Transcription complète de EP 137: The broken UK SEND system with Rebecca Harrison, founder of SEN Home Ed Circle

that they're supposed to be thriving in, Exactly, and what made it worse, and a lot of parents mentioned this to me, but I've never heard it said, so I thought I'll say it is. 00:05:09.245 --> 00:05:22.870 It was in a nursery, and what the nursery never told me is they had no experience of autistic children and this was 10 years ago, and I mean autism was very much in the world, you know, 20 years ago, in my mind, 10 years ago, but they had no experience of it. 00:05:22.870 --> 00:05:31.153 So they kept frightening me and saying, well, it could be this neuro, you know neurological condition, have it checked out? 00:05:31.153 --> 00:05:34.411 It could be this and they're not qualified to say that. 00:05:34.411 --> 00:05:36.377 This particular nurse right. 00:05:36.377 --> 00:05:40.567 But it was really frightening me because I'm thinking, god, what if his brain down? 00:05:40.567 --> 00:05:53.800 Because I didn't know I'd seen autism, because I'd um teach in secondary, I'd seen autism displayed in secondary age children, but not in tiny little children so much before, and especially my own. 00:05:53.800 --> 00:05:56.788 So they kept frightening me and I kept. 00:05:56.867 --> 00:06:09.495 I got really bad health anxiety on Christopher's behalf, my son's behalf, and it was a really traumatic turmoil time at that time because I had this nursery saying it. 00:06:09.495 --> 00:06:10.903 It could be X, y and Z. 00:06:10.903 --> 00:06:12.286 It should never have said that. 00:06:12.286 --> 00:06:15.942 They used to say things in front of all the other parents at pick up time. 00:06:15.942 --> 00:06:18.449 Your child is this much behind. 00:06:18.449 --> 00:06:19.892 What are you going to do, rebecca? 00:06:20.560 --> 00:06:25.846 That made me feel that big and yeah, they used to say that all the time, and in front of everybody as well. 00:06:25.846 --> 00:06:27.805 You know, it's just, I've been there. 00:06:27.845 --> 00:06:36.089 It's humiliating and then to make assumptions that it could be, you know like it could have a brain disease or or all sorts of things. 00:06:36.089 --> 00:06:38.940 Really, my anxiety was through the roof. 00:06:38.940 --> 00:06:49.632 Um, and then I had my mother-in-law at me saying you know, there was something wrong, but not wrong in a sense that let's support him, but wrong in well. 00:06:49.632 --> 00:06:53.476 You must have done something wrong as a parent, because none of my kids are like this. 00:06:53.476 --> 00:06:56.649 Ironically, her son's diagnosed autistic. 00:06:56.689 --> 00:07:01.620 My husband Sorry, I shouldn't laugh, but you know what I mean. 00:07:01.620 --> 00:07:03.266 I can't help myself. 00:07:03.300 --> 00:07:07.389 I remember knocking on my door and saying you're not interacting with him enough. 00:07:07.389 --> 00:07:17.110 I won't say the word she used, but you're not interacting with him enough and it's your fault and that's why he's in a world of his own, because it was always somebody else's fault. 00:07:17.339 --> 00:07:18.521 Well, that's I mean classically. 00:07:18.521 --> 00:07:21.024 They used to blame mothers, actually for autistic children. 00:07:21.024 --> 00:07:27.634 They used to call them refrigerator moms and they put the entire blame on mothers for not being bonding, not being close enough. 00:07:27.634 --> 00:07:39.444 You know it's our fault which is a common theme actually throughout all of the neurodiversities that somehow we're the cause of it and that it's a problem, rather than looking at it as our kids are wired differently and need different support. 00:07:39.444 --> 00:07:41.009 Exactly, and she knew. 00:07:41.480 --> 00:07:43.422 So how did you get through this, get all through that? 00:07:43.422 --> 00:08:03.567 And at that time my own mother because you know we're at that age, you know, 30s, 40s, where your own parents are getting older and moving into, you know, might be moving into my own mother was moving into a care facility because she was extremely ill and I'm an only child and my father passed away many years ago. 00:08:03.567 --> 00:08:16.492 So I had all this and then working full-time and this was before I had my second son and I thought I was in like a washing machine and I was going crazy because I knew there was something wrong, but I didn't know what. 00:08:16.492 --> 00:08:21.100 I had nursery saying, you know, getting checked out for x, y and z and is this much behind? 00:08:21.100 --> 00:08:24.910 I had my mother-in-law saying well, it's your fault, you're not interacting with him enough. 00:08:25.692 --> 00:08:34.299 And then now all the other pressures of life on top and then my mother going into a care home and deteriorating very, very quickly to somebody I didn't even know anymore. 00:08:34.299 --> 00:08:41.657 And at that point I remember you get that stressed, you go numb and I was numbing. 00:08:41.657 --> 00:08:54.106 I was numbing out completely and the local authority wanted me to go on to this Webster Stratton course and I thought, no, I'd heard some terrible things about these courses and I wouldn't go on that course. 00:08:54.106 --> 00:08:55.491 But I went on an early bird. 00:08:55.491 --> 00:08:57.759 Um, I think it's the autistic society. 00:08:57.759 --> 00:08:58.383 I could be wrong. 00:08:58.383 --> 00:09:00.591 They don't do them anymore, but that was a fun. 00:09:00.591 --> 00:09:04.245 This early bird autistic course were fantastic one of the very few. 00:09:04.245 --> 00:09:10.326 What was good, but I remember refusing to go on this Webster Stratton one. 00:09:10.385 --> 00:09:12.129 I don't know much about Webster Stratton course. 00:09:12.129 --> 00:09:13.072 Do they still exist? 00:09:13.072 --> 00:09:19.464 Yeah, they tell you how to parent. 00:09:19.543 --> 00:09:27.990 They tell you how to parent an autistic child and it's a one-step cure-all. 00:09:28.009 --> 00:09:34.735 Okay, so yeah, which is they say, if you meet one autistic child, you meet one autistic

child, exactly. 00:09:34.735 --> 00:09:35.936 So I don't think there is a one. 00:09:35.936 --> 00:09:42.765 I mean, you know, I don't think there's a one-step anything for parenting really. 00:09:42.765 --> 00:09:43.528 But okay, so it was not. 00:09:43.528 --> 00:09:44.812 It's just not helpful at all. 00:09:45.419 --> 00:10:02.482 And some people, some parents, even though they've done the course once if they have lots of, you know, like two or three other children, or on, you know, on the pathway for an autism assessment they're told to do the course again, and again, and again, and sometimes even with the same child. 00:10:02.884 --> 00:10:04.970 So it's bureaucracy, it's a delay tactic. 00:10:05.860 --> 00:10:09.630 I'm sure it works for some, but I've never come across anybody it's worked for. 00:10:11.682 --> 00:10:12.866 I wouldn't be so sure, rebecca. 00:10:12.866 --> 00:10:14.361 I think it's. 00:10:14.361 --> 00:10:23.664 I mean, my take on it is that it's a delaying tactic because they are unable to meet demands, and that's what we're going to get into. 00:10:23.664 --> 00:10:30.570 So you know, when you eventually get the diagnosis, it's not the end of the story. 00:10:30.570 --> 00:10:33.414 So how did you eventually get him diagnosed? 00:10:33.414 --> 00:10:35.503 Was it through the pathway? 00:10:37.745 --> 00:10:38.687 No, it wasn't, it was. 00:10:38.687 --> 00:10:43.014 Ironically, he kept having GERD issues. 00:10:43.014 --> 00:10:52.418 So you know gut issues and now I know that a lot of children in their early years who've gone to have a diagnosis of autism have gut issues. 00:10:52.418 --> 00:10:57.269 Didn't know this at the time and dairy was terrible for him, really awful. 00:10:57.269 --> 00:11:12.923 He kept being sick all the time but he was like addicted to dairy so he'd have to hide it and he'd get his hands on it and just honestly, he'd be like Cleopatra and bathing milk if he could have to hide it and he'd get his hands on it and just honestly be like Cleopatra and and bathing milk if he could have as a child because he loved it that much anything dairy but it made him throw up. 00:11:13.566 --> 00:11:26.304 So we ended up going to see a pediatrician um in one of the big hospitals about his gut issues because nobody understood what was going off at all, even though there's all this other stuff going off with his autism. 00:11:26.304 --> 00:11:32.443 Nobody put two and two together and I remember crying to her and saying I think this is. 00:11:32.443 --> 00:11:37.941 I've done my research, I think this is linked to a bigger thing, I think it's linked to the autism. 00:11:37.941 --> 00:11:41.066 And she says you know what it's? 00:11:41.066 --> 00:11:43.730 He is showing signs of autism. 00:11:43.730 --> 00:11:56.066 I'm gonna make a referral for you to see a pediatrician about autism and we've got a fantastic pediatrician at barnsley called dr oliver and I always give credit where credit's due amazing woman. 00:11:56.066 --> 00:12:00.900 And she said look, we've we've got to do a year's observation. 00:12:00.900 --> 00:12:02.663 Bear in mind we're three and a half at time. 00:12:02.663 --> 00:12:10.073 This should have gone on years before we've got to do a year's observation on him, because that's how it works. 00:12:10.073 --> 00:12:20.241 But she saw it straight away and just after my old, my youngest son, was born in 2020 is when Christopher got his diagnosis. 00:12:20.241 --> 00:12:40.546 So, bear in mind, it was three months off his fifth birthday when we got the actual diagnosis and when she told me, I had this newborn baby in my arms and I absolutely burst into tears and it was a mixture of relief oh, my god, he's definitely autistic all that you know into into one. 00:12:40.546 --> 00:12:41.947 I remember crying. 00:12:41.947 --> 00:12:44.451 Really I couldn't stop um. 00:12:45.432 --> 00:12:54.873 Then we got an ehcp, which were hoops to jump through, but because it was displaying you know it was it was showing his worst. 00:12:54.873 --> 00:12:57.363 You know he was his worst. 00:12:57.363 --> 00:13:04.785 Um, at that age, between four and five, and because of the lack of support, because we'd not got this diagnosis, we haven't got this ehcp, etc. 00:13:04.785 --> 00:13:07.548 Because we couldn't get the lack of support, because we'd not got this diagnosis, we hadn't got this EHCP, etc. 00:13:07.548 --> 00:13:11.566 Because we couldn't get the EHCP, because we'd not got a diagnosis, even though you can get EHCP. 00:13:11.566 --> 00:13:22.698 And at that time he was at his worst and I said to the local authority we need to send school, but they'd not done an EHCP. 00:13:22.698 --> 00:13:33.003 So they did it and they got the EHCP without any problems, because he was at his worst you know, completely at his worst at this point and got the EHCP. 00:13:35.260 --> 00:13:36.565 Was he in nursery then, or was he at home? 00:13:36.595 --> 00:13:41.783 He was in nursery at that time because I'd held him back a year because I knew he couldn't cope in a school. 00:13:41.783 --> 00:13:45.105 But because we'd not got this diagnosis, we couldn't get the EHCP. 00:13:45.105 --> 00:13:49.424 So I'd held him back a year because he is like a summer-born child. 00:13:51.216 --> 00:14:03.184 And we got the EHCP just before he went into school, but it had been a year behind himself, so to speak, went into school and I wanted to send school local authority. 00:14:03.184 --> 00:14:05.755 No, they wouldn't argue. 00:14:05.755 --> 00:14:07.681 Argue, argue with them with it. 00:14:07.681 --> 00:14:17.076 They said, no, we've got to see your child fail first in a mainstream that they didn't say in them words, obviously, but that's what they were they're at. 00:14:17.076 --> 00:14:28.501 So I found a really good mainstream which was renowned at the time for having a fantastic resource for neurodiverse children. 00:14:28.501 --> 00:14:35.623 The issue was it was times

of covid in my area it's not got that reputation anymore. 00:14:35.722 --> 00:14:36.325 Things change. 00:14:36.325 --> 00:14:46.643 But I thought, well, you know, even if he has to spend a year here, because it's obviously needs to send school, at least he's got the best place for. 00:14:47.495 --> 00:14:50.701 Yeah for him to hopefully To be supported. 00:14:52.155 --> 00:14:55.761 But the issue was COVID, so they didn't have any staff. 00:14:55.761 --> 00:15:05.458 All the staff were off all the time with covid or caring responsibilities or because they had um other medical illnesses, so they were shielding, fair enough. 00:15:05.458 --> 00:15:07.482 And this is a massive school. 00:15:07.482 --> 00:15:25.903 So they've got for every year group, they've got two classes of 30, so 60 kids per year group, and they were operating on skeleton staff bare minimum to open, and what they'd often do is let the two year, the two classes in each year group, come together because they had so little staff, which was a nightmare for christopher. 00:15:25.903 --> 00:15:29.322 60 children, yeah, now, normally they won't have 60 children together. 00:15:29.341 --> 00:15:34.081 You know they'd have two classes for that year group and they'd be separated and have the teachers and teaching assistants. 00:15:34.081 --> 00:15:53.799 Yeah, but what they were doing, from what I was told, was um and parent told me this and I actually went and saw it, but the school never told me this is they were letting the two classes per year group come together so that they could share resources and teachers and assistants and things. 00:15:53.799 --> 00:16:14.522 The issue being, christopher, at that point he don't mind crowds now, but at that point he hated crowds and from what I was told and to this day I don't think it's the whole story and it's not the full story he hid under a table, a teaching assistant tried to pull him out with his legs and he headbutted her and so at that point they excluded him. 00:16:14.522 --> 00:16:18.278 He'd been there three weeks and I was glad to go. 00:16:18.538 --> 00:16:20.744 Sounds like he had absolute overload. 00:16:20.744 --> 00:16:22.347 In that kind of environment. 00:16:23.054 --> 00:16:27.024 Honestly, he was like that you know when you see somebody really, really shaking. 00:16:27.024 --> 00:16:31.701 But no, you know this poor five-year-old child. 00:16:31.701 --> 00:16:33.866 I do have sympathy for the lady. 00:16:33.866 --> 00:16:37.277 You know we headbutted but he didn't even mark her skin or anything. 00:16:37.277 --> 00:16:38.721 There weren't a bruise or nothing there. 00:16:38.721 --> 00:16:46.427 But she tried to pull him out, apparently being witnessed by another parent, because it was at the end of the day, and that's what happened. 00:16:47.274 --> 00:16:51.126 Well, one could argue that they shouldn't be doing that physical kind of. 00:16:51.815 --> 00:16:53.582 Yeah, but they always didn't hide it. 00:16:53.634 --> 00:16:54.658 But you know what it sounds like. 00:16:54.658 --> 00:16:59.059 The exclusion was probably a good thing because it doesn't sound like an environment that would. 00:16:59.059 --> 00:16:59.761 I mean he was. 00:16:59.761 --> 00:17:05.288 He's just going to shut down more and more right um yeah and they always denied that event ever happened. 00:17:05.489 --> 00:17:08.699 So that event, they said another event happened instead. 00:17:08.699 --> 00:17:11.506 And you just know when there's some I couldn't. 00:17:11.506 --> 00:17:13.038 I didn't like the head teacher at the time either. 00:17:13.038 --> 00:17:15.464 They were very, very condescending towards me, not helpful. 00:17:15.464 --> 00:17:22.018 The assistant head, the SENCO, was brilliant, but the head no. 00:17:22.018 --> 00:17:22.818 So we had to take him out. 00:17:22.818 --> 00:17:23.439 He was excluded. 00:17:23.439 --> 00:17:31.528 How can a child be excluded at five who's non-verbal, still in nappers and still wanted to drink bottles after just a few weeks? 00:17:31.528 --> 00:17:37.897 So that happened and we had the EHCP in place at that time. 00:17:37.897 --> 00:17:41.711 Time I went back to the local authority and I said we need to send school and they said we agree, we'll write it in the EHCP. 00:17:41.711 --> 00:17:51.179 You go and look at these send schools famous last words, because fast forward, five and a half years later we're still looking for send schools. 00:17:51.179 --> 00:18:03.028 And in that time, um, christopher has been on a neotis plan education other than at school, where the local authority paid for tutors and and therapies and he's come on leaps and bounds. 00:18:04.038 --> 00:18:07.346 He yeah now to take you to. 00:18:07.346 --> 00:18:12.059 Just to pause you there, rebecca, because um and we'll talk about the e-test package and what you've had to do. 00:18:12.059 --> 00:18:27.700 But you know, when we first started discussing this, like we're talking about the different kind of the postcode lottery with local authorities and you know in your area I'd love you to share with the listeners about in your area what schools are available, what schools are just across the. 00:18:27.700 --> 00:18:33.778 You know across the county lines and the other local authority and why you can't go to them and just kind of illustrate that for us. 00:18:33.798 --> 00:18:43.776 Well, here where I'm based in barnsley, there is predominantly, there's one send school called green acre one and it's like, um, how do I put it? 00:18:43.776 --> 00:19:11.489 It's for it was built for children who have physical disabilities or neurological disabilities, and children who can't walk, who can't move the body I'm being very simplistic and how I'm saying but very much a physical disability school, um, and it's, it's beautiful inside, it's stunning, it's got hydra pools and everything, um, but it's not a school for autistic kids in any shape or form. 00:19:11.489 --> 00:19:18.698

They do try and have autistic children there, but the school was never created for autistic children in mind. 00:19:18.698 --> 00:19:24.417 They've tried various um systems to try and get autistic children in, but it's not designed for that. 00:19:24.417 --> 00:19:32.441 It is a school for physically disabled children who've got, you know, children who've got neurological conditions, things like that. 00:19:33.683 --> 00:19:35.268 So there's that school. 00:19:35.268 --> 00:19:41.883 Then we've got a pro called springwell which is for children with very severe behavioral issues. 00:19:41.883 --> 00:19:42.463 That's it. 00:19:42.463 --> 00:20:08.924 Now, don't get me wrong, the local authority, because they've signed this safety valve agreement to keep all kids in borough, to keep all kids educated in borough, they've done all these little resource provisions here, there and everywhere you know, in village halls, in all sorts, you know, to try and plug the gap to keep kids in Borough so they're not paying big money to put them out of Borough school, so they're doing schooling in church halls. 00:20:12.282 --> 00:20:13.465 What used to be church halls? 00:20:13.547 --> 00:20:14.616 yes, Okay, all right. 00:20:14.678 --> 00:20:15.138 Village halls. 00:20:15.159 --> 00:20:16.644 Sorry, I'm calling them church halls, village halls. 00:20:16.644 --> 00:20:18.621 Sorry, that's my Americanism coming up. 00:20:18.641 --> 00:20:26.019 I have a new provision I won't name it because it's not fair Um in what used to be like a village hall, Cause I went to look around it. 00:20:26.300 --> 00:20:26.501 Okay. 00:20:38.615 --> 00:20:41.804 And then they're sending kids with send needs, with EH location for their schooling. 00:20:41.804 --> 00:20:43.087 Is it like temporary schooling or full-time schooling? 00:20:43.087 --> 00:20:46.175 There's some, uh, you know the put um were also to keep kids in borough and they put, you know, like um mainstream schools. 00:20:46.175 --> 00:20:58.558 They're built like little units, um, not not very big, you know, not not like a school, uh for kids, uh, for autistic kids to go into and they can spend some time in mainstream and some time in the units. 00:20:58.558 --> 00:21:00.763 But it's all very half-hearted. 00:21:00.763 --> 00:21:01.505 To be honest with you. 00:21:01.505 --> 00:21:03.355 They are not schools. 00:21:03.355 --> 00:21:05.181 The staff there do the best. 00:21:06.084 --> 00:21:15.416 There's, um, I know greenacre's got satellite provisions, what we call them, which are connected to mainstream schools, um, for autistic kids, but they're very small. 00:21:15.416 --> 00:21:17.103 They're not schools. 00:21:17.103 --> 00:21:19.372 They're very small, they're not schools. 00:21:19.372 --> 00:21:21.877 They're like tiny buildings attached to schools. 00:21:21.877 --> 00:21:22.338 We'll call them. 00:21:22.338 --> 00:21:26.406 It's just very half-hearted and I don't want my son going to anything like that. 00:21:26.406 --> 00:21:27.429 I want him in a school. 00:21:27.429 --> 00:21:40.022 I don't want him in a room attached to a school or, in some cases, some caravans attached you know these port cabins attached or you get what I'm trying to say. 00:21:40.022 --> 00:21:45.801 I've got nothing against these provisions, but I want my son to go to a school, not an attached building. 00:21:45.801 --> 00:21:47.787 We'll call it in the nicest possible way. 00:21:48.048 --> 00:21:48.107 And. 00:21:48.134 --> 00:21:49.241 I've got nothing against the staff. 00:21:49.241 --> 00:21:51.895 I'm sure the staff are brilliant there and doing their absolute best. 00:21:52.056 --> 00:22:05.486 Well, it's interesting because I've talked to other mothers on the podcast who have autistic children as well and who felt very lost, very burnt out, very emotionally at breaking point. 00:22:05.486 --> 00:22:18.519 These children, and when they do get into that specialist autistic school that absolutely knows how to educate and to make an autistic child feel secure and safe, the children feel like they're living, the children feel like they can breathe. 00:22:18.519 --> 00:22:29.881 And I hear what you're saying having a little Lego block stuck onto a school without the proper infrastructure and then making them go back into mainstream sometimes and that can be hugely stressful. 00:22:29.881 --> 00:22:39.449 It's not the same experience and you don't see the same improvement or ability of a child to thrive in an educational setting. 00:22:40.234 --> 00:22:43.645 Exactly, and some of them don't go into the mainstream part ever. 00:22:43.645 --> 00:22:48.818 You know it's just a few rooms attached to a mainstream, but to me that's not a school. 00:22:48.818 --> 00:22:54.059 I've worked in schools many, many years and that is not a schooling system at all. 00:22:54.059 --> 00:22:59.950 It's, you know, a sticking plaster over a much wider problem in my eyes. 00:23:00.914 --> 00:23:02.638 And in the local authorities near you. 00:23:02.638 --> 00:23:07.409 Are there better examples of where children can go to schools like that? 00:23:09.615 --> 00:23:10.336 Massively. 00:23:10.336 --> 00:23:12.943 For example, I live where I live. 00:23:12.943 --> 00:23:16.994 We're next to Rotherham, we're next to Rotherham, we're next to Doncaster, we're next Sheffield. 00:23:16.994 --> 00:23:19.988 They have got independent SEND schools. 00:23:19.988 --> 00:23:21.615 They've got local authority SEND schools. 00:23:21.615 --> 00:23:24.663 They've got loads and these aren't resource provisions. 00:23:24.663 --> 00:23:25.987 These are massive schools. 00:23:25.987 --> 00:23:28.459 I've been to Warn the Willows. 00:23:28.459 --> 00:23:33.026 It's amazing, it's wonderful school. 00:23:33.026 --> 00:23:36.071 They've got all sorts of things you know like on the outlying villages. 00:23:36.071 --> 00:23:37.169 They've got all sorts of things you know like on the Outlying Villages. 00:23:37.169 -->

00:23:40.111 They've got National Autistic Schools. 00:23:40.111 --> 00:23:43.232 They're incredible. 00:23:43.232 --> 00:23:59.198 But because of places like where I live, where it's not got any provision and did in the past lots of kids there, it's kind of bottlenecked it so they've kind of shut the doors on other places sending children to their schools because-. 00:24:00.221 --> 00:24:05.517 And is my assumption correct that it costs more if you send, if your local authority sends to another? 00:24:05.517 --> 00:24:08.585 Local authority, it costs more. 00:24:08.605 --> 00:24:11.580 Is that correct About 40 grand extra a year? 00:24:11.580 --> 00:24:13.507 We'll say between 20 and 40, but yeah, per child that sounds like illegal. 00:24:13.507 --> 00:24:13.948 You know what I mean. 00:24:13.948 --> 00:24:14.690 We're all still the same government. 00:24:14.690 --> 00:24:15.692 We'll say between 20 and 40, you know. 00:24:15.712 --> 00:24:16.255 But yeah, her child. 00:24:16.255 --> 00:24:17.278 That sounds like illegal. 00:24:17.278 --> 00:24:17.699 You know what I mean. 00:24:17.699 --> 00:24:19.223 We're all still the same government. 00:24:19.223 --> 00:24:20.618 We're all still the taxpayers. 00:24:20.618 --> 00:24:24.192 Why does one local authority, if it's coming outside, pay? 00:24:24.231 --> 00:24:25.356 more for the same service. 00:24:25.679 --> 00:24:26.461 Because they can. 00:24:26.461 --> 00:24:30.520 It's almost like cannibalizing yourself. 00:24:30.520 --> 00:24:31.523 Do you know what I mean? 00:24:31.523 --> 00:24:34.357 Because it is interesting these local authorities kind of. 00:24:34.357 --> 00:24:36.003 There is no unity. 00:24:37.315 --> 00:24:41.420 It's like they're they're our little fiefdoms, they're independent nations, you know yeah they're our little fiefdoms. 00:24:41.420 --> 00:24:42.162 They're answerable to nobody. 00:24:42.162 --> 00:24:44.968 Yeah, exactly that's the word I was looking for. 00:24:44.968 --> 00:24:47.195 So that's what happens. 00:24:47.195 --> 00:24:55.286 So what our local authority did and other local authorities across the country because they're absolutely on the knees skint they signed something called the Safety Valve Agreement. 00:24:55.286 --> 00:25:05.942 The Safety Valve Agreement is where the government gives them millions on one condition you do not send any send children to out-of-borough schools, you keep them in borough. 00:25:05.942 --> 00:25:06.483 Didn't work? 00:25:09.096 --> 00:25:12.645 But with those millions could they build a school like the Willow, or is it not enough? 00:25:12.855 --> 00:25:16.262 With those millions, I don't think they'd be funneling it into building a school like the willow. 00:25:16.262 --> 00:25:16.683 Or is it not enough? 00:25:16.683 --> 00:25:19.651 With those millions, I don't think they'd be funneling it into building a school like the willow. 00:25:19.651 --> 00:25:22.297 So they need to pay off historic debt and they also need to create

provision. 00:25:22.297 --> 00:25:30.528 So what do you do you think how can I create schools, a school provision which meets need in the eyes of the law, without spending too much? 00:25:30.528 --> 00:25:34.601 Because we've also got to have, you know, this historic deficit paid as well, which I feel sorry for. 00:25:34.641 --> 00:25:36.424 Councils, for government should wipe that. 00:25:36.424 --> 00:25:46.688 So instead they think right, we've got to pay off this historic deficit, but we need to create provision to to meet the needs of this money the government's giving us. 00:25:46.688 --> 00:25:48.960 So how can we do that? 00:25:48.960 --> 00:25:51.988 As cheaply as possible, but meeting the law and meeting kids need? 00:25:51.988 --> 00:25:53.939 We'll use existing buildings. 00:25:53.939 --> 00:25:57.586 We'll use old village halls and convert them. 00:25:57.586 --> 00:26:03.128 We'll put um extra rooms onto schools and call them resource provisions. 00:26:03.128 --> 00:26:07.661 We'll rent rooms at schools, these academies, and put them as resource provisions. 00:26:08.383 --> 00:26:08.903 Do you get me? 00:26:08.903 --> 00:26:24.804 That's how you do it, that's how the thinking all the time, and really a lot of it's to do with the government's fault as well, because if the government had wiped the historic deficit debt what local authorities are paying, you know, in millions and millions upon debt in, then we could all start from scratch. 00:26:24.804 --> 00:26:37.207 And if also they had, we had somebody apart from the lgo that local authorities were accountable for their actions to, life had changed very, very quickly, rather taking as the government's doing. 00:26:37.207 --> 00:26:41.226 If it kind of thought in them ways, then it'd save so much. 00:26:41.226 --> 00:26:44.843 But you know who am I, I'm just a sent parent kind of thing. 00:26:45.517 --> 00:26:51.462 And then, from your experience of these plasters that have been put on, is it working for any children? 00:26:53.537 --> 00:27:00.882 Some parents say it is, but this is what I believe, because I've looked around these provisions and I'm putting my teacher head on my senko head. 00:27:00.882 --> 00:27:04.288 These provisions, they're not schools. 00:27:04.288 --> 00:27:06.103 I'm not going to go into deep. 00:27:06.103 --> 00:27:07.729 I know I spoke about they're not schools. 00:27:07.729 --> 00:27:08.994 They're not schools. 00:27:08.994 --> 00:27:10.298 They've not got enough money for schools. 00:27:10.298 --> 00:27:13.356 They've not got enough space for schools, both indoors and outdoors. 00:27:13.356 --> 00:27:19.178 Um and for me, parents are happy that their child has somewhere to go. 00:27:19.357 --> 00:27:21.746 So it's more like a waiting room is what it's feeling like to me. 00:27:21.746 --> 00:27:24.642 Is that an accurate description or a holding room? 00:27:24.721 --> 00:27:27.737 It's almost like you know we've got some respite for a day. 00:27:27.737 -->

00:27:29.821 You know our child's got somewhere to go. 00:27:30.784 --> 00:27:36.246 No and I hear other parents because, honestly, like I don't know how parents homeschool, I take my hat off to them. 00:27:36.246 --> 00:27:36.876 I think I would. 00:27:36.876 --> 00:27:37.960 You know it would not be. 00:27:37.960 --> 00:27:39.144 It's just not pretty. 00:27:39.144 --> 00:27:39.695 I can't. 00:27:39.695 --> 00:27:42.826 You know, with my own neurodiversity it's very challenging. 00:27:42.826 --> 00:27:45.644 So I understand parents' value of that. 00:27:45.644 --> 00:27:51.857 But I guess, from your teacher SENCO perspective and this is what all of us parents want as well we want our kids to flourish. 00:27:51.857 --> 00:27:58.251 We want them to learn how to read and write and be able to do their GCSEs eventually and then go on to be productive members of society. 00:27:58.251 --> 00:28:03.765 So if those things aren't being met which is, I guess, my question to you, are those things? 00:28:03.785 --> 00:28:05.087 being met in schools or not? 00:28:05.087 --> 00:28:05.455 In my eyes no. 00:28:05.455 --> 00:28:06.538 But parents say they are. 00:28:06.538 --> 00:28:12.337 But I believe, and if they are fantastic, you know all I might say what your child can and cannot do. 00:28:12.337 --> 00:28:26.101 But in my eyes the impression I get from a lot of parents is we're just relieved our child's got somewhere to go, and as long as they're happy, you know we're relieved, our child's got somewhere to go and they're happy. 00:28:26.121 --> 00:28:26.844 That's it, and I want more than that. 00:28:26.844 --> 00:28:29.997 And then you've got over the county lines and you've got this lovely place called the Willow, where it's a whole. 00:28:30.196 --> 00:28:32.942 There's many schools like that over the county lines 's many. 00:28:32.942 --> 00:28:36.127 That willows is just one uh example. 00:28:36.147 --> 00:28:39.948 There's many like them, and you've talked about actually upping sticks. 00:28:39.948 --> 00:28:41.756 Haven't you tell us a little bit about I live? 00:28:41.796 --> 00:28:50.159 right on the border and I live in the center of south yorkshire, so I'm literally a mile from sheffield, half a mile from roverham, you know, etc. 00:28:50.159 --> 00:29:00.651 And for me, even our nh NHS here in Barnsley, you know, our NHS does not even have, our CAMHS does not have a learning disability nurse. 00:29:00.651 --> 00:29:03.423 Every CAMHS should have a learning disability nurse. 00:29:03.423 --> 00:29:07.401 Ours doesn't, but Sheffield and Rotherham do and Doncaster's CAMHS do. 00:29:07.401 --> 00:29:20.724 So you're kind of thinking it's looking a bit, you know, to move across is, you know, a no-brainer at the end of the day because you get a better healthcare system. 00:29:20.724 --> 00:29:22.721 Rotherham's got a sensory OT. 00:29:22.721 --> 00:29:25.780 Barnsley doesn't Sensory integration trained OT. 00:29:25.780 --> 00:29:26.644 Barnsley don't

have one. 00:29:26.644 --> 00:29:33.825 Rotherham's got learning disability nurses for CAMHS and for their actual NHS, their NHS system. 00:29:33.825 --> 00:29:41.299 Barnsley's got one in the hospital who was literally pulled, a wonderful woman but pulled left, right and center. 00:29:41.299 --> 00:29:46.584 And then they've got all these schools as well and you're just like it's in our brain of this. 00:29:47.515 --> 00:29:48.862 Everywhere should be similar. 00:29:49.836 --> 00:29:50.319 But it's just. 00:29:50.319 --> 00:29:54.463 It boggles my mind that there can be just such a disparity. 00:29:54.463 --> 00:29:55.940 And you know you hear about it in healthcare too. 00:29:55.940 --> 00:29:57.325 You know my background as a medical doctor. 00:29:57.325 --> 00:30:01.154 You hear about, like what your mortality rates are in different postcodes in the UK. 00:30:01.154 --> 00:30:16.428 You know it's frightening, you know it really is frightening in terms of that there isn't that kind of uniformity or basic level of access for children and for healthcare. 00:30:16.934 --> 00:30:19.262 And people might say, well, use your right to choose. 00:30:19.262 --> 00:30:22.221 Can't do it, because when I've tried to use right. 00:30:22.895 --> 00:30:27.864 Tell us a little bit about your right to choose, because I think not all listeners, and it's actually quite an interesting thing to talk about. 00:30:27.974 --> 00:30:28.276 Right to choose. 00:30:28.276 --> 00:30:48.969 A fantastic thing We've used it in the past Is if you see a private medical let's say, like my youngest child for an example which you might choose for his autism assessment, if we were to go through the NHS Trust Autism Assessment Route it'd be until they were 18. 00:30:48.969 --> 00:30:52.471 I know that's a slight exaggeration, but you'd be waiting a long time. 00:30:52.471 --> 00:31:01.502 But there are other providers who have been certified by the nhs what you can use, and some of them are private providers. 00:31:01.502 --> 00:31:14.001 So and you'll always see it on the website, you know the front page if they're certified by nhs and you can go to your gp and ask to see this certain private provider or put another nhs trust. 00:31:14.001 --> 00:31:32.006 So for, for example, if I needed my son to see a sensory integration trained occupational therapist, I could ask my GP and say could we make an appointment through Right to Choose with the sensory integration trained occupational therapist who works for Rotherham NHS Trust? 00:31:32.006 --> 00:31:33.307 So don't have one in Barnsley? 00:31:33.935 --> 00:31:35.065 A fantastic service. 00:31:35.065 --> 00:31:38.460 As I said, we've done it for my youngest son's autism assessment. 00:31:38.460 --> 00:31:44.528 We were going to pay privately for it and then I saw that the private providers, the waiting list was the same for Right to Choose. 00:31:44.528 --> 00:31:46.498 So I thought, save myself two and a half grand. 00:31:46.498 -->

00:31:49.446 Go down that route and got a good GP. 00:31:49.446 --> 00:31:53.079 Not all GPs like putting patients forward for Right to Choose. 00:31:53.201 --> 00:32:09.222 I don't't know why, but ours is fab with stuff like that, and is it long process, is it difficult, or is it rather is it simple you ask is for your gp to put you through for right to choose for the provider you want and if the gp agrees with you, the filler forming takes them five minutes on computer done, yeah wow. 00:32:09.703 --> 00:32:14.580 So I mean, yeah, you, you would wonder why not everyone would be doing that thing absolutely sting in the tail. 00:32:14.641 --> 00:32:16.104 There's always good things like this. 00:32:16.104 --> 00:32:41.327 There's massive stings in the tail and the sting in the tail is this if like, for example, for example, if I wanted my son to go to see the sensory integration occupational therapist at brother mnhs trust, if they are full and they've put like a block on it on other boroughs sending in through Right to Choose to see their OT, you won't get to see them. 00:32:41.327 --> 00:32:42.569 And that's what Rotherham's done. 00:32:42.569 --> 00:32:47.125 From what I've been told by other parents, I've never needed to see that professional at Rotherham. 00:32:47.266 --> 00:32:47.907 Yeah, okay. 00:32:47.907 --> 00:32:52.654 So when they reach capacity, then they can put a block on the Right to Choose, and that's what other parents have told me, I've never used that particular professional on the right to choose and that's what the parents have told me. 00:32:53.394 --> 00:32:55.061 I've never used that particular professional. 00:32:57.397 --> 00:33:08.462 So similar to the schools as well, who also probably reached capacity and then said, even paying the extra amount and which will line our pockets, we still don't want you because we have too much need here. 00:33:08.462 --> 00:33:10.180 So it's yeah. 00:33:11.739 --> 00:33:17.655 Even for adult autism assessments, you've got to be very, very careful, very careful Again. 00:33:17.655 --> 00:33:26.598 I would always say go through the right to choose route, because a lot of NHS providers have quotas to meet and we don't know what those quotas are. 00:33:26.598 --> 00:33:28.484 You know because every area is different. 00:33:28.484 --> 00:33:37.630 So for some areas they can only diagnose 35 people with autism in the financial year, as other areas don't have a cap. 00:33:37.630 --> 00:33:39.420 So you and we are not what do you mean? 00:33:39.460 --> 00:33:41.124 they can only diagnose 35. 00:33:41.144 --> 00:33:51.105 That's what I was told you mean in a year when my husband went for his autism assessment through the NHS, um, the, the, it. 00:33:51.105 --> 00:33:59.608 It was a six to nine hour appointment but, you know, spread over three separate appointments, as I remember, and at the end we saw a trainee a trainee at the end. 00:33:59.608 --> 00:34:05.289 So all this felt sorry for him

and he says we do have problems here and he shouldn't have told us this. 00:34:05.289 --> 00:34:14.530 But then I got it corroborated, corroborated with somebody I do know who works in the system, um, but we can only diagnose 35 for the year. 00:34:14.530 --> 00:34:16.693 And I says what? 00:34:16.693 --> 00:34:20.463 And he says yes, it's to do with money. 00:34:21.144 --> 00:34:25.393 And we went with my husband's diagnosis right at the end of the financial year. 00:34:25.393 --> 00:34:35.373 So you know, like near the end of March, and I thought you're not going to get it, paul, you know, and every inch of the way, because it was an awful process for my husband to go through, it was yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:34:35.373 --> 00:34:37.346 And then at the end, guess what? 00:34:37.346 --> 00:34:49.980 No, and I put a complaint in and he went to another provider through Right to Choose this time, and within 15, 20 minutes they saw his history, they saw everything, said why weren't you diagnosed straight away? 00:34:50.199 --> 00:34:53.302 So if he'd come like a month later, he would be number one of the 35. 00:34:53.302 --> 00:35:06.336 So that should be illegal, really, because your diagnostic results should not be based on the amount of people that you can diagnose with autism. 00:35:06.336 --> 00:35:12.592 If he's been accepted for the diagnostic process, then it needs to be accurate, not…. 00:35:12.952 --> 00:35:19.103 Exactly, exactly, process, then it needs to be accurate, not exactly exactly, and yeah, so that's. 00:35:19.103 --> 00:35:20.706 When I asked the guy again about it, he wouldn't confirm or deny. 00:35:20.706 --> 00:35:38.306 He said it, um, as I remember, and I asked a lady who I know works in that system, and she said the other borough which this diagnostic service, um, has filtered in to their service, um, doesn't have a cap on how many people can be diagnosed, but your borough does, that's weird. 00:35:40.362 --> 00:35:42.648 I mean you shouldn't even start the diagnostic process. 00:35:42.648 --> 00:35:54.967 I mean then you should only diagnose 35 people and once you've got their diagnoses, if 20 are autistic and 15 aren't, then you can do 15 more diagnoses, whether they be yes or no. 00:35:54.967 --> 00:36:00.556 You keep diagnosing people and just say they don't have it because you've reached your quota of autistic people. 00:36:00.556 --> 00:36:01.500 That is just insanity. 00:36:01.500 --> 00:36:04.188 But we don't want people to know that you shouldn't have told us that. 00:36:04.909 --> 00:36:14.148 Well, no, we don't want people to know that I'm not surprised and I talk about it so freely because I've kept so much to myself over the years. 00:36:14.148 --> 00:36:25.829 I'm kind of thinking well, no, it's true, this is my interpretation, what people have told me outright clearly, what's happened and what I've seen with my own eyes and if people don't know out there, it's your lived in experience. 00:36:25.829 -->

00:36:28.889 So, really, so that happened. 00:36:28.889 --> 00:36:40.762 So you've got to be really careful because there's all this political stuff with finances and funding and money going off in the background, what we don't know about and what's affecting our children's diagnoses. 00:36:40.762 --> 00:36:50.565 It's affecting how our children get into schools, the education they're entitled to, if and when they get an ehcp and, if so, what's in that ehcp. 00:36:50.565 --> 00:36:52.648 So there's all that going on. 00:36:52.728 --> 00:36:56.255 And what resources are available within the county for it. 00:36:56.255 --> 00:37:04.867 Now, if you and I presume you probably are already packing your bags to leave your local authority, I wouldn't see any reason why you'd want to stay there. 00:37:04.867 --> 00:37:11.322 Now, if you move to a new local authority, do you have to stay there for a certain amount of time before you're considered one of them? 00:37:11.322 --> 00:37:14.972 Or once you postc post codes, you're immediately in that local authority? 00:37:15.460 --> 00:37:19.289 so let's say, um, where I'm based at the moment, I'm under a barnesley gp. 00:37:19.289 --> 00:37:29.681 As soon as I move, let's say for argument's sake, to rotherham and we're under a rotherham gp, that entitles us to rotherham nhs trust in theory? 00:37:29.681 --> 00:37:32.148 Well, it does, and that's. 00:37:32.148 --> 00:37:45.722 And because of your postcode, the EHCP would be transferred over to Rotherham local authority and at that point they would re-look over the EHCP and then put in consultations to Rotherham schools. 00:37:45.722 --> 00:37:47.047 Done as quick as that. 00:37:47.047 --> 00:37:47.668 Wow, wow. 00:37:47.668 --> 00:37:49.112 So are your bags packed? 00:37:49.112 --> 00:37:52.726 Well, because my mother's extremely ill in a care home. 00:37:53.168 --> 00:38:09.840 Um, I want, I want to, you know, I want to be with her to the end, and then the move is on, uh, but it's just, it's insanity that you have to add that moving as a stressor to your life, which already sounds very stressful, um to get the support. 00:38:09.840 --> 00:38:23.528 But I can understand why you're doing it because you know and and, frankly, for your own healthcare and other things, it seems like you know it's the only option open to you, um, before they find a way to block you from doing that as well. 00:38:23.528 --> 00:38:28.487 And I'm sure that will happen if, if, if, too many people then start moving because of this and some people can't move. 00:38:28.487 --> 00:38:30.391 It's not, it's not an option. 00:38:36.981 --> 00:38:37.663 I always argue parity. 00:38:37.663 --> 00:38:42.818 Parity is a big thing, because I'm always, you know, I'm always happy for parents who get their children's needs met. 00:38:42.818 --> 00:38:45.989 But where I am, the some will get everything and some will get nothing. 00:38:45.989 --> 00:38:50.583 Nobody sits in the middle and that causes parents against parents and I don't like that at all. 00:38:50.583 --> 00:38:52.608 But that's what happens here a lot. 00:38:52.889 --> 00:39:00.911 Yeah, because it's a limited and I do find that if your child is severely compromised, that then resources do kick in. 00:39:00.911 --> 00:39:13.594 But it's kids that kind of fall in between that sometimes who have the potential to be fully functioning, contributing members of society if supported and their potential is realized. 00:39:13.594 --> 00:39:38.788 Now, not to depress everyone and I know this has been quite a struggling conversation, but it's a good conversation to have because it's important that people realize this and it's important that hopefully change happens and we start advocating for this but you've taken this and you're in a place right now where your child is out of school not where you want him to be, but you luckily have the skillset as a SENCO and a teacher. 00:39:38.788 --> 00:39:49.166 But you've decided to give back to other parents who are in a similar situation, who can't find an educational setting, and they're educating from home. 00:39:49.166 --> 00:39:50.817 Do you want to tell us a little bit about your community? 00:39:50.836 --> 00:39:52.905 that you formed Because Christopher's never had a school. 00:39:52.905 --> 00:40:01.217 We've looked around 50 odd schools and they've all said you know we've got no room at the end because we're so full um through, you know, health and safety legislation. 00:40:01.217 --> 00:40:06.530 I know they're not allowed to say that we've got no room, but they can do um legislation due to health and safety. 00:40:06.530 --> 00:40:19.226 So what I created instead was um, an online portal subscription service for 6.99 a month called the Senho Med Circle, and you can get lessons on there. 00:40:19.226 --> 00:40:23.173 I know you've looked on yourself in computer science. 00:40:23.661 --> 00:40:26.590 It's amazing you have so much stuff on there. 00:40:26.710 --> 00:40:28.704 you know it's where I'd want to be. 00:40:28.704 --> 00:40:34.405 It gives you the knowledge and the support of what I wanted right at the start of my journey. 00:40:34.405 --> 00:40:38.460 How do you support non-verbal children? 00:40:38.460 --> 00:40:48.150 I'm very much about soft skills, about gardening, cookery, computer science, maths, english science, history, geography, functional skills for later on. 00:40:48.150 --> 00:40:51.193 What you're entitled to from the local authority. 00:40:51.193 --> 00:40:52.795 What are short breaks and PA hours? 00:40:52.795 --> 00:40:53.916 How do you get respite? 00:41:00.679 --> 00:41:11.262 There's even a facility on there to rent books completely free of charge on lots of different subjects to do with send and storybooks for your children, which I think is really important, because books cost a fortune, both audio and physical books and there's webinars with professionals on there. 00:41:11.282 --> 00:41:20.333 We're

just doing one with a sensory ot as we speak and on pda, and then we've got art therapy lessons what I'm putting on today as well. 00:41:20.333 --> 00:41:26.510 So it's it's fantastic service and I'm going to put a community on it as well for parents. 00:41:26.510 --> 00:41:32.041 I've run a facebook group that I'm putting a community within the subscription, because all we've got is each other. 00:41:32.041 --> 00:41:38.266 Really, you know, and some professionals are good, but unless they've walked in these shoes, they don't have a clue. 00:41:38.266 --> 00:41:46.521 They can go home and at night and close the door, and there's nothing like this at all available, and if there were, I'd have been on it years ago. 00:41:46.521 --> 00:42:01.315 So that's why I created it, because, at the end of the day, I don't want us to feel alone and without access to that vital knowledge to get what we're entitled to and to make sure that our children do have early intervention or, later down the line, get that support. 00:42:01.521 --> 00:42:10.813 Yeah, and it's you know, and it's that helping hand and it's also understanding, because you've walked in the same shoes, you know, and not to feel so alone and isolated. 00:42:10.813 --> 00:42:15.360 But ultimately your goal is to move and some parents decide to to stay. 00:42:15.360 --> 00:42:19.652 You know, uh, teach, you know, supporting at home and stuff like that and using resources like that. 00:42:19.652 --> 00:42:24.543 But from your perspective, you'd really like to get your children back into school again christopher's. 00:42:24.804 --> 00:42:35.625 Yeah, you know he started off as very severely autistic, from what professionals said, and he's moved now to being able to have, uh, conversations, not like me and you, but conversations wants and needs and what he wants to do and where he wants to go. 00:42:35.625 --> 00:42:40.393 He's a very placid child these days and he wants to go to a school. 00:42:40.393 --> 00:42:44.760 He wants to try a school. 00:42:44.760 --> 00:42:45.503 He's been asking, asking. 00:42:45.503 --> 00:42:46.443 He sees his younger brother go to school. 00:42:46.443 --> 00:42:46.844 He wants to go. 00:42:46.844 --> 00:42:47.827 So I'd like him to try a school. 00:42:47.827 --> 00:42:51.371 You know, I think he'd be great because he loves other people. 00:42:51.371 --> 00:43:01.670 You know he's not because of his autism, he's not the most social child, but he loves being around other children and being included and involved and he deserves that. 00:43:01.670 --> 00:43:02.742 He's entitled to that. 00:43:05.010 --> 00:43:08.168 Absolutely, and you want it to be the right setting. 00:43:08.168 --> 00:43:10.985 You know not somewhere where you're going to put him and it's going to destroy him. 00:43:11.327 --> 00:43:25.365 Exactly, and I think he's so placid and laid back and he has come so far because his needs have been met and I've always chose professionals to be with him who have

kind of brought him on in massive leaps and bounds, and I'm not going to lose that. 00:43:25.365 --> 00:43:30.791 You know, if I'd have just put him anywhere, kind of thing, if I'd have well, I didn't even have choice to put him anywhere. 00:43:30.791 --> 00:43:37.715 You know, even if I wanted to which I didn't, but let's say I'd had one of these place, not so good places it would have destroyed him. 00:43:37.715 --> 00:43:37.976 He'd have. 00:43:37.976 --> 00:43:39.936 He'd have gone backwards rather than forwards. 00:43:40.117 --> 00:43:41.498 Well, he's lucky to have a mom like you. 00:43:41.498 --> 00:43:42.358 That's what I have to say. 00:43:42.358 --> 00:43:49.307 You know you're you're a fighter and it's great that you've given back to the community as well, because I think it's. 00:43:49.307 --> 00:43:51.911 You know from the the the little bit that I dug around in it. 00:43:51.911 --> 00:43:53.293 I mean there's fabulous things. 00:43:53.293 --> 00:44:00.262 You know that what stands out to me was the cooking thing with Bea, and you know it's just fun stuff that you can do with your kids and it also helps. 00:44:00.262 --> 00:44:05.213 You know that's why I started to send parenting podcasts is because you feel so alone as a mother. 00:44:05.213 --> 00:44:08.585 You don't know what's out there and you don't know what's out there to support you. 00:44:08.585 --> 00:44:14.974 And you know $6.99 a month for all of the information you have there is a complete bargain. 00:44:14.974 --> 00:44:31.802 I've already told Rebecca she's charging way too little and the amount of time and effort you have taken to put that up for people is worth and has value too, and I will be including in the show notes links to that so that they can access that as well. 00:44:32.184 --> 00:44:33.905 Now we have been having a lovely chat. 00:44:33.905 --> 00:44:36.170 Can you believe that we've almost been talking for 45 minutes now? 00:44:36.170 --> 00:44:39.094 But so I would. 00:44:39.094 --> 00:44:40.356 I'd love to you know. 00:44:40.356 --> 00:44:48.465 I love to ask, at the end of my podcast, three tips that you would give to listeners that they could take with them after listening to this podcast. 00:44:48.465 --> 00:44:50.331 What would be your top three tips? 00:44:50.900 --> 00:44:54.610 First, most important one never give up, never give, never give up. 00:44:54.610 --> 00:44:58.623 Second one your child is not broken, and neither are you. 00:44:58.623 --> 00:45:04.425 A lot of people feel that unless they leave this cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie cutter life. 00:45:04.425 --> 00:45:05.208 You know what I mean. 00:45:05.208 --> 00:45:06.271 That's. 00:45:06.271 --> 00:45:09.887 I do know there's something wrong with you because you've got birth to a child. 00:45:09.887 --> 00:45:10.451 What's different? 00:45:10.451 --> 00:45:12.922 There's something wrong with your child because they can't do x, y and z. 00:45:12.922 --> 00:45:14.023 Wrong, wrong. 00:45:14.023 --> 00:45:17.829 There's nothing wrong with you or your child at all. 00:45:17.829 --> 00:45:23.887 It's just a different path and I know it's extremely difficult, but there's nothing. 00:45:23.887 --> 00:45:25.208 I used to blame myself. 00:45:25.208 --> 00:45:26.813 I oh all sorts. 00:45:26.813 --> 00:45:31.623 You know, when you see these people showing off on social media that their lives are so wonderful, you used to think what have I done wrong? 00:45:31.623 --> 00:45:32.666 Why can't I live like that? 00:45:32.666 --> 00:45:36.414 Just a different path, as that path is, it's a different path. 00:45:36.414 --> 00:45:39.862 It doesn't make you any worse or any better than anybody else. 00:45:39.862 --> 00:45:40.523 You're all equal. 00:45:40.523 --> 00:45:43.369 And third, don't let the bastards get you down. 00:45:43.369 --> 00:45:44.532 End of. 00:45:49.221 --> 00:45:56.014 I think that's you know, and I bet you, rebecca, if you scratched underneath the surface of those Instagram lives, there's issues there. 00:45:56.014 --> 00:45:57.485 I always say to my daughter I'm like you know what? 00:45:57.485 --> 00:46:06.170 You might not see issues with people, but everyone, no one, goes through life without issues and people that need to show how wonderful their lives are. 00:46:06.170 --> 00:46:08.827 There's a reason, and it's probably quite sad. 00:46:08.827 --> 00:46:17.001 So, I think, be happy with what you've got and don't have and stop looking. 00:46:17.001 --> 00:46:23.452 You know, and I think we're all guilty of this we think that life is supposed to go a certain way, because your three top tips really highlighted that for me. 00:46:23.800 --> 00:46:27.480 I had a vision of where my daughter was going to be, what education she's going to be. 00:46:27.480 --> 00:46:39.023 I've had to rip that whole thing up, throw it away and you know what, after you get over the sadness of it a bit, it's liberating. 00:46:39.023 --> 00:46:39.485 You know what I mean. 00:46:39.485 --> 00:46:42.717 She's going to be who she's going to be, and I'm going to support her as best as I can and I've grown, probably more than I've been able to help her grow. 00:46:42.717 --> 00:46:44.867 At the end of the day, yeah, you know, our children teach us. 00:46:45.159 --> 00:46:45.960 And you know what? 00:46:45.960 --> 00:46:58.514 I'm one of the very few people in this world who has a purpose, and my son gave me that purpose, you know, to create this subscription service and to support vulnerable people, and that gift is immeasurable. 00:46:58.693 --> 00:46:59.894 I so agree with you, Rebecca. 00:46:59.894 --> 00:47:02.282 Thank you so much for coming on the Send Parenting podcast. 00:47:02.302 --> 00:47:02.543 Thank you. 00:47:02.565 --> 00:47:05.295 Lovely meeting you. 00:47:05.295 --> 00:47:08.262 Thank you for listening. 00:47:08.262 --> 00:47:09.626 Send Parenting Tribe. 00:47:09.626 --> 00:47:16.532 If you haven't already, please click on the link in the show notes to join us in the private Send Parenting what's Up community. 00:47:16.532 --> 00:47:26.393 It's been wonderful to be able to communicate with everyone in the community and for us to join together to help each other, to navigate challenges and to also celebrate successes. 00:47:26.393 --> 00:47:30.380 Wishing you and your family a really good week ahead. 00:47:30.380 --> 00:47:48.601 You, you, you, you, you.