TRANSCRIPTION 🔗
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The Grape Nuts Flakes Program, starring Jack Benny, with Mary Livingston,
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Phil Harris, Dennis Day, Rochester, and yours truly, Don Wilson.
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And now, here's the nationwide weather forecast. I slipped past
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the old sensor. I made it up myself.
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Tomorrow morning will be bright and sunny in all areas
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where delicious, malty-rich Grape Nuts Flakes are served for breakfast. Furthermore,
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all parts of the country will find Grape Nuts Flakes
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a swell breakfast treat. They'll experience rising enjoyment to be
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followed by a second dish. In fact, the popularity of
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Grape Nuts Flakes will be so great, there'll be a
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general shift to Grape Nuts Flakes every morning. And that, friends,
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is just my way of saying it's always fair weather
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when you and Grape Nuts.
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Flakes get together.
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Because the distinctive, delicious flavor of Grape Nuts Flakes is
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a blend of two delicious grains, sun-ripened wheat and malted barley.
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It's that same delicious Grape Nuts blend in toasty brown
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flake form. So to make my forecast come true, say
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Grape Nuts Flakes, please, to your grocer tomorrow.
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That was I Am an American played by the orchestra.
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Now, ladies and gentlemen, the election's being over. We bring
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you a man who was swept into office by an
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overwhelming majority. the new sidewalk inspector of Beverly Hills, California,
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Jack Benny. Thank you, thank you.
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Hooray for Benny!
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Thank you, sir, thank you. Hello again, this is Jack
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Betty talking. And first of all this evening, I'd like
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to thank my many friends in Beverly Hills who had
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the confidence and foresight to elect me chief inspector of sidewalks, driveways, curbings,
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and gutters. That's Beverly Hills for gutters, folks. So thanks again. Well,
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tell me, Jack, why in the world would you want
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to become... Just a second, Don. And I'd also like
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to say a word to my worthy opponent, Elmer Snout.
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Better luck next time, Elmer. Well, tell me, Jack, why
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in the world would you want... Just a second. Just
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a minute, darling. And I'd also like to state at
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this time that my campaign slogan will be faithfully executed.
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Sidewalk Jack will fix that crack. Yes, sir. Oh, hello, Mary.
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Hello, Governor. Congratulations.
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I didn't run for governor. I'm starting out at the bottom.
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Well, you can't get lower than the gutter.
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Never mind. Tell me, Jack, why in the world would
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you want to run for the office of sidewalk inspector? Well,
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it's very simple, Don.
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Sure, Jack's always walking around with his head bent down,
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so he might as well get 20 cents an hour
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for it.
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That's 22 cents, sister, and I get priorities on arch supporters.
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Where are you getting your arches?
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From Little Rock Arch and Saw. I can go along
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with a gag, you know. Anyway, I was elected by
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an overwhelming majority, according to my campaign manager. Oh, by
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the way, Jack, who handled your campaign? Uh, Jim Farley.
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And he, uh.
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No, he really put me over. Say, did Jim Farley
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come all the way from New York just to handle
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your campaign? Oh, uh, oh, this isn't the Farley you're
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thinking of, Donovan. This is Jim Far Lee. He's Chinese.
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He runs the Kumquat Inn over on Camden Drive.
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Chinese manager.
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Well, how much did the campaign cost.
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You, Jack?
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Oh, I'd say somewhere between 7,000 and 8,000 yen.
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But it was worth it. My goodness, 8,000 yen. How
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much is that in American money?
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$ 2.
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40.
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It was more than $ 2. 40 for the picnic and outing alone.
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So what are you talking about? Hiya, Jackson. Congratulations on
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your election. Thanks, Phil. How does it feel to be
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in the White House? Phil, I'm just sidewalk inspector. I'm
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not going to run for president for years. You know,
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Roosevelt's going to be glad
Load full transcript
to hear that. The only
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thing I can't understand about that gag, how did Phil
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know that Roosevelt was president? Say, maestro, what's that letter
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you've got in your hand there? Oh, a kid gave
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it to me out in the hall. It's from one
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of my fans, no doubt, Lee. Let's see that. This
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letter's for Mary. It says Mary Livingston, see?
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Oh, yeah, I should have known. Her name is longer
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than mine.
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It's got different letters, too.
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Here it is, Mary.
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Thanks. Oh, Jack, this letter's for Mama.
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Come on, read it to us, Mary.
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Yeah, what's Ration Brain got to say? Let's hear it.
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Plainfield, New Jersey, November 5th. My darling daughter, Mary.
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pretty dull so far.
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Don't worry, Mom will get rolling.
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My darling daughter Mary, just in line to thank you
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for your lovely letter and your generous check.
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I say generous because I'm your mother.
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Boy, is she mercenary You'll be glad to know that
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your Uncle Willie Hasn't been arrested since the dim out
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Nobody leaves their shades up anymore.
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Too bad What else has Frizzle Top got to say?
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Go ahead. Your father and I went to New York
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last week and saw Jack and Ann Sheridan.
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In their new picture, George Washington Slept Here.
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Well.
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There were a lot of laughs, especially when your father
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accused the man next to him of stealing his shoes.
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We're probably cold with no socks.
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Incidentally, Mary, I don't know if I ever told you this,
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but George Washington is supposed to have slept right here
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in our little stone house in Plainfield.
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Washington slept there?
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So when Jack comes east.
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Why doesn't he visit us and live in the same
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room that the father of our country did?
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Well, that's sweet of her.
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I don't know what Washington paid, but it'll cost Blue
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Eyes three bucks a day.
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Good thing she called me Blue Eyes.
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No more news, so we'll close with love to all
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from your mother, Five by Five Livingston.
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Ha, ha, ha, ha.
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Ain't she the one? Well, Phil, it's about time.
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Oh, wait a minute, Jack.
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Here's a P.S.
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Oh. Just heard from your brother Hillard, who's in the
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Air Corps.
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He must have received his wings all right, as he
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has just been promoted to yard bird.
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Well, I'm glad that's over. Mary, when you answer that letter,
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tell your mother she ought to get a fountain pen
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with plenty of ink.
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You ink, too, once in a while.
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Never mind. Now, let's have a band number, Phil. I
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don't know why Mary's mother hates him so.
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¶ ¶.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
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That was Massachusetts played by Phil Harris and his Cape
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Cod cut-ups. Incidentally, Phil, that's a peculiar title for a song,
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isn't it? Massachusetts. Well, after all, Jack, they've got a
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song called San Francisco, and they've got one called St.
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Louis Blues, and then there's that new one, Kalamazoo. What
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about it? Well, Massachusetts is a big city.
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Why can't they have a song?
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Well, Massachusetts is not a city.
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It's a state.
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Oh, yeah. It's on the eastern sideboard.
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Yeah.
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Yeah. Well, thank heaven here's Dennis. Hello, kid.
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Hello, Mr.
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Benny.
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Congratulations on your election.
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Well, thanks.
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Beverly Hills is going to have swell sidewalks now, by golly.
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Yeah, you said it.
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That new one in front of your house looks wonderful.
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Dennis.
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Uh-huh.
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What are you hoeing about? Just so happens I inspected
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my sidewalk first and I fixed it up.
And now... Hey, Jackson,
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that's a pretty tough job, ain't it? Crawling around on
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your hands and knees all day looking for cracks in
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the sidewalk. Well.
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Who crawls around? He's got an anteater on a leash.
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That's not an anteater. That's Barney Dean, my assistant. He's
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a short fellow with a flexible nose. And now, folks,
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for the first time this season, we shall delight and
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thrill you with an original one-act play written by Mr.
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Don Wilson, our old, fat Noel Coward. Take it, Mr. Wilson.
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The scene, ladies and gentlemen, is the little cottage of Mr.
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and Mrs.
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Oglethorpe J.
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Twink in Glendale, California. It is breakfast time, and Mr. Twink,
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played by Jack Benny, the eminent politician... Hooray for Benny!
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Thank you, thank you, sir. is awaiting the arrival of Mrs. Twink,
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his wife, who is a welder on the night shift
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in one of our huge aircraft factories. Curtain music. Oh, dear.
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7 a.m. and Clarabelle isn't home yet. It's payday, too.
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I hope she didn't get into a crap game with
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some of the girls. Oh, well, she works hard. She's
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entitled to a little fun, I guess. I wonder who
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that is. Come in. Why, it's the ice girl.
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Oh.
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Hello, Gloria.
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Any ice today, Twinkie?
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Darn you, Gloria. For the third time today, no. I'm
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a married man.
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Oh, come on.
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Don't you want a cake of ice, sweetie?
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No, and take your foot out of the door. If
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my wife finds you here, heaven knows what'll happen. I'll scram.
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Okay, cutie. I'll see you tomorrow.
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That Gloria's fresher than the fuller brush girl. Well, I
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might as well get started getting breakfast ready for the twins.
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They love those toasty browns, sweet as a nut, great
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nuts flakes. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. Just like
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the ones I used to have. Where the treetops glistened. Clarabelle,
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where have you been? It's almost 8 o'clock.
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Now, now, honey, stop nagging and give me a kiss.
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Get away from me with those greasy hands. I've got
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a clean apron on. Now, you tidy up.
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Okay, hand me the Dutch cleanser. I want to wash
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my face.
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There you are.
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I'm dreaming of a white Christmas just like the... You
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want some breakfast, dear?
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Yes, but first give me my kiss.
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Now, Clarabelle.
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Come on, kiss me.
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Not so early in the morning. Oh, God, don't be
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so rough, Clarabelle. Now, you broke the clasp on my
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slave bracelet. Look.
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Well, I'll take it to the plant tonight and weld
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it for you.
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By the way, Ogle Fork, aren't the twins up yet?
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Joe and Josephine? Here they come now. Hello, Joe. Hello, Dowardy.
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Hello, Josephine.
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I want to be Joe.
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You're Josephine.
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Josephine.
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Now sit down, children, and have your toasty brown, sweet
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as a nut, grape nuts plate. Oh, Judy, toasty brown,
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sweet as a nut, grape nuts plate. Aren't you going
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to have breakfast, dear?
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Not till you give me that kiss.
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Come on. Clarabelle, not in front of the children.
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Now you let me go. Mama's kissing Daddy.
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Mama's kissing Daddy.
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Children, behave yourselves. And you too, Clarabelle. Sit down and
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eat your great-grandson.
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You left that toasty brown sweet as a nut.
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Oh, yes. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like.
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The ones I used to know.
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Uh-oh, it's Gloria.
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Say, Twinkie, honey, did I leave my ice tongs here?
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Jiggers, Gloria, my wife is home.
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Oh, so she calls you Twinkie, honey, eh? So you've
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been playing around with that ice girl.
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I have not. I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.
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You're going to have a white Christmas.
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Bandages.
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Clarabelle, now put me down.
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Clarabelle, out.
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Out. And so we leave, Mr. Twink, chin up but
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with blackened eyes and with the happy knowledge that his
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wife's entire family is about to enjoy a breakfast of
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those toasty brown sweeties and that great nuts flakes. I
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thank you. Thank you. Well, Don, that really was a
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very good sketch. Oh, thanks, Jack. And now, Dennis, about
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time for your number. What are you going to sing?
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Well, I was going to sing White Christmas, but you
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just did it in the play. All right, so I
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sang it.
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What's the difference?
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That song is washed up, brother.
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I only hummed a little of it. Now go ahead
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and sing. Washed up.
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I'm dreaming of a white Christmas just like the one.
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Where the peacocks listen, and children listen, who hear play
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bells in the snow.
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I'm dreaming of a white.
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Christmas with every Christmas card I write.
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May your day be merry and bright. All your Christmases
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be white The sun is shining, the grass is green
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The orange and palm trees sway There's never been such
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a day In Beverly Hills, LA But it's December the
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24th And I am longing to be alive.
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I dream of white curtains.
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Just like the ones I used to know. May your
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day be merry and bright. © BF-WATCH TV 2021.
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Very good. Very good. That was... I'm a dreaming of
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a wild Christmas. Sung by Dennis Day. And very good, kid.
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That was all right.
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Speaking of Christmas, Mr. Benny, what are you going to
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give me for a present?
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Now, wait a minute, Dennis. No need to worry about
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your present so soon. Christmas is almost two months away.
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I mean last Christmas.
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You got a very nice gift for me last year,
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a beautiful pipe.
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An opium pipe. I'll get pinched if I use it.
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That pipe is for blowing soap bubbles. What an imagination
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that kid's got. Oh, he's talking. I'll have to slug
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him one of these days. You know, fellas... You know, fellas,
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this Christmas, I'm not gonna buy.
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I hope it's that cute ice girl.
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The play is over now, you know.
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Come in. Well, look who's here. Wait till I say,
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look who's here.
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Well, look who's here.
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How are you? I was in such a hurry to
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get on.
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Andy Devine, how are you?
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Well, Andy, it's about time you'd been paying us a visit.
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Why haven't you been around before?
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00:20:33.450 --> 00:20:35.490
Oh, we've been pretty busy on the farm, but I've
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got a lot of harvesting to do.
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Huh?
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00:20:38.900 --> 00:20:41.099
Well, that's really a problem now with the shortage of
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help and everything, huh?
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Well, it worked out swell for us.
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We got 12 pretty college girls helping us pick tomatoes. Pretty.
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Pretty, eh?
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Say, I bet that makes your pa happy, eh? Oh,
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he loves it, Buck. I caught him out in the
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field with all the girls yesterday and he had a
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salt and food on. A sultan suit? You mean he
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was dressed like a sultan?
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00:21:03.660 --> 00:21:05.160
Yeah, with a turkey towel and.
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A pair of Ma's red bloomers.
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What? He was loaded. Well, Andy, isn't your Ma jealous?
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I mean, your father out in the field chasing all
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those pretty girls? Oh, you'll never catch him, Buck.
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Ma's got a flat iron tied to his beard.
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Well.
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That's one way to keep the old boy down. Well,
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it's nice of you to drop in, Andy.
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So long.
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So long. Oh, by the way, I nearly forgot.
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Are you still interested in buying a horse?
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00:21:34.630 --> 00:21:37.339
Yes, I've been looking at horses all week. Now that
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00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:38.779
I haven't got the Maxwell anymore.
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00:21:38.880 --> 00:21:41.119
Well, I got just the animal you want.
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00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:43.619
Paul's out in the hall with it right now. You
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got a horse out in the lobby of NBC?
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00:21:45.400 --> 00:21:51.700
Yeah, I'll show her to you. Now, Andy.
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Come on in, Paul.
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Bring Leona with you.
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I don't want a horse in this studio.
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Don't worry.
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She's gentle as a lamb.
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Oh, my goodness.
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Hold her back.
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Hold her back, Paul.
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I've got her.
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Hold her, Leona.
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Hold her. Look out.
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00:22:10.559 --> 00:22:11.799
Look out. Watch out for the orchestra.
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Oh, for Pete's sake.
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00:22:17.700 --> 00:22:17.880
Oh, no.
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00:22:24.619 --> 00:22:25.319
What a mess.
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00:22:25.480 --> 00:22:27.619
Hey, Pa, you remember Jack Benny, don't you?
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00:22:28.079 --> 00:22:28.460
Hey.
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Jack Benny.
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Hey.
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00:22:30.640 --> 00:22:34.000
He's a little deaf, Buck. Jack Benny, Pa. Oh, yes,
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how are you, Buck?
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Glad to see you, Mr.
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Devine.
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00:22:37.420 --> 00:22:43.240
Who's the brunetti? Well, that's Barry Livingston. This is Andy's father, Mary. Hello, Mr.
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00:22:43.250 --> 00:22:48.910
Devine. Oh, I wish I had my bloomers on, don't you?
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00:22:50.460 --> 00:22:51.140
Why, Mr.
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Devine. Well, how about the horse, Buckley?
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00:22:53.420 --> 00:22:54.759
Oh, there's a mighty goodbye.
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00:22:55.140 --> 00:23:00.069
A goodbye? A goodbye, goodbye.
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00:23:00.869 --> 00:23:05.609
So long, everybody.
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Mr.
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00:23:05.809 --> 00:23:08.490
Devine, come back here. Now, Andy, I want a horse,
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00:23:08.630 --> 00:23:10.009
all right, but this one's pretty old.
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00:23:10.309 --> 00:23:13.150
What are you talking about? Me want is a glamour girl.
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00:23:15.369 --> 00:23:15.890
Glamour girl.
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00:23:15.910 --> 00:23:16.950
Look at that sway back.
359
00:23:17.450 --> 00:23:20.519
Her stomach is touching the floor. Hey. I said her
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stomach is touching the floor.
361
00:23:22.460 --> 00:23:22.720
I know.
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00:23:22.759 --> 00:23:25.539
I'll give her a girdle.
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00:23:24.519 --> 00:23:29.160
To the rubber drive.
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00:23:30.319 --> 00:23:32.099
Well, I wish I knew how old she was.
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00:23:32.240 --> 00:23:33.460
Well, look at her teeth, Jack.
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00:23:33.500 --> 00:23:36.890
That's a good way to tell. Oh, yes. Would you mind...
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00:23:36.900 --> 00:23:39.390
Would you mind showing me her teeth, Mr. Devine?
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00:23:40.230 --> 00:23:40.549
Spread them.
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00:23:41.130 --> 00:23:49.750
Here you are. Put them back in her mouth. Oh,
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00:23:49.769 --> 00:23:52.009
I don't know what to do about that, Boris. Oh,
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00:23:52.069 --> 00:23:52.670
buy it, Jack.
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00:23:52.750 --> 00:23:54.769
If he's rascaling coming in, they come in handy.
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00:23:55.650 --> 00:23:57.619
Mary, stay out of it. How much will you give
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00:23:57.680 --> 00:24:01.400
him for a buck? Well, let's see. Let's see.
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00:24:01.480 --> 00:24:05.460
Better hurry up, I might, and I've got her.
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00:24:05.200 --> 00:24:07.380
Soul to be in trouble.
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00:24:09.240 --> 00:24:13.839
That I can believe. Well, I'll tell you what. Ten
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00:24:13.880 --> 00:24:27.910
dollars is the best. Thank you. Well, here you are, Mr. Devine.
379
00:24:28.190 --> 00:24:37.349
Here's a $ 5 bill. Thanks. And here's 5-1. That's 6, 7, 8, 9...
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00:24:37.349 --> 00:24:43.329
Hold everything. I'm not taking.
381
00:24:46.109 --> 00:24:49.890
That horse. Give me that money back.
382
00:24:50.750 --> 00:24:58.039
There's nothing to get excited about.
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00:25:00.359 --> 00:25:02.859
He's just got a little.
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00:25:04.059 --> 00:25:04.240
Cold.
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00:25:04.299 --> 00:25:05.579
A cold?
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00:25:05.640 --> 00:25:09.609
Bless you. Well, I guess I'm hooked. Might as well
387
00:25:09.650 --> 00:25:11.150
have the horn. Come on, Leona, you go out in
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the hall.
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00:25:11.769 --> 00:25:12.259
Get going now.
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00:25:14.890 --> 00:25:16.369
Come on. Oh, yeah.
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00:25:17.019 --> 00:25:18.990
Oh, whoa, whoa, Leona.
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00:25:19.119 --> 00:25:22.640
Leona, look out.
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00:25:26.660 --> 00:25:27.819
There she goes again.
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00:25:27.839 --> 00:25:28.440
Leona, hold still.
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00:25:29.900 --> 00:25:30.339
Whoa, Leona.
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00:25:30.400 --> 00:25:33.140
Hey, Jackson, this phone call's for you.
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00:25:33.180 --> 00:25:34.279
Well, I'll be... Hello?
398
00:25:34.579 --> 00:25:35.220
Hello, Mr.
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00:25:35.240 --> 00:25:36.039
Cannon, Rochester.
400
00:25:40.640 --> 00:25:40.940
Whoa.
401
00:25:41.900 --> 00:25:42.160
Whoa.
402
00:25:42.849 --> 00:25:43.119
Whoa, Leo.
403
00:25:43.440 --> 00:25:43.670
Whoa.
404
00:25:44.029 --> 00:25:45.450
Whoa, whoa. What do you want, Rochester?
405
00:25:45.549 --> 00:25:47.049
Everything's all set for us.
406
00:25:47.109 --> 00:25:47.950
I just bought a horse.
407
00:25:48.450 --> 00:25:48.710
What?
408
00:25:48.750 --> 00:25:51.089
I told you to look at horses, and I'd buy one.
409
00:25:51.329 --> 00:25:55.170
But this one's a bargain. I got a bag of horse,
410
00:25:55.230 --> 00:25:57.869
a racing farm, and a jockey with it.
411
00:25:57.910 --> 00:26:00.970
Now, look, Rochester. I just bought a horse for $ 10.
412
00:26:00.849 --> 00:26:02.549
Well, the one I bought is breathing.
413
00:26:05.009 --> 00:26:06.730
I pay an AP. Mine's breathing, too.
414
00:26:06.849 --> 00:26:07.130
Whoa, Leo.
415
00:26:07.670 --> 00:26:07.950
Whoa.
416
00:26:08.250 --> 00:26:08.450
Whoa.
417
00:26:08.589 --> 00:26:08.890
Hey, generous.
418
00:26:08.970 --> 00:26:09.470
Watch out.
419
00:26:11.759 --> 00:26:12.230
What's wrong?
420
00:26:12.299 --> 00:26:14.119
Leona just kicked you in the head.
421
00:26:14.160 --> 00:26:14.559
She did?
422
00:26:15.099 --> 00:26:18.519
I'd better get some aspirin.
423
00:26:18.619 --> 00:26:21.480
Now, Rochester. Yes, sir? Whoa, whoa, Leona, whoa.
424
00:26:21.759 --> 00:26:24.460
You take that horse back to the man and get
425
00:26:24.480 --> 00:26:25.579
your $ 18. I can only get ten.
426
00:26:25.619 --> 00:26:26.700
He's paid me.
427
00:26:26.599 --> 00:26:27.900
$ 8, 000 for making it.
428
00:26:27.940 --> 00:26:28.339
And get.
429
00:26:31.700 --> 00:26:32.599
The ten bucks.
430
00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:35.960
We don't want two horses around the house. Whoa, whoa, Leona.
431
00:26:36.319 --> 00:26:37.000
Whoa, goodbye, Rochester.
432
00:26:37.140 --> 00:26:38.200
Come on, boss.
433
00:26:41.299 --> 00:26:46.259
Leona, give me back that cigar. Andy, will you please
434
00:26:46.339 --> 00:26:49.539
take that horse out in the hall and sign her up?
435
00:26:49.569 --> 00:26:50.769
What am I trying to do?
436
00:26:50.910 --> 00:26:53.750
I don't want.
437
00:26:53.670 --> 00:26:56.470
To pay for anything.
438
00:26:56.490 --> 00:26:59.150
Okay, come on, Leona, come on.
439
00:26:59.750 --> 00:27:01.950
Thank heaven that's it.
440
00:27:01.990 --> 00:27:02.829
Well, at least I got a horse.
441
00:27:02.869 --> 00:27:03.640
Play for us.
442
00:27:07.170 --> 00:27:09.460
And just because you find that meat and some of
443
00:27:09.480 --> 00:27:12.180
the other nutritious foods are growing scarcer and more expensive,
444
00:27:12.640 --> 00:27:15.599
don't deprive yourself of the nourishment you need for robust
445
00:27:15.640 --> 00:27:18.970
health and well-being. For instance, if you're eating less meat,
446
00:27:19.490 --> 00:27:22.029
then eat more of the other things that supply many
447
00:27:22.049 --> 00:27:24.890
of the food values of meat, such as whole grain
448
00:27:24.950 --> 00:27:28.279
cereals with lots of milk. For whole grain cereals like
449
00:27:28.339 --> 00:27:32.710
grape nuts flakes are plentiful, nutritious, and thrifty. In every
450
00:27:32.750 --> 00:27:35.750
helping of toasty brown grape nuts, flakes, and milk, you
451
00:27:35.769 --> 00:27:40.049
get remarkably well-balanced nourishment. You get protein and minerals such
452
00:27:40.089 --> 00:27:43.490
as iron, calcium, and phosphorus. And grape nuts, flakes give
453
00:27:43.529 --> 00:27:46.900
you two of the important B vitamins, niacin to help
454
00:27:46.920 --> 00:27:50.359
prevent loss of appetite and weight, plus vitamin B1, the
455
00:27:50.400 --> 00:27:54.079
nerve and energy vitamin, essential food factors we need more
456
00:27:54.140 --> 00:27:56.970
than ever. So to help keep your family up to par,
457
00:27:57.410 --> 00:28:01.880
serve them delicious, malty-rich Grape Nuts Flakes and milk every day.
458
00:28:01.900 --> 00:28:07.339
That was the last number of the sixth program of
459
00:28:07.359 --> 00:28:10.140
the new Grape Nuts Flakes series. And next Sunday, we're
460
00:28:10.160 --> 00:28:13.180
broadcasting from the Naval Air Base at Terminal Island, California.
461
00:28:13.660 --> 00:28:16.269
I'd like to announce that the part of Andy Devine's
462
00:28:16.349 --> 00:28:20.670
father was played by his father, Chester Goff, I mean
463
00:28:20.710 --> 00:28:24.339
Norris Goff, Who is Lum of Abner. I mean Abner
464
00:28:24.359 --> 00:28:25.970
of Lum and Abner.
465
00:28:26.269 --> 00:28:27.369
My dog is now he's.
466
00:28:27.250 --> 00:28:28.220
Got me all mixed up.
467
00:28:28.220 --> 00:28:28.319
Yeah.
468
00:28:28.380 --> 00:28:30.690
Hey, I'm going to marry. I'm going to marry.