WEBVTT
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You have a frozen in the key moment of making a critical decision.
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Whether it's in business or in life, it can cost you everything.
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Commander's Intent will teach and inspire you how to lead with clarity, courage, and purpose.
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So here's your host, retired Air Force Colonel, fighter pilot, and your leadership mentor, Derek Oak.
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Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Commander's Intent.
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I'm here with my friend Becky Kemp, and she is a speaker, an author, a leadership consultant, and a podcaster, and a mother of five, am I correct on that?
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Five boys.
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Five boys.
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And so she's definitely had to exercise leadership and exercise specific language.
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And I've I met her a couple of years ago, and we've become fast friends, and I appreciate the message that she shares.
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And I think it's very important for leaders to understand that their words mean things.
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And I'm going to let her introduce herself a little bit about how she got into what she's doing and why her message is so important and how it matters for leaders as they are making decisions, as they're thinking about their future decisions, and as they're thinking about where do I want to go for myself and for my organization.
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So go ahead, Becky, and just tell us a little bit about what matters to you for that.
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All right.
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Thank you, Derek.
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So happy to be here.
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And yes, I believe that words matter.
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And I talk specifically about right now the language of leadership, but how I got into it was about 12 years ago.
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I found myself stuck in some anxiety, depression, and truthfully a lot of negative thinking.
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And I was waiting for my circumstances to change.
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And I realized through a series of events that I had a lot more power within me to change my vision, to change the path that I wanted to be on.
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And I've become a life coach and I teach that individually, but now I've stepped into the leadership role because, like you said, a leader has to be an influential person, but first they have to lead themselves and then they take their vision and lead others.
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So I am a mom of five boys and I'm a grandma of two.
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And so I spent a lot of my life being a full-time mom, but in the last 10, 12 years, I've gotten into the power of words.
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I've written a book called The Word Effect, Seven Simple Words to Create Your Most Beautiful Life.
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And it's a self-help book of putting on words.
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And that's what I like to talk about a lot of times is what words do you put on?
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I owned a positive t-shirt and apparel business called Becoming Threads as I was learning about words.
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And I could honestly walk into my bedroom, into my closet, and put on words, decide those words that I wanted.
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And so teaching people the power of words and then the how to be intentional with them is really, really important in any form of success, whether it's personal or professional.
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Thank you.
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So I'm gonna ask you kind of an intro question as I thought about bringing you on the program, and it's what caused me to say, yes, you need to be on the program, and I think you have a lot to offer.
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Why does language matter so much for leaders in how they use it, in what they say and when they say it?
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And I love what you just said.
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You've said this before about, you know, putting on words in the morning.
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I've always thought that was very a creative way of thinking about because that's a mindset.
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It has nothing to do with clothing.
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It's a mindset of what am I gonna do when we walk up to do it.
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Well, you know, most of us think more about maybe what we're gonna wear today than the way we talk to ourselves and the words we put on.
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But the interesting thing is our brain is just a big processor and it focuses, and there's a lot of research behind this, but it focuses on what we tell it to.
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And so if we focus on the negative, the negative grows.
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So why a leader needs to have good leadership with language is a leader has to have the vision and to be influential to influence the people that he's leading or she's leading.
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And what you think about, this is kind of what I'll say sometimes, but what you think about, you bring about.
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I mean, it's that simple.
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Anything that gets created has to first be a thought, right?
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So any leader has to first have a vision of something being created.
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And then there's the implementation process.
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And as you know, nothing ever goes as planned.
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There's always going to be problems.
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And if you learn how to lead your language, you can always be looking for solutions instead of looking at the obstacles.
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Because our brain will do either.
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It will look at the problem or the solution.
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We get to choose because you know, we're humans.
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We actually get to decide the words we focus on.
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So, first off, people have to become aware of their words, and then it takes practice to put those words to work.
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Thanks.
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You said something there that kind of piqued a thought in my mind about solving problems or focusing on the problems versus focusing on where we want to go.
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And I think often we go through life solving problem after problem after problem, and we don't get where we want to go because we're not focusing.
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We haven't sat down first to say, who do I want to be and where do I want to go and what do I want to accomplish?
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And as a leader, where do I want my team to go?
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What do I want my team to look like?
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What is my vision for my team?
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And so I have to think through that and then put it to words, kind of craft what that looks like, and then communicate that.
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Often we get together as a team, we want to make a lot of money or we want to do something, but then we focus on just the mundane, we focus on the obstacles because there are always gonna be obstacles in our way.
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There are always gonna be things that make life harder.
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I mean, as a mother of five boys, I guarantee you that you have dealt on a daily basis when they were younger, problem after problem after problem, misdirection, and things that tried to knock you off your game.
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Like, yeah, I got to solve that, but that's not why I'm here.
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That's not why we're here.
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Yeah.
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Well, two things that come to mind.
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One, we hear about having a vision board or having a vision.
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You have to have someplace that you're headed because you have to keep yourself focused there when all the obstacles come, right?
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Because there is going to be obstacles.
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That is just the life experience.
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I've never met anyone that could say life has gone exactly as planned.
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So having the vision board, whether it's written down or words or whatever, having your team, if you're your leader, making sure everybody's on board with the vision so that is our focus whenever we're making a decision, even though things get off and on.
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So it's becoming intentional.
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So when I talk about the power of words, what I love about them is one, everybody has access to words.
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Two, they're free.
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And I guess the other thing would be it's as simple as just putting a reminder on your mirror or a reminder in your office with whatever that saying or thing that you need at the time to remind you.
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So let me give you an example.
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I was talking with a mentor recently, and I was about finances.
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And it was kind of like my husband's self-employed, I'm self-employed, I do work for a company and do some outreach there.
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But a lot of times being self-employed, your finances, you don't have all the control of.
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There's a lot of exterior things that you just have to go with the flow.
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So I was kind of talking and focused on not saving as much as I want to be saving right now because this breaks and that happens.
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You know, I was kind of commiserating, right?
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Like as if I could say it and she's gonna say, Well, guess what?
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For the next six months, everything you want to save will be saved, you know.
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I mean, right?
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Like there's nothing you can do about it.
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So I was kind of focused on that.
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And she said the simplest thing.
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She said, Well, Becky, what's your 1%?
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What's your 1% that you can do?
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And you know what I did is I got a little post-it note and I wrote, do 1%.
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I've put it in my office.
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And so it's reminding me every day, oh, do your 1%.
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What's my 1% today?
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Okay, well, it's putting that money away.
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It's doing that, you know, it's little, right?
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But little things lead to big things, right?
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And that's why our words matter so much, is because you could just take a small phrase like do your 1%, and you could apply that in every aspect of your life.
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And so right now, those are some words that I'm focused on.
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And I bet you have a saying or a mantra that you focus on or have had different ones throughout your life.
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We all do.
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So it's just becoming intentional to them and talking about them and moving that forward that way.
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I often talk to myself.
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My wife makes fun of me sometimes because what I'm doing is I'm verbalizing what do I want?
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Where am I going?
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But I'm saying out loud to myself or I'm saying it under my breath.
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Sometimes I'm practicing for practicing my lines for when I have to talk to somebody else.
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But sometimes it's thinking through what am I doing with my time and where am I going personally, and saying that out loud so that I can crystallize those ideas.
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Because if I don't do that, it does not go well.
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If we've rehearsed something, if we've gone through it in our mind, if we've created it, I'll say this, if we've created it spiritually first, the physical, tangible creation goes so much better instead of just kind of winging it and saying, Well, I'll see how this works out.
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Thinking through it, and sometimes we don't always have a choice, but we always do have a choice of thinking through the big things and thinking through that big vision, you know, that of where we want to go.
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You know, we both are friends with Ty Bennett, a very successful speaker, and we've done some training with him.
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And one time he taught me, and this really helped, I was in a speaker or a storytelling contest through the National Speakers Association here in Utah.
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And there was 10 of us, and we had five minutes to tell a story.
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And you had to have a beginning, a middle, and you couldn't go over the time.
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You know, there was a lot to practice and get in there in that five minutes.
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And as you know, when you're on stage, your mind can draw a blank, you know, even though you've practiced it and practice it.
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But I remember Ty telling me, and this really helped, he said, practice as if something happens.
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So when you do make the mistake, or you forget the line or you forget what you're doing, go all the way through.
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Like go all the way through that five minutes.
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Don't stop.
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Because so often as humans, what we do is when we make a mistake, we stop and we start from the beginning again, right?
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That really served me well, but it's really applicable in any sort of experience because you need to talk through it, you need to work through it, because there's gonna be something that comes, a curveball here, something there.
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But you're like, okay, this is how I'm gonna handle moving forward.
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You know, I'm gonna keep my cool.
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I'm not gonna lose my temper.
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I'm gonna be curious to be open-minded, whatever that is.
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But that really helped me.
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And I did at the speaker storytelling contest, I noticed that some people they had memorized their things.
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And when they got stuck, they didn't know how to move forward.
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And I didn't say it exactly word for word, but I had practiced.
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So putting the power of words to work in any way definitely is a practice thing and seeing it through when obstacles come.
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Thanks.
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I'm gonna kind of piggyback on that, but take it in a little bit of a different direction.
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Thinking through things beforehand, often we get stuck because there are two emotions that I think or thought processes that are really destructive.
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And they make us worse decision makers and they make us reach out for things or not reach out for things that we should be reaching out for.
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Number one is self-doubt, and you kind of mentioned that earlier.
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And the other one is anger.
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And when we let those emotions drive who we are and drive what we're shooting for, I don't think we speak as clearly.
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I don't think we act as clearly, we don't make decisions clearly because we're focused on really hurtful and negative things.
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And generally, our anger doesn't hurt anybody else.
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It hurts us, it hurts the team around us because we negatively affect them.
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But it really hurts us.
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And most of the time, when we get really angry, it has to do with somebody that we can't control.
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And they may not even know that we're angry with them.
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They may not even know why we're angry with them, but we let those feelings build up and they cause us to do stupid things.
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So kind of comment on that.
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And how you translate how you get out of that, and then how you use positive language to get you out of that and then move in the direction that you really want to move in.
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Yeah, well, I like to start out with my keynote sometimes saying a simple saying that we're all familiar with sticks and stones can break your bones, but words will never hurt me.
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And everybody in the audience has heard this, but the truth is words do hurt us.
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They have an effect.
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That's why my book and my podcast are about the word effect.
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There is an effect, it can be positive or negative.
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So as a coach, and as I became a life coach, what I found was our thoughts drive our feelings, and our feelings then drive the actions that we take, and our actions then create our results.
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So think about it.
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If you're feeling angry, it's over a thought.
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You're not happy with how something happened, you're not happy with how somebody did it, whatever that might be.
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That makes you angry.
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Well, how do you show up when you're anger?
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When you're angry.
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When I'm angry, I'm normally short with people.
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I can be standoffish, right?
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Like that's how I show up.
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And so the result is if I'm showing up that way to my team, how are they gonna show up?
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If I'm standoffish and judgmental of them, it's gonna affect them, right?
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But it's because of how I'm feeling over the situation.
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So if it's the same situation, and then instead of getting angry, maybe we go, okay, I'm feeling some anger, but I'm gonna switch this to curiosity and try to go, okay, this didn't work how I thought it was gonna work.
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I'm gonna be curious, you know, as we go through this.
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When you show up curious, you're much more teachable, you're much more open-minded, you're willing to collaborate more, right?
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So our feelings actually determine the actions we take.
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And those actions are what create our results.
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So, in some ways, when you break it down, it's like, okay, well, yes, I always want to feel happy and joyous and free, that would be great, but real life doesn't always allow that.
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We do have ups and downs.
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I've had people ask me, so do you just think happy thoughts and positive thoughts all the day and everything goes well?
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And I'm like, no, that's not the thing.
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I still feel all the emotions, but becoming more aware to your emotions and then deciding how long you want to stay there.
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And if you want to switch that emotion, you have the power.
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So I might be angry.
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I need to go into my office and cool down.
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But then when I go talk with my team, I'm gonna show up not with anger, but with curiosity, something like that.
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I like that.
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Yeah, you said something that I think is really important, that I still have those emotions.
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When we're wronged, I don't care how bulletproof you think you are, you're gonna feel it.
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When somebody hurts you, when somebody does something unkind to you, or you know, as a parent, you know, and every parent experiences this where their kid gets bullied or gets treated poorly by a teacher, even, or just on a sports field, it happens to every single parent.
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And so we all feel that we get very defensive of our kids, we're very protective of our kid, and the justice side of us comes out and we come out swinging.
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And sometimes that is very, very destructive.
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And you think, why was justified?
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My anger is justified, my sense of justice is justified, and yet too often we go and do something, we make a decision, and we go and do something that is anything but justified and is anything but helpful.
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And we're not always gonna fix that person who is unjust to our kid or unjust to us.
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We're not always gonna make them change their ways and go, oh, you're right.
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I really was an idiot, I really was unkind.
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Most of the time, or a lot of time, they'll say, so what?
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Deal with it.
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That's who I am, that's how I act.
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And we still have to deal with it.
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And so then we're stuck with them not caring about our emotions, them not caring about what we are.
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And we have to make that decision, just like you talked about.
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We are gonna have those emotions.
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What do I do with those emotions?
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And how do I control it?
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How do I use words to help me control those emotions and help me channel those emotions properly?
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Not to ignore it because hurt doesn't go away necessarily, but how to do something positive with it.
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Yeah, well, I like to say and train and teach this way, but we can't always control our first thought, but we do have control of our second and third thought.
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So my first thought might be anger and create a feeling of frustration, let's say.
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But then what do I want to do about it?
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And that is find some reminders of like, okay, as a leader, when I'm feeling frustrated, what do I do?
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I maybe need to pull back, I regroup, recenter.
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Maybe I need to go on a walk.
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Maybe I need to not touch my team for 24 hours.
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Like it might be different for each person, but you first have to become aware to that.
00:17:01.840 --> 00:17:03.919
And then you start practicing that.
00:17:04.160 --> 00:17:08.240
And then you'll learn to show up to life differently.
00:17:08.480 --> 00:17:11.759
Cause sometimes it's like that knee-jerk reaction, right?
00:17:12.079 --> 00:17:23.039
Like when something doesn't go right, the knee-jerk reaction is normally fear-driven, frustration driven, anger-driven, generally, and probably in any aspect of our life, if you think about it.
00:17:23.599 --> 00:17:25.200
But how do you shift that?
00:17:25.680 --> 00:17:26.000
Right?
00:17:26.240 --> 00:17:27.759
It's like taking the pause.
00:17:27.920 --> 00:17:35.279
So learning how to pause and kind of think about, okay, what words am I going to put on or what am I going to think about instead of just reacting.
00:17:35.519 --> 00:17:45.759
So it just again makes us as human beings be able to make better decisions and become intentional with our words instead of just acting like our words are driving us.
00:17:46.000 --> 00:17:48.079
We are actually in the driver's seat.
00:17:48.319 --> 00:17:53.039
And so a lot of it is just gaining an awareness and then the practice behind it.
00:17:54.240 --> 00:17:57.599
I I think that is what separates us from animals.
00:17:57.839 --> 00:17:58.400
I think so too.
00:17:58.799 --> 00:18:02.000
The ability to go, okay, this emotion came.
00:18:02.160 --> 00:18:02.799
I feel it.
00:18:02.960 --> 00:18:04.720
Sometimes I feel it really strongly.
00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:06.160
What am I going to do with it?
00:18:06.240 --> 00:18:13.680
And then I have to internally and then externally verbalize what does that look like and how am I going to react to it?
00:18:14.160 --> 00:18:15.440
Separates us as a human.
00:18:15.519 --> 00:18:17.200
We have the prefrontal cortex.
00:18:17.279 --> 00:18:18.720
We can make decisions.
00:18:19.279 --> 00:18:23.519
We can decide if I'm going to wear a red shirt or a blue shirt, right?
00:18:24.000 --> 00:18:26.880
Other mammals don't have the decision ability.
00:18:27.119 --> 00:18:30.799
So we can decide where we focus in any situation.
00:18:31.039 --> 00:18:36.640
Again, your first reaction might be the frustration or the anger, but you don't have to stay there.
00:18:36.799 --> 00:18:40.559
You can pause, feel it, and then get back into it.
00:18:40.640 --> 00:18:42.079
Let me tell you a quick story, Derek.
00:18:42.240 --> 00:18:43.839
This just happened in my family.
00:18:44.240 --> 00:18:44.480
Okay.
00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:48.160
This is kind of outing my husband, but it outs me too.
00:18:48.319 --> 00:18:50.960
So my husband's an excellent driver.
00:18:51.039 --> 00:18:52.640
He's an excellent person.
00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:59.039
Like this would not really be what he does, but he went and picked up a boat that we have, an older boat that had to get fixed.
00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:00.720
He was coming home late at night.
00:19:00.799 --> 00:19:06.240
And as he was swinging in to turn and just park the boat, he didn't want to back it up and unhook it.
00:19:06.559 --> 00:19:11.519
He clipped the side of my son's car, like scraped the side of it.
00:19:11.680 --> 00:19:15.359
Now he comes home, it's about 10 o'clock, and he tells me.
00:19:16.319 --> 00:19:21.200
And my first thought is, how could you be so, you know, whatever?
00:19:21.359 --> 00:19:23.200
Like it's the frustrating thing.
00:19:23.839 --> 00:19:28.799
And then it's like the anger, and oh my heck, we're gonna have to get it fixed and it's gonna cost a couple thousand dollars.
00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:30.240
Like it goes that fast.
00:19:30.640 --> 00:19:38.799
But then I pause for just a second and I think, okay, number one, how would I want him to treat me if I was the one that did that?
00:19:38.960 --> 00:19:39.680
Because you know what?
00:19:39.759 --> 00:19:46.720
I've done stuff like that before, maybe not the exact same way, but I've run into something or broken something that I didn't mean to.
00:19:46.960 --> 00:19:57.119
And it helped me pause and then it helped me like rethink how I wanted to show up in this situation instead of from anger, was like, you know, he's not perfect.
00:19:57.200 --> 00:19:58.960
He makes mistakes like the rest of us.
00:19:59.119 --> 00:20:03.599
And I didn't have to berate him because of the mistake, right?
00:20:03.680 --> 00:20:12.240
Now, truthfully, there was a few moments that I wanted to, I'll be honest, because that's the common reaction, like, oh, this is a hassle and all those things.
00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:17.759
But it's been a really good learning experience for me all week because he already knows that he made a mistake.
00:20:17.920 --> 00:20:20.640
He doesn't need me to like lay it on him, right?
00:20:20.799 --> 00:20:21.519
He doesn't.
00:20:21.759 --> 00:20:30.720
But that's what I think learning to pause with our words and like we might feel something in the beginning, but like, do we want to react all the way through that?
00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:32.319
Or is there a better way?
00:20:32.559 --> 00:20:34.160
Again, I can't emphasize this enough.
00:20:34.319 --> 00:20:35.599
It does take practice.
00:20:35.759 --> 00:20:45.279
And so these kinds of things, this is what I love doing podcasts and talking about it, is it just brings people to an awareness so that then they can start being curious and then practice it.
00:20:45.519 --> 00:20:46.960
It's a lifelong practice.
00:20:47.119 --> 00:20:52.079
I don't know that you ever get to a place because life continues to unfold differently.
00:20:52.240 --> 00:20:56.559
Neither of us know what's going to happen in the next 24 hours that we might have to adjust to, right?
00:20:56.640 --> 00:20:57.599
That just is life.
00:20:57.920 --> 00:21:00.880
So yeah, that's our little story.
00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:01.839
That's a good start.
00:21:02.079 --> 00:21:04.720
A little bit of an aside, I'll out myself, if you will.
00:21:04.880 --> 00:21:08.480
In 35 years, I've had three accidents.
00:21:08.720 --> 00:21:11.519
And they're all the exact same thing.
00:21:11.839 --> 00:21:15.279
Me backing up my car at night, not using the back.
00:21:15.680 --> 00:21:23.599
All three cars had backup cameras, but I don't use a backup camera unless I'm hooking a trailer or something like that, because it's not part of my habit patterns.
00:21:23.839 --> 00:21:26.559
And I dinged three different cars.
00:21:26.720 --> 00:21:34.240
Not a big ding, but enough to get me to want to swear at myself and get really angry because I did something so stupid.
00:21:34.720 --> 00:21:44.400
And then it's okay, how do I not let my anger at myself, those emotions that are there, not control me, but instead, you know, tone it down and do something right.
00:21:44.480 --> 00:21:46.240
When you're flying, that's one of the big things.
00:21:46.400 --> 00:21:57.440
In fact, there are a lot of stories of people crashing airplanes because they make a mistake and they f so fixate on that one mistake that they do make a bigger mistake.
00:21:58.000 --> 00:21:59.759
You know, you drop a bomb and you miss the target.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:00.480
Target.
00:22:00.559 --> 00:22:04.640
And it's really easy to get really angry at yourself that you made that mistake.
00:22:04.799 --> 00:22:14.079
So you're letting that emotion just see through you and just flow through you instead of going, okay, Derek, shut up and focus on what's next.
00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:16.160
And focus on what I have to do.
00:22:16.400 --> 00:22:21.200
Don't let that one mistake or that one bad event take me off my game.
00:22:21.519 --> 00:22:23.839
Because something else can happen.
00:22:24.000 --> 00:22:25.440
You know, something else worse can happen.
00:22:25.680 --> 00:22:43.440
And too often in just a regular daily interaction, something worse does happen over and over, whether it's road rage or just how we respond shortly to a family member or a coworker, because we let that emotion stew and come out in a way that needs to not.
00:22:43.759 --> 00:22:54.079
If I was coaching you after you had dropped a bomb, I would say, okay, and you're angry, I'd say, Well, what are you thinking about that's making you angry?
00:22:54.160 --> 00:22:55.519
And what would you say?
00:22:56.400 --> 00:22:57.599
I'd say I made a mistake.
00:22:57.759 --> 00:22:58.799
I made a mistake like that.
00:23:01.599 --> 00:23:01.920
Yeah.
00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:04.480
So then that's driving you feel angry.
00:23:04.559 --> 00:23:08.720
And so when you're feeling angry, what kind of actions are you going to take?
00:23:09.759 --> 00:23:18.960
I'm not going to think through things as well, for one, and because a large portion of my brain is stuck on stupid, is stuck on that previous action.
00:23:19.119 --> 00:23:19.359
Yep.
00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:21.279
And so I'm not fully in the present.
00:23:21.440 --> 00:23:24.160
I'm not in the moment thinking about what is right in front of me.
00:23:24.400 --> 00:23:24.640
Yeah.
00:23:24.799 --> 00:23:26.720
So you're ruminating on the past.
00:23:26.960 --> 00:23:35.359
The anger's making you not be present and fixating on the problem instead of the solution at hand is to fire again or whatever it is, right?
00:23:35.519 --> 00:23:38.319
So the result is it takes you off course.
00:23:38.640 --> 00:23:43.759
Where, yes, there might be a moment where you're frustrated that it didn't go as planned.
00:23:43.920 --> 00:23:47.039
I don't know that we would be humans if we didn't feel that way.
00:23:47.200 --> 00:23:52.880
Like we all work for goals and we're driven to be successful as human beings.
00:23:53.680 --> 00:23:57.279
But part of the human experience is failure, right?
00:23:57.440 --> 00:24:00.079
And part of it is learning how to cope with it.
00:24:00.319 --> 00:24:04.160
And if you stay stuck on the problem and the negativity, that grows.
00:24:04.319 --> 00:24:07.920
Instead, you have to go, and you know, I was really impressed with how my husband handled this.
00:24:08.079 --> 00:24:09.119
He's very good at that.
00:24:09.279 --> 00:24:12.640
He was frustrated when he came home and he's like, I cannot believe I did it.
00:24:12.799 --> 00:24:15.680
And I realized he didn't need me to make it worse for him.
00:24:15.839 --> 00:24:20.319
He's already making himself feel bad enough, you know, like, oh, I can't believe I did this.
00:24:20.480 --> 00:24:24.319
I'm gonna tell my son it's gonna cost me this money, whatever.
00:24:24.960 --> 00:24:30.079
He did enough for himself, but then a couple days later, I said to him, I'm so impressed with how you handle this.
00:24:30.160 --> 00:24:34.319
And he goes, It doesn't do me any good to stay fixated on the negative, you know?
00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:35.759
And it's really true.
00:24:35.920 --> 00:24:48.559
Like, because as sometimes we can just keep dragging that up over and over again instead of allowing ourselves to, like you said, I just made a mistake, you know, it is what it is, and giving ourselves a little bit of grace.
00:24:48.799 --> 00:24:49.039
Thanks.
00:24:49.200 --> 00:24:58.720
Talking about words and how those emotions that are there, how we can actually change our countenance and change our actions by using the right words.
00:24:58.880 --> 00:25:06.079
I think of my wife when our kids were little, and we were telling, I was sharing this story earlier, that my wife had the love chairs, and my kids hated.
00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:08.480
This was when they're five, six, seven, eight.
00:25:08.559 --> 00:25:16.960
They'd get into a fight and she'd make them sit in the love chairs where they were sitting across from each other, their little feet dangling, and their knees are touching.
00:25:17.359 --> 00:25:30.319
And so here they are, they just had a fight, and she's making them sit across from each other with her knees touching, and they couldn't get down until they said, I'm sorry, I love you, and they had to give each other a hug.
00:25:30.480 --> 00:25:49.519
And that became the worst punishment that they, you know, that was like the most intolerable punishment for them because they knew that in order to get those words out, in order to use language of love, and in order to use words that are affirmative in good feelings towards somebody else, and also of humility, you have to somewhat feel that first.
00:25:49.599 --> 00:25:53.119
So you have to bring your heart to a point and your mind to a point where you feel that.
00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:59.039
And you know, little kids, six, seven, eight-year-olds, they can do some dumb things when they get into a fight and break things and hurt each other.
00:25:59.200 --> 00:26:02.400
And every family, my family had their share of that.
00:26:02.559 --> 00:26:09.599
You get them in the chair, and all of a sudden, the the emotion that's there, because one of them was hurt or both of them were hurt.
00:26:09.920 --> 00:26:24.480
You have to the words help them tamp that emotion or categorize that emotion, put it in the right funnel, and then change it so that it can be positive before they can actually get those words out and then give each other a hug at the end.
00:26:24.559 --> 00:26:26.079
And it's very difficult to do.
00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:26.960
I love that.
00:26:27.039 --> 00:26:35.599
And I've experienced something similar, but I know that like when you've got your kids like that, all of a sudden it's like they're like, Oh, I'm not gonna do this.
00:26:35.680 --> 00:26:41.359
And then like they crack a smile and then they start laughing, and then they realize maybe how silly it was.
00:26:41.599 --> 00:26:47.359
Whatever caused that fight in the first place is generally a misunderstanding or something, right?
00:26:47.519 --> 00:26:49.759
And isn't that how life is for all of us?
00:26:49.920 --> 00:26:56.720
Oftentimes we get frustrated or angry and there's misunderstandings, or we just saw it just a little bit differently.
00:26:56.880 --> 00:27:12.960
But I love that they had to look at each other in the eye and kind of sit there until they could change how they were feeling, and then they could genuinely start to say, yeah, because they do love their sibling and they want to get along and they don't want this to ruin their relationship at six or seven years old, right?
00:27:13.200 --> 00:27:20.960
They didn't even know what was happening half the time, but there's a lot of truth to yes, making sure that what you say matters.
00:27:21.119 --> 00:27:23.680
So taking the time to become intentional to words.
00:27:23.759 --> 00:27:29.680
You know, I mentioned that I talk about how what words are you putting on, and you said, you know, you thought about that.
00:27:31.440 --> 00:27:35.839
Most of us don't think about the words we're putting on in any situation.
00:27:35.920 --> 00:27:53.680
We're much more reactive and then we start putting the words to use and just becoming a little more intentional to how you want to show up in this situation and choosing, which as humans we have the ability to do to choose how we show up is a practice.
00:27:53.839 --> 00:27:59.599
So, for example, I go to this meeting sometimes and it is the biggest waste of time, I think, in my mind.
00:27:59.839 --> 00:28:04.640
It's not worth I feel like the meeting's five times too long.
00:28:04.799 --> 00:28:10.480
We don't get anything done, we could get everything done in 45 minutes, and it's a five-hour meeting, let's just say, right?
00:28:10.720 --> 00:28:19.680
And I noticed that every time I had the meeting scheduled, I would get really irritable and angry and frustrated.
00:28:19.759 --> 00:28:22.559
Because in my mind, I'm thinking, this is a waste of my time.
00:28:22.720 --> 00:28:24.799
We could do this faster, I would do it differently.
00:28:24.880 --> 00:28:27.279
You know, I'm like projecting all these things out there.
00:28:28.240 --> 00:28:34.000
Well, funny enough, one day I realized okay, the meeting's not gonna change, but I can change.
00:28:34.400 --> 00:28:45.599
And so now when I go to the meetings, I just go to them going, it's gonna take five hours and I'm just gonna make the best of it and I'm gonna go with the flow and I'm gonna be curious as to what we're doing.
00:28:46.799 --> 00:28:53.279
It hasn't made the meetings go away, but I sure am a lot happier because it's something I still have to do, right?
00:28:53.359 --> 00:28:57.599
And so it's that perspective that we have the power to put out there.
00:28:57.920 --> 00:29:06.319
But it took me, you know, a couple times of like being miserable at the meeting to realize wait a minute, I don't want to let that five hours make me miserable.
00:29:06.480 --> 00:29:07.359
It doesn't need to.
00:29:07.519 --> 00:29:14.559
I can shift, and that's where we shift our thinking, how we feel, and I'm much happier when I leave the meeting.
00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:16.160
So good.
00:29:16.400 --> 00:29:17.119
So it's a victory.
00:29:17.200 --> 00:29:21.839
You know, I yeah in my first book I wrote a chapter and I can't even remember what the chapter is about.
00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:22.640
I should know that.
00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:25.519
But and the title of the chapter is Embrace the Suck.
00:29:25.839 --> 00:29:32.640
And that is not that I go out and look for bad activities, or I look for bad experiences, but they're gonna find me.
00:29:32.799 --> 00:29:37.039
Five-hour meetings are gonna be on my schedule sometime this week, and I just have to deal with that.
00:29:37.279 --> 00:29:41.279
Yes, it's my mindset, and how do I verbalize that?
00:29:41.440 --> 00:29:52.240
Often I use sarcasm or you know, just kind of lightheartedness to deal with situations that I don't really want to be in or I don't really want to participate in.
00:29:52.400 --> 00:29:53.279
And that helps me.
00:29:53.359 --> 00:29:55.519
It doesn't my wife approaches it totally different.
00:29:55.599 --> 00:29:56.960
In fact, sometimes she thinks I'm complaining.
00:29:57.039 --> 00:29:58.240
I'm like, no, that's not complaining.
00:29:58.319 --> 00:30:05.359
That's how I diffuse what I'm feeling inside about where I'm having to sit right now or what I'm having to do right now.
00:30:05.519 --> 00:30:08.160
It's not a complaint, it's just a and maybe I got that too.
00:30:08.799 --> 00:30:13.279
You're probably like me because we're both speakers, but we're verbal processors, right?
00:30:13.359 --> 00:30:23.839
And so for you and I, I sometimes need to verbally process things where it sounds like your wife and even my husband is they're not much of I mean, they don't need to process everything out loud.
00:30:24.240 --> 00:30:34.000
Sometimes uh yeah, but we do need to become just a little more intentional to our words because again, I love that embrace the suck.
00:30:34.079 --> 00:30:37.920
I mean, the truth is there's going to be that in any aspect of life.
00:30:38.079 --> 00:30:42.720
So, but the word embrace is like, okay, I can get behind it instead of fight it.
00:30:42.880 --> 00:30:44.559
It's like it is part of it, you know?
00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:46.480
So it makes life a little easier.
00:30:46.799 --> 00:30:47.039
Yeah.
00:30:47.200 --> 00:30:56.480
There's a big difference between endure the suck and embrace the suck because we're all gonna endure, hopefully, but we can embrace it by saying, okay, I'm here.
00:30:56.559 --> 00:30:58.319
What am I gonna get out of this positively?
00:30:58.400 --> 00:30:59.279
How am I gonna do it?
00:30:59.440 --> 00:31:05.279
And that starts with my thoughts, my emotions, and then ultimately the words that come out of my mouth.
00:31:05.599 --> 00:31:05.920
Yeah.
00:31:06.079 --> 00:31:10.160
One of the things I train on and speak on is the how shift.
00:31:10.319 --> 00:31:20.559
And again, there's going to be obstacles, but if we let our brain focus on why is this happening, our brain just will continue to show us problem after problem.
00:31:20.799 --> 00:31:25.839
It will just gravitate towards the problem and the critical eye of anything.
00:31:26.079 --> 00:31:30.559
So what if we start saying when a problem happens, how do I step forward?
00:31:30.799 --> 00:31:32.480
How do I take that next step?
00:31:32.799 --> 00:31:33.920
You do that with your team.
00:31:34.079 --> 00:31:37.279
Okay, we thought this was gonna work instead of why is this happening?
00:31:37.519 --> 00:31:39.599
Okay, how do we pivot?
00:31:39.759 --> 00:31:40.799
How do we do it?
00:31:41.119 --> 00:31:46.799
When we say how to ourselves or with others, it makes our brain start looking for solutions.
00:31:46.960 --> 00:31:49.440
And again, our brain does what we tell it to do.
00:31:49.599 --> 00:31:51.839
And so it will start looking for solutions.
00:31:51.920 --> 00:31:55.039
It might not find it immediately, but you become open-minded.
00:31:55.119 --> 00:32:01.599
You become willing to take other people's ideas, you become willing to say, I thought this was a good idea and it didn't work.
00:32:01.759 --> 00:32:03.519
It gives you some humility, right?
00:32:03.839 --> 00:32:09.359
Anytime I get stuck in anything, I always get back to, okay, how do I change?
00:32:09.599 --> 00:32:12.799
And the only thing I can change is my focus and my words.
00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:15.279
A lot of times I can't change the circumstance.
00:32:15.519 --> 00:32:19.920
I can't change that, but I can change how I step forward.
00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:24.400
And when I am in charge of my mind, it tends to move me forward.
00:32:24.480 --> 00:32:26.880
And I don't have to just sit in the suck.
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:35.839
You know, when I when you talk about words and how much they matter and how they can really change your mindset.
00:32:36.000 --> 00:32:38.319
When I was 18 years old, I joined the military.
00:32:38.480 --> 00:32:44.000
And the military, I mean, I would say our society in general, we've got a lot of foul mouths, and it's just the way it is.
00:32:44.079 --> 00:32:50.400
And that's not to criticize anybody or say that they're terrible people, but even a lot of good people have some really foul mouths.
00:32:50.480 --> 00:33:04.079
And getting into the military, some of the best people I know could string together a series of words that were not really productive and not really respectful of a lot of different things.
00:33:04.319 --> 00:33:07.759
But when I turned 18, I went into the military and I said, you know what?
00:33:07.920 --> 00:33:09.279
And I don't know what made me do it.
00:33:09.359 --> 00:33:10.960
I said, I'm not gonna swear anymore.
00:33:11.200 --> 00:33:17.279
And so for my almost 30 years in the military, I had that as a commitment that I'm not gonna swear.
00:33:17.359 --> 00:33:19.039
And I wasn't perfect at it.
00:33:19.279 --> 00:33:24.480
But just making that decision, I was amazed at how often that changed an environment.
00:33:24.799 --> 00:33:31.440
How many people said to me or made comments to me because I didn't swear, and I didn't realize I didn't swear.
00:33:31.519 --> 00:33:33.920
I got to the point where it wasn't something I really thought about.
00:33:34.000 --> 00:33:38.559
And it wasn't because people around me stopped swearing, although some wouldn't have apologized for swearing.
00:33:38.640 --> 00:33:39.759
That really wasn't normal.
00:33:39.839 --> 00:33:49.359
I mean, in a fighter squadron, you know, in just the course of discussion, you could hear some pretty creative profanities, and I just didn't even think about it.
00:33:49.519 --> 00:33:52.079
It just became part of the noise around me.
00:33:52.240 --> 00:34:03.440
But I was amazed at how it changed my mindset over the time and how it changed my mindset of what those words mean and how I wasn't going to use them.
00:34:03.599 --> 00:34:05.440
And again, it was a small thing.
00:34:05.599 --> 00:34:15.519
I don't try and pat myself on the back because I did that or because it made me better than anybody else, because there are a lot of people who use really foul language that were way better people than me.
00:34:15.679 --> 00:34:21.039
But for me, it made a difference and it changed, and it made me really think about how much do words matter?
00:34:21.199 --> 00:34:22.719
And then why do they matter?
00:34:22.800 --> 00:34:24.400
And how does it change my behavior?
00:34:24.559 --> 00:34:26.400
How does it change my thoughts?
00:34:26.559 --> 00:34:28.960
And how does it change my demeanor?
00:34:29.199 --> 00:34:30.719
You know, really the whole nine yards.
00:34:30.800 --> 00:34:36.559
I was surprised at how much over the times I look back on it, how much it changed who I was as a person.
00:34:36.880 --> 00:34:37.760
I love that.
00:34:37.920 --> 00:34:39.440
Well, and you made a choice.
00:34:39.599 --> 00:34:42.719
There was a time you made a choice, I'm not gonna talk that way.
00:34:42.880 --> 00:34:46.559
And then you intentionally put that on until it became a habit.
00:34:46.719 --> 00:35:01.199
And it wasn't something that you fought every day, like maybe someone else, you know, because sometimes to break a habit, if you're a negative thinker, and then I kind of mentioned at the beginning, you know, 12 years ago I found myself stuck in negativity and depression, some anxiety.
00:35:01.440 --> 00:35:08.559
I had kind of nurtured those thinkings things, and they grew to where I, that's how my days would go.
00:35:08.800 --> 00:35:12.079
They were just negative and depressed and full of anxiety.
00:35:12.320 --> 00:35:22.480
And then it was actually through the power of prayer, and this is a little bit more on the spiritual side, but God impressed upon my heart the idea that if you change your words, you can change your story.
00:35:22.719 --> 00:35:27.920
And so that was the start of me learning how to change the way I focused on words.
00:35:28.159 --> 00:35:34.400
So mine was not so much swearing, but it was I made the choice to start focusing on the good.
00:35:34.559 --> 00:35:36.960
And the more I focus on the good, guess what?
00:35:37.119 --> 00:35:38.159
I see more good.
00:35:38.320 --> 00:35:42.320
And it's much easier for me today than it was 12 years ago, right?
00:35:42.639 --> 00:35:49.920
And I think that goes perfectly with being a leader because so often our leadership is influential and leading, right?
00:35:50.079 --> 00:35:57.039
Like people are watching you of how you handle situations, and that's how they're gonna show up around you too.
00:35:57.199 --> 00:36:00.320
And so becoming intentional to your words, what a great story.
00:36:00.400 --> 00:36:01.199
I love that.
00:36:02.639 --> 00:36:03.119
Thanks.
00:36:03.280 --> 00:36:11.679
And I appreciate your story because it makes me think of things that I've dwelt on that have stuck with me until I made an affirmative desire to change.
00:36:11.920 --> 00:36:24.559
And I think of, you know, books that I read that helped me or hurt me, and movies that I've watched that have helped me or hurt me in terms of how I viewed the world and what came out of my mouth and what emotion it's filled me with.
00:36:24.639 --> 00:36:51.679
And I really think if I want to end on a thought and I want your opinions on it, is that when words come out of our mouths, it's because we've been formulating, we've been taking all those emotions and we've taken where we want to go, maybe, or where our emotions are taking us, and we've had to categorize and put them together in such a way that's coherent so that when the words come out of our mouth, that's the direction we're going.
00:36:51.840 --> 00:36:55.440
And that can be either really positive or it can be really negative.
00:36:55.599 --> 00:37:05.039
But if we're able to put together positive and words that are taking us where we want to go, it's because we've already been there emotionally.
00:37:05.199 --> 00:37:13.199
We've already been there in our mind, we've already visualized what that looks like so that when the words come out, they are positive or they are negative words.
00:37:13.360 --> 00:37:14.960
So I wanted your thoughts on that.
00:37:15.280 --> 00:37:18.320
Yeah, and I think it just goes back to practicing, right?
00:37:18.480 --> 00:37:22.800
To get good at anything, you first have to become aware and then you practice it.
00:37:23.119 --> 00:37:32.000
So you have to become aware of like, oh, I'm reacting this way and I don't like that, or oh, I keep ruminating on this or whatever.
00:37:32.159 --> 00:37:35.760
And then you have to consciously make a choice to do something different.
00:37:36.000 --> 00:37:38.400
The thing is, you have to make that choice.
00:37:38.639 --> 00:37:47.440
Like I can say it till I'm blue in the face that words matter to you, but until you decide to become aware of it, you would have to have that same experience.
00:37:47.599 --> 00:37:55.920
But through our conversation, I can tell that you know that they matter because you're sharing stories because you're going, oh yeah, I had this experience and I had that.
00:37:56.000 --> 00:37:59.679
And that's what I love about communicating is that we help each other.
00:37:59.920 --> 00:38:02.159
And the words of one another do help.
00:38:02.239 --> 00:38:03.840
They influence either for good.
00:38:03.920 --> 00:38:10.239
And that's why it's called the word effect, my book and my podcast, because there is an effect.
00:38:10.400 --> 00:38:12.639
You can't get away from the effect of words.
00:38:12.800 --> 00:38:18.079
It's are you gonna choose the positive or the negative, or where are you gonna focus and for how on?
00:38:18.239 --> 00:38:20.320
And you have the power to shift that.
00:38:20.559 --> 00:38:24.639
I believe words are a compass, they guide us in our life.
00:38:24.800 --> 00:38:30.719
And so becoming a little more aware of to your words, learning to pause and really how am I feeling in this situation?
00:38:30.880 --> 00:38:32.719
How do I want to feel in this situation?
00:38:32.960 --> 00:38:38.000
Just taking that like breath to pause or breath goes a long way.
00:38:38.719 --> 00:38:43.679
You know, because if not, we kind of can be reactive and maybe regret it later on.
00:38:44.639 --> 00:38:45.199
No, thanks.
00:38:45.280 --> 00:38:47.599
It's kind of like in pilot terms, I'll put it in pilot terms.
00:38:47.679 --> 00:38:48.000
Yeah.
00:38:48.159 --> 00:38:49.519
I'm flying east.
00:38:49.679 --> 00:38:54.880
In order to fly east, I have to have thought through number one, I want to go east.
00:38:55.199 --> 00:38:57.519
Number two, why do I want to go east?
00:38:57.679 --> 00:38:59.360
And then I have to turn the aircraft.
00:38:59.440 --> 00:39:06.480
I have to put inputs into the aircraft, into the flight controls to get it to maneuver to point the nose east.
00:39:06.639 --> 00:39:12.320
And when I finally roll out on 090, which is east, those are the words coming out of my mouth.
00:39:12.480 --> 00:39:20.320
Those are the effects of everything that went into my mind to actually get me to fly east, to get me to go to the direction that I want to go.
00:39:20.559 --> 00:39:21.519
Yeah, I love that.
00:39:21.599 --> 00:39:24.159
And it's back to that what you think about, you bring about.
00:39:24.320 --> 00:39:25.760
You had to think about it first.
00:39:25.920 --> 00:39:30.719
You had to make those small little decisions, and then you're flying east, right?
00:39:30.880 --> 00:39:31.840
And that's how you did.
00:39:31.920 --> 00:39:35.920
You can't just say, okay, I'm gonna fly east and then just disregard and not do anything.
00:39:36.159 --> 00:39:39.440
Like change and leadership does take action, as you know, right?
00:39:39.599 --> 00:39:42.239
It takes, you have to be intentional with it.
00:39:42.400 --> 00:39:49.360
And so just bringing people back to an awareness of their words, everything that we create at first was a thought.
00:39:49.599 --> 00:39:52.239
It was a thought that leads to the creation.
00:39:52.480 --> 00:39:57.840
You writing your book was first a bunch of thoughts that then you've put together out in a book.
00:39:58.000 --> 00:39:59.519
Same with me when I wrote mine.
00:39:59.679 --> 00:40:04.320
They've started with thoughts and then we put it on paper, right?
00:40:04.480 --> 00:40:06.400
That's how things are created.
00:40:06.719 --> 00:40:14.159
And so we have to really become aware of how powerful our words are because it creates exactly what our life becomes.
00:40:15.920 --> 00:40:18.000
Well, thank you so much, Becky, for joining us today.
00:40:18.079 --> 00:40:20.239
Thank you for your words of wisdom.
00:40:20.480 --> 00:40:24.000
You can send me an invoice, I guess, for the coaching that you gave me on the show here.
00:40:24.239 --> 00:40:24.880
No, no, no.
00:40:25.440 --> 00:40:26.320
This was great.
00:40:26.960 --> 00:40:28.000
So I appreciate it.
00:40:28.079 --> 00:40:30.800
For everybody who is here with us today, I hope you enjoyed the show.
00:40:30.960 --> 00:40:46.480
I got a lot out of it, and I appreciate Becky's comments and the way she approaches words and the away and the difference that it makes in the decisions that we make, because the final decision is the culmination of everything that's been going on in our brain before and up to that point.
00:40:46.639 --> 00:40:53.119
And getting those in the right order so that we can actually make the right decision is what's going to help us to make better decisions.
00:40:53.280 --> 00:41:02.000
If you have any questions, if you want to talk to Becky, you can reach out to me and go to asterisknow.com and I will point you to Becky or what's your website, Becky?
00:41:02.159 --> 00:41:05.840
Yeah, my website is just becoming with Becky.com.
00:41:05.920 --> 00:41:10.000
And I just have relaunched my podcast called The Word Effect, so go check it out.
00:41:10.159 --> 00:41:14.159
And yeah, I would love to hear from you, but words really do matter.
00:41:14.239 --> 00:41:19.760
And I think you're right, the culmination of little things determine the decisions we take for sure.
00:41:20.000 --> 00:41:20.320
Thank you.
00:41:20.480 --> 00:41:25.599
Subscribe, follow, like, and please comment if you have any comments.
00:41:25.760 --> 00:41:28.239
Something you don't like, something you do like, please comment.
00:41:28.400 --> 00:41:31.679
It helps the show, but it also gives me feedback on how we're doing here.
00:41:31.760 --> 00:41:37.199
And join us next time for Commander's Intent so we can all become better decision makers for better results.
00:41:37.440 --> 00:41:38.239
Thanks.
00:41:41.199 --> 00:41:44.800
So that's it for today's episode of Commander's Intent Podcast.
00:41:44.960 --> 00:41:50.079
Head on over to Apple Podcasts iTunes or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show.
00:41:50.320 --> 00:42:04.400
One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will be entered in the grand prize drawing to win a$25,000 private exclusive leadership coaching package with Derek Oaks himself.
00:42:04.559 --> 00:42:13.599
So head on over to Commanders Inten Podcast.com and pick up a free copy of Derek's Leadership Guide and join us on the next episode.
00:00:02.080 --> 00:00:05.759
You have a frozen in the key moment of making a critical decision.
00:00:06.000 --> 00:00:09.679
Whether it's in business or in life, it can cost you everything.
00:00:09.919 --> 00:00:14.960
Commander's Intent will teach and inspire you how to lead with clarity, courage, and purpose.
00:00:15.199 --> 00:00:22.719
So here's your host, retired Air Force Colonel, fighter pilot, and your leadership mentor, Derek Oak.
00:00:25.679 --> 00:00:28.800
Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Commander's Intent.
00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:38.560
I'm here with my friend Becky Kemp, and she is a speaker, an author, a leadership consultant, and a podcaster, and a mother of five, am I correct on that?
00:00:38.719 --> 00:00:39.280
Five boys.
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Five boys.
00:00:40.399 --> 00:00:45.840
And so she's definitely had to exercise leadership and exercise specific language.
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And I've I met her a couple of years ago, and we've become fast friends, and I appreciate the message that she shares.
00:00:51.759 --> 00:00:56.399
And I think it's very important for leaders to understand that their words mean things.
00:00:56.479 --> 00:01:13.200
And I'm going to let her introduce herself a little bit about how she got into what she's doing and why her message is so important and how it matters for leaders as they are making decisions, as they're thinking about their future decisions, and as they're thinking about where do I want to go for myself and for my organization.
00:01:13.280 --> 00:01:17.200
So go ahead, Becky, and just tell us a little bit about what matters to you for that.
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All right.
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Thank you, Derek.
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So happy to be here.
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And yes, I believe that words matter.
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And I talk specifically about right now the language of leadership, but how I got into it was about 12 years ago.
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I found myself stuck in some anxiety, depression, and truthfully a lot of negative thinking.
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And I was waiting for my circumstances to change.
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And I realized through a series of events that I had a lot more power within me to change my vision, to change the path that I wanted to be on.
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And I've become a life coach and I teach that individually, but now I've stepped into the leadership role because, like you said, a leader has to be an influential person, but first they have to lead themselves and then they take their vision and lead others.
00:02:02.239 --> 00:02:06.560
So I am a mom of five boys and I'm a grandma of two.
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And so I spent a lot of my life being a full-time mom, but in the last 10, 12 years, I've gotten into the power of words.
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I've written a book called The Word Effect, Seven Simple Words to Create Your Most Beautiful Life.
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And it's a self-help book of putting on words.
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And that's what I like to talk about a lot of times is what words do you put on?
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I owned a positive t-shirt and apparel business called Becoming Threads as I was learning about words.
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And I could honestly walk into my bedroom, into my closet, and put on words, decide those words that I wanted.
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And so teaching people the power of words and then the how to be intentional with them is really, really important in any form of success, whether it's personal or professional.
00:02:48.800 --> 00:02:49.199
Thank you.
00:02:49.280 --> 00:02:58.639
So I'm gonna ask you kind of an intro question as I thought about bringing you on the program, and it's what caused me to say, yes, you need to be on the program, and I think you have a lot to offer.
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Why does language matter so much for leaders in how they use it, in what they say and when they say it?
00:03:05.520 --> 00:03:06.639
And I love what you just said.
00:03:06.800 --> 00:03:09.840
You've said this before about, you know, putting on words in the morning.
00:03:09.919 --> 00:03:13.840
I've always thought that was very a creative way of thinking about because that's a mindset.
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It has nothing to do with clothing.
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It's a mindset of what am I gonna do when we walk up to do it.
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Well, you know, most of us think more about maybe what we're gonna wear today than the way we talk to ourselves and the words we put on.
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But the interesting thing is our brain is just a big processor and it focuses, and there's a lot of research behind this, but it focuses on what we tell it to.
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And so if we focus on the negative, the negative grows.
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So why a leader needs to have good leadership with language is a leader has to have the vision and to be influential to influence the people that he's leading or she's leading.
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And what you think about, this is kind of what I'll say sometimes, but what you think about, you bring about.
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I mean, it's that simple.
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Anything that gets created has to first be a thought, right?
00:04:01.759 --> 00:04:05.759
So any leader has to first have a vision of something being created.
00:04:05.840 --> 00:04:08.080
And then there's the implementation process.
00:04:08.240 --> 00:04:11.360
And as you know, nothing ever goes as planned.
00:04:11.599 --> 00:04:13.680
There's always going to be problems.
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And if you learn how to lead your language, you can always be looking for solutions instead of looking at the obstacles.
00:04:20.160 --> 00:04:21.839
Because our brain will do either.
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It will look at the problem or the solution.
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We get to choose because you know, we're humans.
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We actually get to decide the words we focus on.
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So, first off, people have to become aware of their words, and then it takes practice to put those words to work.
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Thanks.
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You said something there that kind of piqued a thought in my mind about solving problems or focusing on the problems versus focusing on where we want to go.
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And I think often we go through life solving problem after problem after problem, and we don't get where we want to go because we're not focusing.
00:04:52.160 --> 00:04:57.759
We haven't sat down first to say, who do I want to be and where do I want to go and what do I want to accomplish?
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And as a leader, where do I want my team to go?
00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:02.639
What do I want my team to look like?
00:05:02.800 --> 00:05:04.720
What is my vision for my team?
00:05:04.879 --> 00:05:12.560
And so I have to think through that and then put it to words, kind of craft what that looks like, and then communicate that.
00:05:12.720 --> 00:05:23.920
Often we get together as a team, we want to make a lot of money or we want to do something, but then we focus on just the mundane, we focus on the obstacles because there are always gonna be obstacles in our way.
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There are always gonna be things that make life harder.
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I mean, as a mother of five boys, I guarantee you that you have dealt on a daily basis when they were younger, problem after problem after problem, misdirection, and things that tried to knock you off your game.
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Like, yeah, I got to solve that, but that's not why I'm here.
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That's not why we're here.
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Yeah.
00:05:44.319 --> 00:05:45.839
Well, two things that come to mind.
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One, we hear about having a vision board or having a vision.
00:05:50.319 --> 00:05:58.160
You have to have someplace that you're headed because you have to keep yourself focused there when all the obstacles come, right?
00:05:58.319 --> 00:06:00.160
Because there is going to be obstacles.
00:06:00.240 --> 00:06:02.000
That is just the life experience.
00:06:02.160 --> 00:06:06.560
I've never met anyone that could say life has gone exactly as planned.
00:06:07.120 --> 00:06:23.439
So having the vision board, whether it's written down or words or whatever, having your team, if you're your leader, making sure everybody's on board with the vision so that is our focus whenever we're making a decision, even though things get off and on.
00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:25.120
So it's becoming intentional.
00:06:25.360 --> 00:06:30.959
So when I talk about the power of words, what I love about them is one, everybody has access to words.
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Two, they're free.
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And I guess the other thing would be it's as simple as just putting a reminder on your mirror or a reminder in your office with whatever that saying or thing that you need at the time to remind you.
00:06:46.959 --> 00:06:48.240
So let me give you an example.
00:06:48.399 --> 00:06:53.199
I was talking with a mentor recently, and I was about finances.
00:06:53.439 --> 00:07:00.959
And it was kind of like my husband's self-employed, I'm self-employed, I do work for a company and do some outreach there.
00:07:01.279 --> 00:07:05.839
But a lot of times being self-employed, your finances, you don't have all the control of.
00:07:05.920 --> 00:07:09.199
There's a lot of exterior things that you just have to go with the flow.
00:07:09.519 --> 00:07:18.240
So I was kind of talking and focused on not saving as much as I want to be saving right now because this breaks and that happens.
00:07:18.319 --> 00:07:20.399
You know, I was kind of commiserating, right?
00:07:20.560 --> 00:07:25.759
Like as if I could say it and she's gonna say, Well, guess what?
00:07:26.319 --> 00:07:30.079
For the next six months, everything you want to save will be saved, you know.
00:07:30.160 --> 00:07:30.639
I mean, right?
00:07:30.720 --> 00:07:32.160
Like there's nothing you can do about it.
00:07:32.240 --> 00:07:33.759
So I was kind of focused on that.
00:07:33.920 --> 00:07:35.439
And she said the simplest thing.
00:07:35.519 --> 00:07:37.360
She said, Well, Becky, what's your 1%?
00:07:38.319 --> 00:07:40.480
What's your 1% that you can do?
00:07:40.720 --> 00:07:44.720
And you know what I did is I got a little post-it note and I wrote, do 1%.
00:07:45.439 --> 00:07:46.720
I've put it in my office.
00:07:46.800 --> 00:07:52.319
And so it's reminding me every day, oh, do your 1%.
00:07:52.639 --> 00:07:53.839
What's my 1% today?
00:07:53.920 --> 00:07:56.160
Okay, well, it's putting that money away.
00:07:56.240 --> 00:07:58.240
It's doing that, you know, it's little, right?
00:07:58.399 --> 00:08:00.720
But little things lead to big things, right?
00:08:00.800 --> 00:08:09.839
And that's why our words matter so much, is because you could just take a small phrase like do your 1%, and you could apply that in every aspect of your life.
00:08:10.000 --> 00:08:12.720
And so right now, those are some words that I'm focused on.
00:08:12.800 --> 00:08:18.399
And I bet you have a saying or a mantra that you focus on or have had different ones throughout your life.
00:08:18.560 --> 00:08:19.279
We all do.
00:08:19.360 --> 00:08:24.240
So it's just becoming intentional to them and talking about them and moving that forward that way.
00:08:26.000 --> 00:08:27.279
I often talk to myself.
00:08:27.360 --> 00:08:32.320
My wife makes fun of me sometimes because what I'm doing is I'm verbalizing what do I want?
00:08:32.480 --> 00:08:33.200
Where am I going?
00:08:33.360 --> 00:08:36.960
But I'm saying out loud to myself or I'm saying it under my breath.
00:08:37.120 --> 00:08:42.480
Sometimes I'm practicing for practicing my lines for when I have to talk to somebody else.
00:08:42.559 --> 00:08:52.159
But sometimes it's thinking through what am I doing with my time and where am I going personally, and saying that out loud so that I can crystallize those ideas.
00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:55.200
Because if I don't do that, it does not go well.
00:08:55.440 --> 00:09:11.840
If we've rehearsed something, if we've gone through it in our mind, if we've created it, I'll say this, if we've created it spiritually first, the physical, tangible creation goes so much better instead of just kind of winging it and saying, Well, I'll see how this works out.
00:09:12.080 --> 00:09:23.039
Thinking through it, and sometimes we don't always have a choice, but we always do have a choice of thinking through the big things and thinking through that big vision, you know, that of where we want to go.
00:09:23.440 --> 00:09:29.200
You know, we both are friends with Ty Bennett, a very successful speaker, and we've done some training with him.
00:09:29.360 --> 00:09:36.720
And one time he taught me, and this really helped, I was in a speaker or a storytelling contest through the National Speakers Association here in Utah.
00:09:36.960 --> 00:09:40.879
And there was 10 of us, and we had five minutes to tell a story.
00:09:41.039 --> 00:09:44.480
And you had to have a beginning, a middle, and you couldn't go over the time.
00:09:44.559 --> 00:09:47.600
You know, there was a lot to practice and get in there in that five minutes.
00:09:47.759 --> 00:09:53.600
And as you know, when you're on stage, your mind can draw a blank, you know, even though you've practiced it and practice it.
00:09:53.919 --> 00:10:00.879
But I remember Ty telling me, and this really helped, he said, practice as if something happens.
00:10:01.039 --> 00:10:07.600
So when you do make the mistake, or you forget the line or you forget what you're doing, go all the way through.
00:10:07.679 --> 00:10:09.840
Like go all the way through that five minutes.
00:10:09.919 --> 00:10:10.879
Don't stop.
00:10:11.039 --> 00:10:17.759
Because so often as humans, what we do is when we make a mistake, we stop and we start from the beginning again, right?
00:10:18.000 --> 00:10:30.399
That really served me well, but it's really applicable in any sort of experience because you need to talk through it, you need to work through it, because there's gonna be something that comes, a curveball here, something there.
00:10:30.720 --> 00:10:33.600
But you're like, okay, this is how I'm gonna handle moving forward.
00:10:33.759 --> 00:10:34.960
You know, I'm gonna keep my cool.
00:10:35.120 --> 00:10:36.480
I'm not gonna lose my temper.
00:10:36.639 --> 00:10:40.720
I'm gonna be curious to be open-minded, whatever that is.
00:10:40.960 --> 00:10:42.159
But that really helped me.
00:10:42.240 --> 00:10:48.240
And I did at the speaker storytelling contest, I noticed that some people they had memorized their things.
00:10:48.399 --> 00:10:52.080
And when they got stuck, they didn't know how to move forward.
00:10:52.240 --> 00:10:55.840
And I didn't say it exactly word for word, but I had practiced.
00:10:56.000 --> 00:11:05.039
So putting the power of words to work in any way definitely is a practice thing and seeing it through when obstacles come.
00:11:06.000 --> 00:11:06.399
Thanks.
00:11:06.559 --> 00:11:09.840
I'm gonna kind of piggyback on that, but take it in a little bit of a different direction.
00:11:10.080 --> 00:11:19.679
Thinking through things beforehand, often we get stuck because there are two emotions that I think or thought processes that are really destructive.
00:11:19.840 --> 00:11:27.919
And they make us worse decision makers and they make us reach out for things or not reach out for things that we should be reaching out for.
00:11:28.080 --> 00:11:30.639
Number one is self-doubt, and you kind of mentioned that earlier.
00:11:30.960 --> 00:11:32.399
And the other one is anger.
00:11:33.039 --> 00:11:43.679
And when we let those emotions drive who we are and drive what we're shooting for, I don't think we speak as clearly.
00:11:43.840 --> 00:11:52.000
I don't think we act as clearly, we don't make decisions clearly because we're focused on really hurtful and negative things.
00:11:52.159 --> 00:11:54.879
And generally, our anger doesn't hurt anybody else.
00:11:54.960 --> 00:12:00.159
It hurts us, it hurts the team around us because we negatively affect them.
00:12:00.799 --> 00:12:02.399
But it really hurts us.
00:12:02.559 --> 00:12:07.120
And most of the time, when we get really angry, it has to do with somebody that we can't control.
00:12:08.320 --> 00:12:10.720
And they may not even know that we're angry with them.
00:12:10.799 --> 00:12:17.440
They may not even know why we're angry with them, but we let those feelings build up and they cause us to do stupid things.
00:12:17.519 --> 00:12:18.879
So kind of comment on that.
00:12:19.279 --> 00:12:28.960
And how you translate how you get out of that, and then how you use positive language to get you out of that and then move in the direction that you really want to move in.
00:12:29.279 --> 00:12:37.440
Yeah, well, I like to start out with my keynote sometimes saying a simple saying that we're all familiar with sticks and stones can break your bones, but words will never hurt me.
00:12:37.600 --> 00:12:41.440
And everybody in the audience has heard this, but the truth is words do hurt us.
00:12:41.600 --> 00:12:42.399
They have an effect.
00:12:42.559 --> 00:12:45.440
That's why my book and my podcast are about the word effect.
00:12:45.600 --> 00:12:48.000
There is an effect, it can be positive or negative.
00:12:48.240 --> 00:13:00.000
So as a coach, and as I became a life coach, what I found was our thoughts drive our feelings, and our feelings then drive the actions that we take, and our actions then create our results.
00:13:00.159 --> 00:13:01.120
So think about it.
00:13:01.279 --> 00:13:04.240
If you're feeling angry, it's over a thought.
00:13:04.399 --> 00:13:10.000
You're not happy with how something happened, you're not happy with how somebody did it, whatever that might be.
00:13:10.240 --> 00:13:11.360
That makes you angry.
00:13:11.440 --> 00:13:13.200
Well, how do you show up when you're anger?
00:13:13.360 --> 00:13:14.000
When you're angry.
00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:16.480
When I'm angry, I'm normally short with people.
00:13:16.879 --> 00:13:19.120
I can be standoffish, right?
00:13:19.200 --> 00:13:20.960
Like that's how I show up.
00:13:21.200 --> 00:13:25.840
And so the result is if I'm showing up that way to my team, how are they gonna show up?
00:13:25.919 --> 00:13:30.159
If I'm standoffish and judgmental of them, it's gonna affect them, right?
00:13:30.320 --> 00:13:33.679
But it's because of how I'm feeling over the situation.
00:13:33.919 --> 00:13:48.320
So if it's the same situation, and then instead of getting angry, maybe we go, okay, I'm feeling some anger, but I'm gonna switch this to curiosity and try to go, okay, this didn't work how I thought it was gonna work.
00:13:48.559 --> 00:13:51.120
I'm gonna be curious, you know, as we go through this.
00:13:51.279 --> 00:13:57.759
When you show up curious, you're much more teachable, you're much more open-minded, you're willing to collaborate more, right?
00:13:57.919 --> 00:14:02.320
So our feelings actually determine the actions we take.
00:14:02.399 --> 00:14:04.879
And those actions are what create our results.
00:14:05.039 --> 00:14:14.639
So, in some ways, when you break it down, it's like, okay, well, yes, I always want to feel happy and joyous and free, that would be great, but real life doesn't always allow that.
00:14:14.879 --> 00:14:16.240
We do have ups and downs.
00:14:16.480 --> 00:14:21.679
I've had people ask me, so do you just think happy thoughts and positive thoughts all the day and everything goes well?
00:14:21.759 --> 00:14:23.600
And I'm like, no, that's not the thing.
00:14:23.679 --> 00:14:30.879
I still feel all the emotions, but becoming more aware to your emotions and then deciding how long you want to stay there.
00:14:31.039 --> 00:14:33.679
And if you want to switch that emotion, you have the power.
00:14:33.840 --> 00:14:35.120
So I might be angry.
00:14:35.279 --> 00:14:37.360
I need to go into my office and cool down.
00:14:37.519 --> 00:14:44.720
But then when I go talk with my team, I'm gonna show up not with anger, but with curiosity, something like that.
00:14:46.000 --> 00:14:46.559
I like that.
00:14:46.720 --> 00:14:50.879
Yeah, you said something that I think is really important, that I still have those emotions.
00:14:51.600 --> 00:14:57.120
When we're wronged, I don't care how bulletproof you think you are, you're gonna feel it.
00:14:57.679 --> 00:15:13.519
When somebody hurts you, when somebody does something unkind to you, or you know, as a parent, you know, and every parent experiences this where their kid gets bullied or gets treated poorly by a teacher, even, or just on a sports field, it happens to every single parent.
00:15:13.759 --> 00:15:21.840
And so we all feel that we get very defensive of our kids, we're very protective of our kid, and the justice side of us comes out and we come out swinging.
00:15:22.639 --> 00:15:25.440
And sometimes that is very, very destructive.
00:15:25.519 --> 00:15:27.039
And you think, why was justified?
00:15:27.200 --> 00:15:41.039
My anger is justified, my sense of justice is justified, and yet too often we go and do something, we make a decision, and we go and do something that is anything but justified and is anything but helpful.
00:15:41.279 --> 00:15:45.919
And we're not always gonna fix that person who is unjust to our kid or unjust to us.
00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:49.440
We're not always gonna make them change their ways and go, oh, you're right.
00:15:49.600 --> 00:15:52.399
I really was an idiot, I really was unkind.
00:15:52.799 --> 00:15:55.840
Most of the time, or a lot of time, they'll say, so what?
00:15:56.000 --> 00:15:56.480
Deal with it.
00:15:56.559 --> 00:15:58.000
That's who I am, that's how I act.
00:15:58.159 --> 00:15:59.200
And we still have to deal with it.
00:15:59.279 --> 00:16:03.279
And so then we're stuck with them not caring about our emotions, them not caring about what we are.
00:16:03.360 --> 00:16:07.440
And we have to make that decision, just like you talked about.
00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:09.600
We are gonna have those emotions.
00:16:09.759 --> 00:16:11.279
What do I do with those emotions?
00:16:11.360 --> 00:16:12.480
And how do I control it?
00:16:12.639 --> 00:16:18.879
How do I use words to help me control those emotions and help me channel those emotions properly?
00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:25.679
Not to ignore it because hurt doesn't go away necessarily, but how to do something positive with it.
00:16:25.919 --> 00:16:34.080
Yeah, well, I like to say and train and teach this way, but we can't always control our first thought, but we do have control of our second and third thought.
00:16:34.240 --> 00:16:40.080
So my first thought might be anger and create a feeling of frustration, let's say.
00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:42.399
But then what do I want to do about it?
00:16:42.559 --> 00:16:50.720
And that is find some reminders of like, okay, as a leader, when I'm feeling frustrated, what do I do?
00:16:50.879 --> 00:16:53.600
I maybe need to pull back, I regroup, recenter.
00:16:53.919 --> 00:16:55.120
Maybe I need to go on a walk.
00:16:55.200 --> 00:16:57.600
Maybe I need to not touch my team for 24 hours.
00:16:57.679 --> 00:17:01.679
Like it might be different for each person, but you first have to become aware to that.
00:17:01.840 --> 00:17:03.919
And then you start practicing that.
00:17:04.160 --> 00:17:08.240
And then you'll learn to show up to life differently.
00:17:08.480 --> 00:17:11.759
Cause sometimes it's like that knee-jerk reaction, right?
00:17:12.079 --> 00:17:23.039
Like when something doesn't go right, the knee-jerk reaction is normally fear-driven, frustration driven, anger-driven, generally, and probably in any aspect of our life, if you think about it.
00:17:23.599 --> 00:17:25.200
But how do you shift that?
00:17:25.680 --> 00:17:26.000
Right?
00:17:26.240 --> 00:17:27.759
It's like taking the pause.
00:17:27.920 --> 00:17:35.279
So learning how to pause and kind of think about, okay, what words am I going to put on or what am I going to think about instead of just reacting.
00:17:35.519 --> 00:17:45.759
So it just again makes us as human beings be able to make better decisions and become intentional with our words instead of just acting like our words are driving us.
00:17:46.000 --> 00:17:48.079
We are actually in the driver's seat.
00:17:48.319 --> 00:17:53.039
And so a lot of it is just gaining an awareness and then the practice behind it.
00:17:54.240 --> 00:17:57.599
I I think that is what separates us from animals.
00:17:57.839 --> 00:17:58.400
I think so too.
00:17:58.799 --> 00:18:02.000
The ability to go, okay, this emotion came.
00:18:02.160 --> 00:18:02.799
I feel it.
00:18:02.960 --> 00:18:04.720
Sometimes I feel it really strongly.
00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:06.160
What am I going to do with it?
00:18:06.240 --> 00:18:13.680
And then I have to internally and then externally verbalize what does that look like and how am I going to react to it?
00:18:14.160 --> 00:18:15.440
Separates us as a human.
00:18:15.519 --> 00:18:17.200
We have the prefrontal cortex.
00:18:17.279 --> 00:18:18.720
We can make decisions.
00:18:19.279 --> 00:18:23.519
We can decide if I'm going to wear a red shirt or a blue shirt, right?
00:18:24.000 --> 00:18:26.880
Other mammals don't have the decision ability.
00:18:27.119 --> 00:18:30.799
So we can decide where we focus in any situation.
00:18:31.039 --> 00:18:36.640
Again, your first reaction might be the frustration or the anger, but you don't have to stay there.
00:18:36.799 --> 00:18:40.559
You can pause, feel it, and then get back into it.
00:18:40.640 --> 00:18:42.079
Let me tell you a quick story, Derek.
00:18:42.240 --> 00:18:43.839
This just happened in my family.
00:18:44.240 --> 00:18:44.480
Okay.
00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:48.160
This is kind of outing my husband, but it outs me too.
00:18:48.319 --> 00:18:50.960
So my husband's an excellent driver.
00:18:51.039 --> 00:18:52.640
He's an excellent person.
00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:59.039
Like this would not really be what he does, but he went and picked up a boat that we have, an older boat that had to get fixed.
00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:00.720
He was coming home late at night.
00:19:00.799 --> 00:19:06.240
And as he was swinging in to turn and just park the boat, he didn't want to back it up and unhook it.
00:19:06.559 --> 00:19:11.519
He clipped the side of my son's car, like scraped the side of it.
00:19:11.680 --> 00:19:15.359
Now he comes home, it's about 10 o'clock, and he tells me.
00:19:16.319 --> 00:19:21.200
And my first thought is, how could you be so, you know, whatever?
00:19:21.359 --> 00:19:23.200
Like it's the frustrating thing.
00:19:23.839 --> 00:19:28.799
And then it's like the anger, and oh my heck, we're gonna have to get it fixed and it's gonna cost a couple thousand dollars.
00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:30.240
Like it goes that fast.
00:19:30.640 --> 00:19:38.799
But then I pause for just a second and I think, okay, number one, how would I want him to treat me if I was the one that did that?
00:19:38.960 --> 00:19:39.680
Because you know what?
00:19:39.759 --> 00:19:46.720
I've done stuff like that before, maybe not the exact same way, but I've run into something or broken something that I didn't mean to.
00:19:46.960 --> 00:19:57.119
And it helped me pause and then it helped me like rethink how I wanted to show up in this situation instead of from anger, was like, you know, he's not perfect.
00:19:57.200 --> 00:19:58.960
He makes mistakes like the rest of us.
00:19:59.119 --> 00:20:03.599
And I didn't have to berate him because of the mistake, right?
00:20:03.680 --> 00:20:12.240
Now, truthfully, there was a few moments that I wanted to, I'll be honest, because that's the common reaction, like, oh, this is a hassle and all those things.
00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:17.759
But it's been a really good learning experience for me all week because he already knows that he made a mistake.
00:20:17.920 --> 00:20:20.640
He doesn't need me to like lay it on him, right?
00:20:20.799 --> 00:20:21.519
He doesn't.
00:20:21.759 --> 00:20:30.720
But that's what I think learning to pause with our words and like we might feel something in the beginning, but like, do we want to react all the way through that?
00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:32.319
Or is there a better way?
00:20:32.559 --> 00:20:34.160
Again, I can't emphasize this enough.
00:20:34.319 --> 00:20:35.599
It does take practice.
00:20:35.759 --> 00:20:45.279
And so these kinds of things, this is what I love doing podcasts and talking about it, is it just brings people to an awareness so that then they can start being curious and then practice it.
00:20:45.519 --> 00:20:46.960
It's a lifelong practice.
00:20:47.119 --> 00:20:52.079
I don't know that you ever get to a place because life continues to unfold differently.
00:20:52.240 --> 00:20:56.559
Neither of us know what's going to happen in the next 24 hours that we might have to adjust to, right?
00:20:56.640 --> 00:20:57.599
That just is life.
00:20:57.920 --> 00:21:00.880
So yeah, that's our little story.
00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:01.839
That's a good start.
00:21:02.079 --> 00:21:04.720
A little bit of an aside, I'll out myself, if you will.
00:21:04.880 --> 00:21:08.480
In 35 years, I've had three accidents.
00:21:08.720 --> 00:21:11.519
And they're all the exact same thing.
00:21:11.839 --> 00:21:15.279
Me backing up my car at night, not using the back.
00:21:15.680 --> 00:21:23.599
All three cars had backup cameras, but I don't use a backup camera unless I'm hooking a trailer or something like that, because it's not part of my habit patterns.
00:21:23.839 --> 00:21:26.559
And I dinged three different cars.
00:21:26.720 --> 00:21:34.240
Not a big ding, but enough to get me to want to swear at myself and get really angry because I did something so stupid.
00:21:34.720 --> 00:21:44.400
And then it's okay, how do I not let my anger at myself, those emotions that are there, not control me, but instead, you know, tone it down and do something right.
00:21:44.480 --> 00:21:46.240
When you're flying, that's one of the big things.
00:21:46.400 --> 00:21:57.440
In fact, there are a lot of stories of people crashing airplanes because they make a mistake and they f so fixate on that one mistake that they do make a bigger mistake.
00:21:58.000 --> 00:21:59.759
You know, you drop a bomb and you miss the target.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:00.480
Target.
00:22:00.559 --> 00:22:04.640
And it's really easy to get really angry at yourself that you made that mistake.
00:22:04.799 --> 00:22:14.079
So you're letting that emotion just see through you and just flow through you instead of going, okay, Derek, shut up and focus on what's next.
00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:16.160
And focus on what I have to do.
00:22:16.400 --> 00:22:21.200
Don't let that one mistake or that one bad event take me off my game.
00:22:21.519 --> 00:22:23.839
Because something else can happen.
00:22:24.000 --> 00:22:25.440
You know, something else worse can happen.
00:22:25.680 --> 00:22:43.440
And too often in just a regular daily interaction, something worse does happen over and over, whether it's road rage or just how we respond shortly to a family member or a coworker, because we let that emotion stew and come out in a way that needs to not.
00:22:43.759 --> 00:22:54.079
If I was coaching you after you had dropped a bomb, I would say, okay, and you're angry, I'd say, Well, what are you thinking about that's making you angry?
00:22:54.160 --> 00:22:55.519
And what would you say?
00:22:56.400 --> 00:22:57.599
I'd say I made a mistake.
00:22:57.759 --> 00:22:58.799
I made a mistake like that.
00:23:01.599 --> 00:23:01.920
Yeah.
00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:04.480
So then that's driving you feel angry.
00:23:04.559 --> 00:23:08.720
And so when you're feeling angry, what kind of actions are you going to take?
00:23:09.759 --> 00:23:18.960
I'm not going to think through things as well, for one, and because a large portion of my brain is stuck on stupid, is stuck on that previous action.
00:23:19.119 --> 00:23:19.359
Yep.
00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:21.279
And so I'm not fully in the present.
00:23:21.440 --> 00:23:24.160
I'm not in the moment thinking about what is right in front of me.
00:23:24.400 --> 00:23:24.640
Yeah.
00:23:24.799 --> 00:23:26.720
So you're ruminating on the past.
00:23:26.960 --> 00:23:35.359
The anger's making you not be present and fixating on the problem instead of the solution at hand is to fire again or whatever it is, right?
00:23:35.519 --> 00:23:38.319
So the result is it takes you off course.
00:23:38.640 --> 00:23:43.759
Where, yes, there might be a moment where you're frustrated that it didn't go as planned.
00:23:43.920 --> 00:23:47.039
I don't know that we would be humans if we didn't feel that way.
00:23:47.200 --> 00:23:52.880
Like we all work for goals and we're driven to be successful as human beings.
00:23:53.680 --> 00:23:57.279
But part of the human experience is failure, right?
00:23:57.440 --> 00:24:00.079
And part of it is learning how to cope with it.
00:24:00.319 --> 00:24:04.160
And if you stay stuck on the problem and the negativity, that grows.
00:24:04.319 --> 00:24:07.920
Instead, you have to go, and you know, I was really impressed with how my husband handled this.
00:24:08.079 --> 00:24:09.119
He's very good at that.
00:24:09.279 --> 00:24:12.640
He was frustrated when he came home and he's like, I cannot believe I did it.
00:24:12.799 --> 00:24:15.680
And I realized he didn't need me to make it worse for him.
00:24:15.839 --> 00:24:20.319
He's already making himself feel bad enough, you know, like, oh, I can't believe I did this.
00:24:20.480 --> 00:24:24.319
I'm gonna tell my son it's gonna cost me this money, whatever.
00:24:24.960 --> 00:24:30.079
He did enough for himself, but then a couple days later, I said to him, I'm so impressed with how you handle this.
00:24:30.160 --> 00:24:34.319
And he goes, It doesn't do me any good to stay fixated on the negative, you know?
00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:35.759
And it's really true.
00:24:35.920 --> 00:24:48.559
Like, because as sometimes we can just keep dragging that up over and over again instead of allowing ourselves to, like you said, I just made a mistake, you know, it is what it is, and giving ourselves a little bit of grace.
00:24:48.799 --> 00:24:49.039
Thanks.
00:24:49.200 --> 00:24:58.720
Talking about words and how those emotions that are there, how we can actually change our countenance and change our actions by using the right words.
00:24:58.880 --> 00:25:06.079
I think of my wife when our kids were little, and we were telling, I was sharing this story earlier, that my wife had the love chairs, and my kids hated.
00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:08.480
This was when they're five, six, seven, eight.
00:25:08.559 --> 00:25:16.960
They'd get into a fight and she'd make them sit in the love chairs where they were sitting across from each other, their little feet dangling, and their knees are touching.
00:25:17.359 --> 00:25:30.319
And so here they are, they just had a fight, and she's making them sit across from each other with her knees touching, and they couldn't get down until they said, I'm sorry, I love you, and they had to give each other a hug.
00:25:30.480 --> 00:25:49.519
And that became the worst punishment that they, you know, that was like the most intolerable punishment for them because they knew that in order to get those words out, in order to use language of love, and in order to use words that are affirmative in good feelings towards somebody else, and also of humility, you have to somewhat feel that first.
00:25:49.599 --> 00:25:53.119
So you have to bring your heart to a point and your mind to a point where you feel that.
00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:59.039
And you know, little kids, six, seven, eight-year-olds, they can do some dumb things when they get into a fight and break things and hurt each other.
00:25:59.200 --> 00:26:02.400
And every family, my family had their share of that.
00:26:02.559 --> 00:26:09.599
You get them in the chair, and all of a sudden, the the emotion that's there, because one of them was hurt or both of them were hurt.
00:26:09.920 --> 00:26:24.480
You have to the words help them tamp that emotion or categorize that emotion, put it in the right funnel, and then change it so that it can be positive before they can actually get those words out and then give each other a hug at the end.
00:26:24.559 --> 00:26:26.079
And it's very difficult to do.
00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:26.960
I love that.
00:26:27.039 --> 00:26:35.599
And I've experienced something similar, but I know that like when you've got your kids like that, all of a sudden it's like they're like, Oh, I'm not gonna do this.
00:26:35.680 --> 00:26:41.359
And then like they crack a smile and then they start laughing, and then they realize maybe how silly it was.
00:26:41.599 --> 00:26:47.359
Whatever caused that fight in the first place is generally a misunderstanding or something, right?
00:26:47.519 --> 00:26:49.759
And isn't that how life is for all of us?
00:26:49.920 --> 00:26:56.720
Oftentimes we get frustrated or angry and there's misunderstandings, or we just saw it just a little bit differently.
00:26:56.880 --> 00:27:12.960
But I love that they had to look at each other in the eye and kind of sit there until they could change how they were feeling, and then they could genuinely start to say, yeah, because they do love their sibling and they want to get along and they don't want this to ruin their relationship at six or seven years old, right?
00:27:13.200 --> 00:27:20.960
They didn't even know what was happening half the time, but there's a lot of truth to yes, making sure that what you say matters.
00:27:21.119 --> 00:27:23.680
So taking the time to become intentional to words.
00:27:23.759 --> 00:27:29.680
You know, I mentioned that I talk about how what words are you putting on, and you said, you know, you thought about that.
00:27:31.440 --> 00:27:35.839
Most of us don't think about the words we're putting on in any situation.
00:27:35.920 --> 00:27:53.680
We're much more reactive and then we start putting the words to use and just becoming a little more intentional to how you want to show up in this situation and choosing, which as humans we have the ability to do to choose how we show up is a practice.
00:27:53.839 --> 00:27:59.599
So, for example, I go to this meeting sometimes and it is the biggest waste of time, I think, in my mind.
00:27:59.839 --> 00:28:04.640
It's not worth I feel like the meeting's five times too long.
00:28:04.799 --> 00:28:10.480
We don't get anything done, we could get everything done in 45 minutes, and it's a five-hour meeting, let's just say, right?
00:28:10.720 --> 00:28:19.680
And I noticed that every time I had the meeting scheduled, I would get really irritable and angry and frustrated.
00:28:19.759 --> 00:28:22.559
Because in my mind, I'm thinking, this is a waste of my time.
00:28:22.720 --> 00:28:24.799
We could do this faster, I would do it differently.
00:28:24.880 --> 00:28:27.279
You know, I'm like projecting all these things out there.
00:28:28.240 --> 00:28:34.000
Well, funny enough, one day I realized okay, the meeting's not gonna change, but I can change.
00:28:34.400 --> 00:28:45.599
And so now when I go to the meetings, I just go to them going, it's gonna take five hours and I'm just gonna make the best of it and I'm gonna go with the flow and I'm gonna be curious as to what we're doing.
00:28:46.799 --> 00:28:53.279
It hasn't made the meetings go away, but I sure am a lot happier because it's something I still have to do, right?
00:28:53.359 --> 00:28:57.599
And so it's that perspective that we have the power to put out there.
00:28:57.920 --> 00:29:06.319
But it took me, you know, a couple times of like being miserable at the meeting to realize wait a minute, I don't want to let that five hours make me miserable.
00:29:06.480 --> 00:29:07.359
It doesn't need to.
00:29:07.519 --> 00:29:14.559
I can shift, and that's where we shift our thinking, how we feel, and I'm much happier when I leave the meeting.
00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:16.160
So good.
00:29:16.400 --> 00:29:17.119
So it's a victory.
00:29:17.200 --> 00:29:21.839
You know, I yeah in my first book I wrote a chapter and I can't even remember what the chapter is about.
00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:22.640
I should know that.
00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:25.519
But and the title of the chapter is Embrace the Suck.
00:29:25.839 --> 00:29:32.640
And that is not that I go out and look for bad activities, or I look for bad experiences, but they're gonna find me.
00:29:32.799 --> 00:29:37.039
Five-hour meetings are gonna be on my schedule sometime this week, and I just have to deal with that.
00:29:37.279 --> 00:29:41.279
Yes, it's my mindset, and how do I verbalize that?
00:29:41.440 --> 00:29:52.240
Often I use sarcasm or you know, just kind of lightheartedness to deal with situations that I don't really want to be in or I don't really want to participate in.
00:29:52.400 --> 00:29:53.279
And that helps me.
00:29:53.359 --> 00:29:55.519
It doesn't my wife approaches it totally different.
00:29:55.599 --> 00:29:56.960
In fact, sometimes she thinks I'm complaining.
00:29:57.039 --> 00:29:58.240
I'm like, no, that's not complaining.
00:29:58.319 --> 00:30:05.359
That's how I diffuse what I'm feeling inside about where I'm having to sit right now or what I'm having to do right now.
00:30:05.519 --> 00:30:08.160
It's not a complaint, it's just a and maybe I got that too.
00:30:08.799 --> 00:30:13.279
You're probably like me because we're both speakers, but we're verbal processors, right?
00:30:13.359 --> 00:30:23.839
And so for you and I, I sometimes need to verbally process things where it sounds like your wife and even my husband is they're not much of I mean, they don't need to process everything out loud.
00:30:24.240 --> 00:30:34.000
Sometimes uh yeah, but we do need to become just a little more intentional to our words because again, I love that embrace the suck.
00:30:34.079 --> 00:30:37.920
I mean, the truth is there's going to be that in any aspect of life.
00:30:38.079 --> 00:30:42.720
So, but the word embrace is like, okay, I can get behind it instead of fight it.
00:30:42.880 --> 00:30:44.559
It's like it is part of it, you know?
00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:46.480
So it makes life a little easier.
00:30:46.799 --> 00:30:47.039
Yeah.
00:30:47.200 --> 00:30:56.480
There's a big difference between endure the suck and embrace the suck because we're all gonna endure, hopefully, but we can embrace it by saying, okay, I'm here.
00:30:56.559 --> 00:30:58.319
What am I gonna get out of this positively?
00:30:58.400 --> 00:30:59.279
How am I gonna do it?
00:30:59.440 --> 00:31:05.279
And that starts with my thoughts, my emotions, and then ultimately the words that come out of my mouth.
00:31:05.599 --> 00:31:05.920
Yeah.
00:31:06.079 --> 00:31:10.160
One of the things I train on and speak on is the how shift.
00:31:10.319 --> 00:31:20.559
And again, there's going to be obstacles, but if we let our brain focus on why is this happening, our brain just will continue to show us problem after problem.
00:31:20.799 --> 00:31:25.839
It will just gravitate towards the problem and the critical eye of anything.
00:31:26.079 --> 00:31:30.559
So what if we start saying when a problem happens, how do I step forward?
00:31:30.799 --> 00:31:32.480
How do I take that next step?
00:31:32.799 --> 00:31:33.920
You do that with your team.
00:31:34.079 --> 00:31:37.279
Okay, we thought this was gonna work instead of why is this happening?
00:31:37.519 --> 00:31:39.599
Okay, how do we pivot?
00:31:39.759 --> 00:31:40.799
How do we do it?
00:31:41.119 --> 00:31:46.799
When we say how to ourselves or with others, it makes our brain start looking for solutions.
00:31:46.960 --> 00:31:49.440
And again, our brain does what we tell it to do.
00:31:49.599 --> 00:31:51.839
And so it will start looking for solutions.
00:31:51.920 --> 00:31:55.039
It might not find it immediately, but you become open-minded.
00:31:55.119 --> 00:32:01.599
You become willing to take other people's ideas, you become willing to say, I thought this was a good idea and it didn't work.
00:32:01.759 --> 00:32:03.519
It gives you some humility, right?
00:32:03.839 --> 00:32:09.359
Anytime I get stuck in anything, I always get back to, okay, how do I change?
00:32:09.599 --> 00:32:12.799
And the only thing I can change is my focus and my words.
00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:15.279
A lot of times I can't change the circumstance.
00:32:15.519 --> 00:32:19.920
I can't change that, but I can change how I step forward.
00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:24.400
And when I am in charge of my mind, it tends to move me forward.
00:32:24.480 --> 00:32:26.880
And I don't have to just sit in the suck.
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:35.839
You know, when I when you talk about words and how much they matter and how they can really change your mindset.
00:32:36.000 --> 00:32:38.319
When I was 18 years old, I joined the military.
00:32:38.480 --> 00:32:44.000
And the military, I mean, I would say our society in general, we've got a lot of foul mouths, and it's just the way it is.
00:32:44.079 --> 00:32:50.400
And that's not to criticize anybody or say that they're terrible people, but even a lot of good people have some really foul mouths.
00:32:50.480 --> 00:33:04.079
And getting into the military, some of the best people I know could string together a series of words that were not really productive and not really respectful of a lot of different things.
00:33:04.319 --> 00:33:07.759
But when I turned 18, I went into the military and I said, you know what?
00:33:07.920 --> 00:33:09.279
And I don't know what made me do it.
00:33:09.359 --> 00:33:10.960
I said, I'm not gonna swear anymore.
00:33:11.200 --> 00:33:17.279
And so for my almost 30 years in the military, I had that as a commitment that I'm not gonna swear.
00:33:17.359 --> 00:33:19.039
And I wasn't perfect at it.
00:33:19.279 --> 00:33:24.480
But just making that decision, I was amazed at how often that changed an environment.
00:33:24.799 --> 00:33:31.440
How many people said to me or made comments to me because I didn't swear, and I didn't realize I didn't swear.
00:33:31.519 --> 00:33:33.920
I got to the point where it wasn't something I really thought about.
00:33:34.000 --> 00:33:38.559
And it wasn't because people around me stopped swearing, although some wouldn't have apologized for swearing.
00:33:38.640 --> 00:33:39.759
That really wasn't normal.
00:33:39.839 --> 00:33:49.359
I mean, in a fighter squadron, you know, in just the course of discussion, you could hear some pretty creative profanities, and I just didn't even think about it.
00:33:49.519 --> 00:33:52.079
It just became part of the noise around me.
00:33:52.240 --> 00:34:03.440
But I was amazed at how it changed my mindset over the time and how it changed my mindset of what those words mean and how I wasn't going to use them.
00:34:03.599 --> 00:34:05.440
And again, it was a small thing.
00:34:05.599 --> 00:34:15.519
I don't try and pat myself on the back because I did that or because it made me better than anybody else, because there are a lot of people who use really foul language that were way better people than me.
00:34:15.679 --> 00:34:21.039
But for me, it made a difference and it changed, and it made me really think about how much do words matter?
00:34:21.199 --> 00:34:22.719
And then why do they matter?
00:34:22.800 --> 00:34:24.400
And how does it change my behavior?
00:34:24.559 --> 00:34:26.400
How does it change my thoughts?
00:34:26.559 --> 00:34:28.960
And how does it change my demeanor?
00:34:29.199 --> 00:34:30.719
You know, really the whole nine yards.
00:34:30.800 --> 00:34:36.559
I was surprised at how much over the times I look back on it, how much it changed who I was as a person.
00:34:36.880 --> 00:34:37.760
I love that.
00:34:37.920 --> 00:34:39.440
Well, and you made a choice.
00:34:39.599 --> 00:34:42.719
There was a time you made a choice, I'm not gonna talk that way.
00:34:42.880 --> 00:34:46.559
And then you intentionally put that on until it became a habit.
00:34:46.719 --> 00:35:01.199
And it wasn't something that you fought every day, like maybe someone else, you know, because sometimes to break a habit, if you're a negative thinker, and then I kind of mentioned at the beginning, you know, 12 years ago I found myself stuck in negativity and depression, some anxiety.
00:35:01.440 --> 00:35:08.559
I had kind of nurtured those thinkings things, and they grew to where I, that's how my days would go.
00:35:08.800 --> 00:35:12.079
They were just negative and depressed and full of anxiety.
00:35:12.320 --> 00:35:22.480
And then it was actually through the power of prayer, and this is a little bit more on the spiritual side, but God impressed upon my heart the idea that if you change your words, you can change your story.
00:35:22.719 --> 00:35:27.920
And so that was the start of me learning how to change the way I focused on words.
00:35:28.159 --> 00:35:34.400
So mine was not so much swearing, but it was I made the choice to start focusing on the good.
00:35:34.559 --> 00:35:36.960
And the more I focus on the good, guess what?
00:35:37.119 --> 00:35:38.159
I see more good.
00:35:38.320 --> 00:35:42.320
And it's much easier for me today than it was 12 years ago, right?
00:35:42.639 --> 00:35:49.920
And I think that goes perfectly with being a leader because so often our leadership is influential and leading, right?
00:35:50.079 --> 00:35:57.039
Like people are watching you of how you handle situations, and that's how they're gonna show up around you too.
00:35:57.199 --> 00:36:00.320
And so becoming intentional to your words, what a great story.
00:36:00.400 --> 00:36:01.199
I love that.
00:36:02.639 --> 00:36:03.119
Thanks.
00:36:03.280 --> 00:36:11.679
And I appreciate your story because it makes me think of things that I've dwelt on that have stuck with me until I made an affirmative desire to change.
00:36:11.920 --> 00:36:24.559
And I think of, you know, books that I read that helped me or hurt me, and movies that I've watched that have helped me or hurt me in terms of how I viewed the world and what came out of my mouth and what emotion it's filled me with.
00:36:24.639 --> 00:36:51.679
And I really think if I want to end on a thought and I want your opinions on it, is that when words come out of our mouths, it's because we've been formulating, we've been taking all those emotions and we've taken where we want to go, maybe, or where our emotions are taking us, and we've had to categorize and put them together in such a way that's coherent so that when the words come out of our mouth, that's the direction we're going.
00:36:51.840 --> 00:36:55.440
And that can be either really positive or it can be really negative.
00:36:55.599 --> 00:37:05.039
But if we're able to put together positive and words that are taking us where we want to go, it's because we've already been there emotionally.
00:37:05.199 --> 00:37:13.199
We've already been there in our mind, we've already visualized what that looks like so that when the words come out, they are positive or they are negative words.
00:37:13.360 --> 00:37:14.960
So I wanted your thoughts on that.
00:37:15.280 --> 00:37:18.320
Yeah, and I think it just goes back to practicing, right?
00:37:18.480 --> 00:37:22.800
To get good at anything, you first have to become aware and then you practice it.
00:37:23.119 --> 00:37:32.000
So you have to become aware of like, oh, I'm reacting this way and I don't like that, or oh, I keep ruminating on this or whatever.
00:37:32.159 --> 00:37:35.760
And then you have to consciously make a choice to do something different.
00:37:36.000 --> 00:37:38.400
The thing is, you have to make that choice.
00:37:38.639 --> 00:37:47.440
Like I can say it till I'm blue in the face that words matter to you, but until you decide to become aware of it, you would have to have that same experience.
00:37:47.599 --> 00:37:55.920
But through our conversation, I can tell that you know that they matter because you're sharing stories because you're going, oh yeah, I had this experience and I had that.
00:37:56.000 --> 00:37:59.679
And that's what I love about communicating is that we help each other.
00:37:59.920 --> 00:38:02.159
And the words of one another do help.
00:38:02.239 --> 00:38:03.840
They influence either for good.
00:38:03.920 --> 00:38:10.239
And that's why it's called the word effect, my book and my podcast, because there is an effect.
00:38:10.400 --> 00:38:12.639
You can't get away from the effect of words.
00:38:12.800 --> 00:38:18.079
It's are you gonna choose the positive or the negative, or where are you gonna focus and for how on?
00:38:18.239 --> 00:38:20.320
And you have the power to shift that.
00:38:20.559 --> 00:38:24.639
I believe words are a compass, they guide us in our life.
00:38:24.800 --> 00:38:30.719
And so becoming a little more aware of to your words, learning to pause and really how am I feeling in this situation?
00:38:30.880 --> 00:38:32.719
How do I want to feel in this situation?
00:38:32.960 --> 00:38:38.000
Just taking that like breath to pause or breath goes a long way.
00:38:38.719 --> 00:38:43.679
You know, because if not, we kind of can be reactive and maybe regret it later on.
00:38:44.639 --> 00:38:45.199
No, thanks.
00:38:45.280 --> 00:38:47.599
It's kind of like in pilot terms, I'll put it in pilot terms.
00:38:47.679 --> 00:38:48.000
Yeah.
00:38:48.159 --> 00:38:49.519
I'm flying east.
00:38:49.679 --> 00:38:54.880
In order to fly east, I have to have thought through number one, I want to go east.
00:38:55.199 --> 00:38:57.519
Number two, why do I want to go east?
00:38:57.679 --> 00:38:59.360
And then I have to turn the aircraft.
00:38:59.440 --> 00:39:06.480
I have to put inputs into the aircraft, into the flight controls to get it to maneuver to point the nose east.
00:39:06.639 --> 00:39:12.320
And when I finally roll out on 090, which is east, those are the words coming out of my mouth.
00:39:12.480 --> 00:39:20.320
Those are the effects of everything that went into my mind to actually get me to fly east, to get me to go to the direction that I want to go.
00:39:20.559 --> 00:39:21.519
Yeah, I love that.
00:39:21.599 --> 00:39:24.159
And it's back to that what you think about, you bring about.
00:39:24.320 --> 00:39:25.760
You had to think about it first.
00:39:25.920 --> 00:39:30.719
You had to make those small little decisions, and then you're flying east, right?
00:39:30.880 --> 00:39:31.840
And that's how you did.
00:39:31.920 --> 00:39:35.920
You can't just say, okay, I'm gonna fly east and then just disregard and not do anything.
00:39:36.159 --> 00:39:39.440
Like change and leadership does take action, as you know, right?
00:39:39.599 --> 00:39:42.239
It takes, you have to be intentional with it.
00:39:42.400 --> 00:39:49.360
And so just bringing people back to an awareness of their words, everything that we create at first was a thought.
00:39:49.599 --> 00:39:52.239
It was a thought that leads to the creation.
00:39:52.480 --> 00:39:57.840
You writing your book was first a bunch of thoughts that then you've put together out in a book.
00:39:58.000 --> 00:39:59.519
Same with me when I wrote mine.
00:39:59.679 --> 00:40:04.320
They've started with thoughts and then we put it on paper, right?
00:40:04.480 --> 00:40:06.400
That's how things are created.
00:40:06.719 --> 00:40:14.159
And so we have to really become aware of how powerful our words are because it creates exactly what our life becomes.
00:40:15.920 --> 00:40:18.000
Well, thank you so much, Becky, for joining us today.
00:40:18.079 --> 00:40:20.239
Thank you for your words of wisdom.
00:40:20.480 --> 00:40:24.000
You can send me an invoice, I guess, for the coaching that you gave me on the show here.
00:40:24.239 --> 00:40:24.880
No, no, no.
00:40:25.440 --> 00:40:26.320
This was great.
00:40:26.960 --> 00:40:28.000
So I appreciate it.
00:40:28.079 --> 00:40:30.800
For everybody who is here with us today, I hope you enjoyed the show.
00:40:30.960 --> 00:40:46.480
I got a lot out of it, and I appreciate Becky's comments and the way she approaches words and the away and the difference that it makes in the decisions that we make, because the final decision is the culmination of everything that's been going on in our brain before and up to that point.
00:40:46.639 --> 00:40:53.119
And getting those in the right order so that we can actually make the right decision is what's going to help us to make better decisions.
00:40:53.280 --> 00:41:02.000
If you have any questions, if you want to talk to Becky, you can reach out to me and go to asterisknow.com and I will point you to Becky or what's your website, Becky?
00:41:02.159 --> 00:41:05.840
Yeah, my website is just becoming with Becky.com.
00:41:05.920 --> 00:41:10.000
And I just have relaunched my podcast called The Word Effect, so go check it out.
00:41:10.159 --> 00:41:14.159
And yeah, I would love to hear from you, but words really do matter.
00:41:14.239 --> 00:41:19.760
And I think you're right, the culmination of little things determine the decisions we take for sure.
00:41:20.000 --> 00:41:20.320
Thank you.
00:41:20.480 --> 00:41:25.599
Subscribe, follow, like, and please comment if you have any comments.
00:41:25.760 --> 00:41:28.239
Something you don't like, something you do like, please comment.
00:41:28.400 --> 00:41:31.679
It helps the show, but it also gives me feedback on how we're doing here.
00:41:31.760 --> 00:41:37.199
And join us next time for Commander's Intent so we can all become better decision makers for better results.
00:41:37.440 --> 00:41:38.239
Thanks.
00:41:41.199 --> 00:41:44.800
So that's it for today's episode of Commander's Intent Podcast.
00:41:44.960 --> 00:41:50.079
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00:41:50.320 --> 00:42:04.400
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00:42:04.559 --> 00:42:13.599
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