51. What Is This Behavior with Lav Chloe

WEBVTT
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I'm able to do all these impressions
because we have this thing where it's very
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easy for people with ADHD to mimic others.
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Mm-hmm.
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To code switch.
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It's very easy for me to copy accents.
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I think it explains a lot of who
I am, and thank God for that.
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Otherwise, I would always think
to myself, "What's wrong with me?"
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Mm. And that's what I've always
thought to myself my entire life.
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I was like, I'm just gonna record
one of the videos of me doing what
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I usually do in private, post it
on the internet for my friends to
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see, but I'm gonna delete it later.
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But no, it just went viral.
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Welcome to Before We Get There,
the podcast where we talk about
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the moments that shape us, the ones
we plan for and the ones we don't.
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I'm your host, Nicholas Braman,
and today I'm joined by Lav Chloe.
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Lav is a Malaysian content creator
known for her accents and impressions.
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She went viral last year almost by
accident from a video she made for her
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friends and planned to delete, but it
blew up into millions of views, and she
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continued to build a following from there.
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We talked about the line she walks
doing accents without mocking anyone,
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how she found out she has ADHD only
when she was 30 years old, and why
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the same wiring that makes her good
at impressions is tied to years of
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wondering what was wrong with her.
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We also went deeper into the person behind
the videos, why she resists being called
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an influencer, how she keeps parts of
her life private, dealing with haters,
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her hopes for the future, and much more.
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Enjoy the show.
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Hi, Lav, thanks so much
for joining me today.
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Hi, thank you.
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Pleasure to be here.
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I'm really excited to talk to you,
and I thought we'd start off with
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the most obvious question is how did
you discover you're so good at doing
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all these accents and impressions?
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Um, okay, so it was an accident kind
of with how I started posting, but
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I've always been doing this in private
with my partners or with my friends.
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They all know that I'm, like, slightly
kooky and and wild, um, but I was never
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confident enough to show it to the public.
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So in December of last year, I sort
of got really overwhelmed by social
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media and everything, and I was like,
"I wanna be a content creator," but
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I wasn't getting to where I wanted to
be for how long I've been doing it.
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So I was like, "I'm just gonna record one
of the videos of me doing what I usually
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do in private, post it on the internet for
my friends to see, but I'm gonna delete
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it later." But no, it just went viral.
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And I hit a million views, and I was
like, "Oh my God, a million," and
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then two, and then three, and then 10.
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I was like, "I'm gonna
do this from now on."
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And it w- so that first time- Yeah … you
just, like, one take and then post-
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Yeah
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… that's it.
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Literally one take.
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So if you see my first ever video, which
was the Puja, what is this behavior
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one, it's literally unpolished, right?
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It's just me kind of, like,
slowly putting the camera down.
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I'm not even trying to act or
anything like that because I
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wanted my friends to see it.
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I was no one, right?
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I was just, like, creating micro-content,
like UGC stuff, so this was completely
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out of box for me to post online.
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But yeah, just took off.
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Wow.
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And so then how did you… I mean,
clear, like, oh, this worked.
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Maybe I should do some more of it.
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Yeah.
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How did you start thinking about what
kind of clips to use or what, what to do?
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Right.
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So as I said, like, I've always
been doing this in private, so I
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have, like, a meme bank mentally.
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So all I did was when I found out
that this was maybe something I
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should just, you know, continue doing,
um, I immediately went to YouTube,
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I searched up all the memes that I
love, saved all the clips, and I was
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like, "Okay, I'm gonna post this,
this, this, this, this every day."
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And just every single day for,
like, a, a month, I posted.
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Yeah, so that's how that's how it started.
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Yeah.
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So one thing that I, I really liked,
um, although, you know, if somehow
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you haven't seen, uh, her content-
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Yeah
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… um, you do the different
accents and impressions, but it
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comes off as very respectful.
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It's not like you're making
fun of the accent or- Thank you
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or, you know, um, like it, it
could be if it was done poorly.
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Yeah.
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So do you think about that, and how do you
manage to strike that balance of, like,
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being funny, but also being respectful?
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Oh, thank you for
acknowledging that, by the way.
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Because I feel like this is such
a blurred line on the internet,
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especially now, um, you have to be
really careful with what you say and
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how you act online, um, in person, too.
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But um, for me, the clear thing
is I always wanna pay homage
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to the content that I make.
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I never want to mock people.
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There's a fine line.
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I think people confuse when they do see
my content sometimes, like the haters
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or whatnot, they think I'm mocking
people's accents, including my own-
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Mm-hmm
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… Chinese Malaysian.
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But you have to stick to what
that person actually sounds like.
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So I never exaggerate.
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In fact, if anything, I underdo it so
that I don't come off as mocking a person,
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especially if it's an accent that usually
endures scrutiny from other races as well.
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So that's how I pay respect
to, to these accents, for sure.
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Mm-hmm.
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And so have you ever recorded one
and then thought, "Oh, maybe this is
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gonna… People are gonna get the wrong
impression," and, and not come through
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with it or redid it or something?
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Actually, no.
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Um, I think every time I film my
content, it w- it has already been in
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my mind to be as respectful as possible.
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But also, I think- I'm not gonna toot my
own horn, but I think I'm pretty good at
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certain accents, so I'm very confident
that I'm already not gonna mock them.
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Mm.
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Um, but the re-records come from
messing up the lines, for example,
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or not doing the accent well enough.
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Mm.
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But yeah, I think I've been, um, pretty
mindful of how it comes across, for sure.
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Yeah, you can definitely see that.
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Thank you.
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And you mentioned haters, which-
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Yeah
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… of course anybody who puts themselves
out there does get some haters, but- For
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sure
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… I think, you know, like you mentioned,
maybe with this type of content,
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you're, um, uh, more of a target than-
Mm-hmm … than some other things.
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So how do you deal with that
and, and what kind of comments do
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you get and that sort of thing?
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Oh, when I first started, I
got comments about my looks.
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I got comments about my race,
um, my skin color, everything.
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My teeth, at the time, I had, like,
fluorosis, right, and crooked teeth.
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Now I got veneers.
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Sponsored, by the way, so
thank you to the haters.
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Um, but It was never, I never
really took it personally.
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First of all, if you attack my looks,
it's, it's, that's because that's the
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extent that you can attack me for.
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You don't know anything about
me, so I'm not offended.
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To each their own.
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If you, if you call my content
cringe, I don't care either
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because I totally agree with you.
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It is cringe.
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Like, that is the whole point.
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Um, so I got a lot of comments like
such, um, "Cringe," or, "This is
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embarrassing," or, "You're mocking people.
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How dare you insult my culture?" And
the best advice I've ever received
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from a fellow creator or my friends
is silence is the best response.
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Like, just don't feed into the trolls.
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At the end of the day, what can they do?
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Just they're gonna block you or you block
them and just move on with your life.
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So I never feed into the trolls, unless
they are saying something really negative
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about the thing that I'm posting.
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So when I post accents or impressions
of people of color, especially darker
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skin, they tend to get a lot of racists
coming in, attacking them in the
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comments, and I like to stand up for
them because I have to remind these
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racists, "I'm not being racist here.
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I'm doing an impression.
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I'm not mocking them, and it's not an
excuse for you to come into my space
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and mock these people who have done
nothing wrong." Do you know what I mean?
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Yeah.
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Yeah, that's really tough because that's
not your intention, but it… I guess
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if people are like that- Yes … they
kind of feel that this is, "Oh, maybe
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she feels the same as I do, and this
is a place that I can go and express
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these nasty, uh, opinions that I
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have."
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Exactly.
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Like, I have to come, I had come to
realization that intention versus
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perception are two different things,
so everything I do and put out there, I
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need to make sure that my intention is
as clear as possible so that it's not
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perceived in the wrong manner But at the
end of the day, you can't please everyone.
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So I just take it as it is,
and honestly, I don't even read
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the comments half the time.
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Mm.
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Um, and I think that's the best
for my mental health as well.
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Yeah, I bet.
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Yeah.
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And I think also probably being
Malaysian- Mm-hmm … which is,
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you know, so ethnically diverse, it
does make it a lot different than,
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you know, if you were maybe from a
country that's more homogenous- Mm-hmm
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or that's, you know, you're not, you're
not growing up, uh, speaking Malay,
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speaking Chinese, speaking English.
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Yeah.
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It, uh, come out a lot
differently if it was some- from-
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someone from somewhere else.
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For sure.
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But I think the funniest part is
the, the most, the most racist or
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bigoted people are the ones who
are from multiracial countries.
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That's the irony, right?
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Like, um, I think the ones who are
from more homogenous places have
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actually been really respectful.
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Yeah.
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So yeah, it's a fine line for sure.
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So one thing you just mentioned
about people, you know, only being
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able to attack what they can see.
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Mm-hmm.
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Um, I did see you posted, like,
recently that you got engaged.
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What?
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So first of all, congratulations on that.
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Thank you.
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Thank
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you.
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Um, but it does seem like you
are… You know, you post your
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content and a lot of your personal
life is- Yeah … not public.
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So how do you think about that?
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Is that very deliberate, and, and
what is your strategy or what is
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your thinking behind why to keep
some things private and others not?
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So that's very interesting because
in the past, my public, my, my
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profile has always been public.
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Um, I created content for a
couple of years now, since 2020.
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I started with a food page completely
separate to my current page, because
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this was always meant to be my personal
page, even though it was public.
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And- Initially, I would always post
my day-to-day life on my page because,
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again, it's just friends following
me, maybe some, you know, followers
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from random places, but I never
really thought much about it and I
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would just frequently share my life.
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I would talk to the camera a lot to s-
to, like, show people what I'm doing
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or who I'm with and things like that.
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And in real life, I'm
ironically a really open book.
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Mm. Like, super open.
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I probably overshare as well
with people that I just meet.
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Um, but ever since getting bigger and
blowing up, I realized that not every one
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of my friends want to be in the spotlight.
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Mm.
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Um, in fact, when I started off at,
like, 2,000 followers, I already had some
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friends not want to be on my stories.
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So I had to be really mindful of
who I tag or what I post now because
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there have been some crazies out
there who will reach out to my
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friends and insult them really badly.
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Oh, no.
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Yeah, so that happened to one of them,
and after that I was like, "Yeah, I'm not
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gonna, I'm not gonna tag people," or…
unless they are creators themselves.
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Mm. Um, but in terms of my day-to-day
life, uh, it's actually really
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mundane, so it's not that I don't
intentionally, like, avoid posting that.
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It's that I don't really want to
share that today I'm gonna go for
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a Pilates class- Mm-hmm … um,
since I work from home anyway.
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And you never know with the internet,
like, it's so easy to find your location.
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It's so easy to, like, know where you
are just based off where you go for
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classes or what you post from your
window, so I al- always, always have to
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be mindful of that, especially since my
partner prefers a private life as well.
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Right.
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Yeah.
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I mean, this story of posting,
uh, a, a video that you took
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basically for fun off the cuff- Yeah
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and then having it blow up and go viral,
that's a lot of people, maybe they'd
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love that to happen or it'd be a dream
come true, but there's a lot of things
00:13:06.165 --> 00:13:11.555
that come along with it that, um,
maybe are not as fun as you'd think.
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Yeah.
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And then I think another part
of it is a lot of the creators I
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talk to, if they do very well in
one niche or one style of video,
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eventually they start to feel stuck.
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Yeah.
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And they want to break out, or they
wanna show more sides of themselves.
00:13:25.566 --> 00:13:25.995
Mm-hmm.
00:13:26.045 --> 00:13:27.405
Have you felt that at all yet?
00:13:27.525 --> 00:13:30.705
And how do you think that you're gonna
deal with it if you do start to feel it?
00:13:30.795 --> 00:13:31.865
Oh, yeah, 100%.
00:13:31.885 --> 00:13:39.235
Like, I think when I was in my fourth
month of posting this content, I
00:13:39.245 --> 00:13:45.076
started to feel like I was sort of-
Doing the same thing again and again.
00:13:45.496 --> 00:13:49.786
I was like, um, chasing that
approval from people, I would say.
00:13:49.816 --> 00:13:51.716
Even though this is who I am.
00:13:51.766 --> 00:13:55.916
Like, to answer your previous question
as well, this is who I am in real life.
00:13:56.386 --> 00:13:59.295
So it feels like I'm sharing a
very intimate part of me online
00:13:59.296 --> 00:14:02.565
because the walls have come
down, the cringe has come down.
00:14:02.576 --> 00:14:06.525
Like, this is just who I really am,
and people accept it and love it- Right
00:14:06.525 --> 00:14:07.915
because I'm authentically myself.
00:14:08.466 --> 00:14:13.925
But in doing so, when the numbers
are so high, and it went crazy high
00:14:13.935 --> 00:14:17.935
for the first few months, I just
felt that need to keep up with that.
00:14:17.946 --> 00:14:22.832
Mm. Like, I would disappoint people
if I don't post content that was Like,
00:14:22.842 --> 00:14:26.431
even mildly, like, non-viral worthy.
00:14:26.891 --> 00:14:31.061
And I felt more and more that
maybe people didn't really
00:14:31.061 --> 00:14:33.911
want to see other sides of me.
00:14:33.941 --> 00:14:37.561
Maybe they just wanted funny content,
'cause I would try here and there
00:14:37.612 --> 00:14:42.871
to post, like, maybe something more
aesthetic, um, which isn't really me as
00:14:42.872 --> 00:14:46.372
well, but sometimes I do like to, you
know, not look like a doofus, right?
00:14:48.081 --> 00:14:52.791
Um, but then I realized that those
content wouldn't do well, and what
00:14:52.791 --> 00:14:57.102
I failed to take into consideration
was that this is my page.
00:14:57.431 --> 00:14:57.561
Mm-hmm.
00:14:57.571 --> 00:15:02.681
I should be posting stuff that I
like, and as long as people do enjoy
00:15:02.681 --> 00:15:06.601
my content overall, and as long as I
don't s- completely change my niche
00:15:07.132 --> 00:15:11.911
so fast, I should be able to still
balance the best of both worlds,
00:15:11.911 --> 00:15:13.871
which is kind of where I am right now.
00:15:13.961 --> 00:15:14.241
Mm-hmm.
00:15:14.731 --> 00:15:17.821
I think the more brand deals have come
in and things like that, you know,
00:15:17.821 --> 00:15:20.761
no one wants to be sold to, and I
don't wanna be an influencer either.
00:15:20.761 --> 00:15:23.031
I prefer to be a creator-
00:15:23.202 --> 00:15:23.421
Right
00:15:23.741 --> 00:15:27.861
… ' cause I think the only influence I have
on people is, like, bad, bad influence.
00:15:29.231 --> 00:15:33.702
Um, so with that, I always make
sure that my brand deals are
00:15:34.841 --> 00:15:36.111
authentically myself as well.
00:15:36.172 --> 00:15:36.391
Mm-hmm.
00:15:36.392 --> 00:15:37.221
Like, they're funny.
00:15:37.271 --> 00:15:41.031
They're gonna be something that I
would enjoy watching and not feel
00:15:41.041 --> 00:15:42.612
like I'm being sold to heavily.
00:15:43.111 --> 00:15:43.301
Right.
00:15:43.382 --> 00:15:48.031
Um, and now I've started to
insert a bit more of other
00:15:48.041 --> 00:15:50.081
facets of my life, like fitness.
00:15:50.111 --> 00:15:56.391
Um, I'm getting into it more and more each
day, and running, for example, and I also
00:15:56.391 --> 00:15:57.891
realize that there's a market for that.
00:15:57.891 --> 00:15:59.181
People do enjoy that as well.
00:15:59.191 --> 00:15:59.352
Mm-hmm.
00:15:59.811 --> 00:16:03.751
So at the end of the day, I have to
remind myself there are people who
00:16:03.751 --> 00:16:08.882
enjoy both things, and both things can
exist in one page at the same time.
00:16:09.071 --> 00:16:09.371
Right.
00:16:09.581 --> 00:16:10.001
Yeah.
00:16:10.431 --> 00:16:14.911
Um, and I think another aspect that you've
started to share more about is about,
00:16:15.061 --> 00:16:18.181
um, mental health and neurodivergence.
00:16:18.341 --> 00:16:19.321
Can you share a bit about that?
00:16:19.781 --> 00:16:27.381
Yeah, so I found out that I had ADHD when
I was 27, so that was five years ago.
00:16:27.911 --> 00:16:29.732
And oh my gosh, five years ago.
00:16:30.011 --> 00:16:30.881
I'm so old now.
00:16:32.221 --> 00:16:36.911
Um, and I sought help from a clinical
psychologist at the time, who
00:16:36.932 --> 00:16:39.771
confirmed that I most likely had ADHD.
00:16:40.261 --> 00:16:46.441
But because I had just started working
and I was in medical school prior to
00:16:46.441 --> 00:16:52.476
this, I started working, and- I was
broke and I was like, you know what?
00:16:52.496 --> 00:16:58.246
I'm gonna just take it upon myself, do
all the research that I can to fully
00:16:58.246 --> 00:17:02.415
equip myself with new systems and
maybe new routines and new habits and
00:17:02.415 --> 00:17:04.856
so on and so forth to manage the ADHD.
00:17:05.925 --> 00:17:11.545
Um, and then I got into a more
serious relationship with my current
00:17:11.545 --> 00:17:16.745
fiance, moved in together, and he is
someone who is extremely neurotypical.
00:17:17.766 --> 00:17:21.845
He can just get up and do something
that he says he's gonna do.
00:17:22.045 --> 00:17:27.875
He doesn't take five business days
to fold the laundry, and I do.
00:17:28.825 --> 00:17:32.786
It's not so much procrastination,
it's executive dysfunction.
00:17:33.056 --> 00:17:33.166
Mm.
00:17:33.205 --> 00:17:39.965
It's the inability to plan, start,
and execute something, a task.
00:17:40.806 --> 00:17:45.215
So that's what I struggle with, and I
realized that I need more medical help.
00:17:45.446 --> 00:17:48.755
So I went to a psychiatrist at the
start of last year when I just turned
00:17:48.755 --> 00:17:54.305
30 and got medicated, got diagnosed, got
medicated, so that's where I am right now.
00:17:54.345 --> 00:17:57.015
And I was so, so mad.
00:17:57.036 --> 00:18:04.022
I was extremely upset at the fact that
I could have been way more functional
00:18:04.042 --> 00:18:09.871
in my life, I could have succeeded
way more if I had the tools and
00:18:09.872 --> 00:18:12.782
knowledge that exists in the world now.
00:18:13.402 --> 00:18:13.432
Right.
00:18:13.442 --> 00:18:19.611
A lot of people don't have the
privilege of even finding out that
00:18:19.612 --> 00:18:24.011
they have such disorders or finding
out that they're neurodivergent.
00:18:24.621 --> 00:18:30.781
You know, a lot of people get boxed into
a category of you're weird or you're
00:18:30.791 --> 00:18:33.242
different, or why are you this way?
00:18:33.252 --> 00:18:34.691
Why are you not normal?
00:18:35.091 --> 00:18:36.151
What's wrong with you?
00:18:36.911 --> 00:18:38.412
And they'll never get to know-
00:18:38.672 --> 00:18:39.002
Mm
00:18:39.262 --> 00:18:44.421
… what, um, the, the, the, the s-
the fact that they're actually
00:18:44.431 --> 00:18:46.572
just different and built different.
00:18:47.452 --> 00:18:50.322
Our brains are biologically different.
00:18:51.042 --> 00:18:51.222
Right.
00:18:51.222 --> 00:18:53.761
So that's why I thought awareness
was really, really important.
00:18:53.762 --> 00:18:54.052
And
00:18:54.942 --> 00:19:01.052
so when you got that diagnosis and
realized that at a fair- you know,
00:19:01.052 --> 00:19:06.721
fairly f- um, late for that kind of
diagnosis- Yeah … was it like a relief?
00:19:06.782 --> 00:19:12.772
Like, "Oh, that's why I'm this
way, and, uh, now I, I don't have
00:19:12.772 --> 00:19:15.741
to, like, be as hard on myself,"
and all that sort of thing?
00:19:16.462 --> 00:19:17.691
Um, yes and no.
00:19:17.721 --> 00:19:21.501
I think on one hand,
I was really relieved.
00:19:21.511 --> 00:19:26.711
I was like, "Oh, wow, finally so many
things in my life make sense." It makes
00:19:26.712 --> 00:19:28.782
sense to me why I have lost friends.
00:19:29.212 --> 00:19:34.101
It makes sense to me why I was
terrible in relationships or made
00:19:34.111 --> 00:19:37.231
really, really poor choices in life.
00:19:37.852 --> 00:19:41.961
I've always been good in school,
or good enough in school.
00:19:41.981 --> 00:19:44.421
I did get straight As for all my
national exams, except for the
00:19:44.422 --> 00:19:45.581
last one, I got a B in physics.
00:19:45.602 --> 00:19:46.721
Ugh, terrible subject.
00:19:46.852 --> 00:19:47.241
I'm kidding.
00:19:48.142 --> 00:19:50.481
Um, but I have always
excelled when needed.
00:19:51.011 --> 00:19:55.132
I went to med school, um, even
though that wasn't my passion.
00:19:56.078 --> 00:19:59.748
And I was always expected to be
the best version of myself 'cause
00:19:59.748 --> 00:20:02.318
I have very high achieving parents.
00:20:02.848 --> 00:20:07.918
Um, so it was never really a question
in my head either whether I had ADHD.
00:20:07.918 --> 00:20:11.547
I was like, "Nah, ADHD is for
hyperactive kids, it's for people
00:20:11.547 --> 00:20:14.867
who can't sit still." Mm. But it
presents very differently in women
00:20:15.207 --> 00:20:17.427
versus men, in boys versus girls.
00:20:17.758 --> 00:20:23.727
In girls it's a lot of daydreaming, a
lot of mental, um… A lo- you're, you're
00:20:23.767 --> 00:20:29.227
constantly active in your head, so it may
not present physically, and that's why a
00:20:29.227 --> 00:20:36.367
lot of girls don't get diagnosed properly,
and a lot of boys get that stereotypical
00:20:36.387 --> 00:20:38.097
outlook of being hyperactive- Mm
00:20:38.118 --> 00:20:41.127
and it's so much easier to tell
that they have ADHD- Right … so
00:20:41.137 --> 00:20:42.227
they get the help that they need.
00:20:43.148 --> 00:20:51.487
But in any case, I, I was really,
really sad for thesel- for myself.
00:20:51.947 --> 00:20:55.928
I was frustrated that I
couldn't have seen this sooner.
00:20:55.937 --> 00:20:59.397
Mm. Like, maybe if I sought help
sooner, this would all make sense.
00:20:59.967 --> 00:21:04.878
Or how did I manage to be so efficient
back in the day when I was younger
00:21:05.347 --> 00:21:10.457
to be able to hand in deadlines on
time, meet deadlines on time, hand in
00:21:10.457 --> 00:21:14.667
projects, be able to still score in an
e- an exam after studying for 48 hours?
00:21:16.118 --> 00:21:22.707
And now as an adult, having a life with
my partner and with my dog, and having
00:21:22.707 --> 00:21:26.817
to do chores and handle everything
myself, I actually face more burnout.
00:21:27.298 --> 00:21:31.247
I'm actually less functional than I
was when I was younger because now
00:21:31.267 --> 00:21:32.607
everything is catching up to me.
00:21:33.078 --> 00:21:33.418
Right.
00:21:33.597 --> 00:21:39.397
It's all coming up to me, and the
whole knowledge of what is happening
00:21:39.398 --> 00:21:43.078
and what has happened in my brain my
whole life makes me really, really
00:21:43.087 --> 00:21:49.477
sad, and it makes me really envious
of the people who are able to function
00:21:49.837 --> 00:21:54.877
or maybe heal from all these parts
that they have gotten to know earlier-
00:21:55.237 --> 00:21:55.647
Mm
00:21:55.688 --> 00:21:57.447
compared to me knowing now.
00:21:58.942 --> 00:22:06.222
And so do you think that frustration or
kind of regret, is it because you were
00:22:06.222 --> 00:22:11.582
high-functioning enough that it, it wasn't
something that got diagnosed earlier?
00:22:11.911 --> 00:22:12.332
Mm-hmm.
00:22:12.342 --> 00:22:15.791
Um, and maybe perhaps it's also
related to the cultural and
00:22:15.792 --> 00:22:21.051
social ways that mental health and
neurodivergence is talked about a lot.
00:22:21.501 --> 00:22:22.172
Oh, yeah.
00:22:22.301 --> 00:22:23.512
Yeah, yeah, 100%.
00:22:23.741 --> 00:22:29.091
Um, I think, you know, Asians, Asian
parents, they don't like to acknowledge
00:22:29.092 --> 00:22:32.831
that mental health disorders are real even
though they probably have some themselves.
00:22:33.891 --> 00:22:41.132
Um, and things like neurodivergence
or ADHD, it can be genetic.
00:22:41.921 --> 00:22:43.231
It is probably genetic.
00:22:43.281 --> 00:22:43.481
Mm.
00:22:43.851 --> 00:22:50.421
And now that I know what I have, it
made me realize why maybe my mom was
00:22:50.421 --> 00:22:55.571
the way she was, 'cause she 100% has
undiagnosed ADHD, amongst other things.
00:22:55.601 --> 00:23:01.601
But it made me realize that,
oh, I probably inherited these
00:23:01.601 --> 00:23:07.111
genes, and why were my parents not
more aware of themselves sooner?
00:23:07.472 --> 00:23:09.482
Why did they inflict this pain onto me?
00:23:09.482 --> 00:23:12.392
Because now I have to deal with
the consequences, and it's not
00:23:12.392 --> 00:23:13.712
covered by insurance, by the way.
00:23:13.991 --> 00:23:14.241
Mm.
00:23:14.292 --> 00:23:15.221
A whole other thing.
00:23:15.591 --> 00:23:20.192
Not covered by insurance even though
I pay a premium a month, but you
00:23:20.192 --> 00:23:25.731
still have to fork out the crazy
amount that you have to because the
00:23:25.731 --> 00:23:27.231
government's not gonna help you either.
00:23:27.421 --> 00:23:27.541
Right.
00:23:27.841 --> 00:23:31.212
And there are other people out there who
are maybe less fortunate who probably
00:23:31.212 --> 00:23:35.441
need better access to it, and it's so hard
for them to get the help that they need
00:23:35.461 --> 00:23:41.511
anyway, so I'm not gonna go and step into
their space where they need help the most.
00:23:41.832 --> 00:23:45.191
But I have to still fork up that
amount and pay for that, so it does
00:23:45.191 --> 00:23:49.808
make me really frustrated, 'cause
I'm like- Maybe if I got the help I
00:23:49.808 --> 00:23:53.088
needed earlier, I wouldn't have to
deal with all this as an adult now.
00:23:53.198 --> 00:23:53.488
Mm.
00:23:53.918 --> 00:23:59.367
You know, and I think figuring out
that this is the issue that I'm
00:23:59.368 --> 00:24:04.947
dealing with right now makes me
realize that thank God I found out now.
00:24:05.457 --> 00:24:09.227
I have the time to heal now while I'm
still in my 30s, and hopefully by the
00:24:09.228 --> 00:24:12.298
time I'm older, things will get better.
00:24:13.238 --> 00:24:16.877
What you just mentioned about, you
know, especially the older generation,
00:24:16.888 --> 00:24:20.948
do you feel like with younger people
these days, is it getting better?
00:24:20.948 --> 00:24:26.328
Is it… Are people more open to
awareness and, and learning about
00:24:26.537 --> 00:24:28.337
how different people can be and-
00:24:28.398 --> 00:24:29.187
Oh, yeah, for sure.
00:24:29.188 --> 00:24:35.328
I think… Okay, so the way I found out
that I possibly had ADHD was from TikTok.
00:24:35.997 --> 00:24:36.377
Mm.
00:24:36.387 --> 00:24:38.607
So here's the thing: never self-diagnose.
00:24:38.677 --> 00:24:40.278
Never ever, ever self-diagnose.
00:24:40.418 --> 00:24:42.478
But you can always learn.
00:24:42.727 --> 00:24:47.467
You can always be more aware of what's
going on in the world, and now we're fully
00:24:47.468 --> 00:24:53.247
equipped with all the possible disorders
and mental health struggles and all that.
00:24:53.257 --> 00:24:56.397
So people tend to, like, take it
upon themselves to self-diagnose,
00:24:56.638 --> 00:25:00.527
but you actually should just take
it with a grain of salt, go to a
00:25:00.528 --> 00:25:02.687
doctor, and get an official diagnosis.
00:25:02.867 --> 00:25:06.157
So I found out through TikTok,
and my whole life, I actually
00:25:06.157 --> 00:25:07.197
thought I was bipolar.
00:25:07.397 --> 00:25:09.027
As I mentioned, I went to medical school.
00:25:09.367 --> 00:25:15.677
I had a whole psychia- psychiatric
rotation, and we touched on ADHD for,
00:25:15.677 --> 00:25:20.698
like, five minutes, but we actually
touched on bipolar, OCD, Tourette's,
00:25:20.698 --> 00:25:23.138
and so on and so forth for way longer.
00:25:23.197 --> 00:25:29.677
So I always thought, "Hmm, maybe bipolar."
It would make sense to me 'cause my
00:25:29.677 --> 00:25:37.154
mood swings, and I- it is frequently
overlapped with ADHD Until I discovered
00:25:37.814 --> 00:25:44.844
the symptoms of ADHD that I have never
been taught in my life, and I thought,
00:25:45.283 --> 00:25:49.074
"Oh my God, that makes so much sense,"
'cause there were cer- certain things that
00:25:49.194 --> 00:25:56.084
wasn't really clicking with the bipolar,
um, disorder, and that's why I think
00:25:56.414 --> 00:26:03.214
nowadays it's a lot easier for kids or
for parents to be aware of, uh, these dis-
00:26:03.293 --> 00:26:06.114
these disorders and a lot more accepting.
00:26:06.334 --> 00:26:07.474
Mm. Yeah, for sure.
00:26:08.444 --> 00:26:13.754
One thing I, I think about is when
you hear about a lot of… I mean,
00:26:13.754 --> 00:26:20.853
there's been quite a few famous artists,
writers, musicians who have some sort
00:26:20.854 --> 00:26:24.854
of neurodivergence- Yeah … and I
think a lot of the time they can be
00:26:24.863 --> 00:26:30.253
worried that if they address that
issue medically or, or otherwise,
00:26:30.253 --> 00:26:32.233
that it's gonna ruin the magic-
00:26:32.584 --> 00:26:32.794
Mm-hmm
00:26:32.794 --> 00:26:36.303
ruin their ability to create
the art that they're so good at
00:26:36.303 --> 00:26:37.793
and what they're recognized for.
00:26:38.363 --> 00:26:45.533
Um, I think that hopefully more people
will be feeling that way less, but is that
00:26:45.534 --> 00:26:50.573
something that ever, like, I think crosses
your mind or that you wonder about?
00:26:50.983 --> 00:26:56.323
So it sounds like you- you're actually
very happy that you're, um, able
00:26:56.363 --> 00:27:00.123
to be more organized, for example,
or that sort of thing after, um,
00:27:00.163 --> 00:27:01.843
getting these issues addressed.
00:27:01.854 --> 00:27:06.263
Yeah, for sure, because I think
in my, um, experience, it's not
00:27:06.263 --> 00:27:08.473
so much of that magic, right?
00:27:08.513 --> 00:27:12.033
Like, yeah, I mean, you know,
I'm funnier because of it.
00:27:12.964 --> 00:27:17.523
I'm able to do all these impressions
because we have this thing where it's very
00:27:17.523 --> 00:27:19.833
easy for people with ADHD to mimic others-
00:27:19.994 --> 00:27:20.213
Mm-hmm
00:27:20.233 --> 00:27:21.073
… to code switch.
00:27:21.244 --> 00:27:23.053
It's very easy for me to copy accents.
00:27:23.053 --> 00:27:27.283
Like, I can spend a week with an
Australian friend and sound like them.
00:27:27.583 --> 00:27:32.204
So just these things where that's
the magic, I guess, but, um, I'm very
00:27:32.214 --> 00:27:38.283
happy to acknowledge that this is
where it comes from because- Otherwise,
00:27:38.344 --> 00:27:40.624
people will tend to misunderstand you.
00:27:40.924 --> 00:27:45.334
They will tend to think that you're
being rude, or maybe like what's,
00:27:45.573 --> 00:27:46.894
as I said, "What's wrong with you?"
00:27:47.244 --> 00:27:51.744
So when you come to realize what you have
and you explain it to people, perhaps
00:27:51.744 --> 00:27:53.683
they will be a bit more understanding.
00:27:53.903 --> 00:27:54.013
Mm.
00:27:54.214 --> 00:27:57.214
So that's why I choose
to be vocal about it.
00:27:57.263 --> 00:27:58.403
I don't think it ruins my magic.
00:27:58.464 --> 00:28:02.944
In fact, I think it explains a lot
of who I am, and thank God for that.
00:28:03.003 --> 00:28:06.733
Otherwise, I would always think
to myself, "What's wrong with me?"
00:28:06.954 --> 00:28:07.154
Mm.
00:28:07.154 --> 00:28:09.883
And that's what I've always
thought to myself my entire life.
00:28:11.003 --> 00:28:11.303
Yeah.
00:28:11.744 --> 00:28:17.363
And it seems like, uh, Malaysia, at
least maybe it's just my awareness- Yeah
00:28:17.373 --> 00:28:20.343
… but there's a lot of funny people-
Yeah … that come out of Malaysia.
00:28:20.373 --> 00:28:21.183
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:28:21.183 --> 00:28:21.233
And
00:28:21.233 --> 00:28:23.733
and you have obviously
people- We're funny people.
00:28:23.853 --> 00:28:27.623
… over, world, world, uh, you know,
uh, very successful overseas- Yeah
00:28:27.623 --> 00:28:31.344
and globally, uh, but also of
course locally and just chatting
00:28:31.344 --> 00:28:34.604
with friends, hanging out and, and
drinking s- tea or coffee- Yeah
00:28:34.604 --> 00:28:35.543
… everybody's laughing all the time.
00:28:35.913 --> 00:28:38.873
Do you think that's, uh… Where
do you think that comes from?
00:28:39.103 --> 00:28:41.884
Is it something like it's because
people around you are funny that
00:28:41.884 --> 00:28:43.944
you become funnier or, or…?
00:28:44.513 --> 00:28:46.424
Um, I think it's trauma.
00:28:49.034 --> 00:28:49.933
I'm not gonna lie.
00:28:49.933 --> 00:28:56.374
I think, um, a lot of humor comes from
obviously influence and, uh, the friends,
00:28:56.424 --> 00:28:58.873
your parents, or even what you watch.
00:28:59.253 --> 00:29:06.313
And I think in Malaysia especially, we
have the, um, multicultural aspect where
00:29:06.424 --> 00:29:10.563
each culture shares different humors
and different ideas of what is funny.
00:29:10.854 --> 00:29:12.814
We have American humor.
00:29:12.814 --> 00:29:13.833
We have British humor.
00:29:13.833 --> 00:29:17.603
We have so many influences from
all around the world, and honestly,
00:29:17.604 --> 00:29:22.524
I think Malaysia is such a, a, a
blessed country in, in that aspect.
00:29:23.053 --> 00:29:28.204
Um, but at the same time, I think
it's the years of generational trauma,
00:29:28.244 --> 00:29:32.723
you know, us getting beaten and stuff
like that, that makes us kind of
00:29:32.723 --> 00:29:36.433
deal with pain in a lighthearted way.
00:29:36.673 --> 00:29:36.953
Mm.
00:29:36.963 --> 00:29:38.853
That's just my, my opinion, I think.
00:29:39.193 --> 00:29:39.373
Okay.
00:29:39.393 --> 00:29:39.563
Yeah.
00:29:39.564 --> 00:29:40.383
Very interesting.
00:29:41.524 --> 00:29:47.084
Um, so when you think about what you're
moving towards, I mean, like I said,
00:29:47.303 --> 00:29:51.573
you've- now you're, you're getting brand
deals like you mentioned, um, getting
00:29:51.823 --> 00:29:54.184
tons of views that, that are helping you.
00:29:54.604 --> 00:29:59.154
What are your thoughts and
ideas about the future?
00:29:59.154 --> 00:30:02.293
Do you have something you're working
towards, or are you just seeing
00:30:02.393 --> 00:30:03.803
where this journey takes you?
00:30:04.643 --> 00:30:09.303
I think overall I am just seeing
where the journey takes me, 'cause
00:30:09.364 --> 00:30:14.674
I've always had high expectations
for myself, and always had a goal
00:30:14.674 --> 00:30:16.804
of where I wanna be in the future.
00:30:17.553 --> 00:30:24.344
But I think right now I have this
issue where I'm struggling to even
00:30:24.353 --> 00:30:26.123
acknowledge that I've come so far.
00:30:26.704 --> 00:30:31.313
I'm always thinking, like, "How can I be
better? How can I do better? Or what else
00:30:31.314 --> 00:30:36.394
can I do next?" You know, I've turned
all of my hobbies into work, essentially.
00:30:36.474 --> 00:30:39.473
I used to be a foodie, so I used to write
about food, I used to post about food.
00:30:39.474 --> 00:30:40.953
That's how I started in content.
00:30:41.643 --> 00:30:46.393
But then I got sick of food
because I turned it into my job.
00:30:46.663 --> 00:30:47.013
Mm.
00:30:47.053 --> 00:30:52.453
And then now with, uh, comedy,
it's who I am inherently, and
00:30:52.454 --> 00:30:53.634
I don't wanna get bored of it.
00:30:53.704 --> 00:30:57.483
So I'm gonna keep on just
posting and seeing where it goes.
00:30:57.723 --> 00:31:00.603
But at the same time, I
would really love to travel.
00:31:00.903 --> 00:31:04.183
I would love to make that sort of
content that takes me around the
00:31:04.183 --> 00:31:11.263
world, maybe host a funny, um, series
of what you discover elsewhere.
00:31:11.323 --> 00:31:13.183
That would be the dream, but who knows?
00:31:13.293 --> 00:31:13.724
Let's see.
00:31:14.543 --> 00:31:14.863
Yeah,
00:31:14.954 --> 00:31:15.184
mm-hmm.
00:31:15.573 --> 00:31:16.063
Yeah.
00:31:16.623 --> 00:31:21.093
Is that… So when you look back at
those other phases that you kind of
00:31:21.314 --> 00:31:24.733
burned yourself out on, i- is there
regret there, or is it just, "No,
00:31:24.733 --> 00:31:28.463
that's okay. I, m- my na- th- that
came to its natural conclusion"?
00:31:28.693 --> 00:31:33.623
Oh, yeah, 100%, 'cause I wanted to
really take content creation seriously
00:31:33.744 --> 00:31:35.363
or to the next level last year.
00:31:35.723 --> 00:31:38.153
So in March I started thinking of ideas.
00:31:38.153 --> 00:31:40.073
I started thinking, "Oh,
should I post a new page?
00:31:40.073 --> 00:31:41.033
Should I create a new page?
00:31:41.043 --> 00:31:42.793
Should I… What should I post about?
00:31:42.793 --> 00:31:45.784
What should my niche be?" And I
was struggling so hard to find one.
00:31:45.814 --> 00:31:48.303
I was, like, really,
really looking for it.
00:31:48.593 --> 00:31:52.914
I've always enjoyed watching
aesthetic content, like date places
00:31:52.943 --> 00:31:57.094
or things to do, but I realized
that's not me, 'cause I hate editing.
00:31:57.224 --> 00:32:02.064
I hate that whole having to sit and look
at myself for an hour or two, having to
00:32:02.064 --> 00:32:06.913
cut everything, and sometimes I cringe at,
you know, the things I see or what I say.
00:32:07.383 --> 00:32:13.522
Um- And then I realized that I was
trying so hard to be someone that I
00:32:13.522 --> 00:32:17.981
wasn't, that even though I do like to
watch this doesn't mean I have to do it.
00:32:18.182 --> 00:32:23.812
So that's why doing the funny stuff
by accident was truly a blessing.
00:32:23.951 --> 00:32:26.842
It was … Honestly, I'm
so, so grateful for it.
00:32:27.292 --> 00:32:27.662
Yeah.
00:32:27.932 --> 00:32:33.092
And so when you … 'Cause you
still have, like you mentioned, are
00:32:33.092 --> 00:32:37.791
looking obviously at the numbers
and seeing what performs well, what
00:32:37.821 --> 00:32:39.621
people like, what they don't like.
00:32:39.852 --> 00:32:45.981
How do you make sure to still keep it fun,
keep it you, and do what you wanna do,
00:32:45.982 --> 00:32:49.011
and not be a slave to the algorithm- Yeah
00:32:49.021 --> 00:32:50.832
or what people are, are saying?
00:32:51.131 --> 00:32:51.722
Oh my gosh.
00:32:51.741 --> 00:32:56.182
Like, I was definitely
obsessed with metrics in the
00:32:56.182 --> 00:32:57.681
beginning, at the beginning.
00:32:57.771 --> 00:33:03.641
I was constantly looking at the numbers
thinking, "Oh, if this didn't hit a
00:33:03.641 --> 00:33:07.632
million views, that was a flop." And
that's crazy, because some people
00:33:07.661 --> 00:33:11.982
take years to hit their first viral
video, and I had just started posting
00:33:11.982 --> 00:33:13.422
this sort of content in December.
00:33:14.221 --> 00:33:21.521
And I realized that as time passed,
I just needed to do whatever the
00:33:21.522 --> 00:33:29.062
heck I wanted because it is my page,
as long as I don't switch up too
00:33:29.062 --> 00:33:30.961
fast in terms of what I'm posting.
00:33:31.512 --> 00:33:36.521
Um, the newer audience or the older
audience, if they wanna fall off or
00:33:36.522 --> 00:33:38.441
if they wanna come back in, it's fine.
00:33:38.471 --> 00:33:43.111
I just need to continue doing what
I do, and I think that's how I
00:33:43.122 --> 00:33:44.802
still keep the magic for myself.
00:33:44.802 --> 00:33:48.371
Sometimes I take a week off, and I'm
like, "Ah, I don't wanna post this week.
00:33:48.412 --> 00:33:53.031
I'm just gonna marinate in my thoughts
and my ideas and see what comes up."
00:33:53.482 --> 00:33:58.831
Otherwise, you're just sucked into that
hole of, oh, this video is not doing
00:33:58.831 --> 00:34:01.671
well, that video's not doing well, or
this video's doing well, I should do
00:34:01.671 --> 00:34:05.682
more like that, and then you start to
lose sight of what you think is funny.
00:34:06.031 --> 00:34:10.201
There are a lot of times where I actually
posted something for the sake of it.
00:34:10.531 --> 00:34:13.972
Mm. I didn't think it was funny, like I
thought it was cringe, and then it goes
00:34:13.991 --> 00:34:19.241
viral, and I'm like, I … There was one
time I posted a draft that I held onto
00:34:19.261 --> 00:34:23.622
for months 'cause I thought, "That sucks.
I don't wanna watch that. I didn't do a
00:34:23.622 --> 00:34:25.541
good job," and it got 6 million views.
00:34:26.221 --> 00:34:28.781
It's just things like that where you
just never know what's gonna happen,
00:34:28.781 --> 00:34:32.621
so every time I have this thought
of being obsessed with metrics or
00:34:32.632 --> 00:34:36.731
being obsessed with what does well,
I have to remember it is what it is.
00:34:36.931 --> 00:34:38.361
If it does well, it does well.
00:34:38.412 --> 00:34:43.171
If it doesn't, it doesn't, and I
have to pat myself on the back for
00:34:43.221 --> 00:34:49.042
even coming this far so fast when
people take years to get here.
00:34:49.442 --> 00:34:54.192
So it's counting your blessings that
keeps me, you know, a bit more grounded.
00:34:54.591 --> 00:34:54.681
For
00:34:54.772 --> 00:34:55.182
sure.
00:34:55.471 --> 00:35:00.150
Think, I think that's interesting what
you say about cringe because- Recently I
00:35:00.150 --> 00:35:04.060
have had a lot of artists- Yeah … um,
from fine art to performance art,
00:35:04.390 --> 00:35:08.930
um, and everywhere in between on the
podcast, and basically every single one
00:35:08.939 --> 00:35:13.000
of them has said when they looked at
their work, especially some of their
00:35:13.000 --> 00:35:15.699
old work, they feel that it's cringe.
00:35:15.800 --> 00:35:16.039
Oh, yeah.
00:35:16.039 --> 00:35:20.590
And it's part of the growing process, it's
part of how you see how far you've come.
00:35:21.099 --> 00:35:26.540
But for comedy, I guess it's
almost another level because it's
00:35:26.569 --> 00:35:28.769
built in to what you're doing.
00:35:29.040 --> 00:35:30.569
Oh, 100%.
00:35:30.970 --> 00:35:37.759
I think I am so disgustingly embarrassing,
cringe, shameful, everything you can
00:35:37.759 --> 00:35:40.099
think of, I think about that first myself.
00:35:40.099 --> 00:35:43.309
So whenever someone comments or
says, "Oh, that video's a bit…" I'm
00:35:43.310 --> 00:35:46.919
like, "Yeah, I know, but that's why
I posted it," because once you get
00:35:46.929 --> 00:35:51.910
past that layer of cringe, nothing
else can be more cringe than cringe.
00:35:52.259 --> 00:35:53.299
What else is more cringe?
00:35:53.299 --> 00:35:53.840
There's nothing.
00:35:53.849 --> 00:35:59.079
It's just you… Cringe is the
price to pay for freedom, right?
00:35:59.089 --> 00:36:04.059
So once you get past that barrier, you're
like, "Ah, how bad could it be? How much
00:36:04.089 --> 00:36:07.719
more could I embarrass myself?" And then
you just don't feel embarrassed anymore.
00:36:07.729 --> 00:36:11.259
Mm. So now I actually never feel
embarrassed with what I post.
00:36:11.299 --> 00:36:16.960
It's more like maybe if I don't do certain
accents correctly, I do feel like, "Oh,
00:36:16.960 --> 00:36:18.389
I should've done that a bit better.
00:36:18.409 --> 00:36:22.689
That was horrible," but some people
still enjoy it, so it really depends.
00:36:23.729 --> 00:36:27.329
And it's almost like,
uh, exposure therapy.
00:36:27.460 --> 00:36:31.499
'Cause I mean, some of us, like even
if you hear yourself talk on the
00:36:31.499 --> 00:36:34.360
microphone or the camera for the first
time, you're, you don't feel good.
00:36:34.360 --> 00:36:37.259
Even, even if you're talking
about a serious topic or you're
00:36:37.259 --> 00:36:38.609
not trying to be cringe or funny.
00:36:38.630 --> 00:36:39.040
Yeah.
00:36:39.109 --> 00:36:44.479
Um, but eventually you just get used
to it and you keep going and, um, it
00:36:44.600 --> 00:36:48.729
doesn't become as painful to watch
yourself back or to listen to yourself.
00:36:48.799 --> 00:36:49.459
Oh, for sure.
00:36:49.719 --> 00:36:54.009
I think the most pain I have felt
watching myself back was actually when I
00:36:54.009 --> 00:36:57.240
was- pretending to be someone I wasn't.
00:36:57.610 --> 00:37:01.259
So I, as I said, like, in the past
when I used to share a lot about my
00:37:01.259 --> 00:37:07.730
life, I would constantly take videos
of myself talking or just babbling on.
00:37:07.840 --> 00:37:12.009
And I realized that I would
put filters on my face.
00:37:12.270 --> 00:37:16.919
I would maybe speak in an accent that I
thought everyone was comfortable with, or
00:37:16.970 --> 00:37:22.140
I would talk in a way that was more demure
or more sexy or I don't know whatnot.
00:37:22.149 --> 00:37:26.509
But, ugh, looking back at that, I was
like, "Who is that girl? Like, she's
00:37:26.509 --> 00:37:28.430
just trying so hard to be accepted."
00:37:28.729 --> 00:37:32.129
And now I'm just like, "Ah,
take me as, as I am, or don't
00:37:32.139 --> 00:37:33.189
take me at all. I don't care."
00:37:34.419 --> 00:37:40.499
So how do you manage to really… It's
like being, not being performative-
00:37:40.659 --> 00:37:40.889
Yes
00:37:40.909 --> 00:37:42.009
… but being really you.
00:37:42.419 --> 00:37:43.369
Yeah, so that's the thing.
00:37:43.380 --> 00:37:49.069
Um, I think people can sense when
you are performing versus when you
00:37:49.069 --> 00:37:51.830
are just talking to the camera.
00:37:52.209 --> 00:37:56.490
And for me, I don't think I've actually
received a lot of comments that I'm
00:37:56.490 --> 00:38:01.159
being performative because, as I said,
like, it's very… It's a lot of work
00:38:01.169 --> 00:38:07.960
for me to actually perform on camera,
and this was a realization when I was in
00:38:07.960 --> 00:38:09.779
Singapore last year with my best friend.
00:38:10.269 --> 00:38:11.880
And at the time, I wanted to vlog.
00:38:11.880 --> 00:38:15.939
As I said, I was, like, trying to
post more content, and the way I
00:38:15.940 --> 00:38:19.499
was talking to the camera was in
such a way that I was like, "Guys,
00:38:19.499 --> 00:38:21.119
today I'm gonna open this box.
00:38:21.120 --> 00:38:22.779
Like, have a look at that.
00:38:22.830 --> 00:38:25.449
Oh, my God, so cute." And my best
friend literally looked at me
00:38:25.449 --> 00:38:26.660
and he was like, "Who are you?
00:38:26.749 --> 00:38:31.009
Like, that's not you." And I was like,
"Oh, my God, you're right." But I was
00:38:31.269 --> 00:38:36.609
doing it like that because I had been told
by clients in the past that my voice is
00:38:36.610 --> 00:38:41.160
too low, that it's too deep, that it's
not excitable, that it's underwhelming,
00:38:41.449 --> 00:38:44.079
that I have a RBF, you know?
00:38:44.360 --> 00:38:46.739
I have that face that, like,
looks like you can kill people.
00:38:47.662 --> 00:38:48.471
But I'm not.
00:38:48.531 --> 00:38:49.432
I'm really friendly.
00:38:49.752 --> 00:38:57.321
Um, so with that being said, I told
myself, "Let me just be who I am."
00:38:57.971 --> 00:39:02.932
Um, there are some days where I will
have to put on a bit of a show, uh,
00:39:02.942 --> 00:39:06.611
especially when I meet people in
real life or when I, uh, do certain
00:39:06.621 --> 00:39:12.332
accents or impressions, but the normal
conversational stuff, that's just me.
00:39:12.591 --> 00:39:12.932
Mm.
00:39:13.162 --> 00:39:13.682
Yeah.
00:39:13.982 --> 00:39:17.081
So it must feel pretty good, like,
you know you're making people laugh-
00:39:17.261 --> 00:39:17.561
Yeah
00:39:17.571 --> 00:39:20.511
… and they're, they think you're
funny, and they're really
00:39:20.522 --> 00:39:21.731
enjoying what they're watching.
00:39:21.732 --> 00:39:24.082
You're not trying to sound smart or-
00:39:24.091 --> 00:39:24.392
Yeah
00:39:24.452 --> 00:39:27.111
… teach people things, but just
making people laugh, that's
00:39:27.261 --> 00:39:30.241
helping, helping the world, helping
people have a better day, right?
00:39:30.291 --> 00:39:31.151
Yeah, for sure.
00:39:31.162 --> 00:39:36.611
I think it's such a, it's such
a blessing to have these people
00:39:36.612 --> 00:39:38.681
enjoy my content and my humor.
00:39:38.682 --> 00:39:43.851
I think as someone who has frequently
been misunderstood and mislabeled as
00:39:43.851 --> 00:39:48.771
different or as abnormal or weird,
um, it's very nice to see that
00:39:49.211 --> 00:39:53.881
people are very open-minded to the
kind of content that I make, and
00:39:53.891 --> 00:39:56.931
it kind of just validates in a way.
00:39:56.931 --> 00:40:01.881
I know I'm not supposed to get validation
from other people, but it reminds me
00:40:01.901 --> 00:40:07.682
that this is real, that I'm not an
imposter, that I don't just… It's not
00:40:07.691 --> 00:40:11.382
all in my head that I think I'm funny,
that other people actually do as well.
00:40:11.801 --> 00:40:15.121
And I think that's why whenever I receive
a hate comment, it really doesn't bother
00:40:15.121 --> 00:40:18.591
me, 'cause I know for every hate comment
I get, there are thousands of other
00:40:18.591 --> 00:40:26.411
people who genuinely enjoy my content and
keep encouraging me or pushing me to do
00:40:26.452 --> 00:40:28.831
better or to continue doing what I do.
00:40:29.341 --> 00:40:29.712
Right.
00:40:30.882 --> 00:40:36.701
And so I think another part of it probably
is, again, people who want to be content
00:40:36.702 --> 00:40:41.341
creators end up working very hard at
it and- Mm-hmm … creating videos and
00:40:41.351 --> 00:40:45.681
being consistent and putting themselves
out there, and they would love to have
00:40:45.681 --> 00:40:47.901
a video that goes viral or get popular.
00:40:47.901 --> 00:40:49.741
But now that that's…
00:40:49.791 --> 00:40:53.031
'Cause it happened quite suddenly for
you, I think- Yeah … compared to some
00:40:53.041 --> 00:40:54.451
of the people I've talked to before.
00:40:55.162 --> 00:40:55.761
Um-
00:40:57.984 --> 00:41:01.744
What I, I, I'm guessing,
an educated guess is-
00:41:01.784 --> 00:41:02.004
Yeah
00:41:02.184 --> 00:41:05.604
… it probably is, like, you still
feel like, "Oh, I'm just me
00:41:05.604 --> 00:41:07.104
still. It's not that different."
00:41:07.374 --> 00:41:08.224
Oh, yeah, for sure.
00:41:08.434 --> 00:41:12.324
I think for the first few months,
especially, when everything was really
00:41:12.324 --> 00:41:17.043
going viral, like, it passed the
double digits of vi- virality, right?
00:41:17.213 --> 00:41:23.644
I was not processing it in a way
that was like, "This is happening."
00:41:23.644 --> 00:41:28.333
To me, it was always a shock and-
Mm … a shock to the system, for sure.
00:41:28.333 --> 00:41:32.653
And when I hit my first 100K, I was
like, "Oh, my gosh, this doesn't feel
00:41:32.653 --> 00:41:37.163
real. It, it, it doesn't feel like this
is reality, 'cause I'm still the same
00:41:37.164 --> 00:41:38.964
person. I'm still posting what I do."
00:41:39.013 --> 00:41:40.524
It happened so quickly.
00:41:41.094 --> 00:41:45.904
And I think the thing that really hit
me, or when it really hit me, was I
00:41:45.904 --> 00:41:49.173
went out to celebrate the 100K, 'cause
I was like, "This is crazy, right?
00:41:49.173 --> 00:41:53.203
I was… I would be so happy if
I had gotten 10K, and I got 100.
00:41:53.243 --> 00:41:58.453
That's mad." And I was in Petaling
Street, uh, taking a video with
00:41:58.454 --> 00:42:03.133
my fiancé, and this guy comes and
taps my fiancé's shoulder and says,
00:42:03.154 --> 00:42:04.664
"Can I take a photo with her?"
00:42:04.673 --> 00:42:10.684
S- And at the time, I was like, "Why?"
'Cause I didn't… It didn't click to me
00:42:10.684 --> 00:42:11.913
that it could be because of my content.
00:42:11.923 --> 00:42:13.693
No, no way, not possible.
00:42:13.943 --> 00:42:17.283
And he said, "I'm your fan." I
was like, "What do you mean?"
00:42:17.474 --> 00:42:19.644
And he said, "Your, your content.
00:42:20.224 --> 00:42:24.753
I'm not dot, dot, dot, but" And I
was like, "Oh, my God." And I took
00:42:24.754 --> 00:42:28.883
a, a, a photo with him and a video,
and I was like, "This is real?
00:42:29.203 --> 00:42:31.833
Like, actually, people are watching
me." And he wasn't even from KL.
00:42:31.834 --> 00:42:33.633
He was from, like, Penang or something.
00:42:34.334 --> 00:42:34.984
Crazy.
00:42:35.053 --> 00:42:36.973
Just absolutely insane,
but nothing has changed.
00:42:37.053 --> 00:42:42.553
Like, I feel like the, the key thing to
being a successful content creator, not
00:42:42.553 --> 00:42:48.634
that I am yet, but to being a content
creator that is well-loved by the public,
00:42:49.123 --> 00:42:51.173
is by never forgetting how you started.
00:42:51.923 --> 00:42:57.623
So I always, always am appreciative
to all my followers, to all
00:42:57.623 --> 00:42:58.883
the people in the comments.
00:42:58.923 --> 00:43:00.053
I always say thank you.
00:43:00.053 --> 00:43:04.284
I always try and respond when I
can, because these are the people
00:43:04.284 --> 00:43:08.463
that helped me get to where I
am and still where I need to be.
00:43:09.033 --> 00:43:13.683
I just never, ever forget that, and
always stay, like, rooted in the ground.
00:43:14.094 --> 00:43:14.714
That's awesome.
00:43:15.313 --> 00:43:21.763
So, uh, the final question I like to ask
all of my guests is, if we sit down again
00:43:21.823 --> 00:43:26.974
in five years and talked, what would you
like to be able to tell me has happened
00:43:27.044 --> 00:43:31.844
between now and then that would make
you feel like that time was a success?
00:43:33.014 --> 00:43:42.466
I think- Just to be very, very happy in
what I have achieved and knowing that
00:43:42.486 --> 00:43:47.955
I took all the risks that I possibly
could have, knowing that I challenged
00:43:47.955 --> 00:43:54.415
myself in places that I was maybe
fearful to even go to or things that
00:43:54.415 --> 00:43:57.065
I thought I wasn't good enough for.
00:43:57.615 --> 00:44:03.395
To be able to get past all of that
doubt and try everything, and to be
00:44:03.395 --> 00:44:08.425
able to tell you I have no regrets
because I tried everything, I did
00:44:08.426 --> 00:44:10.915
what I loved, and I love what I do.
00:44:11.325 --> 00:44:12.975
I'm not doing it to chase clout.
00:44:13.106 --> 00:44:15.485
I'm doing it because I
genuinely feel fulfillment.
00:44:16.446 --> 00:44:17.556
That would be a success for me.
00:44:18.295 --> 00:44:18.745
Awesome.
00:44:18.825 --> 00:44:20.855
I think you're definitely
on a path to achieve that.
00:44:21.285 --> 00:44:21.595
Thank you so much.
00:44:21.635 --> 00:44:27.105
Um, in case people somehow have not seen
your content yet, where can they find you?
00:44:27.106 --> 00:44:28.575
What are your social handles?
00:44:28.665 --> 00:44:33.346
Can find me at @sorude_ on IG and TikTok.
00:44:34.025 --> 00:44:34.385
Awesome.
00:44:34.385 --> 00:44:36.235
We'll put the links in the show notes.
00:44:36.915 --> 00:44:37.105
Thank you.
00:44:37.105 --> 00:44:38.365
And thank you so much
again for joining me.
00:44:38.775 --> 00:44:38.865
It was great.
00:44:39.085 --> 00:44:39.666
Thank you for having me.
00:44:39.666 --> 00:44:40.406
It was awesome.
00:44:41.035 --> 00:44:42.285
Okay, bye everybody.
00:44:45.265 --> 00:44:50.685
Thank you for listening to Before We Get
There with your host, Nicholas Braman.
00:44:50.745 --> 00:44:55.305
Please like and subscribe on YouTube
and your favorite podcast platforms
00:44:55.305 --> 00:44:57.886
like Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
00:44:59.166 --> 00:45:03.955
You can also find us on
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00:45:06.495 --> 00:45:06.505
beforewegettherepodcast.
00:45:06.515 --> 00:45:09.965
New episodes are released
every other Thursday morning.
00:45:10.635 --> 00:45:11.525
See you next time.