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Speaker 1: Good.
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Speaker 2: All right, break it down.
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Speaker 3: If you ever have feelings that you just fons Amy and Cat gotcha covin locking a brother Lady's folks, do you just follow Anna spirit where it's all the front over real stuff, tell the chill stuff and the m but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do it jes s you feel things. This is feeling things with Amy and Kat.
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Speaker 2: Happy Tuesday. Welcome to feeling things. I'm Amy and You're not gonna hear a cat's voice today, but my feeling of the day is grateful because the voice you are gonna hear in addition to me, is Alie Fallon, which hey, Allie. So Cat hasn't been feeling well for days. She's had a sore throat, then she lost her voice. She's had some sort of an ear infection. Last text I got from her was say a prayer, I'm about to do the netty pot. I was like, oh yeah, anytime I do the netty pot it's always a little scary. So she's been miserable for days. Now she's pregnant too, so just send some love and prayers Kat's way. And once we realized that Kat wasn't going to be able to record. We were trying to figure out a plan and Kat suggested, I see if Allie Fallon could fill in, and I thought that is brilliant. Allie has some very interesting things going on at the moment. Even if she didn't, She's always got nuggets of wisdom for us, for sure. But there are just some things going on in your life right now in this season that you're actively pursuing, and I'm so proud of you. So I thought we could talk about that and it could be encouragement to others. I reached out to you. You said, yes. Ali's been a friend for years and a mentor to me at times when I walk through different seasons. She's so wise. And also I'm excited for people. So my two feelings of the day, I've got two. I'm grateful you can do it, and I'm excited for people to hear what you're going to share today. And you've been a guest on the podcast before, but not since we've transitioned to Feeling Things back in our four Things days, so people may recognize you from that or your own podcast on my network, which is called Write Your Story. Ali is an author, a mother, like I said, the host of her own podcast. You've probably seen it pop up on My Feet on Saturdays, so I encourage you to give that a listen. And she's currently doing a thirty day challenge that is self assigned, that's on Instagram. She gave herself and she's working through the Artist Way, which I haven't done that in its entirety, but I have the book. My therapist years ago recommended it to me, so I've done bits and pieces of it. You have gone through it in its entirety before, and you're doing it again. I am excited to see how it's showing up for you different in this new season of your life because you have been battling a lot of health things and it was a mystery for a while and now you know that it was caused by mold. So we're going to get into that part of your story. So let's just start though with your your feeling the day. You can share with us whatever you have going on, because this is at the beginning, Kat and I just share our feelings.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, I love this format so much, and well, I'm excited to be here. That was not what I was going to say, but I am. That's a feeling I'm having. It's very excited to get to chat with you and hang out and catch up on all these things that are going on. The feeling that I thought about before we hit record was relief, like almost like an exhale, because, like you talked about, I've been dealing with a bunch of health challenges. There's been a lot of really big struggles in my life for the last handful of years, and I'm feeling some relief, like some softening around the edges of some of that stuff more recently, I think in large part because of the ourdest Way and this challenge that I'm doing. There's so much happening that is really cool, and so I feel excited to be here. I feel like, ah, yay, and just relieved, yeah, to be in this part of my story.
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Speaker 2: Well, I'm glad that you feel that. Really, it's an indicator to me that you're rounding a corner because I know it's been a lot for a while now, and it's not going to be lost on you. Ally's not the type to have anything get lost, like it's going to be used in some way, shape or form, and to even used for others, which is what you're doing right now when you're showing up online and I know that you've had, as we all have, I think an interesting relationship with social media, how we want to show up, when we want to show up, if we want to show up at all, and out of the gate, I'm going to have you share the challenge and also start with the story about your bangs, because that was one of your your video posts in the last what's going to be a total of thirty days. You're probably a little over halfway through that at the moment. Yeah, but the bang story was so precious to me. And I'm looking at you on video right now and I see your bangs, and I am a little jealous of the banks. I have wanted to cut bangs, and I think that that's a great little nugget to start with.
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Speaker 1: All these things are connected, and it's so wild to see how when you start one thing the cascading effect of how it changes other parts of your life. But yeah, So the Bang's story came because my daughter, who's five, asked me if she could come with me to get her haircut. I told her, oh, on Tuesday, I have an appointment scheduled. I'm going to go get my haircut. She was like, can I come, I want to get my haircut too. I was like sure. She's like, mom, I want to cut bangs. I was like okay. And my daughter is super creative. She loves fashion, she loves makeup, she loves experimenting with colors and scarves and hats and all kinds of different clothes, and she loves shopping, which is funny because she has not learned that from me by watching me. I mean, I haven't even really given myself permission in my life to shop or be interested in fashion or any of that stuff. So it's just so cool to watch your child have this interest that's unrelated to you. But she is inspiring me. So she's like, mom, I want to cut bangs cut bangs too. And I was like, ahh, Like I don't really know about that, but this is like on a Sunday and the appointments on a Tuesday, so I have some time to think about it, and by the time I show up to the appointment on Tuesday, I'm like, this is part of what I've been inviting in with this challenge and with doing the Artists Way again, is more permission to play and experiment and try something that I never in a million years would try. So, you know, like I had my plan. I was going to go just get a trim and do the normal thing with my hair. But she's like, Mom, I think we should get bangs. Will you get bangs with me? And I'm like, okay, great, let's do it. So, I mean, I was a little nervous because I'm like, bangs feel like a thing that you do when you're in a practice, like when you go through a breakup or something like that. It felt like a risky choice. But I'm like, okay, it's hair. What's the worst that could happen? You know, I don't like the bangs and whatever, And it was just this really fun thing for her and I had to get to do together and for me to get to show her as her mom, that it's okay to experiment and it's okay to play, and it's okay to do something. You don't have to know what the outcome is going to be before you try it. You get to just try it and try a new look on that's really different than what you had before. And sometimes it, you know, works, and sometimes it doesn't work. But it's not really about it being like the best haircut you've ever had. It's more about just practicing and experimenting, and so it was a really fun experience to have with her, and she looks so cute with her bangs. I was kind of worried because her hair is, like, you know, in that Tennessee humidity, her hair is like naturally curly, so it like spirals up real good in the summer, and I'm like, I'm not really sure how the bangs are going to go for her, But her bangs get like spirally curly on her forehead and it's just the sweetest, cutest thing you've ever seen.
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Speaker 2: Love that. And I got to say, your bangs look awesome too, So I'm glad you took that. Thank you that risk and you got to do it with her. And there's big risk, which you've talked about that on your challenge as well, and then there's the lower risks, right that are bangs. Your hair can grow back, like you'll figure that out. I know I had you share the bang story, but we should go back and really talk about the challenge and what your thirty day challenge is and where that even came from, which I believe is the Artist's Way, So can you explain how that all ties together?
00:08:14
Speaker 1: Okay? So I decided to do the Artist Way again about it's been about six weeks now. I've done it before a couple of times, and I know it's so powerful, but it was just one of those things where I've done it a bunch of times, and so I kind of forgot about it. And the book was on my shelf and my brother in law was like, hey, have you ever done the Artist Way? And I was like, yeah, I have a copy. I can lend it to you. He was like great. So then I run into my house to go get the copy off the bookshelf. And I pull the copy off the bookshelf and I can't explain like the clarity that dropped in in that moment. It was like, you can't hand this book to him. You have to do this. So I walked back with the book in my hand and I'm like, I think we should all do this together, and he was like great. My mother in law lives directly next door, my brother in law lives right around the corner, so it was my husband, my brother in law. So yeah, the two boys, the brothers, their mom, and then me and I was like, what if we all did this together? And everyone was like sure. I can't tell you the number of times I've tried to talk my husband into doing Artist's Way and he's never had any interest. But then I say this as brother was interested. He was like, Okay, I'll do it. So I ended up ordering Luca copy, Matt ordered his own copy, Jamie ordered her own copy, and we all just started doing the Artists Way together. So that was about six weeks ago. One of the main tenants of the program is that you do what's called morning Pages, So you wake up in the morning and for the first forty minutes of your day or three pages, whichever comes first, your writing stream of consciousness. So whatever's on your mind doesn't have to be grammatically correct. In fact, it can just literally be like kind of blah on the page, like whatever's in your brain comes out. And one of the things that kept coming up for me during my morning Pages was this challenge that has been on my mind for a really long time, but I've been talking myself out of it, which is to just get on Instagram every day for thirty days and recorded talking to camera video. So this kept coming up in the morning pages. I kept writing about it, but then I would talk myself out of it in morning pages. Also, like I felt like I had this split personality that was like, one side of me says, Instagram's toxic, it's addictive, We shouldn't be on Instagram anyways. There's so much kind of junk there, but you know, you get like wrapped up in like political arguments and stuff that we can't even influence, and like we should just all get off of our phones and go be in nature. So that's one side of me, and then the other side of me is like, so many good things have happened in my life from being on Instagram, and think of all the people on Instagram who inspire me all the time. And it was almost like it was less about the challenge for me, was less about helping someone else. It was more about like teaching myself what it's like to just show up and try something, experiment, throw something out there without having it be perfect. And so I was kind of falling back and forth between these two things. But because it kept coming up in my morning pages, there's an element like, oh, you can't ignore this anymore. This is here and you're either going to do it or you're not going to do it. But if you're not going to do it, you're going to be in this constant argument with yourself. So I finally just decided. I think it was maybe two weeks into doing Morning Pages that I was going to do this. The way that the challenge came through for me was thirty days talking to camera video every day without worrying about the outcome. So I was just going to record something kind of whatever was on my mind and put it up and not obsess over it or check it or analytics or comments or any of that, just kind of do it and put it out there. Today is Stay twenty of the challenge.
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Speaker 2: I have loved all of your videos. The Bang one stood out to me. That's why I wanted you to talk about it first again, probably because I maybe I need to go cut some banks just to show myself that I can do that, and you know, step into the unknown, because I think it's scary. My hair gets super humid in the summer, and yeah, what's going to happen to the bangs? And like, I'll figure it out, and who knows, it could be one of the best decisions ever and I could fall in love with my banks and have them for years to come and think, go, wow, if Ali had never posted that video, would have never cut my banks. You've also posted about the unconscious rules that keep us stuck. So I'm going to kind of just talk through videos that have stood out to me and then you can expand on them. Okay, so the unconscious rules that keep us stuck again, that's something you're saying that one day that was just on your mind, on your heart, So you open up your phone and you hit record and started talking.
00:12:34
Speaker 1: Yeah, And a lot of these ideas are coming through in morning pages and stuff like I'm learning myself in my own life and so I'm sharing it. And that video really came from realizing that what you consciously believe, like people talk about, shift your beliefs, shift your life. And I think the piece that's missing from that is that what you consciously believe isn't controlling your life. It's what you unconsciously believe that's controlling your life. So in order to find those unconscious beliefs, you can't really they're unconscious, so you can't go, oh, I unconsciously believe that I'm a bad person. The unconscious beliefs can only really be found by looking at what's going on in your environment and using it as a mirror to discover what's unconscious. So it's like, the example I use is you're living in a house. Let's say it's a beautiful five bitterm house and it's perfectly furnished and clean all the time. But there's a basement in the house, and there's stuff in the basement that you don't see. Every day, You forget it's down there, you may never even go down to the basement. That basement is your unconscious So there's all this unconscious material that is driving your life, that's creating your reality that you don't look at. So you don't know what's there until you do morning pages, and then morning pages force you to look at what's unconscious. Do you start seeing all these unconscious fears, unconscious beliefs that are creating your external reality, And the way to really get to those unconscious beliefs is through morning Pages. So I started realizing, oh, my gosh, there's all these unconscious rules that I carry. The bangs is a great example. It's like, oh, bangs are only for when you're going through a breakup, that's an unconscious rule that I'm carrying that I didn't notice was there until my daughter said, do you want to cut bangs? Oh? No, I can't cut bangs. I'm not having a mid life crisis. You know, maybe I am kind of having a mid life crisis, but you see what I'm saying. So, like those unconscious rules are driving our behavior. They're keeping us from experimentation, they're keeping us from trying something, they're keeping us from taking a chance on something because we believe X, Y or Z. But because it's unconscious, we don't see it operating until we put pen to paper.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I know we're using the bangs thing as an example, but you could fill that in the blink for something more significant of what the basement step is keeping you from, like a relationship, true relationship with other people, something career wh you know. And those are definitely more significant impacts than getting some scissors and cutting your bangs.
00:15:07
Speaker 1: And like, these unconscious rules we have are forms through our own experience, but I also believe now they're passed down epigenetically. So this is why it's so important to get into contact with our unconscious beliefs and rules, because it could be you were unconsciously taught by a parent who was unconscious that, for example, money is scarce. So here's something I've been working on in my life because we took this big risk on a business venture, Like I feel like I was like breaking unconscious cycles around money in my family. And then Matt and I took this big risk on a business venture that fell apart, and it's caused a lot of stress and frustration in the last few years of my life. And so I'm like, Okay, if I'm willing to look at this as this external circumstance as a mirror of my internal belief system, I can see that there were money beliefs that were passed down from my parents that were unconscious in them unconscious and me. So nobody's malicious, nobody's teaching you you know, money is always scarce, but that's being passed down parent to child. And then that belief is showing up in your life. And so by using these two like using your your external experiences as a mirror and also using the Morning Pages, you can unearth some of these beliefs and go like, do I want to keep on believing that or do I want to believe something different. It's a journey. It's not just like, oh, in tendas morning pages, I've fixed every unconscious belief I have. But it gives you access to the basement.
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Speaker 2: You just mentioned Matt, so I want to talk about him going through this as well. And a video you posted around the purpose of creativity and it was a really sweet story of you sitting in another room and you could hear someone playing a piano in the background, and I had no idea Matt could play the piano. I had no idea Matt could play the piano. And you're like, oh, there's my husband. He's sitting down playing the piano for the first time, and who knows how long, And you credit the artist's way for getting him back on the piano.
00:17:23
Speaker 1: Yes, back in touch with his own creativity. I mean, I think the money stress has been going on for I don't know, handful of years depends on how you measure it, but it's been probably six years since I've heard him play the piano. He's a very gifted musician. He plays the guitar, he plays the piano. He's a beautiful boye. He wrote music for years. He worked at a church and let worship and like he is a beautiful musician and it's a big part of who he is and how he expresses himself. But the money stress that we've been in, I think he's really taken it on his shoulders and wanted to, you know, fix the problem and reroute that story, and it has blocked that really like innocent, childlike creative part of him that wants to express, that wants to just play on the piano, like that wants to just enjoy what it feels like to play music. I think that as adults we get this idea that like, unless it makes me money, unless it is moving the needle, unless it's productive, unless it's providing for my family, then I can't. And actually I'm I've always known this, but I'm watching in real time this reminder that, like, the creativity is what fuels everything else. Creativity is first, and without that spirit, without that innocence, without that creativity, that play, that experimentation, nothing else matters. It all loses its substance. And so I think that's what the artist way is really about. It's about reclaiming that part of yourself that new before you even were taught what it looked like to experiment and play.
00:18:58
Speaker 2: Which not to keep bring you back to the bangs, but even you mentioning him playing with childlike curiosity on the piano. You know your daughter was like, I want to get bangs, Like she didn't have any of these blocks where you had built. One example might just be oh, no, that's for a midlife crisis. But adults could come up with five other reasons not to do something like that. But a kid, yes, they can think of something and just want to give it a go.
00:19:26
Speaker 1: Yes, and we could all stand a little bit more of that willingness in our lives. You have an idea for something, and it's like, why not just get a try, Go take improv classes, go, you know, sit down, play the piano, like just dink around, go out tonight to dinner instead of cooking at home, go or cook at home finally, instead of always eating out or whatever. It is like just something different, that something that excites you.
00:19:50
Speaker 2: The improv classes that I took I only took because of you. I was inspired by you one hundred percent. Went to the same place that you went. I took level one two different times. I have a block. I'm not graduating myself to any kind of level two, level three, But that was something that was for me that did help my creativity and also just my whimsy and how I was approaching life, especially when actively taking classes. Now it's something I have to be more intentional about working into my day. But when you're going to class every week, it's easier to work the whimsy into your life, because yes, it's top of mind. Ever since then, though, I make it a point to try to work in the whimsy with myself, with my kids. I love these newsletters I get from Anna Vos. She's a singer songwriter, and she puts out weekly news letters that share whimsies for the week, and she'll give three different examples, and one of them in her newsletter this week was about making your mug that you sip out of, whether it's tea or coffee, but making it lucky. And you set a timer for thirty seconds, she said, then take a deep breath, like think and wish all the luck you can into your mug, like just with all, with all your might. So now every time you take a sip, you're drinking good luck.
00:21:19
Speaker 4: I love that so much. Speaking of childlike wonder like, isn't that something a kid would do, you know, and as adults were just like, oh, that's ridiculous, that doesn't make any sense, that's not practical. But as a kid you would be like, this is my lucky cup. Every time I take a sip, it's so lucky. You know, I'm taking a sip of luck. That's so fabulous.
00:21:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just got her newsletter. I guess it was this morning or yesterday, but that was one of the whimsies and I thought, oh, that's so cute, and I want my days to be filled with little things like that. And yeah, I feel like I was fully introduced to whimsy by taking the mprov classes, because somewhere between my childhood and adult I lost all whimsy. And then improv just had me doing really silly things around my house, just impromptu conversations with my dog my cat, making up weird scenarios like but it's fun. Some of it will remain private because I'm gonna sound like a crazy person. But it's for you, one of Anna's other ones. And this is from a couple of months ago, so I'll just try to remember it. But she said, get a post it note and write something silly on it that only you know what it is and then put it in your pocket and carried around all day like nobody else will know it's there, but you know it's there.
00:22:33
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, what a great newsletter. I need to be signed up for this newsletter.
00:22:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's Anna voss a in an A and then thea us I think is how you spell her last name, like she's she's great and speaking of musical talent, similar to your husband, like she's just very gifted. I love learning that about Matt, that that I know something that he used to do and now he's bringing it back into his life from place of joy, not labor of any yes sorts. So another video you posted was this is how you know your creativity isn't working.
00:23:12
Speaker 1: So this is about reframing the way that we think about our art, and it ties back to what we said about Matt and the piano. I think in our culture we're so addicted and attached to seeing metrics for things. So like I was saying to you, Amy, when you asked me if I would talk about the challenge, I was saying, how the challenge has been so enlightening for me, Like this has been one of the best things I've ever done. I'm so happy I did it, and at the same time, like the metrics on these videos are not they're the videos just aren't performing as well as other videos that I post. And there's like a lot of practical reasons for that, like their longer form content, which doesn't always perform well on Instagram, and they're not really optimized for the platform. So I understand why they're also kind of off brand for me because I normally talk about publishing and writing books and stuff. There's reasons, practical reasons why they might not be as well. But I think it's so tricky for us to shift out of doing something so that it performs well, like so that it works, versus doing something because it feeds our whimsy, doing something because it's fun, because it's interesting, because we felt inspired to do it, because it lights us up inside, because just because to see what might happen, to experiment, and it's so tricky for us. I've noticed myself at different points in the challenge being like, oh, it's not working, and then I have to be like, wait a second, it is working because what was the objective in the first place. I didn't have anything to do with me growing my Instagram account. This is working. The insight came through to me, like open your mouth and speak, like, just be willing to show up, put your face on a camera, open your mouth and say whatever comes to your mind. It doesn't always have to be viral, it doesn't always have to be life changing, it doesn't always have to be like the best thing you've ever heard, like. It can just literally be kind of a nothing thing. But I'm doing it, and I think that was the point.
00:25:00
Speaker 2: So yeah, dude, that's exactly it. You're showing up. You made this challenge yourself, and then at the end of it, you're gonna be like, oh, I can trust myself. I follow through on my word, yes, which is going to be another gift at the end of the challenge.
00:25:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.
00:25:14
Speaker 2: There was another video, a Reason for Ritual.
00:25:18
Speaker 1: Okay, this is about dropping our ideas about discipline because in our culture we're like so obsessed with discipline and people will say to me, like, I've spent the last decade of my life helping people write books, and people will often say to me, oh, I don't have the discipline to do that. I could never do that. I don't have the discipline I don't wake up for early blah blah blah. And I would say that back then, and then during this challenge this came up for me again. What are we Why are we so obsessed with discipline? Why do we think discipline is how things get done. It's really not like discipline can produce a result. But if we're shifting out of that paradigm where the result is what matters, then we can shift into a paradigm where actually just repetition and ritual is what's needed in order to create. It's just showing up to the same place at the same time every day. Like you were talking about with the improv classes, how easy it was to have whimsy when you go to improv class. Well, that's because there's a container called improv class that you go to and you show up at three pm, and that's your container for whimsy. That's not discipline, that's just repetition, that's just ritual. It's just this is the time we go to improv class, so you don't have to wake up early to do your creativity. In fact, one of the paradigms I've broken with artists way this time around, and one of the reasons it took me so long to do it again, is because I was like, oh, I don't I can't wake up early anymore. I have two little kids and I have to get them out the door, and I can't do this first thing in the morning. So don't do it first thing in the morning. But do it at three pm. That's fine. Do it whenever you can find time to do it, you know, like break those inner rules that you have that this has to be done in a certain way where you'd have to wake up early, or you'd have to be more or whatever. Find a way to protect a little bit of time. That is for your creativity, that's for your whimsy, that's for you you. It's for nourishing and nurturing you, that little you, you know, like the my daughter who's five, he's like, I want to cut bangs, like what does that little version of you look like? And feed her, nourish her. And it's just about that to me, is the opposite of discipline. Discipline is like get up, get out of the head, get make do something productive, you know, make something of yourself. And I'm like, no, less of that. We have plenty of that. We're all good on the discipline.
00:27:26
Speaker 2: Front, add more of the ritual and showing up, which is what you're doing with these videos every day.
00:27:32
Speaker 1: Yes, but again, like showing up is not. Maybe I'm just taking issue with the word discipline because I guess it does take a certain measure of discipline to show up every day even when I don't want to. There have been days on Instagram where I'm like, ugh, deeply about to do this thing YAVI.
00:27:46
Speaker 2: Well, so I was thinking of that as your this is part of your thirty day ritual. Like it's not like you're like, oh, if I don't make the video by eight am, like I've ruined it. No. No, you're waiting to feel whatever it is that you decide is going to be your topic, and you're opening up the camera just wherever you're in the car, you're on your couch. It's not overthought, not overproduced, like there's nothing you're just yes, tapping record. So I'm not seeing that as discipline. I'm seeing it as you've decided that it's going to be your thirty day ritual and you're holding yourself accountable because you want to complete the challenge. But it's not like this strict like all these rules around it other than that, you don't want to have rules with it. That's the rule.
00:28:29
Speaker 1: Yes, the rule is no rules. The rule is just show up and be yes exactly all right.
00:28:34
Speaker 2: Another video was why you can't overcome a broken body.
00:28:40
Speaker 1: Oh yes, this is a big one. This is the big learning for me because I've been pretty sick for a long time, and like you mentioned at the beginning of the episode, we've recently found out that what's been making me sick as toxic molds that we found in our cross space. So that's a long story that I don't have to go into, but basically, it's great to have answers for what's been going on with me physically. I've had cardiac issues, I've had neurological issues. I've been so fatigued for so many years, all kinds of random issues popping up, and for so much of that time, I feel like I've been in this war with my body to try to fix it, like, I got to figure out what's going on. I got to figure out the problem. I got to attack this and fix it. And even now that I have an answer, it does feel good. I have to admit to have an answer. For a while, it was like well, maybe you have MS. Maybe you have there were a bunch of other things that the doctors thought it might be. To have an answer that it's toxic mold feels nice because at least now we have a path to walk. But even with the path to walk, it's not like, oh, here's a pill and everything's better and moving on. It's learning how to be in a relationship with my body where I have so much respect and love for my body that my body being sick is actually not a problem. My body being sick is my body communicating with me about something that's going on. I met with like this. I don't even know how to explain her. She's like a therapist, splash healer. But I met with her and was talking to her about a bunch of mold stuff. They talk about the person who gets sick in the house with mold as the canary in the coal mine. It's like the one sensitive person who gets sick first. And I was telling her how exhausted I feel of always being that person. It feels like I'm being high maintenance. It feels like I'm you know, I'm causing a problem all this stuff. She was like, what if we reframe that and think of it like your body protecting your entire family. Your body is literally screaming at you because it's like, don't let your kids get sick, don't let your husband get sick, get out of the house, like get this taken care of. Don't listen to the doctors who tell you you're fine. You know your body was unwilling to stop screaming at you until you listen to what she had to say.
00:30:48
Speaker 2: Something I want to add to that, just for people that maybe don't know a lot about toxic mold, because I only recently learned this that we all react so differently. I learned that I could live in a house with mold for months and months and my body may not ever give me a signal, but I am still taking it in. Stuff still could be happening to me, whereas another person might walk in and within the first hour they're getting symptoms. So it's really just the way we're made of it. We're all so unique and your body is more sensitive to it, which I think is great that you now an indicator, Like I would be like, oh, thank you for having these signs, so now we know we can fix it, because I would have eventually still been impacted by it.
00:31:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, and truly, like when we first found out that the mold was happening, we moved out of the house so we could remediate, and Matt was like, oh, wait, all of a sudden, I'm sleeping better, I'm breathing better. He had like this eye twitch that was happening forever that suddenly stopped. So it's like, Okay, the mold was affecting you, but you just weren't right. Yeah, So yeah, I don't know, it's just about learning that your body is your greatest ally, that your body is, you know, innately intelligent and wise and is always speaking to you. And I think sometimes with our bodies were like we treat our bodies like, I don't know, like a mean boomer child treats of kids like sit down, shut up, you know, mind your manners. Kids are meant to be seen and not heard, kind of a thing like shaking our finger at our bodies to like stay thin, be healthy, don't make a too big of a deal out of this. And this experience has really taught me to soften toward my body and listen to her because she's my teammate and my ally and She's always protecting me.
00:32:35
Speaker 2: And she did just that for you. She did How many months did it take for you to get an answer? How many months did it take for you to get an answer?
00:32:59
Speaker 1: Well, on how you measure this, I have been sick really since twenty twenty one. If I trace it all the way back, like I was having repeated sinus infections over and over and over again, respiratory stuff, and then it wasn't until fall of last year that I went to the er with heart attack symptoms, and that was like the big red flags. We were just like, something's going on. And then I started having neurological symptoms at the beginning of this year, and that was when the MS diagnosis came into the picture because I went to the ER a few more times and so they sent me to neurology. They did a whole MRI scan, they thought for sure I had MS, and then my MRI was not consistent with that diagnosis, so and all the ER doctors everyone was just kind of like, we don't know what to tell you. You're fine, maybe you're just stressed. Like I feel like women get told this a lot in the medical system, like here's some advange you know, like just maybe do yoga, you know, and I'm like, I do do yoga. I teach yoga, like I know what it feels like to be stressed, and this is not what that is. Then that was when I started learning, because people were telling me you should be tested for lines that came back negative, you should be tested for all these autoimmune conditions. All those tests came back negative. So I was starting to feel crazy. I mean, I was just like, by okay, I was in the er again in February of this year, and by April I was feeling nuts, like I was like, I guess I'm just imagining it. And then people were sending me all these different things, and someone said you should check your house for toxic mold, and my chiropractor actually was like, hey, I can send out for a year in test if you'd like, And we sent out for your intestin churnough came back with high levels of three different kinds of toxic mold. So then that was what triggered the inspector. In our house, we found the mold in the crawl space, and in my head, like because I knew nothing about mold, this all seemed so improbable to me. I was like, then they found mold in the crawl space, and I was like, well, the crawl space isn't even part of our house. And the inspector was explaining to me how, first of all, the events in our bedroom were not ever properly sealed by the builder, so the air from the crosspace was coming up into our bedroom. But second of all, even without the vent situation happening, mold travels upward with hot air, so it will eventually make its way into every part of your house, the micotoxins will. So once we figured that out, then it was like, okay, remediate the mold and the cross space, fully encapsulate the cross space and create an environment down there where no more mold can grow. So that's all been done, and now I'm detoxing my body, which is another long, slow process.
00:35:35
Speaker 2: I was thinking about a mutual friend that we have who went through something similar and her body was the very sensitive one to it, and even for her all the people that she was seeing, it took forever to diagnose. Now, I just think, should mold be one of the top go to things that if someone comes in and can't explain these symptoms, like even know myself small circle. I can think of people that this has happened to now, including you, to where I'm like, yeah, why is this not more of a hey, let's test for mold.
00:36:10
Speaker 1: I know. I mean to this day. Like I'm talking February twenty twenty six, I was in the er bringing up mold to the er doctors and they're like, no, mold could never do this.
00:36:19
Speaker 2: Interesting, I'm like, my.
00:36:21
Speaker 1: Legs are numb from above my knees to my feet, you know, And the er doctors are like, no, mold couldn't do that. Well, let me tell you mold can do that, because it did that. So it's crazy what mold can do. Yeah, And the mutual friend that we're talking about, I think her symptoms were even worse than more severe than mine. It's wild. It's truly wild. And I will say the other thing that happens with in cases helps anyone who may be unknowingly dealing with toxic mold. One of the symptoms that rose above everything else that I kept coming back to because I've had anxiety before my whole life. It's something I'm prone to. I've been There was a time in my life many years ago where I was meta kated for anxiety, so I know what it feels like to have anxiety. What the mold does is it attacks your nervous system in such a way where the anxiety that you feel is otherworldly. I've never experienced anything like this before, Like this impending sense of doom, like the world is coming to an end is inexplicable. And that was the symptom that even the other symptoms were obviously more er symptoms like chest pain, sweating, hurt, palpitations, that kind of stuff, and then the neurological stuff. The numbness was weird, but the feeling like I'm going to die was mold. And it was just such a relief to know that because it's just like, oh, I'm not crazy. I'm not making that up. That's really you know. The doctors would say you must just be anxious, and I'm like, no, I am anxious, but this feeling I'm having is not normal anxiety, and I have since learned it's a direct attack on your nervous system that makes you feel like you're own threat.
00:37:57
Speaker 2: So what is your detox journey look like?
00:38:01
Speaker 1: Well, I'm on a detox protocol that is I mean, we're still kind of tidrating it to make it work for me, because when I first started, I was just really sick all the time. And I have a few people on my team who are helping me figure out how to do the detox without feeling so sick that I can't function, but allowing my body to have some of the detox symptoms that are necessary to get back to normal. And my practitioner, I'm meeting with a functional medicine doctor who told me six to eighteen months is what I should expect for healing. And I have some days where I'm like feeling so much better that I'm like, oh, oh, like I haven't felt like this in years, and then I have days where I don't feel that great at all. So it's it's, you know, ups and downs, but I'm really grateful to be at least on the other side of it.
00:38:50
Speaker 2: Is it through food, certain modalities like sauna, sweating, or just a peek into your protocol. I know for everybody it might look different, but also hearing that you're having to practice so much patience that I think it's best to take it slow, like you said, I mean, you're a mom, and also trying to show up for yourself and other people and work and do all the things, so you can't be down for the count. But it's definitely a journey. So what's an example of your protocol.
00:39:19
Speaker 1: There's always in every detox protocol a detox agent, and you can use like binders, which are you know whatever. You can also use like a pharmaceutical binder, which is what I'm using cole astereamine, I think is what it's called the binder that I'm on. And then a bunch of nervous system and immune support, so like it's like vitamin C, silvernac. There's a list of a bunch of different things that I'm on to support the nervous system and the immune system, and then robiotics and all that kind of stuff. And then yes, sauna, anything that you can do. Like I'm just trying to move my body every day and sweat at least a little bit. Sometimes the sauna can be too inten especially with the cardiac symptoms. Like some days i can go sit in masna for twenty minutes and I do great, And some days I'll sit in there for eight minutes and I'll feel like I'm in a my heart's going to beat out of my chest. So some days I just can't do it, and that's where listening to my body comes in. Here's the takeaway. That's what I'm realizing about the detox protocol. The entire foundation for the detox protocol is nervous system support. So making my nervous system feel safe enough to detox. Everything else on top of that is icing on the cake. So like the pharmaceutical detox agent is necessary, is a necessary part of this, but without the nervous system support, it's just going to recirculate the toxins through your body. So it has to be a.
00:40:42
Speaker 2: Both and both. And that makes me think of improv, which is yes.
00:40:46
Speaker 1: And yes and yes.
00:40:49
Speaker 2: The first role of improv yes and yeah.
00:40:52
Speaker 1: It's like, how can I say yes to this experience and yes to my body and still support myself, you know, like us back to that conversation about not treating your body like some obstacle that you need to overcome. It's like, hurry up and get back on tracks so we can go back to producing stuff. It's more like we're in a daily conversation, my body and me, and some days are easier than others, and some days she speaks louder than others, and I have to really have a deep, deep trust that she is on my team.
00:41:25
Speaker 2: Well, and I know that the Artist's Way wasn't a protocol given to you by someone on your team, and it sounds as though it's absolutely part of your protocol because it's helping your nervous system, no doubt.
00:41:38
Speaker 1: One thousand percent. And this is where like trusting the wisdom of your body comes into play, because that moment I pulled that book out of the shelf and looked at it, and my whole body went, you're supposed to do this? Like this is this honestly ties the whole conversation together because we have moments like that every day if you're paying attention where you go. I'm supposed to do this, I'm supposed to cut bangs, I'm supposed to read this book. I'm supposed to do this program, I'm supposed to do this challenge. And we have to have enough trust in ourselves to go, Okay, I'm going to jump in. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know what it's going to turn out. I don't know if it's going to quote unquote work. But We're going to do it because I'm trusting myself enough to take this chance.
00:42:17
Speaker 2: Well, thank you Alli for sharing your challenge with us. I hope that someone listening right now is like, oh, you know what, I've wanted to do XYZ for myself and I just haven't sat down and made it happen. It doesn't have to be a video Instagram type challenge. It could be anything. It could be that you want to sit down in journal anything every day, yeah, or some other creative outlet or creative activity. Or I want to draw more, or I've been meaning to get out my paint brushes, or I want to read more. Or something that I set as a goal for twenty twenty six was to read more. And I have read more this year, read and listened. Some are on audible. Most of the time I'm doing both, so I'll have the hard copy of the book and I go back and forth so that way I don't lose interest. Like I keep myself motivated because when I'm driving, I can listen, and then when I'm going to bed at night, I can bust out the book. I want to recognize that I've done it. We're halfway through the year and I've read so many amazing books and have been introduced to new authors, new genres that I didn't really know that I would enjoy. I'm loving historical fiction. I would say most of my life I have would never have defined myself as a reader. It's crazy. So that's been my challenge, and I hope that somebody else, if there's something you've wanted to do, just do it and become it, because I think that's also a story I told myself for years and years, is I'm just not really a reader, or it's got to be nonfiction for me to read it. Well, those are just blocks, because now I'm proof that I can be entertained and I can get lost in a story and it can be completely made up from somebody else's brain. Well, thank you, thank you for coming on, especially so last minute. I know Kat is grateful, and I'm glad that you popped into Kat's head because Kat and I were talking about it, and right when she said your name, I was like, oh, duh, like that makes so much sense, and I knew all the reasons why because I thought, well, I've been enjoying all of her videos and I think a challenge like that again It doesn't have to be exactly what you're doing, but it's just inspiring to know that you're putting yourself out there and you're doing something and you're going to keep showing up and the reason behind it all. And obviously talking about the Artist Way is always fun and I have not done it all the way through, but I must say you maybe just sold me that I need to go all the way through the Artist Way. Which, speaking of books, that's another great one that people could order and check out. Yes, is it on audio at all? I don't know it is on audio.
00:45:02
Speaker 1: Yes, I know Luke's listening to it on audio and it's like fifteen bucks. I'm like wow, to look at I could talk for hours about all the ways that my husband's life has changed, Luke's life, my life, and I'm like, wow, it's fifteen dollars for all this life change. So it's a great one. If that is inspiring you.
00:45:19
Speaker 2: And Ali, where can people find you?
00:45:21
Speaker 1: The best place that find me right now is on Instagram. My handle is just at Ali balan a l y f Aln and.
00:45:28
Speaker 2: Then Ali's podcast as well. Right your story, Yes, and you've shared more details of your health journey over there too, in case anybody else either is experiencing a toxic mold situation or they've had different ailments and I'm like, wait a second, I wonder if mold could be the thing, because I know you've unpacked a lot of it over there on write your story. So yeah, y'all can go check out episodes there and tell them wherever you are. We hope you have the day you need to have. E
Speaker 1: Good.
00:00:03
Speaker 2: All right, break it down.
00:00:05
Speaker 3: If you ever have feelings that you just fons Amy and Cat gotcha covin locking a brother Lady's folks, do you just follow Anna spirit where it's all the front over real stuff, tell the chill stuff and the m but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do it jes s you feel things. This is feeling things with Amy and Kat.
00:00:29
Speaker 2: Happy Tuesday. Welcome to feeling things. I'm Amy and You're not gonna hear a cat's voice today, but my feeling of the day is grateful because the voice you are gonna hear in addition to me, is Alie Fallon, which hey, Allie. So Cat hasn't been feeling well for days. She's had a sore throat, then she lost her voice. She's had some sort of an ear infection. Last text I got from her was say a prayer, I'm about to do the netty pot. I was like, oh yeah, anytime I do the netty pot it's always a little scary. So she's been miserable for days. Now she's pregnant too, so just send some love and prayers Kat's way. And once we realized that Kat wasn't going to be able to record. We were trying to figure out a plan and Kat suggested, I see if Allie Fallon could fill in, and I thought that is brilliant. Allie has some very interesting things going on at the moment. Even if she didn't, She's always got nuggets of wisdom for us, for sure. But there are just some things going on in your life right now in this season that you're actively pursuing, and I'm so proud of you. So I thought we could talk about that and it could be encouragement to others. I reached out to you. You said, yes. Ali's been a friend for years and a mentor to me at times when I walk through different seasons. She's so wise. And also I'm excited for people. So my two feelings of the day, I've got two. I'm grateful you can do it, and I'm excited for people to hear what you're going to share today. And you've been a guest on the podcast before, but not since we've transitioned to Feeling Things back in our four Things days, so people may recognize you from that or your own podcast on my network, which is called Write Your Story. Ali is an author, a mother, like I said, the host of her own podcast. You've probably seen it pop up on My Feet on Saturdays, so I encourage you to give that a listen. And she's currently doing a thirty day challenge that is self assigned, that's on Instagram. She gave herself and she's working through the Artist Way, which I haven't done that in its entirety, but I have the book. My therapist years ago recommended it to me, so I've done bits and pieces of it. You have gone through it in its entirety before, and you're doing it again. I am excited to see how it's showing up for you different in this new season of your life because you have been battling a lot of health things and it was a mystery for a while and now you know that it was caused by mold. So we're going to get into that part of your story. So let's just start though with your your feeling the day. You can share with us whatever you have going on, because this is at the beginning, Kat and I just share our feelings.
00:03:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love this format so much, and well, I'm excited to be here. That was not what I was going to say, but I am. That's a feeling I'm having. It's very excited to get to chat with you and hang out and catch up on all these things that are going on. The feeling that I thought about before we hit record was relief, like almost like an exhale, because, like you talked about, I've been dealing with a bunch of health challenges. There's been a lot of really big struggles in my life for the last handful of years, and I'm feeling some relief, like some softening around the edges of some of that stuff more recently, I think in large part because of the ourdest Way and this challenge that I'm doing. There's so much happening that is really cool, and so I feel excited to be here. I feel like, ah, yay, and just relieved, yeah, to be in this part of my story.
00:03:57
Speaker 2: Well, I'm glad that you feel that. Really, it's an indicator to me that you're rounding a corner because I know it's been a lot for a while now, and it's not going to be lost on you. Ally's not the type to have anything get lost, like it's going to be used in some way, shape or form, and to even used for others, which is what you're doing right now when you're showing up online and I know that you've had, as we all have, I think an interesting relationship with social media, how we want to show up, when we want to show up, if we want to show up at all, and out of the gate, I'm going to have you share the challenge and also start with the story about your bangs, because that was one of your your video posts in the last what's going to be a total of thirty days. You're probably a little over halfway through that at the moment. Yeah, but the bang story was so precious to me. And I'm looking at you on video right now and I see your bangs, and I am a little jealous of the banks. I have wanted to cut bangs, and I think that that's a great little nugget to start with.
00:05:03
Speaker 1: All these things are connected, and it's so wild to see how when you start one thing the cascading effect of how it changes other parts of your life. But yeah, So the Bang's story came because my daughter, who's five, asked me if she could come with me to get her haircut. I told her, oh, on Tuesday, I have an appointment scheduled. I'm going to go get my haircut. She was like, can I come, I want to get my haircut too. I was like sure. She's like, mom, I want to cut bangs. I was like okay. And my daughter is super creative. She loves fashion, she loves makeup, she loves experimenting with colors and scarves and hats and all kinds of different clothes, and she loves shopping, which is funny because she has not learned that from me by watching me. I mean, I haven't even really given myself permission in my life to shop or be interested in fashion or any of that stuff. So it's just so cool to watch your child have this interest that's unrelated to you. But she is inspiring me. So she's like, mom, I want to cut bangs cut bangs too. And I was like, ahh, Like I don't really know about that, but this is like on a Sunday and the appointments on a Tuesday, so I have some time to think about it, and by the time I show up to the appointment on Tuesday, I'm like, this is part of what I've been inviting in with this challenge and with doing the Artists Way again, is more permission to play and experiment and try something that I never in a million years would try. So, you know, like I had my plan. I was going to go just get a trim and do the normal thing with my hair. But she's like, Mom, I think we should get bangs. Will you get bangs with me? And I'm like, okay, great, let's do it. So, I mean, I was a little nervous because I'm like, bangs feel like a thing that you do when you're in a practice, like when you go through a breakup or something like that. It felt like a risky choice. But I'm like, okay, it's hair. What's the worst that could happen? You know, I don't like the bangs and whatever, And it was just this really fun thing for her and I had to get to do together and for me to get to show her as her mom, that it's okay to experiment and it's okay to play, and it's okay to do something. You don't have to know what the outcome is going to be before you try it. You get to just try it and try a new look on that's really different than what you had before. And sometimes it, you know, works, and sometimes it doesn't work. But it's not really about it being like the best haircut you've ever had. It's more about just practicing and experimenting, and so it was a really fun experience to have with her, and she looks so cute with her bangs. I was kind of worried because her hair is, like, you know, in that Tennessee humidity, her hair is like naturally curly, so it like spirals up real good in the summer, and I'm like, I'm not really sure how the bangs are going to go for her, But her bangs get like spirally curly on her forehead and it's just the sweetest, cutest thing you've ever seen.
00:07:39
Speaker 2: Love that. And I got to say, your bangs look awesome too, So I'm glad you took that. Thank you that risk and you got to do it with her. And there's big risk, which you've talked about that on your challenge as well, and then there's the lower risks, right that are bangs. Your hair can grow back, like you'll figure that out. I know I had you share the bang story, but we should go back and really talk about the challenge and what your thirty day challenge is and where that even came from, which I believe is the Artist's Way, So can you explain how that all ties together?
00:08:14
Speaker 1: Okay? So I decided to do the Artist Way again about it's been about six weeks now. I've done it before a couple of times, and I know it's so powerful, but it was just one of those things where I've done it a bunch of times, and so I kind of forgot about it. And the book was on my shelf and my brother in law was like, hey, have you ever done the Artist Way? And I was like, yeah, I have a copy. I can lend it to you. He was like great. So then I run into my house to go get the copy off the bookshelf. And I pull the copy off the bookshelf and I can't explain like the clarity that dropped in in that moment. It was like, you can't hand this book to him. You have to do this. So I walked back with the book in my hand and I'm like, I think we should all do this together, and he was like great. My mother in law lives directly next door, my brother in law lives right around the corner, so it was my husband, my brother in law. So yeah, the two boys, the brothers, their mom, and then me and I was like, what if we all did this together? And everyone was like sure. I can't tell you the number of times I've tried to talk my husband into doing Artist's Way and he's never had any interest. But then I say this as brother was interested. He was like, Okay, I'll do it. So I ended up ordering Luca copy, Matt ordered his own copy, Jamie ordered her own copy, and we all just started doing the Artists Way together. So that was about six weeks ago. One of the main tenants of the program is that you do what's called morning Pages, So you wake up in the morning and for the first forty minutes of your day or three pages, whichever comes first, your writing stream of consciousness. So whatever's on your mind doesn't have to be grammatically correct. In fact, it can just literally be like kind of blah on the page, like whatever's in your brain comes out. And one of the things that kept coming up for me during my morning Pages was this challenge that has been on my mind for a really long time, but I've been talking myself out of it, which is to just get on Instagram every day for thirty days and recorded talking to camera video. So this kept coming up in the morning pages. I kept writing about it, but then I would talk myself out of it in morning pages. Also, like I felt like I had this split personality that was like, one side of me says, Instagram's toxic, it's addictive, We shouldn't be on Instagram anyways. There's so much kind of junk there, but you know, you get like wrapped up in like political arguments and stuff that we can't even influence, and like we should just all get off of our phones and go be in nature. So that's one side of me, and then the other side of me is like, so many good things have happened in my life from being on Instagram, and think of all the people on Instagram who inspire me all the time. And it was almost like it was less about the challenge for me, was less about helping someone else. It was more about like teaching myself what it's like to just show up and try something, experiment, throw something out there without having it be perfect. And so I was kind of falling back and forth between these two things. But because it kept coming up in my morning pages, there's an element like, oh, you can't ignore this anymore. This is here and you're either going to do it or you're not going to do it. But if you're not going to do it, you're going to be in this constant argument with yourself. So I finally just decided. I think it was maybe two weeks into doing Morning Pages that I was going to do this. The way that the challenge came through for me was thirty days talking to camera video every day without worrying about the outcome. So I was just going to record something kind of whatever was on my mind and put it up and not obsess over it or check it or analytics or comments or any of that, just kind of do it and put it out there. Today is Stay twenty of the challenge.
00:11:34
Speaker 2: I have loved all of your videos. The Bang one stood out to me. That's why I wanted you to talk about it first again, probably because I maybe I need to go cut some banks just to show myself that I can do that, and you know, step into the unknown, because I think it's scary. My hair gets super humid in the summer, and yeah, what's going to happen to the bangs? And like, I'll figure it out, and who knows, it could be one of the best decisions ever and I could fall in love with my banks and have them for years to come and think, go, wow, if Ali had never posted that video, would have never cut my banks. You've also posted about the unconscious rules that keep us stuck. So I'm going to kind of just talk through videos that have stood out to me and then you can expand on them. Okay, so the unconscious rules that keep us stuck again, that's something you're saying that one day that was just on your mind, on your heart, So you open up your phone and you hit record and started talking.
00:12:34
Speaker 1: Yeah, And a lot of these ideas are coming through in morning pages and stuff like I'm learning myself in my own life and so I'm sharing it. And that video really came from realizing that what you consciously believe, like people talk about, shift your beliefs, shift your life. And I think the piece that's missing from that is that what you consciously believe isn't controlling your life. It's what you unconsciously believe that's controlling your life. So in order to find those unconscious beliefs, you can't really they're unconscious, so you can't go, oh, I unconsciously believe that I'm a bad person. The unconscious beliefs can only really be found by looking at what's going on in your environment and using it as a mirror to discover what's unconscious. So it's like, the example I use is you're living in a house. Let's say it's a beautiful five bitterm house and it's perfectly furnished and clean all the time. But there's a basement in the house, and there's stuff in the basement that you don't see. Every day, You forget it's down there, you may never even go down to the basement. That basement is your unconscious So there's all this unconscious material that is driving your life, that's creating your reality that you don't look at. So you don't know what's there until you do morning pages, and then morning pages force you to look at what's unconscious. Do you start seeing all these unconscious fears, unconscious beliefs that are creating your external reality, And the way to really get to those unconscious beliefs is through morning Pages. So I started realizing, oh, my gosh, there's all these unconscious rules that I carry. The bangs is a great example. It's like, oh, bangs are only for when you're going through a breakup, that's an unconscious rule that I'm carrying that I didn't notice was there until my daughter said, do you want to cut bangs? Oh? No, I can't cut bangs. I'm not having a mid life crisis. You know, maybe I am kind of having a mid life crisis, but you see what I'm saying. So, like those unconscious rules are driving our behavior. They're keeping us from experimentation, they're keeping us from trying something, they're keeping us from taking a chance on something because we believe X, Y or Z. But because it's unconscious, we don't see it operating until we put pen to paper.
00:14:44
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I know we're using the bangs thing as an example, but you could fill that in the blink for something more significant of what the basement step is keeping you from, like a relationship, true relationship with other people, something career wh you know. And those are definitely more significant impacts than getting some scissors and cutting your bangs.
00:15:07
Speaker 1: And like, these unconscious rules we have are forms through our own experience, but I also believe now they're passed down epigenetically. So this is why it's so important to get into contact with our unconscious beliefs and rules, because it could be you were unconsciously taught by a parent who was unconscious that, for example, money is scarce. So here's something I've been working on in my life because we took this big risk on a business venture, Like I feel like I was like breaking unconscious cycles around money in my family. And then Matt and I took this big risk on a business venture that fell apart, and it's caused a lot of stress and frustration in the last few years of my life. And so I'm like, Okay, if I'm willing to look at this as this external circumstance as a mirror of my internal belief system, I can see that there were money beliefs that were passed down from my parents that were unconscious in them unconscious and me. So nobody's malicious, nobody's teaching you you know, money is always scarce, but that's being passed down parent to child. And then that belief is showing up in your life. And so by using these two like using your your external experiences as a mirror and also using the Morning Pages, you can unearth some of these beliefs and go like, do I want to keep on believing that or do I want to believe something different. It's a journey. It's not just like, oh, in tendas morning pages, I've fixed every unconscious belief I have. But it gives you access to the basement.
00:16:36
Speaker 2: You just mentioned Matt, so I want to talk about him going through this as well. And a video you posted around the purpose of creativity and it was a really sweet story of you sitting in another room and you could hear someone playing a piano in the background, and I had no idea Matt could play the piano. I had no idea Matt could play the piano. And you're like, oh, there's my husband. He's sitting down playing the piano for the first time, and who knows how long, And you credit the artist's way for getting him back on the piano.
00:17:23
Speaker 1: Yes, back in touch with his own creativity. I mean, I think the money stress has been going on for I don't know, handful of years depends on how you measure it, but it's been probably six years since I've heard him play the piano. He's a very gifted musician. He plays the guitar, he plays the piano. He's a beautiful boye. He wrote music for years. He worked at a church and let worship and like he is a beautiful musician and it's a big part of who he is and how he expresses himself. But the money stress that we've been in, I think he's really taken it on his shoulders and wanted to, you know, fix the problem and reroute that story, and it has blocked that really like innocent, childlike creative part of him that wants to express, that wants to just play on the piano, like that wants to just enjoy what it feels like to play music. I think that as adults we get this idea that like, unless it makes me money, unless it is moving the needle, unless it's productive, unless it's providing for my family, then I can't. And actually I'm I've always known this, but I'm watching in real time this reminder that, like, the creativity is what fuels everything else. Creativity is first, and without that spirit, without that innocence, without that creativity, that play, that experimentation, nothing else matters. It all loses its substance. And so I think that's what the artist way is really about. It's about reclaiming that part of yourself that new before you even were taught what it looked like to experiment and play.
00:18:58
Speaker 2: Which not to keep bring you back to the bangs, but even you mentioning him playing with childlike curiosity on the piano. You know your daughter was like, I want to get bangs, Like she didn't have any of these blocks where you had built. One example might just be oh, no, that's for a midlife crisis. But adults could come up with five other reasons not to do something like that. But a kid, yes, they can think of something and just want to give it a go.
00:19:26
Speaker 1: Yes, and we could all stand a little bit more of that willingness in our lives. You have an idea for something, and it's like, why not just get a try, Go take improv classes, go, you know, sit down, play the piano, like just dink around, go out tonight to dinner instead of cooking at home, go or cook at home finally, instead of always eating out or whatever. It is like just something different, that something that excites you.
00:19:50
Speaker 2: The improv classes that I took I only took because of you. I was inspired by you one hundred percent. Went to the same place that you went. I took level one two different times. I have a block. I'm not graduating myself to any kind of level two, level three, But that was something that was for me that did help my creativity and also just my whimsy and how I was approaching life, especially when actively taking classes. Now it's something I have to be more intentional about working into my day. But when you're going to class every week, it's easier to work the whimsy into your life, because yes, it's top of mind. Ever since then, though, I make it a point to try to work in the whimsy with myself, with my kids. I love these newsletters I get from Anna Vos. She's a singer songwriter, and she puts out weekly news letters that share whimsies for the week, and she'll give three different examples, and one of them in her newsletter this week was about making your mug that you sip out of, whether it's tea or coffee, but making it lucky. And you set a timer for thirty seconds, she said, then take a deep breath, like think and wish all the luck you can into your mug, like just with all, with all your might. So now every time you take a sip, you're drinking good luck.
00:21:19
Speaker 4: I love that so much. Speaking of childlike wonder like, isn't that something a kid would do, you know, and as adults were just like, oh, that's ridiculous, that doesn't make any sense, that's not practical. But as a kid you would be like, this is my lucky cup. Every time I take a sip, it's so lucky. You know, I'm taking a sip of luck. That's so fabulous.
00:21:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just got her newsletter. I guess it was this morning or yesterday, but that was one of the whimsies and I thought, oh, that's so cute, and I want my days to be filled with little things like that. And yeah, I feel like I was fully introduced to whimsy by taking the mprov classes, because somewhere between my childhood and adult I lost all whimsy. And then improv just had me doing really silly things around my house, just impromptu conversations with my dog my cat, making up weird scenarios like but it's fun. Some of it will remain private because I'm gonna sound like a crazy person. But it's for you, one of Anna's other ones. And this is from a couple of months ago, so I'll just try to remember it. But she said, get a post it note and write something silly on it that only you know what it is and then put it in your pocket and carried around all day like nobody else will know it's there, but you know it's there.
00:22:33
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, what a great newsletter. I need to be signed up for this newsletter.
00:22:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's Anna voss a in an A and then thea us I think is how you spell her last name, like she's she's great and speaking of musical talent, similar to your husband, like she's just very gifted. I love learning that about Matt, that that I know something that he used to do and now he's bringing it back into his life from place of joy, not labor of any yes sorts. So another video you posted was this is how you know your creativity isn't working.
00:23:12
Speaker 1: So this is about reframing the way that we think about our art, and it ties back to what we said about Matt and the piano. I think in our culture we're so addicted and attached to seeing metrics for things. So like I was saying to you, Amy, when you asked me if I would talk about the challenge, I was saying, how the challenge has been so enlightening for me, Like this has been one of the best things I've ever done. I'm so happy I did it, and at the same time, like the metrics on these videos are not they're the videos just aren't performing as well as other videos that I post. And there's like a lot of practical reasons for that, like their longer form content, which doesn't always perform well on Instagram, and they're not really optimized for the platform. So I understand why they're also kind of off brand for me because I normally talk about publishing and writing books and stuff. There's reasons, practical reasons why they might not be as well. But I think it's so tricky for us to shift out of doing something so that it performs well, like so that it works, versus doing something because it feeds our whimsy, doing something because it's fun, because it's interesting, because we felt inspired to do it, because it lights us up inside, because just because to see what might happen, to experiment, and it's so tricky for us. I've noticed myself at different points in the challenge being like, oh, it's not working, and then I have to be like, wait a second, it is working because what was the objective in the first place. I didn't have anything to do with me growing my Instagram account. This is working. The insight came through to me, like open your mouth and speak, like, just be willing to show up, put your face on a camera, open your mouth and say whatever comes to your mind. It doesn't always have to be viral, it doesn't always have to be life changing, it doesn't always have to be like the best thing you've ever heard, like. It can just literally be kind of a nothing thing. But I'm doing it, and I think that was the point.
00:25:00
Speaker 2: So yeah, dude, that's exactly it. You're showing up. You made this challenge yourself, and then at the end of it, you're gonna be like, oh, I can trust myself. I follow through on my word, yes, which is going to be another gift at the end of the challenge.
00:25:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.
00:25:14
Speaker 2: There was another video, a Reason for Ritual.
00:25:18
Speaker 1: Okay, this is about dropping our ideas about discipline because in our culture we're like so obsessed with discipline and people will say to me, like, I've spent the last decade of my life helping people write books, and people will often say to me, oh, I don't have the discipline to do that. I could never do that. I don't have the discipline I don't wake up for early blah blah blah. And I would say that back then, and then during this challenge this came up for me again. What are we Why are we so obsessed with discipline? Why do we think discipline is how things get done. It's really not like discipline can produce a result. But if we're shifting out of that paradigm where the result is what matters, then we can shift into a paradigm where actually just repetition and ritual is what's needed in order to create. It's just showing up to the same place at the same time every day. Like you were talking about with the improv classes, how easy it was to have whimsy when you go to improv class. Well, that's because there's a container called improv class that you go to and you show up at three pm, and that's your container for whimsy. That's not discipline, that's just repetition, that's just ritual. It's just this is the time we go to improv class, so you don't have to wake up early to do your creativity. In fact, one of the paradigms I've broken with artists way this time around, and one of the reasons it took me so long to do it again, is because I was like, oh, I don't I can't wake up early anymore. I have two little kids and I have to get them out the door, and I can't do this first thing in the morning. So don't do it first thing in the morning. But do it at three pm. That's fine. Do it whenever you can find time to do it, you know, like break those inner rules that you have that this has to be done in a certain way where you'd have to wake up early, or you'd have to be more or whatever. Find a way to protect a little bit of time. That is for your creativity, that's for your whimsy, that's for you you. It's for nourishing and nurturing you, that little you, you know, like the my daughter who's five, he's like, I want to cut bangs, like what does that little version of you look like? And feed her, nourish her. And it's just about that to me, is the opposite of discipline. Discipline is like get up, get out of the head, get make do something productive, you know, make something of yourself. And I'm like, no, less of that. We have plenty of that. We're all good on the discipline.
00:27:26
Speaker 2: Front, add more of the ritual and showing up, which is what you're doing with these videos every day.
00:27:32
Speaker 1: Yes, but again, like showing up is not. Maybe I'm just taking issue with the word discipline because I guess it does take a certain measure of discipline to show up every day even when I don't want to. There have been days on Instagram where I'm like, ugh, deeply about to do this thing YAVI.
00:27:46
Speaker 2: Well, so I was thinking of that as your this is part of your thirty day ritual. Like it's not like you're like, oh, if I don't make the video by eight am, like I've ruined it. No. No, you're waiting to feel whatever it is that you decide is going to be your topic, and you're opening up the camera just wherever you're in the car, you're on your couch. It's not overthought, not overproduced, like there's nothing you're just yes, tapping record. So I'm not seeing that as discipline. I'm seeing it as you've decided that it's going to be your thirty day ritual and you're holding yourself accountable because you want to complete the challenge. But it's not like this strict like all these rules around it other than that, you don't want to have rules with it. That's the rule.
00:28:29
Speaker 1: Yes, the rule is no rules. The rule is just show up and be yes exactly all right.
00:28:34
Speaker 2: Another video was why you can't overcome a broken body.
00:28:40
Speaker 1: Oh yes, this is a big one. This is the big learning for me because I've been pretty sick for a long time, and like you mentioned at the beginning of the episode, we've recently found out that what's been making me sick as toxic molds that we found in our cross space. So that's a long story that I don't have to go into, but basically, it's great to have answers for what's been going on with me physically. I've had cardiac issues, I've had neurological issues. I've been so fatigued for so many years, all kinds of random issues popping up, and for so much of that time, I feel like I've been in this war with my body to try to fix it, like, I got to figure out what's going on. I got to figure out the problem. I got to attack this and fix it. And even now that I have an answer, it does feel good. I have to admit to have an answer. For a while, it was like well, maybe you have MS. Maybe you have there were a bunch of other things that the doctors thought it might be. To have an answer that it's toxic mold feels nice because at least now we have a path to walk. But even with the path to walk, it's not like, oh, here's a pill and everything's better and moving on. It's learning how to be in a relationship with my body where I have so much respect and love for my body that my body being sick is actually not a problem. My body being sick is my body communicating with me about something that's going on. I met with like this. I don't even know how to explain her. She's like a therapist, splash healer. But I met with her and was talking to her about a bunch of mold stuff. They talk about the person who gets sick in the house with mold as the canary in the coal mine. It's like the one sensitive person who gets sick first. And I was telling her how exhausted I feel of always being that person. It feels like I'm being high maintenance. It feels like I'm you know, I'm causing a problem all this stuff. She was like, what if we reframe that and think of it like your body protecting your entire family. Your body is literally screaming at you because it's like, don't let your kids get sick, don't let your husband get sick, get out of the house, like get this taken care of. Don't listen to the doctors who tell you you're fine. You know your body was unwilling to stop screaming at you until you listen to what she had to say.
00:30:48
Speaker 2: Something I want to add to that, just for people that maybe don't know a lot about toxic mold, because I only recently learned this that we all react so differently. I learned that I could live in a house with mold for months and months and my body may not ever give me a signal, but I am still taking it in. Stuff still could be happening to me, whereas another person might walk in and within the first hour they're getting symptoms. So it's really just the way we're made of it. We're all so unique and your body is more sensitive to it, which I think is great that you now an indicator, Like I would be like, oh, thank you for having these signs, so now we know we can fix it, because I would have eventually still been impacted by it.
00:31:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, and truly, like when we first found out that the mold was happening, we moved out of the house so we could remediate, and Matt was like, oh, wait, all of a sudden, I'm sleeping better, I'm breathing better. He had like this eye twitch that was happening forever that suddenly stopped. So it's like, Okay, the mold was affecting you, but you just weren't right. Yeah, So yeah, I don't know, it's just about learning that your body is your greatest ally, that your body is, you know, innately intelligent and wise and is always speaking to you. And I think sometimes with our bodies were like we treat our bodies like, I don't know, like a mean boomer child treats of kids like sit down, shut up, you know, mind your manners. Kids are meant to be seen and not heard, kind of a thing like shaking our finger at our bodies to like stay thin, be healthy, don't make a too big of a deal out of this. And this experience has really taught me to soften toward my body and listen to her because she's my teammate and my ally and She's always protecting me.
00:32:35
Speaker 2: And she did just that for you. She did How many months did it take for you to get an answer? How many months did it take for you to get an answer?
00:32:59
Speaker 1: Well, on how you measure this, I have been sick really since twenty twenty one. If I trace it all the way back, like I was having repeated sinus infections over and over and over again, respiratory stuff, and then it wasn't until fall of last year that I went to the er with heart attack symptoms, and that was like the big red flags. We were just like, something's going on. And then I started having neurological symptoms at the beginning of this year, and that was when the MS diagnosis came into the picture because I went to the ER a few more times and so they sent me to neurology. They did a whole MRI scan, they thought for sure I had MS, and then my MRI was not consistent with that diagnosis, so and all the ER doctors everyone was just kind of like, we don't know what to tell you. You're fine, maybe you're just stressed. Like I feel like women get told this a lot in the medical system, like here's some advange you know, like just maybe do yoga, you know, and I'm like, I do do yoga. I teach yoga, like I know what it feels like to be stressed, and this is not what that is. Then that was when I started learning, because people were telling me you should be tested for lines that came back negative, you should be tested for all these autoimmune conditions. All those tests came back negative. So I was starting to feel crazy. I mean, I was just like, by okay, I was in the er again in February of this year, and by April I was feeling nuts, like I was like, I guess I'm just imagining it. And then people were sending me all these different things, and someone said you should check your house for toxic mold, and my chiropractor actually was like, hey, I can send out for a year in test if you'd like, And we sent out for your intestin churnough came back with high levels of three different kinds of toxic mold. So then that was what triggered the inspector. In our house, we found the mold in the crawl space, and in my head, like because I knew nothing about mold, this all seemed so improbable to me. I was like, then they found mold in the crawl space, and I was like, well, the crawl space isn't even part of our house. And the inspector was explaining to me how, first of all, the events in our bedroom were not ever properly sealed by the builder, so the air from the crosspace was coming up into our bedroom. But second of all, even without the vent situation happening, mold travels upward with hot air, so it will eventually make its way into every part of your house, the micotoxins will. So once we figured that out, then it was like, okay, remediate the mold and the cross space, fully encapsulate the cross space and create an environment down there where no more mold can grow. So that's all been done, and now I'm detoxing my body, which is another long, slow process.
00:35:35
Speaker 2: I was thinking about a mutual friend that we have who went through something similar and her body was the very sensitive one to it, and even for her all the people that she was seeing, it took forever to diagnose. Now, I just think, should mold be one of the top go to things that if someone comes in and can't explain these symptoms, like even know myself small circle. I can think of people that this has happened to now, including you, to where I'm like, yeah, why is this not more of a hey, let's test for mold.
00:36:10
Speaker 1: I know. I mean to this day. Like I'm talking February twenty twenty six, I was in the er bringing up mold to the er doctors and they're like, no, mold could never do this.
00:36:19
Speaker 2: Interesting, I'm like, my.
00:36:21
Speaker 1: Legs are numb from above my knees to my feet, you know, And the er doctors are like, no, mold couldn't do that. Well, let me tell you mold can do that, because it did that. So it's crazy what mold can do. Yeah, And the mutual friend that we're talking about, I think her symptoms were even worse than more severe than mine. It's wild. It's truly wild. And I will say the other thing that happens with in cases helps anyone who may be unknowingly dealing with toxic mold. One of the symptoms that rose above everything else that I kept coming back to because I've had anxiety before my whole life. It's something I'm prone to. I've been There was a time in my life many years ago where I was meta kated for anxiety, so I know what it feels like to have anxiety. What the mold does is it attacks your nervous system in such a way where the anxiety that you feel is otherworldly. I've never experienced anything like this before, Like this impending sense of doom, like the world is coming to an end is inexplicable. And that was the symptom that even the other symptoms were obviously more er symptoms like chest pain, sweating, hurt, palpitations, that kind of stuff, and then the neurological stuff. The numbness was weird, but the feeling like I'm going to die was mold. And it was just such a relief to know that because it's just like, oh, I'm not crazy. I'm not making that up. That's really you know. The doctors would say you must just be anxious, and I'm like, no, I am anxious, but this feeling I'm having is not normal anxiety, and I have since learned it's a direct attack on your nervous system that makes you feel like you're own threat.
00:37:57
Speaker 2: So what is your detox journey look like?
00:38:01
Speaker 1: Well, I'm on a detox protocol that is I mean, we're still kind of tidrating it to make it work for me, because when I first started, I was just really sick all the time. And I have a few people on my team who are helping me figure out how to do the detox without feeling so sick that I can't function, but allowing my body to have some of the detox symptoms that are necessary to get back to normal. And my practitioner, I'm meeting with a functional medicine doctor who told me six to eighteen months is what I should expect for healing. And I have some days where I'm like feeling so much better that I'm like, oh, oh, like I haven't felt like this in years, and then I have days where I don't feel that great at all. So it's it's, you know, ups and downs, but I'm really grateful to be at least on the other side of it.
00:38:50
Speaker 2: Is it through food, certain modalities like sauna, sweating, or just a peek into your protocol. I know for everybody it might look different, but also hearing that you're having to practice so much patience that I think it's best to take it slow, like you said, I mean, you're a mom, and also trying to show up for yourself and other people and work and do all the things, so you can't be down for the count. But it's definitely a journey. So what's an example of your protocol.
00:39:19
Speaker 1: There's always in every detox protocol a detox agent, and you can use like binders, which are you know whatever. You can also use like a pharmaceutical binder, which is what I'm using cole astereamine, I think is what it's called the binder that I'm on. And then a bunch of nervous system and immune support, so like it's like vitamin C, silvernac. There's a list of a bunch of different things that I'm on to support the nervous system and the immune system, and then robiotics and all that kind of stuff. And then yes, sauna, anything that you can do. Like I'm just trying to move my body every day and sweat at least a little bit. Sometimes the sauna can be too inten especially with the cardiac symptoms. Like some days i can go sit in masna for twenty minutes and I do great, And some days I'll sit in there for eight minutes and I'll feel like I'm in a my heart's going to beat out of my chest. So some days I just can't do it, and that's where listening to my body comes in. Here's the takeaway. That's what I'm realizing about the detox protocol. The entire foundation for the detox protocol is nervous system support. So making my nervous system feel safe enough to detox. Everything else on top of that is icing on the cake. So like the pharmaceutical detox agent is necessary, is a necessary part of this, but without the nervous system support, it's just going to recirculate the toxins through your body. So it has to be a.
00:40:42
Speaker 2: Both and both. And that makes me think of improv, which is yes.
00:40:46
Speaker 1: And yes and yes.
00:40:49
Speaker 2: The first role of improv yes and yeah.
00:40:52
Speaker 1: It's like, how can I say yes to this experience and yes to my body and still support myself, you know, like us back to that conversation about not treating your body like some obstacle that you need to overcome. It's like, hurry up and get back on tracks so we can go back to producing stuff. It's more like we're in a daily conversation, my body and me, and some days are easier than others, and some days she speaks louder than others, and I have to really have a deep, deep trust that she is on my team.
00:41:25
Speaker 2: Well, and I know that the Artist's Way wasn't a protocol given to you by someone on your team, and it sounds as though it's absolutely part of your protocol because it's helping your nervous system, no doubt.
00:41:38
Speaker 1: One thousand percent. And this is where like trusting the wisdom of your body comes into play, because that moment I pulled that book out of the shelf and looked at it, and my whole body went, you're supposed to do this? Like this is this honestly ties the whole conversation together because we have moments like that every day if you're paying attention where you go. I'm supposed to do this, I'm supposed to cut bangs, I'm supposed to read this book. I'm supposed to do this program, I'm supposed to do this challenge. And we have to have enough trust in ourselves to go, Okay, I'm going to jump in. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know what it's going to turn out. I don't know if it's going to quote unquote work. But We're going to do it because I'm trusting myself enough to take this chance.
00:42:17
Speaker 2: Well, thank you Alli for sharing your challenge with us. I hope that someone listening right now is like, oh, you know what, I've wanted to do XYZ for myself and I just haven't sat down and made it happen. It doesn't have to be a video Instagram type challenge. It could be anything. It could be that you want to sit down in journal anything every day, yeah, or some other creative outlet or creative activity. Or I want to draw more, or I've been meaning to get out my paint brushes, or I want to read more. Or something that I set as a goal for twenty twenty six was to read more. And I have read more this year, read and listened. Some are on audible. Most of the time I'm doing both, so I'll have the hard copy of the book and I go back and forth so that way I don't lose interest. Like I keep myself motivated because when I'm driving, I can listen, and then when I'm going to bed at night, I can bust out the book. I want to recognize that I've done it. We're halfway through the year and I've read so many amazing books and have been introduced to new authors, new genres that I didn't really know that I would enjoy. I'm loving historical fiction. I would say most of my life I have would never have defined myself as a reader. It's crazy. So that's been my challenge, and I hope that somebody else, if there's something you've wanted to do, just do it and become it, because I think that's also a story I told myself for years and years, is I'm just not really a reader, or it's got to be nonfiction for me to read it. Well, those are just blocks, because now I'm proof that I can be entertained and I can get lost in a story and it can be completely made up from somebody else's brain. Well, thank you, thank you for coming on, especially so last minute. I know Kat is grateful, and I'm glad that you popped into Kat's head because Kat and I were talking about it, and right when she said your name, I was like, oh, duh, like that makes so much sense, and I knew all the reasons why because I thought, well, I've been enjoying all of her videos and I think a challenge like that again It doesn't have to be exactly what you're doing, but it's just inspiring to know that you're putting yourself out there and you're doing something and you're going to keep showing up and the reason behind it all. And obviously talking about the Artist Way is always fun and I have not done it all the way through, but I must say you maybe just sold me that I need to go all the way through the Artist Way. Which, speaking of books, that's another great one that people could order and check out. Yes, is it on audio at all? I don't know it is on audio.
00:45:02
Speaker 1: Yes, I know Luke's listening to it on audio and it's like fifteen bucks. I'm like wow, to look at I could talk for hours about all the ways that my husband's life has changed, Luke's life, my life, and I'm like, wow, it's fifteen dollars for all this life change. So it's a great one. If that is inspiring you.
00:45:19
Speaker 2: And Ali, where can people find you?
00:45:21
Speaker 1: The best place that find me right now is on Instagram. My handle is just at Ali balan a l y f Aln and.
00:45:28
Speaker 2: Then Ali's podcast as well. Right your story, Yes, and you've shared more details of your health journey over there too, in case anybody else either is experiencing a toxic mold situation or they've had different ailments and I'm like, wait a second, I wonder if mold could be the thing, because I know you've unpacked a lot of it over there on write your story. So yeah, y'all can go check out episodes there and tell them wherever you are. We hope you have the day you need to have. E
