 00:15:10.240
And, you know, in his intention, I think he had eternal perspective.
00:15:10.320 --> 00:15:21.279
You know, he was trying to make sure that they were together, not just for that transactional nature of everyday life, but for that eternal perspective to say, hey, we're doing this because, you know, God's house has many rooms.
00:15:21.440 --> 00:15:23.200
If it wasn't true, he would have said it, right?
00:15:23.360 --> 00:15:28.399
So he's trying to get them to understand there's many rooms, but you got to get to the finish line and it's going to be tough.
00:15:28.480 --> 00:15:41.840
So well, and I think in that distinction, I I have experienced the group that I get the blessing of working with is very much relational and very much a deep thing that I've never experienced elsewhere.
00:15:41.919 --> 00:15:44.480
And it sounds like that's what you're doing as well.
00:15:44.720 --> 00:16:06.799
And I I I've we have had that exact sort of framing conversation with a man when they've come in and they've come once and run screaming away so fast, they don't want to be in that accountability relationship because when they see it, they're like, This is a lot, and it scares me, and I can't I can't say I'm committed to being this way.
00:16:07.360 --> 00:16:16.240
Um, and it's fascinating because it's it's men's way of saying, I I'm asleep enough, I'm I'm happy where I'm at.
00:16:16.320 --> 00:16:17.840
I don't want to be more awake.
00:16:18.000 --> 00:16:21.519
Like seeing what more awake looks like scares me.
00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:27.679
I'm good, and I have a hard time sometimes giving grace for it, but I also understand it.
00:16:27.759 --> 00:16:40.240
I I think you probably encounter that too, where when you're truly ministering, there are some people who will walk in and feel just absolutely the light, and other ones who will be like, wow, this is intense.
00:16:40.879 --> 00:16:43.039
Yeah, yeah, but the key is the journey.
00:16:43.120 --> 00:16:44.639
You know, you got to have patience in the process.
00:16:44.799 --> 00:16:47.279
And Jesus uh was very patient with his disciples.
00:16:47.360 --> 00:16:54.639
And when we talk about Christ-like character, if we desire to be like Jesus, you know, exemplify that character, you got to be patient with men because we know that's where they're at.
00:16:54.720 --> 00:16:58.000
But as you're patient with them, the layers begin to peel off.
00:16:58.080 --> 00:17:05.519
You know, I was working with a young man a while back who's a younger guy, got a great career, and uh he's kind of in that stage where he's looking to complete the family.
00:17:05.599 --> 00:17:09.039
And hopefully, if he does it right, you know, the man and woman come together.
00:17:09.200 --> 00:17:10.240
That's how family is.
00:17:10.319 --> 00:17:12.720
It's not this other stuff that's being propagated out in the world.
00:17:12.799 --> 00:17:16.240
And I know we're not here to talk about that, but I think you guys know where I'm going, right?
00:17:16.480 --> 00:17:22.960
So as I'm coaching this young man, I gave him this analogy, and I'm sure Gina, with you being online, you can appreciate this.
00:17:23.119 --> 00:17:25.680
I said, What do you like to do when you want to show a girl that you like her?
00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:27.119
And he goes, Oh man, I go get flowers.
00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:28.240
And I said, Oh, that's classic.
00:17:28.319 --> 00:17:28.480
Yeah.
00:17:28.559 --> 00:17:30.880
I mean, what girl doesn't like flowers, right?
00:17:31.200 --> 00:17:38.480
But when you think about it in the context you're trying to get to, flowers are good, but they smell better in a clean kitchen in a clean house.
00:17:39.519 --> 00:17:40.559
Think about it, right?
00:17:41.680 --> 00:17:42.640
That will preach.
00:17:42.880 --> 00:17:43.759
Yeah, that'll preach.
00:17:43.920 --> 00:17:44.960
That's the hanky right there, right?
00:17:45.039 --> 00:17:46.559
We pull out the hanky and start waving it.
00:17:46.640 --> 00:17:57.680
But no, the point the point is this when you as a man take ownership and responsibility to be able to do just those little things where we're not asking you to, you know, build a build a city.
00:17:57.759 --> 00:17:59.119
We're just talking simple stuff.
00:17:59.200 --> 00:18:07.200
You go home, you give your wife a hug, you clean the kitchen, you wipe off the counters, and then you set that wonderful set of flowers that you bought on her.
00:18:07.279 --> 00:18:09.440
I mean, you talk about making her day.
00:18:09.680 --> 00:18:11.839
That's one simple way of doing it.
00:18:12.160 --> 00:18:19.519
So again, where I'm going with that is just to say, you know, it's it's one thing to buy flowers, you know, and when we talk about transactional, it's one thing to say you know Jesus.
00:18:19.599 --> 00:18:27.440
But then when you truly dive in and you clean off the surface and you clean off all the stuff that's a little grimy at the top, and then you put that set of flowers on top.
00:18:27.519 --> 00:18:30.640
I mean, you talk about God opening up your life, he can do that.
00:18:30.720 --> 00:18:37.440
And so um, to your point, Adam, yeah, I mean, just once those layers start peeling off, it's it's amazing how the light pops on with some guys.
00:18:37.519 --> 00:18:38.400
And that's what I'm after.
00:18:38.480 --> 00:18:42.960
I'm really after the transformational aspect of ministry to men, not just men's ministry.
00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:45.680
I love that.
00:18:47.839 --> 00:18:58.400
Tristan, there's a wonderful article that you were interviewed for, and I'm gonna pull a quote from it because I thought it was so it speaks to what we're talking about.
00:18:58.799 --> 00:19:03.759
True masculinity is a reflection of a man's relationship with God.
00:19:04.400 --> 00:19:10.799
Express your character, responsibility, courage, sacrificial leadership, and love.
00:19:12.640 --> 00:19:28.000
That is a definition we never ever hear, whether it's in the TV shows where now a lot of the TV shows we just have the dad who's the lovable doofus, who's not the leader of the home.
00:19:28.079 --> 00:19:33.759
I mean I think it's a fact, um, unfortunately.
00:19:34.000 --> 00:19:45.279
And and the woman's taking care of everything, and the woman's running around and doing all this stuff, or she's the shrill who's just yelling at him all the time because again, he's the lovable doofus.
00:19:46.640 --> 00:19:59.039
And that's why this definition of what masculinity is speaks to me because these are the men I want to know, these are the men I want to see in the community.
00:19:59.759 --> 00:20:04.319
So thank you for creating this environment.
00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:11.119
What is the process that you bring that you coach these men through regarding this?
00:20:11.759 --> 00:20:12.880
Well, thank you for that, first of all.
00:20:12.960 --> 00:20:19.039
And I think for me, as I've coached and led men to go down that path, it really has to do with authenticity.
00:20:19.200 --> 00:20:22.079
It really has to be uh bringing your full self to the table.
00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:28.720
You know, I know they say that in the workplace now because there's a lot of programs on mental health and how to manage your mental health when you're at work and things like that.
00:20:28.880 --> 00:20:32.559
But the principle really started in the Bible, and it started with Jesus, of course.
00:20:32.640 --> 00:20:35.839
You know, Jesus brought his whole self to his disciples.
00:20:35.920 --> 00:20:40.960
You know, when he had frustrations and anger, yeah, he turned over some tables, you know, he whipped people out of the temple.
00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:42.559
He was, he was about as real as it got.
00:20:42.640 --> 00:20:44.799
But at the same time, he was compassionate.
00:20:44.880 --> 00:20:59.680
You know, he sacrificed for the disciples, you know, he showed them how to feed uh the people, the loaves and fishes, you know, and so all those things that are in that definition really point back to the character of the of Christ and who he was, his essence when you really start study the Bible.
00:20:59.839 --> 00:21:03.599
You know, my pastor says it like this you know, when you open your Bible and you read it, it's a good book.
00:21:03.759 --> 00:21:04.160
Just try it.
00:21:04.319 --> 00:21:11.680
I mean, you talk about doing a book report for school or a novel, the Bible would give you uh a whole five years worth of curriculum, and probably even more so.
00:21:11.759 --> 00:21:20.240
You know, and in fact, the Bible even says had everything that Jesus did and shown be accounted for in this book, there wouldn't be enough pages in the book to hold what he did.
00:21:20.480 --> 00:21:27.279
So, to to what you're talking about with that definition, masculinity in and of itself points back to the character of Christ.
00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:50.400
Jesus was a man's man, but because it's not shaped in the way our society sees it today, such as you know, having big muscles and lifting all these weights and being able to, you know, leap a tall building a single bound and be faster than a locomotive and all that good stuff, you know, that they talk about with Superman, our society has shaped it in such a way to where men are kind of in this box and this is what they look like.
00:21:50.480 --> 00:21:53.279
And as long as they stay in their box, they're really a man.
00:21:53.440 --> 00:21:59.680
But when they cry or when they talk about love or when they, you know, are weeping because they're excited for their daughter's dance for.
00:22:00.400 --> 00:22:04.079
Or they're excited about their kids' taekwondo competition.
00:22:04.240 --> 00:22:05.359
That is the sacrifice.
00:22:05.440 --> 00:22:06.240
That's that presence.
00:22:06.400 --> 00:22:08.720
That's that being there that people talk about.
00:22:08.799 --> 00:22:11.599
And you just said yourself, Gina, those are the kind of men you want to know.
00:22:11.680 --> 00:22:15.920
Because if women are honest about it, respectfully, it's not that you're not capable.
00:22:16.079 --> 00:22:19.519
Women are CEOs, they're leaders, they're leaders in churches.
00:22:19.599 --> 00:22:21.599
There's nothing wrong with a woman being in leadership.
00:22:21.759 --> 00:22:26.319
But when a man owns his responsibility, in my opinion, it makes all the difference.
00:22:26.400 --> 00:22:33.599
It's one thing to know that you're supposed to do that, but when you own that responsibility, it changes every aspect of your family.
00:22:33.680 --> 00:22:42.480
And I've been fortunate that as I've taken more ownership over the years of things that are going on in my family and marriage, I have really seen my wife and my kids open up.
00:22:42.640 --> 00:22:50.480
You know, there's a classic statistics out there, Gina, where they talk about how when a man comes to Christ, 93% of the family follows.
00:22:50.559 --> 00:22:53.039
But if it's just a woman that comes to Christ, maybe it's 17%.
00:22:53.440 --> 00:22:56.880
If it's the kids, it's less than that, it's probably two to three percent.
00:22:57.039 --> 00:23:00.880
But just seeing the man come to Christ, the whole family follows.
00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:07.200
So clearly, you know, men, masculinity have an impact on society that nobody talks about.
00:23:07.440 --> 00:23:08.960
And I think we need to get back to that.
00:23:09.119 --> 00:23:09.680
I really do.
00:23:09.759 --> 00:23:10.720
I feel very strong about that.
00:23:10.960 --> 00:23:15.200
Well, and it's part of our design to have a leadership role in that.
00:23:15.359 --> 00:23:19.680
So it's also allowing us to live more in our perfect design.
00:23:19.839 --> 00:23:20.799
I love that.
00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:42.720
I want to strike a balance because you talked about one aspect of I hate the term toxic masculinity, but for this purpose I think it fits, where you have the Jim Bro who's you know, you know, beating his chest and all this um testosterone going off.
00:23:42.880 --> 00:24:00.000
But then you have this other group of men way on the other side who um I'm trying to put it in as nicest terms as possible, get caught up in their head and their feelings and what's going on with them.
00:24:00.640 --> 00:24:06.400
How do you reach those men and transition them into more of a leadership role?
00:24:06.880 --> 00:24:13.119
Yeah, yeah, I think first of all, what you do is you acknowledge that these feelings and these different things that they're experiencing are real to them.
00:24:13.200 --> 00:24:14.319
That is their experience.
00:24:14.400 --> 00:24:23.759
And so I think for a coach or a leader, uh whether it be in the marketplace or in the faith circles, to um disregard that, that just leads to more hurt.
00:24:23.839 --> 00:24:31.519
But I think when you when you really talk to that male or that man about what they're experiencing, you have to humble yourself and say, that's real to you.
00:24:31.680 --> 00:24:33.599
And I understand that and I can appreciate it.
00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:37.200
But now that it's real to you, let me share with you what's been real to me.
00:24:37.279 --> 00:24:42.960
And I think when you get to the point where you begin to understand experiences on both sides, again, it points back to relationship.
00:24:43.119 --> 00:24:53.680
It allows you to create a relationship, and then that man can open up and feel like he's got somebody who he can talk to about these experiences he's having to be trusted.
00:24:53.920 --> 00:25:01.839
And once you build that trust, that's then when as a leader you can plug them into a men's group, such as what Adam's a part of, or plug them into your local church.
00:25:01.920 --> 00:25:05.920
And I know we're gonna talk about that in a second, because I've got a lot of uh perspective on that.
00:25:06.079 --> 00:25:13.039
But plugging them into an environment where they are comfortable knowing that they can have the experiences that they have and still be a man.
00:25:13.279 --> 00:25:14.799
That's the key.
00:25:15.039 --> 00:25:18.000
You can still experience what you're experienced, but still be a man.
00:25:18.160 --> 00:25:20.640
Just because you're having that experience doesn't mean you're not a man.
00:25:20.799 --> 00:25:25.279
Just because you cried doesn't mean you're not a man, or just because you showed emotions doesn't mean you're not a man.
00:25:25.519 --> 00:25:29.359
You're still a man, but you that these experiences are real from you.
00:25:29.440 --> 00:25:39.599
And I think if you can just relate to those and embrace those and accept the fact that this experience is real for them, they will eventually come around and understand that, you know, none of this stuff shocks God, right?
00:25:39.759 --> 00:25:42.720
You know, I mean, it's like we have emotions, we have different things we go through in life.
00:25:42.880 --> 00:25:46.880
It's not like God gets off his throne and says, Oh my gosh, Adam's having a bad day.
00:25:47.039 --> 00:25:48.720
What am I gonna do on my seat of heaven?
00:25:48.799 --> 00:25:49.359
No, no, no.
00:25:49.440 --> 00:25:53.359
He sits on the throne and he says, I love you, my son, I'm gonna help you through this.
00:25:53.680 --> 00:25:54.880
Tina's having a bad day.
00:25:54.960 --> 00:25:58.079
He doesn't get off his throne and goes, Oh my gosh, a bad day has happened.
00:25:58.160 --> 00:25:59.920
What am I gonna do as the creator of the universe?
00:26:00.000 --> 00:26:00.799
No, no, no.
00:26:01.039 --> 00:26:05.519
All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and who are called according to his purpose.
00:26:05.680 --> 00:26:10.799
So no matter what you're going through, no matter what you're dealing with, all things work together.
00:26:10.960 --> 00:26:22.160
And Paul even took it a step further and said, Rejoice, brethren, you know, that the testing of your faith and the and the trials that you go through make you perfect and complete that way you are lacking nothing.
00:26:23.599 --> 00:26:26.160
And I think church, I don't know about you guys, but I'm reading.
00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:26.720
I love that.
00:26:28.079 --> 00:26:39.359
Um I I'm curious a little bit about the kind of the age demographic, because some of what I experience in the world, I have kids that are in their uh late teens, early 20s.
00:26:39.519 --> 00:26:49.279
Um, I I experience a lot of lack of confidence in males that age, and they're always seem so surprised when somebody says, I feel that anxiety.
00:26:49.359 --> 00:26:50.880
I know what you're going through.
00:26:51.119 --> 00:26:54.640
Who's older than them, who has more wisdom than they do.
00:26:54.799 --> 00:26:58.160
Uh, do you experience that as well with some of the men you work with?
00:26:58.319 --> 00:27:02.880
That sounds like you have some younger, probably mid-20s folks as well.
00:27:03.279 --> 00:27:04.960
Yeah, yeah, I definitely experience that.
00:27:05.039 --> 00:27:13.519
And one of the things I've observed in recent years is that um I think we're living in a day and time where it certainly has indications of the last days as it's outlined in the Bible.
00:27:13.680 --> 00:27:28.960
But when you talk about the generational impact, back in the beginning days of the Bible, God was constantly uh pushing the Israelites to pass down the stories of God's goodness, you know, pass down what happened when you crossed the Red Sea.
00:27:29.039 --> 00:27:33.279
And then when you got done with the Red Sea, pass down the story of how God delivered you from this.
00:27:33.359 --> 00:27:44.640
And unfortunately, I think, you know, it's it's probably on our generation, maybe a little bit older, we haven't done a very good job of passing down those stories or passing down those wins, those success stories to our children.
00:27:44.720 --> 00:27:55.200
And so when we don't pass those down, it does kind of leave them on an island, you know, and make allows them to formulate their own ideas, have their own experiences that you certainly don't want to disregard.
00:27:55.359 --> 00:28:00.559
But uh, we've just done a poor job, I think, generationally, of traditionally passing down those stories.
00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:07.920
You know, I think there's a scripture in the Bible that talks about, you know, let my word hang around your neck, uh, consume the word as much as you can.
00:28:08.079 --> 00:28:12.079
And that same principle, we just haven't done a good job of passing those stories down.
00:28:12.160 --> 00:28:30.400
So I think if men, first and foremost, can take the responsibility of passing down the winds in life onto their children, it'll definitely uh shape them and allow them to have more confidence uh when it comes to being on their own or doing things on their own, knowing that, hey, uh my my dad went through this or hey, my mom and dad went through this, and this is how they overcame it.
00:28:30.480 --> 00:28:31.440
They told me the story.
00:28:31.599 --> 00:28:40.000
And, you know, we we always as adults get a little gun shy and we think, oh, if I tell this story, my kid's gonna think I'm boring, I'm not cool, and you know, that doesn't work.
00:28:40.079 --> 00:28:43.119
But, you know, respectfully, you're not there to necessarily be your kid's friend.
00:28:43.279 --> 00:28:50.000
You're there to be a parent first, and then once you parent them, you then have friendship as a byproduct of being a good parent.
00:28:50.160 --> 00:28:51.359
That's my philosophy on it.
00:28:51.440 --> 00:29:04.799
I don't know if anybody else listening agrees or disagrees with that, but that's just been my experience and um it's it's boated well to this point, so I just pray that God keeps me on that track and all of us on that track if we're doing that way, because I definitely think that's a biblical way to go about it.
00:29:05.680 --> 00:29:06.960
Does that help answer your question?
00:29:07.039 --> 00:29:11.519
I don't know if I went off on the that was a beautiful answer, and I love it.
00:29:12.799 --> 00:29:14.880
I'm gonna say amen to that.
00:29:15.440 --> 00:29:23.839
I know you mentioned um about Gideon and the story of Gideon, and that's kind of what motivated you to start this men's ministry.
00:29:24.720 --> 00:29:34.880
I would lean towards, and this is gonna sound crazy, but the verse that speaks to me regarding men is in Proverbs 31, believe it or not.
00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:37.599
It's Proverbs 31, verse 23.
00:29:38.240 --> 00:29:45.279
Her husband is respected at the city gate where he takes his seat among the rulers of the land.
00:29:47.519 --> 00:29:53.440
And to me, there is a respect there that I don't see a lot of it.
00:29:53.759 --> 00:29:56.799
We certainly don't see it on sitcoms nowadays.
00:29:56.880 --> 00:29:58.880
Again, we're back to the lovable doofus.
00:29:59.440 --> 00:30:02.480
It is no respect, in my opinion.
00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:06.079
Um how do we get back to that?
00:30:07.039 --> 00:30:12.799
Yeah, how do we get back to respecting men in an honoring way?
00:30:13.039 --> 00:30:16.240
Not out of fear, not out of, but in an honoring way.
00:30:16.960 --> 00:30:21.119
Well, I think from from my experience, it's really men just taking ownership.
00:30:21.200 --> 00:30:32.880
And you know, you talked about the awakening earlier when we started, Adam, uh, coming into this realization that as a man, you can still own responsibility and not have to be a jerk about it or have to be this about it.
00:30:32.960 --> 00:30:41.839
You know, like I think our society has done a great job, unfortunately, of molding this mindset to say men are in this box and if they do it this way, that's not really what a man is.
00:30:42.000 --> 00:30:46.240
But most men, if they're honest, they don't even, I mean, it's almost like they're on autopilot.
00:30:46.319 --> 00:30:49.119
They don't think that they can own being a man in their role.
00:30:49.200 --> 00:30:52.640
Like I've seen households where a guy comes home and he's very programmatic.
00:30:52.720 --> 00:30:58.799
He's up at five, he's home at five, he eats dinner, kisses the kids and his wife goodnight, and then he does it all again.
00:30:58.880 --> 00:31:01.920
So he's in this program, programmatic state of operating.
00:31:02.079 --> 00:31:13.839
He doesn't even realize that he can own, hey, I can come home and get the dishes done, or get a few things cleaned up before we go to a soccer game, or hey, I can own certain aspects of my lifestyle to really have an impact on my wife and children.
00:31:14.000 --> 00:31:25.599
And so, to your point, uh, getting back to that, I think if men step up and own their role as men's, that's really what elite is about, waking them up to understand that you can take ownership of some of the things you can do.
00:31:25.680 --> 00:31:27.200
And they're really simple things, you know.
00:31:27.359 --> 00:31:29.440
Doesn't mean they're always easy, but it does mean they're simple.
00:31:29.519 --> 00:31:31.119
You know, we talked about cleaning the kitchen.
00:31:31.279 --> 00:31:32.720
That's a simple thing that can be done.
00:31:32.880 --> 00:31:40.720
But most men just don't even think about that because they're just so caught up in, you know, bringing home the bacon or or fixing this or doing this.
00:31:40.799 --> 00:31:42.559
And those are all, you know, noble things.
00:31:42.720 --> 00:31:43.920
Work is a good thing, you know.
00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:49.039
The Bible talks about that, but taking ownership of those things is completely different from than just doing them.
00:31:49.200 --> 00:31:51.039
And I think that's how men get their respect back.
00:31:51.119 --> 00:31:58.960
They take ownership of their role as men and don't listen to society because society clearly has shifted us uh away from that.
00:31:59.759 --> 00:32:01.680
You probably heard this before.
00:32:01.839 --> 00:32:13.039
It's a a common practice, uh, the little the blue car, red car thing where they have the three where you and then they ask you how many blue cars after they told you to count the red cars.
00:32:13.440 --> 00:32:18.400
I feel like a lot of men's programmatic thinking is basically playing that game.
00:32:18.559 --> 00:32:24.480
Like, what are my responsibilities, my checkboxes that I have to do for my people?
00:32:25.039 --> 00:32:32.720
And like they're not looking for the opportunities to wipe a counter, throw some flowers on there, and see their wife smile.
00:32:32.799 --> 00:32:49.599
They're not like trying to figure out what the love language of their partner is to know that a text message to the person whose words of affirmation in the middle of the day means so much more than it might to the man, but the man knows this is how my person feels loved.
00:32:49.759 --> 00:32:55.440
This is how my wife or my kid feels they are loved, so I'm going to take that action.
00:32:55.599 --> 00:33:06.960
And I think that ownership you're talking about changes so much because it's this understanding and this desire to do things in a different way that comes through that.
00:33:07.119 --> 00:33:13.359
That it's hard to explain, but when you see it, you're like, that is different, and I like that version.
00:33:14.559 --> 00:33:21.039
It's not that I dislike the other, they married that version, but they like the new version so much more.
00:33:21.119 --> 00:33:28.400
So when men go through that, like their wives fall back in love with them to a deeper level, even if there wasn't marital strife.
00:33:28.640 --> 00:33:33.920
Yeah, they don't understand how lucky they they get to be in that moment until they go through it.
00:33:34.079 --> 00:33:42.960
So what a blessing you get to give those men that gift because they get to go home and experience things beyond their wildest dreams, too, in the end.
00:33:43.599 --> 00:33:44.240
Yeah, yeah.
00:33:44.319 --> 00:33:49.039
I mean, it's almost like they say in the sports circles, you know, put yourself in a position to be successful.
00:33:49.200 --> 00:34:08.000
You know, if you do all the things that you're trained to do in practice and all this stuff during the week, and I love sports analogies because I'm just a football guy that way, but when you do those things, the result, even though you can't control necessarily winning or losing at the end of the day, you know and you have the confidence during the week that you've done enough to prepare yourself to be in a position to be successful.
00:34:08.239 --> 00:34:09.280
Same here with men.
00:34:09.360 --> 00:34:18.239
If you just own your responsibility as a man and you do enough during the week, consistently, day in and day out, to love your family, be the best man you can be.
00:34:18.400 --> 00:34:20.880
Notice I didn't say anything about being perfect.
00:34:21.039 --> 00:34:24.400
I didn't say anything about you have to do it this way to be perfect.
00:34:24.559 --> 00:34:25.840
You just got to be consistent.
00:34:26.000 --> 00:34:30.800
And I think the women who are listening to us talk right now, if they're honest, they just want consistency.
00:34:31.039 --> 00:34:41.519
Doesn't mean it's gonna be perfect, doesn't mean that there's trials that aren't gonna happen, but if there's just consistency, it changes the whole aspect of family and marriage and all those byproducts of what it's like.
00:34:41.599 --> 00:34:43.920
But again, it starts with us as men.
00:34:44.400 --> 00:34:46.880
We have got to take ownership uh of it.
00:34:46.960 --> 00:34:51.599
And I think as I've read the account of Gideon and studied it, that's what really Gideon came into.
00:34:51.760 --> 00:34:57.440
He came into the fact that regardless of his circumstances, he was able to own what God called him to be.
00:34:57.519 --> 00:35:02.400
And then the minute it opened, or he owned it, excuse me, it opened up freedom for the Israelites.
00:35:02.480 --> 00:35:03.119
They were delivered.
00:35:03.199 --> 00:35:07.760
And this is the time during the book of Judges where there was judgment on Israel for their backslidden sins.
00:35:07.840 --> 00:35:09.119
And so just think about that.
00:35:09.280 --> 00:35:13.199
Gideon made the decision to own what God called him to do.
00:35:13.360 --> 00:35:29.119
And then uh, you know, I I affectionately call the ministry elite, and that was because my pastor just said that, you know, when God got done sifting through all the silliness of the men who who thought they could go to war, he found 300 warriors that were considered essentially like today's uh Marines, right?
00:35:29.199 --> 00:35:33.199
They were an elite fighting force at that time to help uh Israel get delivered.
00:35:33.280 --> 00:35:39.599
And so that's where I try to get other men involved, just knowing that you can be elite as a man when you own your responsibility, right?
00:35:39.679 --> 00:35:42.000
I mean, when you think in sports, there's all these great coaches, right?
00:35:42.079 --> 00:35:50.320
You got the Bill Belichick's of the world, the Nick Sabans of the world, the uh Steve Kerr's of the world, the Mike Shoshewskys of the world for the USA basketball.
00:35:50.559 --> 00:35:54.960
What makes them so good compared to other coaches that coach basketball?
00:35:55.039 --> 00:36:00.800
You know, in a league of 32 teams in the NFL, there's 32 coaches, but what makes the the elite ones the good ones?
00:36:00.880 --> 00:36:02.719
What makes the Andy Reeds the Andy Reeds?
00:36:02.960 --> 00:36:04.079
I can tell you what it is.
00:36:04.239 --> 00:36:10.320
They own their responsibility as leaders and they share that responsibility and hold their teams to a standard.
00:36:10.400 --> 00:36:11.760
And that's what results in winning.
00:36:11.920 --> 00:36:19.599
And I think it's the same principle uh that that you know God set up in the Bible before it ever became popular through football and today's mechanisms.
00:36:21.360 --> 00:36:29.280
I think too, to touch on what you were just talking about as far as men owning their responsibilities and what they're called to do.
00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:31.360
I'm gonna speak for the women.
00:36:31.440 --> 00:36:32.800
So ladies listen up.
00:36:34.159 --> 00:36:38.239
We need to hold ourselves accountable about the words that come out of our mouth.
00:36:40.320 --> 00:36:43.199
My husband and I, for example, my husband and I have an agreement.
00:36:43.440 --> 00:36:45.679
Whoever's out of the bed last makes the bed.
00:36:46.159 --> 00:36:47.440
It's a pretty good system.
00:36:47.760 --> 00:36:49.280
We never argue about making the bed.
00:36:49.519 --> 00:36:53.679
It's usually him because I get up super early because I'm crazy like that.
00:36:54.639 --> 00:36:57.199
And so, ladies, I'm gonna throw this out to you.
00:36:57.519 --> 00:36:59.360
Don't complain how he makes the bed.
00:37:01.360 --> 00:37:02.400
He made the bed.
00:37:02.800 --> 00:37:04.239
He owed up to it.
00:37:05.119 --> 00:37:07.039
Does my husband make it the way I would do it?
00:37:07.199 --> 00:37:07.519
No.
00:37:09.119 --> 00:37:11.440
But I don't make it the way he would.
00:37:12.639 --> 00:37:16.320
But he makes it, and he does it because out of respect for me.
00:37:16.480 --> 00:37:17.760
And I so appreciate that.
00:37:17.840 --> 00:37:20.880
And Sam, if you catch this, I love you and you're the best.
00:37:21.039 --> 00:37:22.159
Thank you for making the bed.
00:37:23.039 --> 00:37:23.679
Awesome.
00:37:24.320 --> 00:37:30.400
If I had an offering book and I wouldn't pass it around, I'd I would sew into that, but uh, I don't think we're here to do that at this point.
00:37:32.800 --> 00:37:34.079
I love that.
00:37:35.280 --> 00:37:41.440
Well, I wanted to give you a minute because you mentioned it earlier about attending church, being plugged into the church.
00:37:41.599 --> 00:37:43.440
Would you like to share a little bit about that?
00:37:43.840 --> 00:37:47.519
Yeah, I've got a couple different perspectives on that, but I think the gist is this.
00:37:47.760 --> 00:37:57.039
The local church, as I've read it in the Bible and understand it today, that is the mechanism that Jesus chose for us to be where we're at today.
00:37:57.280 --> 00:38:01.760
I get really frustrated, to be quite honest, about it, about people who are negative on church.
00:38:01.840 --> 00:38:02.639
Now, don't get me wrong.
00:38:02.719 --> 00:38:04.159
I'm not saying the church is perfect.
00:38:04.239 --> 00:38:04.880
Don't get me wrong.
00:38:04.960 --> 00:38:08.320
I know there's been a lot of silliness that's happened in the faith circles.
00:38:08.400 --> 00:38:11.920
Uh, and it's unfortunately eroded a lot of people's perspective of the church.
00:38:12.079 --> 00:38:19.119
But at the end of the day, the church is the mechanism that Jesus chose in order for his people to understand the gospel message.
00:38:19.199 --> 00:38:31.519
And so when you think about the church in and of itself, number one, my heart goes out to pastors and specifically my pastors, if they're listening, I want to give them honor because they are in a war that they don't talk to people about all the time.
00:38:31.679 --> 00:38:41.519
Pastors have so much scrutiny around them concerning what they do that just the fact that they wake up every week and specifically get to Sundays to minister to people, that's a big job.
00:38:41.679 --> 00:38:42.320
That really is.
00:38:42.480 --> 00:38:46.960
And so shout out to the local pastors who really are trying to get things right.
00:38:47.119 --> 00:38:53.679
But at the same time, Gina, when it comes to men, the local church is where men's ministries can truly thrive.
00:38:53.760 --> 00:39:02.960
And what I mean by that is you have to be in alignment with a man of God or a couple of God or a woman of God, if it's a woman pastor, to do what you do as a leader.
00:39:03.119 --> 00:39:03.440
Okay.
00:39:03.760 --> 00:39:05.039
Let me give you some examples.
00:39:05.199 --> 00:39:10.719
When you read the Bible from cover to cover, start to finish, you notice that there's always a relationship aspect in there.
00:39:10.800 --> 00:39:17.360
You know, we talked about Jesus with the disciples, and that's that's more of a quantitative number with 12 and then Jesus being 13.
00:39:17.679 --> 00:39:19.679
But think about the relationship, right?
00:39:20.079 --> 00:39:21.760
Moses had Joshua.
00:39:21.920 --> 00:39:25.039
You don't hear a whole lot about Joshua in the first five books of the Bible.
00:39:25.119 --> 00:39:28.719
You hear more about Moses and that story and Joseph and things like that.
00:39:28.880 --> 00:39:33.519
But when it was time for Moses to move on, Joshua was next and ready to go.
00:39:33.599 --> 00:39:35.519
So there was a relationship there, okay?
00:39:35.760 --> 00:39:42.320
Fast forward now when you get into the books of Kings and Samuel, you had David and Saul, or Saul and David.
00:39:42.480 --> 00:39:45.119
Saul was, you know, king at first, David was right there.
00:39:45.199 --> 00:39:46.960
And these were men chosen by God.
00:39:47.119 --> 00:39:51.679
Then there was Elijah, who I think is known as one of the greatest prophets in the Bible.
00:39:51.760 --> 00:39:53.760
There was Elijah and then Elisha.
00:39:54.159 --> 00:39:59.119
So what I'm saying here is that you've got to be in alignment, men, with a man of God.
00:39:59.280 --> 00:40:04.159
A true man of God or a true man and woman of God that are doing ministry together as your pastor were pastors.
00:40:04.639 --> 00:40:06.159
You've got to be in alignment with them.
00:40:06.239 --> 00:40:15.760
If you are out of alignment with them, that typically will bring about difficulty in your life because a lot of men's ministries I see these days, Gina, they're very independent, right?
00:40:15.840 --> 00:40:17.199
It's like they're not filling the church thing.
00:40:17.360 --> 00:40:21.440
And so they get a bunch of guys together at their house and they talk trash and they do whatever.
00:40:21.519 --> 00:40:23.440
And that's great from a social dynamic.
00:40:23.519 --> 00:40:26.960
But what about the alignment and the accountability and being that true man of God?
00:40:27.039 --> 00:40:29.280
I think Adam, you were talking about it earlier off camera.
00:40:29.440 --> 00:40:35.119
What about that group of men that are really serious about doing what God has called them to do and hold each other accountable?
00:40:35.280 --> 00:40:43.519
I'm not saying you have to have a pulpit to do that, and I'm not saying you have to have the title of pastor to do that, but that accountability and alignment factor is huge in men's ministry.
00:40:43.599 --> 00:40:45.599
And unfortunately, that's what's missing.
00:40:45.760 --> 00:40:50.480
And so when you are aligned and you're accountable, that typically brings about better results.
00:40:50.639 --> 00:41:00.159
And I've I've seen it done well, and I'm fortunate that it happens in my church, but I would just encourage all the men's leaders, if they're listening, to really focus on getting in alignment with your pastor.
00:41:00.320 --> 00:41:01.519
Because two things you'll learn.
00:41:01.679 --> 00:41:08.880
Number one, they're just thankful that you cared enough to see what they thought about men's ministry, and they can give you guidance as the shepherd of the house.
00:41:08.960 --> 00:41:10.320
That's a huge responsibility.
00:41:10.480 --> 00:41:12.800
And you know, you got to think about it.
00:41:12.960 --> 00:41:18.880
Not only are they giving you insight about how what their ideas of men's ministry are, but they're accountable for that when they go to heaven.
00:41:19.280 --> 00:41:21.920
They're accountable for the flock that they shepherd.
00:41:22.639 --> 00:41:26.559
So does it make more sense to be in alignment with them and help them do their job?
00:41:26.719 --> 00:41:31.280
Or do you want to rebel against that or show that you're in a sense of rebellion by being away from that?
00:41:34.639 --> 00:41:42.719
And I've experienced in my own life through some of the church experience I've had the the men's group that grills and plays poker.
00:41:43.280 --> 00:41:48.960
And I like and that's that's the entirety of the experience of that group.
00:41:49.119 --> 00:42:01.599
And I don't understand how that fits under a ministry umbrella, and I think it's a disservice to men because it I I think honestly it goes to what Gina talked about with the hapless husband, the hapless idiot.
00:42:01.840 --> 00:42:04.480
Because again, it I think it just reinforces it.
00:42:04.559 --> 00:42:37.920
It's the hapless idiot goes and barbecues and plays poker, where the thoughtful man is being accountable to his brothers and is taking his burdens to the cross with brothers standing by his side, and it is a very different experience in between those two models, and I've seen both, and I I I have a log in my own eye about the judgment I put in place over the barbecue poker group, and I I can't deny it because it it kind of offends me.
00:42:38.159 --> 00:42:44.000
Like, are we so well put together that we just need to hang out and play poker and barbecue?
00:42:44.159 --> 00:42:46.719
Because I'm not there, I'm a mess still.
00:42:46.960 --> 00:42:52.079
I still have things come up in my life where I'm like, God, what are you trying to do to me?
00:42:52.239 --> 00:42:54.000
Explain to me, teach me.
00:42:54.239 --> 00:42:59.119
I'm not getting it, and I'm just getting mad, and I need brothers to take this to.
00:42:59.440 --> 00:43:02.639
Um, and it ain't gonna happen at the girl team.
00:43:03.199 --> 00:43:06.480
Yeah, no, I mean, I I share similar concerns and frustrations that you do.
00:43:06.559 --> 00:43:10.159
And the way I learned is we were talking a little bit about my football background earlier.
00:43:10.320 --> 00:43:29.280
When you get to those levels, the professional levels of football, I learned very quickly that the love from the for the game, when you're you know in little league and play in middle school, and then you play in high school and you go to college, that love changes because at the professional levels, uh, football essentially becomes a job, or maybe it becomes your first look at the real world as far as being a job.
00:43:29.360 --> 00:43:37.519
And of course, when it becomes a job, the love goes away, and then you are exposed to some of the things, the alcohols and the drugs and different things that are out there that you could get involved in.
00:43:37.599 --> 00:43:41.840
And thank God he had his hand on my life that I didn't get involved in that.
00:43:42.000 --> 00:43:59.119
But where I knew for me that the call was authentic as far as being a coach and a leader to men, the same teammates that I played with, that I lost and won games with, and the ones that made fun of me because I decided to keep myself uh, you know, until marriage when you talk about sexuality, or I decided to read my Bible when other guys were out partying and stuff like that.
00:43:59.280 --> 00:44:05.760
Those are the Same guys that now to this day call me when they need prayer about their relationships.
00:44:06.239 --> 00:44:08.480
Isn't it amazing how God can flip that like that?
00:44:08.559 --> 00:44:09.360
And I never thought about that.
00:44:09.440 --> 00:44:11.920
I mean, don't get me wrong, like once I left my teammates, I was gone.
00:44:12.000 --> 00:44:15.360
I thought I'd never be in contact with them again, I'd never see them again.
00:44:15.519 --> 00:44:19.199
But it's those same ones that did exactly what you were talking about.
00:44:19.280 --> 00:44:23.519
They got together with beer and barbecue and poker, and that was their men's ministry.
00:44:23.599 --> 00:44:25.599
They got together and did all that in the football circles.
00:44:25.760 --> 00:44:28.159
Those are the same ones that now to this day call me.
00:44:28.239 --> 00:44:34.159
I'm even on a text thread with some of them that I've kept in touch with where we talk trash and we're excited because college football's coming.
00:44:34.239 --> 00:44:36.480
I'm an Ohio State fan, so they're all mad at me right now.
00:44:36.559 --> 00:44:42.320
A lot of my friends, Tina, are in the SEC, and so they still have kind of the SEC vibe and oh, you know, the SEC is where it's at.
00:44:42.400 --> 00:44:44.079
And I'm like, no, it's it's all about the Big Ten.
00:44:44.239 --> 00:44:46.400
But anyway, different conversation for a different day.
00:44:46.639 --> 00:44:51.519
Those same teammates still call me when things get serious in life and they want prayer.
00:44:51.599 --> 00:45:02.559
And I just feel honored that God has allowed me to kind of turn the tables and be in that platform where I can extend prayer to those guys and be authentic about it too, not just because I was their teammate, but I mean they know who to call.
00:45:02.639 --> 00:45:10.639
And I would challenge some of the men's leaders, if you're listening to this call, when you need help and you're leading men, who's your man of God?
00:45:10.800 --> 00:45:12.079
Who do you go to?
00:45:13.280 --> 00:45:15.679
Who are you accountable to as leader?
00:45:15.920 --> 00:45:17.440
I hope you have a good pastor.
00:45:17.519 --> 00:45:19.920
I'm very fortunate and feel very strongly about mine.
00:45:20.000 --> 00:45:26.079
But, you know, uh there's a story in the Bible when we're talking about Elijah, you know, there was a widow woman.
00:45:26.159 --> 00:45:30.800
I think it was the widow woman at the Seraph or Shinemite, where, you know, she got into some trouble.
00:45:30.880 --> 00:45:32.960
I think her son was on the verge of dying or something.
00:45:33.119 --> 00:45:40.159
And when that story is explained, there's a scripture that's very clear that says she determined in her heart to go to the man of God.
00:45:40.239 --> 00:45:44.639
And when you read that scripture, you notice nobody in that village where she lived asked her, well, who's your pastor?
00:45:44.800 --> 00:45:45.760
Who's your men's leader?
00:45:45.840 --> 00:45:46.719
Who's your man of God?
00:45:46.800 --> 00:45:50.159
They knew, without a shadow of a doubt, she was going to Elijah.
00:45:50.400 --> 00:45:53.199
That speaks of the power of men owning their role.
00:45:53.280 --> 00:46:00.960
You know, when you have a good, Bible-based, godly pastor and leader in your life, even as a leader, and you can go to that individual.
00:46:01.119 --> 00:46:08.719
To me, that is a very symbolic relationship of how Jesus was with the Father and now how the Holy Spirit is in us as He's living in us.
00:46:09.119 --> 00:46:10.559
Again, I'm ready to have church.
00:46:10.639 --> 00:46:12.000
I don't know about you guys, but we can do it.
00:46:12.239 --> 00:46:14.960
We can have church all by ourselves right here on this call.
00:46:15.760 --> 00:46:18.079
I think we could get the altar call right now.
00:46:18.880 --> 00:46:21.119
Get somebody playing the piano, let's do this.
00:46:21.440 --> 00:46:22.000
Let's do it.
00:46:22.159 --> 00:46:22.960
Absolutely.
00:46:24.239 --> 00:46:31.679
I have to say, I'm very um I have a lot of respect for the pastors at my church as well.
00:46:31.920 --> 00:46:47.199
And they are leaders, and they're they um what I love about them coming out of the Southern Baptist convention where it's loud and it's fire and brimstone, which those definitely have their place.
00:46:48.320 --> 00:46:57.920
But the pastors that I have now, there's a quiet confidence that they carry that I think Jesus carried.
00:46:59.119 --> 00:47:00.960
And I have a lot of respect for them.
00:47:01.119 --> 00:47:02.960
So respect your pastors.
00:47:03.920 --> 00:47:06.239
If you don't go find one that you do and go there.
00:47:06.559 --> 00:47:08.880
And I am I would agree with that in the same way.
00:47:09.039 --> 00:47:13.519
I'm in a blessed place with a church with some really wise leaders right now.
00:47:13.679 --> 00:47:16.079
Um, you know, and that and that's just it.
00:47:16.239 --> 00:47:18.079
It it it can change.
00:47:18.239 --> 00:47:27.440
We can have our wounds over a church, we can have our wounds because a pastor treated us in a way that left us feeling estranged.
00:47:27.679 --> 00:47:29.039
Um, but you touched on it.
00:47:29.199 --> 00:47:45.679
There's this problem where people are moving away from a church because of all that instead of saying it wasn't the institution of church's fault, it was this one experience that was messed up, and we should not let that separate us from a relationship with God.
00:47:46.559 --> 00:47:46.960
Amen.
00:47:48.880 --> 00:47:54.239
I love that you're working actively in that area as well and talking about that openly, because I do.
00:47:54.320 --> 00:48:02.079
I think when when we uh separate ourselves from church because of one of those, it just makes the devil happy as heck.
00:48:02.320 --> 00:48:03.119
Yeah, it does.
00:48:03.199 --> 00:48:04.000
And it's unfortunate.
00:48:04.079 --> 00:48:14.159
You know, it's fortunate that we we are in a state of society where we're we're vulnerable to that, you know, and I think a lot of that has to do with all of us in terms of how strong we are in our walk, you know.
00:48:14.400 --> 00:48:29.599
The Bible talks about our faith being tested by fire, and when we when the fires of life come to us and we're easily able to leave the church because somebody looked at us wrong, or they criticized the hat we wore, or I wore purple and Gina wore orange, and more people liked orange, and so I felt out of place.
00:48:29.760 --> 00:48:34.239
I mean, just really superficial stuff like that, that really has nothing to do with the church.
00:48:34.320 --> 00:48:35.280
You know, it really doesn't.
00:48:35.440 --> 00:48:45.119
When you think about the church in and of itself, it is the chosen mechanism that Jesus put in place to make sure that people heard the gospel message and that they were saved and delivered.
00:48:45.199 --> 00:48:48.960
That is really the goal of the church, you know, to explain the gospel message.
00:48:49.039 --> 00:48:57.840
If they can get that much right, all the other mechanisms that are around are really just, you know, human mechanisms that we use to enhance the church experience.
00:48:58.000 --> 00:49:14.239
But at the end of the day, it's about the pure, undiluted, unadulterated, uncompromising gospel of Jesus Christ, which is that we're all sinners, we're in need of a savior, and if we accept his free gift of salvation by believing that he died on the cross for our sins, that is the gospel.
00:49:14.559 --> 00:49:15.199
Period.
00:49:15.519 --> 00:49:16.480
Like end of story.
00:49:16.639 --> 00:49:17.920
That is the gospel message.
00:49:18.079 --> 00:49:26.480
And I just pray that as people are listening to this and listening to you guys as you continue on, that they understand that that is the heart behind what you guys are doing, which I love.
00:49:26.639 --> 00:49:42.000
Like I said, I was so just excited that you guys gave me the opportunity to be with you today because uh more people need to hear podcasts like this good, Bible-centered, godly podcast where uh a man and a woman are working together, they aren't afraid of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
00:49:42.320 --> 00:49:45.440
And not ashamed of it as well.
00:49:46.079 --> 00:49:46.719
Amen.
00:49:47.119 --> 00:49:51.199
Well, Tristan, you have shared so much, and I am so grateful.
00:49:51.360 --> 00:49:54.400
Adam and I are so grateful that you've come on our show.
00:49:54.880 --> 00:49:56.239
Thank you for bringing church.
00:49:56.320 --> 00:49:57.519
That was great.
00:49:58.480 --> 00:49:59.679
You are welcome.
00:49:59.920 --> 00:50:01.039
This this stuff's in me.
00:50:01.119 --> 00:50:02.320
I just I gotta be me.
00:50:02.400 --> 00:50:03.599
This stuff is in me.
00:50:04.079 --> 00:50:09.760
Well, be you because it's God in you, God coming out of you.
00:50:10.079 --> 00:50:14.960
Kind of like the Israelites with quail, where it was just coming out of all of them.
00:50:15.039 --> 00:50:16.480
They had eaten so much quail.
00:50:17.679 --> 00:50:18.639
Be the quail.
00:50:20.880 --> 00:50:25.360
Um, with that said, as we close, will you pray us out?
00:50:25.760 --> 00:50:26.639
Yeah, I'd love to.
00:50:26.719 --> 00:50:27.840
I've been looking forward to this part.
00:50:27.920 --> 00:50:29.280
So again, thank you both for your time.
00:50:29.360 --> 00:50:30.239
I love the work you're doing.
00:50:30.320 --> 00:50:35.360
And if there's anything me and my ministry can do to serve you guys in the future, please don't hesitate to reach out.
00:50:35.440 --> 00:50:36.880
We'd love to serve any way we can.
00:50:37.039 --> 00:50:37.760
But let's pray.
00:50:37.920 --> 00:50:40.719
Thank you for everybody who's listening, and and we'll go from here.
00:50:40.800 --> 00:50:45.679
So, Father, in the name of Jesus, Lord, I first of all thank you for who you are.
00:50:46.000 --> 00:51:01.119
I thank you, Lord, that you sought enough in us to send your son down from heavy, heaven, empty your glory, put yourself on earth for 33 years just to die for our sins and restore us back into right relationship with you.
00:51:01.280 --> 00:51:04.960
You loved us enough, Lord, to make that sacrifice for you.
00:51:05.039 --> 00:51:06.320
And we thank you for that.
00:51:06.480 --> 00:51:19.280
I thank you for Gina and for Adam and for touching their hearts to do this in such a way to where the gospel message is presented in another format that people can relate with, they can they can be connected with.
00:51:19.519 --> 00:51:45.519
And Lord, I I know I just recently got done talking to some men about seasons of transition and transformation, but I pray in the name of Jesus, Lord, that even though the mechanisms may change, the mission never changes, and that the message of the gospel would go out to each and every single person, not only listening to this, but all across the world as your word commands, that that is the great commission to go out and preach the word to all nations, Lord, so that they can hear the gospel.
00:51:45.679 --> 00:51:46.800
I thank you for Gina.
00:51:47.039 --> 00:51:49.440
I thank you for her heart for the women and for this podcast.
00:51:49.599 --> 00:51:52.880
I thank you for Adam and the work that he is doing in his life.
00:51:52.960 --> 00:52:02.960
And I pray, Lord, that your word stand true in this podcast and with all of us, that all things would work together for the good of those that love the Lord and who are called according to his purpose.
00:52:03.119 --> 00:52:08.559
Lord, I thank you right now in advance for what you've done, for what you're doing, and for what you're about to do.
00:52:08.719 --> 00:52:13.280
We declare it done and we speak into existence and we seal it by the power of the Holy Spirit.
00:52:13.440 --> 00:52:14.639
In Jesus' name.
00:52:14.960 --> 00:52:15.599
Amen.
00:52:18.880 --> 00:52:25.599
This is God at Work, reminding you to lead with faith, serve with purpose, and live out your calling.
00:52:25.760 --> 00:52:30.719
Until we meet again, keep walking boldly in your faith at work and beyond.
00:52:31.119 --> 00:52:34.960
Remember your business is your ministry.