Mastering the Busy Mom Method

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[SPEAKER_00]: Hello everybody, it is your girl Jennifer and welcome to another episode of Unscripted 2.0.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I know every mom right now, the soliciting has felt that moment when they're running on fumes, they're doing a million things, but they're also feeling that they're failing at that one thing that matters most.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's being present.
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[SPEAKER_00]: My guest has spent her career helping mothers break free of that exhaust and cycle.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Ashi Schwartz is a certified life transformation coach and the brilliant mind behind the busy mom method.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Her philosophy is simple but powerful.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You don't need more time and a day, you just need a better system at managing your life.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So today Ashi is here to give us some strategies to be bruised in our priorities to finally set those crucial boundaries and the secret to finding time for realistic self care without the mom built.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So welcome Ashi to the podcast.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much, Jennifer.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's such a pleasure to be here with you.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I am so excited.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I a little bit about how we connected like most people do at this point in life.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's through social media.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I just really enjoyed your content, a busy mom myself, in her mid 40s.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's just hard to just kind of do all the things.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I just really gravitated to your content.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And you do such a great job with doing all the things that moms do, whether it's
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[SPEAKER_00]: and just balance that your client life and your work life.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So the first question I have to ask you is, how did you get started in all of this?
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[SPEAKER_00]: And what was that one aha moment or struggle?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Where you're just like, you know what?
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to put this together to maybe offer this to other people.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know Jennifer it was kind of a crazy wild ride career wise.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I became a personal trainer when I was 18 years old.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I coached a bunch of different groups of people I worked at high end gyms in Denver.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I coach people recovering from bypass and stents surgeries.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I helped coach bodybuilders.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So when I was in college, I was in like the thick of it just coaching going to school.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what I did.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But when I graduated, I actually went on to work in sales and the oil and gas industry.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I completely left the industry for a while there.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I continued to coach on the side, but it was more on like a referral basis, and Jennifer, this was back before we had apps.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We didn't have zoom.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We didn't have any of that stuff.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We were just kind of like emailing programs back and forth, progress photos, catching up on phone calls.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I just continued to do that on the side because I was passionate about it, but it wasn't my main career for a lot of years.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, fast forward quite a few years.
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[SPEAKER_01]: My husband and I got married.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We moved to Idaho.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We gave up our careers in oil and gas.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I started working for a technology company.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I had two kids.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, one day my husband and I were sitting there having the conversation and I asked him I said, if you could do anything.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, work wise in money wasn't a factor.
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[SPEAKER_01]: What would you do?
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[SPEAKER_01]: And he gave me his answer and he asked me the same.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I said, Well, I would go back to coaching.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I love making an impact in people's lives.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I would help women get healthy the way that I have and be able to set those boundaries and, you know, get rid of the mom guilt and just get healthy.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And he was like, well, you know, you could do that, right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: And it literally like that aha moment you're talking about like the light bulb went off.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, why aren't I doing this?
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I literally like, it was probably a week later and I'm like, all right, well, I'm going to start up my own business.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to give up my corporate career in my real motivation Jennifer came from, I had a Spanish teacher in middle school.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And she stated teacher her whole life because she wanted to be able to have summers off with our kids to go travel overseas.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So she really inspired me, and one day I was like, you know what, well if I'm my own boss, I can take summers off.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can travel overseas with my family, and not have to work during the summer, and then my kids don't have to go to summer school.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So it literally just clicked, and I was like, all right, I'm starting a business, and I started the business, and I probably quit my corporate career a month and a half later.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So it was a wild ride and you know, I feel like it just connects to what it is that you, your purposes and life and what calls to you and all the things that work within your life and it's so funny that you say that because that is exactly one of the decisions I made to go into education because that's one of the things I do to have time with my son to be there with him on the holidays to pick him up from school and to be able to you know go to all of his basketball games because I think as moms we want to be a part of all of that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But some of us moms really want to be involved in career and having our own thing that gives us purpose.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I love that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So as two busy moms, I kind of want to understand what your definition of busy is.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Because I think moms sometimes have so many different variables that they might consider busy.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But what do you think or how do you define the busy mom?
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[SPEAKER_01]: there's really no clear cut definition, Jennifer, because everybody's life is different and everybody struggles and what they can fit their busy work and the things on their play are different.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you and I both work and we do podcasts and we have kids and we're trying to do all the activities.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We're balancing a lot.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But I work with women who are stay at home moms.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I work with women who are very career-driven, who travel a lot.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I work with women who have kind of a hybrid thing where they work from home and they home school.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like everybody's level of business is different.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But I think it's all valid.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that's what's hard is oftentimes as mothers.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We compare our business and our workload to somebody else.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I have so many stay at home moms who come in and they'll say, well, I don't really work.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, girl,
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[SPEAKER_01]: Taking care of kids every day is the ultimate work, like that is higher stress levels than most top paid CEOs and large corporations.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I think that our level of busyness is really dictated by what we're used to and what we put on our plate.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not necessarily your busier than me or somebody else's busier than us.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's that we are all busy in different ways in the way that we manage that and the way that we approach our life with just kind of figuring out what works for us and what doesn't is just kind of what dictates that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so I be on the tools and what did what is it about your coaching business that kind of sets you apart from others because I know I can go online right now and there are a zillion people out there trying to tell me why I should use their methods and why their method is better than any others I mean you probably see it too we but we probably follow a zillion of those so what is it about your method that is so unique.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I think what really sets it apart is it is designed for busy women.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think that there's so many programs out there that kind of missed the boat and they assume everybody has an hour to spend at the gym hours to meal prep on the weekends and as a busy mom, it's just like as I grew from being, you know, a single woman to a wife to a mother to a mother of two to a business owner my level of.
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[SPEAKER_01]: capacity to be able to do all of those things changed and shift it a lot.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I think that, you know, I always like to say, if the people you're following on Instagram, don't have to deal with the middle of the night wakeups from kids.
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[SPEAKER_01]: They don't have two toddlers running around.
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[SPEAKER_01]: They don't have, you know, a household to take care of and pets implications and all these schedules to manage, then they're never going to give you the recommendations that are going to fit your lifestyle.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You need somebody who truly understands the struggles.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I feel like it takes a mother to know a mother, the mental load we carry, just the
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[SPEAKER_01]: expectations we set on ourselves, the way that we stack our plate for other, everybody else's needs in the way that we self-sacrifice.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I think that for one, I'm a mom, so being able to coach other mothers is like a real sweet spot for me.
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[SPEAKER_01]: The other thing is, I'm not a weight loss coach.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a body-recomposition coach.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And the reason that matters is because every year after we turn 30, our body naturally starts to after a few muscle, which slows our metabolism down, which is why so many women have imbalance hormones, high cortisol, they're putting on belly fat, they can't get rid of, they have no energy.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So my program really addresses the underlying issues.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's not a crash diet, it's not a quick fix.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that so many women are constantly dieting.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And on these restrictive diets, these crash diets, they lose 20 pounds.
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[SPEAKER_01]: They gain it back.
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[SPEAKER_01]: They lose 10 pounds.
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[SPEAKER_01]: They gain it back.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And my program is really designed to avoid all of that and get down to the root of our health concerns.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And the things that have gotten us to this place in the first place, so that we can lose the body fat once and for all and never have to gain it back.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's just a different approach.
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[SPEAKER_00]: No, and that's really great because I think that, you know, right now what I'm sensing with my mom friends that are in our fees and, you know, I'm 47.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I think I want to say the past two years, my body has been doing some really funny things to me, you know?
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's also having that community, you know, of women, and then going to that person that understands it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't think sometimes a lot of people understand that decade and what it does to a woman's body.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I love that you're able to say, well, look, it's not just about losing weight because it's so much bigger than that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I really think that that's something that a lot of people need to really pay attention to when they're looking for people to work with.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So let's talk about time blocking in priorities.
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[SPEAKER_00]: How do you advise moms to decide where to spend their precious few hours a day, especially when they don't have a lot of time?
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[SPEAKER_00]: So those moms that maybe are not stay at home moms, those moms have maybe an hour.
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[SPEAKER_00]: How do you get them to kind of prioritize them?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Thanks.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And what is the idea of time blocking?
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's hard.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like most women come to my program thinking I don't have enough time.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like we all say we're so busy.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We don't have enough time.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But in reality, sometimes all it takes is getting real focused with our time and making sure that we are utilizing it properly.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I think that there's a handful of things that I think are really imperative for women and especially mothers to implement into their lives, to create that balance and also that self care and filling our cup.
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[SPEAKER_01]: One thing that I am really big on women setting aside time for is
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[SPEAKER_01]: So doing devotionals in the morning, even if it's two minutes, setting aside that time in the morning to get centered on your goals, your focus, your faith, all of that before you start your day, I think is incredibly powerful.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And again, it doesn't have to be long.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It could be two minutes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It could be five minutes, but it was taking a minute to pause.
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[SPEAKER_01]: and decide how you're going to start your day is incredible because you know this as moms have the time we're waking up kids are crying screaming everyone needs food like it's a mess so if you can intentionally wake up just a little bit early and give yourself some time in space I think it's so powerful.
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[SPEAKER_01]: As far as exercise I think that one of the best things that we could do for ourselves is move our body.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It increases our dopamine and serotonin.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It makes us feel good.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We're more confident.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We show up with better energy for our family.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It helps balance our hormones, lower our cortisol.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You're literally an endless list of benefits that come from exercise.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But one thing that I'm really adamant about is for me and my clients, we only work out 30 minutes a day at most five days a week.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a huge believer that we need to take weekends off to spend with our kids.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And obviously, everyone's schedule is different.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So maybe weekends aren't the aligned days off for them.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But taking two rest days to just spend time with your family is really important.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So 30 minutes of work out time, a little bit of time with God in the morning before you start your day.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And then also, I think that it's really important to make sure you are eating enough.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And it's something that I always talk about on my program is the majority of women have ironically diated it for so long that they tend to under eat they'll say oh I wake up in the morning and I'm not hungry so I don't eat breakfast and then I get busy at lunch and I'm at my desk so I don't eat lunch then by the time I realize it's dinner time and I'm eating dinner and then binge snacking in the evening.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So if we could be intentional about setting some blocks of like 10 minutes for breakfast, 10 minutes for lunch, 10 minutes, you know, time with our family for dinner, I think that's really powerful.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So if I was just give you an hour, I would say 30 minutes for exercise, no 20 minutes for breakfast and lunch throughout the day and then sometime with God first thing in the morning.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Wow, I mean, that's awesome.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you literally that and that's what I had is one hour.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I mean, I love that you're able to do that because you just packed in so many things and guess what it's all about me in those that 60 minutes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So that's a moment.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think we goosebumps because you have to think yes, that's about you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But think about the version of you you get to give to your kids.
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[SPEAKER_01]: that in your work.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, yes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: The buy product is my students, my clients, and most importantly, my son gets that version of me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I just got the new sponsor.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I totally agree with that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So let's kind of go to the other the other.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I guess maybe it's kind of similar, but let me see what you think.
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[SPEAKER_00]: What is a non-negotiables?
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[SPEAKER_00]: So how do you help moms identify and protect their non-negotiables?
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, everybody's non-negotiables are a little bit different.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Obviously, I have a list of my own long, just because I've been doing this for so long.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But what I always tell people when they come into this program, and I don't know if you got it from my content, or if this is just a word you use, but my podcast is called non-negotiable living.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So we are constantly talking about our non-negotiables.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think first and foremost, as mothers, like we have to make sure that we are spending devoted focused quality time with our kids.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, that is my highest priority.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, yes, I'm a business owner, yes, I'm a wife, yes, I'm a, you know, a friend, a daughter, all of these things, but I'm a mother.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's my favorite title.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I get to make sure that I'm structuring my day around focused times with my kids.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So, for me specifically, I like to wake up early and make sure that our
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[SPEAKER_01]: I came from a pretty disheveled background and there was never any consistency, there was always a lot of chaos, so that was something I was very adamant about making sure I removed from my life when I brought children into it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So we wake up slow in the morning, we snuggle with our kids every morning, we spend time outside, we play, we get ready, we go to the park, we go on walks, and that's all before seven o'clock in the morning sometimes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I also think as a business owner and you can probably relate to this, having that separation of work and family is so important.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that this goes for any woman who is a career woman.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's really hard to sometimes keep those boundary separate.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And if you work from home, it's even harder.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So that's one rule that we have in our household as we try to never work while the kids are home.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So yes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that stuff that is actually something you said to me when we were planning this so not only talking about it she lives at ladies and gentlemen she lives it so yeah you did say that to me you said no I can't do it because you know this is a time family time and you did say that to me so I appreciate that you are you know practicing what you're preaching to your clients.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And it's hard.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, I think also, as you said, it really is different with the different stages your children are in, you know, so your little ones are going to want to just snuggle all the time and do all the things with you.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And as they get a little older, the hugs become fewer and far and between, although I have an amazing relationship with my 15 year old.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But I do have to set the standard with him and say, hey, look, we're going to watch a movie or we're going to do this, but we're going to spend at least some time together because, you know, as they become older,
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's harder and harder to get them to want to prioritize that, but I agree, it is so necessary because they're not going to be with you for much longer.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They're often at it and we're never going to get that time back.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I definitely agree.
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[SPEAKER_01]: One of the reasons that we left the way on gas industry is my husband was constantly surrounded by men who were missing out on their children growing up because they were working so much.
14:52.955 --> 14:57.280
[SPEAKER_01]: So when we decided to get married and wanted to have kids, we were like, we can't do this.
14:57.380 --> 15:06.670
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to have a normal schedule where we can have dinner together every night, where we can spend weekends together, and we gave up really high-paying careers in order to make that sacrifice to start a family.
15:06.710 --> 15:10.734
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's hard because yes, it totally depends on your season of life.
15:11.215 --> 15:14.659
[SPEAKER_01]: And as your kids get older, they're not going to need you as much, they're not going to be around as much.
15:14.979 --> 15:16.060
[SPEAKER_01]: But I feel like there's this
15:16.040 --> 15:34.808
[SPEAKER_01]: kind of backwards thinking a lot of people are like well I'm going to work super hard while my kids are young that way they don't have to struggle later and it's like yeah but if you miss out on all of that quality time when they're young they're not going to want to spend time with you later so I agree oh my gosh again I agree because just like you I had a very I had
15:34.788 --> 15:38.333
[SPEAKER_00]: I background growing up where my mother was an entrepreneur.
15:38.573 --> 15:42.258
[SPEAKER_00]: She'd, I mean, for the time, owned businesses, and I never saw her.
15:42.338 --> 15:44.642
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I did not have that present mother ever.
15:45.082 --> 15:52.572
[SPEAKER_00]: She was around and when she got home, you know, from work, it was a chore for her to have to cook because she was so tired, which I understand now is an adult.
15:53.013 --> 15:54.936
[SPEAKER_00]: I never wanted that to be the case for me.
15:54.956 --> 15:57.319
[SPEAKER_00]: I never wanted to come home from work or my son,
15:57.299 --> 16:00.165
[SPEAKER_00]: be a little worried about what mood is mom in, is she tired?
16:00.586 --> 16:02.710
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that's why we make those adjustments.
16:02.730 --> 16:07.700
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think we have that in common that I just didn't want him to grow up in that way.
16:07.841 --> 16:09.344
[SPEAKER_00]: And now he does want to hang out with me.
16:09.745 --> 16:15.797
[SPEAKER_00]: So yes, it does exist, but it's a little harder, but he definitely does as I said, great relationship.
16:15.777 --> 16:18.039
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, do I have, I have another question for you.
16:18.160 --> 16:19.861
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I've lots of questions, but we'll start here.
16:20.322 --> 16:21.223
[SPEAKER_00]: So delegating.
16:21.423 --> 16:34.717
[SPEAKER_00]: I know sometimes in partnerships, you know, it's, it's sometimes hard to delegate, especially when maybe one person is out working a little bit more out working and then they come home, but it's still, you know, it's still a team effort.
16:34.797 --> 16:39.622
[SPEAKER_00]: How do you delegate or what are the things that you would tell a mom that has never delegated?
16:39.863 --> 16:42.105
[SPEAKER_00]: What is the one thing that she should start with?
16:42.608 --> 16:53.903
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's hard because I feel like as you get into a marriage, you start to fall into certain roles, and based on how you were raised, you're going to assume those roles based on what was exemplified for you.
16:54.404 --> 16:56.647
[SPEAKER_01]: So for me, it's like my dad always worked.
16:56.707 --> 16:58.650
[SPEAKER_01]: My mom always did everything around the house.
16:58.750 --> 17:04.618
[SPEAKER_01]: So when my husband and I got together, that was very much kind of the approach in our household is he was working long crazy hours.
17:04.738 --> 17:06.661
[SPEAKER_01]: I had a normal flexible work schedule.
17:07.082 --> 17:09.645
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was doing a lot of the stuff at home.
17:09.625 --> 17:25.643
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, when we decided to give up our careers and we had normal schedules and we moved and started a family, we had to start setting new expectations in our household and it was one of those things where it was hard to navigate because I was so used to just doing some of the tasks where we have to be able to learn how to ask for help.
17:25.623 --> 17:45.960
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's hard for women because we almost wear it as like a badge on our sleeve that we can do it all but it's not good for us and it's not good for our marriage and it makes us resentful and it makes us overwhelmed and overloaded and it doesn't allow us to give a most present happy involved version of ourselves to our kids or to our spouse.
17:45.940 --> 17:49.404
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was actually having a conversation with my clients about this this week.
17:49.444 --> 17:52.527
[SPEAKER_01]: We have a group coaching call on Tuesdays and we were talking about asking for help.
17:52.547 --> 17:58.513
[SPEAKER_01]: So what I did is I told my clients to write down a list of all of the tasks that they take care of.
17:59.213 --> 18:06.281
[SPEAKER_01]: And then draw arrows about whether or not this task gives them energy and makes them feel good in a complex or drains them.
18:06.781 --> 18:11.526
[SPEAKER_01]: So I want an up arrow if it gets you energy and you enjoy it, a down arrow if you don't enjoy it.
18:11.506 --> 18:14.851
[SPEAKER_01]: And then of those tasks, you separate out the ones that drain your energy.
18:15.311 --> 18:23.643
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you look at those and say, would I feel comfortable asking my spouse to do this and not correcting them if they don't do it in my way?
18:24.284 --> 18:29.531
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that's a really big thing in marriage that you have to understand is, it's hard enough to ask for help.
18:30.192 --> 18:34.337
[SPEAKER_01]: But then the harder part is we set these expectations about how things need to be done.
18:34.357 --> 18:39.184
[SPEAKER_01]: And if we ask our spouse for help, we need to accept the fact that they are going to do it their way.
18:39.164 --> 18:44.112
[SPEAKER_01]: And we need to not bother them, we need to not nitpick them, we need to not try and correct them.
18:44.272 --> 18:46.636
[SPEAKER_01]: We just need to be okay with the help being given.
18:47.277 --> 18:48.559
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's the other thing.
18:48.579 --> 18:52.085
[SPEAKER_01]: As evaluating on the list, what tasks could I ask this person to do?
18:52.125 --> 18:57.814
[SPEAKER_01]: And am I going to truly give up control so that I can allow them to do them?
18:57.794 --> 18:59.816
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's what I would recommend is deciding.
19:00.056 --> 19:26.822
[SPEAKER_00]: Does it get me to, yeah, yeah, I want to say that I think that that the part that I think is the most important part is once we hand over the task, we have to just take a step back because I think that's where the conflict comes in like we want the help, but then we want to we want the person to do do it our way and that's not how it works, you know, and I really I really am glad that you added that extra detail because I think sometimes
19:26.802 --> 19:31.169
[SPEAKER_00]: doesn't matter, when you ask for help, I mean, getting help is just the key point of it, right?
19:31.269 --> 19:34.814
[SPEAKER_00]: To unload, to unload, to unload, to unload, so let me ask about buffer time.
19:35.395 --> 19:36.316
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you write on that?
19:36.517 --> 19:39.621
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you think about buffer time and, and that white space?
19:39.801 --> 19:44.228
[SPEAKER_00]: So what, what do moms do or how should moms use that unplanned time?
19:44.689 --> 19:45.250
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
19:45.270 --> 19:47.152
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's a couple of things there, Jennifer.
19:47.193 --> 19:50.177
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if you've ever heard of Parkinson's law, but it says that,
19:50.157 --> 19:59.930
[SPEAKER_01]: A task will take you as long as you have to get it done, which means that for a lot of women, we have this long list of to do in our head, but we don't actually time block the task.
19:59.950 --> 20:04.717
[SPEAKER_01]: And then at the end of the day, we didn't get to a bunch of things because we had no structure to approach it.
20:05.178 --> 20:07.341
[SPEAKER_01]: And then the next day, we're like, I've so much on my to do list.
20:07.401 --> 20:09.904
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't get to yesterday and then it compounds.
20:09.884 --> 20:13.451
[SPEAKER_01]: So to me, I personally don't like buffer time.
20:13.671 --> 20:15.315
[SPEAKER_01]: I could send you a screenshot of my calendar.
20:15.395 --> 20:19.744
[SPEAKER_01]: It is structured from like 430 in the morning until about dinner time go to bed.
20:19.884 --> 20:20.545
[SPEAKER_01]: It's structured.
20:20.906 --> 20:24.733
[SPEAKER_01]: What I do have on there is I have time blocks where it's time with God.
20:25.194 --> 20:26.577
[SPEAKER_01]: Time with the kids.
20:26.557 --> 20:29.880
[SPEAKER_01]: a lunch break going to the gym drive time.
20:30.321 --> 20:34.906
[SPEAKER_01]: So I structure my day that way and I find that I'm incredibly effective because of that.
20:35.286 --> 20:39.591
[SPEAKER_01]: When I do have a time block open, sometimes I mean, you'll get it, we're exhausted.
20:39.671 --> 20:40.752
[SPEAKER_01]: We have all this stuff on our plate.
20:41.052 --> 20:43.094
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes I just want to sit down for a minute.
20:43.395 --> 20:44.876
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes I just want to open a book.
20:45.016 --> 20:51.383
[SPEAKER_01]: I will literally, my husband will come out sometimes after I've been on conference calls all day and I'll just be sitting here with my water bottle just like,
20:51.363 --> 20:52.224
[SPEAKER_01]: Just resting.
20:52.265 --> 20:57.834
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that as moms, we need to give ourselves that grace, that sometimes we just need a minute to rest.
20:58.255 --> 20:59.958
[SPEAKER_01]: So buffer time is great for that.
21:00.038 --> 21:08.733
[SPEAKER_01]: But if you find that every time you have buffer time, you grab your phone and you're scrolling unnecessarily, then that doesn't help fill your cup that oftentimes drains us more.
21:09.314 --> 21:11.918
[SPEAKER_01]: So we just have to be cognizant of what fills our cup.
21:12.038 --> 21:13.641
[SPEAKER_01]: And if there is going to be buffer time,
21:13.621 --> 21:16.465
[SPEAKER_01]: Should you grab a cup of coffee and just go sit and relax?
21:16.485 --> 21:17.266
[SPEAKER_01]: Should you go on a walk?
21:17.366 --> 21:18.908
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I used with my buffer time for.
21:18.988 --> 21:20.310
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll go out and sit in the sunshine.
21:20.591 --> 21:23.655
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'll either go on a walk or just sit on the back patio and get some fresh air.
21:24.256 --> 21:33.148
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think that buffer time is effective for some people, but for some people who don't manage tasks well, it just puts them in this cycle of not getting things done.
21:33.128 --> 21:50.074
[SPEAKER_00]: So, and, you know, as you're talking, I'm thinking about what I'm doing with my buffer time, and I'm a person, and I'm, you know, I, I'm very good at admitting when I have limitations that I do not do well with buffer time, and I think what I'm hearing you say is we need to allocate.
21:50.054 --> 21:58.805
[SPEAKER_00]: time frames as far as what the tasks are that we're doing to be able to then be able to determine how long or these three things going to take.
21:59.286 --> 22:08.077
[SPEAKER_00]: And really put that in the plan to structure out the tasks so that you know, okay, I have this time because I think sometimes we just throw in our calendar that to do list.
22:08.097 --> 22:09.159
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, here's a list.
22:09.579 --> 22:14.205
[SPEAKER_00]: We've got the list, but what good is that we don't have a story already there's no planning.
22:14.185 --> 22:25.424
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think what you said is really important, so like also buffer time, I think we need to be intentional about it because as moms, I'll be like, oh, I have 30 minutes free and I'll look at the counter and be like, I need to clean the kitchen.
22:25.464 --> 22:31.534
[SPEAKER_01]: So all of a sudden, I'm filling my rest time with a task because I feel obligated.
22:31.934 --> 22:36.582
[SPEAKER_01]: But if I was to go in there and mark that 30 minutes, and just write read a book.
22:37.760 --> 22:45.130
[SPEAKER_01]: that I would say, hey, I told myself I'm going to use my 30 minutes of free time today and sit down and enjoy a cup of water and read a book.
22:45.711 --> 22:46.933
[SPEAKER_01]: Then I'll hold myself to that.
22:47.033 --> 22:52.861
[SPEAKER_01]: But if I just leave it open, I'm probably going to take care of mom tasks because that list is never ending for sure.
22:52.942 --> 22:59.311
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, actually, let me ask you this though, you know, for people that really want to invest in changing things and making these shifts.
22:59.831 --> 23:07.362
[SPEAKER_00]: But for people that for so long, it was so difficult.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that sometimes it could be hard that discipline like that built it we it sounds like we need some built in discipline what about those moms that struggle with that discipline that you know come back a week later and say hey I just didn't do it again like what do we do like how do we shift from being a motivational.
23:27.878 --> 23:30.041
[SPEAKER_00]: to maybe coming to this place of discipline.
23:30.081 --> 23:35.710
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I know that there requires a radical acceptance, but when you struggle with that, like how do you start?
23:35.750 --> 23:36.992
[SPEAKER_00]: Where is your starting point?
23:37.012 --> 23:41.500
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, Jennifer, as a coach, I would always say you need a coach to hold you accountable.
23:41.540 --> 23:49.893
[SPEAKER_01]: You need an accountable buddy because the problem is a lot of those defaults and how we approach life in our lack of discipline comes from our upbringing.
23:50.133 --> 23:53.879
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was either shown to us or it was ingrained in us.
23:54.220 --> 23:55.742
[SPEAKER_01]: And we have to remember that
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[SPEAKER_01]: If we're trying to radically change our life in the way that we live, it's not going to be easy, because our body and mind and nervous system will always default to a familiar detrimental hell over a successful growth-minded new thing.
24:11.384 --> 24:15.269
[SPEAKER_01]: So we have to remember that our body and mind and heart is going to fight us every step of the way.
24:15.870 --> 24:25.543
[SPEAKER_01]: So oftentimes having somebody to hold us accountable to say, you told me you were going to start doing your morning devotional.
24:25.523 --> 24:27.285
[SPEAKER_01]: how well did you stick to those habits?
24:27.946 --> 24:33.833
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's something that I work a lot with with my clients is it's not just about fitness, and it's not just about exercise.
24:34.233 --> 24:48.690
[SPEAKER_01]: A lot of times we're working on getting women to start devoting rest time for themselves, self-care time for themselves, date nights with their husbands again, intimacy, like all of these things that are so important that get pushed on the back burner and the busyness of motherhood.
24:49.211 --> 24:53.556
[SPEAKER_01]: So a lot of times I think it's just you need a structure, you need accountability, you need support.
24:53.536 --> 24:57.562
[SPEAKER_01]: because a lot of times we don't even know what we need until somebody points it out.
24:58.724 --> 24:59.245
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
24:59.265 --> 25:02.109
[SPEAKER_00]: So, and I think that this can also overlap to the children.
25:02.209 --> 25:09.720
[SPEAKER_00]: Most of, we're doing these things as you said, and we kind of said, like we tend to get our our behaviors from maybe our upbringing.
25:09.780 --> 25:13.646
[SPEAKER_00]: So, this, no one we have our small children and they're seeing us do these things.
25:14.047 --> 25:15.108
[SPEAKER_00]: This kind of overlap.
25:15.168 --> 25:19.695
[SPEAKER_00]: So, how can we integrate those models into our children's day-to-day lives?
25:19.675 --> 25:29.647
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, girl, this is like generational curse phrasing breaking 101 and I love it because you come from kind of the similar background that I do is everything we do were exemplifying for our children.
25:29.968 --> 25:33.032
[SPEAKER_01]: And if we're being about example, our kids are going to follow it.
25:33.452 --> 25:35.655
[SPEAKER_01]: So everything that we do needs to be intentional.
25:35.855 --> 25:38.518
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like every morning we have breakfast with our kids.
25:39.039 --> 25:40.341
[SPEAKER_01]: We go on walks together.
25:40.381 --> 25:42.163
[SPEAKER_01]: We eat the same things that dinner time.
25:42.263 --> 25:43.605
[SPEAKER_01]: The kids help set the table.
25:43.645 --> 25:44.446
[SPEAKER_01]: They help clean up.
25:44.586 --> 25:47.910
[SPEAKER_01]: They do all of those things and those are expectations in our household.
25:47.890 --> 25:57.082
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that the thing is, everybody wants their kid to function up as high level and be kind and considerate and they want them to be healthy and make good choices.
25:57.503 --> 26:01.728
[SPEAKER_01]: But if we're not exemplifying those things for our children, how can we expect them to do that?
26:02.409 --> 26:10.860
[SPEAKER_01]: So we have to decide, am I being the example I want my kids to live by and if not, in what ways do I need to change my life to start becoming that person?
26:10.840 --> 26:14.806
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think it's just integrating them into everything and having really open on this conversation.
26:14.926 --> 26:19.874
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, my kids are five and three, but they know that we prioritize protein.
26:19.954 --> 26:21.015
[SPEAKER_01]: We go on walks.
26:21.136 --> 26:22.417
[SPEAKER_01]: We get sunshine in.
26:22.538 --> 26:26.464
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes we just need to go play outside and not be inside and that makes this happier.
26:26.484 --> 26:32.713
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think it's just about having those conversations with your kids about what's important to you and those nonligosibles in your life.
26:33.436 --> 26:41.612
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I, you know, I completely agree with you because as you're talking, I'm like, you know, I have the checklist like, yeah, you know, my son and I, we work out together.
26:42.193 --> 26:47.142
[SPEAKER_00]: We might not have like a real schedule, but we've been doing that since he was younger.
26:47.611 --> 26:49.835
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so we, you know, we start early.
26:49.875 --> 26:51.979
[SPEAKER_00]: He goes to school and he has to be in school by 725.
26:53.122 --> 26:54.745
[SPEAKER_00]: So we're by 530 in the morning.
26:54.925 --> 27:03.201
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm making him his, his breakfast and he's eating or if not, I make sure I make him his breakfast and he's getting in the car because we just have to go.
27:03.221 --> 27:05.706
[SPEAKER_00]: But, you know, we unwind together.
27:05.987 --> 27:07.850
[SPEAKER_00]: We do a lot of those things together.
27:07.970 --> 27:08.792
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that
27:08.772 --> 27:37.817
[SPEAKER_00]: What parents sometimes don't understand is that those things that we're doing when we're being intentional also giving them those priorities or just those tasks are so important for them because if they don't have those little jobs or whatever it is, whether you're your kids taking to the plate to the dishwasher, you know, these little tests, they develop such confidence within the home by doing those things and I'm so glad that you're saying that because I see sometimes that people or parents,
27:37.797 --> 27:51.638
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, they're big as black, not completely erased the life that they had when they know that the adversity, all the things that got to be functioning successful people are the things that they were doing and they think that making their lives easier.
27:53.069 --> 27:59.699
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's a great problem that I'd see Jennifer is people will try to make your kids like easy to the point that they make them useless.
27:59.839 --> 28:06.308
[SPEAKER_01]: For and I think that that is more detrimental than the opposite because our kids want to feel valued.
28:06.549 --> 28:08.652
[SPEAKER_01]: They want to feel like they are contributing.
28:08.952 --> 28:16.984
[SPEAKER_01]: And if we let them at a small age, like my kids are five and three, my son since he was probably two, three years old, would ask, can I help make dinner?
28:16.964 --> 28:23.593
[SPEAKER_01]: And I have a role in our household and I always tell my clients this, if your kids ask to help you with something, always say yes.
28:24.234 --> 28:27.058
[SPEAKER_01]: Because if you tell them no enough times, they're not going to ask anymore.
28:27.098 --> 28:29.281
[SPEAKER_01]: And by saying yes, you have to accept.
28:29.321 --> 28:30.683
[SPEAKER_01]: Just like asking your husband for help.
28:31.083 --> 28:32.225
[SPEAKER_01]: This is going to go slower.
28:32.265 --> 28:33.366
[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to be messier.
28:33.627 --> 28:35.029
[SPEAKER_01]: It may not be done the way I want it.
28:35.129 --> 28:36.230
[SPEAKER_01]: I might have to redo it.
28:36.711 --> 28:41.217
[SPEAKER_01]: But here's the thing, you are enabling your child to feel of value in your household.
28:41.197 --> 28:43.059
[SPEAKER_01]: you're teaching them that independence.
28:43.399 --> 29:00.737
[SPEAKER_01]: You are showing them that you trust them and you're spending time together teaching and learning together and it's so good for them to see that and to let them struggle and to show them how to do things because I see so many people who's parents did everything for them and they turned into adults who are non-functioning.
29:00.757 --> 29:09.145
[SPEAKER_01]: They have no they can't hold down a job, they have like such wild expectations about what the world's supposed to do for them because they're mom did everything for them.
29:09.125 --> 29:15.398
[SPEAKER_01]: That they can't even function as like a full human being in a relationship and a marriage as a parent now, which is so unfortunate.
29:16.019 --> 29:29.968
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so, and I love so again, for those that are listening, it's so important that we model the behaviors and we do offer those kids, because we again want them to be functioning adults, they're going out into the world, they need to know how to do things.
29:29.948 --> 29:36.323
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want to kind of circle into this idea of self-care and burnout because I think that we all struggle with that at times.
29:36.563 --> 29:44.562
[SPEAKER_00]: So what is the most common myth that meeting moms may think about when it comes to self-care or the idea of self-care?
29:45.083 --> 29:46.506
[SPEAKER_01]: That is selfish.
29:46.486 --> 29:54.798
[SPEAKER_01]: every woman will tell me, I can't work out, I can't eat healthy, I can't go do what I can't take a break because it's taking from my children.
29:54.838 --> 30:08.038
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that this is the biggest lie that society has told women because taking care of herself is what allows us to properly take care of our children to properly show up for our husbands and our marriage and to
30:08.018 --> 30:12.162
[SPEAKER_01]: you know, pour out to anybody around us and our career and our friendships and our families.
30:12.382 --> 30:15.185
[SPEAKER_01]: And so many women think, this is selfish.
30:15.245 --> 30:17.888
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, no, it's selfish of you not to take care of yourself.
30:17.988 --> 30:25.155
[SPEAKER_01]: Because at some point, you are going to become a burden on your family if you don't prioritize your health and you're well-being and your future.
30:25.175 --> 30:26.897
[SPEAKER_01]: So we have to do it.
30:27.017 --> 30:36.827
[SPEAKER_01]: It's our obligation as mothers to set the foundations of health in our household to take care of ourselves to fill our
30:36.807 --> 30:37.548
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
30:37.568 --> 30:44.657
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, you know, sometimes, you know, I would wrestle with the idea of what self-care is, you know, but self-care can be anything.
30:44.697 --> 30:54.249
[SPEAKER_00]: So can you give me some examples of things that could be considered self-care for women that really just don't feel it they have to time?
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[SPEAKER_00]: What are some things that you would maybe suggest to a busy mom or just to a mom in general that doesn't think she has the time?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Our most basic human needs sometimes can be self-care.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I think everybody thinks like self-care getting my nails down a spa day, you know, doing this, doing the going on vacation.
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[SPEAKER_01]: No, like sometimes self-care is just sitting down and eating a meal in peace.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, sometimes self-care is going to bed early because you're tired and the dishes can wait in the sink.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to go clean up every crumb in the kitchen.
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[SPEAKER_01]: If you're tired, you need to let yourself rest.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, sometimes that's self-care.
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[SPEAKER_01]: For other women, self-care might be like I have a client who really struggled to prioritize what she needed.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So we set a monthly date on her calendar where she would go to a coffee shop and just read a book by herself.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes self care is like telling your husband, you eat chicken nuggets at home with the kids.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to go out to dinner by myself.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and sometimes it's setting those boundaries and just saying like, I need a minute and that's okay.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's not self.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And that doesn't mean you don't love your family, but sometimes we just need a break and being able to say, I need this so I can be better for you guys.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I can be kinder so I can be more patient.
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[SPEAKER_01]: you know, it could be anything.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like last week, my husband was gone for two weeks on a hunting trip.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I was doing drop-off, pick up, work, cooking, grocery, all the things, and I took an afternoon one of my calls got canceled.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I went and read a book by the pool for an hour.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, this is what I need today.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And it was beautiful.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I was thankful for it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I felt rejuvenated and regenerated.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't have spending money.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't have to go far.
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[SPEAKER_01]: My kids had no idea that I took an hour for myself.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But we have to allow ourselves to do that kind of stuff sometimes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: No, of course.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that also one of the things I want to also mention is to anybody that's listening, sometimes self-care saying, no, that's it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, like, you know, it is a powerful word because we can't do all the things and even if you're at work and you don't want to take on that extra task or you have to leave a little bit earlier, those are all things that could also be considered self-care because as you said, people think it has to be these elaborate things that cost money and it doesn't have to cost a cent.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So, setting boundaries, so let's talk a little bit about that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: What has been the hardest boundary for busy moms to set or for you to set?
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[SPEAKER_00]: And how can they practice setting them without feeling guilty?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think what you said is just like setting saying no is a complete sentence and you don't need to justify things.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think that as mothers we're so used to saying yes I'll do that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I can take that on.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes I'll help you with that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That we oftentimes overload ourselves and put our needs on the back burner for the sake of saying that we will help others.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's really powerful when women can say no.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And on my group call that I had on Tuesday, I was talking to one of my clients.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And she said that her win that week was the fact that she said that boundary and said notice something.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And one thing that we were talking about is like, when somebody say invites you to a party a month ahead of time.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And in your head, you're like, yeah, that sounds great.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And then day off, you're like, I'm exhausted.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to go do this.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Why did I commit to this?
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[SPEAKER_01]: We had talked about the practice of evaluating invites.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, what I want to go do this thing right now.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like if somebody said, do you want to go to a party right now and you say no, I don't think I want to do that then maybe you should say no like if somebody says do you want to join the book club you want to go play cards with us do you want to go on this vacation like our default is to say yes to everything or can you pick my kids up from school can you babysit can you help me with this can you make cookies for the bake sale if we have any amount of
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[SPEAKER_01]: tension or trepidation and saying yes, then the answer probably should have been no.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that we need to get better about acknowledging that that doesn't make us a failure.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't make us a bad woman.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't make us a bad mom.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't make us a bad wife if we say no.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It is powerful because we can choose with intention what we want to be a part of and what we don't.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that is one of the best things that women can do for themselves, but it's not easy Jennifer.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It takes
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[SPEAKER_01]: So much practice.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It takes so much diligence.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It takes a lot of discomfort because it does make us feel like we're failing a lot of times.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I love that you're saying that because I was having a conversation with somebody that I work with about this exact thing.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And how I framed it was this I just listening to yourself, like you're saying intention and the intention comes from that inner voice.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And we have to start listening to ourselves.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So again, like you said, if there's tension there or if you're having second thoughts on it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: that means probably no.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so understanding that we're not we might not get it right right away and to also give ourselves the grace.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But I think it's about learning how to practice paying attention to our needs because for so long as mothers as busy women as career women as family, you know, we have so many roles.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We tend to kind of over time start to ignore that voice within us.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's so important.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So we're coming to an end and I don't want it to end, but I've got really fun questions.
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[SPEAKER_00]: These rapid fire questions that I share and I ask my guests toward the end of our conversation and they're fun.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So, and just for the record, she does not know these, any of these events, we're going to ask Ashley five of them.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So we're going to start here.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So let's go, ready.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You have one minute and your house is a mess.
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[SPEAKER_00]: What's the one thing that you tidy that gives you the biggest immediate sense of control?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I have to keep off the counter just so it's a clean slate before I make a mess of it again.
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[SPEAKER_01]: No, I could lie.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm the same.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Same.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
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[SPEAKER_00]: If you could give any mom a magic guilt free pass for one activity a week, what would that activity be?
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[SPEAKER_01]: But it's it might not be realistic.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I would love to just like teleport all moms to the beach for one hour to read a book listen we did say mom magic so I'm all about the magic teleportation to the beach for one hour to read a book that would be lovely okay so what's it what the productivity or organization tip that you know you should follow but you personally struggle with the most.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, girl.
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[SPEAKER_01]: My email box has like 10 billion emails.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I tell my husband every week.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I need an assistant to go through my emails.
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[SPEAKER_01]: He now has access to my email boxes on his computer.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And he will literally be like, did you see this?
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, no, thanks for telling me.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm the worst with my email.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's terrible.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I've literally got thousands of unready emails.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, same about 10,000.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
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[SPEAKER_00]: For a mom struggling to ask for help from friends or family,
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think making that list and figuring out what doesn't serve you and just picking one thing and asking for help.
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[SPEAKER_01]: What I was telling my clients the other day is that oftentimes we think I've been doing this task forever.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to be rude if I, you know, don't do this or I asked my husband for help or it's inappropriate or I'm not a good wife.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But in reality, like our husbands want to feel needed and valued too and if you just approach it from the mindset
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm really overloaded this week.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I would so appreciate if you took care of the laundry this week.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Do you think you could do that?
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[SPEAKER_01]: And here's a thing.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Our husbands love to be thanked for things.
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[SPEAKER_01]: They, they're so task oriented, men are so task oriented that when they finish that laundry, if you're like, honey, that was so amazing.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That took such a load off my plate.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I appreciate you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: They're going to want to do it again.
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[SPEAKER_01]: because they like how that feels.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So don't forget to just like shower your husband and thanks, given I know you've probably been doing the task a billion times on your own for 20 years, 15 years, 10 years, whatever, but when you give them props and you think them multiple times, well what they did, they're going to think, she really liked that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like maybe I should do that again.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So don't forget the thank yous.
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[SPEAKER_01]: They go a long way in those words of affirmation, really hit with men.
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[SPEAKER_01]: They love and hear about their needed and appreciated.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, last one.
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[SPEAKER_00]: What is one area of life cleaning cooking appearance?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Were you fully embraced the good enough standard?
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm going to say cooking because everything that I do is very simple.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, follow me on Instagram.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I post my what I, what am I thinking?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't remember.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You said it doesn't have to look pretty.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I did see that post.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Doesn't it not to look pretty and I'll like keeping it simple.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I always tell my clients keep it simple sister a meat vegetable a starch.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It does not have to be a 25 ingredient meal.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't have to be this whole show.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't have to look pretty my priority for food is
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[SPEAKER_01]: protein, prioritization, getting enough fiber in, making sure that my kids are fed.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, it doesn't have to be complicated.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's coming from somebody who like pride's themselves in teaching people about nutrition.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I am all about the shortcuts, the easy buttons, the simplicity, my grocery list every week is almost the same exact thing every single week.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And it's just mixing, matching, and changing seasonings.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So for me, that's how I make sure my nutrition is non-negotiable.
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[SPEAKER_01]: As I keep it simple, I don't overcomplicate it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's awesome.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I mean, what an amazing conversation.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So tell me and tell the people that are listening, like, where they can find you and what you're doing.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what are the next things that you're doing?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Anything to highlight in your up-and-coming, you know, busy mom methods, like, what is going on?
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[SPEAKER_00]: What can we look for from Ashley Schwartz?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm super excited to be here.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I just love connecting with other people's audiences.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But if you're looking for anything, fitness tips, nutrition tips, motivation, a kick in the butt to get movement and right direction.
40:38.412 --> 40:40.675
[SPEAKER_01]: Follow me on Instagram at the busy mom method.
40:41.216 --> 40:42.498
[SPEAKER_01]: I post all sorts of stuff.
40:42.578 --> 40:46.022
[SPEAKER_01]: Some of it's about faith, finances, family, fitness.
40:46.162 --> 40:47.224
[SPEAKER_01]: It's kind of all over the place.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But if you're a busy mom,
40:49.066 --> 40:53.256
[SPEAKER_01]: I find that something will resonate with you and fill your cup a little bit.
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[SPEAKER_01]: My podcast non-negotiable living you could find it on Spotify and Apple.
40:57.225 --> 40:59.510
[SPEAKER_01]: I also post all of those videos on YouTube.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I have some training videos on YouTube.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I also have workout videos if you're unsure form and stuff like that on YouTube and things coming up.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I am planning on hosting some masterminds coming up this next year.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's something I've always been really passionate about and haven't done yet.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But now that we're getting settled into Arizona, we're moving into our new house.
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[SPEAKER_01]: The weather here is beautiful all the time.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We want to start getting women together.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So we could talk like these conversations in depth with action plans that go with it and coming up with the game plan for women is really what I'm passionate about doing in like a mastermind a weekend event kind of thing.
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[SPEAKER_00]: My gosh, well, you should send me an invite.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I'm family and Arizona.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I would love to come and hang out with you for a weekend because I feel like we've got so much in common and it overlaps.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So again, from one busy mom to another, I am just so excited that you were able to come on to do this.
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[SPEAKER_00]: For those of you that want to know more about her, I will put her on my social media, look out for her in November.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We are episode will be airing.
41:56.517 --> 41:58.340
[SPEAKER_00]: Come to find out more about the busy mom method.
41:58.380 --> 42:00.923
[SPEAKER_00]: Just please follow her Instagram.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We will see you soon, so thank you so much, and until next time, see you later.