Vanessa Bayer

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Not every day you meet an Irish legend.
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I know what you mean, Coo Cullum.
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Leaping vast distances, holding off armies.
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Eating tonnes of fresh grass.
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What?
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Not you, we're cows. That's one of the reasons Irish
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milk is so good. It's famous all over the world.
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Legendary.
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Ireland's grass and our farmers' commitment to more sustainable actions
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help make Irish dairy a true Irish legend.
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Always look for the National Dairy Council guarantee.
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Due to the leaves falling in autumn and the challenges
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this brings, Eireann Road Airan wishes to advise customers that
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a revised timetable will take effect on Dart and Dublin
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commuter routes from Monday, September 21st until December 12th. Morning
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and evening peak services will be affected with some earlier
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departure times. Please check travel times on the Eireann Road
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Airan app or irishrail.ie. Eireann Road Airan is part of
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the Transport for Ireland network.
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Hi, my name is Vanessa Bayer. And I feel honestly
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thrilled about being Conan O'Brien's friend.
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You know what?
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I don't.
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The fact that you had a weird inhuman pause and
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you said, honestly thrilled. And then there was a pause like,
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anyone buying it?
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Is anyone buying this? Fall is here, hear the yell. Hey,
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and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
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I just looked up and read off a monitor that
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says the.
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Name of our podcast.
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Did you forget?
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Yeah.
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I'm aware that I just said, hey, and welcome to,
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and I looked up and read it off the monitor.
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We should put something up there that we won't read. Like,
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welcome to Matt and Sona get a raise. Yeah, it's
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like in Anchorman where he'll read whatever's on the screen.
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He reads whatever. What does he say? Fuck you, San Diego.
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Fuck you, San Diego. Oh wait, no, I think it's
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go fuck yourself, San Diego. Go fuck yourself, San Diego.
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I just don't want to misquote Anchorman.
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Anyway, I just, I don't know why I did that.
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I looked up, I know that this is called Come Up,
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Ryan Needs a Friend, but I looked up and I do,
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I really do. Just don't take that monitor away. That's
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how relaxed I am. Let's look at it that way.
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That's how relaxed and in the moment.
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And Sona, you'll attest, I'm not a relaxed person most
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of the time.
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You're not.
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Why?
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Just stop. What do you mean? Stop what? Stop doing that.
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Just chill.
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Just relax. If I could, I would. Yeah.
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You know that.
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But, you know, you've really worked on yourself a lot.
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You're a very different person than when I first started
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working for you.
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I will say that.
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I've seen growth.
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This is, what, 11 or 12 years ago?
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13.
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Wow.
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It's 2009.
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Okay, that's right.
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That's right. When I first started working for you. And
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what was the difference? What was I like then?
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I think you were wound up really tight. It was
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also when you were about to move to Los Angeles.
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There was a lot going on, and you were very, like,
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you know.
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So nervous. I have no idea.
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I don't think I walked around going, oh, I'm so nervous.
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No, no, you weren't.
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But you could tell there was like just this weight
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on you and you were like, you know, there was
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a lot going on.
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And now you seem a lot more. I'm happier. I'm
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a lot happier than I was. That's nice.
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Yeah.
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We've been lucky that I think that the TBS show
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was so much fun to do.
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Yeah.
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And really kind of a joyous experience. And those were
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great people to work with. And then this thing has
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been just tripping down. and falling into, you know, what
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is it? I think my wife, she has a relative
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who if something good happens to you, they say, well,
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you landed your ass in butter.
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Oh, that's awesome.
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Yeah.
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Well, you landed your ass in butter, but that's how
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it feels getting to do this podcast is.
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It's- You landed your ass in butter.
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I landed, I just want all the people listening to
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picture my bony, pale Irish ass that ain't getting any younger.
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Yeah.
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Being dipped into sort of liquid, I'm gonna say melting butter.
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It's very soft, mushy butter.
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Like is it opaque or is it kind of transparent
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like movie theater popcorn butter?
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It's sort of starting to get translucent around the edges.
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Oh God.
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And it's also very hot, so as I'm being lowered
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into it, I start screaming. Because it's burning my ass.
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That doesn't sound good. Congratulations, you did this thing. So
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I want to say I really did.
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That's not good.
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With this podcast, I landed my ass, my bare ass,
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in scalding hot butter. You did it literally? You heard
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that expression and you just tried it literally? Yeah, I did.
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I thought, that must be great. So I had myself,
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I had a winch put in the kitchen. And I
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had myself lowered. What is a, I'm sorry, what's a winch?
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A winch, I had, you tell, it's a pulley system.
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Like on the front of a Jeep, if you want
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to pull a Jeep out of a mud, it's like
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a cable that will, with a motor.
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It can unspool, it has a motor. And so I
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had myself, I bought, I actually stole it off of
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a Jeep that I saw in a parking lot. And
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I had it attached to the ceiling in my kitchen
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and I had myself lowered. and into this vat of butter.
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The guy in the parking lot was like, where are
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you going with that wench?
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I said, you're not going to dip your ass in butter,
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are you?
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And I said, no, I wouldn't do that.
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All right, Bruno the splooge, out.
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Don't look at me like that. It was last week.
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Oh, for God's sake. I'm very good at not mixing.
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man i'm very good at mixing yeah so i do feel.
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Yeah how dare you get on me about referencing something
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last week and you're just talking about putting your ass
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in butter it's not like we're doing high art here uh.
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No i think this is high art no no no
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no no uh no it's not anyway i'll get us
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back on track which is and i'm sure there'll be
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some edits here um they'd be really great if there
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weren't you got it We were very fortunate. I was
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very fortunate to land this silly gig. It's really fun. And,
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you know, I'm enjoying myself. So I think I'm a
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happier chappy than I was 13 years ago.
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Good.
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Yeah. And also, I don't see you like every day, Sona.
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You know what I mean?
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You've got your kids and stuff. We see each other
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a lot. It doesn't feel that way. It doesn't? No. No,
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I think we do.
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I used to see you constantly.
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I would see you all day long. And then if
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I was doing a show at night, you'd come on that.
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If I toured, you came on the tour.
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Yeah.
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You were omnipresent in my life. Right. All the time.
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Now it feels like, yeah, I see you when we
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do this. And I see you here and there. That's true.
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But you do seem happier, Sona. I am so much happier.
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I don't know what happened for the last 11 months.
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I'm just kidding.
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I'm kidding.
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Come on.
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I keyed.
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I keyed.
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We're half to the end, friends forever. All right.
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Let's get on with this. It smells like ass butter
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in here.
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Ass butter.
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Jesus.
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Literally.
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Try it, folks.
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Dip your ass in very hot butter. Take it from me.
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It's the most sensual experience you'll ever have.
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What if today's guest was like Malala or something?
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And right now you just look out and you see
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that they're walking away. I've always wanted to have a
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really stupid segment up front and then look over and
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see through the window that the guest has gone. And
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I'd be like, Wait a minute, who was it? It was,
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you know, civil rights activists, like a really serious, good
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person doing good work. And they just heard me dipping
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my ass in butter.
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Like, I'm going to go.
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In the past when we've had like Hillary Clinton or,
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you know, Barack.
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Obama, you're like, guys, we have to keep this intro
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very professional. And then it always, always devolves. Obama tried
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to leave.
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Remember?
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Yeah.
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He tried to go and the door, he couldn't get
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the door open.
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We don't remember because we weren't invited.
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We weren't at that point.
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Oh, right, right. Yeah.
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Secret Service looked into your background.
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But they somehow approved to ask Butterguy.
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Trust me. Sona, you actually have a rap sheet, so
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I do not.
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No, I don't.
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That's why I've gotten away with so much. It's because
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I don't, no one's ever.
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Yes, yes, I know. No, I'm not a pickpocket. Sticky fingers.
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That would be really cool if I knew that. You
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stole a scrunchie, right?
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What?
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Didn't you steal a scrunchie? Oh, among a lot of them.
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Yeah.
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Forever 20, you go to Forever 21 and steal stuff. No, not, well,
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Forever 21 was. That's why you didn't get to meet Obama,
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because you are a thief. I don't have a record.
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That's why I kept stealing. Trust me, there's having a
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record and then there's what the Secret Service can find out.
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That's not true. They knew exactly what you had done
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and they knew that you could not be around the president.
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They presented you with the scrunchie. They read that Urban Outfitters.
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Obama was like, where's the scrunchie thing? Scratchy thief here?
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Where?
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The thief, the pickpocket. No, she couldn't be here.
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All right.
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Okay.
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Jackie Mason. Secret service.
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Secret service never. Oh, come on. That's Jackie Mason slash
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Barack Obama. It's both if you want. My guest today. Hey,
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if you want impressions, this is not the place to
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tune in.
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Okay.
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My guest today. Oh, that was Obama. My guest today
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was a cast member on Saturday Night Live. Now co-created in, what?
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What the hell?
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And now co-created. You got too hung up on trying
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to pronounce it. My guest today was a cast member
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on Saturday Night Live and now co-created and stars in
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the new Showtime series. I love that for you. I'm
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thrilled she's with us today. Vanessa Bayer, welcome. It is
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a thrill to have you here. You know, I adore you.
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I think you're terrific. And we're going to start at
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the beginning.
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Let's start at the beginning.
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Which is you interned for me.
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Yes.
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And here's the crazy thing. There's this growing list all
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the time of people that intern for Conan. I mean,
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we could start, but it's like Conan being me.
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Yeah, okay.
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It's like you have a little cult.
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Yeah.
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But I don't know what it is. Maybe I emit
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some sort of magical aura. Oh, boy.
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I don't.
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I don't think that's it.
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That's not it at all. That's probably not it. Okay,
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let's move on. But, you know, I mean, the list
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goes on and on. It is very impressive. John Krasinski. who,
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00:10:01.120 --> 00:10:05.230
because he was a large, strong fellow, I would regularly, like,
257
00:10:05.669 --> 00:10:09.610
toss him around. Because when I see a, you know,
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I'm like a threatened male ape.
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00:10:11.929 --> 00:10:12.250
Right.
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Right.
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And Krasinski right away. And we've talked about it. I
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would like grab him and go, you listen to me.
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00:10:17.710 --> 00:10:22.070
Mindy Kaling. Mindy Kaling. Angela Kinsey.
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00:10:22.090 --> 00:10:23.610
Ellie Kemper.
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Ellie Kemper.
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Yeah, it's incredible.
267
00:10:26.100 --> 00:10:26.740
Jeff Goldblum.
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Jeff Goldblum.
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00:10:29.059 --> 00:10:31.360
Dick Cheney. Incredible.
270
00:10:31.379 --> 00:10:35.519
Yeah, Dick Cheney, right after he was done being vice president, came...
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00:10:35.259 --> 00:10:36.070
Came and interned.
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00:10:36.299 --> 00:10:37.029
Came and interned. And you know what?
273
00:10:37.190 --> 00:10:38.649
He was a terrific intern.
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00:10:38.669 --> 00:10:39.529
That's... Yeah.
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And he loves comedy.
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That's so... That's always what you think. You think... You
277
00:10:44.149 --> 00:10:44.909
hope and you.
278
00:10:45.309 --> 00:10:48.429
He was great. Did you have a good time? How
279
00:10:48.460 --> 00:10:49.500
long did you intern for us?
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00:10:49.899 --> 00:10:51.559
I interned for the summer. I was probably there for
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00:10:51.620 --> 00:10:55.919
two months. I was a general production intern for... So
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00:10:55.960 --> 00:10:59.740
we sat on those couches outside of Tanya's desk. Tanya
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had her desk, and then we sat on those couches,
284
00:11:01.860 --> 00:11:04.330
and we sort of waited for stuff to do.
285
00:11:04.669 --> 00:11:07.450
Right. And it was like, so you were, I remember
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00:11:07.490 --> 00:11:09.610
those interns. Those were the interns that sat there, and
287
00:11:09.649 --> 00:11:14.100
they were like firemen because they were inert, and then
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00:11:14.159 --> 00:11:17.970
someone would quickly say, Conan needs hair gel. And you'd
289
00:11:17.990 --> 00:11:20.429
be activated and you'd go rushing off to buy that
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00:11:20.490 --> 00:11:21.909
special hair gel that I like.
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00:11:22.029 --> 00:11:26.509
It was so fun. Well, also, sorry to brag about this,
292
00:11:26.549 --> 00:11:29.519
but the summer before I had interned at Chelsea Market
293
00:11:30.340 --> 00:11:36.250
at Oxygen. Okay. Name dropper. Yeah, whatever.
294
00:11:36.269 --> 00:11:37.830
It's not even a big deal.
295
00:11:38.269 --> 00:11:41.379
But because I had interned there, I knew where to
296
00:11:41.419 --> 00:11:44.519
get all the free samples and stuff. And so then
297
00:11:44.539 --> 00:11:47.279
I got asked like once a week they'd have an
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00:11:47.340 --> 00:11:50.909
intern go get like oranges and stuff from Chelsea Market,
299
00:11:50.950 --> 00:11:52.629
like citrus to bring back to the office.
300
00:11:52.809 --> 00:11:55.389
Right, and that was because I was obsessed with no
301
00:11:55.429 --> 00:11:58.169
one on my staff getting rickets, the disease people get
302
00:11:58.190 --> 00:11:59.669
when they don't get enough vitamin. Because you did your
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00:11:59.690 --> 00:12:01.720
show Crossing the Ocean in an old pirate ship. Well,
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00:12:01.740 --> 00:12:03.740
I just knew that there's one thing, I said, I
305
00:12:03.759 --> 00:12:05.039
don't know if my show is going to be funny
306
00:12:05.080 --> 00:12:08.110
or not. But no one's getting rickets on my watch.
307
00:12:08.330 --> 00:12:08.769
Yeah.
308
00:12:08.789 --> 00:12:12.009
This ancient Mariner's disease. So you would go out to
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00:12:12.049 --> 00:12:12.690
get oranges.
310
00:12:12.710 --> 00:12:14.429
So they'd be like, oh, who wants to go to
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00:12:14.480 --> 00:12:16.700
Chelsea Market? And I'd be like, I do. So I'd
312
00:12:16.750 --> 00:12:17.720
go get oranges.
313
00:12:18.129 --> 00:12:18.620
I do.
314
00:12:23.159 --> 00:12:26.639
And I'd just spend, you know, an hour getting all
315
00:12:26.659 --> 00:12:30.039
the samples, eating all the samples at Chelsea Market, and
316
00:12:30.200 --> 00:12:33.759
bring back oranges. And that's a real great memory I have.
317
00:12:33.799 --> 00:12:36.139
Well, can I just say, it sounds like... I'm going
318
00:12:36.159 --> 00:12:37.320
to say right now, it sounds like you were a
319
00:12:37.639 --> 00:12:42.210
bad intern because you spent as much time. Your simple
320
00:12:42.230 --> 00:12:45.149
task was to grab some oranges and then you, what,
321
00:12:45.210 --> 00:12:49.409
consumed or tried on 75 different free samples before you retired?
322
00:12:49.429 --> 00:12:49.830
Right, right.
323
00:12:49.970 --> 00:12:51.610
Well, I mean, I wasn't being paid.
324
00:12:54.360 --> 00:12:55.120
Fair point.
325
00:12:55.179 --> 00:12:56.000
Oh, boy.
326
00:12:56.120 --> 00:12:57.440
That again.
327
00:12:57.460 --> 00:12:59.679
Why do people expect payment for their labor?
328
00:12:59.879 --> 00:13:00.659
I don't understand.
329
00:13:01.419 --> 00:13:01.820
Why?
330
00:13:01.879 --> 00:13:02.840
You got school credit.
331
00:13:02.860 --> 00:13:06.179
But nobody, I got school credit. So it was like
332
00:13:06.330 --> 00:13:07.909
a class. What a cheap class.
333
00:13:08.690 --> 00:13:11.690
Who has gotten into like a reputable law school because
334
00:13:11.730 --> 00:13:15.669
they worked for Conan? I'm doing this job for school credit.
335
00:13:15.789 --> 00:13:16.110
I know.
336
00:13:16.490 --> 00:13:19.090
You'll get there. Just a few more years and you'll
337
00:13:19.110 --> 00:13:21.509
get there. No, of course. I mean, there's so much
338
00:13:21.549 --> 00:13:24.409
to talk about. But what is the gap between when
339
00:13:24.429 --> 00:13:26.470
you're an intern on my show and when you start?
340
00:13:26.509 --> 00:13:29.769
I think you started Saturday Night Live in 2010. Yes.
341
00:13:30.009 --> 00:13:32.250
So I interned for you the summer of 2003. So
342
00:13:33.289 --> 00:13:37.710
seven years. So actually, the summer before my... Senior year
343
00:13:37.730 --> 00:13:39.509
of college is when I interned for you. And then
344
00:13:39.529 --> 00:13:41.669
I moved to Chicago after college and I was there
345
00:13:41.710 --> 00:13:44.289
for six years. And then I got, so pretty quick.
346
00:13:44.580 --> 00:13:46.419
What were you doing to get you to SNL?
347
00:13:46.620 --> 00:13:48.659
I did, you know, I moved to Chicago and I
348
00:13:48.720 --> 00:13:52.279
did all the improv, like I did improv everywhere. And
349
00:13:52.320 --> 00:13:56.129
then I, not Improv Everywhere, that's a separate, no. You
350
00:13:56.149 --> 00:13:59.409
know what Improv Everywhere is? I don't. It's the thing where, like,
351
00:13:59.950 --> 00:14:02.289
they'll be, I don't know if it still exists.
352
00:14:02.529 --> 00:14:03.330
I hope not.
353
00:14:03.409 --> 00:14:07.139
It was big when I interned, actually. Everyone's, like, on
354
00:14:07.279 --> 00:14:09.600
a subway train, and all of a sudden they start, like,
355
00:14:09.940 --> 00:14:13.860
all singing the same song. And then, like, people on
356
00:14:13.879 --> 00:14:15.840
the train are supposed to be amused, but they're actually like,
357
00:14:16.139 --> 00:14:18.009
we just want to get to where we're going.
358
00:14:18.269 --> 00:14:21.279
It's a war crime. Oh my God, Matt.
359
00:14:21.340 --> 00:14:24.210
It's like early flash mob, basically.
360
00:14:24.409 --> 00:14:24.590
Yeah.
361
00:14:24.669 --> 00:14:28.070
And they just start doing scenes. It's bad.
362
00:14:28.669 --> 00:14:31.360
No, and you know what goes online every now and then?
363
00:14:31.860 --> 00:14:35.299
You'll see it. It'll go viral as someone, a movie
364
00:14:35.320 --> 00:14:37.759
theater projector will break down, and then someone will jump
365
00:14:37.840 --> 00:14:40.570
up in front of the crowd. and start doing stand-up.
366
00:14:40.929 --> 00:14:44.120
And the universal response is revulsion and anger.
367
00:14:44.129 --> 00:14:46.419
You said that like it happens a lot. I feel
368
00:14:46.440 --> 00:14:48.220
like it only happened one time and it was a
369
00:14:48.259 --> 00:14:49.720
very awkward thing, right?
370
00:14:49.980 --> 00:14:50.659
It started.
371
00:14:51.159 --> 00:14:53.830
I'm predicting that it's going to be a major thing.
372
00:14:53.870 --> 00:14:54.490
I'm predicting.
373
00:14:54.629 --> 00:14:56.389
I know that there was one case where it happened,
374
00:14:56.429 --> 00:15:00.190
but I'm predicting that this is... gonna spread very quickly.
375
00:15:00.610 --> 00:15:03.169
People are breaking the projectors themselves. Yeah, that was, to me,
376
00:15:03.250 --> 00:15:05.460
that was the first germ that escaped from, like, the
377
00:15:05.480 --> 00:15:09.080
Wuhan lab. Oh, no. And that's, and now it's just,
378
00:15:09.320 --> 00:15:11.519
you know, it's gonna spread. And soon there's gonna be
379
00:15:11.600 --> 00:15:14.970
improv everywhere, all the time, and Fauci's gonna be on
380
00:15:14.990 --> 00:15:19.230
the air saying, don't say yes and, whatever you do.
381
00:15:20.009 --> 00:15:23.389
Say no but. Say no but. Or just no period.
382
00:15:24.990 --> 00:15:27.470
Um... Did you now, so you, and then you did
383
00:15:27.490 --> 00:15:28.049
Second City.
384
00:15:28.429 --> 00:15:31.289
I did Second City and The Annoyance and IO. So
385
00:15:31.330 --> 00:15:32.110
those three.
386
00:15:32.529 --> 00:15:34.669
And Andy Richter came from The Annoyance Theater.
387
00:15:34.870 --> 00:15:36.429
Yes, I think so. Yeah.
388
00:15:36.590 --> 00:15:40.610
It's really interesting. I have this fascinating relationship with improv,
389
00:15:40.629 --> 00:15:42.149
which is I started doing improv.
390
00:15:42.269 --> 00:15:42.570
Yeah.
391
00:15:42.730 --> 00:15:44.700
And I always thought improv is a great tool. And
392
00:15:44.720 --> 00:15:47.379
I always got worried the minute people were being charged
393
00:15:47.580 --> 00:15:48.100
to see it.
394
00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:50.799
That was always, I remember a thing when I did
395
00:15:50.820 --> 00:15:53.399
it in Chicago and like, I would have friends come
396
00:15:53.419 --> 00:15:56.440
to a show, especially like early on. And I, you know,
397
00:15:56.460 --> 00:15:57.940
you just don't know if the show is going to
398
00:15:57.980 --> 00:16:00.100
be good or not, because someone could get in there.
399
00:16:00.220 --> 00:16:02.860
And I, as an audience member, I saw so many
400
00:16:02.919 --> 00:16:05.940
hours and hours and hours of improv, probably hundreds of
401
00:16:05.980 --> 00:16:08.629
bad hours of improv, because you have to be kind
402
00:16:08.649 --> 00:16:10.289
of bad at it before you get good at it. Like,
403
00:16:10.330 --> 00:16:11.470
I think very few people.
404
00:16:11.730 --> 00:16:13.669
Which is true of so many things. Yes.
405
00:16:13.950 --> 00:16:16.850
But it's like, yeah, you just, I remember my parents
406
00:16:16.909 --> 00:16:21.879
coming to shows and just being like, what are you doing?
407
00:16:22.019 --> 00:16:24.440
I remember we did a show once where like, I
408
00:16:24.460 --> 00:16:26.279
was at this group and it was like one rule
409
00:16:26.440 --> 00:16:29.399
of like earth, like doesn't exist. So it would be like,
410
00:16:29.460 --> 00:16:31.159
and it would be like, you know, I don't know
411
00:16:31.179 --> 00:16:32.759
if it was like gravity or it was like something
412
00:16:32.779 --> 00:16:34.649
like that. And it would be like, do the whole
413
00:16:34.710 --> 00:16:36.470
improv show with this one. And you don't tell the
414
00:16:36.529 --> 00:16:38.909
audience what it is, but this one thing that is
415
00:16:38.950 --> 00:16:41.710
like a rule of living doesn't, is not a rule.
416
00:16:42.289 --> 00:16:44.350
And it was like, that's how I felt. I was like,
417
00:16:44.990 --> 00:16:47.529
I guess we're just going to like, run the world
418
00:16:47.590 --> 00:16:50.429
after this? It was just like, we've come up with
419
00:16:50.789 --> 00:16:56.639
the most incredible improv theory. And people were like, that's okay.
420
00:16:56.759 --> 00:17:01.000
It's fine. Good show, I guess.
421
00:17:01.039 --> 00:17:03.360
My favorite comment is, good show, I guess.
422
00:17:04.309 --> 00:17:06.450
But it's like the thing where you're doing improv and
423
00:17:06.470 --> 00:17:09.170
you're like, we've come up with it. This is it.
424
00:17:09.230 --> 00:17:13.329
No, we cracked the code. And I think that's something
425
00:17:13.369 --> 00:17:16.130
that you have to be in your 20s and an
426
00:17:16.170 --> 00:17:20.059
incredible comedy nerd and very, and there's a sweetness to it.
427
00:17:20.140 --> 00:17:20.519
So sweet.
428
00:17:20.599 --> 00:17:24.400
But you really think we have found something that Monty
429
00:17:24.460 --> 00:17:28.619
Python never thought of. We found something that, you know,
430
00:17:28.839 --> 00:17:31.849
the great, the Marx Brothers never thought of. We thought
431
00:17:31.869 --> 00:17:34.329
of something that no one's ever, but I will say
432
00:17:34.369 --> 00:17:37.789
in defense of, you know, when you see good improv,
433
00:17:37.849 --> 00:17:38.490
it's thrilling.
434
00:17:38.589 --> 00:17:39.380
It is, it is.
435
00:17:39.690 --> 00:17:44.049
And I remembered when Upright Citizens Brigade, when I first
436
00:17:44.089 --> 00:17:46.859
saw them in New York, We were so lucky because
437
00:17:46.920 --> 00:17:50.579
on our late night show, we basically had the entire
438
00:17:51.539 --> 00:17:55.259
cast and everybody who was involved in the original Upright
439
00:17:55.299 --> 00:17:58.400
Citizens Brigade. That was our group of players on the show.
440
00:17:58.759 --> 00:18:00.700
And I look back at it now and I think, well,
441
00:18:00.740 --> 00:18:04.869
that was just insane good luck. We need someone to
442
00:18:04.900 --> 00:18:08.089
play Andy Richter's sister who's obsessed with me. Amy Poehler
443
00:18:08.109 --> 00:18:11.759
will do it. She'll take a script that's a B
444
00:18:11.920 --> 00:18:14.160
or a B plus and make it an A plus
445
00:18:14.220 --> 00:18:17.579
plus every single time through sheer force of will and talent.
446
00:18:17.839 --> 00:18:19.220
And it was such a joy. And then one day,
447
00:18:19.700 --> 00:18:22.599
Amy said, hey, come on down and be a guest
448
00:18:22.960 --> 00:18:26.609
on the ASCAT show for Upright Citizens Brigade. And I said, well, sure,
449
00:18:26.710 --> 00:18:27.529
I'd be happy to do that.
450
00:18:27.630 --> 00:18:30.769
And then I remember, I'd been on a TV host.
451
00:18:30.609 --> 00:18:32.069
For a long time at that point.
452
00:18:32.710 --> 00:18:36.599
The terror came back to me of you're completely naked. Yeah.
453
00:18:36.700 --> 00:18:38.440
Which was my first mistake. No one wanted to see
454
00:18:38.460 --> 00:18:41.140
me naked. I was actually naked. No, that's a- That
455
00:18:41.160 --> 00:18:43.900
was my idea. I thought you meant figuratively being naked.
456
00:18:43.980 --> 00:18:44.440
No, no.
457
00:18:44.500 --> 00:18:46.680
That's what they meant was you'll be naked on stage.
458
00:18:46.720 --> 00:18:49.869
And so I removed all my clothing and apparently not
459
00:18:49.910 --> 00:18:52.349
a good body, I'm told. No, no.
460
00:18:52.710 --> 00:18:53.650
A good body, I guess.
461
00:18:53.710 --> 00:19:00.630
You don't have- No, I got up there and you
462
00:19:00.650 --> 00:19:02.779
have to go out and take suggestions from the crowd
463
00:19:02.799 --> 00:19:06.079
and then tell a story. It worked- And I was
464
00:19:06.279 --> 00:19:08.720
so relieved and I went backstage and the show was
465
00:19:08.779 --> 00:19:10.759
over and I felt like I have just driven my
466
00:19:10.779 --> 00:19:15.180
motorcycle through the comedy ring of fire, you know? And
467
00:19:15.200 --> 00:19:17.099
I'll never forget, Amy Poehler said, yeah, and I think
468
00:19:17.119 --> 00:19:19.740
the second show will be even better. And I had
469
00:19:19.980 --> 00:19:22.420
no idea that they did two shows. And I thought
470
00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:24.220
she was kidding. And I went, yeah, can you imagine
471
00:19:24.240 --> 00:19:25.700
if there was a second show? And she said, dude,
472
00:19:25.789 --> 00:19:26.569
there's a second show.
473
00:19:27.559 --> 00:19:28.119
Oh, my God.
474
00:19:28.140 --> 00:19:31.279
And I was like, no. There's no way I can
475
00:19:31.299 --> 00:19:32.779
do that again. She said, well, you're doing it again.
476
00:19:32.799 --> 00:19:35.440
And there were two shows.
477
00:19:35.559 --> 00:19:36.579
Yeah.
478
00:19:37.029 --> 00:19:38.619
So for the second one, I took my clothes off.
479
00:19:38.849 --> 00:19:39.809
Okay. Got it.
480
00:19:39.849 --> 00:19:41.529
You always want to end on a nude coat.
481
00:19:41.549 --> 00:19:41.789
Yeah.
482
00:19:41.970 --> 00:19:44.609
No, it is scary, especially once people know who you are.
483
00:19:44.730 --> 00:19:48.170
I remember doing it once or twice after getting on SNL,
484
00:19:48.289 --> 00:19:50.509
and I was so scared. And I was, what am
485
00:19:50.559 --> 00:19:53.880
I doing? Like, I don't know how to do this anymore. And, like,
486
00:19:53.980 --> 00:19:56.380
I don't know. My stories suck.
487
00:19:56.839 --> 00:20:00.250
Well, also, because... The stakes have been raised because now
488
00:20:00.890 --> 00:20:02.029
it's Vanessa.
489
00:20:02.390 --> 00:20:03.190
Yeah, yeah.
490
00:20:03.230 --> 00:20:05.930
You're on SNL and you've got all these hit characters
491
00:20:06.170 --> 00:20:09.549
and you feel that the bar is higher. Whether the
492
00:20:09.630 --> 00:20:12.140
audience feels that or not, that's how you feel. Like, oh,
493
00:20:12.180 --> 00:20:14.000
now I've got it. Whatever I did before when I
494
00:20:14.019 --> 00:20:17.000
was anonymous has to be five times better now.
495
00:20:17.039 --> 00:20:17.880
Yeah, yeah.
496
00:20:17.900 --> 00:20:18.640
Scary.
497
00:20:18.880 --> 00:20:23.319
You had incredible success at SNL. What's interesting, and I
498
00:20:23.380 --> 00:20:27.029
know this has got to be a powerful theme for you,
499
00:20:27.750 --> 00:20:29.630
But I want to just go back to your childhood
500
00:20:29.650 --> 00:20:32.680
because it's so defining when you were ill. You were seriously,
501
00:20:32.799 --> 00:20:38.440
seriously ill. Yeah, yeah. And you'd think that– I believe
502
00:20:38.460 --> 00:20:39.460
you had leukemia.
503
00:20:39.500 --> 00:20:40.660
Yes, yeah, yeah.
504
00:20:41.140 --> 00:20:45.319
And you'd think that that would– Not fuel comedy.
505
00:20:45.440 --> 00:20:46.160
Right, right.
506
00:20:46.279 --> 00:20:48.109
But even at the time that you were sick, as
507
00:20:48.150 --> 00:20:52.150
a child, your family tried to find humor in it.
508
00:20:52.190 --> 00:20:52.630
Is that right?
509
00:20:52.670 --> 00:20:55.069
Yes. We would joke about it all the time, and
510
00:20:55.109 --> 00:20:57.910
we would particularly joke about all the, like, perks we
511
00:20:57.930 --> 00:21:01.319
got from it. And we would, like, use it. Like,
512
00:21:01.359 --> 00:21:02.119
what perks?
513
00:21:02.460 --> 00:21:09.180
Wow, free chemo. Try and get bad at a party.
514
00:21:09.200 --> 00:21:09.339
Right.
515
00:21:10.779 --> 00:21:12.279
Jesus Christ. I know.
516
00:21:12.420 --> 00:21:13.079
I'm sorry.
517
00:21:13.200 --> 00:21:16.900
No, no, no, no. It's just like whenever you go
518
00:21:16.940 --> 00:21:20.119
through a difficult time, people are so nice to you.
519
00:21:20.509 --> 00:21:20.769
Yeah.
520
00:21:20.789 --> 00:21:21.140
You know?
521
00:21:21.400 --> 00:21:21.740
Yeah.
522
00:21:21.789 --> 00:21:24.450
So maybe I'm messed up that I focus on that.
523
00:21:24.490 --> 00:21:27.940
But like I, you know, like. Like I was in
524
00:21:27.960 --> 00:21:29.839
high school and I could like come into school late
525
00:21:30.039 --> 00:21:33.339
all the time. Like I just came into school whenever
526
00:21:33.400 --> 00:21:35.799
I wanted. We had such a strict attendance woman. And
527
00:21:35.819 --> 00:21:37.700
a lot of times it was because, you know, I
528
00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:40.799
wanted to sleep in, especially like when, you know, later
529
00:21:40.859 --> 00:21:43.380
on in my treatment when things were like, you know,
530
00:21:43.400 --> 00:21:44.880
I was starting to feel better and stuff. I just
531
00:21:44.920 --> 00:21:46.980
could like come in whenever I wanted. I didn't have
532
00:21:47.000 --> 00:21:47.819
to do gym class.
533
00:21:47.839 --> 00:21:49.440
Oh, my God.
534
00:21:49.460 --> 00:21:49.599
Wow.
535
00:21:50.099 --> 00:21:50.980
That is pretty sweet.
536
00:21:51.019 --> 00:21:52.859
You guys are reacting as big as I think.
537
00:21:52.880 --> 00:21:53.119
No, no, no.
538
00:21:53.160 --> 00:21:53.640
That's good.
539
00:21:53.660 --> 00:21:54.400
That one hit me to the core.
540
00:21:54.420 --> 00:21:54.609
No, no, no.
541
00:21:54.619 --> 00:21:57.359
Trust me. You are talking to three people who are
542
00:21:57.420 --> 00:21:59.019
very happy to miss gym class.
543
00:21:59.039 --> 00:21:59.519
Yeah.
544
00:21:59.700 --> 00:22:00.039
Right?
545
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:00.720
Yeah.
546
00:22:00.940 --> 00:22:03.619
I mean, what is more humiliating in high school than
547
00:22:03.660 --> 00:22:05.970
gym class? You have to change into the outfit and
548
00:22:06.009 --> 00:22:06.529
it's so.
549
00:22:07.000 --> 00:22:09.059
And they want you to climb up a rope and
550
00:22:09.099 --> 00:22:11.640
your arms don't work. This is what I remember.
551
00:22:11.660 --> 00:22:11.740
Yeah.
552
00:22:12.440 --> 00:22:14.680
I couldn't climb up that rope. Yeah, I just was like,
553
00:22:14.700 --> 00:22:17.109
I don't want to start doing this. And they were like, okay.
554
00:22:19.109 --> 00:22:22.569
What else? I, yeah, you know, one, I just, like,
555
00:22:22.650 --> 00:22:24.849
I didn't have to, someone asked me to homecoming and
556
00:22:24.890 --> 00:22:27.759
I said, well, I have, sorry, I have chemo that weekend.
557
00:22:28.660 --> 00:22:30.079
Was this someone you didn't want to go with? It
558
00:22:30.099 --> 00:22:31.980
was someone I didn't want to go with. And then
559
00:22:32.000 --> 00:22:33.539
I actually ended up going with someone else.
560
00:22:33.619 --> 00:22:33.690
Oh!
561
00:22:34.420 --> 00:22:41.950
But I said, look, I said, they changed the weekend
562
00:22:42.630 --> 00:22:46.509
of my chemo. It doesn't make you a good person.
563
00:22:46.569 --> 00:22:48.309
Having cancer doesn't make you a good person.
564
00:22:50.269 --> 00:22:52.710
If we can get one moral out of today's episode,
565
00:22:54.150 --> 00:22:55.230
then yeah.
566
00:22:55.380 --> 00:22:57.619
Wait, so there's no upside to cancer then is what
567
00:22:57.680 --> 00:22:58.099
I'm hearing?
568
00:22:58.900 --> 00:22:59.599
No, it sounds like.
569
00:23:00.819 --> 00:23:04.470
Yeah, look, but I mean, I like to think I
570
00:23:04.650 --> 00:23:08.049
mostly didn't use it for stuff like that, but either way.
571
00:23:09.710 --> 00:23:11.799
Not every day you meet an Irish legend.
572
00:23:11.980 --> 00:23:13.319
I know what you mean, Coo Cullum.
573
00:23:13.519 --> 00:23:16.619
Leaping vast distances, holding off armies.
574
00:23:16.759 --> 00:23:18.880
Eating tonnes of fresh grass.
575
00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:21.980
What? Not you or cows. That's one of the reasons
576
00:23:22.200 --> 00:23:26.259
Irish milk is so good. It's famous all over the world.
577
00:23:26.539 --> 00:23:28.180
Legendary.
578
00:23:28.619 --> 00:23:31.700
Ireland's grass and our farmers' commitment to more sustainable actions
579
00:23:31.980 --> 00:23:34.759
help make Irish dairy a true Irish legend.
580
00:23:35.039 --> 00:23:38.000
Always look for the National Dairy Council guarantee. Learn more
581
00:23:38.160 --> 00:23:38.880
at ndc.ie.
582
00:23:42.309 --> 00:23:45.579
That's the thing about doors. Open one and whole new
583
00:23:45.630 --> 00:23:47.240
worlds suddenly become possible.
584
00:23:49.680 --> 00:23:50.579
If you're searching for.
585
00:23:50.500 --> 00:23:52.940
Your new home in Leash, the first thing you need
586
00:23:52.960 --> 00:23:57.829
to open is MyHome, Ireland's trusted property platform. With custom filters,
587
00:23:58.009 --> 00:24:01.390
property alerts and a hub of advice available online or
588
00:24:01.430 --> 00:24:04.650
in app, it's the smart way to buy, sell or
589
00:24:04.710 --> 00:24:08.049
rent your home. Start searching and find your happy place
590
00:24:08.329 --> 00:24:08.950
at myhome.ie.
591
00:24:10.789 --> 00:24:13.230
The Irish Rail.ie app is available on the Irish Rail.ie website.
592
00:24:13.259 --> 00:24:16.299
The Irish Rail.ie app is available on the Irish Rail.ie website.
593
00:24:45.890 --> 00:24:49.589
I also always really liked detention and it's a great
594
00:24:49.630 --> 00:24:51.509
way to get it. It's like, it's like when you're
595
00:24:51.549 --> 00:24:53.549
a kid and you see like someone come on the
596
00:24:53.589 --> 00:24:55.890
bus and they have a broken leg and you're like, well,
597
00:24:55.910 --> 00:24:58.670
it must be nice to be them. You know, like
598
00:24:58.730 --> 00:25:00.539
everyone's going to sign their cast now.
599
00:25:00.630 --> 00:25:00.970
Okay.
600
00:25:01.130 --> 00:25:05.539
I have, I can exactly, I can exactly relate to
601
00:25:05.599 --> 00:25:08.579
what you're talking about because when I was, when I
602
00:25:08.619 --> 00:25:10.759
was in the, was I was in the fourth grade,
603
00:25:10.779 --> 00:25:14.000
I remember it was right near my brother's birthday. I
604
00:25:14.039 --> 00:25:16.680
went to school and we had gym class and that
605
00:25:16.720 --> 00:25:20.130
day was wrestling. And as a joke, someone came running
606
00:25:20.230 --> 00:25:22.730
up and jumped on me and I fell backwards and
607
00:25:22.750 --> 00:25:24.829
put my arm back and it bent the wrong way.
608
00:25:24.849 --> 00:25:25.230
Whoa.
609
00:25:25.309 --> 00:25:28.930
And I really broke my elbow badly. They were like, well,
610
00:25:28.950 --> 00:25:30.319
you're going to the nurse. And I go to the
611
00:25:30.359 --> 00:25:33.119
nurse and my arm won't work and I know something's wrong.
612
00:25:33.680 --> 00:25:36.099
And they call my mom and my mom comes rushing
613
00:25:36.140 --> 00:25:37.619
to school. I'm like, my mom?
614
00:25:38.130 --> 00:25:39.109
He's coming to school.
615
00:25:39.170 --> 00:25:39.730
She loves me?
616
00:25:39.809 --> 00:25:43.309
Yeah, she loves me. And I can remember the nurse
617
00:25:43.390 --> 00:25:46.329
on the phone saying, it's Conan. No, he's, no, no, no,
618
00:25:46.369 --> 00:25:50.759
that's Neil you're thinking of. No, no, no, it's not Justin. No,
619
00:25:50.839 --> 00:25:52.900
Kate is a girl. No, it's not, no, it's not
620
00:25:52.940 --> 00:25:55.170
Jane either. No, it's okay. And she was like, got it,
621
00:25:55.180 --> 00:25:57.819
got it. But she came, they take me to the hospital.
622
00:25:58.759 --> 00:26:02.009
They gave me a drug that made me super high.
623
00:26:02.029 --> 00:26:04.529
I remember like, I don't know what this is, but
624
00:26:04.549 --> 00:26:07.619
this is an encouragement. I suddenly have no inhibitions. And
625
00:26:07.660 --> 00:26:09.619
then they put me in a big cast. My mom
626
00:26:09.660 --> 00:26:12.599
took me home. They put me like on a couch
627
00:26:12.660 --> 00:26:14.839
and like the center of the house. And I remembered
628
00:26:14.960 --> 00:26:17.519
all my brothers and sisters coming home and coming up
629
00:26:17.579 --> 00:26:20.440
to me to see how I was and everybody talking
630
00:26:20.500 --> 00:26:22.390
about me. And I was told, you don't have to
631
00:26:22.420 --> 00:26:26.029
go to school. It's almost Christmas vacation anyway. So you're
632
00:26:26.049 --> 00:26:29.130
going to have multiple weeks off from school. And then
633
00:26:29.150 --> 00:26:32.289
I remembered my mom, because it was before Christmas, she
634
00:26:32.309 --> 00:26:35.410
went and got one of the toys that, quote, Santa
635
00:26:35.470 --> 00:26:37.289
was going to give me and gave it to me
636
00:26:37.349 --> 00:26:40.390
ahead of time. And I was sitting there thinking, this
637
00:26:40.509 --> 00:26:42.369
is fucking awesome.
638
00:26:42.470 --> 00:26:43.710
Yeah. That is great.
639
00:26:43.730 --> 00:26:46.240
And then walking around with a big cast and a
640
00:26:46.440 --> 00:26:48.240
girl I had a crush on being like, are you okay?
641
00:26:48.259 --> 00:26:51.680
And I'm like, well, I don't know. I may lose
642
00:26:51.740 --> 00:26:56.319
the arm. You know, obviously that was like, I feel
643
00:26:56.339 --> 00:26:59.880
like sort of focusing on that stuff helped me get
644
00:26:59.940 --> 00:27:02.609
through that time, but we really had fun with it.
645
00:27:02.950 --> 00:27:03.130
Yeah.
646
00:27:03.589 --> 00:27:07.269
Yeah, well, so you do that, and then I think
647
00:27:07.369 --> 00:27:10.240
for a while you thought, well, I'm going to study biology.
648
00:27:10.720 --> 00:27:10.980
Yes.
649
00:27:11.400 --> 00:27:14.599
Was that because you had been ill? Well, kind of.
650
00:27:14.640 --> 00:27:17.839
I mean, I didn't really necessarily want to be a doctor,
651
00:27:17.880 --> 00:27:24.349
but I really liked biology in high school. And so
652
00:27:24.470 --> 00:27:27.690
I went into college thinking I'll be a bio major.
653
00:27:28.210 --> 00:27:31.509
But then I took this really hard biology class, and
654
00:27:31.670 --> 00:27:34.150
it was all to weed out the pre-meds. They wanted
655
00:27:34.170 --> 00:27:36.069
to get rid of any pre-meds.
656
00:27:36.089 --> 00:27:39.759
To weed out the improvisers.
657
00:27:39.799 --> 00:27:40.900
That's probably more like it.
658
00:27:40.910 --> 00:27:41.799
Yeah, exactly.
659
00:27:41.859 --> 00:27:44.680
Yeah, that's... And I immediately was like, okay, I'll be
660
00:27:44.700 --> 00:27:45.720
a communications major.
661
00:27:46.180 --> 00:27:49.259
And that's one of, you know, I've met so many people.
662
00:27:49.319 --> 00:27:51.819
I mean, honestly, one of the best writers I've ever
663
00:27:51.900 --> 00:27:55.809
met is Robert Smigel, brilliant writer who I met at
664
00:27:55.930 --> 00:27:58.630
Saturday Night Live when I was working there. And he
665
00:27:58.670 --> 00:28:04.079
had been pre-med to go into dentistry. Wow. And then
666
00:28:04.319 --> 00:28:08.000
when he graduated, I think Cornell said to his dad,
667
00:28:08.019 --> 00:28:09.740
can I just do just a couple of months of
668
00:28:09.819 --> 00:28:12.089
improv before I become a dentist? And his father was like,
669
00:28:12.109 --> 00:28:14.670
all right, but as long as you become a dentist.
670
00:28:14.890 --> 00:28:18.769
But I mean, it's amazing how many people jump ship.
671
00:28:19.150 --> 00:28:20.410
Yeah, it was like you had to do sort of
672
00:28:20.430 --> 00:28:24.349
like a serious college major to get ready for a career.
673
00:28:24.509 --> 00:28:27.910
And for me, I started doing a sketch group in college.
674
00:28:28.109 --> 00:28:30.690
So when I interned for you, I was part of,
675
00:28:31.220 --> 00:28:34.099
Bloomer's all-female sketch comedy and musical parody troupe.
676
00:28:36.200 --> 00:28:38.259
I remember you telling me that on the elevator once,
677
00:28:38.599 --> 00:28:40.660
and I said, you will never be a success.
678
00:28:40.740 --> 00:28:41.049
Remember?
679
00:28:41.109 --> 00:28:44.269
I said, I have to tell you right now, I
680
00:28:44.369 --> 00:28:46.490
know talent, and you will never, ever make it.
681
00:28:46.509 --> 00:28:49.049
Remember that, that day? Why didn't you bring that up?
682
00:28:50.789 --> 00:28:52.970
And you started crying, and I said, no, no, no,
683
00:28:53.349 --> 00:28:55.849
I'm just being honest. I know it with great certainty.
684
00:28:55.890 --> 00:28:57.529
I've told Krasinski, I've told.
685
00:29:00.740 --> 00:29:03.650
Take it from me. None of you will ever make it.
686
00:29:05.519 --> 00:29:06.819
I know this for a fact, but I haven't heard
687
00:29:06.839 --> 00:29:12.059
you talk about it. It's my ultimate nightmare. Oh, God.
688
00:29:13.019 --> 00:29:15.029
When you were with Second City, you did improv on
689
00:29:15.069 --> 00:29:15.700
a cruise ship.
690
00:29:15.900 --> 00:29:16.700
Yes, yeah.
691
00:29:16.730 --> 00:29:19.349
Okay, I have to hear about that because people should
692
00:29:19.390 --> 00:29:22.299
know who are listening, there's nothing more perilous. than being
693
00:29:22.319 --> 00:29:25.200
the comedian or the quote, funny person on a cruise ship.
694
00:29:25.880 --> 00:29:28.960
Because if it doesn't go well, there's nowhere to go
695
00:29:29.029 --> 00:29:33.250
and hide. And I know for a fact, Mike Sweeney,
696
00:29:33.809 --> 00:29:36.029
my head writer for years and years and years and
697
00:29:36.049 --> 00:29:37.990
years said he did stand up on a cruise once
698
00:29:38.650 --> 00:29:41.269
and he did his set and it didn't go well.
699
00:29:41.349 --> 00:29:44.359
And he stayed in his cabin the rest of the time.
700
00:29:44.559 --> 00:29:45.019
Oh, wow.
701
00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:49.599
Because you're trapped with the audience that didn't enjoy your show.
702
00:29:49.759 --> 00:29:50.200
Yeah, yeah.
703
00:29:50.440 --> 00:29:52.539
And he once told me a story about a comedian
704
00:29:52.559 --> 00:29:54.299
who did so badly on a cruise ship. He wasn't
705
00:29:54.339 --> 00:29:56.220
there for this, but it's kind of a story in
706
00:29:56.240 --> 00:29:58.750
the comedy. It was a stand up. He did so
707
00:29:58.789 --> 00:30:01.990
badly and the crowd got, people got so mad that
708
00:30:02.039 --> 00:30:04.339
they helifacked him off the cruise.
709
00:30:04.400 --> 00:30:04.640
What?
710
00:30:04.660 --> 00:30:05.220
Oh my God.
711
00:30:05.799 --> 00:30:07.640
A helicopter came and took him away.
712
00:30:07.940 --> 00:30:08.380
Oh no.
713
00:30:08.460 --> 00:30:12.099
Because he had like insulted the crowd and people were
714
00:30:12.140 --> 00:30:14.109
really mad and looking for him and they're like, we
715
00:30:14.119 --> 00:30:15.170
just got to get him out of here.
716
00:30:15.309 --> 00:30:16.150
Oh wow.
717
00:30:16.190 --> 00:30:18.670
I just love the cut from a guy anchoring a
718
00:30:18.730 --> 00:30:20.490
crowd to a helicopter.
719
00:30:20.630 --> 00:30:21.190
Yeah.
720
00:30:21.690 --> 00:30:23.509
And that's my time.
721
00:30:23.869 --> 00:30:26.130
And I never picture him in the helicopter. I always
722
00:30:26.170 --> 00:30:29.240
picture him holding on to a cable and being like,
723
00:30:29.279 --> 00:30:33.039
that's my time.
724
00:30:33.059 --> 00:30:36.700
Be good to your waitress. So tell me about that.
725
00:30:36.759 --> 00:30:39.700
I'm just curious. Well, I think that in the history
726
00:30:39.900 --> 00:30:43.829
of Second City's collaboration with Norwegian Cruise Lines, I got
727
00:30:43.869 --> 00:30:48.980
to— I got the best. I was like on the
728
00:30:49.039 --> 00:30:55.339
best run. Basically, we did these one-week cruises, and we
729
00:30:55.380 --> 00:30:57.849
didn't perform. They left on Sunday, and we didn't perform
730
00:30:57.880 --> 00:31:00.769
until Thursday night. So for like most of the week,
731
00:31:00.869 --> 00:31:03.369
nobody knew who we were, and we were just going
732
00:31:03.410 --> 00:31:06.089
to the islands, eating the food, which was not great,
733
00:31:06.430 --> 00:31:09.230
but it was free, and just sort of like hanging out.
734
00:31:09.309 --> 00:31:11.900
And then Thursday night, we would do this sketch show
735
00:31:12.400 --> 00:31:14.500
that we used to do. They had us do two
736
00:31:14.559 --> 00:31:17.339
the first week, like two in a row. Two of these, like,
737
00:31:17.480 --> 00:31:20.240
I don't know, hour-long shows. And then they decided that
738
00:31:20.599 --> 00:31:22.589
we'd get a better audience if we only did one.
739
00:31:22.660 --> 00:31:25.809
So they sort of cut our work that night in half.
740
00:31:26.509 --> 00:31:29.809
The audience didn't love the show, but it was a
741
00:31:29.890 --> 00:31:33.630
mix of improv and sketches. And I remember I had
742
00:31:33.670 --> 00:31:36.259
this one sketch that I thought, where I got to,
743
00:31:36.380 --> 00:31:39.000
I think I played Emily Bronte, and I was doing
744
00:31:39.019 --> 00:31:42.589
this monologue. And the audience, you know, it wasn't for them.
745
00:31:44.750 --> 00:31:49.619
Emily was not their favorite Bronte sister. Yeah, yeah.
746
00:31:49.660 --> 00:31:53.180
They were like, what about Charlotte? For this really broad audience.
747
00:31:53.900 --> 00:31:56.359
I'm doing this like really specific thing and I'm trying
748
00:31:56.380 --> 00:31:58.750
to get them. It's like, and they were just like,
749
00:31:58.829 --> 00:32:03.240
what the fuck? Not interested. So then I ended, so my,
750
00:32:03.460 --> 00:32:06.349
so I just did like an improv game. We did like,
751
00:32:06.750 --> 00:32:08.930
it was, it was like the audience was sort of
752
00:32:08.990 --> 00:32:11.789
watching it kind of like, I think they enjoyed some
753
00:32:11.829 --> 00:32:13.869
of it, but they mostly were sort of puzzled and
754
00:32:13.910 --> 00:32:16.119
kind of like, well, this is different, you know, like,
755
00:32:16.990 --> 00:32:18.940
because the other shows that would happen on the other
756
00:32:19.000 --> 00:32:22.180
nights were this big dancing, like sort of like Broadway
757
00:32:22.240 --> 00:32:24.720
style group that would dance and sing and put on
758
00:32:24.759 --> 00:32:27.299
these huge productions with these huge costumes and sets.
759
00:32:27.319 --> 00:32:27.480
Yeah.
760
00:32:27.720 --> 00:32:30.680
And we had like four chairs and we would just
761
00:32:30.700 --> 00:32:33.799
be like, hello, we are from Second City, Chicago. And
762
00:32:33.819 --> 00:32:36.269
people were like, I don't, okay.
763
00:32:36.369 --> 00:32:36.680
Yeah.
764
00:32:36.920 --> 00:32:39.990
Where's the, were they costumes? Where's the music?
765
00:32:40.029 --> 00:32:40.390
Yeah, yeah.
766
00:32:40.410 --> 00:32:42.250
Where's the people kicking in unison?
767
00:32:42.289 --> 00:32:43.069
Yeah, yeah.
768
00:32:43.170 --> 00:32:45.009
And then you're like, and I'm going to play a Bronte.
769
00:32:45.210 --> 00:32:45.670
Oh, good.
770
00:32:45.690 --> 00:32:50.789
I hope it's my favorite Bronte. I hope it's Charlotte Bronte. Uh-oh.
771
00:32:53.009 --> 00:32:54.630
We got on the wrong cruise.
772
00:32:54.650 --> 00:32:54.829
Okay.
773
00:32:56.490 --> 00:32:58.150
So, yeah, we would just do that. And then the
774
00:32:58.210 --> 00:33:02.200
next night we'd do an improv show that was, you know,
775
00:33:02.319 --> 00:33:04.000
and then the next night we'd do another improv show
776
00:33:04.039 --> 00:33:04.559
and that was it.
777
00:33:04.720 --> 00:33:08.140
You know, one of the things that always impressed me
778
00:33:08.180 --> 00:33:11.220
about you is it always occurred to me you're very prolific.
779
00:33:11.279 --> 00:33:15.950
You got on SNL and your characters are unlike each other,
780
00:33:16.250 --> 00:33:19.769
you know. You were able to come up with these
781
00:33:19.930 --> 00:33:24.210
varied characters and– I didn't see the connection between them.
782
00:33:24.269 --> 00:33:26.289
I thought that was really impressive. Do you know what
783
00:33:26.309 --> 00:33:26.529
I mean?
784
00:33:26.589 --> 00:33:27.490
That's so nice.
785
00:33:27.509 --> 00:33:29.720
Well, it's true. The bar mitzvah boy....
786
00:33:32.759 --> 00:33:33.319
And then.
787
00:33:34.980 --> 00:33:37.660
The woman doing the weather, what is it, Dawn Lazarus.
788
00:33:37.880 --> 00:33:38.640
Right.
789
00:33:38.980 --> 00:33:41.440
I don't see– you were coming up with people who
790
00:33:41.460 --> 00:33:44.500
I thought just existed so far apart from each other,
791
00:33:44.579 --> 00:33:46.440
which I thought was very impressive.
792
00:33:46.759 --> 00:33:49.779
That's so nice. I was really lucky because they really
793
00:33:50.220 --> 00:33:52.710
let me try a lot of that stuff, and sometimes
794
00:33:52.789 --> 00:33:54.109
it worked.
795
00:33:54.349 --> 00:33:56.049
Was Jacob your favorite character?
796
00:33:56.470 --> 00:33:57.549
Yes, I think so.
797
00:33:57.569 --> 00:33:59.890
I don't know about you guys, but just the sweetness
798
00:33:59.950 --> 00:34:00.569
of it. Yeah.
799
00:34:00.670 --> 00:34:01.309
It's so sweet.
800
00:34:03.319 --> 00:34:06.170
And the comedy was really good. And I've been to
801
00:34:06.410 --> 00:34:09.550
many a bar mitzvah, many a bat mitzvah. I'm going
802
00:34:09.590 --> 00:34:11.949
to a bat mitzvah this weekend. You know, it always
803
00:34:12.389 --> 00:34:15.630
fascinated me as a coming from such a strong Catholic
804
00:34:15.690 --> 00:34:17.300
family as a kid, when I would go to a
805
00:34:17.590 --> 00:34:19.239
bar mitzvah and I went to a lot of them,
806
00:34:19.260 --> 00:34:21.880
I was trying to figure out why am I so
807
00:34:21.940 --> 00:34:25.559
comfortable with this religion? And it just felt somehow less
808
00:34:25.820 --> 00:34:28.480
judgmental to me. I don't know if that makes any sense.
809
00:34:28.679 --> 00:34:31.550
Yeah, it does. I mean, because it's like, I think
810
00:34:32.449 --> 00:34:35.210
I had bar bat mitzvahs every weekend in seventh grade
811
00:34:35.289 --> 00:34:37.869
that I would go to. It was just expected, you know,
812
00:34:37.909 --> 00:34:40.789
you're just asking these 13 year olds, to be in
813
00:34:40.829 --> 00:34:44.409
this really formal setting. And especially for the boys who
814
00:34:44.429 --> 00:34:49.219
were like so much less less far along in their
815
00:34:49.280 --> 00:34:52.320
development than the girls. They just didn't know how to
816
00:34:52.400 --> 00:34:54.079
do it. And it was sort of like accepted, but
817
00:34:54.119 --> 00:34:56.320
they don't know where to put their hands. They don't
818
00:34:56.360 --> 00:35:00.110
know how to like gesture. Like they're so, there's nothing
819
00:35:00.210 --> 00:35:03.110
about them has been, they've figured out nothing. No, they're not.
820
00:35:03.750 --> 00:35:06.150
It's the day that they're becoming a man, but it's
821
00:35:06.190 --> 00:35:08.920
so clear that no, no, no, that's, I mean, first
822
00:35:08.960 --> 00:35:10.659
of all, I didn't become a man. I don't think
823
00:35:10.699 --> 00:35:11.139
till I was like 36.
824
00:35:11.119 --> 00:35:11.239
Yeah.
825
00:35:12.559 --> 00:35:14.980
So the idea that if someone had said today, Conan,
826
00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:17.940
you're 13, it's the day you're a man, everyone would
827
00:35:17.960 --> 00:35:19.559
have just lost it laughing.
828
00:35:19.619 --> 00:35:23.590
Yeah. And that's, so it's like, it just was so funny.
829
00:35:23.650 --> 00:35:25.449
And I don't think I realized at the time how
830
00:35:25.510 --> 00:35:27.610
funny it was, but I think I really was observing
831
00:35:27.650 --> 00:35:30.710
like these boys just being fully out of their element.
832
00:35:30.769 --> 00:35:33.110
And then people who have, who've seen me do the
833
00:35:33.150 --> 00:35:35.590
bar mitzvah boy, who know my brother, like even who
834
00:35:35.630 --> 00:35:37.329
didn't know my brother as a kid are like, you're
835
00:35:37.349 --> 00:35:39.929
doing an impression of Jonah, like you're doing. So apparently
836
00:35:39.969 --> 00:35:45.260
he's still like that, but. But just like, there's just
837
00:35:45.300 --> 00:35:46.820
like a real universal thing.
838
00:35:46.840 --> 00:35:48.519
Does he still wear a yarmulke with like the Yankees
839
00:35:48.659 --> 00:35:49.440
logo on it?
840
00:35:49.860 --> 00:35:54.510
He, you know, he, that was something we added in.
841
00:35:54.570 --> 00:35:59.190
Added in, yeah. No, but I also loved the, in
842
00:35:59.210 --> 00:36:01.730
the Catholic church when we had like a confirmation or anything,
843
00:36:01.769 --> 00:36:03.750
there was no room to be funny.
844
00:36:04.070 --> 00:36:04.570
You know what I mean?
845
00:36:04.610 --> 00:36:04.789
Yes.
846
00:36:04.809 --> 00:36:06.289
It was so serious.
847
00:36:06.829 --> 00:36:10.449
First communion confirmation, it was so deadly serious and there's
848
00:36:10.659 --> 00:36:17.610
incense and, Christ died for you, so shut up. What
849
00:36:17.650 --> 00:36:23.670
always really stunned me in a good way about when
850
00:36:24.090 --> 00:36:26.179
I would see, go to a bar mitzvah or bat
851
00:36:26.199 --> 00:36:28.340
mitzvah is the joking around.
852
00:36:28.559 --> 00:36:31.800
That's so funny because that was always really fun. We
853
00:36:31.820 --> 00:36:34.920
would always think Jacob's dad probably helped him write a
854
00:36:34.980 --> 00:36:37.179
joke to deliver.
855
00:36:37.199 --> 00:36:38.900
And the joke can't be that good.
856
00:36:40.530 --> 00:36:44.440
But to them, it's pretty, it's like, and that is
857
00:36:44.500 --> 00:36:46.880
such a true thing, Conan, like of like, you know,
858
00:36:46.920 --> 00:36:49.599
when you hear like a rabbi tell a joke, you're like, okay,
859
00:36:49.719 --> 00:36:52.219
this is the best rabbi in the world. Like, it's
860
00:36:52.239 --> 00:36:54.820
just so fun to like be in that kind of
861
00:36:54.860 --> 00:36:58.260
like serious setting, but everyone's just like, I gotta think
862
00:36:58.280 --> 00:36:58.860
of a good joke.
863
00:36:59.360 --> 00:37:02.300
We're all in situations where somebody gets up and they're
864
00:37:02.320 --> 00:37:05.800
like a corporate CEO or their job is delivering serious news.
865
00:37:05.840 --> 00:37:07.400
And then they make a little joke and everyone's like,
866
00:37:07.519 --> 00:37:11.139
oh my God. That's so much funnier than anything a
867
00:37:11.179 --> 00:37:14.849
comedian has ever said. And you're sitting there thinking, not really.
868
00:37:14.869 --> 00:37:17.550
That's why as a comedian, you should consider giving a sermon.
869
00:37:17.769 --> 00:37:18.110
I know.
870
00:37:19.449 --> 00:37:22.489
I think I'm in the wrong business. I would be
871
00:37:22.550 --> 00:37:25.530
so much funnier if I was known as like a
872
00:37:25.650 --> 00:37:28.780
spot welder, you know? Now the spot welder is going
873
00:37:28.800 --> 00:37:31.190
to make a joke and suddenly people would really appreciate me.
874
00:37:31.250 --> 00:37:35.269
But I think that's something that I have noticed is
875
00:37:35.309 --> 00:37:39.909
that if the rabbi makes a joke, everyone's so delighted.
876
00:37:40.170 --> 00:37:43.690
And the rabbi knows it too. The rabbi knows all
877
00:37:43.730 --> 00:37:46.349
I have to do is just wiggle my little finger
878
00:37:46.369 --> 00:37:47.349
and I'm getting a big laugh.
879
00:37:47.489 --> 00:37:47.929
Oh, yeah.
880
00:37:48.150 --> 00:37:48.369
Yeah.
881
00:37:48.510 --> 00:37:50.630
And then they can kind of, it's going to be
882
00:37:50.650 --> 00:37:52.989
hard for me to explain this, but They'll make the
883
00:37:53.030 --> 00:37:54.809
joke and then they'll like kind of enjoy it and
884
00:37:54.829 --> 00:37:56.960
then they'll go back to like, you know, and they
885
00:37:56.980 --> 00:37:58.119
go back to being serious.
886
00:37:58.300 --> 00:37:58.460
Yes.
887
00:37:58.500 --> 00:37:59.610
I'm not doing a good job of it.
888
00:37:59.619 --> 00:38:00.039
No, no, no.
889
00:38:00.159 --> 00:38:02.260
Yeah. But then they go like right back into like,
890
00:38:03.079 --> 00:38:09.440
but let's think. Who are.
891
00:38:09.699 --> 00:38:13.400
No, let's just be serious here. What sacred rite are
892
00:38:13.440 --> 00:38:14.400
we entering today?
893
00:38:14.420 --> 00:38:14.900
Yeah, yeah.
894
00:38:15.099 --> 00:38:18.659
What does it mean? And so suddenly they have total
895
00:38:18.719 --> 00:38:21.070
power over, I can make you laugh and then I
896
00:38:21.110 --> 00:38:25.510
can immediately yank the leash.
897
00:38:25.550 --> 00:38:27.369
Say, you understand.
898
00:38:27.530 --> 00:38:31.130
And especially in Catholicism, you know, whatever. If a priest
899
00:38:31.190 --> 00:38:33.150
does make a joke, he can immediately say.
900
00:38:33.510 --> 00:38:34.030
He.
901
00:38:33.809 --> 00:38:35.150
Died for you.
902
00:38:35.210 --> 00:38:39.260
And you laugh.
903
00:38:39.300 --> 00:38:42.860
You're going to hell. Thinking about it is really funny
904
00:38:42.940 --> 00:38:46.019
of going like, and that's the lesson we all get.
905
00:38:46.579 --> 00:38:48.219
Is it as good as a bowl of pasta?
906
00:38:52.380 --> 00:38:56.420
You know, the other thing that– you did this run
907
00:38:56.480 --> 00:39:02.519
of– These commercials that just kept deteriorating. Is it Tortoni?
908
00:39:02.579 --> 00:39:04.639
What was it? For Totino's. Yeah.
909
00:39:04.679 --> 00:39:05.340
Pizza rolls.
910
00:39:05.699 --> 00:39:08.699
Oh, my God. And what I always loved about that
911
00:39:08.800 --> 00:39:14.679
is I think if one of the great advances that
912
00:39:14.920 --> 00:39:17.420
SNL made from when I was there was I think
913
00:39:17.480 --> 00:39:21.079
the prerecorded pieces got more and more sophisticated. The fact
914
00:39:21.119 --> 00:39:24.760
that that. You know, you're the mom who's just coming
915
00:39:24.820 --> 00:39:27.329
in saying, it's the treat that everybody wants, and I've
916
00:39:27.349 --> 00:39:28.510
just made it in the microwave.
917
00:39:28.630 --> 00:39:29.090
Yeah, yeah.
918
00:39:30.210 --> 00:39:32.789
Time, whatever. And here it is. And then that it
919
00:39:32.809 --> 00:39:33.340
just got.
920
00:39:33.969 --> 00:39:37.320
Darker. So dark. And darker and darker and took all
921
00:39:37.360 --> 00:39:40.920
these insane turns. Yeah, yeah. We got really lucky with those.
922
00:39:41.000 --> 00:39:43.579
I mean, I wanted to, the first year I wanted
923
00:39:43.619 --> 00:39:46.320
to do something about like Super Bowl commercials and how
924
00:39:46.360 --> 00:39:48.960
there's always like a woman who's like feeding, you know,
925
00:39:48.980 --> 00:39:49.820
the hungry guys.
926
00:39:49.860 --> 00:39:52.260
Nine guys are going, yeah. And then the woman comes
927
00:39:52.360 --> 00:39:53.300
in with some treat.
928
00:39:53.610 --> 00:39:58.289
Exactly, exactly. And Chris Kelly and Sarah Schneider worked on
929
00:39:58.329 --> 00:40:00.550
it with me. We like all worked on it together.
930
00:40:00.610 --> 00:40:03.650
And then They kept like every year they'd be like,
931
00:40:03.710 --> 00:40:06.889
we should do another one, like we should do another Totino's.
932
00:40:07.590 --> 00:40:10.090
And they just every year got darker and darker and
933
00:40:10.110 --> 00:40:13.010
darker somehow. But I also was really lucky when I
934
00:40:13.010 --> 00:40:14.889
was at SNL because I think I don't know if
935
00:40:14.909 --> 00:40:17.829
it's because when I was in Chicago, I auditioned for
936
00:40:17.869 --> 00:40:21.320
commercials so much because commercials were so big in Chicago.
937
00:40:21.739 --> 00:40:23.219
Like it was like the only way you could sort
938
00:40:23.260 --> 00:40:25.639
of get paid. paid to be on TV in Chicago,
939
00:40:25.659 --> 00:40:28.159
that I was just really lucky I got to do
940
00:40:28.239 --> 00:40:31.340
so many commercials. And I loved always playing that woman
941
00:40:31.420 --> 00:40:34.320
who is like, you know, like in the last one,
942
00:40:34.559 --> 00:40:36.409
she gets asked her name and she doesn't have one.
943
00:40:38.920 --> 00:40:41.260
She's just like a lady who's kind of like there
944
00:40:41.280 --> 00:40:41.719
to serve.
945
00:40:42.360 --> 00:40:44.699
Well, I love the reveal at one point. It gets
946
00:40:44.780 --> 00:40:47.489
so dark that, and I think this was Larry David,
947
00:40:47.510 --> 00:40:50.829
but everybody's like, all the guys are always going like, yeah, yeah,
948
00:40:50.889 --> 00:40:52.710
on the screen. And then you walk around and there's
949
00:40:52.750 --> 00:40:53.650
nothing on the screen.
950
00:40:53.670 --> 00:40:54.269
Yeah, yeah.
951
00:40:54.510 --> 00:40:56.510
And we see that you're, I mean, it was very
952
00:40:56.570 --> 00:40:57.190
Twilight Zone.
953
00:40:57.210 --> 00:40:57.389
Yeah.
954
00:40:58.079 --> 00:41:01.719
There's there's a whole different kind of tone. I just
955
00:41:01.800 --> 00:41:04.420
love that the show opened itself up to all these
956
00:41:04.460 --> 00:41:05.280
different textures.
957
00:41:05.619 --> 00:41:08.900
Yeah, it was so fun doing those. And I appreciate
958
00:41:08.920 --> 00:41:11.610
I mean, it's like the longer I was there, they
959
00:41:11.619 --> 00:41:14.909
kind of let me do stuff that was sort of weird. Like,
960
00:41:15.670 --> 00:41:17.989
you know, it's it's hard to kind of get that
961
00:41:18.050 --> 00:41:21.090
stuff on. But then they like slowly like I don't know,
962
00:41:21.110 --> 00:41:22.230
it was really fun.
963
00:41:22.789 --> 00:41:24.570
I think that show is doing something right and will
964
00:41:24.610 --> 00:41:28.769
probably last. Probably going to make it. You said on
965
00:41:28.789 --> 00:41:32.969
year 78. I want to talk about your show. I
966
00:41:33.010 --> 00:41:36.199
love that for you, which I really like a lot.
967
00:41:36.400 --> 00:41:39.039
That's so nice. And it is– and I want to
968
00:41:39.460 --> 00:41:43.300
tell people, encourage people to watch this show because it's personal.
969
00:41:43.320 --> 00:41:45.969
It does feel like it's coming from your personal story.
970
00:41:46.289 --> 00:41:46.530
Yeah.
971
00:41:46.690 --> 00:41:51.070
Because your character was ill as a child.
972
00:41:51.170 --> 00:41:53.179
Yes. A big part of the show is when you're
973
00:41:53.719 --> 00:41:56.920
a child and you're ill, you fall in love with
974
00:41:57.059 --> 00:42:02.300
home shopping shows. Yes. Is that true to you? Yes.
975
00:42:02.500 --> 00:42:05.409
I mean, when I was– even before I was sick
976
00:42:05.429 --> 00:42:07.300
is when I watched the most home shopping.
977
00:42:07.320 --> 00:42:08.969
I mean, when I was– So maybe they made you sick.
978
00:42:09.010 --> 00:42:12.110
So maybe– I'm just saying.
979
00:42:12.210 --> 00:42:12.730
Jesus.
980
00:42:12.750 --> 00:42:13.789
There could be a link.
981
00:42:14.030 --> 00:42:14.789
Come on.
982
00:42:14.849 --> 00:42:18.010
I'd like to get that out there. I hope that's
983
00:42:18.070 --> 00:42:18.690
the headline.
984
00:42:23.670 --> 00:42:26.360
If you see jewelry, if you see cheap jewelry from
985
00:42:26.400 --> 00:42:31.059
too many angles in close-up, maybe it weakens the immune system.
986
00:42:31.099 --> 00:42:34.329
It's possible. Well, well, look.
987
00:42:38.630 --> 00:42:42.750
No, your character, that is borrowed from your childhood.
988
00:42:42.809 --> 00:42:45.110
Yes. I loved home shopping when I was little and
989
00:42:45.150 --> 00:42:49.710
I would like tape it. Everything about it seems so
990
00:42:49.769 --> 00:42:52.639
glamorous to me. I love the way that the women
991
00:42:52.659 --> 00:42:55.139
would like, the hosts like would tell the stories about
992
00:42:55.179 --> 00:42:57.139
the products and they'd be like, you can wear this
993
00:42:57.179 --> 00:42:59.679
to a brunch with friends. You can wear this you know,
994
00:43:00.239 --> 00:43:03.880
to your goddaughter's christening or whatever. And I'd be like, that's,
995
00:43:04.639 --> 00:43:06.920
I don't have a goddaughter at this, like, it's like,
996
00:43:07.260 --> 00:43:09.380
she'll have a christening someday. And, you know, it's like,
997
00:43:09.780 --> 00:43:12.780
I just was like, the idea of like being a
998
00:43:12.820 --> 00:43:16.059
woman who had all these things to wear this jewelry
999
00:43:16.119 --> 00:43:19.039
to or whatever it was, was so fun for me
1000
00:43:19.099 --> 00:43:22.250
to like, you know, and like, I just, I loved it.
1001
00:43:22.300 --> 00:43:24.320
I loved how they like touched all the products and
1002
00:43:24.360 --> 00:43:26.739
how they just sort of like, it was so mesmerizing.
1003
00:43:26.760 --> 00:43:29.480
And I think that's a lot of people like... you know,
1004
00:43:29.539 --> 00:43:31.610
in the same way people keep like sports on all
1005
00:43:31.639 --> 00:43:33.369
the time on their TV, I think a lot of
1006
00:43:33.409 --> 00:43:36.230
people do that with home shopping, because it's so soothing.
1007
00:43:36.289 --> 00:43:40.070
And so kind of, it's such a kind of escape
1008
00:43:40.170 --> 00:43:42.090
in a lot of ways. And so I just like
1009
00:43:42.269 --> 00:43:44.420
loved it as a kid. And it wasn't like I
1010
00:43:44.460 --> 00:43:49.239
was necessarily escaping anything. But I just loved watching it.
1011
00:43:49.300 --> 00:43:52.320
It was like, So it is, in retrospect, sort of
1012
00:43:52.449 --> 00:43:54.789
odd that, like, other kids were probably watching, like, cartoons.
1013
00:43:57.230 --> 00:43:59.489
So they're all talking about Saved by the Bell or
1014
00:43:59.530 --> 00:44:02.530
a cartoon, and you were saying, oh, my God, that
1015
00:44:02.570 --> 00:44:03.530
cubic zirconian.
1016
00:44:03.829 --> 00:44:04.150
Yes.
1017
00:44:05.469 --> 00:44:07.219
Necklace, 1999.
1018
00:44:07.219 --> 00:44:10.219
Yeah, I'm like, this is such a steal and it's
1019
00:44:10.239 --> 00:44:12.719
so versatile and I can wear it, you know, I
1020
00:44:12.860 --> 00:44:14.860
can wear it in the cafeteria and then I can
1021
00:44:14.880 --> 00:44:17.889
wear it after school when I'm going. Right, and your goddaughter,
1022
00:44:17.909 --> 00:44:19.750
I will give this to my goddaughter one day.
1023
00:44:19.769 --> 00:44:21.889
Yeah. And then she'll take it to a jeweler and
1024
00:44:21.909 --> 00:44:23.670
he'll say, this is shit.
1025
00:44:23.710 --> 00:44:27.150
This is also something that I would always, when we
1026
00:44:27.190 --> 00:44:30.730
were writing, like some of the writers who are like
1027
00:44:30.809 --> 00:44:33.949
less familiar with home shopping would be like, yeah, like the,
1028
00:44:34.090 --> 00:44:36.829
and we had such incredible writers, but like they'd be like, yeah,
1029
00:44:36.869 --> 00:44:39.510
like this, like let's talk about like they're selling this
1030
00:44:39.550 --> 00:44:41.849
shitty necklace or something. And I'd always be like, I
1031
00:44:41.889 --> 00:44:43.250
just got to tell you the stuff they sell is
1032
00:44:43.309 --> 00:44:44.050
actually really nice.
1033
00:44:44.610 --> 00:44:48.530
Well, that's, okay. But Vanessa, you bring up a really
1034
00:44:48.550 --> 00:44:51.139
good point, which is one of the things I really
1035
00:44:51.179 --> 00:44:53.320
like about the show. And by the way, your cast
1036
00:44:53.360 --> 00:44:54.840
is great. And you have Molly Shannon.
1037
00:44:54.900 --> 00:44:55.780
Isn't that incredible?
1038
00:44:55.820 --> 00:44:59.619
Who's one of my favorite people of all time. She's
1039
00:44:59.739 --> 00:45:02.360
so good in your show. But the point that I
1040
00:45:02.409 --> 00:45:07.889
wanted to make was that I like that your character's
1041
00:45:08.090 --> 00:45:12.329
enthusiasm for Home Shopping and the Home Shopping Network and
1042
00:45:12.369 --> 00:45:16.010
Home Shopping shows is is genuine and real. And as
1043
00:45:16.050 --> 00:45:19.389
long as you play it that way, you actually start
1044
00:45:19.409 --> 00:45:22.010
to agree. Like that was my experience watching it is
1045
00:45:22.429 --> 00:45:26.030
you're not winking and making fun of this. And if
1046
00:45:26.070 --> 00:45:30.639
you both play that reality as the viewer, I have
1047
00:45:30.699 --> 00:45:31.360
respect for it.
1048
00:45:31.500 --> 00:45:32.679
Yeah, that's so nice.
1049
00:45:32.699 --> 00:45:35.440
But I mean, I think if you had been snarky
1050
00:45:35.500 --> 00:45:37.300
about it, it wouldn't work.
1051
00:45:37.690 --> 00:45:40.050
I think that was something that I really appreciate that.
1052
00:45:40.070 --> 00:45:43.429
That's something we really from like day one, my co-creator
1053
00:45:43.449 --> 00:45:45.980
Jeremy Beiler and I were like, we can't make fun
1054
00:45:46.019 --> 00:45:48.420
of it because it's first of all, I really do
1055
00:45:48.500 --> 00:45:51.639
love it. Like, I think it's, you know, incredible. But
1056
00:45:51.719 --> 00:45:54.800
it's also it's just like just kind of what assholes
1057
00:45:54.840 --> 00:45:56.469
we would be if we were just like up there
1058
00:45:56.530 --> 00:45:58.900
kind of being like, you know, like. Look at this
1059
00:45:59.300 --> 00:46:01.440
dumb world. You know, like we really wanted to have
1060
00:46:01.480 --> 00:46:04.460
respect for the world. And it is like an incredible,
1061
00:46:04.519 --> 00:46:06.940
it's like this huge business of live TV. It's like
1062
00:46:07.000 --> 00:46:10.500
this whole world. And I guess now I'm just rambling.
1063
00:46:10.579 --> 00:46:11.519
But yes, thank you.
1064
00:46:11.539 --> 00:46:14.800
Did you see the rambling light go off?
1065
00:46:15.059 --> 00:46:16.280
Yeah, it's just right there.
1066
00:46:16.360 --> 00:46:18.909
It's right. I shouldn't have that behind me staring at you.
1067
00:46:18.949 --> 00:46:19.619
Well, look.
1068
00:46:19.679 --> 00:46:23.309
I just hit this button. Rambling! Rambling! With Jeff Goldblum,
1069
00:46:23.369 --> 00:46:24.599
I'm just constantly pounding it.
1070
00:46:24.630 --> 00:46:25.329
Rambling! Rambling!
1071
00:46:25.409 --> 00:46:25.750
Rambling!
1072
00:46:26.150 --> 00:46:27.039
No, uh.
1073
00:46:27.889 --> 00:46:31.239
I think that you've made like a really nice world
1074
00:46:31.300 --> 00:46:35.840
with this show. And I can tell this was– it
1075
00:46:35.920 --> 00:46:38.480
comes from your personal story to a degree and then
1076
00:46:38.519 --> 00:46:40.469
you've found all this great stuff with it.
1077
00:46:40.719 --> 00:46:40.920
Yeah.
1078
00:46:40.940 --> 00:46:41.519
It's really nice.
1079
00:46:41.739 --> 00:46:44.780
It's been really fun because the whole world of home
1080
00:46:44.820 --> 00:46:47.559
shopping is so– it's such a great world to have
1081
00:46:47.679 --> 00:46:50.219
comedy in because it's like these hosts have to talk
1082
00:46:50.260 --> 00:46:53.559
for such a long time, you know, and they– inevitably
1083
00:46:53.619 --> 00:46:56.389
start talking about their lives and stuff because it's like that's,
1084
00:46:56.829 --> 00:46:58.630
you know, and that also makes it relatable and the
1085
00:46:58.670 --> 00:47:00.989
products relatable. It makes people think like the hosts are
1086
00:47:01.010 --> 00:47:03.449
their friends, you know, and stuff. So it's like it's
1087
00:47:03.469 --> 00:47:08.159
such a fun world to like, you know, you know,
1088
00:47:08.380 --> 00:47:13.179
just just play around. And people pass around like bloopers
1089
00:47:13.219 --> 00:47:15.440
from home shopping and stuff. And that's like a big thing.
1090
00:47:15.880 --> 00:47:18.300
But I think just the regular home shopping is so
1091
00:47:18.440 --> 00:47:21.820
entertaining because it's just hearing these hosts talk about their
1092
00:47:21.880 --> 00:47:25.639
lives and tell these stories about the products and stuff.
1093
00:47:25.659 --> 00:47:29.320
It's like so mesmerizing. It's so fun to watch.
1094
00:47:29.579 --> 00:47:30.780
And so you still watch today?
1095
00:47:30.860 --> 00:47:31.320
You still watch?
1096
00:47:31.380 --> 00:47:33.539
Yeah. I mean, especially I got more into it when
1097
00:47:33.559 --> 00:47:35.800
we were– I kind of got back into it when
1098
00:47:35.840 --> 00:47:38.449
we were watching– when we were writing the show.
1099
00:47:38.469 --> 00:47:40.949
Do you have a working knowledge of their bios now?
1100
00:47:40.969 --> 00:47:43.489
Have you pieced everything together where it just feels like you.
1101
00:47:43.449 --> 00:47:44.849
Know– kind of personally?
1102
00:47:44.869 --> 00:47:47.050
Well, there's two hosts that I used to watch as
1103
00:47:47.110 --> 00:47:51.750
a kid, Jane Tracy and Mary Beth Rowe. I wish
1104
00:47:51.769 --> 00:47:57.409
you had said, say it with me. And Jeremy and
1105
00:47:57.449 --> 00:47:59.610
I took a tour of QVC when we first started
1106
00:47:59.690 --> 00:48:02.550
working on this show, and we got to meet them.
1107
00:48:02.809 --> 00:48:06.150
We got to spend an hour talking to them. It
1108
00:48:06.230 --> 00:48:08.969
felt like it was like 10 minutes. They still work there.
1109
00:48:09.010 --> 00:48:14.000
They're still the most kind of Iconic. Iconic hosts there.
1110
00:48:14.699 --> 00:48:19.079
And they are, like, they're just incredible to talk to,
1111
00:48:19.159 --> 00:48:22.559
you know? Like, it's just, like, so, yeah. So getting
1112
00:48:22.619 --> 00:48:26.099
to meet them, even, like, after seven years on SNL,
1113
00:48:26.380 --> 00:48:28.079
where I got to meet, like, a different, you know,
1114
00:48:28.599 --> 00:48:31.639
celebrity host and musical guest every week, I was like, okay,
1115
00:48:31.679 --> 00:48:34.130
this is, you know, this is the big time.
1116
00:48:34.389 --> 00:48:37.429
This is, yeah. I was, like, so starstruck. Yeah.
1117
00:48:37.489 --> 00:48:38.010
Yeah.
1118
00:48:40.190 --> 00:48:43.190
I've worked with the biggest stars in film and music,
1119
00:48:43.309 --> 00:48:46.159
but now we're getting serious. Yeah. How many have you made?
1120
00:48:46.340 --> 00:48:47.039
I love that for you.
1121
00:48:47.099 --> 00:48:51.780
We've made eight. There will be eight in this season.
1122
00:48:52.420 --> 00:48:55.610
And when I say we've made eight, does that mean
1123
00:48:55.670 --> 00:49:00.070
eight are done? You know, like, we're still editing.
1124
00:49:00.110 --> 00:49:02.559
You need to not lie to me. Are they done
1125
00:49:02.639 --> 00:49:06.320
completely post-production, edited, sound? Yeah. Everything's been balanced?
1126
00:49:06.340 --> 00:49:07.619
That's what you need to know.
1127
00:49:07.840 --> 00:49:08.119
Okay.
1128
00:49:08.139 --> 00:49:08.840
Well, no, listen.
1129
00:49:08.880 --> 00:49:10.900
Then you didn't make eight. I'm sorry.
1130
00:49:10.920 --> 00:49:14.190
Now I'm snapping at you again. I'm sorry.
1131
00:49:14.210 --> 00:49:18.710
Gotcha journalism. Jeez. Well, we've exposed you, Vanessa, for the
1132
00:49:18.730 --> 00:49:19.969
fraud that you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1133
00:49:20.170 --> 00:49:20.369
Yeah.
1134
00:49:20.389 --> 00:49:20.750
You made eight.
1135
00:49:20.809 --> 00:49:22.710
Yeah, but are they done? But the sound mixing, is
1136
00:49:22.730 --> 00:49:24.889
the sound mixing really done? Yeah, well, I'm going into
1137
00:49:24.909 --> 00:49:27.719
sound mix today, so I guess the signs are as well.
1138
00:49:28.139 --> 00:49:32.980
Well, I really like the show so much, and I
1139
00:49:33.460 --> 00:49:34.920
hope you keep making more and more of them.
1140
00:49:35.059 --> 00:49:36.039
Thank you so much.
1141
00:49:36.059 --> 00:49:38.519
It's terrific. I love that for you. It's really good.
1142
00:49:38.539 --> 00:49:39.420
How do people watch it?
1143
00:49:39.780 --> 00:49:42.599
So, okay, you can stream it wherever you stream Showtime,
1144
00:49:42.679 --> 00:49:47.300
starting on Fridays, like any old Friday. It's out now.
1145
00:49:48.219 --> 00:49:52.429
But there's some Fridays where it's forbidden to stream.
1146
00:49:52.449 --> 00:49:53.949
So the episodes are on Showtime.
1147
00:49:55.460 --> 00:49:57.530
Are there some Fridays where if you try and stream it,
1148
00:49:57.539 --> 00:50:01.389
you'll be arrested? You can, yes, yeah. Okay, don't do
1149
00:50:01.449 --> 00:50:02.269
it on that Friday.
1150
00:50:02.309 --> 00:50:06.760
Don't only certain Fridays. But, so the new episodes come
1151
00:50:06.820 --> 00:50:09.500
out every Friday on Showtime, wherever you stream Showtime, but
1152
00:50:09.539 --> 00:50:12.360
then they also come out on actual Showtime channel.
1153
00:50:12.619 --> 00:50:12.840
Yeah.
1154
00:50:12.960 --> 00:50:14.920
Is that what we call it? On Sunday night at 830.
1155
00:50:14.920 --> 00:50:17.150
You're asking me? I'm 95 years old.
1156
00:50:17.389 --> 00:50:19.050
And I think by the time you hear this, most
1157
00:50:19.090 --> 00:50:19.829
of them will be out.
1158
00:50:19.989 --> 00:50:20.929
Yes. Yeah.
1159
00:50:20.949 --> 00:50:22.530
So just go ahead and scream. They'll be out.
1160
00:50:22.590 --> 00:50:25.190
But please watch this show. I love that for you
1161
00:50:25.230 --> 00:50:28.739
because it's so well done and you always make me laugh.
1162
00:50:28.840 --> 00:50:29.099
And then.
1163
00:50:29.769 --> 00:50:33.550
Sometimes people, especially, you know, after an experience like SNL,
1164
00:50:33.570 --> 00:50:35.400
they can have a hard time figuring out how do
1165
00:50:35.460 --> 00:50:38.380
I channel myself in this next project? And you found it,
1166
00:50:38.460 --> 00:50:39.199
which is so great.
1167
00:50:39.440 --> 00:50:40.440
Thanks so much.
1168
00:50:40.500 --> 00:50:41.119
Yeah.
1169
00:50:41.179 --> 00:50:43.340
Well, I couldn't have done it without my internship. Let's
1170
00:50:43.460 --> 00:50:44.099
all be honest.
1171
00:50:44.199 --> 00:50:46.949
Well, thank you that we brought it back to again.
1172
00:50:48.030 --> 00:50:50.789
All comedy does come from me eventually.
1173
00:50:50.809 --> 00:50:51.570
Oh, boy.
1174
00:50:51.610 --> 00:50:54.429
And has because I travel through time. So I gave
1175
00:50:54.449 --> 00:50:57.809
Steve Martin his start and Charlie Chaplin his start. I'm
1176
00:50:57.849 --> 00:51:00.260
dangerously mentally ill. I think we've established that.
1177
00:51:00.320 --> 00:51:00.699
I think the.
1178
00:51:00.659 --> 00:51:04.199
Defined comedy comes first.
1179
00:51:04.679 --> 00:51:06.980
My favorite thing, I've said this before and I'll say
1180
00:51:07.000 --> 00:51:09.710
it again, my favorite thing about this podcast form that
1181
00:51:09.730 --> 00:51:12.949
I love, I get to sit with you and really
1182
00:51:12.969 --> 00:51:16.320
have the conversation I've wanted to have. So this is
1183
00:51:16.340 --> 00:51:16.739
really nice.
1184
00:51:16.760 --> 00:51:17.349
That's so nice.
1185
00:51:17.429 --> 00:51:19.570
This is what my people call a mitzvah for me.
1186
00:51:19.590 --> 00:51:19.710
Yes.
1187
00:51:19.730 --> 00:51:22.409
Thank you. That's what, I don't know what that means.
1188
00:51:23.590 --> 00:51:24.679
It's an old Irish term.
1189
00:51:24.889 --> 00:51:25.480
Yeah, right.
1190
00:51:25.500 --> 00:51:26.500
It's an old Irish term.
1191
00:51:26.539 --> 00:51:26.940
Okay.
1192
00:51:27.019 --> 00:51:28.840
It means a really good potato. Okay.
1193
00:51:28.940 --> 00:51:29.360
Oh, love that.
1194
00:51:29.380 --> 00:51:32.210
Like a really good large potato. Yes. That goes well
1195
00:51:32.230 --> 00:51:34.909
with a Guinness. But Vanessa, thank you so much for
1196
00:51:34.949 --> 00:51:35.329
being here.
1197
00:51:35.349 --> 00:51:36.449
Thank you. This has been a big treat for us.
1198
00:51:36.469 --> 00:51:38.510
This has been so fun. Thanks so much.
1199
00:51:38.570 --> 00:51:38.809
Cool.
1200
00:51:38.849 --> 00:51:39.210
Thank you.
1201
00:51:39.289 --> 00:51:39.909
Thank you.
1202
00:51:40.190 --> 00:51:42.269
Not every day you meet an Irish legend.
1203
00:51:42.449 --> 00:51:43.809
I know what you mean, Coo Column.
1204
00:51:44.010 --> 00:51:47.090
Leaping vast distances, holding off armies.
1205
00:51:47.260 --> 00:51:49.340
Eating tons of fresh grass.
1206
00:51:49.519 --> 00:51:49.800
What?
1207
00:51:49.940 --> 00:51:53.039
Not you or cows. That's one of the reasons Irish
1208
00:51:53.079 --> 00:51:56.739
milk is so good. It's famous all over the world.
1209
00:51:57.039 --> 00:51:57.500
Legend.
1210
00:51:59.079 --> 00:52:02.159
Ireland's grass and our farmers' commitment to more sustainable actions
1211
00:52:02.440 --> 00:52:05.980
help make Irish dairy a true Irish legend. Always look
1212
00:52:06.019 --> 00:52:10.110
for the National Dairy Council guarantee. Learn more at ndc.ie.
1213
00:52:12.590 --> 00:52:15.869
Ah, that's the thing about doors. Open one and whole
1214
00:52:15.929 --> 00:52:17.710
new worlds suddenly become possible.
1215
00:52:20.130 --> 00:52:21.090
If you're searching for.
1216
00:52:20.969 --> 00:52:23.409
Your new home in Leish, the first thing you need
1217
00:52:23.429 --> 00:52:28.280
to open is MyHome, Ireland's trusted property platform. With custom filters,
1218
00:52:28.460 --> 00:52:32.239
property alerts and a hub of advice, available online or in-app,
1219
00:52:32.679 --> 00:52:35.800
it's the smart way to buy, sell or rent your home.
1220
00:52:36.280 --> 00:52:40.050
Start searching and find your happy place at myhome.ie.
1221
00:52:41.269 --> 00:52:45.070
We'd like to thank the customers for their support in
1222
00:52:45.090 --> 00:52:47.090
the making of this video and for their support in
1223
00:52:47.110 --> 00:52:50.429
the making of this video. We'd like to thank the
1224
00:52:50.469 --> 00:52:53.699
customers for their support in the making of this video.
1225
00:52:55.019 --> 00:52:57.989
I'm going to let our listeners in behind the scenes
1226
00:52:58.050 --> 00:52:59.139
here for just a moment.
1227
00:53:21.619 --> 00:53:23.800
We've just experienced real technical difficulties.
1228
00:53:23.960 --> 00:53:26.320
Yeah, we have. We were supposed to be joined by
1229
00:53:26.380 --> 00:53:28.539
Matt Gorley, who has a babysitter emergency.
1230
00:53:28.619 --> 00:53:29.300
Yeah.
1231
00:53:29.340 --> 00:53:32.050
This is the babysitter that looks after him, apparently, not
1232
00:53:32.070 --> 00:53:37.889
his child. And Matt couldn't be on the Zoom. He
1233
00:53:37.909 --> 00:53:39.190
was going to be on a Zoom, but there's a
1234
00:53:39.269 --> 00:53:42.769
technical difficulty. Yeah. During this technical difficulty, while we're waiting
1235
00:53:42.809 --> 00:53:46.239
for Matt, we're sitting here and we're waiting, and you
1236
00:53:46.280 --> 00:53:47.800
take a phone call from your mom.
1237
00:53:47.820 --> 00:53:47.889
Yes.
1238
00:53:48.000 --> 00:53:48.199
Yes.
1239
00:53:49.079 --> 00:53:51.320
And suddenly I'm no longer in the United States.
1240
00:53:51.550 --> 00:53:52.340
Okay.
1241
00:53:52.360 --> 00:53:54.909
Now listen, you know how tolerant I am of other
1242
00:53:54.929 --> 00:53:56.690
cultures and how much I love the Armenian people.
1243
00:53:56.710 --> 00:53:57.360
Do I?
1244
00:53:57.429 --> 00:53:57.889
Oh, okay.
1245
00:53:57.909 --> 00:54:03.090
But listen, you started talking in Armenian. Yes. Could you
1246
00:54:03.130 --> 00:54:04.670
give us just a sample of the kinds of things
1247
00:54:04.889 --> 00:54:07.170
you were saying? Because I was sitting here. I'm very
1248
00:54:07.250 --> 00:54:10.429
proud of my people died to come to this country,
1249
00:54:10.610 --> 00:54:10.889
you know?
1250
00:54:10.909 --> 00:54:11.809
Okay.
1251
00:54:11.989 --> 00:54:14.670
It was an arduous journey. and they fought hard to
1252
00:54:14.809 --> 00:54:17.949
carve out a spot here in the United States. And
1253
00:54:17.969 --> 00:54:20.119
so I thought I was here in the U.S. when
1254
00:54:20.179 --> 00:54:23.280
suddenly I was transported to Armenia. Well, the United States
1255
00:54:23.360 --> 00:54:25.820
is a big melting pot. There are a lot of
1256
00:54:25.880 --> 00:54:29.280
immigrants here who speak different languages. And I love that
1257
00:54:29.320 --> 00:54:29.929
about this country.
1258
00:54:29.969 --> 00:54:30.170
Yes.
1259
00:54:30.230 --> 00:54:33.730
I really do. You do sometimes say, what is that mishmash? No, no, no.
1260
00:54:33.769 --> 00:54:35.769
That's insensitive. I would never say that. But tell me
1261
00:54:35.809 --> 00:54:38.369
what you were saying, because it's It's fascinating to me.
1262
00:54:38.469 --> 00:54:42.070
I'm sitting here and I know you as Sona and suddenly, well,
1263
00:54:42.090 --> 00:54:43.010
tell us what you were saying.
1264
00:54:43.030 --> 00:54:47.760
So my mom called and we are, you know, feeding
1265
00:54:47.820 --> 00:54:50.940
the boys now is like a process because they're eating
1266
00:54:51.019 --> 00:54:54.679
more solids and, you know, not as much milk. And
1267
00:54:54.719 --> 00:54:58.340
so my mom doesn't fully know yet how to do that.
1268
00:54:58.219 --> 00:54:58.820
And handle it.
1269
00:54:59.260 --> 00:55:07.969
So she called me and she was just like, What are.
1270
00:55:07.010 --> 00:55:10.269
You saying here? What is being said? She's like, I
1271
00:55:10.309 --> 00:55:11.869
don't know what to do right now. I'm like, did
1272
00:55:11.889 --> 00:55:14.679
he sleep? Did he drink milk? But I think that when.
1273
00:55:19.460 --> 00:55:21.880
My mom calls and I start speaking to her in Armenian.
1274
00:55:22.239 --> 00:55:22.659
You do this.
1275
00:55:22.840 --> 00:55:24.800
You always do this bit where you're like, what was that?
1276
00:55:25.219 --> 00:55:25.739
What was that?
1277
00:55:25.880 --> 00:55:30.710
Well, it's very, it's very arresting. It's very shocking. I'm
1278
00:55:30.730 --> 00:55:31.510
just not used to it.
1279
00:55:31.750 --> 00:55:31.909
Yeah.
1280
00:55:31.949 --> 00:55:35.309
Now we're here in our new podcast studios and I
1281
00:55:35.409 --> 00:55:38.110
own this building and I own this podcast studio.
1282
00:55:38.190 --> 00:55:38.429
Okay.
1283
00:55:38.449 --> 00:55:40.309
And I think of this, tell me if I'm wrong,
1284
00:55:40.409 --> 00:55:43.590
as sovereign property. U.S. soil, you know? Okay.
1285
00:55:43.849 --> 00:55:44.050
And.
1286
00:55:44.670 --> 00:55:45.150
Okay.
1287
00:55:45.369 --> 00:55:47.889
Am I allowed to forbid you... No. from speaking a
1288
00:55:47.949 --> 00:55:49.960
foreign language in this building?
1289
00:55:50.000 --> 00:55:50.260
No.
1290
00:55:50.460 --> 00:55:51.179
You're absolutely.
1291
00:55:51.199 --> 00:55:56.219
That's 100% not okay to say that someone can't speak
1292
00:55:56.260 --> 00:55:57.500
a foreign language.
1293
00:55:57.119 --> 00:55:57.480
In this building.
1294
00:55:57.519 --> 00:55:58.599
Well, I feel like this is like, you know, the
1295
00:55:58.619 --> 00:56:00.269
way an embassy is sacred soil.
1296
00:56:00.730 --> 00:56:01.650
You can speak.
1297
00:56:01.469 --> 00:56:05.070
Different languages and embassies. There's nowhere where this is okay
1298
00:56:05.130 --> 00:56:08.090
that you're talking. I feel like this is, all I've
1299
00:56:08.130 --> 00:56:11.210
ever wanted is my own clubhouse. And now I finally,
1300
00:56:11.230 --> 00:56:11.949
you know, we've always.
1301
00:56:11.969 --> 00:56:14.650
You know, I was working at 30 Rock for years
1302
00:56:14.670 --> 00:56:17.010
and then I'm working at Warner Brothers. I'm always there
1303
00:56:17.050 --> 00:56:20.929
at someone else's behest. Now, finally, Willy Wonka, I'm being
1304
00:56:20.969 --> 00:56:24.099
Willy Wonka. I have my own chocolate factory. This is,
1305
00:56:24.539 --> 00:56:28.019
I'm peewee and this is my playhouse. And so I
1306
00:56:28.079 --> 00:56:30.280
do feel like I'm allowed to act like an insane
1307
00:56:30.389 --> 00:56:32.469
emperor and say things like, what? What are you speaking?
1308
00:56:32.949 --> 00:56:34.849
No more of that. Only English.
1309
00:56:35.050 --> 00:56:37.969
Are you upset that you can't understand it and that
1310
00:56:38.070 --> 00:56:41.010
you wish you could speak another language and be cool
1311
00:56:41.050 --> 00:56:41.969
like me?
1312
00:56:42.130 --> 00:56:42.510
Like, does.
1313
00:56:43.280 --> 00:56:45.409
I feel like you're just a little jealous. I don't
1314
00:56:45.429 --> 00:56:48.170
think I'm jealous. You're jealous. I don't think so. I
1315
00:56:48.190 --> 00:56:48.969
think you're jealous.
1316
00:56:48.989 --> 00:56:51.269
I think you're jealous because I can speak another language
1317
00:56:51.289 --> 00:56:52.710
and I like switch on and off.
1318
00:56:52.769 --> 00:56:56.400
It's really shocking. I remember the first time almost 11,
1319
00:56:56.400 --> 00:56:58.719
12 years ago when I heard you talking to your
1320
00:56:58.760 --> 00:57:02.119
mom outside my door. I had no idea that you
1321
00:57:02.559 --> 00:57:06.949
spoke this foreign tongue. But listen, let's do a thing
1322
00:57:06.989 --> 00:57:08.769
where I speak to you in English and you answer
1323
00:57:08.789 --> 00:57:12.010
me in Armenian. Okay. I want people to understand. Okay.
1324
00:57:12.309 --> 00:57:13.190
How are you today, Sona?
1325
00:57:14.570 --> 00:57:22.599
Okay. I wish to sort of sabotage the United States
1326
00:57:22.619 --> 00:57:26.090
of America. Will you help me in my evil scheme? Yes.
1327
00:57:26.110 --> 00:57:26.969
Bad USA.
1328
00:57:27.010 --> 00:57:27.230
Yes.
1329
00:57:27.250 --> 00:57:28.389
We must bring down.
1330
00:57:34.840 --> 00:57:36.500
The bad United States. Yeah.
1331
00:57:36.519 --> 00:57:38.659
We must work within the United States to bring it
1332
00:57:38.699 --> 00:57:43.539
down as secret spies. Don't you agree, Sona? Don't you agree?
1333
00:57:46.530 --> 00:57:56.039
Stop laughing, spy. We're here to destroy America from within. No, no, no.
1334
00:57:58.380 --> 00:58:02.320
I agree. What's attack when they're least expected? Yeah.
1335
00:58:02.420 --> 00:58:02.699
Yes.
1336
00:58:02.889 --> 00:58:06.369
In the night. In the night. What is the plan here?
1337
00:58:06.469 --> 00:58:06.730
I don't know.
1338
00:58:06.750 --> 00:58:08.690
It just sounds... You're saying the things that you... I
1339
00:58:08.710 --> 00:58:12.750
love that you're probably saying things like they like boiled pork. No,
1340
00:58:12.829 --> 00:58:16.039
I'm saying really mean things about you specifically. Are you really?
1341
00:58:16.059 --> 00:58:16.239
Yeah, yeah.
1342
00:58:16.280 --> 00:58:16.920
What are you saying?
1343
00:58:17.059 --> 00:58:22.199
I'm saying I hate working here. Your skin is super white.
1344
00:58:22.340 --> 00:58:26.699
I've never seen someone's skin so white before. Oh, okay.
1345
00:58:26.739 --> 00:58:29.869
And then you just kept talking about taking down America.
1346
00:58:29.969 --> 00:58:33.869
I don't know. I don't understand what the plan was.
1347
00:58:33.929 --> 00:58:34.769
Right?
1348
00:58:35.449 --> 00:58:36.969
We're going to attack in the night when they expect
1349
00:58:37.010 --> 00:58:40.070
at least. We're going to attack who? Who are we attacking?
1350
00:58:40.130 --> 00:58:40.710
I'm not sure.
1351
00:58:40.769 --> 00:58:44.269
I didn't have my plan all worked out. And you're
1352
00:58:44.329 --> 00:58:46.389
speaking in English, so people know what you're saying. What
1353
00:58:46.409 --> 00:58:47.929
is the language that Armenian is closest to? Is it
1354
00:58:47.969 --> 00:58:48.610
close to Russian?
1355
00:58:48.809 --> 00:58:49.809
No, it's not.
1356
00:58:50.250 --> 00:58:51.369
What is it close to?
1357
00:58:51.409 --> 00:58:53.250
Well, you know, Tak speaks Russian because he grew up
1358
00:58:53.269 --> 00:58:54.269
in the Soviet Union.
1359
00:58:54.309 --> 00:58:54.550
Right.
1360
00:58:54.889 --> 00:58:58.469
And, you know, there's Armenians from Lebanon who speak Arabic.
1361
00:58:58.530 --> 00:59:01.849
And there's Armenians from Iran who speak Arabic. And my
1362
00:59:01.849 --> 00:59:05.090
parents are from Istanbul, so they speak Turkish, too.
1363
00:59:05.090 --> 00:59:05.710
I think this is cool.
1364
00:59:05.769 --> 00:59:09.309
I love how multicultural you are, and I love that
1365
00:59:09.349 --> 00:59:11.170
you're bringing this perspective to the podcast, and all I
1366
00:59:11.170 --> 00:59:14.199
have to say to you is, in my building, English only!
1367
00:59:15.530 --> 00:59:19.639
Only English! Why are you saying it with an accent?
1368
00:59:19.679 --> 00:59:20.260
I don't know!
1369
00:59:20.280 --> 00:59:21.719
I say English only!
1370
00:59:22.820 --> 00:59:25.380
I still believe that if you speak English with an accent,
1371
00:59:25.719 --> 00:59:28.260
other people can understand you who don't speak English. I
1372
00:59:28.300 --> 00:59:30.380
say English only. Why?
1373
00:59:30.920 --> 00:59:32.239
That doesn't make any sense.
1374
00:59:32.300 --> 00:59:35.659
My building, English only. I have no idea what I'm,
1375
00:59:35.699 --> 00:59:36.639
this is insane.
1376
00:59:36.760 --> 00:59:38.699
Because I know that it upsets you to speak a
1377
00:59:38.739 --> 00:59:41.699
different language, I'm only ever going to speak in Armenian
1378
00:59:41.739 --> 00:59:42.280
from now on.
1379
00:59:42.409 --> 00:59:46.710
Okay, so let's wrap up this segment. You and your
1380
00:59:46.769 --> 00:59:48.190
tongue and me and mine.
1381
00:59:48.329 --> 00:59:48.670
Okay.
1382
00:59:48.889 --> 00:59:49.170
Okay.
1383
00:59:49.369 --> 00:59:50.230
Thank you, Sona.
1384
00:59:52.670 --> 00:59:55.630
Thanks for stopping by the podcast. It was nice having
1385
00:59:55.650 --> 00:59:58.329
you here today. And how are you, Sona? Anything to
1386
00:59:58.349 --> 01:00:01.190
say to the fans before we slip over the rainbow
1387
01:00:01.429 --> 01:00:03.989
and say goodnight? Yeah.
1388
01:00:05.030 --> 01:00:08.230
See, people from different cultures can get along.
1389
01:00:09.090 --> 01:00:09.289
Yeah.
1390
01:00:09.510 --> 01:00:09.750
Yeah.
1391
01:00:10.190 --> 01:00:11.630
Oh, no, I like America.
1392
01:00:11.670 --> 01:00:13.909
No, I won't attack it.
1393
01:00:23.610 --> 01:00:25.869
What is this bit i don't know i don't understand
1394
01:00:25.909 --> 01:00:27.570
what the bit like trying to make it sound like
1395
01:00:27.590 --> 01:00:29.010
you're up to something bad.
1396
01:00:28.869 --> 01:00:31.909
Why because it's just amusing you're saying the english part
1397
01:00:31.969 --> 01:00:34.500
and you're saying the whole plan in english and so
1398
01:00:34.559 --> 01:00:37.739
i don't understand what the thing is i what's what's
1399
01:00:37.900 --> 01:00:40.380
the bit that you were like planning a thing but
1400
01:00:40.420 --> 01:00:42.400
your part is in english and you're saying what the
1401
01:00:42.440 --> 01:00:43.820
plan is in english.
1402
01:00:44.159 --> 01:00:47.389
What's happening i love what's the bit what's the bit
1403
01:00:47.409 --> 01:00:49.909
here What's the bit? Why don't you trust me? I'm
1404
01:00:49.949 --> 01:00:51.969
the bit captain. I've been in the bit business for
1405
01:00:51.989 --> 01:00:53.050
a long time. Just trust me.
1406
01:00:53.050 --> 01:00:55.769
No, this bit doesn't make sense. Don't say bit captain
1407
01:00:56.130 --> 01:00:57.030
in the bit business.
1408
01:00:57.110 --> 01:00:58.159
All right, we're out. This is stupid.
1409
01:00:58.280 --> 01:00:58.739
We're out.
1410
01:00:59.199 --> 01:00:59.800
This was a wasted segment.
1411
01:00:59.820 --> 01:01:02.219
Good night to all of you. It was a wasted segment.
1412
01:01:03.239 --> 01:01:05.679
Say good night, son, in your own special tongue.
1413
01:01:05.920 --> 01:01:08.300
In your own special tongue.
1414
01:01:10.650 --> 01:01:14.550
Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, with Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian,
1415
01:01:14.809 --> 01:01:18.389
and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced
1416
01:01:18.429 --> 01:01:22.099
by Adam Sachs, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco,
1417
01:01:22.300 --> 01:01:25.460
and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song
1418
01:01:25.500 --> 01:01:28.659
by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
1419
01:01:28.980 --> 01:01:29.699
Take it away, Jimmy.
1420
01:01:33.099 --> 01:01:36.079
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent
1421
01:01:36.119 --> 01:01:40.280
producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Will Becton. Additional production
1422
01:01:40.300 --> 01:01:44.369
support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista,
1423
01:01:44.650 --> 01:01:47.219
and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show
1424
01:01:47.280 --> 01:01:49.940
on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read
1425
01:01:50.039 --> 01:01:52.860
on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call
1426
01:01:52.900 --> 01:01:57.239
the Team Coco hotline at.
1427
01:01:56.500 --> 01:01:58.920
323-451-2821 and leave a message. It too could be featured
1428
01:01:58.960 --> 01:01:59.880
on a future episode.
1429
01:02:00.139 --> 01:02:02.840
And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien
1430
01:02:02.860 --> 01:02:06.500
Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine
1431
01:02:06.539 --> 01:02:16.130
podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production
1432
01:02:16.530 --> 01:02:18.210
in association with Earwolf.
1433
01:02:26.510 --> 01:02:29.820
Ah, that's the thing about doors. Open one and whole
1434
01:02:29.860 --> 01:02:31.639
new worlds suddenly become possible.
1435
01:02:33.840 --> 01:02:35.000
If you're searching for.
1436
01:02:34.900 --> 01:02:37.340
Your new home in Leash, the first thing you need
1437
01:02:37.360 --> 01:02:42.210
to open is MyHome, Ireland's trusted property platform. With custom filters,
1438
01:02:42.389 --> 01:02:46.170
property alerts and a hub of advice, available online or in-app,
1439
01:02:46.590 --> 01:02:49.730
it's the smart way to buy, sell or rent your home.
1440
01:02:50.210 --> 01:02:53.969
Start searching and find your happy place at myhome.ie.
1441
01:02:55.199 --> 01:02:59.480
We'd like to thank all the customers who have supported
1442
01:02:59.579 --> 01:03:02.639
us on our journey and have supported us on our journey.
1443
01:03:02.659 --> 01:03:06.199
From Dailun, we thank you for your support in the
1444
01:03:06.219 --> 01:03:08.300
last 10 years, thanks to you all.
1445
01:03:08.869 --> 01:03:09.010
Bye.
1446
01:03:09.250 --> 01:03:09.550
Bye.
1447
01:03:09.630 --> 01:03:09.730
Bye.