Why Criticism Feels So Painful for Ex-Boarders

In this episode, I explore why criticism can feel so painful for those of us who went to boarding school.

For many ex-boarders, criticism does not simply feel like feedback. It can feel like danger. It can activate old patterns of shame, fear, compliance, dissociation or defensiveness.

I reflect on boarding school conditioning, the fear of getting things wrong, Nick Duffell’s work on wounded leaders, David Cameron’s response to criticism, Rick Hanson’s “Velcro for negativity and Teflon for positivity,” and Martin Seligman’s three Ps: personal, permanent and pervasive.

I also share practical ways to regulate the nervous system before responding, and why learning to receive feedback is essential for leadership, intimacy and growth.

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/