WEBVTT
1
00:00:27.559 --> 00:00:30.079
It's been a full year since I sat behind this mic.
2
00:00:30.679 --> 00:00:32.479
I'll be honest, it felt a little strange setting it
3
00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:35.159
up again, because there was like this brief moment where
4
00:00:35.200 --> 00:00:38.719
like the USB chord was not working, the MIC would
5
00:00:38.719 --> 00:00:41.960
not connect to the computer in true trace fashion, and
6
00:00:42.119 --> 00:00:44.600
I was getting frustrated, and I was like, something is
7
00:00:44.640 --> 00:00:47.079
wanting me to not set this up right now, but
8
00:00:47.159 --> 00:00:49.560
I'm determined to get this done. I got it done.
9
00:00:49.920 --> 00:00:53.520
Here we are. I'm just reminiscing on the nostalgia that
10
00:00:53.560 --> 00:00:56.000
came back and just sitting in my little office space,
11
00:00:56.240 --> 00:00:59.320
just talking, just talking freely. A lot of life has
12
00:00:59.359 --> 00:01:02.799
happened between the last episode and this one. I did
13
00:01:02.880 --> 00:01:05.920
not plan to disappear for this long, but honestly, I
14
00:01:06.000 --> 00:01:08.680
really needed the time. I needed the time to think.
15
00:01:08.879 --> 00:01:11.480
I needed the time to strategize. I needed the time
16
00:01:11.519 --> 00:01:14.760
to recharge and to regroup, and honestly, I had to
17
00:01:14.760 --> 00:01:18.599
figure out my identity again after an incredibly challenging year.
18
00:01:18.879 --> 00:01:21.359
I noticed in my absence that I was still getting downloads,
19
00:01:21.560 --> 00:01:24.200
which was one of my motivations for coming back. It
20
00:01:24.280 --> 00:01:25.959
kind of surprised me in a way that people were
21
00:01:25.959 --> 00:01:28.560
still listening to the same old episodes that I posted
22
00:01:28.560 --> 00:01:31.879
a long time ago, and I was actively getting downloads
23
00:01:31.920 --> 00:01:33.879
by the week. So I'm going to take this time
24
00:01:33.920 --> 00:01:37.719
to reintroduce myself for my og listeners. Welcome back. I'm
25
00:01:37.760 --> 00:01:40.359
so sorry that I have been gone for so long.
26
00:01:40.560 --> 00:01:43.280
And if you're new, Hi, I'm Trace and I'm so
27
00:01:43.359 --> 00:01:46.079
glad that you're here. Just a regular person who wanted
28
00:01:46.120 --> 00:01:50.359
to create a space where I could talk about life, marriage, parenthood, money,
29
00:01:50.599 --> 00:01:54.560
all the things openly and freely, without judgment. I started
30
00:01:54.560 --> 00:01:56.920
this podcast a year ago and I think weird at
31
00:01:56.840 --> 00:01:59.959
about episode twenty eight. I think this will be twenty nine.
32
00:02:00.840 --> 00:02:02.920
But this podcast meant a lot to me because I've
33
00:02:02.920 --> 00:02:05.120
been able to connect with people all over the world.
34
00:02:05.319 --> 00:02:07.359
At one point in time, we were listed in the
35
00:02:07.400 --> 00:02:10.840
top fifty podcast on Apple Podcasts, and for some reason,
36
00:02:11.360 --> 00:02:13.919
that rocked my world. I'll be honest. After that, I
37
00:02:13.960 --> 00:02:16.520
got imposter syndrome. I would have people reaching out to
38
00:02:16.560 --> 00:02:19.039
me on a weekly basis they wanted to be guest
39
00:02:19.039 --> 00:02:22.240
speakers on the show. I had podcast producers reaching out
40
00:02:22.360 --> 00:02:24.520
wanting to connect and to work with me, and for
41
00:02:24.560 --> 00:02:27.520
the longest time, I could not figure out why that
42
00:02:27.680 --> 00:02:29.840
was all I kept saying to myself was why do
43
00:02:29.879 --> 00:02:31.400
they want to sit and talk to me? What was
44
00:02:31.439 --> 00:02:33.400
so special about what I'm doing that would make people
45
00:02:33.400 --> 00:02:35.319
take time out of their day to have a conversation
46
00:02:35.439 --> 00:02:38.800
with me? Why? Just why, why would anyone want to
47
00:02:38.840 --> 00:02:41.280
listen to me? You have for hours and hours and hours.
48
00:02:41.439 --> 00:02:44.680
And so I was having all these internal conflicts every
49
00:02:44.719 --> 00:02:49.319
single day, and it frustrated me. I was frustrated because
50
00:02:49.639 --> 00:02:52.400
I wasn't happy with work. I wasn't able to think
51
00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:55.639
or be creative. I doubted every piece of content that
52
00:02:55.639 --> 00:02:59.639
I was putting out, from TikTok to Pinterest, and I
53
00:02:59.680 --> 00:03:03.080
had so many internal battles every single day that I
54
00:03:03.199 --> 00:03:06.599
just could not come up with any fresh or new ideas.
55
00:03:06.879 --> 00:03:09.000
I remember telling my husband that I just was not
56
00:03:09.039 --> 00:03:11.080
sure about the stuff that I was creating, and I
57
00:03:11.120 --> 00:03:14.879
felt really scared being listened to and heard in a way.
58
00:03:15.080 --> 00:03:17.159
Does that make sense? I don't know if that makes
59
00:03:17.199 --> 00:03:19.240
any sense at all, but that's how I felt. I
60
00:03:19.400 --> 00:03:22.960
understood the power of the impact that my voice had,
61
00:03:23.319 --> 00:03:26.400
and for some reason, no, lie, you guys, that felt
62
00:03:26.479 --> 00:03:29.599
so heavy. My husband sits there, of course, and he's
63
00:03:29.599 --> 00:03:33.000
listening to me go on and on about why I
64
00:03:33.000 --> 00:03:36.599
shouldn't make new content or why I shouldn't record any
65
00:03:36.639 --> 00:03:39.719
new episodes and I'm just like making excuse after excuse
66
00:03:39.759 --> 00:03:42.639
after excuse, and why I should not be doing this anymore.
67
00:03:42.879 --> 00:03:47.000
And then he did what he always does. He knocks
68
00:03:47.039 --> 00:03:49.319
the fear right out of me. He made sure to
69
00:03:49.360 --> 00:03:52.719
remind me of the things that I've done, what I've accomplished,
70
00:03:52.919 --> 00:03:55.360
the rooms I've been in, the rooms I've been a
71
00:03:55.400 --> 00:03:57.840
part of, the rooms that I will be in, and
72
00:03:58.000 --> 00:04:00.840
just how powerful my influence is to those around us
73
00:04:01.199 --> 00:04:03.879
and beyond. And then he also took a second to
74
00:04:04.000 --> 00:04:18.439
remind me of exactly who the fuck I think I am.
75
00:04:18.519 --> 00:04:36.519
This audio was created with async dot Com.
76
00:04:36.560 --> 00:04:38.680
All Right, so the last time we talked, we talked
77
00:04:38.720 --> 00:04:40.920
about how marriage is not like a sitcom and not
78
00:04:40.959 --> 00:04:44.879
gonna lie the way the year went from my family
79
00:04:44.959 --> 00:04:48.120
that I've been gone. It's a thousand percent giving sitcom.
80
00:04:48.560 --> 00:04:53.199
We have gone through some things as a family that
81
00:04:53.360 --> 00:04:57.040
can only be written on either reality TV or some
82
00:04:57.079 --> 00:04:59.879
sort of TV show. I'm not gonna go to my
83
00:05:00.199 --> 00:05:03.319
into detail, but we have been through some things over
84
00:05:03.319 --> 00:05:06.240
the past year. Okay, when I started this podcast, though
85
00:05:06.720 --> 00:05:09.360
we were kind of in a new season, we were
86
00:05:09.480 --> 00:05:14.360
new entrepreneurs. Recently just launched a fitness and wellness business,
87
00:05:14.879 --> 00:05:16.879
and I think I started to feel the weight of
88
00:05:16.920 --> 00:05:20.079
that and that kind of scared me a little bit.
89
00:05:20.519 --> 00:05:22.720
My mindset back then was like, just get it done,
90
00:05:22.800 --> 00:05:24.720
Just wake up and get it done. Get it done.
91
00:05:25.120 --> 00:05:27.879
But also, you need a regular job. And I don't
92
00:05:27.879 --> 00:05:30.399
know where that came from. I think just the spirit
93
00:05:30.439 --> 00:05:32.959
of entrepreneurship kind of freaked me out a little bit,
94
00:05:33.759 --> 00:05:36.439
because you know, when you start a new business or
95
00:05:36.480 --> 00:05:39.959
you start something new, it can feel a little bit uncertain,
96
00:05:40.199 --> 00:05:43.680
and I wasn't really sure where that would go, and
97
00:05:43.720 --> 00:05:46.680
so I started looking for a job in addition to
98
00:05:46.720 --> 00:05:50.199
the business that we had started, which was interesting because
99
00:05:50.240 --> 00:05:52.839
within the first six months of us starting our business,
100
00:05:53.240 --> 00:05:56.160
we had a gym space, we launched a fitness app,
101
00:05:56.319 --> 00:06:00.920
and we were featured in a magazine here, and so
102
00:06:01.720 --> 00:06:04.120
we were doing fine, like we were doing great. But
103
00:06:04.199 --> 00:06:06.600
I think something just was telling me, you need a job,
104
00:06:06.639 --> 00:06:08.560
you need a job, you need a job. And I'm
105
00:06:08.600 --> 00:06:13.319
now realizing that that is kind of where things went left.
106
00:06:13.920 --> 00:06:17.839
Starting that new job was a huge adjustment for myself
107
00:06:18.040 --> 00:06:21.800
and my family. My priorities ended up shifting. I put
108
00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:26.160
all my focus and time, attention and energy into working,
109
00:06:26.839 --> 00:06:29.959
and I was really having a hard time filing finding
110
00:06:30.000 --> 00:06:34.279
that balance between work and creativity because I didn't have
111
00:06:34.319 --> 00:06:37.360
the energy. I literally did not have the energy to
112
00:06:37.439 --> 00:06:41.040
do anything. After I worked. I stopped making content, I
113
00:06:41.160 --> 00:06:43.920
stopped doing all the fun things that I like to do.
114
00:06:44.199 --> 00:06:46.879
I stopped going out with my family, like on the
115
00:06:46.920 --> 00:06:50.519
weekends and just doing things that I loved and enjoyed
116
00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:54.199
because I literally did not have the energy. I moved.
117
00:06:54.399 --> 00:06:57.040
I moved, I want to say twice since I spoke
118
00:06:57.079 --> 00:07:01.160
to you guys last, and that was unsettling. We had
119
00:07:01.199 --> 00:07:05.639
to rebuild our routines. We kind of lost consistency in
120
00:07:05.720 --> 00:07:09.040
some areas such as working out and things like that.
121
00:07:09.240 --> 00:07:14.959
So that was a really big adjustment, trying to navigate working, moving, parenting,
122
00:07:15.199 --> 00:07:18.720
wifing all the things. That was really really difficult for me.
123
00:07:18.959 --> 00:07:22.759
I'm a person who thrives on consistency and routine, and
124
00:07:22.839 --> 00:07:26.040
so to have everything kind of like uprooted, damn near
125
00:07:26.079 --> 00:07:30.319
overnight felt really insane. I also lost one of my
126
00:07:30.399 --> 00:07:33.839
family members over this time period, over the holiday break,
127
00:07:34.000 --> 00:07:36.800
and I will spare you the details, but grief taught
128
00:07:36.800 --> 00:07:39.560
me that not everything is worth your energy and that
129
00:07:39.639 --> 00:07:43.879
we are truly on borrow time. This loss affected my
130
00:07:44.079 --> 00:07:48.720
motivation and my energy. I was already drained before, and
131
00:07:48.759 --> 00:07:52.279
I think after that I was I can't even explain
132
00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:56.160
to you how I felt after this. I wasn't sleeping well.
133
00:07:56.439 --> 00:07:59.199
I lost all motivation to do pretty much everything. Like
134
00:07:59.240 --> 00:08:01.959
the day after the news, I had to work, and
135
00:08:01.959 --> 00:08:03.879
I had to put my big girl panties on and
136
00:08:04.079 --> 00:08:07.319
just smile and grin through meetings, but my internal world
137
00:08:07.519 --> 00:08:11.319
was physically drowning. I didn't know how to feel. I
138
00:08:11.360 --> 00:08:14.839
felt really numb for several several weeks. I wasn't sure
139
00:08:14.879 --> 00:08:17.000
how to navigate that because I had never gone through
140
00:08:17.040 --> 00:08:21.399
anything like that before, and so most days I just
141
00:08:21.439 --> 00:08:24.319
had to ground myself because it would knock the wind
142
00:08:24.360 --> 00:08:26.519
out of me and it just felt like the rug
143
00:08:26.600 --> 00:08:29.759
was pulled out from under me often, and so that
144
00:08:29.920 --> 00:08:34.360
was really difficult to navigate on top of moving and
145
00:08:34.480 --> 00:08:39.039
losing the balance that I had previously established. And then, girl,
146
00:08:39.080 --> 00:08:43.879
get this, I got laid off. In the midst of
147
00:08:43.919 --> 00:08:47.519
all of that. I got laid off. I got laid off.
148
00:08:47.679 --> 00:08:50.879
Got the news a few weeks ago, and my initial
149
00:08:50.960 --> 00:08:58.120
reaction was pearshock. I was let go due to budget
150
00:08:58.120 --> 00:09:03.679
cuts and restructuring and all the things. And at the time,
151
00:09:04.000 --> 00:09:05.960
my two year old niece was over. She was hanging
152
00:09:06.000 --> 00:09:09.879
out and she wanted she wanted a snack, and so
153
00:09:10.600 --> 00:09:12.759
she didn't care that her tea te just got laid off.
154
00:09:12.799 --> 00:09:16.679
She she wanted to snack. And so my initial reaction was, damn,
155
00:09:17.559 --> 00:09:21.000
that's crazy. And then it was, oh my god, what
156
00:09:21.039 --> 00:09:24.840
are we going to do? And then it was wait
157
00:09:24.879 --> 00:09:28.480
a second, I think this is a true blessing in
158
00:09:28.519 --> 00:09:32.200
disguise because now I can refocus on the things that
159
00:09:32.240 --> 00:09:35.279
I need to focus on. I can focus on my business,
160
00:09:35.679 --> 00:09:38.399
I can focus on my family, I can focus on
161
00:09:38.480 --> 00:09:42.799
my creative projects. And so once I shifted the narrative
162
00:09:43.080 --> 00:09:47.440
of this is happening to me, I was like, this
163
00:09:47.480 --> 00:09:51.120
is happening for me because now I can do the
164
00:09:51.120 --> 00:09:54.000
things that I was set out to do before I
165
00:09:54.039 --> 00:09:57.960
took this job. Now I am working out, Now I
166
00:09:58.000 --> 00:10:01.039
am cooking meals. Now I am I am going outside
167
00:10:01.360 --> 00:10:04.919
and planting flowers in my garden and getting ready to
168
00:10:04.919 --> 00:10:07.879
start growing my fruits and vegetables again, because y'all know me,
169
00:10:08.120 --> 00:10:09.399
y'all know I love a vegetable.
170
00:10:11.840 --> 00:10:14.720
This audio was created with ACYNC dot com.
171
00:10:17.200 --> 00:10:19.879
Knowing my fruits and vegetables again, because y'all know me.
172
00:10:20.120 --> 00:10:26.399
Y'all know I love a vegetable. But I learned a
173
00:10:26.440 --> 00:10:32.879
lot over the last year from navigating loss, from navigating moving,
174
00:10:33.639 --> 00:10:38.279
from getting laid off, and just I learned that rest
175
00:10:38.320 --> 00:10:43.399
is necessary. I learned that I need to maintain my
176
00:10:43.559 --> 00:10:48.559
identity outside of being productive. I learned that my creativity
177
00:10:48.679 --> 00:10:53.840
changes in different seasons. And I also learned that I
178
00:10:53.879 --> 00:10:57.559
can pause without quitting, and starting over does not mean
179
00:10:57.600 --> 00:11:01.120
that I failed. I think that I thought for the
180
00:11:01.159 --> 00:11:04.159
longest time that when you stop, or when you pause
181
00:11:05.159 --> 00:11:07.799
or if you have to start over, I was viewing
182
00:11:07.840 --> 00:11:11.320
that as a failure rather than a reset. And so
183
00:11:11.960 --> 00:11:17.799
for me, it just made sense that I started over,
184
00:11:18.679 --> 00:11:23.159
and it's perfectly okay to start over. My vision now
185
00:11:23.960 --> 00:11:25.720
is to pick back up on all the things that
186
00:11:25.759 --> 00:11:28.519
I was working on before. Y'all know, I'm all over
187
00:11:28.559 --> 00:11:32.639
the place, and I've got my hands in many different pots.
188
00:11:32.840 --> 00:11:37.559
But from a creative standpoint, I am focused on the future.
189
00:11:37.919 --> 00:11:41.399
I'm focused on connecting with the people who have reached
190
00:11:41.440 --> 00:11:44.519
out to me and want to be able to offer you,
191
00:11:44.559 --> 00:11:47.879
guys some words of encouragement or offer you guys some
192
00:11:48.039 --> 00:11:52.000
insight that I may not have. I want to have
193
00:11:52.080 --> 00:11:58.759
conversations that are impactful and meaningful. So coming up in
194
00:11:58.840 --> 00:12:01.919
this next season, we are going to have guest speakers,
195
00:12:02.440 --> 00:12:05.120
but we've got many people that are really interested in
196
00:12:05.240 --> 00:12:08.559
being in this space and really building community. So I'm
197
00:12:08.600 --> 00:12:11.519
really excited to connect with all these people to talk
198
00:12:11.559 --> 00:12:16.679
about new topics, new themes, and just coming up with
199
00:12:16.799 --> 00:12:20.720
new plans for consistency. I'm learning that I don't want
200
00:12:20.720 --> 00:12:24.440
to create from pressure anymore. I want to create from purpose,
201
00:12:25.240 --> 00:12:28.320
and all of the things that I've endured over the
202
00:12:28.320 --> 00:12:32.559
past year have just pointed me more towards my purpose.
203
00:12:33.440 --> 00:12:37.679
I'm so excited to have these conversations. I'm so excited
204
00:12:37.840 --> 00:12:43.480
to have these upcoming topics and the future guests. And
205
00:12:43.519 --> 00:12:45.679
I thank you guys for still being here. I think
206
00:12:45.720 --> 00:12:48.679
you guys for still being patient with me, whether this
207
00:12:48.759 --> 00:12:52.480
is your first episode or this is you listening to
208
00:12:52.519 --> 00:12:56.320
me after being gone for so long. But we are
209
00:12:56.360 --> 00:12:59.720
going to be starting a new chapter together. We are
210
00:12:59.759 --> 00:13:04.039
going to be moving forward in the best way possible.
211
00:13:04.799 --> 00:13:09.120
Life pulled me away, but it also reshaped me. After
212
00:13:09.200 --> 00:13:11.440
a year of being away from the mic. I am
213
00:13:11.519 --> 00:13:16.080
finally back, I'm finally where I need to be. I'm
214
00:13:16.360 --> 00:13:23.279
navigating loss, change, moving being laid off. But my perspective
215
00:13:23.360 --> 00:13:27.159
is different. My perspective is different. I see things from
216
00:13:27.200 --> 00:13:30.519
a completely different lens. And so I'm hoping that you
217
00:13:30.639 --> 00:13:34.000
are excited to be on this journey with me and
218
00:13:34.159 --> 00:13:36.799
I cannot wait to see what the future holds for
219
00:13:36.879 --> 00:13:39.879
all of us. So I will see you in the
220
00:13:39.919 --> 00:13:43.919
next episode. And I missed you. I missed you a lot.
221
00:13:44.360 --> 00:13:48.159
This is not goodbye. I will be back, I promise,
222
00:13:48.879 --> 00:13:53.480
But we're back. We made it, we made it. I'll
223
00:13:53.480 --> 00:13:55.440
see you in the next episode.
224
00:13:55.679 --> 00:14:42.320
Trace This audio was created with ACYNC dot com.
1
00:00:27.559 --> 00:00:30.079
It's been a full year since I sat behind this mic.
2
00:00:30.679 --> 00:00:32.479
I'll be honest, it felt a little strange setting it
3
00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:35.159
up again, because there was like this brief moment where
4
00:00:35.200 --> 00:00:38.719
like the USB chord was not working, the MIC would
5
00:00:38.719 --> 00:00:41.960
not connect to the computer in true trace fashion, and
6
00:00:42.119 --> 00:00:44.600
I was getting frustrated, and I was like, something is
7
00:00:44.640 --> 00:00:47.079
wanting me to not set this up right now, but
8
00:00:47.159 --> 00:00:49.560
I'm determined to get this done. I got it done.
9
00:00:49.920 --> 00:00:53.520
Here we are. I'm just reminiscing on the nostalgia that
10
00:00:53.560 --> 00:00:56.000
came back and just sitting in my little office space,
11
00:00:56.240 --> 00:00:59.320
just talking, just talking freely. A lot of life has
12
00:00:59.359 --> 00:01:02.799
happened between the last episode and this one. I did
13
00:01:02.880 --> 00:01:05.920
not plan to disappear for this long, but honestly, I
14
00:01:06.000 --> 00:01:08.680
really needed the time. I needed the time to think.
15
00:01:08.879 --> 00:01:11.480
I needed the time to strategize. I needed the time
16
00:01:11.519 --> 00:01:14.760
to recharge and to regroup, and honestly, I had to
17
00:01:14.760 --> 00:01:18.599
figure out my identity again after an incredibly challenging year.
18
00:01:18.879 --> 00:01:21.359
I noticed in my absence that I was still getting downloads,
19
00:01:21.560 --> 00:01:24.200
which was one of my motivations for coming back. It
20
00:01:24.280 --> 00:01:25.959
kind of surprised me in a way that people were
21
00:01:25.959 --> 00:01:28.560
still listening to the same old episodes that I posted
22
00:01:28.560 --> 00:01:31.879
a long time ago, and I was actively getting downloads
23
00:01:31.920 --> 00:01:33.879
by the week. So I'm going to take this time
24
00:01:33.920 --> 00:01:37.719
to reintroduce myself for my og listeners. Welcome back. I'm
25
00:01:37.760 --> 00:01:40.359
so sorry that I have been gone for so long.
26
00:01:40.560 --> 00:01:43.280
And if you're new, Hi, I'm Trace and I'm so
27
00:01:43.359 --> 00:01:46.079
glad that you're here. Just a regular person who wanted
28
00:01:46.120 --> 00:01:50.359
to create a space where I could talk about life, marriage, parenthood, money,
29
00:01:50.599 --> 00:01:54.560
all the things openly and freely, without judgment. I started
30
00:01:54.560 --> 00:01:56.920
this podcast a year ago and I think weird at
31
00:01:56.840 --> 00:01:59.959
about episode twenty eight. I think this will be twenty nine.
32
00:02:00.840 --> 00:02:02.920
But this podcast meant a lot to me because I've
33
00:02:02.920 --> 00:02:05.120
been able to connect with people all over the world.
34
00:02:05.319 --> 00:02:07.359
At one point in time, we were listed in the
35
00:02:07.400 --> 00:02:10.840
top fifty podcast on Apple Podcasts, and for some reason,
36
00:02:11.360 --> 00:02:13.919
that rocked my world. I'll be honest. After that, I
37
00:02:13.960 --> 00:02:16.520
got imposter syndrome. I would have people reaching out to
38
00:02:16.560 --> 00:02:19.039
me on a weekly basis they wanted to be guest
39
00:02:19.039 --> 00:02:22.240
speakers on the show. I had podcast producers reaching out
40
00:02:22.360 --> 00:02:24.520
wanting to connect and to work with me, and for
41
00:02:24.560 --> 00:02:27.520
the longest time, I could not figure out why that
42
00:02:27.680 --> 00:02:29.840
was all I kept saying to myself was why do
43
00:02:29.879 --> 00:02:31.400
they want to sit and talk to me? What was
44
00:02:31.439 --> 00:02:33.400
so special about what I'm doing that would make people
45
00:02:33.400 --> 00:02:35.319
take time out of their day to have a conversation
46
00:02:35.439 --> 00:02:38.800
with me? Why? Just why, why would anyone want to
47
00:02:38.840 --> 00:02:41.280
listen to me? You have for hours and hours and hours.
48
00:02:41.439 --> 00:02:44.680
And so I was having all these internal conflicts every
49
00:02:44.719 --> 00:02:49.319
single day, and it frustrated me. I was frustrated because
50
00:02:49.639 --> 00:02:52.400
I wasn't happy with work. I wasn't able to think
51
00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:55.639
or be creative. I doubted every piece of content that
52
00:02:55.639 --> 00:02:59.639
I was putting out, from TikTok to Pinterest, and I
53
00:02:59.680 --> 00:03:03.080
had so many internal battles every single day that I
54
00:03:03.199 --> 00:03:06.599
just could not come up with any fresh or new ideas.
55
00:03:06.879 --> 00:03:09.000
I remember telling my husband that I just was not
56
00:03:09.039 --> 00:03:11.080
sure about the stuff that I was creating, and I
57
00:03:11.120 --> 00:03:14.879
felt really scared being listened to and heard in a way.
58
00:03:15.080 --> 00:03:17.159
Does that make sense? I don't know if that makes
59
00:03:17.199 --> 00:03:19.240
any sense at all, but that's how I felt. I
60
00:03:19.400 --> 00:03:22.960
understood the power of the impact that my voice had,
61
00:03:23.319 --> 00:03:26.400
and for some reason, no, lie, you guys, that felt
62
00:03:26.479 --> 00:03:29.599
so heavy. My husband sits there, of course, and he's
63
00:03:29.599 --> 00:03:33.000
listening to me go on and on about why I
64
00:03:33.000 --> 00:03:36.599
shouldn't make new content or why I shouldn't record any
65
00:03:36.639 --> 00:03:39.719
new episodes and I'm just like making excuse after excuse
66
00:03:39.759 --> 00:03:42.639
after excuse, and why I should not be doing this anymore.
67
00:03:42.879 --> 00:03:47.000
And then he did what he always does. He knocks
68
00:03:47.039 --> 00:03:49.319
the fear right out of me. He made sure to
69
00:03:49.360 --> 00:03:52.719
remind me of the things that I've done, what I've accomplished,
70
00:03:52.919 --> 00:03:55.360
the rooms I've been in, the rooms I've been a
71
00:03:55.400 --> 00:03:57.840
part of, the rooms that I will be in, and
72
00:03:58.000 --> 00:04:00.840
just how powerful my influence is to those around us
73
00:04:01.199 --> 00:04:03.879
and beyond. And then he also took a second to
74
00:04:04.000 --> 00:04:18.439
remind me of exactly who the fuck I think I am.
75
00:04:18.519 --> 00:04:36.519
This audio was created with async dot Com.
76
00:04:36.560 --> 00:04:38.680
All Right, so the last time we talked, we talked
77
00:04:38.720 --> 00:04:40.920
about how marriage is not like a sitcom and not
78
00:04:40.959 --> 00:04:44.879
gonna lie the way the year went from my family
79
00:04:44.959 --> 00:04:48.120
that I've been gone. It's a thousand percent giving sitcom.
80
00:04:48.560 --> 00:04:53.199
We have gone through some things as a family that
81
00:04:53.360 --> 00:04:57.040
can only be written on either reality TV or some
82
00:04:57.079 --> 00:04:59.879
sort of TV show. I'm not gonna go to my
83
00:05:00.199 --> 00:05:03.319
into detail, but we have been through some things over
84
00:05:03.319 --> 00:05:06.240
the past year. Okay, when I started this podcast, though
85
00:05:06.720 --> 00:05:09.360
we were kind of in a new season, we were
86
00:05:09.480 --> 00:05:14.360
new entrepreneurs. Recently just launched a fitness and wellness business,
87
00:05:14.879 --> 00:05:16.879
and I think I started to feel the weight of
88
00:05:16.920 --> 00:05:20.079
that and that kind of scared me a little bit.
89
00:05:20.519 --> 00:05:22.720
My mindset back then was like, just get it done,
90
00:05:22.800 --> 00:05:24.720
Just wake up and get it done. Get it done.
91
00:05:25.120 --> 00:05:27.879
But also, you need a regular job. And I don't
92
00:05:27.879 --> 00:05:30.399
know where that came from. I think just the spirit
93
00:05:30.439 --> 00:05:32.959
of entrepreneurship kind of freaked me out a little bit,
94
00:05:33.759 --> 00:05:36.439
because you know, when you start a new business or
95
00:05:36.480 --> 00:05:39.959
you start something new, it can feel a little bit uncertain,
96
00:05:40.199 --> 00:05:43.680
and I wasn't really sure where that would go, and
97
00:05:43.720 --> 00:05:46.680
so I started looking for a job in addition to
98
00:05:46.720 --> 00:05:50.199
the business that we had started, which was interesting because
99
00:05:50.240 --> 00:05:52.839
within the first six months of us starting our business,
100
00:05:53.240 --> 00:05:56.160
we had a gym space, we launched a fitness app,
101
00:05:56.319 --> 00:06:00.920
and we were featured in a magazine here, and so
102
00:06:01.720 --> 00:06:04.120
we were doing fine, like we were doing great. But
103
00:06:04.199 --> 00:06:06.600
I think something just was telling me, you need a job,
104
00:06:06.639 --> 00:06:08.560
you need a job, you need a job. And I'm
105
00:06:08.600 --> 00:06:13.319
now realizing that that is kind of where things went left.
106
00:06:13.920 --> 00:06:17.839
Starting that new job was a huge adjustment for myself
107
00:06:18.040 --> 00:06:21.800
and my family. My priorities ended up shifting. I put
108
00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:26.160
all my focus and time, attention and energy into working,
109
00:06:26.839 --> 00:06:29.959
and I was really having a hard time filing finding
110
00:06:30.000 --> 00:06:34.279
that balance between work and creativity because I didn't have
111
00:06:34.319 --> 00:06:37.360
the energy. I literally did not have the energy to
112
00:06:37.439 --> 00:06:41.040
do anything. After I worked. I stopped making content, I
113
00:06:41.160 --> 00:06:43.920
stopped doing all the fun things that I like to do.
114
00:06:44.199 --> 00:06:46.879
I stopped going out with my family, like on the
115
00:06:46.920 --> 00:06:50.519
weekends and just doing things that I loved and enjoyed
116
00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:54.199
because I literally did not have the energy. I moved.
117
00:06:54.399 --> 00:06:57.040
I moved, I want to say twice since I spoke
118
00:06:57.079 --> 00:07:01.160
to you guys last, and that was unsettling. We had
119
00:07:01.199 --> 00:07:05.639
to rebuild our routines. We kind of lost consistency in
120
00:07:05.720 --> 00:07:09.040
some areas such as working out and things like that.
121
00:07:09.240 --> 00:07:14.959
So that was a really big adjustment, trying to navigate working, moving, parenting,
122
00:07:15.199 --> 00:07:18.720
wifing all the things. That was really really difficult for me.
123
00:07:18.959 --> 00:07:22.759
I'm a person who thrives on consistency and routine, and
124
00:07:22.839 --> 00:07:26.040
so to have everything kind of like uprooted, damn near
125
00:07:26.079 --> 00:07:30.319
overnight felt really insane. I also lost one of my
126
00:07:30.399 --> 00:07:33.839
family members over this time period, over the holiday break,
127
00:07:34.000 --> 00:07:36.800
and I will spare you the details, but grief taught
128
00:07:36.800 --> 00:07:39.560
me that not everything is worth your energy and that
129
00:07:39.639 --> 00:07:43.879
we are truly on borrow time. This loss affected my
130
00:07:44.079 --> 00:07:48.720
motivation and my energy. I was already drained before, and
131
00:07:48.759 --> 00:07:52.279
I think after that I was I can't even explain
132
00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:56.160
to you how I felt after this. I wasn't sleeping well.
133
00:07:56.439 --> 00:07:59.199
I lost all motivation to do pretty much everything. Like
134
00:07:59.240 --> 00:08:01.959
the day after the news, I had to work, and
135
00:08:01.959 --> 00:08:03.879
I had to put my big girl panties on and
136
00:08:04.079 --> 00:08:07.319
just smile and grin through meetings, but my internal world
137
00:08:07.519 --> 00:08:11.319
was physically drowning. I didn't know how to feel. I
138
00:08:11.360 --> 00:08:14.839
felt really numb for several several weeks. I wasn't sure
139
00:08:14.879 --> 00:08:17.000
how to navigate that because I had never gone through
140
00:08:17.040 --> 00:08:21.399
anything like that before, and so most days I just
141
00:08:21.439 --> 00:08:24.319
had to ground myself because it would knock the wind
142
00:08:24.360 --> 00:08:26.519
out of me and it just felt like the rug
143
00:08:26.600 --> 00:08:29.759
was pulled out from under me often, and so that
144
00:08:29.920 --> 00:08:34.360
was really difficult to navigate on top of moving and
145
00:08:34.480 --> 00:08:39.039
losing the balance that I had previously established. And then, girl,
146
00:08:39.080 --> 00:08:43.879
get this, I got laid off. In the midst of
147
00:08:43.919 --> 00:08:47.519
all of that. I got laid off. I got laid off.
148
00:08:47.679 --> 00:08:50.879
Got the news a few weeks ago, and my initial
149
00:08:50.960 --> 00:08:58.120
reaction was pearshock. I was let go due to budget
150
00:08:58.120 --> 00:09:03.679
cuts and restructuring and all the things. And at the time,
151
00:09:04.000 --> 00:09:05.960
my two year old niece was over. She was hanging
152
00:09:06.000 --> 00:09:09.879
out and she wanted she wanted a snack, and so
153
00:09:10.600 --> 00:09:12.759
she didn't care that her tea te just got laid off.
154
00:09:12.799 --> 00:09:16.679
She she wanted to snack. And so my initial reaction was, damn,
155
00:09:17.559 --> 00:09:21.000
that's crazy. And then it was, oh my god, what
156
00:09:21.039 --> 00:09:24.840
are we going to do? And then it was wait
157
00:09:24.879 --> 00:09:28.480
a second, I think this is a true blessing in
158
00:09:28.519 --> 00:09:32.200
disguise because now I can refocus on the things that
159
00:09:32.240 --> 00:09:35.279
I need to focus on. I can focus on my business,
160
00:09:35.679 --> 00:09:38.399
I can focus on my family, I can focus on
161
00:09:38.480 --> 00:09:42.799
my creative projects. And so once I shifted the narrative
162
00:09:43.080 --> 00:09:47.440
of this is happening to me, I was like, this
163
00:09:47.480 --> 00:09:51.120
is happening for me because now I can do the
164
00:09:51.120 --> 00:09:54.000
things that I was set out to do before I
165
00:09:54.039 --> 00:09:57.960
took this job. Now I am working out, Now I
166
00:09:58.000 --> 00:10:01.039
am cooking meals. Now I am I am going outside
167
00:10:01.360 --> 00:10:04.919
and planting flowers in my garden and getting ready to
168
00:10:04.919 --> 00:10:07.879
start growing my fruits and vegetables again, because y'all know me,
169
00:10:08.120 --> 00:10:09.399
y'all know I love a vegetable.
170
00:10:11.840 --> 00:10:14.720
This audio was created with ACYNC dot com.
171
00:10:17.200 --> 00:10:19.879
Knowing my fruits and vegetables again, because y'all know me.
172
00:10:20.120 --> 00:10:26.399
Y'all know I love a vegetable. But I learned a
173
00:10:26.440 --> 00:10:32.879
lot over the last year from navigating loss, from navigating moving,
174
00:10:33.639 --> 00:10:38.279
from getting laid off, and just I learned that rest
175
00:10:38.320 --> 00:10:43.399
is necessary. I learned that I need to maintain my
176
00:10:43.559 --> 00:10:48.559
identity outside of being productive. I learned that my creativity
177
00:10:48.679 --> 00:10:53.840
changes in different seasons. And I also learned that I
178
00:10:53.879 --> 00:10:57.559
can pause without quitting, and starting over does not mean
179
00:10:57.600 --> 00:11:01.120
that I failed. I think that I thought for the
180
00:11:01.159 --> 00:11:04.159
longest time that when you stop, or when you pause
181
00:11:05.159 --> 00:11:07.799
or if you have to start over, I was viewing
182
00:11:07.840 --> 00:11:11.320
that as a failure rather than a reset. And so
183
00:11:11.960 --> 00:11:17.799
for me, it just made sense that I started over,
184
00:11:18.679 --> 00:11:23.159
and it's perfectly okay to start over. My vision now
185
00:11:23.960 --> 00:11:25.720
is to pick back up on all the things that
186
00:11:25.759 --> 00:11:28.519
I was working on before. Y'all know, I'm all over
187
00:11:28.559 --> 00:11:32.639
the place, and I've got my hands in many different pots.
188
00:11:32.840 --> 00:11:37.559
But from a creative standpoint, I am focused on the future.
189
00:11:37.919 --> 00:11:41.399
I'm focused on connecting with the people who have reached
190
00:11:41.440 --> 00:11:44.519
out to me and want to be able to offer you,
191
00:11:44.559 --> 00:11:47.879
guys some words of encouragement or offer you guys some
192
00:11:48.039 --> 00:11:52.000
insight that I may not have. I want to have
193
00:11:52.080 --> 00:11:58.759
conversations that are impactful and meaningful. So coming up in
194
00:11:58.840 --> 00:12:01.919
this next season, we are going to have guest speakers,
195
00:12:02.440 --> 00:12:05.120
but we've got many people that are really interested in
196
00:12:05.240 --> 00:12:08.559
being in this space and really building community. So I'm
197
00:12:08.600 --> 00:12:11.519
really excited to connect with all these people to talk
198
00:12:11.559 --> 00:12:16.679
about new topics, new themes, and just coming up with
199
00:12:16.799 --> 00:12:20.720
new plans for consistency. I'm learning that I don't want
200
00:12:20.720 --> 00:12:24.440
to create from pressure anymore. I want to create from purpose,
201
00:12:25.240 --> 00:12:28.320
and all of the things that I've endured over the
202
00:12:28.320 --> 00:12:32.559
past year have just pointed me more towards my purpose.
203
00:12:33.440 --> 00:12:37.679
I'm so excited to have these conversations. I'm so excited
204
00:12:37.840 --> 00:12:43.480
to have these upcoming topics and the future guests. And
205
00:12:43.519 --> 00:12:45.679
I thank you guys for still being here. I think
206
00:12:45.720 --> 00:12:48.679
you guys for still being patient with me, whether this
207
00:12:48.759 --> 00:12:52.480
is your first episode or this is you listening to
208
00:12:52.519 --> 00:12:56.320
me after being gone for so long. But we are
209
00:12:56.360 --> 00:12:59.720
going to be starting a new chapter together. We are
210
00:12:59.759 --> 00:13:04.039
going to be moving forward in the best way possible.
211
00:13:04.799 --> 00:13:09.120
Life pulled me away, but it also reshaped me. After
212
00:13:09.200 --> 00:13:11.440
a year of being away from the mic. I am
213
00:13:11.519 --> 00:13:16.080
finally back, I'm finally where I need to be. I'm
214
00:13:16.360 --> 00:13:23.279
navigating loss, change, moving being laid off. But my perspective
215
00:13:23.360 --> 00:13:27.159
is different. My perspective is different. I see things from
216
00:13:27.200 --> 00:13:30.519
a completely different lens. And so I'm hoping that you
217
00:13:30.639 --> 00:13:34.000
are excited to be on this journey with me and
218
00:13:34.159 --> 00:13:36.799
I cannot wait to see what the future holds for
219
00:13:36.879 --> 00:13:39.879
all of us. So I will see you in the
220
00:13:39.919 --> 00:13:43.919
next episode. And I missed you. I missed you a lot.
221
00:13:44.360 --> 00:13:48.159
This is not goodbye. I will be back, I promise,
222
00:13:48.879 --> 00:13:53.480
But we're back. We made it, we made it. I'll
223
00:13:53.480 --> 00:13:55.440
see you in the next episode.
224
00:13:55.679 --> 00:14:42.320
Trace This audio was created with ACYNC dot com.