TIETOJA TÄSTÄ JAKSOSTA
It took him two weeks to hop back on the apps and start “dating” again, distracting him from his mission but that is a part of his journey. He had to gain confidence in himself that can’t be taught from another person. He could never trust that I wasn’t talking to other guys.
For me, dating is intentional. And you shouldn’t be saying you are looking for a long term partnership with someone on a dating app when you are looking for something casual. It would take a lot of awareness on someone's part to know that you can’t handle anything more than casual while you are going through an intense life transition. He may have wanted something serious but was not capable of it at that time. Do I think he was serious about me while being an idiot trying to catch validation with someone else? Sure. But his journey will take as long as it will take for him to realize what he wants and needs and how best to not affect someone else in that process. If you are going to try to have your cake and eat it too, just know that comes at the cost of affecting someone else’s feelings and life. What kind of person do you want to be? I genuinely don’t believe he had malice intentions. I think he wanted to fill the hole within himself but in reality could not find a way to get his needs met and take me seriously at the same time. So even though he broke it off with me and he is repeating the same cycle, that is something he will have to learn everywhere he goes before it clicks and he figures out how to do it right for himself and another partner.
It is now up to me, this point forward to step away and not try to go back to something he is not ready for. Some people can only handle casual. And when someone is intentionally trying to find someone; their life and inside their soul will reflect that. I do believe you can navigate life with someone else and figure it out together but that is rare and hard to find and you still need to be in the same book and chapter as your partner.
Emotional Maturity: Life is ever evolving and changing and you will be healing and growing until the day you stop breathing (if you choose to keep moving and trying) but the capacity, quality, time and attention you can give someone is totally up to you and how you want to treat yourself and someone else. Life and experiences are different for everyone. I could find someone from my past who reaches a higher level for themselves, or I can meet someone completely new who says, “Where have you been my whole life?” I can only hope life has someone in store for me, and ideally long term, but only life gets to decide that and I need to be patient, accept what is, and appreciate what I had. Maybe all we have when someone doesn’t come back is just a reminder that their lives stayed or went into a different direction. But we can keep trying.
Show yourself some grace and love as sometimes, life just is. You can be racking your brain and over thinking and wondering why you aren’t experiencing the love or support you dream of and can’t figure out why it’s not happening when the work is there. It’s not always that there is something inherently wrong and you need to change everything that is out of your control, but there are things happening in the background that you are unaware of. Hold on to that hope that your efforts and strength will pay off one day. Sometimes that looks like saying no more or yes to others, sometimes that looks like having patience, or practicing to control your emotions. Sometimes that looks like living your life and just existing and believing that one day it will all make sense. Sending you all love on your own journeys and may you find what fuels you and gives you passion.
Keywords: break ups, love, support, grief, trusting the process
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