Balancing Busy: Time Management Secrets for Working Moms

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Hi smart moms and dads.
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I'm Dr Amy and this is the Brandy Moms podcast.
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I am super excited to welcome back my guest, leah Rimelay.
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Leah is the host of the Balancing Busy podcast.
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She's an international speaker and a balance strategist.
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She helps women do less but better.
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Simply put, if you're a woman with a mission but worried that your growing dreams means failing at home, then Leah can show you how to spread the message, make an incredible income and do it all in less time.
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And, by the way, she looks amazing in yellow.
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Welcome back For the third time, leah.
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Thank you.
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I love every time I'm with you.
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I always have so much fun, so thank you for having me.
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Absolutely.
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You have so much energy and it's contagious and I love it too.
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So, yeah, I was looking at your website recently and I thought who looks good in yellow?
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Very few people look good in yellow.
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Typically, you have to have dark skin and dark hair.
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You know, for yellow to really pop.
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I look like I'm, you know, four days into the flu if I try to wear yellow.
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In fact, I don't own anything yellow, but you look amazing in yellow and I just wanted to give you props for that in your intro.
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That is so sweet of you because, okay, full confession, I don't think I look good in yellow either.
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But when I was thinking about my brand, I wanted to convey that I'm like, okay, I'm professional, but like with spunk, like there's like this spunky, like very energetic side of me, and so I chose chartreuse to be one of my colors, which is like I mean, it's like neon yellow, lime-ish, right, yeah, and no, I don't think it actually looks good on me either.
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I wear extra blush and extra lipstick when I wear it to try to offset, but like the color does make me very happy, I'm very drawn to it, and so there you go.
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Yeah, and I think that, as women, when we feel comfortable in our own skin which includes our wardrobe at times it brings out our energy and our you know sassiness and our pep.
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And so I, when I turned 50, I got rid of all of my heels and replaced them with Converse.
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So I own 41 pairs of Converse.
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Oh, my gosh, that's amazing.
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All different colors, all different styles, and I speak in my Converse.
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I mean, I'm on stage in my Converse because what I would do is I would wear flats or flip flops and then throw my heels on right before I would go on stage and then take my heels off right when I left the stage and I felt like why am I?
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No woman should have to suffer her beauty.
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Really, come on.
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And I feel like my hot pink converse represent who I am, much better than the Black Heels ever did.
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Yes, you know, I will make a confession.
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I have times where I have, you know, had the really big stilettos walking on the stage and I literally kicked him off while on stage and was like we're just going to get more comfortable.
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So that's that personality at its best.
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I am seeing.
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I am seeing that the wisdom to your plan.
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Yeah, I'm so glad.
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I did it.
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Yeah, that's amazing.
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Yeah, Okay.
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Well, the last two times you were here, we spent our entire episodes just talking about the plight of the working mom and how.
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It's just that constant wrestling with okay, if I don't give 110% to my career, then I'm a failure at work, and if I don't give 110% to my kids at home, then I'm a failure as a mom.
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And so where do we find?
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I hate the word balance.
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It's so hard to achieve and I think it sets up an expectation that we should be able to achieve it.
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But there has to be some sort of I don't know define what balance is, because balance is certainly not equal parts to everything.
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That would be ridiculous.
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I mean, you're not going to spend eight hours on working out and eight hours on quality time with your spouse and eight hours with your kids and eight hours at work.
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I mean that's impossible.
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So to me, it's about being present in each of those areas, each of your primary areas.
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That are the things that matter to you, that you know.
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We each have these areas where we're like I need to show up as my best self here.
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I will have regrets if I don't.
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And so I look at those different areas and I say, OK, well then, what would that look like?
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How can I show up as my best self?
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And I say, okay, well then, what would that look like?
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How can I show up as my best self?
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And I want to just be clear my best self is different from day to day.
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Okay, so my best self on Friday might be gung-ho and killing it, and my best self on Monday could be barely getting along, but she's still there, right.
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So, even that, we have to give ourselves grace, and so, to me, balance is a balance of giving grace, of pushing when we need to push but also pulling back when we need to pull back.
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It's being able to look at the different areas of our life and say when we should push forward but also when we should pause.
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It's being able to say I want to show up as my best self, but am I being fair in what best self is?
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Does it really have to be homemade sourdough bread and homemade cupcakes at the bake sale, right?
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Could it be a different version?
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So, to me, balance is getting very true to what actually matters to each of us individually, not what we're being told matters, not what our feeds are representing or what's trendy is representing.
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It's what actually matters to us, and then being unapologetic about that and then setting those boundaries so that we really can show up and feel good in the areas of our life that truly matter to us show up and feel good in the areas of our life that truly matter to us.
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Yeah, I love that.
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I.
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You know I talk a lot about.
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When we make parenting decisions, they need to be aligned with what we value for families or what we value for our family.
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And when we make a parenting decision that is misaligned with those values, then we suffer cognitive dissonance.
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Right?
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We think there isn't something right about what's happening right now that does not fit with what I think family life should look like or what I want for my children.
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But we have to clearly define those values before we can move towards them in our decisions, so we can apply that same idea, you know, to momming and womaning.
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And sure, just one of those words.
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So every single one of us was like yes.
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And that, if we, what is it that we actually value about having a career?
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What is it that we actually value about being a working mom?
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Because I think then that puts things in perspective and it's our roadmap.
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Yes, even taking that to parenting.
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What is it about family time that I value versus maybe?
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What constructs am I putting on different activities?
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Because I think they should look a certain way For me, dinner at different seasons, depending, I mean that's.
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The other thing is everything is going to always be evolving and shifting and moving and we have to be completely OK with that, or we're going to get out of bounds.
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The same way, if I'm riding a bike and I refuse to turn, I'm going to eventually run into something.
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It's going to be painful, right.
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We're always shifting our weight, going faster and then slowing down, hitting the brakes and then speeding up.
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Sometimes you get to have that beautiful moment on a bike where you don't have to pedal and you just get to coast, right.
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It's this fluid, constantly shifting thing, and that's actually what balance is.
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And so just thinking about for me, family dinner is very important as part of my values around family time that we have dinner as a family.
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I checked in with myself once long, long ago and was like OK, the priority is family dinner, but am I adding parts to this that don't need to be there?
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And I was.
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I was overcomplicating it so much because I needed to make the whole dinner from scratch and it needed to come with like a pan sauce and some like garnish and just be stunning and beautiful and everything set and I realized this is ridiculous.
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It does not need to look like this.
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I don't know where that even came from, but somewhere I had taken on this idea that it had to look a certain way.
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Or bringing treats to my kids classes when they were little, I felt like I was supposed to make things.
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I also happened to be terrible at baking, so that was like a serious problem.
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Ok, I'm not good at baking, I don't have the time.
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Because I don't have the time, but also because I'm probably going to have to try two or three times because I'm not good at it to begin with.
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But I also had this really big struggle with oh, but I don't want to buy store-bought Like.
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It just makes me feel bad, like I'm not doing enough.
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And I found my own compromise.
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And this would not be everybody's situation, but for me.
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I just decided I am going to like the most expensive bakery in our area and I am buying the most gorgeous desserts that are already made and then I bring those and I feel great and I didn't have to make that and the trade-off worked perfectly for me.
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So there's, whether we're talking about our career or we're just talking about mommy, we have to check in and say what stories am I telling myself and do I actually agree with them?
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And sometimes, all of a sudden, you catch yourself realizing no, I totally don't.
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This is not necessary.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And I think that what, what are we modeling for our own kids when we set a standard that's unrealistic to right, when we are killing ourselves to live up to this unrealistic expectation that we've created?
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Right Like this, is not somebody putting this on us, right?
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I mean, it could be a message from our own childhood, right Like, did our own mom's mom like that?
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Yeah, but what are we modeling for our own kids?
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And so, you know, we inadvertently say this is our expectation for what family life should look like, when we're trying to live up to perfectionistic you know ideals, and then our kids grow up and think that they have to be that way because that's what we modeled, even though it was killing us to do it that's what we modeled, even though it was killing us to do it.
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Yes, so I had my 19 year old daughter on my podcast a couple of months ago and I wanted her to talk very openly, like before we sat down, she was home from college for the summer and I was like I want you to truly share what you think I did wrong and we can talk about what I did right too but I want you to just share, like you have had a working mom your whole life and I tried to hide it for a long part of their life, like I didn't want them to feel it, and I was like I want you to say like where, where should you see the gaps?
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And and all these things.
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And it was so amazing getting to have this recorded and have this moment with her.
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But one of the things that shocked me the most, that I did not expect, is she said you showed me that we can't do everything.
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And I'm gonna be honest, I was thinking I was trying to show you what I was doing.
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I didn't think that she was saying, look, I was doing everything.
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I was so grateful because I look at my girls, who are both now young adults.
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Right.
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They're both in college.
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Their next step is going to be starting their own life, finding their person marriage, family, these things and I do not want my girls to think that they have to do everything.
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I really do believe that I think we can be everything, and when I say everything, I don't mean everything.
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I really do believe that I think we can be everything, and when I say everything, I don't mean everything.
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I mean the things that matter to us.
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But we can't do it all.
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You just can't.
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So you have to figure out what you're going to let people help you with, what you're going to let go of where there might be expectations you wish you could uphold, but you're just going to be like you know what the house is messy or the thing is store-bought or everybody has to help with the chores.
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I don't know why I had the idea for so long that, as a really good mom, I should be doing all the things for everyone.
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Like it wasn't as good of a mom if they came home from school and sports and I was like and you got to do your laundry and I'm going to need you to help with whatever else.
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And I'm so glad that I untangled that because and it was hard, I mean, when I first started saying each of you cook one night a week, you all do your own laundry, and really giving them more responsibilities, I felt like a bad mom I did.
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I felt like if I, if I didn't work, I would be able to be more available and I would be able to do these things for them.
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But I, I needed them.
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And yet, when her and I were having our conversation, one of the things that she said she was most grateful for was the confidence she has in all of these tasks that she knows how to do so well, because, in her mind, because you were teaching me how to be resilient, and in my mind in the early, because I was drowning and I couldn't do it all.
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And so, yeah, there's something just so beautiful about us Again coming back to what you were sharing, figuring out what truly matters and then working on a plan that actually works for us and our values and our goals and our family.
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Yeah, absolutely so.
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I think I share this a lot, but I struggle with multiple chronic illnesses and so I have a limited amount of energy.
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That needs it's this much energy and it needs to go this far every day and unfortunately I'm a classic overachiever.
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So that is not a great combination, right?
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Not a great combination when you know you do struggle with your health but you still want to accomplish all of this.
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You know I'm a three on the Enneagram.
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I was talking about how I have limited energy, and so my husband had to do a lot of the cooking and a lot of the housework, and my boys I have three boys my boys saw him having all of those responsibilities the whole time they were growing up.
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Because I just I had a limited capacity because I'm a classic overachiever, because I'm a classic overachiever, I have always worked and worked a lot, so all of my energy was going in that direction, and then there was nothing left physically for me to cook at the end of the day most days.
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I could cook all weekends and there was no energy for me to clean the house.
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So we either had housekeepers or my husband would take care of that, and so I felt really guilty when my kids were younger that I didn't have the energy to do a lot of that, that I felt really guilty because my husband was having to pick up all of my slack.
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But what I see now in my three young adult men children right, they're 20, 24, and 26, is that all three of them do the majority of cooking in their relationships, that they are great caregivers in their relationships, that they believe that distribution of labor is not based on sex or gender right, it's based on who has the capacity, and I just love that.
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My husband modeled that right, that they saw that and it was beautiful.
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As you're saying, that I don't think there is a single mom listening who isn't like.
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I want my boys to know that.
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I want my girls to know that they don't need to go in to the next chapter of their life believing that that discrepancy is just the way it has to be and it should be radical generosity on both sides.
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And who has the capacity?
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And so I mean that's so beautiful.
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And again it's that same thing.
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Both of us are sharing moments where we honestly felt guilty, we felt bad, we felt like maybe we weren't giving enough and setting the right example.
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And yet only in retrospect, only in that we both have our kids that are now in their twenties, we can look back and say I am so grateful that that was modeled, I am so grateful for the lessons that learned that you maybe would have stopped from happening if you had the energy and felt better.
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I would have stopped from happening if I didn't run a company and had to let others help because I just couldn't do it all.
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Yeah, Great lessons, right I mean yes, and I like that.
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We can share that and others can hear right, maybe if they're a little earlier in the process than us, maybe if their kids are a little bit younger, whether it's teenagers, we can still make up time as teenagers or they're much younger that.
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Letting people help us because that's its own thing that we as women are often not great about right.
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Letting others help us, whether it's our husband, whether it's family and friends, if our kids, it's a combination of everybody.
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That actually is a huge part of how we're going to feel more balanced.
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You can't feel balanced if you can't ever get off the treadmill.
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You have to be allowed to get off the treadmill from time to time or there's no way to ever.
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I mean, I don't know about you, I hate treadmills because you know how you you like.
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If I'm at a hotel or something, I might choose the treadmill and you get on the treadmill and then when you get off, you feel so weird.
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You're like trying to walk, like what is happening.
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Why does the floor feel like this?
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That can be our lives and we don't want to live the same day over and over again and call it a life if it's essentially the treadmill that we just can't get off of.
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There's I mean going back to if running is your, your form.
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There's a lot of different ways to run.
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It can be the treadmill, but there's something beautiful about getting outside and running getting to run on a beach, getting to run, you know, through through a park.
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And if we keep believing these stories that we have to do everything, we need to figure out how it's all going to work we are the ones who come up with the answers, execute the answers, all the things.
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We're not only hurting ourselves, but we're going to actually hurt our kids' future relationships too, which is brutal, it burns to here, but it also can give us some power when we realize, okay, so then maybe me being intentional about scheduling in rest, about scheduling in outsourcing, whether that's a house cleaner or grocery delivery or employees or the kids or the husband or the neighbor or who, what, whatever it looks like for each of us that we're actually doing not only a service for ourselves, but we're actually helping our kids and their futures as well, absolutely.
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And I love your promotion of outsourcing.
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You know, I would have conversations with Jeff because he thought he could do it all too right.
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Military colonel worked 15 hours a day, right, and then felt like he could come home and do it all.
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And so I would say things like hey, I've noticed some spiders in the basement and so I think that that exterior of the house needs to be treated for spiders.
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Do you want to do that or do you want me to call an exterminator?
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Because if I just said, hey, we need to treat the outside of the house because there are spiders in the basement that terrify our middle child, he'd say, all right, I'll do it.
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And then it becomes a nagging situation right where, hey, we really need that spider killer, we really need that spider killer, we really need that spider killer, right For weeks.
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And so I learned to just offer the choice right, can you do this or should I outsource it?
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I love that, so okay.
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So this is fascinating because this comes to each personality.
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So my husband grew up in a very frugal family and so it can be very hard for him to feel like we're not being indulgent if we pay for some things.
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So he's, and he's got so much more comfortable over the years, but especially early on, when we first started talking about having a house near.
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I mean, we both are so busy and our kids were still really little and who is going to do this?
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And I kept trying to broach.
00:21:33.680 --> 00:21:37.731
I really think that getting a house cleaner would like it would make such difference.
00:21:37.731 --> 00:21:40.148
I can't explain how much better I would feel.
00:21:40.148 --> 00:21:48.528
But he kept feeling like, oh, that, like that feels so Whatever Right, just too much.
00:21:48.528 --> 00:21:52.711
But he kept feeling like, oh, that feels so whatever, right, just too much.
00:21:52.711 --> 00:21:58.656
And so this conversation kept circling back and I finally decided to come to him.
00:21:58.656 --> 00:22:00.663
I'll give two different examples.
00:22:00.663 --> 00:22:04.132
I came to him and I was like, okay, this doesn't need to be permanent, but I want us to give it a try.
00:22:04.132 --> 00:22:04.964
So I want to find a house cleaner.
00:22:04.964 --> 00:22:05.237
I want to try give it a try.
00:22:05.237 --> 00:22:06.010
So I want to find a house cleaner.
00:22:06.010 --> 00:22:09.915
I want to try it for one month and I want to see how it goes.
00:22:09.915 --> 00:22:14.271
If we notice like, oh my gosh, things feel so much better, we'll keep it.
00:22:14.271 --> 00:22:16.762
If we don't, then we'll go back to how it was.
00:22:17.344 --> 00:22:22.321
And I just had a real hard time, was like I need this, I need you to let us try this.
00:22:22.542 --> 00:22:31.634
I think I'm going to feel so much better, I'm going to have more energy at the end of the day and I think you really enjoy that energy, sadly.
00:22:31.634 --> 00:22:41.019
So there was another time where we needed a retaining wall and he was planning to do it and he was planning to pull us all in.
00:22:41.019 --> 00:22:43.967
We were all going to help build this retaining wall and I was thinking we were all going to help build this retaining wall.
00:22:43.967 --> 00:22:48.046
And I was thinking like this is going to be horrible, Like this is going to be nightmares.
00:22:48.046 --> 00:22:51.727
And one day I just came to him and I said what would you pay to not have to make the retaining wall?
00:22:51.727 --> 00:22:54.334
He's like, oh my gosh, I would easily pay any game and ever.
00:22:54.334 --> 00:23:01.335
Great, I'm going to get back to you.
00:23:01.335 --> 00:23:12.217
So I called around and for us to be able to kind of broach our being able to outsource things when I was a little bit more free, willing to outsource, and he was a little more hesitant.
00:23:13.005 --> 00:23:13.990
Yeah, I like that.
00:23:13.990 --> 00:23:24.007
My husband grew up very frugal also and, you know, didn't have a lot of money growing up and so doesn't like to spend money on anything except his toys.
00:23:24.007 --> 00:23:37.041
And so I have to throw that in there, because he will spend money on his toys oh I, you see me actively nodding we listing is actively nodding right now.
00:23:37.122 --> 00:23:40.814
Right, but your husband will spend money on his toys, but not on your birthday.
00:23:40.814 --> 00:23:42.460
Okay then, which?
00:23:42.460 --> 00:23:44.346
I have a solution for that.
00:23:44.346 --> 00:23:47.438
We can come back to the birthday solution, but anyway, yeah.
00:23:47.577 --> 00:23:50.287
And so he was exactly the same way.
00:23:50.287 --> 00:23:57.769
When I wanted housekeepers, I was pregnant with our youngest working full time and just couldn't get to it.
00:23:57.769 --> 00:23:59.070
I just didn't have the energy.
00:23:59.070 --> 00:24:01.955
And so he said, yeah, sure, that would be fine.
00:24:01.955 --> 00:24:08.653
And so we did have, you know, housekeepers for 24-ish years.
00:24:09.375 --> 00:24:17.000
And so, a couple of years ago, he said really, think that, you know, we need to spend the money on housekeepers.
00:24:17.000 --> 00:24:19.710
We only have one kid left in the house, you know.
00:24:19.710 --> 00:24:22.117
And I said, well, I can't do it.
00:24:22.117 --> 00:24:26.609
I physically don't have the capacity, with my health issues, to clean the house.
00:24:26.609 --> 00:24:28.794
He's like, it's fine, I will do it.
00:24:28.794 --> 00:24:38.205
And so it is now that kind of situation where I'll say I'm really liking the floors, right now, right, but you can't nag.
00:24:38.205 --> 00:24:41.273
But I mean, so I don't know.
00:24:41.315 --> 00:24:48.854
I think that we all hit a crossroads too, where, hey, just because we've always done it this way doesn't mean it's going to work that way forever.
00:24:48.854 --> 00:24:57.278
Right, I only work part-time now Things have changed, but it's still the daily plight of do we just do it ourselves?
00:24:57.278 --> 00:24:59.248
Do we just call the house?
00:24:59.248 --> 00:25:01.593
Oh oh, I know this was my point.
00:25:01.593 --> 00:25:05.689
So I decide to call housekeepers right, haven't had them in two years.
00:25:05.689 --> 00:25:09.851
But my floors just don't look great, my bathrooms just don't look great.
00:25:09.851 --> 00:25:13.917
So I call $750.
00:25:13.917 --> 00:25:24.135
Yeah Right, that is what they quoted me for my square footage and the number of bedrooms, and I was like that's a little bit more than I was hoping to pay.
00:25:24.135 --> 00:25:26.794
So I'm just going to keep nagging my husband.
00:25:28.986 --> 00:25:32.115
So this is so funny because we have the same thing.
00:25:32.115 --> 00:25:35.115
We have had house cleaners for decades.
00:25:35.115 --> 00:25:39.031
We are down to one child, and my husband kind of mentioned it.
00:25:39.031 --> 00:25:53.557
But I also was like, yeah, I mean, the house stays so clean now, like the house stayed so clean in between her coming that it's like she comes again, it's like it still looks fantastic, because there's just it's not the chaos that there used to be.
00:25:53.557 --> 00:25:59.608
So I ended up agreeing and and I, what I really wanted to do was go down to like once a month, but that wasn't available.
00:25:59.608 --> 00:26:01.413
So I'm like, okay, I understand, you know.
00:26:01.413 --> 00:26:17.925
And so we, we stopped for a while and then I was like, okay, I'm gonna just try to get some other quotes, because exactly what you're feeling like, ah, but I loved that feeling when the whole house was clean at the exact same time less solid birth prints and so I started calling around and the exact same thing me.
00:26:17.925 --> 00:26:23.556
It was three, four times what it had been and I was like, oh no, what have we done?
00:26:23.576 --> 00:26:26.747
yeah, like it's this post COVID.
00:26:26.747 --> 00:26:41.114
You know price increase, that I expected it to be a little bit more than when it was pre-COVID and I don't remember what we were paying, but maybe two or three hundred, but not 750.
00:26:41.114 --> 00:26:48.609
I mean, I had to ask him how much, right Like, because I thought for sure I misheard.
00:26:49.271 --> 00:26:54.932
Right, right, oh, yes, I mean that could bring us into a whole nother conversation, because that is a hard part about.
00:26:54.932 --> 00:26:57.259
I am such a fan of outsourcing.
00:26:57.259 --> 00:27:06.571
I do understand that outsourcing can be expensive and that for all of us, we either have more of time or we have more money.
00:27:06.571 --> 00:27:21.989
And sometimes we're in the very unfortunate situation where we don't have enough time and we don't have enough money, and so it gets very hard and you have to start getting really creative on how you're going to divvy things up, how you're going to get help and what this is going to look like.
00:27:21.989 --> 00:27:34.471
And I think both you and I can probably look back Like there were times when we had to be really creative when our kids were really little my husband was still in graduate school we're trying to figure out, well, how do we have date night when we can't figure on babysitter?
00:27:34.491 --> 00:27:49.416
And we came up with like a date night group where one Friday night we had five million children at our house and it was horrible, right, but then we others, we got to go out and someone else had to endure the circus at their house.
00:27:49.416 --> 00:27:54.256
I mean, there were just different things that we did and and so you're always looking at.
00:27:54.256 --> 00:27:57.834
There's going to be times in each of our lives where we have more time, so then we're going to.
00:27:57.834 --> 00:28:00.269
You know, we're going to do it ourselves, we're going to figure out how to do these things.
00:28:00.269 --> 00:28:07.625
There's going to be other times where we are fortunate enough to have more money and then we can buy time with our money, which is so beautiful.
00:28:07.625 --> 00:28:15.239
But yes, when things like this happen and everything is just going up and the prices you're like I cannot justify this.
00:28:15.239 --> 00:28:22.827
This seems crazy and you have to get new creative ideas that like well, I guess I'll just keep asking my husband I don't know New creative ideas that like well, I guess.
00:28:23.067 --> 00:28:23.887
I'll just keep asking my husband.
00:28:23.887 --> 00:28:39.375
I don't know Right, exactly Well, and I think like if I used the Roomba more often, then the floors would look better, and I bought a new steam mop, which is incredible, by the way, if you don't own a steam mop, I highly recommend it.
00:28:40.076 --> 00:28:43.157
Do you have the one that like vacuums and steam ups at the same time?
00:28:43.637 --> 00:28:44.878
No, it just steams it.
00:28:45.459 --> 00:28:46.759
Okay, so I.
00:28:46.759 --> 00:28:47.700
How does it suck?
00:28:47.700 --> 00:28:47.819
It?
00:28:48.000 --> 00:28:51.582
up and throw water on the floor at the same time.
00:28:51.781 --> 00:28:53.282
It is amazing it is.
00:28:53.282 --> 00:28:58.805
It is one of my favorites, so I'd wick you on this.
00:28:58.805 --> 00:29:00.007
But those are hard too, because they're expensive.
00:29:00.007 --> 00:29:05.813
Also, right, like buying a Roomba I took forever to buy my first one and I bought it actually off of like I think it was back when we still used Craigslist.
00:29:05.813 --> 00:29:08.655
I don't think we use that anymore, I think it's like only for murderers or something.
00:29:08.655 --> 00:29:13.381
But I was like here I bought my first one and then, you know, over the years I've upgraded.
00:29:13.381 --> 00:29:20.451
But I agree, those kind of things can be huge things that help.
00:29:20.913 --> 00:29:23.538
But yeah, my Roomba, we have two.
00:29:23.538 --> 00:29:24.685
We have one upstairs, one downstairs.
00:29:24.685 --> 00:29:31.230
They're called Fred and George, and Fred is, you know, vacuums every morning the entire downstairs and George mops upstairs.
00:29:31.230 --> 00:29:35.347
And then I have this that I got on Amazon this vacuum mop.
00:29:35.347 --> 00:29:40.220
So like it's vacuuming up all the hardwoods and mopping at the same time.
00:29:40.220 --> 00:29:43.586
So that's beautiful because it saves me so much time when I need to pull it out.
00:29:43.586 --> 00:29:48.066
I don't have to sweep first and then go mop right, like it's simultaneously having.
00:29:48.066 --> 00:29:52.496
So that's true, like those kind of gadgets can make a huge difference.
00:29:53.178 --> 00:30:07.519
Yeah, Okay, so you did a podcast where you gave 10 simple tweaks when you don't have enough time, and so I just want to throw each one of these at you and have you speak for a couple minutes on each Ready.
00:30:07.519 --> 00:30:09.386
Okay, you don't have enough time?
00:30:09.386 --> 00:30:11.852
Try these 10 simple tweaks, all right.
00:30:11.852 --> 00:30:13.275
Number one limit TV time.
00:30:14.257 --> 00:30:14.577
Okay.
00:30:14.577 --> 00:30:19.076
So I am not going to try to say, oh, you shouldn't watch TV, you shouldn't scroll at all.
00:30:19.076 --> 00:30:19.497
I get it.
00:30:19.497 --> 00:30:21.429
This is a way that we all numb or whatever.
00:30:21.429 --> 00:30:29.952
But what if we just look very honestly at how much time we're spending and see if we can cut some stuff back, especially if it does not make you feel good?
00:30:29.952 --> 00:30:36.297
You can honestly say I get off that scroll session or that particular show and I actually feel kind of heavy or bad.
00:30:36.297 --> 00:30:37.945
What if we eliminate that?
00:30:37.945 --> 00:30:50.720
And I'm not going to not mention the power of a timer If you're going to get on social media, get on social media, but set a timer on your phone for 30 minutes so that it stops you and choose one show instead of like I'm going to watch five.
00:30:51.942 --> 00:30:56.811
Okay, so that was one and two Limit TV time and limit social media scroll.
00:30:56.832 --> 00:30:57.674
Okay, well, perfect.
00:30:57.674 --> 00:31:06.551
Yes, I think of those things as so connected, right, and the average person is watching two to four hours of TV a day.
00:31:06.551 --> 00:31:13.612
That's not including how much time they're on their phones, whether that is YouTube or social media channels or whatever.
00:31:13.612 --> 00:31:23.028
I mean it is an insane amount of time and we can't keep pretending that it's not affecting our relationships and it's not affecting our mental health.
00:31:23.028 --> 00:31:25.053
It's not affecting a whole lot of things.
00:31:25.053 --> 00:31:30.612
I just don't believe we were meant to be staring at things this long.
00:31:30.612 --> 00:31:41.284
So just figuring out how we can cut that back and then use that time for something better and better could be sleep, better could be date night.
00:31:41.284 --> 00:31:43.692
Better could be a game with your family.
00:31:43.692 --> 00:31:49.037
Better could be, you know, taking time to really work on a project that you keep putting off.
00:31:49.037 --> 00:32:02.330
So, whatever better is for each of us, but just choosing to cut back a little bit of that I mean, if you're watching four hours and you even cut it down to two, you get two more hours of sleep you're going to feel a lot better.
00:32:08.404 --> 00:32:27.891
Yeah, absolutely Well, and I love that perspective that you know we were always saying well, I don't have time to do that, I don't have time to do that, but if we're averaging, you know, two hours on TV and two hours on social media, we actually do have time to do some of those things that we don't think we do if we cut back um on I hate okay, total, honest, not popular opinion.
00:32:28.333 --> 00:32:29.717
I hate the saying I don't have time.
00:32:29.717 --> 00:32:32.965
I it it like, I loathe it because it is not true.
00:32:32.965 --> 00:32:34.489
It is never true.
00:32:34.489 --> 00:32:47.528
We make time for what matters, and so when we're saying I don't have time, if you are caught up on your favorite shows, then okay, this is about priorities and so honest.
00:32:47.528 --> 00:32:52.250
So often, honestly, it's actually not that we don't have time, we don't have energy.
00:32:52.250 --> 00:33:03.637
You know, the reason that we watch shows at the end of the day or we scroll, is because we're tired, we're worn out, so we don't have the energy to get into organizing the kitchen or a big work project or anything else.
00:33:03.637 --> 00:33:16.138
But maybe we could still spend that time a little better by reading a physical book or, you know, relaxing with our spouse out on the deck or you know, just other things that are going to do a lot more for us?
00:33:16.740 --> 00:33:17.961
Absolutely Okay.
00:33:17.961 --> 00:33:21.334
I need to read a word from our sponsor and then we'll come back to the list.
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00:34:09.798 --> 00:34:13.148
All right, we are back.
00:34:13.148 --> 00:34:17.416
Let's go to number three.
00:34:17.416 --> 00:34:20.179
All right, wake up just a little earlier.
00:34:20.965 --> 00:34:22.552
If our kids are at our alarm clock, we're not going to feel so great.
00:34:22.552 --> 00:34:23.295
You wake up just a little earlier.
00:34:23.295 --> 00:34:25.224
If our kids are at our alarm clock, we're not going to feel so great.
00:34:25.224 --> 00:34:30.938
You wake up, feeling behind when they're tugging on you saying, mom, I'm hungry, mom, I'm this.
00:34:30.938 --> 00:34:34.833
So just waking up a little bit earlier.
00:34:35.012 --> 00:34:38.166
I'm a huge morning person but I understand that's not everybody.
00:34:38.166 --> 00:34:47.273
So work with your, with your personality, with with what works for you, but just giving yourself a little bit of time where you get to feel like you're ahead of the game.
00:34:47.273 --> 00:34:57.429
I feel incredible when, before I even would wake up the kids, I had already read my scripture, said my prayers, done my workout, gotten dressed.
00:34:57.429 --> 00:34:59.797
I'm like I am amazing, that's incredible.
00:34:59.797 --> 00:35:01.367
I was just truly.
00:35:01.367 --> 00:35:04.516
If you feel like man, I don't ever feel good waking up.
00:35:04.516 --> 00:35:18.818
I know this sounds counterintuitive, but try waking up earlier and giving yourself just a little time that is for you, and I mean if you want more time, you can literally create more time just for yourself by waking up a little bit earlier.
00:35:19.418 --> 00:35:23.565
Yeah, I like that and I am not a morning person a little bit earlier.
00:35:23.565 --> 00:35:24.650
Yeah, I like that and I am not a morning person.
00:35:24.650 --> 00:35:28.141
And so I'm sure half of our listeners are thinking there's no way I could do all that before my kids get up.
00:35:28.141 --> 00:35:45.628
Right, exactly, but what I did is I would get up an hour early, earlier than my kids, so that I could just have coffee in the sitting room, watching the sunrise over the mountains or against the mountains, really, but watching the sunrise because mountains or against the mountains, really, but watching the sunrise because that brings me joy.
00:35:45.628 --> 00:35:54.150
That was life-giving, to be alone in the silence with my coffee, and so it was me time.
00:35:54.630 --> 00:36:04.858
That really made me feel like I had more energy because I didn't start the day in chaos yes, when my kids were really little, I had a very bad habit of staying up very, very late.
00:36:04.858 --> 00:36:16.014
I think we've actually talked about this, like when I've been on before but to the point where I was staying up till four or five, six in the morning, and then, of course, I was woken up by my kids.
00:36:16.014 --> 00:36:26.617
So when I was shifting and trying to get better sleep and start to try to wake up a little bit earlier, it was brutally painful and so I started in 15 minute increments.
00:36:26.617 --> 00:36:30.172
I would literally be like, okay, I'm going to start trying to wake up 15 minutes before the kids.
00:36:30.172 --> 00:36:32.481
And so in 15 minutes, what could I do?
00:36:32.702 --> 00:36:33.907
And it was really small things.
00:36:33.907 --> 00:36:37.585
And then, after I got comfortable with that, I was like, okay, now I'm going to do 15 more.
00:36:37.585 --> 00:36:39.530
Now I have 30 minutes, what would I want to do with 30 minutes?
00:36:39.530 --> 00:36:50.173
And then, honestly, I just started loving it so much, like that, those early hours where nobody is bothering you, it just kept getting earlier and earlier, early, because I just wanted more time, I craved it.
00:36:50.173 --> 00:36:54.414
So yes, for those who are like I am not a morning person, that sounds terrible.
00:36:54.414 --> 00:36:57.969
Start really small, start with 15 minutes, then add another 15.
00:36:57.969 --> 00:37:03.418
It's amazing what can happen with just 30 minutes before everybody's waking up, just to get a little head start.
00:37:04.184 --> 00:37:05.208
Yeah love that.
00:37:05.208 --> 00:37:09.134
All right Number four bash baby batch.
00:37:09.134 --> 00:37:11.269
What does that mean?
00:37:11.952 --> 00:37:17.838
Okay, batching is my absolute favorite productivity time management hack.
00:37:17.838 --> 00:37:24.813
Like if I was going through all of the different strategies and I have they're all on my podcast I would say batching is my favorite.
00:37:24.813 --> 00:37:28.615
So essentially, what we're talking about is do like tasks together.
00:37:28.615 --> 00:37:32.114
Don't start on something, then walk away and then go work on something else.
00:37:32.114 --> 00:37:36.110
So this can look like all kinds of different things In the business world.
00:37:36.110 --> 00:37:54.706
It might look like I'm scheduling a bunch of podcast interviews all on the same day and I'm bashing them all on one day, or all of my meetings are on one day, or I'm going to work on social media content in an hour block and try to see how much I can get done, versus I'm doing one single episode every week or I'm doing one single post each day.
00:37:54.706 --> 00:37:57.010
I'm trying to do a lot more.
00:37:57.010 --> 00:38:03.735
While I'm in the zone I'm thinking about this thing, but it can also work into our home life as well.
00:38:03.735 --> 00:38:06.869
So this could look like people who do meal prep.
00:38:06.869 --> 00:38:16.891
It can look like if I'm making something that would freeze, well, I double or triple the recipe and then I'm going to put, you know, one or two meals into the freezer so that I have them later.
00:38:16.891 --> 00:38:23.094
It might look like I'm doing all the laundry on Monday, versus I'm doing a load every single day throughout the week.
00:38:23.094 --> 00:38:25.108
It might look like I'm.
00:38:25.108 --> 00:38:28.557
It's anything where you think I do this task repetitively.
00:38:28.557 --> 00:38:30.090
This is something that I have to do all the time.
00:38:30.505 --> 00:38:36.358
Could I block out a set period of time and see how much I could get done and get ahead?
00:38:36.358 --> 00:38:48.751
That feeling of being ahead you feel so good and every woman knows the feeling of being behind and you're trying to catch up and it feels horrible.
00:38:48.751 --> 00:38:51.516
I mean it just sucks the life out of you.
00:38:51.516 --> 00:38:53.487
And so look for every area of your life.
00:38:53.487 --> 00:38:55.954
Where do you think could I get ahead here?
00:38:55.954 --> 00:39:00.590
Is it possible to batch this the silliest way I batch my vitamins?
00:39:00.590 --> 00:39:03.677
I literally, every two weeks, get all the vitamin bottles out.
00:39:03.677 --> 00:39:14.396
I have all of these little silicone cupcake things and a little lighter and I put all of my vitamins so that Over the next two weeks I don't have to get out all the vitamins and open every single bottle.
00:39:14.396 --> 00:39:15.927
They're just there, I grab them and I go.
00:39:15.927 --> 00:39:19.295
I mean just simple ways to look for.
00:39:19.295 --> 00:39:21.708
How can I just make things simpler for myself?
00:39:22.289 --> 00:39:23.170
Yeah, I love that.
00:39:23.170 --> 00:39:31.469
And from a from a brain science perspective, we know that neurologically, there's no such thing as multitasking.
00:39:31.469 --> 00:39:34.893
Right, we're kidding ourselves by saying I'm a great multitasker.
00:39:34.893 --> 00:39:42.085
What we're doing is rapidly switching tasks, but that makes us very inefficient, right?
00:39:42.085 --> 00:39:56.039
So, neurologically, rapid task switching what we think of commonly as multitasking is not very efficient, and so I read a study recently where it said it takes us 24 minutes to recover from a distraction.
00:39:56.364 --> 00:39:57.409
Yes, I read that too.
00:39:57.972 --> 00:40:00.050
Yeah, and so that is shocking.
00:40:00.050 --> 00:40:08.219
Right, right To think that, oh, my goodness, how much time are we wasting, especially those of us who are ADHD warriors.
00:40:08.219 --> 00:40:17.367
How much time are we wasting trying to get back on task because we were distracted by another task, or trying to do multiple things at once?
00:40:17.367 --> 00:40:30.076
And so I love your idea of saying, okay, I'm going to do like tasks together and then move on to another set of like tasks.
00:40:30.076 --> 00:40:44.313
Right, so they're similar tasks that use the same cognitive skills, that use the same parts of our brain, that use the same types of energy in the same location and environment and tools or whatever it is, and to make us more efficient.
00:40:44.313 --> 00:40:50.452
So we're not reducing our workload, we're just being more efficient at accomplishing our workload.
00:40:50.972 --> 00:41:06.974
Exactly, and I think what most people don't know is my whole work is on helping us be more productive, more efficient, have more time management, be able to feel more balanced and have systems that make life run smoother.
00:41:06.974 --> 00:41:10.347
What people don't understand is the reason that I am obsessed with this.
00:41:10.347 --> 00:41:17.088
That I have all these is because I have ADHD, because I am someone who can be so easily distracted.
00:41:17.088 --> 00:41:22.347
This, I needed these in order to function, in order to be able to accomplish the things.
00:41:22.347 --> 00:41:31.985
I had to figure out how to stop letting things take so long because of distraction, because of all the squirrel moments, because I went to do one thing and then I saw another thing.
00:41:31.985 --> 00:41:42.896
I mean, give a mouse a cookie is me all the time if I'm not careful and so that's why I put all of these different measures in place, and all the things I talked about was literally to protect myself from me.
00:41:44.105 --> 00:41:54.757
I love that because you know I'm very transparent about my ADHD struggles and you know my focus is always on OK, how am I making sure that my brain is healthy?
00:41:54.757 --> 00:41:59.317
How am I making sure that my omega-3 fatty acid levels are normal so that my dopamine receptors work?
00:41:59.317 --> 00:42:09.876
And right, like I'm always focused on this, you know, as a cognitive psychologist, from a brain science perspective, right, what am I doing to maximize my brain function to compensate for my ADHD?
00:42:09.876 --> 00:42:20.387
And so I never think of it in terms of, okay, how can I change my behaviors to support my ADHD?
00:42:20.387 --> 00:42:28.876
And so I love that you pointed that out, because all of our listeners who have ADHD are saying thank goodness, I have some tools to walk away with right now.
00:42:28.876 --> 00:42:36.338
Okay, this one I'm fascinated with is number five Utilize your kids extracurricular time.
00:42:36.338 --> 00:42:37.708
What does that mean?
00:42:38.251 --> 00:42:39.025
Yes, ok.
00:42:39.025 --> 00:42:42.594
So I think this is about being very intentional.
00:42:42.594 --> 00:42:47.795
With all of the drive time that we have, we're dropping them off at sports or whatever it might be.
00:42:47.795 --> 00:42:52.036
Make sure you're utilizing that time the best way possible.
00:42:52.036 --> 00:42:55.675
So that could mean, oh, my kids have soccer practice.
00:42:55.675 --> 00:42:57.429
This is pretty close to the grocery store.
00:42:57.429 --> 00:43:04.608
This is when I'm going to do my grocery shopping, instead of doing your grocery shopping earlier in the day and then running up from there and then being like do I stick around?
00:43:04.608 --> 00:43:05.429
Do I try to go home?
00:43:05.429 --> 00:43:07.576
So I have 15 minutes to try to get something in.
00:43:07.576 --> 00:43:10.869
So that could be one way, but it could look totally different.
00:43:10.869 --> 00:43:12.893
It could also be this is me time.
00:43:12.893 --> 00:43:19.702
I'm going to drop them off and I am going to go sit at a little cafe and have some tea and read a book.
00:43:19.702 --> 00:43:25.795
There was one time where my kids I put that all three of them in a swim team over the summer.
00:43:25.795 --> 00:43:34.295
It was 30 minutes from our house, and so I had the choice of okay, I can drop them off, I can run home, and I'll have like 15 minutes and I have to turn around, which seemed ridiculous.
00:43:34.295 --> 00:43:36.659
So I'm like, okay, well, how am I going to use this time better.
00:43:36.659 --> 00:43:38.911
So that's when I decided I was going to do my workouts.
00:43:38.911 --> 00:43:50.552
I was going to drop them off, I had my full workout clothes on and I would go running for that period of time and I'd have just enough time to be able to just have a little me time before they wrapped up.
00:43:50.552 --> 00:44:02.077
And so just thinking about the time when our kids have their extracurricular, how we're using it and I think often if we really look, we realize this is not efficient at all.
00:44:02.077 --> 00:44:05.717
This is not an effective way to be using this time.
00:44:05.717 --> 00:44:17.648
So, just being more intentional about that time that you have and I think we could take that further I loved using the time back when I still had kids in the car, as you know, when we were driving to things.
00:44:17.688 --> 00:44:18.728
That's when we were going to talk.
00:44:18.728 --> 00:44:25.773
I didn't I very rarely allowed music, I mean just if we were having fun, but it was like no, this is when we talk, or we'd be listening to a book.
00:44:25.773 --> 00:44:28.695
It was quality time that we were going to use.
00:44:28.695 --> 00:44:33.199
And then, when they were at their thing, that became time where I was like how do I want to use this?
00:44:33.199 --> 00:44:36.862
Do I want to get the grocery shopping done during this time Because I don't want to have to do it later.
00:44:36.862 --> 00:44:39.112
Do I want to use it for nap time in the car?
00:44:39.112 --> 00:44:43.427
Do I want to use it to go sit in a cafe and listen to a book, or do I want to use it to get my exercise done?
00:44:43.427 --> 00:44:50.056
So, just really thinking about that time and how it can serve you better.
00:44:50.757 --> 00:44:51.579
I love that.
00:44:51.579 --> 00:44:52.340
I love that.
00:44:52.340 --> 00:45:03.168
I remember, before smartphones and we could use our phone as a hotspot, they had these little things called a MiFi, and so it was this little gadget that was your own personal Wi-Fi device.
00:45:03.168 --> 00:45:18.789
And when I was getting my PhD, my kids were little and so we would go to martial arts and so I would sit in the parent area with my MiFi, my little Wi-Fi, sit in the, you know, parent area with my Wi-Fi, right, my little Wi-Fi, and you know work on my PhD work.
00:45:18.789 --> 00:45:23.898
And so it was because we live 25 minutes away from the martial arts studio.
00:45:23.898 --> 00:45:38.916
I mean, so by the time you would get back home and drive back, martial arts is over anyway, so it was really out of necessity that you know I was staying there, but then to be able to use that time was gold.
00:45:39.496 --> 00:45:44.525
Yes, and I think we need to just make sure that we openly talk about that.
00:45:44.525 --> 00:45:55.864
I think there's been this shift where it can be easy to fall into the trap of believing you're supposed to be there at the practice watching, cheering on, and I'm just going to gonna say I think that is ridiculous.
00:45:55.864 --> 00:45:56.847
No, you don't.
00:45:56.847 --> 00:45:57.730
That's why they have a coach.
00:45:57.730 --> 00:45:58.873
You do not need to be there.
00:45:58.873 --> 00:46:08.625
In fact, it's probably not even that helpful for you to be there, because now they know you're there and they can kind of rely on you instead of learning their own independence and and relying on their coach and all those things.
00:46:08.625 --> 00:46:21.137
So if anyone is like, oh my gosh, but all the other parents are there like watching, I would feel you just let that go, let that guilt go and go enjoy that golden hour or whatever you want it to be.
00:46:21.985 --> 00:46:23.211
Right, I absolutely agree.
00:46:23.211 --> 00:46:24.708
I mean my oldest.
00:46:24.708 --> 00:46:29.257
I used to say he looked like a gazelle in martial arts.
00:46:29.257 --> 00:46:40.938
He was so beautiful in the way he could move that I loved watching, and that was very often distracting from you know the month that I was working on because he was so fun to watch.
00:46:40.938 --> 00:46:50.436
But I think that you're absolutely right that children need to learn how to advocate for themselves and they can't do that when you're always there.
00:46:50.436 --> 00:46:52.724
Yes, yeah, okay.
00:46:52.724 --> 00:46:53.969
So number six is utilize helpful gadgets.
00:46:53.969 --> 00:46:54.806
We've already talked about.
00:46:54.806 --> 00:46:55.114
We totally talked about that.
00:46:55.114 --> 00:46:55.155
Yes, yeah, okay.
00:46:55.155 --> 00:46:55.490
So number six is utilize helpful gadgets.
00:46:55.490 --> 00:46:55.932
We've already talked about.
00:46:55.932 --> 00:46:57.054
We totally talked about that.
00:46:57.054 --> 00:47:02.027
Yes, the Roomba and the Steve Mop that vacuums at the same time.
00:47:02.027 --> 00:47:06.327
So anything that can make our lives easier and save a little bit of time, I think is wonderful.
00:47:06.367 --> 00:47:08.391
And those are exactly the things that I mentioned.
00:47:08.391 --> 00:47:18.974
So I mean literally these are the things I'm talking about Doubling dinner, freezing one, having Roombas and vacuum mops and all these different gadgets that just can save us a little bit of time.
00:47:18.974 --> 00:47:21.413
You stack those and it becomes a lot of time.
00:47:21.934 --> 00:47:33.090
Yeah, and that led us to number seven, which was simplify everything about meals, right, and so I love that kids can participate in that, they can help in, that we can have leftover nights.
00:47:33.090 --> 00:47:34.530
You call them yo-yo.
00:47:34.530 --> 00:47:37.213
You're on your own, you're on your own.
00:47:37.405 --> 00:47:39.554
We actually always called them fend for yourselves night.
00:47:39.554 --> 00:47:41.364
That's what I called them the whole time, my kids.
00:47:41.364 --> 00:47:46.032
And then I heard at the very end someone say yo-yo, and I was like, oh, that's so much cuter.
00:47:46.032 --> 00:47:58.119
I wish I would have called them that, right, I thought that was name, and I think if you have really little kids, you could level that up by saying it's Yodo night and we're going to do a picnic on the floor.
00:47:58.119 --> 00:48:01.769
Now it has become so special, this really beautiful tradition that the kids can be so excited about.
00:48:02.391 --> 00:48:05.949
And again, you're not cooking and you just let them have the cereal.
00:48:05.949 --> 00:48:07.297
If they want the cereal, it'll be okay.
00:48:07.297 --> 00:48:09.324
It'll be okay, just let them have the cereal.
00:48:09.324 --> 00:48:22.248
And you know, it's some of those things where, yeah, I mean, there's all these competing ideas, we're constantly trying to do everything right in all the different ways and they contradict themselves, even the advice.
00:48:22.248 --> 00:48:29.630
And so, just coming back to, if I had to do this in the simplest way possible, what would that be?
00:48:29.630 --> 00:48:34.592
And then, Mitch, well, can I actually just do it the simplest way?
00:48:34.592 --> 00:48:39.373
And more often than not it's like, well, yeah, I could, okay, well then, let's give it a try.
00:48:40.195 --> 00:48:42.414
Yeah, absolutely All right.
00:48:42.414 --> 00:48:45.655
We've talked about outsourcing and delegating Yep.
00:48:45.655 --> 00:48:48.077
So you say stop grocery shopping.
00:48:48.077 --> 00:48:52.358
How in the world do we fill our pantries and fridges if we aren't grocery shopping?
00:48:52.757 --> 00:49:03.101
So I, unless you love grocery shopping I do understand that there are some mamas out there where she's like this is my me time, don't you dare try to take that Okay, if you love grocery shopping, go and grocery.
00:49:03.101 --> 00:49:11.143
But for the rest of us who do not enjoy it and it's just one more chore and a time suck, then allow for grocery delivery.
00:49:11.143 --> 00:49:14.974
I will admit it, they don't pick out as good of produce as you will.
00:49:14.974 --> 00:49:16.106
Okay, they just don't.
00:49:16.106 --> 00:49:19.775
But I am telling you that it'll be okay.
00:49:19.775 --> 00:49:20.817
It'll be okay.
00:49:20.996 --> 00:49:29.889
And between I mean at this point I can have my Costco delivered, I can have my groceries delivered and anything else I can find on Amazon.
00:49:29.889 --> 00:49:32.115
So I have, you know, there's Thrive Market.
00:49:32.115 --> 00:49:32.577
I have.
00:49:32.577 --> 00:49:42.592
We have to be very careful with a lot of the food that we have in our house, and so I use Thrive Market so that I can get the things that actually work dietarily for what we can do.
00:49:42.592 --> 00:49:52.072
There's also meal kits that you can come, and we've done all of them at this point where it's like, hey, we always would do three each of the meals that we do like.
00:49:52.112 --> 00:49:55.318
If we're doing a HelloFresh, we would do three dinners because I have three kids.
00:49:55.318 --> 00:49:56.759
They would get to pick the dinner.
00:49:56.759 --> 00:49:59.371
They would be in charge of cooking that dinner and it was great.
00:49:59.371 --> 00:50:01.278
That was three nights I wasn't cooking.
00:50:01.278 --> 00:50:04.914
And that's groceries that I'm not buying because they all come free package.
00:50:04.914 --> 00:50:09.387
So just realizing there are incredible resources out there, use them.
00:50:09.387 --> 00:50:13.434
If you happen to have a 16 yearyear-old, well then, let them be your grocery delivery.
00:50:13.434 --> 00:50:16.840
Hey, we buy the food, but you go and shop for it.
00:50:16.840 --> 00:50:25.318
So there are definitely options, but unless you actually love grocery shopping, let that go.
00:50:26.019 --> 00:50:49.146
Yeah, so even my 20-year-old, who lives with his fiancée at college, orders their groceries for pickup, because they're full-time students and they work, and so and they're both music performance majors, so it's not just that they have to go to class, right, they are constantly in rehearsals, you know, in practice rooms performing.
00:50:49.146 --> 00:51:12.451
Like they, their day is scheduled back to back to back, and so they don't have that extra hour to give, and so it might seem indulgent, but I think it's only a couple extra dollars to have it brought to your car, not delivered to your house, but brought night to your car and that's a great option, right, you just drive up, and here's what I will say.
00:51:15.864 --> 00:51:16.626
Right, you just drive up.
00:51:16.626 --> 00:51:17.166
And here's what I will say.
00:51:17.166 --> 00:51:26.226
For everyone who is feeling like it is more expensive, I can almost promise you it is not because you're not in the store adding things that weren't on your list.
00:51:26.226 --> 00:51:36.427
Every time I go into Costco, there is always extra things that I add that I wasn't going in to plan for, because I'm like oh, I'm seeing it, I'm looking at it and I buy it.
00:51:36.427 --> 00:51:39.393
There's a reel that I created years ago.
00:51:40.054 --> 00:51:40.956
That is so funny.
00:51:40.956 --> 00:51:42.246
It's my husband.
00:51:42.246 --> 00:51:43.289
I sent him to Costco.
00:51:43.289 --> 00:51:44.313
We needed one thing.
00:51:44.313 --> 00:51:45.255
I sent him to Costco.
00:51:45.255 --> 00:51:49.927
He comes back, he has one of the boxes and I'm like what happened?
00:51:49.927 --> 00:51:51.027
And I just started recording.
00:51:51.027 --> 00:52:06.059
Like, just whatever reason, I just pulled out my phone and started recording again and he's like I saw these other things and he's telling me that when he gets up to the checkout, the employee he brings up like yeah, I was only supposed to get one thing.
00:52:06.059 --> 00:52:08.800
And she says that's why I do grocery delivery.
00:52:08.800 --> 00:52:11.141
And he's like that's literally what my wife teaches.
00:52:11.141 --> 00:52:12.282
That pun it.
00:52:12.282 --> 00:52:12.483
Really.
00:52:12.483 --> 00:52:21.034
It was like $300 and he was supposed to buy one thing it should have been like a $40 purchase, right?
00:52:21.034 --> 00:52:24.596
So that's another very, very real thing to think about.
00:52:24.596 --> 00:52:27.273
Is you're not buying those things that weren't on your list?
00:52:27.634 --> 00:52:30.445
Yeah, I love that and I had not even thought of that before.
00:52:30.445 --> 00:52:42.556
So the extra $2 that my college kid is spending, he's making up for by not being in person and adding just one protein bar to his cart extra.
00:52:42.556 --> 00:52:44.119
Right, exactly, for sure.
00:52:44.119 --> 00:52:54.474
Okay, last one, you say adults need recess too, and you talked a little bit about making date night happen, even when it's hard and feels impossible.
00:52:54.474 --> 00:52:56.168
But why do adults need recess too?
00:52:57.050 --> 00:53:06.809
So this would be fun to hear from your perspective, because I think you've probably studied the science behind this more than I have, although I have a little bit, but I can't remember the numbers off the top of my head.
00:53:06.809 --> 00:53:13.869
But essentially, as adults we tend to run from thing to thing to thing, especially those of us who are maybe more type A.
00:53:13.869 --> 00:53:32.293
We're kind of overachievers, we really like feeling productive and there's just a lot to do, so we just go from thing to thing to thing every single day, over and over and over, and there is power in building in a buffer in between activities.
00:53:32.293 --> 00:53:34.157
So I used to be really bad at this.
00:53:34.157 --> 00:53:45.657
I would work right up until the minute that I knew the kids were walking in the door or sometimes I could hear it, and so I'd pop right up, I'd come down the hall and I'd be like hi, guys, and you know, turn to mom moment.
00:53:45.784 --> 00:53:51.115
Right, I would do this with everything, though Everything was scheduled so tight.
00:53:51.115 --> 00:54:03.887
There was no wiggle room, it was just you're going from thing to thing to thing, and when I started building in recess, just giving myself 15 to 20 minutes, I get up and I go for a walk around the neighborhood.
00:54:03.887 --> 00:54:22.980
Sometimes I literally get up and I like do a minute of squats and then I sit back down or I make myself actually take a lunch where yesterday it was so wonderful I you know, made a little Greek salad for myself and I walked outside onto the porch and I was like I'm going to listen to one chapter of my novels, and you know it was about 20 minutes.
00:54:23.019 --> 00:54:27.641
And so I listened to that while I was eating and just sitting in the sunshine and it was beautiful and it felt so good.
00:54:27.641 --> 00:54:47.170
And there was a really long time where I would have never given myself permission to have that recess, because it was this idea that busy is a badge of honor, that the more I get done the more valuable I am, that all of this go, go, go shows that I have worth.
00:54:47.170 --> 00:55:11.289
And it's just not true and we burn out and we end up being not the best version of ourselves, where, when we build in these buffers whether it's 30 minutes for lunch just for ourself or it's 15 minutes in between tasks to just rest for a moment, or getting up and getting outside, which is easy in the summertime it's a little harder, depending on where you live, in the winter maybe.
00:55:11.289 --> 00:55:17.059
But just making time to rest you actually become much more productive.
00:55:17.144 --> 00:55:18.246
And I think it's for two reasons.
00:55:18.246 --> 00:55:47.389
I think one is the obvious of we are able to reset and come back, but the other is that it goes right along with that, because I've walked away for a minute and I'm coming back, I'm amped back up, I'm excited and I'm ready to jump back in, where, when I just force myself to go go, I get very mentally fatigued and so it's so easy to give yourself permission to go check the inbox and go down that spiral or check your phone and then go down that spiral or whatever it might be.
00:55:47.389 --> 00:56:07.375
It's essentially an unintentional form of a recess that's not beneficial to our mental and our physical self, where, when we actually schedule in the resets and those recesses, it actually makes us feel like we have more time, which sounds crazy, but you do.
00:56:07.375 --> 00:56:11.492
You feel like you have more time because you took a little bit of time to just rest.
00:56:12.074 --> 00:56:12.938
Yeah, absolutely.
00:56:12.938 --> 00:56:18.050
I mean even those people who say that they enjoy being busy all of the time.
00:56:18.050 --> 00:56:26.112
First of all, liars, but second of all that go, go, go puts us in a state of chronic stress.
00:56:26.112 --> 00:56:57.150
And chronic stress means our brain is constantly in fight or flight, and so we have cortisol and adrenaline coursing through our veins and those stress hormones shrink the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for memory and coding and retrieval, and it enlarges the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for emotions and alarm system, and so that makes us more emotional and it makes it harder for us to focus and remember things.
00:56:57.150 --> 00:57:01.512
And when we can't focus and remember things, then we can't be efficient and we can't be productive.
00:57:01.512 --> 00:57:31.072
And when we're emotional, then our prefrontal cortex goesate, right, and then that level starts over again, right, that bucket, you know, cannot be as full, and and then we can be a little bit more productive and be a little bit more efficient and less emotional.
00:57:32.313 --> 00:57:47.677
So good, and I read something that has always stuck with me about you know, each time we're letting that cortisol spike and we're getting that fight or flight mode happening, our immune system stops because our body has to go to oh man, I need to make sure we're safe.
00:57:47.677 --> 00:57:55.440
I'm not going to worry about immunity right now, I'm worrying about bears, and so you think about if we're allowing that every single day.
00:57:55.440 --> 00:57:58.896
And then maybe you're someone who's like man I get every cold, I get every everything.
00:57:58.896 --> 00:58:08.186
Even just building in more rest and being able to have more calm in our lives can help us mentally, it can help us physically.
00:58:08.186 --> 00:58:14.505
I mean it can literally ward off the flu and emotional outbursts, I mean all of the things?
00:58:14.565 --> 00:58:15.851
Yes, all the things.
00:58:15.851 --> 00:58:17.771
Yes, it lowers our immune system.
00:58:17.771 --> 00:58:28.014
And there's this other fascinating study that showed that parents who have more empathy have lower immunity.
00:58:28.014 --> 00:58:41.829
Like, their immune system is a little weaker, right, because of the stress, Because of the stress of being emotionally attuned to our children's needs.
00:58:41.829 --> 00:58:50.733
Right, even though it might feel good, right, that stress will lower our immune system a little bit.
00:58:50.733 --> 00:58:55.141
Now, I am not advocating for getting rid of our empathy.
00:58:55.141 --> 00:59:02.657
We absolutely should be empathetic parents, absolutely 100%, but it's helpful to be aware of that.
00:59:02.657 --> 00:59:20.188
That, yes, that is also stressful, so that makes it that much more important that we find ways to relieve stress in other areas learn how to regulate our emotions, learn some mindfulness, rest and take recess.
00:59:21.331 --> 00:59:21.731
I love it.
00:59:21.731 --> 00:59:22.574
That's so.
00:59:22.574 --> 00:59:25.318
It's so important, it's so interesting.
00:59:25.318 --> 00:59:28.675
It's all so connected, which is what I get so excited about.
00:59:28.675 --> 00:59:40.460
Right, like, you and I are each thinking about how do I be a better version of myself, for of myself and especially so that I can show up for the people I love more and then help them to be better versions of themselves.
00:59:40.460 --> 00:59:45.936
And we do it from totally different ways, but then there's all these amazing connections and it's just so exciting and fun to see.
00:59:46.608 --> 00:59:47.784
It is exciting and fun to see.
00:59:47.784 --> 00:59:50.572
So, Leah, tell our listeners how they can find more of you.
00:59:51.355 --> 00:59:52.085
Absolutely so.
00:59:52.085 --> 00:59:54.494
Number one Balancing Busy Podcast.
00:59:54.494 --> 00:59:56.753
We already know that you have great taste in podcasts.
00:59:56.753 --> 01:00:03.411
You're already on your podcast platform, so how incredibly simple to just go and do a quick search of Balancing Busy and follow that one.
01:00:03.411 --> 01:00:14.094
We have all kinds of episodes that cover everything from very tangible tips of how to save time, how to deal with overwhelm and stress, but also all kinds of other topics as well.
01:00:14.094 --> 01:00:17.253
We're always trying to look for all the areas of our life, just how we simplify them.
01:00:17.253 --> 01:00:20.730
So I would say that, and then you can go to balancingbusycom.
01:00:20.730 --> 01:00:34.074
We have all kinds of resources, everything from my favorite 10 time-saving hacks that I use that have literally stacked hours and hours and hours for me every week, along with all kinds of other resources.
01:00:34.074 --> 01:00:35.507
So, yeah, I would say, start there.
01:00:36.228 --> 01:00:36.690
I love it.
01:00:36.690 --> 01:00:38.574
All right, leah Remillet.
01:00:38.574 --> 01:00:41.547
Thank you so much for coming back for a third time.
01:00:41.547 --> 01:01:03.148
And, listeners, leah has invited me to be on her podcast, balancing Busy, so you'll get to hear four conversations with us in total, and I'll actually put links to the prior episodes with you in the show notes of this episode so that, listeners, if you weren't around two years ago, it'll make it easy for you to find those and find her.
01:01:03.148 --> 01:01:05.954
Thank you so much for being with us today.
01:01:05.954 --> 01:01:21.036
Really loved spending another hour and 15 minutes with you, and our episodes always run long with you because the conversations are so amazing, I know, okay, listeners, thank you for being with us today.
01:01:21.036 --> 01:01:25.150
If you like our show, we would love it if you would leave us a five-star rating and review on Apple Podcasts.
01:01:25.150 --> 01:01:29.797
If you would like to see our faces, you can watch these episodes on YouTube at the Brainy Moms.
01:01:29.797 --> 01:01:33.635
Come find us on Instagram and TikTok at the Brainy Moms as well.
01:01:33.635 --> 01:01:34.947
I hope you feel a little bit.