E3 - They Can Do It!

Danielle Porte: Hi everyone, welcome to Parenting with Picture Books. Today's episode will focus on supporting your little ones as they begin to develop into independent and self-sufficient little people. Now, if you have toddlers or preschoolers, it can be very hard to look at them and think that they are capable of doing things without your help. But I promise you, they are. Fostering this sense of independence prepares them for the rest of their lives. The process of getting there. Can require an extreme amount of patience and plenty of pushback, but I promise you the rewards are worth it. We're gonna get into it right away with the first takeaway. Encourage them. When your child drops a toy and looks at you to pick it up, encourage them to do it. When your child tells you that they have boogies, encourage them to get the tissue and have them help them. You can even help them with this one as they learn. Practice blowing their nose. When it's time to get dressed, encourage your child to take out their clothes or PJs. When your child's getting ready to school and hands over the backpack to you, set it down and encourage them to carry it. When you encourage your child to try new things for themselves, it gives this little aha moment that, huh, I I can do that? And with encouragement, they can. Also, with encouragement comes patience from the grown-up end. Because sometimes it's really hard to remember that your little one is still new here. The everyday tasks that you and I have been completing for decades are brand new to them. A task that's going to take us a few seconds to complete may take your little people several minutes as they're learning it for the first time. Your child may become frustrated and upset. And that is okay. You need to continue to encourage them. It takes practice and patience to build up a tolerance to try something new. And as I say this, I do I recognize that implying a toddler or young child has patience or is able to be patient, the the humor and the irony is not beyond me. But I am promising you, the more that they practice something. The better they're going to get at it, and the more patience they will develop when completing that task. My second takeaway for today is also kind of step two in this process of fostering the development of independent skills. First, we encourage our little people, and then we model and demonstrate for them. As a preschool teacher, I have to remind myself at the beginning of every school year that where we ended. Took development for the entire year. My kids didn't come in knowing those skills. The start of a brand new year, everything is new to them. If I ask them, okay, you're gonna go to your cubby, you're gonna hang up your backpack, and you're going to have a seat. They look at me like I'm speaking a foreign language, and that's because to them I am. Life is new to them. And as I said in the first takeaway, we You and I have been putting on coats and shoes and hanging up bags for decades. This is brand new to them, and they need to learn how it's done. We need to show them and narrate for them step by step how to do a task. And modeling is something that most of us are absolutely comfortable with. We could physically show them, this goes here, put this there, I'm gonna grab this and go over here. But The narration part takes a little more practice because it can feel awkward and a little performative at first. My preschool self lives for this moment, but not everybody is a preschool teacher. Narration is so important because it's going to help build your child's vocabulary and understanding of what they're being asked to do. They have to understand step by step. You can't just say, okay, go over there and grab it and come back. Now, some of your children may understand that, but by going the extra mile to narrate, you're also giving them that chance to develop their vocabulary. And if you hear this heavy breathing next to me, one of my dogs is in here. And they don't like when I do anything without them. So I am being micromanaged by my stage supervisors. friends. So if you hear them, it's just my dogs. Now, as your child is growing and developing, they're also getting a very strong sense of this two-letter word called no. They know how to use it really well from out of the gate. So be prepared to hear no a lot when they're learning how to become independent and do things on their own. They're deciding, I have some autonomy over what I can do and say no. You want me to do that? No. You want me to say no? No comes out very easily for them. Please do not give in to the no, but also recognize when it's time to step in and support your child. Sometimes it's just not worth the meltdown. Sometimes you have to realize, okay, maybe they're not ready for this, or maybe we need to figure out a better multi-step process to get to this point. So don't initially give in right away to the no, but also recognize when it's time to say, okay, we're done with trying this for the day. Moving on to takeaway number three is to give yourself extra time. I feel like I have said this in all three episodes so far. But one of the biggest takeaways in parenthood is making sure you give yourselves extra time. I it took me a really long time, and I still feel like maybe I'm not great at this. So I am going to encourage you to do as I say, not as I do, and give yourself extra time because. Everything takes so much longer than you think when you have little ones. If you are running behind in the day, that is definitely not the time to encourage your child to work on doing things independently. It's going to stress you out because you're running behind, and then seeing you stressed out and frustrated is going to stress out your child. And this is not how we want to foster independence. It is not worth it. Your children, physically, mentally, emotionally, cannot process information and execute tasks the way that you and I do as adults. It's really important to build an extra time to work on these independent skills. And I would also suggest working on one skill at a time. While you know your child better than anyone, doing more than one thing at a time can feel overwhelming. So if they're going to learn to put their shoes on, let's not try to do shoes, clothes, backpacks, and brushing teeth all in the same day. Be kind to yourself and your child in that respect. Pick one task for them. Work on that task for a day, for a week. You have to see how your child is handling it and support them for the rest of the tasks that they're doing. Again, with that narration so that they can start to process, okay, this is what happens during it, so that they can have better success when completing the task on their own. They need to build that. mental muscle memory of what happens when they're completing the task. So hearing that narration really helps foster that. Becoming independent and self-sufficient takes time. I'm sure you can even say as adults, sometime we're like, whew, we could still work on a few of those skills. And I will tell you from my own experience as a teacher, I will work with my three turning four-year-olds for this entire school year on learning how to put on, take off, zip up. unzip, all things to do with a coat. It takes quite some time because they're not only growing physically, they have to learn with those fine motor skills. They have to be able to process the information and they have to develop the sense of being able to do it on their own. This isn't like that weekend method of potty training that is amazing for some people. These are things that take time. So do not be surprised if something takes more than a day. More than a week, more than a month. It might even take a full year for your child to become comfortable, independent, and self-sufficient in certain tasks. And we all know that saying: this isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. And what we're doing is preparing them to eventually one day, we're not gonna rush it, not gonna rush it because time does go by really fast. But we want them to be independent and self-sufficient adults. I've three Wonderful picture book suggestions to enjoy with your child that focuses on encouraging that spirit of independence. The first one is a book that I had as a child, and I even have a copy of it in my classroom right now. The book is sweet. It's humorous and it's inspiring to little ones to show them that they can do it all by themselves too. My second book recommendation is Owl by Myself by Pete Oswald. If Pete Oswald's name sounds familiar, it's because you've heard it before. He is part of the team. he's the illustrator for all of Jory John's books that are the good egg, the couch potato, the bad seed. In Owl by myself, Owl is trying to do everything on his own. He is learning to be independent, so he may not exactly produce the right results when he's completing tasks. This story is an absolute hoot. Yes, that pun is intended. You're welcome. And you're going to love reading it with your child while cheering on Owl as he attempts to do things as a big boy. My third picture book suggestion for today is a book called I Can Do That: 1000 Ways to Become Independent by DK Publishing. Now, this is a nonfiction book, so you're not gonna sit down and read it with your child, but it is a great one to flip through because it gives them a sense of, I want to practice this task or I want to learn how to do this. With 1,000 options, please do not let that number overwhelm you. It's showing that you have options. You can give your child a chance to look through this beautifully illustrated and explained book on various tasks. So there's some that are good for little, some that are good for older little, some that are good for, you know, quote unquote. Big kids, so you have to scale it according to your child's age, skill set, and ability. It is so cool that they have done the work for us with this incredibly illustrated book on independence, and it's a great reference tool. I know you can do this, just like I know your child can do it. So let's briefly recap. Take away one, encourage them to try it on their own. It's gonna take time, it's gonna take energy. And it's going to take a lot of patience, but it is worth it. Takeaway two, model. Life is new to them. They don't know what they don't know. Model physically. Model verbally for them so that they can learn how to do these tasks independently. Take away three, extra time. Do not introduce a new skill when you are in a hurry. It's gonna take time to build these new neuropathways for routines. So not only do they need practice and patience, but their grown-ups will also need to channel even more patience. I believe in you. The three picture book suggestions that can help foster independent skill building are as follows: All by Myself by Mercer Mayer, Owl by Myself by Pete Oswald, and I can do that 1000 Ways to Become Independent. Thank you, as always, for taking the time to listen to parenting with picture books. I hope that you're able to take something away today. And while it's always easier said than done in practicing these new independent skills, I hope that you find so much joy in reading with your child. You can connect with me on Instagram at parenting with picturebooks, and I can't wait to talk to you next week. and if no one has told you today, you are doing a great job and I'm really proud of you. Thanks for listening.