WEBVTT
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:06.799
Did you know that today I'm going to read for you a poem that I wrote before my interview with my lovely guest?
00:00:06.799 --> 00:00:10.400
The poem is called Your Love is Your Legacy.
00:00:10.400 --> 00:00:19.199
And it reads, As we think about legacy, may we know it's crafted in high times, but more so in low.
00:00:19.199 --> 00:00:22.640
Legacy is built in our daily deeds.
00:00:22.640 --> 00:00:26.559
It's a painting that's uniquely you or me.
00:00:26.559 --> 00:00:33.759
Legacy is scripted each calendar day in the way that we live and give love away.
00:00:33.759 --> 00:00:37.840
Legacy is nonfiction, devoid of pretense.
00:00:37.840 --> 00:00:41.840
It's real and raw based on true life events.
00:00:41.840 --> 00:00:45.119
It's not what we get and it's not who we best.
00:00:45.119 --> 00:00:48.880
It's how we live what we give and how we leave the rest.
00:00:48.880 --> 00:00:56.799
May your legacy include rising above, division and fear to be a life lived with love.
00:00:56.799 --> 00:01:02.000
And that again is a poem I wrote called Your Love is Your Legacy.
00:01:02.000 --> 00:01:08.239
Let me introduce today's guest, Christina Joy Whitaker.
00:01:08.239 --> 00:01:16.719
Well, um, where are you today, by the way?
00:01:17.040 --> 00:01:18.079
I'm in Atlanta.
00:01:18.079 --> 00:01:22.719
My um I appreciate you being okay with me getting back a little later.
00:01:22.719 --> 00:01:24.400
My mom is in town.
00:01:24.400 --> 00:01:35.040
Uh my dad planned a birthday trip that was kind of last minute, and he didn't inform me that I was the central to this plan happening.
00:01:35.040 --> 00:01:37.359
So I was like, oh, right, okay.
00:01:37.680 --> 00:01:38.239
Wow.
00:01:38.640 --> 00:01:39.280
Cool.
00:01:39.840 --> 00:01:40.480
I love it.
00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:41.040
Perfect.
00:01:41.040 --> 00:01:45.519
If you could just say and spell your first and last name for me, so I have it right.
00:01:46.079 --> 00:01:46.560
Sure.
00:01:46.560 --> 00:01:49.439
My name is Christina Joy Whitaker.
00:01:49.439 --> 00:02:01.519
C H R I S T I N A J O Y W H H I Two Ts, A K E R.
00:02:02.640 --> 00:02:04.000
You have such a beautiful name.
00:02:04.000 --> 00:02:06.719
And is Joy your middle name or is there any other name?
00:02:07.599 --> 00:02:08.639
Joy's my middle name.
00:02:09.360 --> 00:02:10.879
Joy is my middle name.
00:02:10.879 --> 00:02:14.400
Who gets to say that and have it be real?
00:02:14.400 --> 00:02:16.159
You do.
00:02:16.159 --> 00:02:17.599
I do.
00:02:17.599 --> 00:02:18.240
I do.
00:02:18.240 --> 00:02:22.159
Well, the name of this podcast, I decided to call it by my middle name.
00:02:22.159 --> 00:02:23.599
Um did you?
00:02:23.599 --> 00:02:30.560
So yes, so it's it's a word that most people have never heard, or if they've heard it, they haven't heard it spelled this way.
00:02:30.560 --> 00:02:32.080
It's Voreen.
00:02:32.080 --> 00:02:40.000
V-O-Reen E-E-N, like Ben Vareen, the top dancer, except he's V-E-R-E-E-N.
00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:43.199
So what prompted that decision?
00:02:43.199 --> 00:02:44.960
It was twofold.
00:02:44.960 --> 00:02:48.319
Number one, it wasn't taken.
00:02:48.319 --> 00:02:49.280
It wasn't taken.
00:02:49.280 --> 00:02:50.159
Nobody else has.
00:02:50.159 --> 00:02:52.400
That's a good reason.
00:02:52.400 --> 00:03:01.280
And uh number two, it kind of gets to the heart at what I'm hoping to do here, which is just to get to know people a little bit better.
00:03:01.280 --> 00:03:10.400
And um sometimes even something as simple as a middle name can open a conversation to getting to know each other better.
00:03:10.400 --> 00:03:11.840
Well, so let me ask you that.
00:03:11.840 --> 00:03:15.919
Does anyone else in your family have the middle name Joy or the first name Joy?
00:03:16.319 --> 00:03:19.120
No one else in my family has the middle name Joy.
00:03:19.120 --> 00:03:20.159
It's so interesting.
00:03:20.159 --> 00:03:27.039
I've had more of a love now, but especially growing up, a very much a love-hate relationship with it.
00:03:27.039 --> 00:03:28.800
I loved my name.
00:03:28.800 --> 00:03:32.960
I never, you know, uh resented being named Christina Joy.
00:03:32.960 --> 00:03:44.000
I think the implication, though, of when you hear someone's middle name is Joy, that they are giddy and happy and gregarious and outgoing and all of those things.
00:03:44.000 --> 00:03:47.840
And I never necessarily felt that way.
00:03:47.840 --> 00:03:50.240
I'm pretty straightforward.
00:03:50.240 --> 00:03:53.199
I'm pretty even keel.
00:03:53.199 --> 00:04:01.039
And so it felt like a mismatch uh a lot of times, and people would weaponize it, being like, your middle name is Joy.
00:04:01.039 --> 00:04:04.080
You should be Joy, you should be this, you should be that, right?
00:04:04.080 --> 00:04:15.120
But as of late, I think I've started to understand that it was no by no coincidence that that was my middle name.
00:04:15.120 --> 00:04:21.680
I feel like for Joy, it's it's been a journey to be intentional about finding it.
00:04:22.879 --> 00:04:32.480
That's super fascinating that all of that can come from a a label you were given that was given to you.
00:04:32.480 --> 00:04:39.920
And speaking of that, and since your mom's in town, have you ever asked your parents about why they chose your name?
00:04:40.879 --> 00:04:43.600
I have, and I need to ask that question again.
00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:45.120
I know where Christina came from.
00:04:45.120 --> 00:04:48.079
So Christina came from a dream my mom had.
00:04:48.079 --> 00:04:52.959
She was um dreaming and she saw a little girl, I believe, and her name is Christina.
00:04:52.959 --> 00:04:57.600
And so that's how that's how I definitely know my first name came about.
00:04:57.600 --> 00:04:59.839
Man, she's right upstairs.
00:04:59.839 --> 00:05:05.199
Um, I I have to ask her again, like, why joy or where did the joy come from?
00:05:05.199 --> 00:05:20.959
If I had to extrapolate and just guess, you know, my my dad is a preacher, my mom is a teacher, and they um are very, very um intentional about imparting morals and and faith.
00:05:20.959 --> 00:05:28.000
And so I know faith was always an important part of their journey and their foundation and how how they came to be.
00:05:28.000 --> 00:05:30.319
And they wanted to make sure that we understood that as well.
00:05:30.319 --> 00:05:39.839
And so my my middle name is Joy, my little sister's middle name is Faith, my brother, he's named after my dad's middle name, but still a biblical name, Samuel.
00:05:39.839 --> 00:05:46.639
So, I mean, we all have um different aspects that reflect um our belief and our name.
00:05:46.959 --> 00:05:50.240
I love the intentionality in all of them.
00:05:50.560 --> 00:05:52.560
Yes, yes, absolutely.
00:05:52.959 --> 00:05:58.000
And you know, maybe like you said, maybe it it has given you some direction.
00:05:58.000 --> 00:06:05.839
You know, maybe, maybe it's a bit of a guiding light to think, okay, joy is at my center of who I am.
00:06:06.079 --> 00:06:09.360
Yeah, I used to see it as something that was so fleeting, right?
00:06:09.360 --> 00:06:21.519
But it's principle in that it is persistent, it is something that is resilient, even in spite of, is something I've learned to value.
00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:26.319
And now I can say this is something that will not go away from me.
00:06:26.319 --> 00:06:30.399
I believe in, you know, in God's presence, there's fullness of joy.
00:06:30.399 --> 00:06:32.480
And I'm I'm like, I I want the fullness.
00:06:32.480 --> 00:06:33.759
Don't give me half.
00:06:33.759 --> 00:06:35.279
I want all of it.
00:06:35.920 --> 00:06:40.399
Oh, I want all of it too for you and for me and for all of us.
00:06:40.800 --> 00:06:43.120
Yes, yes, absolutely.
00:06:43.439 --> 00:06:49.600
You know, when we met some years ago in Arizona, I immediately was drawn to you.
00:06:49.600 --> 00:06:51.439
We ended up sitting next to each other at a table.
00:06:51.439 --> 00:06:52.000
Yes.
00:06:52.000 --> 00:06:59.439
But later, there was an opportunity for people to give an impromptu presentation and you did it.
00:06:59.439 --> 00:07:04.720
You you stepped up and you did it, and you did it with such confidence.
00:07:04.720 --> 00:07:09.120
And I was so admiring of you for that.
00:07:09.120 --> 00:07:12.879
I love that you just said your mom's a teacher and your dad's a preacher.
00:07:12.879 --> 00:07:19.279
And I just wonder was the confidence that I perceived something that you felt?
00:07:19.279 --> 00:07:22.319
And if so, have you had to cultivate that?
00:07:22.319 --> 00:07:29.600
Or do you feel like you had a good amount of confidence coming up?
00:07:30.720 --> 00:07:34.160
You know, that's a that's such an interesting question.
00:07:34.160 --> 00:07:47.439
Like, like um you mentioned my uh my upbringing was, I won't say it was unique, but it was um incredibly impactful in how I see life and how I navigate through life.
00:07:47.439 --> 00:07:49.600
I am the daughter of a preacher and a teacher.
00:07:49.600 --> 00:07:53.040
Those are two people who talk a lot and care a lot, right?
00:07:53.040 --> 00:07:54.399
Like you do that for a living.
00:07:54.399 --> 00:07:58.079
You are speaking, you are caring on people, you're loving, you're serving.
00:07:58.079 --> 00:08:01.040
Um, and I saw that and I learned that firsthand.
00:08:01.040 --> 00:08:08.399
And so something that I learned early on was that you are living life not just for you, right?
00:08:08.399 --> 00:08:10.800
Like it's not just for your own selfish means.
00:08:10.800 --> 00:08:13.839
It is to impact others, it is to do great things.
00:08:13.839 --> 00:08:23.680
And it's something that I carried with me all throughout my upbringing, and I do think spoke to the development of confidence in a certain sense.
00:08:23.680 --> 00:08:29.279
I have always been someone who some would call it a truth teller, right?
00:08:29.279 --> 00:08:34.240
Like when I say it, I if I've if I say it, I'm saying it for a reason.
00:08:34.240 --> 00:08:43.440
But uh, the reason why I bring up my upbringing is because I do think there are different stages of development that you learn different things about yourself.
00:08:43.440 --> 00:08:48.080
So growing up, I was very confident in my capability and my knowledge and my smarts.
00:08:48.080 --> 00:08:50.639
I knew I was smart, I knew I could figure things out.
00:08:50.639 --> 00:08:53.600
I was plotted for that, I was praised for that.
00:08:53.600 --> 00:08:59.360
But in other areas, they were underdeveloped because I didn't want to try them.
00:08:59.360 --> 00:09:11.360
So, in reference to anything that caused me not to lead with my intelligence, but caused me to actually just be accepted for my presence, that was a whole different dynamic.
00:09:11.360 --> 00:09:13.679
You would think you were meeting two different people.
00:09:13.679 --> 00:09:19.440
I used to always say in high school, you would vote me class president, but you wouldn't invite me to a party.
00:09:19.440 --> 00:09:21.279
And quite frankly, that was my reality.
00:09:21.279 --> 00:09:22.720
I was class president.
00:09:22.720 --> 00:09:31.759
And I also didn't go to parties because I only knew how to share the parts of myself that I thought would be safe, which was how I thought, how I how I talked.
00:09:31.759 --> 00:09:39.440
And so I was confident in that realm, but not so confident in just who I naturally was and how I was naturally gifted.
00:09:39.440 --> 00:09:46.399
However, there's another flip side of confidence that perhaps confidence isn't the word for it.
00:09:46.399 --> 00:09:48.240
It's courage, it's leaning in.
00:09:48.240 --> 00:09:54.639
And so that day in Arizona, when you saw that confidence, um, that was more so courage.
00:09:54.639 --> 00:10:01.360
I had recently, or within the last few years, experienced job loss for the very first time in my life.
00:10:01.360 --> 00:10:09.759
I was one of the highest ranking um black women on a senior executive team for a nationally ranked company.
00:10:09.759 --> 00:10:13.759
And within a day, I lost it all.
00:10:13.759 --> 00:10:20.639
And when what I didn't know was a lot of my confidence, which was fleeting, was in something that was rented.
00:10:20.639 --> 00:10:27.360
It was in titles, it was positions, it was in things that were lended lent to me, but not created for me.
00:10:27.360 --> 00:10:33.200
I was not confident and confident or even knowledgeable of what I could create and own for myself.
00:10:33.200 --> 00:10:44.399
And so in Arizona, when you saw me on that stage, I was in motion, but I was taking actions in alignment with who I knew I was going to become.
00:10:44.399 --> 00:10:50.720
And so was I confident in knowing that my voice was needed in the room?
00:10:50.720 --> 00:10:51.279
Yes.
00:10:51.279 --> 00:10:55.360
Was I also incredibly intimidated and fearful?
00:10:55.360 --> 00:10:56.480
Also, yes.
00:10:56.480 --> 00:10:57.039
Right.
00:10:57.039 --> 00:10:59.440
But I was going to do it anyway.
00:10:59.440 --> 00:11:05.440
I was going to give greater voice to who I was becoming than who I was in that moment.
00:11:05.440 --> 00:11:08.399
What a beautiful and thoughtful answer.
00:11:08.399 --> 00:11:16.960
Um, when I when I think about um the women who I work with on a regular basis, I was I was just looking at some of our data.
00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:23.039
The average age of our clientele is somewhere between 50 to 55 years old.
00:11:23.039 --> 00:11:46.960
And I'm so honored at being able to walk with women through that journey because it takes so much courage to say, I have spent years believing I was one thing, and I am willing to make a decision that is alignment with who I think I am called to be.
00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:57.120
So it takes courage to actually give yourself the permission to say, hey, I actually maybe was that for a season, but I am different now.
00:11:57.120 --> 00:12:10.720
Something that I've loved about this entrepreneurial journey is to be able to use um what I consider a very natural gifting to see beyond what people can see for themselves, right?
00:12:10.720 --> 00:12:16.320
So if you give me the inklings of a dream, I'm going to tell you what it's going to be, right?
00:12:16.320 --> 00:12:20.000
Because I can see the potential, I can hear it, I can, I can pick it out.
00:12:20.000 --> 00:12:24.000
It takes me moments to understand where it is that you're going.
00:12:24.000 --> 00:12:27.440
And I fall in love with it, and I want to get you there as well, right?
00:12:27.440 --> 00:12:29.200
Because it's so beautiful.
00:12:29.200 --> 00:12:45.679
And uh being able to take people's scattered thoughts and to show them this actually was woven without throughout the tapestry of your entire life, and it's building a beautiful end result for you and seeing that light bulb go off in their head.
00:12:45.679 --> 00:12:48.240
Like, I didn't even know this could go together.
00:12:48.240 --> 00:12:56.879
I didn't know my years of corporate experience could also tie in with my love of fitness, which also ties in with my it can, right?
00:12:56.879 --> 00:13:05.120
Because it's all part of you for that reason, and it's one of my greatest joys, literally, one of my greatest joys, helping people connect the dots in those ways.
00:13:05.440 --> 00:13:12.000
Just speak a little bit about what it is that you do and what motivates you to do that type of work.
00:13:12.320 --> 00:13:20.960
I help people, especially women, make life-changing decisions, life-shifting decisions.
00:13:20.960 --> 00:13:31.600
When they are ready to take all of that they've learned and experience, and they're ready to say, I'm ready to own my own story.
00:13:31.600 --> 00:13:33.440
I want to build on my own.
00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:35.200
I want to build a brand on my own.
00:13:35.200 --> 00:13:37.440
I want to launch this venture on my own.
00:13:37.440 --> 00:13:39.200
That's when women call me.
00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:40.879
That's when people call me.
00:13:40.879 --> 00:13:42.720
When they're like, you know what?
00:13:42.720 --> 00:13:45.679
This thing has been nagging at me for so long.
00:13:45.679 --> 00:13:47.679
But how do I put it into words?
00:13:47.679 --> 00:13:49.759
How do I say what I'm good at?
00:13:49.759 --> 00:13:57.120
How do I say what is in my head that I can't yet actually see and translate it into something that people understand?
00:13:57.120 --> 00:14:00.399
That is my favorite thing to do.
00:14:00.399 --> 00:14:01.919
I love taking.
00:14:01.919 --> 00:14:09.600
It is God breathed vision.
00:14:09.600 --> 00:14:27.759
Like I love being able to see or to hear what you think doesn't have a through line and to show you that actually it's something that showed up at the beginning of your of your days, and it's going to extend and it's going to be your legacy.
00:14:27.759 --> 00:14:32.960
And so where a lot of women get stuck is that you'll look at what you have, right?
00:14:32.960 --> 00:14:37.200
You'll look at the disparity, you'll look at the contradictory nature of what you have.
00:14:37.200 --> 00:14:42.960
Like, well, I jumped jobs a lot, or like, I stayed at home to be with my kids for this time.
00:14:42.960 --> 00:14:43.840
So I'm out.
00:14:43.840 --> 00:14:52.320
We we find so many things to dismiss us from our conversation or dismiss us from even thinking that there is value or something on the other side.
00:14:52.320 --> 00:14:56.399
And that dismissal allows us to be permissive of staying stuck.
00:14:56.399 --> 00:15:02.559
It allows you to stay in a space that you know is in contention with where you want to go.
00:15:02.559 --> 00:15:18.080
I just know I want it, but because I can't paint the picture right now, I shouldn't have it.
00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:19.360
Not true.
00:15:19.360 --> 00:15:20.480
Not true.
00:15:20.480 --> 00:15:22.799
And you help people paint that picture.
00:15:22.799 --> 00:15:28.080
I help people paint that picture because clarity comes after you take the step.
00:15:28.080 --> 00:15:31.600
You are called, then it gets clear after you start moving.
00:15:31.600 --> 00:15:35.600
And so what we want is to have all the answers up front.
00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:38.879
That will keep you stuck and operating in your capability.
00:15:38.879 --> 00:15:43.200
So I have a framework where I believe there's kind of two different segments of your life.
00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:46.080
There is a space where you learn how to be very capable.
00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:48.879
That means you learn how to be really good at what you do.
00:15:48.879 --> 00:15:54.799
You learn your skill sets, you learn um how to package your skill sets in a job.
00:15:54.799 --> 00:15:56.000
You learn how to get hired.
00:15:56.000 --> 00:15:58.720
You learn what people need from you very well.
00:15:58.720 --> 00:16:01.360
That is operating in your capability.
00:16:01.360 --> 00:16:07.039
But everyone has a time when you are invited to operating in your calling.
00:16:07.039 --> 00:16:11.919
When you are operating in your calling, that is something that you are made to do.
00:16:11.919 --> 00:16:16.799
When you are operating in your capability, that's something you've built for yourself.
00:16:16.799 --> 00:16:23.759
And the cost of entry to shift from capability to calling is always going to be courage.
00:16:23.759 --> 00:16:31.039
It is the courage to let go of what you built in favor of entering a space that you were literally made for.
00:16:31.039 --> 00:16:33.279
And that is terrifying.
00:16:33.279 --> 00:16:41.120
And it's that middle period where we fight, we give ourselves permission to stay confused.
00:16:41.120 --> 00:16:48.559
So calling, then calling clarity, but in the middle courage.
00:16:48.559 --> 00:16:58.000
In the middle, courage, and really um, I call it the murky middle, and um I have an issue when people call it the messy middle.
00:16:58.000 --> 00:17:07.440
I'm not saying that people don't go through different stages, but I I do think the the women who I work with, right, they've lived life.
00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:10.799
They're not beginners, they know what they know.
00:17:10.799 --> 00:17:14.640
The issue is not where things are placed, right?
00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:18.480
When something is messy, you're looking for things.
00:17:18.480 --> 00:17:19.839
You're you've lost something.
00:17:19.839 --> 00:17:22.640
When something is murky, you know where everything is.
00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:26.400
You know where your skill set is, you know what you can do, you know where it is.
00:17:26.400 --> 00:17:28.559
It's clarity that's the issue.
00:17:28.559 --> 00:17:31.119
It's cloudy, you don't know what to do with it.
00:17:31.119 --> 00:17:38.799
And people are so busy trying to clean things up because they think it's messy that they're trading sorrow for sorrow.
00:17:38.799 --> 00:17:40.960
It's not going to work.
00:17:40.960 --> 00:17:46.559
What you need is for something, a path to be made through the dark.
00:17:46.559 --> 00:17:50.720
And the only way you can get that is by taking a courageous step.
00:17:50.720 --> 00:17:58.720
And typically it's taking a step that, and you don't know the outcome, but you just know who you are supposed to become.
00:17:58.720 --> 00:18:00.480
And that is enough.
00:18:00.480 --> 00:18:03.680
I myself, you know, I know we hinted at it.
00:18:03.680 --> 00:18:07.759
I got laid off and never saw myself on this path.
00:18:07.759 --> 00:18:11.920
The only thing I knew about myself was I knew I liked my check every two weeks.
00:18:11.920 --> 00:18:14.720
I I, you know, built a corporate career.
00:18:14.720 --> 00:18:20.640
I was in um, I started in big for consulting, was working for some of the biggest contracts in the world.
00:18:20.640 --> 00:18:25.519
I was working, um, the the federal government was my client, switched into entertainment.
00:18:25.519 --> 00:18:33.759
I was working at some one of the largest entertainment companies, Walt Disney um company, at with with executives at Walt Disney.
00:18:33.759 --> 00:18:34.880
I was at those levels.
00:18:34.880 --> 00:18:40.720
I went from there into um doing corporate consulting where my client for Vanity Fair, the NBA.
00:18:40.720 --> 00:18:42.240
I had a life.
00:18:42.240 --> 00:18:44.559
I had built a life that people envied.
00:18:44.559 --> 00:18:48.079
I had built the life that people always ask, how do I get it?
00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:49.759
How do I access it?
00:18:49.759 --> 00:18:56.160
And what I had to realize was that I had built a life that I was miserable in.
00:18:56.160 --> 00:19:00.960
And I didn't want to admit it because I didn't know how I got there.
00:19:00.960 --> 00:19:04.160
Because I made choices that I thought were great.
00:19:04.160 --> 00:19:11.200
I got the good job, I got the degrees, I got good grades, I got promoted, I did the things.
00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:14.079
And so why am I miserable?
00:19:14.079 --> 00:19:32.720
And because I was not willing to actually acknowledge the fact that this is a miss, that I am not feeling that what I have built is something that I now feel like I don't want or I've outgrown because I was not willing to sit down and actually intersect with that.
00:19:32.720 --> 00:19:35.039
I kept going, as a lot of us do.
00:19:35.039 --> 00:19:47.759
You keep doing and you get stuck in a cycle of misery upon misery when you don't when you don't acknowledge that you are actually trapped in a prison because we make it look nice.
00:19:47.759 --> 00:19:53.279
I got my six-figure salary, I got my clients, I got to work.
00:19:53.279 --> 00:19:55.200
This is pre-COVID, got to work from home.
00:19:55.200 --> 00:19:57.279
Like I got the things, right?
00:19:57.279 --> 00:20:03.279
Um, and I couldn't be more unhappy.
00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:09.599
As a result, it started manifesting in my body, like my hair started falling out of my scalp.
00:20:09.599 --> 00:20:11.440
I started having depressive episodes.
00:20:11.440 --> 00:20:14.960
In a single year, I gained um over 60 pounds.
00:20:14.960 --> 00:20:18.720
I was unrecognizable and didn't even realize I was slipping away.
00:20:18.720 --> 00:20:27.759
The closest thing I could say about that experience was I literally felt like life was leaving my body every day.
00:20:27.759 --> 00:20:34.640
And I was so scared to admit it because I wasn't supposed to feel that way.
00:20:34.640 --> 00:20:40.799
I had built something that on LinkedIn got a lot of likes.
00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:47.920
I'm proud to announce I got a got promoted to senior director of 800 likes, right?
00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:49.519
Why are you unhappy?
00:20:50.079 --> 00:20:58.400
Why how long do you think you knew that you were unhappy there?
00:20:58.960 --> 00:20:59.519
You know what?
00:20:59.519 --> 00:21:01.039
That's a great question.
00:21:01.039 --> 00:21:06.559
I think the realization happened day one, I'm not going to lie.
00:21:06.559 --> 00:21:13.519
And then when I say day one, I mean day one of my first post-college job.
00:21:13.519 --> 00:21:19.839
I remember sitting in an office or going in, it was onboarding training.
00:21:19.839 --> 00:21:26.079
We had just finished, and I remember sitting down and I said, Oh no.
00:21:26.079 --> 00:21:30.160
Oh no, what have I done?
00:21:30.160 --> 00:21:34.480
And I couldn't understand why I felt that way.
00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:37.039
Now, not everyone's going to be immediate, right?
00:21:37.039 --> 00:21:40.559
Like sometimes people are in love with it and then you fall out of love with it.
00:21:40.559 --> 00:21:44.079
For me, I don't know why I had that drop in my stomach.
00:21:44.079 --> 00:21:52.079
I was like, I don't know if I want to be here, but then because I had no war or where else would I go, I had nothing.
00:21:52.079 --> 00:21:55.680
I didn't want to sit with the silence of what that could be.
00:21:55.680 --> 00:21:59.119
And so I looked for ways to make me feel happy about what I had done.
00:21:59.119 --> 00:23:34.559
And I got wins i got great great ratings i you know got great projects but each time as i got higher and higher i realized not so much that i was unhappy i realized i was never finding it quote unquote i was like well maybe this will be it maybe this maybe if i go this particular uh position and uh change this this time frame i change this group i kept trading right and for me i always call it um i i affectionately call it the black girl the black girl degree um or the black girl vacation when it's like you don't know what else to do you go get another degree that's what i did like i couldn't i was like well let me go get a grad degree and so i did and the the accommodation it wasn't enough and so that's what we do is we get credit upon credit we get job after job we get promotion after promotion chasing what we think is going to be fulfilling and it's an ultimate betrayal when at every pass we feel more and more empty and so when I was making decisions and I didn't feel like there was an alternative what do you do you make you make nice with what you've built and I remember one day um you say uh when I really knew that there was a contention I was speaking to a woman who was giving me advice she was um senior to me on the team and I had just had my not my first but a very public experience of being thrown under the bus.
00:23:34.559 --> 00:23:50.000
And I can't remember to this day everything that she said but I remember the end of her statement was well that's just how life is and everything in my body screamed and I couldn't understand why I was in all out revolt.
00:23:50.000 --> 00:24:35.680
I could not accept that but that's what she had accepted and I looked around and I realized that's what everyone has and I was I was so scared because I'm like well if I don't want to accept it where do I go because I was also not willing to to uh make a different decision that took me out of outside of that capability trap I kept making decisions within it until quite frankly I was forced out I ended up um getting laid off and I remember sitting in the office I remember them telling me I was getting laid off and I remember feeling relief and I had to ask myself why did it take someone else making a decision on my behalf for me to feel relief.
00:24:36.960 --> 00:24:42.480
Sometimes it's easier for people to have the decisions forced upon them than to make them ourselves.
00:24:42.480 --> 00:24:57.759
I think sometimes it's difficult to have courage from a place of health and well being maybe more so than if if disease for example is forced upon us like that type of thing.
00:24:57.759 --> 00:25:20.720
I think sometimes we're just so reluctant to change or resistant to change that if God or the universe wants us to change and we don't then I guess the the call knocks a little harder doesn't it yeah that's that's the thing about calling it's it's people think it's a moment and it's continual there will there's always signs.
00:25:20.960 --> 00:25:22.319
There's always signs.
00:25:22.319 --> 00:26:53.039
It's a matter of what you choose to value and you choose choose to pay attention to so me my health failing me it's like oh that's forget that like I you know I can go to the gym I can get this off me having a panic attack quite frankly not being able to breathe that still wasn't enough I said well I'll figure out how to make it work and that's what we do you we are trained at making things work and you don't realize you're grasping on so tightly because you think there's nothing else and what I would like to tell anyone listening to this is that there is always something greater for you on the other side and you must believe that you must believe that and loosen your grasp and understand that letting go is the entry to getting what you are absolutely made for it is the entry point it is the cost and so you have to determine you you gave all that you got to be miserable right are you willing to give the same to be fulfilled would you say that that was perhaps the most or one of the most life changing moments in your life so far it definitely was one of the most pivotal when I got laid off it made me question everything I thought to be true about me.
00:26:53.039 --> 00:27:19.519
I say this all the time realizing that someone has had the right to make a decision about me without me that literally upended my world there's a certain level of grief that sets in after that where you are mourning a broken contract.
00:27:19.519 --> 00:29:59.759
You're mourning an agreement that you had no choice in terminating I would advise you not to rush by that because there's so much wealth in unpacking that um you know I I don't even like to always say that the shift was being laid off because afterwards I had a choice right I could have gone back the same road everything in me was saying do not go back that way my natural inclination was to have a job by the end of the week I had a six figure salary I had a six figure network people were apologetic that it happened they were calling me asking how can we help how can we help how can we help but what I will say is that I had I was making a conscious choice to honor the possibility at that time I wanted to honor the possibility of maybe there is one and anyone who's at that crossroad you have to you have to understand that it's an invitation it's an invitation are you ready to make a decision to make a choice that you will be who you say who you who you see who you think who you feel even if you don't always have the words for it that you will be that person and that you just need to make the step and and a lot of us don't want to make it but oftentimes it's investment it's investment of something it's going to cost you something it might cost you money it might cost you time so for me it cost me my job for me it cost me my money because I said you know what I want to learn how to do this from someone who's already been there my gripe with AI at the moment is everybody thinks they're an expert and they no one has done anything right and so you have to be sure when you are at that crossroads who has accomplished what I what I want to accomplish who has done this and when I was starting that's what I looked for I looked for for examples of people who have done this and I and I paid the money.
00:29:59.759 --> 00:30:06.079
I was not used to paying for mentorship or investment when I was in corporate because I had a corporate someone was paying it for me.
00:30:06.079 --> 00:30:08.640
I'm like pay for training why would I do that?
00:30:08.640 --> 00:30:11.039
Because I want it to get better for me.
00:30:11.039 --> 00:30:48.400
And I think it's interesting at that juncture to recognize that there is a point where we need different skills and knowledge and maybe absolutely we need to take the time to invest in them even though we've built up the capabilities and the knowledge um how did you say it earlier um if you if you imagine a diagram on the a timeline the left side of the timeline is where you build your capability it's how you figure out what you're good at it's what you're affirmed for it's what you're you learn in your skills and the currency for operating in your capability is your competency right it's just how good you can do something.
00:30:48.400 --> 00:31:36.079
On the other end it's all about your calling and that's something that you may not be able to quite verbalize but you know if you feel like you're made for more what my litmus test for a lot of my clients is when you see a LinkedIn post, how does it make you feel it's not always envy sometimes it's in an indication like this is for you to press in learn more and so for me when I would see people even though I'm not I wasn't a speaker naturally I would see people on stages or I would see people operating in these capacities where they would come in and teach and and guide and then leave I'm like who how do you who who is doing that how do you do that I only knew the nine to five I'm like how are these people doing that and you have to be brave to ask the question how?
00:31:36.079 --> 00:31:53.680
And then who can I find that can help me get there right I call it having a red sea moment are you going to stay on the edge or are you going to cross because in the middle you're going to drown right and you have to die and you have to become someone new.
00:31:53.680 --> 00:32:03.279
Yes and we hold on so hard because it's like well if I give this up then what the I would ask the converse you're holding on now what?
00:32:03.279 --> 00:32:06.240
What is that doing to you right now?
00:32:06.240 --> 00:32:09.440
You know that's such a good question.
00:32:09.440 --> 00:32:14.400
What I will say is at the beginning of my journey I thought that was just a momentary decision.
00:32:14.400 --> 00:32:29.680
I've learned it is absolutely not there is a process and a blueprint for you to get to a point where you decide who you're going to be it's about the story you tell about yourself.
00:32:29.680 --> 00:32:44.400
If you always say well I always try but I always fail or I did this before but it didn't work the story you tell will determine how high you go and you have to learn a new story.
00:32:45.039 --> 00:32:50.640
You have to learn how to story and have the courage to live it and what you have the courage to live it.
00:32:50.640 --> 00:33:43.279
One thing I really love that you said is that it didn't just happen like okay no you left that job you had a choice do I continue to pursue corporate or do I decide to pursue something on my own and even once you've made that decision it's very much like the heroine's journey you're gonna have you're gonna encounter an obstacle and you're gonna encounter another obstacle and another obstacle and it will take you somewhere you haven't been and you will become like you said someone you haven't been so many of us are living this now you and I both come from media there's been a sea change in the world of media and that's a big broad umbrella which there's a lot of distinction underneath that but there are so many people who are currently trying to write their new story or write their new future or create whatever their next future will be because it's changed.
00:33:43.279 --> 00:33:49.920
Their world has changed and I like murky because they know things are out there but they can't see any of it.
00:33:49.920 --> 00:34:04.400
And especially for people for whom it's really really fresh I feel for them whether it's because of layoffs or whether because someone's been fired or something's been made redundant you're still in the same wilderness.
00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:52.239
So you had that defining moment in your life if you could sort of look back now on that moment and I know we're all still figuring things out what would you say you learned from that experience now with hindsight with hindsight what I've learned is summarized in one line um your safety net is not so safe when someone can take it from you I don't believe everyone's supposed to be an entrepreneur you're supposed to launch on I do think everyone is supposed to own your story that I deeply believe in and that's what I'm in the business of you owning your story because if you do not own it someone else will tell it and they will tell it wrong.
00:34:52.239 --> 00:34:56.639
And at the beginning your goal is movement.
00:34:56.639 --> 00:35:21.119
What I will say is that movement is intentional movement also looks like properly grieving what happened to you especially if it was something that was unexpected you lost that job that hurt there's a loss there's a loss in your I maybe who you thought you were in terms of your identity for me I liked having money I liked being able to have money solve problems.
00:35:21.119 --> 00:35:40.239
I liked the look on people's faces when I said where where I worked I liked you know people asking me where are you this week because I travel I loved all of those things but I twisted them with who I was right and I I believed at some point I I attained the belief that this was me.
00:35:40.239 --> 00:35:49.440
This was but it it was not and when those things were stripped away I was faced with the reality that I didn't know who I was without title.
00:35:49.440 --> 00:35:53.679
I didn't know who I was without those things that were propping me up.
00:35:53.679 --> 00:36:16.559
And so I had to unlearn what I thought I was a master at I had to unbecome who I thought I was the end state at I had to learn how to allow myself to experience a new story and to learn new things and to also unlearn habits that were holding me stuck.
00:36:16.559 --> 00:36:20.480
And it feels like death when you have to unlearn it.
00:36:20.480 --> 00:36:30.400
And so going down this route was and people don't believe me it's antithetical to everything I thought I was ever going to be I never wanted to be an entrepreneur.
00:36:30.400 --> 00:36:32.559
I thought it was the stupidest decision.
00:36:32.559 --> 00:36:45.599
I said who would sign up for uncertainty like that I I used to hear entrepreneurs talk and they talked about how they were entrepreneurial from a young age had lemonade stands all those things I did not have those things I was in line purchasing lemonade.
00:36:45.599 --> 00:37:11.519
I was not building the stand right and so I'm like who why why do I feel this way for me it was towards entrepreneurship but someone else you may be asking why do I feel like I'm supposed to um go for this promotion why do I feel like I'm supposed to leave and raise my kids why do I feel like I'm supposed to go on this journey abroad why why why why do I feel this way right there's nothing wrong with that question.
00:37:11.519 --> 00:37:18.719
But what I want you to do is not think you know the answer yet and to allow yourself to be curious.
00:37:18.719 --> 00:37:39.679
Allow yourself to ask of it why now what might be on the other side but also after you're curious commit and you asked me in hindsight if there's anything I could say it's to understand that curiosity is a beautiful thing and it's entry that will allow you to learn so much about yourself.
00:37:39.679 --> 00:37:50.960
But curiosity does not outweigh commitment when you are going to call in you have to choose you can't just be curious about something you have to decide this is for me.
00:37:51.360 --> 00:38:11.440
You are going to be invited again to decide who ye you shall serve who are you going to be a hero to question because you are brilliant at this did you ever contemplate being a preacher or a teacher such a funny question.
00:38:11.519 --> 00:38:38.800
I think my parents would hug you if they heard you ask that um did I contemplate that no and I think you would sometimes when you see your parents do it it's like I also see the behind the scenes nothing however um I I I and I say that facetiously I have been and will always be a teacher I love to teach.
00:38:38.800 --> 00:38:58.000
I had to learn that that didn't just mean you know my mom's a kindergarten teacher that did not just mean kindergartners right I teach all the time I when I was young it used to annoy me when I was like five or six people would treat my word like I was an adult like that when I what Christina said was law.
00:38:58.000 --> 00:39:03.840
They asked me for counsel right and it's so interesting I'm like why were they listening to me?
00:39:03.840 --> 00:39:06.239
I was so young why were they asking for my opinion?
00:39:06.239 --> 00:39:43.519
And Charlie Brown you set up the little therapy yes yes that's exactly five cents right or how much it hurts I was that's that's how you can miss it right because a lot of us are very naturally gifted and you do it without thinking and so because you're so used to it you're so familiar with it you devalue it it's like doesn't everyone do this doesn't ever really big thing and it's usually the thing it's usually the thing that's going to get you into calling just because it's natural doesn't mean it's not holy.
00:39:43.519 --> 00:39:52.239
Just because it's easy doesn't mean it's not calling there's a certain grace on your life everyone has graced to do something different.
00:39:52.239 --> 00:40:11.760
For me I love to vision I love to bring I can think of someone's messaging in a second I see where you are going I can connect the dots for you I can see your 20 years of corporate experience and your penchant for running and your love for kids and have a business model for you in 30 seconds flat I can see it.
00:40:11.760 --> 00:40:14.400
Can I send an email on a regular basis?
00:40:14.400 --> 00:40:16.159
No that's beyond that's above me.
00:40:16.159 --> 00:40:35.840
I hate it I'm not graced for that you know like there's different things that people are graced for and once we stop fighting that once we understand that that therein lies where your true calling is that's what unlocks our ability to learn and discover how this is going to be impactful.
00:40:35.840 --> 00:40:52.079
And so if we go back to the the model between capability and calling I said you know when you're operating in your capability the currency for that is your competency right when you're operating in your calling the currency for that is um courage.
00:40:52.079 --> 00:40:59.440
When you're operating in your calling it's about expansion of capacity there's no end to where you can go.
00:40:59.440 --> 00:41:21.840
They are two opposite sides of the spectrum and when we try to dabble in the middle is when we get all mucked up so when I say curiosity will get you so far at some point it must transition into a choice of courage and who you are going to become it's no longer just I'll take a chance no you are making a choice to make it true.
00:41:21.840 --> 00:41:50.880
You are making a decision and putting your flag in the sand that this shall be and you are putting your thoughts your actions your beliefs your steps towards that could you take me to the dinner table of you as a child growing up in your home because you have a wisdom about you that is so beyond your years and I don't even know how old you are but it it's beyond it it's beyond all of it.
00:41:51.199 --> 00:42:01.840
And um and you have a real gift for communicating it in a way that's not only clear but it hits the soul and it's memorable.
00:42:02.880 --> 00:44:01.280
I'm just curious to know a little bit more about the influences of your parents on you and do they ever get to hear you speak they've gotten here to hear me talk all my life no um I had beautiful parents they um were perfectly tailored for me I I talk about them often because I love how intentional they were not just with me but I I am a uh we have a family of five so I have an older I'm a middle child I have an older brother younger sister they were so tuned into our uh unique needs right so my brother for instance had um uh a speech delay right my mom schooled the public sued the public school system we were uh living in DC saying hey you don't have accommodation for my kid you're gonna have to pay for specialized training and she won you know and my brother's now a a civil engineer has a family of his own like man like all the things my little sister is a musician and they made sure she uh was in art so they let her go to art school they let her you know go she got a full ride to Berkeley College of Music because they fostered that for me I loved talking I loved being in charge I loved leading and so their them nurturing that for me was saying Christina you cannot go to the neighborhood schools they will crush you you have to go someplace where you can talk where you can express yourself right and so um they all yeah I remember we would wake up I would you know I grew up in a certain area of DC we would go to another area of DC so I could be in the best schools I uh my mom um um got me into one of the high most highly regarded private schools in DC where I was the head of the leadership team Go figure, right?
00:44:01.280 --> 00:44:08.559
Like, you know, they had an ability to see um our gifts and to create space for us to cultivate that.
00:44:08.559 --> 00:44:15.440
And I think in a especially in a space where you're um the daughter of both a preacher and a teacher, you can be in a bubble, right?
00:44:15.440 --> 00:44:28.480
Like it's it's not this, but like imagine the president's kids where it's like all eyes on you, you're you're leading, all eyes are on you, and there's very little room, um, stereotypically for a misstep.
00:44:28.480 --> 00:44:33.920
And something that I loved about my parents were that they were, they were like, they're kids.
00:44:33.920 --> 00:44:36.480
Let them be children.
00:44:36.480 --> 00:44:38.559
It was just a beautiful time period.
00:44:38.559 --> 00:44:42.639
We actually did have we did have family dinner every night.
00:44:42.639 --> 00:44:47.280
Like we had a table, we we assembled, we talked, we gathered.
00:44:47.280 --> 00:44:53.840
Um, I have such a it's a silly tangent, but my mom loves to cook, she's an excellent cook, right?
00:44:53.840 --> 00:45:00.320
And I remember freshman year going to college, and um someone was like, Oh, I'm gonna make some mashed potatoes.
00:45:00.320 --> 00:45:01.119
I'm like, how?
00:45:01.119 --> 00:45:02.079
We're in a dorm.
00:45:02.079 --> 00:45:03.039
Like, what do you mean?
00:45:03.039 --> 00:45:04.239
You're making mashed potatoes.
00:45:04.239 --> 00:45:05.519
She's like, from the box.
00:45:05.519 --> 00:45:08.079
I'm like, there's a box of potatoes.
00:45:08.079 --> 00:45:17.440
I had never in my life, even though I had eaten mashed instant come like in hindsight, like at school lunch, it was already made.
00:45:17.440 --> 00:45:19.039
I didn't see a box.
00:45:19.039 --> 00:45:21.280
I saw my mom peeling potatoes.
00:45:21.280 --> 00:45:24.159
So I was like, that's a thing.
00:45:24.159 --> 00:45:28.719
It's just they and I say that as a care.
00:45:28.719 --> 00:45:30.960
Like we were very cared for.
00:45:30.960 --> 00:45:32.159
I was loved.
00:45:32.159 --> 00:45:34.800
You know, there's a box.
00:45:34.800 --> 00:45:37.119
I had, I promise you, my mom.
00:45:37.119 --> 00:45:41.840
That was the first thing I learned in college was that instant mashed potatoes existed.
00:45:43.679 --> 00:45:45.760
Oh my gosh, that is really funny.
00:45:45.760 --> 00:45:46.800
I have no clue.
00:45:46.800 --> 00:45:48.960
That is the first thing I learned in college.
00:45:48.960 --> 00:45:49.519
It is.
00:45:49.519 --> 00:45:51.039
Oh my gosh.
00:45:51.039 --> 00:45:54.400
I was like, oh my goodness, that's interesting.
00:45:54.400 --> 00:45:55.440
Who would have thought?
00:45:55.440 --> 00:45:56.239
Oh my gosh.
00:45:56.480 --> 00:45:57.519
Thank you for sharing that.
00:45:57.679 --> 00:46:01.599
That just was the first time I ever said that story.
00:46:02.320 --> 00:46:02.960
I love it.
00:46:02.960 --> 00:46:03.679
Thank you.
00:46:03.679 --> 00:46:05.360
You heard it here first.
00:46:05.360 --> 00:46:15.360
Um well, before I get to my final four questions for you, I want to ask, where can people find you on your socials or your website?
00:46:15.760 --> 00:46:20.480
Yes, so they can find me um at Christinajoywittaker.com.
00:46:20.480 --> 00:46:29.280
So that's C H R I S T I N A, J O Y W H I, Two Ts, A K E R dot com.
00:46:29.280 --> 00:46:33.519
That same spelling, if you put an at in front of it, the socials will pop up.
00:46:33.519 --> 00:46:38.159
So you'll find me on Instagram there, you'll find me on LinkedIn as well, especially LinkedIn.
00:46:38.159 --> 00:46:39.119
Come say hi.
00:46:39.119 --> 00:46:41.679
Um, and YouTube as well.
00:46:41.679 --> 00:46:43.679
Started posting more YouTube videos.
00:46:43.679 --> 00:46:48.079
And so any one of those platforms will be able to find me um there.
00:46:48.079 --> 00:46:49.440
Wonderful.
00:46:49.920 --> 00:46:54.159
Okay, so um just a couple final questions for you.
00:46:54.159 --> 00:46:55.840
These are shorter.
00:46:55.840 --> 00:46:56.400
Okay.
00:46:56.400 --> 00:46:58.960
But um, are you reading anything right now?
00:46:58.960 --> 00:47:01.199
Do you recommend anything in particular?
00:47:01.840 --> 00:47:04.159
You know, I have a funny answer for this.
00:47:04.159 --> 00:47:11.920
So I think this is partially, I blame everything on ADHD, but I think this is partially ADHD.
00:47:11.920 --> 00:47:18.159
I am a serial bookstarter, a fairly sporadic book finisher, right?
00:47:18.159 --> 00:47:20.880
Like I'm kind of like, once I get the point, I get the point.
00:47:20.880 --> 00:47:23.679
I understand where this is going.
00:47:23.679 --> 00:47:29.440
Um, but the genres that I love, I love things that deal with faith and science and the interplay of it.
00:47:29.440 --> 00:47:38.719
I love um that I've uh I love things that deal with like researching how the brain works, how you make decisions, how you operate.
00:47:38.719 --> 00:47:44.880
I'm just so fascinated and what makes a person tick, what makes a person come into being.
00:47:44.880 --> 00:47:49.599
And so one of the last um books that I really enjoyed was The Garden Within.
00:47:49.599 --> 00:47:52.079
And I did like get through that.
00:47:52.079 --> 00:47:54.639
I was like, oh, pat on the back.
00:47:54.639 --> 00:47:57.199
Um, but that was a that was a great book.
00:47:57.199 --> 00:48:12.559
Um, but anything dealing with like personal development and um the investigation, not just of who you are, but who you are becoming, I think is is just so just something that cap captivates my attention.
00:48:12.559 --> 00:48:17.360
Um, so any anywhere in that spectrum is where you could typically find me.
00:48:18.320 --> 00:48:19.760
I love that, Anthony.
00:48:19.760 --> 00:48:24.079
And I'm by the way, a large, I'm a big proponent of not finishing books.
00:48:24.079 --> 00:48:31.199
If it's not really if it's not speaking to you, I think there's so many other brilliant books out there in the world.
00:48:31.199 --> 00:48:32.480
Time is short.
00:48:32.480 --> 00:48:34.159
Find one you love.
00:48:34.480 --> 00:48:37.119
See, now I'm that I'm gonna blame you on not finishing the books.
00:48:37.119 --> 00:48:41.519
I'm gonna say, well, Stephanie said, if it's not bringing me joy, don't finish it.
00:48:41.920 --> 00:48:42.480
That's right.
00:48:42.480 --> 00:48:45.760
If you're not learning, if you're not enjoying it, there's another one that will.
00:48:46.000 --> 00:48:46.320
Yes.
00:48:47.599 --> 00:48:48.559
Open-ended question.
00:48:48.559 --> 00:48:50.320
What are you in the middle of?
00:48:53.519 --> 00:48:54.480
You know what?
00:48:54.480 --> 00:49:02.079
I am simultaneously in the middle of and leading people through a Red Sea.
00:49:02.079 --> 00:49:04.159
A Red Sea moment, I would call it.
00:49:04.159 --> 00:49:16.880
It is a moment when you know transition is near, and you know it's time for a new story, and you know it's time for you to go to the next level.
00:49:16.880 --> 00:49:53.519
You know you don't want to go back to where you were, and even though it looks imposing where you're going, you're ready to have the path made known to you, and I feel very much like I am there, and before that would have maybe inspired some dread and some fear, but because I have a blueprint now, I have nothing but excitement, and I'm ready to say, come with me.
00:49:56.719 --> 00:50:04.559
What is an act of kindness that you have received at any time in your life, big or small, that you would share with us?
00:50:04.960 --> 00:50:06.960
Oh, I just I love that question.
00:50:06.960 --> 00:50:08.880
First of all, you ask the best questions.
00:50:08.880 --> 00:50:11.280
I should have said that earlier in this interview.
00:50:11.280 --> 00:50:19.920
You ask amazing questions and I adore you because you make me think about things that are so easy to pass by so quickly, right?
00:50:19.920 --> 00:50:22.480
Like I have a billion thoughts all the time.
00:50:22.480 --> 00:50:26.559
And so to stop and be like, a moment of kindness, like dang.
00:50:26.559 --> 00:50:33.679
And you sometimes, I think at certain points in my life, I would have been grasping at straws, you know, trying to identify it.
00:50:33.679 --> 00:50:42.719
But I'm blessed to be in a time where as you ask that question, I just saw moment after moment after moment after moment, you know, flash um in front of my eyes.
00:50:42.719 --> 00:50:45.280
But I'll explain two things.
00:50:45.280 --> 00:50:51.679
One, I had um one friend, I um was explaining different things that I liked.
00:50:51.679 --> 00:51:00.480
And um, I was going on a plane trip like soon after, and he assembled all of those things and had it down to a T.
00:51:00.480 --> 00:51:02.880
And I was like, How you listen to me?
00:51:02.880 --> 00:51:05.519
Like, wow, like that was really nice, right?
00:51:05.519 --> 00:51:12.400
And I had another friend who knew at the time, like this was maybe when Chipotle was just opening.
00:51:12.400 --> 00:51:15.039
And I love Chipotle, I love build your own Mexica.
00:51:15.039 --> 00:51:16.719
I was down for it.
00:51:16.719 --> 00:51:20.239
And he gave me, we still laugh about this.
00:51:20.239 --> 00:51:26.320
He gave me this pad of graph paper uh for my birthday, and I was like, What are you doing?
00:51:26.320 --> 00:51:28.079
What am I gonna do with graph paper?
00:51:28.079 --> 00:51:30.880
But I was like, thanks, and he was just laughing.
00:51:30.880 --> 00:51:32.159
I was like, Why are you laughing?
00:51:32.159 --> 00:51:39.760
He was like, Look on the back, and he had lined the back with Chipotle gift cards, like all throughout the back.
00:51:39.760 --> 00:51:57.119
It was the sweetest thing, and the reason why those two things stick out in my head is because um one of the things that I've learned, I had to unlearn was how I saw myself and my value, that I didn't make a discernible mark on people.
00:51:57.119 --> 00:52:03.360
I felt honestly, a lot of times like I was invisible, that even though I was leading, that people didn't know me, right?
00:52:03.360 --> 00:52:09.920
And so those moments broke that for me to say, hey, they people see you.
00:52:09.920 --> 00:52:16.480
And so uh in any relationship, one of the things I most highly value is just thoughtfulness.
00:52:16.480 --> 00:52:21.840
Um, because that's how I show my love, like trying to be intricate and like remembering what you said you needed.
00:52:21.840 --> 00:52:24.159
And so when I receive it, my heart just leaps.
00:52:24.159 --> 00:52:26.320
Like I'm just like, you thought of me in this way?
00:52:26.320 --> 00:52:27.679
You remember I said this?
00:52:27.679 --> 00:52:29.920
You just called me because you were thinking about me.
00:52:29.920 --> 00:52:33.519
Oh my goodness! Like you have me.
00:52:33.679 --> 00:52:34.800
You have me there.
00:52:34.800 --> 00:52:36.000
It means so much.
00:52:36.000 --> 00:52:40.320
It really means you are never gonna be invisible, by the way.
00:52:40.480 --> 00:52:45.199
You will I know that now, I did not know that before.
00:52:46.159 --> 00:52:48.960
People want to see you, people want to hear from you.
00:52:48.960 --> 00:52:52.079
Speaking of that, do you like to sing?
00:52:53.920 --> 00:52:55.440
Such an interesting question.
00:52:55.440 --> 00:52:58.320
So, my family.
00:52:58.320 --> 00:53:01.280
I I I I kind of told you about it before.
00:53:01.280 --> 00:53:02.639
My little sister is a singer.
00:53:02.639 --> 00:53:07.599
I didn't tell you my older brother can play any instrument that he puts his hand to.
00:53:07.599 --> 00:53:09.519
Um, my I have a family of musicians.
00:53:09.519 --> 00:53:15.519
My grandfather used to uh play backup for James Brown, like he played bass guitar for James Brown.
00:53:15.519 --> 00:53:16.320
My mom's a singer.
00:53:16.320 --> 00:53:21.440
My my mom and dad met in band, like family of musicians.
00:53:21.440 --> 00:53:35.039
And then there's me who played viola for I I I my I used to, and and I've come to peace with this, but like they used to call me the great pretender because I was like literally the real life drumline.
00:53:35.039 --> 00:53:39.760
I was incredibly good at music and I played by ear, but I didn't know I was playing by ear.
00:53:39.760 --> 00:53:45.119
My brother was always ahead of me in my classes, so I would listen to him practice and I would copy him.
00:53:45.119 --> 00:53:49.519
And I didn't know I was copying him, but I fooled professionals for over seven years.
00:53:49.519 --> 00:53:52.559
They all thought I could read music, um, and I couldn't.
00:53:52.559 --> 00:53:58.800
And so I was exposed one day when I had to play by myself and I had to play first, and I was like, I don't know how to do this.
00:53:58.800 --> 00:54:01.360
And they were like, we don't know how this happened.
00:54:01.360 --> 00:54:07.599
Like I was almost at the top level of our youth orchestra in DC, but she can't read music.
00:54:07.599 --> 00:54:11.599
And so from then on, I'm like, this is just not for me.
00:54:11.599 --> 00:54:13.679
I'm not, but I had perfect pitch.
00:54:13.679 --> 00:54:14.800
I was really great.
00:54:14.800 --> 00:54:26.000
And so I am proudly a backup singer, but I will say my little sister Angela Faith is proudly a forefront singer, and she sings to the top.
00:54:26.000 --> 00:54:28.400
She's one of the best singers I've ever heard in my life.
00:54:28.400 --> 00:54:29.599
She's amazing.
00:54:29.599 --> 00:54:32.559
And I would I would advise anyone to listen to her.
00:54:32.559 --> 00:54:34.800
Angela Faith.
00:54:34.800 --> 00:54:36.800
Angela Faith, yes.
00:54:37.119 --> 00:54:37.440
Okay.
00:54:37.440 --> 00:54:39.519
Does she sell CDs or uh CDs?
00:54:39.519 --> 00:54:41.199
Yeah, she has music, yes.
00:54:41.199 --> 00:54:42.559
Let me try that one again.
00:54:42.719 --> 00:54:44.159
I have CDs, Stephanie.
00:54:44.159 --> 00:54:44.880
I know what you mean.
00:54:44.880 --> 00:54:47.039
And you can find her music online.
00:54:47.039 --> 00:54:56.320
Yes, Angela Faith Music, and she's she'll you'll probably see her singing if you're in the DC area at some event, some gale of somebody's wedding.
00:54:56.320 --> 00:54:57.760
She's probably the singer.
00:54:58.719 --> 00:55:02.960
So when I asked you if you would sing us out today, any kind of any song at all.
00:55:02.960 --> 00:55:05.599
Um I would love to hear that something you would do.
00:55:06.159 --> 00:55:15.519
I think you ask that question because a song is in your heart, and so I would love to hear you sing whatever song is on your heart out.
00:55:16.239 --> 00:55:18.000
Um, I am not a singer.
00:55:18.000 --> 00:55:24.960
I actually just there's something really beautiful about when people stop to listen to an a cappella voice.
00:55:24.960 --> 00:55:27.039
It's just time stops.
00:55:27.039 --> 00:55:29.199
Time sort of stands still.
00:55:29.199 --> 00:55:34.559
You mean there's not anything that you would sing at church or at home that you'd sing for us?
00:55:34.960 --> 00:55:41.760
Well, I think the greatest song is of the maestro, and right now you're the maestro.
00:55:41.760 --> 00:55:44.480
So have at it.
00:55:44.480 --> 00:55:49.360
Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
00:55:50.000 --> 00:55:50.559
Love it.
00:55:50.960 --> 00:55:53.039
I heard you say those words earlier.
00:55:53.039 --> 00:55:58.719
So yes, I had to learn that I was authentic, but a lot of people feel like they're the great pretender.
00:55:58.719 --> 00:56:01.840
Well, it's time to give it up, it's time to be known.
00:56:02.159 --> 00:56:04.000
Be known, no imposter syndrome.
00:56:04.000 --> 00:56:08.400
And I'll tell you one fun fact about myself that you didn't ask for, but you said those words.
00:56:08.400 --> 00:56:09.039
I want to know.
00:56:09.119 --> 00:56:10.000
I'm asking right now.
00:56:10.000 --> 00:56:11.920
I want to know this fun fact.
00:56:12.239 --> 00:56:15.679
You said those world words, the great pretender, earlier.
00:56:15.679 --> 00:56:24.800
And um, I have this tick where if someone says a word or a phrase and I happen to know a song that has those lyrics, uh-huh.
00:56:24.800 --> 00:56:30.480
Um, it takes great restraint for me not to break out, even though I don't sing well.
00:56:30.880 --> 00:56:32.559
I don't think you should restrain it.
00:56:32.559 --> 00:56:34.079
I think you should just let it loose.
00:56:34.079 --> 00:56:35.760
Who's gonna tell you no?
00:56:36.880 --> 00:56:38.639
Yeah, it'll be a one and done.
00:56:38.639 --> 00:56:43.920
You know, it would happen, and then people would be like, that does not need to happen again.
00:56:43.920 --> 00:56:47.760
Christina, Joy, Whitaker, thank you so much.
00:56:48.079 --> 00:56:50.639
We need more voices like you in this world.
00:56:50.639 --> 00:56:56.320
We need more people who are saying I want to use my platform to spread kindness, to spread connection.
00:56:56.719 --> 00:57:00.800
Thank you for being here for another conversation to connect.
00:57:00.800 --> 00:57:09.840
I'm not sure if you know, but you can hit the subscribe button where you listen to podcasts so that you don't miss new episodes when they come out.
00:57:09.840 --> 00:57:13.920
And if you like the show, maybe consider leaving a review.
00:57:13.920 --> 00:57:18.960
It helps for reach and visibility, and it just lets me know you're out there.
00:57:18.960 --> 00:57:23.679
Okay, thanks for listening and keep an eye out for kindnesses.
00:57:23.679 --> 00:57:25.440
Have a good one.
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:06.799
Did you know that today I'm going to read for you a poem that I wrote before my interview with my lovely guest?
00:00:06.799 --> 00:00:10.400
The poem is called Your Love is Your Legacy.
00:00:10.400 --> 00:00:19.199
And it reads, As we think about legacy, may we know it's crafted in high times, but more so in low.
00:00:19.199 --> 00:00:22.640
Legacy is built in our daily deeds.
00:00:22.640 --> 00:00:26.559
It's a painting that's uniquely you or me.
00:00:26.559 --> 00:00:33.759
Legacy is scripted each calendar day in the way that we live and give love away.
00:00:33.759 --> 00:00:37.840
Legacy is nonfiction, devoid of pretense.
00:00:37.840 --> 00:00:41.840
It's real and raw based on true life events.
00:00:41.840 --> 00:00:45.119
It's not what we get and it's not who we best.
00:00:45.119 --> 00:00:48.880
It's how we live what we give and how we leave the rest.
00:00:48.880 --> 00:00:56.799
May your legacy include rising above, division and fear to be a life lived with love.
00:00:56.799 --> 00:01:02.000
And that again is a poem I wrote called Your Love is Your Legacy.
00:01:02.000 --> 00:01:08.239
Let me introduce today's guest, Christina Joy Whitaker.
00:01:08.239 --> 00:01:16.719
Well, um, where are you today, by the way?
00:01:17.040 --> 00:01:18.079
I'm in Atlanta.
00:01:18.079 --> 00:01:22.719
My um I appreciate you being okay with me getting back a little later.
00:01:22.719 --> 00:01:24.400
My mom is in town.
00:01:24.400 --> 00:01:35.040
Uh my dad planned a birthday trip that was kind of last minute, and he didn't inform me that I was the central to this plan happening.
00:01:35.040 --> 00:01:37.359
So I was like, oh, right, okay.
00:01:37.680 --> 00:01:38.239
Wow.
00:01:38.640 --> 00:01:39.280
Cool.
00:01:39.840 --> 00:01:40.480
I love it.
00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:41.040
Perfect.
00:01:41.040 --> 00:01:45.519
If you could just say and spell your first and last name for me, so I have it right.
00:01:46.079 --> 00:01:46.560
Sure.
00:01:46.560 --> 00:01:49.439
My name is Christina Joy Whitaker.
00:01:49.439 --> 00:02:01.519
C H R I S T I N A J O Y W H H I Two Ts, A K E R.
00:02:02.640 --> 00:02:04.000
You have such a beautiful name.
00:02:04.000 --> 00:02:06.719
And is Joy your middle name or is there any other name?
00:02:07.599 --> 00:02:08.639
Joy's my middle name.
00:02:09.360 --> 00:02:10.879
Joy is my middle name.
00:02:10.879 --> 00:02:14.400
Who gets to say that and have it be real?
00:02:14.400 --> 00:02:16.159
You do.
00:02:16.159 --> 00:02:17.599
I do.
00:02:17.599 --> 00:02:18.240
I do.
00:02:18.240 --> 00:02:22.159
Well, the name of this podcast, I decided to call it by my middle name.
00:02:22.159 --> 00:02:23.599
Um did you?
00:02:23.599 --> 00:02:30.560
So yes, so it's it's a word that most people have never heard, or if they've heard it, they haven't heard it spelled this way.
00:02:30.560 --> 00:02:32.080
It's Voreen.
00:02:32.080 --> 00:02:40.000
V-O-Reen E-E-N, like Ben Vareen, the top dancer, except he's V-E-R-E-E-N.
00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:43.199
So what prompted that decision?
00:02:43.199 --> 00:02:44.960
It was twofold.
00:02:44.960 --> 00:02:48.319
Number one, it wasn't taken.
00:02:48.319 --> 00:02:49.280
It wasn't taken.
00:02:49.280 --> 00:02:50.159
Nobody else has.
00:02:50.159 --> 00:02:52.400
That's a good reason.
00:02:52.400 --> 00:03:01.280
And uh number two, it kind of gets to the heart at what I'm hoping to do here, which is just to get to know people a little bit better.
00:03:01.280 --> 00:03:10.400
And um sometimes even something as simple as a middle name can open a conversation to getting to know each other better.
00:03:10.400 --> 00:03:11.840
Well, so let me ask you that.
00:03:11.840 --> 00:03:15.919
Does anyone else in your family have the middle name Joy or the first name Joy?
00:03:16.319 --> 00:03:19.120
No one else in my family has the middle name Joy.
00:03:19.120 --> 00:03:20.159
It's so interesting.
00:03:20.159 --> 00:03:27.039
I've had more of a love now, but especially growing up, a very much a love-hate relationship with it.
00:03:27.039 --> 00:03:28.800
I loved my name.
00:03:28.800 --> 00:03:32.960
I never, you know, uh resented being named Christina Joy.
00:03:32.960 --> 00:03:44.000
I think the implication, though, of when you hear someone's middle name is Joy, that they are giddy and happy and gregarious and outgoing and all of those things.
00:03:44.000 --> 00:03:47.840
And I never necessarily felt that way.
00:03:47.840 --> 00:03:50.240
I'm pretty straightforward.
00:03:50.240 --> 00:03:53.199
I'm pretty even keel.
00:03:53.199 --> 00:04:01.039
And so it felt like a mismatch uh a lot of times, and people would weaponize it, being like, your middle name is Joy.
00:04:01.039 --> 00:04:04.080
You should be Joy, you should be this, you should be that, right?
00:04:04.080 --> 00:04:15.120
But as of late, I think I've started to understand that it was no by no coincidence that that was my middle name.
00:04:15.120 --> 00:04:21.680
I feel like for Joy, it's it's been a journey to be intentional about finding it.
00:04:22.879 --> 00:04:32.480
That's super fascinating that all of that can come from a a label you were given that was given to you.
00:04:32.480 --> 00:04:39.920
And speaking of that, and since your mom's in town, have you ever asked your parents about why they chose your name?
00:04:40.879 --> 00:04:43.600
I have, and I need to ask that question again.
00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:45.120
I know where Christina came from.
00:04:45.120 --> 00:04:48.079
So Christina came from a dream my mom had.
00:04:48.079 --> 00:04:52.959
She was um dreaming and she saw a little girl, I believe, and her name is Christina.
00:04:52.959 --> 00:04:57.600
And so that's how that's how I definitely know my first name came about.
00:04:57.600 --> 00:04:59.839
Man, she's right upstairs.
00:04:59.839 --> 00:05:05.199
Um, I I have to ask her again, like, why joy or where did the joy come from?
00:05:05.199 --> 00:05:20.959
If I had to extrapolate and just guess, you know, my my dad is a preacher, my mom is a teacher, and they um are very, very um intentional about imparting morals and and faith.
00:05:20.959 --> 00:05:28.000
And so I know faith was always an important part of their journey and their foundation and how how they came to be.
00:05:28.000 --> 00:05:30.319
And they wanted to make sure that we understood that as well.
00:05:30.319 --> 00:05:39.839
And so my my middle name is Joy, my little sister's middle name is Faith, my brother, he's named after my dad's middle name, but still a biblical name, Samuel.
00:05:39.839 --> 00:05:46.639
So, I mean, we all have um different aspects that reflect um our belief and our name.
00:05:46.959 --> 00:05:50.240
I love the intentionality in all of them.
00:05:50.560 --> 00:05:52.560
Yes, yes, absolutely.
00:05:52.959 --> 00:05:58.000
And you know, maybe like you said, maybe it it has given you some direction.
00:05:58.000 --> 00:06:05.839
You know, maybe, maybe it's a bit of a guiding light to think, okay, joy is at my center of who I am.
00:06:06.079 --> 00:06:09.360
Yeah, I used to see it as something that was so fleeting, right?
00:06:09.360 --> 00:06:21.519
But it's principle in that it is persistent, it is something that is resilient, even in spite of, is something I've learned to value.
00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:26.319
And now I can say this is something that will not go away from me.
00:06:26.319 --> 00:06:30.399
I believe in, you know, in God's presence, there's fullness of joy.
00:06:30.399 --> 00:06:32.480
And I'm I'm like, I I want the fullness.
00:06:32.480 --> 00:06:33.759
Don't give me half.
00:06:33.759 --> 00:06:35.279
I want all of it.
00:06:35.920 --> 00:06:40.399
Oh, I want all of it too for you and for me and for all of us.
00:06:40.800 --> 00:06:43.120
Yes, yes, absolutely.
00:06:43.439 --> 00:06:49.600
You know, when we met some years ago in Arizona, I immediately was drawn to you.
00:06:49.600 --> 00:06:51.439
We ended up sitting next to each other at a table.
00:06:51.439 --> 00:06:52.000
Yes.
00:06:52.000 --> 00:06:59.439
But later, there was an opportunity for people to give an impromptu presentation and you did it.
00:06:59.439 --> 00:07:04.720
You you stepped up and you did it, and you did it with such confidence.
00:07:04.720 --> 00:07:09.120
And I was so admiring of you for that.
00:07:09.120 --> 00:07:12.879
I love that you just said your mom's a teacher and your dad's a preacher.
00:07:12.879 --> 00:07:19.279
And I just wonder was the confidence that I perceived something that you felt?
00:07:19.279 --> 00:07:22.319
And if so, have you had to cultivate that?
00:07:22.319 --> 00:07:29.600
Or do you feel like you had a good amount of confidence coming up?
00:07:30.720 --> 00:07:34.160
You know, that's a that's such an interesting question.
00:07:34.160 --> 00:07:47.439
Like, like um you mentioned my uh my upbringing was, I won't say it was unique, but it was um incredibly impactful in how I see life and how I navigate through life.
00:07:47.439 --> 00:07:49.600
I am the daughter of a preacher and a teacher.
00:07:49.600 --> 00:07:53.040
Those are two people who talk a lot and care a lot, right?
00:07:53.040 --> 00:07:54.399
Like you do that for a living.
00:07:54.399 --> 00:07:58.079
You are speaking, you are caring on people, you're loving, you're serving.
00:07:58.079 --> 00:08:01.040
Um, and I saw that and I learned that firsthand.
00:08:01.040 --> 00:08:08.399
And so something that I learned early on was that you are living life not just for you, right?
00:08:08.399 --> 00:08:10.800
Like it's not just for your own selfish means.
00:08:10.800 --> 00:08:13.839
It is to impact others, it is to do great things.
00:08:13.839 --> 00:08:23.680
And it's something that I carried with me all throughout my upbringing, and I do think spoke to the development of confidence in a certain sense.
00:08:23.680 --> 00:08:29.279
I have always been someone who some would call it a truth teller, right?
00:08:29.279 --> 00:08:34.240
Like when I say it, I if I've if I say it, I'm saying it for a reason.
00:08:34.240 --> 00:08:43.440
But uh, the reason why I bring up my upbringing is because I do think there are different stages of development that you learn different things about yourself.
00:08:43.440 --> 00:08:48.080
So growing up, I was very confident in my capability and my knowledge and my smarts.
00:08:48.080 --> 00:08:50.639
I knew I was smart, I knew I could figure things out.
00:08:50.639 --> 00:08:53.600
I was plotted for that, I was praised for that.
00:08:53.600 --> 00:08:59.360
But in other areas, they were underdeveloped because I didn't want to try them.
00:08:59.360 --> 00:09:11.360
So, in reference to anything that caused me not to lead with my intelligence, but caused me to actually just be accepted for my presence, that was a whole different dynamic.
00:09:11.360 --> 00:09:13.679
You would think you were meeting two different people.
00:09:13.679 --> 00:09:19.440
I used to always say in high school, you would vote me class president, but you wouldn't invite me to a party.
00:09:19.440 --> 00:09:21.279
And quite frankly, that was my reality.
00:09:21.279 --> 00:09:22.720
I was class president.
00:09:22.720 --> 00:09:31.759
And I also didn't go to parties because I only knew how to share the parts of myself that I thought would be safe, which was how I thought, how I how I talked.
00:09:31.759 --> 00:09:39.440
And so I was confident in that realm, but not so confident in just who I naturally was and how I was naturally gifted.
00:09:39.440 --> 00:09:46.399
However, there's another flip side of confidence that perhaps confidence isn't the word for it.
00:09:46.399 --> 00:09:48.240
It's courage, it's leaning in.
00:09:48.240 --> 00:09:54.639
And so that day in Arizona, when you saw that confidence, um, that was more so courage.
00:09:54.639 --> 00:10:01.360
I had recently, or within the last few years, experienced job loss for the very first time in my life.
00:10:01.360 --> 00:10:09.759
I was one of the highest ranking um black women on a senior executive team for a nationally ranked company.
00:10:09.759 --> 00:10:13.759
And within a day, I lost it all.
00:10:13.759 --> 00:10:20.639
And when what I didn't know was a lot of my confidence, which was fleeting, was in something that was rented.
00:10:20.639 --> 00:10:27.360
It was in titles, it was positions, it was in things that were lended lent to me, but not created for me.
00:10:27.360 --> 00:10:33.200
I was not confident and confident or even knowledgeable of what I could create and own for myself.
00:10:33.200 --> 00:10:44.399
And so in Arizona, when you saw me on that stage, I was in motion, but I was taking actions in alignment with who I knew I was going to become.
00:10:44.399 --> 00:10:50.720
And so was I confident in knowing that my voice was needed in the room?
00:10:50.720 --> 00:10:51.279
Yes.
00:10:51.279 --> 00:10:55.360
Was I also incredibly intimidated and fearful?
00:10:55.360 --> 00:10:56.480
Also, yes.
00:10:56.480 --> 00:10:57.039
Right.
00:10:57.039 --> 00:10:59.440
But I was going to do it anyway.
00:10:59.440 --> 00:11:05.440
I was going to give greater voice to who I was becoming than who I was in that moment.
00:11:05.440 --> 00:11:08.399
What a beautiful and thoughtful answer.
00:11:08.399 --> 00:11:16.960
Um, when I when I think about um the women who I work with on a regular basis, I was I was just looking at some of our data.
00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:23.039
The average age of our clientele is somewhere between 50 to 55 years old.
00:11:23.039 --> 00:11:46.960
And I'm so honored at being able to walk with women through that journey because it takes so much courage to say, I have spent years believing I was one thing, and I am willing to make a decision that is alignment with who I think I am called to be.
00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:57.120
So it takes courage to actually give yourself the permission to say, hey, I actually maybe was that for a season, but I am different now.
00:11:57.120 --> 00:12:10.720
Something that I've loved about this entrepreneurial journey is to be able to use um what I consider a very natural gifting to see beyond what people can see for themselves, right?
00:12:10.720 --> 00:12:16.320
So if you give me the inklings of a dream, I'm going to tell you what it's going to be, right?
00:12:16.320 --> 00:12:20.000
Because I can see the potential, I can hear it, I can, I can pick it out.
00:12:20.000 --> 00:12:24.000
It takes me moments to understand where it is that you're going.
00:12:24.000 --> 00:12:27.440
And I fall in love with it, and I want to get you there as well, right?
00:12:27.440 --> 00:12:29.200
Because it's so beautiful.
00:12:29.200 --> 00:12:45.679
And uh being able to take people's scattered thoughts and to show them this actually was woven without throughout the tapestry of your entire life, and it's building a beautiful end result for you and seeing that light bulb go off in their head.
00:12:45.679 --> 00:12:48.240
Like, I didn't even know this could go together.
00:12:48.240 --> 00:12:56.879
I didn't know my years of corporate experience could also tie in with my love of fitness, which also ties in with my it can, right?
00:12:56.879 --> 00:13:05.120
Because it's all part of you for that reason, and it's one of my greatest joys, literally, one of my greatest joys, helping people connect the dots in those ways.
00:13:05.440 --> 00:13:12.000
Just speak a little bit about what it is that you do and what motivates you to do that type of work.
00:13:12.320 --> 00:13:20.960
I help people, especially women, make life-changing decisions, life-shifting decisions.
00:13:20.960 --> 00:13:31.600
When they are ready to take all of that they've learned and experience, and they're ready to say, I'm ready to own my own story.
00:13:31.600 --> 00:13:33.440
I want to build on my own.
00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:35.200
I want to build a brand on my own.
00:13:35.200 --> 00:13:37.440
I want to launch this venture on my own.
00:13:37.440 --> 00:13:39.200
That's when women call me.
00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:40.879
That's when people call me.
00:13:40.879 --> 00:13:42.720
When they're like, you know what?
00:13:42.720 --> 00:13:45.679
This thing has been nagging at me for so long.
00:13:45.679 --> 00:13:47.679
But how do I put it into words?
00:13:47.679 --> 00:13:49.759
How do I say what I'm good at?
00:13:49.759 --> 00:13:57.120
How do I say what is in my head that I can't yet actually see and translate it into something that people understand?
00:13:57.120 --> 00:14:00.399
That is my favorite thing to do.
00:14:00.399 --> 00:14:01.919
I love taking.
00:14:01.919 --> 00:14:09.600
It is God breathed vision.
00:14:09.600 --> 00:14:27.759
Like I love being able to see or to hear what you think doesn't have a through line and to show you that actually it's something that showed up at the beginning of your of your days, and it's going to extend and it's going to be your legacy.
00:14:27.759 --> 00:14:32.960
And so where a lot of women get stuck is that you'll look at what you have, right?
00:14:32.960 --> 00:14:37.200
You'll look at the disparity, you'll look at the contradictory nature of what you have.
00:14:37.200 --> 00:14:42.960
Like, well, I jumped jobs a lot, or like, I stayed at home to be with my kids for this time.
00:14:42.960 --> 00:14:43.840
So I'm out.
00:14:43.840 --> 00:14:52.320
We we find so many things to dismiss us from our conversation or dismiss us from even thinking that there is value or something on the other side.
00:14:52.320 --> 00:14:56.399
And that dismissal allows us to be permissive of staying stuck.
00:14:56.399 --> 00:15:02.559
It allows you to stay in a space that you know is in contention with where you want to go.
00:15:02.559 --> 00:15:18.080
I just know I want it, but because I can't paint the picture right now, I shouldn't have it.
00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:19.360
Not true.
00:15:19.360 --> 00:15:20.480
Not true.
00:15:20.480 --> 00:15:22.799
And you help people paint that picture.
00:15:22.799 --> 00:15:28.080
I help people paint that picture because clarity comes after you take the step.
00:15:28.080 --> 00:15:31.600
You are called, then it gets clear after you start moving.
00:15:31.600 --> 00:15:35.600
And so what we want is to have all the answers up front.
00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:38.879
That will keep you stuck and operating in your capability.
00:15:38.879 --> 00:15:43.200
So I have a framework where I believe there's kind of two different segments of your life.
00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:46.080
There is a space where you learn how to be very capable.
00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:48.879
That means you learn how to be really good at what you do.
00:15:48.879 --> 00:15:54.799
You learn your skill sets, you learn um how to package your skill sets in a job.
00:15:54.799 --> 00:15:56.000
You learn how to get hired.
00:15:56.000 --> 00:15:58.720
You learn what people need from you very well.
00:15:58.720 --> 00:16:01.360
That is operating in your capability.
00:16:01.360 --> 00:16:07.039
But everyone has a time when you are invited to operating in your calling.
00:16:07.039 --> 00:16:11.919
When you are operating in your calling, that is something that you are made to do.
00:16:11.919 --> 00:16:16.799
When you are operating in your capability, that's something you've built for yourself.
00:16:16.799 --> 00:16:23.759
And the cost of entry to shift from capability to calling is always going to be courage.
00:16:23.759 --> 00:16:31.039
It is the courage to let go of what you built in favor of entering a space that you were literally made for.
00:16:31.039 --> 00:16:33.279
And that is terrifying.
00:16:33.279 --> 00:16:41.120
And it's that middle period where we fight, we give ourselves permission to stay confused.
00:16:41.120 --> 00:16:48.559
So calling, then calling clarity, but in the middle courage.
00:16:48.559 --> 00:16:58.000
In the middle, courage, and really um, I call it the murky middle, and um I have an issue when people call it the messy middle.
00:16:58.000 --> 00:17:07.440
I'm not saying that people don't go through different stages, but I I do think the the women who I work with, right, they've lived life.
00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:10.799
They're not beginners, they know what they know.
00:17:10.799 --> 00:17:14.640
The issue is not where things are placed, right?
00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:18.480
When something is messy, you're looking for things.
00:17:18.480 --> 00:17:19.839
You're you've lost something.
00:17:19.839 --> 00:17:22.640
When something is murky, you know where everything is.
00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:26.400
You know where your skill set is, you know what you can do, you know where it is.
00:17:26.400 --> 00:17:28.559
It's clarity that's the issue.
00:17:28.559 --> 00:17:31.119
It's cloudy, you don't know what to do with it.
00:17:31.119 --> 00:17:38.799
And people are so busy trying to clean things up because they think it's messy that they're trading sorrow for sorrow.
00:17:38.799 --> 00:17:40.960
It's not going to work.
00:17:40.960 --> 00:17:46.559
What you need is for something, a path to be made through the dark.
00:17:46.559 --> 00:17:50.720
And the only way you can get that is by taking a courageous step.
00:17:50.720 --> 00:17:58.720
And typically it's taking a step that, and you don't know the outcome, but you just know who you are supposed to become.
00:17:58.720 --> 00:18:00.480
And that is enough.
00:18:00.480 --> 00:18:03.680
I myself, you know, I know we hinted at it.
00:18:03.680 --> 00:18:07.759
I got laid off and never saw myself on this path.
00:18:07.759 --> 00:18:11.920
The only thing I knew about myself was I knew I liked my check every two weeks.
00:18:11.920 --> 00:18:14.720
I I, you know, built a corporate career.
00:18:14.720 --> 00:18:20.640
I was in um, I started in big for consulting, was working for some of the biggest contracts in the world.
00:18:20.640 --> 00:18:25.519
I was working, um, the the federal government was my client, switched into entertainment.
00:18:25.519 --> 00:18:33.759
I was working at some one of the largest entertainment companies, Walt Disney um company, at with with executives at Walt Disney.
00:18:33.759 --> 00:18:34.880
I was at those levels.
00:18:34.880 --> 00:18:40.720
I went from there into um doing corporate consulting where my client for Vanity Fair, the NBA.
00:18:40.720 --> 00:18:42.240
I had a life.
00:18:42.240 --> 00:18:44.559
I had built a life that people envied.
00:18:44.559 --> 00:18:48.079
I had built the life that people always ask, how do I get it?
00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:49.759
How do I access it?
00:18:49.759 --> 00:18:56.160
And what I had to realize was that I had built a life that I was miserable in.
00:18:56.160 --> 00:19:00.960
And I didn't want to admit it because I didn't know how I got there.
00:19:00.960 --> 00:19:04.160
Because I made choices that I thought were great.
00:19:04.160 --> 00:19:11.200
I got the good job, I got the degrees, I got good grades, I got promoted, I did the things.
00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:14.079
And so why am I miserable?
00:19:14.079 --> 00:19:32.720
And because I was not willing to actually acknowledge the fact that this is a miss, that I am not feeling that what I have built is something that I now feel like I don't want or I've outgrown because I was not willing to sit down and actually intersect with that.
00:19:32.720 --> 00:19:35.039
I kept going, as a lot of us do.
00:19:35.039 --> 00:19:47.759
You keep doing and you get stuck in a cycle of misery upon misery when you don't when you don't acknowledge that you are actually trapped in a prison because we make it look nice.
00:19:47.759 --> 00:19:53.279
I got my six-figure salary, I got my clients, I got to work.
00:19:53.279 --> 00:19:55.200
This is pre-COVID, got to work from home.
00:19:55.200 --> 00:19:57.279
Like I got the things, right?
00:19:57.279 --> 00:20:03.279
Um, and I couldn't be more unhappy.
00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:09.599
As a result, it started manifesting in my body, like my hair started falling out of my scalp.
00:20:09.599 --> 00:20:11.440
I started having depressive episodes.
00:20:11.440 --> 00:20:14.960
In a single year, I gained um over 60 pounds.
00:20:14.960 --> 00:20:18.720
I was unrecognizable and didn't even realize I was slipping away.
00:20:18.720 --> 00:20:27.759
The closest thing I could say about that experience was I literally felt like life was leaving my body every day.
00:20:27.759 --> 00:20:34.640
And I was so scared to admit it because I wasn't supposed to feel that way.
00:20:34.640 --> 00:20:40.799
I had built something that on LinkedIn got a lot of likes.
00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:47.920
I'm proud to announce I got a got promoted to senior director of 800 likes, right?
00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:49.519
Why are you unhappy?
00:20:50.079 --> 00:20:58.400
Why how long do you think you knew that you were unhappy there?
00:20:58.960 --> 00:20:59.519
You know what?
00:20:59.519 --> 00:21:01.039
That's a great question.
00:21:01.039 --> 00:21:06.559
I think the realization happened day one, I'm not going to lie.
00:21:06.559 --> 00:21:13.519
And then when I say day one, I mean day one of my first post-college job.
00:21:13.519 --> 00:21:19.839
I remember sitting in an office or going in, it was onboarding training.
00:21:19.839 --> 00:21:26.079
We had just finished, and I remember sitting down and I said, Oh no.
00:21:26.079 --> 00:21:30.160
Oh no, what have I done?
00:21:30.160 --> 00:21:34.480
And I couldn't understand why I felt that way.
00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:37.039
Now, not everyone's going to be immediate, right?
00:21:37.039 --> 00:21:40.559
Like sometimes people are in love with it and then you fall out of love with it.
00:21:40.559 --> 00:21:44.079
For me, I don't know why I had that drop in my stomach.
00:21:44.079 --> 00:21:52.079
I was like, I don't know if I want to be here, but then because I had no war or where else would I go, I had nothing.
00:21:52.079 --> 00:21:55.680
I didn't want to sit with the silence of what that could be.
00:21:55.680 --> 00:21:59.119
And so I looked for ways to make me feel happy about what I had done.
00:21:59.119 --> 00:23:34.559
And I got wins i got great great ratings i you know got great projects but each time as i got higher and higher i realized not so much that i was unhappy i realized i was never finding it quote unquote i was like well maybe this will be it maybe this maybe if i go this particular uh position and uh change this this time frame i change this group i kept trading right and for me i always call it um i i affectionately call it the black girl the black girl degree um or the black girl vacation when it's like you don't know what else to do you go get another degree that's what i did like i couldn't i was like well let me go get a grad degree and so i did and the the accommodation it wasn't enough and so that's what we do is we get credit upon credit we get job after job we get promotion after promotion chasing what we think is going to be fulfilling and it's an ultimate betrayal when at every pass we feel more and more empty and so when I was making decisions and I didn't feel like there was an alternative what do you do you make you make nice with what you've built and I remember one day um you say uh when I really knew that there was a contention I was speaking to a woman who was giving me advice she was um senior to me on the team and I had just had my not my first but a very public experience of being thrown under the bus.
00:23:34.559 --> 00:23:50.000
And I can't remember to this day everything that she said but I remember the end of her statement was well that's just how life is and everything in my body screamed and I couldn't understand why I was in all out revolt.
00:23:50.000 --> 00:24:35.680
I could not accept that but that's what she had accepted and I looked around and I realized that's what everyone has and I was I was so scared because I'm like well if I don't want to accept it where do I go because I was also not willing to to uh make a different decision that took me out of outside of that capability trap I kept making decisions within it until quite frankly I was forced out I ended up um getting laid off and I remember sitting in the office I remember them telling me I was getting laid off and I remember feeling relief and I had to ask myself why did it take someone else making a decision on my behalf for me to feel relief.
00:24:36.960 --> 00:24:42.480
Sometimes it's easier for people to have the decisions forced upon them than to make them ourselves.
00:24:42.480 --> 00:24:57.759
I think sometimes it's difficult to have courage from a place of health and well being maybe more so than if if disease for example is forced upon us like that type of thing.
00:24:57.759 --> 00:25:20.720
I think sometimes we're just so reluctant to change or resistant to change that if God or the universe wants us to change and we don't then I guess the the call knocks a little harder doesn't it yeah that's that's the thing about calling it's it's people think it's a moment and it's continual there will there's always signs.
00:25:20.960 --> 00:25:22.319
There's always signs.
00:25:22.319 --> 00:26:53.039
It's a matter of what you choose to value and you choose choose to pay attention to so me my health failing me it's like oh that's forget that like I you know I can go to the gym I can get this off me having a panic attack quite frankly not being able to breathe that still wasn't enough I said well I'll figure out how to make it work and that's what we do you we are trained at making things work and you don't realize you're grasping on so tightly because you think there's nothing else and what I would like to tell anyone listening to this is that there is always something greater for you on the other side and you must believe that you must believe that and loosen your grasp and understand that letting go is the entry to getting what you are absolutely made for it is the entry point it is the cost and so you have to determine you you gave all that you got to be miserable right are you willing to give the same to be fulfilled would you say that that was perhaps the most or one of the most life changing moments in your life so far it definitely was one of the most pivotal when I got laid off it made me question everything I thought to be true about me.
00:26:53.039 --> 00:27:19.519
I say this all the time realizing that someone has had the right to make a decision about me without me that literally upended my world there's a certain level of grief that sets in after that where you are mourning a broken contract.
00:27:19.519 --> 00:29:59.759
You're mourning an agreement that you had no choice in terminating I would advise you not to rush by that because there's so much wealth in unpacking that um you know I I don't even like to always say that the shift was being laid off because afterwards I had a choice right I could have gone back the same road everything in me was saying do not go back that way my natural inclination was to have a job by the end of the week I had a six figure salary I had a six figure network people were apologetic that it happened they were calling me asking how can we help how can we help how can we help but what I will say is that I had I was making a conscious choice to honor the possibility at that time I wanted to honor the possibility of maybe there is one and anyone who's at that crossroad you have to you have to understand that it's an invitation it's an invitation are you ready to make a decision to make a choice that you will be who you say who you who you see who you think who you feel even if you don't always have the words for it that you will be that person and that you just need to make the step and and a lot of us don't want to make it but oftentimes it's investment it's investment of something it's going to cost you something it might cost you money it might cost you time so for me it cost me my job for me it cost me my money because I said you know what I want to learn how to do this from someone who's already been there my gripe with AI at the moment is everybody thinks they're an expert and they no one has done anything right and so you have to be sure when you are at that crossroads who has accomplished what I what I want to accomplish who has done this and when I was starting that's what I looked for I looked for for examples of people who have done this and I and I paid the money.
00:29:59.759 --> 00:30:06.079
I was not used to paying for mentorship or investment when I was in corporate because I had a corporate someone was paying it for me.
00:30:06.079 --> 00:30:08.640
I'm like pay for training why would I do that?
00:30:08.640 --> 00:30:11.039
Because I want it to get better for me.
00:30:11.039 --> 00:30:48.400
And I think it's interesting at that juncture to recognize that there is a point where we need different skills and knowledge and maybe absolutely we need to take the time to invest in them even though we've built up the capabilities and the knowledge um how did you say it earlier um if you if you imagine a diagram on the a timeline the left side of the timeline is where you build your capability it's how you figure out what you're good at it's what you're affirmed for it's what you're you learn in your skills and the currency for operating in your capability is your competency right it's just how good you can do something.
00:30:48.400 --> 00:31:36.079
On the other end it's all about your calling and that's something that you may not be able to quite verbalize but you know if you feel like you're made for more what my litmus test for a lot of my clients is when you see a LinkedIn post, how does it make you feel it's not always envy sometimes it's in an indication like this is for you to press in learn more and so for me when I would see people even though I'm not I wasn't a speaker naturally I would see people on stages or I would see people operating in these capacities where they would come in and teach and and guide and then leave I'm like who how do you who who is doing that how do you do that I only knew the nine to five I'm like how are these people doing that and you have to be brave to ask the question how?
00:31:36.079 --> 00:31:53.680
And then who can I find that can help me get there right I call it having a red sea moment are you going to stay on the edge or are you going to cross because in the middle you're going to drown right and you have to die and you have to become someone new.
00:31:53.680 --> 00:32:03.279
Yes and we hold on so hard because it's like well if I give this up then what the I would ask the converse you're holding on now what?
00:32:03.279 --> 00:32:06.240
What is that doing to you right now?
00:32:06.240 --> 00:32:09.440
You know that's such a good question.
00:32:09.440 --> 00:32:14.400
What I will say is at the beginning of my journey I thought that was just a momentary decision.
00:32:14.400 --> 00:32:29.680
I've learned it is absolutely not there is a process and a blueprint for you to get to a point where you decide who you're going to be it's about the story you tell about yourself.
00:32:29.680 --> 00:32:44.400
If you always say well I always try but I always fail or I did this before but it didn't work the story you tell will determine how high you go and you have to learn a new story.
00:32:45.039 --> 00:32:50.640
You have to learn how to story and have the courage to live it and what you have the courage to live it.
00:32:50.640 --> 00:33:43.279
One thing I really love that you said is that it didn't just happen like okay no you left that job you had a choice do I continue to pursue corporate or do I decide to pursue something on my own and even once you've made that decision it's very much like the heroine's journey you're gonna have you're gonna encounter an obstacle and you're gonna encounter another obstacle and another obstacle and it will take you somewhere you haven't been and you will become like you said someone you haven't been so many of us are living this now you and I both come from media there's been a sea change in the world of media and that's a big broad umbrella which there's a lot of distinction underneath that but there are so many people who are currently trying to write their new story or write their new future or create whatever their next future will be because it's changed.
00:33:43.279 --> 00:33:49.920
Their world has changed and I like murky because they know things are out there but they can't see any of it.
00:33:49.920 --> 00:34:04.400
And especially for people for whom it's really really fresh I feel for them whether it's because of layoffs or whether because someone's been fired or something's been made redundant you're still in the same wilderness.
00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:52.239
So you had that defining moment in your life if you could sort of look back now on that moment and I know we're all still figuring things out what would you say you learned from that experience now with hindsight with hindsight what I've learned is summarized in one line um your safety net is not so safe when someone can take it from you I don't believe everyone's supposed to be an entrepreneur you're supposed to launch on I do think everyone is supposed to own your story that I deeply believe in and that's what I'm in the business of you owning your story because if you do not own it someone else will tell it and they will tell it wrong.
00:34:52.239 --> 00:34:56.639
And at the beginning your goal is movement.
00:34:56.639 --> 00:35:21.119
What I will say is that movement is intentional movement also looks like properly grieving what happened to you especially if it was something that was unexpected you lost that job that hurt there's a loss there's a loss in your I maybe who you thought you were in terms of your identity for me I liked having money I liked being able to have money solve problems.
00:35:21.119 --> 00:35:40.239
I liked the look on people's faces when I said where where I worked I liked you know people asking me where are you this week because I travel I loved all of those things but I twisted them with who I was right and I I believed at some point I I attained the belief that this was me.
00:35:40.239 --> 00:35:49.440
This was but it it was not and when those things were stripped away I was faced with the reality that I didn't know who I was without title.
00:35:49.440 --> 00:35:53.679
I didn't know who I was without those things that were propping me up.
00:35:53.679 --> 00:36:16.559
And so I had to unlearn what I thought I was a master at I had to unbecome who I thought I was the end state at I had to learn how to allow myself to experience a new story and to learn new things and to also unlearn habits that were holding me stuck.
00:36:16.559 --> 00:36:20.480
And it feels like death when you have to unlearn it.
00:36:20.480 --> 00:36:30.400
And so going down this route was and people don't believe me it's antithetical to everything I thought I was ever going to be I never wanted to be an entrepreneur.
00:36:30.400 --> 00:36:32.559
I thought it was the stupidest decision.
00:36:32.559 --> 00:36:45.599
I said who would sign up for uncertainty like that I I used to hear entrepreneurs talk and they talked about how they were entrepreneurial from a young age had lemonade stands all those things I did not have those things I was in line purchasing lemonade.
00:36:45.599 --> 00:37:11.519
I was not building the stand right and so I'm like who why why do I feel this way for me it was towards entrepreneurship but someone else you may be asking why do I feel like I'm supposed to um go for this promotion why do I feel like I'm supposed to leave and raise my kids why do I feel like I'm supposed to go on this journey abroad why why why why do I feel this way right there's nothing wrong with that question.
00:37:11.519 --> 00:37:18.719
But what I want you to do is not think you know the answer yet and to allow yourself to be curious.
00:37:18.719 --> 00:37:39.679
Allow yourself to ask of it why now what might be on the other side but also after you're curious commit and you asked me in hindsight if there's anything I could say it's to understand that curiosity is a beautiful thing and it's entry that will allow you to learn so much about yourself.
00:37:39.679 --> 00:37:50.960
But curiosity does not outweigh commitment when you are going to call in you have to choose you can't just be curious about something you have to decide this is for me.
00:37:51.360 --> 00:38:11.440
You are going to be invited again to decide who ye you shall serve who are you going to be a hero to question because you are brilliant at this did you ever contemplate being a preacher or a teacher such a funny question.
00:38:11.519 --> 00:38:38.800
I think my parents would hug you if they heard you ask that um did I contemplate that no and I think you would sometimes when you see your parents do it it's like I also see the behind the scenes nothing however um I I I and I say that facetiously I have been and will always be a teacher I love to teach.
00:38:38.800 --> 00:38:58.000
I had to learn that that didn't just mean you know my mom's a kindergarten teacher that did not just mean kindergartners right I teach all the time I when I was young it used to annoy me when I was like five or six people would treat my word like I was an adult like that when I what Christina said was law.
00:38:58.000 --> 00:39:03.840
They asked me for counsel right and it's so interesting I'm like why were they listening to me?
00:39:03.840 --> 00:39:06.239
I was so young why were they asking for my opinion?
00:39:06.239 --> 00:39:43.519
And Charlie Brown you set up the little therapy yes yes that's exactly five cents right or how much it hurts I was that's that's how you can miss it right because a lot of us are very naturally gifted and you do it without thinking and so because you're so used to it you're so familiar with it you devalue it it's like doesn't everyone do this doesn't ever really big thing and it's usually the thing it's usually the thing that's going to get you into calling just because it's natural doesn't mean it's not holy.
00:39:43.519 --> 00:39:52.239
Just because it's easy doesn't mean it's not calling there's a certain grace on your life everyone has graced to do something different.
00:39:52.239 --> 00:40:11.760
For me I love to vision I love to bring I can think of someone's messaging in a second I see where you are going I can connect the dots for you I can see your 20 years of corporate experience and your penchant for running and your love for kids and have a business model for you in 30 seconds flat I can see it.
00:40:11.760 --> 00:40:14.400
Can I send an email on a regular basis?
00:40:14.400 --> 00:40:16.159
No that's beyond that's above me.
00:40:16.159 --> 00:40:35.840
I hate it I'm not graced for that you know like there's different things that people are graced for and once we stop fighting that once we understand that that therein lies where your true calling is that's what unlocks our ability to learn and discover how this is going to be impactful.
00:40:35.840 --> 00:40:52.079
And so if we go back to the the model between capability and calling I said you know when you're operating in your capability the currency for that is your competency right when you're operating in your calling the currency for that is um courage.
00:40:52.079 --> 00:40:59.440
When you're operating in your calling it's about expansion of capacity there's no end to where you can go.
00:40:59.440 --> 00:41:21.840
They are two opposite sides of the spectrum and when we try to dabble in the middle is when we get all mucked up so when I say curiosity will get you so far at some point it must transition into a choice of courage and who you are going to become it's no longer just I'll take a chance no you are making a choice to make it true.
00:41:21.840 --> 00:41:50.880
You are making a decision and putting your flag in the sand that this shall be and you are putting your thoughts your actions your beliefs your steps towards that could you take me to the dinner table of you as a child growing up in your home because you have a wisdom about you that is so beyond your years and I don't even know how old you are but it it's beyond it it's beyond all of it.
00:41:51.199 --> 00:42:01.840
And um and you have a real gift for communicating it in a way that's not only clear but it hits the soul and it's memorable.
00:42:02.880 --> 00:44:01.280
I'm just curious to know a little bit more about the influences of your parents on you and do they ever get to hear you speak they've gotten here to hear me talk all my life no um I had beautiful parents they um were perfectly tailored for me I I talk about them often because I love how intentional they were not just with me but I I am a uh we have a family of five so I have an older I'm a middle child I have an older brother younger sister they were so tuned into our uh unique needs right so my brother for instance had um uh a speech delay right my mom schooled the public sued the public school system we were uh living in DC saying hey you don't have accommodation for my kid you're gonna have to pay for specialized training and she won you know and my brother's now a a civil engineer has a family of his own like man like all the things my little sister is a musician and they made sure she uh was in art so they let her go to art school they let her you know go she got a full ride to Berkeley College of Music because they fostered that for me I loved talking I loved being in charge I loved leading and so their them nurturing that for me was saying Christina you cannot go to the neighborhood schools they will crush you you have to go someplace where you can talk where you can express yourself right and so um they all yeah I remember we would wake up I would you know I grew up in a certain area of DC we would go to another area of DC so I could be in the best schools I uh my mom um um got me into one of the high most highly regarded private schools in DC where I was the head of the leadership team Go figure, right?
00:44:01.280 --> 00:44:08.559
Like, you know, they had an ability to see um our gifts and to create space for us to cultivate that.
00:44:08.559 --> 00:44:15.440
And I think in a especially in a space where you're um the daughter of both a preacher and a teacher, you can be in a bubble, right?
00:44:15.440 --> 00:44:28.480
Like it's it's not this, but like imagine the president's kids where it's like all eyes on you, you're you're leading, all eyes are on you, and there's very little room, um, stereotypically for a misstep.
00:44:28.480 --> 00:44:33.920
And something that I loved about my parents were that they were, they were like, they're kids.
00:44:33.920 --> 00:44:36.480
Let them be children.
00:44:36.480 --> 00:44:38.559
It was just a beautiful time period.
00:44:38.559 --> 00:44:42.639
We actually did have we did have family dinner every night.
00:44:42.639 --> 00:44:47.280
Like we had a table, we we assembled, we talked, we gathered.
00:44:47.280 --> 00:44:53.840
Um, I have such a it's a silly tangent, but my mom loves to cook, she's an excellent cook, right?
00:44:53.840 --> 00:45:00.320
And I remember freshman year going to college, and um someone was like, Oh, I'm gonna make some mashed potatoes.
00:45:00.320 --> 00:45:01.119
I'm like, how?
00:45:01.119 --> 00:45:02.079
We're in a dorm.
00:45:02.079 --> 00:45:03.039
Like, what do you mean?
00:45:03.039 --> 00:45:04.239
You're making mashed potatoes.
00:45:04.239 --> 00:45:05.519
She's like, from the box.
00:45:05.519 --> 00:45:08.079
I'm like, there's a box of potatoes.
00:45:08.079 --> 00:45:17.440
I had never in my life, even though I had eaten mashed instant come like in hindsight, like at school lunch, it was already made.
00:45:17.440 --> 00:45:19.039
I didn't see a box.
00:45:19.039 --> 00:45:21.280
I saw my mom peeling potatoes.
00:45:21.280 --> 00:45:24.159
So I was like, that's a thing.
00:45:24.159 --> 00:45:28.719
It's just they and I say that as a care.
00:45:28.719 --> 00:45:30.960
Like we were very cared for.
00:45:30.960 --> 00:45:32.159
I was loved.
00:45:32.159 --> 00:45:34.800
You know, there's a box.
00:45:34.800 --> 00:45:37.119
I had, I promise you, my mom.
00:45:37.119 --> 00:45:41.840
That was the first thing I learned in college was that instant mashed potatoes existed.
00:45:43.679 --> 00:45:45.760
Oh my gosh, that is really funny.
00:45:45.760 --> 00:45:46.800
I have no clue.
00:45:46.800 --> 00:45:48.960
That is the first thing I learned in college.
00:45:48.960 --> 00:45:49.519
It is.
00:45:49.519 --> 00:45:51.039
Oh my gosh.
00:45:51.039 --> 00:45:54.400
I was like, oh my goodness, that's interesting.
00:45:54.400 --> 00:45:55.440
Who would have thought?
00:45:55.440 --> 00:45:56.239
Oh my gosh.
00:45:56.480 --> 00:45:57.519
Thank you for sharing that.
00:45:57.679 --> 00:46:01.599
That just was the first time I ever said that story.
00:46:02.320 --> 00:46:02.960
I love it.
00:46:02.960 --> 00:46:03.679
Thank you.
00:46:03.679 --> 00:46:05.360
You heard it here first.
00:46:05.360 --> 00:46:15.360
Um well, before I get to my final four questions for you, I want to ask, where can people find you on your socials or your website?
00:46:15.760 --> 00:46:20.480
Yes, so they can find me um at Christinajoywittaker.com.
00:46:20.480 --> 00:46:29.280
So that's C H R I S T I N A, J O Y W H I, Two Ts, A K E R dot com.
00:46:29.280 --> 00:46:33.519
That same spelling, if you put an at in front of it, the socials will pop up.
00:46:33.519 --> 00:46:38.159
So you'll find me on Instagram there, you'll find me on LinkedIn as well, especially LinkedIn.
00:46:38.159 --> 00:46:39.119
Come say hi.
00:46:39.119 --> 00:46:41.679
Um, and YouTube as well.
00:46:41.679 --> 00:46:43.679
Started posting more YouTube videos.
00:46:43.679 --> 00:46:48.079
And so any one of those platforms will be able to find me um there.
00:46:48.079 --> 00:46:49.440
Wonderful.
00:46:49.920 --> 00:46:54.159
Okay, so um just a couple final questions for you.
00:46:54.159 --> 00:46:55.840
These are shorter.
00:46:55.840 --> 00:46:56.400
Okay.
00:46:56.400 --> 00:46:58.960
But um, are you reading anything right now?
00:46:58.960 --> 00:47:01.199
Do you recommend anything in particular?
00:47:01.840 --> 00:47:04.159
You know, I have a funny answer for this.
00:47:04.159 --> 00:47:11.920
So I think this is partially, I blame everything on ADHD, but I think this is partially ADHD.
00:47:11.920 --> 00:47:18.159
I am a serial bookstarter, a fairly sporadic book finisher, right?
00:47:18.159 --> 00:47:20.880
Like I'm kind of like, once I get the point, I get the point.
00:47:20.880 --> 00:47:23.679
I understand where this is going.
00:47:23.679 --> 00:47:29.440
Um, but the genres that I love, I love things that deal with faith and science and the interplay of it.
00:47:29.440 --> 00:47:38.719
I love um that I've uh I love things that deal with like researching how the brain works, how you make decisions, how you operate.
00:47:38.719 --> 00:47:44.880
I'm just so fascinated and what makes a person tick, what makes a person come into being.
00:47:44.880 --> 00:47:49.599
And so one of the last um books that I really enjoyed was The Garden Within.
00:47:49.599 --> 00:47:52.079
And I did like get through that.
00:47:52.079 --> 00:47:54.639
I was like, oh, pat on the back.
00:47:54.639 --> 00:47:57.199
Um, but that was a that was a great book.
00:47:57.199 --> 00:48:12.559
Um, but anything dealing with like personal development and um the investigation, not just of who you are, but who you are becoming, I think is is just so just something that cap captivates my attention.
00:48:12.559 --> 00:48:17.360
Um, so any anywhere in that spectrum is where you could typically find me.
00:48:18.320 --> 00:48:19.760
I love that, Anthony.
00:48:19.760 --> 00:48:24.079
And I'm by the way, a large, I'm a big proponent of not finishing books.
00:48:24.079 --> 00:48:31.199
If it's not really if it's not speaking to you, I think there's so many other brilliant books out there in the world.
00:48:31.199 --> 00:48:32.480
Time is short.
00:48:32.480 --> 00:48:34.159
Find one you love.
00:48:34.480 --> 00:48:37.119
See, now I'm that I'm gonna blame you on not finishing the books.
00:48:37.119 --> 00:48:41.519
I'm gonna say, well, Stephanie said, if it's not bringing me joy, don't finish it.
00:48:41.920 --> 00:48:42.480
That's right.
00:48:42.480 --> 00:48:45.760
If you're not learning, if you're not enjoying it, there's another one that will.
00:48:46.000 --> 00:48:46.320
Yes.
00:48:47.599 --> 00:48:48.559
Open-ended question.
00:48:48.559 --> 00:48:50.320
What are you in the middle of?
00:48:53.519 --> 00:48:54.480
You know what?
00:48:54.480 --> 00:49:02.079
I am simultaneously in the middle of and leading people through a Red Sea.
00:49:02.079 --> 00:49:04.159
A Red Sea moment, I would call it.
00:49:04.159 --> 00:49:16.880
It is a moment when you know transition is near, and you know it's time for a new story, and you know it's time for you to go to the next level.
00:49:16.880 --> 00:49:53.519
You know you don't want to go back to where you were, and even though it looks imposing where you're going, you're ready to have the path made known to you, and I feel very much like I am there, and before that would have maybe inspired some dread and some fear, but because I have a blueprint now, I have nothing but excitement, and I'm ready to say, come with me.
00:49:56.719 --> 00:50:04.559
What is an act of kindness that you have received at any time in your life, big or small, that you would share with us?
00:50:04.960 --> 00:50:06.960
Oh, I just I love that question.
00:50:06.960 --> 00:50:08.880
First of all, you ask the best questions.
00:50:08.880 --> 00:50:11.280
I should have said that earlier in this interview.
00:50:11.280 --> 00:50:19.920
You ask amazing questions and I adore you because you make me think about things that are so easy to pass by so quickly, right?
00:50:19.920 --> 00:50:22.480
Like I have a billion thoughts all the time.
00:50:22.480 --> 00:50:26.559
And so to stop and be like, a moment of kindness, like dang.
00:50:26.559 --> 00:50:33.679
And you sometimes, I think at certain points in my life, I would have been grasping at straws, you know, trying to identify it.
00:50:33.679 --> 00:50:42.719
But I'm blessed to be in a time where as you ask that question, I just saw moment after moment after moment after moment, you know, flash um in front of my eyes.
00:50:42.719 --> 00:50:45.280
But I'll explain two things.
00:50:45.280 --> 00:50:51.679
One, I had um one friend, I um was explaining different things that I liked.
00:50:51.679 --> 00:51:00.480
And um, I was going on a plane trip like soon after, and he assembled all of those things and had it down to a T.
00:51:00.480 --> 00:51:02.880
And I was like, How you listen to me?
00:51:02.880 --> 00:51:05.519
Like, wow, like that was really nice, right?
00:51:05.519 --> 00:51:12.400
And I had another friend who knew at the time, like this was maybe when Chipotle was just opening.
00:51:12.400 --> 00:51:15.039
And I love Chipotle, I love build your own Mexica.
00:51:15.039 --> 00:51:16.719
I was down for it.
00:51:16.719 --> 00:51:20.239
And he gave me, we still laugh about this.
00:51:20.239 --> 00:51:26.320
He gave me this pad of graph paper uh for my birthday, and I was like, What are you doing?
00:51:26.320 --> 00:51:28.079
What am I gonna do with graph paper?
00:51:28.079 --> 00:51:30.880
But I was like, thanks, and he was just laughing.
00:51:30.880 --> 00:51:32.159
I was like, Why are you laughing?
00:51:32.159 --> 00:51:39.760
He was like, Look on the back, and he had lined the back with Chipotle gift cards, like all throughout the back.
00:51:39.760 --> 00:51:57.119
It was the sweetest thing, and the reason why those two things stick out in my head is because um one of the things that I've learned, I had to unlearn was how I saw myself and my value, that I didn't make a discernible mark on people.
00:51:57.119 --> 00:52:03.360
I felt honestly, a lot of times like I was invisible, that even though I was leading, that people didn't know me, right?
00:52:03.360 --> 00:52:09.920
And so those moments broke that for me to say, hey, they people see you.
00:52:09.920 --> 00:52:16.480
And so uh in any relationship, one of the things I most highly value is just thoughtfulness.
00:52:16.480 --> 00:52:21.840
Um, because that's how I show my love, like trying to be intricate and like remembering what you said you needed.
00:52:21.840 --> 00:52:24.159
And so when I receive it, my heart just leaps.
00:52:24.159 --> 00:52:26.320
Like I'm just like, you thought of me in this way?
00:52:26.320 --> 00:52:27.679
You remember I said this?
00:52:27.679 --> 00:52:29.920
You just called me because you were thinking about me.
00:52:29.920 --> 00:52:33.519
Oh my goodness! Like you have me.
00:52:33.679 --> 00:52:34.800
You have me there.
00:52:34.800 --> 00:52:36.000
It means so much.
00:52:36.000 --> 00:52:40.320
It really means you are never gonna be invisible, by the way.
00:52:40.480 --> 00:52:45.199
You will I know that now, I did not know that before.
00:52:46.159 --> 00:52:48.960
People want to see you, people want to hear from you.
00:52:48.960 --> 00:52:52.079
Speaking of that, do you like to sing?
00:52:53.920 --> 00:52:55.440
Such an interesting question.
00:52:55.440 --> 00:52:58.320
So, my family.
00:52:58.320 --> 00:53:01.280
I I I I kind of told you about it before.
00:53:01.280 --> 00:53:02.639
My little sister is a singer.
00:53:02.639 --> 00:53:07.599
I didn't tell you my older brother can play any instrument that he puts his hand to.
00:53:07.599 --> 00:53:09.519
Um, my I have a family of musicians.
00:53:09.519 --> 00:53:15.519
My grandfather used to uh play backup for James Brown, like he played bass guitar for James Brown.
00:53:15.519 --> 00:53:16.320
My mom's a singer.
00:53:16.320 --> 00:53:21.440
My my mom and dad met in band, like family of musicians.
00:53:21.440 --> 00:53:35.039
And then there's me who played viola for I I I my I used to, and and I've come to peace with this, but like they used to call me the great pretender because I was like literally the real life drumline.
00:53:35.039 --> 00:53:39.760
I was incredibly good at music and I played by ear, but I didn't know I was playing by ear.
00:53:39.760 --> 00:53:45.119
My brother was always ahead of me in my classes, so I would listen to him practice and I would copy him.
00:53:45.119 --> 00:53:49.519
And I didn't know I was copying him, but I fooled professionals for over seven years.
00:53:49.519 --> 00:53:52.559
They all thought I could read music, um, and I couldn't.
00:53:52.559 --> 00:53:58.800
And so I was exposed one day when I had to play by myself and I had to play first, and I was like, I don't know how to do this.
00:53:58.800 --> 00:54:01.360
And they were like, we don't know how this happened.
00:54:01.360 --> 00:54:07.599
Like I was almost at the top level of our youth orchestra in DC, but she can't read music.
00:54:07.599 --> 00:54:11.599
And so from then on, I'm like, this is just not for me.
00:54:11.599 --> 00:54:13.679
I'm not, but I had perfect pitch.
00:54:13.679 --> 00:54:14.800
I was really great.
00:54:14.800 --> 00:54:26.000
And so I am proudly a backup singer, but I will say my little sister Angela Faith is proudly a forefront singer, and she sings to the top.
00:54:26.000 --> 00:54:28.400
She's one of the best singers I've ever heard in my life.
00:54:28.400 --> 00:54:29.599
She's amazing.
00:54:29.599 --> 00:54:32.559
And I would I would advise anyone to listen to her.
00:54:32.559 --> 00:54:34.800
Angela Faith.
00:54:34.800 --> 00:54:36.800
Angela Faith, yes.
00:54:37.119 --> 00:54:37.440
Okay.
00:54:37.440 --> 00:54:39.519
Does she sell CDs or uh CDs?
00:54:39.519 --> 00:54:41.199
Yeah, she has music, yes.
00:54:41.199 --> 00:54:42.559
Let me try that one again.
00:54:42.719 --> 00:54:44.159
I have CDs, Stephanie.
00:54:44.159 --> 00:54:44.880
I know what you mean.
00:54:44.880 --> 00:54:47.039
And you can find her music online.
00:54:47.039 --> 00:54:56.320
Yes, Angela Faith Music, and she's she'll you'll probably see her singing if you're in the DC area at some event, some gale of somebody's wedding.
00:54:56.320 --> 00:54:57.760
She's probably the singer.
00:54:58.719 --> 00:55:02.960
So when I asked you if you would sing us out today, any kind of any song at all.
00:55:02.960 --> 00:55:05.599
Um I would love to hear that something you would do.
00:55:06.159 --> 00:55:15.519
I think you ask that question because a song is in your heart, and so I would love to hear you sing whatever song is on your heart out.
00:55:16.239 --> 00:55:18.000
Um, I am not a singer.
00:55:18.000 --> 00:55:24.960
I actually just there's something really beautiful about when people stop to listen to an a cappella voice.
00:55:24.960 --> 00:55:27.039
It's just time stops.
00:55:27.039 --> 00:55:29.199
Time sort of stands still.
00:55:29.199 --> 00:55:34.559
You mean there's not anything that you would sing at church or at home that you'd sing for us?
00:55:34.960 --> 00:55:41.760
Well, I think the greatest song is of the maestro, and right now you're the maestro.
00:55:41.760 --> 00:55:44.480
So have at it.
00:55:44.480 --> 00:55:49.360
Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
00:55:50.000 --> 00:55:50.559
Love it.
00:55:50.960 --> 00:55:53.039
I heard you say those words earlier.
00:55:53.039 --> 00:55:58.719
So yes, I had to learn that I was authentic, but a lot of people feel like they're the great pretender.
00:55:58.719 --> 00:56:01.840
Well, it's time to give it up, it's time to be known.
00:56:02.159 --> 00:56:04.000
Be known, no imposter syndrome.
00:56:04.000 --> 00:56:08.400
And I'll tell you one fun fact about myself that you didn't ask for, but you said those words.
00:56:08.400 --> 00:56:09.039
I want to know.
00:56:09.119 --> 00:56:10.000
I'm asking right now.
00:56:10.000 --> 00:56:11.920
I want to know this fun fact.
00:56:12.239 --> 00:56:15.679
You said those world words, the great pretender, earlier.
00:56:15.679 --> 00:56:24.800
And um, I have this tick where if someone says a word or a phrase and I happen to know a song that has those lyrics, uh-huh.
00:56:24.800 --> 00:56:30.480
Um, it takes great restraint for me not to break out, even though I don't sing well.
00:56:30.880 --> 00:56:32.559
I don't think you should restrain it.
00:56:32.559 --> 00:56:34.079
I think you should just let it loose.
00:56:34.079 --> 00:56:35.760
Who's gonna tell you no?
00:56:36.880 --> 00:56:38.639
Yeah, it'll be a one and done.
00:56:38.639 --> 00:56:43.920
You know, it would happen, and then people would be like, that does not need to happen again.
00:56:43.920 --> 00:56:47.760
Christina, Joy, Whitaker, thank you so much.
00:56:48.079 --> 00:56:50.639
We need more voices like you in this world.
00:56:50.639 --> 00:56:56.320
We need more people who are saying I want to use my platform to spread kindness, to spread connection.
00:56:56.719 --> 00:57:00.800
Thank you for being here for another conversation to connect.
00:57:00.800 --> 00:57:09.840
I'm not sure if you know, but you can hit the subscribe button where you listen to podcasts so that you don't miss new episodes when they come out.
00:57:09.840 --> 00:57:13.920
And if you like the show, maybe consider leaving a review.
00:57:13.920 --> 00:57:18.960
It helps for reach and visibility, and it just lets me know you're out there.
00:57:18.960 --> 00:57:23.679
Okay, thanks for listening and keep an eye out for kindnesses.
00:57:23.679 --> 00:57:25.440
Have a good one.
