Episode 21: Visiting Denmark: Culture Shocks, Unwritten Rules & Survival Tips

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Welcome to the Scandishift, the podcast where two expert moms talk honestly about surviving, thriving, and building a happy life in Denmark.
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I'm Selena.
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And I'm Meg.
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Today we're talking about visitors.
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Woohoo!
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Specifically, what to tell your friends and family before they arrive.
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Yeah, because nobody warns them about naked showering, for instance.
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Not at your house.
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And no.
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Yeah, well, okay, that's a whole other topic.
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Yes.
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So what about your first visitor, Megan?
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And this is obviously easier for you to remember than mine.
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Who was it?
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Why were they here?
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And what were their, you know, first impressions and things that stood out?
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Yeah, I mean, I think when you when you land in a new country, visitors come and see you, and you're that's for the first time that you're seeing your new country and your new home and everything through their lens.
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Yes, yeah, exactly.
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Yeah.
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So it's really funny.
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So my first visitor was obviously my mom.
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Also, we've only been here not even two years, so we haven't had that many visitors.
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I've only had three groups of visitors.
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My mom, obviously.
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Yeah, and then our friends Andrew and his girlfriend Ro, and then our best couple friends, uh Sandra and Jeffrey.
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Those are the three groups of people.
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But my mom was the first.
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And, you know, it's interesting because my mom has always made it a habit of being one of the first people to visit me, no matter where I live.
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And I've gotten to know the fact that my mom approaches every new trip or every new experience with this like childlike wonderment.
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She likes so she's like so excited about everything.
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It really's endearing.
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It's really exciting.
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But I I love it.
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It makes it, you know, and because my mom is in her mid to late 70s, it's really nice that she actually comes out, makes the effort, and it's a long trip from DC.
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Yeah, that's a really nice effort.
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But the first thing that I think shocked her, or the things she was like, oh my god, what's all about this?
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Is a cargo bike.
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I I could have guessed bikes.
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The cargo, yeah.
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I feel like bikes in general, people are like, oh my god.
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Because if you're British or from the US, this is we don't have a bike culture really.
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True.
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We try.
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Yes.
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We try.
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I would say that we do not have a bike culture.
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Now, you may not know this back.
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I'm actually kind of thinking that you don't, but my mom didn't get a driver's license until I was like eight or nine years old.
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So, yeah, about eight.
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So before that, do you know how my mom got me around the city?
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I'm guessing a bike.
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Yes, yes.
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My mom full-on scandy styled it.
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And it was a seat on the back of the bike.
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A little seat on the back of the bike.
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And that's how she would take me to like nursery school and kindergarten to like Berna Hale level, and we'd like go around.
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And when she didn't bike me, we would take like public transportation stuff.
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So I grew up being kind of scandy in my early age of like being behind, biking with my mom, and they're hills.
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There's a lot of hills in DC.
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So very impressive.
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So my mom's comfortable with the bike culture, but cargo bikes are something most people, I mean, like everyone knows what bikes are.
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They grow up with bikes, they have bikes in some way, like as a kid.
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But cargo bikes, I think, are very Danish, probably Scandinavian.
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And I'll go ahead and include the Netherlands as well there, like a little bit, right?
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Like that idea.
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And they've kind of infiltrated a little bit in some of the more progressive cities in the States.
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So there's a few people who have cargo bikes in uh California, but they're not big and they're definitely not well known.
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No.
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So my mom was like, oh wow, these cargo bikes.
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But not only did she get to see them, but that's how I got her around the city the whole time she first visited.
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I purposely got a cargo bike that had a little door.
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So both my dog and my mom could get in easily.
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And then obviously my child, I'm like, eh, he could always jump over the side like all the other kids.
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Yeah.
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But yeah, so I took that entire trip that my mom came on April.
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I cargo biked her around the entire city.
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And that was really, really fun.
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What is in what has impressed visitors?
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Impressed really.
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Um yeah.
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They have really liked the metro and the fact and how easy it is to use.
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Yeah.
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The fact that everything is in an app, you don't have to worry about going to the machine, buying any of that, and that it's completely driverless, which a lot of people may not know.
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There is no Metro driver.
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It's completely automated and that it is 24 hours and it's super clean.
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So I think that's something that's been impressive.
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I think things that have they found, I was surprised at how shocked they were at the recycling culture.
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Because when our my friend Andrew came with his girlfriend, they actually came to visit us a few days and then they took our house over and watched our dog while we went on vacation.
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Yeah.
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And I had to be, so it was more than just visiting.
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You had to be like, and this is how you live here now.
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Assimilate.
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Assimilate quickly.
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And these five bins, this is this one, this one, this one.
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He's like, wait, what?
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I'm like, don't worry.
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I have little pictures on the bend so you know what type of recycling or trash goes where.
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So you cannot, it's a little pictogram, you won't get lost.
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But yeah, I think those have been the things that they've liked.
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And I've been surprised that they haven't liked pastries as much as I thought they would.
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Like Danish pastries.
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Yeah, because I think it, yeah, it's like a global phenomenon.
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This every pastry that's outside of Denmark called the Danish.
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Exactly.
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Actually, not every book, like the Sandpower, the Canil, Snail, Nile, all that stuff.
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Like all of the cinnamon, the cardamom, all of those, if they were in England or the US, you'd just say, Oh, it's a Danish pastry.
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Exactly.
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No, and we and we just say, like, would you like a Danish?
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Would you like a Danish?
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I feel like it's a it's a claim.
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It's a bold claim.
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It is.
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Because you know, the Swedes are pretty good at this stuff as well.
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You know what?
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You're right.
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I never thought about it.
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I just, I you know what?
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I never thought about how offensive that could be to Swedes.
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I they're pretty chill.
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I'm not sure.
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I've never, I never had one of my Swedish friends have, you know, be like, this is a damn injustice.
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How dare they call it Danish?
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So you obviously have had way more visitors having been here for like, you know, nine years or so at this point.
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How often do people come and visit?
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And then who visits the most?
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I feel like, as with all new things, there is an influx, right?
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Because there's enthusiasm.
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Plus, you know, we're like one and a half to two hours away on a significantly easier for people, you know, to come and visit us.
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Um you're making me feel better.
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I've only had three visitors into yours.
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Yeah, yeah, but it's true.
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I mean, it's a huge expense for people to come, especially right now in the last couple of years, right?
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Everything's very expensive.
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So it is most of my visitors come from the UK, a mix of family and friends.
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My parents visit the most often, of course, because we have the kids and they want to be see us and spend, and they they come and stay the longest as well.
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So we get like a week here or there.
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But you know, it's funny how the briefings change.
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Like it had to be incredibly clear on text.
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Yeah.
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You come out of the arrivals hall and then you get a metro ticket.
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Yeah.
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Don't get a metro ticket, you will get a fine.
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They don't discriminate.
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Yeah, they will just fine you, they don't care you're a tourist, yeah, they won't accept ignorance.
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And it's expensive, it's gonna be like 2,000 kronor or something, two of them not to get a ticket.
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And one of my friends who's visited several times from London, she's been done twice with this, and you know who you are.
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So yeah, so that is it's kind of funny because I the thing is when you come from London, you can use contactless to get onto the tube.
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So you you don't think about the ticket machines anymore because they've made it incredibly convenient that you use you tap in and you tap out on the exit, and you can't get through the barriers without doing it.
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But what do you use like a tap?
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It's it's kind of idiot-proof.
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Yeah, a bank card, your phone.
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Ah, okay.
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So they've made it, they they've made it very easy.
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So it's not top of mind when you jump on the metro here to go to an actual ticket machine and buy a ticket before.
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And they obviously don't have the app.
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So yeah.
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Well, I'm trying to think now.
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So the bike thing everyone's enthusiastic about.
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I think all of our visitors have hired bikes at least once.
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Oh, okay.
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I hope my mother doesn't mind me telling this story because this was a this is like full circle.
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So she did it, she was a bit nervous, very slow.
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I found it very hard to bike with her, and she knows this because my knees were almost like like when you walk too slow, your knees are aching, and you're like, this is so uncomfortable.
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I can feel every joint in my body as moving.
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You're like, I think if like my tip over, I need to be going a little bit faster.
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Yeah, but yeah, and of course, it's like the wrong side for the Brits.
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Yeah, oh yeah, all of that there is that.
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And then this, you know, speed and pace and all these different bikes going past it can be a little bit daunting.
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And she's in her 70s as well.
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She was in her 60s when she first tried it, and I don't think she was a big fan.
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Put her in the cargo bike as a backup.
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She hated every second of it, and I almost took the cargo bike, so that that didn't help either.
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And so she's scarred.
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I thought she was scarred for life, but then her last visit did she go back in?
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She got a bike.
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She took I took the cargo bike, she took my bike.
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Okay.
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And she was doing really well until we got to a junction.
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Yeah.
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And she just fell off.
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But then it was like one of those slow motion.
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I'd already started biking as the lights changed, and I was in the road.
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So I had to like turn around, put my hand up, stop.
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You can't turn around on the car go back, right?
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You have to like get off and pull it back.
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And my mother is like doing this incredibly slow motion, what felt like slow motion falls.
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Oh no.
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Where the the bike's on top of her, she somehow ends up halfway on the pavement and on the bike.
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And yeah.
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So I think I think the biking days are over now.
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Yeah.
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I think that's I'm glad she didn't get serious hurt.
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That's probably the final time.
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She didn't get hurt.
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Yeah.
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That's really good.
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But the no cash thing.
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Yes.
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That was funny initially.
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Like people really don't expect it and come with euro with the rate euro.
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Oh, yeah.
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You know, it's like, you know, you don't actually accept euro here.
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It's corona, it's cashless.
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Yeah, you just need your cards.
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And yeah, I think those were like the biggest things.
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And I people love the food scene and all of the how how convenient everything is.
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And I guess it's it's like if you go from that and then you go into like behaving in public, like these unwritten rules and we've kind of talked about this before.
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That is the next level, right?
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You're like, you're gonna be here now.
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How do you not stand out like a sore thumb?
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Yeah.
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And I and for you and I, we've laughed about this many times.
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It's probably being too loud initially in public, right?
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I certainly assimilated.
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I'm a lot more Danish in that sense.
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Like I choose my moments where I'm where it's appropriate to be louder and you know.
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Birthday parties are completely appropriate times to be loud.
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Yes, exactly.
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That's obviously your own home.
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No rules there.
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Oh, sorry.
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I was thinking about dining out birthday.
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Oh, dining out, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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But what was the what was the first of those unwritten rules in public do you think you broke?
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So I'm actually turned into quite the rule follower since moving here.
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Yes, I'm I I think I've become very Danish in that way of okay, we've got rules, they're there for a reason, we're gonna follow them.
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And the biggest one that I follow that I'm surprised that I follow is not jaywalking or right turning on red.
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That's so this is this is I do this too, and it's not the dumb thing in the UK.
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No.
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We they're guidelines.
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That's how we treat them there.
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So my guess when they come.
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Oh, they step out left and right.
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So weird, like there's literally not a car or a bike in sight.
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They're more likely to get run over by a biker though than a bike than a car, to be honest.
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Yeah, that's also a little strange for people like that.
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Yeah, so New Yorkers and me living in New York for so long, I got very comfortable in, I guess, technically breaking the law and jaywalking all the time.
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Like if there is no traffic.
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That's where it comes from, jaywalking, yeah.
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And if you know sometimes in New York, if it's a big avenue and there's two things going and you have you're not gonna cross and then cross again.
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So you literally just go diagonal, like really double jaywalking, right?
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Yeah.
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But here, I guess I'm surprisingly law-abiding when it comes to the lights and when to cross and when not.
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And what about I think this is a funny question for you because we've had some conversations about this recently?
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It's like what was the moment, because when you become more rule following, I feel like there is a little bit more eye-rolling, side-eye action where people don't follow said rules.
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Yes.
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What was the moment that you became one of those people?
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What what triggered that?
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So I think, okay, there's a few.
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One.
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Oh, there's a little bit.
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Okay.
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Okay.
00:13:55.519 --> 00:14:00.720
Uh one, I I have reprimanded my husband about turning right right on his bike.
00:14:00.960 --> 00:14:01.200
Uh-oh.
00:14:01.919 --> 00:14:02.559
I do that, see.
00:14:02.720 --> 00:14:02.799
Yeah.
00:14:03.120 --> 00:14:06.080
Oh my god, she's side-eyeing me after I'm on the bike together.
00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:14.480
Now, I will admit secretly on this podcast that when I'm in a hurry, I sometimes do break that rule too.
00:14:14.879 --> 00:14:19.919
But never, never when I'm with my husband, because therefore I lose my power and being like, uh-uh-uh.
00:14:20.559 --> 00:14:21.039
You can't do that.
00:14:23.360 --> 00:14:25.279
Moral high ground or whatever.
00:14:25.600 --> 00:14:29.440
Then I think I've definitely become more Danish about the tourist cycling here.
00:14:29.600 --> 00:14:31.919
Like I oh, if you would tattoo.
00:14:35.120 --> 00:14:36.000
Learn to bike.
00:14:36.399 --> 00:14:37.279
A little, a little bit.
00:14:37.440 --> 00:14:39.519
I do, I do think there is okay.
00:14:39.600 --> 00:15:00.159
It's very because biking here is such a fundamental part of traffic and commuting, that letting people bike without them having the basic knowledge of the hand signals, how to go, what side, it's just as dangerous as having them being like, oh, you don't have a driver's license.
00:15:00.240 --> 00:15:00.720
Well, there you go.
00:15:00.799 --> 00:15:01.679
You can have a car anyway.
00:15:01.840 --> 00:15:05.759
Like it is because we're all moving at a certain speed, some of us faster than others.
00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:11.759
I mean, when you're going quickly and then someone just stops without a hand signal, it actually becomes quite a problem.
00:15:11.919 --> 00:15:13.840
So yeah, I am a little bit of a tutter.
00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:22.799
I definitely roll my eyes when I see the donkey bikes and the people are clearly oblivious as to like what they're doing and where they're going.
00:15:23.120 --> 00:15:29.600
So yeah, I think that's the one that I kind of have become quite Danish about.
00:15:29.759 --> 00:15:33.200
And I also hit a bike pedestrian by mistake once.
00:15:34.799 --> 00:15:42.720
Anyway, tourist, she stepped out in front of the bike lane faster than I could stop.
00:15:42.960 --> 00:15:51.279
So I full on, luckily I wasn't going super fast because I was coming towards the end of a lane, but I full on knocked into her.
00:15:51.360 --> 00:15:53.039
I like knocked a gear out of place.
00:15:53.120 --> 00:15:54.559
I had to get my bike repaired.
00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:56.559
She definitely had some bruises.
00:15:56.799 --> 00:15:58.639
And I was like, oh my God, oh my god.
00:15:58.799 --> 00:16:04.960
And luckily, a Dane was uh cycling past me and saw the whole thing, and she was like, totally her fault.
00:16:06.399 --> 00:16:08.240
So I felt a little vindicated.
00:16:08.399 --> 00:16:09.200
No, that's nice.
00:16:09.360 --> 00:16:10.000
Yeah.
00:16:10.320 --> 00:16:14.000
So I think with these like unwritten rules, isn't there aren't many.
00:16:14.159 --> 00:16:18.480
I feel like I have pretty well-behaved visitors who most of them are coming from cities.
00:16:18.559 --> 00:16:23.919
So I think they've just gotten used to like not assimilating fully, but you know, just kind of going with the flow.
00:16:24.159 --> 00:16:25.759
Or checking out travel to the colour.
00:16:25.919 --> 00:16:27.919
Yeah, they'll see what else other people are doing kind of things.
00:16:28.080 --> 00:16:28.799
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
00:16:28.960 --> 00:16:32.080
Good at like just following the lead and stuff.
00:16:32.559 --> 00:16:34.080
They will remain nameless.
00:16:34.159 --> 00:16:50.879
Uh but I I I do have one visitor in particular who really doesn't understand this, like small talk with strangers can get quite uncomfortable.
00:16:51.039 --> 00:16:51.360
Oh, yeah.
00:16:51.600 --> 00:16:56.320
And it's happened on the metro, oh, like the actual stranger on the street.
00:16:56.639 --> 00:17:04.880
Yeah, so it happened with like if they have small children or dog, or there's like some kind of interaction about the kids or the dog.
00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:08.319
And you know, they're clearly very taken aback by this.
00:17:09.200 --> 00:17:10.000
A little shocked.
00:17:10.160 --> 00:17:10.400
Yes.
00:17:10.559 --> 00:17:14.720
Oh, oh, oh, and almost like, oh my god, now like why are you talking to me?
00:17:14.880 --> 00:17:16.400
Yes, stop it.
00:17:17.440 --> 00:17:18.559
Like something.
00:17:18.880 --> 00:17:20.559
And actually, I I'm being hot.
00:17:20.880 --> 00:17:23.920
No, they most of them are very lovely and are very accommodating.
00:17:24.000 --> 00:17:35.279
But we had one time, we have had an outright no about stroking your dog, and it was said in English, yeah, and it was not said nicely, it was just a no, and then they walked off.
00:17:35.440 --> 00:17:43.119
Oh, so actually, in my head, I was like, oh, okay, that's kind of done me a favor because you kind of reinforce what I've been saying for years, it's never really been a problem.
00:17:43.279 --> 00:17:43.440
Yeah.
00:17:43.839 --> 00:17:45.359
Everyone's been accommodating.
00:17:45.519 --> 00:17:45.839
Yes.
00:17:46.000 --> 00:17:50.480
You just know that it's not that comfortable for people because they are so surprised.
00:17:50.720 --> 00:17:59.440
Outside of saying good morning, which I do very often when I see people get eye contact, I'll smile and say good morning, and they always say it back.
00:18:00.000 --> 00:18:08.000
And in English or Danish, like either or, but this is different when it's like a full-on, like there's no request to pet the dog.
00:18:08.160 --> 00:18:08.640
No, yeah.
00:18:08.799 --> 00:18:18.240
You know, it's like the old school when we had COVID, everyone freaked out, you know, because you would have some old lady coming over and oh, what a beautiful child, and you're like, get away.
00:18:19.200 --> 00:18:22.559
You know, we all became like hypochondrics, didn't we, in that in that sense.
00:18:22.640 --> 00:18:26.240
But like now it's like the gloves are off again, kind of thing.
00:18:26.480 --> 00:18:29.839
The masks are off, and it's a bit of a free-for-all again.
00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:34.160
But that's the only, that's the only one that I can can really think of.
00:18:34.640 --> 00:18:40.720
It's actually so I think the small talk is a really good one because we get used to it now, like we get used to not doing it.
00:18:40.880 --> 00:18:44.640
And I fell into my American ways the other day outside of Magazine.
00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:45.680
I was running a little late.
00:18:45.759 --> 00:18:51.440
I was doing mom stuff, and then there was another mom, clearly, because she had a baby seat in the back of her thing.
00:18:51.599 --> 00:18:56.319
And you could tell we both were like stopping, trying to do some like text messages or quick things between things.
00:18:56.480 --> 00:19:01.359
And then in the States, you would look at each other and be like, oh, mom life, right?
00:19:01.519 --> 00:19:04.000
And like you'd have a moment for a second.
00:19:04.160 --> 00:19:04.480
Right.
00:19:04.720 --> 00:19:10.880
I did it to this Dane, and she literally looked like I was, she looked at me like I was crazy or drunk.
00:19:11.039 --> 00:19:14.559
Like she was like, was it after 12?
00:19:17.039 --> 00:19:20.160
And it was she was like, oh my God.
00:19:20.240 --> 00:19:22.240
And then I I felt so mortified.
00:19:22.319 --> 00:19:25.839
And I was like, oh Meg, you're not in the States anymore.
00:19:26.079 --> 00:19:30.960
You forgot this like cardinal rule that you don't just randomly talk to strangers.
00:19:31.599 --> 00:19:45.440
But I have had older Danes, like the elderly, like in their 80s, who will randomly say something to me on the street or not in a not a nice, not a not in a nice way, not a non-nice way, not like a get out of my way kind of thing.
00:19:45.519 --> 00:19:57.440
Like we were once standing on a corner and an older gentleman came up and said something to me and my son, and I just kind of was like, oh, because it was super early in my Danish career here that I had no idea what he said.
00:19:57.519 --> 00:20:00.240
And I pinned down and I go, What did he say?
00:20:01.039 --> 00:20:04.079
And my son goes, I couldn't hear him.
00:20:04.240 --> 00:20:06.880
Um so I just smiled and was like, uh-huh.
00:20:07.279 --> 00:20:09.759
Because on the flip side, you also don't expect it.
00:20:09.920 --> 00:20:10.079
Yes.
00:20:10.240 --> 00:20:14.480
It can be a little bit, I think it's very nice, but it's also a little bit shocking.
00:20:14.640 --> 00:20:14.960
Yes.
00:20:15.119 --> 00:20:16.960
And I wonder if it's just we all feel the same.
00:20:17.200 --> 00:20:17.519
That's true.
00:20:17.680 --> 00:20:19.200
You just have a different reaction to it, right?
00:20:19.359 --> 00:20:28.079
And then also when it's in a language that you're not fluent in, you can't and you haven't turned your brain to that language for that day for the morning, you're like, I don't know what you're talking about.
00:20:28.799 --> 00:20:39.839
So I feel like so we talked a little bit about the visitors, some of those unwritten rules.
00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:47.279
One of the things that could be fun to talk about now is basically eating culture.
00:20:47.599 --> 00:20:48.400
Oh, okay.
00:20:48.720 --> 00:20:53.599
Because I find this has very mixed responses from people.
00:20:53.680 --> 00:20:55.839
You know, you have like we do very early dinners.
00:20:56.079 --> 00:20:57.279
Oh, yes, we do.
00:20:58.079 --> 00:21:02.960
Cold lunches that takes a little bit of getting the head wrapped around.
00:21:03.279 --> 00:21:05.920
And there's a lot of unfamiliar flavours.
00:21:06.240 --> 00:21:08.240
Um we're looking at you, Leo Paste.
00:21:11.519 --> 00:21:18.720
And sometimes not always big prices, but sometimes small portions.
00:21:18.880 --> 00:21:22.640
And I think that can be a little bit uh disconcerting for people.
00:21:23.920 --> 00:21:32.559
What I'm curious, what food did your visitors really either refuse or just not love?
00:21:33.680 --> 00:21:41.440
So I didn't have anything super bad when it came to like, I don't want to try this or like this isn't very good.
00:21:41.680 --> 00:21:46.640
Yeah, mostly because again, it's a small segment of people that have been visitors for me.
00:21:46.799 --> 00:21:50.880
And all of them are relatively, I call it adventurous eaters.
00:21:50.960 --> 00:21:51.599
Yeah, that's cool.
00:21:51.759 --> 00:21:53.279
Or just willing to try something.
00:21:53.519 --> 00:21:59.599
I I think it's actually been the flip side where I have introduced them to things that they loved even more than they.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:01.200
thought they were gonna love.
00:22:01.359 --> 00:22:05.279
So my go-to place to take people when they come to visit is Tohelena.
00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:07.519
It is my favorite place in Copenhagen.
00:22:07.680 --> 00:22:09.119
I go there quite a lot myself.
00:22:09.200 --> 00:22:11.759
I actually I do a lot of grocery shopping at Tohelena.
00:22:12.799 --> 00:22:19.920
And the the slada there makes the best steak flesk sand now I've said it, people are gonna be there.
00:22:20.079 --> 00:22:27.359
But anyway, makes the best steak sandwich, a flake yeah, steak steak flesh sandwich in all of Copenhagen, hands down.
00:22:27.599 --> 00:22:29.599
Brioche buns, everything and it's huge.
00:22:29.680 --> 00:22:35.599
It's really big, especially for I think Danish portion sizes, this thing is huge.
00:22:35.920 --> 00:22:42.160
And then I think, you know, introducing people to like this like quintessential Danish idea of like small bowl.
00:22:42.240 --> 00:22:42.400
Yeah.
00:22:42.640 --> 00:22:43.599
That's a really good place.
00:22:43.680 --> 00:22:50.319
And then they've all been open to it, you know, like even like Fleska stye or, you know, so they've all been happy.
00:22:50.559 --> 00:22:53.440
I haven't had anything that oh actually that's not true.
00:22:53.680 --> 00:22:54.480
Licorice.
00:22:54.640 --> 00:22:56.720
Sorry guys, it has never been a winner.
00:22:56.880 --> 00:22:59.920
The licorice has always fallen flat no matter what idea.
00:23:00.720 --> 00:23:02.960
How is licorice perceived in the US?
00:23:03.279 --> 00:23:06.640
So black licorice is not super big.
00:23:06.799 --> 00:23:07.680
It's not a big thing.
00:23:07.920 --> 00:23:19.599
Red licorice is a really big thing because the candy that we have we have I if you're an East Coaster you've got Twizzlers which is red licorice and its arch nemesis on the west coast are red vines.
00:23:19.759 --> 00:23:19.920
Right.
00:23:20.319 --> 00:23:23.920
And red and you know which one's better Twizzlers.
00:23:24.319 --> 00:23:27.680
But like it's it's a big thing and but it's a very different flavor.
00:23:27.839 --> 00:23:32.720
Like black licorice exists but it's not huge.
00:23:32.880 --> 00:23:33.039
Right.
00:23:33.200 --> 00:23:40.960
And it's not something that we think about and it you know depending on the strength of it it can be quite acquired taste.
00:23:41.359 --> 00:23:41.759
Yes.
00:23:42.319 --> 00:23:46.720
Interestingly we have a lot of black licorice but it's not very nice quality so it's very strong.
00:23:46.960 --> 00:23:49.359
You can take that if you don't like the Danish stuff.
00:23:49.440 --> 00:24:00.079
Yeah yeah I love the Danish licorice and yeah my parents and almost all of our visitors have really gotten into it because it's it tastes so much more subtle.
00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:01.599
It's a little bit like marzipan.
00:24:01.759 --> 00:24:06.960
Yeah marzipan is used so much in cakes here way more than we would in the UK.
00:24:07.119 --> 00:24:15.759
And when you say it someone from the UK is like oh no I don't like marzipan and like I think you should try because it is very subtle.
00:24:15.920 --> 00:24:25.680
Yeah it's different here marzipan in England it's like oh it's overpowering yeah um yeah there are a few like dill is another one we don't really use much dill.
00:24:25.839 --> 00:24:31.279
Oh and they use lots of dill yeah and they use a lot in everything connected to fish it's on everything.
00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:31.839
That's true.
00:24:32.000 --> 00:24:33.920
And that actually is an acquired taste too.
00:24:34.079 --> 00:24:36.960
I never thought about dill being acquired but fish quite strong.
00:24:37.039 --> 00:24:43.440
Yeah it takes over a little bit if you put too much on so about if I think some of those can be tricky.
00:24:43.680 --> 00:25:05.920
Oh I have a herring my yes exactly herring yeah pickled herring I mean there's loads of things we could talk about there because obviously they're obviously they I think most people have tried but yeah they're they're favorites preferred ones I'll never forget because there is like this is a little bit again unwritten rules but in the food area.
00:25:06.079 --> 00:25:06.240
Yeah.
00:25:06.400 --> 00:25:25.920
So we were having lunch with some family of mine and and my husband and his and uh one family member was basically taking a piece of rye bread putting chicken salad on and sprinkling it with those dried onions.
00:25:26.799 --> 00:25:27.039
Okay.
00:25:27.440 --> 00:25:41.039
And my husband was just like what is happening this is not what we do like that belongs somewhere else.
00:25:41.279 --> 00:25:44.240
Those things don't make and of course it was my mom.
00:25:44.480 --> 00:25:53.119
Sorry mom I'm just I feel like I'm you have all the best stories for me to share and you know because it was my mom yes he didn't say anything.
00:25:53.359 --> 00:26:07.920
No but he in his eyes like at the end he was like he I think he made comment like you know oh I mean she was like oh that was delicious and I think then it was a an opening for him to be like yeah I mean that was uh it was quite a combination that you had going on there.
00:26:08.160 --> 00:26:16.720
Yeah it was actually it was really funny but I like I've I also remember the first time that I had uh smur bowl yeah which which one did you not have?
00:26:17.599 --> 00:26:28.000
I think this would have been it's very it it was pickled herring because there's a an order of things right typically you eat the fish before you move on to something else.
00:26:28.240 --> 00:26:55.839
True very true and however you eat the fish is up to you I believe but it was like eggs with prawns and mayo pickled herring separate right very classic ones breaded place that's a lovely one yeah but the and I think maybe I didn't do that and I went for the chicken salad or I went to something else and I definitely got some looks across the table.
00:26:56.000 --> 00:27:18.559
Oh and you and I felt like oh I'm doing something wrong so I like to even get my husband's eye contact I'm like help but uh you know you you sort of learn this quickly and it it it kind of makes sense it's just maybe I had some hot food on there and I wanted to eat the hot food first so it didn't go cold and that wasn't really the way it just has to be cold.
00:27:18.799 --> 00:27:19.920
You just have to have it cold.
00:27:20.319 --> 00:27:33.920
Does not move all right but then okay so food is one thing bigger shocks tend to be about bodies and you mentioned it at the start the naked showering.
00:27:34.079 --> 00:27:59.119
Oh yes have you experienced that with guests okay luckily no explain because so yeah so people get a sense of this whenever I do like this because it makes me that you don't have to have as much chlorine in the pool but they insist that everybody wash their body with soap and water including hair all the way down before you put your sunsuit on and before you get in the pool.
00:27:59.279 --> 00:28:00.000
So everyone does that.
00:28:00.559 --> 00:28:07.279
And the shower rooms are like the like jailhouse style communal.
00:28:07.519 --> 00:28:16.319
Yeah communal when it's a giant room with just lots of shower heads so everyone is naked old young they've got little baby baths there which is so cute.
00:28:16.480 --> 00:28:18.880
Yeah it's like it's good but it's just everyone's there.
00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:25.119
Now I don't actually have a problem with nudity I'm not particularly prudish in that way like I don't care.
00:28:25.359 --> 00:28:36.000
However it does add a little layer of uncomfortability when you know the person okay so it's not that I am bothered by nudity.
00:28:36.079 --> 00:28:40.240
I could see naked strangers together all the no I mean we'll go it's fine.
00:28:40.319 --> 00:29:07.359
It just it it definitely I did go to Lalandia earlier in the spring and we were with a good friend of my husband's and uh she's Danish so she's clearly very comfortable with this you know like her whole life and but it was a very busy busy shower like usually it's maybe like three or four people so everyone has space still right like etiquette in general like if there's four seats you don't sit right next to the person right you sit one over.
00:29:07.519 --> 00:29:13.519
Same thing with the showers if there's four shower heads you don't go and stand at the shower head right next to the other naked person.
00:29:13.680 --> 00:29:48.160
There is a space allotment I'm seeing a whole and I love how you caveated this entire conversation at the start with I'm not prudish however and then you have subsequently proven to be very prudish no we do not have this rule about the shower like if there are four showers you do not stand next to it we do not have this I experience this every week because my kids are in swim lessons but I'm it's even more strange because I am not naked.
00:29:48.720 --> 00:29:59.359
The other thing is when you have kids in swim lessons they have to go in and be naked showered and all of that and you just go in with bare feet and everybody is naked except for me.
00:29:59.519 --> 00:30:04.799
Yes and that also that that actually feels more strange to me because you're like the odd one ow.
00:30:04.960 --> 00:30:16.960
Yes I had my first um taste of this and it wasn't in a swim pool it was on a a bat a Danish bachelorette the first month that I moved here it was a lot of first it was a lot of biking in the rain.
00:30:17.119 --> 00:30:27.599
Wait, this is the same bachelorette that you like did your first bike ride and got your bike and everything and you guys got naked together too we we went out to Norhound and they had hired this Sonagus.
00:30:27.680 --> 00:30:34.240
Yeah yeah he would driven this Swede had driven in I do love Saunagus with this trailer down to Norhound.
00:30:34.400 --> 00:30:46.480
And then the first thing was like yeah so we're you know everyone can just get into their bathing suit so there's no changing rooms so we had to get butt naked on a street 14 of us me on the street?
00:30:46.640 --> 00:30:58.960
Yeah because there was no changing rooms he just got he just brought a like mobile sauna there's no changing rooms so it was pretty quiet area very industrial with a little bit of residential so low risk but still very funny.
00:30:59.200 --> 00:31:09.759
Thankfully we'd all been drinking so that was fine but earlier in that day I'd also been naked with these girls so I'd had like two rounds of just being naked.
00:31:09.839 --> 00:31:15.119
It was like my initiation at times two where we played kayak polo down at Islands Rugi.
00:31:15.200 --> 00:31:32.799
Yeah and you at the end you just had to take a naked shower and it was open and also what was worse there were only three or four showers and we were 14 so everyone was just standing naked naked wake it waiting like somewhere in the showers and you could really tell I played sports.
00:31:32.960 --> 00:32:17.119
Yeah so I I think actually my British prudishness was lost because we were always in these types of showers right yeah um but if you haven't done that it's like in England the gyms yeah because they all have individual stars like in the US out in the changing area yeah my husband was said it was the strangest experience like grown men with their towels wrapped around them and putting their underwear on under the towel and because he's Danish and they're not and not prudish whatsoever he was like he's just walking around naked and he's like looking at everyone like what is happening to me I mean that's quite funny.
00:32:17.359 --> 00:32:58.720
That's a real cultural clash that is really yeah you're just strutting around naked like he's like why are you people so weird and everyone else is like what's up with that guy but but my mother again sorry mom my mom has had to my ex I feel like my mom because she's visited the most and lived here for over nine years she has also experienced the naked shower my mom is absolute opposite end of a prude though she has no problem getting naked with the with the rest of us uh but yeah Lalandia she experienced that too the big swimming pool and then yeah at the local pool I think we've done it all by now so yeah it is it is kind of funny but I I I think I'm just used to it now.
00:32:58.880 --> 00:33:13.039
Yeah I am more Danish in that way I think I mean to go back to your like kids in the pool lessons like I got out of that because our son had it all last year but my husband took him the whole season and at that time he still had to get into the pool.
00:33:13.119 --> 00:33:20.799
So it was just everyone's naked every and then they would have a really cute sauna the kids dad together and they'd like uh trade snacks.
00:33:20.960 --> 00:33:32.640
But yes I took him the launch of this season and I also had to be the only clothed person and it is very awkward especially when he wanted to do sauna afterwards he's like I'll just go in by myself mama.
00:33:32.960 --> 00:33:38.400
So he's sitting in the sauna enjoying the sauna by himself but I'm like outside the door to make sure he doesn't overheat.
00:33:38.480 --> 00:33:41.519
But the sauna is in the communal shower.
00:33:41.759 --> 00:33:53.599
So I'm just standing there awkwardly doing what looks like nothing but being amongst naked people and being the only one clothed and I'm like just you know my son's in the sauna here yeah just I'm not weird.
00:33:53.680 --> 00:34:08.719
I'm just waiting for the sauna oh all right so we've talked a lot about new showering and I think it's safe to say my visitors that have experienced it have survived it and it's all been good.
00:34:09.280 --> 00:34:12.079
What about home rules?
00:34:12.480 --> 00:34:19.920
How have your home rules changed now and what do you find the hardest to enforce with visitors?
00:34:20.320 --> 00:34:22.480
Uh what's been uncomfortable?
00:34:22.719 --> 00:34:44.079
I mean I haven't had anything that's hard to enforce although my mom will forget about taking her shoes off constantly but she's gotten better at it I'll be like mom there's a bench here for a reason come sit down get your shoes off and she's like I'm just gonna go to the restroom I'm like take your shoes off so uh that's the probably the closest and that is very new for us.
00:34:44.320 --> 00:34:57.760
We had shoes on in our house up until our son was a toddler or like crawling and then we were like oh wait this would be advantageous for us to take shoes off so he's not I don't know crawling around on street dirt all over our house.
00:34:58.000 --> 00:35:03.519
So but it is a very non-American thing to have shoes off in the house if you just grow up doing that.
00:35:03.599 --> 00:35:06.880
So that's something that's drastically different.
00:35:07.119 --> 00:35:12.960
And I think it was honestly when I had to teach people about recycling and how and because it is it is no joke.
00:35:13.119 --> 00:35:23.039
It's I mean we have six different bins and then another two outside that we don't have inside and you have to be like no no no this is actually this is actually that and I am quite regimen with it.
00:35:23.119 --> 00:35:33.599
I've gotten very Danish with that I'm like save our earth save our planet but this is this is funny like this is almost like the question is what does this say about us now?
00:35:33.840 --> 00:35:59.760
Because we talked we've talked in belonging and on previous episodes about how we want to belong we don't want to fully assimilate and lose all of our cultural beginnings and all of our heritage right maybe some things we're willing to let go but there are other things that are actually they kind of I feel enrich our lives also whilst we're here and also passing on to our kids right and definitely infiltrating into our husbands.
00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:35.119
Yeah I think I think definitely influences britify my husband a little bit and do you think so when you first moved here did you mock the recycling culture where you were a little bit like oh my god this is so over the top and now you've because this is part of the assimilation right yeah I think I had a bridge by having lived in California and California has much more recycling than any other state in the US if I had come directly from the East Coast here I would have been like okay guys this is a bit overkill.
00:36:35.360 --> 00:36:43.519
But I had like baby steps kind of like you get a dog who trains for a baby I moved to California to train for recycling here in Denmark.
00:36:43.760 --> 00:36:56.400
But I had read that chapter in Living a Year Danishly where her neighbor came knocking on her door because she had done it correctly and I was like yeah that is not going to be me and I didn't want to be judged and stand out.
00:36:56.480 --> 00:37:10.320
So I emailed or knocked on anyone's door about bad recycling no not me I wouldn't not fully there no no no no no a couple more years I have eyeballed somebody once when they were clearly not putting it in the right thing but I didn't say anything.
00:37:10.480 --> 00:37:14.639
I just gave the Danish eye I'd be like you and I both know that it's not where that goes.
00:37:14.960 --> 00:37:18.960
But do you do you feel more American or Danish when you have guests here?
00:37:20.719 --> 00:37:21.920
That's a really good question.
00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:58.559
I'm pausing because I I I still feel like me I definitely feel like there as time has gone by and again we're not even yeah at 24 months yet there are aspects of my personality that have been danish fied slightly just the way I say things sometimes oh yeah that's oh yeah even no I do that and even when speaking English so like things have kind of slipped in there and sometimes I use phrasing incorrectly I do the Danish phrasing the structural phrasing by mistake in English.
00:37:58.639 --> 00:38:38.000
I'll do it a Danish structure but in an English sentence but I think I I am still American especially to Danes I'm still very American that part has not been smoothed out from me but I think I definitely have more of a European flair than I did when I I don't know I think I had some of it before but yeah I guess for you you've been here much longer you've definitely had the ability for Denmark to like smooth your British edges so to speak.
00:38:38.239 --> 00:38:57.199
Okay it's probably hard to answer but do you feel it like can you kind of notice yourself in those aha moments of being like this is not the same Selena that was just moved here nine years ago like I've definitely been influenced in my behavior I yes for sure I I think the the thing that stands out the most for me is the parenting.
00:38:57.280 --> 00:39:06.079
Yeah I never parented in the UK but I grew up in the UK and I obviously still have a lot of friends and family that are raising kids.
00:39:06.320 --> 00:39:15.199
And when we talk about parenting styles I can for sure feel that my style is much more Danish than it is British.
00:39:15.360 --> 00:39:19.519
Yeah I am not a helicopter parent I don't run on fear.
00:39:19.760 --> 00:39:41.519
My level of trust is another one yeah leaving strollers outside with or without babies unlocked I would never do it with my bike I guess we talked about that but but there are so many things that I do in like small everyday things like that where you trust yes that I just would not do.
00:39:41.679 --> 00:39:49.280
Yeah and it it may it feels nice I have to say like it feels like a really it feels it gives you a lot of peace.
00:39:49.440 --> 00:39:58.480
I can't really it does like living on fear is it's horrendous right and I I think it makes me far more relaxed.
00:39:58.880 --> 00:40:07.599
Do you feel fine that when that you're surprised that you've forgotten you've taken it on because visitors are going to be like aren't you gonna lock that up or aren't you know Yeah and the biking is a big one.
00:40:07.679 --> 00:40:24.480
Like even just get the pace that I bike how I bike this the automatic thing of like oh wait this is so much faster on a bike you should hire a bike and we'll go there and then you forget well they bike significantly slower.
00:40:24.719 --> 00:40:30.480
So maybe it was fine to get the metro or the jump on the bus this time because they would have probably been more relaxed and enjoyed.
00:40:30.559 --> 00:40:38.320
So sometimes I have to remind myself that it's like we have our way but yeah it's fine when your visitors are here it doesn't always need to be like that.
00:40:38.400 --> 00:40:51.679
And yeah so those are like I think those are the the parenting style the level of trust and not defaulting to my bike to get everywhere when I have visitors I think that's how it's I've deinified yeah.
00:40:52.400 --> 00:40:53.440
Yeah I think that makes sense.
00:40:53.599 --> 00:40:55.360
I feel similar in many ways.
00:40:55.599 --> 00:41:05.920
And you get you you don't realize that you've gotten that until somebody comes and their lack of it or their noticing of it makes you realize that you've adopted it.
00:41:06.239 --> 00:41:08.960
Exactly that's pretty that's pretty different.
00:41:09.519 --> 00:41:26.239
So I guess most of the things that visitors come with and may think it's a stereotype or aren't prepared to be surprised by it or maybe are, you know, from babies being outside to the bike lanes to the trust that you just mentioned that's an actual real thing.
00:41:26.400 --> 00:41:39.199
And I think we as expats and new I guess bridges between our societies have to remember that we have to bring on our visitors into this new path and like give them training wheels so to speak so they feel comfortable with it.
00:41:39.360 --> 00:41:44.960
But so don't you know don't be surprised visitors when you come here and that all the things you heard are true.
00:41:45.280 --> 00:41:52.239
Yeah but also also just a another I think another side to that is they are visitors.
00:41:52.400 --> 00:42:23.119
Yes they are not expected to assimilate and be fully complicit and actually makes it more interesting that they don't sometimes and it's kind of the fun moments come out of that because you're like oh no no no we don't do that and then you catch yourself and you're like oh loosen up Selena like just let them be they're here for three days how much damage can they do you know my reputation kind of thing and so I also do like the quirks that come with having visitors and this clash of cultures.
00:42:23.280 --> 00:42:23.760
That's true.
00:42:23.920 --> 00:42:26.800
So I think we have to go a little bit with what we said about belonging.
00:42:26.960 --> 00:42:32.719
Yeah like for us it we want to go all in but not lose ourselves.
00:42:32.960 --> 00:42:36.480
If we're visitors, we just want them to go all in themselves.
00:42:37.280 --> 00:42:40.800
It makes much much more fun and just assimilate by buying a metro ticket.
00:42:40.880 --> 00:42:41.920
Exactly and don't get signed.
00:42:42.159 --> 00:42:43.280
Don't get signed.
00:42:43.840 --> 00:42:55.599
But what's the moment listeners that a visitor made you realize you became more Danish or what are things that when people came to visit you're like oh they really struggled with this that maybe we didn't mention or didn't think about we'd love to hear it.
00:42:55.760 --> 00:42:59.199
Write to us at thescandyshift at gmail.com or DM us on Instagram.
00:42:59.360 --> 00:43:02.800
Yeah and thanks for spending part of the day with us here on the Scandy Shift.
00:43:02.880 --> 00:43:08.079
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