5. Pay It Forward

WEBVTT
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Welcome back.
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This is the British Affliction and Audio Adventure through the United Kingdom from 4,000 miles away.
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I'm here in my basement.
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My name is Andy, and Mary's here too in her spare bedroom.
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Mary, how you doing?
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Hello.
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I'm doing fine.
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Great.
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Let me let me cut you off first thing.
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That's this is Radio Gold.
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Okay, but I will tell you, um, we're gonna plunge right into it.
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Our fifth audio short.
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I'm gonna tell you up front, this is based on not one but two real stories of mine.
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Um, but I do need to fess up about something.
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It's gonna wait until after.
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Oh, okay.
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Pay it forward.
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It sure used to be a church, but no one knocked it down.
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They kept using it.
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That's weird, but that's Oxford.
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There could have been a hundred different companies in here since its days of the cloth, but I walked in and it screamed, church.
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The greeter at the front arranged a special dispensation.
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She recognized a lost soul.
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She led me in silence.
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Upstairs, downstairs, around a corner, to a secret room.
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A woman with special powers waited behind a screen.
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Yeah, it was plexiglass, but it was private.
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I stepped into the sanctuary.
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The door closed behind me.
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The face behind the screen beckoned me closer.
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I set the stack of old paper on the counter.
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I slid her away.
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She slid back.
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A stack of plastic.
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Mostly tens and twenties.
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Street vendors don't like fifties, she said.
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I held a note up to the light.
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Queen on one side, Turner on the other, both clean as bed sheets.
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This'll last forever.
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I didn't really want to spend it, but now I could.
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Quick thinking.
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I pulled out a wad of bills from home.
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Hey, can you do anything with these?
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She cringed, then turned away.
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I looked down at the amount of bills.
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Crumpled, tattered, dirty.
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Got any holy water?
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Okay, so let me see if I'm following.
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We you went into an old church, but it was a bank, and then you tried to exchange some American dollar bills, but they they wouldn't let you exchange them.
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I don't know what happened to them.
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The drama ate you up, apparently.
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I was like, oh, what is it?
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Is Andy going to a spa at first?
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Maybe he's going to a spa.
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Maybe he's going to a tarot card reader.
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No.
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No, that it wasn't.
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Did you exchange travelers' checks?
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What happened there?
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Okay.
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I'll tell you two stories.
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Okay.
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Part one, part two.
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Part one, 2024.
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I land, uh, it's seven in the morning.
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It's the overnight flight.
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I got two hours of sleep.
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I check my bag at the hotel.
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Uh, you have that day where it's like stay awake, stay awake, stay awake.
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Yes.
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I went to uh Hatchard's, which is the official bookseller of the royal household.
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It's got this beautiful store on Piccadilly.
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And I tried to buy a book.
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Okay.
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I can tell you right now, I remember it in my hands.
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It was John Sopel's book about his time being commentator in America and what was happening over in the UK.
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It was autographed, and I handed her a couple of bills, and she looked at them in my hand, and she said, Sorry, you can't buy these with that.
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And at first I thought, you mean I I can't buy like this book requires different currency.
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It's like that that's that's I have the money.
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What's I'll roll with it?
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But it's because I totally missed the boat where they exchanged all their paper money for plastic money.
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What?
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Same bills.
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They look the same, made out of a polymer, and they're gonna last forever.
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Okay.
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I have never heard of this.
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What what I is this ubiquitous?
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Is this just for rare books?
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What?
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No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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Everywhere, right?
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Like we would never hear this because all of our money is like dirty and old and it's like war torn.
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Tattered and smelling paper.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, yeah.
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So she sent me a couple stops down the street to a um a currency exchange, and he was open and he was, you know, happy to chit-chat.
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And when I showed him, I showed him my plastic money and like the like the look came off his face, and he's like, Well, I guess I could do you a favor here.
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He ended up charging like 12%.
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Okay.
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And I had, I don't know, it was like 300 bucks worth, whatever that in pounds at the time was.
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I can't do the math in my head right now, but it was like, it cost me something like 40 to 50 dollars.
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No, 30 to 40 dollars, a significant amount to turn money into money so I could spend it.
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This is this is economically boggling, okay?
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But that was part one.
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Part two, I came back the next year, so this is 2025, last fall, and I brought all the rest of the paper pounds we had here.
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Yeah.
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And you know, it's like I uh look like a drug dealer.
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Um you had your sack full of cash.
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Oh my god.
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And then like it was, it was it was an amount significant enough enough for me to want to like brace it against my body and hide it under my shirt, but it wasn't like it wasn't like through the moon.
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Anyway, I brought it back and I started that trip in Oxford.
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And uh I was walking down the street and like nervous as can be because I've got all this money on me.
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And like again, this is America, we don't carry cash.
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No, no one has anything.
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The police are gonna stop me because I have monies, right?
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And then there's this building, and I'm like, that's a church.
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Like, but it's but it's got a sign for HSBC on the side.
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Other banks are available, but I'm like, is that it?
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Is that a church?
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Is that not a church?
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And I walk in there, and on the inside, it's completely kitted out to be a bank, but it it's it's set to fit all like the the weird like rises and falls and the booms.
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It's like it got retrofit, right?
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Yes.
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More on that in a second, okay?
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I can I've got a note here.
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Anybody wants to find out this is 65 Corn Market Street in Oxford, okay?
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But I walk in and I said, Hey, you're a bank, and I was advised to go to a bank, uh, and I can change this in and make it real money, right?
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And the woman honestly says, So I'm sorry, that's something that we reserve for account holders.
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Okay.
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And I literally gestured to myself and I said, Tourist, and she like waited a second and something clicked, and she was like, Oh, I'm gonna do this guy a solid.
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And that's when she literally like led me into the recesses of the church that's now a bank, and we literally went up and down and around and through.
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And there's this like tiny little alcove behind this huge security door, and it was like this private teller to the stars.
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Okay.
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I mean, it sounded like something very special as you described it in that.
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She would think it was like a sacristy.
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Yes.
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And yes, I went in there and she uh uh took all my money and she gave it to me uh back as plastic bills, and she was the one who said, Oh, you know, let me just give you tens and twenties because nobody anywhere takes a 50.
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And it's like at this point, I'm so confused by the currency situation in this country.
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I will take whatever you give me.
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Whatever monies are available.
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I mean, number one, you're not charging me 12%.
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Number two, I feel like I'm doing something sacred here in this tiny.
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You were like in the confessional.
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Oh my gosh.
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And so it was like, that's crazy.
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It is interesting now that I talk about it.
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I do remember when she was talking about you need to have an account to do that.
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She actually said, uh, go down to the post office.
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What?
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And if they're open, they might exchange it for you.
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And it's like, you know, we grew up believing, like, oh, this is all legal tender, like you have to honor money one way or another.
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And it's like, why is this so optional?
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Right.
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But again, like my dad was a banker for 30 30 plus years.
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Stuff like this is fascinating.
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This is really bizarre.
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How is this interpretation of what this is, what rights the bill holder has is so wildly different, right?
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There is a thing I need to fess up on.
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The building.
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It's not a church, it has also never been a church.
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What?
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They just happened to build a building that looks like a church.
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Okay, I looked this up.
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I was like, I wonder what the real story is.
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How long was this building up?
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Um, the building went up in 1896, and now before that, there was a house at this address that was adjoining a church.
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Okay, it was St.
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Martin's down there.
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But this new building built to look vaguely church-like, at first it was a draper, you know, somebody who does draperies, where it was the store on the bottom, and on the top was um uh quarters for the draper, the master draper, and their and their 10 staff who live there on site.
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Yeah, but from 1914 on, this was a bank.
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And what's worse, it didn't even change hands.
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It was a bank that became a bank that became HSBC.
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And so, like number one, totally cool that Oxford has a webpage dedicated to the history of this individual address.
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But number two, it was always a bank.
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So we're intending.
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Why are we pretending here bank?
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I like we're the country, like we we we use dirty money, right?
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Have you ever have you ever thrown away like a grimy penny?
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Oh, yes.
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Oh, right?
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Even nickels, I think dime is where I draw the line.
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It's like, well, you know, dime is a tenth of a dollar, right?
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But like when our kids are like, oh, here's lucky penny, and it's like, hmm, is it lucky or is it hepatitis?
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You can save that.
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You do you, you can save that if you if you really desire, yeah.
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So okay, if I go to the UK today, I don't get I do not exchange any dollars for pounds here.
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I wait to get plastic money.
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Wait, what do I do?
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I think the answer is yes, you wait.
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And what's funny is that I also can't find a place in town to do currency exchange anyway, anyway.
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Like my my bank canceled that service.
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Oh I think the place, and again, we're here in Madison, Wisconsin, so partner localisms.
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There's a place down by oh, the the building that has um US Bank and Gooseberries by the Capitol.
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And in one of the corridors, there's a guy who did currency exchange, probably handy because he's near the bank.
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I don't I don't think that's there anymore.
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It's like I don't I don't know Shive Chicago where I would go to make any good with this paper money, so I took it with me.
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So now we have a stack of plastic money, which is gonna last forever.
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Like, you know, after the nuclear apocalypse, there are like cockroaches, fibroctic cables, and British pounds.
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I mean, it's just like and it's gorgeous.
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And like I took one and I like mashed it in my hand and I tried to tear it a little bit, and like nothing, nothing.
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It's like it's almost like when the robot overlords are running this, this, this, you know, pale blue dot in the middle of space, they're gonna be able to use this currency.
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Congratulations.
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Well, I mean, you don't need the coins anymore for the bathroom, so you know, you just tap, so you don't really need the coins.
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Okay, I have the plastic money, and then can I change exchange it for dollars or no?
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I assume so somewhere.
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Huh.
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But also, to be honest with you, like, and this is going way too far afield.
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Again, remember, I've I have an economics degree.
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Um it's like every they alternate years, somebody trying to crash one economy or the other.
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I'm like, it's great having some some currency that isn't dollars in the house, just who knows?
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That's a that's a dark corridor.
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Instead of going down there, I have a game.
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Oh, yay, okay.
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Okay, so we have many, many bills here.
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We have the one, we have the two.
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Yes, it still circulates.
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My dad, the banker, has billions of them.
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Uh, we have the five, ten, twenty, fifty, a hundred, and so on.
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Um, the main four bills there, which might be the only four bills there, five, ten, twenty, fifty.
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Yes.
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Okay.
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So we're gonna focus on those four.
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I'll say them again.
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2050.
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Five, the ten, the twenty, and the fifty.
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I've taken the face on their bill and the face on our bill and made it a dynamic duo.
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Oh no, Andy, I'd be like, you're exposing my lack of knowledge.
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No, no, no, no, no, no.
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Because half of this, half of this is American, right?
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So it's like, I'm saying.
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That's yep.
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Okay.
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And you tell me if they were on the five, the ten, the twenty, or the fifty.
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Okay?
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Okay.
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The first dynamic duo is Jane Austen and Alexander Hamilton.
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Oh, okay.
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Well, I'm at I'm this is the five, the twenty, the fifth, the, or the fifty.
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Five, ten, twenty, or fifty.
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Fifty.
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They are on the ten.
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Damn it.
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Okay, one down.
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People are gonna love listening to my, you know, idiocy on this.
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No, they're gonna really enjoy it.
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You know what's funny?
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I'm whipping all these up and I'm like, I don't want to make a game that makes makes Mary seem like she doesn't know America.
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It's okay.
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I mean, I, you know, I guessed some of the British celebrities correctly all the time.
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Yeah, you did.
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And you know what?
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You got all the phrases right.
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So uh bags of talents, all of us.
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Many splendid gifts.
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Okay, our next dynamic duo is Winston Churchill and Abraham Lincoln.
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Okay, that should be the five.
00:13:03.200 --> 00:13:04.159
That is the five!
00:13:04.320 --> 00:13:07.440
Yes! So Winston Churchill's on the five?
00:13:07.519 --> 00:13:10.000
Oh Winston Churchill's on the five-pound note.
00:13:10.240 --> 00:13:10.559
Okay.
00:13:10.879 --> 00:13:13.200
So we've done the five and we've done the 20.
00:13:13.519 --> 00:13:15.120
Now we've done the five and we've done the ten.
00:13:15.440 --> 00:13:16.480
Five and the ten, okay.
00:13:16.639 --> 00:13:22.000
Okay, our next dynamic duo is Alan Turing and Ulysses S.
00:13:22.240 --> 00:13:22.879
Grant.
00:13:23.840 --> 00:13:24.320
Ooh.
00:13:25.679 --> 00:13:29.440
I mean, I guess I'll say the 50.
00:13:29.759 --> 00:13:30.799
It is the 50.
00:13:30.960 --> 00:13:33.600
Yes! Alan Turing is on the 50?
00:13:33.759 --> 00:13:36.000
They have great folks on their bills.
00:13:36.240 --> 00:13:36.559
They do.
00:13:36.639 --> 00:13:39.840
And then the last one on the 20, um, for us, it's Andrew Jackson.
00:13:39.919 --> 00:13:42.879
For them, it's the artist JMW Turner.
00:13:43.039 --> 00:13:43.279
Oh.
00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:44.639
Famous romantic painter.
00:13:44.879 --> 00:13:47.679
I mean, I knew Andrew Jackson, okay, and I knew Abraham Lincoln.
00:13:47.759 --> 00:13:48.799
Those are the ones that I knew.
00:13:49.120 --> 00:13:49.279
Yeah.
00:13:49.360 --> 00:13:49.519
Yeah.
00:13:49.919 --> 00:13:51.679
So you got you got two of the three correct.
00:13:51.840 --> 00:13:53.600
And then the fourth one was uh naturally the last one.
00:13:53.840 --> 00:13:57.840
Okay, and did they change who is on the bills to the plastic money?
00:13:57.919 --> 00:13:59.120
Like the paper and the plastic.
00:13:59.200 --> 00:14:00.320
Are they the same or no?
00:14:00.399 --> 00:14:01.759
It seems like they're different.
00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:11.360
I think there were some changes, but I'm gonna leave this for our crack research team here in the production studios, meaning I will Google that and tell you later.
00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:13.919
I'm just I have I'm full of curiosities here.
00:14:14.080 --> 00:14:14.399
Okay.
00:14:14.960 --> 00:14:15.440
That's good.
00:14:15.519 --> 00:14:15.759
That's good.
00:14:16.159 --> 00:14:16.799
That's why we're here.
00:14:16.879 --> 00:14:18.159
That is why we're here.
00:14:18.639 --> 00:14:21.840
But that has been us, and this was the British Affliction.
00:14:21.919 --> 00:14:22.799
Uh, subscribe.
00:14:23.039 --> 00:14:24.639
You can find me on Blue Sky.
00:14:24.720 --> 00:14:27.679
Uh, you can tell me this is the dumbest case of a false memory.
00:14:27.759 --> 00:14:31.919
So, of course, it would be a dunderheaded American who tells the story about a church that's a bank.
00:14:32.159 --> 00:14:38.559
Next time, we're gonna talk about basketball and uh an attempt to relate it all to the United Kingdom.
00:14:38.720 --> 00:14:40.240
Uh, come find out how