S10 EP3: Parenting Hell Mixtape

WEBVTT
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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett.
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And I'm Josh Willicombe.
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Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and
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I discuss what it's really like to be a parent,
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which I would say can be a little tricky.
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So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about
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the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week,
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We'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping.
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Or hopefully how they're not coping.
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And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with
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your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.
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Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when
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none of us know what we're doing. I think, though, maybe, Ellis,
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that you were considered the person that had had it
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hardest on this podcast. And you almost became like an
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urban sort of folk legend of the podcast until we
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had you on. And then it was confirmed that you
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did have it quite bad the first time around. So
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I think we're intrigued to know how.
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I've just re-listened to your podcast, Ellis.
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Oh, yeah.
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You were getting up at 10 to 5.
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Yeah.
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Every morning.
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I think....
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That my son has re-listened to that podcast because.
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How is it?
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Probably a month after we'd recorded that, it all clicked
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and he started waking up at 7am. And I could
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honestly tell you it was like being on.
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It just clicked overnight?
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Pretty much, yeah. It was like being on holiday. We
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had a very strange couple of days where he was
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waking up. It must have been during the school holidays
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or something because Betty's a late riser, my daughter, our daughter...
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So we don't set alarms because he was our alarm, Stefan,
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my now two-year-old son.
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And then there were a couple of weird.
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Days where Betty wasn't at school. So he must have
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not been setting an alarm. It must have been the
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weekend where he was waking up like at half past
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eight and then at nine o'clock. And then at one
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day he woke up at half past nine to the
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extent that we went in and checked on him.
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I thought, wow, this is amazing.
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And then he settled down at about 7am.
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That's ideal for me. No problem at all.
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Wow.
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Did you do anything?
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Well, over the last week.
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Oh, no.
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Oh, no.
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Basically, you texted me five, six days ago saying, do
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you fancy coming on Lockdown Parenting Hell again as a
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returning guest? I said, yeah, no problem. And he woke
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up at 6.50. I thought, yeah, I can handle that.
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And then it was 6.40. Then at 6.30, I said, oh,
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this isn't great, isn't it? He's shaving off 10 minutes
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every morning.
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Then it was 6.20.
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Yeah.
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This morning was 5.58.
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I thought, you fucking bastard. Now, I think what's happened
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is we are recording this in late March. And I
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think what's happened is it's the light. It's now light
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in the morning. It's now light at about 6 a.m.
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So when I go into his room, even though there's
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a blackout blind that is treated with a reverence that
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you would usually reserve for the Turin Shroud.
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Yeah.
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I mean, no wonder the Blitz was so bad, because
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if this constitutes a blackout blind now, with all the technology,
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what the fuck was going on then? Disco lights on
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the windows. That is such a cockney observation. 50 years
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before you were born. You can't stop going on about
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the blitz. You don't know how hard we... Every night
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it was. Fucking every night. I mean, they competed in
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Coventry and Liverpool, don't they, in Plymouth and Swansea. I mean,
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the East End and London where I grew up. By accident,
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they were aiming for us.
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That piece of Bethnal Green, and it was completely flattened
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by the bloody Germans.
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Anyway....
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So I think it's the light. I think the light
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is creeping in. So last night, I took such care
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over this blackout blind, but it's still creeping in on
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the sides. And then there's a blind and then there's
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the curtains. The curtains are rubbish. The curtains are white.
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I don't know why we bothered with those curtains.
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White curtains.
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That basic value pin foil, isn't it? White with a
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picture of a, I don't know, of.
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Fucking unicorn or giraffe.
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Yeah, what's the multicoloured elephant called?
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Elmer.
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Elmer, yes.
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Like Elmer curtains or something.
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I don't know.
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It's complete bullshit. But so, yeah, so I'm worried. I
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think it's because the summer's on the way, but obviously
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the clocks go back on Saturday night. So 6 a.m.
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will become 5 a.m. I mean, 7 a.m.
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We had six.
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I really thought this was it. We had seven or
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eight months of that.
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And had anything, had you done anything?
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We did do sleep training.
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But is that what did it?
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We did sleep training the first time and then he
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got ill. He had a really bad cold. This is pre-lockdown.
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And then because we had to go in and cuddle
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him and give him milk and stuff because he had
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this really bad cold, he kind of forgot all of
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the sleep training. So then we did sleep training again.
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Yeah, because I think the common cold does give memory loss.
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Because I basically learned Pythagoras out of cold and I
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couldn't tell you anything about angles now. I forgot how
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to write. I live in a big circle. It's like
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the roundhouse by ours. I couldn't handle it.
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And then what happened the second time, it really clicked.
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And then he was sleeping through the night, but he
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was an early riser. And then his rising just became
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later and later. And then he sort of settled down
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at about between seven and quarter past seven.
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Great.
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But I think what's happened is now, because he's two,
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he was two in January. So it was three months ago.
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I think we're now entering the zone of maybe dropping
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his afternoon nap because he still has quite a substantial
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afternoon nap, which is also a ball ache in itself
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because that's when I tend to do a lot of
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stuff when he's asleep.
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Because he's a very... How long's he having a nap for?
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You what?
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How long's his nap? Oh, I thought you said, what's
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he having a nap for? Because he's two.
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You what?
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Lazy bastard. I thought you'd phrased the question in a
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really weird way. What's he having a nap for? Your
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baby's a bit tired, isn't he?
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Yeah.
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Come on, do me a favour. What's he drinking all
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that milk for?
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LAUGHTER Rob's never met a kid.
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It's quite a weird podcast.
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To do, actually.
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I've made it all up. I'm a character actor.
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He's winging it. It's finally been expressed.
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I'm rather trained. It's all based on his very fuzzy
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memories of his own childhood. First of all, can we
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remind the listeners of your set-up at home with the kids?
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How many have we got?
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We've got four kids. We've got three under five.
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OK, so can you run us through the ages?
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Sophia is ten, Liberty's five, Johnny's three, and the gift
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from God is one.
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One. The gift from God.
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Oh, wow.
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The gift from God.
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And on top of this, you were texting me before this,
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it's quite stressful in your household because of the amount
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of animals you've got.
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Yeah, we've just got five little ducklings, but only two
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of them have hatched at the moment.
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Yeah.
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And we've got two orphan lambs that we're bottle feeding.
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And the last three kids are still bottle and dummy,
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so I'm not doing very well, really.
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So you've got three kids and two lambs all on
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the bottle at the same time.
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At least they're not all breastfeeding. That would be a nightmare.
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Good job we've got them on the bottle.
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I've got no breasts, so we can't have that.
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Do you live in the countryside, then?
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No.
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No?
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Fair enough.
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Kind of.
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I think I'm just kind of trying to live the
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childhood I wanted through my own children.
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OK.
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Like, we were never allowed pets or anything like that,
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so I just try and give them as many pets
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as I can.
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Have you got cats and dogs as well?
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Yeah, two cats.
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Two cats.
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Our cats are 15.
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Okay.
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We got them when me and Pete first got together.
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We've got our dog, Jeffrey, who we got in lockdown.
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Okay. Lockdown dog.
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And we've got Lily and Lola, the lambs.
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Yep.
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And Jemima, the duck, who's just hatched today. And the
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other one hasn't got a name because he's literally just hatched.
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And then the other three haven't hatched yet. And we've
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got a great Dane called Ringo, who lives here part-time.
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Part-time?
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What's he doing with the rest of the time?
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He's at my brother's house the.
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Rest of the time. So that's two dogs. He just
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needs a little break sometimes, doesn't he?
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They're quite calm, Great Danes, and it's a bit too much.
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But Pete's like, he didn't want any of these animals
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and he absolutely loves them. He nurses the lamb, has
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the lamb on his knee, feeding it with a bottle
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wrapped in a little blanket. He likes to play this
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cruel animal-hater role, but he loves it.
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But, Abi, when we were setting up the sound, what
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did Peter say to you about bringing back another live
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thing to the house?
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Well, he said if I actually bring one more living
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thing into this house, he's going to leave me.
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OK, yeah, so you're sure that he's into all these animals?
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Well, I'm trying to make him take the hint, that's
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why I keep getting them.
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Yeah, because when he was on, he was speaking about
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the time you were shouting from the background, because I
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asked him if he'd any parenting mishaps, and you were shouting,
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tell him about the farm, tell him about the farm,
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and he refused to tell us. So was the farm
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the house, or was it at a farm?
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So the farm story, it was at an actual farm
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and I went to the toilet. I was gone for
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one second and I come back and he was just
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sitting there and I'm like, where's the baby? Couldn't find
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the baby anywhere. So I was hysterical and he'd escaped
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out of the contained indoor play area and was like
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a mile down the road by lambs and a lake
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and everything.
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Oh God.
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It was so, so I like battered Pete in front
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of everyone in the farm.
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Oh God.
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Poor Darren. I think I threw a cup of coffee
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on him. You know, it was a nightmare. Because I'm
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just so worried about anything happening to them.
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Of course.
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And he's just far too late. He's just so late back.
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It's a joke.
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Imagine the anecdote those people who've gone to the farm
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have got from that day.
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Oh, I know.
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What did you see? Well, some sheep. And I also
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saw Abby Clancy throw a coffee on Peter Crouch.
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It was amazing.
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I threw the coffee at him and punched him. It's like,
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I don't condone violence at all, but it was out
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of panic.
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Yes.
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I think you could be let off.
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Yeah, I was terrified. Yeah, he's just too laid back
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and he forgot the baby bag. That's his favourite thing
255
00:10:24.179 --> 00:10:24.519
to do.
256
00:10:24.840 --> 00:10:27.179
So how's the sort of parenting split? Obviously, because Peter,
257
00:10:27.240 --> 00:10:29.059
when he was playing football, was really busy.
258
00:10:29.120 --> 00:10:30.000
Now he's retired.
259
00:10:30.019 --> 00:10:31.620
He sort of does a bit of work, but not
260
00:10:31.659 --> 00:10:34.480
as busy as he was. And you're still modelling and presenting.
261
00:10:34.820 --> 00:10:38.360
What's the sort of, you know, divvying up of responsibilities?
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00:10:38.600 --> 00:10:40.370
Is it more you than Peter? That's what I'm getting
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00:10:40.399 --> 00:10:40.710
from this.
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00:10:40.799 --> 00:10:43.610
I think so, because I'm not working as much as
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00:10:43.659 --> 00:10:45.730
Peter at the moment because my baby's only one. So
266
00:10:45.750 --> 00:10:47.809
I'm kind of enjoying just being at home with the kids.
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00:10:48.559 --> 00:10:50.240
And when Pete goes to work, I just throw them
268
00:10:50.279 --> 00:10:52.440
at him. And he's like, I've been at work all day.
269
00:10:52.460 --> 00:10:56.649
And I'm like, tag, short hair now. But I can't
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00:10:56.690 --> 00:10:59.129
complain about Pete. There's one thing he is, he's an
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00:10:59.169 --> 00:11:02.929
amazing dad. Like all jokes aside, you know. No matter
272
00:11:02.970 --> 00:11:06.820
how hungover he is, how tired he is, he's still, like, 100%,
273
00:11:06.820 --> 00:11:09.720
100% with the kids, or I'm, like, normally dying somewhere.
274
00:11:09.740 --> 00:11:12.679
Oh, I can't do it if I'm hungover. I'm such
275
00:11:12.740 --> 00:11:13.960
a bad hungover parent.
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00:11:14.039 --> 00:11:16.240
It's horrible, isn't it? It just, like, cuts me off
277
00:11:16.279 --> 00:11:16.740
from drinking.
278
00:11:17.080 --> 00:11:19.870
I swear the drinks make kids get louder the next day.
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00:11:19.909 --> 00:11:21.690
I don't know what it is, but just something just
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00:11:21.730 --> 00:11:22.509
sends them over the edge.
281
00:11:22.710 --> 00:11:24.769
And mine are all too young to just get on
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00:11:24.789 --> 00:11:25.769
the couch and watch a movie.
283
00:11:25.830 --> 00:11:25.899
Yes.
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00:11:27.049 --> 00:11:29.240
It's just like they're not movie age you have to
285
00:11:29.250 --> 00:11:29.990
just play with them.
286
00:11:30.080 --> 00:11:33.000
All day are you finished at four yeah is that
287
00:11:33.039 --> 00:11:35.240
sort of your sort of like if you sort of
288
00:11:35.299 --> 00:11:36.840
like it's your opium it's getting off getting off the
289
00:11:36.879 --> 00:11:41.090
heroin of kids you're starting with farm animals i was actually.
290
00:11:40.870 --> 00:11:43.509
Finished with three yeah and then i found like i
291
00:11:43.549 --> 00:11:45.509
went for a fitting and they were like the girl's
292
00:11:45.529 --> 00:11:48.450
like are you pregnant by any chance she could tell
293
00:11:48.750 --> 00:11:50.629
by my body Really?
294
00:11:50.820 --> 00:11:51.769
That's how you found out?
295
00:11:51.789 --> 00:11:53.779
I was like, no chance. And then I did a
296
00:11:53.820 --> 00:11:55.639
test and called Pete and he was in the car
297
00:11:55.659 --> 00:11:59.220
with Glenn Johnson. And I was like, Pete, I've got
298
00:11:59.240 --> 00:12:01.320
something to tell you. And he went, if you're about
299
00:12:01.360 --> 00:12:02.940
to say what I think you're about to say, just
300
00:12:02.980 --> 00:12:05.259
don't say it. And he had another two hours left
301
00:12:05.279 --> 00:12:07.350
until he got home and I was so scared. And
302
00:12:07.370 --> 00:12:08.889
then he got home and he was like, I've had
303
00:12:08.929 --> 00:12:10.169
time to think and it's okay.
304
00:12:12.240 --> 00:12:14.340
Oh, my God. So it was a complete surprise.
305
00:12:14.679 --> 00:12:16.740
It was a surprise. We hated each other at that
306
00:12:16.779 --> 00:12:18.360
point as well, so I don't even know how I
307
00:12:18.399 --> 00:12:22.320
got pregnant, to be quite honest. Like, the pregnancy with
308
00:12:22.379 --> 00:12:23.830
Johnny was hell.
309
00:12:24.110 --> 00:12:25.149
Johnny's your youngest, yeah?
310
00:12:25.350 --> 00:12:27.330
No, Johnny's the three-year-old.
311
00:12:27.570 --> 00:12:28.210
OK, cool, yeah.
312
00:12:28.490 --> 00:12:31.870
So I hated him, he hated me, and I don't
313
00:12:31.929 --> 00:12:34.230
even know how it happened. That's why we call him
314
00:12:34.250 --> 00:12:37.779
the gift from God. LAUGHTER But you know what? He's
315
00:12:37.860 --> 00:12:41.460
just wonderful. He's just fabulous and he's just fitted in
316
00:12:41.700 --> 00:12:43.529
so well and he's not one bit of trouble.
317
00:12:43.940 --> 00:12:47.820
So it's 8.15pm at the moment. They're all in bed, Josh.
318
00:12:47.840 --> 00:12:51.190
We've got it down. That's amazing. How have you done it?
319
00:12:51.600 --> 00:12:53.279
I was the first out of my friends to have
320
00:12:53.330 --> 00:12:57.190
my babies. And I would always feel bad about letting
321
00:12:57.210 --> 00:13:00.090
them down for an event or going round to theirs
322
00:13:00.129 --> 00:13:02.889
for dinner or whatever. And all my friends just bail.
323
00:13:02.909 --> 00:13:04.350
I can't do it. I've got the baby and they've
324
00:13:04.389 --> 00:13:04.889
got one.
325
00:13:04.909 --> 00:13:07.049
I'm like, you're so pathetic.
326
00:13:07.070 --> 00:13:10.110
LAUGHTER like me and pete laugh at people and go
327
00:13:10.129 --> 00:13:13.419
like oh god look at them moaning about one child
328
00:13:13.500 --> 00:13:16.039
or two children we've got four you know so we
329
00:13:16.059 --> 00:13:18.610
feel quite smug about that but You know, they're in
330
00:13:18.649 --> 00:13:21.480
bed now. Jack goes to sleep seven till seven. But
331
00:13:21.529 --> 00:13:23.500
Johnny and Lib are in our bed now. And then
332
00:13:23.519 --> 00:13:25.539
we'll have to get them out of our bed.
333
00:13:25.860 --> 00:13:26.500
Oh, OK.
334
00:13:26.779 --> 00:13:29.200
So what's the bedtime schedule then? Do you try and
335
00:13:29.240 --> 00:13:31.639
bath them all together or is this a rota?
336
00:13:31.919 --> 00:13:33.090
They're all in the bath together.
337
00:13:33.370 --> 00:13:35.809
What time's that? I'm obsessed with people's schedules.
338
00:13:35.870 --> 00:13:36.870
I know what you're saying.
339
00:13:37.070 --> 00:13:38.149
So we eat early.
340
00:13:38.169 --> 00:13:39.490
We eat about half five.
341
00:13:39.909 --> 00:13:42.149
And do you and Peter eat at half five as well?
342
00:13:42.289 --> 00:13:43.779
Or is it just the kids? And that's it?
343
00:13:44.139 --> 00:13:45.720
Well, no, then we have like, Pete will bring me
344
00:13:45.759 --> 00:13:48.139
like a cup of tea and Bicky's in bed at
345
00:13:48.159 --> 00:13:50.820
like 10. And he'll have like toast or whatever. Or
346
00:13:50.860 --> 00:13:52.700
a pot noodle, which makes me sick.
347
00:13:53.000 --> 00:13:53.639
Oh, God.
348
00:13:53.899 --> 00:13:55.070
Pot noodle in bed?
349
00:13:55.250 --> 00:13:57.309
No, not in bed. Before bed.
350
00:13:57.570 --> 00:13:57.909
All right.
351
00:13:58.190 --> 00:14:01.009
And I can't get my head around an athlete that would,
352
00:14:01.289 --> 00:14:03.169
even though they know all about nutrition, he's still banging
353
00:14:03.190 --> 00:14:03.889
back a pot noodle.
354
00:14:04.090 --> 00:14:07.639
Yeah, he loves them artificial ready meal things, you know,
355
00:14:07.679 --> 00:14:09.840
like a Rizzler, is it called like a Rizzler's.
356
00:14:09.480 --> 00:14:10.200
Burger or whatever?
357
00:14:10.480 --> 00:14:10.860
Oh, no.
358
00:14:10.980 --> 00:14:11.700
Oh, Rustlers.
359
00:14:11.759 --> 00:14:13.240
Rustlers, yeah, oh, they're awful.
360
00:14:13.639 --> 00:14:16.960
Anything like that, he loves. I think it's because he's
361
00:14:16.980 --> 00:14:19.019
been so deprived his whole life, being an athlete, and
362
00:14:19.039 --> 00:14:19.990
having to eat so well.
363
00:14:20.299 --> 00:14:20.519
Yeah.
364
00:14:20.570 --> 00:14:22.269
He's like kind of binging on junk.
365
00:14:22.730 --> 00:14:24.990
So they all get in the bath together in one go.
366
00:14:25.009 --> 00:14:27.169
So they all get in the bath together, then I
367
00:14:27.610 --> 00:14:29.389
try and keep them in there as long as possible
368
00:14:29.629 --> 00:14:31.590
to like waste some time.
369
00:14:31.649 --> 00:14:31.830
Yeah.
370
00:14:32.559 --> 00:14:35.139
And then out about half six, then Jami's, then we
371
00:14:35.159 --> 00:14:37.600
play run, catch before bed. So that's where they just
372
00:14:37.620 --> 00:14:39.970
like run on the landing and we have to catch them.
373
00:14:40.419 --> 00:14:40.610
Yeah.
374
00:14:40.769 --> 00:14:42.429
And then put them into bed. So that lasts about
375
00:14:42.470 --> 00:14:44.909
half an hour. Then Jack goes down. and then Liberty
376
00:14:44.929 --> 00:14:46.049
and Johnny go in our bed.
377
00:14:46.350 --> 00:14:46.570
Yeah.
378
00:14:46.750 --> 00:14:49.009
Our kids aren't, like, big for stories. You know, we
379
00:14:49.029 --> 00:14:51.519
try and do that whole story thing and go to bed,
380
00:14:51.539 --> 00:14:53.100
but they don't want it, so we just put, like,
381
00:14:53.799 --> 00:14:56.120
something on for ten minutes, then they fall asleep, and
382
00:14:56.139 --> 00:14:59.039
then we put them in their bed, and then when
383
00:14:59.059 --> 00:15:01.129
we go to bed about half an hour later, Johnny
384
00:15:01.169 --> 00:15:03.409
comes in with us. He sleeps there all night, and
385
00:15:03.429 --> 00:15:06.070
then we've got a single mattress... on the floor next
386
00:15:06.110 --> 00:15:10.049
to our bed where liberty sleeps really yeah and then
387
00:15:10.110 --> 00:15:12.409
liberty gets out of the single bed and in our
388
00:15:12.470 --> 00:15:14.929
bed and then pete goes on the single mattress on the.
389
00:15:15.029 --> 00:15:20.990
Floor but every night like clockwork wow what a setup that's.
390
00:15:20.789 --> 00:15:23.580
Amazing they're so good but there's just too many of
391
00:15:23.620 --> 00:15:27.480
them we have to kind of bend the rules a
392
00:15:27.500 --> 00:15:30.340
bit you know the schedules just don't the routines are
393
00:15:30.379 --> 00:15:32.620
just we've got our own little routine going on and it.
394
00:15:32.600 --> 00:15:39.120
Works Have you been on your own with the baby yet?
395
00:15:39.700 --> 00:15:41.559
Or Laura been on her own with the baby? Like,
396
00:15:41.580 --> 00:15:44.000
have you had sole charge of the baby yet, Ian?
397
00:15:44.039 --> 00:15:47.480
I've had, well, again, because of the whole breastfeeding situ.
398
00:15:47.740 --> 00:15:47.980
Yeah.
399
00:15:48.200 --> 00:15:51.029
I can get, I once looked after the baby.
400
00:15:50.830 --> 00:15:53.309
For three hours. Okay.
401
00:15:53.529 --> 00:15:56.070
It was a fabulous time. You put her in that
402
00:15:56.149 --> 00:15:57.149
bouncy chair thing.
403
00:15:57.230 --> 00:16:00.070
Have you got one of them? A bouncy chair? Oh,
404
00:16:00.129 --> 00:16:01.330
not the one on the door. I was like, she's
405
00:16:01.350 --> 00:16:02.200
a bit young for that.
406
00:16:02.220 --> 00:16:02.860
No, no, no. Come on.
407
00:16:06.129 --> 00:16:08.429
The Bjorn Borg one. Is it Bjorn Borg? Not Bjorn Borg.
408
00:16:08.529 --> 00:16:10.309
It's not Bjorn Borg. What is it?
409
00:16:10.330 --> 00:16:10.870
David Bjorn.
410
00:16:10.889 --> 00:16:12.330
Well, we've gone maxi cozy.
411
00:16:12.789 --> 00:16:13.490
Oh, classic.
412
00:16:13.570 --> 00:16:15.730
You can't go wrong with a cozy maxi maxi cozy,
413
00:16:15.750 --> 00:16:16.029
can you?
414
00:16:16.470 --> 00:16:16.690
No.
415
00:16:16.929 --> 00:16:19.190
So I put her in that. And then you could
416
00:16:19.210 --> 00:16:21.549
just sort of... And I've also worked out how to...
417
00:16:21.370 --> 00:16:22.309
You put them in the pram.
418
00:16:22.929 --> 00:16:23.129
Yeah.
419
00:16:23.389 --> 00:16:25.840
And then you can put your feet on the back
420
00:16:25.909 --> 00:16:28.080
two wheels and sort of get a sort of left
421
00:16:28.120 --> 00:16:30.200
to right motion. I've got for an entire half a
422
00:16:30.220 --> 00:16:31.460
football with them in there.
423
00:16:31.480 --> 00:16:31.700
Yeah.
424
00:16:32.320 --> 00:16:35.440
A little rocking. A little bit of rocking. Love movement.
425
00:16:35.539 --> 00:16:37.500
I used to love taking, they do love movement. I
426
00:16:37.500 --> 00:16:39.120
used to love taking them for walks and listening to
427
00:16:39.139 --> 00:16:41.830
podcasts because the fresh air keeps them quiet and stuff.
428
00:16:41.990 --> 00:16:43.700
It's so counterintuitive, isn't it?
429
00:16:43.710 --> 00:16:47.669
Like you just think, don't move them. Don't make any noise.
430
00:16:47.710 --> 00:16:49.629
And they actually love a bit of noise and they
431
00:16:49.669 --> 00:16:50.250
love a bit of a.
432
00:16:50.769 --> 00:16:51.529
Yeah.
433
00:16:51.549 --> 00:16:53.509
Sometimes when our baby starts crying, we go from the
434
00:16:53.549 --> 00:16:56.019
pavement onto like, we go off road onto like the grass.
435
00:16:56.039 --> 00:16:56.980
She's out like a light.
436
00:16:57.240 --> 00:17:01.840
Off road. We off-road it. Can I just check? You
437
00:17:01.879 --> 00:17:03.399
mean in the pram, not when you're driving, right?
438
00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:03.860
Oh, yeah, no, no.
439
00:17:03.919 --> 00:17:06.420
I'm not like Colin McRae rallying it about.
440
00:17:07.299 --> 00:17:08.039
How do you feel about.
441
00:17:08.119 --> 00:17:10.529
I was very nervous changing them when they're that small.
442
00:17:10.569 --> 00:17:12.400
And obviously I did it and I did the nappies and...
443
00:17:12.690 --> 00:17:15.369
put them in different clothes. But like, Lou would love
444
00:17:15.430 --> 00:17:17.049
like getting them in. Oh, let's put them in that outfit.
445
00:17:17.069 --> 00:17:18.650
I was like, they're in an outfit. Let's not risk
446
00:17:18.670 --> 00:17:20.490
it again. That arm is so little.
447
00:17:20.849 --> 00:17:23.319
I've had it so hard. I'm quite good at nappies.
448
00:17:23.450 --> 00:17:25.980
I'm very good at socks. I'm all right at trousers.
449
00:17:26.519 --> 00:17:29.460
I fall apart. It's anything that has to go over
450
00:17:29.519 --> 00:17:31.700
their head and put their arms in. I'm like, I
451
00:17:31.740 --> 00:17:35.819
am going to pull, I'm going to dislocate their shoulder. Yeah,
452
00:17:35.839 --> 00:17:37.500
I just feel like you're going to hold up like
453
00:17:37.539 --> 00:17:40.490
a turkey drumstick. Like, oh no, I've pulled too hard.
454
00:17:40.509 --> 00:17:41.130
That's exactly that.
455
00:17:42.069 --> 00:17:43.200
I don't know how people do it.
456
00:17:43.509 --> 00:17:46.230
My main fear was the soft bit on top.
457
00:17:46.029 --> 00:17:46.509
Of the head.
458
00:17:46.549 --> 00:17:47.849
Yeah, it's like an avocado.
459
00:17:47.910 --> 00:17:48.799
It's rank.
460
00:17:48.819 --> 00:17:51.359
And support the neck. You are in peak support the
461
00:17:51.400 --> 00:17:52.700
neck territory.
462
00:17:52.880 --> 00:17:55.400
And then that's all we do. We sort of ruin
463
00:17:55.420 --> 00:17:59.720
the fun of anyone else. Obviously, COVID is very rarely happens.
464
00:18:00.319 --> 00:18:02.480
Anyone else that holds our baby just gets.
465
00:18:03.759 --> 00:18:06.470
Support the neck. Yeah, but some people don't, do they?
466
00:18:06.710 --> 00:18:08.910
And even parents of other kids, they pick them up,
467
00:18:08.930 --> 00:18:10.950
their heads start rolling around like a bowling ball.
468
00:18:11.150 --> 00:18:12.509
And you're like, what are they doing?
469
00:18:13.099 --> 00:18:15.500
I hate someone that's got... I mean, hate.
470
00:18:15.559 --> 00:18:16.099
No, do you know what?
471
00:18:16.599 --> 00:18:17.000
Fuck it.
472
00:18:17.220 --> 00:18:17.619
I hate.
473
00:18:18.869 --> 00:18:21.759
people that have got like six seven year olds so
474
00:18:21.779 --> 00:18:24.559
they think there's still no babies and they've completely forgotten
475
00:18:24.579 --> 00:18:26.779
everything and they pick up yeah pick up your kid
476
00:18:26.819 --> 00:18:31.079
like it's an ikea shopping bag and they just think
477
00:18:31.200 --> 00:18:33.589
they know i'm like you're six at least if they're
478
00:18:33.609 --> 00:18:35.650
like if your kid's like 10 11 they're like oh
479
00:18:35.670 --> 00:18:38.130
i've not done this for a while and they take
480
00:18:38.170 --> 00:18:41.529
some advice the owner of a five-year-old throws your kid
481
00:18:41.589 --> 00:18:43.549
about like like a bowling ball.
482
00:18:45.359 --> 00:18:46.700
Have you had many visitors, Ian?
483
00:18:46.859 --> 00:18:49.759
We've had the old six people in the garden. It
484
00:18:49.779 --> 00:18:52.539
was nice. And one of the couples expecting them, one
485
00:18:52.559 --> 00:18:54.220
of the couples has got a two-year-old. It was this
486
00:18:54.240 --> 00:18:58.400
nice sort of like rites of passage moment. And all
487
00:18:58.440 --> 00:19:00.160
the dads had a little beer in the garden and
488
00:19:00.200 --> 00:19:02.619
discussed where they were at, which is really nice. And
489
00:19:02.660 --> 00:19:04.700
I've noticed that every parent says to me, because we're like, oh,
490
00:19:04.720 --> 00:19:06.440
it's all right, apart from the sleep, it's actually not
491
00:19:06.460 --> 00:19:10.680
too bad. It's really like, she's just, such a brilliant baby.
492
00:19:10.740 --> 00:19:12.329
And like, I mean, you think they're so beautiful and
493
00:19:12.369 --> 00:19:13.829
I have such a lovely time. You know, it's not
494
00:19:13.849 --> 00:19:15.369
as bad as I thought. And they're like, wait till this,
495
00:19:15.529 --> 00:19:17.230
everyone's like, wait till they start moving.
496
00:19:17.839 --> 00:19:18.380
Yeah, I know.
497
00:19:18.400 --> 00:19:21.440
But you've got, everyone is so pessimistic and it is
498
00:19:21.500 --> 00:19:24.839
a bit harder when they're running about. But, You can't
499
00:19:24.880 --> 00:19:27.420
live in fear like that. If they're good at the moment,
500
00:19:27.509 --> 00:19:31.490
just blank that out. Because you'll always find some miserable bastard.
501
00:19:31.750 --> 00:19:33.509
And then they'll be like, oh, I think they're all right.
502
00:19:33.529 --> 00:19:35.230
Or you wait till they start school. And then they
503
00:19:35.250 --> 00:19:37.490
start school and it's fine. Or wait till they're a teenager.
504
00:19:37.529 --> 00:19:39.809
Why don't you fuck off? I can't wait for you
505
00:19:40.029 --> 00:19:42.950
to shut your mouth, mate. You're not helping. My kid's fine.
506
00:19:43.190 --> 00:19:44.529
Give me a break.
507
00:19:44.549 --> 00:19:47.369
Well, you know what it is? No one ever wants
508
00:19:47.410 --> 00:19:49.029
to hear that someone else is having a good time
509
00:19:49.049 --> 00:19:49.529
with their children.
510
00:19:49.569 --> 00:19:49.940
Yeah, no.
511
00:19:50.119 --> 00:19:51.640
The problem. No one wants that.
512
00:19:51.660 --> 00:19:54.640
But I find, honestly, I find that we've been absolutely,
513
00:19:54.700 --> 00:19:57.000
I think we've been really lucky. They took to the
514
00:19:57.339 --> 00:19:59.779
boob really well and took to the bottle really well.
515
00:19:59.799 --> 00:20:02.200
And I think that's a big, those are the two
516
00:20:02.220 --> 00:20:05.470
of the big... big ones aren't they when they're small
517
00:20:06.109 --> 00:20:07.990
and then sleep none of them sleep.
518
00:20:07.910 --> 00:20:10.039
No that's the thing i think as well it depends
519
00:20:10.059 --> 00:20:12.279
how stressful like what else is going on at the
520
00:20:12.319 --> 00:20:14.119
time if you if it's you know I think you
521
00:20:14.140 --> 00:20:15.700
get in a role. If it's going quite well, it
522
00:20:15.740 --> 00:20:18.519
sort of carries on going well. But like out of
523
00:20:18.539 --> 00:20:20.380
your friendship group, are you one of the last ones
524
00:20:20.400 --> 00:20:21.869
to have kids or one of the first or about
525
00:20:21.880 --> 00:20:23.890
the middle? Because it's, you know, I think you get
526
00:20:23.910 --> 00:20:25.509
in a role. If it's going quite well, it sort
527
00:20:25.529 --> 00:20:28.349
of carries on going well. But like out of your
528
00:20:28.390 --> 00:20:30.130
friendship group, are you one of the last ones to
529
00:20:30.150 --> 00:20:31.849
have kids or one of the first or about the middle?
530
00:20:31.869 --> 00:20:33.210
Because it does change.
531
00:20:33.259 --> 00:20:35.559
Like I had groups of friends I just stopped seeing
532
00:20:35.920 --> 00:20:37.720
when they didn't have kids. And then now they started
533
00:20:37.740 --> 00:20:40.440
having kids. You see them more. But have you found
534
00:20:40.460 --> 00:20:41.779
that with your friendship groups and stuff?
535
00:20:42.319 --> 00:20:45.000
I find, and a lot of people I know agree,
536
00:20:45.599 --> 00:20:49.279
notice this, my friends from back home, I'm sort of
537
00:20:49.319 --> 00:20:50.240
the last one.
538
00:20:50.700 --> 00:20:51.920
They're all babied up.
539
00:20:53.039 --> 00:20:57.000
Two, three, you name it, little house outside, slow cooker chat,
540
00:20:57.180 --> 00:20:58.599
all that, the whole shebang, right?
541
00:20:58.880 --> 00:21:00.369
How old are you?
542
00:21:00.460 --> 00:21:03.920
I'm 33 years old. Which is like, you know, that's
543
00:21:03.940 --> 00:21:06.160
like 50 in Scotland, isn't it?
544
00:21:06.220 --> 00:21:07.160
I'm nearly done, mate.
545
00:21:07.180 --> 00:21:13.019
LAUGHTER People say things like this, iPhone's been in our
546
00:21:13.079 --> 00:21:18.119
family for five generations. And so Scotland, I'm quite far,
547
00:21:18.400 --> 00:21:20.839
not far behind, but I'm the back end of the curve.
548
00:21:20.960 --> 00:21:24.109
And then London, my mates, some of whom are older
549
00:21:24.150 --> 00:21:27.230
than me, look at me with my baby. like, I
550
00:21:27.470 --> 00:21:30.150
am an absolute maniac and you can't believe I've made
551
00:21:30.190 --> 00:21:31.970
this decision and why am I not waiting until I'm
552
00:21:31.970 --> 00:21:32.750
50 like everyone else?
553
00:21:32.769 --> 00:21:35.289
Yeah, but there'll be the 45-year-old on a skateboard in
554
00:21:35.309 --> 00:21:37.450
Finsbury Park with a two-year-old going, come on, mate.
555
00:21:37.470 --> 00:21:39.990
That's the one thing when you have a baby, I'm like,
556
00:21:40.029 --> 00:21:42.049
with the sleep and all that, I'm like, I don't
557
00:21:42.089 --> 00:21:44.769
think I'd be able to, like, I mean, again, now
558
00:21:44.809 --> 00:21:45.470
I'm being negative.
559
00:21:45.509 --> 00:21:46.339
You absolutely could.
560
00:21:46.380 --> 00:21:48.059
If you're an older dad here, of course you can.
561
00:21:48.119 --> 00:21:50.220
Maybe I just don't look after myself enough, but there
562
00:21:50.259 --> 00:21:52.640
is a thought of, like, doing night feeds when you're
563
00:21:52.660 --> 00:21:53.619
in your 40s or something.
564
00:21:53.640 --> 00:21:54.299
I'd be like, oh, I'd be.
565
00:21:54.970 --> 00:21:56.589
I don't know if I'd manage it.
566
00:21:56.630 --> 00:21:58.829
Yeah, like, get your back going as you get up.
567
00:21:58.910 --> 00:22:00.380
Like, oh, God, and all that.
568
00:22:00.450 --> 00:22:03.819
Trying to take your son to, like, five-a-size when you're, like,
569
00:22:04.099 --> 00:22:05.059
in your 60s.
570
00:22:05.380 --> 00:22:08.019
Yeah. I mean, I'm 35, and I make a noise
571
00:22:08.059 --> 00:22:09.859
putting socks on. It's certainly going to get worse.
572
00:22:09.880 --> 00:22:11.549
Yeah, but, Rob, let's be honest. You make a noise
573
00:22:11.569 --> 00:22:18.450
doing anything, don't you? So, Denmark, population about 5 million.
574
00:22:18.730 --> 00:22:21.450
I checked. I didn't know that. I've watched a documentary
575
00:22:21.490 --> 00:22:21.990
on Lego.
576
00:22:22.930 --> 00:22:23.670
Of course I have.
577
00:22:23.750 --> 00:22:27.230
I'm sure Rob has watched it as well. And they're
578
00:22:27.269 --> 00:22:30.410
based in like a small town that's just basically people
579
00:22:30.430 --> 00:22:32.349
who work at Lego, aren't they? Yeah, that's right.
580
00:22:32.869 --> 00:22:35.319
I live in the middle of nowhere. No, I'm not
581
00:22:35.380 --> 00:22:37.759
in the jazzy Copenhagen bit. It is the middle of
582
00:22:37.819 --> 00:22:42.200
nowhere in a place called rural Uland. And yes, there's
583
00:22:42.500 --> 00:22:45.380
not that much going on. I mean, we're very excited.
584
00:22:45.400 --> 00:22:48.279
Like post-COVID, the big four are open again and the
585
00:22:48.319 --> 00:22:52.170
big four are Legoland, Lego house, this place called Wow
586
00:22:52.210 --> 00:22:55.430
Park and the zoo. I mean, there's very little to do.
587
00:22:56.130 --> 00:22:58.920
Wow Park sounds amazing. I mean, you're really setting your
588
00:22:58.940 --> 00:23:00.549
stall out if it's just a Ferris wheel, isn't it?
589
00:23:00.819 --> 00:23:04.410
I know, the arrogance. Wow, that's not very Danish, is it?
590
00:23:04.500 --> 00:23:05.079
Wow Park.
591
00:23:05.099 --> 00:23:05.460
It's true.
592
00:23:05.920 --> 00:23:07.359
And how old are your children now? Sorry, we didn't
593
00:23:07.380 --> 00:23:08.240
get their ages.
594
00:23:08.309 --> 00:23:12.049
Yeah, so I have a little ginger child who no
595
00:23:12.089 --> 00:23:13.430
one knows where the ginger hair came from, but he
596
00:23:13.490 --> 00:23:15.930
is seven now and my twins are just turned four.
597
00:23:16.450 --> 00:23:17.569
So we are busy.
598
00:23:17.849 --> 00:23:21.309
Oh, blimey. That is a busy house. It's fairly recently
599
00:23:21.329 --> 00:23:24.450
then you wrote the book. And you've had about four since.
600
00:23:24.509 --> 00:23:27.170
You're banging out books at the rate of children at
601
00:23:27.190 --> 00:23:27.589
the moment.
602
00:23:27.890 --> 00:23:29.670
Well, there was a stage where I was just writing
603
00:23:29.690 --> 00:23:30.940
a book every time I had a baby. And then
604
00:23:30.960 --> 00:23:33.059
I thought, well, I don't want another baby. Like, how
605
00:23:33.079 --> 00:23:35.240
am I going to do this? But yes, I think, well,
606
00:23:35.640 --> 00:23:37.599
because I have to be freelance here because my Danish
607
00:23:37.640 --> 00:23:41.559
is still terrible. And working as a journalist, I was
608
00:23:41.599 --> 00:23:44.720
a Scandinavia correspondent for The Guardian for a while. But actually,
609
00:23:44.940 --> 00:23:48.509
it's quite hard to react to news stories. I'd be asked, like,
610
00:23:48.529 --> 00:23:50.789
can I go and cover a bomb going off in Sweden?
611
00:23:50.890 --> 00:23:52.430
And I'd be like, no, I've got a shepherd's pie
612
00:23:52.470 --> 00:23:52.849
in the oven.
613
00:23:52.869 --> 00:23:55.349
It's very hard to do that once you have a kid.
614
00:23:55.750 --> 00:23:59.579
Books work quite well for that. So you moved over there.
615
00:23:59.619 --> 00:24:03.579
Your Danish is now not brilliant, you say. But presumably
616
00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:05.980
you had no Danish when you moved over there, right?
617
00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:06.640
Would that be fair?
618
00:24:07.000 --> 00:24:09.400
No, no Danish, no friends, no family. I mean, it
619
00:24:09.420 --> 00:24:11.440
was quite a shocker.
620
00:24:11.549 --> 00:24:12.210
What's that like?
621
00:24:12.589 --> 00:24:18.549
Well, I don't often sort of take big risks with bravado,
622
00:24:18.829 --> 00:24:21.390
but I somehow agreed to move here. And then my
623
00:24:21.430 --> 00:24:23.869
husband left to go to work at 7.30am because the
624
00:24:23.930 --> 00:24:26.390
working day starts at eight here and ends early as well.
625
00:24:26.859 --> 00:24:28.319
And I was just sort of in this bleak in
626
00:24:28.339 --> 00:24:30.420
the middle of nowhere in January. And it was very
627
00:24:30.460 --> 00:24:32.599
much like the killing, just forests all around.
628
00:24:32.619 --> 00:24:35.420
I thought, what have I done? Yeah.
629
00:24:36.000 --> 00:24:38.900
So I think work was a real salvation there of
630
00:24:39.089 --> 00:24:41.109
just keeping busy and that helped me meet people as
631
00:24:41.150 --> 00:24:42.849
well and like build up friends around here so of
632
00:24:42.869 --> 00:24:43.630
course and.
633
00:24:43.589 --> 00:24:46.670
Do you genuinely believe though that a slightly more relaxed
634
00:24:46.849 --> 00:24:48.769
way of life helped you get pregnant or do you
635
00:24:48.789 --> 00:24:50.829
think it was more or more luck or do you
636
00:24:50.849 --> 00:24:52.730
think it had had an impact.
637
00:24:52.490 --> 00:24:55.049
Yeah I definitely think it had an impact because there
638
00:24:55.089 --> 00:24:57.329
was I'd been doing all of the things in London
639
00:24:57.349 --> 00:25:00.200
I'd been you know going to St Mary's Hospital and
640
00:25:00.240 --> 00:25:03.599
going to Tooting every week. Three times a week, I
641
00:25:03.619 --> 00:25:05.769
was having all these appointments whilst trying to fit it
642
00:25:05.809 --> 00:25:07.789
in and around my really high-powered job.
643
00:25:07.910 --> 00:25:08.789
Was that IVF?
644
00:25:08.869 --> 00:25:09.890
Yeah, yeah.
645
00:25:10.230 --> 00:25:14.210
And then here, it was just a different pace of life. However, interestingly,
646
00:25:14.799 --> 00:25:17.920
for having the twins, it's very hard to relax... enough
647
00:25:17.960 --> 00:25:20.220
to get pregnant when you already have a toddler so
648
00:25:20.259 --> 00:25:27.019
that was IVF.
649
00:25:23.980 --> 00:25:26.019
So the first one wasn't IVF but the twins were
650
00:25:26.079 --> 00:25:27.279
IVF yeah.
651
00:25:27.049 --> 00:25:29.789
When you got there did you what were the main
652
00:25:30.029 --> 00:25:32.410
lifestyle changes because we talk about this more relaxed way
653
00:25:32.450 --> 00:25:35.349
of life but that's kind of quite a nebulous idea
654
00:25:35.369 --> 00:25:38.029
because all I know currently is that you go to
655
00:25:38.069 --> 00:25:40.309
work at 8am which to me sounds much much.
656
00:25:40.089 --> 00:25:43.420
Worse yes this is true but you finish at four
657
00:25:43.720 --> 00:25:47.279
and actually um the average day electrician yeah The average
658
00:25:47.299 --> 00:25:50.359
Dane does 33 hours a week, which is, you know,
659
00:25:50.599 --> 00:25:53.160
so much less than I was used to doing in London.
660
00:25:53.579 --> 00:25:56.559
And they're quite, there's this more of a mentality of
661
00:25:57.480 --> 00:26:00.250
you're trusted to do your job and then leave. There's
662
00:26:00.289 --> 00:26:03.569
no presenteeism. And, you know, back in many jobs in London,
663
00:26:04.069 --> 00:26:05.650
you know, you're pat on the back if you're still
664
00:26:05.670 --> 00:26:07.579
at your desk at 7pm. And that's not the case here.
665
00:26:07.619 --> 00:26:09.480
Somebody did it in Lego and they got a lecture
666
00:26:09.519 --> 00:26:11.700
on time management and a leaflet about efficiencies.
667
00:26:12.359 --> 00:26:13.079
Oh, wow.
668
00:26:13.279 --> 00:26:16.099
They love a leaflet. Absolutely love a leaflet. Last stage
669
00:26:16.140 --> 00:26:16.940
of the working day.
670
00:26:17.569 --> 00:26:17.880
Leave.
671
00:26:18.420 --> 00:26:18.660
Yeah.
672
00:26:18.950 --> 00:26:20.710
So there's much more of an emphasis on, you know,
673
00:26:20.750 --> 00:26:22.609
you have to leave at four o'clock because everybody works.
674
00:26:22.710 --> 00:26:24.589
Eighty percent of mothers work. You have to pick your
675
00:26:24.630 --> 00:26:27.589
kids up from daycare. And, you know, the men and
676
00:26:27.650 --> 00:26:30.529
the women tend to be involved in the pickup, in
677
00:26:30.589 --> 00:26:33.430
making a home cooked meal. Food is very expensive. Eating
678
00:26:33.470 --> 00:26:36.230
out is really expensive. So even before Corona, most people
679
00:26:36.269 --> 00:26:38.150
are getting home to cook a family meal each night.
680
00:26:38.589 --> 00:26:41.710
So there's just more of an emphasis on doing your work,
681
00:26:41.849 --> 00:26:44.349
getting home, having a life, doing lots of hobbies as well.
682
00:26:44.390 --> 00:26:45.490
That's big in Denmark.
683
00:26:45.779 --> 00:26:46.210
Oh, wow.
684
00:26:46.299 --> 00:26:48.599
And how was it different? Obviously, when you didn't have
685
00:26:48.660 --> 00:26:50.119
kids and you were there, you were sort of alone.
686
00:26:50.160 --> 00:26:52.779
And I find having kids makes you sort of get
687
00:26:52.839 --> 00:26:55.559
into the local community more, where, you know, when you're
688
00:26:55.640 --> 00:26:57.680
busy doing your own thing, you don't really notice. But
689
00:26:57.700 --> 00:26:59.480
when you've got to find a place for them to
690
00:26:59.500 --> 00:27:01.480
learn to swim or to find a nursery and stuff,
691
00:27:01.500 --> 00:27:04.289
how was it having a baby in that environment? Was
692
00:27:04.309 --> 00:27:06.410
it different to how you saw your friends and families
693
00:27:06.430 --> 00:27:07.309
with kids in the UK?
694
00:27:07.390 --> 00:27:07.490
Yeah.
695
00:27:07.769 --> 00:27:10.190
Yeah, yeah, for sure it is. And there's not really
696
00:27:10.359 --> 00:27:14.019
NCT type stuff. So I didn't have that ready-made friendship
697
00:27:14.059 --> 00:27:17.599
group for new parents. So I did have to go
698
00:27:17.660 --> 00:27:18.160
out there.
699
00:27:18.200 --> 00:27:20.140
I'm going to shock you here, Helen. It's not a
700
00:27:20.180 --> 00:27:22.900
friendship group. It's people that you are forced to be
701
00:27:22.920 --> 00:27:25.480
in a WhatsApp group with until you all decide you
702
00:27:25.500 --> 00:27:29.319
don't like each other and never message again. So don't
703
00:27:29.380 --> 00:27:31.880
be sold this friendship group, darling.
704
00:27:31.900 --> 00:27:34.180
There's a reason Danes are more happy and they haven't
705
00:27:34.220 --> 00:27:35.349
got NCT. That's the reason.
706
00:27:35.829 --> 00:27:36.289
Yeah, so.
707
00:27:36.700 --> 00:27:37.789
So there's a lot of that and there's a lot
708
00:27:37.809 --> 00:27:40.869
of sitting around in cafes and, yeah, it's quite civilised.
709
00:27:41.049 --> 00:27:43.049
What I did find, though, is having twins, and maybe
710
00:27:43.069 --> 00:27:44.809
you've had guests on before who had a similar experience,
711
00:27:44.829 --> 00:27:48.150
that you can't actually get to many of the child-related
712
00:27:48.190 --> 00:27:51.170
activities because you can't get a double stroller anywhere. So
713
00:27:51.490 --> 00:27:53.380
I made some friends while I had one child, but
714
00:27:53.400 --> 00:27:55.119
when you have twins, it was impossible.
715
00:27:55.339 --> 00:27:57.539
Oh, just because the space. I know, I think you
716
00:27:57.579 --> 00:27:59.420
can physically buy one, can't you? Or is it just
717
00:27:59.440 --> 00:28:00.019
not the space?
718
00:28:00.039 --> 00:28:02.839
Well, so I measured up. So the Danish pastries, that's
719
00:28:02.859 --> 00:28:05.920
another reason they're happier. The Danish pastries are amazing. And
720
00:28:06.079 --> 00:28:07.440
I measured up the doorway.
721
00:28:08.019 --> 00:28:09.460
I don't know if I believe you now.
722
00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:10.380
What?
723
00:28:12.220 --> 00:28:14.799
The Danish pastry sounds like you've never moved to Denmark
724
00:28:14.819 --> 00:28:15.680
and you're now winging it.
725
00:28:16.059 --> 00:28:19.049
They must have actual names, the Danish pastries in Denmark,
726
00:28:19.089 --> 00:28:19.420
don't they?
727
00:28:19.460 --> 00:28:20.990
They're called Wienerbrot.
728
00:28:21.150 --> 00:28:21.630
There we go.
729
00:28:21.670 --> 00:28:22.369
Now we're talking.
730
00:28:22.410 --> 00:28:23.069
Give me more of these.
731
00:28:23.390 --> 00:28:24.109
Wienerbrot.
732
00:28:24.130 --> 00:28:29.210
Wienerbrot, Viennese bread. And there's the frog snapper. There's one
733
00:28:29.230 --> 00:28:31.690
called Baker's Bad Eye because it's got this creamy custard
734
00:28:31.750 --> 00:28:32.490
goo in the middle.
735
00:28:32.990 --> 00:28:34.240
Baker's Bad Eye?
736
00:28:34.250 --> 00:28:34.430
Yeah.
737
00:28:36.269 --> 00:28:39.849
It sounds like something horrific in Portland. Sorry to bring
738
00:28:39.890 --> 00:28:43.809
the tone down, everyone. So the double stroller, you measured it.
739
00:28:43.809 --> 00:28:44.509
There was no space.
740
00:28:44.769 --> 00:28:47.450
I measured the doorway to my favourite bakery before I
741
00:28:47.490 --> 00:28:49.529
bought the stroller to check it could still fit in.
742
00:28:49.549 --> 00:28:53.470
That is commitment to pastry.
743
00:28:53.779 --> 00:28:54.480
Yeah, I was a winner.
744
00:28:55.359 --> 00:28:57.059
But I found that lots of the baby activities, I
745
00:28:57.099 --> 00:28:59.619
just couldn't manoeuvre it in or I couldn't carry the
746
00:28:59.660 --> 00:29:03.140
babies upstairs both at the same time. So it's a shocker.
747
00:29:03.180 --> 00:29:04.599
So they would have been You would have had a
748
00:29:04.599 --> 00:29:06.720
three-year-old and then the twins. Would that be right?
749
00:29:06.740 --> 00:29:06.920
Yeah.
750
00:29:07.259 --> 00:29:10.549
A very angry, red-headed three-year-old annoyed at having to share
751
00:29:10.569 --> 00:29:11.549
with two babies.
752
00:29:16.269 --> 00:29:18.470
My son's like a little gamer, so yeah.
753
00:29:18.750 --> 00:29:19.109
Oh, is he?
754
00:29:19.130 --> 00:29:20.430
He's into gaming already?
755
00:29:20.710 --> 00:29:23.609
Yeah, yeah. He's into gaming hard, real hard.
756
00:29:23.789 --> 00:29:24.589
So what's he playing?
757
00:29:25.369 --> 00:29:28.009
At the moment, I bought him a Switch, a Nintendo Switch.
758
00:29:28.049 --> 00:29:31.420
So he plays like your Mario World, your Mario Karts.
759
00:29:31.779 --> 00:29:33.380
So is he good? Can you be good at it
760
00:29:33.400 --> 00:29:33.920
at that age?
761
00:29:34.589 --> 00:29:34.829
No.
762
00:29:34.849 --> 00:29:37.049
I mean, I beat him a lot and he cries.
763
00:29:37.069 --> 00:29:41.980
LAUGHTER i do it on purpose because like when he
764
00:29:42.019 --> 00:29:44.039
gets on my nerves i'm just like oh yeah should
765
00:29:44.059 --> 00:29:46.640
we play mario kart and he's like yeah and then
766
00:29:46.680 --> 00:29:49.700
i thrash him like and the funniest thing is he
767
00:29:49.880 --> 00:29:54.569
watches me like totally thrash him every single level and
768
00:29:54.630 --> 00:29:57.769
he'll wait until the uh the trophies presented to me
769
00:29:58.190 --> 00:29:59.490
and then he'll just start crying.
770
00:30:00.230 --> 00:30:04.009
Really because i did that try to play the um
771
00:30:04.049 --> 00:30:07.309
they've got the olympics game you know the mario sonic
772
00:30:07.329 --> 00:30:09.549
olympics with a run-in and then like i let my
773
00:30:09.589 --> 00:30:11.029
daughter win a couple and then i beat her and
774
00:30:11.049 --> 00:30:14.130
then she just went mental the age they cannot deal
775
00:30:14.150 --> 00:30:17.009
with losing and it's like it's just a scream and
776
00:30:17.069 --> 00:30:18.730
cry and they have to win every time you just
777
00:30:18.750 --> 00:30:19.869
think oh my god is my kid gonna be an
778
00:30:19.930 --> 00:30:22.430
awful person or is this just part of growing up.
779
00:30:23.369 --> 00:30:25.230
That is my son honest to god i'll do the
780
00:30:25.259 --> 00:30:27.660
same thing with him but yeah he just wants to
781
00:30:27.680 --> 00:30:30.740
be better at me than anything like he's always like
782
00:30:30.779 --> 00:30:32.859
trying to say like i'm stronger than you daddy like
783
00:30:32.900 --> 00:30:35.079
and trying to fight me and it's just like dude
784
00:30:35.119 --> 00:30:39.160
like i will body slam you like you know exactly.
785
00:30:38.700 --> 00:30:40.910
How They'll say like, you know, I don't know how
786
00:30:40.950 --> 00:30:42.470
big he is, but you're a pretty big guy. You're
787
00:30:42.490 --> 00:30:44.230
not a small guy. I think you could take a five-year-old,
788
00:30:44.250 --> 00:30:44.630
couldn't you?
789
00:30:44.990 --> 00:30:45.410
Yeah, I could.
790
00:30:45.569 --> 00:30:48.740
Oh, listen, my son, especially when he gets on my nerves,
791
00:30:48.819 --> 00:30:50.619
like I told you, man, I'll body slam him.
792
00:30:50.779 --> 00:30:51.960
Sort of play fighting and stuff.
793
00:30:51.980 --> 00:30:52.299
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
794
00:30:52.319 --> 00:30:53.220
He's quite rough and tumble, is he?
795
00:30:53.480 --> 00:30:56.089
Yeah, yeah, he loves it, man. He like always just
796
00:30:56.160 --> 00:30:58.769
trying to like punch me up and stamp on me.
797
00:30:58.789 --> 00:30:59.049
Really?
798
00:30:59.329 --> 00:31:02.990
See, my five-year-old is like that, but with knowledge. She's like,
799
00:31:03.150 --> 00:31:05.559
I know this because of school. I know more than you.
800
00:31:05.710 --> 00:31:07.640
She's obsessed with knowing more than me because she's learned
801
00:31:07.660 --> 00:31:09.099
a bit at school now. I said there was a
802
00:31:09.299 --> 00:31:12.160
refraction of the light. And she went, it's actually reflection.
803
00:31:12.279 --> 00:31:14.940
And then she kept banging on at me about what
804
00:31:14.960 --> 00:31:17.130
a reflection is. And I just felt like saying, you're
805
00:31:17.170 --> 00:31:17.910
fucking wrong.
806
00:31:18.289 --> 00:31:19.230
It's so wrong.
807
00:31:20.410 --> 00:31:23.349
It sounds similar, but you're fucking wrong. I know because
808
00:31:23.369 --> 00:31:25.450
I go to school and I know.
809
00:31:25.549 --> 00:31:26.140
Shut up.
810
00:31:26.309 --> 00:31:28.579
But they love it, don't they? Even at fire. Is
811
00:31:28.599 --> 00:31:29.880
he in his first year of school then?
812
00:31:30.339 --> 00:31:33.819
Yeah, he's going to go into year one this September.
813
00:31:33.859 --> 00:31:38.640
So he's just finished reception. And yeah, he's happy because
814
00:31:38.740 --> 00:31:41.180
in his mind, I'm going to be a big boy now, dad.
815
00:31:41.240 --> 00:31:41.759
And it's just like.
816
00:31:42.730 --> 00:31:47.180
Yeah, kind of. But you still struggle with wiping your bum.
817
00:31:47.200 --> 00:31:48.240
So I don't know about.
818
00:31:48.380 --> 00:31:50.660
This big boy. You know what I mean? This big
819
00:31:50.720 --> 00:31:52.380
boy stuff. You know what I mean? So, yeah.
820
00:31:53.140 --> 00:31:55.740
And you were in North London and you've moved to Hertfordshire.
821
00:31:55.779 --> 00:31:56.420
Is that right?
822
00:31:56.559 --> 00:31:57.140
Yeah.
823
00:31:57.220 --> 00:31:59.609
Was that because of the kids and stuff or was it?
824
00:31:59.730 --> 00:32:02.849
Yeah, it was. It was. We were living. It's so weird.
825
00:32:02.869 --> 00:32:07.089
So, yeah, when I moved from my mum's house in Highgate,
826
00:32:07.329 --> 00:32:10.150
once I got married, We moved to Enfield and then
827
00:32:10.480 --> 00:32:12.240
we spent like maybe like a year and a half
828
00:32:12.279 --> 00:32:14.619
there and then, you know, was fortunate enough to save
829
00:32:14.680 --> 00:32:15.269
up enough money.
830
00:32:15.730 --> 00:32:16.730
Came to Hertfordshire.
831
00:32:16.930 --> 00:32:19.650
So you're in the countryside? I am.
832
00:32:19.930 --> 00:32:20.470
I am, man.
833
00:32:20.509 --> 00:32:23.509
I'm there like, you know, there's a whole bunch of
834
00:32:23.609 --> 00:32:25.359
trees outside my yard.
835
00:32:26.190 --> 00:32:30.220
I didn't know you had the lingo. He's a city boy,
836
00:32:30.259 --> 00:32:31.500
but he knows all the terms.
837
00:32:31.539 --> 00:32:33.759
But I've turned into a country bumpkin.
838
00:32:33.339 --> 00:32:35.940
All of a sudden.
839
00:32:35.980 --> 00:32:36.759
Trees and that.
840
00:32:36.980 --> 00:32:39.059
Yeah, trees and that and a couple of horses and
841
00:32:39.099 --> 00:32:45.940
that and sheep and that. So, yeah, man, it's different, man.
842
00:32:46.079 --> 00:32:46.880
It's different up here.
843
00:32:47.119 --> 00:32:49.119
How did you find it when he was little, when
844
00:32:49.140 --> 00:32:51.309
he was a newborn and stuff like that? Did he
845
00:32:51.329 --> 00:32:52.789
sleep well or was he a bit of a nightmare?
846
00:32:53.349 --> 00:32:56.470
No, he slept well. He slept well. Oh, mate. He
847
00:32:56.490 --> 00:32:58.009
was good. He was good.
848
00:32:58.049 --> 00:33:01.089
Josh is dealing with a very badly sleeping child at
849
00:33:01.130 --> 00:33:01.470
the moment.
850
00:33:01.549 --> 00:33:03.170
That's a heartbreaking answer.
851
00:33:03.390 --> 00:33:05.410
Sorry, bro.
852
00:33:05.589 --> 00:33:07.819
The answer is you just get a good sleeper or
853
00:33:07.859 --> 00:33:09.799
you don't and then that's just your end. You're just
854
00:33:09.839 --> 00:33:10.799
lucky you're not. Yeah.
855
00:33:11.000 --> 00:33:12.940
That's the hand i've been dealt for the next 18 years.
856
00:33:14.259 --> 00:33:16.759
One of my mates kane brown um he's a comic
857
00:33:16.779 --> 00:33:19.440
as well he just told me kiss good kiss sleep
858
00:33:19.480 --> 00:33:21.259
goodbye that's all he said to me it was just
859
00:33:21.319 --> 00:33:23.740
like forget about sleep like you will never get a
860
00:33:23.779 --> 00:33:27.400
good night's sleep forever and i was just like damn well.
861
00:33:27.299 --> 00:33:29.220
It's true it is true because then when they get
862
00:33:29.339 --> 00:33:31.599
older you don't sleep because you're worrying about them because
863
00:33:31.619 --> 00:33:33.089
they're not in the house oh.
864
00:33:33.069 --> 00:33:34.329
I take that rob.
865
00:33:36.430 --> 00:33:37.809
I'd happily i'd happily.
866
00:33:37.529 --> 00:33:38.890
Lie there worrying.
867
00:33:40.369 --> 00:33:40.910
I don't know.
868
00:33:40.970 --> 00:33:41.390
You know what?
869
00:33:41.410 --> 00:33:42.829
At least I can look at my phone while I
870
00:33:42.849 --> 00:33:44.650
do it, mate. At least you can watch a film
871
00:33:44.670 --> 00:33:46.799
while you're worrying. Yeah, at least I'm not getting back
872
00:33:46.859 --> 00:33:49.359
problems from walking him around the bloody room all the time.
873
00:33:49.900 --> 00:33:52.160
Well, my wife kind of dealt with that side of things,
874
00:33:52.319 --> 00:33:57.539
to be honest. I did sleep through the crying sometimes
875
00:33:57.579 --> 00:33:59.680
when he would wake up because he wasn't that bad.
876
00:34:00.230 --> 00:34:00.930
He wasn't that bad.
877
00:34:01.009 --> 00:34:03.930
Obviously, the odd time here and there was just like, yeah,
878
00:34:03.950 --> 00:34:06.829
this child ain't going to sleep. But my son has
879
00:34:06.849 --> 00:34:11.760
this annoying habit, yeah? he likes to touch my armpit.
880
00:34:12.039 --> 00:34:14.159
I don't know why. And I don't know where this
881
00:34:14.199 --> 00:34:15.429
comes from. And this is true.
882
00:34:16.150 --> 00:34:19.949
So what he will do sometimes is more, if he's
883
00:34:19.989 --> 00:34:21.969
not just jumping in the bed and just getting in
884
00:34:21.989 --> 00:34:24.849
between me and my wife, sometimes I'll wake up to
885
00:34:24.909 --> 00:34:27.079
him scratching my armpits.
886
00:34:27.860 --> 00:34:30.440
It's the most random thing.
887
00:34:30.460 --> 00:34:31.639
Oh my God.
888
00:34:31.679 --> 00:34:34.659
That's so weird. No, honest to God, this is so weird.
889
00:34:34.739 --> 00:34:36.469
And I'm like, me and my wife, we Googled it.
890
00:34:36.480 --> 00:34:38.610
We were just like, what is this obsession with him
891
00:34:39.190 --> 00:34:40.269
Holding people's armpits.
892
00:34:40.530 --> 00:34:43.230
Can I ask what you Googled? What exact terminology are
893
00:34:43.269 --> 00:34:44.030
you Googling?
894
00:34:44.329 --> 00:34:46.860
I put child's obsession with armpits.
895
00:34:47.820 --> 00:34:54.219
LAUGHTER oh my god what a search i bet you
896
00:34:54.239 --> 00:34:56.820
were so worried waiting for it to load.
897
00:34:56.400 --> 00:35:00.619
Up and apparently it's it's a rare thing it's not
898
00:35:00.800 --> 00:35:01.780
uncommon but it's.
899
00:35:01.719 --> 00:35:04.199
No shit and i'm just like why would it.
900
00:35:04.139 --> 00:35:06.719
Be my son that has to be the rare one
901
00:35:07.139 --> 00:35:10.710
but yeah apparently yeah a few children do this.
902
00:35:10.789 --> 00:35:12.909
And would that would he hold a stranger's armpit.
903
00:35:12.849 --> 00:35:15.449
It depends how comfortable he gets like he did it
904
00:35:15.469 --> 00:35:18.510
to my mate nelson And he just did it so,
905
00:35:18.789 --> 00:35:21.090
he did it so smoothly to the point where my
906
00:35:21.130 --> 00:35:23.170
mate turned around and was just like, oh snap, like,
907
00:35:24.070 --> 00:35:27.869
like he said, it did not happen.
908
00:35:28.780 --> 00:35:31.099
And I couldn't, listen, I was on the floor.
909
00:35:33.320 --> 00:35:36.639
Sam Quek, welcome to the podcast. You are our first
910
00:35:36.980 --> 00:35:37.940
Olympic gold medalist.
911
00:35:37.980 --> 00:35:38.500
Oh, I'm honoured.
912
00:35:38.559 --> 00:35:38.940
Thank you.
913
00:35:38.960 --> 00:35:43.530
That is exciting though. That is such a big achievement that,
914
00:35:44.110 --> 00:35:46.309
Do you get bored of it being brought up or
915
00:35:46.349 --> 00:35:47.869
does it still feel good when you hear it? No,
916
00:35:47.929 --> 00:35:48.449
it still feels good.
917
00:35:48.829 --> 00:35:50.650
Even when I get on my medal, sometimes it still
918
00:35:50.670 --> 00:35:53.449
feels good. Any opportunity, I'm like, oh, here's my medal.
919
00:35:53.969 --> 00:35:55.969
Have you put your medal on your baby?
920
00:35:56.809 --> 00:35:58.550
I actually haven't put it on her. I put it
921
00:35:58.610 --> 00:35:59.179
next to her.
922
00:35:59.550 --> 00:36:00.900
I took a photo with it because she had like
923
00:36:00.940 --> 00:36:03.519
her own little personal portrait photo shoot a few weeks ago.
924
00:36:04.119 --> 00:36:06.159
So she actually.
925
00:36:06.280 --> 00:36:09.099
The gold medals are getting bigger and bigger, but bless Molly,
926
00:36:09.179 --> 00:36:11.960
she makes it look even bigger because she's so small.
927
00:36:13.269 --> 00:36:15.710
So what's the setup at home? You've got one child?
928
00:36:15.789 --> 00:36:19.530
Yes, one child who is eight weeks this week.
929
00:36:20.130 --> 00:36:20.889
So proper fresh.
930
00:36:21.260 --> 00:36:24.239
How are you feeling? Because I think at eight weeks old,
931
00:36:24.639 --> 00:36:26.920
I wouldn't have been able to speak to someone about
932
00:36:26.980 --> 00:36:29.820
having it so in the trenches. But how's it going?
933
00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:30.900
It's going really well.
934
00:36:31.019 --> 00:36:35.079
I'm blessed to have Tom, who's brilliant. I mean, I'm
935
00:36:35.139 --> 00:36:37.599
not great at the best of times without sleep, but
936
00:36:37.699 --> 00:36:39.519
he is really stepping up to do some of the
937
00:36:39.559 --> 00:36:43.409
night feeds. So I'm actually feeling okay. The first two
938
00:36:43.429 --> 00:36:45.489
weeks are really tough. I think you've just got to, well, like,
939
00:36:45.510 --> 00:36:48.110
you know, figure out the baby and what their cues are,
940
00:36:48.159 --> 00:36:49.719
what they like, what they don't like, what works, what
941
00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:51.880
doesn't work. So I can sit here at eight weeks
942
00:36:51.940 --> 00:36:54.880
and say, listen, it's not easy. No, I don't think
943
00:36:54.920 --> 00:36:57.159
it's easy for anyone, but I can't complain because she
944
00:36:57.199 --> 00:36:59.199
is a star and I've got a good support system.
945
00:36:59.440 --> 00:37:02.090
What I like is you do slightly talk– you still
946
00:37:02.190 --> 00:37:06.530
talk slightly like you're discussing– a run of sporting fixtures.
947
00:37:06.590 --> 00:37:08.130
Oh, this is bad to say that, Josh. That was
948
00:37:08.190 --> 00:37:12.340
a classic response from an athlete. It was emotionless, broken
949
00:37:12.389 --> 00:37:14.420
down into what is our goal? How are we going
950
00:37:14.440 --> 00:37:17.300
to attack it? And we're being successful. Let's just crack on.
951
00:37:17.320 --> 00:37:19.840
You know, it's a new week next week. The boys
952
00:37:19.860 --> 00:37:21.219
are happy in the changing room. We'll print out the
953
00:37:21.260 --> 00:37:26.699
next spreadsheet. Are you very organised then? You sound a
954
00:37:26.719 --> 00:37:27.929
very organised and controlled mum.
955
00:37:27.940 --> 00:37:30.000
Would you want to say, you know, we've had poo
956
00:37:30.019 --> 00:37:32.440
splats all over the white wardrobes a number of times.
957
00:37:33.030 --> 00:37:36.269
You know, puke filled clothes and whatnot. Just the standard.
958
00:37:36.309 --> 00:37:37.829
I think most parents will probably know what I'm.
959
00:37:37.769 --> 00:37:38.269
Going on about.
960
00:37:38.349 --> 00:37:41.170
But I didn't expect it to be what it is.
961
00:37:41.190 --> 00:37:42.289
I don't know why.
962
00:37:42.309 --> 00:37:44.070
I just, every so often I look at her and
963
00:37:44.090 --> 00:37:45.590
I'm like, oh my God, that's mine.
964
00:37:48.039 --> 00:37:50.960
Is it a responsibility or an excitement sort of way
965
00:37:51.019 --> 00:37:51.280
or both?
966
00:37:51.300 --> 00:37:51.639
Both.
967
00:37:51.980 --> 00:37:52.219
Both.
968
00:37:52.260 --> 00:37:54.400
Because I've always, especially as an athlete, you grow up
969
00:37:55.579 --> 00:37:58.119
and you have to be really selfish sometimes. Even to
970
00:37:58.139 --> 00:38:00.239
the point in a relationship, I was very much, it
971
00:38:00.260 --> 00:38:02.329
was always about me, what I couldn't go to, what
972
00:38:02.349 --> 00:38:04.869
dates were I available to, can I drink, can I
973
00:38:04.909 --> 00:38:08.030
not drink? And then like that was marriage and then
974
00:38:08.050 --> 00:38:09.730
just me and Tom. But now I've got a kid.
975
00:38:10.230 --> 00:38:12.710
It's like another level of, oh my God, you have
976
00:38:12.730 --> 00:38:15.429
to look after this thing who can't do anything for itself.
977
00:38:16.469 --> 00:38:18.780
And even just like, I mean, I'm expressing and I
978
00:38:18.820 --> 00:38:20.639
feel like a, you know, a cow that needs to
979
00:38:20.679 --> 00:38:22.880
be milked, but because she's getting bigger, she's wanting more milk.
980
00:38:23.559 --> 00:38:26.239
And I'm like, oh, my God, just even stuff like that,
981
00:38:26.519 --> 00:38:28.340
trying to provide milk for a child.
982
00:38:28.760 --> 00:38:31.679
Peep up demand. It's like a small brand that's popped
983
00:38:31.739 --> 00:38:34.769
off in lockdown on Insta. You haven't got the supply
984
00:38:34.829 --> 00:38:35.449
chain yet.
985
00:38:36.590 --> 00:38:37.949
Well, I said to my husband, I said, I'm just
986
00:38:37.989 --> 00:38:39.329
pumping milk. What are we going to do with all
987
00:38:39.349 --> 00:38:41.070
this milk? And he said, I can definitely get some
988
00:38:41.289 --> 00:38:44.800
away on eBay, definitely. An Olympic gold medalist.
989
00:38:48.719 --> 00:38:51.019
Gold medal milk, the fuel of champions.
990
00:38:52.000 --> 00:38:54.559
Very strange piece of sporting memorabilia.
991
00:38:54.840 --> 00:38:56.360
I think it would sell.
992
00:38:57.300 --> 00:38:59.199
You say that, but I've been asked for some really
993
00:38:59.260 --> 00:39:03.389
weird stuff before. Some people wanted my old shoes and socks.
994
00:39:03.550 --> 00:39:04.929
I don't know what they wanted them for.
995
00:39:04.949 --> 00:39:09.469
I think I do. What do you think?
996
00:39:10.289 --> 00:39:10.710
You know.
997
00:39:10.889 --> 00:39:12.869
Let's not be naive about this. This is some sick
998
00:39:12.909 --> 00:39:13.969
fucks knocking about, Sam.
999
00:39:14.329 --> 00:39:16.909
Another request as well. Someone wanted a recording of me,
1000
00:39:16.969 --> 00:39:18.550
of me farting through a walkie-talkie.
1001
00:39:19.019 --> 00:39:19.820
Oh, wow.
1002
00:39:19.900 --> 00:39:20.940
That's the best one I've had.
1003
00:39:21.079 --> 00:39:24.019
The walkie-talkie is perhaps the weirdest bit of that.
1004
00:39:24.099 --> 00:39:24.949
Well, it's not, actually.
1005
00:39:24.989 --> 00:39:27.969
It's not the weirdest bit of that. So you're eight
1006
00:39:28.010 --> 00:39:28.530
weeks in.
1007
00:39:28.889 --> 00:39:29.409
Do you feel.
1008
00:39:29.489 --> 00:39:34.039
do you feel like sleep deprived at all? Or are you,
1009
00:39:34.059 --> 00:39:37.179
you seem like you're pretty with it.
1010
00:39:37.480 --> 00:39:38.639
It's because I've had a coffee.
1011
00:39:39.519 --> 00:39:41.079
I mean, I used to be a coffee fiend and
1012
00:39:41.099 --> 00:39:43.400
then obviously cut it down or didn't really have any
1013
00:39:43.420 --> 00:39:45.780
during pregnancy. So now like when I have a whiff
1014
00:39:45.940 --> 00:39:47.659
of coffee, I am bouncing off the walls.
1015
00:39:48.219 --> 00:39:50.639
I bet, yeah. It's like when you don't drink for
1016
00:39:50.679 --> 00:39:52.599
a while and then you're hammered after one pint.
1017
00:39:53.019 --> 00:39:54.699
Yeah, I've still got that to come, actually.
1018
00:39:54.739 --> 00:39:57.630
I've still got my first drink slash binge drink to
1019
00:39:57.690 --> 00:39:58.969
come post-pregnancy.
1020
00:39:59.010 --> 00:40:02.670
Yeah, have you got anything booked in? Because as a comedian,
1021
00:40:02.849 --> 00:40:08.030
the first night out of a recent mum is normally
1022
00:40:08.130 --> 00:40:11.489
pretty hardcore. That is when people really let loose because
1023
00:40:11.510 --> 00:40:13.780
it's been over a year normally with the pregnancy and
1024
00:40:13.800 --> 00:40:15.760
then the baby being small. Have you got that night
1025
00:40:15.820 --> 00:40:16.260
out booked?
1026
00:40:17.239 --> 00:40:19.619
I've got my good friend's hen do down in London
1027
00:40:19.659 --> 00:40:21.519
actually on the 22nd of May. So that's the next,
1028
00:40:21.559 --> 00:40:22.539
that'll be a big event.
1029
00:40:23.079 --> 00:40:24.739
Is it the first time you have left your daughter?
1030
00:40:26.239 --> 00:40:26.889
Overnight, yeah.
1031
00:40:27.329 --> 00:40:27.570
Yeah.
1032
00:40:27.969 --> 00:40:28.469
How'd you feel?
1033
00:40:28.489 --> 00:40:32.389
A little bit nervous, but then I say that, but
1034
00:40:32.409 --> 00:40:34.030
knowing me, like as soon as I get a drink
1035
00:40:34.070 --> 00:40:36.610
in my hand and sunshine and I'll be like, woo!
1036
00:40:37.010 --> 00:40:37.719
Yeah.
1037
00:40:37.760 --> 00:40:37.840
Woo!
1038
00:40:41.409 --> 00:40:48.500
Charlie Baker. So comedian, singer, you do jazz, actor, radio host.
1039
00:40:48.519 --> 00:40:49.659
You've got it all. Yeah.
1040
00:40:49.960 --> 00:40:52.260
Very average and lukewarm at all of those.
1041
00:40:55.539 --> 00:40:56.360
People like that.
1042
00:40:56.559 --> 00:40:59.289
They like that. And it's just stay warm. Someone early
1043
00:40:59.309 --> 00:41:01.590
on in my career said, never be hot. Just stay warm.
1044
00:41:02.010 --> 00:41:04.860
Just stay warm.
1045
00:41:05.199 --> 00:41:08.639
Yeah, because being hot implies you will cool down.
1046
00:41:08.659 --> 00:41:10.110
You will cool down.
1047
00:41:10.550 --> 00:41:14.429
That's a great philosophy. It's a really good advice. I'd
1048
00:41:14.489 --> 00:41:17.929
say you've got funny bones, though, Charlie. You're a funny person.
1049
00:41:18.150 --> 00:41:18.349
Thanks.
1050
00:41:18.389 --> 00:41:21.230
Which sometimes you don't have. Some people manage to get
1051
00:41:21.269 --> 00:41:23.869
away without having that. But you're a very funny man.
1052
00:41:23.929 --> 00:41:25.989
And you've got two children, is that correct? I've got
1053
00:41:26.070 --> 00:41:28.690
two children, yes, with a nine-year gap in the middle.
1054
00:41:29.210 --> 00:41:29.750
Oh.
1055
00:41:29.949 --> 00:41:30.889
And how old are they now?
1056
00:41:31.489 --> 00:41:36.409
My son is 14, which is like living. He can
1057
00:41:36.449 --> 00:41:38.489
probably hear me, so I have to be– because I'm
1058
00:41:38.530 --> 00:41:40.440
not really allowed to talk to him or about him.
1059
00:41:41.900 --> 00:41:43.849
So that this is going out as well, Charlie. So
1060
00:41:43.869 --> 00:41:45.349
even if you do keep your voice down, there is
1061
00:41:45.369 --> 00:41:46.809
an opportunity for him to hear it.
1062
00:41:46.809 --> 00:41:51.809
Yeah, for the rest of all time. The internet's forever,
1063
00:41:51.849 --> 00:41:53.719
isn't it? Yeah, I know. It's like living at the
1064
00:41:53.739 --> 00:41:59.800
moment with the staff of a French restaurant in Paris, right?
1065
00:41:59.900 --> 00:42:11.050
LAUGHTER Have you ever been to Paris? Everyone's so amazingly
1066
00:42:11.139 --> 00:42:14.619
rude that you have to admire it. You have to
1067
00:42:14.820 --> 00:42:18.099
absolutely go, that is some unbelievable rudeness there. But you
1068
00:42:18.139 --> 00:42:20.239
also get like the maitre d' at the front who
1069
00:42:20.300 --> 00:42:24.519
is amazingly charming. So some days he'll come down and
1070
00:42:24.539 --> 00:42:26.579
it'll be like the maitre d' will be here. The
1071
00:42:26.619 --> 00:42:29.480
most charming person you've met in your life is an
1072
00:42:29.559 --> 00:42:32.840
absolute joy to have him in the house. Absolutely beautiful.
1073
00:42:33.119 --> 00:42:34.780
And then he'll ask for like 20 quid or something
1074
00:42:34.800 --> 00:42:37.090
and it'll be fine. But you know, you're like, And
1075
00:42:37.130 --> 00:42:40.389
then sometimes it's like having that rude waiter who doesn't
1076
00:42:40.429 --> 00:42:42.869
speak to you, just looks at you like you're an
1077
00:42:43.030 --> 00:42:45.150
absolute idiot, just does not want to speak to you
1078
00:42:45.289 --> 00:42:47.909
ever again. Don't embarrass me in front of my friends.
1079
00:42:48.190 --> 00:42:48.750
You know, all those things.
1080
00:42:48.769 --> 00:42:51.840
It's peak hating dad mode.
1081
00:42:52.030 --> 00:42:59.639
And then you get the like executive chef, full Gordon Ramsay.
1082
00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:05.059
You are a bastard. I hate you. Just absolutely. And
1083
00:43:05.099 --> 00:43:07.860
then at the end of it, just a beautiful, sometimes
1084
00:43:07.900 --> 00:43:10.670
a great big cuddle or, you know, I'm sorry, dad.
1085
00:43:10.730 --> 00:43:12.460
And we have a big cuddle and I love you. And,
1086
00:43:12.489 --> 00:43:14.670
you know, then we sit and watch the football, you know,
1087
00:43:14.690 --> 00:43:16.730
and then it's all lovely again and have cheese on toast.
1088
00:43:17.010 --> 00:43:18.809
all have cheese on toast, you know. But that's what
1089
00:43:18.849 --> 00:43:20.110
it's like living with a teenager.
1090
00:43:20.610 --> 00:43:22.550
Can I just say that the highlight of your relationship
1091
00:43:22.570 --> 00:43:27.110
with your son is you have cheese on toast sometimes.
1092
00:43:27.190 --> 00:43:29.630
But everyone warns you about teenagers, right? Everyone warns you
1093
00:43:29.650 --> 00:43:31.090
and you think, I can cope with that. I know
1094
00:43:31.130 --> 00:43:34.170
moody people. You know, I've been in the arts my
1095
00:43:34.210 --> 00:43:38.739
whole life. I've seen, you know, moody people. It's unbelievable
1096
00:43:38.760 --> 00:43:41.360
because you can't, first few times, you can't believe the
1097
00:43:41.400 --> 00:43:43.400
rudeness and you can't believe the speed of it. It's
1098
00:43:43.440 --> 00:43:45.900
like a sort of shark attack. I've never been attacked
1099
00:43:45.940 --> 00:43:48.739
by a shark. I imagine it's quite fast.
1100
00:43:51.260 --> 00:43:52.860
I can't help but feel that you'd be having cheese
1101
00:43:52.900 --> 00:43:54.929
on toast for the shark after this, Charlie.
1102
00:43:55.010 --> 00:43:55.469
Exactly.
1103
00:43:55.820 --> 00:43:56.889
Do you take it to heart?
1104
00:43:57.389 --> 00:44:00.190
I take it to heart if it's at my wife
1105
00:44:00.829 --> 00:44:04.489
or our five-year-old daughter. If it's at me, if it's
1106
00:44:04.570 --> 00:44:08.010
at me, I can sort of just take it and go, okay,
1107
00:44:08.050 --> 00:44:10.710
that's all right. That's all right. But if it's rude,
1108
00:44:10.809 --> 00:44:12.769
my one rule is don't be rude to mum, you know,
1109
00:44:12.889 --> 00:44:15.400
do not be rude to mum. And it's like, and
1110
00:44:15.420 --> 00:44:19.190
then I will suddenly go, you know, and I'm a pretty,
1111
00:44:19.630 --> 00:44:23.829
I would say I'm a 50-50 parent. 50%. You know,
1112
00:44:23.869 --> 00:44:24.369
do you know that?
1113
00:44:24.489 --> 00:44:26.030
You haven't got full custody.
1114
00:44:26.050 --> 00:44:29.489
Sorry to go to football again. Have you ever seen
1115
00:44:29.530 --> 00:44:32.389
that quote that sometimes may be good, sometimes may be shit?
1116
00:44:32.820 --> 00:44:33.909
You ever seen that? Who's that?
1117
00:44:33.989 --> 00:44:39.260
I don't know. It's an Italian footballer. It's Gattuso. It's Gattuso.
1118
00:44:39.380 --> 00:44:41.760
Yeah, yeah. He's a manager. And they ask him, what
1119
00:44:41.780 --> 00:44:43.539
do you think of his defense? And he goes, I
1120
00:44:43.559 --> 00:44:46.079
don't know. Sometimes may be good, sometimes may be shit.
1121
00:44:46.440 --> 00:44:50.599
And that is basically my parenting style. I will sometimes go, oh,
1122
00:44:51.059 --> 00:44:54.739
that was awful. That was a really bad bit of parenting.
1123
00:44:54.760 --> 00:44:56.699
And then my wife would give me like a little
1124
00:44:56.760 --> 00:44:59.559
tip of how to deal with something. And I'll do
1125
00:44:59.619 --> 00:45:02.159
that tip and I'll go, I am brilliant at this.
1126
00:45:02.969 --> 00:45:04.849
I am absolutely brilliant at this.
1127
00:45:05.070 --> 00:45:08.269
Have you got examples of when it's gone wrong and
1128
00:45:08.289 --> 00:45:09.210
then when you've nailed it?
1129
00:45:09.489 --> 00:45:13.489
Well, it's always, she's really good at just saying, pick
1130
00:45:13.570 --> 00:45:16.719
your battles. That is the key with a teenager. Pick
1131
00:45:16.739 --> 00:45:20.440
your battles and just don't try and be their friend.
1132
00:45:21.719 --> 00:45:23.949
it's just letting a lot of stuff go. You just
1133
00:45:24.010 --> 00:45:26.230
have to let a lot of stuff go, take the
1134
00:45:26.289 --> 00:45:29.289
frozen amendment and just let it go. Cause it's like,
1135
00:45:29.710 --> 00:45:33.429
you're not going to win because the argument is, is
1136
00:45:33.530 --> 00:45:38.329
not lucid. It's not, they don't mean it. It's pure emotion.
1137
00:45:38.610 --> 00:45:39.570
It's just pure emotion.
1138
00:45:39.590 --> 00:45:40.409
Hormones as well.
1139
00:45:40.690 --> 00:45:43.340
Oh yeah, yeah, exactly. And he's grown. He's nearly, he's
1140
00:45:43.380 --> 00:45:44.610
nearly taller than me now.
1141
00:45:45.139 --> 00:45:45.639
Five, five.
1142
00:45:45.659 --> 00:45:46.599
Yeah.
1143
00:45:50.610 --> 00:45:52.550
Kids are bigger though, aren't they? They are bigger now,
1144
00:45:52.610 --> 00:45:52.929
aren't they?
1145
00:45:53.170 --> 00:45:55.949
I think we're getting smaller.
1146
00:45:56.909 --> 00:46:01.409
I am getting smaller, but they are massive now. Because
1147
00:46:01.449 --> 00:46:03.409
we live on a high street, and so the kids
1148
00:46:03.429 --> 00:46:07.099
walk home from school, and they are all six foot plus.
1149
00:46:07.699 --> 00:46:09.820
It is unbelievable. They are massive now.
1150
00:46:10.159 --> 00:46:12.619
I think, you know, like a hard nut from school,
1151
00:46:12.780 --> 00:46:14.559
I think a hard nut year eight could beat me up.
1152
00:46:14.960 --> 00:46:20.880
Oh, definitely. Definitely. Well, actually, sometimes Stan plays in a
1153
00:46:20.900 --> 00:46:21.460
football team.
1154
00:46:21.760 --> 00:46:22.500
He's a keeper, isn't he?
1155
00:46:22.679 --> 00:46:23.099
Goalkeeper?
1156
00:46:23.119 --> 00:46:25.880
He's a goalkeeper, yeah. But one of the hard lads
1157
00:46:25.920 --> 00:46:29.719
in his year plays in this team, right? And I
1158
00:46:29.960 --> 00:46:32.760
like him, right? I like him. But sometimes... You don't
1159
00:46:32.800 --> 00:46:33.050
have to.
1160
00:46:33.010 --> 00:46:33.510
Be scared of him.
1161
00:46:33.780 --> 00:46:34.360
No, no, no.
1162
00:46:34.389 --> 00:46:35.030
But this.
1163
00:46:36.429 --> 00:46:38.469
Is the thing. I'm just trying to temper what I say.
1164
00:46:38.969 --> 00:46:40.590
I like him, but not when he takes my cheese
1165
00:46:40.650 --> 00:46:41.030
on tail.
1166
00:46:41.289 --> 00:46:44.349
No, but the thing is, right? It is the thing.
1167
00:46:44.369 --> 00:46:46.710
You know he's like the hard lad in the year, right?
1168
00:46:47.380 --> 00:46:49.320
And if he turns up in your house, he's a
1169
00:46:49.320 --> 00:46:49.539
bit like.
1170
00:46:49.780 --> 00:46:50.690
Yeah, hello, yeah, all right.
1171
00:46:50.710 --> 00:46:55.360
LAUGHTER Sort of feel a bit.
1172
00:46:55.260 --> 00:46:56.550
Like, oh, God, oh, no.
1173
00:46:56.949 --> 00:46:59.010
Because he's just genuinely hard, you know.
1174
00:46:59.780 --> 00:47:01.329
It's like when you go to the pub and someone
1175
00:47:01.349 --> 00:47:03.150
introduces you to their really hard mate and you're a
1176
00:47:03.170 --> 00:47:05.969
bit scared, even though they're being nice. You just know.
1177
00:47:06.090 --> 00:47:06.489
Yeah, yeah.
1178
00:47:07.090 --> 00:47:09.309
You're, like, embarrassed that you put Marmite. He goes, have
1179
00:47:09.329 --> 00:47:10.869
you put Marmite on this cheese on toast?
1180
00:47:11.110 --> 00:47:12.610
You take him with you, so.
1181
00:47:12.530 --> 00:47:13.869
I'm sort of mad, Charlie.
1182
00:47:14.050 --> 00:47:15.289
I can legally buy beer.
1183
00:47:15.809 --> 00:47:17.809
If you want some.
1184
00:47:20.539 --> 00:47:22.960
That's it for this special Best Of episode. We'll be
1185
00:47:22.980 --> 00:47:23.650
back next week.
1186
00:47:27.050 --> 00:47:29.070
If you are not in the queue and you are waiting,
1187
00:47:29.110 --> 00:47:31.320
then step to the side. He got in touch.
1188
00:47:31.340 --> 00:47:33.280
He said, yeah, sorry, mate, you didn't seem like yourself
1189
00:47:33.340 --> 00:47:35.380
the other day. You've only met me three times.
1190
00:47:35.420 --> 00:47:38.079
The self-service checkout. I don't care what you're called.
1191
00:47:38.340 --> 00:47:40.519
I'm not getting tricked into working here.
1192
00:47:40.559 --> 00:47:44.159
People at festivals in those stupid jester hats. I glanced
1193
00:47:44.219 --> 00:47:46.280
at a tampon.
1194
00:47:46.280 --> 00:47:46.420
£ 2.
1195
00:47:46.280 --> 00:47:47.289
69 for a bottle of water.
1196
00:47:47.309 --> 00:47:50.769
Why is your Wi-Fi code 10 characters long?
1197
00:47:51.110 --> 00:47:53.250
I don't care if you're watching.
1198
00:47:52.809 --> 00:47:54.849
Boost Cut Jeans.
1199
00:47:55.190 --> 00:47:59.090
What's upset you now? I'm Sean Walsh. And I'm Paul McCaffrey.
1200
00:47:59.139 --> 00:48:02.139
We are the hosts of What's Upset You Now? The
1201
00:48:02.260 --> 00:48:06.909
UK's angriest podcast. And we are back for Series 5.
1202
00:48:06.909 --> 00:48:07.670
Booyah!
1203
00:48:07.909 --> 00:48:09.329
We all love a good moan, don't we?
1204
00:48:09.469 --> 00:48:11.849
And Sean and I, well, Sean mostly, are two of
1205
00:48:11.889 --> 00:48:13.429
the best in the absolute business.
1206
00:48:13.469 --> 00:48:15.030
And every Tuesday and Thursday.
1207
00:48:15.550 --> 00:48:18.909
We moan about all those little things that really get
1208
00:48:19.050 --> 00:48:19.409
our goat.
1209
00:48:19.530 --> 00:48:21.809
We also have guests. What guests have we had, Sean?
1210
00:48:21.849 --> 00:48:25.780
We have had Romesh Ranganathan, Rob Beckett, Mark Lamar, Joe Brand,
1211
00:48:25.880 --> 00:48:30.619
Catherine Ryan, Tom Allen. 15-minute episodes every Tuesday and Thursday.
1212
00:48:30.940 --> 00:48:34.820
Brand new, What's Up, Set You Now, Series 5, out now.
1213
00:48:35.050 --> 00:48:37.869
Oh, for God's sake. Josh, you fancy going for a beer?
1214
00:48:38.030 --> 00:48:39.610
Maybe like the 14th of April?
1215
00:48:39.630 --> 00:48:41.550
I can't do the 14th of April, Rob.
1216
00:48:41.869 --> 00:48:42.590
How come it comes?
1217
00:48:43.019 --> 00:48:47.030
We're doing the Parenting Hell Arena Tour at Manchester Arena. Oh, okay, yeah.
1218
00:48:47.090 --> 00:48:48.550
How about the 19th of April?
1219
00:48:48.849 --> 00:48:50.769
Oh, no, I can't do that. I'll be doing the
1220
00:48:50.889 --> 00:48:53.469
Parenting Hell Live Tour in Nottingham. What about the 20th
1221
00:48:53.510 --> 00:48:53.949
of April?
1222
00:48:54.050 --> 00:48:57.940
Cardiff Arena. Parenting Hell Live, Cardiff Arena.
1223
00:48:58.139 --> 00:48:58.239
21st?
1224
00:48:58.380 --> 00:49:02.840
21st of April? No, I can't do that either. London 02.
1225
00:49:02.840 --> 00:49:03.300
23rd of April?
1226
00:49:04.239 --> 00:49:08.300
I can do the 22nd. We've got a day off. 23rd, yes, yes, Wembley.
1227
00:49:08.440 --> 00:49:09.960
What about the 28th of April?
1228
00:49:10.219 --> 00:49:10.980
I'm in Birmingham.
1229
00:49:11.260 --> 00:49:11.909
Do you know what, Rob?
1230
00:49:11.920 --> 00:49:12.739
Parenting Hell live tour.
1231
00:49:12.760 --> 00:49:14.679
Yeah, but we'll just have a drink afterwards.
1232
00:49:14.969 --> 00:49:15.809
Yeah, shall we do that?
1233
00:49:16.130 --> 00:49:16.889
Yeah, that'd be nice.
1234
00:49:16.909 --> 00:49:18.550
We need to plug the live tour, by the way.
1235
00:49:18.670 --> 00:49:20.639
Oh, yeah, yeah, there's a live tour. of Parenting Hell
1236
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and I cannot wait. It's genuinely going to be an
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00:49:23.679 --> 00:49:26.659
absolute thrill to do. And do you know what it
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00:49:26.679 --> 00:49:29.360
would make? A perfect Christmas present. Two of those tickets.
1239
00:49:30.139 --> 00:49:32.849
Oh, great Christmas present. Or Father's Day present or Mother's
1240
00:49:32.869 --> 00:49:33.309
Day present.
1241
00:49:33.429 --> 00:49:33.849
Exactly.
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00:49:34.050 --> 00:49:34.429
See you there.
1243
00:49:35.690 --> 00:49:38.159
Hello, Tom Allen here. And Susie Ruffle.
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00:49:38.440 --> 00:49:41.420
We have a podcast called Like-Minded Friends. It's very much
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00:49:41.460 --> 00:49:43.760
a celebration of, I don't know, what would you say, Suze,
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00:49:43.780 --> 00:49:44.360
being queer?
1247
00:49:44.579 --> 00:49:45.679
Being queer, but also chit-chat.
1248
00:49:45.699 --> 00:49:47.500
There's loads of straight people that love it, so I
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00:49:47.519 --> 00:49:48.800
think that you should come along and listen to it.
1250
00:49:48.940 --> 00:49:50.039
There's something for everybody.
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00:49:50.179 --> 00:49:53.110
It's been described as white noise for gays, but also
1252
00:49:53.190 --> 00:49:54.949
we had a lovely section about Glade plug-ins.
1253
00:49:56.690 --> 00:49:57.530
So why don't you listen to it?
1254
00:49:57.829 --> 00:50:00.210
Search Like-Minded Friends wherever you get your podcasts.
1255
00:50:00.769 --> 00:50:02.050
That sounded quite professional, didn't it?
1256
00:50:02.309 --> 00:50:02.380
Mmm.
1257
00:50:03.909 --> 00:50:06.809
From the Box is the TV podcast that goes behind
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00:50:06.849 --> 00:50:11.099
the scenes of the nation's favourite shows, including Coronation Street, Emmerdale,
1259
00:50:11.139 --> 00:50:12.760
Hollyoaks and EastEnders.
1260
00:50:13.099 --> 00:50:15.559
You know, it was literally, we couldn't sort of go
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00:50:15.619 --> 00:50:18.219
anywhere without being recognised.
1262
00:50:18.510 --> 00:50:21.250
I'm Lee Salisbury and I directed the shows and the
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00:50:21.309 --> 00:50:24.510
stars in them. On this podcast, I delve where no
1264
00:50:24.570 --> 00:50:26.550
one else has been. Well, I mean, you can listen
1265
00:50:26.590 --> 00:50:30.750
to over 70 episodes right now with stars including Sue Johnston,
1266
00:50:30.829 --> 00:50:35.110
Glynis Barber, Denise Welsh, Sid Owen, Sally Dynevor and Danny Minogue.
1267
00:50:35.690 --> 00:50:37.469
No more, no more.
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00:50:37.719 --> 00:50:39.920
In this week's episode, I chat to the star of
1269
00:50:40.000 --> 00:50:41.820
one of the biggest Christmas films.
1270
00:50:41.539 --> 00:50:42.460
Of all time.
1271
00:50:42.639 --> 00:50:44.500
Hi, I'm Martine McCutcheon.
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00:50:44.559 --> 00:50:45.500
Yes, love actually.
1273
00:50:45.599 --> 00:50:49.599
And EastEnders actress Martine McCutcheon goes behind the scenes with me,
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00:50:49.960 --> 00:50:51.000
especially for you.
1275
00:50:51.519 --> 00:50:54.780
It's such a beautiful thing, like, to be part.
1276
00:50:54.539 --> 00:50:55.940
Of your legacy, to leave behind.
1277
00:50:56.179 --> 00:50:59.460
Soap from the Box, the TV podcast you don't want
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00:50:59.500 --> 00:50:59.780
to miss.