The Things We Do... - Interview with Scarlet Hunter

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This is the Things We Do podcast, a podcast about film, life, television, culture, mental
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health and all of those fun jazzy stuff.
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I'm with my special guests and friends, Scarlett Hunter, all the way in Vancouver.
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Hello.
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Hello!
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This is very surreal for me because I'm doing this episode now on the first time on the
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other side of the world, which is a surreal feeling because normally it's like my little
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crappy studio in Sydney.
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But how are you?
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How are you feeling to be?
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This is a big moment.
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I know.
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I feel like you're encroaching, not encroaching, like just sounds like you're encroaching on
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my property and like, here I am, you know, just in your neighbourhood, just speaking
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of you.
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You've just popped in.
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I mean, like, do you?
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It's perfect.
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As an Australian living abroad, how do you feel that I'm now touching your territory
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and snaking?
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I'm very annoyed.
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I'll let myself out.
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It's really annoying that you're here.
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I'm just going to...
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No, there are so many Australians in Vancouver.
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I know.
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It's crazy.
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And if you go to Whistler, how long?
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I can't remember how long you guys are here for.
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Like six days.
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Oh, okay.
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But Whistler, you won't even hear like an American or North American accent in Vancouver.
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You can't even hear it.
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You can't even hear it.
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You can't even hear it.
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You can't even hear it.
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You can't even hear it.
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You can't even hear it.
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You can't even hear it.
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You can't hear it.
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You can't even hear it.
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You can't hear it.
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You can't hear it.
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You're like, I can't hear it.
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You can't hear it.
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You can't even hear it.
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You can't hear it.
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You can't even hear it.
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You can't hear it.
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You can't hear it.
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You can't hear it in a British accent, or in a North American accent in Whistler.
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It's like, only Australian, or British, or people on holiday, yeah.
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And Vancouver, especially.
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And I think it's really cool because of the visa exchange program.
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It's very cool that we can come over and, you know, be able to live on the other side
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of the world, and work.
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That's the huge thing.
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That gives you the rights to work.
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here and have a couple of years working and living in a different country and you can
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immigrate here or then go back.
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I think it's, I think it's great.
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Yeah.
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I mean like, but in saying that I don't have any Australian friends here.
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Oh, so you're, you're, you're like, I know I I've seen many of them.
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They're everywhere.
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I mean, except I've, I've won my bestie.
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She's here from Sydney.
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She's been trying to get me over here.
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Oh no.
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Yeah.
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So she's here, which has been amazing.
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Oh my goodness.
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But other than that, I don't, I don't know any Aussies.
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Oh, that's insane.
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I mean, like for you, like first and foremost, I guess a little bit of backstory to who you
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are.
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Cause I'm going to get to ask you the hard question.
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Who are you Scarlett?
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Like who are you?
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This, this was the most, as I was saying before we came on, I was feeling most nervous about
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this question because I don't know.
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I don't know how I meant to answer that.
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I feel like it's always, I feel like I'm always changing.
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Yeah.
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So, um, the top line stuff is I'm an actor living, living in Vancouver.
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Um, yeah, I feel like I've always been someone who's really, really close with my friends
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and family.
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I've had a lot of big, beautiful relationships, um, and friendships and yeah, I feel like
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I'm always really connected to other people.
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Yeah.
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Um, and then in terms of my art, like kind of dancing and acting and performing has always
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been a huge part of, of who I am and being, being on stage and creating things with other
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people and collaborating.
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And yeah, since I was a kid, I've, I've always wanted to do this.
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And I think that's kind of woven deeply into like my DNA, just that kind of razzle dazzle,
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um, showbiz.
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Yeah.
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It's kind of, yeah, woven into who I am.
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So I'm naturally quite extroverted.
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Um, yeah.
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Which is extraordinary because like, you know, we talk about not really changing and then
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changing so much in the space of a year.
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Um, cause I had this epiphany not long ago.
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Um, you know, when you're a kid and you, you, you're, your understanding is still growing.
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You know, you've, you've got this sort of like, uh, sort of wide-eyed bewilderment at
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everything and you're sort of fascinating.
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You're so excited by everything.
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And then you sort of get to an adult and you're sort of just trying to navigate all the rules
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and regulations and what's going on in the world.
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Um, minus puberty that happens.
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Um, and I think the one thing I've always sort of gone, and it doesn't matter how old
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you are, I think there's core values and there's core belief systems that don't really change
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for us.
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Like being kind, being considerate.
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Um, you know, some insecurities we have don't really go away.
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That they just sort of manifest into something else.
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Like there's this real, like, and I think it's a human behavior thing.
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I'm not going to be like, um, like psychologist.
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I think there's a real sense of like, we do remain fundamentally the same, but a lot of
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our experiences change us and help us grow and help us solidify or counter a belief we
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might have had.
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But a lot of the belief systems, like, you know, who we are and what makes us a person,
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um, really stick by, like they have to be something quite significant to push us.
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To be totally different.
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Totally different and far beyond like, you know, when you see in films where it's like,
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um, I think I watched the next three days with Russell Crowe the other day.
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I haven't seen that.
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It's a fun film, but like, it's just, he goes out like being this regular man, his wife
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gets arrested and then he starts murdering and not like straight up murder, but he killed
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like two people.
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And I'm like, that takes a lot from just like, you know, knuckling down and then being like,
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I'm going to murder these people.
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So I think, I think for, for that sense, it's really like, yes, we do change, but I don't
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think we're going to change in this quite the same way.
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Do you feel like younger you would be astounded where you are now?
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Such a beautiful question.
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And I feel that always sparks like emotion in me talking about your younger self.
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And I've been talking a lot about this in therapy about like my talk, talking to my
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inner child and part of me, part of me feels, yes, I would be like, oh my God, I'm going
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to do this.
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Oh my God, you've gone and done it.
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Like my, I moved here from New York and living in New York was like my dream growing up.
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And then when I actually got there, I was like, holy fuck, I'm fucking doing this thing.
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Oh my God.
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And, and it, I, and I still feel so grateful and shocked when I'm doing something very
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fucking cool.
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Yeah.
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But it been on, on like the other side of that coin.
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And I, I feel like I've always kind of known that this was what I was going to do.
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Like my path I've always, it's, it's almost, it's not like I didn't have a choice as in
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I had like dance mom or anything, but like I had the opposite of dance, dance parents
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and performer parents growing up, but I've kind of always been really certain and secure
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like in my heart and in my bones that this is what I'm going to do with my life.
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So I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm never like, oh my God, this is so weird that I'm doing this thing
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because it's kind of, I've had this like inner knowing of wanting to, wanting to, to perform
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and wanting to be on stage and wanting to, you know, be, be an artist.
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I've kind of always wanted that and always known that.
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And you know, I've, I heard someone saying in interview, like, I think it was after like
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a UFC fight or something.
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They were like, Oh, could you, could you ever believe that you, you know, you were here
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right now?
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And this guy was like, yes, I knew I was going to find that kind of resonated to me because
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I was like, yeah, sometimes you just know what you're going to do.
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And I feel so lucky that I've had that knowing because a lot of people that I know, you know,
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you're still trying to work out what they want to do and what lights them up and what
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they're passionate about.
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Yeah.
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But I've kind of always had this comfort in it's going to what I'm doing is, is what I'm
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meant to be doing.
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Yeah.
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I know.
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I love that because it's, and it's interesting because isn't that like when you go back to
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therapy, um, I think there's a huge amount of like fear interpretation with like, you
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know, performing and acting because it's such a vulnerable thing.
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And I always think it is such a vulnerable thing because it is like exposing these raw
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elements of yourself, whether you sort of like feel it or not.
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And a lot of it is like the fundamentals.
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It's kind of like its own therapy and, and trauma loading up, which is so interesting.
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Oh, well, good thing that thing happened to me because I can use that.
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Yeah.
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No, it's like, oh, there's another little like cherry on top that I can just like trauma
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bond.
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But I do think that there's like a real element.
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I think it's like also when I, you know, I seen like the national theater and stuff and
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performances from like their online videos, which I think are phenomenal.
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But also like captivating drama performances on TV and film.
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Um, it really is a sense like it is, it is this sort of like really weird feeling because
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yeah, when you're a kid, it seems so impossible.
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It seems so hard to reach.
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Um, versus like now, I mean, like, what were you like as a kid?
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What, what was your little you?
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What was I like as a kid?
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I was very playful and imaginative.
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My mom would always like tell these stories that I would be like in my room, like playing
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an entire game by myself, like being like, like I would play like teacher and I'd be
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the teacher and then I'd be the student and then I'd be the, and so I was like very playful
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and imaginative.
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And I think as well that, um, lends to, as you get older, pulling on that imagination
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in my work and in, in the craft of acting, being able to have that imagination.
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So I was always, I was always very playful, very sensitive and I'm still very sensitive,
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but I think I'm mask it.
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I mask it a lot with my, I guess my like extrovertedness that I was talking about before.
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I'm like, oh yeah, all good.
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Even though I'm like, ow, that really, you know, um, but I, yeah, I was very sensitive,
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very emotional kid.
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I was like, I would cry a lot.
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I would feel things a lot and like feel like if I was having a, you know, a school, a playground
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argument, I would come home and I would sob and I would be devastated that this girl said
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this and that, and I just would feel things very, I'd have a lot of big, big feelings
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when I was a kid and my brother, I've an, I've one older brother.
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He's kind of like the opposite to that.
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So it was like me and I'd be like, mom, like Elliot said this and like, and he'd just be
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like blank face.
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We were total opposite.
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So I was kind of like this, the baby of the family, but the cry baby as well.
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I was, I was so, yeah, I was like this little raw thing that was just so affected by, by
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the world around me.
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I was so sweet though.
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I know, unless her heart, I think about her all the time.
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And there's this video, like a home movie of me, um, do it coming out from a dance concert
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and I have like my makeup done and I'm probably like six in this little outfit.
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And I'm like looking at the camera and mom's like, how do you, how did you think it went?
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How did you think it went?
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And I'm talking and I think about that video and that little girl who's just, was just
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so like, like you were talking about before being young and like the world is so, I was
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just so excited and so present and so I had so much belief, you know, in what I was doing
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and there's so much presence.
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You're so present when you're a kid.
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Yeah.
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Which is sort of like, you feel like you're less present.
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Yeah.
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Now I feel like now, um, it's almost coming back because I felt like in my very early
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twenties, I'm 28.
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Yeah.
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How old are you?
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32.
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So old today.
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00:12:29,380 --> 00:12:30,380
So old, dull.
239
00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:37,380
Um, I felt, I felt in my early, my kind of mid, I had all the confidence that I, I was
240
00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:41,940
super confident kid and because I was dancing and performing, I could talk to anyone and
241
00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:45,140
I could say, you know, I wasn't embarrassed much as a kid.
242
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:53,060
And then as I grew, got older, when I got to like 22, from 22 to maybe 24, 25, all of
243
00:12:53,060 --> 00:12:56,300
that went away.
244
00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:59,460
And then I would like self edit myself.
245
00:12:59,460 --> 00:13:02,060
I would self edit in public.
246
00:13:02,060 --> 00:13:06,100
I would be, everything I would say, I would, I was wondering, God, should I have said that
247
00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:07,100
or did that come out wrong?
248
00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:12,020
Or I was just second guessing and doubt, doubting myself big time.
249
00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:17,460
It's almost like the, it's the classic society kind of catches up with you.
250
00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:24,580
And then that innocent and that playful, like imaginative kid who was so confident, then
251
00:13:24,580 --> 00:13:26,380
where does that all go?
252
00:13:26,380 --> 00:13:32,180
And then all the kind of social constructs of being, you know, not wanting to outshine
253
00:13:32,180 --> 00:13:36,420
anyone or not wanting to be arrogant and not wanting, I was like almost, oh, I can't do
254
00:13:36,420 --> 00:13:37,420
that.
255
00:13:37,420 --> 00:13:38,420
That's too confident.
256
00:13:38,420 --> 00:13:40,380
And I feel like that's in a very, a very Australian thing.
257
00:13:40,380 --> 00:13:41,380
Yeah.
258
00:13:41,380 --> 00:13:42,380
As well.
259
00:13:42,380 --> 00:13:43,380
100%.
260
00:13:43,380 --> 00:13:48,820
And I think it's also like, like, I'm just drinking my coffee.
261
00:13:48,820 --> 00:13:49,820
I love it.
262
00:13:49,820 --> 00:13:50,820
It was the sound of it.
263
00:13:50,820 --> 00:13:51,820
The sound of it.
264
00:13:51,820 --> 00:13:52,820
Did you hear that?
265
00:13:52,820 --> 00:13:53,820
I did.
266
00:13:53,820 --> 00:13:54,820
Yeah.
267
00:13:54,820 --> 00:14:03,500
I really, I do think that it's this particular look at Australian women as well, particularly
268
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:11,580
like actors, but I do think that there's a glorified, I think because we have such a
269
00:14:11,580 --> 00:14:19,260
culture around it, like a very like almost sex driven culture around, like the idolization
270
00:14:19,260 --> 00:14:25,540
and, you know, like, particularly in Australia, which it's quite bad there.
271
00:14:25,540 --> 00:14:31,020
But you know, like that you, when you're in your twenties, it's like the best time you'll
272
00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:32,860
look for women in that.
273
00:14:32,860 --> 00:14:35,460
And you know, the older you get, the more haggard you get.
274
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:38,940
And that's sort of like, it's harder to be attractive.
275
00:14:38,940 --> 00:14:41,300
That is such an Australian thing.
276
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:42,300
Yeah.
277
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:51,180
What I've noticed like between the ages of 20, 21 to probably about 24, 25 is when you
278
00:14:51,180 --> 00:14:59,500
see most like men go after, like, even if they're like in their thirties or like twenties,
279
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:02,420
they're like, these are the ones, like, these are the people I'm interested in because they're
280
00:15:02,420 --> 00:15:07,780
so like attractive in the sort of glorified.
281
00:15:07,780 --> 00:15:08,780
Young and vibrant.
282
00:15:08,780 --> 00:15:12,060
Young and vibrant and sort of eager.
283
00:15:12,060 --> 00:15:17,820
And it's also kind of like at the weird stage of when you're probably the most like insecure
284
00:15:17,820 --> 00:15:18,820
and nervous.
285
00:15:18,820 --> 00:15:22,300
So it was kind of like a weird take advantage subliminally.
286
00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:30,060
Like it's so impressed in our culture that that's a normal thing to do and sort of like
287
00:15:30,060 --> 00:15:34,780
glorify, because then you're sort of like, I know friends who were like single and they're
288
00:15:34,780 --> 00:15:40,420
like late twenties, early thirties and they struggle today because they're like, why you
289
00:15:40,420 --> 00:15:43,220
do isn't, aren't people finding me interesting?
290
00:15:43,220 --> 00:15:48,420
Is it like, you know, and it's because like, we're just so ingrained in that society where
291
00:15:48,420 --> 00:15:52,860
it's like, you've got to find someone in your early twenties and that's it and you're settled
292
00:15:52,860 --> 00:15:53,860
for life.
293
00:15:53,860 --> 00:15:54,860
Yeah.
294
00:15:54,860 --> 00:16:03,380
I feel like as well, I, being, being kind of social, like I was very social in my early
295
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:07,460
twenties in Sydney and I was kind of always out and about and I worked in a bar and I
296
00:16:07,460 --> 00:16:11,980
was auditioning and auditioning was kind of like the passenger seat.
297
00:16:11,980 --> 00:16:18,860
So I was always out and seeing, and then you'd get this as, as we all got to 25, then you'd
298
00:16:18,860 --> 00:16:23,740
get this younger generation of women coming up who I would see and like, oh, they're always
299
00:16:23,740 --> 00:16:27,620
out and about and they're always at the, you know, in the scene and at the parties and
300
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:33,260
now they're the, they're the ones that all of the older men that we were going out with
301
00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:35,140
and now going after those women.
302
00:16:35,140 --> 00:16:36,140
Yeah.
303
00:16:36,140 --> 00:16:44,100
And that thing of like this young, vibrant kind of archetype of woman is seen to be like
304
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:50,220
the most attractive, not attractive in a physical sense, but attractive kind of candidate of
305
00:16:50,220 --> 00:16:51,220
a person.
306
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:56,700
And I feel like, yeah, Australia, I mean, I, I don't, I have no idea about Canada, but
307
00:16:56,700 --> 00:17:06,060
Australia especially it's, and even like gender in Australia is very, very specific to Australia.
308
00:17:06,060 --> 00:17:11,260
The kind of gender, gender issues that we have and the toxic masculinity that comes
309
00:17:11,260 --> 00:17:12,260
from Australia.
310
00:17:12,260 --> 00:17:16,780
And I know that there's toxic masculinity everywhere, but Australia specifically, we
311
00:17:16,780 --> 00:17:17,780
have a lot of it.
312
00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:18,780
It's a lot of it.
313
00:17:18,780 --> 00:17:19,780
Yeah.
314
00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:23,580
It's, it's really interesting because like we went to the public library the other day
315
00:17:23,580 --> 00:17:27,820
and you would never see this in Australia, but like the, on the door, they had like,
316
00:17:27,820 --> 00:17:31,500
um, trans people welcome and you know, on, on the public bathrooms.
317
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:36,100
And I was like, in Australia, that's just being introduced, like, you know, that whole
318
00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:44,220
aspect that, you know, non-gender conformity feels like we're so in the decade of like
319
00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:45,220
the 1800s.
320
00:17:45,220 --> 00:17:51,700
Like, wait, and I think it's also why a lot of our generation want to run away, like because
321
00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:58,420
we're so demanded to, there's no progression that like, even with acting, there's like,
322
00:17:58,420 --> 00:18:01,740
you're kind of stunted to a point of like, you want to be on home and away?
323
00:18:01,740 --> 00:18:03,740
You want to be a neighbors?
324
00:18:03,740 --> 00:18:04,740
Sure.
325
00:18:04,740 --> 00:18:08,900
Like that's a great jumping off point, but to get to America.
326
00:18:08,900 --> 00:18:09,900
Yes.
327
00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:10,900
So like they do, it's like, great.
328
00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:13,620
They, you do that because so then you can go to America and be like, look, I was on
329
00:18:13,620 --> 00:18:14,620
the biggest show.
330
00:18:14,620 --> 00:18:15,620
Yes.
331
00:18:15,620 --> 00:18:21,620
But yeah, there's like, it's, it's almost like this glass ceiling in Australia.
332
00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:24,340
You can see the rest of the world.
333
00:18:24,340 --> 00:18:27,500
You can see what else is out there, but you can't get to it.
334
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:28,500
Yeah.
335
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:33,420
And because we're so far away, you know, you can't hop on a plane and go to New York and
336
00:18:33,420 --> 00:18:36,540
you know, have a month in New York, seeing the site, like it's, it's going to cost you
337
00:18:36,540 --> 00:18:37,980
two grand to get there.
338
00:18:37,980 --> 00:18:38,980
Yeah.
339
00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:43,260
You know, before you even get there because of the flight, because we're so far away.
340
00:18:43,260 --> 00:18:48,500
So it's this interesting, like, I feel like Australia is like, it's beautiful.
341
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,300
It's a beautiful kind of cage.
342
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:51,300
Yeah.
343
00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:53,500
Is that fucked up to say?
344
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,300
No, it's not fucked up to say.
345
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,300
I love it.
346
00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:57,940
It is a beautiful cage.
347
00:18:57,940 --> 00:19:00,020
I think it's also part of the reason.
348
00:19:00,020 --> 00:19:01,020
Yeah.
349
00:19:01,020 --> 00:19:05,860
And this is sort of like, um, something I sort of realized the other day after we'd just
350
00:19:05,860 --> 00:19:06,860
landed.
351
00:19:06,860 --> 00:19:09,460
I was like, I, I, it just makes sense for me to leave.
352
00:19:09,460 --> 00:19:14,260
Like, and I've loved Australia and I will always love it.
353
00:19:14,260 --> 00:19:18,180
And there's a lot of things I'd still love to do there, but there's less and less sort
354
00:19:18,180 --> 00:19:21,900
of like, I don't feel as, I've never felt like particularly Australian.
355
00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:25,260
Like I've always felt much more of like an international body.
356
00:19:25,260 --> 00:19:30,940
Um, but I think it's also because my style and I was talking to him with one of my really
357
00:19:30,940 --> 00:19:36,580
good friends about this and she was like, she was like the best kind of people thrive
358
00:19:36,580 --> 00:19:41,640
outside when, cause creativity, like you can do a million things and you will hit that
359
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,900
ceiling and you will go, um, yeah.
360
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:48,020
And we, I was talking about this with my wife the other day.
361
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:52,180
We were, we were sort of like, um, Emily and I were sort of going, there's a real sense
362
00:19:52,180 --> 00:19:58,340
of cancel culture in Australia where we are so quick to judge someone because, because
363
00:19:58,340 --> 00:20:00,860
the industry is so small.
364
00:20:00,860 --> 00:20:04,700
One person has one bad name and then everyone sort of goes, I'll never work with that person.
365
00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:09,020
And the moment you go overseas, you can work with 10 people and they'll be like, oh yeah,
366
00:20:09,020 --> 00:20:11,460
no, that person, I didn't have a great experience, but you can work with them.
367
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:15,140
So don't, you know, like, or I think they had an off day, don't stress.
368
00:20:15,140 --> 00:20:19,500
Like, you know, there's a different kind of vibe because everyone's got this well switched
369
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:20,500
on.
370
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:24,020
It's like not their first rodeo was ever in Australia.
371
00:20:24,020 --> 00:20:27,780
It's like, it's day one and we're all just going, fuck, you know, we've got to make the
372
00:20:27,780 --> 00:20:28,780
best.
373
00:20:28,780 --> 00:20:33,260
Or it's not their first rodeo, but they still kind of grip it like it is.
374
00:20:33,260 --> 00:20:34,260
Yeah.
375
00:20:34,260 --> 00:20:37,620
I think, I think back to what you're saying about create like the industry in Australia,
376
00:20:37,620 --> 00:20:42,540
because it's so small, because there's not much money in Australia for projects.
377
00:20:42,540 --> 00:20:47,780
Everyone, everyone is feeling that kind of, there's that scarcity mentality because there's
378
00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:51,540
not because, you know, thank God they've given us this one shot to make this show.
379
00:20:51,540 --> 00:20:54,260
So everyone's like gripping it as if it's like we're in America.
380
00:20:54,260 --> 00:20:56,260
Like they make a shitload of bad shows.
381
00:20:56,260 --> 00:20:57,260
Yeah.
382
00:20:57,260 --> 00:21:00,580
Like they make so much stuff because they have the, you know, the resources that we
383
00:21:00,580 --> 00:21:03,420
don't have and it helps pay tax.
384
00:21:03,420 --> 00:21:04,420
Yeah.
385
00:21:04,420 --> 00:21:07,380
Like it's so much goes back into movies that we actually want to watch.
386
00:21:07,380 --> 00:21:08,380
I know.
387
00:21:08,380 --> 00:21:13,740
And, and it's an enforcement to make good choice because they're pumping out so much.
388
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:17,860
Like, I think it was like, um, Hugh Laurie was saying when he was doing house, he was
389
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:20,820
like, you're making 22 episodes a year.
390
00:21:20,820 --> 00:21:26,300
Um, you know, and the split in like two giant production blocks, you know, it's, it's massive.
391
00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:31,380
But he was saying it was the best because, you know, cause you get about 10 dud episodes
392
00:21:31,380 --> 00:21:33,180
and you still get about 12 gold ones.
393
00:21:33,180 --> 00:21:37,900
Like he was like, you just kind of don't know because per season they're just knocking them
394
00:21:37,900 --> 00:21:42,600
out so fast, but it trains you as an actor because in Britain and Australia, they do
395
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,060
so many takes.
396
00:21:44,060 --> 00:21:45,580
Whereas here you're going to have got three takes.
397
00:21:45,580 --> 00:21:46,580
You've got to move on.
398
00:21:46,580 --> 00:21:47,580
Yeah.
399
00:21:47,580 --> 00:21:49,260
You just got to nail it and you got to go.
400
00:21:49,260 --> 00:21:51,700
There's just not that, not the resources.
401
00:21:51,700 --> 00:21:55,540
And then I feel like that kind of plays into that glass box because you're like, Oh, this
402
00:21:55,540 --> 00:21:56,540
is great.
403
00:21:56,540 --> 00:22:00,940
But it's a very, it's going to be very hard for them to take a chance on an actor.
404
00:22:00,940 --> 00:22:04,500
That's not very well known because they don't want to risk it not working.
405
00:22:04,500 --> 00:22:05,500
Yeah.
406
00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:08,620
They can't have the bad, they can't have 12 bad episodes.
407
00:22:08,620 --> 00:22:11,460
No, they just can't, they just can't do it.
408
00:22:11,460 --> 00:22:16,340
No, and it does like, it does make it quite sad.
409
00:22:16,340 --> 00:22:23,220
I mean like when you landed here, like when you, cause you moved to New York first.
410
00:22:23,220 --> 00:22:24,220
Yeah.
411
00:22:24,220 --> 00:22:25,220
Yeah.
412
00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:27,460
So I moved, uh, I grew up on the, I'm English.
413
00:22:27,460 --> 00:22:28,460
My parents, I was born in Spain.
414
00:22:28,460 --> 00:22:31,380
I was about to say, I was like, your accent does not match.
415
00:22:31,380 --> 00:22:32,380
I know it's a bit confusing.
416
00:22:32,380 --> 00:22:34,440
I was, I was born in Spain in Gran Canaria.
417
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,020
My parents are English.
418
00:22:36,020 --> 00:22:37,020
Yep.
419
00:22:37,020 --> 00:22:40,740
And then I moved to the Gold Coast, the Goldie.
420
00:22:40,740 --> 00:22:43,500
The Goldie when I was, uh, six.
421
00:22:43,500 --> 00:22:44,500
Wow.
422
00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:47,100
That would have been culture shock right there.
423
00:22:47,100 --> 00:22:48,100
Yeah.
424
00:22:48,100 --> 00:22:53,260
And that, that was weird as well being in primary school and being this like redheaded
425
00:22:53,260 --> 00:22:59,420
pale skin girl named Scarlett who was like, had a British accent and I just wanted to
426
00:22:59,420 --> 00:23:04,500
be like Emma or Jessica and be tanned and be able to go to the beach and like, but like
427
00:23:04,500 --> 00:23:08,500
I was never allowed in the sun and I was never, so I just felt very fish out of water on the
428
00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:09,500
Gold Coast.
429
00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:14,660
Um, and that plays in what you were saying about feeling international or just feeling
430
00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:18,420
like I never really felt like I belonged on the Gold Coast.
431
00:23:18,420 --> 00:23:22,140
Like I knew, I knew growing up that it was just temporary.
432
00:23:22,140 --> 00:23:23,140
Yeah.
433
00:23:23,140 --> 00:23:26,140
I never felt like I was going to stay there long.
434
00:23:26,140 --> 00:23:31,020
And then, um, when I finished high school, I moved to Sydney and went to Brent street
435
00:23:31,020 --> 00:23:32,300
performing art school.
436
00:23:32,300 --> 00:23:33,300
Love.
437
00:23:33,300 --> 00:23:34,300
Yep.
438
00:23:34,300 --> 00:23:36,340
Did you see, they just did a documentary about it on Amazon.
439
00:23:36,340 --> 00:23:37,340
It's so funny.
440
00:23:37,340 --> 00:23:38,860
They've just done a documentary about it.
441
00:23:38,860 --> 00:23:42,060
It's crazy, crazy throwback triggering.
442
00:23:42,060 --> 00:23:44,820
Like I watched it with my boyfriend.
443
00:23:44,820 --> 00:23:46,620
We watched an episode and I was like, yep, that's it.
444
00:23:46,620 --> 00:23:47,980
I don't need to watch any more of that.
445
00:23:47,980 --> 00:23:49,340
Like you're like, I'm done.
446
00:23:49,340 --> 00:23:51,860
This is like super close to home.
447
00:23:51,860 --> 00:23:57,540
Um, and then I went to Brent street and then I went to acting school and then I lived,
448
00:23:57,540 --> 00:24:00,860
uh, in Sydney for about eight years.
449
00:24:00,860 --> 00:24:04,060
And then, but same thing.
450
00:24:04,060 --> 00:24:07,380
I just knew that I wasn't like, I'm not going to buy a house here.
451
00:24:07,380 --> 00:24:13,380
I just knew that in my heart that I was not going to live there forever.
452
00:24:13,380 --> 00:24:16,340
And I kind of always felt that way about Australia.
453
00:24:16,340 --> 00:24:23,440
And then, yeah, I moved to New York, uh, beginning of 2022 and did, uh, the summer program at
454
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,420
Stella Adler, the acting program.
455
00:24:26,420 --> 00:24:31,020
And then I moved to Vancouver in April, 2023.
456
00:24:31,020 --> 00:24:32,260
Oh, wow.
457
00:24:32,260 --> 00:24:34,860
So it's been like fast track.
458
00:24:34,860 --> 00:24:39,340
I feel like my kind of early mid twenties, I was like bopping along and I had all these
459
00:24:39,340 --> 00:24:43,860
dreams and all these things inside of me that I wanted to do.
460
00:24:43,860 --> 00:24:50,620
And then after I hit 25, I was like, fuck, oh my God, if I don't actually take a step,
461
00:24:50,620 --> 00:24:52,580
I'm not going to do these things.
462
00:24:52,580 --> 00:24:53,580
Yeah.
463
00:24:53,580 --> 00:24:59,660
So then I, yeah, then I had to leave, but I, I was in a very long relationship, um,
464
00:24:59,660 --> 00:25:04,320
with a beautiful, beautiful person and he didn't want to come.
465
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:07,620
He had his, his shit in Sydney that he wanted to stay for.
466
00:25:07,620 --> 00:25:13,900
And so when I moved to New York, it was kind of this like blowing up of everything.
467
00:25:13,900 --> 00:25:14,940
Yeah.
468
00:25:14,940 --> 00:25:22,060
Everything that I knew, um, in Australia for uncertainty, I had no idea what to expect
469
00:25:22,060 --> 00:25:25,860
moving, but I knew I needed to do it.
470
00:25:25,860 --> 00:25:26,860
Yeah.
471
00:25:26,860 --> 00:25:30,380
Did you feel, cause you saying you're feeling international as well.
472
00:25:30,380 --> 00:25:31,380
Yeah.
473
00:25:31,380 --> 00:25:41,380
Um, mine was always like, it was really weird cause I grew up in Sydney and, um, like I
474
00:25:41,380 --> 00:25:47,660
think my brother's more attached to Australia than I am, which is always like the way, but,
475
00:25:47,660 --> 00:25:51,540
um, I remember my parents.
476
00:25:51,540 --> 00:25:56,940
Like they had great, uh, they had grandparents were from England and their grandparents,
477
00:25:56,940 --> 00:25:59,020
uh, their parents were from Australia.
478
00:25:59,020 --> 00:26:00,700
So they were born here and stuff like that.
479
00:26:00,700 --> 00:26:04,340
So it was like, there was no way I was going to get an international visa or anything like
480
00:26:04,340 --> 00:26:05,340
that.
481
00:26:05,340 --> 00:26:10,900
But, um, I remember thinking like there was, I used to watch a lot of British and American
482
00:26:10,900 --> 00:26:14,060
TV and I never related to the Australian TV.
483
00:26:14,060 --> 00:26:17,820
And I remember particularly Australian culture always weeded me out.
484
00:26:17,820 --> 00:26:21,220
Like it just was a very weird thing.
485
00:26:21,220 --> 00:26:23,660
Like it's a freaky, it's so freaky.
486
00:26:23,660 --> 00:26:28,340
And everyone was like, um, I was very pale skinned, didn't like going out in the sun
487
00:26:28,340 --> 00:26:34,740
particularly, um, loved going to the movies, like the movies and theater were my safe space.
488
00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:37,340
A lot of my friends growing up had no interest in that.
489
00:26:37,340 --> 00:26:39,740
Like they, they weren't creative.
490
00:26:39,740 --> 00:26:47,060
Um, I really struggled to like, and I remember when I did drama class, like drama class in
491
00:26:47,060 --> 00:26:48,420
school was very competitive.
492
00:26:48,420 --> 00:26:50,780
So it was like, it was always, who was the loudest in the room?
493
00:26:50,780 --> 00:26:52,180
Did you go to the performing arts school?
494
00:26:52,180 --> 00:26:55,220
Um, no, I wish, I wish I went to Newtown performing arts.
495
00:26:55,220 --> 00:26:56,220
Newtown, that's it.
496
00:26:56,220 --> 00:27:02,060
Um, no, I went to, so I went to Lycart Sydney secondary college and then I went to Black
497
00:27:02,060 --> 00:27:05,820
Waddle and we just did a standard drama class, but it was very competitive.
498
00:27:05,820 --> 00:27:13,620
We had an improv group and it was run by a bunch of people I knew and it was so competitive
499
00:27:13,620 --> 00:27:14,620
to get in.
500
00:27:14,620 --> 00:27:18,620
Um, because they all, they basically judged on who they thought was funny.
501
00:27:18,620 --> 00:27:22,780
And it was so, it was that, and they all had this distinct style of humor.
502
00:27:22,780 --> 00:27:29,460
I had grown and still to this day, I have a very sarcastic deadpan humor, which is not
503
00:27:29,460 --> 00:27:30,460
very Australian.
504
00:27:30,460 --> 00:27:35,660
Like a lot of it's very morbid jokes and very like, um, sarcastic like responses.
505
00:27:35,660 --> 00:27:38,340
A lot of people in Australia love like crass humor.
506
00:27:38,340 --> 00:27:42,700
We're very into like crass or like a lot of weird humor.
507
00:27:42,700 --> 00:27:47,380
And it's like, if, if the only jokes they know how to make is like, if they're taking
508
00:27:47,380 --> 00:27:48,860
the piss out of you, yeah.
509
00:27:48,860 --> 00:27:52,860
And like teasing you and it's like, it's all the jokes always at someone else's expense.
510
00:27:52,860 --> 00:27:53,860
It's always someone else's expense.
511
00:27:53,860 --> 00:27:57,900
And I'm just like, I'm always about like the variety of jokes.
512
00:27:57,900 --> 00:28:02,180
And I particularly like, I'd watch a lot of shows that no one ever heard of.
513
00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:07,440
And I think that was sort of the real indication for me growing up was like, oh, I am different.
514
00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:08,440
And I loved it.
515
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:13,140
Like I remember I was such a, like I've traveled overseas twice by myself and I think it was
516
00:28:13,140 --> 00:28:16,380
a real eye opener because like, I just loved it.
517
00:28:16,380 --> 00:28:21,580
And I was like, I love just traveling, like I love just exploring life, seeing nature
518
00:28:21,580 --> 00:28:26,420
and being kind of like a stupid idiot, which I think was the joy.
519
00:28:26,420 --> 00:28:28,980
Um, yeah, the freedom.
520
00:28:28,980 --> 00:28:34,220
And I think like there was something, one of my, one of my sort of like, once I started
521
00:28:34,220 --> 00:28:40,020
the podcast and everything, that was kind of like the reigniting of a lot of love for
522
00:28:40,020 --> 00:28:45,220
like, cause I always loved film and I always wanted to make film and I would do a lot of
523
00:28:45,220 --> 00:28:49,140
projects like, and this is the thing about Australia, there's not much money in it.
524
00:28:49,140 --> 00:28:53,100
So whenever I made film projects, it was a lot of asking of favors and friends and being
525
00:28:53,100 --> 00:28:54,420
like, Hey, can you do a weekend?
526
00:28:54,420 --> 00:28:57,180
And they'll be like, if I don't have work, sure.
527
00:28:57,180 --> 00:28:59,700
Like, so you'd ask like your friends to do your favors.
528
00:28:59,700 --> 00:29:04,780
You'd feel bad because you wanted to pay people, but you had no financial like gain.
529
00:29:04,780 --> 00:29:11,780
Um, and you just hope like, I remember I helped produce a friend's short film and I was amazed.
530
00:29:11,780 --> 00:29:14,660
She pulled it off in three days and it's great.
531
00:29:14,660 --> 00:29:17,900
And I think it's going to do well in festivals, but it was one of those situations where it's
532
00:29:17,900 --> 00:29:22,300
like literally, I was like, I've been in your shoes where you have to literally ask everyone,
533
00:29:22,300 --> 00:29:27,820
Hey, you can't be paid, but I'll pay for expenses like food.
534
00:29:27,820 --> 00:29:32,300
Take work off, but, and you won't be getting paid and you'll be losing money.
535
00:29:32,300 --> 00:29:34,300
But I will make a big spag bowl.
536
00:29:34,300 --> 00:29:35,300
Yes.
537
00:29:35,300 --> 00:29:37,940
Basically it's like, it's us and that's Australia.
538
00:29:37,940 --> 00:29:42,900
Like we are, we're sort of very, but I think there was a kind of a point and I was talking
539
00:29:42,900 --> 00:29:48,980
with one of my friends literally the other week where she was like, you're so worth the
540
00:29:48,980 --> 00:29:53,300
cost of like, you know, everything you do, you should be paid.
541
00:29:53,300 --> 00:29:56,320
Like you should, you shouldn't be doing anything for free anymore.
542
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:57,320
Like you should be paid.
543
00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:03,140
I was like, it's so interesting because in Australia we're so like, no one has the money
544
00:30:03,140 --> 00:30:04,980
to pay was here.
545
00:30:04,980 --> 00:30:07,060
That's just, that's just endless.
546
00:30:07,060 --> 00:30:12,940
Like, people just do it because it's, it's just like the right thing to do.
547
00:30:12,940 --> 00:30:18,260
It's like, I will give you this, you know, cause if I don't, I just feel bad that I haven't
548
00:30:18,260 --> 00:30:22,380
given you any compensation for your hard effort.
549
00:30:22,380 --> 00:30:25,180
Whereas in Australia you go, I'll just do you something for free.
550
00:30:25,180 --> 00:30:27,380
They're like, okay, take it at the next chance.
551
00:30:27,380 --> 00:30:29,540
It's like surprising if you're getting paid in Australia.
552
00:30:29,540 --> 00:30:30,540
I know.
553
00:30:30,540 --> 00:30:34,580
I like, I feel like every short film or every theater job or every, anything that I did
554
00:30:34,580 --> 00:30:40,180
as I was, you know, try trying to make it happen in Australia was always the given was
555
00:30:40,180 --> 00:30:41,180
that you weren't getting paid.
556
00:30:41,180 --> 00:30:42,180
Yeah.
557
00:30:42,180 --> 00:30:46,060
It's like only if you book a big commercial or a gig or like it was like three grand then.
558
00:30:46,060 --> 00:30:47,060
Yeah.
559
00:30:47,060 --> 00:30:48,060
Yeah.
560
00:30:48,060 --> 00:30:49,060
Exactly.
561
00:30:49,060 --> 00:30:51,700
Like you don't, you just, it's just a given that everyone is working for free.
562
00:30:51,700 --> 00:30:52,700
Yeah.
563
00:30:52,700 --> 00:30:53,700
But here you're right.
564
00:30:53,700 --> 00:30:54,700
It's the, it's the opposite.
565
00:30:54,700 --> 00:30:56,380
If you're not getting paid, everyone's like, wait, what?
566
00:30:56,380 --> 00:30:57,380
It's unpaid.
567
00:30:57,380 --> 00:30:58,380
Yeah.
568
00:30:58,380 --> 00:30:59,380
Like can't, they can't believe it.
569
00:30:59,380 --> 00:31:04,500
I mean, did you, what was the weirdest experience of like working and doing short
570
00:31:04,500 --> 00:31:13,420
films in Australia that you were like, I should be absolutely paid?
571
00:31:13,420 --> 00:31:17,020
I had to kiss like a seven year old man once.
572
00:31:17,020 --> 00:31:18,020
70.
573
00:31:18,020 --> 00:31:19,020
Oh, 70.
574
00:31:19,020 --> 00:31:20,020
70 year old man.
575
00:31:20,020 --> 00:31:21,020
I was like seven.
576
00:31:21,020 --> 00:31:23,620
I was like, wow, that's like, he was a grown man.
577
00:31:23,620 --> 00:31:24,620
Yeah.
578
00:31:24,620 --> 00:31:25,620
Yeah.
579
00:31:25,620 --> 00:31:28,820
I met, I did a music video and we were like up at like four in the morning.
580
00:31:28,820 --> 00:31:29,820
It was freezing.
581
00:31:29,820 --> 00:31:35,020
We were like trotting around Sydney and then we had to like rob an art gallery and there
582
00:31:35,020 --> 00:31:40,940
was an old man there and I was like kind of teasing the old man.
583
00:31:40,940 --> 00:31:44,420
And then the director was like, what would, what would happen if you, if you kind of like
584
00:31:44,420 --> 00:31:46,380
went in for a kiss and grabbed him and kissed him?
585
00:31:46,380 --> 00:31:47,380
And I was like, oh, okay.
586
00:31:47,380 --> 00:31:51,020
Like, I was like, yeah, I can do that.
587
00:31:51,020 --> 00:31:52,020
That's fun.
588
00:31:52,020 --> 00:31:55,100
And, and I'm like very playful and fun and you know, whatever.
589
00:31:55,100 --> 00:31:58,540
But yeah, that was probably, after that I was like, oh shit.
590
00:31:58,540 --> 00:31:59,940
I fully had to do that.
591
00:31:59,940 --> 00:32:00,940
Yeah.
592
00:32:00,940 --> 00:32:01,940
Yeah.
593
00:32:01,940 --> 00:32:04,660
It was like, this is something I probably should have just been consulted and paid.
594
00:32:04,660 --> 00:32:05,660
Yeah.
595
00:32:05,660 --> 00:32:10,340
Oh my, one of my friends from acting school made a, made a web series, um, on his property,
596
00:32:10,340 --> 00:32:11,900
like straight out of acting school.
597
00:32:11,900 --> 00:32:12,900
Wow.
598
00:32:12,900 --> 00:32:13,900
And, and he's amazing.
599
00:32:13,900 --> 00:32:17,940
He like written it and, and I had to vomit on, on a car.
600
00:32:17,940 --> 00:32:18,940
Oh wow.
601
00:32:18,940 --> 00:32:20,260
Like in the middle of the night.
602
00:32:20,260 --> 00:32:26,060
So we had like a can of a cream, like Campbell's cream corn soup and I just had to like hold
603
00:32:26,060 --> 00:32:30,060
it, hold as much as I could in my mouth and then run to this car and like spew all over
604
00:32:30,060 --> 00:32:31,060
the car.
605
00:32:31,060 --> 00:32:32,060
Wow.
606
00:32:32,060 --> 00:32:33,060
Yeah.
607
00:32:33,060 --> 00:32:34,060
That was fun as well.
608
00:32:34,060 --> 00:32:35,140
I don't really have any horror stories.
609
00:32:35,140 --> 00:32:36,420
I've been really lucky.
610
00:32:36,420 --> 00:32:37,420
That's really good.
611
00:32:37,420 --> 00:32:43,740
Like I don't, I don't know if I have any like absolute horror experiences in any sort of
612
00:32:43,740 --> 00:32:47,180
like capacity of whether I'm directing or acting.
613
00:32:47,180 --> 00:32:52,820
I don't think there's any sort of like dear Lord almighty that I should have thought of
614
00:32:52,820 --> 00:32:53,820
that twice.
615
00:32:53,820 --> 00:32:54,820
Yeah.
616
00:32:54,820 --> 00:32:56,580
Um, but there's like, I don't know.
617
00:32:56,580 --> 00:32:58,460
It's just, it's always the way, isn't it?
618
00:32:58,460 --> 00:33:07,300
Like I, I sort of think like there is, there is sort of like a these days, especially,
619
00:33:07,300 --> 00:33:09,900
you know, ask, ask the questions sort of proof things.
620
00:33:09,900 --> 00:33:13,980
I know I like, I always go into a film scenario and just sort of double check with everyone.
621
00:33:13,980 --> 00:33:17,740
I was like, okay, this is what I'm thinking before we start even getting to the day of
622
00:33:17,740 --> 00:33:18,740
filming.
623
00:33:18,740 --> 00:33:23,420
It's like always get all the ideas out there, um, rather than chucking it on the deck, but
624
00:33:23,420 --> 00:33:26,340
I do like experiment, like, are you a collaborative worker?
625
00:33:26,340 --> 00:33:28,060
Is that like how you see yourself?
626
00:33:28,060 --> 00:33:29,220
Oh, sure.
627
00:33:29,220 --> 00:33:30,220
I love that.
628
00:33:30,220 --> 00:33:33,540
I love, I mean, obviously the director always has like very clear.
629
00:33:33,540 --> 00:33:39,260
I mean, most of the time I haven't, yeah, again, I haven't had any horror stories, but
630
00:33:39,260 --> 00:33:43,700
most of the time the director has very clear vision of what they want to do, but, but also
631
00:33:43,700 --> 00:33:47,340
they're collaborating with you about making something great.
632
00:33:47,340 --> 00:33:53,140
I did a short film, um, just before I came out here, all the kind of a few months before
633
00:33:53,140 --> 00:33:55,100
I moved to New York.
634
00:33:55,100 --> 00:33:58,940
Um, and that was incredible experience.
635
00:33:58,940 --> 00:34:04,180
I shot for a week and I had all these fake tattoos and it was, it was so fun.
636
00:34:04,180 --> 00:34:09,100
And Lexi, Lexi Goodham, the director, she's, oh, you've done it.
637
00:34:09,100 --> 00:34:10,100
She's done an episode, right?
638
00:34:10,100 --> 00:34:11,100
She has.
639
00:34:11,100 --> 00:34:12,100
That's why I love Lexi.
640
00:34:12,100 --> 00:34:13,100
Isn't she amazing?
641
00:34:13,100 --> 00:34:14,100
Amazing.
642
00:34:14,100 --> 00:34:16,540
Such a talent for such a young person.
643
00:34:16,540 --> 00:34:19,100
She is just like an absolute ripper.
644
00:34:19,100 --> 00:34:26,220
She will do, she, the audacity that she has, has inspired so much inside of me to like
645
00:34:26,220 --> 00:34:27,740
go out and make my own shit.
646
00:34:27,740 --> 00:34:29,220
And yeah, she's a powerhouse.
647
00:34:29,220 --> 00:34:31,900
But I did, I did, um, the film's called girl.
648
00:34:31,900 --> 00:34:32,900
I did it with her.
649
00:34:32,900 --> 00:34:36,700
You probably saw it like on Instagram.
650
00:34:36,700 --> 00:34:40,220
And that collaboration with Lexi was very special.
651
00:34:40,220 --> 00:34:46,060
And a lot of, a lot of the character was like in the script, but then a lot of it we would,
652
00:34:46,060 --> 00:34:51,180
you know, discuss and talk about and flesh out and, you know, wouldn't it be funny if,
653
00:34:51,180 --> 00:34:56,100
or how about if she does this or like having that kind of collaboration on set and being
654
00:34:56,100 --> 00:34:58,940
able to work together to make something really great?
655
00:34:58,940 --> 00:34:59,940
Yeah.
656
00:34:59,940 --> 00:35:00,940
It's my fave, it's my favorite.
657
00:35:00,940 --> 00:35:06,940
And I think as well, I don't know if really directors and again, I don't have enough experience.
658
00:35:06,940 --> 00:35:08,860
Like I haven't done a whole lot.
659
00:35:08,860 --> 00:35:09,860
Yeah.
660
00:35:09,860 --> 00:35:11,860
Um, but enough, enough to know.
661
00:35:11,860 --> 00:35:15,780
Um, but yeah, I haven't been, I haven't been on set for like 20 years.
662
00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:16,780
No.
663
00:35:16,780 --> 00:35:18,460
So maybe come back to me there.
664
00:35:18,460 --> 00:35:21,900
I'll come back to you many, few years in the future.
665
00:35:21,900 --> 00:35:25,900
But I don't know if directors want to work with people who aren't collaborators.
666
00:35:25,900 --> 00:35:28,140
I think, I think, no, not anymore.
667
00:35:28,140 --> 00:35:33,580
I think there was a time where you sort of look at like who was the next big thing and
668
00:35:33,580 --> 00:35:35,540
who was potential to be a big thing.
669
00:35:35,540 --> 00:35:41,340
And now I think it's like who you're going to work well with and who you're wanting to
670
00:35:41,340 --> 00:35:44,220
like you collaborate with.
671
00:35:44,220 --> 00:35:47,700
And there's definitely like people I meet all the time where I'm like, oh, I will definitely
672
00:35:47,700 --> 00:35:51,820
work with you in a heartbeat or like vibe with you.
673
00:35:51,820 --> 00:35:57,860
You know, I think, um, yeah, even speaking of Lexi, I remember the last time I saw her,
674
00:35:57,860 --> 00:36:03,740
um, we were at a premiere for one of our friends, um, short films and she just sat there next
675
00:36:03,740 --> 00:36:05,420
to me and she was like, so what are you working on now?
676
00:36:05,420 --> 00:36:07,380
And I was like, it was just the audacity.
677
00:36:07,380 --> 00:36:10,340
I was like, I love the fact that you're just so straight up.
678
00:36:10,340 --> 00:36:11,420
It's like, what are you doing?
679
00:36:11,420 --> 00:36:12,420
Tell me.
680
00:36:12,420 --> 00:36:13,420
She's a boss.
681
00:36:13,420 --> 00:36:15,900
And I just love her brain.
682
00:36:15,900 --> 00:36:18,180
Like I know so many people she's worked with.
683
00:36:18,180 --> 00:36:23,980
Um, but it's one of those things like, you know, some people just rave, uh, and, and,
684
00:36:23,980 --> 00:36:27,300
and she's like, uh, one of my cheerleaders as well.
685
00:36:27,300 --> 00:36:32,420
So it's really nice when you sort of meet collaborative minds who love cheerleading other
686
00:36:32,420 --> 00:36:36,060
people and going, I definitely work with this person or vice versa.
687
00:36:36,060 --> 00:36:43,860
So I do think, yeah, there's a, there's a lot of things that I, I think, you know, directors
688
00:36:43,860 --> 00:36:47,420
want to do and directors have the ability to do.
689
00:36:47,420 --> 00:36:49,740
Like I'm such an experimental kind of person.
690
00:36:49,740 --> 00:36:54,260
I've always been sort of very collaborative, experimental, very art, um, centric.
691
00:36:54,260 --> 00:36:59,380
I love sort of like, um, uh, Robert Eggers kind of like films where he did the lighthouse
692
00:36:59,380 --> 00:37:02,940
and things like that, where it's like you challenging the film perspective.
693
00:37:02,940 --> 00:37:10,460
I've always loved like, um, really like weird plays and, um, you know, I think distinctly
694
00:37:10,460 --> 00:37:17,260
I love like stories about, you know, human, human brains and human, like human desires
695
00:37:17,260 --> 00:37:23,060
and sort of like this, um, almost like one of my favorite like, um, Greek stories is
696
00:37:23,060 --> 00:37:27,660
Oedipus like, you know, the fact that it's just, and I saw one play it was years ago
697
00:37:27,660 --> 00:37:34,540
that was done really well to, to convey how soul destroying that journey for him was,
698
00:37:34,540 --> 00:37:39,300
but also how horrible the character is as a human being as well.
699
00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:42,300
Like it's, you know, um, you can empathize.
700
00:37:42,300 --> 00:37:43,300
Yeah.
701
00:37:43,300 --> 00:37:44,300
Oh yeah.
702
00:37:44,300 --> 00:37:45,300
100%.
703
00:37:45,300 --> 00:37:48,940
And I think that, you know, like we sort of joke about the Oedipus complex of, you know,
704
00:37:48,940 --> 00:37:51,340
kill your father, marry your mother and tear out your eyes.
705
00:37:51,340 --> 00:37:54,680
But, um, but there's a lot of like tragedy in that.
706
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:57,940
And it's such a weird story to tell.
707
00:37:57,940 --> 00:38:02,480
And then I was always gravitated towards like these stories, which were about the human
708
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:08,460
mind and the human complex and how, um, you know, like another one of my favorite shows
709
00:38:08,460 --> 00:38:09,460
was like mind Hunter.
710
00:38:09,460 --> 00:38:10,460
Oh my God.
711
00:38:10,460 --> 00:38:11,460
I loved mind Hunter.
712
00:38:11,460 --> 00:38:12,460
Yeah.
713
00:38:12,460 --> 00:38:16,780
And just like those circumnavigations of like, what makes us tick?
714
00:38:16,780 --> 00:38:20,460
What really conveys our behavior?
715
00:38:20,460 --> 00:38:22,460
And like, it goes back to that.
716
00:38:22,460 --> 00:38:23,460
What's our experience?
717
00:38:23,460 --> 00:38:24,460
What's our exposure?
718
00:38:24,460 --> 00:38:30,060
You know, um, I always think about it, like, you know, going back to younger us, like it
719
00:38:30,060 --> 00:38:33,620
to being defined by relationships and our own insecurities.
720
00:38:33,620 --> 00:38:36,460
Like you talk about yourself as an extrovert.
721
00:38:36,460 --> 00:38:44,300
Um, like the, the real question, like the real question is how do you see yourself internally?
722
00:38:44,300 --> 00:38:48,120
Do you see yourself as like a very like cool person?
723
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:50,460
Do you see yourself as a very like nerdy person?
724
00:38:50,460 --> 00:38:57,700
Like how do you view you, how do I view me?
725
00:38:57,700 --> 00:39:08,580
I think it comes back to that being very sensitive and me using that kind of chatty extrovertedness
726
00:39:08,580 --> 00:39:16,500
as the mask for my sensitivity and insecurities like deep down.
727
00:39:16,500 --> 00:39:22,100
And you know, when I first got to Australia, similar to your experience about not feeling,
728
00:39:22,100 --> 00:39:26,020
I just didn't feel like I kind of fitted in anywhere.
729
00:39:26,020 --> 00:39:29,020
Um, I wasn't like everyone else.
730
00:39:29,020 --> 00:39:32,260
I didn't feel like everyone else.
731
00:39:32,260 --> 00:39:36,940
And yeah, I guess that's still that, that always lingers that feeling like maybe I'm
732
00:39:36,940 --> 00:39:41,340
not going to fit in and maybe they're not going to like me.
733
00:39:41,340 --> 00:39:47,420
And I think that's also in, in when you're auditioning, it's funny cause it's like the
734
00:39:47,420 --> 00:39:48,420
opposite.
735
00:39:48,420 --> 00:39:51,780
If, if you're going in, if you're going into an audition thinking, Oh God, they're not
736
00:39:51,780 --> 00:39:52,780
going to like me.
737
00:39:52,780 --> 00:39:56,980
Maybe they're not, they won't because it's, you know, that kind of, that desperation or
738
00:39:56,980 --> 00:40:02,260
like that nerve, that uncertainty, you can kind of feel off someone when they're not
739
00:40:02,260 --> 00:40:03,260
very sure.
740
00:40:03,260 --> 00:40:08,540
Um, so it's being an actor is almost like turning all of that on its head and trying
741
00:40:08,540 --> 00:40:12,780
to be really brave and trying to offer something and be sure of what you're offering.
742
00:40:12,780 --> 00:40:13,780
Yeah.
743
00:40:13,780 --> 00:40:19,500
But I'm, yeah, I, I always have that kind of lingering, lingering, where do I fit in
744
00:40:19,500 --> 00:40:21,500
kind of feeling?
745
00:40:21,500 --> 00:40:22,500
Yeah.
746
00:40:22,500 --> 00:40:27,700
Well, I think it was, you know, cause I can, I love reading people.
747
00:40:27,700 --> 00:40:31,500
This is my favorite thing to do is like watching the eyes and reading people.
748
00:40:31,500 --> 00:40:38,140
And it reminded me of like, uh, when I originally asked you to come on this and sort of there,
749
00:40:38,140 --> 00:40:42,060
it was a whole element of, I think, you know, there was like, why me?
750
00:40:42,060 --> 00:40:45,220
What, like, I was so, I was like, what?
751
00:40:45,220 --> 00:40:46,220
Yeah.
752
00:40:46,220 --> 00:40:48,380
And it's sort of like, what makes me important?
753
00:40:48,380 --> 00:40:50,020
Why am I like special?
754
00:40:50,020 --> 00:40:55,020
I think there's like, isn't that the, the level of like insecurities and you know, we
755
00:40:55,020 --> 00:41:02,940
have as individuals and I think, you know, it's like the whole like, do you really fit,
756
00:41:02,940 --> 00:41:06,540
you know, like, cause I, I often like the reason I love acting.
757
00:41:06,540 --> 00:41:10,300
And I think the reason I stepped away from it for a while was so I didn't have it as
758
00:41:10,300 --> 00:41:13,500
a mask to mask behind.
759
00:41:13,500 --> 00:41:18,420
Like I wasn't using it to not, you know, hide my, who I really was.
760
00:41:18,420 --> 00:41:22,540
Now I sort of use it as a fun thing that I love doing and I want to explore more of it.
761
00:41:22,540 --> 00:41:31,100
And I think, you know, with therapy and like many years of therapy, like I have attention
762
00:41:31,100 --> 00:41:36,100
deficit hyperactivity disorder, which for many years I denied, like I was like, this
763
00:41:36,100 --> 00:41:37,740
is a non-agassive thing.
764
00:41:37,740 --> 00:41:42,420
Like I, I, I'm, I'm just a, an eclectic human being.
765
00:41:42,420 --> 00:41:46,700
And now I'm like, no, I've got different ways of thinking just happens to be the way my
766
00:41:46,700 --> 00:41:47,700
brain works.
767
00:41:47,700 --> 00:41:51,700
And so you sort of use the strengths and weaknesses and it's really interesting.
768
00:41:51,700 --> 00:42:01,020
I've learned to stop masking and not like let my insecurities dictate my actions, which
769
00:42:01,020 --> 00:42:02,900
is, I feel like that's what a lot of people do.
770
00:42:02,900 --> 00:42:07,500
Like we dictate through our own insecurities and our own like belief systems.
771
00:42:07,500 --> 00:42:15,780
But like, I think predominantly it's, it's fascinating to just like rip off the layers.
772
00:42:15,780 --> 00:42:16,780
Yeah.
773
00:42:16,780 --> 00:42:18,780
I've, yeah.
774
00:42:18,780 --> 00:42:25,080
I think, um, I, I was feeling very, when, when you asked me to come on, I was feeling
775
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:29,140
very insecure about my intelligence.
776
00:42:29,140 --> 00:42:35,980
And I think that's something that, um, I've struggled with since, since kind of, I guess,
777
00:42:35,980 --> 00:42:40,620
leaving high school because I didn't go to university and I was pretty smart growing
778
00:42:40,620 --> 00:42:41,620
up.
779
00:42:41,620 --> 00:42:44,700
I wasn't the top of the class, but you know, I never, I never failed classes.
780
00:42:44,700 --> 00:42:50,820
I would always get like B's and A's, A's in dance and drama, and then like B's in maths
781
00:42:50,820 --> 00:42:51,820
and English.
782
00:42:51,820 --> 00:42:54,860
And I was, I was a good, you know, I was a good student.
783
00:42:54,860 --> 00:43:00,300
And then I got to high school and then like discovered kissing boys and whatnot, and was
784
00:43:00,300 --> 00:43:05,900
kind of just like kicking the can down the road with the actual academics.
785
00:43:05,900 --> 00:43:13,060
And then, then because I didn't go to university, I just feel like my intelligence and, and
786
00:43:13,060 --> 00:43:18,300
wondering if I'm smart enough to be in the room has always been a huge thing that I've
787
00:43:18,300 --> 00:43:20,100
battled, battled with.
788
00:43:20,100 --> 00:43:26,620
And then I guess I just, if I throw on the outgoing charm, maybe they won't see that
789
00:43:26,620 --> 00:43:30,740
I'm not smart enough to be here or something.
790
00:43:30,740 --> 00:43:34,980
Which is really interesting because you're so well spoken.
791
00:43:34,980 --> 00:43:36,860
You're so eloquent.
792
00:43:36,860 --> 00:43:43,900
Like I, and I would definitely not call you dumb or like, and I didn't go to, I didn't
793
00:43:43,900 --> 00:43:44,900
go to university.
794
00:43:44,900 --> 00:43:48,980
I went to like, I think a huge contention was like, where did you study?
795
00:43:48,980 --> 00:43:52,540
Like, and you know, like the film study side and everyone was like, did you go to afters?
796
00:43:52,540 --> 00:43:53,540
Did you go?
797
00:43:53,540 --> 00:43:54,540
And I was like, no, I went to TAFE.
798
00:43:54,540 --> 00:44:03,300
Like, and everyone's like, ah, and you know, and I, but I, I was always considered not
799
00:44:03,300 --> 00:44:04,300
the smartest.
800
00:44:04,300 --> 00:44:10,060
And it's really interesting because like, and I love both my parents, but they're sort
801
00:44:10,060 --> 00:44:15,420
of like very like prim proper academic kind of people and my brother is too.
802
00:44:15,420 --> 00:44:16,420
And it's just you and your brother.
803
00:44:16,420 --> 00:44:17,420
Yeah.
804
00:44:17,420 --> 00:44:22,220
And I, I think a lot of that was just a feeling like I was dumb because he went to a selective
805
00:44:22,220 --> 00:44:23,220
school.
806
00:44:23,220 --> 00:44:26,220
So he went to a very like get a hi ATA, everything like that.
807
00:44:26,220 --> 00:44:32,180
So like a lot of my insecurities for a long time were my intelligence.
808
00:44:32,180 --> 00:44:37,540
Um, and there was at some point, I think I just bullshitted enough faithful to be like,
809
00:44:37,540 --> 00:44:39,540
I'm fucking smart.
810
00:44:39,540 --> 00:44:40,900
Like, yeah.
811
00:44:40,900 --> 00:44:43,380
Um, but there's truth to it.
812
00:44:43,380 --> 00:44:48,100
Like I think you, you know, more than you actually give yourself credit for.
813
00:44:48,100 --> 00:44:49,100
I think that's the thing.
814
00:44:49,100 --> 00:44:52,660
It's like, um, it's like different kinds of smarts.
815
00:44:52,660 --> 00:44:53,660
Yeah.
816
00:44:53,660 --> 00:44:57,860
Like, you know, and, and it's very interesting because I sort of went through the whole same
817
00:44:57,860 --> 00:45:00,460
thing where it's like, you know, you're like, oh, okay.
818
00:45:00,460 --> 00:45:06,460
I've discovered like, uh, you know, kissing and, you know, your sexuality and like, you're
819
00:45:06,460 --> 00:45:08,260
going to fall around and sleep around.
820
00:45:08,260 --> 00:45:12,380
And like, I think you sort of like feel like that's an era where you'll lose intelligent
821
00:45:12,380 --> 00:45:17,980
points, but you don't like, it's just, you're becoming more self aware of like who you are.
822
00:45:17,980 --> 00:45:23,860
And then, um, I think, you know, there's many dumb decisions I've made throughout life,
823
00:45:23,860 --> 00:45:24,860
like many fucked up decisions.
824
00:45:24,860 --> 00:45:27,860
Oh babe, you're speaking to me.
825
00:45:27,860 --> 00:45:33,100
I mean, like all my relationships, other than my marriage has been like, been very like
826
00:45:33,100 --> 00:45:34,100
up and down.
827
00:45:34,100 --> 00:45:38,900
And, uh, I think it's just a learning, it's a learning curve, isn't it?
828
00:45:38,900 --> 00:45:46,340
Like, did you feel like, when, especially when the relationship of yours and Australia
829
00:45:46,340 --> 00:45:51,260
ended, did it feel like you could be on your own?
830
00:45:51,260 --> 00:45:53,380
It was a very nerve wracking experience.
831
00:45:53,380 --> 00:45:55,180
Like, did you feel like you were capable?
832
00:45:55,180 --> 00:45:56,180
Yeah.
833
00:45:56,180 --> 00:46:02,900
I feel like I've always been independent and growing up, I was very independent and my
834
00:46:02,900 --> 00:46:05,100
parents, God loved them both.
835
00:46:05,100 --> 00:46:06,460
Absolutely love a drink.
836
00:46:06,460 --> 00:46:11,320
So like even down to like getting myself to and from dance growing up and like getting
837
00:46:11,320 --> 00:46:16,780
myself places and being really young and getting the bus and kind of, you know, being okay,
838
00:46:16,780 --> 00:46:17,780
being on my own.
839
00:46:17,780 --> 00:46:21,500
And so I've had that independence in me.
840
00:46:21,500 --> 00:46:27,020
Um, but then I kind of had a boyfriend, I've had a boyfriend for a long time.
841
00:46:27,020 --> 00:46:31,200
Like I had a boyfriend and end of high school and then I, and I always have like little
842
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:36,020
breaks in between, but then have a boyfriend for another year and then, or like two years.
843
00:46:36,020 --> 00:46:37,020
And then they're always long.
844
00:46:37,020 --> 00:46:39,940
I mean, I haven't had many boyfriends speaking like I've had like 10 boyfriends.
845
00:46:39,940 --> 00:46:45,540
I have like three boyfriends, but they've been long relationships.
846
00:46:45,540 --> 00:46:50,860
And yeah, part of me, I think it was tied into the decision making of leaving that I
847
00:46:50,860 --> 00:46:53,700
wanted to be on my own for a bit.
848
00:46:53,700 --> 00:47:00,700
And I fell deeply in love with this person and it was kind of my first love and I was
849
00:47:00,700 --> 00:47:04,700
20 years old, 21.
850
00:47:04,700 --> 00:47:09,220
And then all the, I kind of like prioritized lots of that and forgot, forgot a lot about
851
00:47:09,220 --> 00:47:21,980
me and kind of didn't, I didn't honor my own journey and my own dreams and my own goals
852
00:47:21,980 --> 00:47:31,980
because I was trying to nurture and tend this relationship that I'd found that rocked my
853
00:47:31,980 --> 00:47:34,700
world, like completely blew the lid off my world.
854
00:47:34,700 --> 00:47:38,220
I didn't know what love was, I guess, before that.
855
00:47:38,220 --> 00:47:46,620
And then I learned so much in that relationship, but I knew that I had growing to do on my
856
00:47:46,620 --> 00:47:47,620
own.
857
00:47:47,620 --> 00:47:53,420
So I wasn't scared when I left, I wasn't like fearful.
858
00:47:53,420 --> 00:47:58,960
I was, I was fearful of the uncertainty and the anticipation and all the, all the kind
859
00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:02,020
of good fear and like, holy fuck, what am I going to do?
860
00:48:02,020 --> 00:48:04,580
Like I'm going to go, but I wasn't scared of being alone.
861
00:48:04,580 --> 00:48:06,100
I knew I could do it.
862
00:48:06,100 --> 00:48:07,420
I knew I could handle it.
863
00:48:07,420 --> 00:48:12,020
It was a shock because you know, you're with someone for so long and then you're not, but
864
00:48:12,020 --> 00:48:15,900
I knew I needed to do some growing on my own.
865
00:48:15,900 --> 00:48:22,580
And then also kind of on the other side of that grieving, that relationship, I didn't
866
00:48:22,580 --> 00:48:24,140
really, cause I was like, I'm moving to New York.
867
00:48:24,140 --> 00:48:28,340
And then I got to New York and I was like, Oh my God, like what the fuck?
868
00:48:28,340 --> 00:48:32,860
And in New York is everything, you know, it's everything you dream of.
869
00:48:32,860 --> 00:48:34,380
And I was so busy with New York.
870
00:48:34,380 --> 00:48:40,420
I didn't really grieve that relationship and that part of my life.
871
00:48:40,420 --> 00:48:41,560
And I've started to do that.
872
00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:45,540
And that's been, that's been a hard journey as well.
873
00:48:45,540 --> 00:48:52,020
Like I didn't also grieving the girl of me, the version of me in my early twenties that
874
00:48:52,020 --> 00:48:56,140
didn't do what I wanted to do and wasn't honoring myself grieving her as well.
875
00:48:56,140 --> 00:48:59,940
And like not getting, you know, you can't get those years back.
876
00:48:59,940 --> 00:49:06,980
And that's okay because I learned a lot, but I'm sad for that girl who didn't live out
877
00:49:06,980 --> 00:49:10,820
her early twenties in a different way.
878
00:49:10,820 --> 00:49:14,180
I wouldn't change it because it's got me where I am now.
879
00:49:14,180 --> 00:49:19,020
The whole, you know, everything you do gets you to where you are in this moment.
880
00:49:19,020 --> 00:49:25,220
But I do have, I do feel sad for, for that girl and, and the relationship, I think you
881
00:49:25,220 --> 00:49:30,660
have to grieve it, but I was definitely ready to, ready to step out and do some living on
882
00:49:30,660 --> 00:49:32,380
my own for sure.
883
00:49:32,380 --> 00:49:33,380
Yeah.
884
00:49:33,380 --> 00:49:35,620
And now like you've had that.
885
00:49:35,620 --> 00:49:36,620
Yeah.
886
00:49:36,620 --> 00:49:40,380
I had that time and, and I've fallen in love.
887
00:49:40,380 --> 00:49:41,380
Yay.
888
00:49:41,380 --> 00:49:42,380
Yes.
889
00:49:42,380 --> 00:49:44,780
And there I am like, I was ready to be on my own.
890
00:49:44,780 --> 00:49:47,060
And then I, yeah, you just fall in love again.
891
00:49:47,060 --> 00:49:48,060
Yeah, exactly.
892
00:49:48,060 --> 00:49:49,060
Yeah.
893
00:49:49,060 --> 00:49:53,900
And then I met someone who, who, yeah, it's like a whole world all over again, a brand
894
00:49:53,900 --> 00:50:04,060
new, different kind, just different kind of love, different kind of belief and like relationship,
895
00:50:04,060 --> 00:50:11,020
our relationship to each other is, is so much play and so, and so raw.
896
00:50:11,020 --> 00:50:15,260
And we just get each other and it's just a different, a different relationship, a different
897
00:50:15,260 --> 00:50:16,260
kind of love.
898
00:50:16,260 --> 00:50:19,260
That's very sweet though.
899
00:50:19,260 --> 00:50:20,260
Yeah.
900
00:50:20,260 --> 00:50:22,740
I mean, it's very beautiful.
901
00:50:22,740 --> 00:50:25,460
It's a whole thing.
902
00:50:25,460 --> 00:50:28,780
Like it also, it's nice when something catches you off guard.
903
00:50:28,780 --> 00:50:30,740
Oh my God.
904
00:50:30,740 --> 00:50:31,980
Absolutely.
905
00:50:31,980 --> 00:50:39,500
Like did you feel, did you feel like you were expecting it when it happened?
906
00:50:39,500 --> 00:50:40,500
No, no.
907
00:50:40,500 --> 00:50:42,660
How did it start?
908
00:50:42,660 --> 00:50:49,500
Well, we, I was like on this grand plan of like, I need to just like be single and be
909
00:50:49,500 --> 00:50:50,500
on my own.
910
00:50:50,500 --> 00:50:55,820
Like after this long, I was with my ex for like five years.
911
00:50:55,820 --> 00:51:00,700
So I had this whole grand plan of being single for as long as I could.
912
00:51:00,700 --> 00:51:07,460
And then, yeah, I met Jordan and it really did feel like I'd known him already.
913
00:51:07,460 --> 00:51:08,460
Wow.
914
00:51:08,460 --> 00:51:09,460
Yeah.
915
00:51:09,460 --> 00:51:16,140
I met him and like literally after date one, I remember going to the bathroom on the date
916
00:51:16,140 --> 00:51:21,740
and like putting my head in my hands and I was like, oh no, oh my God, like something's
917
00:51:21,740 --> 00:51:25,260
happening and I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about.
918
00:51:25,260 --> 00:51:26,260
Yeah.
919
00:51:26,260 --> 00:51:27,260
You have that feeling.
920
00:51:27,260 --> 00:51:30,500
You're like, holy fuck, something is happening now.
921
00:51:30,500 --> 00:51:34,380
And I can't, and I remember saying to my friends, we were like in Berlin, like two weeks after
922
00:51:34,380 --> 00:51:35,380
I'd met him.
923
00:51:35,380 --> 00:51:39,820
And, and I said to them, I think he's my person.
924
00:51:39,820 --> 00:51:40,820
I think he's my soulmate.
925
00:51:40,820 --> 00:51:43,580
I'm like, is that fucked up to say it's been like two weeks?
926
00:51:43,580 --> 00:51:44,580
And they were like, no.
927
00:51:44,580 --> 00:51:46,020
And I'm like, I really think he is.
928
00:51:46,020 --> 00:51:51,380
And then, yeah, like a month later, we were both like, oh my God, we both realized, but
929
00:51:51,380 --> 00:51:53,380
there's that inner, again, that inner knowing.
930
00:51:53,380 --> 00:51:58,580
I feel like, I feel like, and I'm jumping around a bit, but I feel like that's why I,
931
00:51:58,580 --> 00:52:06,780
when I knew I needed to leave Sydney and that relationship was because I knew deep down
932
00:52:06,780 --> 00:52:07,780
that it wasn't right.
933
00:52:07,780 --> 00:52:08,780
Same with acting.
934
00:52:08,780 --> 00:52:13,100
I've kind of known, and that's why I had to grieve so much after that relationship because
935
00:52:13,100 --> 00:52:15,180
I wasn't honoring that inner voice.
936
00:52:15,180 --> 00:52:16,180
Yeah.
937
00:52:16,180 --> 00:52:17,180
That I know is there.
938
00:52:17,180 --> 00:52:20,620
And I think the older you get, the more, the louder it gets as well.
939
00:52:20,620 --> 00:52:21,620
And yeah.
940
00:52:21,620 --> 00:52:24,300
So now I can like hear it more.
941
00:52:24,300 --> 00:52:28,980
And I, and I've throughout my whole life, I've not listened to that voice in so many
942
00:52:28,980 --> 00:52:32,780
different ways, but it's there and it's loud.
943
00:52:32,780 --> 00:52:33,780
Yeah.
944
00:52:33,780 --> 00:52:34,780
And then, yeah.
945
00:52:34,780 --> 00:52:37,860
When I, after I'm Jordan, I was like, oh, there's something inside of me that this is
946
00:52:37,860 --> 00:52:38,860
right.
947
00:52:38,860 --> 00:52:41,660
This is like something inside of me that it's wanting to come out.
948
00:52:41,660 --> 00:52:42,660
Yeah.
949
00:52:42,660 --> 00:52:43,660
Yeah.
950
00:52:43,660 --> 00:52:45,260
Something like that.
951
00:52:45,260 --> 00:52:53,980
I like, I think it's also waiting for you to have a coffee.
952
00:52:53,980 --> 00:52:57,020
I mean, like it's so funny.
953
00:52:57,020 --> 00:53:05,740
I think it's also like such a, such a vibe and such a feeling to really grieve your younger
954
00:53:05,740 --> 00:53:06,740
selves.
955
00:53:06,740 --> 00:53:09,780
Cause like, you know, I did, um, you know, as I was saying to you, the stepping into
956
00:53:09,780 --> 00:53:14,660
freelance work, um, and doing, you know, going back into performing and everything, I think
957
00:53:14,660 --> 00:53:22,820
it's like, I had done film school and my mom was like, don't do acting cause it's not gonna
958
00:53:22,820 --> 00:53:23,820
like pay bills.
959
00:53:23,820 --> 00:53:29,820
Like it was very like that mentality of just don't do this because I'm worried that you're
960
00:53:29,820 --> 00:53:31,420
not going to be able to afford a house.
961
00:53:31,420 --> 00:53:33,220
And I was very adamant for a young age.
962
00:53:33,220 --> 00:53:34,620
I was like, I don't want to own a house.
963
00:53:34,620 --> 00:53:38,020
Like I, and my mom was always like, oh, I'll get an investment property, get like this.
964
00:53:38,020 --> 00:53:44,460
And it's very much of that era of like parenting, you know, and I think it's taken my mom a
965
00:53:44,460 --> 00:53:52,460
long time to still to this day, um, that I am my own person and you know, I'm just gonna
966
00:53:52,460 --> 00:53:56,740
do whatever and I'm not really going to conform to anything.
967
00:53:56,740 --> 00:54:04,060
Um, but I remember particularly, I think my mom particularly is very prideful.
968
00:54:04,060 --> 00:54:08,220
Like she's got a lot of pride and she wants to have a very good appearance, you know,
969
00:54:08,220 --> 00:54:12,460
in, I don't know if that's just come from the fact that, uh, she came from a country
970
00:54:12,460 --> 00:54:13,820
town and moved to the city.
971
00:54:13,820 --> 00:54:18,420
And so a lot of it, that's just reputation and holding that high rep.
972
00:54:18,420 --> 00:54:22,580
Um, and we, my brother and I teased her that she always sounded like the queen.
973
00:54:22,580 --> 00:54:25,340
Uh, I know exactly that.
974
00:54:25,340 --> 00:54:33,620
Um, but you know, it's, I, it was one of those things that I remember when I left and went
975
00:54:33,620 --> 00:54:37,860
into full-time work and I started working, like I did an internship at nine and then
976
00:54:37,860 --> 00:54:43,740
I ended up in a tech role for five and a half years, which by the end of absolutely loathed
977
00:54:43,740 --> 00:54:45,260
working for the company.
978
00:54:45,260 --> 00:54:47,320
And then I moved to seven, same thing.
979
00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:49,060
I got to what's the end of it.
980
00:54:49,060 --> 00:54:53,020
And I was like, I'm just, I'm loving the fact that I've learned so much, but I'm loathing
981
00:54:53,020 --> 00:54:55,680
the fact that this is nothing I've wanted to do.
982
00:54:55,680 --> 00:54:57,740
Like it's, it's just paid my bills.
983
00:54:57,740 --> 00:55:02,100
It's just made ends meet, but I'm doing all these extra curriculum things like photography,
984
00:55:02,100 --> 00:55:06,900
performing, directing, writing outside that don't pay, but these are the things I want
985
00:55:06,900 --> 00:55:07,900
to do.
986
00:55:07,900 --> 00:55:11,740
Like these are the things that I want to fulfill my dreams on.
987
00:55:11,740 --> 00:55:16,980
So I felt like they always like my passions were becoming secondary to something that
988
00:55:16,980 --> 00:55:18,380
I didn't love.
989
00:55:18,380 --> 00:55:20,940
And that was starting to irk me as I got older.
990
00:55:20,940 --> 00:55:24,820
Um, and you know, sometimes it takes also the right person in your life.
991
00:55:24,820 --> 00:55:30,260
Cause I, you know, like when I met M, uh, she has always been very supportive of every
992
00:55:30,260 --> 00:55:33,220
creative endeavor that we've done.
993
00:55:33,220 --> 00:55:38,140
Um, versus like other relationships where they were very much focused on their own career
994
00:55:38,140 --> 00:55:41,340
and they would, your career would come secondary.
995
00:55:41,340 --> 00:55:44,620
So it was a very like, um, and I was such a people-pleaser.
996
00:55:44,620 --> 00:55:48,180
Like I was like, Oh, as long as you are happy, you know, it's all fine.
997
00:55:48,180 --> 00:55:55,060
Um, so now, now as a fully fledged dad, I'll still question that thought.
998
00:55:55,060 --> 00:55:57,980
Um, but you know, like I've gone, fuck it.
999
00:55:57,980 --> 00:56:03,140
Like why not do, do the things that I love?
1000
00:56:03,140 --> 00:56:07,780
Like why not just still do those and see if that can make me a huge amount of profit or
1001
00:56:07,780 --> 00:56:10,140
like at least make ends meet.
1002
00:56:10,140 --> 00:56:12,580
And, um, and fulfill your heart.
1003
00:56:12,580 --> 00:56:13,580
Yeah.
1004
00:56:13,580 --> 00:56:16,420
Well, like that little inner child that's screaming.
1005
00:56:16,420 --> 00:56:24,980
Cause like, um, I think, you know, and I don't know if this was the same for you, like, um,
1006
00:56:24,980 --> 00:56:30,380
you're growing up, like not feeling like feeling that you fit it in really affected my mental
1007
00:56:30,380 --> 00:56:31,380
health as well.
1008
00:56:31,380 --> 00:56:40,620
It was like such a, and I feel like the, the element that, you know, we talk about grieving,
1009
00:56:40,620 --> 00:56:44,940
I really do grieve that period of my life where it's like, Oh, did I do enough?
1010
00:56:44,940 --> 00:56:46,500
Did I, did I fulfill enough?
1011
00:56:46,500 --> 00:56:48,540
Were you the kind of the same?
1012
00:56:48,540 --> 00:56:50,180
The years go quick, hey.
1013
00:56:50,180 --> 00:56:51,180
Yeah.
1014
00:56:51,180 --> 00:56:55,140
Like they, they go quick and then all of a sudden you have all this hindsight and you're
1015
00:56:55,140 --> 00:56:57,300
like, Oh, fuck that.
1016
00:56:57,300 --> 00:56:58,820
I just spent two years doing that.
1017
00:56:58,820 --> 00:57:01,540
Like, and I think you feel like you have endless time.
1018
00:57:01,540 --> 00:57:07,220
And I felt like I had endless time when I was younger and then it just starts getting
1019
00:57:07,220 --> 00:57:11,380
the, the days get quicker and the years get quicker, you know?
1020
00:57:11,380 --> 00:57:19,740
Um, but yeah, I feel, I feel like I have a similar, I've, I've done a lot of people pleasing
1021
00:57:19,740 --> 00:57:28,220
and a lot of, um, yeah, doing things like going with the flow, which is kind of like
1022
00:57:28,220 --> 00:57:34,340
not good, not in a good way, like going with, well, like I started, I started working for
1023
00:57:34,340 --> 00:57:37,940
this company, um, hospitality company that I love.
1024
00:57:37,940 --> 00:57:42,620
Um, but I was very good at that job because I was so chatty and you know, chatting to
1025
00:57:42,620 --> 00:57:48,380
people and outgoing and, and then I started working for them more and more and then got
1026
00:57:48,380 --> 00:57:49,780
a little promotion through them.
1027
00:57:49,780 --> 00:57:54,940
And then I'd all of a sudden been working there for like six years and then was running,
1028
00:57:54,940 --> 00:57:57,500
running a bar and had responsibility.
1029
00:57:57,500 --> 00:58:01,900
And then my acting was kind of like something that I would be doing a couple of times a
1030
00:58:01,900 --> 00:58:02,900
week.
1031
00:58:02,900 --> 00:58:05,180
Like I wouldn't really be working on my craft.
1032
00:58:05,180 --> 00:58:09,500
I'd just be trying to audition and trying to do this whole other thing because I didn't
1033
00:58:09,500 --> 00:58:12,100
really know how to get out of it.
1034
00:58:12,100 --> 00:58:15,460
And then the years went so fast.
1035
00:58:15,460 --> 00:58:18,260
And yeah, I feel, I, I hear you.
1036
00:58:18,260 --> 00:58:25,180
I feel like that, that people pleasing kind of catches up, catches up to you.
1037
00:58:25,180 --> 00:58:29,260
And then you feel like you can't breathe because you're doing, you know, doing what everyone
1038
00:58:29,260 --> 00:58:30,260
else wants you to do.
1039
00:58:30,260 --> 00:58:31,540
I was super lucky.
1040
00:58:31,540 --> 00:58:36,060
My parents have always been really supportive of this.
1041
00:58:36,060 --> 00:58:40,540
Um, like in a way my mom's always like, oh yeah, that's what she'll do.
1042
00:58:40,540 --> 00:58:41,540
Yep.
1043
00:58:41,540 --> 00:58:42,940
Like, you know, she's like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
1044
00:58:42,940 --> 00:58:47,180
We've always known, you know, she's just like, they've never, they've never once been like,
1045
00:58:47,180 --> 00:58:48,180
what are you going to do?
1046
00:58:48,180 --> 00:58:50,580
Are you going to get a real job or how are you going to?
1047
00:58:50,580 --> 00:58:52,620
And I know that that's rare.
1048
00:58:52,620 --> 00:58:53,700
I know that that's rare.
1049
00:58:53,700 --> 00:58:56,540
So that, that was, I was lucky in that sense.
1050
00:58:56,540 --> 00:59:02,140
I didn't have them pushing back, but similar to you, I feel like all of the people that
1051
00:59:02,140 --> 00:59:10,900
I've been with, all of my boyfriends have not believed in me really, not really, you
1052
00:59:10,900 --> 00:59:14,900
know, like they, they'll say it, but then like, you know, it'll come out in an argument
1053
00:59:14,900 --> 00:59:17,900
that what they really think or, you know?
1054
00:59:17,900 --> 00:59:27,820
And I feel like now with Jordan, this like honest, truthful support and belief from him
1055
00:59:27,820 --> 00:59:29,620
is makes, makes me go after it.
1056
00:59:29,620 --> 00:59:34,340
Makes me the freedom of like him and my parents and my friend saying, oh yeah, you've got
1057
00:59:34,340 --> 00:59:35,340
this.
1058
00:59:35,340 --> 00:59:43,660
Gives you that kind of power empowerment to chase after it, you know, even harder.
1059
00:59:43,660 --> 00:59:44,660
Yeah.
1060
00:59:44,660 --> 00:59:50,860
But yeah, so many, so many things came before what I really wanted, you know, in my, in
1061
00:59:50,860 --> 00:59:55,740
my early twenties and so many years ticked by and you're like, oh shit, I really wasn't
1062
00:59:55,740 --> 01:00:00,420
because I wasn't in the driver's seat of my own life.
1063
01:00:00,420 --> 01:00:03,140
Felt like I was always in the passenger seat.
1064
01:00:03,140 --> 01:00:05,180
Does that make sense?
1065
01:00:05,180 --> 01:00:06,180
Yeah.
1066
01:00:06,180 --> 01:00:08,180
Which is very resonating.
1067
01:00:08,180 --> 01:00:09,860
Did I answer your question?
1068
01:00:09,860 --> 01:00:10,860
You did.
1069
01:00:10,860 --> 01:00:12,900
You're like, did I answer that?
1070
01:00:12,900 --> 01:00:15,340
I just went on a whole tangent.
1071
01:00:15,340 --> 01:00:16,340
I love it though.
1072
01:00:16,340 --> 01:00:17,340
I don't stop.
1073
01:00:17,340 --> 01:00:18,340
I love your tangents.
1074
01:00:18,340 --> 01:00:27,180
Um, yeah, it's, you just only also think it's like, it's such a, like, like having someone
1075
01:00:27,180 --> 01:00:34,820
not believing you and you know, and having someone believe it's such a different power
1076
01:00:34,820 --> 01:00:37,420
stance, like having someone go, yeah, you can do this.
1077
01:00:37,420 --> 01:00:41,860
Like versus no, you can't like, oh, why are you bothering?
1078
01:00:41,860 --> 01:00:48,540
And I w it's amazing what positive reinforcement actually does to kind of bring you into the,
1079
01:00:48,540 --> 01:00:53,700
um, cause I'd say I'm someone with quite high resilience to a lot of things.
1080
01:00:53,700 --> 01:00:59,020
Um, but I think it's also because it's something, you know, with light with masking, you have
1081
01:00:59,020 --> 01:01:04,460
to kind of like get to a certain point and, and, um, thick skin.
1082
01:01:04,460 --> 01:01:11,060
And I know there's also like this, uh, thing that I was talking with a few of my friends,
1083
01:01:11,060 --> 01:01:18,460
it's like, you know, that nepotism or, or, or even like, um, uh, sex appeal, like, you
1084
01:01:18,460 --> 01:01:25,220
know, where it's like, how, you know, like, did you feel like any of your past boyfriends
1085
01:01:25,220 --> 01:01:30,180
were like, oh, you'd only get it because you're good looking or you only get it because
1086
01:01:30,180 --> 01:01:31,780
as in like they've said stuff like that.
1087
01:01:31,780 --> 01:01:32,780
Yeah.
1088
01:01:32,780 --> 01:01:33,780
Yeah.
1089
01:01:33,780 --> 01:01:38,980
Or just like, um, you know, like, no, I've, they've never, I've, I've never heard that.
1090
01:01:38,980 --> 01:01:42,020
Um, really?
1091
01:01:42,020 --> 01:01:44,780
You're like, wow, that did not mean to sound sarcastic.
1092
01:01:44,780 --> 01:01:46,780
I was like, oh, no.
1093
01:01:46,780 --> 01:01:53,380
Um, no, yeah, I've never, I've never heard, I've never heard anyone, um, say, say that
1094
01:01:53,380 --> 01:01:54,380
to me before.
1095
01:01:54,380 --> 01:01:58,620
I've also had a weird kind of relationship with the way that I look.
1096
01:01:58,620 --> 01:01:59,620
Really?
1097
01:01:59,620 --> 01:02:06,940
Like growing up, I wasn't, I wasn't like, like I, the boys didn't really like me.
1098
01:02:06,940 --> 01:02:10,460
Like in primary school, I was kind of, like I said before, that weird kind of English
1099
01:02:10,460 --> 01:02:14,980
girl with the red hair with the weird name, like, cause no one, you know, I, I just love
1100
01:02:14,980 --> 01:02:15,980
your name by the way.
1101
01:02:15,980 --> 01:02:17,980
I just like think it's an awesome thing.
1102
01:02:17,980 --> 01:02:23,820
Um, but yeah, I kind of knew I had like a crush or, you know, I didn't never really.
1103
01:02:23,820 --> 01:02:31,100
And then, um, and maybe this comes from my, my mom once said in high school, then I got
1104
01:02:31,100 --> 01:02:34,500
braces and then I started straightening my hair and then I started putting eyebrows on,
1105
01:02:34,500 --> 01:02:41,380
started putting eyebrows on and like, then started getting attention from men in a different
1106
01:02:41,380 --> 01:02:43,420
way.
1107
01:02:43,420 --> 01:02:49,860
And it was very confusing to me because when I was younger, I'd never got that, you know
1108
01:02:49,860 --> 01:02:55,780
how some, and this is horrible, but there are some young girls that have always been
1109
01:02:55,780 --> 01:02:56,780
hypersexualized.
1110
01:02:56,780 --> 01:02:57,780
Yes.
1111
01:02:57,780 --> 01:03:00,460
You know, even when they're little girls, everyone's like, you're so beautiful.
1112
01:03:00,460 --> 01:03:01,460
You're so beautiful.
1113
01:03:01,460 --> 01:03:07,460
They always kind of didn't really have that in when I was, when I was a kid.
1114
01:03:07,460 --> 01:03:15,420
Um, so then when I kind of like got boobs and, you know, came into my sexuality, I went
1115
01:03:15,420 --> 01:03:17,020
through puberty quite early.
1116
01:03:17,020 --> 01:03:19,220
Like my hips popped out when I was like 12.
1117
01:03:19,220 --> 01:03:20,220
Wow.
1118
01:03:20,220 --> 01:03:21,220
Yeah.
1119
01:03:21,220 --> 01:03:22,220
I was super young.
1120
01:03:22,220 --> 01:03:23,540
Got my period really young, got my boobs came in young.
1121
01:03:23,540 --> 01:03:28,140
I had like armpit hair and like at swimming lessons, the girls would be like, Oh my God,
1122
01:03:28,140 --> 01:03:29,340
you've got armpit hair.
1123
01:03:29,340 --> 01:03:34,020
And I was, so I came into my body and into myself and like my sexuality as well.
1124
01:03:34,020 --> 01:03:39,300
And like my, like the desires I was feeling quite young.
1125
01:03:39,300 --> 01:03:45,780
So I guess that, I mean, that obviously translates to how you move through the world.
1126
01:03:45,780 --> 01:03:48,500
So then I started getting, and then I went to high school and then it was like, all of
1127
01:03:48,500 --> 01:03:53,780
a sudden these like 15, 16 year old testosterone boys were looking at me in a different way.
1128
01:03:53,780 --> 01:03:54,780
Yeah.
1129
01:03:54,780 --> 01:03:57,580
That I was like, Oh, that's a weird, that's a weird thing.
1130
01:03:57,580 --> 01:04:00,660
So my relate and yeah, and then I had, I had braces.
1131
01:04:00,660 --> 01:04:04,060
And then when all that came off, my mom was like, Oh, it's like an, an ugly duckling,
1132
01:04:04,060 --> 01:04:05,740
spondon story.
1133
01:04:05,740 --> 01:04:07,620
And like we would laugh about it.
1134
01:04:07,620 --> 01:04:11,500
And there was, you know, there was jokes about my dad would always say I wasn't a very cute
1135
01:04:11,500 --> 01:04:12,500
baby.
1136
01:04:12,500 --> 01:04:20,820
And like he used to say that I was like a bulldog chewing a wasp of all my baby photos.
1137
01:04:20,820 --> 01:04:26,740
So yeah, I've kind of like had this battles, battled, battled thing with, with the way
1138
01:04:26,740 --> 01:04:30,460
that I look, because I've always felt a certain way on the inside.
1139
01:04:30,460 --> 01:04:35,460
And then the world has responded to me differently throughout my life.
1140
01:04:35,460 --> 01:04:39,100
And then I lost a load of weight in during the pandemic.
1141
01:04:39,100 --> 01:04:44,060
And then that was another shift again, because then I was getting attention from men in an
1142
01:04:44,060 --> 01:04:49,100
even different way because I was all of a sudden slimmer and smaller.
1143
01:04:49,100 --> 01:04:54,740
And yeah, but, but I've never had it thrown in my face or anything like that.
1144
01:04:54,740 --> 01:05:01,140
I've never had anyone comment on it in terms of my craft or anything or anything like that.
1145
01:05:01,140 --> 01:05:03,100
But I've always had a weird,
1146
01:05:03,100 --> 01:05:04,540
weird dysphoria about it.
1147
01:05:04,540 --> 01:05:05,540
Yeah.
1148
01:05:05,540 --> 01:05:14,260
Like a weird kind of, and even with now my, my body, like I have, like, I always think
1149
01:05:14,260 --> 01:05:19,620
I'm so much bigger and a lot of, a lot of young women, especially have this body dysmorphia,
1150
01:05:19,620 --> 01:05:24,420
but yeah, I always think like I need to, I always need to be smaller.
1151
01:05:24,420 --> 01:05:28,180
But then me and my, me and Chelsea, my best friend that lives here, we always talk about
1152
01:05:28,180 --> 01:05:34,500
this like taking up space, the psychology of taking up space as a woman as well, and
1153
01:05:34,500 --> 01:05:37,020
wanting to be smaller and wanting to be less.
1154
01:05:37,020 --> 01:05:42,880
So then you're not, you know, you're not threatening to anyone and, and, and taking that literally
1155
01:05:42,880 --> 01:05:46,060
in the sense of losing weight, women are always trying to lose weight.
1156
01:05:46,060 --> 01:05:50,380
But yeah, I think, I mean, same with everyone.
1157
01:05:50,380 --> 01:05:56,420
I guess everyone has, you know, a relationship to the way that they look in their body and,
1158
01:05:56,420 --> 01:06:01,040
but mine has changed a lot throughout, throughout my life a lot.
1159
01:06:01,040 --> 01:06:10,560
And I think now being 28 and feeling really content with who I am and who I'm, who I'm
1160
01:06:10,560 --> 01:06:13,980
figuring out I am and who I'm like growing and learning.
1161
01:06:13,980 --> 01:06:18,300
And I feel, I feel more at ease with, with myself.
1162
01:06:18,300 --> 01:06:23,580
I don't feel like I'm trying to fit into anyone's like in, in high school, I just wanted to
1163
01:06:23,580 --> 01:06:27,260
be tanned and have straight hair like everyone else and be blonde.
1164
01:06:27,260 --> 01:06:28,700
And I was never allowed to dye my hair.
1165
01:06:28,700 --> 01:06:29,700
I just wanted to be blonde.
1166
01:06:29,700 --> 01:06:35,180
And then, so I feel like I've always been like trying to fit myself and my body into
1167
01:06:35,180 --> 01:06:39,060
some, someone else's idea.
1168
01:06:39,060 --> 01:06:46,220
But now I'm getting to a point where I can sit in my own, just in myself more.
1169
01:06:46,220 --> 01:06:48,020
I kind of love that.
1170
01:06:48,020 --> 01:06:50,740
I think it's also like.
1171
01:06:50,740 --> 01:06:51,740
What about you?
1172
01:06:51,740 --> 01:06:54,700
I mean, I, oh God.
1173
01:06:54,700 --> 01:06:57,580
Um, I hadn't eating disorder.
1174
01:06:57,580 --> 01:07:05,220
I had anorexia for quite a few years from when I was 20, not 19, probably 20.
1175
01:07:05,220 --> 01:07:10,900
So didn't really manifest as badly until I was 21.
1176
01:07:10,900 --> 01:07:15,900
And then it got better when I was 27, 28.
1177
01:07:15,900 --> 01:07:18,900
I had to go through a lot of therapy to get out of that mindset.
1178
01:07:18,900 --> 01:07:26,100
And I, I sort of contributed to the fact that, um, like, uh, particularly like I identify
1179
01:07:26,100 --> 01:07:27,100
as gender queer.
1180
01:07:27,100 --> 01:07:33,740
So, you know, a lot of that was trying to not conform to male, like sort of views.
1181
01:07:33,740 --> 01:07:37,580
I never really sort of like growing up, I'd never sort of really particularly pictured
1182
01:07:37,580 --> 01:07:39,340
myself as a guy, like as a boy.
1183
01:07:39,340 --> 01:07:44,260
And I sort of really tried to hide away from that aspect.
1184
01:07:44,260 --> 01:07:50,860
Um, now I just kind of go, I'm, I'm me and whoever the version is, is, um, the best version
1185
01:07:50,860 --> 01:07:56,220
of me, but for many years, I think it was, and I was talking with one of my friends about
1186
01:07:56,220 --> 01:08:01,500
it who's, um, a trans woman and she was saying, like, she went through the same sort of thing
1187
01:08:01,500 --> 01:08:02,900
when, you know, she was younger.
1188
01:08:02,900 --> 01:08:06,900
She was just like, I just don't fit the mold.
1189
01:08:06,900 --> 01:08:11,980
And so she had like a lot of insecurities until she came out and she was like, oh, okay,
1190
01:08:11,980 --> 01:08:12,980
this is who I'm meant to be.
1191
01:08:12,980 --> 01:08:15,380
I feel like I can be myself.
1192
01:08:15,380 --> 01:08:22,860
And it's such a, like a really interesting thing because I think for a lot of it was
1193
01:08:22,860 --> 01:08:24,700
trying to hide.
1194
01:08:24,700 --> 01:08:28,300
Like a lot of it was a lot of my insecurities were trying to hide.
1195
01:08:28,300 --> 01:08:33,420
Um, I didn't think I was particularly like, I always wanted to have long hair.
1196
01:08:33,420 --> 01:08:35,340
Um, that was a big contention in my family.
1197
01:08:35,340 --> 01:08:37,460
My mom wanted me to have short hair.
1198
01:08:37,460 --> 01:08:42,540
Um, and I think it was just like, she hates that I have long hair now.
1199
01:08:42,540 --> 01:08:48,220
Um, but I think it was also like, Oh, you know, even going back to our wedding, um,
1200
01:08:48,220 --> 01:08:53,340
we wanted a very colorful wedding and my mom wanted me to wear a suit and I was like, no,
1201
01:08:53,340 --> 01:08:55,140
not having over my dead body.
1202
01:08:55,140 --> 01:08:57,100
Am I wearing a suit?
1203
01:08:57,100 --> 01:09:04,820
And, um, we got this colorful jacket from Gorman and like, I wore like a John Lennon
1204
01:09:04,820 --> 01:09:09,580
button up shirt, which was very colorful and velvet, um, green pants.
1205
01:09:09,580 --> 01:09:15,620
And that was my outfit of my wedding and, and wore this lovely like depop dress that
1206
01:09:15,620 --> 01:09:17,620
she found for like 20 bucks.
1207
01:09:17,620 --> 01:09:22,860
And we just had like an amazing time, but it was, it was really interesting because
1208
01:09:22,860 --> 01:09:24,620
I was talking with my best friend.
1209
01:09:24,620 --> 01:09:29,380
Um, and I've known her for like, since we were like end of high school and we were talking
1210
01:09:29,380 --> 01:09:34,260
about and she was just like, yeah, I always knew you were just who you are, but it was
1211
01:09:34,260 --> 01:09:41,100
just getting you out of this, you know, cause I graduated school in 2010 and back then it
1212
01:09:41,100 --> 01:09:43,060
was just, everything was very conformative.
1213
01:09:43,060 --> 01:09:46,020
Like everything was like, you know, you do this.
1214
01:09:46,020 --> 01:09:52,300
Um, even when I was coming into my sexuality, it was like, um, the idea of liking boys,
1215
01:09:52,300 --> 01:09:55,620
you know, for myself was a very foreign concept.
1216
01:09:55,620 --> 01:09:57,100
And I was like, I like boys.
1217
01:09:57,100 --> 01:09:59,020
I don't know what to do with that though.
1218
01:09:59,020 --> 01:10:04,580
And, um, there was just a long, like a fight with that.
1219
01:10:04,580 --> 01:10:06,500
I think, again, there was a lot of internalized homophobia.
1220
01:10:06,500 --> 01:10:11,740
There was a lot of internalized, like fear of being more different than I already was.
1221
01:10:11,740 --> 01:10:14,260
So why add another layer of complexity to it?
1222
01:10:14,260 --> 01:10:18,700
And I've always felt like I always have this joke where it's like the next thing will come
1223
01:10:18,700 --> 01:10:20,900
and it will just add another layer of complexity to me.
1224
01:10:20,900 --> 01:10:22,900
And I'm just like, oh, there's another hurdle to it.
1225
01:10:22,900 --> 01:10:23,900
Yeah.
1226
01:10:23,900 --> 01:10:24,900
Well, that makes sense.
1227
01:10:24,900 --> 01:10:25,900
Um, yeah.
1228
01:10:25,900 --> 01:10:28,580
So I do think like it was a really, so last year.
1229
01:10:28,580 --> 01:10:29,580
Yeah.
1230
01:10:29,580 --> 01:10:33,420
Just about June last year, my best friend was like, let's, let's do something.
1231
01:10:33,420 --> 01:10:36,100
Cause I, I saw that she got her ears pierced and had earrings.
1232
01:10:36,100 --> 01:10:38,020
And I was like, oh, that's something I've always wanted to do.
1233
01:10:38,020 --> 01:10:39,300
And she was like, let's do it then.
1234
01:10:39,300 --> 01:10:43,740
She like just immediately took me out and was like, um, uh, I think like a week later
1235
01:10:43,740 --> 01:10:45,420
I got my hair done and everything.
1236
01:10:45,420 --> 01:10:48,580
And it was sort of like, um, I just didn't tell my parents.
1237
01:10:48,580 --> 01:10:52,100
Like I just immediate, like, it was like, I'm 32, like 31 at this point.
1238
01:10:52,100 --> 01:10:54,220
I was like, I don't need to tell them like this is fine.
1239
01:10:54,220 --> 01:10:55,220
They don't need to know.
1240
01:10:55,220 --> 01:11:01,420
But it was such a, it was such a thing where I think it was like, um, just like I knew
1241
01:11:01,420 --> 01:11:05,580
my mom would comment on it and I was trying to let that thought go.
1242
01:11:05,580 --> 01:11:10,460
Um, and yeah, like my brother never cared.
1243
01:11:10,460 --> 01:11:14,060
He's now, you know, like, he's very supportive.
1244
01:11:14,060 --> 01:11:18,420
Um, and I think my mom still just struggles to get her head around it.
1245
01:11:18,420 --> 01:11:24,300
And she's very like, um, she's very confusing in a lot of ways and I, and I love her to
1246
01:11:24,300 --> 01:11:28,180
bits, but I, she has so many multitudes.
1247
01:11:28,180 --> 01:11:29,300
She comes from a different era.
1248
01:11:29,300 --> 01:11:36,660
So her, her version of love is insulting and like, and, um, and she's conscious.
1249
01:11:36,660 --> 01:11:39,940
I think she has undiagnosed anxiety, which she doesn't want to admit she has.
1250
01:11:39,940 --> 01:11:42,180
You're just like slipping things into her morning coffee.
1251
01:11:42,180 --> 01:11:43,180
Yeah.
1252
01:11:43,180 --> 01:11:44,180
Yeah.
1253
01:11:44,180 --> 01:11:45,180
Just like calm her down.
1254
01:11:45,180 --> 01:11:46,180
Yeah.
1255
01:11:46,180 --> 01:11:48,180
Just like here, here, don't, don't, you know, here's some like calming medicine.
1256
01:11:48,180 --> 01:11:49,180
Don't mind.
1257
01:11:49,180 --> 01:11:50,180
Yeah.
1258
01:11:50,180 --> 01:11:51,180
Have this supplement.
1259
01:11:51,180 --> 01:11:52,180
Yeah.
1260
01:11:52,180 --> 01:11:58,700
And I think there's a lot of that and I think for me, uh, just like opening up the layers,
1261
01:11:58,700 --> 01:11:59,700
finding out who you are.
1262
01:11:59,700 --> 01:12:06,180
It, you know, and also through acting, I think it's, and you know, I think the podcast is
1263
01:12:06,180 --> 01:12:11,380
going back to this, like the podcast has been like an open door gateway to a lot of things
1264
01:12:11,380 --> 01:12:12,660
that I didn't even know about myself.
1265
01:12:12,660 --> 01:12:14,380
And I'm like, loved that.
1266
01:12:14,380 --> 01:12:15,820
And you feel more like you.
1267
01:12:15,820 --> 01:12:16,820
Yeah.
1268
01:12:16,820 --> 01:12:21,300
Way more, way more like, uh, and not afraid to say it, which I think, I think for many
1269
01:12:21,300 --> 01:12:30,100
years I was afraid, um, afraid to be who I was versus who, you know, like, and then just
1270
01:12:30,100 --> 01:12:32,460
be the version of the mask that I can put on.
1271
01:12:32,460 --> 01:12:38,660
Um, and I mean, like, you know, there's always a sense of catering to everyone different.
1272
01:12:38,660 --> 01:12:44,100
Like you're always going to tailor your taste, but I didn't filter as much anymore.
1273
01:12:44,100 --> 01:12:47,740
Like I don't do that self edit, which like, you know, cause if I don't like something,
1274
01:12:47,740 --> 01:12:49,420
I'll just go, I don't like that.
1275
01:12:49,420 --> 01:12:53,340
Like, you know, like straight out words before it go back to that people placing, but like,
1276
01:12:53,340 --> 01:12:56,620
I'll just suck it up and you know, yeah.
1277
01:12:56,620 --> 01:12:57,620
Yeah.
1278
01:12:57,620 --> 01:13:06,060
I mean, like, I think particularly, um, do like something that makes me quite nervous
1279
01:13:06,060 --> 01:13:11,260
is is like, do not exposing myself now.
1280
01:13:11,260 --> 01:13:17,900
Like I think that whole idea, because I'm so used to it now, the idea of not being vulnerable
1281
01:13:17,900 --> 01:13:21,060
is more nerve wracking than being vulnerable.
1282
01:13:21,060 --> 01:13:22,820
What a beautiful place to get to.
1283
01:13:22,820 --> 01:13:23,820
Yeah.
1284
01:13:23,820 --> 01:13:31,420
To know that it's going to cost you more to stay hidden and, and to, yeah, to edit yourself.
1285
01:13:31,420 --> 01:13:36,060
It's going to cost you more than it would to now be who you are.
1286
01:13:36,060 --> 01:13:39,420
Cause are you slowly getting to that spot where you're feeling more and more?
1287
01:13:39,420 --> 01:13:40,420
Yeah.
1288
01:13:40,420 --> 01:13:47,060
I feel like now even with my queerness, I could never talk about that growing up.
1289
01:13:47,060 --> 01:13:48,060
Yeah.
1290
01:13:48,060 --> 01:13:49,060
Ever.
1291
01:13:49,060 --> 01:13:52,300
But like me and all my friends were kissing each other at sleepovers.
1292
01:13:52,300 --> 01:13:53,300
Like what?
1293
01:13:53,300 --> 01:13:58,740
But like we could never, like God forbid anyone would bring up that they liked a girl growing
1294
01:13:58,740 --> 01:13:59,740
up.
1295
01:13:59,740 --> 01:14:05,420
And then I guess as, as I got to my like early twenties, I realized, well, I kind of knew,
1296
01:14:05,420 --> 01:14:09,820
I always knew that I was bisexual, but I just never had never acted on it other than the
1297
01:14:09,820 --> 01:14:14,100
secret sleepover kisses that every girl, now every girl that I speak to is like, oh yeah,
1298
01:14:14,100 --> 01:14:15,100
we were doing that too.
1299
01:14:15,100 --> 01:14:16,100
Like everyone.
1300
01:14:16,100 --> 01:14:22,780
But yeah, now I'm getting, I, I, I really hear you because now I'm getting to that point
1301
01:14:22,780 --> 01:14:29,980
where it just, I can't, I read this quote about when you stay in the closet for too
1302
01:14:29,980 --> 01:14:34,820
long and not even just about queerness, just about like being who you are, I guess that
1303
01:14:34,820 --> 01:14:35,820
you get covered in mildew.
1304
01:14:35,820 --> 01:14:36,820
Yeah.
1305
01:14:36,820 --> 01:14:41,860
You get covered in mildew and then it's like, you, you can mold away.
1306
01:14:41,860 --> 01:14:46,140
Like you can just, you get, you get moldy and stale and covered in, covered in mildew
1307
01:14:46,140 --> 01:14:50,500
if you stay in the closet too long in the dark, like you have to come out and be who
1308
01:14:50,500 --> 01:14:51,500
you are.
1309
01:14:51,500 --> 01:14:58,620
And when you, when you are, when you do like that authenticity, like beams out of you,
1310
01:14:58,620 --> 01:15:03,620
you know, and I feel like I only just, like I only just spoke to my parents about my sexuality
1311
01:15:03,620 --> 01:15:04,620
last year.
1312
01:15:04,620 --> 01:15:09,220
Oh, and like, yeah, I just, I just, my dad was like, are you gay?
1313
01:15:09,220 --> 01:15:11,260
And I was like, no.
1314
01:15:11,260 --> 01:15:16,460
I was like, but don't, isn't it like how fun is kissing girls though?
1315
01:15:16,460 --> 01:15:17,460
Yeah.
1316
01:15:17,460 --> 01:15:19,180
Like how beautiful is it to be with a woman?
1317
01:15:19,180 --> 01:15:21,060
And he was like, yeah, you're right.
1318
01:15:21,060 --> 01:15:23,060
And I just didn't really say anything.
1319
01:15:23,060 --> 01:15:30,820
Um, but yeah, being able to talk about my sexuality openly, I've just been able to do
1320
01:15:30,820 --> 01:15:35,500
when I moved to New York, like literally it was almost like the lid I was about to explode
1321
01:15:35,500 --> 01:15:40,820
of all of the, all of the things, even my hair, my hair was always long, always long.
1322
01:15:40,820 --> 01:15:46,620
And I kind of attached that to my femininity, to my sexiness or whatever.
1323
01:15:46,620 --> 01:15:52,460
I put, I put my hair in it and then I chopped my hair off and I like a tiny short bob and
1324
01:15:52,460 --> 01:15:57,500
I felt sexier then than I ever had in my life.
1325
01:15:57,500 --> 01:16:02,860
It was like this energy that I'd cut off and cutting my hair off and being able to actually
1326
01:16:02,860 --> 01:16:07,060
talk about who I know that I am.
1327
01:16:07,060 --> 01:16:08,820
That beams out of you.
1328
01:16:08,820 --> 01:16:11,620
You know, you people can feel that authenticity.
1329
01:16:11,620 --> 01:16:16,500
It's hotter, you know, to when you're like someone that's, you can feel it when you're
1330
01:16:16,500 --> 01:16:21,380
with someone and they're unapologetic or they're figuring out how to be themselves.
1331
01:16:21,380 --> 01:16:25,260
You can feel that energy come from someone.
1332
01:16:25,260 --> 01:16:29,660
I definitely, it's always quite a funny feeling as well.
1333
01:16:29,660 --> 01:16:35,900
And I definitely think that being married has like so many perks because I will often
1334
01:16:35,900 --> 01:16:40,500
say to Em, I'm like, Oh yeah, no, a lot of people find me attractive now because I'm
1335
01:16:40,500 --> 01:16:49,980
so much more confident versus when you're insecure about and not, you know, going back
1336
01:16:49,980 --> 01:16:54,380
to that meal, do you think, I love that, you know, like such a beautiful way of explaining
1337
01:16:54,380 --> 01:16:55,460
it because I agree.
1338
01:16:55,460 --> 01:17:06,540
And I think like, I remember the first time I kissed a boy, I was about 18 and I was like,
1339
01:17:06,540 --> 01:17:07,540
Oh, this is cool.
1340
01:17:07,540 --> 01:17:09,460
Like, you know, this is fun.
1341
01:17:09,460 --> 01:17:11,660
And then I was like, it was with a boy.
1342
01:17:11,660 --> 01:17:13,620
I was like, Oh yeah, he's okay.
1343
01:17:13,620 --> 01:17:17,820
And I was like, maybe it's just a, like a fun thing that people do.
1344
01:17:17,820 --> 01:17:20,500
And then I made out with a boy that actually thought was cute.
1345
01:17:20,500 --> 01:17:25,020
And I was like, Oh no, this is actually, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is ticking
1346
01:17:25,020 --> 01:17:26,020
boxes.
1347
01:17:26,020 --> 01:17:30,060
It's like, it's all about a click.
1348
01:17:30,060 --> 01:17:37,000
And I mean, that's the reality when you sort of realize that.
1349
01:17:37,000 --> 01:17:41,060
And I remember like, I've talked to a few friends about it and some of them I'm like,
1350
01:17:41,060 --> 01:17:43,140
Oh yeah, no.
1351
01:17:43,140 --> 01:17:45,980
And they're just realizations.
1352
01:17:45,980 --> 01:17:47,340
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1353
01:17:47,340 --> 01:17:49,060
No, like I enjoy that too.
1354
01:17:49,060 --> 01:17:52,100
Or, you know, like it does become more of a common thing.
1355
01:17:52,100 --> 01:17:56,580
I mean, like it also in Australian culture, like the masculinity side of everyone, like
1356
01:17:56,580 --> 01:18:01,060
the bloke's being like, no, no, never like, uh, you know, that guy that's, you know, I
1357
01:18:01,060 --> 01:18:09,940
really, I really kind of now only know and become close with queer people, which I think
1358
01:18:09,940 --> 01:18:16,180
is like, you know, kind of this sort of weird like, um, cause I feel like people are more
1359
01:18:16,180 --> 01:18:17,180
open now.
1360
01:18:17,180 --> 01:18:26,620
And I think it's like, um, the almost the, the, like, it's weird to be straight.
1361
01:18:26,620 --> 01:18:29,580
Like it's like, it's a more uncommon thing.
1362
01:18:29,580 --> 01:18:34,060
I know now you're like, Oh, what you only like, what you only like men.
1363
01:18:34,060 --> 01:18:35,060
That's it.
1364
01:18:35,060 --> 01:18:36,060
Yeah.
1365
01:18:36,060 --> 01:18:37,060
Like what's wrong with you?
1366
01:18:37,060 --> 01:18:42,500
I feel like Sydney as well has changed a lot in the last like three years, so much since
1367
01:18:42,500 --> 01:18:47,540
the pandemic, like the queer community there is, and it's always been there, it's always
1368
01:18:47,540 --> 01:18:50,220
been there, but it's like louder.
1369
01:18:50,220 --> 01:18:51,220
It's more in the mainstream.
1370
01:18:51,220 --> 01:18:52,220
Yeah.
1371
01:18:52,220 --> 01:18:54,660
Like, yeah, it feels, it does feel different.
1372
01:18:54,660 --> 01:18:55,980
It feels so different.
1373
01:18:55,980 --> 01:19:00,260
I don't know quite what to do with like why it feels so different.
1374
01:19:00,260 --> 01:19:02,000
Um, but I have loved it.
1375
01:19:02,000 --> 01:19:08,460
I think like I've made some awesome, awesome queer friends over, um, over there now that
1376
01:19:08,460 --> 01:19:10,220
I love and adore.
1377
01:19:10,220 --> 01:19:15,360
And I think also like, it's really weird as well because, um, a couple of my friends who
1378
01:19:15,360 --> 01:19:21,460
are now just coming into their sexuality and stuff, I think really look up to me as someone
1379
01:19:21,460 --> 01:19:25,500
who's just, and I never thought I'd get to this stage where someone would look up to
1380
01:19:25,500 --> 01:19:32,780
me and just be like, you're, you're like such an admirable thing because I had this joke
1381
01:19:32,780 --> 01:19:38,260
and I was even like, um, saying with a good friend of mine, um, Margaret Thanos is an
1382
01:19:38,260 --> 01:19:46,100
Australian theater director and she was going, um, like there's, there's so many people who
1383
01:19:46,100 --> 01:19:49,660
just look up to you and, and just like, you know, I was like, that's impossible.
1384
01:19:49,660 --> 01:19:51,860
And then she's like, but you're doing something.
1385
01:19:51,860 --> 01:19:55,660
Like I think the thing is like people just, Australia, we, you know, goes back to that
1386
01:19:55,660 --> 01:19:59,140
glass ceiling and we stop and we just stay in stagnant.
1387
01:19:59,140 --> 01:20:04,660
But when you're challenging yourself and you're being this aspirational thing for yourself,
1388
01:20:04,660 --> 01:20:09,700
for yourself, people then go, Oh, that's amazing.
1389
01:20:09,700 --> 01:20:10,820
Like I'll do that.
1390
01:20:10,820 --> 01:20:11,820
And I want to be that.
1391
01:20:11,820 --> 01:20:18,700
And I sort of think that this is like, I can't wait to see like in the next 10 years where
1392
01:20:18,700 --> 01:20:27,500
like the journey manifests, like are you, cause what makes you look forward to about
1393
01:20:27,500 --> 01:20:28,500
things in your future?
1394
01:20:28,500 --> 01:20:33,620
Like what are you, what are you particularly looking forward to?
1395
01:20:33,620 --> 01:20:34,620
That's a broad question.
1396
01:20:34,620 --> 01:20:35,620
No, I love it.
1397
01:20:35,620 --> 01:20:40,380
I've, I've just done, have you ever done the artist way?
1398
01:20:40,380 --> 01:20:42,220
No, I got it.
1399
01:20:42,220 --> 01:20:43,900
It's like a big Julia Cameron.
1400
01:20:43,900 --> 01:20:47,980
It's like a big, it was a big thing in like the late nineties.
1401
01:20:47,980 --> 01:20:51,460
But you write every morning three pages and you read the book.
1402
01:20:51,460 --> 01:20:52,460
It's a 12 week thing.
1403
01:20:52,460 --> 01:20:53,460
I'm on week 10.
1404
01:20:53,460 --> 01:20:54,460
I'm about to finish it.
1405
01:20:54,460 --> 01:20:55,460
Oh, nice.
1406
01:20:55,460 --> 01:20:56,460
Yeah.
1407
01:20:56,460 --> 01:20:57,460
And it's fucking amazing.
1408
01:20:57,460 --> 01:20:58,460
Like highly recommend.
1409
01:20:58,460 --> 01:21:01,780
Um, and there's all these tasks as well, all these questions.
1410
01:21:01,780 --> 01:21:11,300
It's a lot of like self reflecting and, um, I have kind of in the last, it's, it feels
1411
01:21:11,300 --> 01:21:19,380
embarrassing to admit, but I've almost realized in the last six months, a year that this thing
1412
01:21:19,380 --> 01:21:26,300
acting, this art that I'm trying to make that I'm trying to pursue is a lifelong pursuit.
1413
01:21:26,300 --> 01:21:33,620
It is a craft that I am going to be pursuing for the rest of my life.
1414
01:21:33,620 --> 01:21:35,960
There isn't a moment that you arrive.
1415
01:21:35,960 --> 01:21:37,780
My friend and I used to talk about this.
1416
01:21:37,780 --> 01:21:41,060
Oh, you know, Sophie, Sophie Renee, Sophia.
1417
01:21:41,060 --> 01:21:44,260
And I used to talk about this, about arriving, about you never really arrive.
1418
01:21:44,260 --> 01:21:47,940
And we would just have these big discussions and I was, I was understanding it, but I didn't
1419
01:21:47,940 --> 01:21:53,220
really feel it in my bones like way that I do now.
1420
01:21:53,220 --> 01:21:59,140
And through the artist way I've been, you know, you, you, you write, you manifest things
1421
01:21:59,140 --> 01:22:02,180
that you want and you talk about who you were and who you want to be.
1422
01:22:02,180 --> 01:22:05,660
And there's lots of different tasks that, that come up, but I've been journaling and
1423
01:22:05,660 --> 01:22:10,060
writing about this lots about what kind of the next 10 years for me is going to look
1424
01:22:10,060 --> 01:22:11,620
like.
1425
01:22:11,620 --> 01:22:18,820
And there isn't a moment where, I mean, I'm sure, I'm sure winning a big acting award
1426
01:22:18,820 --> 01:22:24,260
feels like a moment, but I'm sure those actors will also feel that after that's over, then
1427
01:22:24,260 --> 01:22:28,340
what, you know, you don't, you don't, I'm not, I'm not working towards something.
1428
01:22:28,340 --> 01:22:30,180
And then once I achieve it, Oh, it's fine.
1429
01:22:30,180 --> 01:22:31,180
Now I'm successful.
1430
01:22:31,180 --> 01:22:32,180
Now I've got it.
1431
01:22:32,180 --> 01:22:36,700
It's like, I'm excited to just keep learning about this craft.
1432
01:22:36,700 --> 01:22:42,540
I have never been, I've never felt like more of a beginner in my life in this last six
1433
01:22:42,540 --> 01:22:46,680
months year, even though I've been pursuing this for quite a while.
1434
01:22:46,680 --> 01:22:51,940
And I've been, you know, trying and auditioning for a long time, not a long time, but long,
1435
01:22:51,940 --> 01:22:53,500
long enough.
1436
01:22:53,500 --> 01:22:57,580
Not as long as some people that I know, but you know, it's not like I've just started
1437
01:22:57,580 --> 01:22:58,580
out.
1438
01:22:58,580 --> 01:23:03,420
I've been pursuing this and now I'm just excited for the craft.
1439
01:23:03,420 --> 01:23:08,540
I'm excited to keep learning and keep growing, make my own stuff.
1440
01:23:08,540 --> 01:23:10,940
That's a huge thing I'm focusing on at the moment.
1441
01:23:10,940 --> 01:23:14,940
Instead of waiting for an audition and waiting for a job, writing something and shooting
1442
01:23:14,940 --> 01:23:19,700
it and similar to you with this podcast, like putting your creative energy into something
1443
01:23:19,700 --> 01:23:24,740
and creating something and then it finished and actually finishing it and taking the actions
1444
01:23:24,740 --> 01:23:28,820
and feel like I've always had all these ideas in my head and I've, I've always written.
1445
01:23:28,820 --> 01:23:34,300
I forgot so many notes in my phone and Google documents and journals about like things I
1446
01:23:34,300 --> 01:23:35,300
want to do and ideas.
1447
01:23:35,300 --> 01:23:37,460
And I just, I've always kept them.
1448
01:23:37,460 --> 01:23:42,940
They've always stopped there and actually taken that action, that next step.
1449
01:23:42,940 --> 01:23:47,180
And I feel like this last year, I've really started to take action.
1450
01:23:47,180 --> 01:23:51,140
And if I feel like I'm at the beginning, it really feels like I'm a beginner again.
1451
01:23:51,140 --> 01:23:57,860
So this next 10 years, I feel so excited about the opportunities and the things that are
1452
01:23:57,860 --> 01:24:01,820
going to come and that I'm going to create for myself.
1453
01:24:01,820 --> 01:24:02,820
It's just exciting.
1454
01:24:02,820 --> 01:24:09,940
I feel excited and falling, fallen back in love with what acting actually is.
1455
01:24:09,940 --> 01:24:14,500
Because after, after you do a shitload of auditions, you kind of just think, you think
1456
01:24:14,500 --> 01:24:15,500
it's just auditioning.
1457
01:24:15,500 --> 01:24:16,500
Yeah.
1458
01:24:16,500 --> 01:24:19,540
You know, and you get into class and then you're like, Oh fuck, no, it's actually, it's
1459
01:24:19,540 --> 01:24:21,020
actually a whole craft.
1460
01:24:21,020 --> 01:24:22,020
It's a whole thing.
1461
01:24:22,020 --> 01:24:23,540
So yeah, I'm in it.
1462
01:24:23,540 --> 01:24:28,260
I'm in a place now where I'm like, I'm not scared if I'm going to make it.
1463
01:24:28,260 --> 01:24:30,780
I'm not scared if I'm going to get that job.
1464
01:24:30,780 --> 01:24:34,900
There is a part of you that's always like, I hope I, I hope I make money from this one
1465
01:24:34,900 --> 01:24:38,300
day, like enough for it to be my own only job.
1466
01:24:38,300 --> 01:24:39,300
Yeah.
1467
01:24:39,300 --> 01:24:44,140
So the pursuit of the craft is more interesting to me now.
1468
01:24:44,140 --> 01:24:45,700
I love that.
1469
01:24:45,700 --> 01:24:49,660
That's like, that's, I love that so much.
1470
01:24:49,660 --> 01:24:54,180
That resonates with me so much because I think there's a belief system where it's like, I
1471
01:24:54,180 --> 01:24:57,860
would like, I have no desire to be famous.
1472
01:24:57,860 --> 01:25:03,420
I have no desire to be recognized on the street or anything like that, but I have a desire
1473
01:25:03,420 --> 01:25:09,620
to always improve my craft and that I think, and to explore the craft and get better.
1474
01:25:09,620 --> 01:25:13,460
And if that comes with fame, fine.
1475
01:25:13,460 --> 01:25:18,120
If that comes, you know, it's like, it reminds me of like Hannah Gadsby where she said, no
1476
01:25:18,120 --> 01:25:20,140
one prepares you for fame.
1477
01:25:20,140 --> 01:25:21,140
Like, and no one does.
1478
01:25:21,140 --> 01:25:25,700
Like, I think it's a very, you know, yeah.
1479
01:25:25,700 --> 01:25:31,580
Just like that whole idea of once you have something blow up and everyone knows who you
1480
01:25:31,580 --> 01:25:33,500
are, it's very daunting.
1481
01:25:33,500 --> 01:25:35,380
Like it's just the, and there's no prep.
1482
01:25:35,380 --> 01:25:40,060
Like there's no, like suddenly I think when you're a child actor, you're so used to it
1483
01:25:40,060 --> 01:25:46,020
that you just grow up like, you know, being like, oh yeah, now everyone knows who I am.
1484
01:25:46,020 --> 01:25:50,780
To now, like, and then you sort of get known for like different points in your career.
1485
01:25:50,780 --> 01:25:55,340
And you know, as you go up in the years, everyone goes, oh, I remember that film that they were
1486
01:25:55,340 --> 01:25:56,700
in like.
1487
01:25:56,700 --> 01:26:05,500
And I think particularly now there's something sort of quite beautiful about just exploring
1488
01:26:05,500 --> 01:26:08,900
how much you can do with your craft and your skillset.
1489
01:26:08,900 --> 01:26:10,780
Like, yeah.
1490
01:26:10,780 --> 01:26:14,860
I think this is also like, yeah, I just really resonate that.
1491
01:26:14,860 --> 01:26:15,860
Yeah.
1492
01:26:15,860 --> 01:26:23,180
And also when you're picking up a script and you're learning about a person, like, I guess
1493
01:26:23,180 --> 01:26:27,180
as you get older, you can, you understand more about people.
1494
01:26:27,180 --> 01:26:31,700
So when you're 18 and you're doing like streetcar in acting school, it's like, how much do you
1495
01:26:31,700 --> 01:26:33,820
really understand about Blanche?
1496
01:26:33,820 --> 01:26:35,860
You know, when you're 18, it's not a whole lot.
1497
01:26:35,860 --> 01:26:39,500
And then, you know, fast forward 10 years and you're like, ah, I know what it means.
1498
01:26:39,500 --> 01:26:41,620
I know what it feels like to do that.
1499
01:26:41,620 --> 01:26:43,660
I know what it feels like to do this.
1500
01:26:43,660 --> 01:26:47,860
I could relate because of something that I did or that I felt.
1501
01:26:47,860 --> 01:26:52,620
So with, you know, with life experience, you, you then pick up a script and you feel it
1502
01:26:52,620 --> 01:26:54,500
in a whole different way.
1503
01:26:54,500 --> 01:26:55,540
Yeah.
1504
01:26:55,540 --> 01:27:01,260
You feel these people and you've, you know, and then wanting to put that, put that down,
1505
01:27:01,260 --> 01:27:04,780
like after you've read a script and putting it on tape and actually embodying someone
1506
01:27:04,780 --> 01:27:10,180
and being someone that, that to me and that those learnings is, is what's fascinating.
1507
01:27:10,180 --> 01:27:13,900
Not like one day standing on a stage.
1508
01:27:13,900 --> 01:27:14,900
No.
1509
01:27:14,900 --> 01:27:16,420
And I think it's also like something that I love.
1510
01:27:16,420 --> 01:27:23,420
Olivia Coleman said really recently, she said, um, she was like, self tapes are so stupid.
1511
01:27:23,420 --> 01:27:25,860
Like get actors into audition rooms, get them in.
1512
01:27:25,860 --> 01:27:29,820
Like, you know, this whole idea that since COVID we've really buckled down.
1513
01:27:29,820 --> 01:27:32,020
She's like, it's a waste of their time.
1514
01:27:32,020 --> 01:27:34,620
Get them in because that will really show the talent.
1515
01:27:34,620 --> 01:27:38,660
Like, you know, like, and it will get you used to audition rooms because you're acting
1516
01:27:38,660 --> 01:27:43,140
off like sometimes people who aren't actors are doing a script read.
1517
01:27:43,140 --> 01:27:51,420
Um, and I think, you know, but I do think, yeah, like I've seen so much theater now.
1518
01:27:51,420 --> 01:27:57,180
I've seen so much like film TV and I just, I can pick good acting like that and I can
1519
01:27:57,180 --> 01:27:58,780
pick subtle.
1520
01:27:58,780 --> 01:28:03,900
And the thing that goes back to subtlety and I love subtlety, the less you say and the
1521
01:28:03,900 --> 01:28:09,540
more you do with your face and your body language, the better your performance is because it's
1522
01:28:09,540 --> 01:28:11,540
like, it's not just about delivering dialogue.
1523
01:28:11,540 --> 01:28:15,300
It's not about Shakespeare and you know, saying all these profound things.
1524
01:28:15,300 --> 01:28:20,900
It's about what can you emote with your physicalness as well.
1525
01:28:20,900 --> 01:28:24,380
And I remember there was this performance that I was directing where one of my friends
1526
01:28:24,380 --> 01:28:29,500
was trying to recreate a scene, um, that she loved so much in which she was using her hands,
1527
01:28:29,500 --> 01:28:31,580
like really still I was like, move them.
1528
01:28:31,580 --> 01:28:32,980
Cause you just look static.
1529
01:28:32,980 --> 01:28:34,500
Like use your whole body.
1530
01:28:34,500 --> 01:28:36,300
It's not just about saying the lines.
1531
01:28:36,300 --> 01:28:38,420
It's about emoting with everything.
1532
01:28:38,420 --> 01:28:44,940
And it's really like, it goes back into, um, that, that whole idea of theater.
1533
01:28:44,940 --> 01:28:48,940
It's like the back stage won't be able to see you if you're not emoting.
1534
01:28:48,940 --> 01:28:57,220
Um, and I really love that sort of whole mentality of just, we are human beings.
1535
01:28:57,220 --> 01:28:59,700
We are so emotive.
1536
01:28:59,700 --> 01:29:04,260
We are constantly, even if we're not actors, we do so much with our bodies and you will
1537
01:29:04,260 --> 01:29:09,420
always tell when someone's uncomfortable, when someone's happy, when someone's sad instantly.
1538
01:29:09,420 --> 01:29:10,540
Like, and that's the thing.
1539
01:29:10,540 --> 01:29:13,940
It's like, they might not cry, but they will show it in another way.
1540
01:29:13,940 --> 01:29:14,940
Yeah.
1541
01:29:14,940 --> 01:29:20,940
And that's why I feel like similar to your love of, of the art of seeing, seeing a real
1542
01:29:20,940 --> 01:29:27,780
human emotion, whether that be in theater or on screen, like that shit makes the world
1543
01:29:27,780 --> 01:29:28,780
go round.
1544
01:29:28,780 --> 01:29:33,540
Like theater is like the oldest theater is never going to go away.
1545
01:29:33,540 --> 01:29:36,180
Like it's always been there and it's always going to be there.
1546
01:29:36,180 --> 01:29:42,900
People are always going to find ways to sit in the dark and watch people up there be human.
1547
01:29:42,900 --> 01:29:47,420
And that makes that and I'm going, like when I said it, when I was a kid, I was so sensitive.
1548
01:29:47,420 --> 01:29:48,420
I would feel everything.
1549
01:29:48,420 --> 01:29:52,100
Like I would watch, watch things and like rip my heart out.
1550
01:29:52,100 --> 01:29:56,260
Like, and, and, and it makes you feel, it just touches you.
1551
01:29:56,260 --> 01:30:00,740
And it's so, I think it's so, it's so important to be, to be making art.
1552
01:30:00,740 --> 01:30:01,740
Yeah.
1553
01:30:01,740 --> 01:30:05,540
Because I think what this whole industry is just honestly, we need, we need actors and
1554
01:30:05,540 --> 01:30:07,300
we need, we need artists.
1555
01:30:07,300 --> 01:30:09,340
We need art like full stop.
1556
01:30:09,340 --> 01:30:10,340
Yeah.
1557
01:30:10,340 --> 01:30:11,500
I agree.
1558
01:30:11,500 --> 01:30:13,980
I could not, not agree with that.
1559
01:30:13,980 --> 01:30:14,980
I disagree.
1560
01:30:14,980 --> 01:30:15,980
I disagree fully.
1561
01:30:15,980 --> 01:30:20,300
No, I think that's, I think that's so true.
1562
01:30:20,300 --> 01:30:23,660
I mean, like, and it's also why I love, I love what you're saying.
1563
01:30:23,660 --> 01:30:24,660
I really resonate with it.
1564
01:30:24,660 --> 01:30:28,540
And you know, and I also just, I admire you for the fact that, you know, you're continuing
1565
01:30:28,540 --> 01:30:35,660
to pursue and believe and do amazing things and still pursue it and really push through.
1566
01:30:35,660 --> 01:30:36,940
Like I think that's amazing.
1567
01:30:36,940 --> 01:30:37,940
Like yeah.
1568
01:30:37,940 --> 01:30:43,060
And it was, you know, that's why I was excited to talk to you.
1569
01:30:43,060 --> 01:30:44,060
Nothing beats persistence.
1570
01:30:44,060 --> 01:30:45,060
No, it really doesn't.
1571
01:30:45,060 --> 01:30:46,060
That's what my dad says.
1572
01:30:46,060 --> 01:30:47,840
He's like, it's just, it's just maths.
1573
01:30:47,840 --> 01:30:51,500
If you are persistent, if you don't stop, you can't, no one can beat that.
1574
01:30:51,500 --> 01:30:52,500
No.
1575
01:30:52,500 --> 01:30:53,500
And you're a powerhouse.
1576
01:30:53,500 --> 01:30:54,500
So I don't ever stop.
1577
01:30:54,500 --> 01:30:58,100
Scarlett, I've got one final question for you though.
1578
01:30:58,100 --> 01:31:00,220
Where can people find you on the internet?
1579
01:31:00,220 --> 01:31:01,900
Where can they stalk you?
1580
01:31:01,900 --> 01:31:02,900
Where can they stalk me?
1581
01:31:02,900 --> 01:31:09,100
I'm on the Instagram, the famous Instagram, may have heard of it.
1582
01:31:09,100 --> 01:31:13,860
It is just my name, Scarlett Hunter, one L one T in Scarlett.
1583
01:31:13,860 --> 01:31:14,860
And that's it.
1584
01:31:14,860 --> 01:31:16,820
I don't really post much work on there.
1585
01:31:16,820 --> 01:31:18,180
It's kind of just for fun.
1586
01:31:18,180 --> 01:31:19,740
But yeah, hit me up.
1587
01:31:19,740 --> 01:31:25,660
And if any actors want to, or are thinking about moving to Vancouver and have any questions,
1588
01:31:25,660 --> 01:31:27,420
like please send me a message.
1589
01:31:27,420 --> 01:31:30,020
I would love to share anything that's been helpful for me.
1590
01:31:30,020 --> 01:31:31,260
I love, I love.
1591
01:31:31,260 --> 01:31:33,300
Thank you so much for coming on.
1592
01:31:33,300 --> 01:31:34,300
Thank you for having me.
1593
01:31:34,300 --> 01:31:36,300
I'm so happy we did this.
1594
01:31:36,300 --> 01:31:37,300
I'm so glad.
1595
01:31:37,300 --> 01:31:42,100
I'm going to, I'm going to, you did so well.
1596
01:31:42,100 --> 01:31:44,900
I'll give you a big hug after this.
1597
01:31:44,900 --> 01:31:48,020
And if you want to go and check out more episodes of the things we do, you can check them out
1598
01:31:48,020 --> 01:31:49,020
on Apple and Spotify.
1599
01:31:49,020 --> 01:31:53,020
I'll be speaking with another guest next week and I'll speak to you later.
1600
01:31:53,020 --> 01:31:54,020
Goodbye.
1601
01:31:54,020 --> 01:32:01,660
Bye.