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What if some of your stress isn't coming from your responsibilities?
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It's coming from the extra things you have said yes to, the things that don't even matter in the long run.
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So what if peace starts with a simple choice?
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Choosing your absence.
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Let's talk about what that means.
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Let's get into it.
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You're listening to the Driven Introvert Podcast, the place to be for dreamers, doers, and entrepreneurs who are ready to burst the dreams, callings, and ideas the Lord has placed in their hearts.
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Do you sense that God is calling you to step out and do something new, but you're held back by fear and uncertainty?
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Do you struggle with believing that you can do great things because of your quiet, reserved, and introverted nature?
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Welcome here.
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I'm Remy Roy, your host and founder of cheappact.com.
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I'm an author, an entrepreneur, a creative, and a committed trier.
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I'm here to help you get on stock and make progress on your God idea.
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Let's go.
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Hi friend.
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So in this chapter of the book The Next Right Thing, Emily P.
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Freeman calls it Choose Your Absence.
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It's a very interesting title, and I immediately get it.
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I immediately understand what this means.
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And this is what matters to me.
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One of the things I aspire to, and I think I'm getting better at is being peaceful, like deeply peaceful.
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And peace for me means I'm peaceful inside and out, I'm peaceful with myself, I'm peaceful with others, I'm peaceful in the presence of God.
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But there are things that prevent this peace, and they're everywhere.
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When I'm riled up, when I'm anxious, and I have too many different things on my mind, too many things on my heart, in my space, on my calendar, and they are not aligned.
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That's when I begin to lose space.
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Now let me say this: it is possible for you to be busy and 100% aligned and peaceful.
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Like you have a lot going on, but those things that you have chosen to do are aligned with where you are, what you're doing, your vision, your passion, your future, and it makes sense.
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You can have a lot going on, but it all connects.
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It all makes sense, it's intentional for that season of your life.
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So you may be tired, but you're extremely grateful.
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But I lose peace when I'm doing so many things, and somehow they don't align.
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Or I've lost the enthusiasm for it, or it doesn't make sense for where I am.
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That's when life starts to feel less peaceful and a little chaotic.
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So the big idea here is choose your absence.
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What does that mean?
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In this chapter, Emily talks about what it means to deliberately choose your absence.
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Not from the people who love you, not from your responsibilities, but from the things that don't matter in the long run.
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The things that don't actually move the needle for you right now.
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And trust me, there's so many of those things.
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So the idea of opportunity is uh a very important one, very interesting one.
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Opportunity isn't always your assignment.
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Think about it.
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She talks about the concept of opportunity, how it usually shows up.
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You know, something lands on your calendar, something lands on your plate, someone knocks on the door, hey, would you like to do this?
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You're invited to teach, you're invited to volunteer, you should show up for this, you should come to be a part of that.
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And you think this is a great opportunity.
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Now, great opportunities are great, until they're not.
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Because if you're in a season where you're focused on leading your family well, being there for your kids, your spouse, and an opportunity shows up that completely takes you away from that, if it's not part of your original vision, there should be an easy answer and it should be a no.
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Because it's not part of your vision and it's not moving the you know for what you're focused on right now.
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Now, yes, maybe it's good, maybe it expands your network, maybe it makes more money, maybe it grows your business.
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But if your priority right now isn't building that, then it may not be for you.
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And I know that this is hard sometimes.
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As human beings, we get formal.
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Like, I don't want to miss out on that.
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But if it's not moving things forward, where does that lead you?
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And this part hits me because I am in the middle of this right now, today, completely, totally in the middle of it.
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My desire has always been to be a present mother.
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I want to be there for my son, my children, my family, my husband.
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I want to make our home peaceful, like a well-oiled machine.
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This is my desire.
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But I'm also in a season where I'm building a business, a platform, a company.
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And anyone who's ever built something will tell you it takes everything.
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You wake up thinking about it, you move through the day thinking about it, you walk on it, and before long, you can find yourself not doing the things you really want to do.
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Because this season is stretching you.
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Now, here's an important difference.
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If this is a part of your vision, if you believe God gave you this assignment, then you go back to the one who gave it.
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You seek his wisdom, you seek what you need to make it work.
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Because the fact that you're called to do something doesn't mean everything else in your life has to die.
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God forbid.
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God is faithful, he knows how to help you find harming.
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And that's one thing I had to do.
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A personal experience.
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I noticed a couple of weeks ago, my husband told me, or well, kind of I noticed, and I knew that something was going on with my son.
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And we talked about it, and we realized, okay, we are not spending as much time with him as we initially used to do.
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Things have gotten busy, our schedules are tight, we need to reorient, we need to get back on track and figure that out.
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And I knew immediately he said that that was true.
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Because before now, whenever I was very good at compartmentalizing, so to speak.
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When I'm not at work in front of my computer, I am totally not thinking about work.
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I'm on the floor, we're playing, we're doing puzzles, we're playing with magnets, we're playing outside, I'm taking him to the park, I'm going to the library, like all the things.
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But all of a sudden, life got busy.
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Now, the things that life got busy with, they are good things.
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Is business, is a strategy, is all the things that I'm kind of working on, and they are aligned like 100%.
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I don't feel like I'm not supposed to be doing these things.
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But I also know my family is top priority.
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So I needed to figure out a harmony, maybe not a balance, because oh my God, that is so hard to achieve, but some sort of harmony that lets me do the thing that I want to do, but also the do the thing I need to do.
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And that was a shift that helped me.
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So I went back to when I'm not on my computer, because I noticed that after a while, even when I'm supposed to be with him after school, I am like on my phone, even in the kitchen.
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I'm on my phone, you know, I'm texting, I'm sending voice notes, I'm in work mode, and he notices this, right?
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So I'm like, I need to do better.
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So that took me back.
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Put the phone down, leave it upstairs when you're in the kitchen, when you're in the living room, when you're playing, be there.
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And then when you're done with that, you can go back into work mode.
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It's hard, but it's uh definitely a harmony that I needed.
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So the question for outside opportunities, when things come to you that you were not expecting, right?
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So Emily says, if you're considering an outside opportunity that you need that you think you need to pursue, the first thing she wants you to do is pause.
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And I think that's a good idea.
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Emily says when an opportunity presents itself, you need to consider where it will actually lead.
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And she gives you a simple way to do that.
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She tells you to finish the sentence.
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I want to say yes to this because it will be a great opportunity to dash to what?
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Because a great opportunity isn't a complete sentence, at least not in this context.
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But a great opportunity to do what.
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So someone comes to you and says, Hey, come do this, come volunteer for this, come be a part of this.
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You want to use the sentence as a way to figure that out, right?
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And you finish it honestly.
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Maybe it's a great opportunity to see the world, to love my neighborhood, to learn a new skill, to meet people, to be with my kids, to walk with God, to serve my family, to have fun, to grow my business.
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All of those are valid reasons.
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Now you ask yourself, is this the season where I want to do that?
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Is it aligned with what God has already made clear for me in this season?
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If it is, then maybe it's your next right thing.
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And that's a good way to figure that out.
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But if it's not, then you're allowed to choose your absence and say no.
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Let's talk about FOMO and peace.
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There's something I've done over the years that has helped me reduce my fear of missing out.
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I deliberately limit the amount of information that comes to my eyes and my ears.
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I've said that before on this podcast.
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I'm not saying I'm not on social media, I am, because sometimes it's required for work and sometimes it's just to like, I don't know, find information, relax, whatever.
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But I'm very intentional about what I allow into my eyes and my ears.
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And that goes a long way in helping me manage the fear of missing out.
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And I've come to this conclusion.
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There is no one thing that can make my life, and there is no one thing that can break my life.
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There is no one thing that can make my business, and there is no one thing that can break my business.
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The only one with that power is God.
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So if I have an opportunity come and I want it, but then it slips from my fingers, it wasn't meant to be.
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I'm not bothered.
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If I ask someone to walk with me on something and they say no, I am not bothered and I don't take it personally.
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I'm grateful because it saves me the back and forth.
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The more you see life that way, the less afraid you are of missing out.
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Because what belongs to you, what you need to experience, what you need to walk through, you will as long as you trust God through the process.
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So let's talk about what this chapter is really about.
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It's about living attentively, paying attention to your life, paying attention to what matters, paying attention to what actually moves you forward, letting every other thing go.
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Emily says living attentive is one of her favorite ways to leave, and she's discovered that if she does it in the wrong order, going outward before moving inward, it can cause stress and distraction, which she never intended.
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So here's the practice.
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Pick an invitation you're considering right now.
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Something you've been called to do or asked to do or invited to do, finish the sentence.
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This would be a great opportunity to dash.
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Now let's be honest.
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Is this the season for you to say yes to that?
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Or is this the season to choose your absence?
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That's the question.
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So here's my challenge for you.
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Especially if you're an introvert and you want to live an intentional life.
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You know us introverts, we like our space.
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Think about it.
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The thing you're considering right now, maybe someone asked you to do it, maybe you want to do it.
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Evaluate it.
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Is it a great opportunity?
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Will it move you forward in what you already know is a priority, or will it take you off the path you're supposed to be on right now?
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Take time to meditate, create, journal, write it down so that later you can look back and see how your decisions have evolved.
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And the thing about space with introvision is it's very important.
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You don't want to crowd your calendar, everything, even if you're in a space where you are an introvert, but you're trying to get out more, you're trying to be more involved with people.
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Well, it's possible to overdo that too, and then be overwhelmed and anxious, and you don't want to do that.
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So take the time to think about this.
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Whatever it is that you're considering doing right now that is outside of your normal work, life, responsibilities, and things like that, evaluate that decision and choose if you want to go ahead or choose your absence.
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I would love to hear from you.
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If you want to share what is happening right now, what things you're considering doing, maybe some amazing opportunities that come your way and you're wondering, should I do this?
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Should I take this?
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Is this the right time?
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I would love to help you think about it or just chat.
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Send me an email at thedrivenintrovert at cheapat.com.
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I would love to hear from you.
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I really appreciate you listening to this podcast, and I would love to hear from you.
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Thank you so much for listening to this one, and I'll see you in the next one.
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Bye.
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Thank you so much for listening.
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If you enjoy this conversation, please take a moment to follow or subscribe to the podcast.
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I'd also love your feedback on this episode.
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You can scroll down on your app and click write a review.
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I'd love to read your takeaways from this conversation.
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As always, don't forget to take courage, trust God, and go pursue your big ideas.
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See you next time.
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The driven internet is produced by TPack.com, and when you write want to ask a question or share a comment in a future episode, click on the link in the show notes to record your questions and a voice.