Vulnerability Is a Superpower After Suicide Loss | Neal Tricarico

WEBVTT
00:00:00.224 --> 00:00:19.466
How do you pick up the pieces of your life after losing the son you fought so hard to save? Neil Traker lost his sixteen year old son, Anthony to suicide. Anthony was bright, driven, surrounded by friends, and seemingly thriving on the outside, but underneath he was fighting a battle that many people couldn't see.
00:00:19.466 --> 00:00:24.969
And in the aftermath of that unimaginable loss, Neil discovered something powerful.
00:00:24.969 --> 00:00:27.111
Vulnerability isn't a weakness.
00:00:27.111 --> 00:00:29.053
It might just be our greatest superpower.
00:00:29.940 --> 00:00:44.476
In today's episode of Overcome with Travis White, Neil shares how he's navigating grief, turning pain into purpose, and working to ensure that other young people never feel alone in their struggles. This isn't a conversation about getting over grief.
00:00:44.476 --> 00:00:56.551
It's about learning how to carry it, finding connection through vulnerability, and discovering that even after everything changes, life can still hold meaning. Let's get into it.
00:00:59.146 --> 00:01:01.107
Neil, why don't you go ahead and share your story?
00:01:02.262 --> 00:01:06.105
Well, thanks, Travis. And it's an honor to to be here on your podcast.
00:01:06.105 --> 00:01:11.876
And I'm really ~ grateful for your format and the conversational nature of it.
00:01:11.876 --> 00:01:18.239
And ~ wow, my story has so many twists and turns to it.
00:01:18.239 --> 00:01:28.774
So what I think I'd like to do is really look at it in a way that I call like the struggle to to transformation.
00:01:28.774 --> 00:01:31.125
And I'm hoping that what we're able to talk about.
00:01:31.593 --> 00:01:49.837
on this podcast today will really help your listeners in the most profound way possible. And ~ you know, the story I want to share is about a story of of of strength and hope and resilience and personal growth and transformation.
00:01:49.837 --> 00:01:58.861
~ I'm going through something that I've come to understand if you've got a label it is called post-traumatic growth.
00:01:59.637 --> 00:02:14.484
And post-traumatic growth is the antithesis of post-traumatic stress So if we have trauma in our lives and that trauma extends for so long that it's chronic, it can become a disorder.
00:02:14.484 --> 00:02:48.634
But what people don't realize is that what is also possible amidst trauma, if there's somehow some way we can Find enough purpose, just enough purpose that it's greater than the ex the pain that we're experience, we're compelled to grow, we're compelled to to serve and grow in the most amazing ways. And so to do that working backwards, my my trauma is is pretty significant.
00:02:48.634 --> 00:02:56.237
~ I lost my son Anthony Ant to suicide in the spring of twenty twenty-four.
00:02:56.997 --> 00:03:08.967
And Ant was a bright, intelligent, funny, beloved friend, child. ~ you know, this was his junior year of high school.
00:03:08.967 --> 00:03:17.712
From all accounts, from the outside world, he was thriving. 4.6 grade point average, like I said, an abundance of friends.
00:03:17.712 --> 00:03:21.425
~ he loved entrepreneurialism.
00:03:21.425 --> 00:03:26.987
He had a couple different jobs that he did. ~ he loved hanging out with his friends.
00:03:26.987 --> 00:03:29.528
He also saw the value in physical fitness.
00:03:29.528 --> 00:03:52.085
He went to the gym every morning before school and after school he was training for something, ~ a martial arts competition, a ~ you know, a ~ a Spartan race, a marathon, what have you. But also what was true for Ant is inside he was suffering from depression.
00:03:52.564 --> 00:04:04.915
And his struggles were real. And ~ another thing that's true for Anthony is that at the age of seven, he was diagnosed with high functioning autism.
00:04:04.915 --> 00:04:11.852
And this is the side of the spectrum which used to be called ~ Asperger's.
00:04:11.852 --> 00:04:19.689
So it's not the side of the spectrum with non-verbal, but it's it's the it's the side that in many ways sometimes people don't.
00:04:20.427 --> 00:04:45.867
realize or notice somebody could be quirky or maybe appear more intellectual or what have you. ~ but a lot of times those those folks are are are masking to fit in. And so while we had an amazing childhood together, man, we packed in a lifetime of experiences ~ in those 16 and a half especially in those younger years.
00:04:45.867 --> 00:05:05.610
During COVID, he fell into ~ A deep depression, began to have suicidal ideation, and that's that was his freshman year, and that started a two-year journey for us~ where we were doing everything together we possibly could to save his life.
00:05:05.610 --> 00:05:07.492
He didn't he didn't want to die.
00:05:07.492 --> 00:05:16.619
But unfortunately, what we came to realize is so much of the mental health world is not suited for the neurodiverse.
00:05:16.619 --> 00:05:28.283
So whether Those were ~ facilities that we went to, mental health facilities, ~ ER,~ therapists and what have you.
00:05:28.283 --> 00:05:32.697
It's kind of like in the mental health world, it's a one size fits all w world.
00:05:32.697 --> 00:05:43.499
And in the autism world, of all the things they made us aware of that could happen for Anthony, like having a difficult time making friends or being bullied.
00:05:44.199 --> 00:05:46.781
And there's a short list of things that they prepared us for.
00:05:46.781 --> 00:05:48.201
Those two things never happened.
00:05:48.201 --> 00:06:06.666
He worked so hard. Like I said, he was really popular, but what they didn't prepare us for was the mental health challenge. And sadly, within a few weeks of Anthony's passing,~ an acquaintance reached out and shared with us something that rocked our world.
00:06:06.666 --> 00:06:13.072
She shared with us that kids between the ages of 12 and 18 with Anthony's.
00:06:13.654 --> 00:06:22.312
High functioning autism diagnosis are nearly three times more likely to die by suicide, and that they're the number one group for completion.
00:06:22.312 --> 00:06:24.834
And my wife and I heard this news.
00:06:24.834 --> 00:06:38.324
We felt a call to something greater, a passion to make sure that no family would go through what we've gone through, and that no child would be left unseen.
00:06:38.324 --> 00:06:45.175
And we started the endurant movement, nonprofit, which you know, we we may have an opportunity to speak about a bit.
00:06:45.175 --> 00:06:48.915
But the the point being a couple things happened out of this experience.
00:06:48.915 --> 00:06:57.259
That call to something greater and I for Samar and I to help teens specifically and neurodivergent teens specifically.
00:06:57.259 --> 00:07:12.204
And then also this experience that I've shared through the loss of Anthony, I'm going through this spiritual and soulful transformation somehow, some way.
00:07:12.588 --> 00:07:39.475
through the grace of God, universe, but really what it is through the support and love of ~ my community, instead of being in the fetal position suffering, which would be reasonable and understandable, I'm somehow transmuting this this pain into purpose and personally feel a calling to help adults who are carrying significant pain from trauma or loss of their own, understand that there is a path forward.
00:07:40.182 --> 00:07:42.733
There's a destiny that's still being written for them.
00:07:42.733 --> 00:07:56.819
And I would even, I don't want to argue, but would even share my own lived experience that there's the possibility to carry extraordinary levels of trauma and inexplicable levels of pain.
00:07:56.819 --> 00:08:09.084
But also true with that is the possibility to experience new levels of joy, pleasure, intimacy, connection that weren't available before.
00:08:09.930 --> 00:08:13.764
I don't want that to sound silver lining-ish because it's not.
00:08:13.764 --> 00:08:16.425
I would trade it all back to have my son back.
00:08:16.425 --> 00:08:24.571
But there is a call to something greater if our hearts are open and our eyes are open so we can see.
00:08:24.571 --> 00:08:32.505
There's angels here on earth all around us that that are wanna love on us and pull us and show us the light forward.
00:08:32.505 --> 00:08:37.561
So ~ that's a long sort of summary.
00:08:38.047 --> 00:08:43.330
of the story and I'll I'll leave it up to you, Travis, in terms of where we wanna No, it's drill down.
00:08:43.398 --> 00:08:45.557
yeah, it's it no, I I think it's perfect.
00:08:45.557 --> 00:08:52.759
And one thing I want to point out is I saw this thing about depression, I think it was yesterday, just a clip.
00:08:52.759 --> 00:09:03.222
And the guy talking said, You really don't know how you like you don't really know or understand depression until it hits you.
00:09:03.222 --> 00:09:08.874
People don't really know how to be build hip what's the word I'm looking for?
00:09:09.663 --> 00:09:14.197
How bad it is until it hits you because it's it takes over your whole body.
00:09:14.197 --> 00:09:16.370
It's not just a mind thing like people think.
00:09:16.370 --> 00:09:18.965
And he That's right.
00:09:18.552 --> 00:09:22.294
said that he was one of those people that hit him and he couldn't get out of bed.
00:09:22.294 --> 00:09:31.121
And so from that point on, he he had more compassion and a better understanding for people that had chronic depression.
00:09:31.121 --> 00:09:34.368
I I go ahead.
00:09:34.835 --> 00:09:37.548
just said I I was gonna say it was I think it was a cool.
00:09:38.303 --> 00:09:41.859
Or different way to explain what depression really looks like.
00:09:43.424 --> 00:09:59.960
I I think it's really, really important ~ and to build upon what you've shared is even just the whole idea of mental health and and the disease of depression and the disease of mental health.
00:09:59.960 --> 00:10:05.171
You know, ~ the comedian Martin Schwartz said it best recently.
00:10:05.171 --> 00:10:28.499
~ sadly for him, he lost his wife to cancer about four or five years ago and he he lost his daughter to To suicides, it's gotta be five, six months ago now. But he compared the two and he said something that really resonated with me. He said, much like the disease of cancer, the disease of mental health is sometimes terminal.
00:10:28.499 --> 00:10:38.716
And that's true. I know you shared with me before we went on your own experience with depression and mental health and where it led you.
00:10:38.716 --> 00:10:51.894
And you know, I I've had various experiences of depression, but it's a spectrum, right? And in and in some cases the disease can be so gripping that it it's it's terminal.
00:10:51.894 --> 00:11:25.562
And as much as I believe in and want and will champion the idea of zero suicide, zero deaths by suicide, we must acknowledge the truth of the matter is that much like other diseases, there's a a range of possibilities and Especially for any parents out there who have lost ~ a month like last month in September where the focus is on prevention, prevention, prevention. It can be really hard for us sometimes to not take that on as guilt because we weren't able to prevent.
00:11:25.562 --> 00:11:48.297
And hopefully you can find some relief in that if you're struggling with that, because I'm sure like me, all the decisions you made for your child were out of love and and in their best interest and As hard as it is to hear that our only job is to protect our children,~ sometimes it's just not it's just not possible.
00:11:50.581 --> 00:11:58.684
Yeah, and I I I can't even Think of what that would feel like to lose a child.
00:11:58.684 --> 00:12:14.669
Mine are still so young, so but I I ru I do recall ~ getting a phone call from my mom when I was eighteen and she asked me if I was sitting down. I said, No, why? She said, You might want to be sitting down.
00:12:14.669 --> 00:12:20.400
And she had told me that somebody I went to high school with had ~ died by suicide.
00:12:20.400 --> 00:12:23.403
And it was just heart wrenching.
00:12:23.403 --> 00:12:41.533
Like it was Like I I remember dropping to the f floor and just losing it and just this gut punch to the stomach. And I s I sat there for probably twenty minutes, just unable to move. Because it was somebody that I never saw it happening to.
00:12:45.105 --> 00:13:20.673
~ dwell first and foremost, ~ you know, Travis, I'm really sorry for for your loss and and I can't imagine what that must have felt like in high school, you know, to to see and be be so fortunate to hear from so many of Ant's friends and it's been two years now and to have them still, even though they're all off at college, to to make a point of getting together with us over Christmas or over the summer and ~ the loss is extraordinary and I could still see it in their faces.
00:13:20.673 --> 00:13:22.404
They don't know what happened.
00:13:22.404 --> 00:13:28.941
It doesn't make sense. You know, what so many of them said if this could happen to to Anthony, it could happen to any one of us.
00:13:28.941 --> 00:13:37.009
And It's really true and it's really hard and it must have been very difficult to to go through that experience in high school.
00:13:37.009 --> 00:13:51.458
~ yeah, man. So my my heart goes out to you and it it goes out to them and it's ~ it's such a mystery because our minds want answers, right?
00:13:51.458 --> 00:13:55.282
I want to know what happened or why is Ant gone.
00:13:55.282 --> 00:14:11.481
And ~ you know a an answer will will never replace him it will never also provide the the freedom that that we think ~ an answer is gonna provide us.
00:14:11.481 --> 00:14:16.472
It it it just won't. But there there are other things that could happen from it.
00:14:16.472 --> 00:14:36.746
And ~ I'm just glad to have this conversation because ~ you know what the kids talked about is they said if if this is could happen to Anthony, it could happen to any of us. And what Ant himself shared, you know, his junior year This this battle, like I said, was a couple year journey of us all trying to to save his life and keep him here.
00:14:36.746 --> 00:14:37.980
But Mm.
00:14:37.397 --> 00:14:52.328
he was so aware of it. ~ he had plans for his senior project to be on ~ suicide prevention and suicide awareness.
00:14:52.328 --> 00:14:59.043
And specifically what he shared with his mom and and ultimately me is that we have to say the word suicide.
00:14:59.043 --> 00:15:08.410
We have to break through the stigma, which is is so powerful for such a young man to bring that kind of attention to that.
00:15:08.410 --> 00:15:14.331
And it's so fascinating how much is being done, whether it's the platform's throttling Yeah.
00:15:13.653 --> 00:15:18.653
or or whatever it is, just how stigmatized that word is.
00:15:18.443 --> 00:15:19.443
Yeah.
00:15:18.653 --> 00:15:36.557
But through the work that that we're doing and ~ even the the clarity I can feel from you and how you described the experience of losing your friend not saying he committed suicide or he took his life or any of those things that commit and take are acts of crime.
00:15:36.557 --> 00:15:38.259
No one no one Yeah.
00:15:37.609 --> 00:15:47.748
commits cancer. No one commits you know but but ~ to to die by suicide is to be to to be lost to a disease.
00:15:47.748 --> 00:16:33.549
So anyways, all that to say man, I I honor you for creating these this conversation so that we can Well well I think this the this conversation, especially nowadays with ~ suicide being so prevalent among younger generations. I hear stories all the time of these young kids and it just breaks my heart and I always wanna I always think like well what can I do to to you know help out and it's one thing I know I can do is share these stories, invite people on to share their stories because I know it will hit that one person. And but while I'm thinking about it, I do have a question.
00:16:34.071 --> 00:16:35.071
Yes.
00:16:34.390 --> 00:16:47.159
What do you think like knowing what you know now, what do you think society can do different to help ~ people that are neurodivergent with mental health?
00:16:48.500 --> 00:16:50.133
man, that's such a great question.
00:16:50.133 --> 00:17:08.482
I'm so glad you asked. ~ the number one thing we could do to help neurodivergent youth with their mental health is to In many ways, we gotta break through the the stigma of the labeling.
00:17:08.482 --> 00:17:55.159
So as soon as my wife and I learned of this stat that I shared with you, and we we turned our lives towards the purpose of closing this gap between neurodiversity and suicide, the woman who shared the stat with me initially shared some great work that was being done in the United Kingdom and then introduced me to a To a psychiatrist specifically on the East Coast, and the best thing we can do to help any of these kids with any diagnoses on the spectrum, any diagnosis that ends with the word D, we must ~ we just must remove that D, right? So autism spectrum disorder, you know, ~ attention deficit disorder, or you know, all of the labels that end in disorder.
00:17:55.894 --> 00:18:01.346
We are literally labeling and reinforcing for our kids that something is wrong.
00:18:01.346 --> 00:18:08.108
Right? So if you have a disorder, you have to go to the autism center to get treatment to be normal.
00:18:08.108 --> 00:18:11.230
And I'm I'm guilty of this.
00:18:11.230 --> 00:18:25.869
I didn't I didn't know. So we were flippantly referred to it as ASD or ~ you someone's diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder just because that's what they But what this psychiatrist has found that is saving this kid's lives is very simple.
00:18:25.869 --> 00:18:29.606
Very simple. He's sitting down with these kids and the first thing he's telling Yeah.
00:18:29.535 --> 00:18:30.997
them is you are not your disorder.
00:18:33.016 --> 00:18:40.548
We're gonna drop that D. You have something called autism spectrum or whatever whatever the neurodivergence is.
00:18:39.978 --> 00:18:40.978
Yeah.
00:18:41.047 --> 00:18:45.788
But all it means is you are you have a difference.
00:18:45.788 --> 00:18:48.917
I have brown eyes. I I can't see what color your eyes are.
00:18:48.917 --> 00:18:49.917
Are they brown too?
00:18:50.080 --> 00:18:51.080
Play.
00:18:50.891 --> 00:18:57.712
Blue. Okay, perfect. I have brown eyes and you have blue eyes, right? And i i it's as simple as that.
00:18:57.712 --> 00:19:02.704
I'm neurotypical, you're neurodivergent, I'm neurodivergent, you're neurotypical.
00:19:02.704 --> 00:19:07.028
But help these under kid and these kids understand they're not their diagnosis.
00:19:07.028 --> 00:19:08.669
They're sure as heck not a disorder.
00:19:08.669 --> 00:19:10.240
There's nothing wrong with them.
00:19:10.240 --> 00:19:17.444
They have a difference. And then when we once we can separate those things, now we can go into some really cool stuff.
00:19:17.444 --> 00:19:23.209
And much like we do with neurotypical kids, let's help them find their tribe.
00:19:23.209 --> 00:19:28.403
Let's help them find their superhero and let's help them find their superpower.
00:19:28.929 --> 00:19:37.491
So instead of training them to behave in a world that wasn't built for them and fit in, we need to set all that aside and help them understand Time.
00:19:38.913 --> 00:19:53.854
and embrace their differences and help them understand that their differences, they're superpowers, right? So my superhero might have been, you know, the 1986 world champion, first baseman of the New York Mets, Keith Hernandez. So I'm dating myself.
00:19:53.854 --> 00:19:55.000
I don't know if anyone knows him.
00:19:54.869 --> 00:19:55.869
Yep.
00:19:55.000 --> 00:19:57.881
Maybe Michael Jordan, let's just say, right?
00:19:58.204 --> 00:20:05.689
somebody with you know neurodivergence might choose instead Elon Musk, right? Because we we want to embrace that.
00:20:05.689 --> 00:20:19.836
So instead of trying to get these kids to fit in the box is helping them find their interests, their superpower. But more important than anything, their tribe. So they feel like they belong and fit in.
00:20:19.836 --> 00:20:30.163
And I gotta tell you, Travis, when I when I understood this stat, I thought it was going to be this, and we launched the nonprofit.
00:20:30.163 --> 00:20:43.594
I thought it was going to be like heavy advocacy and like breaking through and changing all this stuff. And I was so relieved to understand many times over, like literally just how simple that is.
00:20:43.594 --> 00:20:56.424
So long answer to your short question for any parents who are listening, but more importantly, any teens or youth that are listening, the best thing that you can do to support anyone that feels different.
00:20:57.413 --> 00:21:22.210
is embrace their differences, help them belong and feel belong, and help them find their superhero and what their you know their God-given, spirit-given gift is, and their tribe, because the only thing we know for certain is when these youth feel like they belong and that they're part of a tribe and that they can be who they are.
00:21:22.210 --> 00:21:25.260
They don't have to mask to fit in somewhere.
00:21:25.952 --> 00:21:27.294
They're going to stay.
00:21:28.726 --> 00:21:39.788
Yeah, and I absolutely love that. Especially the part where you mentioned let's not label it. Let's let's change the wording a little bit so the kids can understand.
00:21:41.895 --> 00:21:44.719
what they have more is because like I agree.
00:21:44.719 --> 00:21:48.761
I think we label too much in general anyways as society and it drives me crazy.
00:21:48.761 --> 00:22:01.973
But it's I I think back to when I've been in therapy and I've been told not to label myself as, you know, having like you're not your anxiety disorder.
00:22:01.973 --> 00:22:05.938
You have anxiety, but it's it's not who you are.
00:22:05.938 --> 00:22:07.839
And don't let it stay that way.
00:22:10.099 --> 00:22:14.467
And it's just a This is precisely that. Your disorder doesn't define you.
00:22:14.057 --> 00:22:15.057
Yeah.
00:22:14.928 --> 00:22:18.028
It's an attribute of who you are.
00:22:18.028 --> 00:22:37.317
And it's it's up to you to understand how that fits in for you and to get the help to know that it's not something you have to fix, but something to be aware of that's a part of you, so that you can navigate the world.
00:22:38.002 --> 00:22:40.977
in your way not fit into the world Mm-hmm.
00:22:40.582 --> 00:22:41.582
in their way.
00:22:42.219 --> 00:22:44.750
Yes, yes. Totally, totally agree.
00:22:44.750 --> 00:22:47.482
This is this is good stuff, I love it.
00:22:47.482 --> 00:22:49.500
So Meet to you.
00:22:49.404 --> 00:23:05.176
another question for you. I'm gonna kind of throw the ball back towards you yourself. So people often talk about, you know, the immediate shock after losing someone, but not necessarily what happens months or years later.
00:23:05.176 --> 00:23:08.640
~ what were some of the struggles you faced?
00:23:09.013 --> 00:23:10.664
That people around you could not see.
00:23:11.530 --> 00:23:37.482
Hmm. Really good question. So ~ I I I was ~ fortunate in many ways, Travis, because ~ the evening that that my son made the decision that he did in this mixed up state ~ and died by suicide,~ a passerby found him. First came and revived him.
00:23:38.250 --> 00:23:39.740
And he was brought back to life.
00:23:39.740 --> 00:23:44.002
So so he didn't die that night.
00:23:44.002 --> 00:23:49.934
Had he died that night, I'm not sure that I would be here in this way.
00:23:49.934 --> 00:23:52.125
It would have been so shocking.
00:23:52.125 --> 00:23:57.988
~ I just can't say for certainty that we'd be here together in this way.
00:23:57.988 --> 00:24:13.190
But what I can say for certainty is because He was revived, even though he had significant brain injuries and never quite it out of a coma state. We had nine weeks with him.
00:24:13.190 --> 00:24:17.337
And we got to we got to be with him.
00:24:17.337 --> 00:24:21.232
We got to do everything we possibly could to to to save his life.
00:24:21.232 --> 00:24:29.227
~ we were fortunate, you know, Radies Children's Hospital in San Diego is a little slice of heaven here on earth.
00:24:29.227 --> 00:24:40.049
Those doctors and Nurses are just angels here on earth and despite his MRI and the prognosis that if he survived he would never be able to walk, talk.
00:24:42.461 --> 00:24:53.429
~ see again. The doctors set aside the data and the MRI and said to us, ~ hand to God, this is the place of miracles.
00:24:53.429 --> 00:24:55.035
And they just poured themselves Yeah.
00:24:55.359 --> 00:25:09.179
into him. And ~ equally, if not more importantly, a friend of mine, a client, reached out and asked that very first night, could she host an all faiths welcome prayer circle?
00:25:09.179 --> 00:25:44.778
She would do this on Zoom and invite people to come in and pray over us and it was extraordinary the the love and care that we felt and it was so impactful Travis that over the nine weeks before Anthony Anthony ultimately transitioned every Sunday a new person raised their hand to lead this Zoom and we'd have between 75 and 150 people and we called it the joining of faith's prayer circle Because something extraordinary happened during that time.
00:25:44.778 --> 00:25:53.500
People came from all faiths and all religious beliefs, some of whom I would know would clash about their beliefs.
00:25:53.500 --> 00:26:10.615
But here in those calls, whether they shared that Jesus died on the cross so that Anthony could, or in the Zohar is believed that Anthony is in favor because, or in the Buddhist tradition, we believe this, or in Judaism.
00:26:11.282 --> 00:26:23.656
Anthony is being watched over because, or even non-believers, it was so powerful, Travis, for myself and my wife and my daughter and my parents, and Ant himself, Anthony went by Ant.
00:26:23.656 --> 00:26:34.380
~ No matter the lens of the religion or the belief, what was received by us through that lens was pure love and light.
00:26:34.380 --> 00:26:35.820
And so I don't know about you.
00:26:35.820 --> 00:26:37.270
In the past, I've been asked to.
00:26:37.857 --> 00:26:50.011
To pray for someone who's sick or to pray for someone who's lost a loved one or to send intentions or healing vibes, and I do it. And I'll I'll drop to my knees and I'll I'll send those Yeah.
00:26:49.356 --> 00:26:51.878
intentions. I'll I'll say a prayer.
00:26:51.878 --> 00:26:57.042
And I feel good that I've done it, but I've never felt anything energetically.
00:26:57.042 --> 00:27:06.580
Well, what I can share with you with certainty, getting all the way back to your question, two years later, I still feel that love and connection.
00:27:08.285 --> 00:27:17.148
I I I feel energy. People somewhere right now are thinking about us, praying for us, whatever it is.
00:27:17.148 --> 00:27:30.174
And it what I could share with you is the collective power of the group coming together from wherever they are on this planet in love and care for one person or one family.
00:27:30.174 --> 00:27:33.836
That energy is felt and it stays with us.
00:27:33.836 --> 00:27:35.446
And that is the thing.
00:27:36.406 --> 00:27:42.643
That has enabled me to somehow transmute this take your breath away.
00:27:42.643 --> 00:27:49.920
You couldn't even try it on if you wanted to, level of pain, into something that that I can carry forward.
00:27:49.920 --> 00:27:57.337
So ~ yeah, I mean, it answers your question kind of.
00:27:57.337 --> 00:27:59.673
Yeah. All Yeah. ~ no, I think that's fantastic.
00:27:59.997 --> 00:28:00.997
right.
00:28:00.557 --> 00:28:12.769
And it's I absolutely love that a community like that got together despite differences and beliefs and stuff to pray for you.
00:28:12.769 --> 00:28:18.076
I think that is like just one of the best things I've ever heard on the show.
00:28:18.076 --> 00:28:29.323
Because it shows that in moments of need, people are willing to look past those differences because it means something.
00:28:29.323 --> 00:28:31.766
Like there's there's a lot of meaning behind it.
00:28:34.092 --> 00:28:48.441
And it's it doesn't matter in the end, it doesn't matter like our beliefs, like we're joining forces. And to me I think that's a huge, huge round of applause to anybody who joined forces to to pray for you and your family.
00:28:49.644 --> 00:28:54.816
It it it's so well said, man, and that's that's precisely what happened.
00:28:54.816 --> 00:29:08.011
And I think ~ what the humans might not realize is is that the level of pain and despair that they saw my family in, you know, all that all that washed away.
00:29:08.011 --> 00:29:09.662
They just wanted to love upon us.
00:29:09.662 --> 00:29:19.676
And I think about sometimes ~ the families who may not be blessed with the the community that maybe my wife and I have cultivated.
00:29:19.676 --> 00:29:21.948
You know, I'm an extrovert, I'm an outgoing guy.
00:29:21.948 --> 00:29:34.346
I I love human beings. And so I've you know, I'm fifty-two, I got a lot of friends, but if anyone's listening or watching and saying, well that that must have been real nice, like I don't I don't have those friends.
00:29:34.346 --> 00:29:40.960
I don't have ~ anybody. You know, community isn't something that that you go to.
00:29:40.960 --> 00:29:47.432
Community starts when one human vulnerably shares with another human what's going on with them.
00:29:47.432 --> 00:30:34.930
So if you find yourself struggling right now and you don't have this this person that could spin up this prayer circle or all these things that we've just it just if you take anything from this It's the vulnerability to just to take that one thing that seems so hard and so, I could never share that with anybody, and find one human being in much in the same way Travis just said, you know, these people were able to take set down their differences and pour themselves into us. I think it's because of the the vulnerability and the rawness that that activates the the soul connection that exists within us all.
00:30:34.930 --> 00:30:40.525
You know, these human bodies and these minds, especially the minds, they take us in a different direction.
00:30:40.525 --> 00:30:55.974
But when we can get out of our heads and into our hearts and share vulnerably with another, it will land in their heart and that'll open up that, that possibility to to experience the things that that Travis and I just shared about.
00:30:56.758 --> 00:31:13.263
Yeah, and I will say that being being vulnerable is very difficult, especially when you first start doing it and having those conversations with other people. I remember my first time with this show, it was just a solo podcast and I was sharing my story.
00:31:13.263 --> 00:31:22.067
And looking back now I could probably share that in a much brighter light and be more comfortable in front of a camera.
00:31:22.784 --> 00:31:28.337
I just remember it was very uncomfortable for me, but I did it because I felt like I needed to do it.
00:31:29.229 --> 00:31:37.781
Did you did and and people will resonate with that far more so than how how polished you are or anything.
00:31:37.781 --> 00:31:59.698
I mean you you've probably heard this,~ said it. You know, but people don't remember so much what you said, they remember how you made them feel and that that that vulnerability, that authenticity, you never know it it it will help someone share something that they couldn't have ever imagined sharing, which will open up Healing and growth for them.
00:32:01.471 --> 00:32:09.258
And while we're talking about vulnerability, you actually said something before the show that I want you to dive into because sure.
00:32:08.659 --> 00:32:12.603
I love the saying Vul you said that vulnerability is your superpower.
00:32:12.823 --> 00:32:13.823
Yeah.
00:32:13.144 --> 00:32:15.885
What does that mean to you and how did you come to believe it?
00:32:17.287 --> 00:32:57.381
~ yeah, great question. So ~ so what what vulnerability means to me is is is taking something so difficult that you couldn't ever imagine sharing and sharing it anyways. And how how I became to know that vulnerability was my superpower is I didn't come to this belief~ but I would say it was somewhere between the third and fifth person that shared it with me independent of the others.
00:32:58.241 --> 00:33:01.823
That I started to believe that that maybe there's something here.
00:33:01.823 --> 00:33:21.307
I shared vulnerably out of self-preservation because what I experienced was so shocking. ~ it wasn't surprising because, like I said, we had this two-year journey, so that was always a possibility.
00:33:21.307 --> 00:33:26.775
But it was so shocking, and I just wanted to hide.
00:33:26.775 --> 00:33:27.775
I didn't want to be.
00:33:30.944 --> 00:33:42.002
That guy, ~ but I was in the corner in the fetal position, just just suffering, and I didn't know what to do.
00:33:42.002 --> 00:33:47.487
And it was so So intense.
00:33:49.537 --> 00:34:04.262
that I just had to get it out, you know, and I just ~ I had this group of~ my best friends and again I'm I'm blessed with handful of really best friends and we started this text chain called Forza Ant.
00:34:04.262 --> 00:34:22.518
And ~ you know, I just started sharing with them what happened, and that created the courage to share more with people who maybe weren't as I wasn't as tight with, and then family members, and then ultimately acquaintances.
00:34:22.518 --> 00:34:38.907
And now I could share with people that I meet with the first time instead of Being ashamed about it. And I think really for me, because I was able to get it out, it helped me heal.
00:34:38.907 --> 00:34:53.132
I don't have a better analogy, other than like, you know, when we're little kids and and we cry and cry and cry like that. You know, we're crying and crying, and you know, maybe well, whatever, we don't get our way or we don't get something or whatever.
00:34:53.132 --> 00:35:02.858
But but ultimately when that crying stops, there's like a~ And like a release, and then we're like,~ okay. All right, let's go, let's go play.
00:35:02.858 --> 00:35:04.947
You know, and it's it's it's Mm-hmm.
00:35:04.619 --> 00:35:06.590
it's like the adult version of that.
00:35:06.590 --> 00:35:15.543
It's like if I bottle it up inside the shame, the pain, the horror, the trauma, it was literally eating me alive.
00:35:15.543 --> 00:35:24.565
But I shared about it to preserve, and then ultimately what I was receiving back when people were sharing with me.
00:35:25.516 --> 00:35:31.760
That my vulnerability was a superpower, that how it helped them, and they would give me a specific example.
00:35:31.760 --> 00:35:45.889
Now I unlocked even more because when we can get out of our heads and out of our suffering and then out of our pain and give to someone else, now we're unlocking true, true purpose and growth.
00:35:45.889 --> 00:36:15.389
You know, and it's only been about two years for me, but I welcome anytime someone's lost a parent or excuse me, lost a child or lost a child in this way, I ~ I want to make myself available for them because I have two years of experience. You know, they may be at at two days. So yeah, I mean I think that's the genesis of the vulnerability as a superpower.
00:36:16.496 --> 00:36:32.351
Yeah, that's I love it and I I've said this so many times on the show, but it just reinstates I always feel like this hour that I spend with people is just a free therapy session for me because I get so much out of stuff.
00:36:34.838 --> 00:36:39.456
Well, you and me both. That's why I keep saying yes to these interviews.
00:36:36.972 --> 00:36:50.027
So for for someone who you know listening who is struggling privately but feels like they have to keep everything together, how can they begin opening up without feeling completely exposed?
00:36:51.360 --> 00:36:53.547
Yeah, that's a that's a great question.
00:36:53.547 --> 00:37:05.427
And I think ~ You you've got it you've got to tiptoe into it, right? Because like for me, when you talk about completely exposed, you know what it feels like to me?
00:37:05.427 --> 00:37:09.311
Like like ~ I I I'm here at a beach community.
00:37:09.311 --> 00:37:10.952
So it's like it's like Yeah.
00:37:10.452 --> 00:37:14.454
the it's like the tide has gone out and my shorts are down.
00:37:14.257 --> 00:37:15.331
Yeah. Uh-huh.
00:37:14.454 --> 00:37:19.358
You know what I mean? We talk about exposed, I'm like, my god, look at this.
00:37:19.358 --> 00:37:24.057
But that's that's a tough Yeah, You know, you don't want to go from zero to that.
00:37:24.057 --> 00:37:33.041
So I think it really comes back to the conversation we were having a a few minutes ago is one person, one Mm-hmm.
00:37:32.536 --> 00:37:38.541
person. You know, we're so conditioned to keep our grief to ourselves.
00:37:38.541 --> 00:37:50.221
But if you could find one person in your world, then it doesn't have to be a family member, it could be a friend, it could be an acquaintance, but someone you feel like would be safe to share.
00:37:51.818 --> 00:38:05.492
This shameful piece with this loss with whatever whatever it is, there's such a peace in articulating that with another human being and them just being present to receive it.
00:38:05.492 --> 00:38:37.438
So yeah, you don't have to take this so far like I have, where I'm willing to to to be on this podcast completely naked, but but do take do take a step because You're gonna feel that relief we were talking about together when that then that freedom of being held and and sharing this thing that you just think is is so shameful that no one would ever still love you about And we can spot that lost things.
00:38:37.438 --> 00:38:45.193
~ and have the experience that that not only do they, they love you even more for being vulnerable about it.
00:38:47.711 --> 00:38:55.706
Now you start stacking those experiences, and those will be your path to really truly understand your life's purpose.
00:38:55.706 --> 00:38:58.938
Why are we here? How can I help?
00:38:58.938 --> 00:39:01.989
How can I heal? How can I serve others?
00:39:01.989 --> 00:39:05.771
You know, because I want to be able to look back at this.
00:39:05.771 --> 00:39:14.275
You know, I don't know if you believe this, but I do. You know, when I reunite with my son on the other side, heaven, where wherever, wherever it is.
00:39:14.275 --> 00:39:22.012
~ I know he's at peace, but when I re when I reunite with him, it's it's gonna feel like not a moment is passed.
00:39:22.012 --> 00:39:40.445
And so do I wanna be looking back at him with him and just be like,~ dad, I can understand why you suffered with the years and decades you had left, or are we gonna celebrate the work that we've done together, the the lives that we've impacted, and the lives that we've saved?
00:39:40.445 --> 00:40:02.108
And so now I've carried it all the way forward, but that that pebble drop being just vulnerably sharing with with one person ~ so that you can have that feeling that you're not alone, that there's another soul on the planet here that that sees you and feels you.
00:40:02.108 --> 00:40:03.922
That's that's really the first step.
00:40:05.202 --> 00:40:15.688
Yeah, it's very very well said. And you talked a little bit about people feeling shameful about you know admitting that they are feeling these things.
00:40:15.688 --> 00:40:20.371
I just wanna say and point this out, is there's nothing to be ashamed of.
00:40:20.371 --> 00:40:24.494
These these feelings are fairly normal.
00:40:24.494 --> 00:40:45.385
And you one thing I've learned is Every person has a story. And your story's different than mine, of course, but we can at some point I I I totally believe that our like our stories to somehow connect and cross paths because we might be different.
00:40:45.385 --> 00:40:51.887
I might have experienced depression or whatever different than you, but it's still depression. There's still that line that crosses.
00:40:53.942 --> 00:41:31.954
Man, I'm so glad you brought that up, Travis, because I I fancy myself a really caring and loving guy, just generally speaking, and even before this, but I can tell you the distinction that I now have that is so clear that everyone is going through something or will Yeah, if be going through something. And as much as I understood that before, we can score. ~ it was never Like it is now where I could just be at the beach or on a bike ride or just on a bench and looking around at the humans and asking myself, I wonder what he may be struggling with or what she may be struggling with.
00:41:31.954 --> 00:41:44.387
Or if I get in an argument with someone that I don't know and I'm so certain I'm right, I now know, well, they they could be going through something that I didn't consider that may be leading them to behave this way.
00:41:44.387 --> 00:41:48.568
And the reason I know that is because it happens to me, especially with anger.
00:41:49.324 --> 00:41:53.527
And some of these things that are tied to to grief that come up unexpectedly.
00:41:53.527 --> 00:42:01.934
So just knowing and being aware and appreciating that everyone on this planet is going through something.
00:42:01.934 --> 00:42:04.217
And if they're not, they're going to be.
00:42:04.217 --> 00:42:12.344
That may be, in fact, while we're here, why we're here, to have those experiences so that we can grow from them.
00:42:12.344 --> 00:42:18.528
But but yeah, I think I'm glad that you called that out because it's true.
00:42:16.827 --> 00:42:21.030
Yeah.
00:42:18.773 --> 00:42:21.269
It's been a big part of my experience.
00:42:23.411 --> 00:42:37.001
And and now I'd love for you to get into your ~ your I wanna say you said non profit, the enduro way Yes. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, so the the nonprofit is actually called the Endurant Movement.
00:42:37.001 --> 00:42:39.864
And it's endurant movement dot org.
00:42:39.864 --> 00:42:54.351
And the endurant movement exists so that no teen, I guess including the neurodiverse, ever has to feel alone. And if this is something that you're interested in learning more about, you could learn about it at the endurant movement dot org.
00:42:54.351 --> 00:42:57.853
~ and it's really powerful.
00:42:58.306 --> 00:43:00.626
We're doing great work with teens.
00:43:00.626 --> 00:43:03.186
We've got a a bunch of podcasts.
00:43:03.186 --> 00:43:04.838
That's why I'm in a studio here.
00:43:04.838 --> 00:43:06.594
Teen-led podcast in Yeah.
00:43:06.797 --> 00:43:08.748
front of the camera, behind the camera.
00:43:08.748 --> 00:43:14.869
But we're also working with the teens to ~ create safe spaces.
00:43:14.869 --> 00:43:20.791
So what exists right now is nothing unless you're in crisis.
00:43:20.791 --> 00:43:26.652
So if you're in crisis and you're suffering from suicidal ideation.
00:43:27.541 --> 00:43:37.809
And you have a plan, then you could be admitted to the ER, you could be admitted to a behavioral facility, and that's a crisis intervention.
00:43:37.809 --> 00:43:59.025
But if you're struggling with deep depression or suicidal ideation that reached The mix up of a plan,~ nothing exists. So now if you go to the emergency room or if you go to these behavioral facilities, you're like almost traumatized by the experience.
00:43:59.025 --> 00:44:02.905
It it left our son feeling less hopeful.
00:44:02.905 --> 00:44:12.409
And so we are starting, ~ we're launching our very first ~ what we're calling Ants Place, a safe place where where teens can go.
00:44:13.855 --> 00:44:33.510
And regulate and calm their nervous system and be cared for and have community Well,~ and connection. And then there'll also be resources available so that if they are in crisis or it it is a situation that requires escalation, we can ~ point them to the places that they need to go.
00:44:33.510 --> 00:44:36.242
And and that's the work we're doing.
00:44:36.242 --> 00:44:37.603
And I'm really excited to share.
00:44:37.603 --> 00:44:38.952
If if you go to that website.
00:44:39.510 --> 00:45:17.911
We're doing a comedy event in in La Jolla, California called the Laugh and Death Tour,~ because we want to Raise money to create these places for these teens, but also understand where there's loss, where there's trauma, comedy is such a powerful mechanism to interrupt when our mind tells us we just can't laugh, we just can't experience joy. There's nothing I could say or do to you that would help you understand the joy that's possible and available I don't know what you're talking to you if you don't about.
00:45:17.161 --> 00:45:28.293
~ If you're not at least open to that possibility, but laughter is is the one thing and the only thing I know of that myself or any human who says, You can't make me laugh, there's nothing you could do that would make me laugh.
00:45:28.293 --> 00:45:33.916
The right joke at the right time will ~ unlock that laughter.
00:45:33.916 --> 00:45:53.222
So really grateful that some Hollywood comedians have have come together and we're gonna do this first event in on November 15th in San Diego. If you're Nowhere near San Diego, please still look us up at that website and drop me a line because we'd love to bring it to your community.
00:45:53.222 --> 00:46:12.396
And we're going to open up these ants places and borrowed spaces to start, libraries, coffee shops, but making sure every day there's somewhere where teens can go to have the support that they need in a non-clinical fashion, but a professional fashion, but also that is peer-to-peer, led and run by.
00:46:12.938 --> 00:46:18.827
Teens. There's nothing we've seen more to impact the mental health of teens than teens helping teens.
00:46:20.628 --> 00:46:22.208
I think that's that's awesome.
00:46:22.208 --> 00:46:43.271
You're totally empowering these teenagers to create these safe spaces and to figure out it's almost to me in my mind I see it's like they're figuring out kinda how to ~ deal with these life problems that there that come up.
00:46:43.271 --> 00:46:54.244
That's that's awesome. And at the same time, you're living this really meaningful life with Anthony fully involved.
00:46:54.244 --> 00:46:56.918
So cool.
00:46:55.449 --> 00:46:56.931
Yes. Yes.
00:46:57.831 --> 00:47:06.309
And then the other thing I'd add, I really try not to confuse it or take the attention off the nonprofit, because that's where we need the most help.
00:47:05.257 --> 00:47:07.920
Well But you mentioned the endurant way.
00:47:07.920 --> 00:47:10.521
That's work that I'm doing myself.
00:47:10.521 --> 00:47:15.726
~ you can find more information about that at Neiltrekerico.com.
00:47:15.726 --> 00:47:18.387
I I won't spell all that out, it's a mouthful.
00:47:18.387 --> 00:47:27.987
You could see it if you're watching this, Hehehehe but it'll also likely be in the show notes. But that's that's a a safe place in a community for adults who are carrying I think.
00:47:27.929 --> 00:47:39.445
significant loss or pain like like I am, who can't yet see a path forward, but want to find a path forward to to to keep living.
00:47:39.445 --> 00:47:42.804
And that's No.
00:47:42.686 --> 00:47:53.663
that that work is is my is my lived experience because all the great work that we're going to do for the teens and we are doing and the lives that are already being saved.
00:47:54.262 --> 00:48:26.606
from our work, yet there still will be there will be loss, and I want to make myself available to to help the humans who are who are struggling to to find their way because ~ there there is a there is a path forward and it's not requiring a lot of work or doing but just very simply is is that vulnerability that just says my heart is open and if your heart is open the angels here on earth will show themselves and light the path forward.
00:48:24.996 --> 00:48:29.980
Yeah, so it's a little bit more.
00:48:26.606 --> 00:48:32.168
But additional to your heart being open, your head's gotta be up and your eyes have to be open so you could see them.
00:48:29.980 --> 00:48:41.291
~ I see you, Travis. You arrived in my world as an angel who's gonna help me on my mission to bring this light to these humans and save lives.
00:48:41.291 --> 00:48:51.947
But if I'm in the corner in the fetal position suffering, heart closed, eyes closed, I would have missed this and we wouldn't have saved the lives and impacted the lives that we are today.
00:48:53.724 --> 00:49:08.844
Very well said. And so so when you share your story,~ whatever form it may be, what's the most important thing you hope people take away about Anthony beyond the the circumstances of his death?
00:49:14.579 --> 00:49:31.346
It was He's just man, Anthony lived every moment and lived Yeah, for every human being in that moment with him. He's he's a special, special soul. And I'm grateful for every second of those sixteen Yeah.
00:49:33.983 --> 00:49:38.807
and a half years and for the work that he's doing now on the other side.
00:49:38.807 --> 00:49:44.822
~ yeah, thank you. I don't think I've ever been asked that question in that way.
00:49:46.661 --> 00:49:48.012
Thank thanks for answering it.
00:49:49.867 --> 00:49:50.867
Bet.
00:49:52.543 --> 00:50:03.030
Because sometimes I ask these questions like this is gonna be a hard one to ask, but I wanna I'm curious, so Well, so th this is where the vulnerability as a superpower lies.
00:50:01.630 --> 00:50:04.583
It comes out, yeah, exactly. Exactly.
00:50:03.030 --> 00:50:07.018
Yeah, exactly. So, you know, like it it doesn't just Comes right back to it. Full circle.
00:50:07.594 --> 00:50:15.742
yeah, full circle, full circle, precisely like vulnerability as a superpower is not something I came up for Yeah.
00:50:15.358 --> 00:50:26.179
It it's through it's through these questions and and and courageously giving you an We want to do something. ~ answer and and also for you to hold the space, Mm-hmm.
00:50:25.784 --> 00:50:41.382
right? 'Cause Can be very uncomfortable for you andor listeners to or or viewers to to see me but it's important for me. I don't know if you've noticed, And just and it doesn't matter if you have or not, but I don't wipe away my tears. I'm not, I'm not trying to Yeah.
00:50:41.695 --> 00:50:45.536
get rid of what I'm experiencing or minimizing it.
00:50:45.536 --> 00:50:51.701
It is actually the the physiological experience that I was sharing of with you before that.
00:50:52.012 --> 00:50:53.012
Yeah.
00:50:52.610 --> 00:51:08.445
I'm sharing in this way and I'm feeling a deep connection with you and it's it's creating a physiological effect and the tears are cooling on my skin and it's also releasing what I need to so I can exhale and keep going.
00:51:09.717 --> 00:51:22.443
And I I I I love it. I love that it's not very many people that are willing to come on, talk to somebody they've never talked to, and actually show that emotion.
00:51:22.443 --> 00:51:30.257
And I I there's th I really have no words for it.
00:51:30.976 --> 00:51:47.606
Because I think I think just you going around and being so open is a fantastic thing and I I think more people need to hear people like be as vulnerable as you are.
00:51:49.005 --> 00:51:50.365
Well, I want to acknowledge you too.
00:51:50.365 --> 00:51:54.039
I receive what you're saying. I I receive it in every fiber of my being.
00:51:54.039 --> 00:52:13.132
And I want to acknowledge you too, because I don't use it vulnerably showing up and asking people you don't know these very difficult crest questions and creating this safe space and this room and community I mean where more people can understand that that this this is how it's supposed to be.
00:52:13.132 --> 00:52:15.364
This is how it was before.
00:52:15.976 --> 00:52:25.612
all this conditioning and generational conditioning that somehow we've weeded And out these most connective human experiences.
00:52:25.612 --> 00:52:37.259
So I wanna acknowledge you for showing up and creating this space Well and to kinda and being vulnerable so that we can model for people what's really actually possible.
00:52:38.072 --> 00:52:51.155
add to that, it's I feel that society has ruined people to a sense because I was taught that we don't talk about this stuff.
00:52:54.893 --> 00:53:00.201
So it's and it's I think that in it for itself is shameful.
00:53:01.163 --> 00:53:03.759
It is and we are we're we're changing that.
00:53:03.759 --> 00:53:09.342
We are we are unwinding that one conversation at a time.
00:53:10.143 --> 00:53:16.851
Yep, exactly. And so ~ where where can people find you?
00:53:18.090 --> 00:53:34.355
Yeah, so for me, ~ on any of the socials at Neil Tricherico, so Instagram, YouTube, Facebook at Neil Tricherico, or on my website, Neiltricarico.com, drop me a DM or send me an email.
00:53:34.355 --> 00:53:43.027
I would love to hear if anything we shared with you today impacted you and if so, how and if I could support you in any way.
00:53:43.027 --> 00:53:46.789
~ please find me in any of those.
00:53:47.059 --> 00:53:50.248
avenues I'd love to to connect with you and hear your story.
00:53:52.193 --> 00:53:57.498
Perfect. And the last thing here is we've covered a lot of ground tonight.
00:53:57.498 --> 00:54:00.402
Is there anything you'd like to bring up that we did not discuss?
00:54:03.398 --> 00:54:27.456
~ the only thing I would share, maybe that we haven't discussed is my my experience with this sort of spectrum of emotion, all right. So before Anthony's passing, It's just~ I I was a I a really outgoing guy.
00:54:27.456 --> 00:54:35.588
I mean one of my best friends described me as someone who squeezes every ounce of joy, love and fun out of an experience.
00:54:35.588 --> 00:54:45.447
Right. So if my threshold for joy and connection is over here, my my My floor for pain and adversity was here.
00:54:45.447 --> 00:54:48.809
I mean, you know, I I don't I don't know.
00:54:48.809 --> 00:54:52.090
I mean, I my parents separated for a couple of years in high school.
00:54:51.532 --> 00:54:56.135
~ expensive system.
00:54:52.090 --> 00:54:57.431
I lost my best friend to cancer in my 30s, but I didn't have a lot of adversity.
00:54:57.431 --> 00:55:02.003
I mean, navigating Anthony's ~ autism was was challenging.
00:55:02.003 --> 00:55:20.481
But but point being is threshold for pain here, threshold for joy here. This was my spectrum, right? Now This pain that I've felt, this trauma, I mean, it the level, I I I even if I tried to describe it to you, you I you would it would never land in the way it has for me.
00:55:20.481 --> 00:55:23.552
So take your breath away.
00:55:23.552 --> 00:55:27.173
Une extraordinary levels of pain and trauma.
00:55:27.173 --> 00:55:33.838
But what happens is for many people is their their whole spectrum shifts here.
00:55:33.838 --> 00:55:39.090
So now you've got the depth of pain, and your joy maybe is at baseline.
00:55:39.510 --> 00:55:43.483
Well, this is suffering. This is suffering.
00:55:43.483 --> 00:55:48.326
Life will never be the same because I've had this loss, and so I can only play in here.
00:55:48.326 --> 00:55:54.581
Well, that's reasonable and possible, I don't know.
00:55:54.168 --> 00:56:01.612
but so too is this, where you have this loss, only the floor changes. Now what happens?
00:56:01.612 --> 00:56:08.456
You've got unimaginable levels of pain and suffering and heartache, but also equal and opposite levels of.
00:56:08.577 --> 00:56:10.778
Joy, connection, and intimacy.
00:56:10.778 --> 00:56:16.282
It makes for such a rich, juicy spectrum of experience.
00:56:16.282 --> 00:56:33.918
And so that is what post-traumatic growth looks like is that expansion. And then expansion, now you can connect with human beings anywhere in this spectrum, No, not in this limited space. And then the last thing I would share, sorry, I'm just trying to pack it in, you're you're totally good.
00:56:32.686 --> 00:56:50.543
is all right, one of the ~ things that I'd like to to Relate with but also demystify is this idea that grief is just ~ love that has no place to go. I do agree that grief is a form of love.
00:56:50.543 --> 00:57:00.659
And yes, technically I can't place that love physically into my son like I used I can't hug him, I can't kiss him, I can't Yeah.
00:57:01.251 --> 00:57:06.956
show him physically my love, but I could love him in heaven.
00:57:07.050 --> 00:57:09.226
Yeah, I could love him through my connection.
00:57:09.226 --> 00:57:18.398
But why through this idea of closure or loss or that we're going to heal from this grief? Why would we ever want to get rid of that love?
00:57:15.775 --> 00:57:22.938
Yeah, this is You're a parent, the capacity of love that we have for our children.
00:57:22.938 --> 00:57:28.110
Okay, well, there's plenty of places for it to go.
00:57:28.110 --> 00:57:32.802
You know, show me showing up for these podcasts, helping another person.
00:57:32.802 --> 00:57:35.253
So, yes, grief is love that.
00:57:36.097 --> 00:58:01.699
Has no place to go physically in terms of the person you had it for, but there's untold number of places that you could place that love, But yeah, and there's nothing you could do that would honor the legacy of the one you've lost more than placing that love everywhere as opposed to stifling it or holding on to it or trying to get rid of it.
00:58:01.699 --> 00:58:05.114
And Those are the only couple of things I could think of.
00:58:05.114 --> 00:58:07.932
Otherwise I think, my gosh, what a powerful conversation.
00:58:08.612 --> 00:58:18.280
I really love the you know the the joy the spectrum of joy and the you that you shared right there because it's that's powerful.
00:58:18.280 --> 00:58:36.768
Really. It's and it's a hard thing to do and I I think like the the joint pain thing it's honestly where your mind is and how your mindset is like that's just the the first thing that came to my mind. It's really powerful.
00:58:38.867 --> 00:58:43.269
Well, Neil, I wanna thank you for coming on and spending an hour with me.
00:58:43.269 --> 00:58:48.612
I really admire ~ your vulnerability.
00:58:48.612 --> 00:58:57.956
I admire what you're doing for these these teenagers and empowering them to find these safe spaces because I think we need more of that.
00:58:57.956 --> 00:59:07.159
It's it's very important be w we have this whole generation that's we're losing s so quickly.
00:59:07.380 --> 00:59:12.733
because the mental health either that's not talked about or the resources aren't available.
00:59:15.126 --> 00:59:20.371
So I appreciate you coming on and being vulnerable and speaking to me.
00:59:21.376 --> 00:59:23.501
I appreciate you having me, Travis. Thank you.
00:59:23.501 --> 00:59:25.139
It's been an honor.
00:59:24.860 --> 00:59:29.983
And and to all those listening, ~ thank you so much.
00:59:29.983 --> 00:59:34.545
Please leave us a five-star review and follow us.
00:59:34.545 --> 00:59:36.405
Thanks again until next time.