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Hello and welcome to the Sharon Francisco show.
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What if your secret source or your amazingness isn't your qualifications or even your experience or even the amount that you care and go above and beyond for your clients?
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What if it's the relationship you have with yourself that's actually the secret source?
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Because every day through tiny little choices, hundreds, maybe thousands of tiny little choices, you're either strengthening this relationship or you're weakening it.
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So this is not believing that you are brilliant at everything.
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Now, before I go on, if you feel like you've got this nailed and you have the confidence and clarity to do anything you put your mind to in your business and your life, keep listening.
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As I've got something that I'd like to share with you at the end that will hopefully challenge you to be able to go to that next level if you feel like you've got this nailed.
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So what is it?
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What are we believing?
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If it is that we're believing, if we believe that we can learn a new skill, we can build on that skill, we can ask for help, we can survive being uncomfortable.
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If it all goes badly, I will not turn against myself.
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If we have that, that belief, loving yourself unconditionally does not mean approving of everything that you do.
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It means refusing to withdraw your love of yourself every time you screw up or you do something wrong or you say something weird or whatever that might be.
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It's deciding that you won't beat yourself up quietly in the background.
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So, how do we do that?
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How do we stack the odds in our favor?
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There's a fundamental foundation that we need to work on.
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Everything sends a message back to you about how much you matter or not.
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So, the way that we treat ourselves, think about this the physical things that we might be doing.
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So, the food that you eat that supports and nourishes you, your nervous system, the way you behave and act, and all of those things, that food, the food that you decide to have.
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Do you eat organic food or the best quality food that you can afford?
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What about the water or the water quality?
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You know, I bang on about water quality all the time.
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And it's so important because most of our body is made up of water.
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We need to be nourishing our body with good quality water, at least two liters a day is so important.
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Get yourself into a rhythm with that.
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I know I've talked about this before, but get yourself a cute bottle.
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I've got a cute blue bottle, blue glass bottle that I fill up twice every day, sometimes three days, depending on how much of a role I'm on.
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What about these are the messages we're sending our body, right?
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This is this is the messages we're sending.
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The sort of food that we eat is how much we value our body, the sort of water we're drinking, is your body knows how much you're valuing it.
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The amount of movement that we have, we are meant to move.
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Our bodies are meant to move.
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We're meant to be getting that blood running through our body.
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So moving at least three to four times a week.
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And I mean moving, I mean getting your heart rate up.
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It doesn't have to be running.
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You don't have to be doing marathons and crazy things like that, even though I've done a few of those and a few halves.
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You can just really put on that pace, walking up a hill, making sure your heart rate goes up and for at least 30 to 40 minutes when you do it.
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Keeping promises is the other thing to yourself, like uh getting up and going to bed at the same time.
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If you say, look, I just need to get into a bit of a routine and not get caught on that Netflix and watch those movies until midnight or two o'clock in the morning.
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If you say you're gonna go to bed at 9:30 at night, 9:30 at night.
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And if you go to bed at 9:30 at night, if you say you're gonna get up at 7 o'clock or 6 o'clock or 5 o'clock in the morning, that's the time the alarm goes off.
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And you don't keep repeatedly hitting the snooze.
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You might have a deal with yourself where you say, I'm gonna get up at 6 o'clock in the morning, I'll let myself hit snooze once, and then I'll get up.
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It's all these decisions we make about how we'll treat ourselves, how we'll treat ourselves around food, how we'll treat ourselves around water, uh, movement, and making promises to ourselves.
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What about spending time with the people who are kind and uplifting and expanding for you?
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The decisions that we make about the people that we spend the most time with, about the way you're speaking to yourself.
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Think about what you say by yourself, sorry, to yourself when you're by yourself.
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What are you saying?
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That's the most important thing.
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The thing that you're saying to yourself when you're by yourself.
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And if it's not uplifting and amazing and reminding yourself about how good you are instead of beating yourself up, your body remembers that.
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And it comes out in ways that we don't want it to come out.
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What about noticing yourself in the mirror?
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And instead of immediately finding fault and thinking, oh, my nose is a bit crooked, or this is not looking that nice, or whatever we might think about ourselves, you know, my my thing that I say in front of a mirror, whenever, whenever I walk past a mirror, I'll say, You're beautiful.
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You can trick yourself with this stuff, guys, and and remind yourself about how amazing you are, because you are, you are your most important relationship in your business is with you.
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And if we're reminding ourselves through the way that we eat and drink and not move and say stuff to ourselves that's not uplifting, we're affirming to our own selves that we're not good enough.
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So we need to be really conscious of this stuff.
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What about attempting things before you feel completely ready?
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These are the things that we need to do.
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Putting ourselves out there and saying, ah, I might give that a go.
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And if it doesn't work well, not to beat yourself up about that.
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Just going, well, that didn't work.
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I'll give it another go.
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Or I'll park that and I'll try this way.
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What about recording the things that you've handled that you once thought you could not?
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Thinking about those, reminding yourself that, oh, I remember before I couldn't do this, and now I've worked on that skill, now I can.
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So recording that and reminding yourselves of those things.
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So these are the sort of things that we need to make sure that we're looking at and treating very, very importantly, because these this is the relationship that you have with yourself through all those things.
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But just remember, if you miss a workout or if you do have something naughty like an ice cream or whatever, that doesn't destroy the whole lot.
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One missed workout does not destroy your confidence, but repeatedly abandoning your abandoning yourself around exercise, eating well, drinking well, hanging out with people that are good for you quietly teaches you that your promises matter.
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Your promises to yourself matter.
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So then you stack enough of the things together that you should be doing, that actually you can see the repercussions of the good things that come out of that.
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So if you don't feel as energetic as you want or able to move as easily, that's what your body's telling you.
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If you if you're not able to do that, your body's saying, I can't move as well.
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I know I'm 56, and a lot of a lot of people I'm talking to around my age are saying they ache and they hurt.
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I I don't ache or hurt.
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And you know what I asked my mum the other day?
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She's 85 years of age.
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And I said to her, Do you ache?
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I've heard my friends are saying that like people are speaking to her saying that they're aching.
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Are you aching?
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And she said, No, I'm not aching.
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So why?
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If you're aching, why?
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What are you doing to your body that you're aching?
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Start looking at the things that you're nourishing your body with or you're doing with your body that might be causing it to ache.
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So you have to work super hard to keep positive.
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And sometimes the negative thoughts take over more easily if you haven't stacked the odds in your favor.
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Sometimes with these things around food and nourishing your body and speaking to the right people around you that are uplifting and encouraging, you might have to, you might be finding yourself working really hard to keep your thoughts positive.
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And those negative thoughts could be taking over if you haven't sort of stuck the odds in your favor.
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If you're feeling exhausted and flat all the time, you wake up after eight hours of sleep and you think, gosh, I feel like I need another eight hours.
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That could be an indicator that you're not putting yourself first.
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What about if you slip into just scrolling, like just aimlessly?
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You're spending and you look down at your time, you've spent half an hour and an hour just scrolling aimlessly on your phone through apps like Instagram or TikTok.
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What about second guessing yourself more often than what you would normally think is normal?
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Like you're forever, like, oh, should I do that?
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Should I make that decision?
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Was it the right decision?
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Second guessing yourself might be an indication that you're not putting yourself first.
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What about worrying more about what people say or think about you?
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If you do something, worrying about what the repercussions are with that, rather than just going, you know what, this is who I am.
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Because we know when we stack the odds in our favor around all the things that I mentioned earlier, these sort of things don't creep in as easily.
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It doesn't eliminate them altogether, but they don't creep in as easily.
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So not feeling as energetic, working really hard to stay positive, feeling exhausted, slipping into just aimless sort of stuff like scrolling on Instagram or TikTok, second guessing yourself more often, and worrying about what people say.
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That could be an indication that you're not putting yourself first.
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Now, I want to tell you a quick little story about um, as you may or may not know, after my separation, I was freaking out and I stopped spending money.
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I just stopped spending any money on things that weren't necessities like food and you know mortgage payments, things like that.
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So, not long after I separated in 2013, that's what I did.
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I stopped spending money.
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I was a single mum and I knew I had to budget really carefully.
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And replacing my phone was definitely not on my bingo card.
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I had an iPhone, and when back then I used to and still do, I pay for them outright.
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So I pay for um when I buy a phone, I pay for it outright.
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I don't have it on a payment plan.
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What I did was I used to shop at Aldi and I went down to Aldi to get some cat food one Saturday morning.
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And I was down there, uh, it was very busy.
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If you've ever um gone to Audi on a Saturday morning, it's very, very busy.
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There's a lot of people there.
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And I got my cat food and I decided I wouldn't buy it then.
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I mustn't have been, uh I mustn't have decided to buy it then.
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So I quickly got back in the car, went home.
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I realized when I got home that I'd left my phone at Aldi.
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So my uh son, uh I grabbed his phone and I rang my other son in San Francisco.
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Uh, he worked for Apple at the time.
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And I said, Zachie, I have left my phone at Aldi.
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What can you do to help me?
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And he said, Look, Mum, what I'll do is there's an alarm because he has access to all my um passwords and things.
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And he said, Mum, there's an alarm on it.
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I can set off the alarm, you'll hear where it is, and then you can get it.
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And I said, Great.
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And I drove back down to Aldi, went down there, and um, I went to where the cat food was where I was looking at the cat food and it wasn't there.
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And I'm like, oh damn.
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So I went up to the front of Aldi, and there was lots and lots and lots of people there.
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And my fear of having to buy a phone and paying the money, two grand or whatever it was, to buy another phone was not as high as that was higher than my fear of speaking up in front of all these people.
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I did not want to buy another phone.
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So in front of all these people with the alarm going, so Zach had set off the alarm, and I was on the on my other son's phone talking to my uh son, Zachy, saying, I can hear the alarm, Zach, but I don't know where it is.
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And he said, Yeah, well, just ask mum.
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And I in front of everyone, I said, Excuse me, excuse me, that's my phone alarm.
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Can anyone, has anyone got my phone?
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And nothing.
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Everyone just stopped.
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It was quite intimidating.
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I had so many eyes on me because obviously I was loud and I wanted my phone back and I could hear it.
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I knew it was there somewhere.
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So then I said it again and louder that time, I said, That sound is my iPhone.
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It's an alarm saying that it's here.
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Has anyone got my iPhone?
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I said it three times and no one did anything.
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They just stared at me.
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Finally, I said the last time a woman standing right in front of me, going through the checkout, put her hand in her pocket, pulled it out, and handed it to me.
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And stupid me.
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I said, Oh, thank you so much.
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I really appreciate it.
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Thank you so much.
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Oh my goodness, I thought I'd forgotten it.
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I thought I'd lost it.
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I realized halfway home.
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She was just wanting me to go away because I was in her pocket and she knew the alarm was going on.
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She thought she had her iPhone.
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Apparently, you can't do anything with them because they're locked and you can't.
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I don't know what she was thinking.
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But anyway, I got my iPhone back.
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So, what's the lesson here?
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What struck me afterwards was that I had absolutely no choice but to back myself because I was not going to spend it if I could help it, I was not going to spend that two grand.
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I couldn't afford to feel embarrassed.
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I could not worry about those 30 or 40 strangers that what they thought about me.
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I just couldn't worry about that.
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I just knew that I had to say what I thought because I could hear that alarm going off.
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I could not quietly disappear because making a scene felt uncomfortable.
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I needed that phone, so I found my voice.
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Would I have behaved that boldly if replacing my phone had meant nothing financially to me?
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Maybe not.
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Maybe not.
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Maybe I would have gone, you know what?
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Whatever, whatever, I'll just go buy another phone.
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Hard times sometimes remove the luxury of self-doubt.
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They force us to find a stronger version of ourselves because the comfortable option is no longer available.
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I was absolutely shaking, but I still did it.
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And those people staring at me, seriously, it was it was a lot because I was literally shaking and I had to find my voice.
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My voice was shaking, my hands were shaking.
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That's what confidence really looks like.
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It's not the absence of fear or embarrassment or when you actually feel ready.
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It's deciding what matters is more important than how uncomfortable you feel.
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You don't need to wait until life backs you into a corner.
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You can start practicing that kind of self-trust right now.
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So if that means you need to look at your numbers in your business to feel a little bit uncomfortable to make the changes, go look at your numbers and make sure you know where you stand with it.
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Do something that will make you feel like you need to take action.
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And if that's looking at your numbers to find out where you're at, or if that's going and doing the things that you need to do to get more clients in your business, or to sack a D-class client, or to make an uncomfortable to have an uncomfortable conversation, to sack a client, or to talk to one of your bookkeepers that they need to step up more with their work, or whatever that might be, all of those things might feel like confrontation.
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But you don't have to wait until you're backed into a corner to do that.
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You can start having that brave voice as soon as you make a decision to do so.
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So, what's the science behind this?
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Psychologist Albert Bandura called this self-efficacy, which is our belief in our ability to handle a particular challenge.
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His research found that the strongest source of self-efficacy, I can't say that word, you know what I'm saying?
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Efficacy is mastery experience.
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We build belief by attempting something, working through it, and collecting the evidence that we can cope when we go through it.
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Confidence is therefore built through action, not waiting.
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And that's backed by the American Psychology Association.
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Your focus on relationships is also sound.
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The Harvard study of adult development found that warm, supportive relationships are strongly connected with happiness and long-term health.
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The popular claim that we can become we become the average of the five people is not established science, but it uh but who surrounds us matters.
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So there it's not a established science.
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I know I talk about that all the time with the sum of the five people that we spend um time with, but they say it absolutely matters, the sort of people that you're listening to and surrounding yourself with.
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A fascinating challenge for the mirror section.
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So let's have a think about how we can do that.
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Research suggests that exaggerated affirmations can sometimes make people with very low self-esteem feel actually worse.
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So perhaps the practice of not is not pretending.
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It's a it is deliberately learning to see yourself with warmth.
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So try this.
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This is my body, it has carried me through everything.
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I am going to treat it like it belongs to someone that I deeply love.
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So instead of just going my little trick where I go, you're beautiful in the mirror, which I do, I've trained myself to do that, and I'm quite happy with that little exercise that I do.
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But if that feels like, you know what, I don't, that doesn't work for me, try this.
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This is my body, it has carried me through everything.
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I'm going to treat it like it belongs to somebody that I deeply, deeply love.
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So if you feel like you've got this all on lock and you're feeling confident, you're like, Sharon, why am I listening to this?
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And you're already feeling confident.
00:19:29.519 --> 00:19:31.839
I want you to start thinking bigger.
00:19:32.240 --> 00:19:35.279
Have you truly reached your full potential?
00:19:35.519 --> 00:19:39.119
Or have you simply become comfortable at your current level?
00:19:39.440 --> 00:19:47.680
When the business finally works and you start getting yourself into it, that situation where it's making you great money and you're ticking along and it's feeling fantastic.
00:19:48.079 --> 00:19:56.160
This is not necessarily the arrival, that can be the beginning of the contribution stage or the next stage.
00:19:56.400 --> 00:19:58.240
So, who can you teach?
00:19:58.400 --> 00:20:06.079
Who can you help grow their businesses if that's what you've done and you feel confident with where you're at with your business?
00:20:06.640 --> 00:20:08.079
What can you create?
00:20:08.319 --> 00:20:14.640
So, could you develop a program that helps people do what you've done?
00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:18.480
Could you do keynotes to share what you've done?
00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:20.079
Could you start a podcast?
00:20:20.319 --> 00:20:28.640
Could you do some social media on what's worked for you that might help other people who could benefit from what you've learned so far?
00:20:28.880 --> 00:20:32.319
And remember, AI is not going to do that for you.
00:20:32.559 --> 00:20:37.279
Um, meaning that, yeah, AI is going, it's out there, we see it.
00:20:37.359 --> 00:20:42.799
But when there's a real person talking about their real lived experiences, isn't it much better?
00:20:43.039 --> 00:20:46.160
It feels so nice to hear somebody's real lived experience.
00:20:46.240 --> 00:20:51.119
And I think the more and more we AI our world, the more real stories we're gonna want.
00:20:51.279 --> 00:20:52.559
Like my Aldi story.
00:20:52.640 --> 00:20:55.119
That's not an AI story, that's a real story.
00:20:55.279 --> 00:20:56.319
So, what could you do?
00:20:56.400 --> 00:21:00.880
What can you start sharing with people that you've learned that you can give back?
00:21:01.759 --> 00:21:05.519
What challenge would require you to become somebody new?
00:21:05.759 --> 00:21:12.000
Meaning, what could you challenge yourself to do that would turn you into somebody completely new?
00:21:12.160 --> 00:21:15.200
I know for me, I have grown into somebody.
00:21:15.519 --> 00:21:20.640
I never thought that I'd have a podcast and talk on a podcast every week.
00:21:20.720 --> 00:21:22.160
I just never thought that I would.
00:21:22.400 --> 00:21:26.720
I never thought that I'd have a group program and talk in front of groups of people.
00:21:26.960 --> 00:21:30.559
There's a lot of things that I have had to overcome.
00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:38.000
And most of it, to be honest with you, is because I went through a divorce and I felt very, very challenged financially.
00:21:38.079 --> 00:21:43.519
And I thought, you know what, I've got to get my little ducks in a row, the person that I'm becoming, and I'll never give up.
00:21:43.680 --> 00:21:45.519
I will not give up this journey until I die.
00:21:45.599 --> 00:21:52.160
I promise you, I'm gonna keep growing and learning and giving back for the rest of my life because this is like an addiction.
00:21:52.319 --> 00:21:56.880
It's such a cool feeling to see what you're actually capable of.
00:21:57.119 --> 00:22:00.400
And I tell you, I don't think I'm ever gonna give up.
00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:00.960
Who knows?
00:22:01.119 --> 00:22:01.519
Who knows?
00:22:01.599 --> 00:22:06.079
But I feel like I'm gonna keep testing myself to see what I'm capable of.
00:22:06.160 --> 00:22:11.839
And then what I can help other people do through my podcast and hopefully a book one day.
00:22:12.000 --> 00:22:21.839
I haven't written a book yet, but there's so many things that you would learn and grow through with what you've learned that you can start giving back and sharing to other people.
00:22:22.559 --> 00:22:27.839
Maybe the reward for mastering one level is not retirement from growth.
00:22:28.079 --> 00:22:31.279
Maybe it's being invited into a bigger arena.
00:22:31.759 --> 00:22:36.000
So the books that you could look at for this is Self-Compassion by Kristen Neff.
00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:38.799
These are all going to be in the show notes, so you can have a look at this.
00:22:38.960 --> 00:22:45.279
Uh, the other one is called The Gifts of Imperfection, uh, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.
00:22:45.440 --> 00:22:50.640
Uh, the third one there is The Good Life by Robert Waldgeiner and Mark Schultz.
00:22:50.720 --> 00:22:54.079
And the last one, which is one close to my heart.
00:22:54.160 --> 00:22:56.000
I love this book, Mindset by Dr.
00:22:56.079 --> 00:22:56.960
Carol Dweck.
00:22:57.279 --> 00:22:57.839
Amazing book.
00:22:58.000 --> 00:22:58.160
Dr.
00:22:58.240 --> 00:23:01.440
Carol Dwick has a TED talk, it's about 13 minutes long.
00:23:01.519 --> 00:23:02.960
It's incredible.
00:23:03.440 --> 00:23:09.680
Hopefully, today's podcast on your secret source has been helpful and love your feedback.
00:23:09.839 --> 00:23:11.759
Share it at sharonfrancisco.com.
00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:14.079
And until next time, talk to you soon.
00:23:14.400 --> 00:23:15.039
Bye.
00:00:02.160 --> 00:00:05.519
Hello and welcome to the Sharon Francisco show.
00:00:05.919 --> 00:00:21.760
What if your secret source or your amazingness isn't your qualifications or even your experience or even the amount that you care and go above and beyond for your clients?
00:00:22.879 --> 00:00:29.039
What if it's the relationship you have with yourself that's actually the secret source?
00:00:30.239 --> 00:00:42.960
Because every day through tiny little choices, hundreds, maybe thousands of tiny little choices, you're either strengthening this relationship or you're weakening it.
00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:49.439
So this is not believing that you are brilliant at everything.
00:00:50.880 --> 00:01:01.679
Now, before I go on, if you feel like you've got this nailed and you have the confidence and clarity to do anything you put your mind to in your business and your life, keep listening.
00:01:01.920 --> 00:01:12.079
As I've got something that I'd like to share with you at the end that will hopefully challenge you to be able to go to that next level if you feel like you've got this nailed.
00:01:12.319 --> 00:01:13.519
So what is it?
00:01:13.760 --> 00:01:14.959
What are we believing?
00:01:15.120 --> 00:01:27.760
If it is that we're believing, if we believe that we can learn a new skill, we can build on that skill, we can ask for help, we can survive being uncomfortable.
00:01:28.079 --> 00:01:32.400
If it all goes badly, I will not turn against myself.
00:01:32.560 --> 00:01:42.560
If we have that, that belief, loving yourself unconditionally does not mean approving of everything that you do.
00:01:42.799 --> 00:01:53.040
It means refusing to withdraw your love of yourself every time you screw up or you do something wrong or you say something weird or whatever that might be.
00:01:53.280 --> 00:01:57.920
It's deciding that you won't beat yourself up quietly in the background.
00:01:58.079 --> 00:01:59.200
So, how do we do that?
00:01:59.280 --> 00:02:01.359
How do we stack the odds in our favor?
00:02:02.480 --> 00:02:06.560
There's a fundamental foundation that we need to work on.
00:02:06.959 --> 00:02:13.360
Everything sends a message back to you about how much you matter or not.
00:02:14.080 --> 00:02:18.719
So, the way that we treat ourselves, think about this the physical things that we might be doing.
00:02:18.960 --> 00:02:30.240
So, the food that you eat that supports and nourishes you, your nervous system, the way you behave and act, and all of those things, that food, the food that you decide to have.
00:02:30.719 --> 00:02:36.479
Do you eat organic food or the best quality food that you can afford?
00:02:36.719 --> 00:02:39.599
What about the water or the water quality?
00:02:39.840 --> 00:02:42.800
You know, I bang on about water quality all the time.
00:02:43.039 --> 00:02:46.800
And it's so important because most of our body is made up of water.
00:02:46.960 --> 00:02:53.039
We need to be nourishing our body with good quality water, at least two liters a day is so important.
00:02:53.280 --> 00:02:54.879
Get yourself into a rhythm with that.
00:02:55.120 --> 00:02:58.400
I know I've talked about this before, but get yourself a cute bottle.
00:02:58.479 --> 00:03:07.439
I've got a cute blue bottle, blue glass bottle that I fill up twice every day, sometimes three days, depending on how much of a role I'm on.
00:03:07.919 --> 00:03:11.759
What about these are the messages we're sending our body, right?
00:03:11.919 --> 00:03:14.000
This is this is the messages we're sending.
00:03:14.080 --> 00:03:22.000
The sort of food that we eat is how much we value our body, the sort of water we're drinking, is your body knows how much you're valuing it.
00:03:22.319 --> 00:03:26.319
The amount of movement that we have, we are meant to move.
00:03:26.479 --> 00:03:28.000
Our bodies are meant to move.
00:03:28.080 --> 00:03:30.639
We're meant to be getting that blood running through our body.
00:03:30.800 --> 00:03:33.199
So moving at least three to four times a week.
00:03:33.280 --> 00:03:36.240
And I mean moving, I mean getting your heart rate up.
00:03:36.400 --> 00:03:37.680
It doesn't have to be running.
00:03:37.759 --> 00:03:43.280
You don't have to be doing marathons and crazy things like that, even though I've done a few of those and a few halves.
00:03:43.599 --> 00:03:52.479
You can just really put on that pace, walking up a hill, making sure your heart rate goes up and for at least 30 to 40 minutes when you do it.
00:03:53.599 --> 00:03:59.840
Keeping promises is the other thing to yourself, like uh getting up and going to bed at the same time.
00:03:59.919 --> 00:04:07.759
If you say, look, I just need to get into a bit of a routine and not get caught on that Netflix and watch those movies until midnight or two o'clock in the morning.
00:04:07.840 --> 00:04:11.599
If you say you're gonna go to bed at 9:30 at night, 9:30 at night.
00:04:11.680 --> 00:04:18.720
And if you go to bed at 9:30 at night, if you say you're gonna get up at 7 o'clock or 6 o'clock or 5 o'clock in the morning, that's the time the alarm goes off.
00:04:18.879 --> 00:04:21.920
And you don't keep repeatedly hitting the snooze.
00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:29.680
You might have a deal with yourself where you say, I'm gonna get up at 6 o'clock in the morning, I'll let myself hit snooze once, and then I'll get up.
00:04:29.839 --> 00:04:45.279
It's all these decisions we make about how we'll treat ourselves, how we'll treat ourselves around food, how we'll treat ourselves around water, uh, movement, and making promises to ourselves.
00:04:45.680 --> 00:04:50.800
What about spending time with the people who are kind and uplifting and expanding for you?
00:04:51.040 --> 00:04:57.920
The decisions that we make about the people that we spend the most time with, about the way you're speaking to yourself.
00:04:58.000 --> 00:05:03.360
Think about what you say by yourself, sorry, to yourself when you're by yourself.
00:05:03.519 --> 00:05:04.879
What are you saying?
00:05:05.120 --> 00:05:06.800
That's the most important thing.
00:05:06.959 --> 00:05:10.560
The thing that you're saying to yourself when you're by yourself.
00:05:10.800 --> 00:05:18.800
And if it's not uplifting and amazing and reminding yourself about how good you are instead of beating yourself up, your body remembers that.
00:05:19.040 --> 00:05:22.480
And it comes out in ways that we don't want it to come out.
00:05:22.959 --> 00:05:25.439
What about noticing yourself in the mirror?
00:05:25.600 --> 00:05:40.079
And instead of immediately finding fault and thinking, oh, my nose is a bit crooked, or this is not looking that nice, or whatever we might think about ourselves, you know, my my thing that I say in front of a mirror, whenever, whenever I walk past a mirror, I'll say, You're beautiful.
00:05:40.319 --> 00:05:51.680
You can trick yourself with this stuff, guys, and and remind yourself about how amazing you are, because you are, you are your most important relationship in your business is with you.
00:05:51.920 --> 00:06:04.639
And if we're reminding ourselves through the way that we eat and drink and not move and say stuff to ourselves that's not uplifting, we're affirming to our own selves that we're not good enough.
00:06:04.879 --> 00:06:07.279
So we need to be really conscious of this stuff.
00:06:07.519 --> 00:06:12.079
What about attempting things before you feel completely ready?
00:06:12.319 --> 00:06:13.920
These are the things that we need to do.
00:06:14.160 --> 00:06:16.720
Putting ourselves out there and saying, ah, I might give that a go.
00:06:16.800 --> 00:06:19.439
And if it doesn't work well, not to beat yourself up about that.
00:06:19.519 --> 00:06:20.959
Just going, well, that didn't work.
00:06:21.120 --> 00:06:22.319
I'll give it another go.
00:06:22.480 --> 00:06:25.040
Or I'll park that and I'll try this way.
00:06:25.360 --> 00:06:31.040
What about recording the things that you've handled that you once thought you could not?
00:06:31.360 --> 00:06:38.959
Thinking about those, reminding yourself that, oh, I remember before I couldn't do this, and now I've worked on that skill, now I can.
00:06:39.120 --> 00:06:41.680
So recording that and reminding yourselves of those things.
00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:52.160
So these are the sort of things that we need to make sure that we're looking at and treating very, very importantly, because these this is the relationship that you have with yourself through all those things.
00:06:52.720 --> 00:07:03.519
But just remember, if you miss a workout or if you do have something naughty like an ice cream or whatever, that doesn't destroy the whole lot.
00:07:04.079 --> 00:07:19.120
One missed workout does not destroy your confidence, but repeatedly abandoning your abandoning yourself around exercise, eating well, drinking well, hanging out with people that are good for you quietly teaches you that your promises matter.
00:07:19.360 --> 00:07:21.519
Your promises to yourself matter.
00:07:21.759 --> 00:07:31.680
So then you stack enough of the things together that you should be doing, that actually you can see the repercussions of the good things that come out of that.
00:07:32.000 --> 00:07:40.639
So if you don't feel as energetic as you want or able to move as easily, that's what your body's telling you.
00:07:40.800 --> 00:07:45.199
If you if you're not able to do that, your body's saying, I can't move as well.
00:07:45.360 --> 00:07:53.279
I know I'm 56, and a lot of a lot of people I'm talking to around my age are saying they ache and they hurt.
00:07:53.600 --> 00:07:55.759
I I don't ache or hurt.
00:07:55.920 --> 00:07:58.399
And you know what I asked my mum the other day?
00:07:58.480 --> 00:08:00.720
She's 85 years of age.
00:08:00.959 --> 00:08:02.720
And I said to her, Do you ache?
00:08:02.879 --> 00:08:07.120
I've heard my friends are saying that like people are speaking to her saying that they're aching.
00:08:07.279 --> 00:08:07.920
Are you aching?
00:08:08.000 --> 00:08:09.920
And she said, No, I'm not aching.
00:08:10.319 --> 00:08:11.519
So why?
00:08:11.680 --> 00:08:12.959
If you're aching, why?
00:08:13.120 --> 00:08:15.439
What are you doing to your body that you're aching?
00:08:15.680 --> 00:08:22.240
Start looking at the things that you're nourishing your body with or you're doing with your body that might be causing it to ache.
00:08:22.720 --> 00:08:25.519
So you have to work super hard to keep positive.
00:08:25.600 --> 00:08:31.360
And sometimes the negative thoughts take over more easily if you haven't stacked the odds in your favor.
00:08:31.759 --> 00:08:45.039
Sometimes with these things around food and nourishing your body and speaking to the right people around you that are uplifting and encouraging, you might have to, you might be finding yourself working really hard to keep your thoughts positive.
00:08:45.440 --> 00:08:50.399
And those negative thoughts could be taking over if you haven't sort of stuck the odds in your favor.
00:08:50.960 --> 00:08:59.519
If you're feeling exhausted and flat all the time, you wake up after eight hours of sleep and you think, gosh, I feel like I need another eight hours.
00:09:00.240 --> 00:09:03.759
That could be an indicator that you're not putting yourself first.
00:09:05.120 --> 00:09:09.919
What about if you slip into just scrolling, like just aimlessly?
00:09:10.000 --> 00:09:20.480
You're spending and you look down at your time, you've spent half an hour and an hour just scrolling aimlessly on your phone through apps like Instagram or TikTok.
00:09:20.799 --> 00:09:26.720
What about second guessing yourself more often than what you would normally think is normal?
00:09:26.879 --> 00:09:29.279
Like you're forever, like, oh, should I do that?
00:09:29.360 --> 00:09:30.159
Should I make that decision?
00:09:30.320 --> 00:09:31.519
Was it the right decision?
00:09:31.759 --> 00:09:35.759
Second guessing yourself might be an indication that you're not putting yourself first.
00:09:36.879 --> 00:09:41.679
What about worrying more about what people say or think about you?
00:09:41.919 --> 00:09:49.519
If you do something, worrying about what the repercussions are with that, rather than just going, you know what, this is who I am.
00:09:49.759 --> 00:09:56.639
Because we know when we stack the odds in our favor around all the things that I mentioned earlier, these sort of things don't creep in as easily.
00:09:56.720 --> 00:10:00.320
It doesn't eliminate them altogether, but they don't creep in as easily.
00:10:00.559 --> 00:10:16.639
So not feeling as energetic, working really hard to stay positive, feeling exhausted, slipping into just aimless sort of stuff like scrolling on Instagram or TikTok, second guessing yourself more often, and worrying about what people say.
00:10:16.720 --> 00:10:19.519
That could be an indication that you're not putting yourself first.
00:10:19.679 --> 00:10:30.320
Now, I want to tell you a quick little story about um, as you may or may not know, after my separation, I was freaking out and I stopped spending money.
00:10:30.480 --> 00:10:39.120
I just stopped spending any money on things that weren't necessities like food and you know mortgage payments, things like that.
00:10:39.440 --> 00:10:44.799
So, not long after I separated in 2013, that's what I did.
00:10:44.879 --> 00:10:46.320
I stopped spending money.
00:10:46.559 --> 00:10:50.639
I was a single mum and I knew I had to budget really carefully.
00:10:50.720 --> 00:10:54.639
And replacing my phone was definitely not on my bingo card.
00:10:54.720 --> 00:11:00.720
I had an iPhone, and when back then I used to and still do, I pay for them outright.
00:11:00.879 --> 00:11:04.879
So I pay for um when I buy a phone, I pay for it outright.
00:11:04.960 --> 00:11:07.039
I don't have it on a payment plan.
00:11:07.600 --> 00:11:14.960
What I did was I used to shop at Aldi and I went down to Aldi to get some cat food one Saturday morning.
00:11:15.360 --> 00:11:18.399
And I was down there, uh, it was very busy.
00:11:18.480 --> 00:11:23.600
If you've ever um gone to Audi on a Saturday morning, it's very, very busy.
00:11:23.679 --> 00:11:25.200
There's a lot of people there.
00:11:25.519 --> 00:11:32.720
And I got my cat food and I decided I wouldn't buy it then.
00:11:32.799 --> 00:11:35.600
I mustn't have been, uh I mustn't have decided to buy it then.
00:11:35.759 --> 00:11:39.039
So I quickly got back in the car, went home.
00:11:39.200 --> 00:11:42.879
I realized when I got home that I'd left my phone at Aldi.
00:11:43.279 --> 00:11:49.200
So my uh son, uh I grabbed his phone and I rang my other son in San Francisco.
00:11:49.360 --> 00:11:51.200
Uh, he worked for Apple at the time.
00:11:51.279 --> 00:11:54.000
And I said, Zachie, I have left my phone at Aldi.
00:11:54.240 --> 00:11:55.600
What can you do to help me?
00:11:55.759 --> 00:12:00.879
And he said, Look, Mum, what I'll do is there's an alarm because he has access to all my um passwords and things.
00:12:00.960 --> 00:12:02.559
And he said, Mum, there's an alarm on it.
00:12:02.720 --> 00:12:06.240
I can set off the alarm, you'll hear where it is, and then you can get it.
00:12:06.320 --> 00:12:07.039
And I said, Great.
00:12:07.120 --> 00:12:13.759
And I drove back down to Aldi, went down there, and um, I went to where the cat food was where I was looking at the cat food and it wasn't there.
00:12:13.840 --> 00:12:14.799
And I'm like, oh damn.
00:12:14.879 --> 00:12:20.639
So I went up to the front of Aldi, and there was lots and lots and lots of people there.
00:12:21.759 --> 00:12:37.840
And my fear of having to buy a phone and paying the money, two grand or whatever it was, to buy another phone was not as high as that was higher than my fear of speaking up in front of all these people.
00:12:38.080 --> 00:12:40.000
I did not want to buy another phone.
00:12:40.240 --> 00:12:52.720
So in front of all these people with the alarm going, so Zach had set off the alarm, and I was on the on my other son's phone talking to my uh son, Zachy, saying, I can hear the alarm, Zach, but I don't know where it is.
00:12:52.879 --> 00:12:54.480
And he said, Yeah, well, just ask mum.
00:12:54.559 --> 00:12:59.360
And I in front of everyone, I said, Excuse me, excuse me, that's my phone alarm.
00:12:59.519 --> 00:13:02.799
Can anyone, has anyone got my phone?
00:13:03.519 --> 00:13:04.480
And nothing.
00:13:04.639 --> 00:13:05.759
Everyone just stopped.
00:13:05.840 --> 00:13:07.360
It was quite intimidating.
00:13:07.440 --> 00:13:11.840
I had so many eyes on me because obviously I was loud and I wanted my phone back and I could hear it.
00:13:11.919 --> 00:13:13.440
I knew it was there somewhere.
00:13:13.679 --> 00:13:20.639
So then I said it again and louder that time, I said, That sound is my iPhone.
00:13:21.120 --> 00:13:24.159
It's an alarm saying that it's here.
00:13:25.039 --> 00:13:26.720
Has anyone got my iPhone?
00:13:26.960 --> 00:13:30.240
I said it three times and no one did anything.
00:13:30.399 --> 00:13:32.720
They just stared at me.
00:13:33.039 --> 00:13:44.399
Finally, I said the last time a woman standing right in front of me, going through the checkout, put her hand in her pocket, pulled it out, and handed it to me.
00:13:44.480 --> 00:13:45.919
And stupid me.
00:13:47.039 --> 00:13:49.039
I said, Oh, thank you so much.
00:13:49.200 --> 00:13:50.399
I really appreciate it.
00:13:50.559 --> 00:13:51.200
Thank you so much.
00:13:51.279 --> 00:13:52.960
Oh my goodness, I thought I'd forgotten it.
00:13:53.039 --> 00:13:54.080
I thought I'd lost it.
00:13:54.240 --> 00:13:55.679
I realized halfway home.
00:13:55.840 --> 00:14:01.840
She was just wanting me to go away because I was in her pocket and she knew the alarm was going on.
00:14:02.000 --> 00:14:04.000
She thought she had her iPhone.
00:14:04.159 --> 00:14:07.360
Apparently, you can't do anything with them because they're locked and you can't.
00:14:07.519 --> 00:14:08.559
I don't know what she was thinking.
00:14:08.720 --> 00:14:12.159
But anyway, I got my iPhone back.
00:14:12.720 --> 00:14:14.480
So, what's the lesson here?
00:14:15.759 --> 00:14:28.000
What struck me afterwards was that I had absolutely no choice but to back myself because I was not going to spend it if I could help it, I was not going to spend that two grand.
00:14:28.559 --> 00:14:31.519
I couldn't afford to feel embarrassed.
00:14:31.919 --> 00:14:36.480
I could not worry about those 30 or 40 strangers that what they thought about me.
00:14:36.639 --> 00:14:37.919
I just couldn't worry about that.
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I just knew that I had to say what I thought because I could hear that alarm going off.
00:14:42.159 --> 00:14:47.200
I could not quietly disappear because making a scene felt uncomfortable.
00:14:47.600 --> 00:14:51.039
I needed that phone, so I found my voice.
00:14:51.840 --> 00:14:59.840
Would I have behaved that boldly if replacing my phone had meant nothing financially to me?
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:00.960
Maybe not.
00:15:01.360 --> 00:15:02.159
Maybe not.
00:15:02.320 --> 00:15:04.240
Maybe I would have gone, you know what?
00:15:04.559 --> 00:15:07.200
Whatever, whatever, I'll just go buy another phone.
00:15:07.759 --> 00:15:13.759
Hard times sometimes remove the luxury of self-doubt.
00:15:14.559 --> 00:15:22.720
They force us to find a stronger version of ourselves because the comfortable option is no longer available.
00:15:24.720 --> 00:15:29.840
I was absolutely shaking, but I still did it.
00:15:30.559 --> 00:15:38.960
And those people staring at me, seriously, it was it was a lot because I was literally shaking and I had to find my voice.
00:15:39.120 --> 00:15:41.759
My voice was shaking, my hands were shaking.
00:15:42.240 --> 00:15:44.799
That's what confidence really looks like.
00:15:45.200 --> 00:15:51.200
It's not the absence of fear or embarrassment or when you actually feel ready.
00:15:51.679 --> 00:15:58.480
It's deciding what matters is more important than how uncomfortable you feel.
00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:05.519
You don't need to wait until life backs you into a corner.
00:16:05.840 --> 00:16:10.639
You can start practicing that kind of self-trust right now.
00:16:11.679 --> 00:16:22.720
So if that means you need to look at your numbers in your business to feel a little bit uncomfortable to make the changes, go look at your numbers and make sure you know where you stand with it.
00:16:23.039 --> 00:16:27.279
Do something that will make you feel like you need to take action.
00:16:27.600 --> 00:16:52.240
And if that's looking at your numbers to find out where you're at, or if that's going and doing the things that you need to do to get more clients in your business, or to sack a D-class client, or to make an uncomfortable to have an uncomfortable conversation, to sack a client, or to talk to one of your bookkeepers that they need to step up more with their work, or whatever that might be, all of those things might feel like confrontation.
00:16:53.360 --> 00:16:57.679
But you don't have to wait until you're backed into a corner to do that.
00:16:57.919 --> 00:17:02.799
You can start having that brave voice as soon as you make a decision to do so.
00:17:02.960 --> 00:17:04.960
So, what's the science behind this?
00:17:05.200 --> 00:17:16.960
Psychologist Albert Bandura called this self-efficacy, which is our belief in our ability to handle a particular challenge.
00:17:17.440 --> 00:17:23.599
His research found that the strongest source of self-efficacy, I can't say that word, you know what I'm saying?
00:17:23.759 --> 00:17:27.599
Efficacy is mastery experience.
00:17:27.839 --> 00:17:37.440
We build belief by attempting something, working through it, and collecting the evidence that we can cope when we go through it.
00:17:37.759 --> 00:17:41.839
Confidence is therefore built through action, not waiting.
00:17:42.000 --> 00:17:45.039
And that's backed by the American Psychology Association.
00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:48.319
Your focus on relationships is also sound.
00:17:48.480 --> 00:17:57.200
The Harvard study of adult development found that warm, supportive relationships are strongly connected with happiness and long-term health.
00:17:57.440 --> 00:18:07.359
The popular claim that we can become we become the average of the five people is not established science, but it uh but who surrounds us matters.
00:18:07.519 --> 00:18:09.359
So there it's not a established science.
00:18:09.440 --> 00:18:19.519
I know I talk about that all the time with the sum of the five people that we spend um time with, but they say it absolutely matters, the sort of people that you're listening to and surrounding yourself with.
00:18:20.240 --> 00:18:22.640
A fascinating challenge for the mirror section.
00:18:22.720 --> 00:18:24.559
So let's have a think about how we can do that.
00:18:24.720 --> 00:18:32.319
Research suggests that exaggerated affirmations can sometimes make people with very low self-esteem feel actually worse.
00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:36.720
So perhaps the practice of not is not pretending.
00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:41.279
It's a it is deliberately learning to see yourself with warmth.
00:18:41.519 --> 00:18:43.039
So try this.
00:18:43.279 --> 00:18:47.759
This is my body, it has carried me through everything.
00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:53.920
I am going to treat it like it belongs to someone that I deeply love.
00:18:54.079 --> 00:19:04.079
So instead of just going my little trick where I go, you're beautiful in the mirror, which I do, I've trained myself to do that, and I'm quite happy with that little exercise that I do.
00:19:04.240 --> 00:19:08.960
But if that feels like, you know what, I don't, that doesn't work for me, try this.
00:19:09.359 --> 00:19:13.759
This is my body, it has carried me through everything.
00:19:14.160 --> 00:19:20.079
I'm going to treat it like it belongs to somebody that I deeply, deeply love.
00:19:21.039 --> 00:19:27.039
So if you feel like you've got this all on lock and you're feeling confident, you're like, Sharon, why am I listening to this?
00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:29.119
And you're already feeling confident.
00:19:29.519 --> 00:19:31.839
I want you to start thinking bigger.
00:19:32.240 --> 00:19:35.279
Have you truly reached your full potential?
00:19:35.519 --> 00:19:39.119
Or have you simply become comfortable at your current level?
00:19:39.440 --> 00:19:47.680
When the business finally works and you start getting yourself into it, that situation where it's making you great money and you're ticking along and it's feeling fantastic.
00:19:48.079 --> 00:19:56.160
This is not necessarily the arrival, that can be the beginning of the contribution stage or the next stage.
00:19:56.400 --> 00:19:58.240
So, who can you teach?
00:19:58.400 --> 00:20:06.079
Who can you help grow their businesses if that's what you've done and you feel confident with where you're at with your business?
00:20:06.640 --> 00:20:08.079
What can you create?
00:20:08.319 --> 00:20:14.640
So, could you develop a program that helps people do what you've done?
00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:18.480
Could you do keynotes to share what you've done?
00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:20.079
Could you start a podcast?
00:20:20.319 --> 00:20:28.640
Could you do some social media on what's worked for you that might help other people who could benefit from what you've learned so far?
00:20:28.880 --> 00:20:32.319
And remember, AI is not going to do that for you.
00:20:32.559 --> 00:20:37.279
Um, meaning that, yeah, AI is going, it's out there, we see it.
00:20:37.359 --> 00:20:42.799
But when there's a real person talking about their real lived experiences, isn't it much better?
00:20:43.039 --> 00:20:46.160
It feels so nice to hear somebody's real lived experience.
00:20:46.240 --> 00:20:51.119
And I think the more and more we AI our world, the more real stories we're gonna want.
00:20:51.279 --> 00:20:52.559
Like my Aldi story.
00:20:52.640 --> 00:20:55.119
That's not an AI story, that's a real story.
00:20:55.279 --> 00:20:56.319
So, what could you do?
00:20:56.400 --> 00:21:00.880
What can you start sharing with people that you've learned that you can give back?
00:21:01.759 --> 00:21:05.519
What challenge would require you to become somebody new?
00:21:05.759 --> 00:21:12.000
Meaning, what could you challenge yourself to do that would turn you into somebody completely new?
00:21:12.160 --> 00:21:15.200
I know for me, I have grown into somebody.
00:21:15.519 --> 00:21:20.640
I never thought that I'd have a podcast and talk on a podcast every week.
00:21:20.720 --> 00:21:22.160
I just never thought that I would.
00:21:22.400 --> 00:21:26.720
I never thought that I'd have a group program and talk in front of groups of people.
00:21:26.960 --> 00:21:30.559
There's a lot of things that I have had to overcome.
00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:38.000
And most of it, to be honest with you, is because I went through a divorce and I felt very, very challenged financially.
00:21:38.079 --> 00:21:43.519
And I thought, you know what, I've got to get my little ducks in a row, the person that I'm becoming, and I'll never give up.
00:21:43.680 --> 00:21:45.519
I will not give up this journey until I die.
00:21:45.599 --> 00:21:52.160
I promise you, I'm gonna keep growing and learning and giving back for the rest of my life because this is like an addiction.
00:21:52.319 --> 00:21:56.880
It's such a cool feeling to see what you're actually capable of.
00:21:57.119 --> 00:22:00.400
And I tell you, I don't think I'm ever gonna give up.
00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:00.960
Who knows?
00:22:01.119 --> 00:22:01.519
Who knows?
00:22:01.599 --> 00:22:06.079
But I feel like I'm gonna keep testing myself to see what I'm capable of.
00:22:06.160 --> 00:22:11.839
And then what I can help other people do through my podcast and hopefully a book one day.
00:22:12.000 --> 00:22:21.839
I haven't written a book yet, but there's so many things that you would learn and grow through with what you've learned that you can start giving back and sharing to other people.
00:22:22.559 --> 00:22:27.839
Maybe the reward for mastering one level is not retirement from growth.
00:22:28.079 --> 00:22:31.279
Maybe it's being invited into a bigger arena.
00:22:31.759 --> 00:22:36.000
So the books that you could look at for this is Self-Compassion by Kristen Neff.
00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:38.799
These are all going to be in the show notes, so you can have a look at this.
00:22:38.960 --> 00:22:45.279
Uh, the other one is called The Gifts of Imperfection, uh, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.
00:22:45.440 --> 00:22:50.640
Uh, the third one there is The Good Life by Robert Waldgeiner and Mark Schultz.
00:22:50.720 --> 00:22:54.079
And the last one, which is one close to my heart.
00:22:54.160 --> 00:22:56.000
I love this book, Mindset by Dr.
00:22:56.079 --> 00:22:56.960
Carol Dweck.
00:22:57.279 --> 00:22:57.839
Amazing book.
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Dr.
00:22:58.240 --> 00:23:01.440
Carol Dwick has a TED talk, it's about 13 minutes long.
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It's incredible.
00:23:03.440 --> 00:23:09.680
Hopefully, today's podcast on your secret source has been helpful and love your feedback.
00:23:09.839 --> 00:23:11.759
Share it at sharonfrancisco.com.
00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:14.079
And until next time, talk to you soon.
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Bye.
