Massimo Rigotti: You finally decide to change, and the second you start to climb, something pulls you back down. The old crowd, the invitation, the voice that says, Who are you kidding? Crabs in a bucket don't need a lid. They have each other. And sometimes the crab pulling you down is you. Please welcome Bryan Blackmon
Bryan Blackmon: Well, thank you so much. How are you?
Massimo Rigotti: I'm doing great. It's a pleasure to have you here today. I'm really excited to have you. You bet. Well, Bryan, crabs in a bucket. Don't need a lid. They all have each other. So for the listeners who keep deciding to change and keep getting dragged back, how do they spot the crab that is doing the pulling Especially if that crab is you.
Bryan Blackmon: Well, I think that those two are almost they're they're so far away from each other, yet they're so close. Because in my own experience, for me, I would like to have blamed the other people for pulling me back down. Right? 'Cause that's so much easier. It's so much easier to point blame at something else instead of like looking inside your own self and saying,
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: Maybe this is me doing this and I'm not getting pulled back in. Maybe I'm choosing to live this instead of doing anything about it. it took quite a while for me to understand that I don't want to say maybe 80%, eight out of ten times, it was myself pulling me back into that circle. it's hard for me to believe that. other people around me didn't want to see me succeed or see anybody succeed for that matter. But then again, there are a lot of people. If they're not doing anything better for themselves, it's easier to keep people around them that are living that same exact lifestyle. So, you know, they do reach up and and pull each other back down. I just got to a point after thirty-five plus years of living a certain way. I had that aha moment for the first time ever. But it took me quite some time into my sobriety, over a year I would say, of me really digging deep into the choices I made and how things happened and maybe even as to why I was acting out and had this addiction problem. I just realized that it was me that was so much more capable of pulling myself and back down and keeping myself in that environment until that aha moment happened,
Massimo Rigotti: I agree with what you just said. It's very easy to point out that everybody else is keeping me where I am, but you're the one choosing to listen to those people that are keeping
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.
Massimo Rigotti: you back and holding you down. So in the end,
Bryan Blackmon: Absolutely.
Massimo Rigotti: I think we all come to the realization that we're in charge of our sobriety and we're the only ones that are.
Bryan Blackmon: Right. Absolutely. We're the only ones in charge of our life, period. It it's sad to say, but I I think it's so true that no one is coming to save you. You may have people that love you, that care for you, that want to see you succeed, that want the best for you. Like my family, for instance. I was cared for, I was loved for. I was given every opportunity in the world. They spent money on rehabs, they sleepless nights. But my mom, who I love dearly and care more about than anybody on this planet, couldn't save me. I tried that way and it never worked. Right. So it's up to us. To be able to do it, it's great to have support. but when it boils down to it all, you know, it's it's up to you. it's just up to you and you have to finally make that decision and put one foot in front of the other to change if that's what you want. And it's not gonna be easy, it's but nothing in life that's worth having is easy. You know.
Massimo Rigotti: So true. But I think that the problem and what we get cut caught up in there is that we look around at our life and what we have, even though we're a an addict, and we can't just burn it all down. We feel like we can't, you know. And
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah.
Massimo Rigotti: it and to bring it back into your analogy of the crab and the bucket, I mean that bucket might be your job. It could be your family table, it could be your oldest friends, and that environment's actually holding you down. So once you name that pull how do you make that first move that doesn't require cutting everybody out of your life?
Bryan Blackmon: Great question actually. I maybe this was just Such a long progression that I was able to look at it like the day that I decided to get sober and and that aha moment that I had. it hit me like a freight train. I knew that I had to do whatever it took. I was very fortunate that I had a family that was so supportive. I didn't know how my landlord, and we can I'm sure we'll get into that story here in a little bit, was gonna react to that or if there was gonna be that support and and continue to have a roof over my head. I just I I really got to the point where I was so serious internally and mentally and spiritually that I was willing to do whatever it took. And if I had to drop everyone, everything, and completely rebuild, I was willing to do that. I just I wanted so badly to experience in a a completely new life. I was just tired of the old one. I had no desire to continue on that path. So once I made that decision and I realized that I was willing to do whatever. I needed to do, dropping people kind of became easy. You know, it it it just it hurtful, sad.
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Bryan Blackmon: But again, the aha moment that I had was so overwhelming and and and just a completely different perspective on life. Now I I don't know how it was gonna happen. I didn't know what the plans for it was and I really wasn't concerned. I I didn't care. All I wanted was that day to remain sober.
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: And if that meant dropping you out of it Well, gotta go. See you later, you know? Yep, them's the brakes, my friend.
Massimo Rigotti: Those are the breaks. I mean, and and what you're talking about is that firm resolve that oftentimes takes a few relapses to get there until you really
Bryan Blackmon: Mm-hmm.
Massimo Rigotti: realize that this is what I want for me. And once you make that decision, you nailed it. I mean, it just those people just fall away. I don't think that you
Bryan Blackmon: Right.
Massimo Rigotti: really even think I didn't think about it. It just happened. Once I clicked.
Bryan Blackmon: Right.
Massimo Rigotti: those people just naturally disappeared. Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: Yes. Yeah. And and and that's so interesting to look at it from from that perspective. I really didn't even have to say goodbye. There were a couple of I did. Don't get me wrong, there were a few of I had to say, Look, man, I I I just got something I gotta do right now. Also, at the time that I decided to get sober and change my life, I was such a recluse. I had pretty much just locked away myself in in this very room and was so spun out and and in such a dark place that I let myself be by myself. so the the people that were around me were not friends, they were acquaintances. So as I started moving forward, it it just kind of worked itself out in in that regard. And then I was able to to choose, pick and choose who I wanted in my life. And I'm still very picky when it comes to that too. I'm still a loner to be quite honest with you. I don't I don't hang out with with very many people. So, you know, I don't put myself in those situations.
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah. No, I think that that's how you have to be. So you I mean you built this climb out and you built the crab system. And of course, we can get into the origin story of this a little in a little bit, but crab, as I understand, stands for clean, resilient, adaptability and belief. And could
Bryan Blackmon: Mm-hmm.
Massimo Rigotti: you walk us through them in a way that you actually lived them? And when you start with clean, because I want people to understand that clean doesn't necessarily mean just of substances.
Bryan Blackmon: Right. Absolutely. for me the the substance and the alcohol and the addiction falls under the umbrella of anything that is keeping you from being the better best version of yourself. Right? It could be overeating, it could just be depression, it could be anxiety, it could be, you know, just horrible things and chaos you've been telling yourself over the years that have kind of clouded your brain and your perception of actually who you are and what you're capable of. Let's just use the drug and alcohol because that's what it was for me. had to get clean in my mind, body, and spirit. Right? It wasn't just getting the drugs and alcohol out of my system. It was changing my spirituality, my understanding, my strength, courage, wisdom, knowledge, understanding, all of these, these things that sometimes we fear. in life, right? Because once you get so comfortable in your life, even though you want to change, you're so comfortable, it's so much easier to stay comfortable. But you stay miserable at the same time. So it's kind of like that catch 22. Do you want to you want to change? Okay, great. But what are you willing to do about it? So once I sat down and really started looking into this and and and how did I claw myself out of this just dark, wretched, chaotic Place, mentally, spiritually, and and physically, that's what I had to had to do. And I had to start with cleaning those weeds that I've planted for so long, those negative thoughts and chaotic and just wretched thoughts of who I thought I was. And maybe it was as simple as not being worthy of having anything better. Like I've been doing it for so long, it was like really all I knew. I had to change my my mind, body, and spirit. maybe that meant just walking around the neighborhood during my my withdrawals and and just starting to move my body a little bit. started learning more about crabs, and and there's a reason why the whole crab thing came into play, which I could share later. But once I started really looking into why this moment on TikTok was happening with the crab thing, started learning more about them and they're resilient. They're adaptive. They can crawl themselves out of out of a hole, out of the sand from the ocean. They can hang on for dear life and sometimes they just sit still. And sometimes that sitting still is rethinking and re-looking from a different perspective of the situation that you're currently in. the resilience came in with the R. I've been preparing myself for resilience and and learning how to bounce back when life had knocked me down my entire life without even really knowing it or understanding what was going on. Really had no idea that I was bouncing back up. You know? I just knew that I I couldn't stay. homeless, like I couldn't stay in these situations. was learning how to do this without even understanding that that's what I was doing. And then I took it to another level. Well when I got sober, man, I didn't I don't know how to live sober. I've never lived sober. How do I do this? I don't know this person. I literally don't know who I am. I have no clue. I'm a homeless alcoholic drug addict that has lived this way my entire life. I don't know who Bryan Blackmon is. I started thinking about man, I've I've had to be pretty resilient in figuring out who I am and and learning how to bounce back from a completely new way of living. And then the adaptability fit perfectly into the entire lifestyle because, you can can be in the middle of a storm which you can't control. But you can always adjust your sail. Right? And changing it one percent can end you up in a place of beauty or put you in some treacherous waters. it was cleaning my mind, body, and spirit from all this. It was learning that resilience is huge. How are you gonna get back up when when life, you know, comes at you? Because that's inevitable. Life is just going to happen. You can't control that part of it. So you better look at ways that you can bounce back, you know, and bouncing back doesn't always mean you're changing the entire perspective of everything. It just means you took one step forward because you were strong enough in your beliefs in yourself and worthy enough of it to at least take that one step to to get up. You know, I'd rather fall down a million times and get back up rather than never fall down and just think that everything is just hunky dory all the time because that's not the way life is.
Massimo Rigotti: exactly. And and really, if you think about it, you already were resilient, adaptable, and believed in yourself on some level. You just weren't clean. You're because you had
Bryan Blackmon: Sure.
Massimo Rigotti: to have the resilience and adaptability and belief that you could find another day living on the street. You you just weren't clean. It's amazing, really.
Bryan Blackmon: Right. Exactly. Right. But you know, I th the thought of all of this and and that being what I was doing or or how I was living my life or these were lessons that I was learning wasn't those weren't thoughts. I was in such fight or flight mode that all it was was my next fix and how am I gonna get through the rest of this day? You know, If tomorrow comes, I gotta do this all over again, what do you like? my god, this is you know And so as I'm writing all this out and looking at it, it that B stood for belief because it the day that I decided to make the change of getting sober, and I'll share with with you and your audience here in just a second about that, but the belief was the foundation that all this these other things stacked on top of. Without believing that you are worthy of having the best possible life in the short amount of time that we're here, I think leaves room for a shaky ground where none of this stuff is is gonna be able to to withstand. Right. So you you truly have to believe that you're worthy of something so much greater, and you don't have to figure that out right now. You don't have to know what it is. That's okay. That's okay. know, it's just knowing that there's so much more to to life than letting those self defeating negative thoughts make you out to be somebody that you're really not. You know.
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah, I have one more question for you before we dig into your backstory because it's equal
Bryan Blackmon: Shoot.
Massimo Rigotti: equally interesting. So here's a question I haven't heard anyone ask you. You chased the rock star life and it nearly buried you. And today you run live event productions inside that same world with the lights and the audio and the crew, where every mistake happens in front of everyone, but you're doing it sober. So in the moment of those pressure spikes and the old off switch is not an option. What do you actually do to manage that stress?
Bryan Blackmon: Dude, it's in the strangest of the what a great question, first of all. It in the beginning it was it was difficult because when I went to that job, I would go into the bathroom and do what I needed to do. Come back out and keep going. Right. And a lot of those guys do the same thing. You know, they're walking out of the porta potty blowing clouds of smoke and you know, they're out partying the night before, even before they got there and they smell like alcohol, there's you know, weed smell everywhere and Nowadays when I look at it, to each his own. It makes it so much easier to stay sober and to work through it because I know what it's like to be that person. And I see straight through it. I see the struggle. I don't care how much fun they think they're having or or how much easier it is to get through work under that influence. It I look at it and I just go, Ugh. There are Some instances where I look at it and I go, man, that would be so easy to just go back to that. At the same time it's it it's so overwhelmingly disgusting me because I already know the outcome and they can you know, you can smile straight through it and pretend everything is okay. Once you've actually lived that life and you walk away from it and you get that clean mind, body and spirit, you get a little bit of time behind your under your belt, you tr for me, I I just look at it as something I can't ever think about going back to, you know. can out I run circles around all of sober.
Massimo Rigotti: Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, it's it's interesting. I'm the same way because I I worked in the entertainment business as well and I now look at it and think, Man, I could have done so much better in that environment had I just been sober. Yeah. It's interesting.
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. All all the it's so interesting. I'll share this with you really quickly. I worked at a gig yesterday that this guy works for the company that I work for, but we also work for like three or four different companies, all of us, just to stay busy. so I had no idea. I hadn't seen this guy in in I don't know, maybe a year. I pull up to this job and I get out and I'm walking up, you know, the whole new look and you know, my body looks different, like I look healthy, you know. And he goes, Bryan Blackmon. And I was like, What's up, man? How are you? And he goes, dude, I haven't seen you in so long. You look great. And I was like, thank you. And he goes, Dude, I remember you were sleeping in your little crappy car, homeless, looking
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: for a place to live, and riding your bicycle to our gigs. Like if the parking was super far away, I had my my BMX bike strapped to the top of my car with ratchet straps, just like a tweaker, you know? And like we'd be at the SoFi Stadium having to park a mile out. And I would pull up, you know, and undo my bicycle and ride it and like pulled up, like tweaking out, like, hey guys, what are we doing? Like, dude, what the f are you doing, bro? And he when he said that to me yesterday after not seeing him for a year, he goes, I I see your, you know, your TikTok videos from time to time. And he goes, It's just crazy seeing you like this when know it wasn't that long ago that I remember seeing you like this. And yeah, it
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: kind of brings it home. But yeah, that just happened yesterday and it it just It made me stop and think for a minute, you know, just looking at how far I have come. 'Cause I didn't think about that. I forgot completely about that. You know, having my BMX bike strapped to the top of my little crappy car, you know, pulling up like I was cool.
Massimo Rigotti: man. That's awesome. But it's those times that that give you that reflection that you don't often take yourself to really understand how far you have come. I've I've had
Bryan Blackmon: Right.
Massimo Rigotti: a few of those myself and when people will say things and it it really hits you. So I want you to take us back. You left Fort Worth
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah.
Massimo Rigotti: for California with a dream and a habit that started way back when you were 13, and you ended up sleeping in tents and in your car. So what? Does that bottom actually feel like from the inside that aren't a part of all these comeback clips?
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah. You know, it I just never felt comfortable in my skin from a young age. My emotions were all over the place. My mom isn't walking ball of anxiety. My dad, you know, kept himself at work all the time and was like a workaholic. And so I had this go get wanna do things, but just a ball of like, this is too much for me. Like it the the world was too loud and too overwhelming. That first beer that I drank at at 13, man, I just remember it washing over me like a wave from the ocean. It was, I I felt myself take a deep breath. And I remember that very specifically. It wasn't until the ninth grade of high school when, you know, the high school parties and stuff like that came into play and the drinking, the smoking pot. And it it wasn't like, hey Bryan, here's some cocaine. And me going, you know, I don't I don't know. I'm enjoying this weed high. I'm kinda chill, bro. The the alcohol's kicking in. I'm feeling pretty good. I don't know about the cocaine. For me it was like, Let's go. What if wha how do I do it? How do do I need a stroll? Do I need a dollar bill? Like I've seen it in movies, like what do I do? You know And so, Bryan, here's some acid. It we just skipped school. I gotta go home in a few hours. That's didn't care. You know, it was taking it. That that's just the kind of guy I was. It there was no second guessing, there was no questioning. It was always just, all right, let's take this as far as we can. And it was fun for many years, don't get me wrong. You know, I've gotten to do some really amazing things on drug and alcohol. I I did some things that, you know, were a lot of fun that a a lot of people would, you know, look at and go, Are you serious? Well, yes, I'm dead serious. But then it just became A way of life that's I I want to say slowly but surely, but it wasn't even slowly but surely, it was like rapidly and confirmed I didn't know how to live without that in my system. And if I couldn't find anything else, I was always really resourceful. You know, I one thing I never had to do, I even as dark as I got and as bad as I got, I was never like the thieving, stealing type
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Bryan Blackmon: person. I always was able to figure out how to get a lot of it. Even if I had to go work a job for a couple of weeks just to make the money, I could go buy a bunch of it and figure out how to start selling it so I could, you know, fend my own habit. always really resourceful in that regard. But even during those times of of like searching out or needing it and trying to find it, I always relied on myself to to stay in that lane of just psychotic figuring it out. addiction and alcoholism state of mind. It was basically like a fight or flight all the time without even realizing I was fighting or flight until many years later. it just became the only thing that I knew how to do. So well, you know, I I thought about all the jails and the prisons and well the my one trip to prison. I never wanted to go back, so I made my one and only my one and only. I thought at the time that that was rock bottom. But it wasn't I I look back on it now and I'm I'm grateful for that happening. It was like one of those blessings in disguises because at the time when when that went down, I was more than likely gonna end up there for a really long time with what I was doing, or I was gonna be dead. There there wasn't any other fork in the road. It was just that, those two options. But man, when when I moved to California and I had this dream from a little kid to live here. I sex, drugs, and rock and roll was you know, I I grew up watching T V and and and my dad telling me, you know, I grew up in a musically inclined family, so I always wanted to to be a rock show, I always wanted to learn how to play guitar and I started doing that and and I lived that sex, drugs, and rock and roll lifestyle my whole life and just to prove my dad wrong, basically, without me even really understanding that that's what I was doing my whole life. But that seed got planted when he told me at a young age I couldn't do it. Right. So when I moved to California I took that Los Angeles sex, drugs, and rock and roll and guns and roses and motley crew and poison and all these eighty hair bands, you
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: know, running the sunset strip and I did just that. it got it got pretty scary. You know, and then the roommate that I was living with at the time in Venice, we had a huge falling out. I ended up sleeping in my car, sleeping in a tent, sleeping in hostels, having gang members trying to take my tent from me because I had a huge overbearing eight man tent that some people had given me in in this hostel and I was I I couldn't afford the hostel anymore, so I needed this tent, so I went and got it out of my storage and I set it up on the library lawn in Venice. And it was like this eight man tent with LED lights and a Bluetooth radio. I'm like living ghetto fabulous, you know, homeless fabulous. And so I would have people try to take that from me at night. It was it got pretty scary. would see people in Venice, let's say, during the during this time. I would I would see a lot of people that were that were homeless. It was during the middle of COVID and it was this huge homeless encampment in Venice and people would put their trash out and people would leave like really nice things out in their garbage. I would see people, this is just an analogy. I would see people take a chandelier from somebody's trash and put it in their tent to make it more
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Bryan Blackmon: homey and more comfortable. And I would look at these situations, I was like, I I want to keep this as uncomfortable as I possibly can. Maybe a nice tent, but it's still a tent on the library
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Bryan Blackmon: lawn surrounded by a bunch of homeless people in Venice Beach, California, with not a dollar to my name. I would literally cry my tent and want to come back to Texas. But I there was this voice inside me that just kept saying, Don't give up. Not yet. Not yet. But when I'm when I found the Elaine and and we came into each other's life, that's when even the prison darkness was a different kind of darkness. This was finally a r a roof over my head and not being homeless anymore. And when she gave me that opportunity, I no longer had to focus on where I was gonna sleep at night. So that's when I I really got secluded and and just took myself to a a dark, internal, completely alone state of state of addiction. And yeah, man, it's
Massimo Rigotti: It it's pretty crazy. Well, let's talk about Elaine. So Elaine's
Bryan Blackmon: Okay.
Massimo Rigotti: this eighty-five year old landlord you have, and she changed everything. I mean, I've heard you say several times that she saved your life. Here's what I really want to know, because most people are terrible at this. What did it take for you to finally tell her the truth about how you were living and to get the help?
Bryan Blackmon: I want to think my family and the way I was raised as a child. I grew up in a in a really Southern Baptist Christian home, although I cannot stand religion. I'm fascinated by religion and how it works, but I I just couldn't give myself to that. I always knew that there was a greater sp power than myself and a spirit inside me and and I was raised with some morals and values and the way to treat others and I I didn't always act like that. Doesn't mean that I forgot about the way that I was brought up. So I really started right before I got sober, I started feeling this guilt of being put in this this situation with this opportunity. And so when I finally made the decision to go through the withdrawals and and get sober, I I knew that I told her she knows what I do for work. She knows that I work in, you know, the music industry. And so I told her that I was going on tour. I I'd got accepted into a rehab, a a sober living home for thirty days. So I
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: told her that I was going on tour with this local band here in Southern California up and down the coastline for thirty days. and I was really going to a sober living home. Hoping to come back a completely new, changed, experienced, you know, new sober Bryan. And and that that didn't quite work out. I went to go get the help and I couldn't find there were a lot of people relapsing and bringing, you know, alcohol and stuff into that place. And so I left and I came home. So I'm going through these horrible withdrawals and I just knew that there was some kind of thing happening in this situation. Like I knew that she knew something was not right with me because I was I was hiding out in my bedroom and I I wasn't talking to her. I there was she knew that something was amiss. I don't know, man. I just I got up out of my bed and just in a god awful state and and I was willing like I thought about it. Don't get me wrong, it was like, dude, you're gonna get kicked out of here. What's gonna happen? She's not gonna put up with this. She's too old to have this crap going on in her house, you know, and here I am disrespecting this opportunity. I don't like to look at what ifs, what if she wouldn't have said what she said, but man, I went down there and I just I was honest with her. I just said, Hey, this is what I'm going through now. This is what my life, this is who Bryan Blackmon is, this is the person you led into your house. And her words back to me were, It's okay. You know, I love you. I'm here for you. thank you for being honest with me. Go back up there and and do what you need to do. And if you need anything, you know where I'm at. She also, you know, has three daughters. Her oldest one died from a brain aneurysm, which they believe was caused by her own alcohol addiction. Her other two daughters are sober now, but they struggled a lot their whole life. And then she had two grandsons that OD'd on fentanyl. So she had already gone through this in her own family, you know. So it I was terrified, you know, to to know what her answer was gonna be. I just believe that if I wouldn't have been honest with her and I would have just, you know, kept going and tried to fake it, I believe that would have been more detrimental to my cause. than me just running downstairs and and and taking that chance, man.
Massimo Rigotti: And then came the the morning at the mirror. You remember brushing your teeth when every voice in your head is, you know, finally said those four words. You were worth it. And
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah.
Massimo Rigotti: you had been to the rehabs and the sober livings, but nothing had stuck. Why did it land that time? And what do you say to the listener still waiting for that moment?
Bryan Blackmon: There was the mirror is powerful. And if you take a second to really look at yourself and almost see through your own eyes. I didn't realize that's what I was doing. But that reflection back for the first time was so powerful. in showing me what was staring into that mirror. And when I saw that lifeless shell empty, dimmed, darkened, wasting away, withering away, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually spent. reflection and then so I had that happening but then all the voices in my head my spirit my body the the angel on this shoulder the devil on this shoulder all of it at once got real real quiet silent actually and I could never not hear those words ever again it rang so loud throughout my entire cell of my body. You are worth it. It was like I couldn't ignore it. And that's the first time that that's ever happened. You know, every time I went to rehab or or to jail or to to get a job or to to keep the job that I had, you know, and I was messing up and they were drug testing me. You know, just all these moments of of trying to change were all for so many selfish reasons. It was never because I wanted to. It was never because Bryan said, Hey, yeah, it's time to change. Let's do this. Let's do it for you. Just never happened. Until that moment. And that's when I decided I would do whatever it took. So for the person waiting for that moment, it's an interesting fact because if you're realizing that you're waiting on it or you're hearing this and you're thinking, I'm waiting on that moment, you've already had that moment. There's something, stop, just stop for a second and listen. to what your spirit, your body is telling you. And if you hear anything that I'm going to say right now is that nothing is permanent. Nothing is permanent. You can seriously change, but you have to believe that you are worthy of that change. Right? And until you call it an aha moment. But do you do you want to stay stuck? What do you have to lose, really? By not doing anything, stay in that exact same spot. By making one better decision for yourself and and sometimes that's minute by minute. Sometimes you just get up and make one decision that day. That's better. It's one percent better. It's like compound interest. It adds up over time. But you're not too far gone. Nothing inside is permanent. Everything can change. But if you're already wondering about what that aha moment is, perhaps you're already living that aha moment. What are you gonna do with it now? You know.
Massimo Rigotti: It's a per it's a perfect answer. I think you nailed that one because if you already are asking, you probably already had the moment. So Bri
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah.
Massimo Rigotti: so Bryan, everything we talked about throughout the you know, especially earlier, maps straight into the sober method. The method starts with stoic where you get radically honest about what you can control and you couldn't control the bucket, the industry or the people around you, but you could control the climb and from there it moves out into observe, behavior, execute and restore and you're Story goes deepest on two of those steps. Behavior, because the company you keep writes the behaviors you repeat, and the bucket had been writing yours since you were 13. And then, of course, execute
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah.
Massimo Rigotti: because Crab is an execution system. Clean the noise, stay resistant, adjust the sail, and build it all on belief every single day. And the method, it's the engine. So your four pillars are what it looks like when someone runs in the middle of a storm. So for the listener who's working the sober method, who has the plan, but keeps losing it to their environment, how do your four pillars plug into their behavior and execute steps when they don't feel like they're getting anywhere?
Bryan Blackmon: That's great question. It sometimes it's hard to see the progress that you're making. My suggestion is if I I've always been a big writer. I I I love to write things out and when you start when when I started writing my daily habits out and and the disciplines that I was that I was creating for myself to to not only just stay sober, it it became not even about how to stay sober. It was How to stay grateful during this growth period or that this learning, this new life. I started writing in a daily gratitude book, right? Every night. And when I've gone through two of them already, and it happened so fast. And just the other day, when I got through the other one, I was like, This is the last page of this one, this is the second one. Are you kidding me? I started looking at both of them, just kind of flipping through it, and you start seeing. Seeing the difference. But once you start looking at it on paper, you start to kind of feel it. And when you start feeling it, that adds that momentum. Right? And and to me, it was just like, my God. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm like, man, I look better today than I did yesterday. You know what? I'm smiling bigger than I did yesterday. You start taking notice. Of the little things. I stay grateful for five things on a daily basis. Yes, there are other things that I'm grateful for, but the five simple things is number one. I woke up today. I've g I was given another chance at life. I've got a roof over my head, shoes on my feet, clothes on my back, food in my stomach. Yes, I'm healthy. Yes, I've got a car. Yes, I've got a bicycle. I can also ride. Yes, I've got all these other things. My point is you can't do anything successful. without a roof over your head, right? Without having nourishment. I can't go get a job without clothes on my back. I can't walk anywhere too far. Even if I don't have a car, I can, you know, go to McDonald's and try to get a job. If I don't have shoes on my feet, I I'm not going to be able to work there. So it's the basic fundamentals of of life that you can start stacking on top of. So when I wake up that way and say out loud, I'm grateful for this. Thank you for another chance today. Thank you for the roof over my head, the shoes on my feet, the clothes on my back, the food in my stomach. I don't allow myself to get into the future and I already know that I can't change the past. And every single one of those decisions led me to where I'm at. And when you see those small steps being made. And sometimes it's just simply just stopping and looking at yourself and saying, Man, I'm really proud of you. Because a week ago I couldn't even make that decision to stay grateful for something so small. Today I'm realizing that I am staying grateful for those things. So that's huge. That's
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Bryan Blackmon: huge. That one little choice to look at a different perspective of your life, to stay grateful for five simple things, has compounded into a little bit more of a bigger smile for you. Maybe you're breathing just a little bit softer. That's huge because you weren't doing that a week ago. So don't be so hard on yourself and thinking that there's not being any progress being made. And if you feel like there isn't, just start writing down the things on a daily basis. Get a week later and look at it and go, man, I did do that. And you should be so proud of yourself for doing that. You know, once you make those
Massimo Rigotti: Absolutely. It's it's validation.
Bryan Blackmon: changes, that's when it starts to begin.
Massimo Rigotti: Totally agree. Well, everyone listening, before we go, here is your sober move this week, a behavior and execute step inspired by Bryan. This week, I want you to run a bucket audit. Observe every time you feel the pull towards that old habit, and I want you to write it down who you were with, where you were, and what was said. No judgment, just data. By day three, you will see your bucket very clearly. Then I want you to take one intentional behavior. Pick a single influence that you can't cut, the job, that family table, the old friend, or one boundary and set that in advance. Decide before you walk into the room, this is how it's going to be. And add one crew member. Send a message to one person who is climbing in the direction you want to go. Latch on and grab a hold and head that way. Execute both every day through Sunday and journal two to four sentences each night on what shifted. That is the difference between white knuckling and climbing out. So, Bryan, we have a tradition on this podcast where each guest answers a question left by my last guest. Mia Godfrey left you this question. If fear were not a factor at all, what would you begin doing differently starting tomorrow? In other words, if you removed fear completely, how would your actions and decisions change?
Bryan Blackmon: So easy. So easy. Fear is man-made. Fear is not from a let's call it God. Let's call it source. Let's call it love. Let's call it creation. Let's call it whatever you want to call it. Something outside yourself and greater than yourself. I don't believe in fear. It's taking every day to start looking at that and and practicing that because we're all so fearful because that's what society has made us believe that we have to be fearful for things. fear isn't a factor to me. I would much rather get told no. And putting myself out there ninety nine times to get that one hundred time yes.
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: You never know. Don't let fear get in the way because you have no idea what is on the other side of that.
Massimo Rigotti: That's a great way of saying just be fearless.
Bryan Blackmon: Do it. Well you want to live in regret and and look back and go, man, I wished I would have.
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: How do you know that the answer to your question or the movement that you're desiring or whatever it is isn't on the other side of not having that fear? So do you want to sit back 10 years from now and go, Man, I really wished I would have done that. Don't be that person. Just go do it. You'll be surprised at what can happen.
Massimo Rigotti: It's an amazing life when you do that. Bryan, do you have a question for my next guest?
Bryan Blackmon: Let's see here. I kinda almost wanna go off of that one. Okay,
Massimo Rigotti: Okay.
Bryan Blackmon: so if you know now that there's no such thing as fear. What is gonna keep you from putting that one foot in front of the other to change your life for the best?
Massimo Rigotti: really like that one. I really like that a lot. Thank you.
Bryan Blackmon: 'Cause now you have no excuses. What is your excuse?
Massimo Rigotti: You really have none. Well, it'll be an interesting answer. I look forward to it. To
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah, I d I do too.
Massimo Rigotti: everyone listening, keep observing and journaling your own behaviors daily. My new book, Digital Sober Method, is available now anywhere books are sold. If putting your phone down is the fight you're in, this one is your solution. I'm Massimo Rigotti. This is the Sober Method Podcast. Please follow, like, subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with anyone who needs to hear it. Remember, your future is sober.
Bryan Blackmon: Well, thank you so much. How are you?
Massimo Rigotti: I'm doing great. It's a pleasure to have you here today. I'm really excited to have you. You bet. Well, Bryan, crabs in a bucket. Don't need a lid. They all have each other. So for the listeners who keep deciding to change and keep getting dragged back, how do they spot the crab that is doing the pulling Especially if that crab is you.
Bryan Blackmon: Well, I think that those two are almost they're they're so far away from each other, yet they're so close. Because in my own experience, for me, I would like to have blamed the other people for pulling me back down. Right? 'Cause that's so much easier. It's so much easier to point blame at something else instead of like looking inside your own self and saying,
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: Maybe this is me doing this and I'm not getting pulled back in. Maybe I'm choosing to live this instead of doing anything about it. it took quite a while for me to understand that I don't want to say maybe 80%, eight out of ten times, it was myself pulling me back into that circle. it's hard for me to believe that. other people around me didn't want to see me succeed or see anybody succeed for that matter. But then again, there are a lot of people. If they're not doing anything better for themselves, it's easier to keep people around them that are living that same exact lifestyle. So, you know, they do reach up and and pull each other back down. I just got to a point after thirty-five plus years of living a certain way. I had that aha moment for the first time ever. But it took me quite some time into my sobriety, over a year I would say, of me really digging deep into the choices I made and how things happened and maybe even as to why I was acting out and had this addiction problem. I just realized that it was me that was so much more capable of pulling myself and back down and keeping myself in that environment until that aha moment happened,
Massimo Rigotti: I agree with what you just said. It's very easy to point out that everybody else is keeping me where I am, but you're the one choosing to listen to those people that are keeping
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.
Massimo Rigotti: you back and holding you down. So in the end,
Bryan Blackmon: Absolutely.
Massimo Rigotti: I think we all come to the realization that we're in charge of our sobriety and we're the only ones that are.
Bryan Blackmon: Right. Absolutely. We're the only ones in charge of our life, period. It it's sad to say, but I I think it's so true that no one is coming to save you. You may have people that love you, that care for you, that want to see you succeed, that want the best for you. Like my family, for instance. I was cared for, I was loved for. I was given every opportunity in the world. They spent money on rehabs, they sleepless nights. But my mom, who I love dearly and care more about than anybody on this planet, couldn't save me. I tried that way and it never worked. Right. So it's up to us. To be able to do it, it's great to have support. but when it boils down to it all, you know, it's it's up to you. it's just up to you and you have to finally make that decision and put one foot in front of the other to change if that's what you want. And it's not gonna be easy, it's but nothing in life that's worth having is easy. You know.
Massimo Rigotti: So true. But I think that the problem and what we get cut caught up in there is that we look around at our life and what we have, even though we're a an addict, and we can't just burn it all down. We feel like we can't, you know. And
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah.
Massimo Rigotti: it and to bring it back into your analogy of the crab and the bucket, I mean that bucket might be your job. It could be your family table, it could be your oldest friends, and that environment's actually holding you down. So once you name that pull how do you make that first move that doesn't require cutting everybody out of your life?
Bryan Blackmon: Great question actually. I maybe this was just Such a long progression that I was able to look at it like the day that I decided to get sober and and that aha moment that I had. it hit me like a freight train. I knew that I had to do whatever it took. I was very fortunate that I had a family that was so supportive. I didn't know how my landlord, and we can I'm sure we'll get into that story here in a little bit, was gonna react to that or if there was gonna be that support and and continue to have a roof over my head. I just I I really got to the point where I was so serious internally and mentally and spiritually that I was willing to do whatever it took. And if I had to drop everyone, everything, and completely rebuild, I was willing to do that. I just I wanted so badly to experience in a a completely new life. I was just tired of the old one. I had no desire to continue on that path. So once I made that decision and I realized that I was willing to do whatever. I needed to do, dropping people kind of became easy. You know, it it it just it hurtful, sad.
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Bryan Blackmon: But again, the aha moment that I had was so overwhelming and and and just a completely different perspective on life. Now I I don't know how it was gonna happen. I didn't know what the plans for it was and I really wasn't concerned. I I didn't care. All I wanted was that day to remain sober.
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: And if that meant dropping you out of it Well, gotta go. See you later, you know? Yep, them's the brakes, my friend.
Massimo Rigotti: Those are the breaks. I mean, and and what you're talking about is that firm resolve that oftentimes takes a few relapses to get there until you really
Bryan Blackmon: Mm-hmm.
Massimo Rigotti: realize that this is what I want for me. And once you make that decision, you nailed it. I mean, it just those people just fall away. I don't think that you
Bryan Blackmon: Right.
Massimo Rigotti: really even think I didn't think about it. It just happened. Once I clicked.
Bryan Blackmon: Right.
Massimo Rigotti: those people just naturally disappeared. Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: Yes. Yeah. And and and that's so interesting to look at it from from that perspective. I really didn't even have to say goodbye. There were a couple of I did. Don't get me wrong, there were a few of I had to say, Look, man, I I I just got something I gotta do right now. Also, at the time that I decided to get sober and change my life, I was such a recluse. I had pretty much just locked away myself in in this very room and was so spun out and and in such a dark place that I let myself be by myself. so the the people that were around me were not friends, they were acquaintances. So as I started moving forward, it it just kind of worked itself out in in that regard. And then I was able to to choose, pick and choose who I wanted in my life. And I'm still very picky when it comes to that too. I'm still a loner to be quite honest with you. I don't I don't hang out with with very many people. So, you know, I don't put myself in those situations.
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah. No, I think that that's how you have to be. So you I mean you built this climb out and you built the crab system. And of course, we can get into the origin story of this a little in a little bit, but crab, as I understand, stands for clean, resilient, adaptability and belief. And could
Bryan Blackmon: Mm-hmm.
Massimo Rigotti: you walk us through them in a way that you actually lived them? And when you start with clean, because I want people to understand that clean doesn't necessarily mean just of substances.
Bryan Blackmon: Right. Absolutely. for me the the substance and the alcohol and the addiction falls under the umbrella of anything that is keeping you from being the better best version of yourself. Right? It could be overeating, it could just be depression, it could be anxiety, it could be, you know, just horrible things and chaos you've been telling yourself over the years that have kind of clouded your brain and your perception of actually who you are and what you're capable of. Let's just use the drug and alcohol because that's what it was for me. had to get clean in my mind, body, and spirit. Right? It wasn't just getting the drugs and alcohol out of my system. It was changing my spirituality, my understanding, my strength, courage, wisdom, knowledge, understanding, all of these, these things that sometimes we fear. in life, right? Because once you get so comfortable in your life, even though you want to change, you're so comfortable, it's so much easier to stay comfortable. But you stay miserable at the same time. So it's kind of like that catch 22. Do you want to you want to change? Okay, great. But what are you willing to do about it? So once I sat down and really started looking into this and and and how did I claw myself out of this just dark, wretched, chaotic Place, mentally, spiritually, and and physically, that's what I had to had to do. And I had to start with cleaning those weeds that I've planted for so long, those negative thoughts and chaotic and just wretched thoughts of who I thought I was. And maybe it was as simple as not being worthy of having anything better. Like I've been doing it for so long, it was like really all I knew. I had to change my my mind, body, and spirit. maybe that meant just walking around the neighborhood during my my withdrawals and and just starting to move my body a little bit. started learning more about crabs, and and there's a reason why the whole crab thing came into play, which I could share later. But once I started really looking into why this moment on TikTok was happening with the crab thing, started learning more about them and they're resilient. They're adaptive. They can crawl themselves out of out of a hole, out of the sand from the ocean. They can hang on for dear life and sometimes they just sit still. And sometimes that sitting still is rethinking and re-looking from a different perspective of the situation that you're currently in. the resilience came in with the R. I've been preparing myself for resilience and and learning how to bounce back when life had knocked me down my entire life without even really knowing it or understanding what was going on. Really had no idea that I was bouncing back up. You know? I just knew that I I couldn't stay. homeless, like I couldn't stay in these situations. was learning how to do this without even understanding that that's what I was doing. And then I took it to another level. Well when I got sober, man, I didn't I don't know how to live sober. I've never lived sober. How do I do this? I don't know this person. I literally don't know who I am. I have no clue. I'm a homeless alcoholic drug addict that has lived this way my entire life. I don't know who Bryan Blackmon is. I started thinking about man, I've I've had to be pretty resilient in figuring out who I am and and learning how to bounce back from a completely new way of living. And then the adaptability fit perfectly into the entire lifestyle because, you can can be in the middle of a storm which you can't control. But you can always adjust your sail. Right? And changing it one percent can end you up in a place of beauty or put you in some treacherous waters. it was cleaning my mind, body, and spirit from all this. It was learning that resilience is huge. How are you gonna get back up when when life, you know, comes at you? Because that's inevitable. Life is just going to happen. You can't control that part of it. So you better look at ways that you can bounce back, you know, and bouncing back doesn't always mean you're changing the entire perspective of everything. It just means you took one step forward because you were strong enough in your beliefs in yourself and worthy enough of it to at least take that one step to to get up. You know, I'd rather fall down a million times and get back up rather than never fall down and just think that everything is just hunky dory all the time because that's not the way life is.
Massimo Rigotti: exactly. And and really, if you think about it, you already were resilient, adaptable, and believed in yourself on some level. You just weren't clean. You're because you had
Bryan Blackmon: Sure.
Massimo Rigotti: to have the resilience and adaptability and belief that you could find another day living on the street. You you just weren't clean. It's amazing, really.
Bryan Blackmon: Right. Exactly. Right. But you know, I th the thought of all of this and and that being what I was doing or or how I was living my life or these were lessons that I was learning wasn't those weren't thoughts. I was in such fight or flight mode that all it was was my next fix and how am I gonna get through the rest of this day? You know, If tomorrow comes, I gotta do this all over again, what do you like? my god, this is you know And so as I'm writing all this out and looking at it, it that B stood for belief because it the day that I decided to make the change of getting sober, and I'll share with with you and your audience here in just a second about that, but the belief was the foundation that all this these other things stacked on top of. Without believing that you are worthy of having the best possible life in the short amount of time that we're here, I think leaves room for a shaky ground where none of this stuff is is gonna be able to to withstand. Right. So you you truly have to believe that you're worthy of something so much greater, and you don't have to figure that out right now. You don't have to know what it is. That's okay. That's okay. know, it's just knowing that there's so much more to to life than letting those self defeating negative thoughts make you out to be somebody that you're really not. You know.
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah, I have one more question for you before we dig into your backstory because it's equal
Bryan Blackmon: Shoot.
Massimo Rigotti: equally interesting. So here's a question I haven't heard anyone ask you. You chased the rock star life and it nearly buried you. And today you run live event productions inside that same world with the lights and the audio and the crew, where every mistake happens in front of everyone, but you're doing it sober. So in the moment of those pressure spikes and the old off switch is not an option. What do you actually do to manage that stress?
Bryan Blackmon: Dude, it's in the strangest of the what a great question, first of all. It in the beginning it was it was difficult because when I went to that job, I would go into the bathroom and do what I needed to do. Come back out and keep going. Right. And a lot of those guys do the same thing. You know, they're walking out of the porta potty blowing clouds of smoke and you know, they're out partying the night before, even before they got there and they smell like alcohol, there's you know, weed smell everywhere and Nowadays when I look at it, to each his own. It makes it so much easier to stay sober and to work through it because I know what it's like to be that person. And I see straight through it. I see the struggle. I don't care how much fun they think they're having or or how much easier it is to get through work under that influence. It I look at it and I just go, Ugh. There are Some instances where I look at it and I go, man, that would be so easy to just go back to that. At the same time it's it it's so overwhelmingly disgusting me because I already know the outcome and they can you know, you can smile straight through it and pretend everything is okay. Once you've actually lived that life and you walk away from it and you get that clean mind, body and spirit, you get a little bit of time behind your under your belt, you tr for me, I I just look at it as something I can't ever think about going back to, you know. can out I run circles around all of sober.
Massimo Rigotti: Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, it's it's interesting. I'm the same way because I I worked in the entertainment business as well and I now look at it and think, Man, I could have done so much better in that environment had I just been sober. Yeah. It's interesting.
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. All all the it's so interesting. I'll share this with you really quickly. I worked at a gig yesterday that this guy works for the company that I work for, but we also work for like three or four different companies, all of us, just to stay busy. so I had no idea. I hadn't seen this guy in in I don't know, maybe a year. I pull up to this job and I get out and I'm walking up, you know, the whole new look and you know, my body looks different, like I look healthy, you know. And he goes, Bryan Blackmon. And I was like, What's up, man? How are you? And he goes, dude, I haven't seen you in so long. You look great. And I was like, thank you. And he goes, Dude, I remember you were sleeping in your little crappy car, homeless, looking
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: for a place to live, and riding your bicycle to our gigs. Like if the parking was super far away, I had my my BMX bike strapped to the top of my car with ratchet straps, just like a tweaker, you know? And like we'd be at the SoFi Stadium having to park a mile out. And I would pull up, you know, and undo my bicycle and ride it and like pulled up, like tweaking out, like, hey guys, what are we doing? Like, dude, what the f are you doing, bro? And he when he said that to me yesterday after not seeing him for a year, he goes, I I see your, you know, your TikTok videos from time to time. And he goes, It's just crazy seeing you like this when know it wasn't that long ago that I remember seeing you like this. And yeah, it
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: kind of brings it home. But yeah, that just happened yesterday and it it just It made me stop and think for a minute, you know, just looking at how far I have come. 'Cause I didn't think about that. I forgot completely about that. You know, having my BMX bike strapped to the top of my little crappy car, you know, pulling up like I was cool.
Massimo Rigotti: man. That's awesome. But it's those times that that give you that reflection that you don't often take yourself to really understand how far you have come. I've I've had
Bryan Blackmon: Right.
Massimo Rigotti: a few of those myself and when people will say things and it it really hits you. So I want you to take us back. You left Fort Worth
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah.
Massimo Rigotti: for California with a dream and a habit that started way back when you were 13, and you ended up sleeping in tents and in your car. So what? Does that bottom actually feel like from the inside that aren't a part of all these comeback clips?
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah. You know, it I just never felt comfortable in my skin from a young age. My emotions were all over the place. My mom isn't walking ball of anxiety. My dad, you know, kept himself at work all the time and was like a workaholic. And so I had this go get wanna do things, but just a ball of like, this is too much for me. Like it the the world was too loud and too overwhelming. That first beer that I drank at at 13, man, I just remember it washing over me like a wave from the ocean. It was, I I felt myself take a deep breath. And I remember that very specifically. It wasn't until the ninth grade of high school when, you know, the high school parties and stuff like that came into play and the drinking, the smoking pot. And it it wasn't like, hey Bryan, here's some cocaine. And me going, you know, I don't I don't know. I'm enjoying this weed high. I'm kinda chill, bro. The the alcohol's kicking in. I'm feeling pretty good. I don't know about the cocaine. For me it was like, Let's go. What if wha how do I do it? How do do I need a stroll? Do I need a dollar bill? Like I've seen it in movies, like what do I do? You know And so, Bryan, here's some acid. It we just skipped school. I gotta go home in a few hours. That's didn't care. You know, it was taking it. That that's just the kind of guy I was. It there was no second guessing, there was no questioning. It was always just, all right, let's take this as far as we can. And it was fun for many years, don't get me wrong. You know, I've gotten to do some really amazing things on drug and alcohol. I I did some things that, you know, were a lot of fun that a a lot of people would, you know, look at and go, Are you serious? Well, yes, I'm dead serious. But then it just became A way of life that's I I want to say slowly but surely, but it wasn't even slowly but surely, it was like rapidly and confirmed I didn't know how to live without that in my system. And if I couldn't find anything else, I was always really resourceful. You know, I one thing I never had to do, I even as dark as I got and as bad as I got, I was never like the thieving, stealing type
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Bryan Blackmon: person. I always was able to figure out how to get a lot of it. Even if I had to go work a job for a couple of weeks just to make the money, I could go buy a bunch of it and figure out how to start selling it so I could, you know, fend my own habit. always really resourceful in that regard. But even during those times of of like searching out or needing it and trying to find it, I always relied on myself to to stay in that lane of just psychotic figuring it out. addiction and alcoholism state of mind. It was basically like a fight or flight all the time without even realizing I was fighting or flight until many years later. it just became the only thing that I knew how to do. So well, you know, I I thought about all the jails and the prisons and well the my one trip to prison. I never wanted to go back, so I made my one and only my one and only. I thought at the time that that was rock bottom. But it wasn't I I look back on it now and I'm I'm grateful for that happening. It was like one of those blessings in disguises because at the time when when that went down, I was more than likely gonna end up there for a really long time with what I was doing, or I was gonna be dead. There there wasn't any other fork in the road. It was just that, those two options. But man, when when I moved to California and I had this dream from a little kid to live here. I sex, drugs, and rock and roll was you know, I I grew up watching T V and and and my dad telling me, you know, I grew up in a musically inclined family, so I always wanted to to be a rock show, I always wanted to learn how to play guitar and I started doing that and and I lived that sex, drugs, and rock and roll lifestyle my whole life and just to prove my dad wrong, basically, without me even really understanding that that's what I was doing my whole life. But that seed got planted when he told me at a young age I couldn't do it. Right. So when I moved to California I took that Los Angeles sex, drugs, and rock and roll and guns and roses and motley crew and poison and all these eighty hair bands, you
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: know, running the sunset strip and I did just that. it got it got pretty scary. You know, and then the roommate that I was living with at the time in Venice, we had a huge falling out. I ended up sleeping in my car, sleeping in a tent, sleeping in hostels, having gang members trying to take my tent from me because I had a huge overbearing eight man tent that some people had given me in in this hostel and I was I I couldn't afford the hostel anymore, so I needed this tent, so I went and got it out of my storage and I set it up on the library lawn in Venice. And it was like this eight man tent with LED lights and a Bluetooth radio. I'm like living ghetto fabulous, you know, homeless fabulous. And so I would have people try to take that from me at night. It was it got pretty scary. would see people in Venice, let's say, during the during this time. I would I would see a lot of people that were that were homeless. It was during the middle of COVID and it was this huge homeless encampment in Venice and people would put their trash out and people would leave like really nice things out in their garbage. I would see people, this is just an analogy. I would see people take a chandelier from somebody's trash and put it in their tent to make it more
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Bryan Blackmon: homey and more comfortable. And I would look at these situations, I was like, I I want to keep this as uncomfortable as I possibly can. Maybe a nice tent, but it's still a tent on the library
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Bryan Blackmon: lawn surrounded by a bunch of homeless people in Venice Beach, California, with not a dollar to my name. I would literally cry my tent and want to come back to Texas. But I there was this voice inside me that just kept saying, Don't give up. Not yet. Not yet. But when I'm when I found the Elaine and and we came into each other's life, that's when even the prison darkness was a different kind of darkness. This was finally a r a roof over my head and not being homeless anymore. And when she gave me that opportunity, I no longer had to focus on where I was gonna sleep at night. So that's when I I really got secluded and and just took myself to a a dark, internal, completely alone state of state of addiction. And yeah, man, it's
Massimo Rigotti: It it's pretty crazy. Well, let's talk about Elaine. So Elaine's
Bryan Blackmon: Okay.
Massimo Rigotti: this eighty-five year old landlord you have, and she changed everything. I mean, I've heard you say several times that she saved your life. Here's what I really want to know, because most people are terrible at this. What did it take for you to finally tell her the truth about how you were living and to get the help?
Bryan Blackmon: I want to think my family and the way I was raised as a child. I grew up in a in a really Southern Baptist Christian home, although I cannot stand religion. I'm fascinated by religion and how it works, but I I just couldn't give myself to that. I always knew that there was a greater sp power than myself and a spirit inside me and and I was raised with some morals and values and the way to treat others and I I didn't always act like that. Doesn't mean that I forgot about the way that I was brought up. So I really started right before I got sober, I started feeling this guilt of being put in this this situation with this opportunity. And so when I finally made the decision to go through the withdrawals and and get sober, I I knew that I told her she knows what I do for work. She knows that I work in, you know, the music industry. And so I told her that I was going on tour. I I'd got accepted into a rehab, a a sober living home for thirty days. So I
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: told her that I was going on tour with this local band here in Southern California up and down the coastline for thirty days. and I was really going to a sober living home. Hoping to come back a completely new, changed, experienced, you know, new sober Bryan. And and that that didn't quite work out. I went to go get the help and I couldn't find there were a lot of people relapsing and bringing, you know, alcohol and stuff into that place. And so I left and I came home. So I'm going through these horrible withdrawals and I just knew that there was some kind of thing happening in this situation. Like I knew that she knew something was not right with me because I was I was hiding out in my bedroom and I I wasn't talking to her. I there was she knew that something was amiss. I don't know, man. I just I got up out of my bed and just in a god awful state and and I was willing like I thought about it. Don't get me wrong, it was like, dude, you're gonna get kicked out of here. What's gonna happen? She's not gonna put up with this. She's too old to have this crap going on in her house, you know, and here I am disrespecting this opportunity. I don't like to look at what ifs, what if she wouldn't have said what she said, but man, I went down there and I just I was honest with her. I just said, Hey, this is what I'm going through now. This is what my life, this is who Bryan Blackmon is, this is the person you led into your house. And her words back to me were, It's okay. You know, I love you. I'm here for you. thank you for being honest with me. Go back up there and and do what you need to do. And if you need anything, you know where I'm at. She also, you know, has three daughters. Her oldest one died from a brain aneurysm, which they believe was caused by her own alcohol addiction. Her other two daughters are sober now, but they struggled a lot their whole life. And then she had two grandsons that OD'd on fentanyl. So she had already gone through this in her own family, you know. So it I was terrified, you know, to to know what her answer was gonna be. I just believe that if I wouldn't have been honest with her and I would have just, you know, kept going and tried to fake it, I believe that would have been more detrimental to my cause. than me just running downstairs and and and taking that chance, man.
Massimo Rigotti: And then came the the morning at the mirror. You remember brushing your teeth when every voice in your head is, you know, finally said those four words. You were worth it. And
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah.
Massimo Rigotti: you had been to the rehabs and the sober livings, but nothing had stuck. Why did it land that time? And what do you say to the listener still waiting for that moment?
Bryan Blackmon: There was the mirror is powerful. And if you take a second to really look at yourself and almost see through your own eyes. I didn't realize that's what I was doing. But that reflection back for the first time was so powerful. in showing me what was staring into that mirror. And when I saw that lifeless shell empty, dimmed, darkened, wasting away, withering away, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually spent. reflection and then so I had that happening but then all the voices in my head my spirit my body the the angel on this shoulder the devil on this shoulder all of it at once got real real quiet silent actually and I could never not hear those words ever again it rang so loud throughout my entire cell of my body. You are worth it. It was like I couldn't ignore it. And that's the first time that that's ever happened. You know, every time I went to rehab or or to jail or to to get a job or to to keep the job that I had, you know, and I was messing up and they were drug testing me. You know, just all these moments of of trying to change were all for so many selfish reasons. It was never because I wanted to. It was never because Bryan said, Hey, yeah, it's time to change. Let's do this. Let's do it for you. Just never happened. Until that moment. And that's when I decided I would do whatever it took. So for the person waiting for that moment, it's an interesting fact because if you're realizing that you're waiting on it or you're hearing this and you're thinking, I'm waiting on that moment, you've already had that moment. There's something, stop, just stop for a second and listen. to what your spirit, your body is telling you. And if you hear anything that I'm going to say right now is that nothing is permanent. Nothing is permanent. You can seriously change, but you have to believe that you are worthy of that change. Right? And until you call it an aha moment. But do you do you want to stay stuck? What do you have to lose, really? By not doing anything, stay in that exact same spot. By making one better decision for yourself and and sometimes that's minute by minute. Sometimes you just get up and make one decision that day. That's better. It's one percent better. It's like compound interest. It adds up over time. But you're not too far gone. Nothing inside is permanent. Everything can change. But if you're already wondering about what that aha moment is, perhaps you're already living that aha moment. What are you gonna do with it now? You know.
Massimo Rigotti: It's a per it's a perfect answer. I think you nailed that one because if you already are asking, you probably already had the moment. So Bri
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah.
Massimo Rigotti: so Bryan, everything we talked about throughout the you know, especially earlier, maps straight into the sober method. The method starts with stoic where you get radically honest about what you can control and you couldn't control the bucket, the industry or the people around you, but you could control the climb and from there it moves out into observe, behavior, execute and restore and you're Story goes deepest on two of those steps. Behavior, because the company you keep writes the behaviors you repeat, and the bucket had been writing yours since you were 13. And then, of course, execute
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah.
Massimo Rigotti: because Crab is an execution system. Clean the noise, stay resistant, adjust the sail, and build it all on belief every single day. And the method, it's the engine. So your four pillars are what it looks like when someone runs in the middle of a storm. So for the listener who's working the sober method, who has the plan, but keeps losing it to their environment, how do your four pillars plug into their behavior and execute steps when they don't feel like they're getting anywhere?
Bryan Blackmon: That's great question. It sometimes it's hard to see the progress that you're making. My suggestion is if I I've always been a big writer. I I I love to write things out and when you start when when I started writing my daily habits out and and the disciplines that I was that I was creating for myself to to not only just stay sober, it it became not even about how to stay sober. It was How to stay grateful during this growth period or that this learning, this new life. I started writing in a daily gratitude book, right? Every night. And when I've gone through two of them already, and it happened so fast. And just the other day, when I got through the other one, I was like, This is the last page of this one, this is the second one. Are you kidding me? I started looking at both of them, just kind of flipping through it, and you start seeing. Seeing the difference. But once you start looking at it on paper, you start to kind of feel it. And when you start feeling it, that adds that momentum. Right? And and to me, it was just like, my God. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm like, man, I look better today than I did yesterday. You know what? I'm smiling bigger than I did yesterday. You start taking notice. Of the little things. I stay grateful for five things on a daily basis. Yes, there are other things that I'm grateful for, but the five simple things is number one. I woke up today. I've g I was given another chance at life. I've got a roof over my head, shoes on my feet, clothes on my back, food in my stomach. Yes, I'm healthy. Yes, I've got a car. Yes, I've got a bicycle. I can also ride. Yes, I've got all these other things. My point is you can't do anything successful. without a roof over your head, right? Without having nourishment. I can't go get a job without clothes on my back. I can't walk anywhere too far. Even if I don't have a car, I can, you know, go to McDonald's and try to get a job. If I don't have shoes on my feet, I I'm not going to be able to work there. So it's the basic fundamentals of of life that you can start stacking on top of. So when I wake up that way and say out loud, I'm grateful for this. Thank you for another chance today. Thank you for the roof over my head, the shoes on my feet, the clothes on my back, the food in my stomach. I don't allow myself to get into the future and I already know that I can't change the past. And every single one of those decisions led me to where I'm at. And when you see those small steps being made. And sometimes it's just simply just stopping and looking at yourself and saying, Man, I'm really proud of you. Because a week ago I couldn't even make that decision to stay grateful for something so small. Today I'm realizing that I am staying grateful for those things. So that's huge. That's
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Bryan Blackmon: huge. That one little choice to look at a different perspective of your life, to stay grateful for five simple things, has compounded into a little bit more of a bigger smile for you. Maybe you're breathing just a little bit softer. That's huge because you weren't doing that a week ago. So don't be so hard on yourself and thinking that there's not being any progress being made. And if you feel like there isn't, just start writing down the things on a daily basis. Get a week later and look at it and go, man, I did do that. And you should be so proud of yourself for doing that. You know, once you make those
Massimo Rigotti: Absolutely. It's it's validation.
Bryan Blackmon: changes, that's when it starts to begin.
Massimo Rigotti: Totally agree. Well, everyone listening, before we go, here is your sober move this week, a behavior and execute step inspired by Bryan. This week, I want you to run a bucket audit. Observe every time you feel the pull towards that old habit, and I want you to write it down who you were with, where you were, and what was said. No judgment, just data. By day three, you will see your bucket very clearly. Then I want you to take one intentional behavior. Pick a single influence that you can't cut, the job, that family table, the old friend, or one boundary and set that in advance. Decide before you walk into the room, this is how it's going to be. And add one crew member. Send a message to one person who is climbing in the direction you want to go. Latch on and grab a hold and head that way. Execute both every day through Sunday and journal two to four sentences each night on what shifted. That is the difference between white knuckling and climbing out. So, Bryan, we have a tradition on this podcast where each guest answers a question left by my last guest. Mia Godfrey left you this question. If fear were not a factor at all, what would you begin doing differently starting tomorrow? In other words, if you removed fear completely, how would your actions and decisions change?
Bryan Blackmon: So easy. So easy. Fear is man-made. Fear is not from a let's call it God. Let's call it source. Let's call it love. Let's call it creation. Let's call it whatever you want to call it. Something outside yourself and greater than yourself. I don't believe in fear. It's taking every day to start looking at that and and practicing that because we're all so fearful because that's what society has made us believe that we have to be fearful for things. fear isn't a factor to me. I would much rather get told no. And putting myself out there ninety nine times to get that one hundred time yes.
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: You never know. Don't let fear get in the way because you have no idea what is on the other side of that.
Massimo Rigotti: That's a great way of saying just be fearless.
Bryan Blackmon: Do it. Well you want to live in regret and and look back and go, man, I wished I would have.
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Bryan Blackmon: How do you know that the answer to your question or the movement that you're desiring or whatever it is isn't on the other side of not having that fear? So do you want to sit back 10 years from now and go, Man, I really wished I would have done that. Don't be that person. Just go do it. You'll be surprised at what can happen.
Massimo Rigotti: It's an amazing life when you do that. Bryan, do you have a question for my next guest?
Bryan Blackmon: Let's see here. I kinda almost wanna go off of that one. Okay,
Massimo Rigotti: Okay.
Bryan Blackmon: so if you know now that there's no such thing as fear. What is gonna keep you from putting that one foot in front of the other to change your life for the best?
Massimo Rigotti: really like that one. I really like that a lot. Thank you.
Bryan Blackmon: 'Cause now you have no excuses. What is your excuse?
Massimo Rigotti: You really have none. Well, it'll be an interesting answer. I look forward to it. To
Bryan Blackmon: Yeah, I d I do too.
Massimo Rigotti: everyone listening, keep observing and journaling your own behaviors daily. My new book, Digital Sober Method, is available now anywhere books are sold. If putting your phone down is the fight you're in, this one is your solution. I'm Massimo Rigotti. This is the Sober Method Podcast. Please follow, like, subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with anyone who needs to hear it. Remember, your future is sober.
