WEBVTT
00:00:02.358 --> 00:00:11.118
Welcome to The Brave and Balanced Fundraiser, the podcast I wish I'd had during my 15 years as a professional fundraiser.
00:00:11.788 --> 00:00:14.007
I'm your host, Erin McQuade Wright.
00:00:14.747 --> 00:00:22.467
This is your space to breathe, realign, and reconnect with the part of you that chose this work for a reason.
00:00:23.358 --> 00:00:33.067
Together, we'll explore tools and practices that help you show up less stressed and spread thin and more grounded, brave, and on purpose.
00:00:33.728 --> 00:00:35.018
I'm so glad you're here.
00:00:35.518 --> 00:00:36.368
Let's get started.
00:00:41.719 --> 00:00:43.799
Welcome to Bypassing Bites.
00:00:45.070 --> 00:00:50.920
Today we're talking about avoidance works, and that's the problem.
00:00:52.079 --> 00:00:52.829
Sometimes...
00:00:53.420 --> 00:00:56.219
Look, avoidance is incredibly effective.
00:00:57.219 --> 00:01:00.679
We touch a hot stove, and we learn not to do that anymore.
00:01:00.850 --> 00:01:05.950
We spend the rest of our lives avoiding a hot stove, and that's a good thing.
00:01:06.010 --> 00:01:11.969
It's effective because we don't get burned on a hot stove usually more than once or twice.
00:01:13.700 --> 00:01:15.769
But how does this trickle down into life?
00:01:15.890 --> 00:01:19.810
How does this trickle down into fundraising, into nonprofit leadership?
00:01:20.489 --> 00:01:26.400
Well, we don't send the email that we're feeling a little angsty about, and we feel relief.
00:01:27.129 --> 00:01:33.579
We don't make the ask, instead choosing to sit at our desk and get caught up in an administrative task.
00:01:34.129 --> 00:01:36.090
We don't make the ask, and we feel relief.
00:01:36.769 --> 00:01:42.200
We don't have the difficult conversation with a team member, and we feel temporary relief.
00:01:43.590 --> 00:01:53.780
When we say,"It's fine," it can sometimes feel like a relief because we're not having a conflict with another person, and that's precisely why we keep doing it.
00:01:53.790 --> 00:02:04.769
We're dosing ourselves with small amounts of relief, and this can get tied into a real sev- self-preservation pattern.
00:02:05.209 --> 00:02:12.889
Our system learns,"When I get away from this uncomfortable thing, I feel better." So avoiding it makes perfect sense in the short term.
00:02:14.699 --> 00:02:16.469
But there is a cost to that.
00:02:17.199 --> 00:02:27.460
The bill that arrives later is that we've been kicking the can down the road, and there can be some really harmful consequences.
00:02:28.159 --> 00:02:30.379
That donor still needs to be called.
00:02:32.069 --> 00:02:35.580
The resentment toward our colleague grows.
00:02:35.659 --> 00:02:37.599
The employee problem gets bigger.
00:02:38.069 --> 00:02:43.099
The boundary still hasn't been communicated, and people are running over it.
00:02:43.629 --> 00:02:48.039
And you're resentful at them even though you haven't communicated the boundary.
00:02:48.889 --> 00:02:53.909
And now you've taught yourself that the uncomfortable thing really was something you couldn't handle.
00:02:54.449 --> 00:02:57.430
All the more reason to run away, to avoid it.
00:02:59.210 --> 00:03:05.050
And this is a form of scarcity that a lot of people who are in the fundraising field know something about.
00:03:05.629 --> 00:03:11.550
We, we push the scarcity button when we wanna get someone to act.
00:03:12.020 --> 00:03:27.750
It's not as compelling for a donor to hear,"We need money again for the same thing we needed money for last year." It's much more compelling for them to hear,"There is a dire need, and it's happening right now, and your gift can help get us there.
00:03:28.500 --> 00:03:45.117
We need you to act." We've taught our donors to look for urgency- And so we push the scarcity button, and this can feel a little bit like scarcity, you know, this avoidance.
00:03:45.807 --> 00:03:56.157
Anxiety can narrow our field of vision and make ending or avoiding an uncomfortable interaction feel like a relief.
00:03:56.978 --> 00:03:59.987
An avoidance doesn't necessarily mean you're weak or lazy.
00:03:59.997 --> 00:04:14.008
Sometimes when you're protecting yourself from discomfort, you're inadvertently protecting yourself from the result you want because you've been avoiding the very action that can get you there.
00:04:14.768 --> 00:04:15.948
Because it's uncomfortable.
00:04:16.668 --> 00:04:25.267
So your closing bite for this episode is, where am I choosing short-term relief at the expense of long-term freedom?
00:04:26.247 --> 00:04:33.877
Where am I choosing that short-term relief button at the expense of the long-term freedom that I actually want?
00:04:35.077 --> 00:04:35.937
We'll see you tomorrow
00:00:02.358 --> 00:00:11.118
Welcome to The Brave and Balanced Fundraiser, the podcast I wish I'd had during my 15 years as a professional fundraiser.
00:00:11.788 --> 00:00:14.007
I'm your host, Erin McQuade Wright.
00:00:14.747 --> 00:00:22.467
This is your space to breathe, realign, and reconnect with the part of you that chose this work for a reason.
00:00:23.358 --> 00:00:33.067
Together, we'll explore tools and practices that help you show up less stressed and spread thin and more grounded, brave, and on purpose.
00:00:33.728 --> 00:00:35.018
I'm so glad you're here.
00:00:35.518 --> 00:00:36.368
Let's get started.
00:00:41.719 --> 00:00:43.799
Welcome to Bypassing Bites.
00:00:45.070 --> 00:00:50.920
Today we're talking about avoidance works, and that's the problem.
00:00:52.079 --> 00:00:52.829
Sometimes...
00:00:53.420 --> 00:00:56.219
Look, avoidance is incredibly effective.
00:00:57.219 --> 00:01:00.679
We touch a hot stove, and we learn not to do that anymore.
00:01:00.850 --> 00:01:05.950
We spend the rest of our lives avoiding a hot stove, and that's a good thing.
00:01:06.010 --> 00:01:11.969
It's effective because we don't get burned on a hot stove usually more than once or twice.
00:01:13.700 --> 00:01:15.769
But how does this trickle down into life?
00:01:15.890 --> 00:01:19.810
How does this trickle down into fundraising, into nonprofit leadership?
00:01:20.489 --> 00:01:26.400
Well, we don't send the email that we're feeling a little angsty about, and we feel relief.
00:01:27.129 --> 00:01:33.579
We don't make the ask, instead choosing to sit at our desk and get caught up in an administrative task.
00:01:34.129 --> 00:01:36.090
We don't make the ask, and we feel relief.
00:01:36.769 --> 00:01:42.200
We don't have the difficult conversation with a team member, and we feel temporary relief.
00:01:43.590 --> 00:01:53.780
When we say,"It's fine," it can sometimes feel like a relief because we're not having a conflict with another person, and that's precisely why we keep doing it.
00:01:53.790 --> 00:02:04.769
We're dosing ourselves with small amounts of relief, and this can get tied into a real sev- self-preservation pattern.
00:02:05.209 --> 00:02:12.889
Our system learns,"When I get away from this uncomfortable thing, I feel better." So avoiding it makes perfect sense in the short term.
00:02:14.699 --> 00:02:16.469
But there is a cost to that.
00:02:17.199 --> 00:02:27.460
The bill that arrives later is that we've been kicking the can down the road, and there can be some really harmful consequences.
00:02:28.159 --> 00:02:30.379
That donor still needs to be called.
00:02:32.069 --> 00:02:35.580
The resentment toward our colleague grows.
00:02:35.659 --> 00:02:37.599
The employee problem gets bigger.
00:02:38.069 --> 00:02:43.099
The boundary still hasn't been communicated, and people are running over it.
00:02:43.629 --> 00:02:48.039
And you're resentful at them even though you haven't communicated the boundary.
00:02:48.889 --> 00:02:53.909
And now you've taught yourself that the uncomfortable thing really was something you couldn't handle.
00:02:54.449 --> 00:02:57.430
All the more reason to run away, to avoid it.
00:02:59.210 --> 00:03:05.050
And this is a form of scarcity that a lot of people who are in the fundraising field know something about.
00:03:05.629 --> 00:03:11.550
We, we push the scarcity button when we wanna get someone to act.
00:03:12.020 --> 00:03:27.750
It's not as compelling for a donor to hear,"We need money again for the same thing we needed money for last year." It's much more compelling for them to hear,"There is a dire need, and it's happening right now, and your gift can help get us there.
00:03:28.500 --> 00:03:45.117
We need you to act." We've taught our donors to look for urgency- And so we push the scarcity button, and this can feel a little bit like scarcity, you know, this avoidance.
00:03:45.807 --> 00:03:56.157
Anxiety can narrow our field of vision and make ending or avoiding an uncomfortable interaction feel like a relief.
00:03:56.978 --> 00:03:59.987
An avoidance doesn't necessarily mean you're weak or lazy.
00:03:59.997 --> 00:04:14.008
Sometimes when you're protecting yourself from discomfort, you're inadvertently protecting yourself from the result you want because you've been avoiding the very action that can get you there.
00:04:14.768 --> 00:04:15.948
Because it's uncomfortable.
00:04:16.668 --> 00:04:25.267
So your closing bite for this episode is, where am I choosing short-term relief at the expense of long-term freedom?
00:04:26.247 --> 00:04:33.877
Where am I choosing that short-term relief button at the expense of the long-term freedom that I actually want?
00:04:35.077 --> 00:04:35.937
We'll see you tomorrow
