541 | Surrender

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Best podcast has ballet.
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Every little thing you think that ne every little thing
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you think that every little thing that's just feeding.
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Your greed or abet that you'll be fine without.
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Yes, the minimalist Joshua Field's Olbourne here.
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T K.
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Coleman is over there.
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Yes, indeed, Today we're joined by a beloved international speaker
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and transformational teacher. He speaks at countless events around the world.
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His latest book is this one right here. It's called
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The Magic of Surrender, Finding the Courage to let Go. Please,
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welcome to the show. Our new friend, Coup Blackson's here. Yeah,
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maybe a poem is appropriate to start.
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Hey, man, I want to I want to dedicate this
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to my new friend, who float like a butterfly, sting
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like a bee. The only man to stepped into this
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studio that's prettier than me. He's as cool as Prince,
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smooth as Michael Jackson. Muhammad Ali still the greatest, but
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his success in his son is Coop Blacks. I had
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a poem dedicated to me, clip that I will hear
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something to chew on.
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T K.
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I've got a little maximum for you. Want to start
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this episode with simplicity is the opposite of sloppy. Now,
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so you're gonna talk about surrender today. Within the context
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of surrender, what does that mean to you? Simplicity is
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the opposite of sloppy.
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Yeah. For me, it makes me think of the distinction
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between the complex and the complicated. We often think of
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simplicity and complexity as being opposites, but complexity is actually
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an extension of simplicity. When you master simplicity, you can
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layer that until you arrive at complex complexity. But when
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you lack simplicity, what you arrive at is that which
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is complicated, and that's the sloppiness. You know. It reminds
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me of the quote that you say all the time
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about excuse me for writing a letter that is so long.
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I didn't have a sufficient amount of time to make
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it brief. Simplicity takes work, the willingness to look at
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our clutter, not just the clutter without, but the clutter within,
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and to face those demons and to reconcile those shadows
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to ourselves. And when we run from that work, we
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end up with the sloppy. And that's the easy thing,
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but it produces a complicated life.
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Yeah, we often mistake simple and easy, and one of
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the distinctions we try to make here. Is simple isn't easy.
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Sloppy is easy. The simple is something different, It's intentional.
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And we're gonna be talking today a bit about surrender
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and making a distinction between surrender and giving up. Since
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we have COOT here, I also want to talk about
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letting go of stigmas. We have a great question about that. Also,
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our first question day has something to do with quiet luxury,
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and we'll talk about the requirements of optimism, which is
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not a phrase you've probably heard me talk about before,
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but the requirements optimism actually requires something from you. I
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want to talk to you a bit about that today
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and so much more. Also on page three, we have
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three ways that clutter is harming your health and how
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to fix it. Let's start with our callers. If you
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have a question for the show, we'd love to hear
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from you for zero six, two seven eighty three nine
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is the phone number, or you can send a voice
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memo right from your phone to podcast at the minimalists
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dot Com. We'd love to have you on the program.
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Send your questions in. Our first question today is from
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Mary in Australia.
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Hi, Minimalists, I have sent you in a question before,
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So this is my second time sending in a question.
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So something that I have realized after downsizing and letting
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go of all my glamorous clothing, things that were tiring
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me out, like doing my hair, doing my makeup, wearing
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you know, a fitted dress that got exhausting. I'm thirty
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six years old. I've had three open heart surgeries, so
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I don't have energy for that. So I simplified and
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I kind of go from between a couple of tracksuits
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that I have, so track pants matching hoodie, and something
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that I've realized that I thought I would bring up
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to you guys over there at the Minimalist Is. Ever
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since I've been wearing these track pants and hoodies, it
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has given a weird, I don't know, effect on people
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around me. So whenever I go into stores things now
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like people follow me around the store, they stand behind
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me when I'm in the store. I get my bag
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checked when I'm leaving the store. So I'm starting to
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think people think that I'm either a criminal or that
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I am broke, but really I am just tired. So
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I'm you know, I'm clean. I'm going there with a
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clean track suit. My hair is you know, presentable. I
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don't really wear makeup much anymore, and this is bringing
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to me, but going in public, the way people look
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at you, and the amount of things that have happened
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when I have gone into stores. I don't know, what
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are your thoughts on this side of being simple, like
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you know, people thinking that you're either a criminal or
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the or what.
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Are your thoughts?
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First off, I have to comment on the back soundtrack
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to her voicemail. It felt like she must have hired
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a team of folly artists to perfectly capture it. Sounded
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very MPR right. I'm out here in the field right now,
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and now this question. There's something about surrender here, and
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in fact, I want to talk to you a bit
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about the magic of surrender. We have a question of
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the Week coming up at the bottom of page one,
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so we'll touch on that. But there's something specific here
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with respect to her question. On the surface, it's something
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The question is about wardrobe and dressing. Simply, everyone in
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this room today happens to be wearing all black, which
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is pretty remarkable. It's not always the case, especially with
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Professor Shawn here, he's often brightly colored. But I find
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that this question there's a question underneath it, and it
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has to do with other people's assumptions and also has
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something to do with the stigmas that we experience when
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we make some sort of major life change. And so
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if you were talking to Mary face to face, what
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would you tell her.
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Well, first, I think she's incredibly courageous, you know, because
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so much of our culture tries to convince us that
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our sense of value, our sense of worth, our sense
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of validation, our ability to be accepted is outside, and
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so much of the world and media and retailers distract
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our attention to focus on the external, and your sense
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of value, your sense of self, your sense of worth
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in the world is related to everything outside. So we
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have a focus that is externally based what you wear,
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what you buy, how you look, your hairstyle, the brand
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of your socks, your shoes, you know, your car. And
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I think that's where we've been brainwashed and conditioned, and
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so much of our society reinforces that. And so I
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would just first say to her, you're in incredibly courageous
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to shift that focus, because I think real freedom is
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an in a state of being. It's an inner state
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of being connected to who you are connected to what
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you are connected to your truth. And I think, you know,
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minimalism is not about having or not having. It's about
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the degree to which you need to have certain things
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in order to feel okay, in order to feel whole.
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So I think that there is a deeper evolution happening,
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maybe on an emotional level, spiritual level, developmental level, that
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she's going through. That is growth where she's no longer
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needing her sense of value reflected out here outside by
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the world, by society, by friends, family, et cetera, et cetera.
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So I think, congratulations, you know, this inner state of
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freedom is what no one can take from you. That's dangerous,
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that's powerful. You know, that is to be truly alive.
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So I think minim is to remove everything that doesn't
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make you feel truly alive, right, you know.
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Yeah, And all the.
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Other stuff is clutter. But the problem we're coming to
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here tk with Mary is that she did remove those
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things that she didn't have the time to spend on anymore.
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Maybe she just wasn't interested in the fashion choices of yesteryear,
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and now she feels like there's a particular stigma associated
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with that, and other people are branding her as well.
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She said either poor.
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Or late or lazy, or maybe you're even a criminal. So,
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first of all, there's nothing wrong with being poor, and
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so if someone thinks you're poor, there's always going to
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be someone who thinks you're poor. There are people who
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think jay Z is poor because he only has one
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billion dollars, right, and so poor is relative. But I
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also think that what Koot was saying here makes a
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whole lot of sense because there is something about the
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problem with income and equality. There's a deeper problem underneath that,
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and that problem is the we have more than a
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king three hundred years ago couldn't imagine what the poorest
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person in America has access to. And so that's not
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the problem by itself. The poverty isn't. The problem is
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the having, in a way and needing more of what
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we don't have. Right, And there's a story here that
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I think that Mary might be telling herself about everyone
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looks at me differently now, And maybe true, some people
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do look at you differently, but most of the time,
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no one notices what you're wearing at all.
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Yeah, that's exactly right. We've spoken before about this idea
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of dressing for the results you care about if I
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go to a job interview, I'm going to dress a
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certain way, not because of some objective list of dos
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and don't, independent of my own desires, but because of
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my goal and my ability to anticipate how I will
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be seen. I make that adjustment right, And so if
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you don't care about those results, then you're free because
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you're dressing how you want to dress, and you're good.
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On the other end, if you do care about that,
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it really bothers you and you want a different result.
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It could be an opportunity to say, well, what kind
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of adjustments am I willing to make? But here's what
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I hear underneath. What rings loud and clear to me
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is I'm tired. Even when she expressed people looking at
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her outfit as a reflection of being poor or being
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a criminal, the response that was, no, I'm not any
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of those things. I'm just tired. And there's a difference
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between saying I do what I do because I'm tired
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versus I do what I do because it makes me
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come alive, It nourishes me, it fires me up, it
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expresses my true self. And I'm going to stick with
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that even if you're tired of it. When you find
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what nourishes you and what makes you come alive. Other
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people may get tired of that, but because it makes
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you come alp you have the strength to handle that.
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On the other hand, if you're saying I do this
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because I'm tired, what that means is I have erected
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a defense mechanism to protect me from old patterns of burnout,
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and I have yet to find the way of being
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that nourishes me. And so I think there are two
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distinct questions that we should be asking here. One is
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what requires my energy? The other is what gives me energy?
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And right now what I'm hearing is I dress in
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a way that avoids what requires my energy. I'm so
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tired of doing things like I used to do. I'm
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so burned out and worn out. I don't want my
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past anymore. So now I'm going to dress in a
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way that doesn't require energy. But the question I would
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be asking now is what manner of dressing gives me energy?
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And no one gets to set those rules but you.
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But you want to dress not to impress, but you
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want to dress so that you are expressing who you
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truly are. And then when you do that, it doesn't
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matter what people think. You have the power to handle it.
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When you showed up today, you were dressed in all black,
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you had a nice bomber jacket on. I felt like
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you got the memo. I don't know if Savvy D reached.
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Out to you beforehand. It was like, no memo, no email.
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So I wanted to think about, like there's a we're
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talking a bit about quiet luxury here. This term came
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into focus towards the end of the twenty teens, and
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it was about shoeing logos and having nice clothes that
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fit well, but they don't scream luxury. It's not the
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Louis Vauton bag with all the logos. It's not giant
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ponies on my shirt or whatever. It's about understated and
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there's a luxury in the simplicity. And so I printed
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out these pictures. We'll throw them up on the screen.
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We'll have Tom Kat do it here. There are some
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folks that I first I've got this page of like
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casual men who are addressed casually who also come off
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as hyper cool and I think cool as contextual here, right,
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So we have Donald Glover here, childish gambino, he lives
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up in Ohi. I see him all the time, and
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he's always kind of dressed like this. The first one
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is wild. This is from a GQ article, and the
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GQ headline says it all, Donald Glover has no shirt,
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tiny shorts, and zero problems. Now, I imagine if someone
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sees him walking through New York City dressed like that,
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or Ohi, California, or anywhere else in the world, a
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lot of people are going to make some assumptions about him,
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and there may even be a stigma, like, oh wow,
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he just has these tiny shorts on and they're colorful,
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and he's a yellow hat on and yellow shorts and
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some tennis shoes there, and that's all that he's really wearing.
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And yet there is a quiet confidence to this. And
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then you juxtapose that with the picture next to it,
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and it's very similar. He's wearing a shirt here, but
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it's a basic tank top shirt, and he's with his wife,
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who's also dressed really simply, and he's holding her hand
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walking down the street, and he's wearing another pair of
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color short shorts here. And yet there's this confidence in
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all of this. It's not screaming, but there is something.
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There's something he's exuding here, and he's not the tallest
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person in the world. He's not the most handsome person
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in the world. And so I have some other pictures here.
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You have like Justin Bieber, who's he might even say
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he's kind of dressed like a homeless person, right, he
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might be. If I see him, I know is Justin
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Bieber' is like, oh, he might be poor with the
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hat and the oversized jacket like that, it looks like
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maybe he got all of this from goodwill. But there's
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a confidence there. Part of that is because he's handsome.
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But I think the other thing is worth looking at
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here is you have people who are confident regardless of
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what they look like. They're confident in the clothes they're wearing.
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They can have the confidence of James Dean, who was
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also relatively short. So it's not about you have to
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be a taller man in order to be confident. But
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I know you might say, well, it's easier for men
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to dress more simply, Right, you can wear your black
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jeans and you wear your black T shirt and you're
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good to go. But what about women? And so I've
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got some of these photos will put up on the
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screen here as well. Here are just four women that
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are to me beacons of sort of quiet luxury and
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of confidence. You have Joan Didion, of course, she was
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known for being an I style icon when she was
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both young and older. And it's just a simple knit
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sweater that she is wearing, but she's wearing it with confidence,
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and in fact it's oversized. Some people might say that's
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too baggy. There might be some stigma to that as well.
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You have to Cota Johnson over here, just wearing some
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jeans and a white shirt. She's pulling it off beautifully.
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Of course, we have a Leyah here wearing some overalls.
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And then Billie Eilish, she was dressed in a bright
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green outfit here with green shoes, and it's oversized, and
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yet you see this giant, confident smile on her face.
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And Coud I'm wondering, why do these people appear to
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be cool despite their outfits.
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I think cool is again, it's an inner state of being.
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You know, it's not what you're wearing, it's how you're
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feeling inside of yourself. It's the degree of in a
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self acceptance. Not just for your goodness or your light,
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but I would say for all of you. Whenever I've
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been around people that they're not perfect people, you know,
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so they're not seeking a sense of confidence or validation
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through I'm going to be perfect and I'm going to
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perfect myself. But the people I've been around that really
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feel rested, I can tell because in their presence something
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in my own nervous system relaxes, because there's a there's
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a there's an embrace of all of themselves, the light,
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the dark, the shadow, the good, the bad, the shitty stuff,
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you know, the exalt everything. And I think in that
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space there's something incredibly peaceful. There's an internal resistance that
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isn't there. And so I think when someone can accept
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all of who they are, you know, and they're not
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trying to be perfect, in that acceptance, there's freedom. In
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that freedom, there's more aliveness, you know. And I think
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in that sense, this humanity can flourish, you know. And
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so I would say that coolness is about how you feel.
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And then maybe your clothes are simply a reflection, an
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out to manifestation or reflection of your inner state of being.
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So I mean, I don't believe like, oh you should
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just wear black or just wear white, or just because
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then you can get caught in another ego identity and
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be just as trapped as the person who needs Louis Vuitton.
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You need to wear nothing. Ego is ego. Identity is identity,
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and identity, or I should say, attachment to identity is suffering.
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I remember when I was in India traveling around, you know,
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I saw this guy wearing like yoga pants and these
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flowing robes and he had nothing. So I thought that
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was the thing to do. This is how it is
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to be spiritual. So I threw all of my shit
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away and I just had this one pair of flowing
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you know, that's sort of Indian yoga pants. And I
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was walking around like, now, my stay, brother, look how
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spiritual without saying, I was trying to signal, look how
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spiritual I am, and you're not. And that's just another
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form of ego, you know. So I think when someone
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is just cool, there's something inside of them that they're
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not needing from you. They're not wearing the shirt to telegraph,
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they're not not wearing it to signal. They're just being
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whoever the hell they are, and whatever it is, it is,
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whatever it is, and this is what they love, you know,
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And so I think that's the freedom, and that's why
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the coolness comes off with this was it Donny Glover?
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It just you know, looks like he's just being himself.
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This is his expression.
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Yeah, there's something interesting. The first line of Everything that
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remains our most popular book is our identities are shaped
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by the costumes we wear. And there's a double entendre
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because we put we try on these new identities, right,
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And I think what you were talking about there is
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like I'm going to try on the outfit of spirituality
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as opposed to the monk who is super cool but
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is cool even without that costume. It's not a costume
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to them. It is a reflection as you say, Now, TK,
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I'm interested in several things here. One is when I
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when I look at these cool people, there's an effortlessness
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that at least appears here. Now, whether or not there's
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any effort involved as another conversation, but there is something
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about being cool that is has it runs and has
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an inverse relationship with trying to be cool. The person
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who tries to be really cool rarely comes off as cool.
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It comes off as we even have terms for it
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like try hard, right, And so what do you think
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that is what?
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What?
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What is? The The more someone tries to present as
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cool or polished, it actually works against them.
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Well, there's something about forcing it and being needy that
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indicates a lack of comfort with and confidence in oneself.
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Because when you know you have it, you're patient enough
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to let it come to you, because you know that
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what's yours is yours and it can't be lost and
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no one can take it from you. But when you're
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threatened by other people, when you have a scarcity consciousness
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where getting what you want seems so fragile, you're insecure,
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you need everyone to like you. Then you start to
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get more performative. But when you say, hey, look I'm
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going to go to this event. If I don't make
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any business contacts, that's okay. I'll still have a good
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time and that'll be great. You're likely to make a
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lot of friends. He'll probably be business contacts for you.
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But if you go there, you're like, I need something
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to happen. I need to make sure I can I'm
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friends with somebody and it's going to turn into a deal.
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You just exude this energy that people will find repulsive.
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They may not know what it is, but there's something
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about you that makes them want to go away. So
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I think that's a big part of it.
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Yeah, when I was looking for photos of these different people,
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there are plenty of other photos of Donald Glover and
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Justin Bieber and Dakota Fanning or not Dakota Fanny Dakota
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Johnson who are super dressed up. You know, they're at
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some sort of met gala or something, and so they're
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able to do both. But I think the confidence extends,
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and it's even more apparent with these more understated, quiet
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luxury things. We often mistake comfort for carelessness, but I
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think you could be super comfortable and intentional. You don't
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have to be careless. And then I think that you
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can also simplify your wardrobe without surrendering your confidence. And
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I think that's kind of where we wrap things up
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with Mary here. Kut is at the same time that
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she's surrendered her wardrobe, she actually inadvertently surrendered the confidence
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that she thought that was giving her, although it wasn't
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the wardrobe that I think was given her the confidence, right.
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I think she can tap into, you know, it gives
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her an opportunity to sort of go inward right because
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the world isn't reflecting that anymore. The world is projecting
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onto your poor, your this or that. So it kind
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of she gets almost like on a spiritual level, she
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gets to look at where have I placed my sense
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of confidence? Which isn't real confidence because the confidence that
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is dependent on something can also be taken away the
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stock market, someone's perception, the president, you pet, your hour,
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you know. And so I think if she looks at
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it as a spiritual process also where she's been given
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the opportunity to turn inward and and and becomes self
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truly self confident, I would say with a big s,
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not a small less. Small less is based on the
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ego self, which is constantly changing, constantly seeking, constantly addicted,
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constantly needing to reinforce itself. But the true self source
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being some people call it God, divine essence, that the
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true essence of what we are, the biges that doesn't change,
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you know. The hairstyle changes, your clothes, change your underwear, changes,
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your watch changes, But the real essence of what you
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are doesn't change that. And I think it gives her
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the opportunity to tap into that deeper, unchanging nature of
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her own being, which is true self confidence. And so
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I think she's being gifted with I remember when during
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COVID I moved to Phoenix at a house in Phoenix,
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and so I'm like, screw it, I'm gonna leave LA
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for a year, just locked down, left downtown. When I
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was in Phoenix, like I went to Target. I didn't
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really go to Target that much. I went to Target,
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and I'm like, no one in Phoenix is dressed up.
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In La.
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You go to Ralph's, it's a production.
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Everyone is. You got to wear the right clothes. And
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I didn't even realize how hooked in I had gotten
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through osmosis to the external reflection and validation of what
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people think about you just by being in the environment.
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So for the first time, here I am just walking
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around the Target of Phoenix. People are just flip flops, shorts,
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T shirt. I'm more dressed up. Second time, I like,
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screw it, I'm just going with a T shirt. So
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it gave me the opportunity to peel away my own
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egoic identity and addictions. In so many ways, we're so
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addicted to the external validation in ways we don't even know.
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And so I think it's a what's the word withdrawals.
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Sometimes the ego has to go to a withdrawal of
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love me, validate me, because there's a deep fear of
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if I'm not loved by you, you, you, you, you,
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and I perceived a certain way, then I won't survive.
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If mommy and Daddy don't love me, then I won't survive.
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If you don't love me, I won't survive. So then
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I'm going to die. So there's there's an underlying egoic
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I think terror of if you don't see me and
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if you don't validate me, I'm going to die and
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I'm be zero and it's it's it's ex extential. So
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I think she gets she's having a profound awakening. You know,
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we could say of connecting to something deeper, which which
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is a profound freedom.
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I want to extend Mary's question here. We have a
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question of the week before we get back to our
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other callers. We've got a bunch more callers today. The
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question of the week will let's surrender to the question
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of the week this week, TK. What's the difference between
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surrendering and giving up? That is our question of the week.
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What's the difference between surrendering and giving up? I know
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those two words are often used sort of interchangeably, the
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phrase and the word they're used interchangeably. Let's check it
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with some of our patrons had to say and the
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Patreon community chat. Susan said, surrender is releasing the need
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to control the outcome. Giving up is deciding the outcome
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is no longer worth the pain of trying, which brings
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me to my pithy minimal maxim here, which is surrender
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ends resistance, giving up ends effort. Quite often we will
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mistake surrender and giving up. What can you tell me
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about the magic of surrender?
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Wow?
477
00:27:51.480 --> 00:27:54.839
You mean the book itself? Will the concept concept? The concept?
478
00:27:54.960 --> 00:27:55.279
Wow?
479
00:27:55.480 --> 00:27:59.240
You know, I think this. There's a misconception that we
480
00:27:59.319 --> 00:28:05.680
have about surrender in our culture. This sense of surrender
481
00:28:05.759 --> 00:28:11.000
is giving up. The sense of surrender means waving the
482
00:28:11.039 --> 00:28:14.359
white flag. The st of surrender means you're going to
483
00:28:14.440 --> 00:28:17.119
be a doormat. If I surrender, I'm going to be
484
00:28:17.119 --> 00:28:20.480
a victim, take an advantage of I won't manifest my goal,
485
00:28:20.599 --> 00:28:23.559
my dream, my desire. If I surrender, I'm going to
486
00:28:23.599 --> 00:28:26.759
get less than I want in life. So why would
487
00:28:26.759 --> 00:28:30.680
I want to surrender? It doesn't sound very enticing or exciting.
488
00:28:30.920 --> 00:28:34.000
So there is an egoic resistance to surrender because we
489
00:28:34.160 --> 00:28:37.599
see it or perceive it as weak. And I'm actually
490
00:28:37.640 --> 00:28:41.759
saying no, when you truly understand the real essence of surrender,
491
00:28:43.039 --> 00:28:47.240
what if you actually didn't get less? What if you
492
00:28:47.319 --> 00:28:49.720
got more? Maybe not what you thought, maybe not what
493
00:28:50.359 --> 00:28:53.400
you thought you wanted, But what if it was better
494
00:28:53.440 --> 00:28:55.880
than what you thought? What if it was beyond what
495
00:28:55.920 --> 00:29:00.559
you could even imagine visualize? Sit down in a attraction
496
00:29:00.680 --> 00:29:03.200
workshop and make up what if it was way beyond
497
00:29:03.240 --> 00:29:07.880
anything your ego could even fathom, visualize and imagine. And
498
00:29:07.920 --> 00:29:10.279
I think, when I look at my life, most of
499
00:29:10.279 --> 00:29:13.200
the best things in my life happened when I didn't
500
00:29:13.359 --> 00:29:16.359
plan them. Most of the best things in my life
501
00:29:16.400 --> 00:29:20.799
happened when I truly let go of what I thought
502
00:29:20.799 --> 00:29:23.200
I wanted. And so part of surrender is a letting
503
00:29:23.240 --> 00:29:26.079
go of control. Part of surrender is letting go of
504
00:29:26.119 --> 00:29:29.599
the illusion that we are even in control, you know.
505
00:29:29.920 --> 00:29:31.680
Part of surrender is I think, letting go of the
506
00:29:31.720 --> 00:29:34.519
idea of who we think we should be. Because we
507
00:29:34.559 --> 00:29:36.839
have all these ideas of who we think we should be,
508
00:29:36.880 --> 00:29:40.640
which are often driven by parents and childhood and wounds
509
00:29:40.680 --> 00:29:44.079
and some ancestral conditioning that has been passed down from
510
00:29:44.119 --> 00:29:49.720
grandparents as well, even genetically energetically comically, so surrenders letting
511
00:29:49.759 --> 00:29:51.359
go of the idea who we think we should be,
512
00:29:51.480 --> 00:29:54.559
the idea of how we think our life should look,
513
00:29:56.359 --> 00:29:59.799
and allowing ourselves. I would say, to be open, to
514
00:29:59.839 --> 00:30:06.400
be available, to allowing life to lead you, allowing life
515
00:30:06.440 --> 00:30:09.200
to show you. And I think if we truly let
516
00:30:09.319 --> 00:30:13.319
go and we're available and we're open, then life kind
517
00:30:13.319 --> 00:30:16.200
of shows you how it's flowing. And I think there's
518
00:30:16.240 --> 00:30:19.480
a deeper intelligence if we're willing to pay attention. I
519
00:30:19.480 --> 00:30:22.200
think so often in the ego based paradigm, there's this
520
00:30:22.319 --> 00:30:24.799
idea of you have to know what you want right,
521
00:30:25.279 --> 00:30:27.079
write it down, set the goals, know what you want,
522
00:30:27.119 --> 00:30:29.000
get attached to it, and go crush it and make
523
00:30:29.039 --> 00:30:32.640
it happen at all costs. But sometimes you might get
524
00:30:32.680 --> 00:30:35.119
what you thought you wanted, only to realize that what
525
00:30:35.160 --> 00:30:36.920
you thought you wanted it was not what you really wanted.
526
00:30:36.960 --> 00:30:38.519
It was just what you thought you wanted based on
527
00:30:38.599 --> 00:30:40.759
what you thought you needed in order to be an
528
00:30:40.799 --> 00:30:43.279
offs on. Now I need the car, the house, the Lamborghini,
529
00:30:43.279 --> 00:30:45.599
the mansion, this that Now your life gets clotted with
530
00:30:45.640 --> 00:30:48.960
all this stuff that isn't truly what you really what
531
00:30:49.000 --> 00:30:53.039
you're really seeking, And so then we're left dissatisfied and unhappy.
532
00:30:53.359 --> 00:30:55.200
And so for me, in the magic of surrender, I'm
533
00:30:55.200 --> 00:30:57.559
really asking a different question, not what do I want
534
00:30:57.599 --> 00:31:01.720
this sense of eye right, the ego eye. I'm really
535
00:31:01.799 --> 00:31:07.680
asking it's like, what is it that life is seeking
536
00:31:07.720 --> 00:31:11.240
to express through me? What is it that God, this
537
00:31:11.359 --> 00:31:14.720
divine intelligence is seeking to manifest through me? And kind
538
00:31:14.759 --> 00:31:18.599
of allowing yourself the space to be open and available
539
00:31:18.839 --> 00:31:24.359
to listening deeply to the deeper, authentic expression and impulse
540
00:31:24.839 --> 00:31:27.119
of what is truly seeking to happen through you, and
541
00:31:27.160 --> 00:31:30.680
then you can align your actions and your life and
542
00:31:30.720 --> 00:31:33.200
your resources with that and follow that it might not
543
00:31:33.240 --> 00:31:35.079
be what you thought. And so one thing I just
544
00:31:35.079 --> 00:31:39.799
want to say is surrender is not laziness. It is
545
00:31:39.839 --> 00:31:41.920
not just sitting there. Oh what do you mean surrender?
546
00:31:42.000 --> 00:31:44.119
Just sit there and eat ceerios and you know, watch
547
00:31:44.519 --> 00:31:46.440
reality TV and it's just life's going to happen. No,
548
00:31:46.519 --> 00:31:50.480
it's you feel what is most true, not the surface level,
549
00:31:50.559 --> 00:31:52.440
like give me the house, give me the what is
550
00:31:52.680 --> 00:31:56.400
most true. And sometimes what we're guided to do may
551
00:31:56.440 --> 00:31:59.440
not be what we expect, but it might scare the
552
00:31:59.440 --> 00:32:03.440
hell out of us. But having the courage to follow, like, wow,
553
00:32:05.359 --> 00:32:09.480
move to La you know, move to Houston, start the podcast.
554
00:32:09.559 --> 00:32:10.960
I'm terrified, how am I going.
555
00:32:10.920 --> 00:32:14.240
To do it? But you feel that most deeply and
556
00:32:14.359 --> 00:32:18.759
surrenderous to follow your deepest, most authentic truth. And that
557
00:32:18.839 --> 00:32:21.680
might mean, you know, working twenty four hours a day.
558
00:32:22.039 --> 00:32:25.200
It might mean, you know, making the sacrifices. It might
559
00:32:25.279 --> 00:32:27.559
mean waking up at seven am in the morning or
560
00:32:27.880 --> 00:32:30.480
working till seven, you know, seven am the next day.
561
00:32:31.319 --> 00:32:35.160
Who knows. But when I look at people like Jesus
562
00:32:35.480 --> 00:32:41.400
or Gamdhi or Mother Teresa, or Bruce Lee or Muhammad Ali,
563
00:32:41.599 --> 00:32:45.359
you know, Martin Luther King, at some point they all
564
00:32:45.960 --> 00:32:50.920
surrendered themselves. There was a direction they were going down.
565
00:32:51.559 --> 00:32:54.480
But then there was a deeper calling and they could
566
00:32:54.480 --> 00:32:57.160
have resisted, but I think that would have led to
567
00:32:57.200 --> 00:33:00.319
a more limited life. I would say, Mandela did not
568
00:33:00.480 --> 00:33:04.000
plan to spend twenty seven years in prison. Yeah, you know,
569
00:33:04.039 --> 00:33:06.200
I spent twenty seven years in prison. That's a great
570
00:33:06.200 --> 00:33:09.400
goal setting, you know. Workshop it wasn't his It wasn't
571
00:33:09.440 --> 00:33:11.480
never written down, It wasn't his plan. Yeah, but he
572
00:33:11.559 --> 00:33:15.839
followed his deepest truth, life unfolded his way, and I
573
00:33:15.839 --> 00:33:19.240
would say he was forced to surrender. And in that surrender,
574
00:33:20.119 --> 00:33:24.640
he transcended his human limitations and tapped into another dimension
575
00:33:24.640 --> 00:33:28.480
of life, and life started expressing through him, God, the divine,
576
00:33:28.480 --> 00:33:31.599
whatever people believe, life began to manifest through him in
577
00:33:31.640 --> 00:33:34.319
ways that he couldn't imagine, you know, and I think
578
00:33:34.359 --> 00:33:40.279
life got incredibly simple. I think life becomes very simple
579
00:33:40.319 --> 00:33:41.200
when we surrender.
580
00:33:41.559 --> 00:33:46.480
Oo tk Mike, one of our listeners from Patreon, said,
581
00:33:46.519 --> 00:33:50.400
surrender is realizing you're unable to change the circumstances that
582
00:33:50.440 --> 00:33:54.640
are beyond your control. A lot of wisdom traditions and
583
00:33:54.720 --> 00:33:58.079
religions often talk about the power of surrender. When you
584
00:33:58.079 --> 00:33:59.519
think about surrender, what do you think.
585
00:33:59.400 --> 00:34:03.440
About, Well, I think about the couple of cliches. One
586
00:34:03.559 --> 00:34:07.480
is let go and let God right. Growing up, I
587
00:34:07.519 --> 00:34:10.880
would often hear that phrase wait, wait on the Lord.
588
00:34:11.400 --> 00:34:14.920
And what I came to understand later on in life
589
00:34:15.039 --> 00:34:18.440
is that it's an act of waiting, not a passive waiting.
590
00:34:18.639 --> 00:34:20.559
It's not a waiting that says I'm going to sit
591
00:34:20.639 --> 00:34:24.719
back and let God or the universe work magic on
592
00:34:24.760 --> 00:34:28.159
my behalf and cause things to happen independently of my
593
00:34:28.280 --> 00:34:31.480
cooperation with the flow. But I'm going to take action
594
00:34:31.679 --> 00:34:34.599
to the best that I know how, but I won't
595
00:34:34.639 --> 00:34:38.159
force the results. I will trust the process and the
596
00:34:38.199 --> 00:34:41.920
process behind the process. And so when I think about that,
597
00:34:42.039 --> 00:34:45.440
I think about surrender not as a kind of you know,
598
00:34:46.400 --> 00:34:50.480
passive refusal to get involved, not as a lack of
599
00:34:50.559 --> 00:34:53.519
faith or a lack of decisiveness, but rather as a
600
00:34:54.119 --> 00:34:57.639
kind of faith that is confident not just in the process,
601
00:34:57.840 --> 00:34:58.760
but in the results.
602
00:34:59.039 --> 00:35:02.159
Yeah, what I'm hearing from both of you is making
603
00:35:02.159 --> 00:35:06.119
that distinction between giving up and surrender. And giving up
604
00:35:06.199 --> 00:35:10.559
is easy. Surrender simple, as you say. The giving up
605
00:35:10.760 --> 00:35:13.920
is like, ah, whatever, I'm done with this, right, I
606
00:35:13.960 --> 00:35:16.039
Am going to eat the cheerios and watch reality TV.
607
00:35:16.119 --> 00:35:18.639
And maybe there's even a time for that as well.
608
00:35:18.639 --> 00:35:22.000
I don't want to pathologize comfort, but at the same
609
00:35:22.039 --> 00:35:25.599
time realizing that I'm surrendering to what is to make
610
00:35:25.719 --> 00:35:29.320
room for something greater. And doesn't that align perfectly when
611
00:35:29.360 --> 00:35:32.719
we talk about with minimalism. How about you, listeners, what's
612
00:35:32.719 --> 00:35:35.440
the difference between surrendering and giving up? Let us know
613
00:35:35.519 --> 00:35:38.400
your thoughts in the comments on YouTube or Patreon.
614
00:35:38.719 --> 00:35:39.960
All right, let's.
615
00:35:39.880 --> 00:35:42.960
Uncover a minimal maxim here. Already gave you mine earlier,
616
00:35:43.000 --> 00:35:45.159
and you can find this episode maxims and the show
617
00:35:45.159 --> 00:35:48.000
notes over at the Minimalists dot com and every minimal
618
00:35:48.079 --> 00:35:51.440
maxim ever at minimalmaxims dot com. We'll also deliver our
619
00:35:51.440 --> 00:35:54.400
weekly show notes directly to your inbox for free if
620
00:35:54.400 --> 00:35:57.280
you sign up for our email newsletter at the Minimalists
621
00:35:57.320 --> 00:35:59.199
dot com. I also write a new essay over there
622
00:35:59.239 --> 00:36:02.079
every week, a bit of a minimalist insight or observation,
623
00:36:02.239 --> 00:36:05.360
or a minimalist tip on how to live more simply.
624
00:36:05.679 --> 00:36:07.679
You can find that at the Minimalists dot com. Will
625
00:36:07.719 --> 00:36:10.159
never send you spam or junk or ads, but we'll
626
00:36:10.199 --> 00:36:14.000
start your week off with a dose of simplicity. All right,
627
00:36:14.039 --> 00:36:17.119
give me something, PITHYTK. What's the difference between surrendering and
628
00:36:17.159 --> 00:36:22.960
giving up? Surrender feels like acceptance. Giving up feels like apathy.
629
00:36:23.800 --> 00:36:27.719
I'm really big on getting back into the body and
630
00:36:28.039 --> 00:36:32.760
checking in with how thoughts feel. For instance, if I
631
00:36:32.840 --> 00:36:36.880
say I don't have any money, I never have any money.
632
00:36:37.639 --> 00:36:40.519
Don't analyze it with your mind, But how does that feel?
633
00:36:40.559 --> 00:36:43.400
Where does that land? Where does that sit? Where's the tension.
634
00:36:43.400 --> 00:36:45.800
Do I feel my shoulders? Is my heart beating a
635
00:36:45.800 --> 00:36:47.599
bit faster? My hands sweating?
636
00:36:47.760 --> 00:36:47.880
Ye?
637
00:36:48.079 --> 00:36:49.880
For me, I don't feel loose when I say that
638
00:36:50.159 --> 00:36:52.440
I don't have any money. I never have any money.
639
00:36:52.559 --> 00:36:55.880
I feel tight, feel shortness of breath. But what if
640
00:36:55.880 --> 00:37:00.079
I say I don't have any money right now? But
641
00:37:00.079 --> 00:37:02.320
but I think there are some things I can learn
642
00:37:02.960 --> 00:37:07.639
that will cause me to earn more money in the future. Boy,
643
00:37:07.679 --> 00:37:10.559
wouldn't it be nice if I have more money. If
644
00:37:10.559 --> 00:37:13.039
I have more money, I would have more freedom. Oh
645
00:37:13.079 --> 00:37:14.920
I like the thought of that now. How does that feel?
646
00:37:15.280 --> 00:37:17.360
I'm dreaming? I can feel my heart opening up a
647
00:37:17.360 --> 00:37:19.559
little bit, you know, I can feel that energy here right.
648
00:37:20.199 --> 00:37:23.280
It's similar with surrender and apathy. If you find yourself
649
00:37:23.280 --> 00:37:26.119
saying something like, you know what, man, I'm done with people.
650
00:37:26.519 --> 00:37:29.440
I'm done with people. Every time I do something, I'm done.
651
00:37:29.559 --> 00:37:33.400
I'm done helping other people out because nobody else everybody
652
00:37:33.440 --> 00:37:35.599
just thinks about themselves. Would you tap my phone this
653
00:37:35.639 --> 00:37:42.559
week channeling something? I mean, man, how does that feel?
654
00:37:42.679 --> 00:37:47.320
That feels like frustration? That feels like resentment. I'm giving up,
655
00:37:47.320 --> 00:37:48.960
but I don't like the fact that I'm giving up
656
00:37:49.000 --> 00:37:50.920
and I'm still clinging. I'm giving up, but I haven't
657
00:37:51.000 --> 00:37:53.079
let go. I'm still holding on to it. And I
658
00:37:53.159 --> 00:37:55.880
resent the world for being the way it is because
659
00:37:55.920 --> 00:37:59.039
it's forcing me to bend the knee like a bully
660
00:37:59.079 --> 00:38:01.760
that I don't respect. I don't like that. You can
661
00:38:01.840 --> 00:38:04.440
feel that, you'll have to analyze it. On the other hand,
662
00:38:04.760 --> 00:38:09.039
what if you say, man, I really thought that would work.
663
00:38:10.480 --> 00:38:13.079
I really thought that was the way to go. But
664
00:38:13.119 --> 00:38:14.719
it looks like life is calling me to move in
665
00:38:14.760 --> 00:38:19.159
a different way. I can roll with that. That's happened before.
666
00:38:19.199 --> 00:38:23.719
I'm open to it. That doesn't feel like yay, but
667
00:38:23.760 --> 00:38:27.559
it feels like relief, you know what. It actually feels
668
00:38:27.559 --> 00:38:30.360
good to just kind of let that go and kind
669
00:38:30.360 --> 00:38:33.280
of move on and pursue something different that feels like relief,
670
00:38:33.280 --> 00:38:36.159
that feels like peace. And so sometimes you can get
671
00:38:36.159 --> 00:38:37.880
caught up in the semantics, you can get caught up
672
00:38:37.880 --> 00:38:41.079
in the conceptual distinctions. But if you just say that
673
00:38:41.199 --> 00:38:45.000
thought you're thinking a few times and just feel where
674
00:38:45.039 --> 00:38:48.360
it lands in your body, you'll know if that's resistance
675
00:38:48.639 --> 00:38:49.199
or release.
676
00:38:49.840 --> 00:38:52.800
You're reminded me of this distinction that ram Das used
677
00:38:52.840 --> 00:38:54.760
to talk to people about. He would never tell his
678
00:38:54.800 --> 00:38:59.239
students relax because the word feels like I'm gonna tell
679
00:38:59.280 --> 00:39:01.760
as soon as you say relax, I'm gonna get defensive.
680
00:39:01.800 --> 00:39:05.840
I'm going to tighten up. But the word soften, it's
681
00:39:05.880 --> 00:39:08.599
like that full body side. It's the tension that you're
682
00:39:08.639 --> 00:39:11.679
expressing all in one work and relax. It's not a
683
00:39:11.679 --> 00:39:16.599
word that is very relaxing at all. It's accusatory almost,
684
00:39:16.639 --> 00:39:20.519
But soften is just oh. And I catch myself all
685
00:39:20.519 --> 00:39:23.280
the time when there's something like that, I'll just say soften.
686
00:39:24.119 --> 00:39:26.239
Sometimes I even say it out loud, soften, and I
687
00:39:26.239 --> 00:39:27.239
can feel.
688
00:39:26.920 --> 00:39:27.840
My body just.
689
00:39:31.119 --> 00:39:31.440
All right.
690
00:39:31.440 --> 00:39:33.280
That's almost the end of page one. We still have
691
00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:35.280
a bunch of callers to talk to. But first, real
692
00:39:35.360 --> 00:39:38.920
quick for our right here, right now segment. Here's one thing. Actually,
693
00:39:38.920 --> 00:39:40.639
I got two things for you going on in the
694
00:39:40.679 --> 00:39:44.079
Life of the Minimalists. First off, the final stop of
695
00:39:44.159 --> 00:39:47.840
the Minimalism twenty twenty six tour is this weekend on
696
00:39:48.079 --> 00:39:52.320
June sixth in Missoula, Montana. Me and Nicodemus. We announced
697
00:39:52.320 --> 00:39:54.199
that when Nicodemus was back on the show a couple
698
00:39:54.239 --> 00:39:57.960
of weeks ago, and how beautiful that was. And he's
699
00:39:58.000 --> 00:40:00.840
opening a restaurant in Missoula, Montana. So our co founder
700
00:40:00.880 --> 00:40:05.760
of The Minimalists, he's opening a Mediterranean restaurant, Nicodemus go
701
00:40:05.840 --> 00:40:09.639
figure right, and he's it's opening that weekend. We're doing
702
00:40:09.679 --> 00:40:11.480
a special event there, but we're gonna do a screening
703
00:40:11.599 --> 00:40:14.880
of our first documentary, Minimalism, which came out in Netflix
704
00:40:14.960 --> 00:40:17.599
a decade ago. This year and so we've been taking
705
00:40:17.639 --> 00:40:19.559
out out on tour. We have had a bunch of
706
00:40:19.559 --> 00:40:21.599
people show up at these events doing a screening, we
707
00:40:21.719 --> 00:40:24.440
do a live talk audience Q and a meet and greet,
708
00:40:24.480 --> 00:40:28.840
a bunch of hugs consensual hugs afterward, and feel free
709
00:40:28.840 --> 00:40:31.880
to come on out the Minimalists dot com slash tour
710
00:40:31.960 --> 00:40:33.519
if you want to grab a ticket. I think there
711
00:40:33.519 --> 00:40:37.000
are still a few tickets left. That is on June sixth,
712
00:40:37.000 --> 00:40:39.599
and it's a matinee show that day, so we'll see
713
00:40:39.599 --> 00:40:44.880
you there in Missoula, Montana. Also congratulations TK Emotional Clutter.
714
00:40:44.960 --> 00:40:49.079
Tk's book is now available as a paper back as well,
715
00:40:49.119 --> 00:40:52.079
so you can get it in paperback, audiobook, or as
716
00:40:52.119 --> 00:40:54.960
an ebook on a Kindle or wherever else you get ebooks.
717
00:40:55.159 --> 00:40:56.880
You can find the details of that over the books
718
00:40:56.920 --> 00:41:01.039
page at theminimalists dot com congratulate my friend.
719
00:41:01.079 --> 00:41:03.480
Thank you man, and I also have something to work on.
720
00:41:03.559 --> 00:41:07.639
I got some constructive feedback by way of Instagram DM.
721
00:41:07.800 --> 00:41:11.920
On the audiobook, someone says, can you please work on
722
00:41:12.000 --> 00:41:19.039
your ability to differentiate filling from feeling? F I L
723
00:41:19.239 --> 00:41:21.960
l I n G versus f E E L I
724
00:41:22.159 --> 00:41:24.760
n G. Says, I enjoyed the book, it was great,
725
00:41:24.840 --> 00:41:27.480
but oh that was a little annoying, a little distracting.
726
00:41:27.480 --> 00:41:27.760
They said.
727
00:41:27.800 --> 00:41:30.360
They were nicer, said a little distracting. So you got
728
00:41:30.400 --> 00:41:33.719
to help me with that. Man, that's a revelation for me.
729
00:41:34.000 --> 00:41:37.719
I never knew the uh what is it? The the
730
00:41:37.719 --> 00:41:40.639
the what's the word for? Is it fanatic? No? No,
731
00:41:40.639 --> 00:41:44.800
no annunciation the distinction there. But I always just say filling.
732
00:41:45.239 --> 00:41:47.800
You know, we have all kinds of feelings, but you
733
00:41:47.840 --> 00:41:49.480
know we don't all have fillings.
734
00:41:49.760 --> 00:41:52.920
My brothers say alien instead of alien and pillow instead
735
00:41:52.920 --> 00:41:56.519
of pillows. So I totally get a feelings. I think
736
00:41:56.559 --> 00:41:58.920
you're totally fine with filling. I know what you're saying.
737
00:41:58.960 --> 00:41:59.079
Man.
738
00:41:59.119 --> 00:42:02.199
If I go she before filling, then I'll get it.
739
00:42:02.360 --> 00:42:03.840
Feelings all right.
740
00:42:04.280 --> 00:42:06.360
Check out emotional clutter. We'll put a link to it.
741
00:42:06.400 --> 00:42:10.239
In the show notes wherever you get books or ebooks
742
00:42:10.400 --> 00:42:13.519
or audiobooks. I really enjoyed the audiobook for Emotional Clutter
743
00:42:13.519 --> 00:42:16.320
because we also record a little podcast between each chapter,
744
00:42:16.719 --> 00:42:19.599
and so TK and I based had a conversation. We
745
00:42:19.719 --> 00:42:21.679
decant from the chapter for a moment and we were
746
00:42:21.679 --> 00:42:24.679
able to discuss that together. So Emotional Clutter you can
747
00:42:24.719 --> 00:42:28.480
find it now as a paperback as well. Much more
748
00:42:28.519 --> 00:42:30.840
coming up, but first, here is a minimalist tip from
749
00:42:30.880 --> 00:42:31.679
one of our listeners.
750
00:42:32.960 --> 00:42:37.000
Hello minimalists, This is Denise calling from Massachusetts to share
751
00:42:37.039 --> 00:42:40.880
my minimal maxim regarding worry. I don't believe that anyone
752
00:42:40.960 --> 00:42:44.159
really prays for something bad to happen, but rather, when
753
00:42:44.159 --> 00:42:47.960
we worry, we assume and imagine that something bad will happen.
754
00:42:48.440 --> 00:42:52.119
So here's my minimal maxim. Worry is a waste of
755
00:42:52.159 --> 00:42:57.079
the imagination. That is, using your imagination to picture something
756
00:42:57.199 --> 00:43:01.480
bad happening is wasteful, the unspoken corollary being that your
757
00:43:01.559 --> 00:43:06.000
imagination could be used for something creative and more positive.
758
00:43:06.920 --> 00:43:07.920
Thanks for all you do.
759
00:43:08.480 --> 00:43:10.280
Bye, Denise.
760
00:43:10.280 --> 00:43:13.159
Thank you for that insightful distinction here. So one of
761
00:43:13.239 --> 00:43:16.360
our maxims is to worry is to pray for something
762
00:43:16.400 --> 00:43:18.559
bad to happen. And I don't mean it literally, I
763
00:43:18.559 --> 00:43:21.480
mean it functionally, like to worry about this over and over,
764
00:43:21.559 --> 00:43:26.199
to continue to ruminate about something about some imaginary future.
765
00:43:26.599 --> 00:43:30.239
But I will I appreciate Denise's distinction here, worry is
766
00:43:30.280 --> 00:43:33.719
a waste of the imagination, and I will compliment your
767
00:43:33.760 --> 00:43:37.800
maxim with a maxim of my own. Here, Denise, optimism
768
00:43:37.920 --> 00:43:43.719
requires imagination. Pessimism recycles fear. And something I've been thinking
769
00:43:43.719 --> 00:43:46.920
about a lot recently is why it's so easy to
770
00:43:46.960 --> 00:43:51.599
be pessimistic and dismissive is because it doesn't require any
771
00:43:51.599 --> 00:43:53.440
sort of imagination. You know, when you're a kid and
772
00:43:54.079 --> 00:43:57.519
you build something really beautiful out of legos and then
773
00:43:57.559 --> 00:43:59.920
someone could come in and just topple it in three seconds.
774
00:44:00.480 --> 00:44:04.599
That didn't require any imagination. It just required a desire
775
00:44:04.639 --> 00:44:06.760
to destroy something. And I think that's kind of what
776
00:44:06.800 --> 00:44:11.159
pessimism does. Optimism means I need to also think about
777
00:44:11.199 --> 00:44:14.400
possible outcomes that I can't currently see, so it requires
778
00:44:14.440 --> 00:44:18.960
some bit of creativity in order to be optimistic. Customism
779
00:44:19.039 --> 00:44:21.880
doesn't require any of that creativity. It just requires some
780
00:44:21.920 --> 00:44:25.079
sort of fear. Could do you have any thoughts on optimism?
781
00:44:25.159 --> 00:44:28.199
Because you strike me as as a hyper optimistic person,
782
00:44:28.239 --> 00:44:30.400
but that doesn't seem like blind optimism either.
783
00:44:31.480 --> 00:44:35.519
Yeah, I am an optimistic person overall, but I would
784
00:44:35.599 --> 00:44:39.639
say I don't know if I'm an optimistic person in reality,
785
00:44:40.440 --> 00:44:45.760
I'm not a pessimistic person. In reality, I don't see
786
00:44:45.800 --> 00:44:48.840
the glasses half full or half empty. I just kind
787
00:44:48.880 --> 00:44:52.320
of have learned to see it as it is. So,
788
00:44:52.400 --> 00:44:56.000
if anything, I'm more of a realist, where I look
789
00:44:56.199 --> 00:45:02.079
at something as it is. It as it is, because
790
00:45:02.159 --> 00:45:04.920
then I can work with it as it is. Then
791
00:45:04.920 --> 00:45:09.079
I can adapt myself, change myself, change the situation. And
792
00:45:09.119 --> 00:45:11.559
so I think in order to be able to transform
793
00:45:11.639 --> 00:45:15.199
or change anything, you have to be in total acceptance
794
00:45:15.320 --> 00:45:21.559
of it. The thing I would say about optimism and
795
00:45:21.679 --> 00:45:26.639
why it sometimes scares us, is because it requires an openness.
796
00:45:28.320 --> 00:45:31.880
To be truly optimistic is a form of letting go
797
00:45:31.960 --> 00:45:37.960
of control, because you're opening yourself to life and many
798
00:45:38.039 --> 00:45:43.519
other possibilities, which can feel scary when you're in pessimism.
799
00:45:44.400 --> 00:45:48.039
It's a form of protection, it's a form of control
800
00:45:48.440 --> 00:45:52.400
because if I'm going to be pessimistic, which doesn't feel great,
801
00:45:53.119 --> 00:45:57.679
doesn't feel alive, but at least I have some control
802
00:45:57.719 --> 00:46:02.119
of the level of potential pain I might experience by
803
00:46:02.159 --> 00:46:05.320
opening myself to my vision, my purpose, my goal, my dream,
804
00:46:05.719 --> 00:46:09.360
love again and then get heartbroken again and who knows
805
00:46:09.360 --> 00:46:11.840
what might happen. But if I'm like life is shit,
806
00:46:12.079 --> 00:46:15.519
life sucks, everything's horrible, then it's painful, but I kind
807
00:46:15.519 --> 00:46:17.840
of have some control of the degree to which I
808
00:46:17.840 --> 00:46:19.000
can be hurt in the future.
809
00:46:19.159 --> 00:46:21.039
And you have a level of certainty there too. I
810
00:46:21.119 --> 00:46:24.199
know that life sucks. I'm certain that life sucks, and
811
00:46:24.239 --> 00:46:27.280
that gives me an unfortunate sort of confidence.
812
00:46:27.400 --> 00:46:31.000
So I think if we can not judge our pessimism,
813
00:46:31.280 --> 00:46:34.559
but even understand where it's coming from, which is self protection,
814
00:46:36.079 --> 00:46:38.360
and be aware of that and have a level of
815
00:46:38.400 --> 00:46:41.920
compassion for likely the part of us that has been
816
00:46:42.000 --> 00:46:45.360
open before, maybe in childhood or when we're fifteen, or
817
00:46:45.400 --> 00:46:50.639
in a past relationship, and use that as a flashlight
818
00:46:50.679 --> 00:46:53.559
to bring attention to perhaps the part of us that
819
00:46:53.719 --> 00:46:56.159
is needing some love, the part of us that is
820
00:46:56.199 --> 00:46:59.920
needing some compassion and healing. Then I think out pessimism
821
00:47:00.159 --> 00:47:06.039
serves a positive function more than anything, as soon as
822
00:47:06.039 --> 00:47:07.800
you see it, Yeah, when we can be aware of it.
823
00:47:08.000 --> 00:47:11.000
Denise, thank you so much for your distinction there. Appreciate
824
00:47:11.039 --> 00:47:13.159
the message. For anyone else has a listener tip for
825
00:47:13.199 --> 00:47:17.119
the show, send a voice memo to podcast at Theminimalists
826
00:47:17.159 --> 00:47:19.519
dot com so we can feature your voice on a
827
00:47:19.559 --> 00:47:23.000
future episode up next page two and page three. But
828
00:47:23.079 --> 00:47:26.760
first let's take a quick pandiculation break. We'll be right back,
829
00:47:29.880 --> 00:47:32.239
all right, y'all. That is the first thirty three percent
830
00:47:32.280 --> 00:47:34.840
of episode five forty one. We'll see on Patreon for
831
00:47:34.960 --> 00:47:38.400
the full two hour maximum edition with Coup Blaxton, which
832
00:47:38.400 --> 00:47:41.079
includes answers to a bunch more questions, like this question
833
00:47:41.119 --> 00:47:44.039
from Maggie. She's a new mother with big dreams, a
834
00:47:44.320 --> 00:47:48.239
busy farm life, and minimalist aspirations, and she wants to
835
00:47:48.280 --> 00:47:51.280
know how to find peace in the messy middle when
836
00:47:51.320 --> 00:47:55.239
life can't be simplified all at once. Also, she says
837
00:47:55.239 --> 00:47:57.079
she wants to eat my lunch, but we'll get to
838
00:47:57.119 --> 00:48:00.559
that on page two. Whitney wants to know so whether
839
00:48:00.599 --> 00:48:04.280
there's a healthy form of clinging in adulthood, especially when
840
00:48:04.320 --> 00:48:08.000
it comes to human connection, relationships, and emotional attachment. We're
841
00:48:08.000 --> 00:48:11.719
going to talk about the difference between clinging and attachment
842
00:48:12.039 --> 00:48:14.880
and holding on and so much more, and also Jessica
843
00:48:15.400 --> 00:48:18.480
is wondering what to do when everyone in her house
844
00:48:19.039 --> 00:48:22.360
has a different relationship with clutter. Plus a million more
845
00:48:22.440 --> 00:48:25.280
questions and simple living segments over on the Minimalist Private
846
00:48:25.280 --> 00:48:28.639
podcast on Patreon. The link is in the description. When
847
00:48:28.679 --> 00:48:30.800
you subscribe, you go listen to our private episodes on
848
00:48:31.039 --> 00:48:35.159
Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast at pleasurell gain
849
00:48:35.199 --> 00:48:37.960
access to all of our podcast archives all the way
850
00:48:38.000 --> 00:48:41.480
back to the very first episode of this podcast. Big
851
00:48:41.480 --> 00:48:43.400
thanks to Coot Blackson for joining us today. You can
852
00:48:43.480 --> 00:48:44.440
check out his latest book.
853
00:48:44.480 --> 00:48:46.360
It is called The Magic of Surrender.
854
00:48:46.400 --> 00:48:49.440
You can also find him at Cootblackson dot com and
855
00:48:49.679 --> 00:48:51.599
on Instagram. We'll put a link to all of that
856
00:48:52.000 --> 00:48:54.679
in the show notes. And that is our minimal episode
857
00:48:54.719 --> 00:48:58.199
for today on behalf of Ryan Nicademus, TK Coleman, Audio
858
00:48:58.280 --> 00:49:03.079
Bin Spier, Jeff and Dave, Tomcat, Professor Sean Savyd and
859
00:49:03.079 --> 00:49:05.679
the rest of our team. I'm Joshua Fields Milburn. If
860
00:49:05.679 --> 00:49:09.400
you leave here today with just one message, love it,
861
00:49:09.440 --> 00:49:15.880
beat this, love people, and use things because the opposite
862
00:49:16.039 --> 00:49:20.039
never works. Thanks for listening, y'all. We'll see you next time.
863
00:49:20.639 --> 00:49:21.719
Keep it simple.
864
00:49:23.079 --> 00:49:28.599
Every little thing you think that need, every little thing
865
00:49:29.719 --> 00:49:32.599
you think that you need, every
866
00:49:32.639 --> 00:49:37.119
Little thing that's just feeding your greed, or a bet
867
00:49:37.320 --> 00:49:39.719
that you'll be fine without it,