637: Tom Ryan (Ohio State Wrestling Coach) - Chosen Suffering, Emotional Control, Responding to Tragedy, Success Pillars, and Learning from

The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire 1 person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver. www.InsightGlobal.com/LearningLeader Tom Ryan is the head wrestling coach at Ohio State University. In college, he wrestled for perhaps the greatest wrestling coach of all time, Dan Gable, at Iowa, where he was a two-time Big Ten champion and a two-time NCAA All-American. As a coach at Ohio State, he's won numerous national coach of the year honors, has coached more than 75 All-Americans, and led the Buckeyes to a national championship in 2015. We filmed this in his office in Columbus, OH, after spending the morning watching some of his championship wrestlers practice. It was one of the coolest days I've had in a long time. Notes:

• "My first workout after driving from Syracuse to Iowa was a soul-cleanser. I collapsed in my car outside the arena. I couldn't stop crying."
  • "It was a line in the sand moment for me. Where are you going or staying? Because I could have turned around, I could have went right back. But it was this sense of knowing that you were in the right place."
  • It's amazing that Tom decided to leave Syracuse with no guarantee of even making the team at Iowa, let alone a scholarship. He shows up on day 1, and Coach Gable didn't even know who he was! Crazy. And then he goes on to earn his spot and become an All-American.
• Competitive Spirit from Early Age: "There's certainly an element of competitive spirit... even in second grade, we were on the playground... if you lose, you're fighting somebody. You just wanna win, you wanna win everything you do."
• Why go to Iowa?
  • The Will to Be Great – "I wanted to be elite at something. And by trial and error, it was almost trial and error... I wasn't gonna end my career with not knowing how high I could climb."
• Key Learnings from Dan Gable:
  • Emotional Control – "He wasn't a yeller. He wasn't a screamer... The reason why he didn't need to yell was his competence."
  • Focus on Situation, Not Person – "It was never personal... He would focus on the situation and not you as a person. You never felt attacked. It was just bluntly, your single leg needs improvement."
  • Balance of Freedom and Accountability – "Too much freedom. Not good... You can drive someone crazy with discipline and rituals and rules... It's just this happy medium."
• One of the most emotional moments in my 10+ years of recording this podcast, Tom shared the story of the day his 5-year-old son, Teague, had a heart attack and tragically passed away. The room went silent. And Tom went deep into the impact that it has had on him and his family. This is something I cannot imagine happening. I am grateful that Tom was willing to share and be so vulnerable. I love Tom Ryan, and I am lucky to have been in Columbus with him.
• The interview with Ohio State: "I wasn't their first choice... But ultimately, I was a leader that had learned. I learned under the best." He prepared extensively, attacked his weaknesses proactively, and wasn't afraid to discuss his faith.
• Chosen vs. Unchosen Suffering – The concept of "chosen suffering" came after experiencing unchosen suffering (losing Teague). "Wrestling has never brought me to my knees... I never got there in wrestling... but when I lost Teague in 2004, that I referred to as unchosen suffering."
• Chosen Suffering = Deep Love – "Chosen suffering is a fancy word for love because you will suffer...