Next Level Humanity | Chengi Tobun | Love Vs. Relationships | Familiar Hell Cycle | Why Interest Fades

WEBVTT
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[SPEAKER_01]: Hello everyone, welcome to next level of humanity, masters on plot here.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Today, we're going to talk about love, power, and patterns, the physical and psychology of and physiology of modern relationships.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Why do we keep choosing the same kind of love even when it hurts and why do successful intelligence people still struggle in relationships?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I know this is a problem for most
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[SPEAKER_01]: women in the finance world and what if the problem isn't love but the patterns we have been choosing unconsciously.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Today I have Chenggi, Tobon here found her of Black Swan relationship academy welcome welcome my other half yes she's another yeah she's another reflection of me and welcome she's a sister welcome great to have you here thank you for
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and we're going to talk about attraction, emotion patterns, and what it really takes to build a relationship that works and that has meaning, and that is deep.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And you have worked with so many people in relationships.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You have so many experience of love and relationships.
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[SPEAKER_01]: What's the biggest misconception people have about love and relationships?
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[SPEAKER_00]: That love and relationships are one and the same thing.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Right, that's even new for me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Love and relationships.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Now that I got to think of it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we can be in relationships with people we don't love.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And love people we're not in a relationship with.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, one is passionate.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, like I was saying before we started recording, I was in love with you, but I wasn't in a relationship yet, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: But I would make you, and I was like, oh my gosh, yeah.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It felt like I was sort of watching a version of myself, and I was so excited I was like taking it all in, I hated to leave.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So you can love somebody, love is so...
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's its own thing, it's its own energy, and it vibrates on its own frequency, and it attaches to it attaches to it, and it's own frequency.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we can love people who are horrible, we can love people that are terrible, and love is what it is, it's its own thing.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Right, relationship is about how we regulate together, what we can build together, what's not the purpose of joining a purpose of vision, it's more.
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[SPEAKER_00]: and relationship is something that we can create.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We can be an architect of a relationship.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And that relationship doesn't have to have love.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It would be great when it comes to romantic love, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: We want that love because it makes relationship easier to do.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But even that frequency of love won't always remain, right, in a relationship.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's a grounded energy, but sometimes...
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[SPEAKER_00]: anger and woundedness can happen in a relationship, but a relationship can still function if it's built on the right foundations of that makes sense.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, it wouldn't be wise to say we can love anyone, but we don't have to be in a relationship.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's right.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You have the capacity to love anyone.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I love someone on the street and that's an event, but we had to be in a relationship.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We don't choose learning to choose who you're going to relate with, who you're going to stay with.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That's the mistake especially when we're young.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I thought I had to be in a relationship with everyone you loved.
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[SPEAKER_01]: No, exactly.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, absolutely even on friendships, you know, I love a lot of friends that I love but had to discontinue relationship with.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I love it, just in a detaching love, in a relationship, the love is over there for a secret.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, that's what's secret, you're like, yeah, I love it, that's just so powerful.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: This bit, it's like so wonderful, yeah.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And do you think that's why people who are highly successful in life?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Feel completely lost when it comes to relationships or are there other reasons when because I see a lot of women Especially especially, I don't know why in the business and finance world who are independent and powerful Well, I've built wealth and doing amazing in the business.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, but having a hard time building relationships and staying in relationships Well, what are the reasons?
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[SPEAKER_00]: I think that another piece to love is that
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[SPEAKER_00]: many of us don't actually know what the feeling of love is.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And it's usually rooted in safety when it comes to relationships.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And it's rooted in that passion and that but in that safety, that groundedness.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of us have kind of taken our formula from from love from Hollywood.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Right, it's the boy meets girl and it's a world where it is, oh my god.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of that is really love at first sight, that passion actually is a signal of danger.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So when we have love at first sight, it's a home when called Nora Ponephran.
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[SPEAKER_00]: and it goes through the body and it excites us.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But it's actually, if it's exactly exactly.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So that that heightened euphoric, oh, I got that feeling.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We're chasing that feeling when it comes to meeting somebody.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We don't actually realize that if I pursue more of a grounded passion, a warmth of
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[SPEAKER_00]: that passion can grow in us as women.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It can start to flare up, right, with more exposure.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And that's more lasting when it comes to relationships.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So what happens is, especially women that are in intellectual and intelligent, we take our focus and we put in our careers, we want to make them, and we want to stabilize ourselves.
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[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: need for success in the way that we pursue it in that masculine way that you would talking about at your event is out of a woundedness, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: We want to feel safe and create that safety for ourselves because we feel so unsafe in the world.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so we think that getting love is the same formula that we we have to go for love, but when we're in our feminine we're attracted and we select that's the beauty so most women don't actually attract because they're in their masculine so much.
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[SPEAKER_01]: What I hear from you is that because women who are highly successful, they get used to going after things and just doing too much, maybe they're trying to go after them as well, because that's what's taught me in the business world when building wealth.
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[SPEAKER_01]: go and grab and even today like I had two two more podcast recordings and we were talking about you know like what would be the message for you know young woman in the finance world or young woman or entrepreneurs and the message would be you know go out there and skip speak up and be loud and you know speak out loud right man do
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[SPEAKER_01]: that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's kind of like it's a need.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You need to speak up to succeed in the right world, but the relationships and love, if we keep on doing that the exact same thing, yes, it does work.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It does have an energy, is the silent, like absorbing and
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I can tell it's the stuff it is for those of me.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, it's something you shift between.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You have, yes, and it's an art, and it can be taught, and it can be meant, you can be mentored into it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's something that I had to learn.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I had to learn it, and that's why when you've had to learn, it is easier to teach it, because you know, what it's like, but understanding that when you're truly new feminine and grounded in your femininity,
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[SPEAKER_00]: There's a presence you carry that speaks for you, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's present, and you don't even have to say a word.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And everything.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And it's shining, and it's magic.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know what?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, maybe that's why we chose with my husband a different way of relating to each other.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We don't spend whole year together.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
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[SPEAKER_01]: He stays in Turkey for a couple of months.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I stay on London, UK, and yeah.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's kind of like when we meet and spend a couple of weeks together or maybe a couple of months together It's kind of like our space where I can be more feminine But when I'm alone in London like you know in business Yes, you know, I'm fully focused on fully and it's like what I came to realize is when I'm full on with business
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[SPEAKER_01]: because business and creating wealth is one of my values.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just too much in that male energy.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not affecting our relationship in a good way.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And when I'm in that business energy, that's our burden of speaking.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's kind of like, it is literally like two males in the house.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's, we kind of like find a found a way.
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[SPEAKER_01]: When I'm with him, or when he's around, I tend to become more feminine.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Workless, I spend more time cooking, being at home, and of course, privilege to be able to do that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But it's like that's my form, because I find it hard to switch in between.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, that's me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe other women can do, but it's like, we're not full on in my business.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Mind, let me say it just needs
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[SPEAKER_01]: a couple of weeks sometimes a couple of months for me to finish some tasks and then you can rest.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I call that relationship by design and I think more people need to start thinking of relationships like that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, fantastic.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
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[SPEAKER_01]: There is no way of relating with each other and everybody, I think, deserves to experience what they love.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And he loves Turkey, he likes being there by the sea, so I love you, K. London, with my two daughters, he's there with friends and family, his mom, brothers and all that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, in relationships, maybe that's
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[SPEAKER_01]: That's part of it.
10:39.811 --> 10:40.352
[SPEAKER_01]: That's part of it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That's part of it.
10:41.153 --> 10:41.734
[SPEAKER_01]: That's part of it.
10:41.754 --> 10:42.174
[SPEAKER_01]: That's part of it.
10:42.194 --> 10:42.555
[SPEAKER_01]: That's part of it.
10:42.575 --> 10:43.035
[SPEAKER_01]: That's part of it.
10:43.636 --> 10:44.157
[SPEAKER_01]: That's part of it.
10:44.177 --> 10:44.677
[SPEAKER_01]: That's part of it.
10:44.697 --> 10:45.238
[SPEAKER_01]: That's part of it.
10:45.258 --> 10:46.199
[SPEAKER_01]: That's part of it.
10:46.300 --> 10:46.720
[SPEAKER_01]: That's part of it.
10:46.740 --> 10:47.121
[SPEAKER_00]: That's part of it.
10:47.141 --> 10:47.681
[SPEAKER_00]: That's part of it.
10:47.701 --> 10:48.382
[SPEAKER_00]: That's part of it.
10:48.402 --> 10:48.803
[SPEAKER_00]: That's part of it.
10:48.823 --> 10:49.203
[SPEAKER_00]: That's part of it.
10:49.223 --> 10:50.184
[SPEAKER_00]: That's part of it.
10:50.204 --> 10:51.005
[SPEAKER_00]: That's part of it.
10:51.045 --> 10:51.726
[SPEAKER_00]: That's part of it.
10:51.746 --> 10:52.708
[SPEAKER_00]: That's part of it.
10:52.728 --> 10:53.228
[SPEAKER_00]: That's part of it.
10:53.248 --> 10:53.729
[SPEAKER_00]: That's part of it.
10:53.749 --> 10:54.250
[SPEAKER_00]: That's part of it.
10:54.270 --> 10:54.830
[SPEAKER_00]: That's part of it.
10:54.850 --> 10:55.271
[SPEAKER_00]: That's part of it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's part of it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, even if we have like, I like to have a home where he's got his own bedroom, but I got, she's horrified, she's a little bit older than me, she's like, oh, I don't know, marriage.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, but who's, you know, but who's definitely she's, you know, exactly.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And it's, and we do have our separate bedroom.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There you go.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And people would think, oh, there's no passion in that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, oh my gosh, that's amazing.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I, I want to see more people design their relationships around the authenticity, like you said.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that this is the new age of relationships.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Do we have to sleep in the same bed?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Do we have to even live in the same house?
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[SPEAKER_00]: I have couples who live next door to each other.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They'll be married forever.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Just can we give ourselves permission to create a relationship that is healthy?
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[SPEAKER_00]: that honors both of us and will actually last forever because it's designed around the two of us.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't have all to happen and we're both happy and the people who have invited into this relationship are we children if we have them because again you don't have to have children right so if the people that we have invited in whether it's from a you know I'm divorced so whether it's my son in this
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[SPEAKER_00]: are facilitated as well in a way that serves everybody, but mainly the both of us because we're the ones in it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So this is why I really feel that giving ourselves permission and a lot of what work I do with a lot of the girls is, they still stuck on what should be.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Conditioning.
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[SPEAKER_00]: On the condition, even when we when I speak to a mental highly successful.
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[SPEAKER_01]: they have to have a really successful guy.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But they don't, you know, I had to go in one of my groups yesterday and she's, you know, she's a doctor, she's very successful.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And she's met this man and he is a blue collar guy, but he takes her breath away.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He's just, she can't, he's just, you know, she wants to be around him, it treats her so beautifully.
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[SPEAKER_00]: She's so happy, but she was stuck.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But he,
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[SPEAKER_00]: the idea work.
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[SPEAKER_00]: She had this rigid idea of who she's supposed to be with.
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[SPEAKER_00]: She's supposed to, yes, we do it because we so want to please and it happens so much in my work.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Um, you know, another girl had the same situation.
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[SPEAKER_00]: She's now so happy with them because he didn't look right.
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[SPEAKER_00]: She loves him.
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[SPEAKER_00]: She adores him.
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[SPEAKER_00]: She finds him sexy.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But Chengya put a hard time about bringing him out on my family and my friends.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to be gay.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not gay.
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[UNKNOWN]: I'm not gay.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, the conditioning that what we're supposed to have, who we're supposed to be with.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's a big deal.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And also, like you said, the whole conditioning around how the relationship would be.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I think in my experience, in opinion, I think that's the first thing why relationships fail, because people, because they're in a relationship, people tend to do things.
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[SPEAKER_01]: They don't fully like and enjoy.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's such a pity, it's like, I think two people will truly love each other.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Should be able to tell each other, no, I don't want to do this.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I want to go to theater in my house, and there's no, I don't want to go to theater.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Bye.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And then this is like, I will walk.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, five miles in the morning and I'm like, no, I'm not doing that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, and he's like, I love my country and I'm getting older and I would like to spend more time there.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, okay, I don't.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I would like to spend more time in London.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We are individuals.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We are here too.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think we, like, we sometimes forget we are here to be happy.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Feel happy.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's the.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
14:51.980 --> 14:53.801
[SPEAKER_00]: And then we've got some of you to actually give to each other.
14:53.821 --> 14:54.362
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
14:54.522 --> 14:55.622
[SPEAKER_01]: Joe, I agree.
14:55.722 --> 15:00.485
[SPEAKER_01]: Many creators build audiences, but struggle to turn that into sustainable businesses.
15:00.685 --> 15:03.206
[SPEAKER_01]: How is your approach to that transition?
15:03.226 --> 15:11.451
[SPEAKER_01]: Because you did create a great business and also your earning money and you created a sustainable business model.
15:12.992 --> 15:14.693
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, you know, um,
15:16.774 --> 15:18.395
[SPEAKER_00]: I kind of did not plan on it.
15:18.475 --> 15:30.148
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was kind of caught midf I was caught in it by accident Because I didn't plan on I didn't even know you could make a business out of creating I really started doing what I did because I wanted to be a girl's girl.
15:30.168 --> 15:32.410
[SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to Because I was terrible.
15:32.510 --> 15:33.311
[SPEAKER_00]: I had no idea.
15:33.431 --> 15:35.473
[SPEAKER_00]: I was definitely in that masculine.
15:35.573 --> 15:36.754
[SPEAKER_00]: I was I was I girl
15:37.527 --> 15:48.705
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I kept losing all the guys that I was attracted to and all the things so I really just wanted to help other girls out, but here's so I had to learn to do relationship.
15:53.234 --> 15:54.976
[SPEAKER_00]: I had to learn to do a relationship.
15:55.937 --> 15:59.600
[SPEAKER_00]: I had to then I thought I'd to teach and help.
15:59.740 --> 16:02.483
[SPEAKER_00]: And then it was the people who started calling me.
16:02.563 --> 16:03.303
[SPEAKER_00]: Can you coach us?
16:03.744 --> 16:04.424
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you coach?
16:04.925 --> 16:05.685
[SPEAKER_00]: Can you help us?
16:05.786 --> 16:06.546
[SPEAKER_00]: I've been natural.
16:06.666 --> 16:08.048
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, right.
16:08.168 --> 16:12.231
[SPEAKER_00]: So I kind of had to turn my head into, I had to learn the business.
16:13.012 --> 16:15.233
[SPEAKER_00]: kind of midway, which was quite traumatic.
16:16.354 --> 16:18.375
[SPEAKER_00]: At first it was like really okay.
16:18.955 --> 16:25.099
[SPEAKER_00]: I can coach you and I remember thinking, because I'm not sure I'm going to charge and I thought nobody would pay it and they were paying it and I was like, oh my gosh, you know.
16:27.180 --> 16:32.022
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's really spiral to a point where I had to leave my job and then what was I going to do?
16:32.082 --> 16:32.963
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't know what to do.
16:33.643 --> 16:37.065
[SPEAKER_00]: So I had to hire someone.
16:37.505 --> 16:50.452
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I had to hire a coach, a business coach at the time, who was able to help me structure it into more of a business and a coaching practice, and that's just how we kept doing it, we just kept building upon.
16:51.035 --> 16:52.616
[SPEAKER_00]: I kept building with support.
16:52.956 --> 16:56.158
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank goodness I had that mindset to hire somebody because I'd still be.
16:56.719 --> 16:57.439
[SPEAKER_00]: And I still do that.
16:57.459 --> 17:01.121
[SPEAKER_00]: I still have hired another coach now because I want to scale.
17:01.181 --> 17:04.724
[SPEAKER_00]: So getting that support in help.
17:04.784 --> 17:09.147
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think a lot of creators, if they don't understand, make the pivot.
17:09.587 --> 17:10.968
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think a lot of creators now,
17:11.648 --> 17:12.910
[SPEAKER_00]: started as a business.
17:13.330 --> 17:16.754
[SPEAKER_00]: I think this model because I think now there's so much information about it.
17:17.155 --> 17:18.236
[SPEAKER_00]: So they can start strong.
17:18.616 --> 17:20.358
[SPEAKER_00]: Whereas I really didn't know.
17:20.498 --> 17:25.705
[SPEAKER_00]: So like every business, you have your ups and downs and your changes and all the things.
17:25.785 --> 17:27.947
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, that's how I did that.
17:28.007 --> 17:28.468
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
17:29.068 --> 17:38.394
[SPEAKER_01]: And what's interesting is there probably was a moment in your life when you understood that relationships were not about luck, but about patterns.
17:38.794 --> 17:39.014
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
17:39.114 --> 17:41.375
[SPEAKER_01]: And you're actually talking about those patterns.
17:41.475 --> 17:41.816
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
17:41.856 --> 17:47.539
[SPEAKER_01]: And helping women learn about those patterns and also teaching them how to build strong relationships.
17:48.059 --> 17:48.680
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
17:48.760 --> 17:49.580
[SPEAKER_01]: When did that happen?
17:49.600 --> 17:50.941
[SPEAKER_01]: When did you start seeing that?
17:51.330 --> 17:52.931
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's really good.
17:53.111 --> 17:54.212
[SPEAKER_00]: That question is so good.
17:54.692 --> 17:58.655
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's when I started because again, I didn't plan on it.
17:58.755 --> 18:02.417
[SPEAKER_00]: So I had to learn as I went along and observe.
18:02.437 --> 18:07.180
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm just one of these people, I'm really observing and I'm a watcher and I'm a learner.
18:07.780 --> 18:11.042
[SPEAKER_00]: And I observed that there was something happening in all of my clients.
18:11.062 --> 18:13.684
[SPEAKER_00]: Because when I started, it was more giving them strategy.
18:14.338 --> 18:17.440
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, say this, do this way that don't say that, do that.
18:18.121 --> 18:19.842
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't answer that, also this way.
18:19.862 --> 18:20.642
[SPEAKER_00]: I still do it.
18:20.662 --> 18:21.303
[SPEAKER_00]: I have so much fun.
18:21.323 --> 18:23.304
[SPEAKER_00]: I talked to so many men around the world that don't even know it's me.
18:23.725 --> 18:23.965
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
18:25.426 --> 18:31.110
[SPEAKER_00]: But it was kind of helping them and they would get the results, but something would make them sabotage.
18:31.170 --> 18:31.590
[SPEAKER_00]: Something.
18:32.357 --> 18:39.299
[SPEAKER_00]: else was happening under the surface, or they would have the strategy, but they would struggle to act it out.
18:39.399 --> 18:42.921
[SPEAKER_00]: So there would be fears that would show up, and I just couldn't do it.
18:42.941 --> 18:47.322
[SPEAKER_00]: Jenga froze, or I can't let this man go.
18:47.342 --> 18:49.643
[SPEAKER_00]: I know you said, and you've pointed, but I just can't.
18:50.043 --> 18:56.766
[SPEAKER_00]: So I noticed that there was something happening internally and that's when I got really curious and I was like, what is happening?
18:56.806 --> 18:57.566
[SPEAKER_01]: What's going on?
18:57.666 --> 18:58.406
[SPEAKER_01]: Internally.
18:58.566 --> 19:12.272
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because we've got you moving in the famine and we've got you saying and doing all the way things, the men are responding to the to the systems, to the, to the, that's why, that's not physical.
19:12.492 --> 19:12.932
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
19:12.972 --> 19:15.433
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, because they don't
19:17.112 --> 19:21.334
[SPEAKER_01]: like us because they're not that they don't have that depth of yes.
19:22.454 --> 19:23.334
[SPEAKER_01]: Emotion of depth.
19:23.474 --> 19:24.115
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
19:24.275 --> 19:24.595
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
19:24.635 --> 19:27.756
[SPEAKER_01]: They they they they are more on the surface that's right.
19:27.776 --> 19:28.036
[SPEAKER_01]: Physical.
19:28.076 --> 19:29.997
[SPEAKER_01]: That's when we do the right thing physically.
19:30.297 --> 19:30.597
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
19:30.617 --> 19:31.817
[SPEAKER_01]: You cannot they will respond.
19:31.937 --> 19:32.978
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
19:33.018 --> 19:33.318
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
19:33.418 --> 19:35.219
[SPEAKER_01]: And the question is are you happy?
19:35.239 --> 19:35.839
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
19:35.859 --> 19:40.941
[SPEAKER_01]: And are you fulfilled in some because if you're not fulfilled then there will be a pattern.
19:41.161 --> 19:41.581
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
19:41.601 --> 19:42.261
[SPEAKER_01]: Walking them.
19:42.361 --> 19:42.921
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
19:43.101 --> 19:43.402
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
19:43.502 --> 19:43.982
[SPEAKER_00]: And there was a
19:45.242 --> 19:47.903
[SPEAKER_00]: stories of women saying I don't feel like it's me.
19:47.963 --> 19:49.144
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I'm having to.
19:49.484 --> 19:51.465
[SPEAKER_00]: So I had to do the deep dive.
19:51.485 --> 19:59.148
[SPEAKER_00]: I had to, you know, another time there wasn't all this information that there is, because you know, I've been doing this 15 years.
19:59.328 --> 20:03.049
[SPEAKER_00]: We weren't really the one or two people and not enough books.
20:03.089 --> 20:06.711
[SPEAKER_00]: So I did a lot of digging and a lot of conversations.
20:07.371 --> 20:22.145
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's when I realized that there were traumatic paths, there was trauma, that people carry core wounds, that those wounds gave them coping mechanisms, rewired their brain in a certain way.
20:23.787 --> 20:25.668
[SPEAKER_00]: made the nervous system respond in some way.
20:25.708 --> 20:31.592
[SPEAKER_00]: So, yeah, I could give strategy, but it would almost feel like in authenticity.
20:31.712 --> 20:36.115
[SPEAKER_00]: So, I had to then, I turned, because my problem was deeper.
20:36.195 --> 20:40.578
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, and then my work became about healing.
20:41.718 --> 20:49.842
[SPEAKER_00]: wounds, regulating nervous systems, then layering strategy over because if you can do that then we get to the real you.
20:50.083 --> 20:59.327
[SPEAKER_00]: If I could help you find you, you're authentic, true South, then we can put strategy on that, then I got success.
20:59.407 --> 21:00.788
[SPEAKER_01]: How long does it take?
21:00.868 --> 21:01.768
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not good now.
21:02.269 --> 21:04.029
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what's going on on the internet.
21:04.049 --> 21:08.832
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of people have a lot of strategy, but they don't know how to deal with their patterns.
21:09.372 --> 21:20.463
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, maybe that's the biggest reason why successful women are having a hard time because they're just after the strategy They think you just have a strategy and done Yes, but it's just there's a pattern.
21:20.503 --> 21:24.628
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a national pattern and the ones like you said childhood wounds and
21:26.569 --> 21:35.834
[SPEAKER_01]: I think our relationship with our parents, our mothers, our siblings, and our field play a huge part in relationships.
21:35.874 --> 21:40.696
[SPEAKER_01]: Because we reflect what we experience, the heart for healing those, all of those.
21:41.137 --> 21:44.498
[SPEAKER_01]: Not even your past relationships, your relationships, your mom.
21:44.599 --> 21:46.420
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, your dad would be siblings.
21:46.660 --> 21:47.360
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, 100%.
21:47.380 --> 21:47.540
[SPEAKER_00]: 100%.
21:47.560 --> 21:48.621
[SPEAKER_00]: He needs deep work.
21:48.741 --> 21:49.061
[SPEAKER_00]: Deep work.
21:49.081 --> 21:49.221
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
21:53.323 --> 22:00.089
[SPEAKER_01]: And if like anyone watching us right now, if someone's struggling in love right now, what's the hardest truth they might need to face?
22:00.109 --> 22:02.991
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to say this.
22:04.032 --> 22:05.513
[SPEAKER_00]: You did say hard, so I can say it.
22:07.254 --> 22:08.155
[SPEAKER_00]: You are the problem.
22:08.175 --> 22:09.316
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
22:10.384 --> 22:12.325
[SPEAKER_00]: And that for me is very empowering.
22:12.766 --> 22:16.789
[SPEAKER_00]: When somebody says to me, Chengi, you're the problem that's empowering because I can do something about me.
22:17.269 --> 22:18.169
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't do something about you.
22:18.190 --> 22:18.990
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm calling to you.
22:19.070 --> 22:19.490
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
22:19.851 --> 22:24.274
[SPEAKER_00]: And me being the problem doesn't mean the things that I have need to me are not happening to me.
22:24.774 --> 22:27.076
[SPEAKER_00]: But I am the curator and the creator of my world.
22:28.016 --> 22:34.581
[SPEAKER_00]: So what I allow is allowed, what is this allowed, is this allowed, so why am I allowing it, why am I entertaining it?
22:35.910 --> 22:37.271
[SPEAKER_00]: Why am I not asking for more?
22:38.131 --> 22:39.912
[SPEAKER_00]: Why am I not asking for my needs to be met?
22:40.892 --> 22:42.413
[SPEAKER_00]: What are the areas I don't feel worthy?
22:42.653 --> 22:45.254
[SPEAKER_00]: Because all of those things are creating my world.
22:46.055 --> 22:57.920
[SPEAKER_00]: And if I carry all of those wounds internally, I don't vibrate at the frequency of love, the love that I want, and then I have difficulty navigating relationship.
22:58.561 --> 22:58.801
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
22:58.861 --> 23:01.382
[SPEAKER_00]: So, when I say you are the problem,
23:01.922 --> 23:16.186
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, everything that you want, think and desire, lives on the inside of you, and this is something that you were speaking about at your event, love it, love it, love it, love it, just this creativeity that we built to create.
23:17.326 --> 23:25.908
[SPEAKER_00]: We are feminine, we are creative beings, we are connected, we're co, I see it as co-laboring with God because we have these,
23:26.608 --> 23:30.430
[SPEAKER_00]: Wounds that attach to the unseen and they bring the unseen into the scene.
23:30.490 --> 23:53.278
[SPEAKER_00]: We have this divine power and energy and as a result of that if If I'm not creating what I want I'm creating what I have so when I say you or the problem Then that means stop blaming the world stop hating men stop labeling stop Silence the noise Silence the opinions
23:54.989 --> 24:04.332
[SPEAKER_00]: let's go with then and figure out what's going on and what successful women have over and successful women is the following.
24:04.772 --> 24:07.813
[SPEAKER_00]: They have the money to pay for the help.
24:07.913 --> 24:09.133
[SPEAKER_01]: It's sad, but it's true.
24:10.733 --> 24:18.515
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you've worked so hard, you've created this empire, you've created this life so that you can afford to get the kind of help that you need.
24:18.816 --> 24:20.576
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
24:20.616 --> 24:20.996
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
24:21.056 --> 24:21.536
[SPEAKER_01]: That's been
24:24.844 --> 24:48.505
[SPEAKER_01]: And also, like saying, I am the problem like this world is my reflection, that itself is empowering because then if I transform everything transforms, and that's kind of the first stepping stone of self-mustry, then you can master your life, you can go for no earlier areas of life, that's beautiful, yeah.
24:50.105 --> 25:01.108
[SPEAKER_01]: The other question would be that's a popular topic and people I see a lot of videos and a lot of experts talking about it and I tend to speak about that as well often in my community.
25:01.148 --> 25:04.989
[SPEAKER_01]: Why do people keep attracting the same type of partner over and over again?
25:05.029 --> 25:05.489
[SPEAKER_01]: What's your?
25:06.489 --> 25:07.409
[SPEAKER_00]: Because it's familiar.
25:07.889 --> 25:08.089
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
25:08.469 --> 25:10.790
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's back to those patterns and back to those wounds.
25:11.658 --> 25:17.565
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, oh, subconscious mind is always going to prefer a familiar how to an unfamiliar heaven.
25:17.765 --> 25:23.932
[SPEAKER_00]: We will always go for what's familiar at the pat and familiar health, that familiar how we like that.
25:25.894 --> 25:28.857
[SPEAKER_00]: Even though we know it's going to hurt, we know it because.
25:29.397 --> 25:49.278
[SPEAKER_00]: The subconscious mind believes that what is familiar is safe because and if it's safe then it's going to keep us alive is going to keep us going so and it doesn't really care much because subconscious mind is wide for survival not for thriving not for happiness is that hard wiring for you to survive.
25:49.790 --> 25:53.454
[SPEAKER_00]: And it takes in the patterns of your childhood and the conditions of your childhood.
25:53.494 --> 25:58.799
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you grew up with a father that beat your mother, that normalizes to you.
25:59.219 --> 26:02.222
[SPEAKER_00]: That becomes your definition of love, that becomes your definition of relationship.
26:02.282 --> 26:03.243
[SPEAKER_00]: It's familiar.
26:03.823 --> 26:07.287
[SPEAKER_00]: You are being traumatized by it, but it is still familiar.
26:07.347 --> 26:11.451
[SPEAKER_00]: So your brain is going to tell you, well, that's familiar, so it must be safe.
26:11.591 --> 26:12.031
[SPEAKER_00]: And guess what?
26:12.051 --> 26:13.573
[SPEAKER_00]: We know how to navigate violence.
26:14.153 --> 26:39.262
[SPEAKER_00]: So we've got these tools either we just let it happen or we fight back or we all these tools that we gave you as a child that you can use now and so I always say to clients you know I can put 10 men in a room and they're all what you should have all of them financially motion whatever you should have or want the everything you want but I'm going to put one guy in there.
26:40.083 --> 26:43.304
[SPEAKER_00]: that is familiar to your pattern.
26:44.205 --> 26:46.726
[SPEAKER_00]: He's dangerous to you, right?
26:47.746 --> 26:49.707
[SPEAKER_00]: You will choose him, and you won't know why.
26:50.167 --> 26:59.931
[SPEAKER_00]: Because we have this filter in our brain because of our particular activating system, I'm sure you know it, and what it does is, it will pull out what is familiar from any environment.
27:00.391 --> 27:06.374
[SPEAKER_00]: So there'll be something in the micro expressions of that man, something in his tone, because we're all frequencies, right?
27:06.414 --> 27:07.394
[SPEAKER_00]: And within that frequency,
27:09.335 --> 27:12.217
[SPEAKER_00]: Certain things in a particular guy, and you're gonna say to me Chengie.
27:12.257 --> 27:25.863
[SPEAKER_01]: I like all 10 guys But there's something about number seven Yeah, we can pick him Right That's right Yes, memories You know, and that's why we yes, we can pick him.
27:25.923 --> 27:33.287
[SPEAKER_00]: We we we are so good at picking our packs and so we will pick him and we will and our brains It's okay.
27:33.307 --> 27:33.627
[SPEAKER_00]: He's safe.
27:33.647 --> 27:35.168
[SPEAKER_00]: We understand and we know to deal with him
27:35.688 --> 27:41.293
[SPEAKER_00]: So even a man who can love you in Cherish, you can feel like a threat to a woman who has never been loved that way.
27:41.854 --> 27:43.516
[SPEAKER_00]: Who's never been seen in that way.
27:44.136 --> 27:50.342
[SPEAKER_00]: And something I see a lot in my practice as well is women pushing away, finding reasons.
27:50.422 --> 27:54.146
[SPEAKER_00]: I had one girl saying, you know, I think am I belong to a cult?
27:54.526 --> 27:55.827
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, why?
27:56.147 --> 27:56.868
[SPEAKER_00]: Here's this ring.
27:56.888 --> 27:57.989
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, God, this...
28:00.111 --> 28:13.038
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, okay, we need to do some work because he, she was so happy that, so he presented a threat because, because, yeah, he's not familiar to her pattern.
28:13.378 --> 28:29.367
[SPEAKER_00]: So part of it is learning what your patterns are, what you have to, it's easy because, the, what's not easy, but with the help of somebody who knows what they're doing, you can actually pick out those patterns starting from like you said earlier your mother, your father, your sisters, the siblings,
28:29.738 --> 28:30.879
[SPEAKER_00]: the patterns in there.
28:31.980 --> 28:35.003
[SPEAKER_00]: And if the person really knows what they're doing, they can match the patterns to your history.
28:35.423 --> 28:38.046
[SPEAKER_00]: And I can show you this, this, this and that, that's your pattern.
28:38.466 --> 28:40.588
[SPEAKER_00]: So you're always going to go for that.
28:40.628 --> 28:47.675
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, if the man, for example, if your dad was aggressive in any way, if the man isn't aggressive in some form,
28:48.836 --> 28:50.657
[SPEAKER_01]: You think that's that's not it.
28:50.677 --> 28:51.497
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not man enough.
28:53.278 --> 29:06.763
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not somehow, you know, muscular and you know, and you will probably mirror your mother, you know, and we will always pursue the love of the one we didn't get enough love from So if you know from in my case, it was my mother.
29:06.843 --> 29:12.825
[SPEAKER_00]: So I dated my mother a lot because she was the parent That didn't give me the love in the way that I needed it.
29:13.525 --> 29:15.766
[SPEAKER_00]: She loved me in the way she knew how to love
29:16.306 --> 29:21.110
[SPEAKER_00]: But the way I needed to receive love, my mom was not able to give that to me because she was broken herself.
29:21.651 --> 29:24.193
[SPEAKER_00]: So I only dated men who reflected my mom.
29:25.114 --> 29:36.884
[SPEAKER_00]: So you will always seek out until you heal and understand the men that will, the love that reflects the parent that didn't quite give you what you needed.
29:36.984 --> 29:40.787
[SPEAKER_00]: Because the brain is always trying to finish and complete and bring balance.
29:40.907 --> 29:42.809
[SPEAKER_00]: So we couldn't get mommy to love as the way we wanted.
29:43.309 --> 29:45.333
[SPEAKER_00]: we'll get John to do that.
29:45.614 --> 29:49.000
[SPEAKER_00]: So you will come in the form of your preference.
29:49.080 --> 29:50.002
[SPEAKER_00]: But it will still be that.
29:50.042 --> 29:52.587
[SPEAKER_01]: The question will be how do we crack that pattern.
29:53.578 --> 30:02.687
[SPEAKER_00]: I say that of course it's got the easy yes of course there isn't a formula but this is the this is what I This is the what I how I would go around it.
30:03.088 --> 30:17.342
[SPEAKER_00]: I would first understand it I'll understand first because you're not like with alcoholics and on them as you have to first say I'm an alcoholic right you have to Yes, make bring it out from the conscious to the conscious mind because the conscious mind
30:17.922 --> 30:21.345
[SPEAKER_00]: is where everything is processed, is where everything is healed, right?
30:21.385 --> 30:36.055
[SPEAKER_00]: Because whilst the unconscious mind is 30,000 times more stronger than the conscious mind, the pre-fantal cortex, the conscious mind has more power to change things, to heal things, to break things down.
30:36.175 --> 30:39.597
[SPEAKER_00]: So the most important thing is to take unconscious patterns.
30:40.718 --> 30:48.006
[SPEAKER_00]: and their belief systems, because they're always held together by a really strong unconscious belief into the conscious mind.
30:48.526 --> 30:53.131
[SPEAKER_00]: When they become conscious, then we have to disrupt those patents, right?
30:53.471 --> 31:02.681
[SPEAKER_00]: And give you a new set of patterns and get your practicing and rehearsing those new patterns for a certain period of time.
31:03.240 --> 31:15.704
[SPEAKER_00]: Through multiple things, affirmations are useful, but talking through repattending, rethinking, and other tools, but bringing it into the consciousness where the win is, right?
31:15.804 --> 31:18.365
[SPEAKER_00]: Because what you can't see, you can't heal.
31:18.865 --> 31:20.386
[SPEAKER_00]: It will just keep controlling you.
31:20.786 --> 31:25.547
[SPEAKER_00]: Because, like I always say, something you will never heal, because you will broke and too long.
31:26.548 --> 31:26.908
[SPEAKER_00]: But...
31:28.224 --> 31:32.167
[SPEAKER_00]: I have things that I am still healing 20 years in, right?
31:33.208 --> 31:38.052
[SPEAKER_00]: But if you become aware of them, you do two very, very powerful things.
31:38.713 --> 31:39.653
[SPEAKER_00]: I can inform you.
31:39.673 --> 31:49.622
[SPEAKER_00]: I can say that's a, you know, I have this thing when I meet a friend that I'm like so friendly, but then I'm gonna pull away at some point.
31:49.662 --> 31:51.283
[SPEAKER_00]: And when I do that, it's not personal.
31:51.843 --> 31:52.564
[SPEAKER_00]: That's just me.
31:53.004 --> 31:54.626
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's just me, you know.
31:55.226 --> 31:55.727
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll be back.
31:56.327 --> 32:20.037
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, then I have the power to connect with you properly because now you be like, oh, she told me she does this and she told me what I would need to do or just ping me now if I haven't heard from me ping me like and say hi so we can educate other people and how to live around our wounds and we can be assured that I'm working on it and I may never but can you live with that can you live with the friend that does that and we can do that in
32:20.597 --> 32:21.557
[SPEAKER_00]: romantic relationships.
32:21.578 --> 32:27.880
[SPEAKER_00]: So if we can't heal it straight away or in, you know, because you've been broken I say to my clients longer than you are healing.
32:29.100 --> 32:32.161
[SPEAKER_00]: Then be aware of it and educate people you love.
32:32.181 --> 32:34.542
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah let them know how you are as a person.
32:35.903 --> 32:41.285
[SPEAKER_01]: In my community I work with women most of the time and in my community I hear more and more about
32:42.065 --> 32:46.729
[SPEAKER_01]: men losing interest in physical attraction through the woman.
32:47.529 --> 32:49.451
[SPEAKER_01]: And of course there are two sides of the story.
32:50.111 --> 32:54.535
[SPEAKER_01]: When it comes to women, it's also something, you know, they did something.
32:54.595 --> 32:58.698
[SPEAKER_01]: They said they're energy and there's something on the mail as well.
32:59.118 --> 33:01.160
[SPEAKER_01]: So what's happening there?
33:02.701 --> 33:03.582
[SPEAKER_00]: This is quite common.
33:04.282 --> 33:08.826
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so let's start with men love women that love themselves.
33:09.417 --> 33:09.777
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
33:10.337 --> 33:16.099
[SPEAKER_00]: Men adore women that love themselves because as long as you are inward facing, so this is the example I give.
33:16.139 --> 33:17.159
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
33:17.359 --> 33:20.700
[SPEAKER_00]: When a man walks in and he's like, your husband's like, oh, look at my nap stuff.
33:21.140 --> 33:21.461
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
33:21.561 --> 33:23.321
[SPEAKER_00]: She is, she does a hair.
33:23.341 --> 33:23.941
[SPEAKER_00]: She does her nails.
33:23.961 --> 33:26.162
[SPEAKER_00]: She's, she's always taking care of herself.
33:26.522 --> 33:26.682
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
33:26.702 --> 33:28.243
[SPEAKER_00]: She's always looking after an after.
33:28.263 --> 33:28.903
[SPEAKER_00]: So she goes to the gym.
33:28.923 --> 33:29.843
[SPEAKER_00]: She looks after herself.
33:30.223 --> 33:33.264
[SPEAKER_00]: And then a man, a husband is like, oh, look at my baby girl.
33:33.704 --> 33:33.964
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
33:34.284 --> 33:34.564
[SPEAKER_00]: Why?
33:34.984 --> 33:36.245
[SPEAKER_00]: Is it because you took care of him?
33:37.322 --> 33:39.363
[SPEAKER_00]: to take care of yourself, right?
33:39.803 --> 33:45.247
[SPEAKER_00]: So what happens is, because of these wounds and these I need to perform for love, right?
33:45.307 --> 33:49.889
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I need to work really hard in my business to get that money, I have to perform for love.
33:50.170 --> 33:53.672
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, now that he's chosen me and he's excited, he chose you when you were just
33:54.472 --> 33:56.033
[SPEAKER_01]: yourself.
33:56.074 --> 33:57.795
[SPEAKER_01]: Take care of you, loving you.
33:58.776 --> 33:59.857
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, it was about you.
33:59.957 --> 34:01.558
[SPEAKER_00]: So he was like, oh, okay.
34:02.079 --> 34:11.066
[SPEAKER_00]: And then because that wound kicks in, now you make it about him, then now he's unattracted to you.
34:12.047 --> 34:15.911
[SPEAKER_00]: And then because he's not put, he doesn't even know why this is happening.
34:16.551 --> 34:17.671
[SPEAKER_00]: He just thinks I'm bored.
34:18.432 --> 34:21.612
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you think, do you think women as women we have the power?
34:21.632 --> 34:29.275
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that's what I wrote in my book, but we have the power to shift perceptions of people.
34:29.315 --> 34:33.996
[SPEAKER_01]: Because we are like women, we are visionaries, and our minds are very powerful.
34:34.116 --> 34:37.837
[SPEAKER_01]: Because we, because of our spiritual power, because of our creative power.
34:38.657 --> 34:44.846
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't sometimes realize, but we are the ones who are governing, you know, the world.
34:45.046 --> 34:53.999
[SPEAKER_01]: Actually, if in my consciousness, I am more conscious about him, if I make him number one, and myself number two,
34:54.840 --> 34:56.040
[SPEAKER_01]: I already created.
34:56.220 --> 34:59.641
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, you know, he perceives himself as number one.
34:59.701 --> 35:01.422
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, and me as number two.
35:01.462 --> 35:02.182
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, he low him.
35:02.422 --> 35:02.662
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
35:02.702 --> 35:04.482
[SPEAKER_01]: He found focused on myself.
35:04.542 --> 35:04.882
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
35:05.143 --> 35:15.725
[SPEAKER_01]: And if I'm number with my consciousness, it's like if my focus and my attention because my power goes to my creative power goes to where I'm focusing on.
35:15.785 --> 35:19.626
[SPEAKER_01]: If I'm focusing on myself, just like in our
35:22.088 --> 35:31.020
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you think that's that's kind of like the secret because I tend to that is the secret That is absolutely focusing on ourselves focusing on ourselves.
35:31.140 --> 35:31.901
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm the value.
35:32.021 --> 35:36.767
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, so then I'm the Queen B Yeah, and he's just one of the people
35:37.167 --> 35:45.832
[SPEAKER_00]: and it's not about narcissism because somebody can hear that we know what we're saying but it's not about him not mattering, it's understanding that.
35:46.093 --> 35:46.933
[SPEAKER_00]: So this is the analogy.
35:46.993 --> 35:48.434
[SPEAKER_01]: I just focusing on yourself.
35:48.514 --> 35:50.095
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, absolutely.
35:50.195 --> 35:53.857
[SPEAKER_00]: We tend to focus on exactly and that's what makes him leave.
35:54.238 --> 35:58.840
[SPEAKER_00]: So I give the example for instance of a tree, the feminine as a tree.
36:00.216 --> 36:05.482
[SPEAKER_00]: and she has to be watered, she has to take all the carbon dioxide from the air.
36:05.543 --> 36:08.366
[SPEAKER_00]: She must always receive the tree, always receives.
36:09.800 --> 36:12.681
[SPEAKER_00]: why though, so it can bear fruit.
36:13.121 --> 36:23.905
[SPEAKER_00]: So it can create beautiful leaves, shade, place for the birds to purge and of people to sit and enjoy the shade on a sunny day, food and fruit, right?
36:24.385 --> 36:30.487
[SPEAKER_00]: It's that energy of, as long as, and she has to go deep into the soil and take the nutrients.
36:30.927 --> 36:35.629
[SPEAKER_00]: So we must always be in receiving, always be looking after ourselves.
36:36.129 --> 36:39.130
[SPEAKER_00]: And by default, the man is taking care of.
36:39.770 --> 36:46.757
[SPEAKER_00]: because the feminine women, the children are taking the work just by being fruitful and taking in.
36:47.538 --> 36:55.926
[SPEAKER_00]: And so when the man, when we start giving and we stop watering ourselves and stop taking what we need from the environment, when we stop feeding
36:56.526 --> 37:18.235
[SPEAKER_00]: our energy, then our branches fall off, and we start to with there, and our shade is no longer shade anymore, and people, birds, everything will start to move away from us, but then we take care of ourselves and when we focus on ourselves, we are fruitful, we start to flourish, from in.
37:18.635 --> 37:20.697
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, yes, just by nature.
37:20.817 --> 37:32.626
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, yes, how much attraction is actually conscious versus deeply conditioned I'm attracted to someone.
37:33.206 --> 37:35.268
[SPEAKER_00]: It's oh, that's such a good question.
37:35.508 --> 37:35.588
[SPEAKER_00]: Um
37:36.969 --> 37:45.733
[SPEAKER_00]: I would say 80% is unconscious until you do the work and you become conscious of what you find a directive and why and all the things.
37:46.154 --> 37:54.698
[SPEAKER_00]: But when you are not conscious, when you are not in your awareness, I would say about 80% of it, 80% consisting of our patterns, our conditioning,
38:00.055 --> 38:01.036
[SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't disagree.
38:01.757 --> 38:03.198
[SPEAKER_00]: I would say about that.
38:03.258 --> 38:04.119
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I would.
38:04.139 --> 38:06.260
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not far.
38:06.781 --> 38:11.084
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you are conscious, I think it's still like maybe 30, 40 percent.
38:11.244 --> 38:12.465
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
38:12.626 --> 38:13.346
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
38:13.486 --> 38:14.347
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
38:14.447 --> 38:23.755
[SPEAKER_00]: Because that awareness and that consciousness and of course their levels of consciousness as you know, but at least if you're somewhat conscious,
38:24.575 --> 38:27.716
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, you can say, you know, like a bit of toxicity.
38:27.797 --> 38:42.103
[SPEAKER_00]: I know, I know, you know, you're safer when you're conscious, but yeah, I definitely out agree with you between that 90% for an unconscious person and then, you know, it varies for sure.
38:42.323 --> 38:45.364
[SPEAKER_01]: And what are the most common when you work with your clients?
38:45.384 --> 38:49.566
[SPEAKER_01]: What are the most common unconscious patterns that sabotage relationships?
38:52.101 --> 39:03.840
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm conscious of the patterns you've used for a long time, yes, because when I date mom, if oyster is in my scenario, when I date mom, now I want to change into the mother, always wanted.
39:05.314 --> 39:20.656
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, when I date dad, the dad I didn't have or the dad that was traumatic now I want to change him into the dad that I always wanted and then what we do is we get into relationship that become controlling and that's the worst thing you can do in a relationship from the feminine in any way and that
39:22.458 --> 39:48.497
[SPEAKER_00]: is the main sabotage pattern is now that I've got you to choose me in a way that I didn't get that parent who that kid give it to choose me I'm going to start changing you and that is the worst thing both both ways men and women if I try to change you I haven't chosen you I've chosen the idea in my head and if I don't choose you eventually you are going to resent me
39:49.270 --> 39:57.735
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because so then you get the you know the resentment and the relationship, which is what it does to be loved the way it is.
39:58.035 --> 39:58.675
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
39:59.316 --> 39:59.816
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
39:59.876 --> 40:01.117
[SPEAKER_01]: We're trying to change them.
40:01.177 --> 40:02.978
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not loving them the way they are.
40:03.018 --> 40:04.779
[SPEAKER_01]: And that there is no love anyway.
40:04.819 --> 40:05.039
[SPEAKER_01]: No.
40:05.759 --> 40:07.520
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I usually say you can't.
40:07.600 --> 40:09.181
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's in the book as well.
40:09.241 --> 40:10.682
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't love what you judge.
40:11.482 --> 40:12.863
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, love that.
40:12.883 --> 40:20.126
[SPEAKER_01]: See, I told you I'm going to be that book and I'm going to try to And then to summarize what you said I took a note your type is not your type.
40:20.186 --> 40:20.906
[SPEAKER_01]: It's your pattern.
40:21.126 --> 40:31.070
[SPEAKER_01]: It is It is your pattern and that's what you know that's why people say I always end up with the wrong person That's just your pattern.
40:31.090 --> 40:31.770
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, of course.
40:32.170 --> 40:38.593
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, if you don't do the work if you don't work You know on yourself and get conscious like I said, yeah
40:39.313 --> 40:47.660
[SPEAKER_01]: I would like to talk a little bit about dating apps because I haven't ever used a dating app.
40:47.740 --> 40:49.121
[SPEAKER_00]: I can imagine you don't have to.
40:49.862 --> 40:52.023
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I'm from the older generation.
40:52.063 --> 40:52.624
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
40:52.744 --> 40:53.524
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't have to.
40:54.065 --> 40:56.867
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm coming from an older generation and I was married.
40:57.167 --> 40:58.729
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
40:58.989 --> 41:00.250
[SPEAKER_01]: So I didn't have to.
41:00.290 --> 41:01.231
[SPEAKER_01]: You missed that wave.
41:01.291 --> 41:03.492
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I missed that wave.
41:03.592 --> 41:05.354
[SPEAKER_01]: But I hear more and more often.
41:05.814 --> 41:14.337
[SPEAKER_01]: from my friends children mostly, like, you know, couples marrying who mate on a date app and having great relationships.
41:14.698 --> 41:31.544
[SPEAKER_01]: So having date apps made relationships easier, but did it make the relationships better or worse or, you know, the connection harder because I also hear, like, you know, I met with 50 people that could connect with only one.
41:35.846 --> 41:39.688
[SPEAKER_00]: I think they're a great tool, right?
41:39.768 --> 41:42.950
[SPEAKER_00]: And with every tool you need to know how to use it, right?
41:43.530 --> 41:47.613
[SPEAKER_00]: I think what happened because I can speak of the dating apps because I got divorced around the time.
41:48.438 --> 41:57.406
[SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't apps then, it was internet dating on the laptop, which was so much better because you had to, and there were a few words, it was like, my gosh, it's for you.
41:58.027 --> 42:01.249
[SPEAKER_00]: And so you had to literally type your profile and you had to have conversations.
42:01.289 --> 42:12.519
[SPEAKER_00]: So those were the golden years, I think, of internet dating because you just make people who intentionally, it was just, you know, fantastic, you know, that's when I had my best dating moments.
42:14.160 --> 42:34.246
[SPEAKER_00]: then the apps happened and they turned connection into something a little bit more yeah into numbers and we have to be honest right and this is us going back as I'm a big girl as well okay uh in nature we're not naturally going to meet that many people so
42:35.239 --> 42:58.386
[SPEAKER_00]: Growing up, I grew up in Zimbabwe and there was the telephone that you had to ring so like because I'm 48 so you know we're going back and you had to kind of ring the phone and the travel was not something big internet was not something so you only really had about three boys in your whole lifetime to choose from the guy up the road the one at school.
43:00.347 --> 43:12.692
[SPEAKER_00]: And the other cousin, a friend of your cousin, who would somehow connect because you lived your neighbourhood, you had your little town, and you weren't flying left by and so until you weren't on the internet.
43:13.152 --> 43:22.616
[SPEAKER_00]: And so if you didn't kind of meet somebody in that organic way, but women would have that, and maybe if you were the bell of the street, you know the one everybody wants to maybe you had 10 options, you know.
43:23.996 --> 43:32.738
[SPEAKER_00]: But one of them would do and you would go along and find life because options and choices actually are not good for us as humans, the few are the better.
43:33.018 --> 43:33.878
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
43:33.898 --> 43:39.839
[SPEAKER_00]: So what happens is people, you know, that is have really how we should be dealing.
43:39.859 --> 43:42.260
[SPEAKER_00]: We shouldn't really have as many options as we do.
43:42.940 --> 43:48.741
[SPEAKER_00]: And when we do, we get confused when we do, we give ourselves the perception that there's more than the actually is.
43:50.182 --> 43:53.305
[SPEAKER_00]: And with that being said, I don't want women to get into a scarcity mindset.
43:53.445 --> 43:57.409
[SPEAKER_00]: There is an abundance, but abundance in relationships isn't about numbers.
43:58.350 --> 44:02.174
[SPEAKER_00]: It's about quality of what you attract, right?
44:02.474 --> 44:04.336
[SPEAKER_00]: We want to attract quality.
44:05.037 --> 44:07.998
[SPEAKER_00]: and we will attract what we are within, right?
44:08.278 --> 44:16.761
[SPEAKER_00]: So we want to upgrade ourselves and attract quality, but in a woman's lifetime, in real real life, you're only going to meet about five, six viable.
44:16.941 --> 44:21.822
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're lucky, men, okay, dating apps, gave us the impression that we're going to meet more.
44:22.203 --> 44:25.984
[SPEAKER_00]: So we don't, we have too much, now we have pride, instead of
44:28.284 --> 44:30.205
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I have other options.
44:30.405 --> 44:30.745
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
44:30.885 --> 44:35.906
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to, I had a real on my Instagram, where I was talking about reclaiming love.
44:36.426 --> 44:39.667
[SPEAKER_00]: You may have messed up and it's kind of say these things to reconnect with.
44:39.787 --> 44:43.128
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe a lost love that he was a good guy, but maybe you messed it up.
44:43.148 --> 44:48.089
[SPEAKER_00]: We didn't, you know, and on that is so popular because obviously people have lost love.
44:48.189 --> 44:52.210
[SPEAKER_00]: But there were some comments on them that I would never, I would never, I would never did this.
44:52.390 --> 44:54.410
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not advocating for it.
44:57.331 --> 45:03.873
[SPEAKER_00]: Flippant, because we, yes, arrogant, and we don't, you know, I would never, and I would just cut him.
45:03.973 --> 45:06.975
[SPEAKER_00]: If he doesn't do this, I cut him, if she doesn't do this, I know, I cut her.
45:06.995 --> 45:12.676
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm not to come to the senses, but I think we, the generation now, has lost sense of...
45:17.218 --> 45:24.707
[SPEAKER_01]: human connection and so on because it's like you don't find soul to soul connections every day you wake us.
45:25.208 --> 45:32.276
[SPEAKER_01]: Even though you have a million we're gonna have only one individual after all this connection and because it's not live.
45:33.057 --> 45:45.114
[SPEAKER_01]: I think they lost it, like I remember when I was a teenage girl, I lived in a big city, Izmir, the West Coast of Turkey, and people knew each other, and we had regular parties where we would meet people.
45:45.594 --> 45:47.997
[SPEAKER_01]: So for example, in the party I would probably meet.
45:48.438 --> 46:03.661
[SPEAKER_01]: five to 10, maybe 12, handsome guys or whatever, it would take us another maybe two months to be able to speak with each other, because then you meet again at another party.
46:03.701 --> 46:10.542
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I contact you so far, and then the second way you say, so it's like it took a long time
46:15.183 --> 46:25.556
[SPEAKER_01]: who you need their energy and it's kind of like that soulful relationships had a chance to to build and I think there is a misconception right now where
46:27.408 --> 46:34.832
[SPEAKER_01]: like young generation thing, all of the, like for men and woman, all of the boys are the same and all of the girls they're not.
46:35.012 --> 46:41.816
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, even if you met a million, there's going to be one, which is the most special and second, which is special.
46:41.876 --> 46:43.778
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, it's not about rumors.
46:43.818 --> 46:50.161
[SPEAKER_01]: It's about your full connection, maybe kind of like what's meant to happen.
46:50.221 --> 46:52.783
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's what I find
46:57.727 --> 46:59.268
[SPEAKER_00]: You can use them really well.
46:59.468 --> 47:04.149
[SPEAKER_00]: I would say 98% of my brides and my clients to get married and met their partners on an app.
47:04.249 --> 47:04.450
[SPEAKER_00]: How?
47:05.030 --> 47:06.310
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I know.
47:06.390 --> 47:07.691
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I don't know.
47:08.211 --> 47:08.551
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
47:08.571 --> 47:09.611
[SPEAKER_01]: So, Q-rated.
47:09.631 --> 47:10.932
[SPEAKER_01]: You might be some women.
47:11.092 --> 47:11.572
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
47:11.592 --> 47:13.513
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me give you some game girls watching.
47:13.533 --> 47:13.853
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
47:14.553 --> 47:18.135
[SPEAKER_00]: It's about curating your profile.
47:19.235 --> 47:21.856
[SPEAKER_00]: So, personally, you have to be precise.
47:21.896 --> 47:24.217
[SPEAKER_00]: So, this is when you've done that in a work and you know yourself.
47:24.677 --> 47:26.018
[SPEAKER_00]: Then you have to understand that it pictures
47:27.458 --> 47:32.802
[SPEAKER_00]: How can you pictorially take the inside of yourself and pictorially put it out there?
47:33.262 --> 47:38.606
[SPEAKER_00]: So for me, for instance, if I'm on an app, I'm super glam sometimes.
47:38.866 --> 47:43.549
[SPEAKER_00]: So if he's going to deal with me, he has to deal with a girl that likes to glam it up and be like, huh, okay.
47:44.349 --> 47:46.611
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm going to put her there in a situation.
47:47.431 --> 48:00.403
[SPEAKER_00]: like this for instance right where he can oh she you know this what she does and I'm going to give him a life star And then I'm also on the other opposite where I can spend the whole damn pajamas and I don't care Right, I'm also a homebody.
48:00.423 --> 48:01.724
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't like to go out.
48:02.004 --> 48:04.586
[SPEAKER_00]: I like to stay and I like to read books I like to use the gym.
48:04.607 --> 48:05.167
[SPEAKER_00]: I like a very cool
48:05.287 --> 48:06.428
[SPEAKER_00]: quiet hermit life.
48:06.848 --> 48:10.030
[SPEAKER_00]: If I could live in the middle of the forest, I would and I'd like to come out.
48:10.090 --> 48:13.392
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm this weird personality that you can't put me in a box, right?
48:13.732 --> 48:19.636
[SPEAKER_00]: So what I want to do is communicate that with my pictures and with the way I write things.
48:19.796 --> 48:25.279
[SPEAKER_00]: So you know, I help women write, I'm going to write my profile, I'm every woman, right?
48:25.399 --> 48:27.340
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I want him to know that you can't
48:32.243 --> 48:32.944
[SPEAKER_00]: choose the right picture.
48:32.964 --> 48:35.706
[SPEAKER_00]: So we do a lot of that in my groups like give me your pictures.
48:35.726 --> 48:44.812
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to see your images and I'm going to curate it because I'm very clear what I want meant to see because I want meant to see it and diselect themselves very quickly.
48:45.073 --> 48:46.233
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to be rejected.
48:46.494 --> 48:47.875
[SPEAKER_00]: That's actually the goal, right?
48:48.435 --> 48:53.338
[SPEAKER_00]: I want as many men to say, oh, not for me as possible because that will call in the one every
48:57.318 --> 48:59.899
[SPEAKER_00]: is learning to understand what profiles are telling you.
49:00.719 --> 49:03.860
[SPEAKER_00]: Teaching women, what does it mean when you see a man without a shirt?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Pass.
49:05.501 --> 49:07.702
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're looking for a relationship pass, right?
49:08.602 --> 49:11.123
[SPEAKER_00]: If he's lying on the bed pass, if he's taken a path.
49:11.383 --> 49:19.746
[SPEAKER_00]: So giving women, when he says this, I've got a real on my Instagram right now, giving 12 things, men says, right, signals, know them.
49:20.186 --> 49:24.088
[SPEAKER_00]: So once you understand the tool and you know who not to entertain,
49:25.009 --> 49:29.794
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, if you're after a relationship, if you have to have a relationship or only, I know that.
49:29.814 --> 49:34.379
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, or after just one night's time, then you don't need me.
49:34.599 --> 49:39.064
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't need help, but then you're a woman you always get somebody to, you know, to sleep with you.
49:39.505 --> 49:45.051
[SPEAKER_00]: But for sure, if you're looking for a relationship, say it's a two ways to you have to present the way that you want.
49:45.532 --> 49:48.535
[SPEAKER_00]: for the man that you're trying to try and to be truly authentic.
49:49.215 --> 49:52.498
[SPEAKER_00]: And he has to, you have to know what to look for in him.
49:52.598 --> 49:57.102
[SPEAKER_00]: If you can master those two and master conversation, I'm flerating.
49:57.402 --> 50:00.605
[SPEAKER_01]: I love it, I love it, I love it.
50:00.645 --> 50:03.147
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's been almost an hour, can he imagine?
50:03.207 --> 50:05.910
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow, I know, yeah, yeah, yeah.
50:06.450 --> 50:13.158
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to ask you a couple of last questions, show me, I'm sure people who are listening are watching are asking the same.
50:13.839 --> 50:18.604
[SPEAKER_01]: One actually defines a high quality, a healthy relationship beyond chemistry.
50:20.706 --> 50:22.729
[SPEAKER_00]: I would say that we want safety.
50:23.588 --> 50:33.132
[SPEAKER_00]: we want compatibility in terms of shared vision, especially somebody with a growth mindset can be grow together.
50:34.373 --> 50:34.853
[SPEAKER_00]: Are we safe?
50:34.893 --> 50:38.334
[SPEAKER_00]: Because the other stuff will naturally fall away, the...
50:39.995 --> 50:40.875
[SPEAKER_00]: the sex life.
50:40.895 --> 50:42.056
[SPEAKER_00]: That's amazing.
50:42.456 --> 50:45.397
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it will become normal, right?
50:45.417 --> 50:50.920
[SPEAKER_00]: Because the brain will normalize everything that's exciting, because otherwise life will never, so do I like you?
50:50.940 --> 50:54.101
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think a lot of people don't ask that question.
50:54.722 --> 50:56.222
[SPEAKER_01]: Do I like you?
50:56.242 --> 50:59.804
[SPEAKER_00]: If I didn't fancy you, would I like you?
51:00.844 --> 51:02.205
[SPEAKER_00]: Would I like to spend time with you?
51:02.563 --> 51:05.544
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'd like you as a human being.
51:05.724 --> 51:06.865
[SPEAKER_01]: Would you be our friends?
51:07.025 --> 51:08.766
[SPEAKER_01]: Would you be friends?
51:08.866 --> 51:09.746
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
51:10.547 --> 51:16.149
[SPEAKER_00]: Because that is a fantastic foundation for long-term relationship.
51:16.189 --> 51:21.852
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're looking for long-term relationship, is this the person that I can ever get away with a laugh with?
51:22.132 --> 51:26.954
[SPEAKER_00]: And like you said with you and your husband, is this somebody who would totally get me if I said I wanted to live in London in Europe?
51:27.274 --> 51:29.755
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, would they totally get other thing come crazy, right?
51:31.576 --> 51:34.057
[SPEAKER_00]: Who can you be your best self with?
51:34.338 --> 51:36.699
[SPEAKER_00]: You're most authentic self with?
51:36.899 --> 51:37.239
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
51:37.579 --> 51:38.700
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the best for me.
51:38.720 --> 51:49.666
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I tell my two daughters make love with people, you know, with guys, you fancy, and you're excited, but marry your friend.
51:49.906 --> 51:52.928
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, yes, absolutely.
51:52.948 --> 51:54.408
[SPEAKER_00]: And you can't both, yes.
51:54.488 --> 51:55.129
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't both.
51:55.189 --> 51:58.951
[SPEAKER_01]: You and who doesn't want to change your who's not up all day,
52:01.472 --> 52:02.533
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's great.
52:02.653 --> 52:04.154
[SPEAKER_00]: Somebody likes you and you like that.
52:04.394 --> 52:05.074
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah.
52:05.454 --> 52:11.918
[SPEAKER_01]: And what are the skills people need to build right now to have a strong relationship?
52:12.258 --> 52:14.979
[SPEAKER_00]: First, you know, the most important thing is selection.
52:15.620 --> 52:18.581
[SPEAKER_00]: So like 90% of relationships is selection, right?
52:18.601 --> 52:20.763
[SPEAKER_00]: Which is part of all that we've been discussing here.
52:20.923 --> 52:24.565
[SPEAKER_01]: So just selecting and just leaving behind everything that doesn't belong to me.
52:24.605 --> 52:25.605
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, let it go.
52:26.066 --> 52:28.607
[SPEAKER_00]: Change your mindset from my need to be chosen by a lot of people.
52:29.050 --> 52:31.871
[SPEAKER_00]: to, I simply need to choose one person who chooses me back.
52:32.732 --> 52:35.433
[SPEAKER_00]: And then we won't need to do all the big performances, right?
52:35.833 --> 52:42.496
[SPEAKER_00]: So selection being, if we can start right, the foundations, foundations at everything, right?
52:43.316 --> 52:47.358
[SPEAKER_00]: What I have is when I have people who's relationships have broken, right?
52:47.478 --> 52:51.980
[SPEAKER_00]: 25 years in marriage and what's happening and they come to me or we remember for 15 years.
52:52.040 --> 52:54.882
[SPEAKER_00]: And, ah, right, because I get those,
52:56.083 --> 52:57.809
[SPEAKER_00]: I will always first ask you how you met.
52:57.929 --> 53:02.081
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to know your foundations because they'll tell me the dynamic you said in motion
53:03.843 --> 53:08.668
[SPEAKER_00]: the fundate, the dynamics, how they have corrupted the rest of the relationships.
53:09.188 --> 53:11.290
[SPEAKER_00]: So then we can go back and reset the fundations.
53:11.570 --> 53:12.411
[SPEAKER_00]: That is very painful.
53:12.431 --> 53:13.312
[SPEAKER_00]: That is very hard.
53:13.793 --> 53:14.573
[SPEAKER_00]: It's very difficult.
53:14.693 --> 53:16.595
[SPEAKER_00]: It's very painful, right?
53:17.056 --> 53:20.419
[SPEAKER_00]: But one person can change the whole dynamic, right?
53:20.819 --> 53:22.040
[SPEAKER_01]: Especially for someone.
53:22.281 --> 53:22.861
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
53:23.302 --> 53:23.682
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
53:24.202 --> 53:25.183
[SPEAKER_00]: But it can be difficult.
53:25.223 --> 53:28.807
[SPEAKER_00]: So I always say, I, that's why I love working who we're dating.
53:29.207 --> 53:41.175
[SPEAKER_00]: Because what I'm here to do is set your foundations right so what you want to do is a dating person is get rid of desperation, get rid of entitlement, get an education.
53:42.311 --> 53:44.852
[SPEAKER_00]: Treat your love life the way you do your career.
53:45.332 --> 53:46.592
[SPEAKER_00]: Treated the way you do your business.
53:46.612 --> 53:55.074
[SPEAKER_00]: You would have never embarked on your business without doing any kind of education, any kind of work, any kind of research.
53:55.614 --> 53:57.835
[SPEAKER_00]: Treated like that, why are the noise?
53:58.375 --> 54:01.215
[SPEAKER_00]: Choose somebody who's voice you value and trust.
54:01.335 --> 54:02.376
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't matter who it is.
54:02.736 --> 54:08.877
[SPEAKER_00]: If I value your voice and I trust your narrative about relationships, choose that person, get deep and let them educate you.
54:12.332 --> 54:20.035
[SPEAKER_00]: I say to my girls, they're already 95% ahead of the curve, just by knowing what they know.
54:21.175 --> 54:21.496
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
54:21.616 --> 54:32.600
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the rest they're going to have to muddle like everybody else, but once you treat it, like it's important because listen, relationships are life, they're everything.
54:33.080 --> 54:38.662
[SPEAKER_00]: The quality of your health, the quality of your happiness, your mental health is based on
54:41.223 --> 55:05.676
[SPEAKER_00]: you are that people don't you know careers all these things are great but it's the relationships even as a business person like yourself you've got to like your team right you get the wrong person and it can mess up the whole business and it can right so even in business we're still trying to get the right relationships and so take it seriously I think we have a very flippant
55:08.668 --> 55:10.690
[SPEAKER_00]: approach to how we do relationships.
55:11.111 --> 55:15.675
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we need more research, more work, and understanding needs work.
55:16.035 --> 55:28.387
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just, it's not nothing, it needs work, it needs focus, it needs time, energy, thinking through deep thinking, and investment of years.
55:29.007 --> 55:30.347
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, time.
55:30.687 --> 55:31.588
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, time.
55:31.608 --> 55:32.508
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you very much.
55:32.548 --> 55:32.808
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
55:32.868 --> 55:33.708
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
55:33.908 --> 55:34.208
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
55:34.248 --> 55:38.889
[SPEAKER_01]: I think this was the best, the best message I have for the long time.
55:39.550 --> 55:40.650
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, Chendee.
55:40.690 --> 55:42.250
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for having me here.
55:42.470 --> 55:43.130
[SPEAKER_00]: It was great.
55:43.150 --> 55:43.851
[SPEAKER_01]: I enjoyed it.
55:43.891 --> 55:46.151
[SPEAKER_01]: Enjoy the every moment of the conversation.
55:46.191 --> 55:47.071
[SPEAKER_01]: I learned a lot.
55:47.091 --> 55:47.551
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
55:47.631 --> 55:52.493
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure our listeners and anybody who's watching us on YouTube also learned a lot.
55:52.733 --> 55:53.393
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
55:53.413 --> 55:53.793
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
55:53.813 --> 55:54.753
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you too.
55:54.813 --> 55:55.633
[SPEAKER_01]: And thank you too.
55:56.073 --> 55:57.414
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll see you in the next episode.
55:57.574 --> 55:58.174
[SPEAKER_01]: Bye for now.