Transcription complète de #52: How to Stop Second-Guessing Yourself as a Parent | Dr. Whitney Casares

of how do I look, how do I feel, teach kids how they feel and and how to stay healthy from the inside out instead of the other way. You know, it's it's good philosophy. Whitney Casares: Yeah, absolutely. I I think I differ a little bit too from other people that talk about body confidence. because a lot of people aren't medical that talk about it. you know, the Virginia Soul Smiths of the world, the Christy Harrisons that talk about like loving your body and, you know, having kind of freedom from diet culture. Because I'm a medical person, I think about health, like physical health, in the same Kevin Hoeflinger: Mm-hmm. Whitney Casares: exact moment that I think about mental health. And I feel like you cannot separate the two. So, you know, I worry about like eating disorders and I worry about heart disease and I worry about Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: diabetes, you know, like I worry about all that stuff. and so I hope that what I am providing and my books and my platform and everything I do is like a little bit more nuanced because it comes from that place of really understanding health consequences of choices that we make and also supporting mental health for our kids. Kevin Hoeflinger: A quick word from our partner, Neuropod, and then we'll get right back to the episode. You know, most parents are very good at making sure everyone else gets rest, but their own recovery is usually the first thing to go. And after 30 years as a neurosurgeon, I've seen what chronic stress can do to your body. And for a lot of parents, that stress comes from always being switched on for everyone else. It's called overfunctioning. I've been using Neuropod for over eight months now to help manage my own stress. You wear it on your ear. And it gently stimulates the vagus nerve, which is the nerve that helps shift your body out of the fight or flight response and into that recovery mode. I sleep better and I've watched my HRV, which is a marker of recovery, improve on my own wearable. It has more than 60 published studies behind it. In those studies, a key marker of inflammation dropped by up to 78%, and a tiredness was down forty-eight percent. Try it for 30 days risk-free and get 5% off with my link, neuropod.com forward slash heflinger. which I have linked in the description. That ties into something like I love to talk about. But when my dad and I started this platform like four and a half years ago and I've seen you talk about this, just the importance when in the world of, you know, now AI and then just anyone else that can get on camera and put stuff on social media, like the importance of having the experts out there. People like anyone can have an opinion and put it out there, but it has a little bit extra weight when you have a a a Stanford trained pediatrician. put something out there or a neurosurgeon putting something out there. And that's we don't have a lack of information. You know, we've passed Whitney Casares: Wow. Kevin Hoeflinger: that age. There's a million things online. You can it's about having it's like curation is a lot more important, I think. And people need to know who can I get good information from. And I saw your Instagram post, I think like a few days ago, like Dr. Martin was speaking, I think at the AAP Whitney Casares: Mm. Kevin Hoeflinger: and you put a statistic, it was like seventy eight to eighty two percent. of parents, you know, getting information online and if they get information in the middle of the night from a bogus person, like that's not what we want. Whitney Casares: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, so when I started in this, it was very frowned upon to do what I'm doing. Like it Kevin Hoeflinger: Mm-hmm. Whitney Casares: everybody was like, you're kind of like selling out. You're being an influencer, you're being on Instagram. And my philosophy was always like, Well, other people are out there putting false information out there. We have to Brian Hoeflinger: Right. Whitney Casares: counteract it by also showing up. Also, I'm just really huge on meeting people where they are. I think that I knew. People were on Facebook looking for information. They were on Instagram looking for information. They weren't just in my doctor's office. They weren't necessarily Kevin Hoeflinger: Mm-hmm. Whitney Casares: reading a book. Like this is where they're getting the info. So why would I not meet them where they are? And I think that comes from having my own kids who don't necessarily read the book. And I have to kind of like meet my kids where they are, you know, because sure I can have all the health information and evidence in my head, but like what's gonna work in real life? So that's how I've always approached my platform for sure. Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Brian Hoeflinger: I think another thing people are interested at least that we've heard like obviously you have a career and you're a doctor and you have children and I don't know what your husband does, but how do you juggle that being a full time pediatrician and taking care of your kids and not making sure they're with nannies or babysitters all the time, which we went through very early on when my wife was training to be a forensic pathologist and I was a neurosurgeon, unfortunately we had to get them into daycare for long hours or have Whitney Casares: Mm-hmm. Brian Hoeflinger: nannies, but how did you handle it like through that time period? Whitney Casares: Yeah, that's a great question. So I actually wrote a whole book about this called Doing It All. yeah, because it's impossible basically for everybody to do everything. the answer is prioritizing. The answer is figuring out what are the things that you care the most about. And then you do those things. You put your time and your effort and your attention into that. And the rest of it, you either let other people do for you or you say, I'm not doing that at all, or you Half ass it, you can take that out if no swearing's allowed on this podcast. Brian

Hoeflinger: Right. Whitney Casares: You you have to Kevin Hoeflinger: No, you're fine. Whitney Casares: it, you know, like because it doesn't matter. So, you know, like the dishes do not need to be like stacked in a certain order in my house. one of my things that I have to is like my husband would love it if I color separated all of the laundry. Like that just doesn't happen in my house. I don't have time for that. Like, I'm just gonna do whatever. what do I outsource? I outsource like I Instacart my groceries. Constantly. I outsource, I use AI for things that are from my own content. I'll use AI to craft a blog post and then I'll go in and edit it, of course. But like I'm not stealing other people's ideas or getting like random info, but I'm using technology to help myself to do something faster or an email. I'm doing it as succinctly as possible. I don't need to write paragraphs and paragraphs about things. So that's a huge thing. The other thing I think is like the help that you have or the partner that you have. if I'm being completely honest, I don't have a I'm still the default parent in my house. my partner 100% supports the work that I do. He is proud of me, talks about me all day long. He's a he's a physical therapist, so he's out like in the medical world as well. Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: but I still hold all of the emotional weight. And the most of the mental load of our family. and so I've had to figure out other people in our lives that I can give things to that are not always my partner. Sometimes it is, but he has ADHD too. So sometimes it can just be Kevin Hoeflinger: Sure. Whitney Casares: like too overwhelming. So my mom, we did have a nanny for a long period of time. now we don't. My kids are older. So I have people like care.com babysitters that when I'm traveling, I count on them to do pickups and drop offs. And my kids are old enough, they can be at home by themselves. But I really do think it's like a patchwork of things. And the way I don't go crazy with it all is deciding these are the things I need to be present for. I have to be at my kids XYZ. Like, but this other thing, it doesn't matter. Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. know, it's funny, it's funny you said that 'cause I've had this ex isn't it? Always a mom the kids seem to want. I mean, ma you just can't get out of being a mom because the kids always want the mom. No matter what. I could be there more hours at the end. She is there. Always they always want mom. Like it they just do. And Whitney Casares: Yep. Yeah. Brian Hoeflinger: and my little grandson always wants grandma. Even though I'm retired now, I have more time, I want grandma. It's funny how the kids gravitate towards their mom and the and the feet. Whitney Casares: Yeah. I mean part of that is like the more that you're the person that's there, the more your kid is gonna go toward you, right? Like the more I do, the more I'm the one, like my kids will be like my dad, my I mean my dad, my husband

will say something like b add something in and my kids are like, We're talking to mom, you know, like we're we're not talking to you. Like, you know, the like Brian Hoeflinger: Right. Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: so he then backs up, doesn't do as much, right? 'Cause I'm the one that he kind of knows is in charge. I think there's part of that. I do think also that I don't know what it is. I do not know if this is like a feminine thing or if it's biology. I don't know. Like I don't even like pretend to go into that conversation. But I do that think that there's part of it that's about like I am constantly just like thinking the next step of how will this Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: thing impact my kids. Like I'm like five steps down the road about whatever decision it is. I'm very, very in it in terms of wanting to make sure that my kids are taken care of emotionally. I think that's something Brian Hoeflinger: Well and I also think there's Whitney Casares: I'm Brian Hoeflinger: I also think there's roles. Like my wife and I decided a long time ago. I mean there has to be roles and I was at work all hours of the you know, night and day and she she had a more nine to five residency, but th there has to be roles. Like you have to talk to each other, figure out who's doing what and the kids realize that. The kids, you know, accept that and Whitney Casares: Yeah, no, that's that's true. I mean, this morning, so I just came back from a trip. I went with my one of my best friends to Italy and we went to like a fun trip together for my Brian Hoeflinger: Wow. Cool. Whitney Casares: forty fifth birthday. It was so fun. And I came back and I'm totally used to this is like the second morning I've been home. I'm totally used to being the one who gets the lunches together and gets the food together in the morning, breakfast together in the morning for my kids, even if my husband is the one that that day is gonna take them to school. Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: And we're doing a kitchen remodel. And so our thing is all weird. And so when I've been home before I went on the trip, I've been every morning like, I'll go get a coffee at a local place. So then I'll get like some breakfast for the kids and I bring it home just to make that easy in the morning. So I did that this morning. I just did it. And I came Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: home and my husband was like, What are you doing? I made them breakfast. I have everything all together. That's what I've Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: been doing for the last two weeks. I'm like, Well, yeah, that's because like we haven't Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: had this discussion about roles Brian Hoeflinger: Right. Whitney Casares: in a couple of weeks. You Kevin Hoeflinger: Mm-hmm. Whitney Casares: know, so I fully agree with you. Kevin Hoeflinger: Well, this comes back to like with everything. I mean anytime you put anything online, people can say like, you shouldn't do it this way or this. But ultimately it's what you decide with your partner and with your family and it's it's communication. I mean, some people that that's that's how they want it to be. I think I've talked to my mom about it before, even once she got older is she wants she it's part of like her purpose or she she deeply enjoys it. Like she is able to provide that. Like my like my sisters still call my mom a lot. Like they're one sister's twenty-seven. She'll still call my mom when she's sick or has something else. And my mom, it's you know, it's sh she's spending time doing that. But I can tell like she definitely likes doing it. She's she's important. I mean, she is a retired forensic pathologist, MD PhD. So she's smart, Whitney Casares: Ha ha ha. Kevin Hoeflinger: but she likes being involved like that. But I can tell sometimes I tell her sometimes she has to prioritize, especially she's sixty-five now. I'm like If you're in the middle of workout, you don't have to answer the phone necessarily. You can call someone back Whitney Casares: Yeah. Kevin Hoeflinger: in thirty minutes. 'cause she's very ADHD as well, and she'll have t yeah. Brian Hoeflinger: That's her mother that's her mother's instinct. Like she always Whitney Casares: Yeah. Brian Hoeflinger: the minute they want something, huh? Whitney Casares: Maybe. I don't. I I enjoy it too, honestly. Like I can listen to my kids yap all day long. You know what I mean? Like just yes, talk to me, you know, hugs, snuggles. Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: You know, yeah. I think there is something like different there in just like your connection, especially mine to my girls, right? I think that that's like something too. Like that I just feel so connected. And I'm the same way with my mom. Like I call my mom almost every day, like just to like check in, say hey, you know, all of that. Kevin Hoeflinger: I'd be interested. So you said you started writing first on Facebook and kind of like blogging and stuff. Was that then when you like first started modern mommy doc? Or did that like kind of the structuring around it obviously and formalization, I guess for lack of a better term? Is that when that kind of started or when did that come? Whitney Casares: Yeah, yeah, that's when I started Modern Mommy Dog. So I didn't know what it was gonna be, right? Like this Kevin Hoeflinger: Mm-hmm. Whitney Casares: was a time when there were not coaches online telling doctors Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: how to run a business or create something outside of medicine. Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: At the time I was really wanting something more for myself. I mean, I I wanted my medical career to be more than just seeing patients. And I didn't know how it was gonna what it was gonna be. I didn't know how to monetize a blog. I didn't know how to like how I was gonna make money. I knew that doing books wasn't a way to make money. You know, I think I probably

hoped that I would be like a speaker, like a keynote speaker somewhere and make money that way. But I definitely like I did the blogs. I probably got that going for about like six months. And then the response was so great that I started printing out copies of the blogs, like of these Facebook posts. Yeah. And Kevin Hoeflinger: No, Mm-hmm. Brian Hoeflinger: cool. Whitney Casares: then people were like, well, could you put this somewhere so that way we could access it? Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: So then I made it a blog and then I reached out to the American Academy of Pediatrics and I said, like, hey, I'd be interested in doing a book that could put kind of all these blog posts together because they didn't really have anything on maternal health and wellness. Everything was very baby or kid focused, but not like necessarily family focused. So they're Yeah, yeah, sure, you can. They go, but what we'd really love is I know you said you wrote the baby stuff. The theme we see in your work is more about like, moms who work and who are trying to juggle it Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: all. Like, could Brian Hoeflinger: Right. Whitney Casares: you write a book on that? So that's that's what I wrote. And then that's when I kind of realized, like, that's my thing. My thing is like, Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: you know, parenting for the rest of us, parenting for us who are living in the real world and who are like trying to just like make it by the little like skin of our toes. We don't have it all together. So we have to like pick and choose what advice we're going to take and how we're going to apply it. Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Brian Hoeflinger: That's cool that your national association went along with you on that. I I can't I can't imagine neurosurgery like get even getting involved in it. Whitney Casares: Yeah, they so Yeah, yeah. Yeah, totally. I mean, so it turns out actually that the AAP has this huge publishing wing and they're always looking for authors and ideas. I've I've published three of my books with them. The the most recent book that's for moms on raising body confident kids, I did that one outside of them because it was much more mom specific. And the one that I mentioned that's about kind of doing it all. I did that outside of the AAP as well. And I I did that because I wanted to swear. I wanna I wanted to swear in the books, and I wanted to be a little more real because the AAP books, of course, it's like coming from the association of pediatrics, like that you can't be too flippant, you know. But but these Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah, no. Whitney Casares: books I wanted to say, like, in my doing it all book, I talked about having a child with autism. Trying to do work, trying to lean into the meetings, trying to lean into, you know, my partner, trying to take care of my younger kid. And at one point, just being like, this would be so much easier if I didn't have this kid. And the AAP would have never allowed me to say that. Of course, like the fact I even thought, like, you know, but but that Brian Hoeflinger: Right. That you even that you even thought that, yeah. Yes, I thought that is. Whitney Casares: was such a freeing thought to me that like I get to have the thought that this isn't the life that I would have chosen if. someone w waved a magic wand. You know what I mean? Like I would erase this. I wouldn't erase her. I love her. She's amazing. Brian Hoeflinger: Right. Right. Whitney Casares: But I would definitely take away the autism if I could. And and like Brian Hoeflinger: Yes. Whitney Casares: yeah, that does apply with the AP. You can't say that a thing which is fair. Brian Hoeflinger: Right. Kevin Hoeflinger: Well yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, and even like even with my dad, a a similar story there is my dad, my uncle, the reason my dad became a neurosurgeon was because his brother got in a car accident and was in a coma and he like when I saw him, he was in the nursing home his entire life. He was a huge burden on the not burden, but like pretty much Brian Hoeflinger: Sure it was, it was very. Whitney Casares: Yeah. Kevin Hoeflinger: a burden and he also he's put posts out and like there's people like, no, like you should save someone no matter what and Do neurosurgeons play God and blah blah blah. But like if you have an experience in your own life and you like you're that you're everyone thinks like like everything needs to be perfectly correct. It's like it's your life, you can put out what you want to put out or say what you want to say and that we should but our first default, like I've noticed nowadays, is like, crap, like should I say that? Or you're in a group of people with Whitney Casares: Yeah. Kevin Hoeflinger: friends and you're like, shit, is that a bad opinion to have? Which Brian Hoeflinger: I mean one Whitney Casares: I know yeah. Brian Hoeflinger: one thing that we've learned, my wife and I, I I talk things I've lived through, I talk about. I don't give a shit what Whitney Casares: Yes. Brian Hoeflinger: anybody says about it because I've lived it and I d and other people have lived it. They have the right to say whatever they want. And and no one should monitor them or or censor them and what they say. Until you've lived through something, you know, don't go around spouting stuff off, you know. Whitney Casares: Yeah, no, that's a huge thing for me. I also knew it's kind of funny, I have a new person who's helping me do some Instagram stuff and create, you know, like just for like more followers or whatever, just to get the message out to more people. Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: And some of the the ways that she wants me to do it, they're not that they're bad and they're not they're not like to give bad advice or, you know, whatever, but they just don't feel as fun and as authentic as what Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: I would normally do. Brian Hoeflinger: Right. Whitney

Casares: And so I'm having to come to grips with this idea of like, well, why am I doing it? Like, how many more followers does it do I need? Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: And and how much can I make this content like, sure, okay, fine. I'm gonna do one eighth of the content the way she wants me to, so that maybe I'll get like followers on those. But the rest of it, I wanna just keep on like showing my personality and showing up for my people and my community Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Brian Hoeflinger: Right. Whitney Casares: in the way that I have because I don't really care if if 10 people see it, but it helps them because it's real. And it's authentic Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: and it's me, then that's better than ten thousand people seeing it to me. Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. that's never Brian Hoeflinger: ahead, Kyle. Kevin Hoeflinger: gonna change. Like we've talked we'll talk to I know creators way bigger than us, I know much smaller and like a lot of obviously medical people, but my dad's platforms like so we work very closely since the start on everything and we've got millions of followers, but it's like at the end of the day, followers or views, what's it, you know, as long as you're getting your information you wanna do and doing stuff, you know, people will say like, just do this, but it's like that's not what we wanna do. We wanna share the different parts. I mean very early on, doing like drunk driving stuff, we didn't like have all that at first. And so w just doing the stuff we wanna do and that that we care about. And obviously if you do trends a lot more, it's something we like if people like to do that, that's fine. My dad doesn't like to dance or do and it's Whitney Casares: Yeah. Kevin Hoeflinger: not who he is. And you know, we're never gonna get I Brian Hoeflinger: Why won't? Kevin Hoeflinger: tell my dad there's a cap on educational content, it's just never gonna get as much views as like viral trends, but you have to that that's fine. It they're just different things. So Brian Hoeflinger: Well, but I'm learning, he's teaching me that it's more important to have the people who want to follow you for the right reason than to get a bunch of esoteric people who are just following you for what you don't want them to follow you for, you know? Yeah. Whitney Casares: Totally, totally. I I get I get attention when I talk about vaccines. People love to hate on me when I talk about vaccines, Kevin Hoeflinger: Mm-hmm. Whitney Casares: which I'm like, no problem, I'll keep talking Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: about it. Like, thanks. Keep on bringing me the comments. You're great. My engagement's going up, suckas, you know what I mean? Like Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Brian Hoeflinger: Right. Yeah. Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: so people I that gets a lot. And then the other thing that really gets a lot that I feel good about is when I say things that are about like, yeah,

it's hard to parent. These kids. Like it's hard and it doesn't mean I don't love them and whatever, but like I can't do it perfectly. And some days I want to throw in the towel and and here's what here's the one thing that's helping me today or whatever. Like I I love making that content because I always get DMs on that content of people saying like, You helped me today, I was having a terrible day and I felt seen. Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Well it's being it's being vul Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. I think it's go ahead. Brian Hoeflinger: it's being vulnerable and it's also allowing people to say it's okay what I'm thinking because I just heard her say it. Yeah, it validates that they have those kind of thoughts. Whitney Casares: Yes, exactly. Yep, yeah, exactly, exactly. Kevin Hoeflinger: I think it's brave to put out too. Like I think some of the these people, you know, content creators, influencers, however you wanna state it, putting out content with young kids, just the amount of hate comments at times, like, you're doing it completely wrong, you're screwing you're it's it's insane. I'm like Whitney Casares: Yeah. Kevin Hoeflinger: if you some if you don't do X, Y, or Z for this amount of time or you're doing this wrong, I'm like, everything's wrong, it seems. Whitney Casares: Mm-hmm. Kevin Hoeflinger: I'm like I I'm like, how do you actually raise kids? Like is are they just are are they in bubble wrap twenty four seven and this and that? And and then it spreads pervasive, like bad th people think every negative thing's gonna happen. It's like your kid also can't be coddled their entire life. I don't I that's not I I think my generation, I'm almost twenty nine next week, and like how I lived, and then when I talked to people who are older, like people would you would go out all day and ride bikes, people you would It's just like I don't know, it's gotten way more of like, your kid needs to be you need to know where they're at every second or they can't go do this. You gotta be scared that this might happen and it's I mean, we're pretty resilient as humans. We there, you know, you obs you have to believe in Whitney Casares: Yes. Kevin Hoeflinger: evolution, obviously, but I would say Whitney Casares: Yeah, yeah, yeah, no for sure. I mean, so the algorithm works in binaries. So it works in like it gets attention when you say like if you say something really shocking or you say something that's like super controversial, like this is the only way to do it, or this you're gonna hurt your children, they're gonna be ruined for life, they're gonna be like psycho killers, right? Like the algorithm loves that. And so it'd be a lot easier to do fear mongering and to do like that type of content. Like but I agree with you, that causes anxiety for families. It makes it so that they feel like they can't do anything right. I mean, I really believe like as social media came in, I really believe that is what has changed parenting so dramatically for the worse. For all of us, like yes, of course, people find community and there's some good content out there, but I think a lot of it is because it's stressful because people are seeing so many things that are like, This is the right way, no, this is the right way, no, this is I mean, like, that's terrible for us. Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Yeah. Brian Hoeflinger: we often find people enjoy f hearing what an average day is like for someone. So what would be an average day for you? 'Cause it sounds like you're busy. Whitney Casares: Ooh, okay. Fun, fun. Okay, so well, my day is kind of never the same because I always have like different things going on. Okay, Brian Hoeflinger: No, I know, but what just an average, yeah. Whitney Casares: so for example, I'll give two days because this is like, yeah, I got like travel day, home day. Brian Hoeflinger: Okay. Yeah, I got like halfway. Kevin Hoeflinger: Okay. Whitney Casares: So my travel day, like I had on Sunday, is I was at the American Academy of Pediatrics conference. I was by myself, no kids. I went into the conference and I went and saw that event with. Dr. Martin, Tommy Martin. And I was hustling over to him, like I almost like tackled him to give him a copy of my book to be like, Kevin Hoeflinger: Mm-hmm. Whitney Casares: please post this. You're so influential and I love you. Like please. We have a Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: common friend and I had sent a book his way, but he had never responded. And so just, you know, the chance to meet somebody face to face Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: is is great. Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: I was a little starstruck. So I so I did that. I went to that for about an hour. shook hands and hugged and said yay and felt encouraged by all my fellow pediatricians. And then I went back over to the exhibit hall and I met with a brand partner that I have. I work with Culturelle. And so I did actually a product theater for them, like on one of the corner stages that was talking about probiotics. Then I shot some of my own content. as I was walking around and I did like the little interviews with the mics with people Kevin Hoeflinger: Nice, nice. Whitney Casares: asking them questions about like, hey, you're a pediatrician, but what do you actually do in your house? Like, did you breastfeed? Did you sleep Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: train? Do you vaccinate? Like all that kind stuff. And then I went to the airport and on the way over to the airport, I worked on a newsletter that I needed to put out because I was gonna be on a panel. this week, three panels. So I needed to like put some information about that. And then I answered some patient messages that I had while I was in the airport because I work for Maven. So it's a telehealth company where I get to see babies and moms and talk with them. So some parents and patients had sent me messages. So I answered those messages and let them know. I also scheduled like when I was gonna

work next. because at this point I have one to two clinical days a week. Where I will be online like the whole day seeing patients. because I really feel like I cannot do this work if I'm not still grounded in being with patients and seeing them and talking to them. I need to know what their things are and what the new trends are and also just like be connected to the people kinda. so I did that, hopped on a plane, it was my birthday. So I went home and my family was there. I hadn't seen them in a bit because I'd been on this trip. And we ordered pizza and salad from the local place here. And then I went to bed super, super early with my dog, my golden retriever, crawled up on my Kevin Hoeflinger: I Whitney Casares: bed and basically like hugging him. you know, as as I slept. so that's like a travel Brian Hoeflinger: Okay. Whitney Casares: crazy day. a day when I'm home, like today, get up. I make sure that my kids are up and that they're starting to get dressed. I check my email normally, even though that's probably not like the best thing to do first, but I do it on my phone. Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: I this morning like went to go get the coffee and get them some breakfast stuff. My husband was making lunches, got them out the door, popped on the panel that I had been preparing for, then recorded a recording for another brand partner that I work with, Sarah V, that was about like diaper dermatitis. And then after I then got on this podcast, had a meeting. I had a meeting also in between with a potential collaborator who also writes books in this space about like what we could do to help each other and to collaborate. And then after this, I'll probably create some content. so I'll probably do some videos or at the very least like pup post a couple reels. and then I'll pick my kids up from school. And then at that point, my day is pretty much over work-wise, on a daily Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: today. So by the time I hit like three, four, I'm kind of done. usually after school, my kids are kind of decompressing, hanging out. So I usually exercise during that time. so that that way, and I just Lift weights at home or do like Peloton. And that way, if my kids need me, I'm there for them. I'm not in a meeting. I can stop it. They know that I'm available to them and they can stop me at the any point. And then take the dog to the dog park. and then have some dinner, and then hopefully watch some Ted Lasso tonight. That's that's the plan. Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Wow. Well Kevin Hoeflinger: what what what's what season at Ted Lasso? Brian Hoeflinger: that's a new it's a what's a new one, isn't it? I think, yeah. Yeah. Whitney Casares: I'm on the current one. Yeah, no, no, no. I Kevin Hoeflinger: you are nice. Whitney Casares: yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm watching with Kevin Hoeflinger: Okay. Whitney Casares: my husband. So I haven't been able to watch while I've been gone because I we have to like save that. That's our thing. Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. No, my that's funny. My we haven't watched the new season. My wife and I have watched all the other seasons together. Great show. Season one and two are are the best though, so far. it's good. But Whitney Casares: Yeah. Yeah, it's gotten a little sappy. It's gotten a little sappy, but I'm still in it. I'm still in it. Kevin Hoeflinger: a few questions on that. So I think one thing, there's a lot of people now that whether they're content creators, they write online or they're or other stuff, it it's so it's things where you can be kind of working 247 if you wanted to. Like you could always be doing more. Like you could be sitting there. How do you try? It sounds like you you do this pretty well, but how do you try to structure it so you're not like just half working like all day? Like so you get home, you have structured time with your kids, your spouse and your dog, and you're not just like, I'm gonna work a little bit more or make another piece of content. How do you kind of try to separate that? Whitney Casares: Yeah, I mean, I'm not perfect at it. There are definitely times in the past that I have done that where I'm just like constantly working and constantly momming. my kids let me know real quick behaviorally that Brian Hoeflinger: Mm-hmm. Whitney Casares: they were not gonna tolerate that. You know, they're like, no, like, you know, they start making comments like you're always working, like, okay, that's not gonna work. So I I have realized like there's always something more to make. There's always something more to create. I'll always have another idea that's in my head. I could go on for hours. I I love working. Like w like I I enjoy working. So like when I'm feeling stressed, if I just sit down and start working on my computer, I instantly feel less stressed. So I have to watch that for myself because I know that that's a coping strategy that actually is born out of this idea that like I'm only valuable if I'm productive or things are always only good if I'm productive if I'm working. So I I These days I try really hard to make school pickup time the cutoff. So I have my phone down unless I'm doing like a workout thing on it. And I'm explicitly stating to my kids, I'm available to you if you need me. I'm here. You can interrupt me. There's you are the priority. So w I'm here for you. my kids are too old at this point to want to like sit with me. 24/7 when I'm at home. Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: So what I do in that time is I usually use that time for all my home stuff that needs to be done. laundry, Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: dishes, you know, cooking, because those are things where like I'm physically doing something, but my mind is not on work. And I Kevin Hoeflinger: Mm-hmm. Whitney Casares: also put on music a lot. like fun, like Beyonce, Bieber, like whatever, anything that feels like fun. So that I'm in like a really good mood. So I'm getting that same like dopamine hit that I

would if I was working. And that Brian Hoeflinger: So is that what is that when the dancing content comes out? Whitney Casares: Yes, that's when the dancing content comes out. It's Kevin Hoeflinger: Uh-huh. Whitney Casares: when I'm like in my kitchen, like, you know, chaperone, whatever. Yeah, that's but but that's how I separate it out is like just being like if I say it out loud to somebody else, I'm not working anymore. I'm home, Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Kevin Hoeflinger: Mm-hmm. Whitney Casares: I'm with you. That holds me accountable. Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: yeah, my my kids are pretty fast to be like, You lied, you said you were gonna be with us, and I see you now on your computer. So I can't Kevin Hoeflinger: Well that's Whitney Casares: Hide it. Kevin Hoeflinger: well, it's good almost to have like it's almost like they're your accountability partners, to to to kind of hold you accountable to because it's always it's so easy to always be like, I'm gonna do a little bit more or we just love Whitney Casares: Totally. Kevin Hoeflinger: to multitask now too, as a in in the world. Like I'll catch myself even when you're de stressing at night, you're watching a T V show and this isn't for work, but you just can catch yourself looking at your phone and other stuff and I'm like, gee. It's very pervasive of like you Whitney Casares: Yeah. Yes. Brian Hoeflinger: 'Cause we're addicted to them. That's why we're addicts that's all there is to it. I mean it's an addiction. Kevin Hoeflinger: There. Whitney Casares: Yes. Yeah, just just get Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: that the dopamine is just like Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah, well that Brian Hoeflinger: Do you do you make content every day or do you like batch it together or try to do something every day? Whitney Casares: I go in spurts. I make content a a lot of times I will do every day, but sometimes I don't do it every day almost as a like exercise in the world does not stop if I stop putting out content. Like it's okay. You can take a break. Brian Hoeflinger: That's good. Whitney Casares: And guess what? Like I always remind myself, I am the only person who's paying attention to my content at the Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: level. You know what I mean? Like everybody no one no one's like, she didn't put out a newsletter this week. she's a failure. You know what I mean? Like Brian Hoeflinger: Right. Okay. Whitney Casares: nobody cares. I guess I also, and I'm sure you can appreciate this, Brian. Like, I'm I'm very cognizant. Like, I'm not curing world hunger. I'm not stopping someone from having a brain bleed. hopefully I'm impacting someone and their relationship with their child and their child health. And I take that seriously. But I understand it's not at the same level in terms of like the criticalness of what I was doing when someone came in with an asthma attack and I was making sure they didn't die. Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: Like this is not life or death what I'm doing. So sometimes that's a very long answer to say usually yes, I'm creating content every day. But sometimes I'll do stuff in advance of like, I know I have a trip coming up and I really want to try to just be present and enjoy it. Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah, well it's Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Brian Hoeflinger: hard it's hard like Kevin always, you know, co coached me in this way. In the beginning, I would always worry about what everybody else is putting out. And am I keeping up and am I doing the good stuff? And it drives you crazy, literally. I mean, it drives it Whitney Casares: Uh-huh. Brian Hoeflinger: would drive me crazy. And, you know, now I have to remind myself, you know, okay, we're just gonna put out what we want to put out and I'm not worried about what anybody else puts out. And I still occasionally look at here or there people will come up on my feed, but and I'll call Kevin and say, Hey, look what they just put out by for the most part. I don't really I don't do that anymore much, do I, Kevin? I mean We try to stay in our lanes, it's h it's hard, isn't it? Kevin Hoeflinger: No, I but I well it's like changed over over time too. So I'm like it's not the end the algorithms always want you to post more and blah blah blah. But like if it's not enjoyable at all, I I think I see it all the time, like I'm younger, I'll see different YouTubers, other people, they've burned out because they're not even doing something they enjoy to do. Like so obviously if you're more purpose driven, like seems like you are very purpose driven with our stuff, it's very purpose driven about like we're hoping that that reaches people, it makes a difference. Obviously it's not life or death, but it's not just like we're making five videos so we can put out five videos. 'Cause I'm and we get reached out to people all the time. They wanna like, we'll help you with your content strategy. I'm like I'm like, we don't I don't need you to make us AI like scripted videos. Someone just sent me that today. I'm like, no, thank you. Like why like w we don't I'm like, we Whitney Casares: Yeah, exactly. Kevin Hoeflinger: don't need more content like that. That doesn't do anything other than maybe get views and con and but like what's it actually doing? And it's a lot of it's not even good information or good visuals, so Whitney Casares: Right. Yeah. Kevin Hoeflinger: But Whitney Casares: No, exactly. I mean, y you know what I will say that I do every day and actually what I find is like what I get my best ideas is like I'm scrolling through every day for about like 10 minutes or so, looking at other people's content just for like inspiration. Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: I'm not trying Kevin Hoeflinger: Mm-hmm. Whitney Casares: to recreate exactly what they have, but just to be like, ooh, that is a good talking point. I love that. Or like that did emote Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: something in me. It's almost like it keeps

me inspired to keep creating. If I kind of just am looking at at stuff for that purpose, like even if I'm not creating stuff myself. Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Well yeah, there's I I think inspiration's completely different than like like copying and stealing, like the Whitney Casares: Yes. Kevin Hoeflinger: across business, content, almost anything. And I think comp collaboration, like why we like doing the podcast, you know, you get to talk to a lot of other people doing stuff like there's so many cool people in this world and if th using it for like a a good thing, having cool conversations versus short form, obviously you have a lot less time to get stuff out. That's why like long form, like newsletter and podcasts, you can Take your time explaining stuff and it goes to the people that wanna watch or listen to it. Then the short form you have to do a little bit differently, but it's it's it's kind of a fun game. And then the ultimate fun thing is when you can go meet up with people that you've like seen online and then see Whitney Casares: Yes. Kevin Hoeflinger: them in person. So we've taught like Dr. Martin. I don't know if you know Dr. Tram Paul Tram, but like some of these people, we haven't met them in person yet, but like we'll we've talked to them online and like it's fun doing stuff like that and other people. Dr. Z is another big neurosurgeon that we need to Whitney Casares: Yes. Kevin Hoeflinger: we've We've had a c and he's in Chicago now. We're trying to get set up a time to actually meet him in person. But we'll talk about stuff and it's cool seeing different people grow. I think a huge part about life, and this is what I talked to my dad about is you're just gonna go a lot farther if you think about life in general as positive sum and not zero sum, meaning that you can everyone can do better together versus like, someone stole my thing or this and that. It's honestly it's just giving Just more eyes on that topic and if you care about that topic, you should want more people to spread the message about it. Whitney Casares: Yeah, yeah, no, I agree. I so I had this one gal that I mentored and you know, a week later, two weeks later, I saw her, she has like my exact like wording of stuff on her website, you know, she creates a website that's like Brian Hoeflinger: My goodness. Whitney Casares: the exact stuff and and then she's gotten Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: really popular. I'm not gonna name it. She got really popular. And my Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah, yeah. Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah, so yeah. Whitney Casares: and my initial response, I'll be honest, was like jealousy. Like, what the Kevin Hoeflinger: Mm. Whitney Casares: Heck, like you stole my shit. And then now I'm like, you know, you took it from me. But the thing is, she does something totally different than what I do. She's not a doctor. This person's not a doctor. She does totally different stuff than what I do. And so it doesn't matter. Like she's out Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: making great stuff. And sometimes we still like collaborate on stuff and do stuff. Like, it's fine. But part of it for me was like taking the beat to acknowledge, like, yeah, it does make me feel jealous. And like, If I can acknowledge that and then like work through that emotion of like, okay, but why? And like, so what now? I I one hundred percent believe all ships rise together and Kevin Hoeflinger: Mm-hmm. Whitney Casares: that like it's fine. She can have her cool thing Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: and I can have my cool thing and it'll all come around. Brian Hoeflinger: But I think like Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Brian Hoeflinger: the like the social media part of it is okay, but I like what you're else you're doing. I like that you've written books, that you're doing keynote speeches, you're impacting Whitney Casares: Is he? Brian Hoeflinger: people in person in in real time instead of on video, you know what I'm saying? I I think that I think that's really neat. Whitney Casares: totally I mean, my goal, I would love like my I wanna create, I well, I made these you this YouTube series of like animated videos, very like basic, 'cause I'm not an animator. Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: you know, based off my one of a kind body, the kids book. And like I would love Kevin Hoeflinger: Mm-hmm. Whitney Casares: to work with PBS to make that like something Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: where it just like goes bigger. Like I have these bigger dreams of things that I wanna create that, like you're saying, are not about social media. They're not about quick clips, they're like educational but reaching large groups of people. Maybe the Boys and Girls Club. I've worked with the junior MBA doing some stuff. Like just trying to make it so that more people get these messages that are really helpful. Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. But you know, you know it will happen because what happens and we've seen it and I'm sure you've seen it much more we have, people contact you out of the blue, like they see something that they liked about you and they contact you and opens up a new opportunity that Whitney Casares: Yes. Brian Hoeflinger: leads to a new opportunity and you see that and it's always a bigger new opportunity, right? And so where you're at, I mean you've got so much going for you, you'll have all kind of even if somebody hears that, the right person hears that, that that'll become reality. Yeah. Whitney Casares: Yeah, PBS, come take my series. Kevin Hoeflinger: No, that f but I think that's the yeah, if you can use all that stuff and it's why following count and all these other things don't matter because it's just it's the right person, the right connection at the right time. And there's there's always so Whitney Casares: Yep, totally. Kevin Hoeflinger: many things. Like we have lots of things we wanna do and you know, over time, you know, a lot of them do you you don't notice it until you

look back and you're like, we did the X, Y, and Z and it's pretty cool. Whitney Casares: Yeah. Yeah. Kevin Hoeflinger: and and we've been doing it for like four and a half years, plus just other stuff and That that's that's kind of what's fun and I mean I think that applies to like all the areas of life. Just the more you if you just keep everything private in your head, I think like I'm in you know, I have a business background and I think people are always obsessed like earlier on of like I have this idea, it's a one in a million idea and I don't want to share it with anyone because they're gonna steal my idea. And then you it's like it's a lot more as you get older. A lot of things are just about execution. I you Whitney Casares: Mm-hmm. Kevin Hoeflinger: know, especially now. It's like you ha you people can have ideas and everything else, but It's like, can you execute it and execute it well? If anyone could just make the most basic AI website, that's I don't think it's very valuable anymore. as it used to be. but if people will say that, like one I used to always get, like like, you know, me and my dad will do like marathons and some other like fitness type stuff. And Whitney Casares: Mm-hmm. Kevin Hoeflinger: people will be like, anyone can do a marathon. I'm like, Yeah, true, anyone can do anything, but you have to it's all of the t anyone could potentially become a doctor, you could say. But it's like, did you put in all the sacrifice and hours and do all of the things. Like until you've done that, you can't really say anyone can do that. so I think it's funny. Whitney Casares: Yes, exactly. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. No, I I mean I I really think we're entering the age where it's all about execution. It's about like what was the style that was put on it? What's the way it was presented? Do the message land in a way that actually like hits for people and touches them in some way? Because like you're saying, because of AI especially, like we can all get the information anywhere. There's nothing new Kevin Hoeflinger: Mm. Whitney Casares: under the sun when it comes to the information. It's about how is it presented? How does it actually reach someone? Does it change someone's mind or does it inspire them and encourage them? Like, what's the way it happens? Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Brian Hoeflinger: I think you have an exciting future because you have a unlimited supply of people who want to hear what you have to say because we've all been parents or Kevin's gonna be a parent someday and I mean you don't know what you're doing at first, right? And you and you read and you read books and you go to classes and you you you crave that information. How do I take care of my kids? And part of it's a learning experience, but part of it's what you're providing to give people Whitney Casares: Mm-hmm. Brian Hoeflinger: some idea of like, well, this is how I did it and this is what worked and this is how I didn't do it, this didn't work. And I mean people crave advice, you know, good advice. Whitney Casares: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. They crave advice and they crave being seen. They crave being seen and it like being okay the way that they are is is what I've learned. You know, Brian Hoeflinger: Right. Yeah. Whitney Casares: they gr they like yeah. that's that's a huge thing. Especially like for breastfeeding moms or moms that are failing at that. I mean, that Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: has been one of the hugest joys of my medical career has been just sitting with moms and now virtually I do, being like, Hey, it's all right if this doesn't go the way you planned it. Like it you doesn't make you less. Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. My my wife failed La Kevin Hoeflinger: Mm-hmm. Brian Hoeflinger: Litche is the Laliche, right? She failed those classes the first time. Whitney Casares: Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't know, 'cause turns out kids don't read the book. Life doesn't read the book, you know? Kevin Hoeflinger: So one thing we always like to ask guests and kind of way to wrap things up. If you had like a top piece of advice or something you follow, any it could be anything of usually people have a specific thing. It's funnily enough, but of advice you would give to people or Kind of a framework of how you think about life, your biggest piece of advice almost. Whitney Casares: Yeah, the thing I have learned over time is that the better I know myself and learn how to care for myself and trust myself, the better I will be in all the other aspects of my life. Like it starts and I don't mean like go to spa days and go to, you know, far flung vacations every single day. I mean like the more I'm able to stop and pause and be like, does this fit for me? Does this make sense? Does this gut check with me? does this vibe with what my priorities are, with my values are, with what I really want for my kids? That as a parent, that's the thing that has helped me the most. And that's a skill that takes time to develop and you have to practice it over and over and over again. the biggest turning point for me as a parent and as a professional was I went to this one therapist and she goes, You're like a You're like a in a cylinder, if you're a cylinder, and all of your mirrors are facing outward. You're constantly just Kevin Hoeflinger: Mm. Whitney Casares: like, you're so good at reading the room and taking it the temperature of everyone around you. And that's what made me a really great clinician because I'm able Kevin Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: to like watch people's eyes and be like, that's not landing for you. I better change the way I'm doing it. Right. Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: But in life, it was like sucking my soul out of me because every single decision I made was about what does everybody else think? How should I do it? What does everybody else think? And so she was like, just turn like practice just turning like one mirror in, one mirror in toward yourself to say, what do I want? What do I need? What do I think about this? And the more you can turn those mirrors in, of course, you still you don't want to be blind and just be in your own like bubble, but like the at least if you can have like half the mirring in eventually and half the mirrors facing out. that will allow you to go through life not constantly questioning yourself and feeling like, Okay, when I hit eighty, when I hit ninety, when I hit a hundred, you know, God willing, then I'll have lived a life that I feel proud of for myself, not based off what other people wanted for me or Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Whitney Casares: thought of me. Brian Hoeflinger: That's excellent. Kevin Hoeflinger: that's why that's why we like to ask that as a w very succinct and it's a great piece of advice. Brian Hoeflinger: Well, I like it yeah, the best advice is when you can visualize it. Like you made a visualization of it so that people can remember. That's how people remember things, right? That's awesome. Kevin Hoeflinger: Well, thank you so much for your time. We really Brian Hoeflinger: Yeah. Kevin Hoeflinger: appreciate having you on and I think people will definitely enjoy this a got a lot of tidbits of wisdom in Whitney Casares: It's my pleasure.