TRANSCRIPTION 🔗
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I think a lot about where our sense of pride and who we are actually comes from.
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Because for most of us, there was probably someone who made sure we knew who we are.
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Someone who talked about home, told us the stories, took us back, or walked in their identity in a way that made us want to carry it too.
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For Amanda Najib, that person was her city.
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Amanda is a Palestinian American educator, PhD student, teacher, and the author of the children's book, Lana Makes Purple Pizza.
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Her Palestinian identity shows up in so many different parts of her life and work.
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From the stories she writes to the educator she teaches, to the way she thinks about representation and what it means for our stories to have a place in the world.
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But in this conversation, we also go back to where so much of that began.
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We talk about growing up in the Palestinian diaspora and being fiercely proud of it.
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Spending her college summers teaching English in the refugee camps around the Middle East.
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And what it was like to move to her family's village of Hezma at 19 years old and live with her Siddhi.
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This is Siddi's Stories.
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I'm your host, Leila, inviting you to grab a cup of tea and listen in to the stories that remind us of who we are and where we come from.
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So if we were sitting with your sitti right now at her house, what would be the first thing that she would serve us?
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My gosh, okay.
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Can I have two parts?
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Because I have my sitto and then I have my tita, and they would both do great things.
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They made everything so great.
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I think my sitto and serve you guys all mashy.
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So she would make you kusa and doadi, and that would be her dish.
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Um, and then my tita from Nables would serve.
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Well, I'm thinking like she would maybe make uh leaven for everybody.
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She was just so good at it.
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It was one of my favorites, so she'd make it a lot.
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Yeah, those are all really great choices, honestly.
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Food is just such a way to kind of connect us back to our roots and to our family.
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So if you could kind of take us back to kind of your beginning of just a little bit about your background, where you're from, what belad you're from, where you grew up, where you live now.
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Yeah.
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Um, so I'm from Hezma originally, right outside of Jerusalem.
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Um, my sittas from there, my sitas from there, and then on my mom's side, my mom was born in Armen, but my teta um is from Nables and was very proud of that.
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So she would say and I'm in Javan law um the whole time I was growing up.
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Um, but I like root very much in Hezma.
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So I'm Hezmawiya, I'm very proud of it.
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Um, falaha, and I'm just like very proud of being from my village.
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I was born and raised in New Jersey.
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I'm also very proud of that fact because Palestine, like if you have to be stuck in a diaspora, North New Jersey is the diaspora to be stuck in.
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So Patterson is literally like Palestine.
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So you're you're good, you're set to go.
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And I'm really proud of New Jersey in that way.
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Like we are rooted in Palestine, being from New Jersey too.
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Um, so I never grew up like confused about that.
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I was like, I am definitely Palestinian.
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My sitto has always made it very clear that I belonged.
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And it's always like a thing that um meant a lot.
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So when I was 19, I moved back to Hezna to do a semester in Bierzit.
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And I felt like it was home genuinely.
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Didn't struggle, even when I couldn't fully communicate and say everything I needed to say.
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Like my sitto made sure she's like, this is your house, this is your land, like this is where you're supposed to be.
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I never had the discomfort of like, am I enough?
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Like I've always felt enough and I really didn't fit my sitto.
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Oh, that's so special.
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That's so sweet.
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I can't wait to hear the ways that she was really able to kind of root your identity.
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That's so special to have that.
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And I do have to kind of start off the jump, letting you know that my mom actually got your book, Hannah Makes Purple Pizza, as a gift to my daughters last year, I think at Massicna.
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And my daughters are very picky eaters, especially my oldest one, and never ever really cares to eat Audobee food, unfortunately.
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My my seven-year-old, she has a very American diet of pizza, cheeseburgers, and chicken nuggets.
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And so she read your book after my mom gifted it to her and was for the first time actually
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excited to try Imsachtan.
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And she was like, I'm gonna try purple pizza.
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And she was like, it's so important for Falestine.
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Like she really, yeah.
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And so it was so sweet and so special.
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And so I just kind of wanted you to know right off the bat how much of an impact it really is making on little Palestinian kids.
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I would love to kind of talk to you a little bit more about that journey.
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So, did you kind of always imagine yourself as becoming an author?
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How did that kind of unfold for you?
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Yeah, um it's funny.
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I don't know if author is a title.
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I I obviously hold it before called myself that.
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I definitely feel like a writer because I write a lot of things.
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Like feel like a writer.
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It's like an identity I feel and hold deeply.
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I had Lana, and I think again, being from being who I am and being from New Jersey, I never struggled with if I was Palestinian.
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I grew up in an all-American, nearly all white town.
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Um, and there was a lot of drama around Palestine all the time, and I was very vocal about it, and my parents supported how vocal I was about it.
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Um, so I never really thought of the ways that I was missing.
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Um, and like to some extent I was.
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I know I would like gravitate towards children's books that had children of color as the main characters, but I never thought it was possible to have a book that had a Palestinian in it.
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So I never thought through wanting it.
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But when I had my daughter, I realized like not everybody's gonna have this demeanor.
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Not everyone's gonna have this like, I'm here and I'm gonna take up space and I'm gonna tell you I'm Palestinian.
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Um, and I think I didn't realize it's embarrassing enough, but like I didn't realize that for 28 years.
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I don't think that I don't think that's embarrassing.
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I think you were so strong in who you were.
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I think it's actually a very admirable quality to have.
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I don't think people realize how Zionist the East Coast is.
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I think if you don't live in that space, I don't think they fully realize how truly Zionist it is.
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It's still so embedded within the communities, within the schools.
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And so when you're constantly faced with that narrative that you have to kind of right off the bat say, hey, this is who I am, and you kind of have to stick up your for yourself before anyone even starts throwing things at you.
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It really does make a very confident, like rooted kid.
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And so I don't think that's embarrassing.
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I think it really is relative to your experience.
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Yeah, yeah, it is.
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The East Coast is heavily Zionist.
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I mean, settlements in Palestine literally note that they are based off of New Jersey, that they're like, we added this place where we wanted this Jersey feel we knew.
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And actually makes me more proud that I'm like New Jersey, like we're in the diaspora of New Jersey.
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It's not just because we're there's a lot of us here.
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It's because we have to hold down such a strong force here because our there's so much Zionism embedded in the East Coast.
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There's so much power that we don't have here on the East Coast.
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I was fine being in elementary and middle and high school and needing to know UN resolutions and needing to know international law and needing to know our history in and out to never get caught.
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And I was young, right?
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I remember being in second grade, being like, no, under international law, people have a right to defend themselves.
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What like I'm like, I'm seven.
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So my parents were proud and they're still proud, and it makes me who I am today.
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But I kind of had my daughter, and I was like, I want you to know everything about us.
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I do, but I don't want you to be on edge like I was all the time.
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I don't want you to just know the parts that we struggle.
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I don't want you to just know our struggle.
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Our struggle is important, but it you also need to know how beautiful our culture is.
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And you also have to know that, like, it's okay if you're a quiet Palestinian.
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Like, it's okay if you don't want to take every fight.
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One, your mother will take every fight for you.
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Luckily, my daughter has grown up a couple years and she's gonna take every fight.
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So I guess technically I didn't have to have the worries I had when I made this book.
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Um, but I'm still so glad I made it.
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The picture's my daughter.
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Like, I like
it's a running joke that like we could just like put that picture up for her, and it'll just it'll it'll just be the same.
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Like it is a curly hair Palestinian child with her olive skin.
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And I really am happy she sees herself, but I also really wrote it as a teacher.
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So I wrote it so intentionally, and it's why more than anything, whenever I get like a nice email or message, it's almost always from educators, but it's almost always from teachers being like, this was so great to teach.
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And I'm like, Yeah, yeah, it's why I made it the way I did.
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So how are they using it in their in their classrooms?
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Yeah, so people will tease me sometimes and they're like, Amanda, why did you use the word aroma?
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And I'm like, Oh, because I'm a teacher and aroma has a one-to-one definition that we can just transpose, right?
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If you say aroma and your kid says, What is that?
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You could say smell, and now they know a word.
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You could describe it in one word, and it helps with their vocabulary.
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I also intentionally put historical moments, obviously for Palestine, but also for like, oh, we can pause and do a turn and talk and talk about what the neckba is.
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We can look the illustrations are so intentionally done.
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My illustrator, who's a dear friend of mine, Lauren, is so talented.
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And while she's not Palestinian, she taught with me.
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We were co-teachers together in New York City.
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And she knows her culture so deeply and worked with me um through every single page.
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We were through a page.
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I have the worst drawings ever.
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I don't have an artistic bone in my body.
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So I don't know how she could decipher what I was drawing, being like, Can you make this on the page?
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But like nicely.
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Not only did she like bring my vision to life, she like brought my vision to life and enhanced it tenfold.
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She is it came out so beautiful.
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Um, you speak about how you wanted Lena to really love where she came from and let a child be a child first and just fall in love with their culture and their identity and the place that they come from first.
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How did you feel when you were writing the book that you had to kind of balance the weight of our history as Palestinians, but then also the blending of the humor and the lightness of just it being a child's book?
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What a great question.
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Um, it took me a couple decades to learn something I didn't know when I was younger, right?
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When I was younger, I had a chip on my shoulder, and when I was younger, I was defensive.
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Um, and the idea of like holding on to multiple things that are true was hard for me.
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Um and then I had my kid, and it just became easier.
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It became so much easier and more realistic to hold multiple truths at once.
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And the book kind of came alive in that way of like, hey, we can learn all about what happens to us and we should and also all the beautiful parts of us.
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So I didn't want to take away from what our story is.
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Our story is so important, and my daughter has to include in all of our kids have to include in.
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That's kind of like our life as Palestinians, right?
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Like we sit at a dinner table and we talk about everything.
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We talk about the genocide in Gaza and we talk about what attacks we're going through, but we're also laughing and enjoying each other's company and telling jokes.
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Um, and that's kind of how this book is, right?
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Lana the child in the book has the sassiest personality.
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It's both funny and tells a real life story and embeds the reality for us, which is we have gone through multiple iterations of a genocide.
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We are continuing a genocide, but also that our history is so rich and so beautiful.
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And it interlings all the things that are important to us: our history, storytelling, family, um, our relationships with our moms.
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Can you tell us how you got into education?
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So in college, I used to spend my summers going to refugee camps to teach refugees English.
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So I've been to Libnan and taught at Burjikarajna.
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I've been to Turkey and taught um the border of Turkey and Syria.
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And then I've also been to Palestine and taught uh displaced refugees in the Dafit too.
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And I did that all college.
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So I'd spent every summer doing that and I loved it so much.
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And I still never felt like an educator.
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And like, you should be a teacher.
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And I'm like, no, you don't you don't know me.
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Like, that's that's not me.
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Um it's like weird because like year after year, it seems like you should be a teacher.
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And I'm like, no, like I was doing human resource management and labor studies, um, and I was looking at diversity in the workplace for undergrad.
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So I did that for maybe two years, and I was like, I hate it.
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I feel like the worst person ever.
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Um, they made me fire people, and I like would go home cracking it.
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I don't really know what I thought I was gonna do.
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I'm gonna make the workplace better and for everybody, and I'm gonna implement policies.
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I implemented nothing.
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I was hiring and firing people and doing payroll, and I was like, I hate every minute of this.
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Do you know how awkward it was?
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And I'm like, I'm crying with the person that I have.
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And I'm like, this is not, and like my boss would be like, you can't do it like this.
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And I'm like, I can't do it at all.
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Like, this is not for me.
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While I was in that job, I decided to apply for masters of education like programs around my parents did throw it back on my feet, but they told me so.
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And I was like, Yeah, that definitely feels better.
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So I did my master's and I taught in New York City public schools, and then I moved to Chicago and taught Chicago public schools.
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Um, but while I was doing my master's, uh I have a very dear professor to me, and she was looking at our final projects.
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We had to meet with her, and when I did, she was like, So when you come back for a PhD, and I was like, When I what?
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Like I'm a teacher and I'm gonna die being a teacher.
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She's like, No, no, like you need to come back and do a PhD.
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And the more I was in the field and teaching, I was like, it would be really nice to teach teachers, like it would be really nice to show other teachers how to embed other people's histories in their lessons, how to um bring in like different perspectives so we can give our students like a window to their lives.
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And that's what I did.
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So I moved back and started my PhD.
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Um, and I currently teach pre-service teachers and I teach them social studies for the most part.
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But I also, my PhD research does not look at teachers, it actually looks at institutions.
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One hat that I proudly hold and not lightly is that of an activist.
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And I look at student activism for my PhD and how institutions respond
specifically to Palestinian student activism.
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Um, I'm not done with my research, but not well is the primary reason.
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So you said how the main purpose is for you to teach educators how to teach about different cultures and different heritages.
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What is the biggest takeaway that you want for the teachers to take away from the work that you're doing?
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Yeah.
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Honestly, that your students' stories matter and that you don't have to get everything perfect or know everything for you to embed their history and culture in it.
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Nobody can know everything.
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And doing right by your students really is just trying to make things relevant and important to them.
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Mm-hmm.
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And on the flip side, what what would you want a student in the classroom to take away?
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That they matter, that the knowledge they hold and the stories they have really matter and is education that it's it's a two-way street.
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Your teachers aren't just feeding you edge knowledge, like you have such knowledge in yourself, through your families, through your history that you that's important to the class.
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So hard, right?
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Because like part of me and the Arab mom part wants to like shake them and be like, be proud.
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Um in the ways are um, but like the educator side knows that like saying something to a student is not really gonna move it, right?
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So I think it's just like a gentle thing of like reminding your students that they should be proud and that like it can it can be slow, it can be slow.
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While I believe and like want every student to and child to just like wake up proud of who they are, it's not the reality we live in, right?
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The reality we live in is that there's so much influence on media, literally on the news, um, that is trying to dehumanize a lot of us, not just Palestinians, but trying to dehumanize so many of us here in America.
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Um, so it's a slow process to undo a lot of the work that policy in media and education tries to do.
00:17:26.319 --> 00:17:35.440
Yeah, and I'm sure the current state of the world, unfortunately, is probably making your life a lot harder, um, especially within the PhD that you're doing.
00:17:35.759 --> 00:17:38.319
How has that been navigating your PhD program?
00:17:38.720 --> 00:17:39.359
Hard.
00:17:40.240 --> 00:17:41.440
Yeah, I bet.
00:17:41.759 --> 00:17:42.400
Yeah.
00:17:42.720 --> 00:17:44.000
Um, yeah.
00:17:44.319 --> 00:17:48.799
So when it comes to my re my research, yes, there is no shortage of data.
00:17:49.039 --> 00:17:50.000
Quite the opposite.
00:17:50.160 --> 00:17:51.920
I am drowning in data.
00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:53.599
Um my God.
00:17:53.759 --> 00:17:55.039
That's such a bummer.
00:17:55.200 --> 00:17:57.039
Like it's that's so depressing.
00:17:57.279 --> 00:18:07.200
I mean, I'm happy that you have like, you know, data points to study, but just the fact that I'm sure there's so much of it is just shows just how much injustice there really has been.
00:18:07.440 --> 00:18:07.759
Yes.
00:18:07.920 --> 00:18:10.640
And like so much, it's just wild.
00:18:10.960 --> 00:18:13.599
And like, I think people normally want to be swimming in data.
00:18:13.680 --> 00:18:18.400
You know, when I started my PhD, I didn't know I was gonna do this just yet, but I wanted to be swimming in data.
00:18:18.480 --> 00:18:21.200
And now I'm like, you know, there's something as too much data.
00:18:21.359 --> 00:18:25.440
Like, there's just too much to look at, there's just too much happening.
00:18:25.680 --> 00:18:32.880
But we keep moving forward and having to respond and answer um and look through it.
00:18:33.119 --> 00:18:41.599
Um, I think the institutions, especially mine, I'm at NYU, um, didn't respond well, is the biggest understatement.
00:18:41.759 --> 00:18:49.839
They have dehumanized and vilified Palestinians and anybody working towards Palestinian liberation every step of the way.
00:18:50.000 --> 00:19:00.079
I'm lucky to be just supported with the people who are on my committee and my advisors and mentors that are really great when it comes to Palestinian liberation and my research.
00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:02.799
But that's like few and far between, unfortunately.
00:19:03.039 --> 00:19:06.559
The university is not just the donors and our president.
00:19:06.720 --> 00:19:07.359
It's a lot of people.
00:19:07.440 --> 00:19:09.279
It's a lot of people complicit in the system.
00:19:09.440 --> 00:19:11.599
But our student activists are so great.
00:19:11.759 --> 00:19:16.799
Um, and their oppression is so strong that they really keep pushing through in any way that they know how.
00:19:17.759 --> 00:19:27.599
I know we have to wait for your research to be done, but is there an interesting um fact that you have found throughout your research that even took you by surprise?
00:19:27.839 --> 00:19:28.240
Yeah.
00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:33.039
One, um, I also look at the historic continuum of student activism.
00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:41.440
I have looked at student activism through the free speech movement, the black campus movement, third world strikes into Palestinian liberation movements here.
00:19:41.680 --> 00:19:49.039
And it it is comforting to see that like a lot of the strategies the university implements are longtime strategies that they've had.
00:19:49.279 --> 00:19:53.519
When it comes to arrests, when it comes to how violent they are, it's not, it's not a one-off, right?
00:19:53.599 --> 00:19:56.240
Like it is not that this is super
exceptional.
00:19:56.480 --> 00:20:08.400
They have responded in ways since the encampments, I would say, in like most universities are so unwilling to negotiate or move the needle, and the repression has been very intense.
00:20:08.559 --> 00:20:17.599
But I do think that seeing it on a historic continuum has been a little bit reassuring that it's that like we're in a long legacy of student activists.
00:20:17.759 --> 00:20:22.720
Um one that traces a hundred years plus, and that's been nice.
00:20:22.880 --> 00:20:36.079
And then aside research, not to like end my research anytime soon, but um, I also look at research to name a Palestinian critical race theory, um, and just name tenants of what that looks like.
00:20:36.240 --> 00:20:45.839
And the most, I would say like the first sentence is that anti-Palestinian racism is embedded in US society, that it's not separate, exceptional.
00:20:45.920 --> 00:20:56.000
It's that like from US law and policy and how the media responds and you and Western ideology, that racism towards us is the status quo.
00:20:56.079 --> 00:20:58.880
And it's actually not something we're gonna necessarily get rid of, right?
00:20:58.960 --> 00:21:02.559
Like a law change, a policy change is not something that's gonna get rid of it.
00:21:02.799 --> 00:21:24.880
So we have to learn ways to maneuver in this country and be in this country just with that knowledge, with knowing that like this is stacked against us, we should still fight, but like having the like realization that that's our real and how do you think people can use real ways of navigating through that?
00:21:25.279 --> 00:21:26.079
Great question.
00:21:26.960 --> 00:21:39.440
Honestly, I look to black liberation movements, but um interconnected struggle is so real, and we can learn so much from other movements, and we have learned so much.
00:21:39.519 --> 00:21:43.200
A lot of the things we know as Palestinians come from black folk in America.
00:21:43.440 --> 00:21:52.880
A lot of the theories I read and the people I cite and people who people's work who mean so much to me are black and indigenous indigenous researchers here.
00:21:53.519 --> 00:21:58.000
So I think that I think like remembering like it's not just us against the world, right?
00:21:58.319 --> 00:22:03.359
There is there's a there's a solid Front, a group of us, and it affects all of us.
00:22:03.759 --> 00:22:09.359
And I think Palestinians have been screaming that for a really long time, but like we've especially been screaming it for two years, right?
00:22:09.680 --> 00:22:13.279
We're like, it's not just our problem, it's not just our issue.
00:22:13.519 --> 00:22:17.440
We weren't speaking in euphemism when we said no one is free until Palestine's free.
00:22:17.519 --> 00:22:22.640
Like we mean that, and it's not a threat, it's that we see we see what's happening.
00:22:22.799 --> 00:22:28.079
And the common expression of like Palestinians are the canary in the coal mine is so accurate.
00:22:28.240 --> 00:22:31.359
We were warning you, we were warning you what's to come.
00:22:31.680 --> 00:22:33.359
And again, none of us are gonna get free.
00:22:33.680 --> 00:22:34.720
All of us are free.
00:22:34.880 --> 00:22:38.240
And right now, one big step is what's happening at Hazet.
00:22:38.480 --> 00:22:38.720
Yeah.
00:22:38.880 --> 00:22:49.279
Yeah, it's a bittersweet realization to know that we're all in this together because we kind of all have the same larger oppressor within our world.
00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:53.759
And but then it's also, yeah, it's it's not a club that we really want to be a part of.
00:22:53.920 --> 00:22:55.519
And we're learning and we're growing together.
00:22:55.839 --> 00:23:04.640
What really strikes me is how dedicated and unrelenting and strong you really are about the things that really mean so much to you.
00:23:04.799 --> 00:23:14.000
It really takes me back to our Siddhis, who were very unrelenting and steadfast and strong within who they were, and really wanted to convey that to everyone else.
00:23:14.160 --> 00:23:16.960
I would love to kind of hear a little bit more about your Siddhis.
00:23:17.519 --> 00:23:25.680
Yeah, so my Sitto was via um was born, raised, and Aliyah Ramha passed away in Hezma.
00:23:26.799 --> 00:23:29.519
She was born before 1948.
00:23:29.680 --> 00:23:31.839
Um, witnessed the Nekbah.
00:23:32.000 --> 00:23:34.559
Um, and Hezmah, we stayed.
00:23:34.720 --> 00:23:35.440
So they stayed.
00:23:35.519 --> 00:23:40.960
They were displaced for a little bit and moved back, but they stayed in Hezmah her entire life.
00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:43.839
And how old was she at the time of the Nekbah?
00:23:44.000 --> 00:23:46.799
We have never gotten my grandma's age correct.
00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:48.480
Okay.
00:23:49.039 --> 00:23:50.400
She was probably 12.
00:23:50.640 --> 00:23:51.119
Oh wow.
00:23:51.200 --> 00:23:53.200
So she would have been old enough to remember.
00:23:53.599 --> 00:23:53.759
Yeah.
00:23:53.920 --> 00:23:58.160
Um my sister was probably around 10, 12 years old.
00:23:58.400 --> 00:23:58.720
Yeah.
00:23:59.039 --> 00:24:01.759
Did she share stories with you guys about the NECBA?
00:24:02.000 --> 00:24:02.160
She would.
00:24:02.400 --> 00:24:04.400
She would share um brief stories.
00:24:04.559 --> 00:24:08.720
We didn't get, unfortunately, like the most detailed because it's traumatic.
00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:16.319
Um we did get stories about, you know, armed dinus men coming through the village.
00:24:16.640 --> 00:24:26.160
Um because Hezma is located right near Jerusalem, um, it's surrounded by four settlements and a checkpoint.
00:24:26.319 --> 00:24:35.599
So her stories of the Nekba have been long overshadowed by my grandfather's arrest, every single one of her sons being arrested, a ton of my cousins being arrested.
00:24:35.839 --> 00:24:38.720
Nearly every male in my family has spent time in Israeli prisons.
00:24:39.279 -->
00:24:39.519
Yeah.
00:24:39.599 --> 00:24:49.440
So I think that the Nekbah stories unfortunately have been overshadowed with just how much um oppression the people of Hezma do go through often.
00:24:49.680 --> 00:24:50.079
Yeah.
00:24:50.400 --> 00:24:55.519
There was just so much life, and unfortunately, just so much oppression that has happened from now until then.
00:24:55.759 --> 00:24:56.079
Yeah.
00:24:56.559 --> 00:25:03.440
Um, and just like memories, we would walk around Hezma, um, and there's a lot of our olive trees are confiscated.
00:25:03.519 --> 00:25:05.839
Um, so we can't actually access them.
00:25:06.079 --> 00:25:07.279
Um, but we can see them.
00:25:07.359 --> 00:25:15.119
So we're like looking at them with like a fake imaginary border that the state of Israel has implemented.
00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:19.200
Um, but she loved our olive trees and she would have like these beautiful memories.
00:25:19.359 --> 00:25:28.000
We would go to Ayn Farah, she would go to Aynfara, and then of course I like mimic the path that they would walk, just like trying to walk in my sitzo's footsteps when I lived there.
00:25:28.079 --> 00:25:29.359
She was so Palestinian.
00:25:29.680 --> 00:25:31.759
We woke up and wore a thaw every day.
00:25:31.839 --> 00:25:37.039
She's Metajba, but she would put her hair in two braids um every single morning.
00:25:37.200 --> 00:25:40.079
And I just I loved how she moved in this world.
00:25:40.559 --> 00:25:43.359
We just moved in such an intentional way.
00:25:43.519 --> 00:25:50.000
I always say, I've never met anyone like my sitzo because a lot of us walk around with this shell, right?
00:25:50.079 --> 00:25:56.240
Like we're tough and we're Palestinian, and like my Sitso was the softest woman you would ever meet.
00:25:56.559 --> 00:25:59.759
I had never heard her raise her voice.
00:26:00.000 --> 00:26:01.680
My dad has zero memory.
00:26:01.759 --> 00:26:04.079
He's like, my mother never raised her voice at us.
00:26:04.240 --> 00:26:08.720
Um, my sitzo is just so kind and soft all the time.
00:26:09.359 --> 00:26:09.839
Yeah.
00:26:10.079 --> 00:26:11.839
But I think there's so much strength in that.
00:26:12.000 --> 00:26:15.599
You don't always need to be the loudest person in the room to be the strongest person in the room.
00:26:15.839 --> 00:26:16.880
So much strength in it.
00:26:17.039 --> 00:26:20.480
Um, yeah, because she took up this presence and never wanted it.
00:26:20.720 --> 00:26:24.720
She she is she's one of the best people I've ever known in my life.
00:26:24.960 --> 00:26:26.640
Oh, that's so sweet.
00:26:27.920 --> 00:26:33.599
Do you feel like there's ways that she shaped your identity as a Palestinian?
00:26:33.839 --> 00:26:39.839
Yes, my sitto has shaped every aspect of my identity as a Palestinian.
00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:50.400
Um, I didn't know it, in all honesty, um, until I had moved there, how much I was influenced by Hisma and my village, right?
00:26:50.559 --> 00:26:57.279
But I didn't understand because we went when I was three, four, and then I had not gone back since until I was 1920.
00:26:57.599 --> 00:26:57.839
Wow.
00:26:58.000 --> 00:27:04.160
So when I went, I was definitely like, sure, I belonged here, this is my home, and I'm gonna go, and I live here now.
00:27:04.400 --> 00:27:12.480
But it was when I got back that like I didn't realize how much of the conversations I would have that they all affected.
00:27:12.640 --> 00:27:16.160
My sitto affected, my family affected, my politics, my beliefs.
00:27:16.319 --> 00:27:24.799
Hearing them talk like when I finally moved there and just seeing how they move around to the world was so important and so eye-opening.
00:27:25.039 --> 00:27:31.200
Um was your city still alive when you moved to uh Palestine for that time?
00:27:31.440 --> 00:27:32.799
Yes, my sitto was alive.
00:27:33.039 --> 00:27:33.519
So nice.
00:27:33.759 --> 00:27:35.440
Yes, so I got to spend time with her.
00:27:35.680 --> 00:27:40.480
It was just so nice being so embedded in the culture of Palestine.
00:27:40.640 --> 00:27:48.400
So doing things like pickling Zaytun with her, picking fruit off the trees with her, cooking with her was so beautiful.
00:27:48.559 --> 00:27:51.680
And then just like seeing the ways she wanted to protect me as a grandma.
00:27:51.839 --> 00:27:58.960
A lot of times the Israeli um army would come through the village and she'd be like, You have to get away from the windows if they see you looking like they'll you.
00:27:59.440 --> 00:28:01.519
So, like big important things like that.
00:28:01.680 --> 00:28:15.839
But then like little things, like we would be doing the Kusa together and I would like poke a hole in it, and she she would wait until all the coosa got on the table and then find all the ones that I had poked holes in and put them on her plate because she like didn't want people to see how badly I missed.
00:28:17.440 --> 00:28:19.119
She didn't want to embarrass you.
00:28:19.279 --> 00:28:20.319
That was so sweet.
00:28:21.119 --> 00:28:22.960
Or like, you know, she would call me.
00:28:23.119 --> 00:28:24.079
I still remember this.
00:28:24.240 --> 00:28:29.680
So I moved to Hezna, but I was living in Bierzit, so I got an apartment there, and my whole family told me not to.
00:28:29.759 --> 00:28:31.279
They're like, Don't don't just live here.
00:28:31.359 --> 00:28:33.599
I'm like, I can't come out from Hezna to Bierzit.
00:28:33.759 --> 00:28:35.119
And they're like, no, just come live here.
00:28:35.200 --> 00:28:37.039
And I was like, no, no, I'm gonna live in this apartment.
00:28:37.119 --> 00:28:37.680
It was miserable.
00:28:37.759 --> 00:28:39.039
I stayed for one week in that apartment.
00:28:39.440 --> 00:28:40.079
Oh my god.
00:28:42.480 --> 00:28:44.400
In that week, my grandma called.
00:28:44.480 --> 00:28:45.839
She's like, you have to come back.
00:28:46.000 --> 00:28:51.039
I have lived in this apartment for like two
days, and I'm like, and she was like, just come, it's an emergency.
00:28:51.200 --> 00:28:53.920
And I'm like, I got on a bus.
00:28:54.000 --> 00:28:57.279
It took me an hour and a half to get back to Hesnah from Briazet at night.
00:28:57.440 --> 00:28:58.480
I get back on this bus.
00:28:58.559 --> 00:28:59.200
I'm like, what happened?
00:28:59.279 --> 00:29:00.480
She's like, I bought you pajamas.
00:29:00.799 --> 00:29:03.039
I'm like, I had to come back from school.
00:29:03.920 --> 00:29:06.400
That's such a sithy thing to say.
00:29:07.039 --> 00:29:10.640
It's the most like sitto thing ever.
00:29:11.119 --> 00:29:12.160
And I loved it.
00:29:12.319 --> 00:29:14.960
I had been living here a week and a half.
00:29:15.119 --> 00:29:20.400
And I'm like, oh, like what a sweet moment between us.
00:29:20.559 --> 00:29:26.319
Like, what sweet moment that I rushed back to get my bright well, I still remember these pajamas.
00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:30.960
These bright yellow matching pajamas that you thought I needed to have.
00:29:31.119 --> 00:29:34.160
And I said his ma obviously I'm not gonna track back to being a sick.
00:29:34.240 --> 00:29:35.519
I slept with those pajamas that night.
00:29:35.599 --> 00:29:38.319
I slept in those pajamas most nights when I lived in.
00:29:39.119 --> 00:29:42.720
Yeah, I can there's there's definitely something so special about Sutti's kind of love.
00:29:42.880 --> 00:29:44.799
What would you say was your Sitti's love language?
00:29:44.880 --> 00:29:48.319
You know, they didn't know about love language, they didn't classify it in that way.
00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:50.559
But how would you say your Sitti showed her love?
00:29:50.799 --> 00:29:55.839
Yeah, so in the love languages, my sitto was definitely an act of service.
00:29:56.000 --> 00:29:58.079
Um kind of sitto.
00:29:58.480 --> 00:29:59.759
Um, even little things.
00:29:59.839 --> 00:30:02.480
I just like to remember all the sweet things she did for me.
00:30:02.640 --> 00:30:06.640
She used to hide the gummy candies if I like hadn't gotten to eat them yet.
00:30:06.720 --> 00:30:20.960
And she said, we have to save some for Amanda, and she would like put them in the pockets of her coke, and she'd be like guarding them with her life because she's like, I know I'm into like the specific gummy candy, and I need to make sure it's here for when she comes back home today.
00:30:21.119 --> 00:30:23.440
She was such an acts of service person.
00:30:23.920 --> 00:30:28.480
Um, and just the way she like moved and functioned, she loved spending time with us.
00:30:28.720 --> 00:30:33.039
Genuinely, I hadn't spent a couple hours in the day sitting next to her.
00:30:33.119 --> 00:30:36.799
She didn't even need me to talk as long as like I sat next to her too.
00:30:36.960 --> 00:30:38.799
She really just wanted to spend time with us.
00:30:38.960 --> 00:30:44.000
When I would sit next to her, she would say, She was like, just come back and live here.
00:30:44.079 --> 00:30:45.519
Like, what do you need with this place?
00:30:45.680 --> 00:30:47.039
She was like, just yeah.
00:30:47.200 --> 00:30:48.319
Um, and I was all about it.
00:30:48.400 --> 00:30:49.839
I was like, you're right, you call your son.
00:30:50.000 --> 00:30:51.200
We should all totally.
00:30:51.519 --> 00:30:53.119
My grandma felt the same exact way.
00:30:53.200 --> 00:30:54.799
And I was like, I'm with you, Sati.
00:30:55.039 --> 00:30:56.319
I'll come back tomorrow.
00:30:56.559 --> 00:30:59.200
It's it's a different, I can't explain.
00:30:59.359 --> 00:31:02.000
Nothing will ever be being back home.
00:31:02.240 --> 00:31:02.880
Nothing.
00:31:03.119 --> 00:31:07.839
Like the air is different, the water is different, the just everything.
00:31:08.000 --> 00:31:10.319
You just like get everything tastes fresher.
00:31:10.559 --> 00:31:11.200
Yeah.
00:31:11.839 --> 00:31:18.480
It's crazy to say, but like I every time I go back home, I can breathe lighter.
00:31:18.640 --> 00:31:23.839
And it sounds crazy because we are so occupied, but it's the only place I feel free.
00:31:24.000 --> 00:31:26.720
Like it's the place that I'm like, like this is home.
00:31:26.960 --> 00:31:28.319
I feel free here.
00:31:28.559 --> 00:31:34.559
Walking through these awful checkpoints, having to see Israeli military and settlers, I'm still just like, but it's mine.
00:31:34.799 --> 00:31:36.240
Like it is mine here.
00:31:36.799 --> 00:31:38.240
And that was just always important.
00:31:38.400 --> 00:31:40.720
And my sitto always made sure like I knew, right?
00:31:40.799 --> 00:31:44.480
Like we would go to land, and she'd be like, These are your olive trees.
00:31:44.640 --> 00:31:45.839
She was not wavering.
00:31:46.160 --> 00:31:49.359
I was never been to America ever in my family.
00:31:49.759 --> 00:31:50.559
Never a thing.
00:31:50.799 --> 00:31:53.599
When it came to Hezmat, they're like, You're Hesmawiya.
00:31:53.839 --> 00:31:55.759
Like they never wanted to make jokes.
00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:59.920
My family and Hezma has never made fun of my Arabic, even.
00:32:00.079 --> 00:32:03.279
They are so, so they're so adamant.
00:32:03.440 --> 00:32:05.039
They're like, that one's Palestinian.
00:32:05.119 --> 00:32:06.319
This one is ours.
00:32:06.480 --> 00:32:07.839
Um, I love that.
00:32:08.480 --> 00:32:11.759
Was there something when when you spent your time in Falstein with your city?
00:32:12.000 --> 00:32:13.920
Was there something new that you learned about her?
00:32:14.079 --> 00:32:14.400
Yeah.
00:32:14.559 --> 00:32:17.759
My dad was born in Ayanfada in a cave.
00:32:17.839 --> 00:32:21.759
And he I gave birth in a hospital with an epidural, and that was so hard.
00:32:22.000 --> 00:32:22.799
You gave birth.
00:32:23.039 --> 00:32:31.839
First of all, you walk to Ayanfada is not next to Hismap, but it was spring, and they go to Ayan Fada, and they have to have like the Hanam, like, you know, move and migrate and eat
grass.
00:32:31.920 --> 00:32:35.359
Uh, she gave birth to my father, um, in her handfada.
00:32:36.160 --> 00:32:40.079
And when she had told me that, I literally was stunned.
00:32:40.160 --> 00:32:43.200
I'm like, you're so strong, you're so strong.
00:32:43.359 --> 00:32:44.079
And it was like nothing.
00:32:44.400 --> 00:32:45.200
Did she see it that way?
00:32:45.359 --> 00:32:48.240
Yeah, I was gonna say she probably didn't even see it that way.
00:32:49.279 --> 00:32:51.039
She was like, ah, and then he was born.
00:32:51.119 --> 00:32:53.279
I'm like, wait, we skipped over something.
00:32:53.519 --> 00:32:55.039
She's like, and everyone does it.
00:32:55.200 --> 00:32:55.920
What do you mean?
00:32:56.240 --> 00:33:00.480
He's so strong and just just her will about everything, right?
00:33:00.720 --> 00:33:09.839
Because a few of the arrests in my family were terrifying arrests, but also we didn't know how terrifying they were till days, a week, weeks later.
00:33:10.640 --> 00:33:14.480
And we have a renam and they would go have the renam go out to feed.
00:33:14.559 --> 00:33:18.319
Um, and one of my uncles or cousins would be out in the fields.
00:33:18.480 --> 00:33:23.920
One of my uncles, literally a helicopter came, and then like paratroopers came down to arrest him.
00:33:24.079 --> 00:33:26.880
Nobody saw it because it feels so far from us.
00:33:27.119 --> 00:33:29.759
So then it's just like days of like, what happened?
00:33:29.920 --> 00:33:30.640
Like, where is he?
00:33:30.960 --> 00:33:31.440
Oh my god.
00:33:31.839 --> 00:33:44.960
And it's just like having to live through that for every single one of your sons, having to live through that through nearly every single one of your grandsons, having to live your husband repeatedly is so hard.
00:33:45.200 --> 00:33:51.519
I like I can't tell them how strong our sitto's hearts are that like to keep living this.
00:33:51.839 --> 00:33:56.960
When I was pregnant with Lana, my two cousins got arrested.
00:33:57.119 --> 00:33:58.720
They were six and eight.
00:33:59.039 --> 00:34:00.640
And my god.
00:34:02.079 --> 00:34:04.960
It's rocks, like they always yeah, like they always claim.
00:34:05.119 --> 00:34:06.880
They arrested my six and eight-year-old cousins.
00:34:06.960 --> 00:34:08.159
Oh we couldn't tell Sito, right?
00:34:08.239 --> 00:34:13.119
Like Sito has lived through a lot, but we were like, there's babies, there are babies.
00:34:13.360 --> 00:34:16.159
Um, they were released the same day, thank God.
00:34:16.320 --> 00:34:20.239
But she knew, I guess she had like seen, and I wasn't there at the time I was here.
00:34:20.320 --> 00:34:23.920
Um, but I was of course getting phone calls and like trying to figure out what was going on.
00:34:24.000 --> 00:34:25.119
But my sitto knew.
00:34:25.920 --> 00:34:28.320
Um and I just like think about that strength, right?
00:34:28.480 --> 00:34:32.400
Because like I like it's so sad for us and our people.
00:34:32.639 -->
00:34:46.320
Yeah, I don't think people talk about enough of like when we see on the news, we see our men getting imprisoned, like taken hostage essentially, and even extending to like our teenage boys or even our children.
00:34:46.639 --> 00:34:48.159
That's what we see on the news, right?
00:34:48.559 --> 00:34:54.960
But we don't see the women who have to stay home and hold down the fort while all of that is happening.
00:34:55.119 --> 00:35:00.800
We don't see the women who now have to like go and work for their family because their husbands or their sons are away.
00:35:00.880 --> 00:35:20.000
And I don't feel like people talk enough about the strength that those women have to embody and how they birth the resistance, but by them being the people that they are and keeping the family together and keeping the family going is what allows these men to go out and be those freedom fighters.
00:35:20.159 --> 00:35:27.280
Um, and so I don't think people talk enough about how much of a role these older women really do play within the resistance.
00:35:27.440 --> 00:35:30.559
And it's shown like with your grandmother time and time again.
00:35:30.800 --> 00:35:36.480
Time and time again, not only holding it down, uh I'm also a pal uh part of the Palestinian Feminist Collaborative.
00:35:37.039 --> 00:35:38.559
It is uh it's a special group.
00:35:38.800 --> 00:35:44.239
And sometimes before protests are things, sometimes we'll say the name of someone who's important to us.
00:35:44.320 --> 00:35:49.039
Um to my dear friend Dahlia, because she tends to be the one who like says this.
00:35:49.199 --> 00:35:51.840
And I own my grandmother every single time.
00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:59.519
I literally name my Dow Speeha because she has impacted every aspect of my life, and I mean every.
00:35:59.679 --> 00:36:05.280
She's impacted my identity, my scholarship, my writing, uh, and my activism.
00:36:05.840 --> 00:36:10.079
You know, a lot of times when I talked, I attribute it to Hezmet, and I will always do that.
00:36:10.239 --> 00:36:12.719
But like when I think of Hezma, I think of her.
00:36:12.960 --> 00:36:17.920
When I think of his her and her house, and it's a running joke with my cousins in Hezmet, right?
00:36:18.079 --> 00:36:20.239
They're like, you always call this Sitto's house.
00:36:20.320 --> 00:36:22.000
And I'm like, it is Sitto's house.
00:36:22.159 --> 00:36:24.000
And they're like, we call it Sito's house.
00:36:24.079 --> 00:36:24.960
And I'm like, you're wrong.
00:36:25.119 --> 00:36:26.400
Like, I don't want to tell you.
00:36:26.559 --> 00:36:30.079
She's like, every single one of the cousins calls it Sito's house.
00:36:30.239 --> 00:36:32.000
And I was like, it's my Sito's house.
00:36:32.079 --> 00:36:33.679
It'll always be my Sito's house.
00:36:33.840 --> 00:36:35.599
Um so sweet.
00:36:35.840 --> 00:36:37.440
And obviously it's the same house.
00:36:37.599 --> 00:36:39.519
And obviously they were married.
00:36:39.599 --> 00:36:41.519
Um, but it's just like the association, right?
00:36:41.599 --> 00:36:45.119
Like I moved there, Ali and Hamel, my father wasn't alive anymore.
00:36:45.360 --> 00:36:47.440
Um, but I don't even think that's what it is.
00:36:47.519 --> 00:36:52.400
It was just like that house, every aspect of that house is my grandmother.
00:36:52.559 --> 00:36:59.760
Like the ways the grape vines are in front of our driveway, the way they lay out reminds me of my grandmother.
00:36:59.920 --> 00:37:03.280
I had gone to the open Shahada Street protest when I lived there.
00:37:03.440 --> 00:37:05.679
Um, and it's a pretty intense protest.
00:37:05.920 --> 00:37:09.920
There's, you know, always fires and paramedics and a ton of tear gas um and bullets.
00:37:10.159 --> 00:37:13.760
I thought about it before I went and I was like, I can't tell her where I'm going.
00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:16.960
So she had called like 500 times.
00:37:17.039 --> 00:37:17.920
My uncles have called.
00:37:18.079 --> 00:37:21.840
I'm getting text messages being like, we know where you're you you are at home now.
00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:24.079
And I'm like, I'm stuck in Khalil.
00:37:24.480 --> 00:37:26.079
Like, I there's no way I'm getting home.
00:37:26.159 --> 00:37:26.960
All the roads are closed.
00:37:27.039 --> 00:37:28.239
Like, I'm stuck in falil.
00:37:28.400 --> 00:37:30.800
I have tear gas on one side and fire on the other.
00:37:30.960 --> 00:37:32.960
Like, we're here in the middle of this.
00:37:33.280 --> 00:37:36.559
And um, when I got home, my jeans are ripped.
00:37:36.639 --> 00:37:37.440
I'm a mess.
00:37:37.519 --> 00:37:38.639
I can't breathe.
00:37:38.800 --> 00:37:44.800
And my sister looked at me and she's like about to say something, and she just asked me how studying was.
00:37:44.880 --> 00:37:46.000
And I just started laughing.
00:37:46.320 --> 00:37:47.280
I was like, so real.
00:37:47.760 --> 00:37:50.719
Like I looked just like studying what?
00:37:50.880 --> 00:37:54.719
And she's just like, and you could tell, she was like, Do I say something to this girl?
00:37:54.960 --> 00:37:56.159
And she just didn't.
00:37:57.119 --> 00:37:57.840
Holy girl.
00:37:58.079 --> 00:38:00.000
And she was like, I was studying.
00:38:00.159 --> 00:38:04.800
She's like, I see you, you see me, keep doing what you're doing.
00:38:04.880 --> 00:38:05.440
Yeah.
00:38:05.760 --> 00:38:09.679
There's a running joke that they would have to call back to America if something happened to me.
00:38:09.840 --> 00:38:11.360
The day I came to Palestine.
00:38:11.599 --> 00:38:16.079
My uncle came to get me from a man and we went through the Jisid together.
00:38:16.320 --> 00:38:19.280
And, you know, they assumed I would be at the Jissid for two hours.
00:38:19.360 --> 00:38:21.519
I don't know what on earth gave them that assumption.
00:38:21.760 --> 00:38:22.559
Awful assumption.
00:38:22.639 --> 00:38:24.320
So we get to the Jissid super early.
00:38:24.400 -->
00:38:25.119
It just opens.
00:38:25.280 --> 00:38:27.199
My uncle comes to our man.
00:38:27.360 --> 00:38:28.320
We leave together.
00:38:28.559 --> 00:38:29.760
We're at the Jisid.
00:38:30.559 --> 00:38:36.639
Long story short, like 13 hours and four interrogations later, I finally get in.
00:38:36.800 --> 00:38:37.840
My uncle's phone dies.
00:38:38.079 --> 00:38:39.199
I obviously don't have a phone.
00:38:39.280 --> 00:38:44.639
This is like before you can actually connect at the Jissid to anything that resembles Wi-Fi.
00:38:44.800 --> 00:38:46.000
So they can't call us.
00:38:46.079 --> 00:38:50.400
So they're like, we're supposed to see Amanda at 10 in the morning in Hezma, 11 p.m.
00:38:50.559 --> 00:38:51.679
I'm rolling through.
00:38:52.480 --> 00:38:53.119
My God.
00:38:54.159 --> 00:38:57.440
They had made your grandma was probably so terrified.
00:38:57.760 --> 00:38:59.599
They were everybody was calling everybody.
00:38:59.760 --> 00:39:01.039
Nobody knew what to do.
00:39:01.199 --> 00:39:03.039
My grandma was calling my dad.
00:39:03.199 --> 00:39:05.199
My dad was like, What am I supposed to do?
00:39:05.360 --> 00:39:06.320
Like, I'm in America.
00:39:06.559 --> 00:39:08.159
So everyone was freaking out.
00:39:08.320 --> 00:39:13.119
My my my sister had made men saf and everybody had teased her, like, why are you making men saf for breakfast?
00:39:13.280 --> 00:39:14.960
And she's like, Amanda's gonna be here.
00:39:15.119 --> 00:39:19.519
And so, like, when I finally got there, they were like, At least it's men saf at a more appropriate time.
00:39:19.679 --> 00:39:30.719
And I was like, 13 hours at the gist and that's not including the travel time back and forth, that I'm like, I don't know how to speak Arabic right now.
00:39:30.800 --> 00:39:32.559
Like, I could barely speak English at that moment.
00:39:32.639 --> 00:39:35.599
I was just like staring at everybody and I'm like, I don't know where I am.
00:39:35.760 --> 00:39:36.719
I'm so tired.
00:39:36.880 --> 00:39:38.239
Like, I need to get to bed.
00:39:38.559 --> 00:39:40.000
And of course, that wasn't an option.
00:39:40.159 --> 00:39:42.400
My sister's like, you're gonna sit and you're gonna eat this men sap.
00:39:42.639 --> 00:39:47.280
So I'm like sitting and eating mentap, and I'm just looking around and I'm like, what did we all?
00:39:47.519 --> 00:39:49.039
And I think we were all doing it for a minute.
00:39:49.119 --> 00:39:51.039
I was like, what did we all get into right now?
00:39:51.199 --> 00:40:00.159
Like, what is um and then I woke up like I'm back home and I feel better and you're never gonna get what you want, right?
00:40:00.239 --> 00:40:03.679
Like they're not gonna get they they do it to deter you, like don't come back.
00:40:04.320 --> 00:40:06.000
Yeah, no, totally.
00:40:06.159 --> 00:40:13.360
We've heard so many stories about your city, and we like got in so many of her characteristics and kind of things that she held so importantly
to her.
00:40:13.519 --> 00:40:19.599
How do you feel like you are going to pass on those traditions and lessons to your daughter, Nena?
00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:23.039
So I talk about my grandma's lot to my daughter.
00:40:23.360 --> 00:40:29.119
I really deeply um believe in your maternal lineage.
00:40:29.280 --> 00:40:32.719
My other, my tita, my other Sito, used to always talk about it.
00:40:32.800 --> 00:40:36.639
My uh my mom's mom had 10 kids and five daughters.
00:40:36.880 --> 00:40:37.760
Wow, mashallah.
00:40:38.000 --> 00:40:41.920
Yeah, but from her five daughters, I'm the only granddaughter.
00:40:42.079 --> 00:40:43.199
So everybody else had boys.
00:40:43.280 --> 00:40:44.639
Her sons- No way.
00:40:44.880 --> 00:40:46.320
Wow, that's wild.
00:40:46.800 --> 00:40:47.119
Wild.
00:40:47.440 --> 00:40:49.599
Um, her sons had girls.
00:40:49.760 --> 00:40:54.480
So like I do have girl cousins, but none of her daughters had a daughter except me.
00:40:54.639 --> 00:40:57.679
Um, and I'm my mom's last one, and a surprise.
00:40:57.840 --> 00:41:00.800
I came along and it was something she would tell me all the time.
00:41:00.960 --> 00:41:03.280
It was something she had repeated since I was a child.
00:41:03.519 --> 00:41:04.400
She loves all of us.
00:41:04.559 --> 00:41:06.320
But she's like, You're our lineage.
00:41:06.480 --> 00:41:09.760
She's like, because when you back, like, who's my mom?
00:41:09.920 --> 00:41:10.800
Who's her mom?
00:41:10.960 --> 00:41:16.079
She's like, the only way somebody gets to me is gonna be through you and your daughter.
00:41:16.239 --> 00:41:17.679
She's like, when we keep trace.
00:41:18.239 --> 00:41:19.679
My grandma was so conscious of it.
00:41:19.760 --> 00:41:23.440
So she was very big on like the only way they're getting to me is through you.
00:41:23.519 --> 00:41:24.480
Like you are here.
00:41:24.719 --> 00:41:26.559
And I was like, Oh, yes.
00:41:26.639 --> 00:41:28.159
And it like, it was a heavy weight.
00:41:28.239 --> 00:41:31.599
Like, I was like, Oh, like and it was definitely like a point of pride.
00:41:31.679 --> 00:41:33.519
I've definitely shoved it in my cousin's faces.
00:41:33.599 --> 00:41:38.480
Sometimes not the I can be the only one who gets to tit that.
00:41:38.719 --> 00:41:39.920
Looks just so proud.
00:41:42.239 --> 00:41:46.719
When I had my daughter, I was like, yes, like I just line it.
00:41:47.119 --> 00:41:53.840
Like, you'll trace back to my grandparents and my great-grandparents, and like the maternal lineage is so important.
00:41:54.159 --> 00:42:00.400
Um, I always talk about Palestinian feminism as being something very different than Western and colonial feminism.
00:42:00.559 --> 00:42:04.239
Um and it's part of it, it's part of why it's so special.
00:42:04.480 --> 00:42:06.400
Our sittos, our grandparents.
00:42:06.559 --> 00:42:15.360
I think the ways I teach Nana about us and about our sitto and our culture is really just through our family, it's
a huge part of it.
00:42:15.519 --> 00:42:17.280
I talk about my grandparents all the time.
00:42:17.440 --> 00:42:19.119
Their pictures are in my house.
00:42:19.360 --> 00:42:23.039
Grandmothers are so important to me, they just shape so much of who I am.
00:42:23.199 --> 00:42:27.199
And my daughter has a special relationship with both of her grandmothers.
00:42:27.360 --> 00:42:31.280
My mom and my mother-in-law are just so important to my daughter.
00:42:31.440 --> 00:42:39.679
And it's really in ways that I'm very aware that whatever her grandparents give her are things I can't actually give her myself.
00:42:39.840 --> 00:42:42.079
That relationship's special and unique.
00:42:42.159 --> 00:42:50.400
Um, and sometimes stepping out of the way for them to get their moments is maybe the best thing I can actually do for her when it comes to like learning about who we are.
00:42:50.639 --> 00:42:52.480
Yeah, no, that's such a good insight.
00:42:52.559 --> 00:42:58.480
Is like here we are talking about our grandmothers, but our kids have like their own set of grandmothers.
00:42:58.639 --> 00:43:06.559
And so we can only hope that our kids learn, you know, just as much or more from their grandmother grandmothers and have those special of our relationships as well.
00:43:06.719 --> 00:43:24.880
Yeah, I think it's just so beautiful that when I talk to people on Sitsy Stories and we're chatting about our grandmothers, they're like, Oh, I didn't realize that like I got that characteristic from my grandmother until right now as we're like speaking, and I'm like, Yeah, because yeah, your mom raised you, but who raised your mom was her mom.
00:43:25.039 --> 00:43:27.119
And so it's just all getting carried on.
00:43:27.280 --> 00:43:31.840
I just think it's something like so special to think about, even when we have like our own kids as well.
00:43:32.079 --> 00:43:36.159
You just like letting us carry on these stories and make these connections, right?
00:43:36.320 --> 00:43:40.480
As much as I talk about my sittoa, I've never sat and talked for an hour about my sittoa.
00:43:41.039 --> 00:43:42.800
Yeah, I don't think people do it enough.
00:43:43.119 --> 00:43:44.159
So I was like, why the?
00:43:44.639 --> 00:43:50.480
I think we can learn so much about them and not in a way to like romanticize them because every person is flawed.
00:43:50.559 --> 00:43:55.199
And I think the things that they have gone through taught them so many life lessons.
00:43:55.440 --> 00:43:59.440
When you talk about generational trauma, we could really kind of unpack that.
00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:04.400
When we look at them as a person and who they were and what their story was.
00:44:04.559 --> 00:44:08.000
And I just think it's so important to kind of like carry us forward within that.
00:44:08.159 --> 00:44:11.679
So when we do look forward, uh, what is next for you?
00:44:11.760 --> 00:44:15.920
I know you're working on so many different things at kind of all different times.
00:44:16.159 --> 00:44:17.280
What is next for you?
00:44:17.360 --> 00:44:19.679
What's what are some things that are on the horizon for you?
00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:22.719
Yeah, um, great question.
00:44:22.960 --> 00:44:24.400
Um, a lot of research.
00:44:24.559 --> 00:44:32.800
So while you will not catch another children's book in the near future, I do have a lot of my academic um articles out and coming out.
00:44:32.880 --> 00:44:35.440
Um, a couple of book chapters, a couple articles.
00:44:35.679 --> 00:44:36.880
All about Palestine.
00:44:36.960 --> 00:44:38.559
Uh, so Palestine is awesome.
00:44:41.119 --> 00:44:43.039
But those are out and coming out.
00:44:43.119 --> 00:44:48.000
So there's a lot of writing, it's just looking a little different than Lana makes purple pizza.
00:44:48.079 --> 00:44:52.400
And then give me a couple more years, and then hopefully a PhD will be done.
00:44:52.960 --> 00:44:55.119
Inshallah, that's a huge undertaking.
00:44:55.280 --> 00:45:02.960
Honestly, it's so impressive that you're able to um, you know, focus on that while also being a mom and also kind of focusing on other things as well.
00:45:03.119 --> 00:45:07.360
So it's a huge undertaking, and we're so excited to kind of see how it all unfolds.
00:45:07.599 --> 00:45:09.360
The work that you're doing is so impactful.
00:45:09.599 --> 00:45:21.760
I don't think people really realize how important research and academia is because it's it's quiet work, but we need the people like you who are kind of doing all that quiet work to really back us up with evidence.
00:45:21.920 --> 00:45:27.199
That's the way that we can make our argument stronger, that's the way that we could make you know our our future stronger as well.
00:45:27.440 --> 00:45:30.159
I love that you're able to do that because not everyone has that skill.
00:45:30.480 --> 00:45:32.480
Where can people follow along with your journey?
00:45:32.719 --> 00:45:36.400
I have a public Instagram, um, and they can follow along there.
00:45:36.559 --> 00:45:38.320
I'm a Google Scholar too.
00:45:38.480 --> 00:45:40.960
A lot of my articles will be out there.
00:45:41.280 --> 00:45:44.000
Um yeah, I think Instagram is gonna be good.
00:45:44.960 --> 00:45:45.599
Okay, great.
00:45:45.679 --> 00:45:53.679
Yeah, that's like live updates for us to kind of follow along and get to know when your publications are going to be out and when your writing is gonna be out.
00:45:53.760 --> 00:45:54.960
So that's gonna be so helpful.
00:45:55.199 --> 00:46:02.719
Seriously, thank you so much for coming on and for sharing your story and your Sidney stories and really sharing her heart with us.
00:46:02.880 --> 00:46:07.840
We do have one last City inspired question to kind of end us off of how we started.
00:46:08.079 --> 00:46:16.239
But if your Siddhi, Sofia, was sitting here with us today, kind of joining in with our conversation, what do you think she would be the most proud of you for?
00:46:16.400 --> 00:46:23.920
I think she'd be the most proud of me for being a yeah, um, it was so important to her and she was the best mother.
00:46:24.400 --> 00:46:33.440
Um and I think my outside personality um doesn't always tend to be her soft demeanor, her soft but strong demeanor.
00:46:33.840 --> 00:46:36.079
My mothering is so much like her.
00:46:36.239 --> 00:46:41.840
It is soft and quiet and um and I channel her every day.
00:46:42.159 --> 00:46:42.880
I mother.
00:46:43.519 --> 00:46:46.639
Um I love that.
00:46:46.800 --> 00:46:47.840
That's so sweet.
00:46:48.000 --> 00:46:48.880
That was so special.
00:46:49.039 --> 00:46:50.320
I'm sure she's very proud of you.
00:46:50.400 --> 00:46:54.719
And Nena's already doing an awesome job being a little activist herself.
00:46:54.880 --> 00:46:59.119
Thank you so much for being here and for taking the time out of your day to chat with me.
00:46:59.360 --> 00:47:00.079
Thank you, Leela.
00:47:00.480 --> 00:47:01.760
I love chatting with you.
00:47:01.920 --> 00:47:04.320
This is so special for us.
00:47:09.519 --> 00:47:14.719
I kept thinking about this conversation about how much of who we are really starts with the people who came before us.
00:47:14.960 --> 00:47:20.559
Amanda talks about how her city shaped her identity, her scholarship, her writing, and her activism.
00:47:20.639 --> 00:47:23.360
And I think what struck me is just how far those things can travel.
00:47:23.519 --> 00:47:27.039
Something her city gave her in Hezma all those years ago didn't just stay there.
00:47:27.199 --> 00:47:32.239
Amanda carried it with her into her classrooms, into her work, into the stories she writes.
00:47:32.320 --> 00:47:37.039
And now into what she passed on to her own daughter and to so many other Palestinian children.
00:47:37.280 --> 00:47:40.639
And I think that's just such a beautiful reminder of carrying our culture forward.
00:47:40.800 --> 00:47:42.880
Who taught you to be proud of where you come from?
00:47:42.960 --> 00:47:44.719
And how are you passing it on today?
00:47:44.880 --> 00:47:50.480
And actually, don't just think about it, write it down, ask the questions, document the stories, have a little fun with it.
00:47:50.719 --> 00:47:53.920
That's exactly what I've been creating with the Sisty Stories Mail Club.
00:47:54.079 --> 00:48:10.239
Starting this November, I'll be sending a little piece of home to your mailbox each month, filled with stories, arts, prompts, activities, and little surprises designed to help you slow down, create, remember, and document the people, places, traditions, and everyday things that connect us to home.
00:48:10.480 --> 00:48:16.239
This is my way to get the podcast offline and for everyone to be able to join in with me.
00:48:16.480 --> 00:48:26.239
I wanted to create something that makes documenting our stories feel less like this big project we keep saying we'll get to one day, and more like something we can actually enjoy doing little by little.
00:48:26.400 --> 00:48:32.800
You can head to the City Stories website to join the list and be the first to hear more about our first edition coming out in November.
00:48:32.960 --> 00:48:37.039
And speaking about the people who came before us, we have just one episode left this season.
00:48:37.119 --> 00:48:40.719
For our season finale, we will finally be hearing from our Cities and Sidos.
00:48:41.119 --> 00:48:43.679
And I really can't think of a better way to close out the season.
00:48:43.920 --> 00:48:48.079
Thank you so much to Amanda for sharing her story, her city, and a little piece of hezma with us.
00:48:48.159 --> 00:48:51.840
And thank you as always for listening and for continuing to make spaces for these stories.
00:48:51.920 --> 00:48:53.760
I'll meet you back here for our season finale.
00:48:53.920 --> 00:48:56.800
Until then, this is City Stories, Masonama.