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“The day you say you’re not doing this anymore, we’re throwing a party.”
That’s what Audrey Borden, our guest today, told her daughters. Both are now professional dancers (23 and 25), and both are still dancing because they WANT to, not because anyone is pushing.
Audrey never planned any of this. She signed her oldest up for one little class down the street so she could sit with the new baby for an hour, fully expecting the girls to end up in volleyball. Then she watched her toddler take that class more seriously than anyone in the room, and you know how the rest goes. Somebody mentions the competition team, then another class, then intensives. Somewhere along the way she found herself in a competition audience doing the math. With a background in education advocacy, government affairs, process improvement in manufacturing, and part-time work in family law (where she spent her days organizing families’ checking accounts and credit card debt during divorce cases!), she couldn’t stop connecting the dots between the fees, the competitive parenting, the injuries, and the strain on whole families. Those dots became her upcoming book, Our Great Investment.
We went everywhere in this one, dance mom. Competition fees, college money, programs that keep accepting tuition from dancers they may never hire, and the closed-door conversation where a teacher shamed my then 14-year-old for choosing a family trip over intensive fees. Wait. WHAT?! Yes, we talked about that too.
This episode answers:
- Is what you’re paying for an investment in your dancer, or just a spend?
- When do competition fees stop earning their place in the budget?
- How do you plan for a pre-professional dancer who will need you long after high school?
- What should your dancer own by junior year (the research, the budget, the dance bag)?
- What do you want your relationship with your dancer to look like when they’re 25?
Inside this episode
- (00:00) Meet Audrey Borden, dance mom of two professional dancers
- (00:36) One “temporary” toddler class (and an hour’s break for mom) that snowballed
- (02:46) Kung fu or dance? Why Audrey always gave her girls the choice
- (04:27) From government affairs and family law to writing Our Great Investment
- (06:04) The competition where Audrey started connecting the dots
- (10:55) The breaking point: competition fees, and stepping back at 14 and 15 (they don’t miss it!)
- (13:14) Planning past high school: scholarships, loans, professional division tuition, rent, and income reality
- (15:38) What does your dancer want life to look like at 25 to 30?
- (17:31) What you ARE paying for: work ethic, structure, and “hire a dancer”
- (20:25) Why your dancer should be doing the research (and sitting down with a budget by junior year)
- (21:26) Programs taking in dancers they may never hire, and how long to let them try
- (22:14) Teaching, choreography, and side businesses
- (25:35) What feeds competition culture, and when competitions DO work for a dancer
- (27:00) Taking your power back with studios, competitions, and medical providers
- (28:46) The closed-door conversation: a teacher shames my 14-year-old over a family trip
- (30:16) Why studios push intensives so hard, and what a no-guilt competition model looks like
- (33:06) Siblings, split households, and the New York offer Audrey turned down
- (41:00) Audrey’s #1 advice: real supports, independence, and who packs the dance bag
- (44:31) Six hours of sleep as “the life of a pre-professional dancer”? Who decided that?
- (48:12) The one thing every dance mom should understand: there aren’t enough jobs
- (49:33) Sunk cost, resentment, and the party
- (51:09) Audrey’s goal-setting seminars, and why parents need goals too
- (56:46) Sending a dancer away at 14 for a year-round program
- (58:26) What the pro dancers and athletes Audrey interviewed had in common: self-directed drive
- (1:01:26) Final word: success without wellbeing isn’t success
- (1:04:33) Where to find Audrey
Takeaways
- Start at 25. Before the next fee, ask what life your dancer actually wants at 25 to 30, then work backward. (Hello, Stephen Covey!)
- Know your kid. Some dancers thrive on competition benchmarks. Audrey’s girls didn’t need them. Neither answer is wrong, as long as it’s YOUR kid’s answer.
- Hand over the wheel. Who researches the summer intensives? Who packs the dance bag? If it’s still you, there’s your next project.
- Play the long game. College, professional division tuition, rent, your own retirement. Pre-professional dancers often need family support longer than most kids, so what you protect now matters.
- Dance is never wasted. Audrey sees her 25-year-old’s corporate success in the traits she built as a dancer. Hire a dancer!
Find Audrey
- Website: https://www.ourgreatinvestment.com
- Instagram and TikTok: @our.great.investment (TikTok is the livelier one, per Audrey ;) )
- Goal-setting seminars for studios (with her daughters!) and one-on-one consulting for parents
If this conversation had you doing the math too, you’ll feel right at home in Thriving Dancers World, my free twice-a-month newsletter for dance moms who question things. You get the research and real talk nobody hands you at the studio front desk!
Join here: https://moms.thrivingdancers.com/newsletters/2147856482/subscribe
Karina is an integrative health educator, not a doctor or licensed clinical professional. This episode is for education only, guest views are their own, and every dancer’s situation is different. Please talk with your own licensed provider about your dancer’s health.
