WEBVTT
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[SPEAKER_01]: It is time to stop making everyone else a priority.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You keep showing up at full price while you're letting people treat you like your own clearance.
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[SPEAKER_01]: All year you have been shrinking, adjusting, bending, watering yourself down, just to make other people feel comfortable, and for what?
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[SPEAKER_01]: What has that ever gotten you besides disappointment after disappointment and burnout as a dessert?
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[SPEAKER_01]: The new year for me, at least, is all about alignment, boundaries, self-respect that doesn't shake when somebody else has a problem with it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: This new year is about finally believing that you are allowed to take up space.
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[SPEAKER_01]: 20-26 starts tomorrow, y'all, two tomorrow.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So before the last day of 2025 is over, I need you to take a cold, hard look in the mirror and be honest with yourself.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Where have I been dimming my own light?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Who have I been prioritizing over my own well-being and why?
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[SPEAKER_01]: And once you answer, then let that old version of you go.
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[SPEAKER_01]: She served a purpose.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We're done with her.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You don't need her anymore.
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[SPEAKER_01]: This next season of life is about who you are now.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Not who you've been.
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[SPEAKER_00]: ever for you things are as proud we're so proud two days are as proud we're so proud
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[SPEAKER_01]: Happy New Year's Eve, beautiful people.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back to another Peptalk Wednesday.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I am tired of the creative your host and virtual cheerleader for the day, delivering a midweek pick me up that you have been craving.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So get ready for some encouraging words and a dose of inspiration to brighten your day.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Ready?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I know you don't want to hear this, but let's go ahead and rip the bandade off.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You keep abandoning yourself because you're terrified of disappointing other people.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But you've been disappointing yourself this whole time and that is the heartbreak that we never tend to say out loud.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So stop making everyone else the man character in your life and calling it being a good person.
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[SPEAKER_01]: buckle up because there comes a time when you get sick and tired being sick and tired, we have been stretching, shrinking, overgiving, overworking, bending ourselves into shapes that we were always too big to fit in, all to keep the peace for people who don't even show us like that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Let alone even half of the way we show up for them.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And then we sit there and we wonder why we exhausted.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We wonder why we're resentful.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We wonder why we pissed off and running on
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[SPEAKER_01]: you're not tired because life is so busy and you're juggling a lot you are tired because you have zero boundaries protecting you and listen as black women we are trained from childhood to earn love through labor to be helpful nurturing agreeable accommodating to never ask for too much to never need too much to never say no without explaining ourselves and I am right in that number with
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[SPEAKER_01]: But that conditioning will have you performing your way straight into burnout and calling a string.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And here's what is actively changing my life as we speak.
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[SPEAKER_01]: The word selfish is not a bad word.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Depending on how you twist it, it's a boundary.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And boundaries are what keep you from emotionally bleeding out.
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[SPEAKER_01]: your needs are not aburden, your limits are not disrespectful, your know, does not require a 100 page dissertation, and your boundaries are not optional, there are a form of self-respect, and if any of this is resonating with you, then you could probably use a few more firm boundaries that you properly communicate to those that you love, things like saying, no, I can't make it
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[SPEAKER_01]: Not answering calls from people who only reach out when they need something, maybe it's letting the text messages sit until you actually have the bandwidth to respond instead of sprinting through a reply so nobody gets mad at you or maybe you need to stop the habit of dropping everything to fix someone else's crisis when your own life is on fire or you just have a lagoon on your own plate or
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[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it's not entertaining men who only hit you up after 10 p.m. because like my Papa said, the only thing that is open at that time is bars and leaks, but I digress.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Because if we're being honest here, have for the pressure that you feel in these situations is not from life itself.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's from the boundaries that you're not enforcing and the repercussions of allowing people to use you and step all over you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: and the minute, the minute that you start honoring them, everything starts to shift.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Life gets lighter.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You can breathe more clearly.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You can see that that relationship is actually and has always been a situation ship and one that may sure that you are getting a short end of the stick.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
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[SPEAKER_01]: and the best part y'all.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You stop begging for the bare minimum like it's the best you can get.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I know you guys have seen that meme when God has the big teddy bear for the little girl behind his back and all he needs her to do is give her the ratter tattered one.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Accepting the bare minimum because you are afraid that there isn't anything better out there for you is holding you in hell.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know, y'all, at 31 years old, I'm just sick and tired of the bullshit, excuse my French, but I really feel so strongly about this as we turn the chapter on a new year.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So if you want to walk into 26 as a better woman, then stop treating your boundaries like they're just suggestions.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Stop apologizing for protecting your piece.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Stop shrinking so other people can feel comfortable.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Choose yourself and choose yourself loudly, consistently, unapologetically, let it be uncomfortable.
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[SPEAKER_01]: sit in that discomfort that is how you grow.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I want you to say it with your chest.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I am allowed to choose me.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Do not whisper it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Say it loud.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Don't say it with guilt and don't say it like you're waiting for permission to actually choose yourself.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Say it like someone who's done living the same year on repeat because I know that I am and that's why I feel so strongly about this.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Say it like someone who finally understands that the world will never respect the boundaries that you refuse to enforce.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve the type of peace that you can try and hand out to other people who don't even say thank you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve risk.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve boundaries that actually stick.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve support, not just from strangers, not just from coworkers, but from yourself.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve the type of peace that you keep trying to hand out to other people who don't even say thank you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve wrist, you deserve boundaries that actually stick, you deserve support, not just from strangers, not just from coworkers, but from yourself as well, you deserve to show up for yourself the way that you've been showing up for everybody else.
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[SPEAKER_01]: and your damn tired of doing it quietly, you deserve to stop overextending for friends who only show up when it benefits them.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve to, if necessary, cut off the people, routines and habits that drain you without apology, you deserve mornings and evenings and weekends that are yours, uninterrupted, sacred and guilt-free.
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[SPEAKER_01]: you deserve to invest in your mental, emotional, and spiritual health without shame.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve to walk away from men, our little boys, who want to reach out on their schedule, who only wants to pretend to be with you, who are emotionally immature, inconsiderate, stuck in their ways, and who are actually lying to themselves and hiding from themselves, and refuse to put in the work to truly become the healed version of the man
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[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve to confidently let them know and make space for the man who truly sees you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve to unapologetically prioritize your dreams, your finances, your career, and your hobbies.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And you deserve to celebrate yourself, your wins, your progress, your glow without explaining or minimizing it for anyone.
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[SPEAKER_01]: This is all of our seasons.
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[SPEAKER_01]: to clear space, to make room, to prepare your life for what you want next.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So happy I'll hurt that worship song, make room by Jonathan McGrinnell's, the beginning of the song goes like this, and I'm not gonna sing it, but it goes, I find space for what I treasure.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I make time for what I want.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I choose my priorities and Jesus, you are my number one.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I will make room for you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I will prepare for two.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So you don't feel that you can't live here.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Please live in me.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Now, of course he's singing that, but this is a great affirmation song and it's perfect for this season of life that so many of us are in right now.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I actually just add this song to the defeating doubt playlist that I've shared with you guys a lot of times on the show.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And that playlist is linked down below in the show notes if you would like to take a listen.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's really good to get into that space of making room in your life for the blessings God has for you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But I say all this to say, communicating your boundaries confidently is imperative.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And the first step to that is knowing what boundaries you need to set and that varies from person to person.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe setting those foreign boundaries does mean cutting people off unapologetically.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe that means saying no more than you say yes, maybe it is a full on year of shedding.
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[SPEAKER_01]: toxic friendships, unequally yoke friendships, draining habits, people who always take and never give or maybe this is your year to finally say yes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Say yes to the things that feature soul, fuel your growth and spark your joy.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Stop waiting for permission to take up space, stop shrinking for the comfort of others, stop apologizing for existing on your own terms, your time, your energy, your body, your mental health are not optional.
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[SPEAKER_01]: they are sacred and it's past time that you treated them the way.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So open your mouth y'all and let yourself and the people around you know what you need and what you cannot tolerate in this season.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I want you to take inventory right now which relationships are actually lifting you up and which ones are quietly or loudly sucking you dry which projects or commitments are energizing you and which ones are keeping you stuck in a cycle of obligation and guilt.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Where in your life are you overest in yourself and where could you just breathe for a moment?
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[SPEAKER_01]: saying no or stepping away does not make you a bad person.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It makes yourself aware and grown.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Honestly, it makes you capable of showing up fully for the things that actually deserve your energy.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And yes, it will be uncomfortable.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It may feel itchy and it takes practice.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, some people will get mad or confused or I think that this is coming out of the left field.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But you will finally feel the freedom that comes with protecting your peace.
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[SPEAKER_01]: 2025 was a mixed bag of both energy draining chaos and soul-fueling wins.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I had to be honest with myself about what I could no longer carry.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That meant setting boundaries with people who always demanded my time without giving theirs in meaningful ways, right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: It meant stopping working on projects that were burning me out with no real gain and that was a big one for me this year.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It meant letting go of routines that kept me small.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And you know what?
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[SPEAKER_01]: The
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[SPEAKER_01]: I could breathe again.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I could start to show up fully and fiercely and I feel guilty about it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That's where I want all of us to live in 2026.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So here's your homework.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Identify one area in your life that needs a hard boundary.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it's a person, a habit, or a commitment.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm pretty sure we all can find at least one.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Decide what space for you looks like in that area.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Does it mean saying no, skipping something, canceling of recurring obligation, pivoting completely and never looking back and write it down?
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[SPEAKER_01]: That is your boundary.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Once you do that, I want you to commit to it loudly, unapologetically, and consistently no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Because peace is not a luxury.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Joy is not optional in this life.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Growth is not passive.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Protect your energy like your life depends on it, because it does, y'all.
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[SPEAKER_01]: This is your year to take up space to say yes to refugees you, not to what drains you, and to let the world adjust around the power of your boundaries.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay y'all, now you know every Peptalk Wednesday comes with a challenge of the week and I already gave you a little bit of homework in our last section.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So first I identify that boundary that we discuss a second ago and then, especially since this is the top of the new year, choose one thing that is for you and actually do it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So book that solo dinner day, block off a self-care day on your calendar, start going to the gym, take a couple of days to dive into our new year, workbook.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Whatever it is, commit to showing up for yourself, get into the habit of making yourself be priority.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's 25 was a year that taught me to put myself first and think bigger.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I constantly found myself in situations where I was frustrated because certain situations that I catch myself in, I was saying things like, do you know who I am?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I don't.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And then in the same breath, I would think, well, then I need to make sure that I'm acting like it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: again and again.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I need to embody that big deal energy that we set out to live in at the top of the year.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And honestly, we all need to because we keep talking about the life that we want, the confidence we want, the peace we want, the boundaries we want, the love we want.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But we show up like,
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[SPEAKER_01]: we're scared of our own potential.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We tiptoe around our own greatness, like it is this fragile thing, like if we make one ball move the whole thing, my cracking crumble, or you just scared that you might simply get caught trying.
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[SPEAKER_01]: No ma'am.
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[SPEAKER_01]: No ma'am.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Not next year.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Not anymore.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Not in 2026.
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[SPEAKER_01]: 2026 is the year that we stop shrinking ourselves for comfort.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Your comfort.
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[SPEAKER_01]: My comfort.
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[SPEAKER_01]: People around use comfort.
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[SPEAKER_01]: and we start to stretch ourselves for growth.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's the year that we stop performing strength and actually live and truth.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's the year that we stop negotiating with bare mental energy from anybody including ourselves.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And listen, let me be crystal clear when I say this.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I am talking to myself just as much as I am talking to y'all and I wish that somebody would talk to me like this a couple of years ago.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So that's why I'm doing this.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Half of the time that I'm preaching, I'm really talking to the girl in my own mirror, the one who needed this pep talk just as much as y'all did.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We already know who we are.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know you're that girl and you've been that girl.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We just have not been acting like it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I beg the question, if you don't think you're all that in a bag of chips, then who will?
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[SPEAKER_01]: If you don't think you're a big deal, who will?
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[SPEAKER_01]: And this isn't about being cocky or conceited.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's about confidence in having healthy, high self esteem.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So tonight, before the clock strikes midnight,
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[SPEAKER_01]: I want us collectively and intentionally to step into the version of ourselves that we've been half way becoming this year, the version that honors her intuition, the version that protects her piece, the version that doesn't pick for anything she should be walking away from, the version that doesn't second guess her worth because someone else can't see it,
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[SPEAKER_01]: We are walking into this 126 with our shoulders back, our chin high, our chest proud in our boundaries firm.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You feel me?
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[SPEAKER_01]: With our goals clear and our energy protected with our spirit grounded in our voices steady with God at the center of our lives, y'all.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We are choosing ourselves this year, loudly, proudly, and without apology.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So here is my sendoff for all of us this year.
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[SPEAKER_01]: May 2026 meet us at the level we're rising to, not the level we're leaving behind.
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[SPEAKER_01]: May it reward the courage we show.
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[SPEAKER_01]: May it honor the space we make for ourselves, may it stretch us in the best ways.
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[SPEAKER_01]: May it bring us peace that stays and joy that multiplies.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Happy New Year, beautiful people.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Step into 26, like the big deal that you are, baby, because we are done playing small.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Now, I will talk to you guys again in a few days.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We will be taking a very small break at the top of the year.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But if this episode resonated with you and you think a friend needs to hear it before the day is up or whenever you're listening to it, you can be listening to it at another time.
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[SPEAKER_01]: send it to a friend.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think this is a very important episode to share with everyone that you love.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But I will see you guys back here on the podcast on January 5th.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to enjoy some time with my family.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That's when we'll have our first episode of the new year.
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[SPEAKER_01]: In 2026, we're all guests, no breaks, baby.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And if you have not purchased your new year workbook, you need to get it right now.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I have linked it down below in the show notes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And even if you purchased it last year, the 2024 edition, or the 2020 24, look, I'm getting my year as mixed up.
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[SPEAKER_01]: If you purchased it in 2024 for the 2025 year, this one does have some new things.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So you could repurchase it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: If you like, if you want to just redo the same one, that's totally fine, but we do have some other goodies in there this year that does make this one a little different.
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[SPEAKER_01]: and you have to invest in yourself.
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[SPEAKER_01]: If you truly want to stop prioritizing other people and if you truly want to have God to disintegrate your life, if you truly want to walk like you are that girl and know that you are your biggest priority and know that you are all that in the back of chips.
19:35.656 --> 19:47.207
[SPEAKER_01]: I highly suggest that you do get the workbook and really put in the paper and get clarity on the things that you need to pour into, on the things that you need to lean into a little bit, on the things that you need to fall back of.
19:47.187 --> 19:48.109
[SPEAKER_01]: you know what I mean.
19:48.830 --> 19:51.996
[SPEAKER_01]: But with that being said, you guys, thank you so, so much for listening.
19:52.517 --> 19:56.465
[SPEAKER_01]: I hope I didn't, you know, do too much in this episode.
19:56.565 --> 20:02.777
[SPEAKER_01]: I hope y'all feel like I was mad at child or nothing, but I really think this is something that I needed to hear.
20:03.238 --> 20:06.023
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're done playing small.
20:07.065 --> 20:07.947
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sick of it.
20:09.226 --> 20:20.383
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm 31, it's 2026 now, about to be 2026, it's about to be a new year, but maybe we have things to do, we have blessings to receive, amen.
20:21.004 --> 20:27.274
[SPEAKER_01]: So thank you guys so much for listening to this week's pep talk, and I will see you again next year.
20:27.314 --> 20:37.309
[SPEAKER_01]: This is affirmations for Black girls.
20:40.192 --> 20:45.105
[SPEAKER_00]: Boy soon as you get it, you're way for love
00:00.031 --> 00:04.018
[SPEAKER_01]: It is time to stop making everyone else a priority.
00:04.879 --> 00:09.667
[SPEAKER_01]: You keep showing up at full price while you're letting people treat you like your own clearance.
00:10.388 --> 00:17.941
[SPEAKER_01]: All year you have been shrinking, adjusting, bending, watering yourself down, just to make other people feel comfortable, and for what?
00:18.922 --> 00:26.595
[SPEAKER_01]: What has that ever gotten you besides disappointment after disappointment and burnout as a dessert?
00:26.812 --> 00:35.502
[SPEAKER_01]: The new year for me, at least, is all about alignment, boundaries, self-respect that doesn't shake when somebody else has a problem with it.
00:36.082 --> 00:42.570
[SPEAKER_01]: This new year is about finally believing that you are allowed to take up space.
00:42.590 --> 00:46.754
[SPEAKER_01]: 20-26 starts tomorrow, y'all, two tomorrow.
00:47.415 --> 00:54.523
[SPEAKER_01]: So before the last day of 2025 is over, I need you to take a cold, hard look in the mirror and be honest with yourself.
00:54.503 --> 00:56.968
[SPEAKER_01]: Where have I been dimming my own light?
00:57.529 --> 01:01.576
[SPEAKER_01]: Who have I been prioritizing over my own well-being and why?
01:01.617 --> 01:06.245
[SPEAKER_01]: And once you answer, then let that old version of you go.
01:06.646 --> 01:07.608
[SPEAKER_01]: She served a purpose.
01:08.710 --> 01:09.331
[SPEAKER_01]: We're done with her.
01:09.832 --> 01:10.774
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't need her anymore.
01:10.814 --> 01:15.002
[SPEAKER_01]: This next season of life is about who you are now.
01:15.042 --> 01:16.545
[SPEAKER_01]: Not who you've been.
01:16.897 --> 01:30.045
[SPEAKER_00]: ever for you things are as proud we're so proud two days are as proud we're so proud
01:31.747 --> 01:33.671
[SPEAKER_01]: Happy New Year's Eve, beautiful people.
01:33.791 --> 01:35.694
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back to another Peptalk Wednesday.
01:35.935 --> 01:43.008
[SPEAKER_01]: I am tired of the creative your host and virtual cheerleader for the day, delivering a midweek pick me up that you have been craving.
01:43.449 --> 01:47.877
[SPEAKER_01]: So get ready for some encouraging words and a dose of inspiration to brighten your day.
01:47.937 --> 01:48.719
[SPEAKER_01]: Ready?
01:48.739 --> 01:49.941
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
01:59.776 --> 02:04.320
[SPEAKER_01]: I know you don't want to hear this, but let's go ahead and rip the bandade off.
02:04.760 --> 02:08.884
[SPEAKER_01]: You keep abandoning yourself because you're terrified of disappointing other people.
02:09.865 --> 02:15.970
[SPEAKER_01]: But you've been disappointing yourself this whole time and that is the heartbreak that we never tend to say out loud.
02:16.470 --> 02:29.361
[SPEAKER_01]: So stop making everyone else the man character in your life and calling it being a good person.
02:29.341 --> 02:46.124
[SPEAKER_01]: buckle up because there comes a time when you get sick and tired being sick and tired, we have been stretching, shrinking, overgiving, overworking, bending ourselves into shapes that we were always too big to fit in, all to keep the peace for people who don't even show us like that.
02:46.444 --> 02:48.927
[SPEAKER_01]: Let alone even half of the way we show up for them.
02:48.967 --> 02:52.292
[SPEAKER_01]: And then we sit there and we wonder why we exhausted.
02:52.312 --> 02:53.513
[SPEAKER_01]: We wonder why we're resentful.
02:53.553 --> 02:58.420
[SPEAKER_01]: We wonder why we pissed off and running on
02:58.400 --> 03:25.251
[SPEAKER_01]: you're not tired because life is so busy and you're juggling a lot you are tired because you have zero boundaries protecting you and listen as black women we are trained from childhood to earn love through labor to be helpful nurturing agreeable accommodating to never ask for too much to never need too much to never say no without explaining ourselves and I am right in that number with
03:25.417 --> 03:30.184
[SPEAKER_01]: But that conditioning will have you performing your way straight into burnout and calling a string.
03:30.624 --> 03:34.009
[SPEAKER_01]: And here's what is actively changing my life as we speak.
03:34.229 --> 03:37.093
[SPEAKER_01]: The word selfish is not a bad word.
03:37.354 --> 03:39.697
[SPEAKER_01]: Depending on how you twist it, it's a boundary.
03:40.217 --> 03:44.944
[SPEAKER_01]: And boundaries are what keep you from emotionally bleeding out.
03:44.924 --> 04:14.577
[SPEAKER_01]: your needs are not aburden, your limits are not disrespectful, your know, does not require a 100 page dissertation, and your boundaries are not optional, there are a form of self-respect, and if any of this is resonating with you, then you could probably use a few more firm boundaries that you properly communicate to those that you love, things like saying, no, I can't make it
04:14.557 --> 04:35.755
[SPEAKER_01]: Not answering calls from people who only reach out when they need something, maybe it's letting the text messages sit until you actually have the bandwidth to respond instead of sprinting through a reply so nobody gets mad at you or maybe you need to stop the habit of dropping everything to fix someone else's crisis when your own life is on fire or you just have a lagoon on your own plate or
04:36.646 --> 04:46.342
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it's not entertaining men who only hit you up after 10 p.m. because like my Papa said, the only thing that is open at that time is bars and leaks, but I digress.
04:47.023 --> 04:54.416
[SPEAKER_01]: Because if we're being honest here, have for the pressure that you feel in these situations is not from life itself.
04:54.496 --> 05:01.928
[SPEAKER_01]: It's from the boundaries that you're not enforcing and the repercussions of allowing people to use you and step all over you.
05:01.908 --> 05:09.317
[SPEAKER_01]: and the minute, the minute that you start honoring them, everything starts to shift.
05:09.797 --> 05:10.758
[SPEAKER_01]: Life gets lighter.
05:10.818 --> 05:12.861
[SPEAKER_01]: You can breathe more clearly.
05:12.901 --> 05:22.031
[SPEAKER_01]: You can see that that relationship is actually and has always been a situation ship and one that may sure that you are getting a short end of the stick.
05:22.352 --> 05:23.393
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
05:23.373 --> 05:24.815
[SPEAKER_01]: and the best part y'all.
05:25.516 --> 05:28.821
[SPEAKER_01]: You stop begging for the bare minimum like it's the best you can get.
05:28.842 --> 05:37.755
[SPEAKER_01]: I know you guys have seen that meme when God has the big teddy bear for the little girl behind his back and all he needs her to do is give her the ratter tattered one.
05:39.899 --> 05:47.170
[SPEAKER_01]: Accepting the bare minimum because you are afraid that there isn't anything better out there for you is holding you in hell.
05:47.977 --> 05:57.971
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know, y'all, at 31 years old, I'm just sick and tired of the bullshit, excuse my French, but I really feel so strongly about this as we turn the chapter on a new year.
05:58.391 --> 06:04.540
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you want to walk into 26 as a better woman, then stop treating your boundaries like they're just suggestions.
06:04.900 --> 06:06.983
[SPEAKER_01]: Stop apologizing for protecting your piece.
06:07.063 --> 06:09.647
[SPEAKER_01]: Stop shrinking so other people can feel comfortable.
06:10.027 --> 06:16.296
[SPEAKER_01]: Choose yourself and choose yourself loudly, consistently, unapologetically, let it be uncomfortable.
06:16.276 --> 06:18.659
[SPEAKER_01]: sit in that discomfort that is how you grow.
06:18.679 --> 06:21.082
[SPEAKER_01]: I want you to say it with your chest.
06:21.643 --> 06:24.526
[SPEAKER_01]: I am allowed to choose me.
06:24.566 --> 06:26.128
[SPEAKER_01]: Do not whisper it.
06:26.208 --> 06:26.989
[SPEAKER_01]: Say it loud.
06:27.009 --> 06:31.355
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't say it with guilt and don't say it like you're waiting for permission to actually choose yourself.
06:31.895 --> 06:39.004
[SPEAKER_01]: Say it like someone who's done living the same year on repeat because I know that I am and that's why I feel so strongly about this.
06:39.345 --> 06:45.152
[SPEAKER_01]: Say it like someone who finally understands that the world will never respect the boundaries that you refuse to enforce.
06:54.228 --> 07:00.495
[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve the type of peace that you can try and hand out to other people who don't even say thank you.
07:00.555 --> 07:02.958
[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve risk.
07:03.378 --> 07:06.241
[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve boundaries that actually stick.
07:06.842 --> 07:12.648
[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve support, not just from strangers, not just from coworkers, but from yourself.
07:13.209 --> 07:18.835
[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve the type of peace that you keep trying to hand out to other people who don't even say thank you.
07:18.815 --> 07:36.300
[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve wrist, you deserve boundaries that actually stick, you deserve support, not just from strangers, not just from coworkers, but from yourself as well, you deserve to show up for yourself the way that you've been showing up for everybody else.
07:36.280 --> 07:44.275
[SPEAKER_01]: and your damn tired of doing it quietly, you deserve to stop overextending for friends who only show up when it benefits them.
07:44.876 --> 07:58.542
[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve to, if necessary, cut off the people, routines and habits that drain you without apology, you deserve mornings and evenings and weekends that are yours, uninterrupted, sacred and guilt-free.
07:58.522 --> 08:04.208
[SPEAKER_01]: you deserve to invest in your mental, emotional, and spiritual health without shame.
08:05.029 --> 08:27.415
[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve to walk away from men, our little boys, who want to reach out on their schedule, who only wants to pretend to be with you, who are emotionally immature, inconsiderate, stuck in their ways, and who are actually lying to themselves and hiding from themselves, and refuse to put in the work to truly become the healed version of the man
08:28.627 --> 08:34.237
[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve to confidently let them know and make space for the man who truly sees you.
08:34.658 --> 08:41.489
[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve to unapologetically prioritize your dreams, your finances, your career, and your hobbies.
08:42.371 --> 08:49.383
[SPEAKER_01]: And you deserve to celebrate yourself, your wins, your progress, your glow without explaining or minimizing it for anyone.
08:49.403 --> 08:53.250
[SPEAKER_01]: This is all of our seasons.
08:53.467 --> 08:59.878
[SPEAKER_01]: to clear space, to make room, to prepare your life for what you want next.
08:59.898 --> 09:11.157
[SPEAKER_01]: So happy I'll hurt that worship song, make room by Jonathan McGrinnell's, the beginning of the song goes like this, and I'm not gonna sing it, but it goes, I find space for what I treasure.
09:11.177 --> 09:14.142
[SPEAKER_01]: I make time for what I want.
09:14.122 --> 09:17.928
[SPEAKER_01]: I choose my priorities and Jesus, you are my number one.
09:17.988 --> 09:19.690
[SPEAKER_01]: So I will make room for you.
09:19.730 --> 09:21.433
[SPEAKER_01]: I will prepare for two.
09:21.473 --> 09:24.918
[SPEAKER_01]: So you don't feel that you can't live here.
09:24.978 --> 09:26.481
[SPEAKER_01]: Please live in me.
09:26.521 --> 09:35.374
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, of course he's singing that, but this is a great affirmation song and it's perfect for this season of life that so many of us are in right now.
09:35.855 --> 09:42.525
[SPEAKER_01]: And I actually just add this song to the defeating doubt playlist that I've shared with you guys a lot of times on the show.
09:42.505 --> 09:47.295
[SPEAKER_01]: And that playlist is linked down below in the show notes if you would like to take a listen.
09:47.415 --> 09:52.846
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's really good to get into that space of making room in your life for the blessings God has for you.
09:53.126 --> 09:58.978
[SPEAKER_01]: But I say all this to say, communicating your boundaries confidently is imperative.
09:58.958 --> 10:04.247
[SPEAKER_01]: And the first step to that is knowing what boundaries you need to set and that varies from person to person.
10:04.688 --> 10:09.095
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe setting those foreign boundaries does mean cutting people off unapologetically.
10:09.616 --> 10:16.427
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe that means saying no more than you say yes, maybe it is a full on year of shedding.
10:16.407 --> 10:26.432
[SPEAKER_01]: toxic friendships, unequally yoke friendships, draining habits, people who always take and never give or maybe this is your year to finally say yes.
10:27.114 --> 10:32.307
[SPEAKER_01]: Say yes to the things that feature soul, fuel your growth and spark your joy.
10:32.287 --> 10:47.545
[SPEAKER_01]: Stop waiting for permission to take up space, stop shrinking for the comfort of others, stop apologizing for existing on your own terms, your time, your energy, your body, your mental health are not optional.
10:47.525 --> 10:51.649
[SPEAKER_01]: they are sacred and it's past time that you treated them the way.
10:52.230 --> 10:59.698
[SPEAKER_01]: So open your mouth y'all and let yourself and the people around you know what you need and what you cannot tolerate in this season.
11:00.399 --> 11:17.076
[SPEAKER_01]: So I want you to take inventory right now which relationships are actually lifting you up and which ones are quietly or loudly sucking you dry which projects or commitments are energizing you and which ones are keeping you stuck in a cycle of obligation and guilt.
11:17.242 --> 11:23.438
[SPEAKER_01]: Where in your life are you overest in yourself and where could you just breathe for a moment?
11:23.722 --> 11:28.186
[SPEAKER_01]: saying no or stepping away does not make you a bad person.
11:28.206 --> 11:31.029
[SPEAKER_01]: It makes yourself aware and grown.
11:31.349 --> 11:36.574
[SPEAKER_01]: Honestly, it makes you capable of showing up fully for the things that actually deserve your energy.
11:36.754 --> 11:39.637
[SPEAKER_01]: And yes, it will be uncomfortable.
11:39.777 --> 11:42.420
[SPEAKER_01]: It may feel itchy and it takes practice.
11:43.020 --> 11:46.764
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, some people will get mad or confused or I think that this is coming out of the left field.
11:46.824 --> 11:53.610
[SPEAKER_01]: But you will finally feel the freedom that comes with protecting your peace.
11:53.962 --> 11:59.690
[SPEAKER_01]: 2025 was a mixed bag of both energy draining chaos and soul-fueling wins.
11:59.850 --> 12:02.955
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to be honest with myself about what I could no longer carry.
12:03.375 --> 12:09.324
[SPEAKER_01]: That meant setting boundaries with people who always demanded my time without giving theirs in meaningful ways, right?
12:09.664 --> 12:15.573
[SPEAKER_01]: It meant stopping working on projects that were burning me out with no real gain and that was a big one for me this year.
12:15.633 --> 12:18.697
[SPEAKER_01]: It meant letting go of routines that kept me small.
12:19.318 --> 12:19.959
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know what?
12:21.160 --> 12:23.023
[SPEAKER_01]: The
12:23.510 --> 12:24.615
[SPEAKER_01]: I could breathe again.
12:24.635 --> 12:29.255
[SPEAKER_01]: I could start to show up fully and fiercely and I feel guilty about it.
12:29.717 --> 12:33.132
[SPEAKER_01]: That's where I want all of us to live in 2026.
12:33.652 --> 12:34.593
[SPEAKER_01]: So here's your homework.
12:35.234 --> 12:38.578
[SPEAKER_01]: Identify one area in your life that needs a hard boundary.
12:38.818 --> 12:41.642
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it's a person, a habit, or a commitment.
12:42.002 --> 12:44.605
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm pretty sure we all can find at least one.
12:45.386 --> 12:49.732
[SPEAKER_01]: Decide what space for you looks like in that area.
12:50.052 --> 12:57.641
[SPEAKER_01]: Does it mean saying no, skipping something, canceling of recurring obligation, pivoting completely and never looking back and write it down?
12:58.843 --> 13:02.427
[SPEAKER_01]: That is your boundary.
13:02.592 --> 13:09.040
[SPEAKER_01]: Once you do that, I want you to commit to it loudly, unapologetically, and consistently no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel.
13:09.681 --> 13:11.323
[SPEAKER_01]: Because peace is not a luxury.
13:11.763 --> 13:13.826
[SPEAKER_01]: Joy is not optional in this life.
13:14.226 --> 13:15.748
[SPEAKER_01]: Growth is not passive.
13:16.229 --> 13:20.094
[SPEAKER_01]: Protect your energy like your life depends on it, because it does, y'all.
13:20.474 --> 13:30.186
[SPEAKER_01]: This is your year to take up space to say yes to refugees you, not to what drains you, and to let the world adjust around the power of your boundaries.
13:34.756 --> 13:42.364
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay y'all, now you know every Peptalk Wednesday comes with a challenge of the week and I already gave you a little bit of homework in our last section.
13:42.724 --> 13:53.635
[SPEAKER_01]: So first I identify that boundary that we discuss a second ago and then, especially since this is the top of the new year, choose one thing that is for you and actually do it.
13:54.015 --> 14:02.704
[SPEAKER_01]: So book that solo dinner day, block off a self-care day on your calendar, start going to the gym, take a couple of days to dive into our new year, workbook.
14:02.684 --> 14:11.023
[SPEAKER_01]: Whatever it is, commit to showing up for yourself, get into the habit of making yourself be priority.
14:19.677 --> 14:25.687
[SPEAKER_01]: It's 25 was a year that taught me to put myself first and think bigger.
14:25.707 --> 14:37.365
[SPEAKER_01]: I constantly found myself in situations where I was frustrated because certain situations that I catch myself in, I was saying things like, do you know who I am?
14:37.386 --> 14:38.648
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't.
14:39.329 --> 14:44.537
[SPEAKER_01]: And then in the same breath, I would think, well, then I need to make sure that I'm acting like it.
14:44.669 --> 14:45.671
[SPEAKER_01]: again and again.
14:45.691 --> 14:52.104
[SPEAKER_01]: And I need to embody that big deal energy that we set out to live in at the top of the year.
14:52.224 --> 15:02.505
[SPEAKER_01]: And honestly, we all need to because we keep talking about the life that we want, the confidence we want, the peace we want, the boundaries we want, the love we want.
15:03.167 --> 15:05.732
[SPEAKER_01]: But we show up like,
15:05.712 --> 15:07.797
[SPEAKER_01]: we're scared of our own potential.
15:08.398 --> 15:21.848
[SPEAKER_01]: We tiptoe around our own greatness, like it is this fragile thing, like if we make one ball move the whole thing, my cracking crumble, or you just scared that you might simply get caught trying.
15:21.828 --> 15:22.670
[SPEAKER_01]: No ma'am.
15:23.291 --> 15:24.373
[SPEAKER_01]: No ma'am.
15:24.934 --> 15:25.576
[SPEAKER_01]: Not next year.
15:25.636 --> 15:26.458
[SPEAKER_01]: Not anymore.
15:26.658 --> 15:27.059
[SPEAKER_01]: Not in 2026.
15:27.079 --> 15:33.933
[SPEAKER_01]: 2026 is the year that we stop shrinking ourselves for comfort.
15:34.454 --> 15:35.096
[SPEAKER_01]: Your comfort.
15:35.597 --> 15:36.238
[SPEAKER_01]: My comfort.
15:36.779 --> 15:38.723
[SPEAKER_01]: People around use comfort.
15:38.703 --> 15:41.547
[SPEAKER_01]: and we start to stretch ourselves for growth.
15:42.248 --> 15:47.075
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the year that we stop performing strength and actually live and truth.
15:47.195 --> 15:52.563
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the year that we stop negotiating with bare mental energy from anybody including ourselves.
15:53.084 --> 15:56.509
[SPEAKER_01]: And listen, let me be crystal clear when I say this.
15:56.843 --> 16:03.852
[SPEAKER_01]: I am talking to myself just as much as I am talking to y'all and I wish that somebody would talk to me like this a couple of years ago.
16:04.053 --> 16:05.174
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's why I'm doing this.
16:05.755 --> 16:12.404
[SPEAKER_01]: Half of the time that I'm preaching, I'm really talking to the girl in my own mirror, the one who needed this pep talk just as much as y'all did.
16:13.766 --> 16:15.628
[SPEAKER_01]: We already know who we are.
16:15.777 --> 16:18.160
[SPEAKER_01]: You know you're that girl and you've been that girl.
16:18.761 --> 16:20.944
[SPEAKER_01]: We just have not been acting like it.
16:21.685 --> 16:27.813
[SPEAKER_01]: So I beg the question, if you don't think you're all that in a bag of chips, then who will?
16:28.774 --> 16:30.676
[SPEAKER_01]: If you don't think you're a big deal, who will?
16:32.038 --> 16:35.322
[SPEAKER_01]: And this isn't about being cocky or conceited.
16:35.583 --> 16:39.027
[SPEAKER_01]: It's about confidence in having healthy, high self esteem.
16:40.008 --> 16:43.573
[SPEAKER_01]: So tonight, before the clock strikes midnight,
16:43.756 --> 17:09.730
[SPEAKER_01]: I want us collectively and intentionally to step into the version of ourselves that we've been half way becoming this year, the version that honors her intuition, the version that protects her piece, the version that doesn't pick for anything she should be walking away from, the version that doesn't second guess her worth because someone else can't see it,
17:10.570 --> 17:16.617
[SPEAKER_01]: We are walking into this 126 with our shoulders back, our chin high, our chest proud in our boundaries firm.
17:16.677 --> 17:17.158
[SPEAKER_01]: You feel me?
17:18.820 --> 17:26.569
[SPEAKER_01]: With our goals clear and our energy protected with our spirit grounded in our voices steady with God at the center of our lives, y'all.
17:26.609 --> 17:31.735
[SPEAKER_01]: We are choosing ourselves this year, loudly, proudly, and without apology.
17:32.596 --> 17:37.742
[SPEAKER_01]: So here is my sendoff for all of us this year.
17:38.853 --> 17:44.444
[SPEAKER_01]: May 2026 meet us at the level we're rising to, not the level we're leaving behind.
17:44.484 --> 17:47.290
[SPEAKER_01]: May it reward the courage we show.
17:47.310 --> 17:53.242
[SPEAKER_01]: May it honor the space we make for ourselves, may it stretch us in the best ways.
17:53.663 --> 17:57.992
[SPEAKER_01]: May it bring us peace that stays and joy that multiplies.
17:58.732 --> 18:00.214
[SPEAKER_01]: Happy New Year, beautiful people.
18:00.375 --> 18:05.923
[SPEAKER_01]: Step into 26, like the big deal that you are, baby, because we are done playing small.
18:06.724 --> 18:09.448
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, I will talk to you guys again in a few days.
18:09.549 --> 18:12.373
[SPEAKER_01]: We will be taking a very small break at the top of the year.
18:12.814 --> 18:23.490
[SPEAKER_01]: But if this episode resonated with you and you think a friend needs to hear it before the day is up or whenever you're listening to it, you can be listening to it at another time.
18:23.673 --> 18:24.635
[SPEAKER_01]: send it to a friend.
18:25.336 --> 18:29.805
[SPEAKER_01]: I think this is a very important episode to share with everyone that you love.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But I will see you guys back here on the podcast on January 5th.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to enjoy some time with my family.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That's when we'll have our first episode of the new year.
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[SPEAKER_01]: In 2026, we're all guests, no breaks, baby.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And if you have not purchased your new year workbook, you need to get it right now.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I have linked it down below in the show notes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And even if you purchased it last year, the 2024 edition, or the 2020 24, look, I'm getting my year as mixed up.
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[SPEAKER_01]: If you purchased it in 2024 for the 2025 year, this one does have some new things.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So you could repurchase it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: If you like, if you want to just redo the same one, that's totally fine, but we do have some other goodies in there this year that does make this one a little different.
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[SPEAKER_01]: and you have to invest in yourself.
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[SPEAKER_01]: If you truly want to stop prioritizing other people and if you truly want to have God to disintegrate your life, if you truly want to walk like you are that girl and know that you are your biggest priority and know that you are all that in the back of chips.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I highly suggest that you do get the workbook and really put in the paper and get clarity on the things that you need to pour into, on the things that you need to lean into a little bit, on the things that you need to fall back of.
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[SPEAKER_01]: you know what I mean.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But with that being said, you guys, thank you so, so much for listening.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I hope I didn't, you know, do too much in this episode.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I hope y'all feel like I was mad at child or nothing, but I really think this is something that I needed to hear.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And we're done playing small.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sick of it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm 31, it's 2026 now, about to be 2026, it's about to be a new year, but maybe we have things to do, we have blessings to receive, amen.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So thank you guys so much for listening to this week's pep talk, and I will see you again next year.
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[SPEAKER_01]: This is affirmations for Black girls.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Boy soon as you get it, you're way for love
