Empty Nesting, Scheduling Sex & Fighting Fair with Chris and Vanessa Spencer

00:00:04
Speaker 1: Hey guys, welcome back to No Safe Words with October and Tony Gonzalez. Today we have some incredible guests, Chris and Vanessa Spencer, who are quite amazing and have a lot of really cool credits. First credit dates back all the way to 1992, where Chris appeared on In Living Color, one of my favorite shows of all time. Other notable roles are Don't Be a Menace to South Central, where drinking your gin in the hood, the Jamie Foxx show, and Two Can Play the Game, The Sixth Man and Significant Others and Postal. He played a notable role on the development of Nick Cannon's Wildin' Out, a writer on Kevin Hart's Netflix roast, and currently hosting a podcast with Terrell Owens. Most recently, he has a special on Hulu called Chris Spencer, Goat Adjacent. And his beautiful wife, Vanessa Spencer, she cast for Entourage, McFarlane USA, The Call, and more. She also was an executive producer for Black Comedy in America. It was really fun talking to them. I mean, they had so many good pieces of advice, especially for like empty nesters, which is what we are going to soon become. And I'm having a lot of feelings about it, which.
00:01:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, they were good.
00:01:12
Speaker 3: They were good.
00:01:13
Speaker 2: Really good.
00:01:13
Speaker 1: They were amazing. But let's just talk about empty nesting, first of all, because you.
00:01:18
Speaker 2: Oh, you're not ready for that. You're not ready for that.
00:01:20
Speaker 1: I'm not ready for that.
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Speaker 4: But it's good because they were talking about how it could be something that's sad.
00:01:25
Speaker 2: But they're pretty.
00:01:26
Speaker 1: Happy about it. They really helped me lower my cortisol levels, if I'm honest, because I have been feeling like I'm not gonna make it, like I might die once my kids are gone. I mean, my daughter graduates in, I mean, our daughter, I say my daughter, our daughter graduates in a year and I have been crying off.
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Speaker 5: And on already.
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Speaker 2: Already, last night you were crying.
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Speaker 1: I know, but you don't like that, how come?
00:01:49
Speaker 2: Because, I don't know.
00:01:51
Speaker 1: Let me work through this.
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Speaker 4: I know, but we, you know, Nico, 25 years old.
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Speaker 2: Went through this before.
00:01:56
Speaker 1: Yes.
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Speaker 2: Although, you know, we did split time with him, so it's a little bit different. But I don't know. For me, I'm like, yeah, bye. See you later. Like, go get grown. Go have some life experiences. I'll be sad, but... Yes, but.
00:02:09
Speaker 1: Walking by their bedrooms and, like, looking at their empty beds and not hearing them, like, make noise downstairs, that is going to be sad, right?
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Speaker 2: No, I don't think so. Maybe a little bit.
00:02:18
Speaker 1: I think you're lying.
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Speaker 3: I know.
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Speaker 2: I wonder if I am lying to myself. I wonder if... Because.
00:02:23
Speaker 1: you know, because you're, because he's.
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Speaker 2: In their daughters.
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Speaker 1: Uh, my daughter, I know. Well, look, look, I'm going to miss her. And then our son's about to go to boarding school.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:02:32
Speaker 1: Very soon.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:02:33
Speaker 1: And that's also like messing me up. Like, it's just a different, it's a weird place in life to be as parents, like in this, I don't know, like in this phase of letting go, should I say? I mean, it's everything that you know is coming and that you hope is coming and you want them to launch and birdies learn to fly, but all at the same time, while like, missing knowing that you're gonna miss miss them in a way that like I don't know but don't.
00:02:59
Speaker 2: You think there's gotta be something where.
00:03:02
Speaker 4: They get to go grow up we get to get our house back we get to get our life back it's a chapter it's like graduating high school right and you're leaving to go to college or you're moving out of your parents house whatever you choose to do after you leave high school it's sad but exciting you're gonna miss all the people at the school and all that stuff but bye like I know.
00:03:22
Speaker 2: I'm onward. Let's go.
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Speaker 1: I know.
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Speaker 2: Especially for them. I want to see them get older. Go meet somebody.
00:03:27
Speaker 1: I have to look forward to this phase of life and not be sad about letting the past go. Like the, you know, the little kid phases and the like tween phases and all the things that like I know I'm going to miss and I don't have anymore. I mean, look, the alternative is what? Your kids move into your basement and they never leave home. Like that would not be.
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Speaker 2: No way.
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Speaker 1: No way. That was not beautiful.
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Speaker 4: Well, they said technology is different. They talk to them twice a day, two, three times a day. You just FaceTime people.
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Speaker 1: I know.
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Speaker 2: It's so easy nowadays. It's not like how it was when we were kids.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, that made me feel, honestly, so much better. I thought for a second, like, how am I not going to just be flying out there all the time? But with technology, it is true. Like, I'll get to just see their face. I'll get to actually see their faces.
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Speaker 2: You know, it just dawned on me. It might even be something that brings you even closer.
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Speaker 1: Yeah.
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Speaker 2: Because they are gone. And now they're going to realize how much you meant to them.
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Speaker 1: You and I closer or the kids and I?
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Speaker 2: You're talking about the kids.
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Speaker 1: Right.
00:04:20
Speaker 4: Because I remember when I left, when I went to college, I went to Berkeley and I moved up there.
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Speaker 2: Oh, you went to Berkeley?
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Speaker 1: He'd like to announce that to everyone. I went to Berkeley.
00:04:27
Speaker 3: You've heard of it?
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Speaker 1: Yes, go ahead.
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Speaker 4: Anyways, so you go up to get up to Berkeley. I remember I felt like I missed my mom. I started to appreciate home better. I realized you start to grow up, you start to think, okay, you know, I kind of took everybody for granted.
00:04:40
Speaker 2: I took this for granted. And I think our kids need that. I think our kids need that.
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Speaker 4: Spoiled ass kids.
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Speaker 2: Spoiled. Spoiled. Spoiled. Not rotten, but spoiled.
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Speaker 1: Well, they're all spoiled, right? Like compared to what we grew up with, there's no real comparison. But I think you're right in the sense that like.
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Speaker 2: They're going to appreciate it and they'll appreciate us.
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Speaker 4: And I think they're going to be calling us more and they're going to realize how good they had it.
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Speaker 1: I actually can't wait for that. I can't wait for them to go like, oh my God, actually living with you guys was like, Fabulous. Because now they just, yeah, they take it for granted.
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Speaker 2: Teenagers, they suck in a lot of ways.
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Speaker 1: Selfish little pumpkins in the world.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker 6: Oh, my goodness.
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Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
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Speaker 4: So I'm not going to miss that. Coming home, walking around, hey, how you doing? They're like, leave, leave me.
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Speaker 2: This is my house.
00:05:25
Speaker 3: I know.
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Speaker 2: So, yes, I think they'll appreciate it a little bit more.
00:05:27
Speaker 1: It's so cliche raising teenagers, honestly. And I am excited for this next chapter for them. I'm excited for this new chapter for us. I don't know what it looks like.
00:05:34
Speaker 3: That, too.
00:05:34
Speaker 1: That, too.
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Speaker 2: That, too.
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Speaker 1: You're excited for it.
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Speaker 2: Oh, my goodness.
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Speaker 1: You want to get to going.
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Speaker 2: Let's go.
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Speaker 4: Let's travel. Let's go see them. I mean, I want like our daughter. She has an opportunity to go to school far away.
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Speaker 1: I know.
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Speaker 4: South Florida, which is we live in L.A. So it's like, how great is that going to be if she does go there?
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Speaker 2: Yeah. Let's go.
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Speaker 4: We'll go out there for like a week, two weeks. We know other people in South Florida. We can go have a good time. Just post up.
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Speaker 5: I'm sure she'll love that.
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Speaker 1: Oh, we're here again, honey. Weird. I mean, I think she'll like it, but yeah.
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Speaker 2: She'll love it. I loved it when my parents came and visited me at Berkeley.
00:06:10
Speaker 6: At Berkeley.
00:06:11
Speaker 1: Well, yeah. I mean, I think that I have to start looking at it like that. And I think the biggest takeaways for me from this interview with Chris and Vanessa were that it has to be something different that I have to look forward to. And that can be just a totally different relationship. looking forward to them, like, blossoming and discovering who they are as adults and knowing that I can, like, I can reach them at any point in time and look at their faces on FaceTime. Like, I'll be okay.
00:06:37
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:06:38
Speaker 4: Another thing I was a little disappointed, well, not disappointed, but they said about, because, you know, when you become an empty nester, I was thinking, oh, yeah, it's time for us to reconnect.
00:06:50
Speaker 1: Honey, we don't want to give away the whole interview.
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Speaker 2: I don't want to.
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Speaker 4: Well, I mean, well, you have to watch to see what they say about that. I thought it was going to be opposite of what they said.
00:06:58
Speaker 1: Well, Tony was hoping to get lucky more often, but it looks like 20 years of marriage is 20 years of marriage. Empty nest or not.
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Speaker 4: I'll shoot you a text when I'm ready to make a reservation for two days.
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Speaker 1: Well, I'm looking forward to this interview. It's really fun. You guys are going to love it. Well, welcome, Chris and Vanessa Spencer. We're so happy to have you here.
00:07:22
Speaker 5: Thank you for having us.
00:07:23
Speaker 1: How are we feeling about life? What's going on with you guys? I heard you just celebrated a long anniversary of marriage and marital.
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Speaker 6: 20 years, right?
00:07:32
Speaker 2: 20 years?
00:07:33
Speaker 6: Long time we're talking about it. 23 or 24 together.
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Speaker 3: Wow.
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Speaker 6: And 20 married.
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Speaker 7: 20 married.
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Speaker 5: Which in LA is like a lifetime. I guess it amazes me where I hear people like, oh, 20 years, that's so long. How do you do it? And I'm like, my parents have been together 47.
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Speaker 7: Really? So many people in our lives. His parents, a long time. And I'm like, What?
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Speaker 2: Your parents were married for 40 something years?
00:07:56
Speaker 3: Well, okay. Step, yes, but I mean, he's.
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Speaker 6: Been your stepfather since you.
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Speaker 3: Second time around.
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Speaker 1: It's still a long time.
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Speaker 6: So what is that, 1982?
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Speaker 5: But your step parents have been together for like 45 years. It's been a very long time.
00:08:09
Speaker 2: Did your parents get divorced young?
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Speaker 6: Yes, I was eight.
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Speaker 2: You were eight years old. So both parents were in the house until eight years old.
00:08:17
Speaker 3: And then both of them remarried later. Uh-huh. Yep. But whatever 1982 is, can you do the math, ma'am, please?
00:08:23
Speaker 6: 40 years?
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Speaker 3: 40?
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Speaker 6: 45 years?
00:08:26
Speaker 3: 44 years?
00:08:27
Speaker 1: Both sets of parents married for a long time. We're both from broken homes, so we're just lucky that we've really, I.
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Speaker 2: Mean, we've blazed a trail.
00:08:36
Speaker 3: I think it informs you.
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Speaker 5: I also think it informs you how you want to move in your relationship and how communication becomes so important and what your level of tolerance is for things and not. It's kind of like you already start out with the recipe for what not to do.
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Speaker 3: Exactly.
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Speaker 5: So you know what to do. We got that. We got that down.
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Speaker 6: So what is it?
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Speaker 2: What's the secret? How have you guys been doing this? Especially in the world of entertainment. It's like dog years.
00:09:06
Speaker 6: I don't think we've ever gone to bed mad.
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Speaker 5: No. Really?
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Speaker 8: Wow.
00:09:14
Speaker 6: Yes, because we have couches.
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Speaker 5: We've gone to bed mad, but we've always ended up in a different bed. Even if somebody has fallen asleep on the couch, they've always made their way back to the bedroom. I love that, and I think that that's always been important.
00:09:27
Speaker 1: I love that. So bring me back a little bit. How did you guys meet and come together? Where were you guys.
00:09:32
Speaker 6: Both at in your lives?
00:09:33
Speaker 1: We finally got the story right, so go ahead and tell it.
00:09:35
Speaker 6: I somehow got it wrong the other day.
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Speaker 7: I'm still going to have to jump in. I got it wrong the other day, so you tell it.
00:09:41
Speaker 3: I'll just take the short version. I was doing Chocolate Sundays, the comedy club in West Hollywood. And she was there.
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Speaker 6: Scouting.
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Speaker 3: She was a casting director and was looking for talent for this movie. And she ended up casting a husband.
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Speaker 2: Wow.
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Speaker 5: That's definitely the appropriate version.
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Speaker 1: Casting the husband.
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Speaker 3: I became the husband.
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Speaker 1: I love it.
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Speaker 3: That's so cute. It's just a tighter version.
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Speaker 4: Yeah.
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Speaker 1: Right, but was it like when you saw each other?
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Speaker 7: I know, like so.
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Speaker 3: It was love at first sight for me.
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Speaker 2: It's over, this is her.
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Speaker 5: The long, long story is I had gone to the club maybe like a couple of weeks before we actually met and I was like, oh, I went with a friend and it was actually a bad date.
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Speaker 3: No way.
00:10:32
Speaker 7: Dying to leave.
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Speaker 5: And the person I was with decided to, talked to him, because they knew each other, and I was like, I just want to leave. So we had made eye contact, and he was like, you're not interested in talking, and I was like, no, I'm actually ready to go. A couple weeks later, as I was casting this film, I called a mutual friend of ours.
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Speaker 3: Say his name.
00:10:52
Speaker 5: He probably would like the credit. So I called Kevin Hart, who I had cast in Soul Plane, and was like, Kev, can you take me to this club?
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Speaker 7: I think it's called Chocolate Sundays. I don't want to wait in line.
00:11:02
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:11:02
Speaker 7: Can you get me in? So Kevin gets in.
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Speaker 5: Kevin and I are talking via two-way pager.
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Speaker 3: Two-way pager.
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Speaker 1: This is where I got.
00:11:10
Speaker 3: To jump in.
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Speaker 7: Kevin and I are texting.
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Speaker 3: You can't talk.
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Speaker 6: You're next to each other talking.
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Speaker 5: We're texting messages.
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Speaker 6: You're next to each other talking.
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Speaker 1: They sound like us.
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Speaker 5: We're not next to each other talking.
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Speaker 3: You are.
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Speaker 5: Kevin is sitting on the couch where the comics were, and I was sitting on the other wall.
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Speaker 7: Kevin and I are.
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Speaker 5: Texting via Skytel two-way pager, yes.
00:11:29
Speaker 7: And then... You sent him a message.
00:11:32
Speaker 3: Let me show you how you stay married.
00:11:34
Speaker 5: Yep.
00:11:34
Speaker 1: That's what I was going to say. I was looking at you trying to give you a sound like you say, mm-hmm. That's right. Well, that's so cute.
00:11:40
Speaker 5: I know we have mutual friends, Boris and Nicole. So you call Nicole when this is over and ask Nicole what my nickname is.
00:11:46
Speaker 7: She's going to tell you it's 98%.
00:11:48
Speaker 5: And she calls me 98% because she'll tell you I'm 98% right.
00:11:52
Speaker 3: All the time.
00:11:53
Speaker 5: So the story is that. I love that.
00:11:56
Speaker 1: And then.
00:11:58
Speaker 5: You can finish it because you're great at the finish. You're great at the finish.
00:12:01
Speaker 3: I just want to be able to play golf tomorrow.
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Speaker 6: Whatever you say is it.
00:12:04
Speaker 7: You always get to play golf.
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Speaker 5: You've never been unpunished from playing golf.
00:12:09
Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh.
00:12:10
Speaker 3: That's so cute.
00:12:10
Speaker 7: So anyway, that's a little more of the fun story. We ended up meeting. The show was over.
00:12:15
Speaker 5: We went to Greenblatt's, and I guess kind of fell in love over chicken soup.
00:12:19
Speaker 1: Over chicken soup?
00:12:20
Speaker 6: You didn't fall in love with me. I fell in love with you.
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Speaker 3: Okay.
00:12:23
Speaker 2: How old were you guys at the time?
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Speaker 8: Fifteen.
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Speaker 3: You look like it.
00:12:28
Speaker 6: This is 24 years.
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Speaker 3: Ago, so whatever, yeah.
00:12:30
Speaker 7: I was 26.
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Speaker 5: I think I just turned 26.
00:12:33
Speaker 4: At that time, were you guys looking to settle down? Was it like, I want to get married.
00:12:38
Speaker 3: I had just got out of a relationship and I was ready to hit the streets. I was like, let me see what this new and improved cute and a little bit of money can do. And then I had to meet this mother. Timing. And I always describe it as, you remember in The Godfather when Sonny has, you know, they've killed McCluskey, and he's off into, he's in Corleone, Italy, and he sees the girl, and he says he.
00:13:01
Speaker 6: Got hit by the thunderbolt.
00:13:02
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:13:03
Speaker 7: Oh, Michael.
00:13:04
Speaker 6: I said, Michael Corleone, sorry.
00:13:06
Speaker 1: I love that.
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Speaker 3: And so when I saw her, I was like, and I was like, I don't want to be ready yet. I want to hit these streets.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:13:12
Speaker 6: There's people out there that want me.
00:13:13
Speaker 1: Well, you guys have that in common, because Tony definitely was not ready to settle down when he met me.
00:13:17
Speaker 2: No, no, not at all. In no way. But I was, I had a plan. I wanted to be single for a long time.
00:13:21
Speaker 6: Yes.
00:13:22
Speaker 2: And I was. And I executed, but. You couldn't execute on that.
00:13:26
Speaker 3: No.
00:13:27
Speaker 1: I said the dog days are over.
00:13:28
Speaker 7: See?
00:13:29
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Florence and the machine. I said, no, this is, look, it wasn't love at first sight by any means, like very different than you guys, but I would say that like, I don't know, there's like a familiarity when you meet the right person.
00:13:41
Speaker 3: Sure.
00:13:41
Speaker 2: Right?
00:13:41
Speaker 1: When you guys like met, I'm sure there was like, you were sitting there and you like, you felt like you picked right up with someone you already knew. Right. Right? That sort of feels like the love zing that happens.
00:13:52
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:13:52
Speaker 4: So you guys have been married that long. What are some things that keep that marriage strong?
00:13:57
Speaker 3: I think the cliche is communication, but it's so vital and so important.
00:14:03
Speaker 4: Do you guys have little rituals or anything like that, like morning coffee? Do you guys do date night? Do you guys do let's watch a show together?
00:14:10
Speaker 6: We watch a lot of shows together.
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Speaker 3: Until I fall asleep.
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Speaker 8: We watch a lot of first episodes together.
00:14:15
Speaker 6: And then I wake up and she's on episode 19. I'm like, it'll be 4 in the morning. She's still watching.
00:14:20
Speaker 5: I get like that too.
00:14:21
Speaker 1: I do too.
00:14:22
Speaker 7: I'm so obsessed.
00:14:23
Speaker 5: I watch TV shows like they're a movie and they're not meant to be watched that way.
00:14:27
Speaker 1: I know.
00:14:28
Speaker 7: I mean, that's what streaming has done.
00:14:29
Speaker 3: I know. It's very unfortunate. One of my new jokes on stage is there's different levels of cheating, right? 70s, 60s, our parents, you have lipstick on your collar.
00:14:38
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:14:39
Speaker 3: 80s, 90s, whose phone number is this? The 2000s, I've read an email or a text. Now it's, hey, we talked to you. Yeah.
00:14:48
Speaker 6: What episode of Ozark.
00:14:49
Speaker 3: Are you on?
00:14:51
Speaker 1: Be honest.
00:14:51
Speaker 6: What episode of Ozark are you on? Don't lie.
00:14:55
Speaker 3: Three. Well, when I woke up this morning, I turned on the TV, and all of them were red. You could see, like, watch.
00:15:02
Speaker 6: And you're like.
00:15:04
Speaker 1: This. Damn.
00:15:05
Speaker 6: Sorry for cussing.
00:15:06
Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
00:15:06
Speaker 6: We're not supposed to cuss on the show.
00:15:09
Speaker 3: I don't know.
00:15:09
Speaker 2: So speaking of that, you're on the road a lot, right?
00:15:11
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:15:12
Speaker 3: So being away... A lot.
00:15:14
Speaker 2: That helps?
00:15:14
Speaker 6: You said that helps.
00:15:15
Speaker 7: Like, to be honest with you, like, yeah.
00:15:18
Speaker 3: I have a weird way.
00:15:19
Speaker 1: No, a lot of women say this. A lot of women say this.
00:15:22
Speaker 6: You haven't been gone in a while.
00:15:23
Speaker 3: I'm like, do you have a boyfriend?
00:15:25
Speaker 1: No, it is.
00:15:26
Speaker 3: It's not.
00:15:27
Speaker 5: I love, like, I hate when he's gone when I go to bed.
00:15:29
Speaker 1: Yep.
00:15:30
Speaker 7: That's when I miss him the most.
00:15:31
Speaker 5: Yes. Like, night comes, and I'm like, oh, he's not here. That I hate. But, you know, it's part of the gig. Like, I met him, and that was part of his life. I am in production, so my life was... being on set and working crazy hours. So I'm not, I've never been one of those people, even in a relationship, any other relationship where like, I have to be with the person. I actually understand how I'm built. Exactly what you're saying.
00:15:57
Speaker 1: Because when you meet somebody and your life looks a certain way and then all of a sudden it changes like the NFL or like comedy acting, you know, entertainment, it's like all of a sudden now your whole schedule is like in and of people and you're trying to figure out.
00:16:10
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:16:11
Speaker 1: How this person fits in, even though you're my husband. No, no, completely. How do you.
00:16:15
Speaker 5: Fold them back into the situation? What is that? Especially when the kids were little, he'd be on the road and come home.
00:16:20
Speaker 7: I was like, oh, shit, what am I going to talk to him about?
00:16:23
Speaker 1: I know.
00:16:23
Speaker 5: My whole world for the last two weeks has been conversation with children. And now I've got to fold them into the routine. And now they've started this, and now they've started that, or they've got practice tonight. And he was never offended by any of it, and I think that's probably.
00:16:39
Speaker 1: how it's right.
00:16:40
Speaker 5: So worked it's just been easy i don't i don't know like when you i know it's very cliche to say but i i truly feel like we met and married each other as friends and then like the love continued to grow yeah you know so like it just it's a t-shirt when you marry your friend like things are things are.
00:16:59
Speaker 1: Easy but i think that's like the piece of advice for longevity and like a for marriage in general, if you want to make it long term, I think that it has to be based in the friendship.
00:17:08
Speaker 5: It has to be.
00:17:09
Speaker 1: Otherwise, I mean, like, the lust and all that sexy stuff lasts for a little while, but then it's like, do we like each other? Do we like to hang out? Like, if I had to pick one person to go on vacation with, would it mostly be you? Probably. You know what I mean? Like, aside from, you know, a couple girls, but, like, you'd be.
00:17:27
Speaker 7: Right up there.
00:17:28
Speaker 3: For sure, for sure.
00:17:29
Speaker 2: And I've had friends where... It's the opposite way.
00:17:33
Speaker 5: Right.
00:17:33
Speaker 2: Any chance they.
00:17:34
Speaker 6: Want to get away from their wife.
00:17:37
Speaker 2: And they'll get mad at me. I'm like, hey, I want to bring the girls.
00:17:39
Speaker 3: And they're like, no, we don't want to do that. Exactly.
00:17:41
Speaker 2: I actually like her.
00:17:42
Speaker 3: I want to hang out with her. That's what it is. You like them. Like, I like her.
00:17:45
Speaker 1: Yes. Yes. Which is rare. But then again, you know, it's why we've been married for so long, I think.
00:17:50
Speaker 2: Right.
00:17:51
Speaker 7: Yeah, it works.
00:17:52
Speaker 1: So when he's on the road all the time, especially in the beginning of you guys' relationship, did you ever have, like, any feelings of, like, jealousy or insecurity or like were there any was there any of that along the way because I know for me there definitely was I was young you know yeah she's.
00:18:08
Speaker 5: Too cocky to be jealous she said I'm an asshole like I I own it I'm an asshole and I I think even early on like I said I was like that's okay I'm younger than you I'm smart I'm cute I come from a family.
00:18:24
Speaker 1: That'll support me right and I don't need you. I'm choosing you.
00:18:28
Speaker 2: So you're not the puppy dog sitting by the door waiting for him to come home.
00:18:31
Speaker 1: No, it never was.
00:18:32
Speaker 3: That was me, huh? In no relationship.
00:18:34
Speaker 5: Like, in no relationship. And honestly, I think that's kind of, in a weird way, what made him like me. No, yeah.
00:18:42
Speaker 1: I wasn't chasing him.
00:18:44
Speaker 7: I wasn't chasing him.
00:18:45
Speaker 5: Look, and I think when we were chasing, it was like a mutual chase.
00:18:49
Speaker 7: Like, we were just mutually interested in the other person.
00:18:52
Speaker 3: But we ran slow.
00:18:53
Speaker 8: Yeah.
00:18:54
Speaker 6: You can't catch me.
00:18:55
Speaker 5: Right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, I mean, I had to put him on pause.
00:18:58
Speaker 7: Like, we took a time out.
00:18:59
Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
00:18:59
Speaker 7: I had to put him on time out.
00:19:00
Speaker 3: What do you mean you had a time out?
00:19:01
Speaker 5: Like, when we were dating, I had to put him on time out.
00:19:03
Speaker 6: I was like.
00:19:04
Speaker 2: How long did that last?
00:19:05
Speaker 1: An hour.
00:19:05
Speaker 5: No.
00:19:05
Speaker 3: An hour?
00:19:06
Speaker 5: In the scheme of things.
00:19:08
Speaker 7: I'm not easy. I mean, it was like, what, two months?
00:19:12
Speaker 1: Two or three months.
00:19:13
Speaker 7: Two or three months.
00:19:14
Speaker 1: Okay, that's healthy.
00:19:15
Speaker 5: I think that's good. It wasn't working for me.
00:19:17
Speaker 2: If you don't mind me asking, like, why?
00:19:19
Speaker 7: Because.
00:19:19
Speaker 1: Because.
00:19:20
Speaker 2: Oh, I.
00:19:21
Speaker 7: Think, was it that you... Oh, he was like in a, the person he had.
00:19:25
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no.
00:19:27
Speaker 5: We're open.
00:19:27
Speaker 1: 20 years.
00:19:29
Speaker 5: Like the person he had been with, I, he had felt guilty about having broken up and, you know, and not moving forward.
00:19:36
Speaker 7: They had been in a relationship for a long time.
00:19:39
Speaker 5: And I think she was, had a lot of questions and was trying to figure out like, how could we make this work? And I think he felt like he owed it to her. And there was just something that made me ask him. I was like, let me, where are you in this? This chapter needs to be closed before. Yeah, I was like, I feel like you're here, but you're not. Because he started to move differently.
00:19:57
Speaker 7: And I went, I'm going to tell you what I'm not going to do.
00:20:00
Speaker 1: Right.
00:20:00
Speaker 5: Like, I left a relationship where it was long distance. And when... he was in town, he was in town, and when he wasn't, he wasn't, but I'm not doing that now. I'm clear on where I am, what I want, and he was like, okay, well, I think I got it, and I went, then, if that doesn't work, and I'm still interested, maybe, and if not, then high five, and.
00:20:24
Speaker 7: We keep it bushy.
00:20:26
Speaker 5: Very mature.
00:20:27
Speaker 3: And that's what happened.
00:20:27
Speaker 8: I think, oh.
00:20:31
Speaker 5: Ironically, three months later, I called him because I was casting another movie.
00:20:36
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
00:20:37
Speaker 5: And we were desperate for like somebody to come in and nail this role and they wanted black comics.
00:20:44
Speaker 7: And I was like, let me give old boy a call.
00:20:48
Speaker 5: And I was like, listen, I don't want to ruin the chance for, for this to be something that could work for you. If you're interested, I need you to come in. And he was like, oh, well, I can't make that happen because I'm at the Derby. And I was like, well, good for you.
00:21:01
Speaker 3: You know?
00:21:01
Speaker 1: What a story.
00:21:04
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it.
00:21:06
Speaker 3: Well, she was really trying to figure out a way to see me, and she was like, aha! We're casting black comedians.
00:21:11
Speaker 1: She was like, I can only think of one person. Wow, wow, wow. Well, I can't say the same thing. Look, I was very confident, and I knew who I was, but I definitely was having insecurities. You know, with You Were Way.
00:21:24
Speaker 6: Him being pretty.
00:21:26
Speaker 1: With his... You know, and he was just, when I met him, he was a complete disaster. You know what I mean? As far as relationships went. I mean, girls were like opening their shirts so he could sign them on their boobs and just wild, wild, wild life. And at one point, I was sitting at a club with him and we're together and we're living together at this point and this guy was just looking at girls, talking to girls, signing girls in their faces and I just said, I'm right here, I'm sitting right next to you. And he described it in a way about where he was at in life at that point. He said, I'm like a Ferrari that's been going 110 miles, 200 miles an hour for a long time. And if I slam on the brakes, I'm gonna roll the car, I'm gonna crash the car. And I said, I don't know what we're talking about. So then he says, I gotta slow down to turn around. So just give me a little time and I'll get there. I'll turn around eventually. But I gotta slow down. And I said, nothing. I just stared at him. You're an absolute imbecile. But I understood. I understood the analogy. And so I think I gave you grace. But you can tell me.
00:22:41
Speaker 3: You did.
00:22:41
Speaker 2: No, you did. You did.
00:22:42
Speaker 4: I just think as, especially a professional athlete or entertainer, somebody.
00:22:46
Speaker 2: Who's in the public eye and you're young.
00:22:49
Speaker 4: And remember, I got in the NFL when I was like 21. So I'm young. I'm a young kid And I'm going for it. It was football and having fun. Football was at the top, and then having fun, sagging family. So you get to a point where you're like, okay, this is just my routine. We're going to go to the club. We're going to go out. And I just have this mode. And then I wasn't even looking to fall in love.
00:23:11
Speaker 2: So that's why I was saying I was doing that.
00:23:14
Speaker 5: He was going 200 miles an hour trying to run, but not wanting to let you go. But you never had that problem.
00:23:18
Speaker 1: Are you still there?
00:23:20
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:23:20
Speaker 6: I mean, I don't think I've signed any breasts.
00:23:25
Speaker 1: He signed a lot of inappropriate body parts.
00:23:27
Speaker 6: But he's Tony Gonzalez.
00:23:28
Speaker 2: Come on, no, it was not.
00:23:30
Speaker 1: His face was on a bus in Kansas City. Look, it was hard to go anywhere with him when I met him in that city in particular. And they were not used to seeing you with a girlfriend.
00:23:38
Speaker 7: So I was like, it was a situation. But you also became, I'm sure, a target.
00:23:42
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:23:42
Speaker 5: And I'm sure so much of that became out of like, how can we push her away? How can we move her out for him? Even if he wants her, how can we move her out the way?
00:23:52
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:23:52
Speaker 6: I mean.
00:23:54
Speaker 5: As in, I will say, I'm a girl's girl to an extent, but we could be our own worst enemy.
00:24:02
Speaker 1: I know, I know.
00:24:03
Speaker 7: I mean, when somebody wants something that you have.
00:24:05
Speaker 1: I know. Well, I kind of like the two, to be honest.
00:24:07
Speaker 5: And the worst part was that you were cute. Like, you're really pretty, so I'm sure that pissed off even more all the girls.
00:24:13
Speaker 1: Totally. But you know what makes me, like, even to this day, like, I'm the type of person that, like, if he gets hit on or if the girl's interested in him, I'm reminded that he's hot. I'm reminded that he's attractive and cool because I'm used to him now.
00:24:24
Speaker 5: That's why I picked him, lady.
00:24:26
Speaker 1: Take out the trash and clean up that mess. What the hell are you doing over there? But now when a girl hits on him, I'm like, oh, he is cute. He cute.
00:24:35
Speaker 3: He's cool.
00:24:36
Speaker 1: Okay, I see it. So it's good for our marriage. I'm like, I like that. It gets me going again.
00:24:41
Speaker 2: Are you guys jealous? Do you guys get jealous.
00:24:43
Speaker 3: Of each other?
00:24:44
Speaker 1: She's definitely not jealous.
00:24:45
Speaker 2: She's definitely not.
00:24:45
Speaker 6: I have a joke. She's jealous of the wrong people. She'd be like.
00:24:51
Speaker 3: Who's that.
00:24:53
Speaker 6: Lady in the wheelchair talking to you?
00:24:56
Speaker 3: I saw you over there rubbing her grips and adjusting her oxygen tank.
00:24:59
Speaker 6: Is that what you're into?
00:25:00
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. What about those models I was talking to? You can't get the models. I'm talking about her.
00:25:06
Speaker 1: The one that's very readily available to you.
00:25:10
Speaker 4: How do you guys handle discrepancies and fights and disagreements?
00:25:15
Speaker 2: We fight.
00:25:17
Speaker 3: How?
00:25:18
Speaker 2: Do you guys yell?
00:25:19
Speaker 1: Are you guys yellers?
00:25:20
Speaker 4: Do you guys have rules around fights?
00:25:22
Speaker 6: This is great about us. We don't yell at the same time.
00:25:26
Speaker 3: Which is weird. If I'm yelling, she's like... And if she's yelling, I'm like... And then we end up going... That was dumb. I'm sorry.
00:25:35
Speaker 6: Because it's always over something stupid.
00:25:37
Speaker 3: Always.
00:25:38
Speaker 1: Does comedy find its way into those fights?
00:25:40
Speaker 6: That sometimes starts a fight.
00:25:42
Speaker 4: Like.
00:25:46
Speaker 3: I could count the times she's ever called me a name. We had a situation with our refrigerator. There was a leak caused. It's a disaster. It's a disaster.
00:25:57
Speaker 6: It was a slow leak that's.
00:25:59
Speaker 3: Ruined our floor. We pulled the refrigerator back.
00:26:01
Speaker 2: There's mold.
00:26:03
Speaker 3: No. Yes. And so.
00:26:05
Speaker 7: It's like this is what we came home to.
00:26:07
Speaker 5: We were away and somehow in three weeks of being gone, like the entire kitchen is like a disaster.
00:26:14
Speaker 3: And so... I don't want to sound bougie. Our nanny, what is she?
00:26:19
Speaker 1: It's okay, we're bougie on here. No shame in the bouginess.
00:26:23
Speaker 5: I know you're going to be like, you said you were empty nesters, so how do you still have a nanny? but she's family.
00:26:29
Speaker 1: I will never let her go.
00:26:31
Speaker 6: I will never let her go.
00:26:33
Speaker 5: She's still like, we were away and our daughter came home because she wanted to visit some friends before having.
00:26:38
Speaker 6: To go back to school.
00:26:39
Speaker 8: And she would sleep over with her. She babysits the dogs. I will keep her forever. Her plan is to take care of our children's children. What's her name?
00:26:51
Speaker 2: Verilyse.
00:26:52
Speaker 6: What's funny about Verilyse though is that we've been gone.
00:26:55
Speaker 3: Two weeks and she's been cleaning two weeks.
00:26:57
Speaker 6: But when we get back, she's still cleaning as if the house is messy. I'm like, you've been here for two weeks. There's nothing for you to do.
00:27:04
Speaker 5: She's like, you need me.
00:27:06
Speaker 1: Come on.
00:27:07
Speaker 3: So she's absolutely incredible, and we love her.
00:27:10
Speaker 6: So let's go back to the mold.
00:27:12
Speaker 3: So I said, and she's going to tell you what Vera Lee said about me, which is why we're still together. Not why we're still together, but why I'm wonderful. I don't even remember what I said.
00:27:26
Speaker 6: There's something about the mold.
00:27:27
Speaker 5: Oh, no.
00:27:28
Speaker 6: She was showing Verilyse things that had mold on them.
00:27:32
Speaker 1: Right?
00:27:32
Speaker 6: And then I said, you might have.
00:27:35
Speaker 7: You're like, you don't want to show me.
00:27:36
Speaker 6: The husband can see. And she goes, and she said something kind of flippant.
00:27:41
Speaker 5: Oh, I was like, it's right here.
00:27:43
Speaker 7: And he was like, where? And I was like, right here.
00:27:46
Speaker 5: And he walked away because he didn't feel like bending down in the moment. And then I said, I'm showing you. Do you want to see? Like, I moved all this stuff out.
00:27:53
Speaker 7: Do you want to see? And he said something.
00:27:54
Speaker 3: I said, nope. Nope.
00:27:56
Speaker 5: No, you said something else. You said, I'm gonna go, oh, he was going to get boxes. You're like, no, I'm just going to do something.
00:28:02
Speaker 3: We needed boxes to start, because we had the empty refrigerator.
00:28:04
Speaker 5: I'm just gonna do this, and it was very, very sarcastic, and I was like, literally, like, under my breath, I was.
00:28:10
Speaker 1: Like, don't be an asshole.
00:28:12
Speaker 3: Not now.
00:28:13
Speaker 6: She was under her breath, but she was mic'd.
00:28:15
Speaker 1: You heard everything.
00:28:17
Speaker 6: Don't be an asshole, asshole.
00:28:19
Speaker 5: And he heard, and he was like.
00:28:21
Speaker 1: What?
00:28:21
Speaker 7: He was like, what'd you say?
00:28:23
Speaker 3: No, I didn't. No, no, oh, no. You said.
00:28:25
Speaker 6: I said, don't call me names in front of Raleigh's.
00:28:27
Speaker 5: Yeah, that is true.
00:28:28
Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
00:28:29
Speaker 3: So I leave.
00:28:30
Speaker 7: And I said, sorry.
00:28:31
Speaker 3: Time out. No, we finish.
00:28:33
Speaker 6: So she texts me, apology.
00:28:36
Speaker 3: Okay. I took this out of somebody who I, a dear friend of ours, playbook. So she texts me, and I said, no, I said, you have to apologize to me publicly, because you called me a name publicly don't try to text me and apologize privately so then when i got back home i said where she apologized i was like make sure verily.
00:29:00
Speaker 5: Yes but i apologized to him and i apologized to verily for saying that like in front of her um and but while he was gone verily said to me she said you know i love jefe and I love you two together.
00:29:13
Speaker 7: She said, because if he had been Latino, you know the two of you would have.
00:29:16
Speaker 5: Been fighting and bickering and the whole thing.
00:29:18
Speaker 7: Would have been like a war.
00:29:19
Speaker 5: And I was like, no, you're right, trust me. I grew up that way, so I know. And she said, he just was so.
00:29:25
Speaker 7: Calm and so nice.
00:29:28
Speaker 5: And all her mannerisms, and he's so sweet. And he loves you, he really loves you. She's trying to make it work.
00:29:36
Speaker 6: Y'all get divorced.
00:29:39
Speaker 1: I'm not going to make it.
00:29:40
Speaker 5: So I said, no, V, you're totally right.
00:29:42
Speaker 7: You're totally right.
00:29:43
Speaker 5: So as soon as he walked in, I was like, babe, I'm really sorry. I just was so stressed in that moment when you said it. And I was like, but I thought I said it under my breath.
00:29:51
Speaker 7: And he was like, no, no, no, you didn't.
00:29:53
Speaker 1: We both didn't.
00:29:55
Speaker 3: Literally, if she's ever called me an asshole two times before, then it's if. We've never called each other names.
00:30:03
Speaker 6: I agree with that.
00:30:04
Speaker 3: No name calling.
00:30:05
Speaker 2: We do that too.
00:30:06
Speaker 5: No name calling. If we're cursing in an argument, it's not like I'm cursing at him. I just be like, I didn't fucking.
00:30:15
Speaker 7: Understand or whatever.
00:30:16
Speaker 3: She doesn't really cuss at me. She cusses at the kids.
00:30:20
Speaker 6: I cuss more I'm just a cusser.
00:30:23
Speaker 5: She's a cusser.
00:30:23
Speaker 1: Right, but your kids are grown, too. It's not like they're like little tiny kids.
00:30:26
Speaker 2: Oh, well, no.
00:30:27
Speaker 5: When they were little, I'd be like, get the fucking shoes on. Like, I'm unclear.
00:30:32
Speaker 2: They're like two years old?
00:30:33
Speaker 6: She's Puerto Rican. But they were like, you.
00:30:35
Speaker 5: Know, they were definitely in elementary school.
00:30:37
Speaker 1: She's a New Yorker, Puerto Rican.
00:30:38
Speaker 3: And I was like.
00:30:39
Speaker 5: I don't understand. Every fucking day we do the same routine. Why are we not with the bags and the shoes and the lunch bag?
00:30:49
Speaker 1: What are we doing? What's happening?
00:30:51
Speaker 5: Literally, I'm like, get the fucking bag and let's go.
00:30:53
Speaker 7: And he was like, really?
00:30:56
Speaker 5: I went, well, I've already asked like seven times nicely, so now I've lost my shit.
00:31:00
Speaker 6: Of course.
00:31:01
Speaker 1: You don't start out that way.
00:31:03
Speaker 5: We had to take our kids up the hill every day. And I knew that if we didn't get out of the house by like, seven 20, literally pulling out of the driveway. The traffic was so different getting up to Mulholland. So I was just like, we got to get in the car.
00:31:19
Speaker 1: Right.
00:31:19
Speaker 5: So I'm not understanding why this routine every day is messed up.
00:31:23
Speaker 1: So yeah, nothing will make you more crazy than some kids.
00:31:25
Speaker 7: But yeah.
00:31:26
Speaker 5: So other like won't curse at him, but yeah. Sometimes.
00:31:29
Speaker 1: Yes. You kind of got me onto the no name calling. I didn't know that that was because I used to fight dirty with my ex-boyfriend. He was a real piece of work, but, uh, You were like, this is actually not what we're going to do. We're not going to ever call names. And I said, oh, okay, well, I like that. And literally from that day on, it was just never a thing.
00:31:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, we were down.
00:31:49
Speaker 1: We don't have to tell the whole story. We're not going to do the whole thing. At one point, I called him a joke, which was pretty mean.
00:31:57
Speaker 2: What was in front of that joke? What?
00:31:59
Speaker 3: What do you mean?
00:32:00
Speaker 2: You called me a fucking joke.
00:32:01
Speaker 1: Oh, shit. Yeah.
00:32:03
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, hold on. We can't talk to each other like that. That's not going to work.
00:32:08
Speaker 1: No, no.
00:32:10
Speaker 2: And it's kind of ever since then. I mean, that was 20 something years. Yeah.
00:32:13
Speaker 1: And I haven't called him a name since.
00:32:14
Speaker 4: No, we were not married yet. I was like, if this is going to work, like we just can't talk to each other like that. But we do have friends that. Talk to each other like that, and they're still married. That's their love language.
00:32:24
Speaker 5: Right. Which is crazy to me.
00:32:26
Speaker 7: I mean, if it works for them, great, but I never understood that.
00:32:29
Speaker 1: I don't get it either.
00:32:30
Speaker 7: I mean, and I had parents.
00:32:31
Speaker 5: Who argued, and not that they called each other names, but the way in which they argued, I was always like, yeah, I can't do this.
00:32:41
Speaker 7: I don't want that.
00:32:42
Speaker 1: I don't want that.
00:32:43
Speaker 2: No.
00:32:43
Speaker 5: I think I literally grew up waiting for my parents to divorce. I was like, oh, this is the argument that's going to do it.
00:32:50
Speaker 1: This is going to be the one.
00:32:52
Speaker 5: And as a kid, it's not a good feeling. So I just never wanted that for us. And I never wanted that for our kids. So I think having kids, and look, to be totally frank, I mean, we had kids pretty quickly. So much of our relationship as it grew, grew around growing a family.
00:33:13
Speaker 7: Yeah.
00:33:14
Speaker 5: We just had to learn, like, on the fly with a lot of things. And, you know, yeah, I think, like, we made great parents together. And so it helped in the way in which we communicated with each other. And every time it got hard, we just leaned in closer to each other to, like, that was always the rule. Like, when it gets hard, just lean in. Like, because if the moment that one of us steps one foot out the door, it's a wrap. Like, it's too hard to come back at that point.
00:33:43
Speaker 1: I think raising kids is probably the hardest thing to do as a team and not let it, I mean, like, what is it? Money, kids, what are the top reasons for divorce?
00:33:53
Speaker 5: Construction. Construction, building a home.
00:33:57
Speaker 1: We've done it all, but I would say that, like, raising kids is hard, and you guys are empty nesters now, and we're almost there. I mean, did you guys find that you agreed on, like, most of the time when it came to, like, rules and, like, how your house is run with the kids and all of that? Or did one person sort of like take that responsibility and like just run with it and let the other person sort of stay in the background?
00:34:20
Speaker 3: I think she set the home. Right. And I kind of just abided by the rules with the kids and whatever she had set. Because, you know, me being in and out the house, I can't come in and go, I have a different idea. Well, thank you.
00:34:32
Speaker 1: But a lot of men do that. And that's actually really annoying.
00:34:34
Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
00:34:35
Speaker 6: So I fell into the pattern.
00:34:38
Speaker 3: You know what I mean? I don't want to, you know, upset the apple cart or whatever, tip the apple cart.
00:34:43
Speaker 6: Look up how that's.
00:34:43
Speaker 3: Supposed to be said. And it worked. When you see our kids, you're gonna be like, these are some amazing children. Literally. And I owe a lot of it to this one right here.
00:34:55
Speaker 1: I love that.
00:34:56
Speaker 3: Thank you.
00:34:57
Speaker 7: I appreciate that. I mean, but I don't want, I wasn't a bully, was I?
00:35:02
Speaker 5: I feel like, oh my God, I don't like a bully.
00:35:04
Speaker 2: No, I'm just talking about like, time to put their fucking shoes on.
00:35:07
Speaker 5: Yeah.
00:35:07
Speaker 2: That works.
00:35:08
Speaker 6: That's not a bully.
00:35:10
Speaker 2: Works.
00:35:10
Speaker 8: Works.
00:35:15
Speaker 6: Who's the nice parent? Who's the tough parent?
00:35:17
Speaker 1: I would say I'm the nicer one, but not really. I don't know.
00:35:20
Speaker 3: What would the kid say?
00:35:22
Speaker 1: Well, he's way more intimidating. He's just bigger, stronger. When he gets angry or pushed too far, which is very rarely, then he gets scary. But I've just recently let him get scared with my son, but with our daughter, he can do nothing. Our daughter can do nothing wrong. It's absolutely ridiculous. She's my little baby girl. She's the sweetest, most angelic. It's ridiculous. It's not the same.
00:35:50
Speaker 3: She's like that with my son.
00:35:52
Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
00:35:52
Speaker 5: But you're like that with Bella.
00:35:53
Speaker 7: And it's okay.
00:35:54
Speaker 5: Look, I'm 49, almost 49, and I'm that way. My dad's still that way with me. So I think it's what it should be. I adore the relationship he has with my daughter. I love that he has made her so confident in the way in which she moves through the world, knowing that there is a good man behind her. She sees what a good man should be.
00:36:15
Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
00:36:16
Speaker 5: She's made great friends. Even the one boy that she liked when she was younger, just a great kid. I just feel like that's what it should be. I don't begrudge it at all. But, you know, I think with my son, you know, yes, he's my guy. He was my first, he literally was like my firstborn.
00:36:43
Speaker 1: I know.
00:36:43
Speaker 5: And, you know, I just remember feeling like when I looked at him, like this tremendous sense of responsibility.
00:36:50
Speaker 7: I'm like, Oh my God, I'm the only thing that's going to keep you alive right now.
00:36:53
Speaker 1: Like, yes, there's that bond.
00:36:56
Speaker 5: It was that. And if she had been born first, I would have felt that I would feel that way about her too. And it's not that I don't. I'm just like, there was just this moment of like, Oh my God, you're my first born child. I can't believe I made, when you it is unbelievable that they just let you leave with a baby leave with a baby that has come out of your body and you're like good luck wait how did this whole thing just happen.
00:37:18
Speaker 4: Are we supposed to go home now this is crazy I mean the first day home was crazy crazy.
00:37:26
Speaker 5: And he went back to work because he was in the middle of production and he locked out the door and the door closed and I was like oh my god it's just me and you holy moly how does this work but yeah.
00:37:39
Speaker 1: Unbelievable that we've raised these kids and now we're about to be empty nesters. Do you guys feel like now that the kids are gone that you guys have a different sort of relationship dynamic or is it kind of the same?
00:37:51
Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't know. We order food faster.
00:37:55
Speaker 1: The house is cleaner.
00:37:56
Speaker 3: The house is cleaner.
00:37:57
Speaker 5: It's quieter. Is it sad?
00:38:00
Speaker 4: No.
00:38:01
Speaker 5: It's so funny. Everybody's always like, aren't you sad?
00:38:04
Speaker 3: We're sad that we're not sad.
00:38:07
Speaker 2: Really?
00:38:07
Speaker 6: We thought we would have been sadder but It's because of technology. You know what I mean?
00:38:11
Speaker 3: They're on the phone, they're FaceTiming us. Literally, she's walking in the house and she's on the phone, but I'm like, hey. Literally, you talked to her twice already this morning. I talked to him twice this morning.
00:38:20
Speaker 1: Okay, that makes me feel so much better because I am starting to get a little.
00:38:24
Speaker 2: She was crying yesterday already.
00:38:25
Speaker 3: She's not even gone for another year.
00:38:28
Speaker 5: I cried when my son was graduating and my daughter was graduating. I cried the month leading up to graduation. graduation day I didn't even cry because I think I had just cried in preparation yes and then when we were dropping him off it was like fun moving him in and all of that and I couldn't cry when we were leaving because it was just my daughter and I he had to leave um and.
00:38:55
Speaker 1: She fell apart Oh, the daughter fell apart.
00:38:58
Speaker 3: The sister fell apart. They're like twins.
00:39:02
Speaker 5: And when she fell apart, I was like, keep your shit together because the two of us can't be a mess. But I will tell you, when you come back after dropping him off and the pilot says, for those of you coming to Los Angeles for a visit, Welcome. And for those of you who are home, welcome home. And I just lost it on the plane. Like that was it.
00:39:24
Speaker 3: That was when I was like.
00:39:25
Speaker 5: Oh my God, I've just left my child 3,000 miles away and we got the right thing to do.
00:39:29
Speaker 3: Right.
00:39:30
Speaker 5: But when you hear their joy and you see their development and then they're FaceTiming you and they're.
00:39:36
Speaker 7: Texting you, you're like, Oh, you're not really gone. You're kind of here. So, and you feel like job well done for yourself.
00:39:43
Speaker 5: You like want to give yourself a high five. Cause you went I actually launched a good human into this world.
00:39:51
Speaker 7: And he's gonna be okay.
00:39:52
Speaker 1: They're gonna be okay.
00:39:53
Speaker 5: That's great advice.
00:39:54
Speaker 1: I needed to hear that.
00:39:55
Speaker 2: What changed around the house, though, now that they're gone? Was anything pop up that wasn't there before?
00:40:01
Speaker 4: Because you have more freedom now.
00:40:05
Speaker 2: Are you traveling more?
00:40:06
Speaker 1: What are you guys doing now that all this freedom?
00:40:07
Speaker 3: God, I'm gonna say something that she's gonna hate.
00:40:11
Speaker 1: More sexy time? What's happening?
00:40:13
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a myth. Ain't nobody walking around naked and fucking in front of the refrigerator. You're kidding me.
00:40:21
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
00:40:23
Speaker 6: Same amount.
00:40:25
Speaker 3: And it could be because I'm older. We can do what we want to. If not, we can finish Ozark. But there's this myth that as soon as the kids leave, there's, you know.
00:40:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
00:40:38
Speaker 5: That is true.
00:40:39
Speaker 7: That is true.
00:40:40
Speaker 6: We're 20 years in.
00:40:40
Speaker 3: It's like, you want to go get some frozen yogurt or you want to go mess around? If you want to mess around, I'll mess around. I saw you was on a Zoom and I know you was working on your golf swing. So if you want to finish the swing and if you tell you.
00:40:55
Speaker 6: We're not horny little teenagers, you know what I mean?
00:40:57
Speaker 1: Yeah. A dog. Oh, you're into your dogs. I feel like I'm definitely going to be way more into my dogs.
00:41:03
Speaker 5: The dog is actually an impediment to our relationship.
00:41:07
Speaker 3: Oh, my God. The dog is a sea blocker.
00:41:08
Speaker 7: Oh, really?
00:41:10
Speaker 3: For sure. It's a little dog, huh?
00:41:11
Speaker 6: No, it's a big dog. Well, we've become white.
00:41:13
Speaker 3: The dog sleeps in the bed, so we've become white people.
00:41:15
Speaker 5: But he's not a shedder.
00:41:16
Speaker 7: He's a dog.
00:41:17
Speaker 2: No.
00:41:17
Speaker 5: By the way, let's just explain this. We've become white. We bought the dog from this really crunchy white woman breeder up in Seattle.
00:41:27
Speaker 7: And we got home.
00:41:30
Speaker 6: She told us he was potty trained and crate trained.
00:41:32
Speaker 5: Yeah, she said he was crate trained and the whole thing. I went, okay, she's a world-class breeder, blah, blah, blah.
00:41:38
Speaker 7: Get the dog home. put the dog in the.
00:41:40
Speaker 5: Kennel, turn off the lights, the crate gets to the bed, and it's like 1.30 in the morning, because our flight from Seattle getting home was delayed.
00:41:50
Speaker 7: We were exhausted, and just went to go to bed.
00:41:53
Speaker 5: Turn off, and the dog is like.
00:41:58
Speaker 6: It sounded like you were saying, help me.
00:42:01
Speaker 2: Literally.
00:42:01
Speaker 6: Like the fly.
00:42:02
Speaker 3: Like the fly.
00:42:03
Speaker 5: And then it went to this, like, yelp. And then it went to, like, having a wolf in the fucking living room howling at, like, 2 o'clock in the morning. And I just looked at him, and I went, let's just take him out. He went, he's supposed to be in the crate.
00:42:16
Speaker 3: I went, let's just take him out.
00:42:17
Speaker 7: We'll put him on the bed, like, on the floor, his dog bed on the floor.
00:42:21
Speaker 5: Put him down there, turned off the lights, and now he's scratching and, like, and still crying. And I went.
00:42:27
Speaker 7: Oh, just go to bed, go to bed.
00:42:28
Speaker 5: I moved the bed to the side so we could make eye contact.
00:42:32
Speaker 7: And he's still.
00:42:33
Speaker 5: And I went, maybe we should just try putting him on the bed. Maybe he just, he misses.
00:42:40
Speaker 1: No, immediately.
00:42:41
Speaker 6: Like he had a cigarette.
00:42:42
Speaker 5: Like literally.
00:42:43
Speaker 7: On the bed, the dog went sweet.
00:42:46
Speaker 1: Sweetest baby.
00:42:47
Speaker 7: And I went.
00:42:47
Speaker 3: Game over.
00:42:49
Speaker 7: Okay, well we'll try it again tomorrow.
00:42:50
Speaker 5: Earlier, the same shit.
00:42:52
Speaker 1: And I went.
00:42:53
Speaker 5: I just looked at him and I said, I know we never thought we'd be these people. But I can't do this. Like, I've already nursed two babies, like, for years. And I just can't do this.
00:43:03
Speaker 3: And then when I would leave, because there was a moment where we kind of got him to go back into his bed. Until.
00:43:09
Speaker 2: This one.
00:43:10
Speaker 3: Until. He started.
00:43:12
Speaker 6: I just.
00:43:14
Speaker 1: And now you have.
00:43:15
Speaker 3: Well, here's what's funny.
00:43:16
Speaker 1: It's his company.
00:43:16
Speaker 5: Here's what's funny.
00:43:17
Speaker 3: Oh, no.
00:43:18
Speaker 5: 50 pounds. Yeah.
00:43:20
Speaker 6: He's in and out of the bed. It's like he doesn't sleep the whole night in the bed.
00:43:22
Speaker 3: He comes to the bed. And he goes by the window because he likes it. He's a French water dog. So he likes the cold air from being next to the sliding glass window.
00:43:31
Speaker 6: Then he'll come back and say, what's up? You guys good?
00:43:33
Speaker 3: And he'll go over here and he'll come back, make sure we're not having sex.
00:43:38
Speaker 6: And then he goes over by the window.
00:43:39
Speaker 1: No, that's a weird question. So I do have a strange question because I find it very uncomfortable when my dog is in the bedroom when we're having sex. And so I would prefer to lock the dog out of the bedroom while we're having sex.
00:43:51
Speaker 5: But then he's scratching at the door.
00:43:52
Speaker 6: Right.
00:43:53
Speaker 1: It's a thing where they're whining or they want to be in there. And I'm like, do you?
00:43:56
Speaker 5: Well, because they also know it's happening. It's like a weird sixth sense. What is that? They can smell the pheromones in the air and they're like, wait a second.
00:44:07
Speaker 6: Something's not right.
00:44:08
Speaker 3: Where is my mate?
00:44:09
Speaker 5: Where is my partner? Like literally.
00:44:11
Speaker 6: I'm like, this ain't the threesome I've been begging for.
00:44:15
Speaker 1: And your dog is sitting there like this.
00:44:16
Speaker 2: Yeah, just staring.
00:44:17
Speaker 5: He was like, I don't like that. No, he's figured out like he bought this massive bone and he stuffs it with peanut butter.
00:44:26
Speaker 1: Like, perfect.
00:44:27
Speaker 7: All the way through. This is a good six minutes.
00:44:30
Speaker 5: Better than sex.
00:44:32
Speaker 3: Six minutes.
00:44:34
Speaker 6: No, that's the timer. The six minute timer.
00:44:38
Speaker 3: He gets to all the peanut butter. Literally. That's fair.
00:44:42
Speaker 7: That's fair. So that's like how he's figuring it out.
00:44:45
Speaker 6: And that's our code. Like, peanut butter?
00:44:47
Speaker 8: Yeah.
00:44:50
Speaker 1: That's one thing that we need to work on.
00:44:51
Speaker 5: What's in this bag? I was like, nope, that stays. Don't worry.
00:44:56
Speaker 3: That stays.
00:44:57
Speaker 5: When we were cleaning everything out, I was like.
00:45:00
Speaker 1: Don't you touch that.
00:45:02
Speaker 5: I was like, nope, that stays.
00:45:03
Speaker 7: Don't worry. It didn't get touched by mold.
00:45:05
Speaker 5: It was in a plastic bag. Just wipe the bag down.
00:45:08
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.
00:45:09
Speaker 1: Wow. Life's about to get fun, honey. We got to find the peanut butter bones.
00:45:14
Speaker 7: All right.
00:45:15
Speaker 1: I have some rapid fire questions for you guys to wrap this all up because this has been very fun getting to know you guys. I feel like we've been hanging out at dinner and like over cocktails.
00:45:23
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
00:45:24
Speaker 1: Maybe we should do that. Okay, rapid fire questions. Who is the most responsible with money?
00:45:29
Speaker 2: Me.
00:45:29
Speaker 1: Okay. All right. Who has the worst hygiene?
00:45:32
Speaker 3: We both have great hygiene.
00:45:34
Speaker 7: I'm probably, I'm just OCD.
00:45:36
Speaker 3: OCD? Yes.
00:45:36
Speaker 1: Multiple showers a day.
00:45:37
Speaker 5: Like, Definitely, yeah.
00:45:40
Speaker 7: But I'm, like, with my hands. My hands are really the thing.
00:45:43
Speaker 1: Oh, interesting, yeah.
00:45:43
Speaker 5: So, like, I have a hundred wipes in my bag.
00:45:45
Speaker 1: I like that.
00:45:46
Speaker 7: I like that. I like that.
00:45:47
Speaker 1: Okay, so who initiates sex the most?
00:45:49
Speaker 8: Me.
00:45:50
Speaker 6: Okay.
00:45:50
Speaker 7: Although, what do we consider initiate?
00:45:52
Speaker 5: Like, are we talking, like, sexy texts? Or, like, are we talking about the actual... If it's the actual physical.
00:45:59
Speaker 2: What's the difference there?
00:45:59
Speaker 1: There is a difference.
00:46:00
Speaker 5: Yeah, like, if there is the actual physical him, but... I love a good, I love to pet him in the middle of the night.
00:46:07
Speaker 6: She thinks that's initiating.
00:46:09
Speaker 7: And I'm great at touching.
00:46:11
Speaker 5: I do think that's initiating.
00:46:12
Speaker 6: You remember when I went like this?
00:46:14
Speaker 1: Touch your knee.
00:46:16
Speaker 3: Yes. About 12.01, I went like this. And you didn't do nothing.
00:46:21
Speaker 5: I'm like.
00:46:22
Speaker 6: You didn't catch my drift. I said, you know what?
00:46:24
Speaker 2: After 23 years, you guys probably schedule it too, right? Do you ever say like, hey, tonight, tonight it's on.
00:46:28
Speaker 6: It's a little, yeah.
00:46:29
Speaker 1: It's too early.
00:46:30
Speaker 7: It was funny. I was at this conference.
00:46:32
Speaker 5: Sorry.
00:46:32
Speaker 3: No, go ahead.
00:46:32
Speaker 7: But I was at this.
00:46:35
Speaker 5: Conference in April. I couldn't get into my notes for some reason.
00:46:41
Speaker 7: I was like locked out.
00:46:42
Speaker 5: And I'm like, I had his text open, like our text thread open. And I'm sending all these notes. And he's like, is this for me? And I was like, well, not really for you. But like, I was going to come back and share this news with you. But interesting note, this woman was talking about sex and how women need like, two days to warm up.
00:47:00
Speaker 7: I was like, I think that's.
00:47:01
Speaker 5: Ridiculous, but we should definitely at least start the day before so we can get it right for the day of that we actually want.
00:47:08
Speaker 6: It's a hard place to start on Wednesday if you're trying to have sex on Friday.
00:47:11
Speaker 5: Oh.
00:47:11
Speaker 3: So weird. I mean.
00:47:14
Speaker 1: I kind of like that idea. I'm not mad at that.
00:47:16
Speaker 2: What does that mean, though?
00:47:17
Speaker 5: Because basically she was like, men think that women can.
00:47:20
Speaker 3: Like on Wednesday, you're going to tear.
00:47:22
Speaker 5: That ass up next week. She was saying that men think that women can climax as easily as they do, and they don't.
00:47:29
Speaker 7: So they need a.
00:47:29
Speaker 5: Lot more time to warm up. So the warm up could be... part of the sexy foreplay of texting and getting them excited and blah, blah, blah. So the day of, they're already rearing to go. So I went, oh, let me share this information with him.
00:47:50
Speaker 7: So it was just this out of context text, but just FYI.
00:47:54
Speaker 5: So that's my idea of initiating, but for him it's just be naked in bed.
00:47:59
Speaker 6: And now I'm scared, because I'm like, are we allowed to do quickies anymore?
00:48:02
Speaker 5: Yeah. Only if they're texting.
00:48:05
Speaker 1: Are we warm?
00:48:06
Speaker 3: I'm gonna text her three days before, but we're gonna have a quickie on Thursday. I love this.
00:48:11
Speaker 1: Okay, next question, next question. Is it okay to go through the other person's phone? No.
00:48:18
Speaker 5: No.
00:48:21
Speaker 8: No.
00:48:21
Speaker 6: No, no, no, no.
00:48:22
Speaker 3: We have never done that.
00:48:23
Speaker 1: No and no, okay.
00:48:23
Speaker 6: And we leave our phones right there.
00:48:25
Speaker 1: Right, right, right, yeah, same. Okay, so separate bedrooms. Do you believe in that? No.
00:48:31
Speaker 2: What does that mean, like for.
00:48:32
Speaker 1: A lot of married couples these days believe in separate bedrooms, especially if somebody snores or somebody has.
00:48:38
Speaker 3: I might get kicked out soon, but so far so good.
00:48:41
Speaker 1: So far so good.
00:48:42
Speaker 7: Yeah, I think that's weird.
00:48:43
Speaker 1: I think it's totally weird, too.
00:48:44
Speaker 6: I need to feel that hot leg on me.
00:48:46
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like if you've chosen to be in separate rooms, you're probably already.
00:48:51
Speaker 7: Saying something that you're just not wanting to say out loud.
00:48:55
Speaker 5: But there are people that it works.
00:48:57
Speaker 6: But if you have a sleep apnea machine and she's trying to get some rest.
00:48:59
Speaker 5: I agree with the sleep noise. I think it fits that short.
00:49:03
Speaker 4: That's like a trend going on. People sleeping in separate beds. Maybe not separate rooms, but separate beds.
00:49:08
Speaker 1: What is this, Ricky and Lucy?
00:49:10
Speaker 2: My grandma and grandpa, they had separate beds in the same room. That was very normal back then.
00:49:14
Speaker 3: That's weird as hell. No, no, listen. Adrian's parents, twin beds or whatever, two full beds. right next to each other.
00:49:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, and if you want the sexy time.
00:49:21
Speaker 1: So you're going to tell me sexy time happens in a twin bed?
00:49:25
Speaker 3: Come over.
00:49:25
Speaker 1: Okay. Wow, amazing.
00:49:28
Speaker 6: Okay.
00:49:29
Speaker 1: All right. Do either of you have a celebrity crush or hall pass?
00:49:33
Speaker 4: A what?
00:49:34
Speaker 1: Crush or hall pass.
00:49:36
Speaker 3: No hall passes.
00:49:37
Speaker 1: We're too old for that.
00:49:38
Speaker 3: No hall passes.
00:49:38
Speaker 7: Yeah, no hall passes.
00:49:40
Speaker 5: Yeah, but my crushes are so nerdy.
00:49:42
Speaker 3: And they're old.
00:49:43
Speaker 1: I know.
00:49:44
Speaker 2: It's so weird.
00:49:45
Speaker 1: I have friends who have weird crushes, too.
00:49:47
Speaker 7: Like, ones that I'm like, that's not... Oh, interesting. It's like one of my crushes.
00:49:51
Speaker 3: Who is it?
00:49:51
Speaker 7: Eddie Glahn.
00:49:52
Speaker 5: Remember who Don did the interview with at LWD?
00:49:58
Speaker 7: The older gentleman.
00:49:59
Speaker 6: He ain't older. The motherfucker's my age.
00:50:02
Speaker 3: Okay. He can still holler. Eddie, don't be looking at my wife.
00:50:07
Speaker 1: I love it. Okay, separate bank accounts, yes or no?
00:50:11
Speaker 3: Yes and no.
00:50:12
Speaker 7: Yes and, I mean like.
00:50:13
Speaker 1: You believe in it, like it could.
00:50:14
Speaker 3: I think, yeah. It's better that I don't see what she's doing sometimes.
00:50:17
Speaker 6: Right, yeah.
00:50:18
Speaker 3: So she's over there.
00:50:18
Speaker 7: Like I have a pocket account.
00:50:19
Speaker 6: Okay.
00:50:20
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I have a pocket account.
00:50:20
Speaker 7: And he's got a pocket account.
00:50:22
Speaker 3: She would go nuts if she saw how much golf I spent and then, I don't know.
00:50:25
Speaker 1: I was getting an allowance for a while, which is really funny.
00:50:28
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:50:29
Speaker 3: I like that.
00:50:30
Speaker 1: And then I spend his money on top of it.
00:50:32
Speaker 7: And then I go to the Hanukkah.
00:50:33
Speaker 5: Allowance makes no sense.
00:50:35
Speaker 4: No.
00:50:35
Speaker 5: Well, it's also like, yeah.
00:50:37
Speaker 3: Just use an Amex.
00:50:38
Speaker 2: Take it easy.
00:50:38
Speaker 3: It's my allowance.
00:50:40
Speaker 6: I can't, I can't.
00:50:41
Speaker 3: It's so funny.
00:50:42
Speaker 1: Okay, going to bed angry. We already discussed this. There is, you guys don't go to bed angry.
00:50:48
Speaker 3: No.
00:50:49
Speaker 1: I was just with another couple, and they said that it's okay to go to bed angry. and they said that's because some things can't be hashed out at 1 a.m. after a lot of cocktails. And I said, well, in that case, yes. Yes, go to bed.
00:51:01
Speaker 3: I don't drink.
00:51:02
Speaker 5: He's not a drinker.
00:51:03
Speaker 1: Oh, no drinking, okay.
00:51:04
Speaker 3: I don't think I've ever seen her drunk.
00:51:06
Speaker 1: That helps with fights.
00:51:07
Speaker 7: Or helps with arguments.
00:51:11
Speaker 1: Mama gets a little saucy sometimes, you know what I'm saying? Okay. Do you believe in couples therapy?
00:51:15
Speaker 8: Yes. No.
00:51:17
Speaker 3: Yes and no.
00:51:18
Speaker 6: We did 10 years, 15 years ago.
00:51:20
Speaker 1: Well, that's what we're doing right now, isn't it? Yeah.
00:51:22
Speaker 6: But then we realized just talking to each other worked.
00:51:25
Speaker 7: Right.
00:51:26
Speaker 1: I like that.
00:51:26
Speaker 3: Okay.
00:51:28
Speaker 1: Opposite sex friendships. Do you believe in that? And do you have that?
00:51:31
Speaker 3: We both do. We both do.
00:51:33
Speaker 1: Okay. I love that.
00:51:33
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:51:34
Speaker 1: I think that's important, actually.
00:51:35
Speaker 5: But I'm going to say this. All of my male friends, he knows.
00:51:39
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:51:40
Speaker 5: And my best friends are still in my life from elementary school.
00:51:45
Speaker 1: I love that. And so- So there's a comfortability that you have with these people that she's allowed you to have.
00:51:50
Speaker 3: You don't mind too?
00:51:51
Speaker 7: Yeah, I think.
00:51:52
Speaker 5: It's important that they're not in secret. And then you're okay with it.
00:51:57
Speaker 3: And I don't think any of her friends, and definitely not the girls that are my friends, I don't talk to them about her.
00:52:04
Speaker 1: Like complain.
00:52:05
Speaker 6: Complain, you know what I mean?
00:52:07
Speaker 3: This is my homegirl from elementary school, Keisha, and Jackie used to kind of train us.
00:52:11
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:52:12
Speaker 6: So, no.
00:52:13
Speaker 1: Don't you feel like that anybody that would want to sit with you and talk shit about your significant other probably isn't healthy in general for the relationship? Yeah.
00:52:20
Speaker 5: Right.
00:52:21
Speaker 3: I agree.
00:52:22
Speaker 6: I got my guy friends for that.
00:52:26
Speaker 5: I got golf for that.
00:52:27
Speaker 8: Golf.
00:52:27
Speaker 6: Can you believe this motherfucker bought another Louis?
00:52:30
Speaker 1: We know what you do out there on that golf course. Okay, we're not blind. All right, well, guys, thank you so much for being on our show.
00:52:36
Speaker 3: We got to go.
00:52:36
Speaker 1: This has been so fun. I feel like we just, that was quick and easy. It was so much fun. So much fun. Thank you.
00:52:42
Speaker 2: Absolutely.