WEBVTT
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I'm somebody who makes decisions fast most of the time.
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Honestly, 98% of the time, I'm pretty confident in the decisions I make.
00:00:07.280 --> 00:00:09.839
So I have a tendency to not rely on other people.
00:00:10.080 --> 00:00:13.119
Now that can be a strength, but it can also be a weakness.
00:00:13.199 --> 00:00:18.079
And frankly, this episode challenges me, and I hope it gives you a helpful perspective too.
00:00:18.239 --> 00:00:19.519
Let's get into it.
00:00:25.600 --> 00:00:36.240
You're listening to the Driven Introvert Podcast, the place to be for dreamers, doers, and entrepreneurs who are ready to burst the dreams, callings, and ideas the Lord has placed in their hearts.
00:00:36.399 --> 00:00:42.320
Do you sense that God is calling you to step out and do something new, but you're held back by fear and uncertainty?
00:00:42.479 --> 00:00:48.640
Do you struggle with believing that you can do great things because of your quiet, reserved, and introverted nature?
00:00:48.880 --> 00:00:49.759
Welcome here.
00:00:49.920 --> 00:00:54.159
I'm Remy Roy, your host and founder of CheapHack.com.
00:00:54.240 --> 00:00:58.640
I'm an author, an entrepreneur, a creative, and a committed tryer.
00:00:58.799 --> 00:01:03.200
I'm here to help you get on start and make progress on your God idea.
00:01:03.439 --> 00:01:04.400
Let's go.
00:01:09.040 --> 00:01:09.920
Alright, friends.
00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:13.040
So this is chapter 15 of the book, The Next Right Thing, by Emily P.
00:01:13.120 --> 00:01:16.799
Friman, and the title is Gather Cold Listeners.
00:01:17.040 --> 00:01:24.079
In the last chapter, Emily talked about collecting gurus, how she was overdosing on advice because she was craving craving clarity.
00:01:24.319 --> 00:01:26.959
She was taking the right teachers at the wrong time.
00:01:27.040 --> 00:01:29.040
But in this chapter, she gives another perspective.
00:01:29.200 --> 00:01:38.640
She shows us how to gather impute from others in a healthy way, especially when you're facing a heavy decision, when you have steps to take that feel uncertain and you want to lean on others.
00:01:38.799 --> 00:01:41.359
You don't want to do it alone, but you don't know how.
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So here's the story.
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Emily shares that she and her husband found themselves in a situation where they needed clarity for their next steps.
00:01:49.599 --> 00:01:55.200
So they decided to connect with a few friends and family, people in their close community just to listen with them.
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And that might be a new concept to you.
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Listen with them, right?
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Not just listen to them.
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But that's there's a distinction here.
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That's why she calls them co-listeners.
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And I love this because the goal was not to force this people to give answers or solutions.
00:02:07.840 --> 00:02:09.520
It wasn't tell us what to do.
00:02:09.599 --> 00:02:15.840
No, it's simply come sit with us, listen to us, hear our hearts, and if you have a perspective that could help, share it.
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But there's no pressure.
00:02:17.199 --> 00:02:19.520
That idea, I think, is powerful.
00:02:20.159 --> 00:02:24.560
Because a lot of times, and this has been true for me, we wrestle with hard things alone.
00:02:24.879 --> 00:02:32.240
There was a time in my life where, oh my gosh, everything collided, and I felt like I knew I was depressed.
00:02:32.879 --> 00:02:45.599
But what made it even much more difficult was that I wasn't used to talking to people about my problems, about my issues, and sharing and helping, letting people help me carry the load.
00:02:45.759 --> 00:02:50.400
So I'm learning how to do that now, and that is essentially what this episode is about.
00:02:50.879 --> 00:02:55.360
So, like I said, I make decisions fast most of the time, right?
00:02:55.599 --> 00:03:02.159
I don't really, I'm not used to relying on other people to come to conclusions about what I need to do or stuff like that.
00:03:02.400 --> 00:03:11.199
And it can be a strength, but it's also a weakness because it takes a certain amount of vulnerability to say, I need you to listen, right?
00:03:11.439 --> 00:03:14.479
Especially when I'm not sure exactly what I'm talking about.
00:03:14.560 --> 00:03:22.800
Like I'm going back and forth, I'm confused about my direction, and I feel like, oh my God, I must sound like I don't know what I'm doing, or I must sound so silly to you right now.
00:03:23.039 --> 00:03:27.680
But it takes vulnerability to do that and trust the people you're talking with.
00:03:27.840 --> 00:03:31.280
It takes wisdom to choose the right people for this approach, too.
00:03:31.680 --> 00:03:39.840
But the way Emily frames is this the approach to, you know, talking to people and saying, hey, come listen, it was very casual, but also very deliberate.
00:03:40.080 --> 00:03:46.639
You don't want to make it just a thing where the person is not ready, they're not in a frame of mind to listen to you.
00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:53.680
You know, you shouldn't just hang out after something, maybe after church, after school, after work, and say, hey, uh, and then you stumble into a conversation.
00:03:53.919 --> 00:03:55.520
If that works for you, fine.
00:03:55.759 --> 00:03:57.360
But they set it up.
00:03:57.599 --> 00:04:02.800
They had people come over to their house, they created a comfortable space, they talked about what they were feeling.
00:04:02.960 --> 00:04:06.719
So it was intentional for everyone who was in the room to say, okay, we're listening.
00:04:06.879 --> 00:04:08.800
Our heart is here, what's going on?
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Right?
00:04:09.520 --> 00:04:12.960
They talk about what they were feeling, what they were experiencing, and what they were confused about.
00:04:13.120 --> 00:05:29.420
And they let the people hear their heart without judgment, which is why it's important to have the right people that you can do this with.
00:05:29.580 --> 00:05:32.860
So Emily has a few guidelines for gathering co-listeners.
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So if you're ever in a place where you feel like, I don't know what is happening right now.
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Like, I don't know what's going on.
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I need help.
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I need somebody to listen to me and kind of help me as I figure this out.
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She gives a few guidelines that might really help.
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Number one is do it on purpose.
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Don't make it an afterthought, like I said.
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Don't make it just a stumble into a conversation kind of thing.
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Be clear, set a time, set a date.
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It might feel formal to do that, but it helps everyone come in with the same mindset.
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We're coming to think with you, right?
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That's number one.
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Do it on purpose.
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Number two, they don't have to know each other.
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The people you invite don't need to be connected to each other, but they need to know you well, at least well enough to offer whatever it is on their heart and feel okay doing so.
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They need to be people you feel safe with because you might be sharing personal things.
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You might be sharing your confusion, you know, you might be sharing your fears, you might be sharing your uncertainties.
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You will be sharing those things.
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So you need people who would do that, listen to you without, you know, judgment and you not feeling judged by them.
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All right.
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Number three, you have to ask.
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It sounds obvious, but it's not.
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Because sometimes we expect people to read our minds to know, you know, I want support.
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Why don't you just, you know, you have to ask for it.
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And Emily says something that really hit me here.
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She said she spent years wishing people would support her, only to realize she was waiting for something to come to her when she was perfectly capable of going out and getting it.
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And that's all real.
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If you want support, ask people for support.
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That's what I've learned, especially in this journey of entrepreneurship and trying to do things that are really genuinely hard and you want people to support you to make it easier.
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Don't assume that this better is just supposed to know that they should support you.
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Ask for that support.
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Be specific about what you're asking for.
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That's real.
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All right?
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Because if you're doing something intentional, something public, something hard, there can be this quiet expectation that the people around you should automatically know what you need and support you with that.
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But the truth is people are busy with their own lives, with their own issues.
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So if you're not deliberately asking for a specific kind of support, you need to.
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Can you listen to me?
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Can you help me think this through?
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Can you share this?
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Can you pray with me?
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Can you help me um brainstorm the strategy?
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People might not know what you need if you don't ask.
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So, this is how this has shown up in my own life.
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And this reminds me of something I'm doing right now.
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If you haven't listened to the podcast in a while, I'm building a company called Pod Ground.
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Hardest thing I've ever done.
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It is a platform to support independent podcasters, and it's a lot of work.
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If I'm honest, sometimes it's overwhelming, sometimes it causes some level of anxiety.
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And I realized I needed impute.
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I needed specific impute from people who get it.
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People in the podcasting space, people with experience as podcasters, as entrepreneurs, not necessarily direct experience with that exact technology and everything we're building, but experience building something hard and staying with it and staying in it.
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So I called some friends.
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Some I've only recently met, some I've known for a while.
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We gathered together, and as I'm recording this, um, we actually met already.
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And my goal wasn't for them to have all the answers.
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My goal was to say things out loud in their presence about what I'm building, what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling, and hear what comes back.
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And if they have ideas, we can talk.
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But the point is, I'm learning to lean on other people.
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I'm learning that I do not have all the answers, and if I want people to come alongside me, if I want people to contribute, I have to go out and ask.
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Sometimes we overlook that.
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So I hope that helps you as you think about the things you're doing.
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So how does this apply to you?
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How does this apply to your life?
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If you're contemplating a decision right now about your future, job, relationships, a moves, anything, and you feel like you've been going around in circles, if you've prayed, you've done what you can, and you still feel kind of off, still confused, it might be helpful to lean on your community, gather a few people who can listen.
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Even if they don't solve it for you, you know, just hearing yourself say it out loud can help.
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I've heard it said in the coaching space that sometimes people come to their own answers just by talking to a coach.
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Like it gives you a certain kind of clarity when you say things out loud.
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When it's all in your head, it's like a mesh of wires all tangled together.
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And until you separate it, you straighten it out, then you see what's actually there.
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And that process of straightening and separating is talking through it.
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Right?
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Putting it in the presence of safe people who can bring insight, encouragement, and even peace.
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So this is a practice in this chapter.
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And she says, Emily says, make a list of listeners.
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Think about people in your life who have these qualities.
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They ask good questions, they listen for answers, they don't belittle you or make you feel dumb.
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They don't take themselves too seriously, and they take you just seriously enough.
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I love that.
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Make a short list, maybe four to eight people you would consider asking to be a co-listener for you.
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Um, so you suggest people from like uh your neighbors, your family members, from church, college friends, maybe a couple you admire, longtime friends.
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And if you can't think of anyone, that's fine.
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Now you know what to begin to look for in the people around you.
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So here's my encouragement for you and a suggestion, especially if you are an introvert.
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If you like doing things alone, you don't consider yourself someone who thrives with a lot of people speaking into your life at the same time.
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I get it.
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This might be a hard concept to accept, but no human being, no matter how introverted you are, can slide along.
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And I hope you'll make an effort to find the people who can support you, but also find people you can support.
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You may not feel like you're in the best place, but there is something you can offer someone else.
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Everyone has something to offer.
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So as you think about who might help you in the season, ask the Lord to show you how you can help others too.
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Because we can go so much farther when we go together.
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All right.
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I would love to hear from you.
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If this helped you in any way or gave you a different perspective, if there's something you want to implement, maybe you want to find some people and talk to them about what you're going through.
00:11:41.820 --> 00:11:43.500
Um, or maybe you just want to talk to me.
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I'm open.
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Send me an email and tell me about it.
00:11:46.620 --> 00:11:49.820
Send me an email at thedrivenintrovert at shepat.com.
00:11:49.899 --> 00:11:53.899
I would love to hear your story, what you're working through, and how I can support you.
00:11:54.139 --> 00:11:57.980
Thank you so much for listening to this one, and I'll see you in the next one.
00:11:58.300 --> 00:11:58.860
Bye.
00:12:02.460 --> 00:12:03.899
Thank you so much for listening.
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If you enjoy this conversation, please take a moment to follow or subscribe to the podcast.
00:12:08.460 --> 00:12:11.019
I'd also love your feedback on this episode.
00:12:11.180 --> 00:12:14.220
You can scroll down on your app and click write a review.
00:12:14.300 --> 00:12:16.779
I'd love to read your takeaways from this conversation.
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As always, don't forget to take courage, trust God, and go pursue your big ideas.
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See you next time.
00:12:25.259 --> 00:12:28.940
The driven internet is produced by TPAT.com and Remy Roy.
00:12:29.180 --> 00:12:31.980
Want to ask a question or share a comment in a future episode?
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Click on the link in the show notes to record your question and voicemail.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.799
I'm somebody who makes decisions fast most of the time.
00:00:03.040 --> 00:00:07.120
Honestly, 98% of the time, I'm pretty confident in the decisions I make.
00:00:07.280 --> 00:00:09.839
So I have a tendency to not rely on other people.
00:00:10.080 --> 00:00:13.119
Now that can be a strength, but it can also be a weakness.
00:00:13.199 --> 00:00:18.079
And frankly, this episode challenges me, and I hope it gives you a helpful perspective too.
00:00:18.239 --> 00:00:19.519
Let's get into it.
00:00:25.600 --> 00:00:36.240
You're listening to the Driven Introvert Podcast, the place to be for dreamers, doers, and entrepreneurs who are ready to burst the dreams, callings, and ideas the Lord has placed in their hearts.
00:00:36.399 --> 00:00:42.320
Do you sense that God is calling you to step out and do something new, but you're held back by fear and uncertainty?
00:00:42.479 --> 00:00:48.640
Do you struggle with believing that you can do great things because of your quiet, reserved, and introverted nature?
00:00:48.880 --> 00:00:49.759
Welcome here.
00:00:49.920 --> 00:00:54.159
I'm Remy Roy, your host and founder of CheapHack.com.
00:00:54.240 --> 00:00:58.640
I'm an author, an entrepreneur, a creative, and a committed tryer.
00:00:58.799 --> 00:01:03.200
I'm here to help you get on start and make progress on your God idea.
00:01:03.439 --> 00:01:04.400
Let's go.
00:01:09.040 --> 00:01:09.920
Alright, friends.
00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:13.040
So this is chapter 15 of the book, The Next Right Thing, by Emily P.
00:01:13.120 --> 00:01:16.799
Friman, and the title is Gather Cold Listeners.
00:01:17.040 --> 00:01:24.079
In the last chapter, Emily talked about collecting gurus, how she was overdosing on advice because she was craving craving clarity.
00:01:24.319 --> 00:01:26.959
She was taking the right teachers at the wrong time.
00:01:27.040 --> 00:01:29.040
But in this chapter, she gives another perspective.
00:01:29.200 --> 00:01:38.640
She shows us how to gather impute from others in a healthy way, especially when you're facing a heavy decision, when you have steps to take that feel uncertain and you want to lean on others.
00:01:38.799 --> 00:01:41.359
You don't want to do it alone, but you don't know how.
00:01:42.400 --> 00:01:43.760
So here's the story.
00:01:44.000 --> 00:01:49.439
Emily shares that she and her husband found themselves in a situation where they needed clarity for their next steps.
00:01:49.599 --> 00:01:55.200
So they decided to connect with a few friends and family, people in their close community just to listen with them.
00:01:55.359 --> 00:01:56.959
And that might be a new concept to you.
00:01:57.120 --> 00:01:58.159
Listen with them, right?
00:01:58.319 --> 00:01:59.519
Not just listen to them.
00:01:59.599 --> 00:02:01.120
But that's there's a distinction here.
00:02:01.280 --> 00:02:03.200
That's why she calls them co-listeners.
00:02:03.439 --> 00:02:07.680
And I love this because the goal was not to force this people to give answers or solutions.
00:02:07.840 --> 00:02:09.520
It wasn't tell us what to do.
00:02:09.599 --> 00:02:15.840
No, it's simply come sit with us, listen to us, hear our hearts, and if you have a perspective that could help, share it.
00:02:16.000 --> 00:02:16.960
But there's no pressure.
00:02:17.199 --> 00:02:19.520
That idea, I think, is powerful.
00:02:20.159 --> 00:02:24.560
Because a lot of times, and this has been true for me, we wrestle with hard things alone.
00:02:24.879 --> 00:02:32.240
There was a time in my life where, oh my gosh, everything collided, and I felt like I knew I was depressed.
00:02:32.879 --> 00:02:45.599
But what made it even much more difficult was that I wasn't used to talking to people about my problems, about my issues, and sharing and helping, letting people help me carry the load.
00:02:45.759 --> 00:02:50.400
So I'm learning how to do that now, and that is essentially what this episode is about.
00:02:50.879 --> 00:02:55.360
So, like I said, I make decisions fast most of the time, right?
00:02:55.599 --> 00:03:02.159
I don't really, I'm not used to relying on other people to come to conclusions about what I need to do or stuff like that.
00:03:02.400 --> 00:03:11.199
And it can be a strength, but it's also a weakness because it takes a certain amount of vulnerability to say, I need you to listen, right?
00:03:11.439 --> 00:03:14.479
Especially when I'm not sure exactly what I'm talking about.
00:03:14.560 --> 00:03:22.800
Like I'm going back and forth, I'm confused about my direction, and I feel like, oh my God, I must sound like I don't know what I'm doing, or I must sound so silly to you right now.
00:03:23.039 --> 00:03:27.680
But it takes vulnerability to do that and trust the people you're talking with.
00:03:27.840 --> 00:03:31.280
It takes wisdom to choose the right people for this approach, too.
00:03:31.680 --> 00:03:39.840
But the way Emily frames is this the approach to, you know, talking to people and saying, hey, come listen, it was very casual, but also very deliberate.
00:03:40.080 --> 00:03:46.639
You don't want to make it just a thing where the person is not ready, they're not in a frame of mind to listen to you.
00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:53.680
You know, you shouldn't just hang out after something, maybe after church, after school, after work, and say, hey, uh, and then you stumble into a conversation.
00:03:53.919 --> 00:03:55.520
If that works for you, fine.
00:03:55.759 --> 00:03:57.360
But they set it up.
00:03:57.599 --> 00:04:02.800
They had people come over to their house, they created a comfortable space, they talked about what they were feeling.
00:04:02.960 --> 00:04:06.719
So it was intentional for everyone who was in the room to say, okay, we're listening.
00:04:06.879 --> 00:04:08.800
Our heart is here, what's going on?
00:04:09.039 --> 00:04:09.360
Right?
00:04:09.520 --> 00:04:12.960
They talk about what they were feeling, what they were experiencing, and what they were confused about.
00:04:13.120 --> 00:05:29.420
And they let the people hear their heart without judgment, which is why it's important to have the right people that you can do this with.
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So Emily has a few guidelines for gathering co-listeners.
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So if you're ever in a place where you feel like, I don't know what is happening right now.
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Like, I don't know what's going on.
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I need help.
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I need somebody to listen to me and kind of help me as I figure this out.
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She gives a few guidelines that might really help.
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Number one is do it on purpose.
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Don't make it an afterthought, like I said.
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Don't make it just a stumble into a conversation kind of thing.
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Be clear, set a time, set a date.
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It might feel formal to do that, but it helps everyone come in with the same mindset.
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We're coming to think with you, right?
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That's number one.
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Do it on purpose.
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Number two, they don't have to know each other.
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The people you invite don't need to be connected to each other, but they need to know you well, at least well enough to offer whatever it is on their heart and feel okay doing so.
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They need to be people you feel safe with because you might be sharing personal things.
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You might be sharing your confusion, you know, you might be sharing your fears, you might be sharing your uncertainties.
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You will be sharing those things.
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So you need people who would do that, listen to you without, you know, judgment and you not feeling judged by them.
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All right.
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Number three, you have to ask.
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It sounds obvious, but it's not.
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Because sometimes we expect people to read our minds to know, you know, I want support.
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Why don't you just, you know, you have to ask for it.
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And Emily says something that really hit me here.
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She said she spent years wishing people would support her, only to realize she was waiting for something to come to her when she was perfectly capable of going out and getting it.
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And that's all real.
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If you want support, ask people for support.
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That's what I've learned, especially in this journey of entrepreneurship and trying to do things that are really genuinely hard and you want people to support you to make it easier.
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Don't assume that this better is just supposed to know that they should support you.
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Ask for that support.
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Be specific about what you're asking for.
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That's real.
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All right?
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Because if you're doing something intentional, something public, something hard, there can be this quiet expectation that the people around you should automatically know what you need and support you with that.
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But the truth is people are busy with their own lives, with their own issues.
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So if you're not deliberately asking for a specific kind of support, you need to.
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Can you listen to me?
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Can you help me think this through?
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Can you share this?
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Can you pray with me?
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Can you help me um brainstorm the strategy?
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People might not know what you need if you don't ask.
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So, this is how this has shown up in my own life.
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And this reminds me of something I'm doing right now.
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If you haven't listened to the podcast in a while, I'm building a company called Pod Ground.
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Hardest thing I've ever done.
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It is a platform to support independent podcasters, and it's a lot of work.
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If I'm honest, sometimes it's overwhelming, sometimes it causes some level of anxiety.
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And I realized I needed impute.
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I needed specific impute from people who get it.
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People in the podcasting space, people with experience as podcasters, as entrepreneurs, not necessarily direct experience with that exact technology and everything we're building, but experience building something hard and staying with it and staying in it.
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So I called some friends.
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Some I've only recently met, some I've known for a while.
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We gathered together, and as I'm recording this, um, we actually met already.
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And my goal wasn't for them to have all the answers.
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My goal was to say things out loud in their presence about what I'm building, what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling, and hear what comes back.
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And if they have ideas, we can talk.
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But the point is, I'm learning to lean on other people.
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I'm learning that I do not have all the answers, and if I want people to come alongside me, if I want people to contribute, I have to go out and ask.
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Sometimes we overlook that.
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So I hope that helps you as you think about the things you're doing.
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So how does this apply to you?
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How does this apply to your life?
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If you're contemplating a decision right now about your future, job, relationships, a moves, anything, and you feel like you've been going around in circles, if you've prayed, you've done what you can, and you still feel kind of off, still confused, it might be helpful to lean on your community, gather a few people who can listen.
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Even if they don't solve it for you, you know, just hearing yourself say it out loud can help.
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I've heard it said in the coaching space that sometimes people come to their own answers just by talking to a coach.
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Like it gives you a certain kind of clarity when you say things out loud.
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When it's all in your head, it's like a mesh of wires all tangled together.
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And until you separate it, you straighten it out, then you see what's actually there.
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And that process of straightening and separating is talking through it.
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Right?
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Putting it in the presence of safe people who can bring insight, encouragement, and even peace.
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So this is a practice in this chapter.
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And she says, Emily says, make a list of listeners.
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Think about people in your life who have these qualities.
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They ask good questions, they listen for answers, they don't belittle you or make you feel dumb.
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They don't take themselves too seriously, and they take you just seriously enough.
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I love that.
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Make a short list, maybe four to eight people you would consider asking to be a co-listener for you.
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Um, so you suggest people from like uh your neighbors, your family members, from church, college friends, maybe a couple you admire, longtime friends.
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And if you can't think of anyone, that's fine.
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Now you know what to begin to look for in the people around you.
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So here's my encouragement for you and a suggestion, especially if you are an introvert.
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If you like doing things alone, you don't consider yourself someone who thrives with a lot of people speaking into your life at the same time.
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I get it.
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This might be a hard concept to accept, but no human being, no matter how introverted you are, can slide along.
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And I hope you'll make an effort to find the people who can support you, but also find people you can support.
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You may not feel like you're in the best place, but there is something you can offer someone else.
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Everyone has something to offer.
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So as you think about who might help you in the season, ask the Lord to show you how you can help others too.
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Because we can go so much farther when we go together.
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All right.
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I would love to hear from you.
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If this helped you in any way or gave you a different perspective, if there's something you want to implement, maybe you want to find some people and talk to them about what you're going through.
00:11:41.820 --> 00:11:43.500
Um, or maybe you just want to talk to me.
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I'm open.
00:11:44.300 --> 00:11:46.379
Send me an email and tell me about it.
00:11:46.620 --> 00:11:49.820
Send me an email at thedrivenintrovert at shepat.com.
00:11:49.899 --> 00:11:53.899
I would love to hear your story, what you're working through, and how I can support you.
00:11:54.139 --> 00:11:57.980
Thank you so much for listening to this one, and I'll see you in the next one.
00:11:58.300 --> 00:11:58.860
Bye.
00:12:02.460 --> 00:12:03.899
Thank you so much for listening.
00:12:04.060 --> 00:12:08.300
If you enjoy this conversation, please take a moment to follow or subscribe to the podcast.
00:12:08.460 --> 00:12:11.019
I'd also love your feedback on this episode.
00:12:11.180 --> 00:12:14.220
You can scroll down on your app and click write a review.
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I'd love to read your takeaways from this conversation.
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As always, don't forget to take courage, trust God, and go pursue your big ideas.
00:12:22.779 --> 00:12:23.980
See you next time.
00:12:25.259 --> 00:12:28.940
The driven internet is produced by TPAT.com and Remy Roy.
00:12:29.180 --> 00:12:31.980
Want to ask a question or share a comment in a future episode?
00:12:32.139 --> 00:12:35.980
Click on the link in the show notes to record your question and voicemail.
