TRANSCRIPTION 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:06.959
If you ask me to pass a quiz on what that teacher might have taught me, there's a chance I would fail today.
00:00:07.120 --> 00:00:09.919
I don't really remember what the units were about.
00:00:10.080 --> 00:00:18.960
But what I can tell you is that I can tell you the way that teacher looked at me when I walked in after getting in trouble somewhere else in the building.
00:00:19.039 --> 00:00:21.920
There was no, oh, here we go again.
00:00:22.399 --> 00:00:24.879
It was just, I'm glad you're here.
00:00:24.960 --> 00:00:27.280
It's good to see you grab a seat.
00:00:30.239 --> 00:00:34.640
Education needs people who are truly pleasant, not just in the building.
00:00:34.799 --> 00:00:36.320
I'm Emma DeShazer.
00:00:36.399 --> 00:00:38.640
And welcome to Home Room Attendance.
00:00:38.799 --> 00:00:40.640
Your seat is safe.
00:00:46.479 --> 00:00:47.679
What's going on, Pod?
00:00:47.920 --> 00:00:50.079
Welcome to Home Room Attendance.
00:00:50.159 --> 00:00:55.840
I'm your host, Ever DeShazer, and today I'm asking, are you present or are you absent?
00:00:56.640 --> 00:00:58.000
Let's begin.
00:00:58.640 --> 00:01:08.799
The statement I want to start with to get us thinking this episode is your students are going to forget most of what you teach them this year.
00:01:09.040 --> 00:01:12.000
And I know you're like, okay, what am I doing this for?
00:01:12.079 --> 00:01:14.480
And that one stings, but stay with me for a second.
00:01:15.040 --> 00:01:28.159
They will forget the vocabulary words, they will forget the different steps on an anchor chart, but a lot of them are going to remember exactly how you acted the day a lesson didn't go the way it was supposed to.
00:01:28.400 --> 00:01:38.480
A lot of them are going to remember exactly how you acted when the principal walked in during the worst lesson of the year.
00:01:38.799 --> 00:01:43.120
While you are teaching that lesson, your students are studying you.
00:01:43.599 --> 00:01:51.519
A while back, I put out a lesson that was your students don't learn from your lesson plans.
00:01:52.159 --> 00:02:08.719
And today I want to take that one a little bit further because this episode is about what students learn from watching every adult in the building and how we can start teaching that lesson on purpose.
00:02:11.199 --> 00:02:19.759
And before we get into that, as I adjust my mic, um, if you've been enjoying these um episodes, I would always ask that you leave a review.
00:02:19.919 --> 00:02:26.240
Uh give it a like on uh if you're watching on YouTube, give it a thumbs up or wherever you're listening to, uh leave a review.
00:02:26.319 --> 00:02:28.080
That would be super, super helpful.
00:02:28.240 --> 00:02:29.680
So let's get to work.
00:02:30.080 --> 00:02:41.360
In 1961, a Stanford psychologist named Albert Bandeur ran one of the most famous experiments in the history of child development.
00:02:42.080 --> 00:02:46.319
He brought preschoolers into a room one at a time.
00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:52.000
In the corner was this big inflatable clown doll cow called Bobo.
00:02:52.719 --> 00:02:57.759
If you've if you're my age, 40 plus, you would know Bobo.
00:02:58.960 --> 00:03:08.800
Some of the kids watched an adult walk up to that doll and go to work on it, punching it, kicking it, yelling at it.
00:03:09.039 --> 00:03:14.960
Other kids watch an adult play quietly with toys and ignore the doll completely.
00:03:15.360 --> 00:03:20.319
Then each child after that got a turn in a room with that exact same doll.
00:03:20.639 --> 00:03:22.960
And I can assume that you already know what happened.
00:03:23.120 --> 00:03:26.879
The kids who watched the aggressive adult went after the doll.
00:03:27.439 --> 00:03:35.439
Some of them even repeated word for word what that adult what that adult had yelled and shared uh with that doll.
00:03:35.919 --> 00:03:39.039
Nobody told them, nobody rewarded them for it.
00:03:39.199 --> 00:03:43.039
They watched an adult and they did what they saw.
00:03:43.759 --> 00:03:45.919
And that was more than 60 years ago.
00:03:46.159 --> 00:03:51.360
Yet we still walk into buildings and act like kids mostly learn from what we say.
00:03:53.039 --> 00:03:55.199
I had a favorite teacher growing up.
00:03:55.360 --> 00:04:04.159
If you ask me to pass a quiz on what that teacher might have taught me, there's a chance I would fail today.
00:04:04.400 --> 00:04:16.240
I don't really remember what the units were about, but what I can tell you is that I can tell you the way that teacher looked at me when I walked in after getting in trouble somewhere else in the building.
00:04:16.319 --> 00:04:19.439
There was no, oh, here we go again.
00:04:19.680 --> 00:04:22.160
It was just, I'm glad you're here.
00:04:22.240 --> 00:04:23.120
It's good to see you.
00:04:23.279 --> 00:04:24.560
Grab a seat.
00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:30.959
Years later, I got to thank that teacher, and I didn't thank them uh for the lesson.
00:04:31.040 --> 00:04:34.319
I thanked them for how they treated me on days I made it hard to.
00:04:34.639 --> 00:04:36.879
That is what kids study.
00:04:37.199 --> 00:04:46.319
How you treat a kid on their worst day, and how you treat a kid um, and how you treat the kid sitting next to them on theirs.
00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:54.000
So think in your moment, in your head for a moment about your favorite teacher that you've ever had.
00:04:54.079 --> 00:04:54.800
I want you to picture them.
00:04:54.879 --> 00:05:00.639
And I bet the first thing I've done I've done a similar activity, but the first thing that comes to mind isn't gonna be a lesson.
00:05:00.879 --> 00:05:05.759
It's a look, it's a phrase, uh, the way they made you feel when you walked the door.
00:05:06.079 --> 00:05:08.639
That's the part that sticks with our kids.
00:05:08.879 --> 00:05:13.680
And right now, somebody in your building is going to remember you that way.
00:05:14.000 --> 00:05:17.600
The
Load full transcript
question is, what will they remember?
00:05:18.240 --> 00:05:22.000
You want to know what your students have learned from you, watch them play school.
00:05:22.879 --> 00:05:25.600
Picture a group of second graders at indoor recess.
00:05:26.079 --> 00:05:31.120
One of them is a teacher, and she's got a clipboard, she's got the voice.
00:05:31.279 --> 00:05:34.240
She claps to the rhythm uh to get everyone's attention.
00:05:34.399 --> 00:05:37.360
Two claps on two, one, two, clap, clap.
00:05:38.240 --> 00:05:40.720
And then one of the students talks out of terms.
00:05:42.319 --> 00:05:49.120
Young lady puts her hands on her hip, lets out the biggest sigh you have ever heard.
00:05:49.360 --> 00:05:53.680
Oh, I'm so tired of this class.
00:05:54.480 --> 00:05:58.240
Across the room, the teacher hears it and freezes.
00:05:58.800 --> 00:05:59.839
That's her line.
00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:05.519
Word for word, that is what that teacher shares in the class with those students.
00:06:06.240 --> 00:06:08.800
The little girl thought she was doing a great job.
00:06:09.120 --> 00:06:12.720
In her mind, that is what a teacher sounds like.
00:06:14.240 --> 00:06:15.040
We've been there.
00:06:16.240 --> 00:06:25.040
If you want honest feedback on your teaching, let a seven to ten-year-old play you for five minutes.
00:06:27.680 --> 00:06:33.279
For all of the things they copy, they'll copy the good stuff, but they'll copy the bad stuff too.
00:06:33.519 --> 00:06:43.120
Kids will copy everything, and when they play school, it will tell on us for who and how we are as an educator.
00:06:43.199 --> 00:06:44.560
So, you know, another example.
00:06:44.720 --> 00:06:48.639
Picture a fifth grader helping the kid next to him with a math problem.
00:06:48.959 --> 00:06:51.279
The other kid there is frustrated and ready to quit.
00:06:51.360 --> 00:06:55.360
And the fifth grader leans over and says, Take your time, show me show me what you tried first.
00:06:56.399 --> 00:06:57.519
That's the teacher's line.
00:06:58.319 --> 00:07:02.399
He uh heard it so many times that it became his line.
00:07:03.040 --> 00:07:05.600
Nobody put that on a standards checklist.
00:07:06.079 --> 00:07:12.079
Uh he he picked it up the same way those little ones picked up the yelling, and that's just by watching.
00:07:13.439 --> 00:07:17.360
Now, this goes just beyond classroom teachers.
00:07:17.519 --> 00:07:28.879
Every single adult in the building is on camera all day long, and not like actual camera, but like the figurative camera of these kids that are in front of us.
00:07:28.959 --> 00:07:33.759
You know, the front office at 7:45 in the morning uh is a first adult voice.
00:07:33.920 --> 00:07:36.079
A lot of families here on a day-to-day basis.
00:07:36.319 --> 00:07:42.639
The lunchroom, when it gets loud, is a lesson in how us as adults handle chaos.
00:07:43.040 --> 00:07:51.439
The hallway conversation two teachers have about a student when they think nobody's listening, that is also a lesson, too.
00:07:51.680 --> 00:08:01.920
Somebody is always listening, somebody is always watching, somebody is always observing and paying attention to how we maneuver ourselves as educators.
00:08:02.160 --> 00:08:07.120
Think about the parent who walks in the front office upset, or a kid is sitting in the chair by the door watching this parent.
00:08:07.360 --> 00:08:12.160
Now, I I I know some of your schools, you don't have upset parents that come in, so only our school.
00:08:12.399 --> 00:08:19.680
But if the adult behind the desk gets defensive and short, that kid learns this is how grown-ups handle conflict.
00:08:19.759 --> 00:08:28.879
There's been so many times a parent comes in just furious and they are disrespectful to me, they cuss me out, they say all types of crazy things.
00:08:28.959 --> 00:08:34.799
And in my head, I'm like, this is why your kid acts the way your kid acts.
00:08:36.000 --> 00:08:40.399
We our students are studying how adults handle conflict.
00:08:40.559 --> 00:08:49.840
If the adult says, I can tell you're frustrated, let me help you figure this out, that kid will learn something completely different than the one that just comes in cussing and fussing and all those things.
00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:54.480
Same office, same parent, two very different lessons that we are teaching our kids.
00:08:54.559 --> 00:08:57.919
And now I know the parents can come in and be disrespectful.
00:08:58.320 --> 00:09:07.679
But us as the adults, us as the professionals, us as whatever our position is in the school, must remain professional.
00:09:07.840 --> 00:09:21.600
And even though that student can learn these bad behaviors from their parent, they can also learn the good behaviors as they are watching and observing us respond to the negativity of um their parent.
00:09:22.320 --> 00:09:31.440
So, what I want us to try is every time that you have an interaction with a student this week, I want you to ask yourself one question.
00:09:32.639 --> 00:09:38.399
Would I say it exactly this way if the kid were standing right behind me?
00:09:39.200 --> 00:09:49.679
Some of us are going to get very quiet with the conversations we have about a kid, if the kid was there actually listening to how we may speak about some of these kids.
00:09:50.000 --> 00:09:59.039
When students hear adults call a student that one, we all know that one, I was that one, they learn which kids are worth giving up on.
00:09:59.200 --> 00:10:07.279
When they hear adults talk about a colleague behind their back, they learn how people treat each other when they leave the room.
00:10:07.519 --> 00:10:15.360
So the hardest part is we can't leave this up to whoever happens to be calm or kind.
00:10:15.519 --> 00:10:19.440
The building has to decide on purpose what are our adults going to model?
00:10:19.759 --> 00:10:21.440
It's a simple way to start.
00:10:21.679 --> 00:10:26.559
At your next staff meeting, agree on two norms, write
them down, put them where everyone can see it.
00:10:26.639 --> 00:10:28.480
Here's two that you can borrow.
00:10:28.799 --> 00:10:35.759
First, we talk about students the way we would if their parents were standing right next to us.
00:10:36.000 --> 00:10:42.960
The second, when an adult makes a mistake in front of kids, we name it and we fix it.
00:10:44.000 --> 00:10:53.840
A norm is something that we need to make sure everyone can see, but they set the standard for how we act and conduct ourselves in the school.
00:10:54.399 --> 00:11:02.080
There are two moments in a day, in my opinion, that teach more about that that teach more than any other days.
00:11:02.320 --> 00:11:04.240
When you're frustrated and when you're wrong.
00:11:04.399 --> 00:11:06.559
So let's first start when you are frustrated.
00:11:06.720 --> 00:11:11.279
Kids learn what to do with big feelings by watching where adults put their big feelings.
00:11:11.519 --> 00:11:15.519
If you slam a stapler, when you're frustrated, kids learn to slam.
00:11:15.759 --> 00:11:20.320
If you say out loud, I'm frustrated now, so I'm going to take a breath before I answer.
00:11:20.559 --> 00:11:25.600
You have just taught emotional regulation without giving your kids a workshop.
00:11:25.679 --> 00:11:27.039
You've taught it in real time.
00:11:28.320 --> 00:11:29.440
Now when you're wrong.
00:11:29.679 --> 00:11:33.600
Picture a teacher who just snapped at a student in front of the entire class.
00:11:33.759 --> 00:11:35.440
It's been a long day.
00:11:35.919 --> 00:11:36.960
Tired as heck.
00:11:37.279 --> 00:11:39.519
Kid pushed a button, kid came in hot.
00:11:39.679 --> 00:11:46.960
The next morning, she pulls that student aside before the bell and says, You know, yesterday I was very short with you in front of everyone.
00:11:47.200 --> 00:11:48.399
And that's not fair to you.
00:11:48.480 --> 00:11:49.759
And I'm sorry.
00:11:50.159 --> 00:11:51.519
Kid shrugs it off.
00:11:51.759 --> 00:11:53.360
You know, it's cool.
00:11:54.080 --> 00:11:56.639
And that may seem like the end of it.
00:11:56.960 --> 00:12:07.360
But two weeks later, that kid bumps somebody's tray in the lunchroom, then stops and turns around, turns around and goes back and is like, My bad, that was my fault.
00:12:08.559 --> 00:12:19.759
That kid very well could have learned how to circle back and apologize just from that simple moment uh that took place in the classroom.
00:12:20.080 --> 00:12:26.320
And that apology that took you all of 15 seconds, a lot of us were really never taught to do that.
00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:40.960
And a lot of us as kids, I say us because I'm always like the 35 and up generation, have never, I don't really, I can't say I don't ever recall, because I'm sure a teacher did it at some point.
00:12:41.200 --> 00:12:44.879
But it was very rare that a teacher admitted they were wrong.
00:12:45.120 --> 00:12:52.559
Teachers always seem like they were right when we were kids, and I think there's power in a teacher apologizing and being wrong.
00:12:52.720 --> 00:12:57.919
Um, that's a teachable lesson for all of um the kids.
00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:01.039
And I would could even argue that it works the other way.
00:13:01.200 --> 00:13:09.440
An adult who tells the truth about him or herself earns the kind of trust that a perfect record never will.
00:13:09.679 --> 00:13:11.440
Kids know when we got it wrong.
00:13:11.519 --> 00:13:14.960
Um, they're just waiting to see if we if if we know it too.
00:13:15.360 --> 00:13:19.840
And now some of you are listening, you're like, great, I gotta be perfect with 30 kids watching me.
00:13:19.919 --> 00:13:22.000
And that is not what I am saying.
00:13:22.240 --> 00:13:27.840
Kids don't need a perfect adult, they need an adult to watch mess up and recover.
00:13:28.080 --> 00:13:37.679
Recovery, the recovery from the mistake is more what our kids learn from, and the recovery is what they're gonna need on their worst day.
00:13:37.919 --> 00:13:40.000
One way to practice this is just a do-over.
00:13:40.240 --> 00:13:41.679
You say something sharp, you catch it.
00:13:41.840 --> 00:13:43.600
Hold on, hold on, everyone.
00:13:43.759 --> 00:13:44.480
Let's pause.
00:13:44.639 --> 00:13:46.240
Let me try that again.
00:13:46.480 --> 00:13:50.320
Then you say it the way you had initially meant to say it.
00:13:50.559 --> 00:13:58.320
Takes 20, 30 seconds, and every kid in that room learned that it is okay to start over in a moment without starting the whole day over.
00:13:58.559 --> 00:14:02.879
We can't put grace on a vocabulary quiz and expect kids to understand it.
00:14:02.960 --> 00:14:05.519
They learn grace by watching someone give it.
00:14:05.679 --> 00:14:10.559
Sometimes to them, sometimes uh to themselves, sometimes to other people.
00:14:12.240 --> 00:14:18.000
The preschoolers in that study at Stanford didn't need a lesson.
00:14:18.159 --> 00:14:21.519
It wasn't some elaborate lesson plan on how to treat that doll.
00:14:21.840 --> 00:14:24.639
They needed one adult to show them.
00:14:26.799 --> 00:14:34.240
Every building has culture, and the youngest people in the building are copying that culture every single day they walk through the door.
00:14:34.559 --> 00:14:47.200
So this week, I want us to pay as educators, I want us to pay attention to what we're modeling in the hallway, in the lounge, in the front office, in our classroom, outside, in the parking lot, at the playground, and especially in the middle of a hard moment.
00:14:47.600 --> 00:14:51.679
And here's what I will uh leave you with today.
00:14:52.480 --> 00:15:00.320
If your students copied exactly how you handled this last week, what would they have learned?
00:15:01.120 --> 00:15:05.440
What would they have learned if they copied exactly how you handled everything this week?
00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:10.240
Again, I want us to remember our kids learn more from what we do than what we say.
00:15:10.639 --> 00:15:18.799
So if this one you enjoyed this episode, uh please like, please subscribe, all those things that we ask you to do on a day on a week-to-week basis.
00:15:19.039 --> 00:15:24.000
But truly an honor that you have taken time out to lock in with me to join me.
00:15:24.080 --> 00:15:29.519
I don't ever take for granted that people uh tune in every Sunday as this comes live or whatever day you're listening to it.
00:15:29.679 --> 00:15:36.000
But I truly, truly appreciate uh you for spending this time with me today.
00:15:36.159 --> 00:15:39.120
Uh, you have been present for homeroom attendance.
00:15:39.440 --> 00:15:42.080
Class is dismissed.