WEBVTT
00:00:13.039 --> 00:00:15.919
Welcome back to another Reach Your Minds podcast.
00:00:16.079 --> 00:00:25.920
I'm your host, Brianna Williams, LAPC, and I appreciate you for joining in the conversation as we continue the series Healing Is It Cute.
00:00:26.480 --> 00:00:28.640
This week we're going a little deeper, y'all.
00:00:28.719 --> 00:00:34.000
We're going a little deeper, and we're going to be encouraging a lot of self-reflection.
00:00:34.320 --> 00:00:39.679
Because listen, truth be told, sometimes we are the problem.
00:00:41.600 --> 00:00:45.920
Ouch! Listen, this is not a blame episode.
00:00:46.079 --> 00:00:48.719
Um, this is not meant to bring shame.
00:00:48.880 --> 00:00:55.119
And this episode is not to say that the things that you've gone through and experienced are your fault.
00:00:55.359 --> 00:00:59.200
However, healing requires accountability.
00:00:59.520 --> 00:01:02.079
So let's jump in.
00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:03.119
Let's jump in.
00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:08.319
Listen, they say that um, they say that hurt people hurt people, right?
00:01:08.480 --> 00:01:10.400
And they don't say that for no reason.
00:01:10.640 --> 00:01:11.760
And it makes sense, right?
00:01:11.840 --> 00:01:18.959
Because someone made me mad or someone made me upset, so I take it out on everyone, everyone else around me, right?
00:01:19.120 --> 00:01:26.239
Somebody cheated on me, and now I suspect that every relationship afterwards is going to be deceitful, right?
00:01:26.400 --> 00:01:32.879
Or friends and family did me dirty, so now I'm popping off at the first sign of conflict in relationships.
00:01:33.840 --> 00:01:41.120
But healing requires me to look at the damage within so I don't bleed on others.
00:01:42.319 --> 00:01:43.439
That's deep.
00:01:44.879 --> 00:01:52.719
Healing requires me to look at the damage within so I don't bleed on others.
00:01:54.319 --> 00:02:00.079
A lot of times when we go through things, we build survival mechanisms, right?
00:02:00.640 --> 00:02:02.879
And and those things are good, right?
00:02:03.040 --> 00:02:05.280
Avoidance and deflection.
00:02:05.760 --> 00:02:08.159
Um they all mean well, right?
00:02:08.319 --> 00:02:10.960
They all mean well, some some among others, right?
00:02:11.039 --> 00:02:22.000
They all mean well, and they're meant to protect us from harm, but in all reality, they may hurt us.
00:02:23.280 --> 00:02:25.039
They may hurt us, right?
00:02:25.280 --> 00:02:29.439
And so healing means learning new ways to respond.
00:02:30.400 --> 00:02:36.319
So the point of healing, right, is to break patterns that got you here in the first place.
00:02:36.800 --> 00:02:41.120
So if you're still operating in the same way before, guess what?
00:02:41.599 --> 00:02:43.039
You did not heal.
00:02:43.680 --> 00:02:51.039
And this is where self-reflection is important because if you can acknowledge it, then there's an opportunity to address it.
00:02:51.280 --> 00:02:57.759
And we when we address it, we can overcome it, we can grow from it, we can learn from it, right?
00:02:57.919 --> 00:02:59.599
All these different things.
00:03:01.280 --> 00:03:07.120
Accountability, it does not need a defense, it just needs honesty.
00:03:09.039 --> 00:03:18.960
And so it might look like I've offended others operating in a place of hurt, or I've made poor choices trying to numb my pain.
00:03:20.719 --> 00:03:23.520
Or my misery wanted company.
00:03:25.840 --> 00:03:27.599
We talk about healing, right?
00:03:28.240 --> 00:03:32.400
And I said this before, and I'm gonna keep saying it throughout this series.
00:03:32.639 --> 00:03:34.240
Healing can get messy, right?
00:03:34.319 --> 00:03:41.759
It's a process that causes us to transform and can be very uncomfortable.
00:03:42.080 --> 00:03:47.199
It causes us to reach places we have tried to tuck for so long.
00:03:47.439 --> 00:03:52.879
And in the process, some people catch some straight bullets, unfortunately.
00:03:53.439 --> 00:04:05.759
And I appreciate the people that have stayed through the process of my healing journey, but in all reality, they did not reserve, they did not deserve, excuse me, they did not deserve some of those hits.
00:04:07.120 --> 00:04:13.120
So accountability, it recognizes when you've been operating in survival mode.
00:04:13.439 --> 00:04:22.480
And so here is our reflection for right now, for today, for this moment, because I'm I got some more.
00:04:23.199 --> 00:04:30.720
But um the question is, do I shut down instead of communicating?
00:04:33.439 --> 00:04:36.240
Do I punish people when I'm hurt?
00:04:37.759 --> 00:04:40.720
Do I avoid difficult conversations?
00:04:42.560 --> 00:04:45.920
Do I constantly need reassurance?
00:04:47.680 --> 00:04:52.000
Do I keep repeating patterns I've already identified?
00:04:58.560 --> 00:05:00.240
Shame and accountability.
00:05:00.480 --> 00:05:07.360
We're not asking these questions to shame you and for you to say, oh, I'm a terrible person.
00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:18.720
No, but we're asking for accountability because it says that I did something that wasn't okay and I need to take responsibility.
00:05:19.759 --> 00:05:27.920
The thing about shame is that it's that it keeps you stuck while accountability gives you somewhere to go.
00:05:29.839 --> 00:05:33.600
So within healing, there are times where you may hurt someone.
00:05:34.160 --> 00:05:41.360
There may be times where you deflect your emotions and experience on the very people that love you the most.
00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:44.000
It may happen.
00:05:44.240 --> 00:05:46.639
And I'll tell you this, that's okay, right?
00:05:46.959 --> 00:05:50.879
Because we recognize that we're flawed humans.
00:05:52.160 --> 00:05:54.319
We ain't gonna get it right all the time.
00:05:54.639 --> 00:06:03.199
Or maybe you may reflect on what you've been through and notice some parts you actually played in the turmoil.
00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:08.240
Maybe you said some things in the conflict that weren't the best.
00:06:09.040 --> 00:06:10.959
And I'll tell you it happens.
00:06:12.000 --> 00:06:18.079
However, sometimes healing means apologizing without the butt.
00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:26.240
Healing means apologizing without the butt.
00:06:26.560 --> 00:06:31.680
Yes, we already know that that that wasn't your intention, right?
00:06:32.079 --> 00:06:38.319
We already know that okay, you did that because you were going through something and you couldn't help it.
00:06:38.480 --> 00:06:41.040
You did that because you were triggered.
00:06:41.279 --> 00:06:42.800
We already know that.
00:06:43.279 --> 00:06:47.920
However, get hurt doesn't excuse the hurt you inflict on another.
00:06:50.160 --> 00:06:58.560
So acknowledge the hurt inflicted and take responsibility.
00:06:59.759 --> 00:07:00.639
Period.
00:07:04.879 --> 00:07:10.240
Acknowledge the hurt inflicted and take responsibility.
00:07:12.079 --> 00:07:19.040
Apologize for what you did specifically without trying to defend your why.
00:07:20.240 --> 00:07:23.199
What does that what does that even look like?
00:07:26.319 --> 00:07:33.279
Apologizing without the why looks like I understand what I did hurt you.
00:07:34.000 --> 00:07:36.319
I take responsibility for that.
00:07:36.959 --> 00:07:39.839
I should have handled it differently.
00:07:43.600 --> 00:07:46.879
And listen, you can't control whether or not they will accept it.
00:07:47.120 --> 00:07:47.519
Right?
00:07:47.600 --> 00:07:53.600
But your responsibility is your behavior, and the response belongs to them.
00:07:55.439 --> 00:08:01.199
So last but not least, just forgive yourself.
00:08:07.839 --> 00:08:09.120
Say it with me.
00:08:09.439 --> 00:08:12.319
I forgive me.
00:08:16.079 --> 00:08:27.839
Not because what you did didn't matter, but because you can't change something or move forward while constantly beating yourself up over it.
00:08:30.959 --> 00:08:33.200
Maybe you did not know better.
00:08:34.159 --> 00:08:38.159
Maybe you knew better and still you weren't ready.
00:08:39.039 --> 00:08:41.759
Maybe you were just surviving at the time.
00:08:43.360 --> 00:08:46.399
Maybe you hurt people while you were hurting.
00:08:47.759 --> 00:08:53.120
However, you don't have to stay the same version of yourself forever.
00:08:55.120 --> 00:09:06.240
You can acknowledge it, apologize, make repairs, learn, and you can change.
00:09:10.720 --> 00:09:12.799
So this is what I want you to do.
00:09:14.720 --> 00:09:31.919
I want you to reflect, take this home with you, and I want you to journal of what is one pattern you've been blaming on your past that you're now responsible for changing.
00:09:37.519 --> 00:09:49.679
Take that question, reflect on that because you can't change something that you don't address.
00:09:51.600 --> 00:10:10.320
You can't heal for something that you ain't ready to be real with, and so that starts with sometimes saying I am the problem.
00:10:11.919 --> 00:10:29.759
Sometimes starts with being honest and being real with yourself and saying, I did make some mistakes, I did carry that hurt and put it onto other people or other relationships or other responsibilities in my life.
00:10:31.679 --> 00:10:44.559
I did drop the ball, but I'm not taking that with me into the next relationship or into the next opportunity, into the next job, into the next whatever.
00:10:47.440 --> 00:10:49.279
But I'm gonna acknowledge it.
00:10:50.399 --> 00:10:53.120
I'm gonna apologize if I need to.
00:10:53.440 --> 00:10:55.360
I'ma make repairs.
00:10:56.159 --> 00:10:57.759
I'ma learn.
00:10:59.039 --> 00:11:01.039
So I can see the change.
00:11:03.200 --> 00:11:04.879
So I can see the change.
00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:09.440
Now I know this was a tough, short conversation.
00:11:11.360 --> 00:11:16.720
Because sometimes it's it's hard to hear that, man, maybe, maybe it is me.
00:11:16.879 --> 00:11:25.039
Maybe there's some things that I need to do differently, that I need to grow from, that I need to reflect on, that I need to prepare.
00:11:25.279 --> 00:11:42.960
But the great thing is that it's being brought to light, and that means that there's opportunity, there's opportunity for you to continue to grow from it and not let it have you.
00:11:46.559 --> 00:11:50.559
So, guys, I thank you for joining in on another Reaching Minds conversation.
00:11:50.960 --> 00:11:53.039
And listen, I want you to stay connected.
00:11:53.200 --> 00:11:59.039
Follow us on Instagram at Reach It Minds, um, sign up for our email list.
00:11:59.200 --> 00:12:04.480
The link is in our IG bio, and I would love to just connect with y'all.
00:12:04.799 --> 00:12:18.399
Also, send me a message um using the link in the show notes, asking questions, even commenting on what helped you or what could have been better on this episode.
00:12:18.639 --> 00:12:21.200
Um, because that's what we're here for.
00:12:21.519 --> 00:12:26.639
Reaching minds exist to make mental health conversations more accessible.
00:12:26.879 --> 00:12:37.840
So if our podcast has helped you, educated you, or made you feel less alone, you can help us continue creating these conversations by supporting the show.
00:12:38.240 --> 00:12:42.639
So feel free to click the link in the show notes that says support the show.
00:12:42.799 --> 00:12:44.879
And thanks in advance for your support.
00:12:45.120 --> 00:12:46.559
Until next time, y'all.
00:12:46.720 --> 00:12:49.360
I'm your host, Brianna Williams.
00:00:13.039 --> 00:00:15.919
Welcome back to another Reach Your Minds podcast.
00:00:16.079 --> 00:00:25.920
I'm your host, Brianna Williams, LAPC, and I appreciate you for joining in the conversation as we continue the series Healing Is It Cute.
00:00:26.480 --> 00:00:28.640
This week we're going a little deeper, y'all.
00:00:28.719 --> 00:00:34.000
We're going a little deeper, and we're going to be encouraging a lot of self-reflection.
00:00:34.320 --> 00:00:39.679
Because listen, truth be told, sometimes we are the problem.
00:00:41.600 --> 00:00:45.920
Ouch! Listen, this is not a blame episode.
00:00:46.079 --> 00:00:48.719
Um, this is not meant to bring shame.
00:00:48.880 --> 00:00:55.119
And this episode is not to say that the things that you've gone through and experienced are your fault.
00:00:55.359 --> 00:00:59.200
However, healing requires accountability.
00:00:59.520 --> 00:01:02.079
So let's jump in.
00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:03.119
Let's jump in.
00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:08.319
Listen, they say that um, they say that hurt people hurt people, right?
00:01:08.480 --> 00:01:10.400
And they don't say that for no reason.
00:01:10.640 --> 00:01:11.760
And it makes sense, right?
00:01:11.840 --> 00:01:18.959
Because someone made me mad or someone made me upset, so I take it out on everyone, everyone else around me, right?
00:01:19.120 --> 00:01:26.239
Somebody cheated on me, and now I suspect that every relationship afterwards is going to be deceitful, right?
00:01:26.400 --> 00:01:32.879
Or friends and family did me dirty, so now I'm popping off at the first sign of conflict in relationships.
00:01:33.840 --> 00:01:41.120
But healing requires me to look at the damage within so I don't bleed on others.
00:01:42.319 --> 00:01:43.439
That's deep.
00:01:44.879 --> 00:01:52.719
Healing requires me to look at the damage within so I don't bleed on others.
00:01:54.319 --> 00:02:00.079
A lot of times when we go through things, we build survival mechanisms, right?
00:02:00.640 --> 00:02:02.879
And and those things are good, right?
00:02:03.040 --> 00:02:05.280
Avoidance and deflection.
00:02:05.760 --> 00:02:08.159
Um they all mean well, right?
00:02:08.319 --> 00:02:10.960
They all mean well, some some among others, right?
00:02:11.039 --> 00:02:22.000
They all mean well, and they're meant to protect us from harm, but in all reality, they may hurt us.
00:02:23.280 --> 00:02:25.039
They may hurt us, right?
00:02:25.280 --> 00:02:29.439
And so healing means learning new ways to respond.
00:02:30.400 --> 00:02:36.319
So the point of healing, right, is to break patterns that got you here in the first place.
00:02:36.800 --> 00:02:41.120
So if you're still operating in the same way before, guess what?
00:02:41.599 --> 00:02:43.039
You did not heal.
00:02:43.680 --> 00:02:51.039
And this is where self-reflection is important because if you can acknowledge it, then there's an opportunity to address it.
00:02:51.280 --> 00:02:57.759
And we when we address it, we can overcome it, we can grow from it, we can learn from it, right?
00:02:57.919 --> 00:02:59.599
All these different things.
00:03:01.280 --> 00:03:07.120
Accountability, it does not need a defense, it just needs honesty.
00:03:09.039 --> 00:03:18.960
And so it might look like I've offended others operating in a place of hurt, or I've made poor choices trying to numb my pain.
00:03:20.719 --> 00:03:23.520
Or my misery wanted company.
00:03:25.840 --> 00:03:27.599
We talk about healing, right?
00:03:28.240 --> 00:03:32.400
And I said this before, and I'm gonna keep saying it throughout this series.
00:03:32.639 --> 00:03:34.240
Healing can get messy, right?
00:03:34.319 --> 00:03:41.759
It's a process that causes us to transform and can be very uncomfortable.
00:03:42.080 --> 00:03:47.199
It causes us to reach places we have tried to tuck for so long.
00:03:47.439 --> 00:03:52.879
And in the process, some people catch some straight bullets, unfortunately.
00:03:53.439 --> 00:04:05.759
And I appreciate the people that have stayed through the process of my healing journey, but in all reality, they did not reserve, they did not deserve, excuse me, they did not deserve some of those hits.
00:04:07.120 --> 00:04:13.120
So accountability, it recognizes when you've been operating in survival mode.
00:04:13.439 --> 00:04:22.480
And so here is our reflection for right now, for today, for this moment, because I'm I got some more.
00:04:23.199 --> 00:04:30.720
But um the question is, do I shut down instead of communicating?
00:04:33.439 --> 00:04:36.240
Do I punish people when I'm hurt?
00:04:37.759 --> 00:04:40.720
Do I avoid difficult conversations?
00:04:42.560 --> 00:04:45.920
Do I constantly need reassurance?
00:04:47.680 --> 00:04:52.000
Do I keep repeating patterns I've already identified?
00:04:58.560 --> 00:05:00.240
Shame and accountability.
00:05:00.480 --> 00:05:07.360
We're not asking these questions to shame you and for you to say, oh, I'm a terrible person.
00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:18.720
No, but we're asking for accountability because it says that I did something that wasn't okay and I need to take responsibility.
00:05:19.759 --> 00:05:27.920
The thing about shame is that it's that it keeps you stuck while accountability gives you somewhere to go.
00:05:29.839 --> 00:05:33.600
So within healing, there are times where you may hurt someone.
00:05:34.160 --> 00:05:41.360
There may be times where you deflect your emotions and experience on the very people that love you the most.
00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:44.000
It may happen.
00:05:44.240 --> 00:05:46.639
And I'll tell you this, that's okay, right?
00:05:46.959 --> 00:05:50.879
Because we recognize that we're flawed humans.
00:05:52.160 --> 00:05:54.319
We ain't gonna get it right all the time.
00:05:54.639 --> 00:06:03.199
Or maybe you may reflect on what you've been through and notice some parts you actually played in the turmoil.
00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:08.240
Maybe you said some things in the conflict that weren't the best.
00:06:09.040 --> 00:06:10.959
And I'll tell you it happens.
00:06:12.000 --> 00:06:18.079
However, sometimes healing means apologizing without the butt.
00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:26.240
Healing means apologizing without the butt.
00:06:26.560 --> 00:06:31.680
Yes, we already know that that that wasn't your intention, right?
00:06:32.079 --> 00:06:38.319
We already know that okay, you did that because you were going through something and you couldn't help it.
00:06:38.480 --> 00:06:41.040
You did that because you were triggered.
00:06:41.279 --> 00:06:42.800
We already know that.
00:06:43.279 --> 00:06:47.920
However, get hurt doesn't excuse the hurt you inflict on another.
00:06:50.160 --> 00:06:58.560
So acknowledge the hurt inflicted and take responsibility.
00:06:59.759 --> 00:07:00.639
Period.
00:07:04.879 --> 00:07:10.240
Acknowledge the hurt inflicted and take responsibility.
00:07:12.079 --> 00:07:19.040
Apologize for what you did specifically without trying to defend your why.
00:07:20.240 --> 00:07:23.199
What does that what does that even look like?
00:07:26.319 --> 00:07:33.279
Apologizing without the why looks like I understand what I did hurt you.
00:07:34.000 --> 00:07:36.319
I take responsibility for that.
00:07:36.959 --> 00:07:39.839
I should have handled it differently.
00:07:43.600 --> 00:07:46.879
And listen, you can't control whether or not they will accept it.
00:07:47.120 --> 00:07:47.519
Right?
00:07:47.600 --> 00:07:53.600
But your responsibility is your behavior, and the response belongs to them.
00:07:55.439 --> 00:08:01.199
So last but not least, just forgive yourself.
00:08:07.839 --> 00:08:09.120
Say it with me.
00:08:09.439 --> 00:08:12.319
I forgive me.
00:08:16.079 --> 00:08:27.839
Not because what you did didn't matter, but because you can't change something or move forward while constantly beating yourself up over it.
00:08:30.959 --> 00:08:33.200
Maybe you did not know better.
00:08:34.159 --> 00:08:38.159
Maybe you knew better and still you weren't ready.
00:08:39.039 --> 00:08:41.759
Maybe you were just surviving at the time.
00:08:43.360 --> 00:08:46.399
Maybe you hurt people while you were hurting.
00:08:47.759 --> 00:08:53.120
However, you don't have to stay the same version of yourself forever.
00:08:55.120 --> 00:09:06.240
You can acknowledge it, apologize, make repairs, learn, and you can change.
00:09:10.720 --> 00:09:12.799
So this is what I want you to do.
00:09:14.720 --> 00:09:31.919
I want you to reflect, take this home with you, and I want you to journal of what is one pattern you've been blaming on your past that you're now responsible for changing.
00:09:37.519 --> 00:09:49.679
Take that question, reflect on that because you can't change something that you don't address.
00:09:51.600 --> 00:10:10.320
You can't heal for something that you ain't ready to be real with, and so that starts with sometimes saying I am the problem.
00:10:11.919 --> 00:10:29.759
Sometimes starts with being honest and being real with yourself and saying, I did make some mistakes, I did carry that hurt and put it onto other people or other relationships or other responsibilities in my life.
00:10:31.679 --> 00:10:44.559
I did drop the ball, but I'm not taking that with me into the next relationship or into the next opportunity, into the next job, into the next whatever.
00:10:47.440 --> 00:10:49.279
But I'm gonna acknowledge it.
00:10:50.399 --> 00:10:53.120
I'm gonna apologize if I need to.
00:10:53.440 --> 00:10:55.360
I'ma make repairs.
00:10:56.159 --> 00:10:57.759
I'ma learn.
00:10:59.039 --> 00:11:01.039
So I can see the change.
00:11:03.200 --> 00:11:04.879
So I can see the change.
00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:09.440
Now I know this was a tough, short conversation.
00:11:11.360 --> 00:11:16.720
Because sometimes it's it's hard to hear that, man, maybe, maybe it is me.
00:11:16.879 --> 00:11:25.039
Maybe there's some things that I need to do differently, that I need to grow from, that I need to reflect on, that I need to prepare.
00:11:25.279 --> 00:11:42.960
But the great thing is that it's being brought to light, and that means that there's opportunity, there's opportunity for you to continue to grow from it and not let it have you.
00:11:46.559 --> 00:11:50.559
So, guys, I thank you for joining in on another Reaching Minds conversation.
00:11:50.960 --> 00:11:53.039
And listen, I want you to stay connected.
00:11:53.200 --> 00:11:59.039
Follow us on Instagram at Reach It Minds, um, sign up for our email list.
00:11:59.200 --> 00:12:04.480
The link is in our IG bio, and I would love to just connect with y'all.
00:12:04.799 --> 00:12:18.399
Also, send me a message um using the link in the show notes, asking questions, even commenting on what helped you or what could have been better on this episode.
00:12:18.639 --> 00:12:21.200
Um, because that's what we're here for.
00:12:21.519 --> 00:12:26.639
Reaching minds exist to make mental health conversations more accessible.
00:12:26.879 --> 00:12:37.840
So if our podcast has helped you, educated you, or made you feel less alone, you can help us continue creating these conversations by supporting the show.
00:12:38.240 --> 00:12:42.639
So feel free to click the link in the show notes that says support the show.
00:12:42.799 --> 00:12:44.879
And thanks in advance for your support.
00:12:45.120 --> 00:12:46.559
Until next time, y'all.
00:12:46.720 --> 00:12:49.360
I'm your host, Brianna Williams.
