speaker-0: And welcome to Second Chances with Christy Bells Podcast. I'm your host, Christy Bells. Enjoy our array of talented, open-hearted guests and their thoughtfully curated stories of second chances, life-changing choices, and new perspectives. We are here to empower you on second chances in your life. My guest today, Kami Gildner, believes women's voices matter. She's a connector, a storyteller, a business coach for high vibe women, entrepreneurs helping them hashtag raise up their voice, vision, and visibility for impact and business growth. Cammy helps her clients build businesses that love with more time, prosperity, and more wealth prosperity. She weaves soulful inspiration into mindful business strategies and the soul plus strategy approach to business helps her clients succeed in business and worldly impact. Her clients scale and grow their businesses with more feminine, abundant approach. Her community of entrepreneurs is creating a new paradigm for entrepreneurship, helping each other raise up a ripple effect of impact. Her clients have gone on to reach extraordinary heights as clients, consultants, coaches, and leaders, achieving exponential revenue growth, landing on big stages, starting software companies, launching new professional organizations, transforming corporate cultures and transforming lives. They are influential and they are change makers. Cammy is the founder of Extraordinary Women Ignite Conference and host of the award winning Extraordinary Women Radio. She's a bestselling author of Fire Dancer, Your Spiral Journey to a Life of Passion and Purpose, and was named to the twenty twenty five Most Powerful Women in Business List by the Colorado Women's Chamber of Commerce. To learn more about Cami, visit her website or connect with her on Instagram, LinkedIn, or Facebook. Welcome to the show, Cammy. ⁓ my gosh, I'm so delighted to have you. ⁓ we're gonna get into how we know each other and all the extraordinary work you're doing for women, entrepreneurs, et cetera. But first we do something on my show called Permission to Pause. Okay. So I'm just gonna ask you to just however you do that, you can close your eyes. I love this. Take a deep breath. We're just looking for that moment in our space and our time within ourselves and in this time to just pause.
speaker-1: Nice.
speaker-0: So beautiful, right? It's just that moment. Right? Permission to pause.
speaker-1: Yeah, and we need more of those every day. I know I do.
speaker-0: I that's why it's called permission to pause. Like P2P, put it on sticky note, put it on your computer. Permission to pause. Okay. It's just amazing when you learn to do this on a regular basis. And ⁓ I I'm pretty good at starting everything I do with it, but I forget sometimes, you know, as we all do, being human. Well, I again I'm so excited. I always start my show with How Do I Know My Guest? ⁓ you know, we met in twenty twenty, just pre COVID. Yeah. We were both nominated as women of top twenty five most powerful women in business for the Colorado Chamber. It was such an honor, right? And gosh, such a cool time and yeah, wonderful. I mean, we we are consultants and coaches in the world and and it was very nice to be recognized by the chamber in that role. So that was our meeting point. And then we just bump into each other almost everywhere, all the time, right? Exactly. It's always a pleasure to be with you. Yes. Again, thanks for being my guest. ⁓
speaker-1: It's pleasure.
speaker-0: We have lots have lots of questions for you, but I always like for you to start with your story. Like what this is second chances. My belief is second chances are every single moment of your life you get a choice. You can choose again, right? ⁓ and we all have a story, part of being and I know you're a huge proponent of empowering women's voices as well, right? But the story matters. So I'd love to hear your story. Which where'd you start? How'd you get yeah, tell us about you?
speaker-1: did twenty plus years in the oil and gas industry. I was a you know, I was a VP of marketing and branding in oil and gas software company for a lot of years. And it was great, right? It raised my son and ⁓ it was this space in my life that I, you know, got to travel the world. I had team members all around the world and it was it was really a good experience for me. And in two thousand eight You know, that good old two thousand eight. It was one of those years and it that was a year that I got an invitation to leave the the the the industry. And I always say that was my best gift. First of all, it was I don't think I would have left the corporate world just on my own because, you know, I I was a pretty good gig. And I've worked my whole life to kind of build up to the place that I was and you know, I I I felt like that was really the my pathway. And so I I always thought that I would be, you know, on my this executive trajectory. And so I would say the best gift was I got shown, you know, there was another pathway for me. And it's this this the second best gift to that was that it was two thousand eight and there wasn't a lot of VPN marketing and branding jobs out there that exactly. And so it was this opportunity to go
speaker-0: Really in oil and gas.
speaker-1: do something entirely different. And I was like, okay, well, let's let's try this out. And so that was such a beautiful entry way into the world of entrepreneurship. And so I think that was one part of it. So the, you know, the the pathway was a second chance. Then another part of the second chance of that was really my spiritual journey because in my corporate world, I really didn't have a spiritual bone to my body. And the interesting thing was when I got let go in June two thousand eight. ⁓ in July two thousand eight, my father passed away. And you know, when we lose a parent, it's it's just a place where we s stop and we settle and we like what did my dad teach me and all these things. And so it really opened up my world into how I connect through nature and horses and animals and all of that kind of pathway too. So all of that came in conjunction at the same time that I was starting my business. And, you know, and it was You know, so that was I think eighteen years ago or whatever that is, if you do the math. But it's it's it's a long time ago. And so I've been running my business for for all of that time and my business has taken different trajectories over the time period as as our businesses do. I initially I started coaching women, executive women, helping them figure that figure out their what's next. And then at some point all of most of my clients were taking the leap from the corporate world and starting their own businesses. So that's where I really started to coach women entrepreneurs and really helping them grow their businesses, raise up their voices. You know, and it's like and it's so ⁓ amazing how like the experiences we have at one point in our life lead to the next point that lead to the next point.
speaker-0: Works, right? Right. Nothing stays the same, right? It's just an evolution and learning to go with that flow is part of the gift, right? It's part of the the understanding and the ⁓ development, human development as we grow and develop in our lives. Yeah. Yeah. How is all those like pause moments when you look back and you have that twenty twenty view that you don't have when you're young, but you can do it later. You can look back and say, ⁓ That happened exactly when it's supposed to happen, Joe. I could do blah blah blah, right? Or I could do blah blah blah blah. So I I love the unfolding now. I love the opportunity to look around a corner. Like when I'm hiking, I love to find the space where there's just a turn up above the right and and you can't see around the corner. It's one of my favorite metaphors, right?
speaker-1: ⁓ that's a great one because you nod and say, Okay, what's around this corner?
speaker-0: What's there? And trusting, right? It takes a lot. It takes faith. It takes a lot to trust that the path is laid before you, even though something brilliant like a oiling glass gas VP position goes by the wayside, you know, like who knew? Right. And you have to reinvent yourself.
speaker-1: You do. And it's and that's and there's this gifts, so many gifts in that, right? When we find this I'm so blessed that I found the p pathway into doing the work that I do with women now because it's so much more fulfilling than you know what I was doing in the past. So yeah.
speaker-0: I agree. I agree. So yeah, transitioning from a corporate major big ass job to being an entrepreneur, that's a big second chance, right? Yeah. What was your greatest learning, do you think, in that?
speaker-1: I think you've kind of hit on it, is the trust, right? It's that trust that this is happening for me versus to me. And it's, you know, it's hard to see that when you're in the midst of it for sure. But it's the, you know, when we start to realize that this what's happening for me, this is opening up different types of doors. And and I think that, you know, the spiritual side was huge because, you know, even in my work today, I I always say my work is filled with soul plus strategy.
speaker-0: That's for sure.
speaker-1: So we do our soul inner our inner work and then we apply the strategy. But it's bio. Yeah. And so it's like by being able to mix those, I mean, I would have never figured that one out staying in the corporate world, right? I mean, it just wouldn't have been there.
speaker-0: Right. So tell me about your spiritual journey. What what happened for you? I did read your book, it's been a long time, but ⁓ yeah. Yeah, share share a little bit about the spiritual journey. That's really key.
speaker-1: So what happened for me when I was trying to figure out what that space where I wanted to go next, right? When I was in that that interim space was like, you know, okay, I don't have a job anymore. What do I want to do? And there was a moment where I was working with a coach and she and I was in tears that day and I was like, I don't know what I want to do. I went on this interview today and it's like I don't really want that job, but I don't know what I meant to do. And she said to me, she says, Well, why don't you go out and breathe your horse's breath today? And I was like, Okay, well, you know, I've had horses my whole life and they definitely have been they've shaped my world, they've shaped my life. And I was like, that's pretty fascinating. I'll go do that. And so I went out into the barn that day and it snowed like 18 inches of snow and it was like, you know, it was still snowing, these big snowflakes. And yeah, and my mare was at the gate and she had like frost on her whiskers. And I reach I just kind of bent down and just started breathing her breath, just like this woman had told me to do. And I had this like epiphany moment where it was like, okay, something is I'm supposed to be doing something else, right? I'm supposed to be doing something different. And I had been meeting some people that were doing coaching with horses. And I was like, and ⁓ so I kind of turned my back to to and put my back on my horses, whether it's like leaned up against her, and I just it just came through. I mean, you are not meant to go back to the corporate world. You're meant to go do this this equine assisted coaching and leadership development and I was just like, Well that's amazing. Let's let's let's go explore this. And within a month I was in Northern California training under a woman who was kind of the pioneer in the equine assisted equine learning space and it, you know, it just opened up my door. So the horses really took me into that world. And then the other aspect of this, ⁓ and this and this was after my father had passed, was that pause. And I think that, you know, when my when my dad did pass I I did pause, right? I was with family. It was July. I was gonna start working, I was gonna start looking for a job on August first. And, you know, end of July, I'm like, no, I'm not gonna do that right now. So I paused and I just for the next many months, many, many months actually, I slowed down, I you know, pay attention to the birds in the barn. I'd, you know, go on lots of hikes. I spend more time with friends. And all of that just started to connect me deeper, back more deeply to myself. Right. And so I I always say that the horses actually took me down that pathway of spirituality. And I don't think I would have found 'cause I do in all kinds of wacky spiritual stuff today. I was like, you know, I love to play and and all kinds of aspects of spirituality. And I don't know that I would have ever gone there without the horses showing me, you know, like when I started when I did all that training in Northern California.
speaker-0: Mm.
speaker-1: I started seeing how the horses could be our leaders and how they they could be our teachers versus us teaching them. I mean that always that'd always been the framework I'd been with horses with. And so when I started opening up to the horses being my teacher, what did they have to teach me? I was like blowing my Yeah, so that was my my ⁓ entryway into this spirituality really.
speaker-0: ⁓ your mind, yeah. ⁓ So funny. I I've done a couple of sessions of e coin therapy. I loved it. I love it. And I actually I see a therapist on a regular basis and she has horses and our next time together we're gonna go be with her horses. And I just listened to your radio show yesterday about the year of the horse and and what what you've been doing for the last year, and that is being on this listening campaign with women, right? And coming to understand and know more. We're leaving the Chinese New Year tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen. I know. It's gonna be February seventeenth, because this probably won't air till June, but we are on the cusp of this year of the horse, right?
speaker-1: We are. And I'm just I've been so stoked about that.
speaker-0: Me too. I mean, are we geeked out or what? But I like I really feel like not only w have I been shedding, like I don't know about you, but the shed What the what the heck, right? ⁓ my gosh. Yeah. So much. But I am yeah, so delighted. And the signs are everywhere. You know, when you tap in and you know that you are guided.
speaker-1: Everybody was shedding last year.
speaker-0: And you look for I I like the Hansel and Gretel Anatomy, look for the breadcrumbs because they're always there and sometimes they're always there, right? So when you just trust the flow and the process of what's unfolding, it's there for us. So this new year is a really good vibe of energy. And I'd love for you just to share a little bit from the radio show and what you talked about and your learning and your listening campaign.
speaker-1: Yeah, yeah. So, you know, I was just hearing over and over again th that things felt different last year. And so I thought, you know, I really need to go listen a bit more. So I I did I did a lot of one on one conversations with people specifically for a listening campaign. And then also did an online survey and then, you know, I have my podcast and I've got my clients and I have my community. And so I was always tuning into like what's happening for you. And every everybody was like, ⁓ my gosh, things feel different this year. And I'm like, okay, well what feels different? What is what is different this year? And what I was hearing was that women entrepreneurs were just really not in a space where they were wanting to like just go out and work, work, work, work anymore. They were just done with that. They were like, I wanna I'm I build this business for my life. And so I I'm really here to integrate life In a way that feels right for me. You know, I want to design my life in the, you know, I want to build design my business in a way that creates the lifestyle that I want. So I was hearing that a lot. I was hearing that ⁓ women were just really in this space of of listening to their inner wisdom in a deeper way. And so they were allowing that inner wisdom to guide what decisions they were making. And so they were versus a lot of the external ⁓ noise that was out there, they were really tuning inside. And and I did hear over and over again that the noise was, you know, if you look at the amount of information that comes at us on a day to day basis, I think what they were finding is that they needed to be able to slow down and listen versus just have to be able to sort through all that information.
speaker-0: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. It's so much. Yeah. Like it's so much. And it's frying nervous systems. I mean, I think you know absolutely frying our nervous systems to the point of like not being able to respond appropriately, right?
speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And and and and at the same time they were so lit up about the work that they were doing, the impact that they were making with their work. And being able to take that and now that they're being called right now, and I and I hear this a lot is that and and this is me, I believe that women's wisdom is the medicine our earth needs right now. And that the way that we lead, the way we lead is going to be what shifts, you know what's happening all the noise there. I mean, there's just there's just what's happening in the world all around us is there's a lot. And it and if the more women are stepping into their leadership and into their strength, that is starting to shift the way leadership is done. Yeah. And that to me excites me.
speaker-0: It's so exciting. Say that again. Women's wisdom is
speaker-1: Is the medicine our earth needs.
speaker-0: Beautiful. We might even name your podcast that Earth needs. I love that. It's beautiful.
speaker-1: That's true though, right? It is true in my heart.
speaker-0: Yeah, I I totally am there with you. Yeah. And you know, we have to remember I wrote in one of my chapters in my book, I wrote about the divine masculine and the divine feminine. And I think sometimes we forget that, you know, we are both, right? But the feminine energy, not just in feminine, right, not just for females, is also starting to come up. And I'm seeing it also in some of the males that I'm totally I'm yeah around. Right. They're starting to like see things differently and soften a little bit and
speaker-1: Consciousness.
speaker-0: More conscious. Yeah, the conscious evolution. Totally agree. Wow. What about relationship driven marketing? Trust referrals and warm visibility. I love that because I've been working with another ⁓ consultant type thing, you know, like really trying to understand, like, you know, we're not doing funnels anymore. We're not doing marketing the old way. There's a new way of doing that. And I'd love to have your expertise on what does that mean? Relationship driven marketing. Or
speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. I mean Anna, you probably have heard it, we're in a trust deficit, right? Because people have been hit with so much information and here's the way you sh have to do it, the way you should do it, all the shoulds and all you know, all of it. So that's been in our our you know, the our what's around us all the time. And I think people are becoming numb to that, you know, that constant to constant noise. So they're seeking something that really connects at a heart to heart level. And they're not moving until they feel that heart to heart level. So when I talk about relationship based marketing, it means and it's still a matter of like putting yourself out there, getting visible, finding ways that people connect with you. But then it's how do you take that relationship more deep, right? How do you how do you go more deeply? Google has some stats around ⁓ they say that it takes ⁓ up to seven hours of your content across eleven different touch points, four different platforms before they ever make a buying decision. And I think and I've read some even some information just recently that that's even going up. Yeah. The touch points is going up like significantly. And so we have to find ways that where people can go binge on us, right? Like your podcast is a great way for people to binge on you. They can go listen to you. They can get to and you probably have had people say, ⁓ I've been listening to your podcast and I feel like I know you. Yeah. And that's the kind of thing where you can show up authentically as you. And, you know, as much as I love AI, I wrote a a blog this that came out just this morning talking about, you know, how do we keep that relationship in and at the core in an AI centric world when there's so much AI that's out there. Yeah. And I love AI. I do. We use we use it every single day. And I use it more for the the like like help make what I've done better. Yeah. But I lead with my voice always. Always. It's always my ideas. It always, you know, it's like my leadership comes first and then I leverage AI to help recreate it. That's, you know, one way is that, you know, that when when we're looking at an AI centric world around us, how do we keep our voice top and center and 'cause because we can't outsource our our our leadership leadership of thought and we can't AI our leadership of thought. It's really Our thoughts have to come from us, our original thinking. That's one aspect of it. And then the other aspect of it, when I think about relationship-based marketing, I call it a know love and trust marketing ecosystem. And that means that we are putting our in like we're we might be getting on stages. So how do we how do we tap into other people's audiences? We we do that. We've got an audience of people that already know love and trust us that we've built. And then how can we bring more of our wonderfulness to to both of those groups? And that could be through trainings, it can be through, you know, webinars, it can be through s live events. It's like all these different ways. But it becomes an ecosystem where you're doing more you're doing some trainings and and delivering where people can get to know love and trust you. You can be a podcast, right? It it can be all these different ways that we deliver our content. Right. But it's like the people that already know love and trust us, they can go into that space of more growing and learning with us. And people that when we're tapping into other people's audiences can go into the space of more learning and and growing with us. And that becomes an ecosystem versus a funnel. Right. Where you're just trying to like go through numbers. Nobody wants to be a number. Nobody wants to be funneled to.
speaker-0: No. Yeah. I love I love that description because I immediately saw the feminine energy in this ecosystem, right? That is that is a connective like sphere shape. It's very much where when you went funnel, like I'm just like, you know, male, masculine, area. Very linear, very penetrating, right? Yep. Go go at it. So I love that. And I I see that for myself. I'll tell you, I absolutely love podcasting and I love it because I've always had a passion for women's empowerment. But doing TED Talks for so many years for the TEDx Cherry Creek group. Yeah. ⁓ you know, empowering women to get on the stage and do a TED Talk was transformational. Like it just was insane. And this podcast has kind of filled this gap for me anyway, to be able to say the power of the story, the power of the voice, right, is so important. And we have to share it. This is how we connect women. This is this is what we do. We get vulnerable with each other, we share, we talk, right? It's yummy. Yeah.
speaker-1: Yeah, and it's relationships all day long will just you know, it just it it puts us into our best way of being.
speaker-0: Yeah, agreed. Totally agree. What else? ⁓ we talked a little bit about the feminization of your entrepreneurs and how they're prioritizing energy, capacity, the nervous system health. Can we talk about that for a minute? Because I literally am like I am at the end of my nervous system and I'm actually getting some support with it. I'm actually going on a silent retreat next week. ⁓ my just to bring myself back in before I start to giddy up, which is my word for the year. Right. I'm gonna go in and just
speaker-1: Yes.
speaker-0: be still for a week. So, but let's talk about the shift in the energy and that, you know, how because I think what happens a lot is I see women who, particularly if they've had a corporate job for a long time, right? They are feeling the heart pull. They're feeling like, gosh, there's gotta be something else. ⁓ my gosh. But that identity is so tied in, even when their nervous systems are fried, even when they're right, they're craving something different. I know I'm speaking your language and let you share what you're
speaker-1: This has been my biggest learning in the last several years for sure. I mean, I think that, you know, coming out of COVID to shortly there thereafter is when I first heard some people talking about our nervous system. And I was like, my God, I know what they're talking about here. I I can feel that in my body. And when I started to explore that, and ⁓ I was at the time I was doing Sounds True, their inter MBA program, which is a great program, by the way. And they brought some speakers in that were doing a lot of training on our nervous system. And I was also working with a a wellness coach who sent me a whole bunch of stuff on our nervous system. And I was just I was like, this this is this is my work that I need to be doing. Because as you said, I think that's one thing coming out of the corporate world, we we carry that with us. And I felt like I had like released a lot of I mean I given up the five AM phone calls and all the things that I used to do back in the corporate day. But I still had that that that drive that wouldn't turn off. And, you know, as much as I thought I was, you know, doing it well, I wasn't. And so I had to really learn to notice what happens in my body when when I get into that tension mode. Yeah. And to recognize it earlier and really be able to say, okay, what can I do to to help soften this? How how can I release some of this? Mm-hmm. And to me it's been a journey of learning to listen to my body. And
speaker-0: ⁓ so what what do you do? Like when you find yourself and you're aware 'cause a awareness is always the first step to be ⁓
speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah.
speaker-0: I'm hitting the fan here. Yeah.
speaker-1: I try to I try to get out for daily walks. I mean, I think that's a big thing for me. I mean, as long as I'm moving my body, I think that that's a really good thing. I have got two horses in the barn, so I can go out to the barn and hang with them and that's that's a great thing. The daily pauses, I mean, I love that you start your your podcast and all the all the things you do with that daily that moment of pause. Yeah and that's a that's a brilliant thing. Because I can I can tell you I'm really good about doing my meditations in the morning and that's that's a really well ⁓ oil ⁓ pattern if you Yeah. I'm not as good about doing it throughout the
speaker-0: Right. You get in the grind, right? ⁓ yeah. That's why you got a P2P on your computer. Sticky note. P two P permission to pause.
speaker-1: Yeah, so it's those sorts of things and you know, just watching what I eat I think is a big yeah the big thing on this too because I if I'm not eating the right if I'm not putting the right nutrition into my body, you know, my body will tell me. Yeah. So yeah, yeah, it's it's those sorts of things that I do and it's it's just a mixture, but it's it's all you know, it all fits together.
speaker-0: Body knows. Yeah. I I think you would probably know I had major back surgery in April and it was a it was a big surgery. Ever since then I I would get really fatigued in the healing journey. I'm nine a little over nine months out now. I'm doing great. But I I now give myself permission to pause and I go lay down in my bed in the afternoon. And sometimes for an hour. I I'm not a napper, so I can't sleep. So I I may lose myself in a game on my pod or my ⁓ iPad or I may listen to something, right? Or just meditate, whatever. But just laying my body down and resting. And I so powerful. And you know, sometimes if I want, I take my computer and maybe I lay down and work, but I it's a pause for me. And it's almost like now my body is like, ⁓ it's time to time to go lay down. Right. Partly is fatigue and healing.
speaker-1: though that you like again, just permission to pause because I mean so often we would go, I can't go lay down in the middle of the day, but it can be a really brilliant thing for our bodies to just have that reset moment.
speaker-0: Yeah, for sure. For sure, for sure. So I'm yearning to know a little bit more about you personally. We've talked a lot about your work and your output, but tell me a little bit more about you personally, your spiritual journey. But I
speaker-1: My son when I was 20 years old. So I was a young mama. And ⁓ I married his father. We were only married for a few years. And then after that we separated, got divorced, and ⁓ I put myself through school at night, you know, and I was working, you know. Initially I found myself in the oil and gas industry as a receptionist. So I was right out of high school as a receptionist, you know, and I became an engineer tech where I was learning more of the the techy side of things and I I loved that. It was fun. Eventually that's what put me through school. ⁓ you know, with my son being young and ⁓ we grew up together and he's he it's he's in a wonderful space in life right now and he's he's in Oregon. Oregon, yeah. Yeah, he's on the on the Oregon coast and it's a beautiful place and he's built a really great business.
speaker-0: Beautiful. Jersey?
speaker-1: out there and so it's fun seeing him succeed and and grow and evolve and be a good person at the end of the day, right? Yeah, and ⁓ exactly. I remarried, ⁓ I got married in in my li mid forties and I'm sixty three now. So we've been you know, we I guess we've we've not been married that long. I met him in my mid forties and then we we married. We we've been married about thirteen years now. And ⁓ he's I'm married to a wonderful man who does good things in the world. He works for FEMA.
speaker-0: Yeah. I'm happy. So you have an only son too? Yeah. Okay. Ours is ours is in Chicago, thriving and just loving his life. He's younger, yeah, because I was thirty-eight when I had him. So he's ⁓ twenty-five now. But he's yeah, he's doing great. He's just amazing, right? And boys, right? Yeah. Yeah. I have to t I have to tell you a story. Yours it may not be the way mine is, but ⁓ he's 25. He's living with fraternity brothers, he's gotten a job, he's a big job, and you know, and I was talking I was
speaker-1: I haven't only sent you. Fun to see that. Exactly.
speaker-0: Talking about my therapist the other day and we were doing some EMDR work about ⁓ something to come up that made me feel like it didn't matter. So I was kind of working on that whole thing. And so we we're in the whole process of doing EMDR, which is ⁓ eye movement, desensitation, helps with processing emotions, whatever. And so ⁓ I started laughing out loud and she's like, What? And I said, There's nothing like a twenty five year old boy to make you feel like you don't matter. Like there's just something about having a son that he never calls, he never writes.
speaker-1: get that and and Josh went through that for sure and he's you know he's forty two now and ⁓ he's he's much better about it than he was back in when he was in his twenties for sure. It's it's yeah, he definitely threw his his loop and sheriff stories, you know, that that we were like, really? ⁓ my God, really. But you know, they they moved through it all.
speaker-0: ⁓ yes they do. They do. I always say to him, When are you coming back to me? They always say you're gonna come back at some point. When are you coming back? But he's great, he's thriving, I'm thrilled for him. All right Major, we're take a quick pause here. We'll be right back. Let me ask you something. Have you ever noticed how the same patterns keep showing up in your life, your work, or even your relationships? That's exactly why I created Uproot. Uproot is a transformational framework that helps you uncover the unconscious patterns running your life, reconnects you with your authentic self, and intentionally creates what comes next. For years I've taught this work in coaching, leadership programs, and workshops. And now, for the first time, Uproot is becoming an evergreen online course you can take anytime. If you're ready for a real shift, not just another inspirational idea, join the waitlist now at Christybells.com. Backslash uproot. Your next chapter starts with awareness. Welcome back to the show, Kaman Gilder. How are you? So excited. What a great combo.
speaker-1: This is a great conversation. It's getting it's fun getting to know you more. We've known each other for a while and it's like getting to know you more is this awesome.
speaker-0: Thank you. Yeah, I'll vice right back at you. The theme for February for me is love, leadership, ⁓ and courage. And ⁓ my podcast guests this month have been really Mary Nguyen is my next guest. I don't know if you know her or not. She's a restauranteer that's evacuated Saigon in her mom's belly when Saigon fell. A fabulous story. I must listen to podcast by Mary Nguyen. She's a restauranteer here in town, but ⁓ Yeah, I just I started my book with courage because I'm a huge believer that it takes great courage to live a meaningful life. You know, you can ignorance is bliss. I mean, I think there's some reality to that. And there's days when I think, God, I wish I hadn't woke up. I can still pretend like I don't know. But I do, right? So it takes courage to live a fulfilling life. It does. And I think it takes courage to Do what you're doing in the world, especially with women who are being asked to embody something new for themselves, their own identity, their self or the capital S, the the soul expansion of who they're becoming. And I'm just curious how you see that courage unfolding with your population.
speaker-1: That's a beautiful question. I think that it does take courage to to find oneself like that that bright light that's that fire that's inside of you and actually step into owning it, right? It's like you c it's one thing to recognize it, but to actually okay, what am I going to do with this? And how am I gonna show up in my voice takes so much courage. So much courage. And and to find what it is that you stand for and Say, okay, I'm going to put my voice out there that helps people stop and think and act and do differently because I've got something important to say. So often, you know, women can we we can and I've done it. I mean, I I can recall times in my life where I pulled back and said, you know, you know, who am I to share something here? Yeah. And and knowing that that's that's I mean, we all have something that we are here to share and to our gifts that we're here to to put out into the world. So stepping into that and owning it takes so much.
speaker-0: Courage. So much courage. Yeah.
speaker-1: You can feel it in your body, right? It's like you start doing it and it's like you start to step into it. It's like, Okay, do I do this? Do I not? Do I do this? Do I not? And you get that little dance and it's like, Okay, owning it and then walking into it is so powerful.
speaker-0: So powerful. And that's leadership, really. That's courageous authenticity. And my models, it's way up there at the top, right? Uh-huh. This is human development throughout time and creative competencies at the very top, right? Yeah. Courageous authenticity, which is, you know, the ability to speak up, speak up for yourselves. I have to tell you a story. Years ago, I was in a development program in Atlanta and my teacher there was an amazing woman. And she used to use metaphors as a tool to be able to help us kind of see where we're going. So I love jigsaw puzzles. I've loved them since I was really little and and I still like work them all the time. And so she gave me the metaphor of a jigsaw puzzle around this issue of using my voice. What she told me was that you're a jagged edge of a piece of puzzle and anywhere you go, that piece of puzzle is necessary in order to create the whole. So if I'm at a table or if I'm in a conversation or if I am in some connectivity of any type, right? It's my job to put my piece of the puzzle in. And for some reason that metaphor just helped me understand that it like that my voice mattered, that what I thought mattered, right? And so I started practicing putting my piece of the puzzle in, even though I wanted to throw up sometimes when I was doing it, right? I was like ⁓
speaker-1: Yeah, I love that visual because it's like no matter where you're at, that piece of the puzzle is going to help make it whole. Yeah. And it's beautiful.
speaker-0: Yeah. And it's not complete unless you put your piece in, right? Yeah. Which is the other beautiful part of of that story. So yeah. This is a great one on the love question. Love isn't often named in business, but it it's all over, right? It's all over. It's all over your work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's all over your work for sure.
speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And the reason it is is because I actually fall in love with my clients and I want them to you know have that same emotion back and it's like I I love seeing what happens for my clients and I love them s I mean I so yeah, I I love that word.
speaker-0: I love that word. Love love that word. Let's see. Any last questions? Any other second chance moments or reflections that you have?
speaker-1: gosh, well I'll just say my my my marriage, right? That's a great second chance one. And and it's it's wonderful when you when you find, you know, I was older. I I dated most of my adult life and ⁓ it was so nice to actually find my person and be in, you know, it's like it's just it's wonderful, right, to to find that. And you know, and I think it's it's interesting 'cause we could go back and we could look at times where we could have potentially have met 'cause we were in school at the same time and
speaker-0: ⁓ interest.
speaker-1: In the same school, you know, at the same college and you know, we didn't meet over the years. And ⁓ he was in Vale a lot. My sister was living in Vale and I was hanging in Vail. So there's like all these points where we could have met and we wouldn't and we did not meet, but I think that we met at the exact right time. Exactly. And and we just had so much more life wisdom underneath of us. Yeah. That ⁓ Yeah, exactly. It definitely helped.
speaker-0: Helps. I just love this quote in my notes. ⁓ final reflection. If courage is trusting yourself, love is staying connected, and leadership is being willing to be seen, which one is calling women forward most right now? Courage is trusting yourself, love is staying connected, and leadership is being willing to be seen, or I would say using your voice.
speaker-1: Say it one more time. Yeah, I think it's the trust in yourself. Always it to trust yourself first. Yeah. And then the other pieces can follow, but you've got to you've got to trust yourself.
speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That and that takes practice, you know. Sometimes it's like going to the gym, you know, you gotta lift that weight of saying I matter. And sometimes, you know, when that old stuff comes up, you get a second chance to go to therapy and do MDR and laugh out loud, you know? But yeah, whatever that is. All right. I always love to end my podcast with something we call second chance snapshots. And these are just like fire questions I'm just gonna throw at you and ⁓ give me what you got. Okay. What's one word that describes where you are in your life right now?
speaker-1: Yeah, no. Fiery.
speaker-0: So excited for this year of the horse. It's a fire horse. Just so we know. It's the fire horse. Not just a horse. It's a fire horse. If you had to give yourself a pep talk in five words or less, what would it be? I love that too. What's one smile daily ritual that helps you feel grounded? ⁓ who in your life has taught you the most about second chances?
speaker-1: Believe in yourself. My meditations. And who isn't a lot? My son. I think my son's taught me a lot of that.
speaker-0: Kids teach us a lot. They reflect a lot back to us, don't they? Yeah. ⁓ I always like this question what's one book ⁓ or resource that you are offering that's ⁓ significant for you that you recommend? I
speaker-1: I do free trainings every month. Cool. ⁓ so I've got something going on. Sometimes they're a round table where I'm having conversations with others and next month it's gonna be some sort of a training, but I do a free training almost every month of the year.
speaker-0: Wonderful. Wonderful. That's a great segue. Let's tell people how they can learn more about you and your work and your your monthly events.
speaker-1: Yeah. So ⁓ you can go to camegellner.com, K A ⁓ I, G U I L D N E R dot com. And at the top on the top right corner, there's a little button that says get updates and you can click on that and then you'll get the updates of whatever class I'm teaching on any given month.
speaker-0: Wonderful. Well, what a delight. What an absolute delight to spend time with you. And I look forward to continuing the conversation as we continue to evolve and grow and giddy up into this new year, the fire horse. ⁓ Gideon. Let's go. I went to the rodeo. I go to the rodeo every year. I'm from Kansas. I love everything cowboy. Like I love all of that. Horses, et cetera. And I went to the rodeo this year with my girlfriends and I found a little brown purse that has giddy up written on it. I was like,
speaker-1: Love it, giddy up.
speaker-0: That was my word for the year when I did my webinar in January. It's my word. Giddy up.
speaker-1: I had to buy
speaker-0: That one, of course. And the hat. And the hat. Thank you so much for being with me. Thank you, Chris. Really appreciate it. Blessings to you. All right. Me too. We'll be in touch. Take care. Bye. It is the joy of my life to showcase the voices of people and the messy details of life's journey. As you have experienced, my guests are thriving with purpose and style, but that does not mean that their life is easy and without challenges. I've dedicated my life to you and your journey. Thank you for listening to Second Chances with Christy Bells. Please subscribe and learn more at ChristyBells.com backslash second chances.
speaker-1: Nice.
speaker-0: So beautiful, right? It's just that moment. Right? Permission to pause.
speaker-1: Yeah, and we need more of those every day. I know I do.
speaker-0: I that's why it's called permission to pause. Like P2P, put it on sticky note, put it on your computer. Permission to pause. Okay. It's just amazing when you learn to do this on a regular basis. And ⁓ I I'm pretty good at starting everything I do with it, but I forget sometimes, you know, as we all do, being human. Well, I again I'm so excited. I always start my show with How Do I Know My Guest? ⁓ you know, we met in twenty twenty, just pre COVID. Yeah. We were both nominated as women of top twenty five most powerful women in business for the Colorado Chamber. It was such an honor, right? And gosh, such a cool time and yeah, wonderful. I mean, we we are consultants and coaches in the world and and it was very nice to be recognized by the chamber in that role. So that was our meeting point. And then we just bump into each other almost everywhere, all the time, right? Exactly. It's always a pleasure to be with you. Yes. Again, thanks for being my guest. ⁓
speaker-1: It's pleasure.
speaker-0: We have lots have lots of questions for you, but I always like for you to start with your story. Like what this is second chances. My belief is second chances are every single moment of your life you get a choice. You can choose again, right? ⁓ and we all have a story, part of being and I know you're a huge proponent of empowering women's voices as well, right? But the story matters. So I'd love to hear your story. Which where'd you start? How'd you get yeah, tell us about you?
speaker-1: did twenty plus years in the oil and gas industry. I was a you know, I was a VP of marketing and branding in oil and gas software company for a lot of years. And it was great, right? It raised my son and ⁓ it was this space in my life that I, you know, got to travel the world. I had team members all around the world and it was it was really a good experience for me. And in two thousand eight You know, that good old two thousand eight. It was one of those years and it that was a year that I got an invitation to leave the the the the industry. And I always say that was my best gift. First of all, it was I don't think I would have left the corporate world just on my own because, you know, I I was a pretty good gig. And I've worked my whole life to kind of build up to the place that I was and you know, I I I felt like that was really the my pathway. And so I I always thought that I would be, you know, on my this executive trajectory. And so I would say the best gift was I got shown, you know, there was another pathway for me. And it's this this the second best gift to that was that it was two thousand eight and there wasn't a lot of VPN marketing and branding jobs out there that exactly. And so it was this opportunity to go
speaker-0: Really in oil and gas.
speaker-1: do something entirely different. And I was like, okay, well, let's let's try this out. And so that was such a beautiful entry way into the world of entrepreneurship. And so I think that was one part of it. So the, you know, the the pathway was a second chance. Then another part of the second chance of that was really my spiritual journey because in my corporate world, I really didn't have a spiritual bone to my body. And the interesting thing was when I got let go in June two thousand eight. ⁓ in July two thousand eight, my father passed away. And you know, when we lose a parent, it's it's just a place where we s stop and we settle and we like what did my dad teach me and all these things. And so it really opened up my world into how I connect through nature and horses and animals and all of that kind of pathway too. So all of that came in conjunction at the same time that I was starting my business. And, you know, and it was You know, so that was I think eighteen years ago or whatever that is, if you do the math. But it's it's it's a long time ago. And so I've been running my business for for all of that time and my business has taken different trajectories over the time period as as our businesses do. I initially I started coaching women, executive women, helping them figure that figure out their what's next. And then at some point all of most of my clients were taking the leap from the corporate world and starting their own businesses. So that's where I really started to coach women entrepreneurs and really helping them grow their businesses, raise up their voices. You know, and it's like and it's so ⁓ amazing how like the experiences we have at one point in our life lead to the next point that lead to the next point.
speaker-0: Works, right? Right. Nothing stays the same, right? It's just an evolution and learning to go with that flow is part of the gift, right? It's part of the the understanding and the ⁓ development, human development as we grow and develop in our lives. Yeah. Yeah. How is all those like pause moments when you look back and you have that twenty twenty view that you don't have when you're young, but you can do it later. You can look back and say, ⁓ That happened exactly when it's supposed to happen, Joe. I could do blah blah blah, right? Or I could do blah blah blah blah. So I I love the unfolding now. I love the opportunity to look around a corner. Like when I'm hiking, I love to find the space where there's just a turn up above the right and and you can't see around the corner. It's one of my favorite metaphors, right?
speaker-1: ⁓ that's a great one because you nod and say, Okay, what's around this corner?
speaker-0: What's there? And trusting, right? It takes a lot. It takes faith. It takes a lot to trust that the path is laid before you, even though something brilliant like a oiling glass gas VP position goes by the wayside, you know, like who knew? Right. And you have to reinvent yourself.
speaker-1: You do. And it's and that's and there's this gifts, so many gifts in that, right? When we find this I'm so blessed that I found the p pathway into doing the work that I do with women now because it's so much more fulfilling than you know what I was doing in the past. So yeah.
speaker-0: I agree. I agree. So yeah, transitioning from a corporate major big ass job to being an entrepreneur, that's a big second chance, right? Yeah. What was your greatest learning, do you think, in that?
speaker-1: I think you've kind of hit on it, is the trust, right? It's that trust that this is happening for me versus to me. And it's, you know, it's hard to see that when you're in the midst of it for sure. But it's the, you know, when we start to realize that this what's happening for me, this is opening up different types of doors. And and I think that, you know, the spiritual side was huge because, you know, even in my work today, I I always say my work is filled with soul plus strategy.
speaker-0: That's for sure.
speaker-1: So we do our soul inner our inner work and then we apply the strategy. But it's bio. Yeah. And so it's like by being able to mix those, I mean, I would have never figured that one out staying in the corporate world, right? I mean, it just wouldn't have been there.
speaker-0: Right. So tell me about your spiritual journey. What what happened for you? I did read your book, it's been a long time, but ⁓ yeah. Yeah, share share a little bit about the spiritual journey. That's really key.
speaker-1: So what happened for me when I was trying to figure out what that space where I wanted to go next, right? When I was in that that interim space was like, you know, okay, I don't have a job anymore. What do I want to do? And there was a moment where I was working with a coach and she and I was in tears that day and I was like, I don't know what I want to do. I went on this interview today and it's like I don't really want that job, but I don't know what I meant to do. And she said to me, she says, Well, why don't you go out and breathe your horse's breath today? And I was like, Okay, well, you know, I've had horses my whole life and they definitely have been they've shaped my world, they've shaped my life. And I was like, that's pretty fascinating. I'll go do that. And so I went out into the barn that day and it snowed like 18 inches of snow and it was like, you know, it was still snowing, these big snowflakes. And yeah, and my mare was at the gate and she had like frost on her whiskers. And I reach I just kind of bent down and just started breathing her breath, just like this woman had told me to do. And I had this like epiphany moment where it was like, okay, something is I'm supposed to be doing something else, right? I'm supposed to be doing something different. And I had been meeting some people that were doing coaching with horses. And I was like, and ⁓ so I kind of turned my back to to and put my back on my horses, whether it's like leaned up against her, and I just it just came through. I mean, you are not meant to go back to the corporate world. You're meant to go do this this equine assisted coaching and leadership development and I was just like, Well that's amazing. Let's let's let's go explore this. And within a month I was in Northern California training under a woman who was kind of the pioneer in the equine assisted equine learning space and it, you know, it just opened up my door. So the horses really took me into that world. And then the other aspect of this, ⁓ and this and this was after my father had passed, was that pause. And I think that, you know, when my when my dad did pass I I did pause, right? I was with family. It was July. I was gonna start working, I was gonna start looking for a job on August first. And, you know, end of July, I'm like, no, I'm not gonna do that right now. So I paused and I just for the next many months, many, many months actually, I slowed down, I you know, pay attention to the birds in the barn. I'd, you know, go on lots of hikes. I spend more time with friends. And all of that just started to connect me deeper, back more deeply to myself. Right. And so I I always say that the horses actually took me down that pathway of spirituality. And I don't think I would have found 'cause I do in all kinds of wacky spiritual stuff today. I was like, you know, I love to play and and all kinds of aspects of spirituality. And I don't know that I would have ever gone there without the horses showing me, you know, like when I started when I did all that training in Northern California.
speaker-0: Mm.
speaker-1: I started seeing how the horses could be our leaders and how they they could be our teachers versus us teaching them. I mean that always that'd always been the framework I'd been with horses with. And so when I started opening up to the horses being my teacher, what did they have to teach me? I was like blowing my Yeah, so that was my my ⁓ entryway into this spirituality really.
speaker-0: ⁓ your mind, yeah. ⁓ So funny. I I've done a couple of sessions of e coin therapy. I loved it. I love it. And I actually I see a therapist on a regular basis and she has horses and our next time together we're gonna go be with her horses. And I just listened to your radio show yesterday about the year of the horse and and what what you've been doing for the last year, and that is being on this listening campaign with women, right? And coming to understand and know more. We're leaving the Chinese New Year tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen. I know. It's gonna be February seventeenth, because this probably won't air till June, but we are on the cusp of this year of the horse, right?
speaker-1: We are. And I'm just I've been so stoked about that.
speaker-0: Me too. I mean, are we geeked out or what? But I like I really feel like not only w have I been shedding, like I don't know about you, but the shed What the what the heck, right? ⁓ my gosh. Yeah. So much. But I am yeah, so delighted. And the signs are everywhere. You know, when you tap in and you know that you are guided.
speaker-1: Everybody was shedding last year.
speaker-0: And you look for I I like the Hansel and Gretel Anatomy, look for the breadcrumbs because they're always there and sometimes they're always there, right? So when you just trust the flow and the process of what's unfolding, it's there for us. So this new year is a really good vibe of energy. And I'd love for you just to share a little bit from the radio show and what you talked about and your learning and your listening campaign.
speaker-1: Yeah, yeah. So, you know, I was just hearing over and over again th that things felt different last year. And so I thought, you know, I really need to go listen a bit more. So I I did I did a lot of one on one conversations with people specifically for a listening campaign. And then also did an online survey and then, you know, I have my podcast and I've got my clients and I have my community. And so I was always tuning into like what's happening for you. And every everybody was like, ⁓ my gosh, things feel different this year. And I'm like, okay, well what feels different? What is what is different this year? And what I was hearing was that women entrepreneurs were just really not in a space where they were wanting to like just go out and work, work, work, work anymore. They were just done with that. They were like, I wanna I'm I build this business for my life. And so I I'm really here to integrate life In a way that feels right for me. You know, I want to design my life in the, you know, I want to build design my business in a way that creates the lifestyle that I want. So I was hearing that a lot. I was hearing that ⁓ women were just really in this space of of listening to their inner wisdom in a deeper way. And so they were allowing that inner wisdom to guide what decisions they were making. And so they were versus a lot of the external ⁓ noise that was out there, they were really tuning inside. And and I did hear over and over again that the noise was, you know, if you look at the amount of information that comes at us on a day to day basis, I think what they were finding is that they needed to be able to slow down and listen versus just have to be able to sort through all that information.
speaker-0: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. It's so much. Yeah. Like it's so much. And it's frying nervous systems. I mean, I think you know absolutely frying our nervous systems to the point of like not being able to respond appropriately, right?
speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And and and and at the same time they were so lit up about the work that they were doing, the impact that they were making with their work. And being able to take that and now that they're being called right now, and I and I hear this a lot is that and and this is me, I believe that women's wisdom is the medicine our earth needs right now. And that the way that we lead, the way we lead is going to be what shifts, you know what's happening all the noise there. I mean, there's just there's just what's happening in the world all around us is there's a lot. And it and if the more women are stepping into their leadership and into their strength, that is starting to shift the way leadership is done. Yeah. And that to me excites me.
speaker-0: It's so exciting. Say that again. Women's wisdom is
speaker-1: Is the medicine our earth needs.
speaker-0: Beautiful. We might even name your podcast that Earth needs. I love that. It's beautiful.
speaker-1: That's true though, right? It is true in my heart.
speaker-0: Yeah, I I totally am there with you. Yeah. And you know, we have to remember I wrote in one of my chapters in my book, I wrote about the divine masculine and the divine feminine. And I think sometimes we forget that, you know, we are both, right? But the feminine energy, not just in feminine, right, not just for females, is also starting to come up. And I'm seeing it also in some of the males that I'm totally I'm yeah around. Right. They're starting to like see things differently and soften a little bit and
speaker-1: Consciousness.
speaker-0: More conscious. Yeah, the conscious evolution. Totally agree. Wow. What about relationship driven marketing? Trust referrals and warm visibility. I love that because I've been working with another ⁓ consultant type thing, you know, like really trying to understand, like, you know, we're not doing funnels anymore. We're not doing marketing the old way. There's a new way of doing that. And I'd love to have your expertise on what does that mean? Relationship driven marketing. Or
speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. I mean Anna, you probably have heard it, we're in a trust deficit, right? Because people have been hit with so much information and here's the way you sh have to do it, the way you should do it, all the shoulds and all you know, all of it. So that's been in our our you know, the our what's around us all the time. And I think people are becoming numb to that, you know, that constant to constant noise. So they're seeking something that really connects at a heart to heart level. And they're not moving until they feel that heart to heart level. So when I talk about relationship based marketing, it means and it's still a matter of like putting yourself out there, getting visible, finding ways that people connect with you. But then it's how do you take that relationship more deep, right? How do you how do you go more deeply? Google has some stats around ⁓ they say that it takes ⁓ up to seven hours of your content across eleven different touch points, four different platforms before they ever make a buying decision. And I think and I've read some even some information just recently that that's even going up. Yeah. The touch points is going up like significantly. And so we have to find ways that where people can go binge on us, right? Like your podcast is a great way for people to binge on you. They can go listen to you. They can get to and you probably have had people say, ⁓ I've been listening to your podcast and I feel like I know you. Yeah. And that's the kind of thing where you can show up authentically as you. And, you know, as much as I love AI, I wrote a a blog this that came out just this morning talking about, you know, how do we keep that relationship in and at the core in an AI centric world when there's so much AI that's out there. Yeah. And I love AI. I do. We use we use it every single day. And I use it more for the the like like help make what I've done better. Yeah. But I lead with my voice always. Always. It's always my ideas. It always, you know, it's like my leadership comes first and then I leverage AI to help recreate it. That's, you know, one way is that, you know, that when when we're looking at an AI centric world around us, how do we keep our voice top and center and 'cause because we can't outsource our our our leadership leadership of thought and we can't AI our leadership of thought. It's really Our thoughts have to come from us, our original thinking. That's one aspect of it. And then the other aspect of it, when I think about relationship-based marketing, I call it a know love and trust marketing ecosystem. And that means that we are putting our in like we're we might be getting on stages. So how do we how do we tap into other people's audiences? We we do that. We've got an audience of people that already know love and trust us that we've built. And then how can we bring more of our wonderfulness to to both of those groups? And that could be through trainings, it can be through, you know, webinars, it can be through s live events. It's like all these different ways. But it becomes an ecosystem where you're doing more you're doing some trainings and and delivering where people can get to know love and trust you. You can be a podcast, right? It it can be all these different ways that we deliver our content. Right. But it's like the people that already know love and trust us, they can go into that space of more growing and learning with us. And people that when we're tapping into other people's audiences can go into the space of more learning and and growing with us. And that becomes an ecosystem versus a funnel. Right. Where you're just trying to like go through numbers. Nobody wants to be a number. Nobody wants to be funneled to.
speaker-0: No. Yeah. I love I love that description because I immediately saw the feminine energy in this ecosystem, right? That is that is a connective like sphere shape. It's very much where when you went funnel, like I'm just like, you know, male, masculine, area. Very linear, very penetrating, right? Yep. Go go at it. So I love that. And I I see that for myself. I'll tell you, I absolutely love podcasting and I love it because I've always had a passion for women's empowerment. But doing TED Talks for so many years for the TEDx Cherry Creek group. Yeah. ⁓ you know, empowering women to get on the stage and do a TED Talk was transformational. Like it just was insane. And this podcast has kind of filled this gap for me anyway, to be able to say the power of the story, the power of the voice, right, is so important. And we have to share it. This is how we connect women. This is this is what we do. We get vulnerable with each other, we share, we talk, right? It's yummy. Yeah.
speaker-1: Yeah, and it's relationships all day long will just you know, it just it it puts us into our best way of being.
speaker-0: Yeah, agreed. Totally agree. What else? ⁓ we talked a little bit about the feminization of your entrepreneurs and how they're prioritizing energy, capacity, the nervous system health. Can we talk about that for a minute? Because I literally am like I am at the end of my nervous system and I'm actually getting some support with it. I'm actually going on a silent retreat next week. ⁓ my just to bring myself back in before I start to giddy up, which is my word for the year. Right. I'm gonna go in and just
speaker-1: Yes.
speaker-0: be still for a week. So, but let's talk about the shift in the energy and that, you know, how because I think what happens a lot is I see women who, particularly if they've had a corporate job for a long time, right? They are feeling the heart pull. They're feeling like, gosh, there's gotta be something else. ⁓ my gosh. But that identity is so tied in, even when their nervous systems are fried, even when they're right, they're craving something different. I know I'm speaking your language and let you share what you're
speaker-1: This has been my biggest learning in the last several years for sure. I mean, I think that, you know, coming out of COVID to shortly there thereafter is when I first heard some people talking about our nervous system. And I was like, my God, I know what they're talking about here. I I can feel that in my body. And when I started to explore that, and ⁓ I was at the time I was doing Sounds True, their inter MBA program, which is a great program, by the way. And they brought some speakers in that were doing a lot of training on our nervous system. And I was also working with a a wellness coach who sent me a whole bunch of stuff on our nervous system. And I was just I was like, this this is this is my work that I need to be doing. Because as you said, I think that's one thing coming out of the corporate world, we we carry that with us. And I felt like I had like released a lot of I mean I given up the five AM phone calls and all the things that I used to do back in the corporate day. But I still had that that that drive that wouldn't turn off. And, you know, as much as I thought I was, you know, doing it well, I wasn't. And so I had to really learn to notice what happens in my body when when I get into that tension mode. Yeah. And to recognize it earlier and really be able to say, okay, what can I do to to help soften this? How how can I release some of this? Mm-hmm. And to me it's been a journey of learning to listen to my body. And
speaker-0: ⁓ so what what do you do? Like when you find yourself and you're aware 'cause a awareness is always the first step to be ⁓
speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah.
speaker-0: I'm hitting the fan here. Yeah.
speaker-1: I try to I try to get out for daily walks. I mean, I think that's a big thing for me. I mean, as long as I'm moving my body, I think that that's a really good thing. I have got two horses in the barn, so I can go out to the barn and hang with them and that's that's a great thing. The daily pauses, I mean, I love that you start your your podcast and all the all the things you do with that daily that moment of pause. Yeah and that's a that's a brilliant thing. Because I can I can tell you I'm really good about doing my meditations in the morning and that's that's a really well ⁓ oil ⁓ pattern if you Yeah. I'm not as good about doing it throughout the
speaker-0: Right. You get in the grind, right? ⁓ yeah. That's why you got a P2P on your computer. Sticky note. P two P permission to pause.
speaker-1: Yeah, so it's those sorts of things and you know, just watching what I eat I think is a big yeah the big thing on this too because I if I'm not eating the right if I'm not putting the right nutrition into my body, you know, my body will tell me. Yeah. So yeah, yeah, it's it's those sorts of things that I do and it's it's just a mixture, but it's it's all you know, it all fits together.
speaker-0: Body knows. Yeah. I I think you would probably know I had major back surgery in April and it was a it was a big surgery. Ever since then I I would get really fatigued in the healing journey. I'm nine a little over nine months out now. I'm doing great. But I I now give myself permission to pause and I go lay down in my bed in the afternoon. And sometimes for an hour. I I'm not a napper, so I can't sleep. So I I may lose myself in a game on my pod or my ⁓ iPad or I may listen to something, right? Or just meditate, whatever. But just laying my body down and resting. And I so powerful. And you know, sometimes if I want, I take my computer and maybe I lay down and work, but I it's a pause for me. And it's almost like now my body is like, ⁓ it's time to time to go lay down. Right. Partly is fatigue and healing.
speaker-1: though that you like again, just permission to pause because I mean so often we would go, I can't go lay down in the middle of the day, but it can be a really brilliant thing for our bodies to just have that reset moment.
speaker-0: Yeah, for sure. For sure, for sure. So I'm yearning to know a little bit more about you personally. We've talked a lot about your work and your output, but tell me a little bit more about you personally, your spiritual journey. But I
speaker-1: My son when I was 20 years old. So I was a young mama. And ⁓ I married his father. We were only married for a few years. And then after that we separated, got divorced, and ⁓ I put myself through school at night, you know, and I was working, you know. Initially I found myself in the oil and gas industry as a receptionist. So I was right out of high school as a receptionist, you know, and I became an engineer tech where I was learning more of the the techy side of things and I I loved that. It was fun. Eventually that's what put me through school. ⁓ you know, with my son being young and ⁓ we grew up together and he's he it's he's in a wonderful space in life right now and he's he's in Oregon. Oregon, yeah. Yeah, he's on the on the Oregon coast and it's a beautiful place and he's built a really great business.
speaker-0: Beautiful. Jersey?
speaker-1: out there and so it's fun seeing him succeed and and grow and evolve and be a good person at the end of the day, right? Yeah, and ⁓ exactly. I remarried, ⁓ I got married in in my li mid forties and I'm sixty three now. So we've been you know, we I guess we've we've not been married that long. I met him in my mid forties and then we we married. We we've been married about thirteen years now. And ⁓ he's I'm married to a wonderful man who does good things in the world. He works for FEMA.
speaker-0: Yeah. I'm happy. So you have an only son too? Yeah. Okay. Ours is ours is in Chicago, thriving and just loving his life. He's younger, yeah, because I was thirty-eight when I had him. So he's ⁓ twenty-five now. But he's yeah, he's doing great. He's just amazing, right? And boys, right? Yeah. Yeah. I have to t I have to tell you a story. Yours it may not be the way mine is, but ⁓ he's 25. He's living with fraternity brothers, he's gotten a job, he's a big job, and you know, and I was talking I was
speaker-1: I haven't only sent you. Fun to see that. Exactly.
speaker-0: Talking about my therapist the other day and we were doing some EMDR work about ⁓ something to come up that made me feel like it didn't matter. So I was kind of working on that whole thing. And so we we're in the whole process of doing EMDR, which is ⁓ eye movement, desensitation, helps with processing emotions, whatever. And so ⁓ I started laughing out loud and she's like, What? And I said, There's nothing like a twenty five year old boy to make you feel like you don't matter. Like there's just something about having a son that he never calls, he never writes.
speaker-1: get that and and Josh went through that for sure and he's you know he's forty two now and ⁓ he's he's much better about it than he was back in when he was in his twenties for sure. It's it's yeah, he definitely threw his his loop and sheriff stories, you know, that that we were like, really? ⁓ my God, really. But you know, they they moved through it all.
speaker-0: ⁓ yes they do. They do. I always say to him, When are you coming back to me? They always say you're gonna come back at some point. When are you coming back? But he's great, he's thriving, I'm thrilled for him. All right Major, we're take a quick pause here. We'll be right back. Let me ask you something. Have you ever noticed how the same patterns keep showing up in your life, your work, or even your relationships? That's exactly why I created Uproot. Uproot is a transformational framework that helps you uncover the unconscious patterns running your life, reconnects you with your authentic self, and intentionally creates what comes next. For years I've taught this work in coaching, leadership programs, and workshops. And now, for the first time, Uproot is becoming an evergreen online course you can take anytime. If you're ready for a real shift, not just another inspirational idea, join the waitlist now at Christybells.com. Backslash uproot. Your next chapter starts with awareness. Welcome back to the show, Kaman Gilder. How are you? So excited. What a great combo.
speaker-1: This is a great conversation. It's getting it's fun getting to know you more. We've known each other for a while and it's like getting to know you more is this awesome.
speaker-0: Thank you. Yeah, I'll vice right back at you. The theme for February for me is love, leadership, ⁓ and courage. And ⁓ my podcast guests this month have been really Mary Nguyen is my next guest. I don't know if you know her or not. She's a restauranteer that's evacuated Saigon in her mom's belly when Saigon fell. A fabulous story. I must listen to podcast by Mary Nguyen. She's a restauranteer here in town, but ⁓ Yeah, I just I started my book with courage because I'm a huge believer that it takes great courage to live a meaningful life. You know, you can ignorance is bliss. I mean, I think there's some reality to that. And there's days when I think, God, I wish I hadn't woke up. I can still pretend like I don't know. But I do, right? So it takes courage to live a fulfilling life. It does. And I think it takes courage to Do what you're doing in the world, especially with women who are being asked to embody something new for themselves, their own identity, their self or the capital S, the the soul expansion of who they're becoming. And I'm just curious how you see that courage unfolding with your population.
speaker-1: That's a beautiful question. I think that it does take courage to to find oneself like that that bright light that's that fire that's inside of you and actually step into owning it, right? It's like you c it's one thing to recognize it, but to actually okay, what am I going to do with this? And how am I gonna show up in my voice takes so much courage. So much courage. And and to find what it is that you stand for and Say, okay, I'm going to put my voice out there that helps people stop and think and act and do differently because I've got something important to say. So often, you know, women can we we can and I've done it. I mean, I I can recall times in my life where I pulled back and said, you know, you know, who am I to share something here? Yeah. And and knowing that that's that's I mean, we all have something that we are here to share and to our gifts that we're here to to put out into the world. So stepping into that and owning it takes so much.
speaker-0: Courage. So much courage. Yeah.
speaker-1: You can feel it in your body, right? It's like you start doing it and it's like you start to step into it. It's like, Okay, do I do this? Do I not? Do I do this? Do I not? And you get that little dance and it's like, Okay, owning it and then walking into it is so powerful.
speaker-0: So powerful. And that's leadership, really. That's courageous authenticity. And my models, it's way up there at the top, right? Uh-huh. This is human development throughout time and creative competencies at the very top, right? Yeah. Courageous authenticity, which is, you know, the ability to speak up, speak up for yourselves. I have to tell you a story. Years ago, I was in a development program in Atlanta and my teacher there was an amazing woman. And she used to use metaphors as a tool to be able to help us kind of see where we're going. So I love jigsaw puzzles. I've loved them since I was really little and and I still like work them all the time. And so she gave me the metaphor of a jigsaw puzzle around this issue of using my voice. What she told me was that you're a jagged edge of a piece of puzzle and anywhere you go, that piece of puzzle is necessary in order to create the whole. So if I'm at a table or if I'm in a conversation or if I am in some connectivity of any type, right? It's my job to put my piece of the puzzle in. And for some reason that metaphor just helped me understand that it like that my voice mattered, that what I thought mattered, right? And so I started practicing putting my piece of the puzzle in, even though I wanted to throw up sometimes when I was doing it, right? I was like ⁓
speaker-1: Yeah, I love that visual because it's like no matter where you're at, that piece of the puzzle is going to help make it whole. Yeah. And it's beautiful.
speaker-0: Yeah. And it's not complete unless you put your piece in, right? Yeah. Which is the other beautiful part of of that story. So yeah. This is a great one on the love question. Love isn't often named in business, but it it's all over, right? It's all over. It's all over your work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's all over your work for sure.
speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And the reason it is is because I actually fall in love with my clients and I want them to you know have that same emotion back and it's like I I love seeing what happens for my clients and I love them s I mean I so yeah, I I love that word.
speaker-0: I love that word. Love love that word. Let's see. Any last questions? Any other second chance moments or reflections that you have?
speaker-1: gosh, well I'll just say my my my marriage, right? That's a great second chance one. And and it's it's wonderful when you when you find, you know, I was older. I I dated most of my adult life and ⁓ it was so nice to actually find my person and be in, you know, it's like it's just it's wonderful, right, to to find that. And you know, and I think it's it's interesting 'cause we could go back and we could look at times where we could have potentially have met 'cause we were in school at the same time and
speaker-0: ⁓ interest.
speaker-1: In the same school, you know, at the same college and you know, we didn't meet over the years. And ⁓ he was in Vale a lot. My sister was living in Vale and I was hanging in Vail. So there's like all these points where we could have met and we wouldn't and we did not meet, but I think that we met at the exact right time. Exactly. And and we just had so much more life wisdom underneath of us. Yeah. That ⁓ Yeah, exactly. It definitely helped.
speaker-0: Helps. I just love this quote in my notes. ⁓ final reflection. If courage is trusting yourself, love is staying connected, and leadership is being willing to be seen, which one is calling women forward most right now? Courage is trusting yourself, love is staying connected, and leadership is being willing to be seen, or I would say using your voice.
speaker-1: Say it one more time. Yeah, I think it's the trust in yourself. Always it to trust yourself first. Yeah. And then the other pieces can follow, but you've got to you've got to trust yourself.
speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That and that takes practice, you know. Sometimes it's like going to the gym, you know, you gotta lift that weight of saying I matter. And sometimes, you know, when that old stuff comes up, you get a second chance to go to therapy and do MDR and laugh out loud, you know? But yeah, whatever that is. All right. I always love to end my podcast with something we call second chance snapshots. And these are just like fire questions I'm just gonna throw at you and ⁓ give me what you got. Okay. What's one word that describes where you are in your life right now?
speaker-1: Yeah, no. Fiery.
speaker-0: So excited for this year of the horse. It's a fire horse. Just so we know. It's the fire horse. Not just a horse. It's a fire horse. If you had to give yourself a pep talk in five words or less, what would it be? I love that too. What's one smile daily ritual that helps you feel grounded? ⁓ who in your life has taught you the most about second chances?
speaker-1: Believe in yourself. My meditations. And who isn't a lot? My son. I think my son's taught me a lot of that.
speaker-0: Kids teach us a lot. They reflect a lot back to us, don't they? Yeah. ⁓ I always like this question what's one book ⁓ or resource that you are offering that's ⁓ significant for you that you recommend? I
speaker-1: I do free trainings every month. Cool. ⁓ so I've got something going on. Sometimes they're a round table where I'm having conversations with others and next month it's gonna be some sort of a training, but I do a free training almost every month of the year.
speaker-0: Wonderful. Wonderful. That's a great segue. Let's tell people how they can learn more about you and your work and your your monthly events.
speaker-1: Yeah. So ⁓ you can go to camegellner.com, K A ⁓ I, G U I L D N E R dot com. And at the top on the top right corner, there's a little button that says get updates and you can click on that and then you'll get the updates of whatever class I'm teaching on any given month.
speaker-0: Wonderful. Well, what a delight. What an absolute delight to spend time with you. And I look forward to continuing the conversation as we continue to evolve and grow and giddy up into this new year, the fire horse. ⁓ Gideon. Let's go. I went to the rodeo. I go to the rodeo every year. I'm from Kansas. I love everything cowboy. Like I love all of that. Horses, et cetera. And I went to the rodeo this year with my girlfriends and I found a little brown purse that has giddy up written on it. I was like,
speaker-1: Love it, giddy up.
speaker-0: That was my word for the year when I did my webinar in January. It's my word. Giddy up.
speaker-1: I had to buy
speaker-0: That one, of course. And the hat. And the hat. Thank you so much for being with me. Thank you, Chris. Really appreciate it. Blessings to you. All right. Me too. We'll be in touch. Take care. Bye. It is the joy of my life to showcase the voices of people and the messy details of life's journey. As you have experienced, my guests are thriving with purpose and style, but that does not mean that their life is easy and without challenges. I've dedicated my life to you and your journey. Thank you for listening to Second Chances with Christy Bells. Please subscribe and learn more at ChristyBells.com backslash second chances.
