When Birth Changes Everything with Erin Simpson Episode 83

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Hi everyone, today I'm talking with Erin Simpson.
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Hey! She's a wife, mom, and creative who's passionate about storytelling and building community.
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She's a photographer who focuses on small special events like birthday parties.
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So mom's gonna actually show up and join pictures.
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And she is also the creator and voice behind The Strong as a Mother podcast.
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All while homeschooling her daughter and continuing her healthy journey.
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On her podcast, she holds space for real and raw conversations about the joys and challenges of motherhood, always pointing back to the faith and resilience.
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Erin has a heart for removing, reminding women that they're not alone in motherhood and that God meets us in every season.
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Wow.
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What an intro, Erin.
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It's a lot to don't replace me.
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I'm like, it's a little bit of a lot of stuff, but all the all the balls are glass and I love them.
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So I can't drop any of them.
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Well, it's great.
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And uh I'm just uh I know a little bit of your story.
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I've heard some of it.
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Um, and I've known you for a while.
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You know, I met you way back in high school and our science class together.
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Mission thing.
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Yeah, it's been a long time ago.
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Um, but yeah, um, but I'm glad that you're here and get to have this conversation.
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I'm excited.
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Um, yeah.
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And so um, and we're gonna be so for today, you know, you're gonna be sharing your story, um, where God has brought brought you up from the muck.
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Uh, and then you're gonna be also telling us about more about your podcast.
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Um, I think it's cool.
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You asked me some things several years ago.
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So this thing that she's had on her heart has been uh, you know, been a thing for a while for her.
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So I'm just glad that you now get to share it all a little bit behind the curtain.
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And so that's gonna be today.
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Um are you ready to uh share your story?
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I'm ready.
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All right, I'm ready.
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So for you, um, where does your story start?
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So a specific date.
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August 21st of 2021 is exactly when my story started.
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Um, I was 30 years old at the time, and that is the day that my daughter was born, and I was actually injured during labor and delivery.
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Um and so from there, everything changed.
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Yeah.
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Did you like was there a certain moment during delivery that you like knew like something happened or was it afterwards?
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No, it was 12 hours later.
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It was the next morning when they were trying to get me up for the first time.
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Wow and I was like, I can't walk.
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Oh the nurse said, Well, you you know, you shouldn't be numb anymore.
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You should be able to.
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And I was like, Well, that's great that I should be able to, but it my toes don't even wiggle.
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And she immediately jumped into problem solving mode.
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And yeah, wow.
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It's been a wild ride since then.
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Oh my goodness.
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Um, so what are some of the things that happen?
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So it ended up being a sciatic nerve almost severing in my left leg.
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Um, and it took, it took several weeks for us to actually have that diagnosis confirmed.
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Cause with nerve studies, they say you have to wait a certain amount of time before you can have it done after the injury.
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So in the hospital, they were treating me for stroke.
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I spent more time in radiology than I did holding my daughter in the hospital.
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And so it was just, it was a really crazy time.
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Um, but it is cool because I like see God's hand in everything that happened, and that's been really beautiful.
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But it was confirmed sciatic nerve damage, and there was nothing intraspinal.
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So there was no injury from anything anesthesiology related.
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Yeah.
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And then I've since found a mom group on Facebook of moms with similar injuries.
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And some of them aren't, you know, during labor, like they aren't changed, they don't change positions very often.
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And that wasn't the case for me.
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Some of them have injuries from injection.
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That was not the case for me.
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Like it was no one's fault at all.
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It was just a compression injury.
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I mean, that's good, but then it also like I don't know.
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I know.
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I'm like, I kind of wanted somebody to blame at the time.
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Or just know, like, what, like, how is it so random?
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It makes it feel random.
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Yeah.
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It why me?
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Yeah.
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Did I win the Powerball of bad luck?
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I think I did.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So it was also kind of like a breath of fresh air that it wasn't somebody specific.
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Yeah.
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Cause then I feel like I would have had a lot more like hatred there for at least a season, and I didn't have that.
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I could just like, well, it is what it is, and just focus on what I needed to do to get better.
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Yeah.
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Man.
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Yeah.
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So what was some of those like first things that like I mean after 12 hours?
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Like, so do I okay, back up for a second.
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Yeah.
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For I mean, I'm a mom, so like, you know, you have your child, and for the first 12 hours, like, or you didn't know.
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I mean, it was it took 12 hours later for you to notice, or like you're or you didn't you just took a while to so she was born in the evening and I ended up having two epidurals and then a spinal pharaoh C section.
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And so I was the first one didn't take, the second one did, the second epidural did work, but we weren't progressing.
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And it was like, if we don't do something, and my whole pregnancy, I had prayed for discernment.
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Like, Lord, number one, I want us to be healthy.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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But then number two, like, if I need to make a decision, yeah, while I'm having this baby, I want it to be clear and no second guessing.
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And I just remember getting to a point in labor and just being like, this is not getting any, not better, like comfortable.
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I knew I wasn't going to be comfortable, but like, we're not making progress here.
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And my doctor said, She's incredible.
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She's like, you know, I'm glad that you decided that before it became an emergency.
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Yeah.
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And then come to find out, Clara was sunny side up at an angle and nine and a half pounds.
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Oh my goodness.
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So I truly feel like had I not chosen when I did to have a C-section, I would have been permanently paralyzed because that injury would have been even worse.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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I'm like, it's nobody's fault.
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Yeah.
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And yeah, we didn't realize till the next morning when they were trying to get me up.
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And I'm like, one leg works and the other one does not.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Man.
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Yeah.
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So I guess after like birth initially, you're like sleeping or trying to sleep, just exhaustion.
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Yeah.
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Or just being so late, you know.
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That and um they had asked if we wanted her to be in the nursery or not.
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And I was like, I do for a little bit, and you know, bring her, bring her in for like bonding, but then also feeding, but I do want to rest some.
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Um that was just this decision, you know, that worked best for us.
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They weren't trying to like get me to walk around.
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Yeah.
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So especially after a C-section.
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Well, and you're feeling all kinds of things at that moment.
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So it was not like that's your only focus.
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Yeah.
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So like I remember I actually remember like trying to feed her and then helping with that.
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And I was like, oh, this isn't that bad.
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Yeah.
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Then I tried to get up the next morning.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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Oh.
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Oh, I didn't know that was an option here.
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Yeah.
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Or that was a thing.
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Yeah.
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I'd never heard of it.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So you're hearing that for the first time, or like you're not you're realizing, oh, something's wrong.
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Like obviously wrong.
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What is your reaction then?
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I remember my nurse going from no, you need to get up.
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I think she kind of thought I was trying to milk it.
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Yeah.
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Like, no, you're fine, girl.
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Like, get up.
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And I'm like, and then I showed her, she said, wiggle your toes.
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And I have, we actually have it on video.
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My middle toe on my left foot barely twitched.
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And that was the only thing that moved from my knee down.
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And she just went from a little firm on me to, oh, this is not okay.
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Yeah.
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And just jumped in.
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And I just remember being like, I'm not quite sure what's happening here.
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But y'all can find me in this bed.
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Yeah.
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I'll be here waiting.
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And at some point, I know it was when those within those first few hours of us realizing something is wrong.
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I just remember the Lord telling me, like, there's something bigger happening here.
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Just wait.
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It's like, okay.
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And that was enough for me not to freak out.
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Yeah.
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And I've held on to that for four and a half years now.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Good, good thing for a timely word.
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Right.
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Yeah.
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And I feel like he's done that for certain people and certain points in history.
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I'll read that in kind of in scripture and stuff like that.
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But it's another thing to hear about it, another thing to experience it.
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Yeah.
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For sure.
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And that's not that's not something that I experience often.
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Yeah.
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And so for that to have been as clear as if he was sitting beside me.
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Yeah.
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Was really cool.
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I was like, okay.
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And then we just jumped into figuring it out mode from there.
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Was your husband there in that moment?
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Like with you when all that was happening?
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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He was there the whole time.
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What was his response?
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I don't fully remember.
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Yeah.
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I remember just him being there.
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And I honestly think that was enough.
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Um, just having that constant presence.
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And he was, I don't even remember him freaking out or asking.
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I remember him asking questions, but not in like a blame or shame type of situation.
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He would more so just check on me, like, what do you need right now?
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Yeah.
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And that was that's what I remember most.
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Yeah.
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Because everybody was trying to, you know, figure things out.
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Yeah.
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Because especially when they thought I'd had a stroke, like that is yeah, that's a big deal.
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And I appreciate the severity that everybody treated it with.
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It really was great.
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Um, but he was more just that calming presence that I think helped with the chaos that could have that was ensuing around me.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Well, because he could have been freaking out here.
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Now that he probably was on his phone and Googling and trying to figure all this other stuff out.
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And we have a good friend who's married to a neurosurgeon.
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And I know that Wes called him, and I don't remember what day it was while I was in the hospital.
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And he's like, hey, this is what they're saying probably happened.
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And he's like, No, that's not what this is.
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And so that was helpful too.
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They still treated me like I had one because there was no definitive no, she didn't for a while.
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Yeah.
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Um, but him taking charge of that aspect was really nice.
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Yeah.
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Because I was like, I just had a baby.
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My first baby, like, I don't know what I'm doing.
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Yeah.
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And then this.
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Or how to advocate for yourself.
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You know, how to, you know, like it was a lot of we don't know what's happening.
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And when you're constantly hearing the doctor say, Oh, I've never seen this happen before.
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That's really scary.
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I was like, okay, great.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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Well, what's the plan?
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And yeah, we had about seven different plans at work.
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So at least they did something.
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Yeah.
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And we got a little bit of answer then, and then the confirmation about two weeks later with a nerve study that that's what it was.
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And we could release the whole stroke protocol.
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Okay.
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So yeah.
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There's a lot.
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Yeah, that is a lot.
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Wow.
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What were some of the so once you finally had that diagnosis?
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Like, what what were the first steps then?
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So I remember crying right there on the table.
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And the nurse neurologist in Jackson was like, Why aren't we crying?
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Like, this is like, are you sad?
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He was just trying to figure out where I was coming from.
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Yeah.
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And he knew I just had a baby and all that stuff.
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And that probably didn't help with the crying.
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Yeah.
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But I was like, I'm so relieved.
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And he said, Why are you relieved that you're not what?
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It just didn't make sense to him.
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Why are you relieved?
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And I said, This is what we needed to have happen in order for them to finally say I did not have a stroke.
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Yeah.
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Because I knew if I'd had one, like that was going to change health care for me for the rest of my life.
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Yeah.
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Not that this didn't, but in a completely different way.
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Yeah.
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And so I was like, I'm just relieved that I didn't have a stroke.
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And he's like, okay, great.
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So from there, um, I mean, just yeah, a focus with physical therapy, which I had actually started in the hospital.
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Okay.
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And then outpatient physical therapy about five or six days postpartum.
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And they even had to remind me, like, Aaron, you had a C-section last week.
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Yeah.
00:12:42.320 --> 00:12:43.759
Like you need to kind of chill a little bit.
00:12:43.919 --> 00:12:45.200
Like, don't push yourself that hard.
00:12:45.360 --> 00:12:45.519
Yeah.
00:12:45.679 --> 00:12:47.360
I'm like, I have to walk.
00:12:48.080 --> 00:12:49.600
I mean, that was just my main focus.
00:12:49.679 --> 00:12:50.639
I've got to walk.
00:12:50.879 --> 00:12:53.039
So it was a ton of appointments.
00:12:53.440 --> 00:13:00.240
I ended up having a blood clot almost exactly a month after having Clara.
00:13:00.799 --> 00:13:04.240
And that's when things really got heavy for me.
00:13:04.480 --> 00:13:04.799
Yeah.
00:13:05.120 --> 00:13:09.200
The physical aspect of things, I was like, okay, I'm handling this great.
00:13:09.279 --> 00:13:10.480
We're going to the appointments.
00:13:10.559 --> 00:13:13.600
People are taking care of me, care of Clara.
00:13:13.919 --> 00:13:17.200
Um, but the blood clots when it got scary.
00:13:17.600 --> 00:13:19.919
Yeah, because it, I mean, those can kill people.
00:13:20.080 --> 00:13:20.320
Yeah.
00:13:20.559 --> 00:13:28.320
You know, and as a well, to my understanding, like you don't feel the clot, it just you feel the effects of it after the fact.
00:13:28.559 --> 00:13:28.799
Yeah.
00:13:28.960 --> 00:13:32.639
I was like, my leg is not supposed to look like this.
00:13:32.960 --> 00:13:33.200
Yeah.
00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:34.320
So that yeah.
00:13:34.799 --> 00:13:45.279
And it did, we had um so clearly after you know having Clara and this injury, I wasn't able to get, I couldn't walk without assistance.
00:13:46.159 --> 00:13:58.080
And that anti C section, which already takes longer to heal from, yeah, just that being a major surgery, and then with the nerve damage, somebody, somebody was with me 24-7.
00:13:58.720 --> 00:13:59.039
Yeah.
00:13:59.360 --> 00:14:07.440
My mom and my mother-in-law took turns taking care of my daughter, yeah, so I could take care of me.
00:14:07.600 --> 00:14:07.919
Yeah.
00:14:08.080 --> 00:14:11.919
And like somebody would drive me to a physical therapy and help me walk in.
00:14:12.000 --> 00:14:16.000
And I I got tell everybody I left the hospital with a newborn and a walker.
00:14:16.480 --> 00:14:20.720
And I did my personality, I'm gonna try to make, you know, find some humor.
00:14:20.960 --> 00:14:28.000
So I remember going out to eat a week or two postpartum and being like, here's my newborn in her carrier, and here's my walker.
00:14:28.480 --> 00:14:31.200
Like, I don't what else are you gonna do?
00:14:31.279 --> 00:14:32.799
I'm not gonna wallow in self-pity.
00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:34.399
Like, that's not gonna help me get better.
00:14:34.559 --> 00:14:34.879
Yeah.
00:14:35.279 --> 00:14:36.159
But it's still hard.
00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:49.279
I feel like, you know, being, you know, you've been independent, you know, woman, you know, you know, married and all, and have your own life to being reverting back to being like a child.
00:14:49.360 --> 00:14:49.600
Yeah.
00:14:49.759 --> 00:14:50.639
Like that's hard.
00:14:50.720 --> 00:14:51.120
Yeah.
00:14:51.360 --> 00:14:56.639
Having other people, I don't know, I don't know about you, but I don't know for me, like I don't like feeling like a burden.
00:14:56.960 --> 00:15:01.200
And I can just see how that could be an emotion you would probably feel.
00:15:01.360 --> 00:15:01.600
Yeah.
00:15:01.759 --> 00:15:02.639
And that's hard.
00:15:02.960 --> 00:15:06.000
It was a really weird mixture.
00:15:06.240 --> 00:15:12.960
It was less burden for me and more like I just want to be left alone.
00:15:13.120 --> 00:15:15.120
Like, just give me some quiet time.
00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:17.919
And I mean, they were so helpful.
00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:20.559
There's nothing that would change during that season.
00:15:21.120 --> 00:15:22.879
Um, other than needing it.
00:15:23.039 --> 00:15:24.159
That would have been great.
00:15:24.480 --> 00:15:26.240
But it just got annoying.
00:15:26.399 --> 00:15:26.720
Yeah.
00:15:26.879 --> 00:15:30.879
They weren't annoying, just having somebody there was annoying.
00:15:31.039 --> 00:15:36.480
And I remember the first time I was left with Claire at West ran to town to get supper.
00:15:36.799 --> 00:15:41.679
And I was on the couch and he put her on my chest, and he's like, I will be right back.
00:15:41.840 --> 00:15:46.879
And my parents live right down the street, and so we had told them this is what we're doing.
00:15:47.039 --> 00:15:47.200
Yeah.
00:15:47.440 --> 00:15:49.519
But even then, like, that's not normal.
00:15:49.600 --> 00:15:49.919
Yeah.
00:15:50.080 --> 00:15:56.320
It's not normal for you to have to let your parents know that you're about to be left alone with your kid for 20 minutes.
00:15:56.480 --> 00:15:56.879
Yeah.
00:15:57.039 --> 00:15:57.519
Like that.
00:15:58.159 --> 00:15:59.679
But that was our normal.
00:15:59.840 --> 00:16:00.159
Yeah.
00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:05.679
Um, and I just remember being scared to death that something was gonna happen and I was gonna need to get up.
00:16:05.840 --> 00:16:09.120
And it was 10 and a half weeks till I could carry her around the house.
00:16:09.759 --> 00:16:10.639
That's a long time.
00:16:10.720 --> 00:16:10.960
Yeah.
00:16:11.200 --> 00:16:13.279
So it was just, it just was annoying.
00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:14.480
I was so over it.
00:16:14.639 --> 00:16:14.879
Yeah.
00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:16.559
But that was motivating too.
00:16:16.639 --> 00:16:16.879
Yeah.
00:16:17.039 --> 00:16:18.399
To be like, I gotta walk.
00:16:18.559 --> 00:16:18.720
Yeah.
00:16:18.879 --> 00:16:21.279
Like I love y'all, but y'all gotta get in my house.
00:16:22.720 --> 00:16:25.519
Uh yeah, that is a very strong mindset.
00:16:27.279 --> 00:16:29.279
Um, I'll have to save that question for later.
00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:31.279
That's a question behind a question.
00:16:31.519 --> 00:16:31.840
Okay.
00:16:34.000 --> 00:16:36.000
Um man.
00:16:37.840 --> 00:16:39.600
So how did that impact?
00:16:39.840 --> 00:16:52.799
I mean, I've heard a little bit about it, you know, we definitely know how it impacted you, um, and a little bit how it's impacted some of your family, but um how did it affect, I mean, or how did it affect them?
00:16:52.960 --> 00:16:56.879
Like your the people that were closest to you, their side of it.
00:16:57.200 --> 00:16:58.399
Or do you know their side of it?
00:16:58.720 --> 00:17:00.000
That's what I was gonna say.
00:17:00.159 --> 00:17:04.240
It I don't think I've ever fully asked.
00:17:04.559 --> 00:17:04.880
Yeah.
00:17:05.279 --> 00:17:10.319
Because I know how emotional it was for everybody.
00:17:10.559 --> 00:17:10.960
Yeah.
00:17:11.279 --> 00:17:14.880
And I don't really even know, like, is that worth me asking?
00:17:15.039 --> 00:17:18.000
Or just being grateful that they were there.
00:17:18.400 --> 00:17:21.519
Um just thinking about it right now, I'm like, I can't imagine.
00:17:21.680 --> 00:17:22.319
Yeah.
00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:28.319
Because even after, like, you know, your parents come to visit you in the hospital if they're not already there.
00:17:28.400 --> 00:17:36.000
And this was during COVID, and that luckily the hospital had lessened the restrictions a little bit at that point.
00:17:36.640 --> 00:17:38.319
The next week they made them tighter again.
00:17:38.480 --> 00:17:40.480
But we had like a little sweet spot there.
00:17:40.559 --> 00:17:40.880
Yeah.
00:17:41.200 --> 00:17:48.559
Um, and I was not in the room when my own mom came in there to see me and Clara, which they didn't know we had a girl.
00:17:49.119 --> 00:17:50.160
So we were gonna surprise them.
00:17:50.319 --> 00:17:52.400
You know, it's a whole to-do, and I was not in there.
00:17:52.960 --> 00:17:54.960
And that gets me really choked up.
00:17:55.119 --> 00:17:55.519
Yeah.
00:17:55.680 --> 00:18:02.240
Um, because I just can't imagine walking in and you're excited to see your baby who just had a baby and she's not in there.
00:18:02.480 --> 00:18:05.759
And my husband is the one who told her, like, we don't know what's going on.
00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:07.039
She's okay.
00:18:07.359 --> 00:18:11.839
You know, it's not life-threatening, but yeah, she's in radiology right now.
00:18:12.160 --> 00:18:13.680
And that gets me.
00:18:14.480 --> 00:18:18.480
That's probably one of the biggest things that still weighs on me, but there's nothing I could have done.
00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:18.960
Yeah.
00:18:19.200 --> 00:18:21.680
I'm kind of afraid to ask, like, how did y'all feel?
00:18:22.880 --> 00:18:26.640
I don't, it's like, I want to know, but then I kind of already do.
00:18:26.880 --> 00:18:27.119
Yeah.
00:18:27.359 --> 00:18:27.599
You know?
00:18:27.839 --> 00:18:28.160
Yeah.
00:18:29.519 --> 00:18:38.880
Well, what are some other like uh beyond I know you had a lot of appointments and whatnot, like what are some other things that that was a part of your recovery process?
00:18:39.839 --> 00:18:40.559
Gosh.
00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:45.440
Like tangible things that I did or both.
00:18:45.680 --> 00:18:46.000
Okay.
00:18:46.799 --> 00:18:49.920
Um a lot of appointments.
00:18:50.400 --> 00:18:50.720
A lot.
00:18:51.039 --> 00:18:54.480
I actually celebrated my 100th appointment with a manicure.
00:18:54.799 --> 00:18:55.039
Wow.
00:18:55.359 --> 00:18:56.559
Hey, that's what I'm gonna do.
00:18:57.200 --> 00:18:58.480
I was like, you know what?
00:18:58.720 --> 00:19:02.480
This is what we're doing, and I think it was like 200 and something by the end of the summer.
00:19:02.640 --> 00:19:04.240
It was insane, it was crazy.
00:19:04.480 --> 00:19:04.799
Wow.
00:19:05.039 --> 00:19:14.240
Um a lot of praying, a lot of leaning on people in ways that I didn't necessarily expect to.
00:19:14.960 --> 00:19:20.000
Because there would be times where I'm just I don't feel like I fully did the whole why me.
00:19:20.480 --> 00:19:22.240
I don't think that ever really crossed my mind.
00:19:22.319 --> 00:19:28.160
And I think a big part of that is because of the clarity of God telling me, like, there's something bigger happening here, just wait.
00:19:28.319 --> 00:19:28.559
Yeah.
00:19:29.119 --> 00:19:29.359
Okay.
00:19:29.599 --> 00:19:29.759
Yeah.
00:19:30.160 --> 00:19:31.039
I'm not gonna question that.
00:19:31.119 --> 00:19:32.240
Who am I to question that?
00:19:32.880 --> 00:19:39.200
Um, but I do remember seasons just being like, what is going on here?
00:19:39.680 --> 00:19:41.440
Like, is it ever going to get better?
00:19:41.599 --> 00:19:43.440
There's a lot of questioning with that.
00:19:43.680 --> 00:19:46.480
But with that is where I was leaning on people.
00:19:46.559 --> 00:19:49.119
Yeah of like, hey, I'm in a slump here.
00:19:49.200 --> 00:19:55.759
And so that was probably the biggest non-physical thing that I was doing.
00:19:55.920 --> 00:19:58.400
I mean, I had a whole handicapped bathroom set up.
00:19:58.559 --> 00:20:00.799
I had it was a mess.
00:20:00.960 --> 00:20:03.599
It was a mess, everything we had to do.
00:20:03.920 --> 00:20:15.119
But other than those types of things, it really was just being completely honest with everybody as to like this is where my head's at right now.
00:20:15.279 --> 00:20:15.519
Yeah.
00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:24.079
And I either need you, and I would tell them, like, I need you to encourage me today, or I need, I need some like, okay, Erin's in a tizzy.
00:20:24.400 --> 00:20:26.480
Like, let's unwind her a little bit.
00:20:26.720 --> 00:20:27.119
Yeah.
00:20:27.359 --> 00:20:32.000
So just I guess it's good that I knew exactly what was going on and what I needed.
00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:33.359
But a lot of people don't.
00:20:33.440 --> 00:20:34.720
They don't know how to articulate that.
00:20:34.799 --> 00:20:36.799
And then it comes out as like a fissy fit.
00:20:36.960 --> 00:20:37.119
Yeah.
00:20:37.200 --> 00:20:38.319
I mean, I had those too.
00:20:38.480 --> 00:20:40.000
I did have those.
00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:47.440
Or, you know, it just comes out in a ways, and you know, because um, because people would not always know how they're feeling or how to articulate that.
00:20:47.599 --> 00:20:51.359
So yeah, that's a blessing to everybody, yourself included.
00:20:51.680 --> 00:20:54.960
I did a lot of little videos of like what my feet were able to do.
00:20:55.119 --> 00:20:55.359
Okay.
00:20:55.519 --> 00:20:58.000
Because I would kind of forget, like, oh, that's where I started.
00:20:58.240 --> 00:20:58.480
Yeah.
00:20:58.640 --> 00:21:02.640
And then I'd see the video and be like, oh, now I can like wiggle all my toes.
00:21:02.799 --> 00:21:05.599
I can't move my ankle yet, but I can wiggle them.
00:21:05.759 --> 00:21:12.960
And I think people got probably sick of seeing my feet videos on Instagram because I'd be like, Look at my feet.
00:21:13.200 --> 00:21:14.400
But for you, that's a big deal.
00:21:15.279 --> 00:21:17.920
I'm like, man, I should have been making money on my feet videos.
00:21:19.839 --> 00:21:20.480
Yeah.
00:21:20.960 --> 00:21:21.599
Yeah.
00:21:21.920 --> 00:21:23.519
But all those little micro wins.
00:21:23.920 --> 00:21:24.079
Yes.
00:21:24.480 --> 00:21:28.480
And I was important to be open with I mean, whoever.
00:21:28.559 --> 00:21:34.400
I'm already an open book about this situation, but I was even then, just because I think part of it was self-serving.
00:21:34.559 --> 00:21:38.960
If I'm honest and vulnerable, vulnerable about it, it might help somebody else.
00:21:39.039 --> 00:21:43.359
But then also to hear back like, man, you're so strong, or that's so great.
00:21:43.519 --> 00:21:45.599
Like, I'm a words of affirmation person.
00:21:45.759 --> 00:21:45.920
Yeah.
00:21:46.000 --> 00:21:48.000
So it's kind of set in the bait a little bit.
00:21:48.880 --> 00:21:52.720
But in a season where it's like, I really needed that to get through it.
00:21:52.960 --> 00:21:53.279
Yeah.
00:21:53.440 --> 00:21:55.680
So I'm like, I don't tell anybody anything.
00:21:56.960 --> 00:21:58.559
Might help somebody, might help me.
00:21:58.640 --> 00:21:59.359
That'd be great too.
00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:00.400
Yeah.
00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:11.519
I think it always is a sense of uh I don't know if peace is the right word, but um I just know we feel better when we share things like that.
00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:22.079
Like either we feel relieved that we survived or just the knowledge of like this is going like it's not for you know to the void.
00:22:22.319 --> 00:22:22.559
Right.
00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:26.319
You know, um, you know, we say God's word doesn't go out void.
00:22:26.400 --> 00:22:29.279
I feel like our experiences are kind of the same thing.
00:22:30.079 --> 00:22:32.640
Um, just because God's a part of it.
00:22:33.200 --> 00:22:33.759
Yeah.
00:22:34.319 --> 00:22:37.440
Um people say like God doesn't waste a hurt.
00:22:38.079 --> 00:22:42.640
Um I like to think more about how God has a purpose in our lives.
00:22:42.720 --> 00:22:47.680
And because we are His, we have purpose and the things we experience have purpose.
00:22:47.920 --> 00:22:51.039
Yeah, there's purpose in the pain and there's purpose in the waiting too.
00:22:51.279 --> 00:22:57.599
There is, and that's something that with how slowly like nerves heal, it's like one millimeter a day.
00:22:57.839 --> 00:22:59.119
Wow, from the side of the bedroom.
00:23:00.480 --> 00:23:04.079
Yeah, but I'm like, we're going from my hip all the way down to my toes.
00:23:04.160 --> 00:23:05.599
Like, this is gonna take a minute.
00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:12.640
And just to know, like, there's something like we're making progress, it's so slow.
00:23:12.799 --> 00:23:16.960
Yeah, and that that again was one of the most frustrating things was just how slow.
00:23:17.279 --> 00:23:17.839
Yeah.
00:23:18.079 --> 00:23:18.880
But yeah.
00:23:19.119 --> 00:23:25.599
Well, for clarity, everybody, like she is what she walked in today, like without a cane and anything.
00:23:25.839 --> 00:23:31.519
So she has recovered, but I've I don't think you have fully recovered, right?
00:23:31.680 --> 00:23:35.200
Like, um, how much more, or what would you like to see more for yourself?
00:23:35.599 --> 00:23:39.440
Because like someone who met you today wouldn't know right, you wouldn't see it from her.
00:23:39.839 --> 00:23:40.160
Yeah.
00:23:40.319 --> 00:23:44.480
So there's probably some parts that won't ever get better, and I just accepted that.
00:23:44.640 --> 00:23:45.759
Like it's annoying.
00:23:45.920 --> 00:23:49.839
I think that's just kind of an overarching feeling towards this injury, it's just annoyance.
00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:50.240
Yeah.
00:23:50.400 --> 00:23:53.519
Um, there's like hypersensitivity in certain areas of my foot.
00:23:53.680 --> 00:23:55.839
If I step on a crumb, it feels like I'm being stabbed.
00:23:56.319 --> 00:23:59.519
So that's I have to sweep a lot more than I want to.
00:23:59.839 --> 00:24:00.559
Um, yeah.
00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:04.640
And then other areas are still numb, which is interesting.
00:24:04.960 --> 00:24:08.960
And then, you know, if you sit funny somewhere, your leg goes to sleep.
00:24:09.039 --> 00:24:09.200
Yeah.
00:24:09.440 --> 00:24:12.079
Mine goes to sleep a lot quicker than it used to.
00:24:12.160 --> 00:24:15.119
And that is a little paralyzing like mentally.
00:24:15.359 --> 00:24:15.519
Yeah.
00:24:15.680 --> 00:24:17.359
And so I have to remind myself like you're safe.
00:24:17.440 --> 00:24:18.000
You're okay.
00:24:18.160 --> 00:24:18.319
Yeah.
00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:19.519
It's a lot of therapy that goes to the city.
00:24:19.680 --> 00:24:21.039
It hasn't happened all over again.
00:24:21.440 --> 00:24:22.079
But you're okay.
00:24:22.160 --> 00:24:23.200
This is a normal feeling.
00:24:23.279 --> 00:24:25.279
It just happens quicker because of your injury.
00:24:25.359 --> 00:24:26.720
It's not a new injury.
00:24:26.880 --> 00:24:27.200
Yeah.
00:24:27.359 --> 00:24:34.160
Um, and then just fatigues quicker, it's weaker, but we can always strengthen something that's weak.
00:24:34.240 --> 00:24:41.119
And I still, I mean, I'm currently having some pain in my foot, and we're getting that the best taken care of as possible.
00:24:41.279 --> 00:24:43.279
So more appointments, but yeah.
00:24:43.519 --> 00:24:49.680
I'm just not one to sit back and be like, oh, it is what it is, and this is just what it's gonna look like.
00:24:49.839 --> 00:24:52.000
Like if I'm hurting, I'm gonna get answers.
00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:52.640
Yeah.
00:24:53.119 --> 00:24:54.559
Or do what you can, do your part.
00:24:54.720 --> 00:24:56.079
Yeah, yeah, do your part.
00:24:56.400 --> 00:24:57.039
Yeah.
00:24:57.839 --> 00:25:05.359
Um for you, what was what was your turning point in this whole experience?
00:25:12.480 --> 00:25:17.839
Or where you felt like, okay, we're I can see the light at the at the end of the tunnel that moment.
00:25:18.400 --> 00:25:24.319
I think it was it's kind of a couple places.
00:25:24.640 --> 00:25:26.640
So we have a little windy road here.
00:25:27.119 --> 00:25:45.680
Um when I first had the clarity that I did not have a stroke, that it was nerve damage, yeah, that was a big shift in my mind because I had completely argued the whole stroke diagnosis from the minute it came out of his mouth.
00:25:45.839 --> 00:25:47.359
I'm like, that's not what this was.
00:25:47.599 --> 00:25:49.200
And he said, Well, it looks like it is.
00:25:49.279 --> 00:25:50.319
I'm like, it's not.
00:25:50.559 --> 00:25:53.519
I mean, you know, I have no medical knowledge here.
00:25:53.680 --> 00:25:55.359
I'm like, this is not what that was.
00:25:55.599 --> 00:25:57.680
And so just I'm sure they were pleased with that.
00:25:57.839 --> 00:25:58.240
Yeah.
00:25:59.119 --> 00:26:02.960
He was not the best, but he was on loan from another hospital.
00:26:03.119 --> 00:26:03.839
It's okay.
00:26:04.400 --> 00:26:06.799
My medical team was fantastic, he was not.
00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:16.480
Um yeah, and so that was nice because I didn't have that mental battle anymore of I'm being treated for something I know in my soul did not happen.
00:26:16.640 --> 00:26:17.279
Yeah.
00:26:17.759 --> 00:26:23.839
And so just to be able to release that part and just fully focus on okay, we have the answer as to what happened.
00:26:24.000 --> 00:26:25.599
Now we can just do that.
00:26:25.759 --> 00:26:26.079
Yeah.
00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:27.440
That was a big one.
00:26:27.759 --> 00:26:32.079
Another one was after I was diagnosed with the blood clot.
00:26:32.720 --> 00:26:39.920
I remember that next week, my OBGYN being like, do you need to talk to somebody?
00:26:40.160 --> 00:26:42.079
And she had already been asking me that.
00:26:42.240 --> 00:26:45.200
I know that's like protocol postpartum, anyways.
00:26:45.519 --> 00:26:52.240
And she had been very clear with me like, you're at a higher risk because of what happened during labor and delivery.
00:26:52.319 --> 00:26:58.160
So if you ever get to the point where you need to talk to somebody, like please let me know when we'll get that figured out.
00:26:58.400 --> 00:27:01.359
And before the clot, I was like, no, I really think I'm okay.
00:27:01.519 --> 00:27:04.880
Like it's hard, but I'm not down about it.
00:27:05.039 --> 00:27:06.480
Yeah, just figuring it out.
00:27:06.720 --> 00:27:10.559
And then the clot happened, and I was like, Yeah, I'm not so okay anymore.
00:27:10.720 --> 00:27:12.720
I feel like my body's trying to kill me.
00:27:12.880 --> 00:27:13.200
Yeah.
00:27:13.359 --> 00:27:17.839
Um, and she jumped and immediately got me somebody to talk to.
00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:19.759
And so that was a huge turning point.
00:27:19.839 --> 00:27:21.920
And since then, I have stayed in therapy.
00:27:22.240 --> 00:27:30.799
Um medical anxiety is a huge thing that I'm still overcoming.
00:27:30.960 --> 00:27:34.000
Um, I've made massive improvement.
00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:36.799
But at the same time, it's random little things that come up.
00:27:36.960 --> 00:27:37.119
Yeah.
00:27:37.279 --> 00:27:40.640
And I'm like, oh, I didn't know that was gonna bother me, but it does.
00:27:40.960 --> 00:27:41.440
Yeah.
00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:47.839
Um so that just being able to advocating for myself has never truly been a problem for me.
00:27:47.920 --> 00:27:49.359
I am pretty outspoken.
00:27:49.440 --> 00:27:49.759
Yeah.
00:27:49.920 --> 00:27:55.759
But in a sense of not only am I just saying, hey, this is a problem, but it's like, no, we got to get answers.
00:27:55.920 --> 00:27:59.039
We need to like move the needle in this direction, no matter what that looks like.
00:27:59.200 --> 00:28:00.000
I need support.
00:28:00.160 --> 00:28:00.319
Yeah.
00:28:00.480 --> 00:28:04.880
And I think that was a big thing, just that asking for help and then fully leaning into that.
00:28:04.960 --> 00:28:06.640
And now I'm like, oh, you need help?
00:28:06.720 --> 00:28:07.599
Let's find you somebody.
00:28:07.759 --> 00:28:09.920
Like I can now help other people do that.
00:28:10.079 --> 00:28:10.400
Yeah.
00:28:10.559 --> 00:28:12.400
Which is a big shift for me.
00:28:12.720 --> 00:28:13.279
Yeah.
00:28:13.519 --> 00:28:14.160
Yeah.
00:28:15.440 --> 00:28:16.079
Wow.
00:28:16.480 --> 00:28:26.960
Being like, well, the victim to the advocate, you know, um, taking, you know, making you a warrior of sorts, you know.
00:28:28.000 --> 00:28:28.480
Yeah.
00:28:28.720 --> 00:28:29.359
Yeah.
00:28:30.799 --> 00:28:31.759
Oh man.
00:28:32.240 --> 00:28:37.279
Well, were there anything like from scripture or anything that you found that was really helpful?
00:28:37.440 --> 00:28:42.559
Um, I know you had a specific word from the Lord, and that was that was huge and it's great.
00:28:42.720 --> 00:28:46.000
But I just wanted to know if there was anything extra along the way.
00:28:46.319 --> 00:28:50.000
There was, and I was not in the word much during that season.
00:28:50.160 --> 00:28:55.359
And I I don't feel like even if I had done Bible study every day, I would have retained anything.
00:28:55.839 --> 00:28:58.240
Um, and that's not to say he wouldn't have been speaking.
00:28:58.799 --> 00:29:00.079
I was highly medicated.
00:29:00.319 --> 00:29:01.119
I'm being honest.
00:29:01.279 --> 00:29:08.559
I mean, yeah, I just remember also one night, like we played card games in my family, and my parents were over and like, oh, we'll play.
00:29:08.640 --> 00:29:10.799
And I'm like, I don't even remember how to play this.
00:29:11.039 --> 00:29:12.480
And we've been playing it for years.
00:29:12.640 --> 00:29:12.799
Yeah.
00:29:12.960 --> 00:29:14.640
And they just kind of looked at me like that's crazy.
00:29:14.720 --> 00:29:18.160
I'm like, I literally don't remember how to play this, and I just went to bed.
00:29:18.480 --> 00:29:22.960
Um, but I will say music was really big at that time.
00:29:23.119 --> 00:29:30.640
And so the song Confidence by Sanctus Real, that was on that, that was on re repeat, almost said repeat.
00:29:30.799 --> 00:29:31.599
Yeah, repeat.
00:29:31.680 --> 00:29:45.920
And it just felt very empowering, and it kind of put into words how I was feeling and that bubbling up inside of like again, a reminder of what the Lord said, there's something bigger happening here.
00:29:46.079 --> 00:29:46.319
Yeah.
00:29:46.559 --> 00:29:51.359
And so I'm like, if you're gonna use me in any avenue, I've gotta prepare myself for that.
00:29:51.519 --> 00:29:55.599
Yeah, and I can't a friend of mine just said this this past week.
00:29:55.680 --> 00:29:58.720
She said, You can choose to be planted or you can choose to be buried.
00:30:00.400 --> 00:30:01.039
That's good.
00:30:01.200 --> 00:30:04.240
And I'm like, the buried was not an option, yeah.
00:30:04.400 --> 00:30:07.920
It just wasn't because he had told me something bigger was happening, yeah.
00:30:08.079 --> 00:30:09.440
And I needed to be ready.
00:30:09.680 --> 00:30:11.039
Yeah, and to rest in that hope.
00:30:11.200 --> 00:30:12.400
Yeah, yeah, cling to that.
00:30:12.559 --> 00:30:15.680
Yeah, but that song was yeah, a really powerful one for me.
00:30:15.920 --> 00:30:16.160
Yeah.
00:30:16.400 --> 00:30:21.359
I'm gonna look I'm I am a Sanctus Real fan, um, but I don't know that one.
00:30:21.599 --> 00:30:22.799
So I had to go look it up for sure.
00:30:23.039 --> 00:30:23.599
It's really good.
00:30:24.079 --> 00:30:25.200
Oh, Sanctus Real.
00:30:26.400 --> 00:30:27.039
Yeah.
00:30:27.440 --> 00:30:27.759
Okay.
00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:33.440
Well, what were some things that were, I mean, you had a lot of things I know you were experiencing that was discouraging.
00:30:33.599 --> 00:30:36.799
Um, but were what were some of the low lows?
00:30:37.279 --> 00:30:38.720
The low lows.
00:30:38.960 --> 00:30:55.039
Um there was one day I was walking down the driveway, which in itself was a huge win, but mentally I was in a slump and I just remember thinking, man, what value am I eating even adding to my family as a mom?
00:30:56.240 --> 00:30:58.319
And that's something I've mom guilt.
00:30:58.640 --> 00:30:59.119
Yes.
00:30:59.359 --> 00:31:05.839
Yeah, and to the level of I'm not even really being a mom because I couldn't.
00:31:06.160 --> 00:31:10.559
I mean, at that point I was walking better, but I was still scared to carry Clara.
00:31:10.799 --> 00:31:13.759
Like that's a whole different weight than just getting myself around the house.
00:31:14.400 --> 00:31:20.400
Um and I'm like, I'm wasn't able to breastfeed in the way that I wanted to because of medication.
00:31:20.480 --> 00:31:22.000
I had to stop doing that.
00:31:22.160 --> 00:31:24.559
Um, and I was already pumping and dumping.
00:31:24.640 --> 00:31:26.319
I did it for three and a half weeks.
00:31:27.039 --> 00:31:32.640
And they said at four weeks, everything will be out of your system, and you can go back to breastfeeding.
00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:33.759
I was like, okay, great.
00:31:33.920 --> 00:31:36.000
And then three and a half is when I had the blood clot.
00:31:36.240 --> 00:31:39.200
And they're like, Yeah, we're not comfortable with that.
00:31:39.519 --> 00:31:39.839
Okay.
00:31:40.559 --> 00:31:43.200
So that was another big thing.
00:31:43.359 --> 00:31:46.400
It's like nothing that I thought it was gonna look like.
00:31:46.640 --> 00:31:46.960
Yeah.
00:31:47.440 --> 00:31:48.640
With motherhood happening.
00:31:49.119 --> 00:31:51.839
Plans and dreams and yeah, none of it.
00:31:52.079 --> 00:31:58.400
Um, yeah, and then kind of a funny one that was also discouraging, but it was more just extremely frustrating.
00:31:58.640 --> 00:32:07.039
I had a doctor who his specialty is hematology, and he decided to tell me what shoes I needed to wear that would help me.
00:32:07.519 --> 00:32:08.720
A little out of a specialty.
00:32:08.880 --> 00:32:09.279
Yeah.
00:32:09.440 --> 00:32:11.119
And I just got so mad.
00:32:11.200 --> 00:32:13.440
And my husband said, Well, I mean, he has that good point.
00:32:13.519 --> 00:32:15.359
Like, those would probably help you.
00:32:15.519 --> 00:32:17.519
And I was like, just stay in your lane, man.
00:32:17.680 --> 00:32:19.759
Like, stay in your lane.
00:32:20.160 --> 00:32:24.640
Um, so that actually was a motivator to find a different doctor.
00:32:25.119 --> 00:32:26.400
You're such a fighter, Aaron.
00:32:26.720 --> 00:32:26.880
I am.
00:32:27.359 --> 00:32:30.559
I was like, I'm so angry about the shoe comment.
00:32:31.039 --> 00:32:37.759
Um, but I actually switched to a different doctor and he changed some medication for me and was incredible.
00:32:37.920 --> 00:32:38.240
Yeah.
00:32:38.400 --> 00:32:41.680
Um, but I mean, just I'm not gonna settle.
00:32:41.920 --> 00:32:42.400
Yeah.
00:32:42.640 --> 00:32:44.400
Did you ever get those kind of shoes?
00:32:44.720 --> 00:32:45.039
No.
00:32:45.279 --> 00:32:47.279
And I think part of me was in spite.
00:32:47.599 --> 00:32:49.920
Yes, I'm so stubborn about it.
00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:52.640
I'm like, um, no, I'm not doing that.
00:32:52.799 --> 00:32:54.799
I will try every other shoe but those.
00:32:57.119 --> 00:32:58.000
Oh man.
00:32:58.480 --> 00:33:09.039
I wonder, okay, so just that takes me back to us being in high school for a second, just because I remember Miss Champagne, our science teacher, I think she told this to both of us.
00:33:09.119 --> 00:33:16.000
Or I got a card that said this at least, um, for us to slow down because we're doing kind of a lot.
00:33:16.160 --> 00:33:16.799
Yeah.
00:33:17.440 --> 00:33:20.319
And I think both of us are like, uh-uh, no.
00:33:21.119 --> 00:33:22.079
That's how I was made.
00:33:22.160 --> 00:33:24.640
Like, why should I go against what's natural to me?
00:33:24.960 --> 00:33:29.680
Maybe I need to use it in a more productive manner than I might have been at the time.
00:33:29.759 --> 00:33:35.920
But yeah, because you were on the dance line then and doing all the things, and I was in multiple sports as well.
00:33:36.079 --> 00:33:37.759
And we're both like, no.
00:33:38.240 --> 00:33:39.599
That's kind of my thing now.
00:33:39.680 --> 00:33:45.680
Like, if everything I'm doing currently brings me joy, why should I put one day on?
00:33:45.839 --> 00:33:46.000
Yeah.
00:33:46.160 --> 00:33:47.359
I just gotta figure it out.
00:33:47.920 --> 00:33:50.079
Now there have been, you know, the whole ball analogy.
00:33:50.240 --> 00:33:52.480
Like some of them are glass and some of them are plastic.
00:33:52.720 --> 00:33:54.640
I've released most of the plastic ones.
00:33:54.799 --> 00:33:55.119
Yeah.
00:33:55.359 --> 00:33:57.359
And at this point, I'm like, I love what I'm doing.
00:33:57.519 --> 00:33:58.240
Yes, it's a lot.
00:33:58.319 --> 00:33:59.119
Yes, I'm crazy.
00:33:59.279 --> 00:34:03.920
And chasing myself around half the time and other things aren't being taken care of.
00:34:04.160 --> 00:34:08.719
But I mean, if God gives us gifts, we should be good stewards of them.
00:34:09.679 --> 00:34:10.880
Yeah, that's true.
00:34:11.519 --> 00:34:13.360
Well, to me, that's part of worship.
00:34:14.159 --> 00:34:17.039
Uh, and you know, using the things that he gave you to do.
00:34:17.280 --> 00:34:18.400
Oh, that's how I see it.
00:34:18.480 --> 00:34:21.119
So yeah, I'm I'm an agreement fair.
00:34:22.960 --> 00:34:23.519
All right.
00:34:23.760 --> 00:34:25.920
So, what are some things like through this experience?
00:34:26.079 --> 00:34:27.599
I mean, it's that wasn't 2021.
00:34:27.679 --> 00:34:30.639
We're here in 2025, almost 2026.
00:34:31.119 --> 00:34:34.159
Um, uh, with what's been going on with you.
00:34:34.400 --> 00:34:36.239
What what have you learned about God?
00:34:36.400 --> 00:34:39.119
Like, what have you learned about him and his his character?
00:34:39.360 --> 00:34:42.480
What is something that y'all y'all have grown through together with?
00:34:43.199 --> 00:34:47.039
The word that stands out to me the most is steadfast.
00:34:47.599 --> 00:34:50.079
Um, he didn't waver even when I did.
00:34:51.199 --> 00:34:52.800
And just knowing.
00:34:55.199 --> 00:35:01.519
I feel like he speaks sometimes the loudest to us when we're in a season of uncertainty.
00:35:01.760 --> 00:35:02.079
Yeah.
00:35:02.400 --> 00:35:03.679
Or when we're quiet.
00:35:03.840 --> 00:35:06.400
You know, sometimes he whispers and you're like, is that him?
00:35:06.559 --> 00:35:07.679
Is that not him?
00:35:08.159 --> 00:35:13.199
But when he speaks so clearly, it's like there's no denying.
00:35:13.360 --> 00:35:17.920
And so just having that piece to remember how steadfast he is.
00:35:18.159 --> 00:35:20.400
He supported me when I couldn't support myself.
00:35:20.559 --> 00:35:20.800
Yeah.
00:35:20.880 --> 00:35:36.719
Um, he put the right people in my path, whether it have been years prior with friendships and them showing up in ways that I didn't even know they would need to, or in people like my medical team, other than the two that I didn't love.
00:35:36.880 --> 00:35:47.840
Um, everyone else has been really great and a huge support of me pushing myself and figuring things out instead of just being complacent.
00:35:48.000 --> 00:35:48.239
Yeah.
00:35:48.400 --> 00:35:52.000
Um, but just knowing really just steadfast.
00:35:52.079 --> 00:35:57.599
Like that is the yeah, that to me is the biggest thing that he's shown me in this season.
00:35:57.840 --> 00:35:58.239
Yeah.
00:35:58.480 --> 00:35:59.199
And that's huge.
00:35:59.360 --> 00:35:59.760
We need that.
00:35:59.840 --> 00:36:05.519
These people, we need that um from people, and especially God, you know, they know that they're gonna be there.
00:36:05.760 --> 00:36:08.400
Something that you can hold on to, you know.
00:36:08.639 --> 00:36:11.119
And it's like, you know, hindsight's 2020.
00:36:11.199 --> 00:36:13.039
Like we kind of know, yeah, he's always there.
00:36:13.199 --> 00:36:16.159
Yeah, we know that it's great on a coffee mug.
00:36:16.400 --> 00:36:16.800
Right.
00:36:17.280 --> 00:36:28.639
But then to fully walk in that, and then any moment I was doubting, either he pointed something out in a song, and I I know it's him that did that.
00:36:28.880 --> 00:36:30.960
It wasn't just my brain coming up with it.
00:36:31.119 --> 00:36:31.760
Yeah.
00:36:32.480 --> 00:36:35.119
Because of all the lyrics, why that one?
00:36:35.599 --> 00:36:37.280
Um, or at this time, yeah.
00:36:37.519 --> 00:36:46.000
Or somebody sending me something like an encouraging card in the mail, or yeah, a doctor calling and saying, like, hey, instead of waiting two weeks, we can get you in tomorrow.
00:36:46.159 --> 00:36:48.159
Like, yeah, I just feel like that's all him.
00:36:48.880 --> 00:36:52.480
Orchestrating everything and just having that, like, yeah, he's always there.
00:36:52.559 --> 00:36:52.719
Yeah.
00:36:52.880 --> 00:36:54.480
And he sh was proving it to me.
00:36:54.639 --> 00:36:55.119
Yeah.
00:36:55.920 --> 00:36:56.880
That's good.
00:36:57.760 --> 00:37:03.119
Um, so what advice would he give to someone that finds himself in some type of similar situation?
00:37:03.280 --> 00:37:14.800
I mean, it I don't know, it feels like this is a rare thing, but at the same time, like, you know, we go in for, I know people who go in for an appointment for one thing and come out for something totally different than what they expected.
00:37:14.880 --> 00:37:18.400
I feel like that aspect of it is something that happens to people.
00:37:18.719 --> 00:37:21.920
Um, what advice would you give that person?
00:37:22.239 --> 00:37:26.000
So, my biggest piece of advice would be to trust your instincts.
00:37:26.079 --> 00:37:28.800
And I truly believe that that gut feeling is the Holy Spirit.
00:37:29.360 --> 00:37:31.599
That is the Holy Spirit leading you.
00:37:32.079 --> 00:37:39.760
Um, if you get a weird feeling, so if we're talking something similar to my situation, if you get a weird feeling about a medical provider, yeah, question them.
00:37:40.000 --> 00:37:40.559
Yeah.
00:37:40.800 --> 00:37:46.400
Like they kind of say, you know, people practice medicine, they practice law.
00:37:47.280 --> 00:37:48.800
We're practicing, okay.
00:37:50.079 --> 00:37:51.920
You're just practicing here.
00:37:52.320 --> 00:37:59.440
Um, and I do hold them to high regard, but at the same time, it's okay to question.
00:37:59.599 --> 00:37:59.920
Yeah.
00:38:00.079 --> 00:38:06.159
And I think that that's one of the best ways we can advocate for ourselves is being in tune with the Holy Spirit.
00:38:06.239 --> 00:38:07.199
Okay, this feels funny.
00:38:07.360 --> 00:38:13.360
Something's going on here that isn't, even if it's just not making sense, just ask questions.
00:38:13.440 --> 00:38:17.440
And if you don't know what questions to ask, find somebody who might can help you in that.
00:38:17.599 --> 00:38:17.840
Yeah.
00:38:18.000 --> 00:38:19.519
Just tell people what's going on.
00:38:19.760 --> 00:38:21.599
I'm a big believer in vulnerability.
00:38:21.679 --> 00:38:23.840
I think that's one of the hard-that's one of the hard.
00:38:24.239 --> 00:38:25.599
I think that's why we have podcasts.
00:38:25.920 --> 00:38:26.320
Yes.
00:38:26.480 --> 00:38:26.880
Yes.
00:38:27.039 --> 00:38:28.719
I feel there's so much strength to it.
00:38:28.880 --> 00:38:29.199
Yes.
00:38:29.440 --> 00:38:32.320
It's the thing is not owning you if you're able to talk about it.
00:38:32.480 --> 00:38:32.719
Yes.
00:38:32.880 --> 00:38:34.719
And then it builds community.
00:38:34.880 --> 00:38:35.039
Yeah.
00:38:35.280 --> 00:38:40.159
Because people are like, oh, I didn't know you went through that, or just encouraging others that are going through.
00:38:40.559 --> 00:38:41.920
And we're always so much stronger together.
00:38:42.079 --> 00:38:42.320
Yes.
00:38:42.719 --> 00:38:43.840
Because God made us that way.
00:38:44.000 --> 00:38:45.119
Why do we fight it?
00:38:45.360 --> 00:38:46.079
I don't know.
00:38:46.320 --> 00:38:47.519
I mean, it's pride.
00:38:47.679 --> 00:38:48.079
Yeah.
00:38:48.320 --> 00:38:49.840
That's true too.
00:38:50.159 --> 00:38:55.119
Um, but that that would be my biggest piece of advice is just trust those instincts.
00:38:55.440 --> 00:39:00.239
Even if you can't name the feeling, if the feeling is uncomfortable, dive deeper into that.
00:39:00.480 --> 00:39:03.280
Yeah, like figure out what that where that feeling is coming from.
00:39:03.519 --> 00:39:05.199
And yeah, that's good advice.
00:39:05.440 --> 00:39:06.400
I totally agree.
00:39:06.559 --> 00:39:07.199
Thanks.
00:39:07.440 --> 00:39:09.280
I still give it to myself sometimes.
00:39:09.920 --> 00:39:10.320
Same.
00:39:10.719 --> 00:39:18.079
But like, because you know, instinct, like, I don't, I think people, especially not of the faith, would um they would just call it an instinct.
00:39:18.159 --> 00:39:27.119
But you know, as a believer, like, you know, God created me and he created motions and he created that, which means he is Lord of that.
00:39:27.360 --> 00:39:29.519
So if I'm feeling that, he put it there.
00:39:29.920 --> 00:39:33.280
You know, so that's very much the spirit because God is spirit.
00:39:34.239 --> 00:39:35.599
Some people forget that.
00:39:35.840 --> 00:39:38.800
Um, but yeah, it's a way that he's communicating with us.
00:39:38.960 --> 00:39:43.039
Yes, we don't always hear him like I did in the hospital.
00:39:43.199 --> 00:39:47.039
I mean, that again was one of the few times I've ever had that type of experience with him.
00:39:47.280 --> 00:39:47.599
Right.
00:39:47.760 --> 00:39:52.960
But other times I'm like, my gut rarely leads me astray.
00:39:53.039 --> 00:39:53.280
Yeah.
00:39:53.440 --> 00:39:55.039
And I know that's the Holy Spirit.
00:39:55.199 --> 00:39:58.559
I know that's him leading me just in a different way.
00:39:58.800 --> 00:39:59.440
Yeah.
00:40:00.079 --> 00:40:02.159
Well, that's a great talk.
00:40:02.880 --> 00:40:04.159
That's a good word, Aaron.
00:40:04.559 --> 00:40:06.960
Um, get a little preachy sometimes.
00:40:07.199 --> 00:40:08.719
I'm like, this is important.
00:40:09.519 --> 00:40:10.159
Yeah.
00:40:10.719 --> 00:40:18.800
Well, at this point, I would like us to just um kind of switch gears a little bit and talk more about what strong as a mother is about.
00:40:19.199 --> 00:40:23.519
Um, earlier in the show, I was like, ooh, made a little joke about being strong.
00:40:24.159 --> 00:40:25.519
Um, I can't help myself.
00:40:25.760 --> 00:40:26.719
I'm a little punny.
00:40:27.199 --> 00:40:32.320
Um, but um I think uh probably maybe you're hearing that a bunch.
00:40:32.400 --> 00:40:33.199
And I I agree.
00:40:33.280 --> 00:40:41.840
I'm only I'm only hearing parts of these this story, and I know there's a lot more that uh could be shared, but uh I'm like, yeah, you're definitely a strong woman.
00:40:42.079 --> 00:40:45.760
Um, but I know that's only part of where this podcast comes from.
00:40:45.840 --> 00:40:52.320
So please tell us more about what strong a mother uh your podcast comes from, who it's for, and all the things.
00:40:52.559 --> 00:40:56.559
Okay, so strong as a mother, a little backstory.
00:40:56.800 --> 00:40:59.840
I had this idea in 2022.
00:41:00.400 --> 00:41:04.159
And it I just got it started in 2025.
00:41:04.719 --> 00:41:11.039
So that is kind of the Lord working on me in that season and just getting full clarity.
00:41:11.119 --> 00:41:12.639
And he's like, Okay, now you're ready.
00:41:12.800 --> 00:41:14.880
Yeah, you've done the work, now you're ready.
00:41:15.039 --> 00:41:28.000
Um, so Strong as a Mother, it's a faith, faith-based podcast where we share raw, unfiltered stories of moms walking through both everyday challenges of motherhood and life-changing struggles.
00:41:28.239 --> 00:41:28.480
Yeah.
00:41:28.639 --> 00:41:39.920
And it's for women who want to feel seen, encouraged, and reminded that God is present in every season of motherhood, the seasons that are beautiful, the messy ones and the refining ones.
00:41:40.159 --> 00:41:46.400
And I've had several women in my circle just say, Oh, I've not, I've not been through anything tough.
00:41:47.199 --> 00:41:48.880
And I'm like, You're a mom.
00:41:49.519 --> 00:41:53.760
And it doesn't have to be a medical like trauma like mine.
00:41:53.920 --> 00:41:57.760
It doesn't have to be I mean, the newborn phase just tough.
00:41:58.000 --> 00:42:03.119
And I'm like, mom, God is refining us all the time.
00:42:03.920 --> 00:42:10.079
And if we just kind of take a step back and look at like, who were you before you were a mom and who are you now?
00:42:10.880 --> 00:42:12.159
You went through something.
00:42:12.320 --> 00:42:12.480
Yeah.
00:42:12.719 --> 00:42:14.400
Even if it was the newborn phase.
00:42:14.480 --> 00:42:14.639
Yeah.
00:42:14.719 --> 00:42:17.199
And it's like, ah, and some people that's their favorite.
00:42:17.360 --> 00:42:19.360
Um, I don't really remember it.
00:42:19.760 --> 00:42:22.719
So yeah, yeah.
00:42:23.039 --> 00:42:34.559
And it's just, I shared my story in one of the first episodes of the podcast because I feel like we needed that, you know, root of where to grow from.
00:42:35.119 --> 00:42:46.239
But every episode stance, it's just just like this, just talking with women in this situation, moms, who I'm like, just tell me your story or a part of your story.
00:42:46.719 --> 00:42:48.719
And where did where was God in all of that?
00:42:48.880 --> 00:42:50.800
And if you didn't see him then, where do you see him now?
00:42:50.960 --> 00:42:52.480
Yeah, like where did your strength come from?
00:42:52.639 --> 00:42:53.760
Yeah, you know, yeah.
00:42:54.000 --> 00:42:57.519
And that is it's so cool.
00:42:57.679 --> 00:43:01.199
It's a lot of women come, they're like, I'm so scared to talk.
00:43:01.440 --> 00:43:02.239
Like, I get that.
00:43:02.400 --> 00:43:03.519
Like it's natural for me.
00:43:03.679 --> 00:43:11.679
Yeah, but I get that, but every mom has at the end of it been like, Man, I feel so much better sharing that.
00:43:11.840 --> 00:43:12.000
Yeah.
00:43:12.159 --> 00:43:13.039
I'm like, yes.
00:43:13.280 --> 00:43:17.360
And someone, even one listener is going to get something from that.
00:43:17.599 --> 00:43:17.840
Yeah.
00:43:18.079 --> 00:43:19.360
And it's it's a beautiful thing.
00:43:19.519 --> 00:43:24.480
Like, you know, I can attest being on being on the on the other side, um, like like yourself.
00:43:24.719 --> 00:43:26.239
And it is fun helping.
00:43:26.320 --> 00:43:28.880
Um, I say fun, that's really not a strong enough word.
00:43:29.039 --> 00:43:31.199
It is um a blessing.
00:43:31.760 --> 00:43:39.519
It is encouraging for for us as the podcasters um to be a part of that process for the other person.
00:43:39.679 --> 00:43:39.920
Yeah.
00:43:40.079 --> 00:43:48.320
And and and to, you know, because as the interviewer, you get a little bit more of the story than what's put out.
00:43:48.480 --> 00:43:50.239
And what a blessing, what a treasure.
00:43:50.400 --> 00:43:51.760
Like I always treasure them.
00:43:51.920 --> 00:43:53.440
Um carries, yeah.
00:43:53.679 --> 00:43:56.800
And I'm like, anytime that you don't feel strong, go listen to your episode.
00:43:56.960 --> 00:43:57.280
Yes.
00:43:57.440 --> 00:43:58.480
Please, go listen.
00:43:58.800 --> 00:43:59.760
Like those are your words.
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:02.480
Of what you've been through and where God showed up for you.
00:44:02.559 --> 00:44:06.000
So if you ever question him in the future, it's now saved.
00:44:07.840 --> 00:44:11.599
So why do you feel like now has been the time to put it out there?
00:44:11.760 --> 00:44:16.320
You mentioned earlier like you've done the work now, and now's the time to put the podcast out there.
00:44:17.039 --> 00:44:33.840
Once I got to a place where I know my struggle why I didn't come out any sooner, and I actually talked to my therapist about this, um, was about am I strong enough to facilitate these conversations?
00:44:34.480 --> 00:44:44.079
Or is someone I was so afraid that someone was gonna say something and I not respond correctly in a way of I can defer to humor sometimes.
00:44:44.239 --> 00:44:44.559
Yeah.
00:44:45.039 --> 00:44:47.039
Or just completely break down.
00:44:47.119 --> 00:44:48.559
And not that that's a bad thing.
00:44:48.719 --> 00:44:53.199
I feel like all emotions are good, just what we do with them is where we need to focus.
00:44:53.440 --> 00:44:53.760
Yeah.
00:44:53.920 --> 00:45:02.480
But I never wanted any other mom to feel guilty for what she was sharing or to maybe backpedal and be like, oh gosh, I didn't mean to do that.
00:45:02.719 --> 00:45:04.800
Like make any form of uncomfort.
00:45:05.199 --> 00:45:09.519
Um, and so I just did a lot of work on me, and then I was like, okay, I'm ready.
00:45:09.679 --> 00:45:14.559
My space was ready because that was something mentally for me that needed to be taken care of.
00:45:14.639 --> 00:45:14.960
Yeah.
00:45:15.360 --> 00:45:20.239
And now I just feel like women are craving authenticity and hope.
00:45:20.400 --> 00:45:20.719
Yeah.
00:45:20.960 --> 00:45:25.920
There's so many, so much is filtered or curated.
00:45:26.239 --> 00:45:26.559
Yeah.
00:45:26.719 --> 00:45:29.280
And I'm like, that's not the real world.
00:45:29.840 --> 00:45:38.719
If we could really just show up as ourselves, and then the next step to me is share some of the mess that we've been through.
00:45:39.760 --> 00:45:40.719
That is real.
00:45:41.039 --> 00:45:43.119
That's where we're going to build true community.
00:45:43.280 --> 00:45:43.519
Yeah.
00:45:43.679 --> 00:45:49.199
And I feel like people in general, but especially women, like you said earlier, like community is so important.
00:45:49.440 --> 00:45:49.760
Yeah.
00:45:50.239 --> 00:45:53.360
And a true community is vulnerable with each other.
00:45:53.519 --> 00:45:55.519
And they're there to support in the hard times.
00:45:55.599 --> 00:45:58.079
But nobody can support you if they don't know what's going on.
00:45:58.239 --> 00:45:58.639
Exactly.
00:45:58.880 --> 00:46:04.239
So even if it was a season in the past, like it still refines us, it still shapes us.
00:46:04.400 --> 00:46:08.159
And when we can see God in that, that's the most powerful thing.
00:46:08.320 --> 00:46:10.079
Yeah, totally agree.
00:46:13.199 --> 00:46:16.079
Well, how often do you release your episodes?
00:46:16.320 --> 00:46:18.800
Right now, weekly on Friday mornings.
00:46:18.960 --> 00:46:19.599
Friday morning.
00:46:21.280 --> 00:46:22.400
I actually prayed over that.
00:46:23.199 --> 00:46:27.199
I was so stressed out about, I was not stressed out about the actual conversations.
00:46:27.360 --> 00:46:28.800
I'm like, I'm ready to rock and roll.
00:46:29.119 --> 00:46:30.639
And then I'm like, when do I put these out?
00:46:30.719 --> 00:46:31.360
How often do I?
00:46:32.159 --> 00:46:33.599
I saw you post about that one, Bob.
00:46:34.079 --> 00:46:35.119
All the little stuff.
00:46:35.199 --> 00:46:36.800
It's like, this is inconsequential.
00:46:37.199 --> 00:46:38.719
Why is this a big deal?
00:46:38.960 --> 00:46:39.760
I may have responded.
00:46:39.840 --> 00:46:40.159
I don't remember.
00:46:40.239 --> 00:46:43.280
I know I've responded in my head, but you've been a great help.
00:46:43.360 --> 00:46:43.920
Trust me.
00:46:44.079 --> 00:46:45.039
You really have.
00:46:45.519 --> 00:46:48.800
But yeah, so right now, uh weekly on Friday mornings.
00:46:49.360 --> 00:46:52.960
And then I also have a Facebook community and an Instagram.
00:46:53.119 --> 00:46:54.800
It's strong as a mother official.
00:46:55.199 --> 00:46:58.079
And I've had those since 2022.
00:46:58.960 --> 00:47:00.239
That part's been around for a minute.
00:47:01.199 --> 00:47:04.320
The podcast part was that bigger leap of faith for it.
00:47:04.480 --> 00:47:06.960
But I was like, you've gotten me here.
00:47:07.199 --> 00:47:10.800
I still have to keep trusting you, even though I don't like where we're going.
00:47:10.880 --> 00:47:14.079
Or I don't, it wasn't that I was afraid to podcast.
00:47:14.239 --> 00:47:15.440
It was the logistics.
00:47:15.679 --> 00:47:17.039
Yeah, there's a lot of them.
00:47:17.199 --> 00:47:17.840
There is.
00:47:18.320 --> 00:47:22.000
And then when I started figuring it out, I was like, oh, this is not that bad.
00:47:22.559 --> 00:47:23.199
Oh, okay.
00:47:23.360 --> 00:47:23.920
I got it.
00:47:24.320 --> 00:47:33.280
And it was like that night, like finished cleaning up my office, got it taken care of, opened everything because I've had my equipment since 2022.
00:47:34.079 --> 00:47:35.920
January of 2022.
00:47:36.159 --> 00:47:36.400
Okay.
00:47:36.639 --> 00:47:36.880
Yeah.
00:47:37.119 --> 00:47:40.800
Opened everything up, set it up, and I recorded the trailer that night.
00:47:40.960 --> 00:47:41.280
Wow.
00:47:41.360 --> 00:47:41.599
Yeah.
00:47:41.760 --> 00:47:42.000
Okay.
00:47:42.239 --> 00:47:44.079
Like once I'm decided, we're doing it.
00:47:44.159 --> 00:47:47.840
But yeah, I mean, it's not it just takes it takes that just doing it.
00:47:47.920 --> 00:47:48.159
Yeah.
00:47:48.320 --> 00:47:49.840
You know, you can digging in there.
00:47:50.000 --> 00:47:52.480
You can plan all you want until you just kind of get in there.
00:47:52.639 --> 00:47:52.960
Yeah.
00:47:53.920 --> 00:47:56.880
Well, um, I wish your podcast well.
00:47:57.440 --> 00:47:59.760
Um I think it's great.
00:48:00.000 --> 00:48:01.760
Um, I'm Wanna Live All podcast.
00:48:02.000 --> 00:48:03.840
I mean a podcaster.
00:48:04.480 --> 00:48:08.559
Um, but I totally support what you're doing, and I can't wait to hear more of more from you.
00:48:08.880 --> 00:48:09.280
Thank you.
00:48:09.360 --> 00:48:11.039
And thank you for your help along the way.
00:48:11.360 --> 00:48:12.719
Yeah, you're welcome.
00:48:13.679 --> 00:48:14.239
All right.
00:48:14.719 --> 00:48:23.280
Um, yeah, so and thank you for coming on today and and sharing your story and for sharing about your vision and um everything for your podcast.
00:48:23.440 --> 00:48:26.800
I think it's gonna be great and just a wonderful ministry to other people.
00:48:27.199 --> 00:48:28.159
I appreciate that.
00:48:28.639 --> 00:48:29.840
I'm excited.
00:48:30.960 --> 00:48:34.719
My name is Aaron Simpson, and this is my story of the middle.
00:48:35.039 --> 00:48:39.360
And I'm your host, Brandy Abostik, um, from the Up for the Up Podcast.
00:48:39.599 --> 00:48:41.039
Psalm 40, verse 2.
00:48:41.119 --> 00:48:47.840
He brought me up from a desolate pit out of the muddy clay and set my feet on the rock, making my steps secure.