WEBVTT
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Welcome to Bubbles and Breakdowns, a space designed for you to show up as your beautifully imperfect self, where we dive into the good, the bad, and the bubbly.
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I'm Katrina and I'm Ashley.
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Have you ever opened up about something painful only to hear everything happens for a reason?
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No.
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Just stay positive.
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Or it could be worse.
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Chances are the person saying those words are they mean well, right?
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Most people aren't trying to dismiss our feelings.
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They're trying to comfort us.
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But sometimes those well-intentioned responses can leave us feeling unheard, misunderstood, or even guilty for experiencing difficult emotions in the first place.
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So today we're talking about toxic positivity, the pressure to maintain a positive attitude no matter what's happening in our lives.
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We'll explore what toxic positivity really is, why it's become so common in our culture, and how it can affect our emotional well-being and relationships.
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And what healthy, genuine support looks like instead.
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So because true resilience isn't about pretending everything is okay, it's about making space for the full range of human emotions while finding hope in honest and meaningful ways.
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This is a big one.
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And I hate to say I've said it happens for a reason.
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I was just gonna say I am the it happens for a reason human.
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But I always think it brings hope.
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Yeah.
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And that's the intention, I think, when people say it, right?
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At the end of the day, when you are in a place that you are not able to receive it, it can just cut you, right?
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It can make you feel like what you're going through doesn't matter.
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It can minimize your experience.
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It cannot create space for you to feel comfortable to open up.
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And when I think of it that way, I'm like, oh, what an ass.
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Why did I say that?
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And I feel like it's so two-sided because I feel like some people like me and you probably in that moment are like, oh, we want to give them hope or just say, like, you know, if they've been thinking like, let's say, like a cycle of negative thoughts, something that just just like cuts it.
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Right.
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You want to get them out of it.
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Totally.
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You want to help them, but you're not.
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Right.
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But also you don't want to disminish or dismiss their feelings.
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Yeah.
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By you maybe avoiding your own discomfort in discussing this topic with them, which is like tough to do.
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Or you might think like maybe they don't want to talk about it.
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Right.
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And and when you look at the definition of toxic positivity, it's so like it's so it sounds so ridiculous.
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So I'm gonna read it.
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Okay.
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So it's the belief that people should maintain a positive mindset regardless of how difficult or painful a situation is.
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Like, no.
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Is it bad that like the the Catholic Church crossed my mind?
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Oh zinger.
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No.
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Yeah, no, I don't think that's bad at all.
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But it's just kind of like the thing that came to my mind.
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Like, how do you be truthful or help someone in that definition?
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You can't.
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No, you can't be truthful, and then you definitely can't.
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So toxic positivity is this whole, I don't know, way of being that just says, Oh, it's fine.
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It's fine, everything's fine.
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I'm fine.
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Everybody's fine, and it's no one is fine.
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It's like one tier.
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And then all of a sudden that person probably kicks over from a heart attack.
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But at the end of the day, there's a big difference between healthy optimism, which I think is like what you were talking about, which is like, it's gonna get better, or like this too shall pass.
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Or, you know, what I always go to is like nothing's permanent.
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I really believe that.
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But but there's a big difference between that and toxic positivity.
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When people come to us and say things like, oh, just think positive, or you know what, others have it worse, or everything happens for reasons, good vibes only, which by the way, I had a t-shirt that said good vibes only, and just recently, probably in the last few months, threw that thing out because I I looked at this, I was like, no, fuck it.
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It's it's not good vibes only, it's whatever vibe I'm feeling.
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It's the new house rag.
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Like you know, people like rip their t-shirts up for like cleaning.
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There you go.
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We're gonna wipe it with good vibes only.
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Seriously, but wipe it up.
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But I don't also like when I look at relationships, I don't want good vibes only.
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Totally.
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Like I want all of it.
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I want you crying, I want you happy.
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And I always think about screaming, crying, throwing up.
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Yes, yes, but bring it all.
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And and I just think there's another quote that's like if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
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And there's these friendships that sometimes form where they're like, oh, well, she used to be fun.
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And it's like, yeah, she used to be fun before she got a divorce and or her dad died, and or you know, she took on motherhood and it was a lot more challenging than she thought it was gonna be.
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And you want to know what?
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That person still needs friends, you know, and eventually maybe they'll get back to that fun, you know, fill in the blank person.
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But life happens.
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And if we are just bulldozing and saying, Oh, I don't want to bring so-and-so because they're a drag, or I they're gonna bring the room down.
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Like that is that's a bit of toxic positivity.
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And not only is it toxic positivity, but that can be very dismissive, you know, and and I don't want friendships like that, Ashley.
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Totally, like at all.
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No, I'm gonna sign up.
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100% with you.
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And but I also believe there is a time and a place for your emotions, right?
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Like, like don't, don't drag the room down for sure.
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Yes.
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Like we're saying, don't bring that like, but totally, totally with you.
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And I think, you know, I think also some of the biggest, best relationships I have with people is when we are being completely vulnerable and we meet these traits or these, I hate to say traits, but like right, right, like meet these feelings head on.
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And it can be scary too for the other person who's trying to share that.
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So if if all they're hearing are these positive sayings, you know, that's gonna really hurt them.
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Or it's gonna minimize what they're willing to share with you.
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Right.
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Or it's not gonna foster trust and openness.
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And I think there's just so many more negative impacts.
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And like I said, handheld up, I said, I have said like everything happens for a reason.
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Same.
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And I have a tattoo.
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I have a tattoo.
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I'm just just kidding.
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Yeah, it's on your um your tramp stamp.
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My lower back tattoo.
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Yes, your lower back tat.
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No, but like I I don't know.
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I I when I think about people who are like this, there's a little bit of envy where I'm like, oh, they just walk around, it's everything sunshine and rainbows.
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But when you think about like what it why are they saying these things?
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You know, are they trying to help us or are they trying to avoid discomfort?
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Because maybe it's both.
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Totally.
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Like they don't want the bad vibes.
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Right.
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And maybe it brings them down, or maybe they're so much of a sensey that they're like, oh, I'm too empathetic, and that's gonna make me feel really sad and like you know, cry or fill in the blank.
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And and they want to avoid that for themselves.
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So there's two things.
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There's it could be the either external where they're focusing on another person's emotions and wanting to make them feel better, or it can be internal of like they're preventing pain and discomfort for themselves.
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Right.
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I feel like it's so funny because like I'm definitely not like, okay, eighth time I'm saying this now, that that everything happens for a reason person.
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But like I love when people open up to me because I want to shelter them.
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No, that's not what I'm trying to say.
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I want to like share that burden and I want to help them navigate or at least open up because think about how freeing that feels.
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Right.
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Just to say, like, I'm in this messed up situation or I my feelings are X, Y, and Z in a negative head space.
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It's to share that with somebody, not to bring them down, but just to say, like, hey, I need a human to help guide me.
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Right.
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And like, there's so many hidden costs to not sharing.
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Right.
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Well, the stress.
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Totally the stress, or you're like, increase your shame.
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Shame is a really big one.
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Shame's hard.
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And and I think that's so important.
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Cause then you could be shaming someone without knowing it by saying everything happens for a reason.
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And they're like, but I don't believe that.
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And why did this happen?
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Right.
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I mean, actually, sometimes with people, I'm like, actually, it there's no reason this happened.
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It's just bad things happen to good people.
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Totally.
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You know, and and that's been another one that I've said.
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Maybe that's toxic.
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I don't think I actually think that's realistic, but I think that's better than everything happens for reason.
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Because think of, I mean, really hot topics of like death.
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Yes.
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That killed, like you never.
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What's the reason?
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There's no reason.
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No, there's not.
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So there is like better directive ways to do that.
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And but yeah, you I feel like we've all probably I've been dismissed before.
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Yes, I felt dismissed.
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Or felt dismissed, right?
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You know, and it is soul crushing.
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And it kind of strained my relationship with that person.
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And you know, and it was actually like a conversation that I had with them about us.
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It wasn't just something I was sharing.
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Right.
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And it just really scarred, I think the friendship.
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It did.
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And, you know, I I think that's important for people to understand too.
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Yeah.
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Is, you know, take me as I am, but love me at my worst, or whatever, you know, that saying is.
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Like I know you mentioned earlier, and it's um, people never forget.
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I agree.
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I agree.
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But, you know, and I think that what what I just heard you say is you're dismissed for your feelings.
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And and to me, that can be toxic positivity, or it can be like, I just don't want to even have this conversation and people are just avoiding it.
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Totally.
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You know what I mean?
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Totally.
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So it is different, but I feel like it can be the same thing where it's like, nope, we're not gonna talk about this.
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Like it's not a big deal.
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It doesn't matter.
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Like when you said dismiss, like it doesn't matter.
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Like that's really, like, that's really dismissive.
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But I think there's the other side of the coin, which is that well-intended, maybe toxic positivity person, which is they just don't know what the hell to say.
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Totally.
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They just don't have the words, and they're like, Hold on, home Hallmark card greetings.
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What is the appropriate thing?
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Everything happens for a reason.
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This too shall pass.
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You know, you're gonna make it out on the other side.
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There's light at the end of the tunnel.
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Tomorrow's another day.
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Every day's a new day to make a new story.
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You know, fill in the blank Hallmark greeting card, but it gives a little bit of this like humanistic urge to feel like we have to say something.
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When in fact, maybe the best thing you can say is, I'm so sorry you're going through that.
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I have not I don't know what to say.
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And I think there's something too so powerful about just listening.
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Mm-hmm.
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Not hearing, actually listening.
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Yes.
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Being heard, being acknowledged in, you know, having someone share.
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And that's such a hard thing to do.
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Like there's things in the past where like I remember even sometimes today, like you're listening to a conversation, but you're kind of more thinking what you're gonna say next, right?
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Like you're not really present and listening to someone's feelings and absorbing that the way you should be.
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And sometimes not every conversation requires a response.
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Yes.
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So maybe you want to make yourself feel better by saying these positive attributes, you know, I was gonna say attributes, and that's not even the right word.
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Affirmations.
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Yeah, affirmations, yeah, whatever.
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But like sometimes you just have to listen.
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Yes.
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Yes.
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So we were looking in in part of the prep, Ashley.
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You put together some of these, what healthy positivity look looks like.
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And I I loved these because it takes some of the traps.
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I'm gonna call them like toxic positivity traps.
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That's a good one.
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That's a good one.
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Essentially, like we can go back to the Hallmark greeting hard because we that's all we remember.
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But I I I loved this.
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And this one, the first one that you had found is one that I was just reflecting on about my daughter.
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So my daughter can get very emotional, has some separation anxiety.
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And I'll say to her, like, you don't need to cry.
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And then what she has said to me in recent days is but I can cry.
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And then I say to her, I go, Yes, you absolutely can cry.
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I just want you to think about how that's ultimately, you know, how that's making you feel.
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And instead of telling her, don't cry, this is the example you found.
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I love this rephrasing, which is I'm here with you.
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However, sometimes I have to go.
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But but no, I think that's really important of saying, like, don't cry, sweetie.
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Dry your eyes, instead being like, I'm here with you, let it out.
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Like I thought that was such a beautiful reframe.
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And I don't know if someone said that to me, I'd be like, Thank you.
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I was feeling quite alone, actually.
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And I'm so glad you're here.
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Totally.
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You know, so I love it.
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It validates you.
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It validates you a hundred percent.
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You want to take the next one?
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I will.
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So instead of you'll get over it.
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This sounds real.
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My mom has said that to me.
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You'll get over it.
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You'll get over it.
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Um, this sounds really hard.
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Right.
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Right.
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That are me feel better.
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Yes, acknowledging that this is a good thing.
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Whatever.
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Totally.
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Right.
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I think that's beautiful because again, with these reframing, you're you're acknowledging the person's feelings, you're not dismissing them, and you're saying, Yeah, I see you.
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You know?
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So here's the next one.
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This is the one we've been talking about.
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Everything happens for a reason.
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Back tap.
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And then it's that I don't have the perfect words, but I'm listening.
00:14:07.120 --> 00:14:08.639
And that also feels good.
00:14:08.799 --> 00:14:10.080
And it feels it's honest.
00:14:10.240 --> 00:14:13.600
I was just gonna say it is truthful and honest.
00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:24.240
People aren't looking for at least when except for my top five when I'm real we mentioned this in this previous episode about trusting your instincts.
00:14:24.320 --> 00:14:27.039
But no, just really like I will never forget.
00:14:27.120 --> 00:14:29.840
I was um watching, I don't know, something on the gram.
00:14:29.919 --> 00:14:34.639
And it's like most conversations when people are coming to you, they're not asking for advice.
00:14:34.879 --> 00:14:35.360
Yes.
00:14:35.600 --> 00:14:40.960
They are trying to vent and connect and feel acknowledged.
00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:48.399
So by saying this, I don't have the perfect words, but I'm listening, can make them feel supported.
00:14:48.639 --> 00:14:49.679
Mission accomplished.
00:14:49.840 --> 00:14:50.240
Totally.
00:14:50.399 --> 00:14:50.639
Right.
00:14:50.799 --> 00:14:54.399
It's and you're you're creating space, you're holding that space.
00:14:54.559 --> 00:14:58.159
And I think I know it sounds like, oh gosh, yeah, holding space and da-da-da.
00:14:58.399 --> 00:15:03.039
But no, we we are not here to, you know, give therapy to people.
00:15:03.120 --> 00:15:03.279
Right.
00:15:03.440 --> 00:15:06.480
When they're coming to us, like totally they aren't looking to us like we're Dr.
00:15:06.799 --> 00:15:07.200
Phil.
00:15:07.440 --> 00:15:09.039
They know that you don't have the answers.
00:15:09.519 --> 00:15:14.080
If they thought you did, they'd be paying you your hourly rate of whatever a you know therapist.
00:15:14.480 --> 00:15:15.360
I definitely would charge.
00:15:15.759 --> 00:15:16.639
I would charge as well.
00:15:16.879 --> 00:15:26.480
But I and I think too, just like this is like a really good segue into like what are good tips for us, us well-meaning people, yeah, to avoid this.
00:15:26.559 --> 00:15:30.799
And I think the first one is to just ask them, do you want advice?
00:15:31.440 --> 00:15:32.799
Or do you want me to listen?
00:15:33.039 --> 00:15:38.480
And I think even just taking that right off the bat, like, you know, I wish that's something my husband would ask me.
00:15:38.559 --> 00:15:40.320
Cause usually I'm just like, just listen to me.
00:15:40.480 --> 00:15:43.679
Like, you know, but like that's that's a big one for me.
00:15:43.840 --> 00:15:44.320
I love that.
00:15:44.480 --> 00:15:52.559
There the and we've talked about that on a different episode as well, is like, hey, I'm gonna sit you down and I just want you to listen, or hey, I want you to help me solution.
00:15:52.639 --> 00:15:54.080
And even you can take control of that.
00:15:54.159 --> 00:15:56.639
They totally wait for the other person to do it.
00:15:57.039 --> 00:15:58.000
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:15:58.240 --> 00:16:10.080
But I think this is a big one, and this could be like a theme that we all go back to when we feel like we're drifting to the hallmark, hallmark section and say, let's replace fixing with validating.
00:16:10.639 --> 00:16:12.879
I'm not going to fix your problem.
00:16:13.279 --> 00:16:18.799
I'm going to validate that your emotions are your emotions are appropriate.
00:16:19.440 --> 00:16:26.639
Yes, warranted, that you are in a difficult situation, that there may not be an answer, and that I don't have the words to say.
00:16:27.279 --> 00:16:28.960
And I think that that that's so great.
00:16:29.120 --> 00:16:34.799
Cause we as human beings, we're, I think we're naturally wired to like want to fix stuff.
00:16:35.039 --> 00:16:35.519
We are.
00:16:35.679 --> 00:16:36.559
I think so too.
00:16:36.639 --> 00:16:39.600
Or like think we have all the answers, right?
00:16:39.919 --> 00:16:45.039
When again, I'd be charging everybody for the book of Ashley.
00:16:45.120 --> 00:16:46.080
Like, like, you know what I mean?
00:16:46.159 --> 00:16:49.039
Like, but I think it's important too in all of this.
00:16:49.279 --> 00:16:55.759
Emotions are so fleeting, yeah, and they are so intense, but two can exist at the same time.
00:16:56.000 --> 00:17:00.080
So it's not to downplay this hopefulness, right?
00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:06.799
That we're maybe saying some of these toxic positivity sayings or support can provide.
00:17:06.880 --> 00:17:07.039
Yeah.
00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:20.720
But it's more, I think, just saying, you know, here's some hope, but realizing someone's also scared, like validating that and helping them leave in a mindset.
00:17:21.039 --> 00:17:23.119
Again, it's not your job to do that.
00:17:23.279 --> 00:17:23.599
Right.
00:17:23.759 --> 00:17:40.480
But if you care about that person and you realize that they are in this in a tough situation or a tough place mentally, which I think you know, most of us have been in, you you know when you have that conversation with someone and you're open, you're honest, you feel better.
00:17:40.720 --> 00:17:44.000
And I think that's in all of this, that's the goal.
00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:51.519
And I I love that last one about two emotions existing at once because sometimes people say you should be grateful.
00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:53.680
Somebody else has it worse.
00:17:54.079 --> 00:17:58.160
And the thing is, you can be grateful and overwhelmed.
00:17:58.400 --> 00:17:58.799
Totally.
00:17:58.960 --> 00:18:00.880
You can be grateful and sad.
00:18:01.200 --> 00:18:03.839
You can be grateful and very tired.
00:18:04.079 --> 00:18:20.079
And I think that beauty in realizing that we are complex humans that can hold space for multiple emotions at once, and that it's not like some magic recipe that all of a sudden gratitude just supersedes feelings of sadness, loneliness, overwhelm, discomfort.
00:18:20.319 --> 00:18:30.559
And that's what makes us so, I don't know, interesting in a way, is that we can go fluidly between all of these emotions, even in an hour.
00:18:31.039 --> 00:18:37.279
You can go from being angry to sad to being back in love with your partner in one conversation.
00:18:37.519 --> 00:18:41.119
And thanks to perimetopause, it happens a lot more frequently, too.
00:18:41.759 --> 00:18:42.400
I love it.
00:18:42.480 --> 00:18:44.960
Should this be an episode that's dedicated to mood stabilization?
00:18:45.839 --> 00:18:46.160
I'm kidding.
00:18:46.319 --> 00:18:46.640
Why not?
00:18:47.279 --> 00:18:48.880
Anybody want to advertise with us?
00:18:49.519 --> 00:18:53.680
Um, no, but I know I think that's it's it that's beautifully put, so important.
00:18:54.079 --> 00:19:01.279
And I think, too, I'd love to just end this our episode just talking about how important connection is.
00:19:01.359 --> 00:19:12.640
Like I know we're talking about this is completely different than toxic positivity, but I think in all of this, the things that make us different than animals are is our ability to connect with one another.
00:19:12.880 --> 00:19:13.519
Yes.
00:19:14.319 --> 00:19:15.519
And that's important.
00:19:15.680 --> 00:19:17.920
So listen to what people are saying to you.
00:19:18.079 --> 00:19:21.359
I think that active listening is so, so important.
00:19:21.920 --> 00:19:24.240
Remember two emotions can exist.
00:19:24.799 --> 00:19:28.319
Validate somebody and just be there.
00:19:28.640 --> 00:19:29.200
I love it.
00:19:29.279 --> 00:19:30.640
What a beautiful way to end.
00:19:30.720 --> 00:19:38.960
Just a good reminder to not always have the perfect words, to tap into your heart to really listen and connect with people, bring them closer instead of pushing them away.
00:19:39.200 --> 00:19:41.279
I hope you guys have enjoyed this episode.
00:19:41.359 --> 00:19:45.119
And please remember that after every breakdown, don't forget the bubbles.
00:19:45.200 --> 00:19:50.960
If you're loving us, please go ahead and listen to us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast.
00:19:51.279 --> 00:19:54.640
Follow us on Instagram, like, share, subscribe.
00:19:55.039 --> 00:19:55.839
Do all things.
00:19:56.000 --> 00:19:57.680
Tell your grandma, tell your mom.
00:19:58.160 --> 00:19:59.119
We love you.
00:19:59.440 --> 00:20:00.640
No toxic positivity.
00:20:00.720 --> 00:20:01.359
Have a good day.
00:00:13.039 --> 00:00:22.320
Welcome to Bubbles and Breakdowns, a space designed for you to show up as your beautifully imperfect self, where we dive into the good, the bad, and the bubbly.
00:00:22.399 --> 00:00:24.559
I'm Katrina and I'm Ashley.
00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:30.800
Have you ever opened up about something painful only to hear everything happens for a reason?
00:00:31.120 --> 00:00:31.359
No.
00:00:31.920 --> 00:00:33.679
Just stay positive.
00:00:34.240 --> 00:00:36.000
Or it could be worse.
00:00:36.320 --> 00:00:40.640
Chances are the person saying those words are they mean well, right?
00:00:40.799 --> 00:00:43.679
Most people aren't trying to dismiss our feelings.
00:00:43.759 --> 00:00:45.119
They're trying to comfort us.
00:00:45.280 --> 00:00:55.759
But sometimes those well-intentioned responses can leave us feeling unheard, misunderstood, or even guilty for experiencing difficult emotions in the first place.
00:00:56.000 --> 00:01:03.600
So today we're talking about toxic positivity, the pressure to maintain a positive attitude no matter what's happening in our lives.
00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:14.000
We'll explore what toxic positivity really is, why it's become so common in our culture, and how it can affect our emotional well-being and relationships.
00:01:14.560 --> 00:01:17.519
And what healthy, genuine support looks like instead.
00:01:17.760 --> 00:01:29.760
So because true resilience isn't about pretending everything is okay, it's about making space for the full range of human emotions while finding hope in honest and meaningful ways.
00:01:30.719 --> 00:01:31.680
This is a big one.
00:01:31.760 --> 00:01:34.480
And I hate to say I've said it happens for a reason.
00:01:34.640 --> 00:01:37.840
I was just gonna say I am the it happens for a reason human.
00:01:39.359 --> 00:01:41.519
But I always think it brings hope.
00:01:41.760 --> 00:01:42.079
Yeah.
00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:44.640
And that's the intention, I think, when people say it, right?
00:01:44.959 --> 00:01:53.120
At the end of the day, when you are in a place that you are not able to receive it, it can just cut you, right?
00:01:53.280 --> 00:01:58.159
It can make you feel like what you're going through doesn't matter.
00:01:58.400 --> 00:02:00.239
It can minimize your experience.
00:02:00.400 --> 00:02:04.879
It cannot create space for you to feel comfortable to open up.
00:02:05.040 --> 00:02:08.960
And when I think of it that way, I'm like, oh, what an ass.
00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:10.479
Why did I say that?
00:02:11.759 --> 00:02:26.879
And I feel like it's so two-sided because I feel like some people like me and you probably in that moment are like, oh, we want to give them hope or just say, like, you know, if they've been thinking like, let's say, like a cycle of negative thoughts, something that just just like cuts it.
00:02:27.039 --> 00:02:27.120
Right.
00:02:27.680 --> 00:02:28.400
You want to get them out of it.
00:02:28.479 --> 00:02:28.719
Totally.
00:02:28.960 --> 00:02:30.319
You want to help them, but you're not.
00:02:30.560 --> 00:02:30.800
Right.
00:02:31.039 --> 00:02:36.240
But also you don't want to disminish or dismiss their feelings.
00:02:36.400 --> 00:02:36.800
Yeah.
00:02:37.360 --> 00:02:46.000
By you maybe avoiding your own discomfort in discussing this topic with them, which is like tough to do.
00:02:46.240 --> 00:02:48.960
Or you might think like maybe they don't want to talk about it.
00:02:49.120 --> 00:02:49.520
Right.
00:02:49.680 --> 00:02:59.039
And and when you look at the definition of toxic positivity, it's so like it's so it sounds so ridiculous.
00:02:59.199 --> 00:03:00.319
So I'm gonna read it.
00:03:00.479 --> 00:03:00.719
Okay.
00:03:00.879 --> 00:03:10.719
So it's the belief that people should maintain a positive mindset regardless of how difficult or painful a situation is.
00:03:11.199 --> 00:03:11.919
Like, no.
00:03:12.319 --> 00:03:16.240
Is it bad that like the the Catholic Church crossed my mind?
00:03:16.479 --> 00:03:18.639
Oh zinger.
00:03:18.879 --> 00:03:19.039
No.
00:03:19.439 --> 00:03:21.039
Yeah, no, I don't think that's bad at all.
00:03:21.280 --> 00:03:23.759
But it's just kind of like the thing that came to my mind.
00:03:23.919 --> 00:03:31.280
Like, how do you be truthful or help someone in that definition?
00:03:32.319 --> 00:03:32.960
You can't.
00:03:33.120 --> 00:03:36.000
No, you can't be truthful, and then you definitely can't.
00:03:36.159 --> 00:03:43.520
So toxic positivity is this whole, I don't know, way of being that just says, Oh, it's fine.
00:03:43.759 --> 00:03:45.039
It's fine, everything's fine.
00:03:45.280 --> 00:03:45.759
I'm fine.
00:03:46.080 --> 00:03:48.719
Everybody's fine, and it's no one is fine.
00:03:48.879 --> 00:03:49.599
It's like one tier.
00:03:49.759 --> 00:03:52.879
And then all of a sudden that person probably kicks over from a heart attack.
00:03:53.039 --> 00:04:02.560
But at the end of the day, there's a big difference between healthy optimism, which I think is like what you were talking about, which is like, it's gonna get better, or like this too shall pass.
00:04:02.719 --> 00:04:05.360
Or, you know, what I always go to is like nothing's permanent.
00:04:05.520 --> 00:04:07.199
I really believe that.
00:04:07.360 --> 00:04:11.199
But but there's a big difference between that and toxic positivity.
00:04:11.439 --> 00:04:29.600
When people come to us and say things like, oh, just think positive, or you know what, others have it worse, or everything happens for reasons, good vibes only, which by the way, I had a t-shirt that said good vibes only, and just recently, probably in the last few months, threw that thing out because I I looked at this, I was like, no, fuck it.
00:04:29.759 --> 00:04:32.639
It's it's not good vibes only, it's whatever vibe I'm feeling.
00:04:32.800 --> 00:04:34.000
It's the new house rag.
00:04:34.160 --> 00:04:36.800
Like you know, people like rip their t-shirts up for like cleaning.
00:04:37.040 --> 00:04:37.439
There you go.
00:04:37.519 --> 00:04:38.800
We're gonna wipe it with good vibes only.
00:04:39.040 --> 00:04:40.079
Seriously, but wipe it up.
00:04:40.399 --> 00:04:44.240
But I don't also like when I look at relationships, I don't want good vibes only.
00:04:44.319 --> 00:04:44.639
Totally.
00:04:44.800 --> 00:04:45.920
Like I want all of it.
00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:49.040
I want you crying, I want you happy.
00:04:49.120 --> 00:04:51.439
And I always think about screaming, crying, throwing up.
00:04:51.600 --> 00:04:54.399
Yes, yes, but bring it all.
00:04:54.560 --> 00:05:00.480
And and I just think there's another quote that's like if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
00:05:00.879 --> 00:05:05.439
And there's these friendships that sometimes form where they're like, oh, well, she used to be fun.
00:05:05.519 --> 00:05:14.000
And it's like, yeah, she used to be fun before she got a divorce and or her dad died, and or you know, she took on motherhood and it was a lot more challenging than she thought it was gonna be.
00:05:14.160 --> 00:05:15.199
And you want to know what?
00:05:15.360 --> 00:05:21.920
That person still needs friends, you know, and eventually maybe they'll get back to that fun, you know, fill in the blank person.
00:05:22.160 --> 00:05:23.519
But life happens.
00:05:23.600 --> 00:05:32.399
And if we are just bulldozing and saying, Oh, I don't want to bring so-and-so because they're a drag, or I they're gonna bring the room down.
00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:36.000
Like that is that's a bit of toxic positivity.
00:05:36.079 --> 00:05:43.360
And not only is it toxic positivity, but that can be very dismissive, you know, and and I don't want friendships like that, Ashley.
00:05:43.600 --> 00:05:44.639
Totally, like at all.
00:05:44.959 --> 00:05:46.079
No, I'm gonna sign up.
00:05:46.399 --> 00:05:47.439
100% with you.
00:05:47.519 --> 00:05:52.000
And but I also believe there is a time and a place for your emotions, right?
00:05:52.319 --> 00:05:54.639
Like, like don't, don't drag the room down for sure.
00:05:54.720 --> 00:05:54.959
Yes.
00:05:55.120 --> 00:05:58.639
Like we're saying, don't bring that like, but totally, totally with you.
00:05:58.879 --> 00:06:13.680
And I think, you know, I think also some of the biggest, best relationships I have with people is when we are being completely vulnerable and we meet these traits or these, I hate to say traits, but like right, right, like meet these feelings head on.
00:06:14.560 --> 00:06:19.839
And it can be scary too for the other person who's trying to share that.
00:06:20.160 --> 00:06:29.600
So if if all they're hearing are these positive sayings, you know, that's gonna really hurt them.
00:06:29.839 --> 00:06:32.399
Or it's gonna minimize what they're willing to share with you.
00:06:32.560 --> 00:06:32.879
Right.
00:06:33.040 --> 00:06:35.680
Or it's not gonna foster trust and openness.
00:06:36.000 --> 00:06:38.560
And I think there's just so many more negative impacts.
00:06:38.639 --> 00:06:43.360
And like I said, handheld up, I said, I have said like everything happens for a reason.
00:06:43.680 --> 00:06:43.920
Same.
00:06:44.160 --> 00:06:44.879
And I have a tattoo.
00:06:45.360 --> 00:06:46.160
I have a tattoo.
00:06:46.399 --> 00:06:48.319
I'm just just kidding.
00:06:48.480 --> 00:06:50.879
Yeah, it's on your um your tramp stamp.
00:06:51.120 --> 00:06:51.680
My lower back tattoo.
00:06:51.839 --> 00:06:53.040
Yes, your lower back tat.
00:06:53.360 --> 00:06:55.839
No, but like I I don't know.
00:06:56.000 --> 00:07:03.600
I I when I think about people who are like this, there's a little bit of envy where I'm like, oh, they just walk around, it's everything sunshine and rainbows.
00:07:03.680 --> 00:07:07.920
But when you think about like what it why are they saying these things?
00:07:08.160 --> 00:07:11.759
You know, are they trying to help us or are they trying to avoid discomfort?
00:07:11.920 --> 00:07:13.279
Because maybe it's both.
00:07:13.519 --> 00:07:14.160
Totally.
00:07:14.399 --> 00:07:16.319
Like they don't want the bad vibes.
00:07:16.480 --> 00:07:16.720
Right.
00:07:16.879 --> 00:07:28.079
And maybe it brings them down, or maybe they're so much of a sensey that they're like, oh, I'm too empathetic, and that's gonna make me feel really sad and like you know, cry or fill in the blank.
00:07:28.319 --> 00:07:30.480
And and they want to avoid that for themselves.
00:07:30.639 --> 00:07:31.279
So there's two things.
00:07:31.439 --> 00:07:42.160
There's it could be the either external where they're focusing on another person's emotions and wanting to make them feel better, or it can be internal of like they're preventing pain and discomfort for themselves.
00:07:42.319 --> 00:07:42.560
Right.
00:07:42.800 --> 00:07:49.519
I feel like it's so funny because like I'm definitely not like, okay, eighth time I'm saying this now, that that everything happens for a reason person.
00:07:49.680 --> 00:07:55.040
But like I love when people open up to me because I want to shelter them.
00:07:55.199 --> 00:07:56.399
No, that's not what I'm trying to say.
00:07:56.480 --> 00:08:02.480
I want to like share that burden and I want to help them navigate or at least open up because think about how freeing that feels.
00:08:02.639 --> 00:08:02.959
Right.
00:08:03.199 --> 00:08:11.279
Just to say, like, I'm in this messed up situation or I my feelings are X, Y, and Z in a negative head space.
00:08:13.199 --> 00:08:21.120
It's to share that with somebody, not to bring them down, but just to say, like, hey, I need a human to help guide me.
00:08:21.279 --> 00:08:21.600
Right.
00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:25.279
And like, there's so many hidden costs to not sharing.
00:08:25.519 --> 00:08:25.680
Right.
00:08:26.240 --> 00:08:27.120
Well, the stress.
00:08:27.360 --> 00:08:29.920
Totally the stress, or you're like, increase your shame.
00:08:30.879 --> 00:08:32.480
Shame is a really big one.
00:08:32.720 --> 00:08:33.679
Shame's hard.
00:08:33.919 --> 00:08:35.679
And and I think that's so important.
00:08:36.480 --> 00:08:40.559
Cause then you could be shaming someone without knowing it by saying everything happens for a reason.
00:08:40.639 --> 00:08:42.399
And they're like, but I don't believe that.
00:08:42.639 --> 00:08:43.840
And why did this happen?
00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:44.240
Right.
00:08:44.399 --> 00:08:48.240
I mean, actually, sometimes with people, I'm like, actually, it there's no reason this happened.
00:08:48.320 --> 00:08:49.919
It's just bad things happen to good people.
00:08:50.080 --> 00:08:50.399
Totally.
00:08:50.559 --> 00:08:52.480
You know, and and that's been another one that I've said.
00:08:52.559 --> 00:08:53.440
Maybe that's toxic.
00:08:53.519 --> 00:08:57.759
I don't think I actually think that's realistic, but I think that's better than everything happens for reason.
00:08:57.840 --> 00:09:00.639
Because think of, I mean, really hot topics of like death.
00:09:00.799 --> 00:09:01.440
Yes.
00:09:01.759 --> 00:09:03.440
That killed, like you never.
00:09:04.159 --> 00:09:05.360
What's the reason?
00:09:05.679 --> 00:09:06.240
There's no reason.
00:09:06.480 --> 00:09:07.120
No, there's not.
00:09:07.360 --> 00:09:10.559
So there is like better directive ways to do that.
00:09:10.639 --> 00:09:15.840
And but yeah, you I feel like we've all probably I've been dismissed before.
00:09:16.080 --> 00:09:17.120
Yes, I felt dismissed.
00:09:17.440 --> 00:09:18.559
Or felt dismissed, right?
00:09:18.639 --> 00:09:21.519
You know, and it is soul crushing.
00:09:21.600 --> 00:09:24.320
And it kind of strained my relationship with that person.
00:09:25.039 --> 00:09:31.519
And you know, and it was actually like a conversation that I had with them about us.
00:09:31.679 --> 00:09:33.279
It wasn't just something I was sharing.
00:09:33.519 --> 00:09:33.919
Right.
00:09:34.159 --> 00:09:38.000
And it just really scarred, I think the friendship.
00:09:38.159 --> 00:09:38.639
It did.
00:09:39.039 --> 00:09:42.480
And, you know, I I think that's important for people to understand too.
00:09:42.639 --> 00:09:42.960
Yeah.
00:09:43.200 --> 00:09:48.960
Is, you know, take me as I am, but love me at my worst, or whatever, you know, that saying is.
00:09:49.039 --> 00:09:52.159
Like I know you mentioned earlier, and it's um, people never forget.
00:09:52.399 --> 00:09:52.960
I agree.
00:09:53.120 --> 00:09:53.600
I agree.
00:09:53.759 --> 00:09:59.200
But, you know, and I think that what what I just heard you say is you're dismissed for your feelings.
00:09:59.360 --> 00:10:07.840
And and to me, that can be toxic positivity, or it can be like, I just don't want to even have this conversation and people are just avoiding it.
00:10:08.000 --> 00:10:08.240
Totally.
00:10:08.399 --> 00:10:08.960
You know what I mean?
00:10:09.200 --> 00:10:09.440
Totally.
00:10:09.600 --> 00:10:14.000
So it is different, but I feel like it can be the same thing where it's like, nope, we're not gonna talk about this.
00:10:14.159 --> 00:10:15.200
Like it's not a big deal.
00:10:15.360 --> 00:10:16.240
It doesn't matter.
00:10:16.399 --> 00:10:18.720
Like when you said dismiss, like it doesn't matter.
00:10:18.879 --> 00:10:22.159
Like that's really, like, that's really dismissive.
00:10:22.399 --> 00:10:30.159
But I think there's the other side of the coin, which is that well-intended, maybe toxic positivity person, which is they just don't know what the hell to say.
00:10:30.320 --> 00:10:30.720
Totally.
00:10:30.879 --> 00:10:35.200
They just don't have the words, and they're like, Hold on, home Hallmark card greetings.
00:10:35.360 --> 00:10:36.559
What is the appropriate thing?
00:10:36.799 --> 00:10:38.080
Everything happens for a reason.
00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:39.519
This too shall pass.
00:10:39.679 --> 00:10:41.600
You know, you're gonna make it out on the other side.
00:10:41.679 --> 00:10:42.720
There's light at the end of the tunnel.
00:10:42.879 --> 00:10:44.320
Tomorrow's another day.
00:10:45.279 --> 00:10:47.679
Every day's a new day to make a new story.
00:10:48.240 --> 00:10:55.039
You know, fill in the blank Hallmark greeting card, but it gives a little bit of this like humanistic urge to feel like we have to say something.
00:10:55.440 --> 00:11:00.159
When in fact, maybe the best thing you can say is, I'm so sorry you're going through that.
00:11:00.240 --> 00:11:01.679
I have not I don't know what to say.
00:11:02.399 --> 00:11:08.320
And I think there's something too so powerful about just listening.
00:11:09.120 --> 00:11:09.519
Mm-hmm.
00:11:09.840 --> 00:11:14.000
Not hearing, actually listening.
00:11:14.240 --> 00:11:14.639
Yes.
00:11:14.960 --> 00:11:22.639
Being heard, being acknowledged in, you know, having someone share.
00:11:22.720 --> 00:11:24.720
And that's such a hard thing to do.
00:11:24.960 --> 00:11:34.240
Like there's things in the past where like I remember even sometimes today, like you're listening to a conversation, but you're kind of more thinking what you're gonna say next, right?
00:11:34.399 --> 00:11:40.799
Like you're not really present and listening to someone's feelings and absorbing that the way you should be.
00:11:41.039 --> 00:11:46.879
And sometimes not every conversation requires a response.
00:11:47.120 --> 00:11:47.519
Yes.
00:11:47.840 --> 00:11:55.279
So maybe you want to make yourself feel better by saying these positive attributes, you know, I was gonna say attributes, and that's not even the right word.
00:11:55.440 --> 00:11:55.840
Affirmations.
00:11:55.919 --> 00:11:57.440
Yeah, affirmations, yeah, whatever.
00:11:57.679 --> 00:12:00.080
But like sometimes you just have to listen.
00:12:00.320 --> 00:12:00.960
Yes.
00:12:01.279 --> 00:12:01.759
Yes.
00:12:02.000 --> 00:12:04.559
So we were looking in in part of the prep, Ashley.
00:12:04.639 --> 00:12:08.399
You put together some of these, what healthy positivity look looks like.
00:12:08.559 --> 00:12:12.159
And I I loved these because it takes some of the traps.
00:12:12.240 --> 00:12:14.879
I'm gonna call them like toxic positivity traps.
00:12:15.200 --> 00:12:15.679
That's a good one.
00:12:15.840 --> 00:12:16.320
That's a good one.
00:12:16.559 --> 00:12:21.120
Essentially, like we can go back to the Hallmark greeting hard because we that's all we remember.
00:12:21.360 --> 00:12:22.639
But I I I loved this.
00:12:22.720 --> 00:12:28.879
And this one, the first one that you had found is one that I was just reflecting on about my daughter.
00:12:29.279 --> 00:12:33.840
So my daughter can get very emotional, has some separation anxiety.
00:12:34.159 --> 00:12:37.200
And I'll say to her, like, you don't need to cry.
00:12:38.399 --> 00:12:42.639
And then what she has said to me in recent days is but I can cry.
00:12:43.279 --> 00:12:46.960
And then I say to her, I go, Yes, you absolutely can cry.
00:12:47.279 --> 00:12:51.360
I just want you to think about how that's ultimately, you know, how that's making you feel.
00:12:52.480 --> 00:12:56.720
And instead of telling her, don't cry, this is the example you found.
00:12:57.120 --> 00:12:59.679
I love this rephrasing, which is I'm here with you.
00:13:00.960 --> 00:13:02.240
However, sometimes I have to go.
00:13:02.639 --> 00:13:07.200
But but no, I think that's really important of saying, like, don't cry, sweetie.
00:13:07.279 --> 00:13:10.720
Dry your eyes, instead being like, I'm here with you, let it out.
00:13:11.120 --> 00:13:13.840
Like I thought that was such a beautiful reframe.
00:13:13.919 --> 00:13:16.960
And I don't know if someone said that to me, I'd be like, Thank you.
00:13:17.120 --> 00:13:18.799
I was feeling quite alone, actually.
00:13:18.879 --> 00:13:20.000
And I'm so glad you're here.
00:13:20.159 --> 00:13:20.480
Totally.
00:13:20.639 --> 00:13:21.360
You know, so I love it.
00:13:21.519 --> 00:13:22.639
It validates you.
00:13:22.960 --> 00:13:25.039
It validates you a hundred percent.
00:13:25.440 --> 00:13:26.480
You want to take the next one?
00:13:26.639 --> 00:13:27.200
I will.
00:13:27.360 --> 00:13:29.519
So instead of you'll get over it.
00:13:30.960 --> 00:13:32.080
This sounds real.
00:13:32.960 --> 00:13:34.000
My mom has said that to me.
00:13:34.159 --> 00:13:34.879
You'll get over it.
00:13:35.039 --> 00:13:36.159
You'll get over it.
00:13:36.399 --> 00:13:38.720
Um, this sounds really hard.
00:13:38.960 --> 00:13:39.360
Right.
00:13:39.600 --> 00:13:39.840
Right.
00:13:40.080 --> 00:13:42.000
That are me feel better.
00:13:42.240 --> 00:13:43.519
Yes, acknowledging that this is a good thing.
00:13:43.679 --> 00:13:43.840
Whatever.
00:13:44.720 --> 00:13:44.960
Totally.
00:13:45.360 --> 00:13:45.600
Right.
00:13:46.000 --> 00:13:55.360
I think that's beautiful because again, with these reframing, you're you're acknowledging the person's feelings, you're not dismissing them, and you're saying, Yeah, I see you.
00:13:56.000 --> 00:13:56.480
You know?
00:13:56.720 --> 00:13:57.919
So here's the next one.
00:13:58.159 --> 00:13:59.440
This is the one we've been talking about.
00:13:59.519 --> 00:14:01.039
Everything happens for a reason.
00:14:01.279 --> 00:14:01.919
Back tap.
00:14:02.399 --> 00:14:06.240
And then it's that I don't have the perfect words, but I'm listening.
00:14:07.120 --> 00:14:08.639
And that also feels good.
00:14:08.799 --> 00:14:10.080
And it feels it's honest.
00:14:10.240 --> 00:14:13.600
I was just gonna say it is truthful and honest.
00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:24.240
People aren't looking for at least when except for my top five when I'm real we mentioned this in this previous episode about trusting your instincts.
00:14:24.320 --> 00:14:27.039
But no, just really like I will never forget.
00:14:27.120 --> 00:14:29.840
I was um watching, I don't know, something on the gram.
00:14:29.919 --> 00:14:34.639
And it's like most conversations when people are coming to you, they're not asking for advice.
00:14:34.879 --> 00:14:35.360
Yes.
00:14:35.600 --> 00:14:40.960
They are trying to vent and connect and feel acknowledged.
00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:48.399
So by saying this, I don't have the perfect words, but I'm listening, can make them feel supported.
00:14:48.639 --> 00:14:49.679
Mission accomplished.
00:14:49.840 --> 00:14:50.240
Totally.
00:14:50.399 --> 00:14:50.639
Right.
00:14:50.799 --> 00:14:54.399
It's and you're you're creating space, you're holding that space.
00:14:54.559 --> 00:14:58.159
And I think I know it sounds like, oh gosh, yeah, holding space and da-da-da.
00:14:58.399 --> 00:15:03.039
But no, we we are not here to, you know, give therapy to people.
00:15:03.120 --> 00:15:03.279
Right.
00:15:03.440 --> 00:15:06.480
When they're coming to us, like totally they aren't looking to us like we're Dr.
00:15:06.799 --> 00:15:07.200
Phil.
00:15:07.440 --> 00:15:09.039
They know that you don't have the answers.
00:15:09.519 --> 00:15:14.080
If they thought you did, they'd be paying you your hourly rate of whatever a you know therapist.
00:15:14.480 --> 00:15:15.360
I definitely would charge.
00:15:15.759 --> 00:15:16.639
I would charge as well.
00:15:16.879 --> 00:15:26.480
But I and I think too, just like this is like a really good segue into like what are good tips for us, us well-meaning people, yeah, to avoid this.
00:15:26.559 --> 00:15:30.799
And I think the first one is to just ask them, do you want advice?
00:15:31.440 --> 00:15:32.799
Or do you want me to listen?
00:15:33.039 --> 00:15:38.480
And I think even just taking that right off the bat, like, you know, I wish that's something my husband would ask me.
00:15:38.559 --> 00:15:40.320
Cause usually I'm just like, just listen to me.
00:15:40.480 --> 00:15:43.679
Like, you know, but like that's that's a big one for me.
00:15:43.840 --> 00:15:44.320
I love that.
00:15:44.480 --> 00:15:52.559
There the and we've talked about that on a different episode as well, is like, hey, I'm gonna sit you down and I just want you to listen, or hey, I want you to help me solution.
00:15:52.639 --> 00:15:54.080
And even you can take control of that.
00:15:54.159 --> 00:15:56.639
They totally wait for the other person to do it.
00:15:57.039 --> 00:15:58.000
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:15:58.240 --> 00:16:10.080
But I think this is a big one, and this could be like a theme that we all go back to when we feel like we're drifting to the hallmark, hallmark section and say, let's replace fixing with validating.
00:16:10.639 --> 00:16:12.879
I'm not going to fix your problem.
00:16:13.279 --> 00:16:18.799
I'm going to validate that your emotions are your emotions are appropriate.
00:16:19.440 --> 00:16:26.639
Yes, warranted, that you are in a difficult situation, that there may not be an answer, and that I don't have the words to say.
00:16:27.279 --> 00:16:28.960
And I think that that that's so great.
00:16:29.120 --> 00:16:34.799
Cause we as human beings, we're, I think we're naturally wired to like want to fix stuff.
00:16:35.039 --> 00:16:35.519
We are.
00:16:35.679 --> 00:16:36.559
I think so too.
00:16:36.639 --> 00:16:39.600
Or like think we have all the answers, right?
00:16:39.919 --> 00:16:45.039
When again, I'd be charging everybody for the book of Ashley.
00:16:45.120 --> 00:16:46.080
Like, like, you know what I mean?
00:16:46.159 --> 00:16:49.039
Like, but I think it's important too in all of this.
00:16:49.279 --> 00:16:55.759
Emotions are so fleeting, yeah, and they are so intense, but two can exist at the same time.
00:16:56.000 --> 00:17:00.080
So it's not to downplay this hopefulness, right?
00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:06.799
That we're maybe saying some of these toxic positivity sayings or support can provide.
00:17:06.880 --> 00:17:07.039
Yeah.
00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:20.720
But it's more, I think, just saying, you know, here's some hope, but realizing someone's also scared, like validating that and helping them leave in a mindset.
00:17:21.039 --> 00:17:23.119
Again, it's not your job to do that.
00:17:23.279 --> 00:17:23.599
Right.
00:17:23.759 --> 00:17:40.480
But if you care about that person and you realize that they are in this in a tough situation or a tough place mentally, which I think you know, most of us have been in, you you know when you have that conversation with someone and you're open, you're honest, you feel better.
00:17:40.720 --> 00:17:44.000
And I think that's in all of this, that's the goal.
00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:51.519
And I I love that last one about two emotions existing at once because sometimes people say you should be grateful.
00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:53.680
Somebody else has it worse.
00:17:54.079 --> 00:17:58.160
And the thing is, you can be grateful and overwhelmed.
00:17:58.400 --> 00:17:58.799
Totally.
00:17:58.960 --> 00:18:00.880
You can be grateful and sad.
00:18:01.200 --> 00:18:03.839
You can be grateful and very tired.
00:18:04.079 --> 00:18:20.079
And I think that beauty in realizing that we are complex humans that can hold space for multiple emotions at once, and that it's not like some magic recipe that all of a sudden gratitude just supersedes feelings of sadness, loneliness, overwhelm, discomfort.
00:18:20.319 --> 00:18:30.559
And that's what makes us so, I don't know, interesting in a way, is that we can go fluidly between all of these emotions, even in an hour.
00:18:31.039 --> 00:18:37.279
You can go from being angry to sad to being back in love with your partner in one conversation.
00:18:37.519 --> 00:18:41.119
And thanks to perimetopause, it happens a lot more frequently, too.
00:18:41.759 --> 00:18:42.400
I love it.
00:18:42.480 --> 00:18:44.960
Should this be an episode that's dedicated to mood stabilization?
00:18:45.839 --> 00:18:46.160
I'm kidding.
00:18:46.319 --> 00:18:46.640
Why not?
00:18:47.279 --> 00:18:48.880
Anybody want to advertise with us?
00:18:49.519 --> 00:18:53.680
Um, no, but I know I think that's it's it that's beautifully put, so important.
00:18:54.079 --> 00:19:01.279
And I think, too, I'd love to just end this our episode just talking about how important connection is.
00:19:01.359 --> 00:19:12.640
Like I know we're talking about this is completely different than toxic positivity, but I think in all of this, the things that make us different than animals are is our ability to connect with one another.
00:19:12.880 --> 00:19:13.519
Yes.
00:19:14.319 --> 00:19:15.519
And that's important.
00:19:15.680 --> 00:19:17.920
So listen to what people are saying to you.
00:19:18.079 --> 00:19:21.359
I think that active listening is so, so important.
00:19:21.920 --> 00:19:24.240
Remember two emotions can exist.
00:19:24.799 --> 00:19:28.319
Validate somebody and just be there.
00:19:28.640 --> 00:19:29.200
I love it.
00:19:29.279 --> 00:19:30.640
What a beautiful way to end.
00:19:30.720 --> 00:19:38.960
Just a good reminder to not always have the perfect words, to tap into your heart to really listen and connect with people, bring them closer instead of pushing them away.
00:19:39.200 --> 00:19:41.279
I hope you guys have enjoyed this episode.
00:19:41.359 --> 00:19:45.119
And please remember that after every breakdown, don't forget the bubbles.
00:19:45.200 --> 00:19:50.960
If you're loving us, please go ahead and listen to us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast.
00:19:51.279 --> 00:19:54.640
Follow us on Instagram, like, share, subscribe.
00:19:55.039 --> 00:19:55.839
Do all things.
00:19:56.000 --> 00:19:57.680
Tell your grandma, tell your mom.
00:19:58.160 --> 00:19:59.119
We love you.
00:19:59.440 --> 00:20:00.640
No toxic positivity.
00:20:00.720 --> 00:20:01.359
Have a good day.
