Breaking Old Patterns Means Breaking Your Identity Part 2 with Em Hollis & Scott Sunderland | 123

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Welcome to the Manders Mindset Podcast.
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Here you'll find both monologue and interviews of entrepreneurs, coaches, healers and a variety of other people when your host, amanda Russo, will discuss her own mindset and perspective and her guest's mindset and perspective on the world around us.
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Manders and her guests will help explain to you how shifting your mindset will shift your life will help explain to you how shifting your mindset will shift your life.
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Welcome back to part two of my conversation with Em Hollis and Scott Sondal.
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If you haven't listened to part one yet, I highly recommend starting there, because we covered some powerful insight on mindset, on transformation and on breaking free from limiting beliefs.
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Last time we ended, scott left us with this powerful thought about taking small steps towards progress, and I think it's the perfect way to start today's episode.
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So let's pick up right there.
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I would say it's not the weight, it's not the paralysis, it's not the cancer, it's not whatever the doctor tells you it is, it's your mind.
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It is that voice inside your mind that is creating whatever that is, whatever that wound is.
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That's why you're going through the weight, you know.
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That's why you're going through whatever you know, whatever the doctor tells you it is.
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And I think, when we are really gentle with ourselves and if you, I remember I forget who it was, but I remember talking to somebody and I said just get in the car, just get in the car.
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There was a woman we worked with.
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She could not leave her apartment.
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She was so ill she could not leave her apartment.
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She came on one of the calls and she said I crawled out my front door, I crawled down the steps hands and knees in snow and not a year later she said I was in the woods and I camped by myself and there was like two feet of snow and I made it, because that's literally what it takes sometimes.
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So sometimes it's not about going to the gym, it's just getting in the car to go to the gym, because it's hard.
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You know you're overcoming a habit that isn't like it's not a donut habit, it's not an ice cream habit.
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It's a habit of you.
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It's who you have become your whole life.
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And now you're going to fight that and think, oh well, I'll just go to gym.
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Well, january 1st I'm going for four hours and then the next day to second, I'm just going to do two.
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I'm going to do legs for two hours.
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I'll probably lose.
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I'm thinking, two and a half pounds.
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Right, that's about right.
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And then I'm thinking the third I'll take the day off.
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I'll just run around the house like 27 times and then on the fourth I'll go back and I'm going to do that's going to be my marathon.
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I'll do six hours, bro, you ain't getting out of bed.
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On the second, you're not going to get out of bed because you're going to say I can't do that, but you can get out of bed and then you can walk across the floor, then you can go to the bathroom, then you can get in the car and then you can say you know what?
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I did something today.
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That's winning.
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And listen, if that's where it has to start, then that's where it has to start.
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But you have to find that strength in you to say I did good today.
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I did good today.
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I could have sat on the couch and never got out of bed, but I got out of bed.
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I could have sat there and never took a shower.
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I went in the shower, I got a shower.
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I did good today and chances are the next day you'll go further.
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That's right.
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So yeah, it's so true.
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I'd love to transition a tad.
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Now.
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You guys developed a modality and I'd love if you could walk me through it a little bit the quadrant theory.
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Yeah, absolutely so.
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A little backstory on how it came about.
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We, you know, continued coaching.
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We were working with our friend and then, at one point, I was really passionate about working with women, specifically because of what my journey and what I'd been through.
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He broke up with us I'm doing my own thing.
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She shipped, I got it True.
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Yes, I was.
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I needed the fruit.
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Well, I needed.
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There's a ton of benefits but a ton of not disadvantages.
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But in working with partners there's a lot of advantages but there's if it can be, challenging as well.
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And I was at a place in my life where I was where actually a lot of billionaires are at, and that's I need to prove myself.
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I need to prove that I'm worthy and I need to, and that's what drives a lot of very wealthy people.
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That doesn't mean that drives them to happiness.
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It means it drives them to.
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I have to prove something, and so that was part of it.
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But I also was like I really wanted to work with women because I knew the journey I went through and I knew there was other women out there that were like me.
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That was like wait a minute, you sold me a pile of poop.
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This isn't that, you know, this isn't what you said it would be.
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And as women we become martyrs really easy, become moms and wives.
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We completely lose ourselves.
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And at that point I was like you know what I want to.
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I broke up with them and so we we all three did sort of our own coaching for a couple years, and then Scott and I decided well, maybe we should try to do something together again.
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At that point I was sort of reaching a point of burnout.
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You know, trying to grow a business, you know you're coaching people, but then you're also the business owner and trying to grow a business.
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And you're also going through it yourself and you're also yeah, doing your own inner work.
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So it was a lot and I was trying to grow a business from a proving standpoint as opposed from a super aligned.
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I would say it started out super aligned but and so I was really getting burnout Him and I hadn't been to like any retreat or workshop for a while and I said we need to go to.
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We need to go do something for us.
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We need to, you know, go to a workshop.
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We ended up finding a ketamine assisted mindfulness retreat in Pennsylvania and we didn't know what ketamine was.
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But we are, we jump in at first to things, and so we, you know, we talked to the lady about it, Samad Gribralli.
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We went and Can you explain what ketamine is?
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Absolutely.
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So ketamine is anesthetic.
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So they use ketamine in emergency rooms to do like quick surgeries without having to put someone under general anesthesia because they will keep breathing on their own.
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So they developed it during the Vietnam War so that they could work on soldiers out in the field For pain relief and so they could do things really quickly so they wouldn't remember or feel it.
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So they use it in the emergency rooms every single day.
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I used it for that.
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I didn't know, but I was getting it for a dislocated shoulder.
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And they use it on three month old babies Like it's.
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It's probably has the biggest safety profile of all prescription medication, super high safety profile.
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So what they found in the last like really 10 years is the effects that it was having on people with treatment resistant anxiety and depression, and they were like, it seemed like almost instantly, as opposed to people who are on antidepressants for months and months and it doesn't do anything.
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It seemed within a few sessions that people were better and that they didn't need to keep taking their antidepressants.
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And so then they started to do a lot more research on okay, let's look at what ketamine is actually doing in the brain, let's see why this is happening.
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And what they notice is, at smaller doses it has this sort of psychedelic type effect.
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Now, it's different than most psychedelics, because most psychedelics that you say are natural right, they come from the ground, they're a lot harder to dose, and so this was a little bit different in that case.
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But people were still having psychedelic experiences and then noticing they were coming out, and so this was a little bit different in that case, but people were still having psychedelic experiences and then noticing they were coming out.
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And so ketamine is now being used widely all over the country in clinics for treatment resistant anxiety and depression.
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It's having massive benefits.
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They're understanding that, you know in the brain.
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It's creating neuroplasticity.
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They're understanding that you know in the brain.
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It's creating neuroplasticity.
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Now, mind you, him and I had been going to these Dr Joe Dispenza retreats like crazy the first couple of years we met, and what Dr Joe Dispenza is teaching with meditation is the power of neuroplasticity.
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Neuroplasticity is your brain's ability to change.
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So when we're talking about identity and like losing weight, right, you're like I actually had to become somebody else.
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I didn't think the same way at 70 pounds less than I was thinking the same way when I was, you know, had that weight and that is you know.
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They believed forever that the brain was hardwired, you can't change.
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And then they discovered neuroplasticity.
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Actually, yeah, you can change in your brain.
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Your brain can change and we've been learning about this through Dr Joe and practicing meditation for years.
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So it was working for us.
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The effects of ketamine did work for us, and so but I mean we were.
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It was working for us just in meditation, exactly, but then we would watch all these other people.
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They would not be able to have that same effect, and it was like maybe their trauma was greater, maybe, whatever, it was Right.
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So it was like, when we went to this you know names of every single person that this could change it.
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This could actually get them where I've been able to get to, where she's been able to get to, where many people have been able to get to, but the ones that just couldn't get over the hill.
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This is it, this is what can help them.
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So then, yeah, so you can think of it.
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As many of your listeners maybe have heard this example.
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It this is what can help them.
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So then, yeah, so you can think of it, as many of your listeners maybe have heard this example before.
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They use it with traditional psychedelics.
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But again, ketamine is not out of all of them.
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It's not a traditional psychedelic.
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It's only an hour long.
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It's highly dosable.
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So when you're dealing with other kinds of psychedelics, it's really hard to dose and you don't have any purging.
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There's no really side effects after.
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No, addiction no addiction actually is helping people get over addiction.
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And so what happened was, you know, we experienced this and we went oh my gosh, like this can help those people that would reach a wall.
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They were doing all the work but they would reach a wall and they couldn't.
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So the example I was going to tell you is like if you think of thought patterns in our brain as sled hills, and if you're going over this sled hill, you're in and you're going over the same sled hill, over and over.
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Eventually, that sled hill is going to get really deep, like deep, and you're going to be so deep in it that you're like shit.
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I don't even realize there's a million other sled hills on the mountain, because I'm so deep down in this one and what psychedelics does is basically fill that sled hill up with snow so that you can get out of it and then be able to look around.
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So, like the example that the woman gave us when she was telling us about the retreat.
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She said ketamine is like if you're walking through a forest and you're completely lost because there's trees everywhere.
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You have no idea which way is out.
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Ketamine in the brain is basically pulling you up above that forest so that you can see clearly which way is out, so that when you come back to out of the experience you actually know the direction out, and so that that is what ketamine is doing in the brain.
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It's allowing you to get out of thought pattern that aren't serving you anymore.
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And getting out of thought patterns is due to neuroplasticity.
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And what does that do?
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That helps you to become a new person.
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It helps you to not be the depressed person.
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Well, the difference between what Scott and I decided to do after that retreat because we went we need to implement this into the stuff that we're already doing was ketamine clinics are not bringing in a deeper, esoteric, spiritual wisdom that we have both studied for a long time and sort of marrying those two.
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And that's what we decided we wanted to do.
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We wanted to do something different with the ketamine experience, and so we wanted to work with people that already had some practices, that already had been doing some inner work, but they were stuck and they couldn't get past that wall, and we saw the benefits of ketamine being able to do that.
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So we came back from that retreat we decided we're going to stop any coaching courses we'd been doing and we're really just going to focus on retreats, because we'd already been doing those anyway, and we're going to incorporate the breath work and we're going to incorporate meditation, and then we're going to incorporate ketamine therapy and we did that for about eight months and in that time Scott and I were also personally working with the medicine in our own personal lives and it reconnected us both to sort of maybe what we kind of lost for a while, which is that deeper connection, the thing that brought him and I together, and so we were kind of focused on that.
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And then one day I ended up watching.
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I watch a lot of podcasts and I watched one by a lady by the name of Jill Bolte-Taylor and she has one of the most watched TED Talks on TED about her stroke and during her stroke her whole left side of her brain went offline.
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So she had no use of her left side of the brain, only the right side.
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Well, basically, the right side of the brain is you can think of as no identity.
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So think of the identity lives in the left side of the brain.
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Amanda lives in the left side of the brain.
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Amanda lives in the left side of her brain.
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That's who you are.
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That exists in left side of your brain, the right side of your brain, you could say it is the spiritual side.
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It's the side of the brain that like, so she couldn't walk or move or feed herself because there was no separation between the end of her finger and everything else.
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So literally everything was like energy, and she was in complete ecstatic bliss.
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She was in joy, she was.
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But, you know, after a while she said, well, I'm probably going to experience this when I die.
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So maybe the point is to have an ego, because, granted, she didn't have any memory of her past, she didn't really know who Jill was, and so she decided, over the next seven years, to sort of bring the left side of her past.
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She didn't really know who Jill was, and so she decided, over the next seven years, to sort of bring the left side of her brain back online.
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She had to train herself to bring that part of her brain back online, and so, through that experience, she discovered she's a neuroanatomist.
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So she actually studies the anatomy of the brain, and I had known a lot about the brain because of what we had studied in my breathwork course.
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I learned a lot about what happens of the brain and I had known a lot about the brain because of what we had studied in my breathwork course.
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I learned a lot about what happens in the brain and the different parts of it and basically she broke down.
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She calls them the four characters of the brain and as I was listening to that, you know when you listen to someone it feels like it's just filling in a puzzle, like it felt like it filled in this puzzle and all of these things that I had studied and we'd been practicing and teaching I saw them fit within what we now call the four quadrants.
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That went much deeper than just these characters she was talking about and so I started talking to Scott about it and for a month I was just writing and we were talking and we could see how these different aspects of these very deep teachings all it was like everything in the world, actually everything we experienced, fits within these four what we call quadrants.
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And so maybe explain to her the tanks and how you've so and what she means by you know all things in the world.
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You know you could, you can map what we call map.
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You can, I can map Amanda.
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I can tell you in what quadrant you're most dominant.
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You know your dominant quadrant is and you know you could look at the quadrants as seasons.
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You know winter, summer, fall, spring.
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You can look at them as astrological, it goes on and on.
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So elements.
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So basically, if you picture this, if you picture four big water tanks and they're all square, they're all tied together but they don't connect to each other.
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And there's one big pipe that comes in and it's supposed to go to the center and fill each tank equally as it fills the other tanks.
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But what happens in?
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So all tanks are balanced, all tanks are balanced.
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That's the goal, that's what's supposed to happen.
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But, as we talked about before, the parent-child wound you know are growing up.
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The regulator that controls the water flow into these tanks gets stuck and one gets filled while the other ones go empty.
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So what ketamine does?
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Is it unsticks that regulator.
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So then all tanks get filled and suddenly it's hard to explain I guess you could probably explain it better Like a quadrant one is.
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So quadrant one would be the aspect.
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So the element of quadrant one is earth.
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The reason is spring.
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So you can think of quadrant one as the aspect of you or the aspect of the season.
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That's like the doer, that's like the leader.
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So we also use Carl Jung psychology in within each quadrant.
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We use the archetypes.
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He uses 12 archetypes, that he says these 12 archetypes exist throughout human history.
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We use these archetypes.
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He uses 12 archetypes, that he says these 12 archetypes exist throughout human history.
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We use these archetypes in our movies and our stories and our mythologies.
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Like these 12 archetypes represent every part of every human that was ever alive, and so we actually were able to map those 12 archetypes within each of these quadrants.
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So the quadrant one is the rebel, is the leader.
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So if you're in quadrant, you know the feeling when you're like really confident and you're like I can go get shit done.
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You know I can.
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It's the analyzer, also the entrepreneur, the critical thinker.
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So you're in this season and you're in the element of sturdiness.
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This is the ego, is quadrant one.
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So think of, you know, so quadrant one.
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The season is spring, so think about spring.
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What happens in spring?
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We come out of winter and now plants are starting to, you know, come out of the earth, right, you know, flowers are coming out.
00:18:40.492 --> 00:18:43.621
They have to push up and out, they have to do.
00:18:43.621 --> 00:18:50.711
Okay, it's not just basking in the sun, which would be quadrant three, right, so three is.
00:18:51.307 --> 00:18:52.752
So quadrant three would be.
00:18:52.752 --> 00:18:57.317
So it's the emotional, limbic system of the right side of your brain.
00:18:57.317 --> 00:19:02.392
So it's basically like the playful child, the elements fire.
00:19:02.392 --> 00:19:04.454
So it's basically like the playful child, the elements fire.
00:19:04.454 --> 00:19:08.200
So if you think of fire in Jungian psychology, it's the gesture, the adventure.
00:19:08.200 --> 00:19:19.490
So if you think the part of you that you're being really playful, like you're feeling fiery think of a little kid that's dancing and they're just like they don't care, they don't care about it's summer.
00:19:19.490 --> 00:19:25.269
It's like we're having fun, we don't have responsibilities, we're just going to be playful.
00:19:25.269 --> 00:19:27.912
It's the very presence.
00:19:27.912 --> 00:19:32.916
You're not thinking in the past or the future, it's very present, it's very playful.
00:19:32.916 --> 00:19:46.950
It is all about adventure into the unknown community, because you know people who are natural born into quadrant three.
00:19:46.950 --> 00:19:48.994
They're very playful, they're comedians, they are very charismatic.
00:19:48.994 --> 00:19:50.018
So that would be quadrant three.
00:19:50.144 --> 00:19:54.012
Quadrant four is it's an air sign and it's fall.
00:19:54.012 --> 00:20:00.752
So it's like universal connectedness, universal consciousness, it's wisdom, it's being connected to everything.
00:20:00.752 --> 00:20:03.945
It's like when you have an experience, when you're in flow.
00:20:03.945 --> 00:20:07.135
I use the example of athletes.
00:20:07.135 --> 00:20:11.729
They say when they're in flow it's like they aren't doing anything, it's just happening through them.
00:20:11.729 --> 00:20:14.374
That is the quadrant four.
00:20:14.374 --> 00:20:18.429
It's like you lose all sense of the ego, of the identity.
00:20:18.429 --> 00:20:21.757
You are not, that, you are connecting with something deeper.
00:20:21.757 --> 00:20:24.606
These are deep states of meditation and breath work.
00:20:24.606 --> 00:20:32.593
You reach these states and then down in quadrant two, which is the left side of the limbic system, the wounded inner child.
00:20:32.593 --> 00:20:49.756
But this is also representative of the winter, of rest, of going within, of going internally.
00:20:50.236 --> 00:21:11.539
And so the whole purpose of the quadrant theory on the first level is bringing balance to all of these parts of ourselves, because what Scott and I noticed, not just in our coaching of other people but in ourselves, a lot of times these get compartmentalized as if that's the only thing, like you could say, the personal development Tony Robbins face is a quadrant one, dominant, but it's all about, do you?
00:21:11.539 --> 00:21:14.167
But that can overpower that wounded child.
00:21:14.167 --> 00:21:26.694
The quadrant two, if there needs to be some deeper work done Right, and then if you're going over to the left side of the brain and quadrant three and four, that's surrender, that's like I'm going to let something bigger happen through me.
00:21:26.694 --> 00:21:31.596
So what we realized in this, leveling those tanks is the most important thing.
00:21:31.765 --> 00:21:47.875
All four seasons are equally as important, and so what we were able to walk people through and what we do now is number one looking at, okay, how do I know who I'm being when I'm in each of these quadrants, what are my thoughts, what are my feelings, what are my actions?
00:21:47.875 --> 00:21:51.928
So I'm very clear, the awareness part right, I'm very clear.
00:21:51.928 --> 00:21:57.646
Like I'm balanced in my quadrant one or I'm not, I'm burnt out, I'm whatever right.
00:21:57.646 --> 00:22:05.454
And so we help them understand when they're balanced and when they're not, and then how to move through these cycles more easily.
00:22:05.984 --> 00:22:10.416
What's more important than knowing where you are is where your spouse is.
00:22:10.416 --> 00:22:19.516
So when you're having a conversation problem with your spouse, you may be in quadrant one.
00:22:19.516 --> 00:22:22.881
When they are in quadrant two and it becomes a friction.
00:22:22.881 --> 00:22:24.465
I don't understand.
00:22:24.465 --> 00:22:25.428
Why can't you do this?
00:22:25.428 --> 00:22:34.207
I'm out there doing this and working and getting all this shit done and all you're doing is sitting on the couch saying that you're going to go to the gym every day, right.
00:22:34.207 --> 00:22:43.015
And when you understand where your spouse is, then you understand, because each quadrant this is huge though you can't bypass a quadrant.
00:22:43.015 --> 00:22:45.728
It's like saying well, you know what I just decided?
00:22:45.728 --> 00:22:51.479
I say there should be spring and summer, that's it.
00:22:51.479 --> 00:22:55.290
No more fall, no more winter, it's off the table.
00:22:55.290 --> 00:22:57.615
Let's write it out right.
00:22:59.097 --> 00:23:06.769
Each quadrant is necessary because when you have summer, you need rest Bears, they hibernate, they go in.
00:23:06.769 --> 00:23:07.190
Why?
00:23:07.190 --> 00:23:12.933
Because they are working so hard to keep this massive body filled with nourishment.
00:23:12.933 --> 00:23:15.236
So they have to hunt, they have to, right.
00:23:15.236 --> 00:23:19.019
So in the winter, they hibernate, they go to sleep.
00:23:19.019 --> 00:23:20.579
We need that.
00:23:20.579 --> 00:23:22.641
Our bodies need rest.
00:23:22.641 --> 00:23:28.412
That's why we sleep, that's why we get comfortable mattresses, so we can rest Right.
00:23:28.853 --> 00:23:44.967
So when you know that your partner, even though you may be in quadrant one or maybe you're in quadrant three when you know that your partner is in quadrant two and they are in rest, you have a totally different understanding and they have a different understanding.
00:23:44.967 --> 00:23:52.450
So what we started to realize is working as a couple in this, because we thought how could this change relationships?
00:23:52.450 --> 00:23:59.867
When she's in a hole, I realize she's in quadrant two, I got to back off.
00:23:59.867 --> 00:24:04.787
I have to let her be in quadrant two because I know I have been in quadrant two.
00:24:04.787 --> 00:24:06.392
I know what that feels like.
00:24:06.392 --> 00:24:08.901
So now I know that's where she is.
00:24:08.901 --> 00:24:25.989
I need to give her space, I need to rest, let her rest and when she is like I don't know why, but I don't have any energy right now, I don't have any drive right now, the last two days I've been just laying around instead of beating herself up.
00:24:25.989 --> 00:24:27.352
She now knows.
00:24:27.593 --> 00:24:28.173
I'm in winter.
00:24:28.375 --> 00:24:29.778
I'm in the winter right now.
00:24:29.778 --> 00:24:33.055
I'm in hibernation, I'm in rest, I'm in quadrant two.
00:24:33.596 --> 00:24:34.902
And I can nurture myself.
00:24:35.122 --> 00:24:40.432
And she can nurture herself, and she can also know well what happens when you're in quadrant two.
00:24:40.432 --> 00:24:45.228
I'm resting, so I'm going to come out of it, and where am I going to go?
00:24:45.228 --> 00:24:53.071
Right, I'm going to go in, either into three or I'm going into one, maybe I go into four, maybe I use four to help me get out of two.
00:24:53.753 --> 00:25:01.797
So it's a whole thing, it's a framework basically for how to navigate your entire life and every area of it.
00:25:01.797 --> 00:25:09.828
And it goes to me when we're teaching a class, we're teaching about the biology and the chemistry that's happening in your body within each quadrant.
00:25:09.828 --> 00:25:14.046
So actually, what chemicals are being released to help you to really anchor in?
00:25:14.046 --> 00:25:17.172
I mean, self-awareness is everything Huge.
00:25:17.172 --> 00:25:20.826
So it's giving you a map of your own self-awareness to go.
00:25:20.826 --> 00:25:27.638
Okay, number one, I'm going to have more compassion and less self-judgment if I trust these cycles and I learn how to move through them naturally.
00:25:27.638 --> 00:25:28.967
And it really is.
00:25:28.967 --> 00:25:33.057
It's fundamentally shifted our lives and now we've taken other people through the process.
00:25:33.057 --> 00:25:37.871
I think that is our best work yet, to be honest with you, I think it's our best work yet.
00:25:37.871 --> 00:25:41.413
It feels so deep, yet so big.
00:25:41.733 --> 00:25:42.034
Yeah.
00:25:43.297 --> 00:25:46.249
Okay, and now this framework.
00:25:46.249 --> 00:25:51.719
What's the best way for people listening to us to try to implement it?
00:25:54.249 --> 00:26:03.526
So actually I just did a webinar yesterday teaching about the three levels, so I'll give you a very brief thing so your listeners actually have something to walk away from.
00:26:03.526 --> 00:26:10.432
Number one we have a mini series on our YouTube channel that breaks down each quadrant so you can listen to those videos.
00:26:10.432 --> 00:26:15.648
And it's a breakdown so you can understand the characteristics and the traits of each quadrant.
00:26:15.648 --> 00:26:29.615
From there you're going to want to make your own personal map, right, and that map is going to include what thoughts, feelings and actions do I do when I'm balanced and when I'm imbalanced in each quadrant right?
00:26:29.615 --> 00:26:32.267
So, for example, number quadrant three.
00:26:32.267 --> 00:26:42.338
If I'm balanced in quadrant three, it means I can still be playful, I can be spontaneous, I can be surrendered, so I'm not trying to push or force or control anything.
00:26:42.338 --> 00:26:44.486
That's balanced in quadrant three.
00:26:44.526 --> 00:26:48.807
I know when I feel that in my body, I can feel the chemistry, I know the thoughts I'm thinking.
00:26:48.807 --> 00:26:53.321
If I start to get imbalanced, then I become irresponsible.
00:26:53.321 --> 00:26:55.689
Then I'm like I really don't want to do anything.
00:26:55.689 --> 00:26:58.836
I don't want to, I don't want anyone to want anything from me.
00:26:58.836 --> 00:27:03.271
You can sort of get stagnant and then you become almost like a rebel without a cause.
00:27:03.271 --> 00:27:06.597
That you're just like I'm trying to avoid any responsibility, right?
00:27:06.597 --> 00:27:08.527
So that's how I know I'm imbalanced.
00:27:08.527 --> 00:27:13.718
Okay, do that for any of the quadrants, right, you can do that for anyone.
00:27:13.718 --> 00:27:18.413
So from there you have the map and then the second map would be okay.
00:27:18.914 --> 00:27:22.938
What activities can help me stay balanced in each of these?
00:27:22.978 --> 00:27:28.557
So what are some activities that trigger each of these quadrants that I can implement into my daily life?
00:27:28.557 --> 00:27:50.560
And then, if I'm imbalanced, like he said, all right, if I'm two days in quadrant two and I'm allowing myself to just rest, because most of us don't allow that, and I'm allowing myself to just be on the downhill, because when you go from states of flow, your body can't maintain that, because there's a lot of dopamine and norepinephrine that gets released and your body can't maintain that.
00:27:50.560 --> 00:27:56.996
It has to go on the comedown, and so the most important part is not to bypass the comedown, to be in it.
00:27:56.996 --> 00:28:02.631
However, you can get stuck down there and imbalanced, right, that's what we talked about at the beginning.
00:28:02.631 --> 00:28:06.105
You can get stuck down there and imbalanced, right, that's what we talked about at the beginning.
00:28:06.105 --> 00:28:10.392
So then, recognizing, all right, I'm probably need to move myself out of the cycle.
00:28:10.392 --> 00:28:11.154
I'm not naturally rising out of it.
00:28:11.154 --> 00:28:18.013
I'm sort of getting stuck in it, and so then you would have specific activities for each of those to get yourself out of it Very quick and virginal.
00:28:40.346 --> 00:28:44.159
Okay, love that and can you give me a link to the YouTube?
00:28:44.159 --> 00:28:45.941
I will link that in the Absolutely.
00:28:46.402 --> 00:28:53.543
It's a mini series so we go through, like I said, the description of all four quadrants, that I'll share that with you so then you can really go to get a good idea.
00:28:53.543 --> 00:29:01.198
And the thing is, these affect every area of your life because every quadrant represents a different part of your life.
00:29:01.198 --> 00:29:05.846
So relationships would be quadrant two, because that's your emotions and you're dealing with relationships.
00:29:05.846 --> 00:29:10.322
Your business would be quadrant one, so that's more of your entrepreneur and leadership.
00:29:10.322 --> 00:29:19.778
Your play would be quadrant three and a lot of times that's going to have to do with physical activity as well as your quadrant three and your connection is quadrant four.
00:29:19.778 --> 00:29:22.102
It's every area of your life.
00:29:22.944 --> 00:29:25.949
Can the quadrants overlap Absolutely?
00:29:25.949 --> 00:29:31.957
And there are many things that you can do to activate all of them, right, and so we talk a lot when we go deeper.
00:29:31.957 --> 00:29:34.326
So this is sort of the level one, surface level.
00:29:34.326 --> 00:29:39.790
In the class we take it much deeper, but there's things that you can do actually to activate all four.
00:29:39.790 --> 00:29:44.757
We teach about your natural born quadrant, which is like your gifts and your purpose.
00:29:44.757 --> 00:29:53.247
You know, that's sort of the deeper levels, but I think for now just people understanding you know the surface level of just how to start applying that to your life.
00:29:54.894 --> 00:29:56.843
Yeah, definitely.
00:29:56.843 --> 00:29:59.615
Wow, that is so fascinating.
00:29:59.615 --> 00:30:02.743
It is Well thank you very much.
00:30:02.743 --> 00:30:04.628
I love that.
00:30:04.628 --> 00:30:10.275
No, it makes a lot of sense how it can apply to literally everything.
00:30:10.275 --> 00:30:19.387
And you know, when you said emotions, I know that it's relationships, but my mind was like emotions can play into other areas, you know.
00:30:19.387 --> 00:30:24.883
Yeah, well, thank you guys so much for speaking with me.
00:30:24.883 --> 00:30:26.447
I really appreciate it.
00:30:26.447 --> 00:30:29.704
Thank you for letting us share all of this.
00:30:29.704 --> 00:30:31.157
Yeah, of course.
00:30:31.157 --> 00:30:33.942
Now have you guys heard of a man named Jay Shetty?
00:30:33.942 --> 00:30:35.526
Love Jay Shetty.
00:30:35.947 --> 00:30:36.388
Little bit.
00:30:38.276 --> 00:30:40.420
So he has a podcast.
00:30:40.420 --> 00:30:49.744
He ends his podcast with two segments and I've started incorporating them into mine, and first segment is the many sides to us.
00:30:49.744 --> 00:30:51.187
Scott, you want to go first?
00:30:52.136 --> 00:30:53.099
Sure, Sure.
00:30:53.099 --> 00:30:57.118
I don't know what he does, so again, I'm you know yeah, you don't have to.
00:30:57.158 --> 00:30:58.402
These are questions about you.
00:30:58.964 --> 00:31:02.144
I just man, I am totally there, I'm ready.
00:31:02.144 --> 00:31:09.497
I just give him credit Everybody always asks me where'd you come up with these?
00:31:09.497 --> 00:31:10.157
I'm like it's not me, it's not me.
00:31:10.157 --> 00:31:13.060
Then my answer is they won't be me, they're just going to come from wherever they come from.
00:31:14.282 --> 00:31:15.363
That is fine too.
00:31:15.363 --> 00:31:18.506
First segment is the many sides to us.
00:31:18.506 --> 00:31:22.290
There's five questions, and they need to be answered in one word each.
00:31:23.211 --> 00:31:23.592
One word.
00:31:24.735 --> 00:31:25.816
Okay, I thought it was impossible.
00:31:25.816 --> 00:31:26.417
Go ahead Confident.
00:31:28.178 --> 00:31:28.839
Heart-centered.
00:31:28.839 --> 00:31:46.804
Playful used to describe you as Heart-centered.
00:31:46.804 --> 00:31:47.144
What is one word?
00:31:47.166 --> 00:31:48.150
you'd use to describe yourself Playful.
00:31:49.742 --> 00:31:54.982
What is one word that, if someone didn't like you or agree with your mindset, would you use to describe yourself?
00:31:57.157 --> 00:31:58.402
Oh wow, Crazy.
00:32:01.057 --> 00:32:04.101
What is one word you're trying to embody right now?
00:32:05.485 --> 00:32:06.126
Authenticity.
00:32:06.126 --> 00:32:08.804
Did I steal your stuff?
00:32:10.816 --> 00:32:18.525
Second segment is the final five, and these can be answered in a sentence what is the best advice you've heard or received?
00:32:20.177 --> 00:32:21.442
It's not out there, it's in here.
00:32:21.442 --> 00:32:22.820
Why is that the best?
00:32:22.820 --> 00:32:25.626
Because it leaves it up to you.
00:32:25.626 --> 00:32:29.079
It's not going to be anybody else's fault, it's yours.
00:32:29.079 --> 00:32:34.469
And again, if it's my fault, it's I can fix it right.
00:32:34.469 --> 00:32:38.602
If it's my wrong, I can write it, and if it's my right, I can live it.
00:32:38.602 --> 00:32:42.048
So I don't need anybody else to.
00:32:42.048 --> 00:32:44.936
You know, I don't.
00:32:44.936 --> 00:32:46.237
I know we all do.
00:32:46.237 --> 00:32:53.360
We all like to look out there and blame somebody, whether it's an ex, whether it's a government, whether it's you know whoever.
00:32:53.360 --> 00:32:58.103
But ultimately we hold our own destiny with inside us.
00:32:59.543 --> 00:33:02.305
What is the worst advice you've heard or received?
00:33:03.585 --> 00:33:05.826
Get a job, not wow, yeah, probably.
00:33:05.826 --> 00:33:06.887
Like you have to.
00:33:06.887 --> 00:33:11.089
You know you have to conform, you have to whatever.
00:33:11.089 --> 00:33:12.009
You know authority.
00:33:12.009 --> 00:33:16.311
Like you have to listen to authority, you have to conform to the rules.
00:33:16.311 --> 00:33:19.753
I'm a bit of a rule, not a rule breaker.
00:33:19.753 --> 00:33:21.073
I'm a rule redefiner.
00:33:21.455 --> 00:33:28.496
So I like that word A rule redefiner.
00:33:28.496 --> 00:33:29.339
I like that word a rule redefiner.
00:33:29.359 --> 00:33:29.479
Okay.
00:33:29.479 --> 00:33:30.161
Why is that the worst advice?
00:33:30.161 --> 00:33:32.628
Because it takes away your self-sovereignty.
00:33:32.628 --> 00:33:39.997
I believe a lot of people have lost themselves because they haven't followed their own self-sovereignty, they haven't listened to their own words.
00:33:39.997 --> 00:33:45.996
And I will tell you this as being the older gentleman that I am now I still think I'm 16.
00:33:45.996 --> 00:33:48.902
I'm just saying, but the age says something else.
00:33:48.902 --> 00:33:52.776
There is probably no greater emotion than regret.
00:33:52.776 --> 00:33:55.360
Regret is devastating.
00:33:55.360 --> 00:34:04.109
So you know, don't listen to people that say you can't, because ultimately, if you listen to them, you're saying you can't.
00:34:06.197 --> 00:34:07.278
Yeah, that's so true.
00:34:07.278 --> 00:34:11.708
What is something that you used to value that you no longer value?
00:34:33.595 --> 00:34:33.695
happy.
00:34:33.695 --> 00:34:38.084
I now live in a 400 square foot RV which we get to travel and see the well, not the world, because we would be amphibious, but we get to see everywhere.
00:34:38.084 --> 00:34:53.970
You know in the United States We've been so many different places and experienced so many different things and I've realized it was never those things that define me and I look at so many people get lost in all the things that end up defining who they think they are.
00:34:54.155 --> 00:35:00.489
If you could describe what you would want your legacy to be, as if someone was reading it, what would you want it to say?
00:35:01.155 --> 00:35:03.824
The courage to be wrong, courage to be wrong.
00:35:04.896 --> 00:35:10.405
If you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be?
00:35:10.405 --> 00:35:11.889
And I want to know why.
00:35:13.675 --> 00:35:19.458
Okay, so we're going to have to repeat that one again If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow.
00:35:19.458 --> 00:35:26.043
Everyone had to follow.
00:35:26.584 --> 00:35:37.271
I guess, is what I'm thinking right now is the power to learn, the power that they are, to really realize the strength that they are.
00:35:37.271 --> 00:36:00.930
Because, again, I think that lends to every other answer right, it's being self-aware, self-motivated, knowing that maybe the purpose that you're here is just to be here, but I think, ultimately, to live authentically and be proud of who you are, no matter what you are.
00:36:00.930 --> 00:36:05.657
Because there's quadrants and people get stuck in quadrants.
00:36:05.657 --> 00:36:08.699
People get stuck in quadrant two a lot.
00:36:08.699 --> 00:36:11.221
People get stuck in quadrant four a lot.
00:36:11.221 --> 00:36:21.728
So I think it's you know, the courage to change, not necessarily worry about what everybody else is going to define you as.
00:36:21.728 --> 00:36:23.970
Find your own definition of yourself.
00:36:23.970 --> 00:36:26.872
Is that the answer to that question?
00:36:26.872 --> 00:36:27.711
Did I answer it?
00:36:27.711 --> 00:36:28.233
I think so.
00:36:28.233 --> 00:36:32.744
I answered it without 30 different, without 30 sentences or paragraphs.
00:36:33.706 --> 00:36:34.407
That's okay.
00:36:34.407 --> 00:36:36.442
Well, you got a preview.
00:36:36.442 --> 00:36:40.365
So first segment many sighs to us.
00:36:40.365 --> 00:36:45.644
What is one word someone who was meeting you for the first time would describe you as?
00:36:45.644 --> 00:36:47.407
Friendly, Sure.
00:36:47.407 --> 00:36:53.445
What is one word someone who knows you extremely well would use to describe you?
00:36:53.445 --> 00:37:00.860
Authentic, Deep.
00:37:09.916 --> 00:37:12.465
I can think of two, but I'll say cold.
00:37:14.336 --> 00:37:17.865
What is one word that you're trying to embody right now?
00:37:20.936 --> 00:37:22.902
Well, I was going to say authenticity.
00:37:22.961 --> 00:37:24.206
I didn't have that, I used it.
00:37:24.496 --> 00:37:30.356
I would say embodiment, self-embodiment, mastery.
00:37:30.356 --> 00:37:33.905
There you go, mastery, mastery.
00:37:36.221 --> 00:37:41.083
Final five what is the best advice you've heard or received?
00:37:43.239 --> 00:37:49.099
The best advice I heard or received was God, oh.
00:37:51.506 --> 00:37:59.346
Obviously Are you proud of yourself that it was by Diana Nyad who, if that moment, shifted everything in my life.
00:37:59.346 --> 00:38:02.143
She was on an interview with Oprah.
00:38:02.143 --> 00:38:07.708
She broke the record from swimming to Cuba to Florida at like 67 years old.
00:38:07.708 --> 00:38:09.883
She had five previous attempts.
00:38:09.883 --> 00:38:17.626
She did it and she was talking to Oprah and Oprah said how amazing you world record, you know.
00:38:17.626 --> 00:38:19.217
And she said I don't care about any of that.
00:38:19.217 --> 00:38:24.148
I asked myself every day of tomorrow's, my last day, am I proud of my life?
00:38:24.148 --> 00:38:26.139
Am I proud of the life I'm living?
00:38:26.139 --> 00:38:29.648
And in that moment I wasn't practicing what I was preaching.
00:38:29.648 --> 00:38:31.235
Life I'm living.
00:38:31.235 --> 00:38:33.019
And in that moment I wasn't practicing what I was preaching.
00:38:33.019 --> 00:38:33.820
I wasn't living a full life.
00:38:33.820 --> 00:38:34.122
I wasn't.
00:38:34.122 --> 00:38:42.744
I was on the bleachers wishing, I was down in the arena, and so the that moment fundamentally stuck with me Like I need to live my life.
00:38:42.744 --> 00:38:51.186
So I am proud of my life that I did everything, that I pushed myself to do everything and that led me to everything.
00:38:52.209 --> 00:38:52.590
Everything.
00:38:52.590 --> 00:38:56.244
What is the worst advice you've heard or received?
00:38:57.296 --> 00:38:58.662
That is probably something I said.
00:38:59.255 --> 00:39:02.782
Don't move across the country with this man you don't know.
00:39:03.744 --> 00:39:04.345
This is true.
00:39:04.345 --> 00:39:08.561
That's true, probably the worst advice, yeah that is very true.
00:39:09.637 --> 00:39:11.083
I'm assuming that's about Scott.
00:39:11.083 --> 00:39:15.182
Somebody will do that about Scott and I thank God didn't listen.
00:39:15.604 --> 00:39:17.385
Yeah, or you don't know that person.
00:39:17.666 --> 00:39:20.863
Yep, yeah, thank God I didn't listen, that's right.
00:39:21.296 --> 00:39:22.000
The worst advice.
00:39:22.000 --> 00:39:28.768
What is something that you used to value that you no longer value Other people's opinion?
00:39:28.768 --> 00:39:38.219
If you could describe what you would want, your legacy to be as if someone was reading it.
00:39:38.239 --> 00:39:38.820
What would you want it to say?
00:39:38.820 --> 00:39:40.363
I guess I'm kind of confused by that question.
00:39:40.363 --> 00:39:42.528
Like, what do I want my legacy to be?
00:39:42.528 --> 00:39:45.956
Like, what do I want to inspire in others?
00:39:45.976 --> 00:39:50.398
Yeah, if someone was like reading about you, what would you want it to say?
00:39:50.398 --> 00:39:51.459
Gotcha.
00:39:51.720 --> 00:40:00.244
Bravery, courage, bravery and courage to think and live outside of the box to be brave enough to go.
00:40:00.244 --> 00:40:04.508
There might be something different than what everyone's been doing.
00:40:04.847 --> 00:40:11.273
If you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be, and why?
00:40:17.835 --> 00:40:20.657
I was thinking this when I've heard this on Jay Shetty so many times and I always wondered what my answer would be.
00:40:20.657 --> 00:40:24.942
And even as you asked him, I was wondering and I was going through some different things and I've heard some great answers like be kind, and you know.
00:40:24.942 --> 00:40:31.235
But that's all perspective, because what is kind, what one person thinks is kind, someone else may not think is kind.
00:40:31.235 --> 00:40:42.072
So I was like what is if one thing, like if everyone had to do this, one thing that I think would shift, and I think it would be you cannot blame others for any problems in your life.
00:40:42.072 --> 00:40:45.128
Nobody could ever blame another person for problems in their life.
00:40:45.188 --> 00:40:52.517
I think that's the law that I would pass, because I think if we can't blame others, you fundamentally shift everything.
00:40:52.517 --> 00:40:57.648
Everything shifts because we take our power, our own power, back and we go.
00:40:57.648 --> 00:40:59.979
Oh my God, I am more powerful than I thought.
00:40:59.979 --> 00:41:09.661
And it wipes out all of that old conditioning that I'm whatever, I'm a stupid girl, I'm a stupid boy, I'm incapable, no one likes me.
00:41:09.661 --> 00:41:13.407
It wipes all of that out because if you can't blame someone else, you go.
00:41:13.407 --> 00:41:14.990
Well, I can do all of that.
00:41:15.309 --> 00:41:15.530
Yeah.
00:41:16.576 --> 00:41:17.619
I love that.
00:41:17.619 --> 00:41:18.903
I love that law.
00:41:18.903 --> 00:41:22.264
Wow Well, thank you guys so much for speaking with me.
00:41:22.264 --> 00:41:23.579
I really appreciate it.
00:41:24.139 --> 00:41:24.903
Us too.
00:41:24.903 --> 00:41:25.985
Thank you so much.
00:41:25.985 --> 00:41:28.624
I hope your listeners got lots of value from that today.
00:41:28.624 --> 00:41:32.675
Oh, so much.
00:41:32.695 --> 00:41:35.661
I hope your listeners got lots of value from that today.
00:41:35.661 --> 00:41:36.523
Oh my gosh, I'm sure they did.
00:41:36.523 --> 00:41:37.925
We like to talk, I know, so do I, and no pressure.
00:41:37.925 --> 00:41:40.490
But any final words for the listeners?
00:41:40.490 --> 00:41:43.122
I do just like to always leave it back to the guest.
00:41:43.122 --> 00:41:49.355
I don't know if that's a good answer, scott.
00:41:49.355 --> 00:41:50.296
Any final words?
00:41:50.296 --> 00:41:51.617
Final words, scott.
00:41:52.758 --> 00:41:54.480
It exists for you, so go find it.
00:41:54.480 --> 00:41:58.403
I mean, it is Whatever you're looking for happiness, whatever it is.
00:41:58.403 --> 00:42:03.507
I promise you, as someone who's been in both sides, it exists for you.
00:42:03.507 --> 00:42:06.690
So I always end everything with go find it.
00:42:07.431 --> 00:42:07.971
Go find it.
00:42:07.971 --> 00:42:09.552
I love that Well, thank you.
00:42:09.552 --> 00:42:11.796
Thank you guys so much.
00:42:11.796 --> 00:42:14.021
I really appreciate it.
00:42:14.021 --> 00:42:17.789
And thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Mander's Mindset.
00:42:17.789 --> 00:42:24.209
Thank you so much for listening to part two of my conversation with M Hollis and Scott Sunderland.
00:42:24.735 --> 00:42:34.010
I really hope you enjoyed the second half of their journey and diving more deep in it with me and them as well.
00:42:34.010 --> 00:42:44.570
If you want to delve down Em's journey a little more deeper, I encourage you to check out her episode on Breathwork Magic that is linked in the show notes as well.
00:42:44.570 --> 00:42:52.088
I also want to leave you guys with a few key takeaways from part two of the episode with Emma and Scott.
00:42:52.088 --> 00:42:56.566
First of all, mindset shapes our reality.
00:42:56.566 --> 00:43:01.887
It's not about the weight, the illness or the diagnosis.
00:43:01.887 --> 00:43:05.585
It's about your mind creating the experience.
00:43:05.585 --> 00:43:09.104
Transformation starts with small wins.
00:43:09.104 --> 00:43:17.068
Sometimes it's just about getting in the car, not forcing yourself into big changes overnight.
00:43:17.068 --> 00:43:29.282
Like Scott said, you're not going to lose three pounds on the treadmill because you're not, and you're not going to get your PhD tomorrow if you haven't taken a college class.
00:43:29.282 --> 00:43:31.066
Let's be realistic.
00:43:31.066 --> 00:43:46.641
Next key takeaway is about breaking old patterns, because it is very hard to do, because you're not just breaking a habit, you are breaking the identity that created that habit.
00:43:46.641 --> 00:43:52.128
Many people fail because they try to change everything at once.
00:43:52.128 --> 00:44:00.827
I've talked about this quite a bit, but sustainable transformation happens one step at a time, step by step.
00:44:03.016 --> 00:44:18.182
Then Em and Scott shared about the quadrant theory, a framework for life, and how we all operate on four quadrants and how we all operate through four quadrants.
00:44:18.182 --> 00:44:26.519
The first quadrant is spring and earth, the doer, the leader, the entrepreneur in us.
00:44:26.519 --> 00:44:35.951
Quadrant two is winter and water, for the element our inner child, emotions and healing.
00:44:35.951 --> 00:44:46.880
Quadrant three is summer and the element fire, the playful self, creativity, adventure, adventure.
00:44:46.880 --> 00:44:56.184
Quadrant four is fall, or the element air, the spiritual self, wisdom, universal flow.
00:44:56.184 --> 00:45:05.829
And Emmett Scott emphasized that balance is key and you really need all four quadrants to thrive.
00:45:05.829 --> 00:45:15.213
Being able to understand which is your dominant quadrant will help you navigate life and relationships better.
00:45:26.535 --> 00:45:29.563
Then they talked about ketamine and rewiring the brain and how ketamine is being used for treatment-resistant anxiety and depression.
00:45:29.563 --> 00:45:35.662
It creates neuroplasticity, helping people to break free from deeply ingrained thought patterns.
00:45:35.662 --> 00:45:44.227
When ketamine is combined with breathwork and mindset work, it can be a powerful tool for transformation.
00:45:44.227 --> 00:45:50.905
They also emphasized how personal responsibility is everything.
00:45:50.905 --> 00:45:52.469
It's key.
00:45:52.469 --> 00:46:00.349
So many people stay stuck because they believe they have to conform to societal expectations.
00:46:00.349 --> 00:46:09.650
True change happens when you stop blaming others and take full responsibility for your life.
00:46:09.650 --> 00:46:15.018
The power to shift your reality is already within you.
00:46:15.018 --> 00:46:17.222
So what are you waiting for?
00:46:17.222 --> 00:46:19.807
Until next time?
00:46:19.807 --> 00:46:33.910
In case no one told you today, I'm proud of you, I'm booting for you and you got this, as always.
00:46:33.910 --> 00:46:44.384
If you enjoyed the show, I would really appreciate it if you would leave me a five-star rating, leave a review and share it with anyone you think would benefit from this.
00:46:44.384 --> 00:46:48.639
And don't forget you are only one mindset.
00:46:48.639 --> 00:46:51.043
Shift away from shifting your life.
00:46:51.043 --> 00:46:53.809
Thanks, guys, until next time.