TRANSCRIPTION 🔗
Bridget Barrus: Welcome to Be Solid in 10. I'm Bridget Barris, founder of BeSolid Learning, and in the next 10 minutes, we're focusing on one practical idea to help you raise capable kids, grow as a parent, and build a stronger family. One idea, one practical step, ten minutes. Let's get into it. I want to take just a minute before we jump into our first be solid in 10 to tell you why these shorter episodes exist. And honestly, a lot of it comes from my own life. I love learning, I love listening to podcasts, I read and I want good information. I want to understand what's happening with my kiddos and family and what will actually help. But I also have a really full life. And sometimes I only have 10 minutes, literally. I'm sitting in the carpool pickup line or I'm loading the dishwasher. Maybe there's a window between meetings where I could actually listen to something useful before I have to move on to the next thing. And I'm guessing I'm not the only one. Now, there are some really fantastic hour-long podcasts out there, and we're gonna have some longer conversations here too. But sometimes I don't have an hour. I just have 10 minutes. And if I'm going to ask you for 10 minutes, I want those 10 minutes to matter. I don't want to give you 14 things you should be doing differently, or have you finish an episode thinking, great, this is just one more thing I'm apparently supposed to add to my already busy life. No, thank you. Be solid in 10 is going to be really simple. One real family problem, one useful perspective, and one practical thing you can try. Now, for our first one, I'm going to give you something you can literally try tonight. You don't need a worksheet, you don't need to call a big family meeting. And you definitely don't need to announce that your family is beginning an exciting new communication initiative, which is a pretty efficient and effective way to make every teenager in your house disappear real quick. You only need about five minutes and three questions. What was good today? What was hard today? And what do you need tomorrow? Good, hard, need. That's it. And I know it sounds almost too simple, which is actually part of why I like it. Because sometimes when we decide we want our family to be more connected, we make the solution really big. We're going to eat dinner together every night and we're going to have a family night every week and we're going to be intentional. And none of that is bad. Don't get me wrong. I've done those things myself. But then actual life happens. Someone has practice. I have to work late. A child suddenly remembers at 8:43 that they need something for the school tomorrow, and you're off to the store. And the beautiful plan we made on Sunday is already falling apart and the mom guilt sets in. And that's why I really like small practices that fit inside the life we're already living. And good hard need is one of them. So start with this question. What was good today? That's it. Maybe your child tells you something important. Or maybe they tell you they had really great pizza for lunch. We're not grading the answers here. We're helping everyone slow down long enough to notice something good that happened. And parents get to answer too. This isn't an interview with your children. It's a conversation. Then ask the next question what was hard today? This creates an opening without demanding a deep emotional conversation. Maybe they'll tell you something that happened at school. Maybe they say nothing. Fine. Now answer it for yourself. Maybe you say something like, I had a frustrating meeting today, or I was tired and I wasn't as patient as I wanted to be. Now be careful here. We don't need to unload adult problems onto kids, but I do think it's healthy for children to see that capable adults have hard moments too. And hard isn't a crisis. Sometimes things are just hard. And then answer the third question What do you need tomorrow? And this is probably my favorite question because now we're looking forward. Maybe your child says, I need to remember my basketball shoes. And instead of automatically saying, I'll put them in the car, try, well, what's your plan? Maybe they do need help, maybe they don't. But we're giving them an opportunity to think about what they need and what they can do about it. And that's a really useful skill. And now here's the most important part for us. Let's say your aunt your child answers and says, Well, the hard thing was that I forgot to turn in my assignment. And immediately, you feel it. The lecture is ready. Because haven't we discussed this many times? You have material ready, you know you do, but not now. There may absolutely need to be a conversation about responsibility later, but if every honest answer immediately turns into correction, our kids eventually learn that telling us things is expensive. And then we get, When we ask how was your day? Fine. Anything happened? No. Anything you need? Nope. And we're wondering why nobody tells us anything. So for these five minutes, listen first. If something needs parenting, you can parent later. And please don't make it weird. You don't need everybody sitting in a circle having a formal conversation or discussion. Do it at dinner. Do it in the car. Do it while you're cleaning up the kitchen. The point is that it becomes part of ordinary family life. Good, hard, need. Three questions, five minutes. Try it three times this week. Not every night, forever. And don't make a chart or laminate anything. Just try it three times. And if your teenager's first attempt goes something like, What was good? Nothing. What was hard? This conversation? What do you need for this conversation to end? Okay. Honestly, that's kind of funny. And also very teenager. Don't force it. Answer yours, keep it light, and try it again tomorrow. Because we're not trying to manufacture some giant emotional breakthrough over Tuesday night tacos. We're creating a small, predictable opening where people within our families can say, Here's something that was good, here's something that was hard, here's something I need. That's enough. And five minutes doesn't sound like much, but five minutes repeated over time. That's a lot of opportunities to get to know each other a little bit better. Which brings me right back to why BeSolid in 10 exists. Ten minutes won't change your family. But something you practice for 10 minutes, over time, might. And when it doesn't go perfectly, and sometimes it absolutely won't, that doesn't mean you failed. Notice what happened, adjust, give yourself and others some grace, and try again. That's daily growth. Remember, strong families aren't built in a day, they're built one choice, one conversation, and one ordinary moment at a time. So stay grounded, keep growing, and be solid. Thanks for spending these 10 minutes with me. Take one thing from today and put it into practice. But remember, practice means progress. And if it doesn't go perfectly, give yourself some grace and try again. Small steps add up. I'll see you next time on Be Solid Inten.